Woman's Hour - Parenting: Parents' evenings

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

You’re ready for that nerve wracking event in every parent’s life – the school parents’ evening. You’ve done your best to look neat and tidy when your son says, ‘Mum, you’re not going in that jacket are you?’ It seems there is no fashion critic so brutal as a child – especially if Mum is going to be witnessed by their peers and teachers. We sent Tamsin Smith to meet some women and their children to find out why it matters so much.

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BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hello, Jenny Murray here with this week's edition of the Podcast for Parents. Now, I suspect we've all been through it, I certainly have. You're ready for that nerve-wracking event in every parent's life, the school parent's evening. You've done your best to look neat and tidy when your son says, Mum, you're not going in that jacket, are you? It seems there is no fashion critic so brutal as a child,

especially if Mummy is going to be witnessed by their peers and their teachers. Well, we sent Tamsin Smith to meet some women and their children to find out why it matters so much. She began in Linda's bedroom with Linda and her three children, who introduced themselves. I'm Brandon and I'm 11 years old. I'm Destiny and I'm 13. I'm Tiana and I'm 18 years old. Go on then Linda, open the wardrobe. Okay, here we go. Wow, it's quite packed. Is it organised with any theme?

Winter at the top and summer at the bottom. So come on then, I'm going to start with you, Brandon, because you're the youngest. So has there been something where you thought, oh mum, are you really going to wear that? Yes, there has. It was this outfit. Do you want to pull it out? It's very colourful and vibrant. So it's a sort of tunic, isn't it, in bright pink fuchsia with bright coloured panels on it. What is it you don't like about it?

Linda, you might have to step in and defend your top here well I love my top it is actually a dress but I think he's trying to be polite I think sometimes he thinks it might be a little bit too short in terms of it being a dress and he wonders whether or not it's a top or a dress is that right yeah I do like this camouflaged one. So camouflage tracksuit bottoms? Yeah. Okay. What do you think she should wear them with? Probably like a camouflage jumper.

So you know what to wear for next parents' evening? Yes, camouflage top and trousers. Okay, there you go. That's some style advice from Brendan. Now I'm going to move on to the girls. Destiny, you're 13. Yeah. Do you give your mum

advice on what to wear? Yeah sometimes she asks me before she goes places what if it's nice or should she wear something else. And do you ever tell her what not to wear? Uh yeah sometimes yeah. One time I think she was wearing something green and then I said something else would be better. Is it different when your parent turns up to a school event might be a parent's evening or it might be a school concert does it matter what they wear? Well yeah I think more not like tracksuit bottoms and stuff. Sorry Brendan. Tracksuit for your parents evening very different for Destiny's. This is getting complicated isn't it

it is because they're at the same school so i don't know what to do you'll have to have a change of clothes in the car there you go yeah so it does matter what your mum wears i think so yeah you've also got a big sister here now is there something that you in the past perhaps have not wanted your mum to wear or advised her against? Maybe the shorts, if it's too short, then I'll say, or maybe not to wear that. Do children talk about what their parents are wearing, girls especially? Yes, sometimes they'll be like, when my mum comes to school, they'll be like, oh, I like what your mum's wearing. So yeah, we do talk about it.

Linda, do you have any memories of this kind of teenage embarrassment regarding what your mum wore? My mum used to like wearing a lot of headscarves, but she'd wear them tied up underneath her chin. And I remember the very first time that I went out with the school on a school trip, it was in the evening, and we went, I think, to the Royal Ballet or something like that. And she said, said oh you've got to wrap up really warm and she put the headscarf on my head in the exact same manner tied up onto

my chin and I was about 10 years old and I was absolutely mortified so we're both walking down the road together with these headscarves and we were like twins but I was like about you know 30 years younger than her and it was just really embarrassing for me. Scarred me for life. So what do you think, listening to your children? I think if I did wear something out of the ordinary that they weren't happy with, I think they would tell me, wouldn't you guys? Yes.

Yeah. I do listen to them, yeah, because I want them to walk next to me and be happy, not sort of like walking like 10 miles ahead of me and think, oh, I don't know who she is. I've come to a cafe to meet some more young fashion critics. Who have we got here? Melania. And how old are you?

10. And your sister is? Sienna. And how old are you, Sienna? I am 8. My name's Madrika. I'm the And your sister is? Sienna. And how old are you, Sienna? I am eight. My name's Madrika. I'm the mummy of Melania and Sienna. Your girls, you're both in primary school still? Yes. Do you have strong opinions about what your mum wears, especially if she's going to school?

Well, most of the time I like her clothes, but sometimes I really don't like them. I really, really hate them. I wish everyone could see your face right now. Yeah. You have brought along a bag of clothes of your mum's that you don't like. Is that right? Yes. Do you want to show me something? Yes.

Go on then. Let's unzip this bag here. Okay, so what have we got first? Melania, why don't I let you introduce this item? It's maroon and it's got these large golden buttons. What is it? It's a blazer. And I really, really don't like it. It looks exactly like our school uniform, which is so annoying.

What would happen if your mum wore this to parents' evening? First of all, I wouldn't be able to tell her apart from all the other kids because we literally have exactly the same blazer. Would you ask her to wear something different? Yes, definitely. Yes. Do you quite like this, Madrika? I like it a lot and I haven't worn it yet. It's new which is

the worst thing ever. Is there something Sienna that you've chosen? Yes. So it's basically a skirt and it's this really horrible colour, light brown and to me it looks like a giraffe just pooed. And I really hate it. Plus the buttons on the side really doesn't, I don't like it at all. Madrika, I think she doesn't like it. I think I would be a walking giraffe's poo if I did wear it, right? And again, this one's new.

I haven't even worn it once. totally hate it it's disgusting I think your mum should save it for your 18th birthday and wrap it up there we go that's what we'll do with that one I've got a stylist actually who bought this item for me and I haven't worn it yet and she has got me to try some new funky colours. Both these items are bought by her for me. And kids clearly don't like them. And do you have any recollections yourself of your parents and what they wore and wishing perhaps they didn't? Well, I was actually first generation Indian coming over to the UK. So my mum used to wear a sari all the time and that's all she wore. So I found that quite

embarrassing sometimes just in the dependent on the environment um she'd always be in the sari so it would be like oh god I can't believe she's got that or wearing some trainers with a sari you know which just does not work you know so or something you didn't want anymore but she didn't want you to throw it away so you know the jean jacket over the sari, you know. And did you ever say anything to her like your two do to you? No, there's no way I would have said a word. Too fearful. So it's good that they have opinions, right? Yes, definitely. Opinions are good.

They don't have to be right, they're just an opinion. Correct. Hi, I'm Tanishq Sethi, I'm 15 years old. Hi, I'm Ashmit Sethi, I'm 13 years old. Hi, I'm Ravinder, I'm Tanishq Sethi, I'm 15 years old Hi, I'm Ashmit Sethi, I'm 13 years old Hi, I'm Ravinder, I'm Tanishq and Ashmit's mum Tell me a bit about how your mum dresses I mean, she's here in a really lovely, vibrant floral print today No criticisms of this

To be honest, my mum just wears nice clothes all the time She doesn't wear anything too horrendous. I feel like my mum has a much better dress sense than my dad. He always wears matching clothes so he'll wear a black top and black jeans and they don't go together. And they wore like brown shoes, it just looks really odd. Do you tell him this? Yes, definitely. I get new out for him. And tell him to get changed?

Yeah, because otherwise I get really embarrassed. So you're happy with what your mum wears, it's your dad that's the problem? Yes, definitely. I agree, you wear light blue shorts and a light blue shirt and be like, my clothes match, it's fine. Describe to me that feeling when your dad's going to come to school with you and he's wearing perhaps the light blue shirt and the light blue shorts or trousers. How do you actually feel? I feel like I don't want to be near him, like walk with him to school or anything. What about you? I just feel, oh god, he's done it again.

What would be your advice to parents who are getting grief from their children about what to wear? Listen to your kids because they're not just doing it for themselves, they're doing it for you too. Very sweet. Well, maybe not if you're a parent currently engaged in going to parents' evenings.

Now, as ever, if you have any ideas about what we should be covering in our podcast for parents, do get in touch. Usual ways, you can either tweet us or email. Bye bye. I'm Sarah Treleaven, and for over a year, I've been working on one of the most complex stories I've ever covered. There was somebody out there who was faking pregnancies. I started like warning everybody.

Every doula that I know. It was fake. No pregnancy. And the deeper I dig, the more questions I unearth. How long has she been doing this? What does she have to gain from this? From CBC and the BBC World Service, The Con, Caitlin's Baby. It's a long story, settle in.

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