Woman's Hour - Parenting: Teen mental health

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

Catherine Carr speaks to four young people, ranging in age from 13 to 19, to hear from them directly about their mental health experiences. We don't use their names.

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BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hello, Jenny Murray welcoming you to the Woman's Hour podcast for parents. For the past week or so we've been discussing teenagers and their mental health. We've spoken to teachers, doctors and parents about what they can do to help if they're faced with teens who are distressed. Well, today Catherine Carr speaks to four young people ranging in age from 13 to 19 to hear from them directly about their experiences. And we won't be using their names. With my family, especially my immediate family,

none of us have ever really struggled with mental health issues, so it's not something we really knew about it did feel kind of scary and I think especially for me I wanted to think like it was a physical issue because then it could be kind of easily treated like you just take some medicine and it could go anxiety is something that takes a long long long long time to get over with kind of intensive therapy and things and so that was just a whole big scary kind of new world we were definitely in denial for a while now I think that was probably the wrong thing to do looking back I think if I had quite help for it sooner and kind of admitted to it sooner than maybe

it would have kind of gone quicker. And how did your friends respond? They only really started noticing more when my eating disorder started to develop and that's when they kind of started to talk to me about it more and kind of try and support me as much as they can. When it got to the point my parents found out I was quite ill and my weight was just kind of dropping. We had to go through the GP so my parents took me to the GP who then did a referral to CAMHS. I mean I am grateful for that. I really was not in a good place when I was seen by CAMHS though. Can you remember what it was like inside your head in one of those days, say just prior to your parents finding out, seeing the doctor

and then getting that appointment at CAMHS? I wouldn't want to wake up. I think people do sometimes think that it's a choice to have an eating disorder, it's a choice to want to lose the weight and stuff, but that is not the case. I would wake up every single morning and just not want to face the day. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy is hell. You would literally wake up and not have a spare moment in your head to think about anything else.

It's exhausting. Yeah. I was very, very tired and went through a very, very low patch, which lasted quite a while. I go out and see my friends quite a lot. I work in Curry's PC World and then I go to college every day, try and do as much things as possible to get my head clear. What do you mean by that?

I sort of have bad anxiety sometimes, so if I'm doing things with other people it just makes me forget and then I can sort of focus on what I'm doing with them could you describe for somebody that's never felt anxious what it feels like and how does your day get changed by those feelings it's like there's so many things just shooting around at once and you don't know which one to go to it's all like ah like all fuzzy and fuzzy in your head yeah you just feel a bit empty as well what am i supposed to do with with it just a little emptiness i know that it isn't always cause and effect like this thing happened so then i became anxious but can you think of anything that might have contributed to this? Probably my friend dying.

That has the worst effect on me. Tell me about that. A couple of years ago, he was murdered up near where we live, and I didn't actually get to say goodbye, so I sort of have the guilt, and since then, since he died, yeah. I sort of led to alcohol, sort of to drink the prane away, to suppress it,

but it just didn't work. That's where sort of like the blackout sort of started as well. You drink intense amounts just to see and then it would just all go wrong. What do you mean all go wrong? So you sort of just like pass or just start crying or something, and then no-one would sort of understand what was going on. They just thought you were drunk, but then it's like your brain's telling you you need to just forget about what's going on.

How would you describe your mental health? Confusing. I think it's just because my mind gets confused a lot. It's hard to tell what you're going through. Sometimes I get very, very stressed out. Other times I kind of go into a mood of being lonely and sad. I think it just depends what mood I'm in year seven had some problems with people and that's affected it a lot what do you mean problems with people bullying people making fun of me and hating myself kind of being low yeah and do you think the way that you are now sometimes is all to do with that bullying, or is it something else as well, or maybe just random?

Sometimes it's a good day, sometimes it's a bad day. So normally it would be, like, four days a week, which is bad. Sometimes it would be more, but it's getting better now. It's easing off to, like to maybe one or two days now. Did you know from the morning that it was going to be a bad day? Yes, you wake up and you just feel bad, really, really bad and lonely. You feel like you're going to cry. That's kind of like the feeling.

Would you manage to go to school on one of those days? I'd try, I'd really try. And I would make it sometimes. I moved last year in August, so 2018. And it was in the midst of what I didn't really know was a breakdown at the time, but it was actually like a big thing. I have anxiety. It fluctuates quite a lot. And at the time it was really bad and it caused a breakdown. So when you say breakdown, what did that look like panic attacks extremes amount of overthinking and like mood swings like I've never had them before and not really being able to like get up get out

constantly worrying like if I was hanging out with anyone any of my friends or anything I'd just be sat by myself like I couldn't really speak. Everything just felt very dark. I remember when I first started going to therapy, that's how I described it. It was just very, very dark and gloomy. What were the thoughts that were spooling around? My mind never run so much. Going to sleep at night was really a struggle because my mind was just ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking.

It's like your body gets tired because your mind is like just racing but you feel very blank and what were the feelings associated with you were tired and your mind is worrying but what emotions were there I don't know very easily easily jumpy and someone says one little thing like it would be overthought and like very sharp conversation. I don't really know how to describe it in terms of emotion. I don't want to say sad. Hopeless. And very, very lonely.

Like, very lonely. Were there moments where the rational part of your brain would sort of be talking to the poorly part of your brain and saying this is ridiculous at the start definitely during that first year especially the first few months it was very like well I'd be like right I'm not gonna eat today or then I'd be like no wait I have to have a little bit otherwise xyz but then the kind of the longer you have it the quieter that kind of part of your head gets and if it's too long you can't really hear that anymore which is kind of the point where it's really difficult to get out of which is why kind of early intervention is really really

important because otherwise it gets to the point where you don't really know what's you and what's not anymore recently it's been not as yo-yo-y if you could explain to somebody who has no experience of being a 13 year old girl with these kinds of issues how would you kind of explain to them that it feels like when it was bad scary frightening it was lonely you just felt like you were a person you felt numb you felt very very numb it was hard to do things it's hard to talk to people but I spoke to somebody and they understood so now you only have one or two bad days a week what do you feel when you look back on the weeks where it was like four days when you woke up feeling bad I feel like I've improved so much and I feel happier I read my old diaries recently it made me sad but then it also made me realise how much better I have got.

What sorts of things did you write? I used to write everything that happened, but I also used to write that I didn't like myself and that nobody would like me and everything. Yeah, it was really, really bad. I was depressed when I was about 13 years old I I was not badly bullied at school but there was this kind of group of people that was it was very um I don't know very underlying sort of bullying and I was in a really toxic friendship and

things that just kind of poked and it sort of slowly but surely got quite dark, and I was very sensitive at the time. I was still recovering from some other things that had happened to me in my childhood. My father was an alcoholic, and it was kind of that same feeling that had come back, but more not being triggered by something that was happening. It just was like this horrible feeling. And I didn't even know what to call it.

I didn't even know how to think about it. But I remember I was sat watching the TV with my parents with my dinner on my lap. I was just sat and I couldn't do anything. I was like, I can't eat. And I was looking and then I had these like really like just poignant sort poignant suicidal thoughts. And it was like...

I've never had that before. It was uncontrollable. And it lasted for about 5-10 minutes. I felt really sick as well. And I went upstairs and I just went to the bathroom and I was just breathing. Like uncontrollable. I was shocked, honestly. Because I'm not really...

With things like that, with thoughts thoughts I know I have the ability to stop them even when my mind is running and running and running it can be really really difficult to do it but I know I have the ability to do it because as a child I had therapy and I was taught it's not me it's like something else is saying that to me and have you carried on seeing CAMHS have you transferred from children and young person services to adult services my transition was very difficult I was in hospital at the point I turned 18 so my transfer from CAMHS to adults was through transfer from a CAMHS ward in Manchester to an adult ward in Bath which was really difficult I can't put into words how hard that

was it was probably the biggest shock I've ever experienced. What was so shocking? I was with people that were kind of 20 years older than me and there were a lot of people there that kind of I was really nervous around I mean I know I shouldn't have been but I was it was really difficult especially the fact that I was so young compared to them all and there were a few things that happened that were kind of really shocking like what well there was one night where someone actually set fire to the ward that was a really big shock I didn't know any of the staff so it was it was a really big change really really hard I think obviously it depends on the batch of patients you've got with you because sometimes there are the majority of younger

patients so kind of 19 20 it just so happened that when I was there it was majority like 50s and 60s because I'd only just turned 18 and then I was discharged to my adults community team who were really good at the start it's been on and off whether I've been seeing someone this past year because of it being really short-staffed which is really difficult but again I've tried to build up resilience to it and kind of keep going no matter what. My mum has a lot of problems as well she's coming out of it but she's sort of like every now and then she gets really anxious. And how does that feel at home? Sometimes it gets a bit upsetting but yeah I just sort of like stay

in my room a lot of the time or go out. You don't feel embarrassed talking about it? No not at all I think it's best to talk about it if because if you're hiding it you're sort of like carrying more weight on your shoulders having like a grey cloud over you is that what it felt like yeah just sort of felt like a rainy grey cloud walking over me all the time even when it was like really hot do you feel proud of how you've got through yeah I am sometimes that is hard to admit but I am definitely proud because there were points where I didn't think I'd make it I didn't think I would see my 18th birthday there were really low points where I was like I'm never

gonna get out of this and that is a really really hard feeling I am definitely proud of how far I've come. What does it feel like, this is a big question, but what does it feel like to be a 16 year old to have the experience that you've had and the traumas that you've had and the mental health challenges that you've had? Sometimes it can be quite daunting to know that you know things that you shouldn't know or shouldn't have known at such a young age I'm grateful for it in a way not you know not really but it's definitely a part of who I am now like I'm I find myself to be emotionally mature in quite a few ways in comparison to other people but then other people are better in other things

than I am it definitely helps empathize with people sometimes I feel like I have a bit of a responsibility to help people around me because I know how it feels to need to be helped and in that aspect it's yeah I'm grateful for things that have happened what do you think about when you think about your seven-year-old or your 13-year-old self what do you feel about her it's almost like I look at them as if they're a complete different person I think that's probably the same with everyone it would be very emotional I kind of feel sorry for my younger self in a way sometimes you deny yourself that what is happening is difficult and I think maybe as a child it was always like Mae'n amlwg bod chi'n gwneud amdano'ch hun fod yr hyn sy'n digwydd yn anodd. Ac rwy'n credu, fel plant, roedd hi bob amser fel, Yr hyn sy'n digwydd i mi, da, da, da, da.

Ond roedd hi bob amser fel, Dwi'n gallu cymryd ymlaen â'r hyn. felt bad I felt guilty and I should have allowed myself the chance to be like what is happening is awful and just the chance to sort of relax and not have to take responsibility and know that the people around me are actually there for me and taking care of me and I don't need to take care of myself and take care of those adults. The teenagers were talking to Catherine Carr. And don't forget, for the podcast for parents, we always like to hear your ideas. What sort of things do you think we should be discussing?

Let us know. From me for today, bye-bye. I'm Sarah Treleaven, and for over a year, I've been working on one of the most complex stories I've ever covered. There was somebody out there who was faking pregnancies. I started, like, warning everybody. Every doula that I know. It was fake.

No pregnancy. And the deeper I dig, the more questions I unearth. How long has she been doing this? What does she have to gain from this? From CBC and the BBC World Service, The Con, Caitlin's Baby. It's a long story. Settle in. Available now.