Woman's Hour - Parenting: Party bags

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

Plastic whistles, stretchy men, pencils with rubber toppers, bubbles, balloons and sweets – How do you fill your goody bags for your child’s party? Are you totally anti the concept of handing out obligatory plastic tat … or do you go down the right-on environmental route with a sock filled with a bag of seeds, an educational book or a sugar-free cake mix? Jane speaks to Lucy Parsons mother of two who despairs over party bags and Isabel Thomas, a children’s science writer with three children who is taking steps to change the throw-away culture of children’s parties.

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Listen wherever you get your podcasts. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hi, this is the Women's App Parenting Podcast and this is Jane Garvey with an edition devoted to party bags. You might not think they're significant, but if you've ever had a children's party, chances are you did spend a few teeth-grinding nights before the event, mildly concerned,

bordering on hysterical about whether or not you're going to provide party bags and what you're going to shove in them. These days, there's also quite a lively debate on the subject surrounding the environment and the amount of plastic tat that can be contained in the average party bag. So we'll discuss that and much more with our guests after you've heard from our reporter Henrietta Harrison, who's been talking to Francesca about to have her eighth birthday party. Henrietta talked to her and to some of her friends about what they like to see in a party bag. I think sweets should be in a goodie bag. What are your favourite sweets?

My favourite sweets are strawberry laces. What about you, Peony? What do you think should be in a goodie bag? Tampastics. What about you, Peony? What do you think should be in a goodie bag? Tampastics. What are they? Harry bows with sugar all over them. What about you, Phoenix? What do you think should be in a goodie bag? I think there should be lots of things, like what girls like, like bracelets or necklaces and sweets. What about you, Amelia?

What do you think about sweets being in a goodie bag? I like sweets. Probably my favourite sweet would be a rainbow slice because they're really sweet and they're rainbow, so who doesn't like that? Some people think that children have too many sweets, as it is, and some parents, they don't like you getting sweets given to you at the end of parties. What do you think about that, Phoenix?

I agree as well, but as a party, it's kind of like a treat for being there, and it's like a thank you present for saying thank you for being at my party. Okay. And the other thing that you can be given sometimes at parties, a bit like the unicorn, is things like this pad. What do you think? I think it's cool because, as I said, I don't really like unicorns, but as it is a unicorn, it's special to me because I love rainbows. I think the pad is probably the best because you can write notes and stuff like that and you can write stories in it. So has anybody got an idea that plastic's not a good thing thing has anyone ever learnt about that if you drop a plastic bag into the ocean some turtles might eat it thinking it's a jellyfish and then die so in

which case perhaps we shouldn't be having goodie bags full of plastic toys do you think maybe i think parties for like having fun and not to worry about things and just enjoying yourself. Party bags are the best in store for parties. And I'm going to say a big thank you to all the parents who arrange parties for children. Where do you find a child as lovely as that? I've never had one. Francesca Peony and Phoenix Henrietta Harrison was the reporter. Now let's talk to Lucy Parsons, whose children are nine and six.

Isabel Thomas is a science writer. Her children are six, nine and ten. Lucy, party bags. Are you guilty or not guilty? Well, I try not to be too guilty. They drive me crazy. I've done things over the years and done things to try to mitigate the whole plastic thing but you know I'd really rather they didn't exist they are a pain in the neck which is why I abandoned them I think at the earliest possible opportunity um but do children expect one routinely um yes I think they do I think you know you see kids lining up at the end of a party waiting for their party bag before they even know if they're actually there and my sister said it is the best way of getting her son out of a party that you

know he'd bribe him out with a party bag so there is this kind of sense of entitlement definitely I think amongst a lot of children. Right which is outrageous. Isabel what do we do environmentally what should we do here? Well what I like to do is say not that we should totally give them up altogether because they are important for children. They are important for parents because we want to create the best memories. But instead, I've been trying to look for different ways. So alternative things we can do that actually turn out to be more creative and fun. So, for example, a lot of people are giving books now. And it's really nice when you have a book coming home or even giving out natural objects like shells or doing something during the party that children enjoy doing and they get something

to take home with them so things like painting rocks um decorating rocks decorating cupcakes we've done which has been excellent decorating plant pots or even sciencey activities like making your own slime packaging up in things like yogurt pots that you've collected and sending that home as a gift instead and children are just as happy, often more happy, because they've made it themselves. Just as happy? Are they really? They just like to come home and show what they've done. And if they feel proud that they've made it,

they're really happy with that. Right, let's bring in some ideas from listeners. Luke says, Walter and Lucy have just had their fourth birthday party and party bags were bought from a local shop called Scraptastic. Sounds good. Specialising in reusing recyclable materials to create craft sets for children. It was a great idea, which went down really well with 35 four year olds, says Luke, who must still be in recovery. I cannot think of anything worse. Possibly 35 six-year-olds might be worse,

but I don't know, maybe my mind is, my memory's playing tricks on me. From Sarah, if you have a local scrap store, this is another one, great for recycling, e.g. small cardboard boxes can be decorated at a party and children given pencils as an alternative to a party bag. I'm not sure about painting pebbles. Leave them in nature, says Sarah.

Well, you can't win them all, can you? Has anybody given you that criticism before? No, I've done pebble painting with an eco club that I've been running at a primary school and it was their absolute favourite activity. So I think that's quite a fun one for them to do. That was obviously a tweet from the Pebble Protection Society. I mean, do pebbles belong in nature or can you remove?

I've got a collection of pebbles in my bedroom. I think nature can, you know, spare a few pebbles for us to use for party. And I love that approach to using recycled materials to make things at a party because it also solves the big problem of what do you do with all the children during the party. So it solves two problems for the price of one. Another listener, Jenny. Instead of spending enormous amounts of money on these bags and children ending up with more trash,

I'd like to pass on this idea. A friend contacted the respective invitees and asked if everyone would bring along a favourite and well-read book. At the end of the party, they'd swap this book for another and every child would then go home with a new book. Now, that's not a bad idea, is it? You like that one? That's an excellent idea. And yeah, it's something that we've done not with swapping books, but, you know, you can get lots of books for about a pound each and giving them out at the party.

And I think that's a much nicer thing with a great deal more longevity than, you know, the plastic. Here's the experienced voice of somebody who says, I'm a face painter, so I go to lots of children's parties. I've seen all sorts of party bags, but my favourites are the quirky ones, small hand-painted ceramic pots with seeds inside, a picture book and a tube of Smarties, a jam jar filled with the dry ingredients to make cupcakes you see that's not a bad one but blimey that takes time it does well we had a craft party for my daughter and i looked on pinterest and found lots of different simple craft i think she was about five or six at the time of the party and we found lots of simple things and they just literally took home the things that they made but it did take quite a lot of forethought and planning and I

think that's one of the big issues for busy mums and or dads but it does tend to be mums that end up doing it I know I absolutely agree with you uh I know whenever I mention mums and don't mention dads people complain and they're right to except to say that i have to say i i do believe that the emotional labor of this kind of thing lucy is largely born by women and that's one of the reasons why i'm like don't like them because it does fall to women and somebody said to me well that's just about the division of labor in your household but i think women care more about these things and they care about well no well I'm with you but carry on yeah and it just falls to pit falls to women

more often I think and when I talked to my husband about it he was like yeah well I wouldn't do it that's the way it is he's brilliant in other other respects, but no to party bags. No. Well, am I afraid to say? Well, I've already said it. I just didn't do them. Precisely because I just felt that was a step too far in terms of the organisation. It was the organisation I ran away from. Go on, sorry. I ran a party last week for my son who just turned nine and I just didn't do party bags. Mainly because I just ran out of time to think of anything to do but I talked to him about it and he said he didn't mind everyone enjoys the party not the party bags and he said they wouldn't even notice and I think the parents were probably relieved as well when the children got home without an extra bag full of plastic to empty out.

I've got a photograph of myself actually slumped on a sofa at the end of a children's party I think in the early 2000s. They're not actually fun are they I've had parties where I've decided to invite the whole class thinking that they'll behave like they do in school and finding out it's impossible to control 30 children in a village hall and then just sunk down at the end crying you really have done I have cried at the end of a party I agree with you I've never had more respect for the teaching profession at the end of a children's party. I used to be a teacher and it's completely different having a class of 30 kids who you actually have to teach something to, to having a much more unstructured kind of party thing. So, yeah, big respect to party entertainers.

Well, no, a huge respect to party entertainers. But this is I mean, you mentioned inviting the whole class that if you can do that. A big respect to party entertainers. Well, no, a huge respect to party entertainers. But this is, I mean, you mentioned inviting the whole class. If you can do that, well, it's not easy for everybody in terms of space, obviously. But I do think, Lucy, it does help, doesn't it, with cohesion and with that feeling of, well, you never want to feel that anybody's missed out or has been missed out. No don't but i remember holding a party at home for my daughter and we just and she's in quite a small village school and we just invited the girls from her year group and there was some that wanted to do the party games and some you know that were completely overwhelmed even by that in just a small group

of children just want to sit in the other room doing some coloring and that was okay but you felt guilty because they weren't fully partaking of the activities in the party. And I think, you know, there is this idea of inclusion, social inclusion, but there's also a recognition of kind of different sensory needs of different children. And that's really difficult for a parent to do. It's difficult for a teacher to do in a classroom. So, you know, it's difficult for a parent to do that in the temporary situation of a children's party yeah and parties we should say

parties are often not fun for many adults um i'd have to say i wasn't keen as a child if i never went to another party i probably wouldn't be that bothered um well that's terrible isn't it there's definitely the temptation to um to drop and go as soon as your child is old enough to do so. And it does make it very hard. I should say my mother no longer takes me to parties. They're the perfect environment for an extrovert, aren't they? But they're not. Who are these people?

Yeah, who? Where are they? Apparently Lucinda's an extrovert. She's the producer. She always has to get involved. Every single time she's involved in the show, she makes that. She gets herself shoehorned into the thing, somehow or other. Anyway, yes, she is an extrovert.

I can vouch for that. That rare beast. Thank you both very much. When's your next function, Isabel? Are you planning anything in the near future? I have got another child's birthday coming up in two weeks. Is there a theme?

Not yet. Very last minute planning, but I'm sure I'll think of something. And if I don't have to do party bags, it'll be that much easier. All right. Thank you very much for taking the time to be with us today appreciate it and thanks to you too Lucy. Any parties planned? Oh we've got a birthday coming up in June but I'm kind of avoiding the thought at the moment. Yes okay thank you very much indeed and that was the Woman's Hour Parenting Podcast for this week. If you have an idea anything you'd

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