Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Your Next Is Now w/ Faith Jenkins

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it’s not on the way. It’s time W.E. let go of those made-up timelines and start showing up fully right where we are. In this conversation with SJR, powerhouse attorney, author, and TV judge Faith Jenkins reminds us that life doesn’t move on our schedule. It moves in divine timing. And trust, she didn’t just come with hot takes, sis came with receipts, exhibits A through Z, and a closing argument that’ll have you rethinking everything. If you’ve been grieving the life you thought you’d have by now, hit play. There's purpose in your present, and this episode just might be the shift you needed to see it.

What I do know is that when you want something and it's not shown up in your life that it can create grief and it can create heartbreak and then I think you should have the moments where you say but I can still have a fulfilling and whole life even if that's not something that's happening in my life right now. Your reputation and the way you treat people, it can open up doors for you in the future or it can close those doors. The doors that have been opened for me, a lot of them have been because they've always said the same thing. She works hard, she's fair, and she's somebody that people got along with. This is Sarah Jakes Roberts, and you are listening to the WOMEN EVOLVE podcast.

What is going on with you? What is happening in your world? I am sending this from the bottom of the barrel. I am sending this from running on fuel. I'm sending this from empty, from dry. Call me Sahara, not Sarah. I am sending this from running on fuel. I'm sending this from empty, from dry. Call me Sahara Nasera. I have been struggling. It's the last week of school. We are planning a trip. We leave for Ghana on Saturday. I'm just tired. I could give you a whole bunch of... I got some dirt in my throat, which is my way of saying I feel

like I'm coming down with something. I feel a little dirt in the back of my throat. And I'm just sending this from the bottom of the barrel. Now that we have set that level playing field, how are you? What's going on in your world? Am I sending you this to the top of the mountain or did I look over and see you at the bottom of the barrel with me? I get to this point where I just get so tired that I refuse to sleep. You know how babies very much so, like just they just stay up

when they know they should be tired. Never call me that immature. But if you want to discuss why I stay up at night instead of going to bed, let's unpack it. I just feel like sometimes evenings are my only free time. Like my only time to like unwind and do me after doing everyone else and all of the other things. And so am I up until one, two o'clock scrolling, reading, playing games?

Yes. Does it impact my sleep when I need to be up at six for sure? Could I make better choices? I could. Am I currently doing it? I'm not. So I need a vacation. I need to reset because now I'm like in rebellion of what I know I need to do, which means that I'm struggling. I need a vacation. I need to reset because now I'm in rebellion of what I know I need to do, which means that

I'm struggling. Everything is fine. The last week of school is always a blessing because we get to reset our schedule a bit. Right now, our world, like many other people's, revolves around our children and whatever they may need during the school year with all the ripping and running and extracurriculars. So we get a minute to take a break in Wusaw. So when I get back from Ghana, I hope to be underneath the bed. As a matter of fact, I'm about to record three or four of these so that I can get me a good couple weeks of resting.

But enough about me. Like I said, what's going on in your world? We have some really... I want to thank y'all for picking up the phone and calling who? Mike Jones. Thank you for doing what needs to be done and actually sending me your mind your business questions. Some of you all have sent some really good ones. I got one about Cussin.

I got one about putting God first. I got one about, hold on, let me see. How do I honor a leader who's hard to follow? Like y'all are spilling tea in the voicemail and for that I'm very grateful. And you're probably wondering, hey, if I had some tea to spill, how could I also send you a question

to the Mind Your Business thing? And the answer to that is, I don't know, check the show notes because I don't know the number by heart and it's not in front of me, but it's like 214 something. So did that help? No, but that's okay and it's not in front of me, but it's like 214 something. So did that help? No, but that's okay. It's in the show notes. Let's get into this week's Mind Your Business question.

Hi, Sarah. My name is Kat. Just wanted to leave you a quick little voice note so that you could mind my business. First off, I want to say I love you. I'm so grateful for you for your ministry So the powerful woman of god that you are Um, you're the word that you've brought forth numerous times has carried me through so many different seasons just as a young woman and

I wanted to Leave you this voicemail so that I could get some type of advice. So um, i'll try to keep it short but my question is how do I go about putting God first? I know that the scripture says, you know, seek first the kingdom and then all of these things will be added and I feel like I'm in a season where I've been in a waiting season for an extended period of time. I'm talking like 10 to 14 years an extended period of time waiting on certain things and

You know, it gets discouraging because you know, I know that God's Redirection is for my protection. He knows better than I do. But I also feel like I'm not doing such a great job at putting Him first, and He can't give me the desires of my heart because I have not put Him first, and I am actively struggling to do so,

but I'm fighting back. I'm fighting back to do it because I know that I can do it and I'm just in a place where I'm struggling. The most, the area that I struggle with the most is just wanting a godly relationship with someone. I feel very lonely. This season of isolation feels very depressing at times. And so I just know that the key to all of this is for me to put God first and to watch him work. And, you know, I'm just, I'm just struggling. So if you have any kind of advice, that would be super helpful. Again, I love you. I love the podcast and I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you. I love the podcast and I can't wait to hear from you.

Thank you. Bye. I want to thank you so much for sending me this question. It can be hard to admit that we're going through a season where, if we're honest, it's difficult to put God first when we're also living smack dab in the reality of our disappointment and discouragement. And so thank you for trusting me with this part of your life and this part of your heart. I wanted to propose a couple of things for you, specifically because you referenced a

scripture that I think many of us have used in seasons of growth in our relationship with God. And it's the scripture about the Lord giving you the desires of your heart. So that scripture is actually found in Psalm 37 and four, and it says, take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires. We reference this scripture a lot, and I just want to make sure that we're on the same page about the context. It's not necessarily that we put God first and then God gives us the things that are in our hearts. As much as it is when we put God first that God then allows his desires to

become our desires, there is an exchange that takes place. So literally the Lord wants to give you desire. It's not necessarily that he wants to give you desire. It's not necessarily that he wants to give you your desires because sometimes what we desire for our lives and what God desires for our lives are two different things and not only are they two different things, sometimes they're two competing things or our heart is in a position where it's requesting something that is beneath the level of wholeness that God wants to give us.

And if God gives us that thing at that time, it won't necessarily be a reflection of what is possible for us. So having said that, when we talk about putting God first, and I don't think that this is what you were saying, but I just want to say it foundationally for other people who are listening one more time about putting'll put in God first. It is to experience and encounter the character of God, not necessarily the provision of God. When we talk about seeking the kingdom of heaven first, seek you first the kingdom, and all other things will be added unto you.

We're seeking a resting place. If you think of any of the movies that are, you know, forced down the throat of little girls everywhere, of like someone who's been lost from the palace and they have to find their way back to the palace, they're searching for a place of dwelling, a place of existing. And that's the same thing when it comes

to seeking the kingdom, we're searching for a place to existing. That's the same thing when it comes to seeking the kingdom. We're searching for a place to dwell. Putting God first is how do I live in this constant acknowledgement of His presence? How do I live in this constant security of knowing that I'm never in anything on my own and really trusting God in those moments? I think that that's what you're pursuing. If I could make that more practical, I believe that it starts with prayer and worship, acknowledging the Lord like in our day, at the beginning of our day, acknowledging His presence. And sometimes it can be weird if you've never really experienced the presence of God outside

of maybe a faith environment or maybe you've never been in a faith environment at all. There are some things that make me just realize that God is real. Sometimes I look at the sky, I look at the mountains, I look at the ocean, and I'm just reminded that there is a world that is so much bigger than us, the way that our body works. It just reminds me that we started from something. We started in the mind of God and now we're living that out. God is so intentional about everything that he has created, including us.

Just look at random things that may irritate you, but serve a purpose. Why do we need mosquitoes? Why do we need flies? There's literally a purpose and intention for everything God created. Why would he get to you and not literally a purpose and intention for everything God created. Why would he get to you and not have a purpose and intention for your life? And living in the awareness of that, the confidence of that, the trust in that,

is important. Recognizing that there are some things that have happened in our lives that have maybe damaged our perspective on what success looks like, on what wholeness looks like, and as a result of that, we long to have those achievements or validations more than we yearn to just live and exist in the presence of God. So you're still human.

You're still going to have moments of disappointment. You're still going to desire partnership and wonder why it's not happening for you. I just don't want you to believe that partnership is not happening for you because you're not keeping God first. Because there's a lot of people who don't keep God first who are experiencing partnership. I don't necessarily think that the two are connected. I think that God desires to walk with you even in those moments of disappointment and frustration.

I could tell you, you know, oh, God's getting your partner ready. I could tell you you're not ready and that's why it hasn't come into your life. But I don't know why you haven't experienced partnership yet. What I do know is that when you want something and it's not showing up in your life that it can create grief and it can create heartbreak. And I think that you should have those moments where you allow it to create grief and create heartbreak. And then I think you should have the moments where you say, but I can still have a fulfilling

and whole life, even if that's not something that's happening in my life right now. Living within the tension of, I'm going to have some sad moments, some moments of longing, but also I want to make sure that whoever comes into my life adds to my wholeness, adds to the presence of God. I want to feel the presence of God with that person, and that's worth waiting for, or me in the presence will figure things out. When I was single and I had actually gone through divorce and had really settled into this idea that partnership wasn't for me, I told other people who were going through

breakups, I distract myself with myself. I think that you should start planning a beautiful, bold, courageous life. You want to travel, girl, travel. You want to pick up some weight. You want to lift. You want to get the body popping. Like, do that. You want to learn another language, do that.

Like, I think that you should find a way to experience fulfillment and wholeness in your life outside of it just being about partnership. Part of the curse in Genesis three that God gives the woman is that you're going to long for your husband. Why is that. Part of the curse in Genesis three that God gives the woman is that you're gonna long for your husband. Why is that a part of the curse? Because when the woman was created,

she wasn't longing for anything. She was created in a sense of wholeness. She had partnership, but she didn't have an awareness that partnership was a part of her identity or wholeness. It was just something that was there and getting back to this state of just having partnership be a bonus but separate from your wholeness and identity I think is a gift that God wants to see every woman experience. And so, you know, you're going to have some moments where it's hard, you're going to have

some moments where it's difficult, and I think you should have those moments. But I also think that part of what your desire could be in this season is to find fulfillment and life outside of it. Last thing I want to say is when the angel of the Lord came to Sarah, hold on, let me pull it up so I can tell you the truth. The last thing that I want to say is this, and I looked it up so I know I'm not lying,

is when the angel of the Lord comes to Abraham and Sarah says it to Abraham that, you know, your wife is going to bear a child. And Sarah laughed within herself and she thought, after I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord, my Lord being old also, like I'm old, he's old. I don't even know if this joy is something that I will experience. And the Lord said to Abraham, why did Sarah laugh, saying, shall I surely bear a child since I am old?

Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will return to you according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son. But then Sarah was like, I didn't do no laughing. And God was like, oh no, but you did laugh. Okay. So this is all I want to say to you is that in the pursuit of finding wholeness and contentment outside of partnership, that your heart doesn't have to be close to it. That there is a way for you to experience an openness and a liveliness at the same time. so that if the Lord approaches you and says,

you know what? It is my desire for you to have a child. It is my desire for you to have partnership. It is my desire for you to start the business. I'm just expanding it because I know other people are tired of waiting too. I want you to be able to accept it when it comes. To find the beauty in, I want it, I don't have it, but I'm going to live anyway. Sometimes I'll be down, but then I got to cook and class, so I got to get up.

Sometimes I'll be down, but I'm going to get together with my friends and experience intimacy in a different way, and that'll work too. You got to work what you have while you can and trust that God's presence is with you every step of the way. So there may be some moments where you flat out need the Holy Spirit to comfort you and remind you who you are and to center you in your identity. So I hope that helps.

Thank you for sharing your heart with me. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I think it is important, especially coming off the heels of that conversation, that we do some digging into areas where we have experienced emotional pain, emotional frustration, joy in ways that maybe we haven't yet unpacked and how it can be showing up in our relationship with God. Anyone who knows me

knows that I have definitely gone on my own mental health journey. I was depressed before I knew that I was depressed. I had anxiety before I knew I had anxiety. All I received through my mental health journey was language for what I was experiencing, and I was able to identify the physiological response that I would be having in certain moments because of my ability to tap into therapy. Now, I realize that therapy is not yet available to everyone.

By available, I mean sometimes there's financial barriers, but then there's also just openness towards therapy. I just want to let you all know that I am an advocate for therapy, for finding someone who you actually want to sit down and talk to, but I also realize that that can be a little bit of a journey. So I want to give you some tips and tools that helped me kickstart my mental health journey. I, oh, let me look it up. So I don't lie to you twice in one podcast.

I read a book when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I mean that in the most beautiful way. I could tell that there was something wrong with the way that I was showing up in the world and I needed to figure it out. The book was called Permission to Feel, the Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success. This book was so helpful to me and my journey of just giving myself permission to feel. You have to understand that when you are in survival mode, when you were just trying to

make it, when you are afraid or living in the fear of failure, living in the fear of needing to produce, of needing to have success, that you condition yourself to not feel anything at all. You may need to give yourself permission to feel, but you don't know where to start. That book was extremely helpful for me in identifying what was happening in my body, what was happening in my heart, in my emotions. I had some really powerful breakthrough moments with that book. There's another book that's called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, which I have talked about before.

The subtitle is How to Heal from Distant Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents, which please don't tell your parents you're reading this book because we don't need those problems. Also, if the shoe kind of fit when I read the title, you might want to try it on because this book, what I like about it, and I'll tell you what I like, what I dislike about it, what I like about it is that it helped me to understand that some of the desires I had as a child were normal. They are some of the basic needs that children need in order to become healthy, well-adjusted adults.

But what I don't like about it necessarily is that it didn't really give you a solution, which I think is a beautiful opening in our relationship with God. So if the Lord created certain environments to bring out the best in us, and we weren't exposed to those environments for any number of reasons. Our parents were working, our parents didn't have the emotional maturity themselves to show up in our lives. They had their own trauma, whatever it is. This gives us a prayer point in our relationship with God. There's a scripture in the Bible, read the whole Bible, you'll find it, but I'm pretty

sure it's in Psalm. That's like when my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will pick me up. That's basically what it says, read forsake me, the Lord will pick me up. That's basically what it says. Read the whole Bible. It's in there. I want to encourage those of us who have experienced some distance, some maybe emotional immaturity as it relates to our parental relationship to really lean into this idea that the Lord can pick up where our parents left off or didn't step in at all.

I just wanted to make sure that we acknowledge mental health awareness month, but it's not just a month for us. It's a lifestyle, so we will circle back for this. I also just want to pause for a second and speak to the woman who's been doing her best just to hold it together. I need you to know that by the time that this month is over, it may feel like the world has moved on, that your healing, your peace, your mental wellness doesn't matter, but I want you to know that if you've been navigating

anxiety, depression, burnout, or even just trying to keep your mind quiet in a loud world, that I see you and God sees you. There is no shame in asking for help, unplugging, or simply saying, I'm not okay, but I'm trying. Take care of your mind like you would your body or your spirit. It's not weakness, it's wisdom. You're not alone in this journey and you don't have to pretend to be strong every moment.

We're evolving in grace over here, okay? The month may be over, but you are just beginning. There are some people who you sit down to have a conversation with and then after the conversation is done, you realize that I should have spent more time getting to know you. That is exactly how I felt when I had the opportunity to sit down and speak with Judge Faith Jenkins. Just a little history for those of you who don't know, Judge Faith Jenkins and I were

both in Los Angeles at the time that I was in Los Angeles, but we weren't really that connected. We spent some time talking to one another, and right before I moved to Dallas, our husbands actually got us together and we went out to dinner. And let me tell you, a time was had.

I don't think it's possible to talk about evolving unless we're going to be talking about putting in the work to evolve, which many people want to evolve. A few people want to put in the work to evolve, but Faith Jenkins knows a thing or two about putting in the work to evolve. She is an attorney, a TV personality, a judge, and a bestselling author. She is going to break down what it really means to live unapologetically and go after everything God has for you. Now, listen up.

She didn't just come with opinions. She brought the blueprint, the receipts, and the closing arguments to match. Get ready, buckle up. You're going to enjoy this conversation with Judge Faith Jenkins almost as much as I did, but not quite as much because I really felt like girl, she's T. We already talked about the last time I saw you, we were going out to dinner, you were three months pregnant and now Skylar is two years old? Yes, she just turned two and I was thinking about that night because I told Kenny to text

to Ray and let him know. I said, tell them in advance that I'm three and a half months pregnant because otherwise when I show up they gonna think this girl already ate. So that was a and I think you guys were the first you know real couple that we shared that with because I had just been kind of keeping it you know really low profile trying to get through that first trimester and you know everything that goes through with that and having a baby over 40, it was especially high risk.

But she just turned two. I mean, time flies. And It does. Yeah. Yeah. And she's, she's been a real bundle of joy. I love seeing you be a mother on social media, even though I don't know you that well, it

just feels like you were like full on like the mom, like you're doing all the mom things. And it's so amazing because I didn't know that I would ever have kids. I met Kenny shortly after I turned 40 years old. So I was single, dating, figuring out my love life for most of my life. So I had already thought like, okay, there's a possibility that I won't have children and I'm okay with that. And I accepted it.

Then Kenny came along and then Skylar, and it's like, okay, this is meant to be a part of my journey, what I was supposed to do. And I'm glad that I did not miss that window of opportunity for me. Okay, so I love this because you came to a place of acceptance. And I feel like, I mean, the stats are showing

that people are getting married later and later in life, which is obviously in some cases pushing back, then moving into more maybe traditional roles of like motherhood and fatherhood or defining what that looks like on their own terms without necessarily being married to these, you know, norms that once existed in our culture and society. But you came to a place where you accepted that that may not be a part of my story and by, okay, let's start there.

Like how did you accept that? And I just, I want to sit there for a minute because it's so easy to be like, and once you accept it, that's when God opens the door. But true acceptance is not accepting it so that I can get to the part where God opens the door. It's like, I have to accept this in a way that like, I'm really okay if this never happens. Right, right.

I just knew, when I graduated law school, I moved to New York and I was, A, I was just on a grind. My priority wasn't really dating and finding a husband. Did I want that? Was that a part of what I wanted? Yes, but for me, I knew I didn't really have a lot of things to fall back on if I didn't make it in my career. So I knew I had to really have a lot of things to fall back on if I didn't make

it in my career. So I knew I had to get out and I had to do the work and I had to do what I needed to do to sustain myself. And so that was a big part of what I wanted to do and I think was a big part of me postponing in a way some things that are in my personal life. Second, my very first cases in New York or in New York Family Court, handling divorces, child custody, and child visitation. And I, a part of those experiences, I was working at a big law firm at the time, but

what they would do, they would ask for volunteer attorneys to help with people who could not afford divorces, and I signed up for that program. And what I witnessed at 24, 25 years old, with these adults who were twice my age, going through divorces, and unfortunately, it was like seeing that it brought out the worst in people during this difficult and challenging time in their life. And I kept remembering, thinking to myself,

these people never should have kids together. Like what in the world happened? Because it's one thing to marry the wrong person but when you have children with the wrong person, you're tied to them forever. And I was witnessing this at a very young age and I just decided right then and there that if I would ever have a child it would have to be with someone who didn't just say they wanted a child but would be an actually a good parent. And I wanted it to be with my husband. So I was willing to wait for that. That's what I wanted for myself. And I just happened to not meet the man that I will marry until, you know, right after

I turned 40. And so you just decided like, hey, if I can't do it this way, then I can find a way to find fulfillment in my single journey and with the community and friends that are available to me. Absolutely, and I started really living that life in my 30s. Once I wasn't, when I remember, being from the deep South, of course, you're not married by 35.

It's like when you go home for the holidays, it's like people seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. Like what is happening here? What's going on? So I was faced with all the questions, of course, why aren't you married? What's going on? And you get it so much, it's like,

is there something wrong with you? Like that's the unwind tone of it all. But I just, and I decided then, Sarah I said, I cannot wait to have a husband and have a family to really start living my life because look at where I am now. If I want to travel, I need to travel. Like life is happening right now, right? So I'm not going to postpone being happy to these achievements I want to have in my personal life because then I wouldn't be really living.

So right then and there in New York, I was just having a blast. I would go to the theater. I would travel by myself. I would go to dinner with friends, restaurants. I would just, you know, I did everything that I wanted to do at that point in my life and I decided I'm not going to be sad

because I haven't met the person that I'm that point in my life and I decided I'm not going to be sad because I haven't met the person that I'm going to spend my life with and that's just where I was. Okay, so what I hear you saying is this and what I feel like those who are listening should really hear is that oftentimes when we are growing up and we're developing our dream is always for next. We always have a dream for the next for like our next business our next stage of life Whatever that next is going to be but what I feel like you're saying to me is that you started dreaming about now?

Like okay, I'm not in that next that person hasn't come I'm not having children But what does a dream for my present look like like the dream could be going to go see the Lion King tonight. The dream could be going out to dinner or traveling the world. Like what does a dream for now look like without you longing so much for next that you miss out on the possibility of now? And I just feel like that is worth as taking a minute to marinate on, because if we keep moving the ball to next to next to next, we'll always be dissatisfied with our lives.

But if we can say, yes, I have a dream for the future but I also have a dream for today. And today my dream is to take a nap. And today my dream is to book a vacation. Like that is my dream for today. And I think keeping that tension of I have a dream for next but I have a dream for now that is so vivid, so fulfilling, so amazing, that if I never step into next, I can still find joy in what the

dream is for this moment. Right. And that was so important for me because like you said, it's like when you, when your life is tied and your happiness is tied to these personal achievements or any achievements that you have for yourself, it's like you're chasing a carrot on a moving stick, because there's always going to be something coming up. So, just deciding to enjoy where I was at the time, and now that I'm, I've been married five years now,

celebrating my five year wedding anniversary, and now, and I have Skylar, when I look back at my single days, there are so many things that I did that I can't really do now. If I wanted to pick up and just go to Bob, day after tomorrow, I can't do that. So taking advantage of the time where you are right now in your journey is really important because it is going to change.

I had challenges when I was single, but there are new challenges when you're married because then you're dealing with compromise, schedules. How are we gonna make this fit? How are we gonna make this align? When you're single, you're really thinking about yourself and your schedule. And so, and that's why it's really important

to be able to enjoy that process where you are because it's always evolving, it's always changing, there's always going to be something next. That power of now, really important. Then not letting yourself get enjaded. My experience being at family court, seeing all those divorces and handling all of those things, it definitely in my young mind had an impact on me. And then, of course, going through the dating process. You know, once you get your heart broken, once you people disappoint you, once you go through betrayal and all of those things,

and then, okay, I turned 40 years old. And then I thought, okay, what kind of person, and I really knew that I did want to get married at that time, and I had this really honest conversation with God about it. But I thought, what type of person do I want my husband to meet? Do I want him to meet somebody who's been raked over the coals for the last 15 years, and now I'm coming into this relationship with all of these issues?

We're all going to have something, right? But some kind of baggage that we bring along, but I did not want it to have an impact on the love that we could grow together in our marriage and in our relationship. And so I really started unpacking a lot of those things that, you know, the last 15 years had sort of been building up in me. Trust issues and all of those things I had to start addressing because I thought, do I want him to meet a faith that has been broken down, that's bitter, that's upset,

and he's gonna have to pay for things that he had nothing to do with, but that happened in my past, or do I want him to meet somebody who's on this journey, working on themselves, We're all healing. We're all Evolving and who is open to love and and and nurturing that love with with him So you had a dream for your time, but you also had a dream for your soul And I feel like that's something that those who are just taking notes and that for me,

I feel like that applies whether you are married, singles, seriously boot up or dating. Like what is the dream for my soul for this stage of my life and how do I want it to impact the people who are around me? Because if we aren't intentional about that, we will just keep passing along baggage that we could have unpacked. Yes, you are going to have some bags, but you don't have to have every bag that has ever been tossed your way going into your friendships, relationships, next entrepreneurship opportunity. There are some bags that you can unpack and only take what you need and leave the rest behind.

Having that as one of our dreams is something that ends up I think mitigating us from having other nightmares in the future or those recurring nightmares. I'm trying to figure out Faith, how did you go from family court to my television? Make that math make sense. Well when I left my big law firm in New York, Sarah. I went to the Manhattan DA's office as a prosecutor. So I started doing criminal cases in New York then, and everything under the sun, you name it, I did it. I prosecuted those kinds of cases.

And I always said, I'd lived in New York for 11 years, and I said, I never see the city the same again after going to work for the Manhattan DA's office because I really got to know what was going on there behind the scenes. It was some crazy things but also eye opening but I got a lot of trial experience from that. When the George Zimmerman trial happened in Florida, That's been a while ago now. And Trayvon Martin was the teenager who was killed at that time in that case.

That was my first time doing national TV and I got called to do all the networks. I left the DA's office then. So I was on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, because I wasn't talking politics. I was just talking the legalities of the case, giving my opinion as a former prosecutor. And I would appear sometimes on all three networks in the same day. And someone just happened to see me on, I think Bill O'Reilly one night

and Al Sharpton on the next night. And he said, if she could do these two audiences. She has broad appeal. and Al Sharpton on the next night, and he said, if she could do these two audiences, she has brought a pill, and we need to call her about possibly doing a court show on TV. So that's how it really started with me doing court TV, Judge Faith, and it really just evolving from there and now me producing and hosting and being back in crime doing true crime now. So that was really how the journey started,

leaving, getting all of that trial experience from the prosecutor's office, and then just starting being a legal analyst on TV and doing cases. And I will say this, in my journey on TV, which has been about a little over, I guess about 10 years now, it's been really interesting because I always say, and this is something I want to teach

Skyla as she grows up, you're going to have various people that you encounter in different parts of your life, in school and or maybe in church and these different jobs that you have. It's so important that you treat people right in the various aspects as you go through life in your career and as you meet them. I cannot tell you, Sarah, in every single job, every single opportunity where people have sought me out for work, there are always people

who they know that have been connected to me from my law firm, from the DA's office, and they make those calls and they say, what was Faith like to work with when you worked with her at the DA's office? I have a project right now. There's an attorney on the other side of this project. I was a first year litigation associate with him at my very first law firm in New York. Your reputation and the way you treat people, it can open up doors for you in the future

or it can close those doors pretty quickly and right away. My journey I think has the doors that have been opened for me, a lot of them have been because of people who I've worked with in my past and they always, and I pride myself on this, they've always said the same thing. She works hard, she's fair, and she was somebody that people got along with. Those three things will carry you a long way in your career. We're just dropping some career advice real quick. For sure.

Those three things will carry you just in your journey and meeting people and just being good to people along the way. As a woman in a male dominated space, did you ever feel the need to be one of the boys? Like how did you maintain, you know, it seems like you had the work ethic, you also showed up in kindness and integrity, but you knew your stuff.

Like how did you, or did you ever wrestle with this idea of like, I need to overcompensate in how I'm coming across maybe extra masculine or hyper masculine to make sure that they know I'm one of the guys. But you also have this you know I hate to use the masculine femininity polarization but I'm just wondering as a woman in what some would deem a boys club, how did you find your way without giving away your authenticity? Oh, I was always underestimated when I walked in court and the opposing counsel would take one look at me and thought that the case was going to be a cakewalk. I looked young.

I looked nice. I was a black woman, as you said, and really a white man's world. But I loved it. I loved it, are you kidding me? Being underestimated, I used that to my advantage so many times, because you know what that means? That means they don't see you coming.

And I was always prepared for my cases, and I always did really well, and I always used that to my advantage. So that's number one. You may be underestimated. I wouldn't get offended by it. I'll be okay with it, because I know I can use that. That's a weapon that I can use

when I go to court, when I go to my cases. But I would say, I also faced, when I started at my firm, I was the only black attorney in my entire group. And you're talking about 60 attorneys in my group. So when I showed up on the first day, I thought, well, what happened to everybody else? Because this wasn't in the 80s. And I thought there had been all of these diversity initiatives.

I was the only one. And there were some, you carry the responsibility and the burden of that on your shoulders a lot of times. When I had issues, sometimes I would be scared to say something because I'm like, oh, I don't, are they going to say, here, you know, she's the problem here. She, here we come. And, you know, she's here.

Now we have a race problem because there really was some issues that came up, but you, you kind of have to toe that line because it's not just about your career. You're thinking about everybody else. Like you, you're representing, not just you see See, they can come in and they can just be themselves and can, you know, while out, they get drunk, they go to parties, they do all this stuff. I cannot, there was no way. Because I felt that I always had this bigger responsibility

on my shoulders being the only one. And having so many times in my career and in school where I was the only one, it just got exhausting and having so many times in my career and in school where I was the only one, it just got exhausting. And I know for Skylar, one of the things I wanna teach her, I just want her to be a kid and enjoy her childhood and enjoy her youth and have fun and play for as long as possible.

And I just want to give her the opportunity because we have to have all these conversations with our kids at a young age that other people don't have to have with their children. And I've just been thinking about this now that I've become a mom, how I'm going to handle this. Because I know that she's probably going to walk into similar rooms that I walk in. I hope things will have changed more so by then, but in just preparing her for that and the responsibility that comes with walking in those rooms and being the representative so often

and so many times, and I just think, how am I going to help her balance all of that? Man, I feel like that's a segment unto itself, preparing God with children for whatever this world is going to be, because we have no idea where it's headed. Every day, it becomes more and more challenging, but I take comfort in knowing

that even as I see people delaying, you know, whether it's marriage, family, whether they're choosing to, or just the opportunity hasn't presented itself, what you have done with the time to collect the wisdom, to navigate the resources, and then to be able to develop that into your children, I think is a luxury that maybe some of our parents

didn't have, which is why so many of us may be in therapy now, is because they were so busy making it and building a family at the same time that they weren't able to gather that wisdom and focus on themselves and transform their own mindsets and mentality so that they could pass on something different to us. But I am hopeful for our future generations that the harvest of doing the work now and taking the time to really understand who we are and how we have to show up in the world is going to be a part of their harvest. I am wondering, as you think about your life and you think about all of the lessons that

you want to share with Skylar, what is one of the biggest leaps of faith that you had to take in either your career or personal life that others may have thought was impossible that you want her to know was actually possible. You know, for me, it was almost everything I did at a young age. Everything was a leap of faith. Everything people deemed to be impossible from a very young age for me.

It's gonna be different for her. Sarah, you grew up with your parents in a loving home. You are like, your circumstances are so beautiful, so wonderful, to have the kind of love and support that you had even at a young age when you were facing adversity know adversity but for for those of us like my husband and I we grew up you know our parents divorced when we were both younger and so fortunately my parents were able to come together and do things as parents

with us as kids that meant a lot But I can just remember the first time I ever really wanted to step out and do something that was out of the ordinary, out of my comfort zone. I was a college student, and I had had a really rough semester in college this semester. I was up for a promotion, I was already in the dorm. I was up for a promotion, and I needed it. I needed the money for school, and I was the for a promotion, I was an RE in the dorm. I was up for a promotion and I needed it. I needed the money for school and I was the next one up

and I'd had a stellar record as an RE so I thought, this is gonna happen for me, this is great. And then I decided that same semester that I was gonna go pledge into a sorority. So I was like, this is a great year for me, this is my semester, I'm coming out of this with a new job, new friends, all of these things.

And I was a good student. I was studious, wasn't involved in anything crazy off campus or anything like that, didn't drink at all. So I thought this is my plan. And these are the things that are gonna happen for me. Well, I did not get the job. They hired someone who was junior to me and chose her and promoted her over me. Well, I did not get the job. They hired someone who was junior to me and chose her and promoted her over me. And I did not get in sorority. The girls, I didn't get

enough votes. They just did not vote for me. So I remember calling my dad, crying. I said, I have no job and no friends. So I went from what I thought was going to be the most amazing semester to like not having anything because I quit my RA job after I didn't get the promotion. They wouldn't give me a valid reason. And I found out that this other girl, she had friends that had went and rallied for her and told them that if she didn't get this job, she was going to have to leave school. Meanwhile, I was struggling. So, but I will say that semester, what I call the semester of rejection in my, changed the

entire course of my life. I would not be sitting here today if those two things did not happen because what happened is two weeks later, I was walking in the student union and I saw a sign up that said the Miss Louisiana Tech University pageant was gonna happen in another month and the winner of that pageant would receive a free ride for a full year tuition room and board books fees and They would have the speaking engagements and go and speak to students and encourage students. So I thought okay if I do this I get the best of both worlds. I'll get the money that I needed and I also will just connect with

a whole new group of people. Now little did I know there had never been a black woman that had won this school pageant in the history like 40 years and didn't know the history, didn't know, had never done a pageant before the history like 40 years. And didn't know the history, didn't know, had never done a pageant before in my life, but I thought okay let me go out and do a couple, get a couple under my belt, get some practice in. So I went and I did one and I was you know top 10 and a little local and then I did another one and I was third runner up and I thought okay I've got some practice under my belt let me go now and compete for the university,

the school pageant. And that night I went, I knew I was the underdog, but I said, I'm gonna give it my best and give it my all. And I went out there and I did. And at the end of the night, there were two of us left standing on that stage. And it was me and another girl, I think her name was Sarah. And they set the first runner up

and they announced Sarah's name. Meaning I had won Miss Louisiana Tech University. I just like that moment changed my life so much because I ended up going to compete in Miss Louisiana. I didn't end up going to Miss America. I won all of this money that paid for undergrad, for law school. I did all of these speaking engagements

is really how I got all the training that I needed to do to go on TV. And I'm telling you now, if I had gotten that job I wanted, and if I had gotten into that supporting that semester, I would have never thought to sign up to compete in that pageant. And that was the thing that changed the entire trajectory of my life. So when you talk about what was the moment or what do you think you you had to overcome? I mean that was the biggest one just believing that I could put myself out there and that I could do it and if I if I didn't win would I be maybe a little embarrassed because they're all these people from the school were there but I was willing to take that chance and take the risk and bet on myself.

All these people from the school were there, but I was willing to take that chance and take the risk and bet on myself. I feel like the semester of rejection should be your next book. And I think it should be about all the lessons you learn about rejection and how it sets you up to ultimately have success because that will preach right there. That is such an incredible story. I'm going to be sharing that. I have a, my daughter goes to school with a young girl who just started at Louisiana Tech

and she's having a hard time adjusting. She's a young black girl and her mom actually reached out to me and I'm going to share that story with her because I just feel like she should know that she's walking on a campus where there's been someone else who struggled and found their way.

Absolutely, absolutely. And feel free to connect me. I'm happy to talk to her. Okay, I'll definitely do that. Okay, let me stay on track. Okay, this is a random question, totally out of line, not on my notes, but I am wondering as a prosecutor, I want to take you back to those days.

I watch a lot of true crime. I watch a lot of documentaries. I watch a lot of even just television shows, fictional television shows about crime. The images that you see, the stories you are exposed to, how do you take it in without allowing it to consume you or in those moments that it does consume you? Like how do you restore from compassion fatigue?

That's a good question. And people do ask me that a lot. By the way, my show is Killer Relationship. That's my crime show, if y'all want to to me on Oxygen. Yes. Yes. Um,

hmm. I, and I consider myself to be a truly an empathetic person. I, somehow, throughout the years, I have been able to compartmentalize the things that I see because I always feel like I see people at the worst moments in their lives. And most of us will never get to make those decisions

that will take us to those moments that these people do. But these people, for whatever reason, they chose to make these decisions. And repeatedly, I see people at their worst when they've made these decisions. But by and large, I surround myself with people who are positive and full of love and give back to the world and see the glass half full instead of being half empty. That's my husband. That's why it's really important who you choose to partner with in your life. They have so much influence over you and your daily joy, your daily happiness. So choosing someone who adds and brings joy to your life is really important. And surrounding yourself with that and having other

people who lift you up when you're down because you know being in the in the public eye you and being a source of inspiration and encouragement for so many people it's challenging for you to be vulnerable a lot of times because people look to you as the leader. People look to you as the source of inspiration. So what do you do? You have to have the people that you can trust, who you can let your guard down and say,

this is how I'm really feeling. This is how this is impacting me. This is what's really happening. And having those people that you trust in your inner circle, who are filling you up, who are encouraging you, who are motivating you, that's really important and that has really kept me from becoming a person that is I think overly jaded.

Now my husband will tell you when it comes to my child, you know, I was like, okay, so we have to hire a nanny. Or by me. Let's talk about the interview process and all you know too much about humankind to just let anybody roll up in here holding his baby so he did tell me that I needed to little bit. Tone it down a little bit. Tone it down. When it came to that. But I will tell you, my comfort level is this. I will say this. I do not let anyone come into my home and watch my child.

Now, I'm not talking about my close family members or anything like that, but I will not let anyone come into my home and watch my child if I'm a nine to five-er and I'm gone all day and you're at home alone with my baby. I don't have that comfort level. I don't think I ever will. Because I work from home so much, it's either me or Kenny, one of us is home when our nanny and babysitter are there. Otherwise, now she's at an age where we send her

to a little school where there are people around and there's a system of checks and balances and I get my little photos and things like that. That's just what I need. I cannot leave my child for 10 hours and have her home alone with someone who I have hired. I just, I can't do it. I bet that that interview process was very special.

As it should, my husband is, you know, he grew up in a difficult neighborhood. He's a protector by nature and he is very, very intentional about making sure he's creating a safe space for us at home. So I can relate to Kenny. I have one more question before we go. There's someone out there listening.

They are developing their relationship with God. They're stepping into motherhood, maybe considering dating again or dating and opening their heart, even though they, you know, maybe thought that that season of their life wouldn't happen. If you could give them just one truth about faith, love, purpose, what would it be? That life doesn't follow a schedule. And that your success, your happiness, all the things that you dream about, none of those things come with an expiration date. So, you know, get rid of the timelines,

get rid of the arbitrary timelines. Don't feel like because you haven't hit a milestone by a certain age or at a certain point that you're behind, that you're losing the race, because it's not a race, because we're not all running in the same direction. We all have our different and unique journeys, and just learning to embrace that so early on in life

will free you, because there are always going to be questions. Sarah, before I got married, people constantly would ask me, why aren't you married? After I got married, immediately I started getting asked, well, when are you going to have a baby? After I had my child, Skylar, people are always asking me, well, are you going to have another? Here's the thing that you need to know. There will always be questions. They don't stop.

They're going to keep coming. But just because someone has asked an inappropriate question, you have to make the decisions in your life that you have to live with. Because the questions are only gonna last a second. But the decisions you make for your life, they last a lifetime. So make sure that they are decisions

that you want for yourself, that they are decisions that you want for yourself and that are gonna bring you the added joy and happiness to your life that you want. Faith, you're so good. You're so good. Thank you so much for your time. No, I appreciate you. I feel like I didn't know enough of your story.

Even we sat down at dinner, we had a great dinner, a great long dinner, and I still didn't get. And the food was amazing. It was, it was good food, but hopefully we'll have more of this. I appreciate you. Thank you. I'll see you soon, Sarah.

Talk to you soon. Yeah, take care. Bye, take care. Bye. Well, there you have it. Faith just unlocked a whole new level of wisdom that we didn't even see coming. I want to thank you for shifting our perspective and reminding us that the impossible is well within reach. To my ladies and the few fellas in the back, if you haven't

already hit that subscribe button on the Womany Ball podcast so you never miss an episode. Same time, same place. come kick it with me next week Okay, but you know how we do before we go. We got to say our prayers Lord. I just thank you That you gave us these minds you gave us this heart you gave us this body this way of showing up in the world one of your only creations that has the capacity to experience and express our emotions and give them language. And God, I thank you that you did not do that by coincidence. And so I am praying that for every person listening,

that you would begin to help them see how interconnected it all is. That they would no longer think that their heart can't serve their mind or their mind can't serve their heart, but recognize that it is your desire to create in us a clean heart, a pure heart, to search our hearts with us, to pull out those weeds that should have never been in there and to plant new seeds. And God, I pray that as we surrender to that, that we will become sensitive to your will and your way and that it will come with ease. God, where we have experienced pressure to conform to our circumstances, our hurt, our pain, our shame. God, I'm praying that there would be a discomfort in

our conformity, that we would begin to hunger and yearn for a more righteous, more whole way of being. And God, I thank you that as we do that, that you're going gonna pour your spirit, your love, your peace, your wisdom into us and it will change us forevermore. I thank you God in advance for the healing that's on the other side of their yes. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Evolve.