Woman's Hour - The rituals and traditions of Christmas

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

On this Christmas Day’s Woman’s Hour Nuala McGovern and Anita Rani are discussing the rituals and traditions that we do at Christmas. Some passed down across the generations and some adapted through in-laws or friends that make this time of year so special and unique to us all. Do you always receive presents in a stocking? Perhaps it’s a bracing Christmas walk or plunge into the sea, or maybe it’s matching Christmas pyjamas.With a recent YouGov poll saying that 89% of Brits celebrate Christmas and most of the preparation and work that goes into this festive season is done by women, what role do women play in the making and maintaining of these rituals? And Nuala and Anita will be finding out about the importance of nostalgia and why we love to do the same thing year after year. Liza Frank, author of Household Lore - folklore, traditions and remedies for every room in your home, and Beverley Cook, Social History Curator, London Museum, discuss the origins of our treasured rituals and traditions.Dr Audrey Tang, author and a chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society explains the importance of the rituals we do every year and why we do them.Cookery writer Syke McAlpine, author of The Christmas Companion, delves into our food rituals and shares her own Christmas traditions, which span between the UK, Italy and Australia.Author and book coach Penelope Wincer tells us about Friendsmas, hosting friends rather than families at Christmas, and what it’s like to embrace and create new traditions together.Travel journalist Jessica Vincent talks us through some of the rituals that happen across the world, from throwing dough at the ceiling and hoping it sticks, to roller skating to Midnight Mass. And there’s live music from Alexis Strum, who writes a Christmas song every year. Her song for 2025 is called I won’t be lonely this Christmas.Presenters: Nuala McGovern and Anita Rani Producer: Andrea Kidd Editor: Karen Dalziel

Hello, I'm Nula McGovern and welcome to Woman's Hour from BBC Radio 4. Just to say that for rights reasons, the music in the original radio broadcast has been removed for this podcast. Good morning and Merry Christmas. Happy Christmas. What have you done already this morning? Maybe you've received presents in a stocking or perhaps you've already gone out for a bracing Christmas walk. Or are you listening to Woman's Hour in your matching PJs like me and Nula? We are not live today.

but you can join in on social media. Today we're going to be talking about the rituals and traditions that we do at Christmas. Some pass down across the generations and some adapted through in-laws or friends and they can make this time if you're just so special and unique to us all. There was a recent UGov poll

saying that 89% of Brits celebrate Christmas and that most of the preparation and work that goes into this festive season is done by, yes, you've guessed it, women. So what role do we? we play in the making and maintaining of these rituals? We'll be finding out about the importance of nostalgia and also why we love to do the same thing year after year. Yeah. Do you do the same thing year after year? Do you have Christmas rituals, Nula? Well, I've a new ritual. It's my second

year of presenting with you. This is one that I want to keep. This is excellent. They keep us apart for the whole year and then finally we're let loose together. Exactly. On Woman's Hour. That's one ritual, which I love. I'm also trying another new ritual this year that I'm hoping my mother will come and spend Christmas Eve with us and then be with us on Christmas morning. And it's been quite a while since I've had my mother on Christmas morning. So I'm looking forward to that. I better get an extra special stocking, I guess, for her. That sounds lovely. Is she excited about that? She's apprehensive because it's a new ritual at the age of 91. But right back to you and Ata, what are your

rituals if you have them? Well, I love the festive season. So, and living in London, everything just get so twinkly and magical. And I think the little kid in me that didn't really have many rituals growing up, I've gone the other way now, so I have to go and watch a Christmas carol. There are certain places I like to go for a drink. I love to walk across the river.

Just kind of bring the magic of the season towards me. But actually on the day, anything goes. Anything goes. It is stunning, I have to say, when you walk around, even outside this building where Anita and I are right now with the Christmas lights, you can't help, but begin to feel the spirit.

and perhaps also the women in this full studio today are feeling that as well. Welcome everyone. Hey, hello. Merry Christmas. So, what's lined up for us? The cookery writer, Sky Mac Alpine, is going to be delving into our food traditions and we'll be discovering some of the rituals that are also happening around the world at this time. We're going to be hearing about what's now being called Friendsmas. Those like me who are hosting friends rather than their families this Christmas

We'll be finding out how that works and what it's like to embrace and create new traditions together and look, it wouldn't be Christmas if we didn't have music. We've got live music from Alexis Strum who writes a Christmas song every year we'll be hearing this year's song later in the programme. Cannot wait.

She's in the studio ready to go. I can see guitar by her side. Well, thanks to all of you who got in contact with us to tell us about your Christmas ritual. Here's a few. Catherine Message to say that her family do a charity Secret Santa every year with all the gifts coming from charity shops

while the Kettle family say that they take it in turns to read a page of the children's book The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey even though the children are grown up now they continue it and afterwards I love this, they go into the sea

no matter what the weather is they say it helps work up an appetite for Christmas lunch well to find out where some of our cherished rituals come from We're joined by the author, Liza Frank, whose latest book is Household Law, Folklore, Traditions and Remedies for Every Room in Your Home, and also by Beverly Cook, Social History Curator at London Museum.

Hello to both of you. Hello. And Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Okay, Liza, what folklore have you come across that has worked its way into the rituals that we do nowadays? So one of the most obvious ones is bringing greenery into the house. that can be traced back to Saturnalia, which was the ancient Roman tradition.

And ancient Egyptians did it, the Northern Europeans for Yule. And what it was is you bring evergreens into the home. And these evergreens protect the home. There's also another story that these evergreens contain the spirit of spring. And what you're doing is you're protecting the spirit of spring so that spring will come again. And we see that in our Christmas decorations. We can also thank the Romans for gift giving, giving people time off at Christmas and eating and drinking to excess, which of course we love. So they were given that importance.

I don't think I'll ever look at the greenery, be it a Christmas tree or a wreath, in the same way anymore. Instead, it is a harbinger of spring to come. It is, but it is also, it's mainly a protection against the darkness and the evil spirits that happen. So you put them across your lintels, you put them across. your thresholds and you're on your windowsills and if you have a mantle piece on the mantle piece and it's supposed to repel evil spirits and if you get the right stuff like Ivy and Holly

anything spiky that's going to repel lightning disaster and fire as well and traditions evolve and change all the time nothing is static you were saying that your mother's going to come for Christmas so this is a tradition that's evolving and changing speaking of my mother how much are women tied in

into the folklore tradition of Christmas? A lot. There are various things that you need to do to the house before Christmas and before New Year. One of this is cleaning. So you had to make sure that everything was completely clean. One of the reasons for this was the ghost of your ancestors were said to come back and, you know,

just have a little look and see what's going on and, you know, do a ghostly finger across the, you know, see what the dust is doing. My grandma would definitely do it. And so it was, you know, it was. very important for the house to be clean and of course women took the bulk of that. You set yourself a challenge

which was to spend a year living by the rituals of folklore. Yes. Tell me a little bit what that entails particularly around the festive season. I started on St Distaff's Day which is the 7th of January 2020 and I had all these visions

wandering up and down the country, seeing fire festivals and cuckoo fairs, having all the folklore done for me and then it was foggy on the 25th of January and when it's foggy on the 25th of January this way pestilence comes and of course we locked down a sort of like a couple of months later so I had to recreate the ritual year in my front room and in my garden I did an awful lot of cookery because cookery was a very easy win and a lot of botany as well the one thing that I do every single year even though we don't quite manage it on the proper day so stir-up Sunday is the traditional day where you make your Christmas pudding and it's the last Sunday before

Advent so it's usually around the 22nd, 23rd, 24th of November it's about that time and during the lockdown my friend Sarah and I decided that we were going to make our Christmas pudding over Zoom and so we did and five years later we are still making our Christmas puddings over Zoom so that's the one thing that I've really kept up because it's just a it's the context is Christmas but the actual ritual is getting together with my friend and making something. Well, what did you do on Christmas, which was a folkloric tradition? Well, a very, very easy one is the first person out of the house on Christmas Day. You open the door and you welcome in Old Father Christmas,

and that will give luck and prosperity into your home. And if you're awake at midnight on between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can open all the doors and windows and get rid of any evil spirits that are lingering in the home. I'm going to bring you in here, Beverly. Because coming more up to date, many of the traditions we now think of as part of our everyday Christmases come from the Victorians. Another thing we can thank the Victorians for maybe. How much did they influence the way we do things today? I think it's true that if we transported ourselves back to the Victorian period,

we would be very familiar with some of the traditions that actually started at that period, things like the Christmas card, rituals, traditions, Christmas crackers. And in many senses, the Victorians reimagined Christmas. They didn't create it, but they sort of made their mark on it. And that was partly, of course, due to economic, technological changes and advances. And obviously living in an industrial city or an industrial power, then obviously that really influenced the way that the Victorians celebrated Christmas. And I suppose the other really important thing that changed during that period was the evolution of childhood.

Children were no longer seen as many adults. They were seen as having their own needs, as in their own right as children. And that really has an impact on the way people viewed and celebrated Christmas. So it moved away maybe into from a religious, into a more secular family. tradition and of course with that came a more charitable idea as well the idea of giving to the less fortunate which we see in things like Charles Dickens the Christmas Carol when did commercialisation kick in though that was really towards the end of the 19th century when you see manufacturing changing technology so we start to see much cheaper toys coming in by the end of

the 19th century, you could go down the street in London and buy toys for one penny, one old penny, obviously, from street sellers holding a tray of trinkets and novelties and penny toys. And these were absolutely what we would consider to be beautiful, really. A lot of them were very sophisticated, made in Germany or Japan, often from timplate. So Christmas became a lot more affordable as well for the masses. So those technological changes, changes in manufacturing and printing really enabled more people to enjoy Christmas. It's interesting, isn't it? I mean, the toys are kind of such a big part of it now, I suppose, with children and I wouldn't have connected it with the Victorians.

No. But you learned something new. Let me also ask you, Beverly, one of your special interests is in the suffrage movement. And tell us a little bit about the suffragettes and how they became part of the Christmas tradition. Well, suffragettes were incredibly clever at marketing and raising funds for their campaign, particularly the militant suffragettes, the Pankhurst-led women's social and political union. And they followed the tradition of the Christmas Fair to raise funds. And obviously, many of the women had sort of grown up learning traditional skills of sewing, knitting, making little crafty things. and they would often in the past have sold these at charitable fundraising fairs.

And so they turned this into a fundraising fairs for the campaign. And the women were all encouraged to make things, sell them. And they also produced things like Christmas cards to sell. Again, all raising, not just raising funds for the campaign, but also raising the profile of the campaign. so that it was in every aspect of life and they also produce things like card games and board games that they were selling

around about Christmas time incredibly popular and of course the female consumer had become very important at this time as well a lot of women had the power over the family finances other women were becoming more economically independent through work, and everyone, including department stores, were very aware of the power of the female consumer and the money that they had to spend around this time of year.

And Beverly, tell us about the suffragette board game, the name of it and what it's all about. So in 1909, the suffragettes created a board game, which they refer to as Pankasquith. And this, of course, the beginning of the word referred to Emily and Panker. and the last bit Squith referred to the much hated Prime Minister Asquith. And this was a traditional spiral board game where you had throw a dye and had little figures that moved along the board.

And it was all about getting to the houses of Parliament. That was the aim of the game. And along the way you encountered lots of different obstacles like a very burly-looking police officer, or if you landed on another square, then you might end up in Holloway Prison, which, of course, many suffragettes did, over a thousand women went to prison.

So it was a very topical thing for the suffragettes, but it had a little bit of satire with it as well. And the whole point of the marketing this and selling it as a sort of Christmas gift, as a Christmas novelty, was to really bring the campaign to the table on Christmas Day. Thank you, Beverley. So why do we do these rituals every year and what do they do, not only for us, but for our immediate social community?

I'm going to bring in Dr. Audrey Tang, author and chartered psychologists with the British Psychological Society. So why are rituals around Christmas so important for people? What role do they play for us? They give us a sense of belonging. It's actually Michael Crichton. There's a lovely quote from him who wrote Jurassic Park. He says, if you don't know your past, you're like a leaf that doesn't know it's part of a tree. and there's something about that sense of belonging

and a ritual gives us a history, it gives us a heritage, it gives us something to cling on to. And that's very positive for knowing who we are and our own identity. But there is a difference between traditions and rituals. So traditions are customs, usually with a bit of emotional weight

passed down over the years and generations. Rituals are what anthropologists would call a set of restricted codes, their behaviours that need to be done in a certain way. So you can have the tradition of having a Christmas pudding at Christmas, but the ritual around it might be, it has to be lit with a certain brandy at a certain time with a certain spoon. That's the ritual that belongs to it.

They can be mutually exclusive. A tradition doesn't have to have a ritual involved. A ritual doesn't have to have a tradition, but they sit so beautifully together. And as I say, they give us that sense of belonging. When we know where we come from, we know how to progress in the future. How important is nostalgia to all of this? Nostalgia. There's so much research which shows us that nostalgia has, it boosts our self-esteem, it boosts our sense of well-being. And in doing that alone, it can protect us against the negative effects of cortisol and stress and so on. Nostalgia gives us a bit of a hit of oxytocin. It's not living in the past. It is looking at the past fondly. The problem can come if we spend too long in that space and don't actually move.

forward. But in remembering things, it brings us closer to the people that were involved. It's meaningful because it's a part of who we are and what shaped us. And therefore, it's, it helps us buffer stress. It helps us generate more positive memories. It helps us to promote more gratitude. And gratitude also can change those pathways in our brain and make us focus on the positive. It actually changes the brain. There's something called neuroplasticity, which means that although our brain is fixed in a certain way, we have certain habits. And the brain loves. And the brain loves to be efficient. If we do things in a certain way, we will continue doing them because the brain is thinking great. Well, I'm comfortable with this. However, if we choose to practice

gratitude or we choose to practice kindness or whatever those thoughts are, or even if we choose to practice going to the gym in the morning, our brain will make new pathways and it will become a lot easier to continue with those pathways, but it does take work to do. I'm going to read out a message from another one of our listeners here. It says, as our Christmas ritual, we put raffle tickets on all the presents under the tree. We then select a ticket and get to give that present to the recipient. It's really a distribution method and means that everyone has time to see the gifts being opened and appreciate the giving as well as the receiving.

I'm imagining lots of people at home looking at their children who've just devoured the Christmas presents with no thought for anything. It's like absolute carnage. Are there particular rituals that people tell you they love doing over Christmas? Well, my mother-in-law does one very similar to that. she makes a big Christmas cracker and everyone at the gathering pulls it and then there's gifts for men, gifts for women and everyone distributes that. So it's a little gift that everyone goes home with. Other people, this is a fun one, slapping the jelly.

What's that explained? Literally what it says on the tin. They have a jelly at Christmas dinner and everyone has to slap it with a wooden spoon. And this is just a family thing that's been passed down because someone did it at Christmas and it was cute. Everybody said, oh, that's so funny, that's so cute. The next year, do you remember when she smacked the jelly? We all smack the jelly and it's not Christmas without someone smacking the jelly. Can rituals ever be a bad thing?

If they're too rigidly adhered to, yes, they can. If you become obsessive over it. So if, say, let's go back to the Christmas pudding example of lighting it with a certain spoon with certain brandy, if you've lost the spoon or you can't get that brandy, and then this ruins Christmas, and I say that in inverted commas, that is affecting your day-to-day life. As a psychologist, what we look for is if anything is affecting you day to day in a negative manner, this is a problem and this may need a little bit of outside intervention and support. So if it becomes obsessive, yes, rituals can become problematic.

I can read a few stats here. Yes, please. The National Folklore Survey for England have asked people this year what their top 10 Christmas traditions are. The top ones are number one, giving or receiving gifts. That's 66%. Number two, having a Christmas meal, followed by decorating a Christmas Christmas. and that women were more likely to engage in more Christmas traditions than men. Why do we think that is, Audrey?

Well, let's start with gift giving. Gift giving is a love language. So Dr. Gary Chapman defined five love languages. They were gifts, spending time together, words of affirmation, acts of service and intimacy. And gift giving is could be someone's way of expressing and wanting to receive love. And if that's your method, you're going to love giving gifts no matter what. The problem is if your family, maybe likes words of affirmation or quality time,

they'd rather see you than receive the gift and it might end up being a bit of cross-purposes. If you've given them a wonderful gift, they've given you nothing, but they've given you time. And so that can be a problem. The thing about women getting more involved is often because women do the emotional labour in the home, women do the preparation.

And it's not necessarily because women have more time because women are often doing two jobs. Ali Russell Hoshill calls it doing a second shift. But in a way, because of that, the women know what the rituals are. The women know what the traditions are. And certainly in Southeast Asian families where I'm Puranican, so this is Chinese Malay from many centuries ago. The woman ruled the house. She was the matriarch.

She did all the housekeeping, did all of that. And if you threatened any one of those rituals, that was a real threat to their power. Well, I'm also thinking, even on a day-to-day, basis now if a woman puts in so much effort to get the gifts or have the meal or whatever it might be, you want to get a little something back. Also, can we just say a message to that woman? Please make sure you're at least enjoying yourself. Yes. I worry that we take all this pressure on and everything has to be just right because we need the presence in the tree. But actually, how about sometimes it's okay to let a ritual go? Am I on to something here, Audrey?

100%. Because of social media, we are so pressed to have. a performative Christmas, the thing that we can post on the socials for everybody else, not for ourselves. And we need to take a moment and say, well, what is going to make me happy? What's going to bring me joy? Because that's what Christmas is all about. I can come with some more stats

from that same survey. We're loving this. Stap Nula. Around a fifth of people said that they had adopted a new Christmas tradition because of something they had seen in a film on television or online with the new traditions most likely in the 25 to 34 age group.

I feel that kind of intersects of what you're saying, Audrey. It does. And actually new traditions, because you've learnt something cool on social media, there's nothing wrong with that. You're going to have everybody slapping the jelly. I know. I want to slap the jelly. There'll be a TikTok about it.

With which spoon. No, Sky's next Christmas book. It'll be a next time of next book. But when it comes to social media We can learn brilliant things on there The problem is when we are doing it just for social media It's always about the intention If your intention is for likes for other people

Or some sort of validation for other people That's not healthy If it is simply because you saw it, that looks fun You're creating new memories with the people around you In real life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Really interesting. We might have another ritual or two We're bringing the jelly next year, Alita.

I mean, let's get slapping. Our next guest may be given that job. Because, of course, we want to talk about food, part of the Christmas traditions. We have the cookery writer Sky McAlpine, who is... You're a massive fan of Christmas, right? I'm obsessed of Christmas. And you've got this beautiful new book, The Christmas Companion. It's a tome, heavy and beautiful.

Well, what is it about Christmas? On the front, I should say, we see a woman holding a cake, candles, candelabra, a number of fruit, a bit of table-scaping going on there as well. Tell me a little bit, what is it that you love about this time of year? I was trying to think about that the other day properly. I know so much on a superficial level that's so fun about Christmas. You know, it's all the amazing food.

It's the spoiling presents. It's an excuse to be with the people that you love. It's the tinsel. It's the tree. It's the smell of the Christmas tree. It's the music, it's the memories, it's so much that we've already talked about. But I think on some level, what makes all of that really matter is it's, and this is going to sound a little bit kind of naive, but it's a way of creating magic in our lives at a time of year that otherwise is quite gloomy and quite grim. Like it's the shortest day of the year.

It's dark outside. We could be getting a crisp day, but odds are it's miserable weather. and there's so much in our lives and in the world that we can't control that is often not as happy as we would like it to be and Christmas feels like a real excuse and a moment when collectively

we're all kind of bringing the sparkle and bringing the magic. The control thing is interesting as well because a ritual is kind of a form of we know the steps and what comes next as well. Okay, let's talk about your cake making. I read that you make over 20 cakes in the run-up to Christmas

and one year made 70 cakes. Yeah, one year I made 70 Christmas cakes. That was the year that almost broke my marriage. That's another book. Are you making them all year, Sky? No, I kind of made them over a few weeks and every surface of our house had a Christmas cake on it. And my poor husband was kind of at the point of breakdown

and I was like, isn't it amazing? There are Christmas cakes everywhere. He's like, it's not amazing. Too much, too much. I just wrote it back. But I love, I started when I was, well, my mother used to make Christmas cakes when I was a child and always give them to my teachers at school and to friends. And because we lived in Italy, it was quite an eccentric thing that she did

because the British Christmas cake is an acquired taste and unusual in Italy and everyone kind of found it quite intriguing. And then as I grew older, she sort of fell out of the habit and I picked up the mantle. And when I was at university, I started making it as presents for my godmother and for friends because I didn't really have much money and I wanted to be able to give them something special. and so it felt like something that I could do. And then it just grew and it grew and it grew. And I love making my Christmas cakes at Christmas.

And when you talk about making these cakes, are they all the traditional Christmas cake, like the fruit? They're a fruit cake, which is joyful because it's an recipe that's absolutely impossible to go wrong with. It lasts forever. So, you know, it's a good one to make. And then I decorate them. I like to decorate it with marsy pan and glassade fruits,

but you can kind of decorate it with whatever. And I think who doesn't want a Christmas cake at Christmas? Yeah, I'm happy with it all. year round, I have to say. And, you know, if I open up the book, Christmas cake ice cream, sugar plum sorbet, gingery, gingery Christmas cake, all delicious. But you alluded to it there, you grew up in Venice. Yes. And some other traditions that are there, not the Christmas cake, tell us a little bit, because I believe you got kind of a two for one Christmas growing up. I've got a two for one Christmas, totally. I'm like a magpie of acquired Christmas traditions. And so I, we always do

a double Christmas. So we have a big celebration on Christmas Eve, which is much more of your time. Italian style. And then we do it all over again on Christmas Day in the English way. But the Italian one, what's involved? Panetona. Lots and lots of Panetona. So one of my favourite things about Christmas is going around town and choosing and buying different kinds of Panetone from different bakeries. And I take this task very seriously and did quite a lot of research to make sure that I get the best ones and many of them. And that's a real treat. Do you agree with some of the more modern, what would I say, introduction? of different ingredients. Because Panetone is almost like a brieosh type cake

for those that have neatness. Absolutely. It's like a brioch type cake typically laced with raisins and candied peel. But now you can get it with anything in it. Jazzy panetone. I love a jazzy panetone. I know it's not canonical. It's interesting how it's become quite traditional

in the UK as well. Because it's good. Yeah. I'm just going to put it out. It's delicious. It's yummy. But I met someone the other day who said they didn't like Panetona.

What? I was like, what's not to love? Are you still friends with them? Well, you know. But it is, you know, we talk about turkey a lot of the time or ham and kind of that traditional Christmas dinner. But it's fish. It's fish and seafood and not as prescriptive because Italian food is very regional anyway. So you eat different things across the country.

And in Venice, typically you'd have lots of different courses of sort of seafood and then probably some kind of yummy pasta, whether that's a yummy baked pasta with fish or it could just be a pasta with truffle or something a bit. spoiling, and then a roasted fish, maybe a roasted turbot or sea bass or something, or seabreem, something a little bit special. And then Panetona. Let me read what a listener, Stephanie, how to say. She said that she bakes biscuits as her family's ritual. They put on silly hats and she decorates the biscuits with her grandchildren. As one of her children now lives in Canada, it's become an international baking competition, which she says she has never won. And so give us a couple of tips there, Sky. I love that.

I think, well, everyone wins just by taking part, I think it's important to say. And then I love, I make my boys make gingerbread biscuits with me every year at Christmas. It's one of our newer traditions and I love doing it, mostly because I like eating the dough. That's very yummy. But I like to decorate mine with edible gold leaf because I find I'm a terrible piper with icing and it always ends up looking really messy, which I get frustrated. Do you believe that, Anita? No. I've been devouring Sky's book every evening.

It's my lovely little comfort going to bed and it is perfection. But I love the gold leaf ideas. The gold leaf is great because it's like a sticker. You just stick it on and then it shimmers and it sparkles. He doesn't love a bit of gold. I've got a question here. You know, there's so many customs that are passed down. And Audrey, interesting, I'd like your take on this as well.

But you also, as you get married or families expand, embrace other people's customs and rituals. And I know that you have, you know, your Italian rituals, your English rituals, but your husband's also Australian. He's Australian. So what new ones have appeared and also, and this is where Audrey, you should come in definitely, how do you balance the ones that you want and the ones that you don't want? So that's a tricky question. I think that might be one for Audrey. But we've added Pavlova to our Christmas repertoire, which I can say is only a good thing.

And it is, I think, for me, I think it's nice to add the more the merrier, I think is like a really lovely. tagline and mood for Christmas. So that applies to Christmas lunch. I think it's nice to bring in as many people as possible. I think it's more celebration rather than less celebration. So I'm a big fan of adding in traditions rather than pruning them. You balance which traditions you take with care, I think, is about the only thing you can say. But keeping the lines of communication open with everybody is really important.

So, for example, if you are trying to take on your husband's traditions, your own family's traditions, and somebody else's traditions who's coming over who are really, they're an important guest. And it's really causing you distress. It's time to speak up and say something about that and ask, well, which of these can we do? Which of these can we change? Which can be condensed?

And it might even be, in talking to your husband, your family and so on, about the tradition specifically, they may even say, oh, I only do it because my mum used to do it. It's not that important to me. So we don't have to do that one. And there's got to be room for making new ones, because you have a family and you're going to pass on more traditions

through generations downwards as well. So I think it's really important to be aware and to make sure it's not making you feel unhealthy. What are the strangest rituals people have told you about Scott? Well, going back to jelly. I see a theme. I was chatting with someone about Christmas, what they have, because I love asking people

what they have for Christmas Day, lunch. And he was saying they always have jelly. And I love jelly too. And I was like, oh, amazing. I've got a fab recipe for jelly, pomegranate and Kampari. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. It needs to be jelly from a packet.

And we always have it in the, um, those glass jugs, you know, the kind of like that you use for cook, like a cooking jug. Pyrex jug, exactly. And we eat it spoonful from the jug. And he said he thinks probably it started when he was a child. They wanted jelly. And his mum would have wanted to save on washing up and just being like,

have it in the jug. And now he said it's, it's not Christmas if there isn't, you know, Jelly from a packet in a jug. I kind of loved that. Let's hear some more from our listeners here. Jax says that she and her girlfriends have a WhatsApp group called Calendar Girls. Each year they send an Advent calendar to someone else in the group. And then each day in December they share the picture that's behind the window.

She says it's a joy to connect with special friends and a way to share Christmas stories. We like that. Well, friendships around Christmas is something we're going to talk about now. this year for the first time I'm inviting friends over First time Yeah I do whatever I want every year Last year on Christmas day

I was at the Taj Mahal So and I do love going away for Christmas And I know a few of you Audrey you're going to Lapland this year Yes I am very nice Sky you're in Venice Very nice we're all coming with you Yeah because I basically do whatever I want

But this year is something very different Because someone did that for me A couple of years ago They invited me over and it was wonderful because Christmas is such a heightened time of joy but I also think it brings to the forefront any trauma or difficulties that you might have had to face

that year because it's such a reflective time so I really think it's lovely to reach out to people anyone who might not have anywhere to go and my friends are my family so yes that's why I've decided that anybody who wants to come come to my house you're more than welcome so let's have you

I've also got my folks coming around so my dad will keep everyone entertained as well. Well, we all know. Yeah, I know. Everyone knows Baal. I've just an everyday race across the world. We all know and love Bal as well as Anita. I have actually discovered there's a word for it. It's called Friendsmas, when you spend Christmas with friends rather than with your family.

So how does it work when you bring lots of people together who all have different experiences and traditions of Christmas's past? Well, a woman who's been hosting Friendsmas for many years is author and book coach Penelope Winster. Penny, welcome. It's lovely to be here. Thank you for having me. So tell me about your Friends Christmas's. did all that this begin? Well, actually, I just realized that it's 25 years this year, actually. I moved to London. I'm from Melbourne. I moved to London in 2000. And my mother had died that

year, actually, the same year I moved here. And my first Christmas, without my mother, but also in London, I happened because we were all just out of uni, had loads of Australian friends living in London. And of course, there's no public transport in London over Christmas. And so I said, everybody come to my place because all of my flatmates went back home to see families and so I had about sort of seven or eight Australians sleeping on my floor on Christmas but it went from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day it was glorious it was exactly what I needed glorious what a lovely word and it was also the first time I'd experienced a really cold Christmas and the first time I experienced the British tradition of watching television over Christmas because that's not what

you do in Australia you usually have pretty good weather so you're outside playing cricket and doing all sorts of other things. But yeah, so it started then. It continued throughout my 20s whenever I couldn't make it back to Melbourne for Christmas. But then it also continued after I had children because my eldest is disabled and can't travel, so we can't go home to Australia. So I'm never not going to spend Christmas with him. So I always host in our home. But I also got divorced when my children were five and three. And I started inviting other single mum friends to join me for Christmas after that. Wonderful. So describe a typical friendsmas for me. And who gets an invite now? Whoever's at a sort of loose end, I guess. It's changed over

the years because some of my friends have left London or, you know, one of my close friends who is originally from California, has moved up to Glasgow. So she's a bit far away now. Another couple of friends have moved back to Australia. This year we have new friends coming over. But yeah, so it's sort of whoever's at a bit of a loose end, and it's very casual, very relaxed. My son's needs are quite high. We like to keep everything super low pressure. Yeah, so it's just, you know, whatever anyone wants to do, and I just do a roast. Has it become quite important to you? It's so important. I think particularly, you know, when you become a single parent, and even just sometimes the weekends when you're alone with your children can be quite lonely, especially when

you've got very young children, and everybody else is doing family things on the weekends. And so, you know, Christmas, I always felt that about everybody else that was alone at Christmas. And it's just never going to be an option for me to spend Christmas with my family back in Australia. And so I would just check in with my other mum friends. Well, what are your plans? What are you doing? And often they'd confess that we don't have any plans. We'll just figure something out.

And I'll say, we'll just come and join us then. Also, sometimes when there's a big life change, you might not necessarily want to have the family Christmas for various reasons, you know, judgment or questions or whatever. Maybe you just want to be with a different group of people. And perhaps rituals that you don't feel. be like taking part in. Exactly. Yeah. Do you have traditions? Have you formed new rituals?

We have. Yeah. I mean, one of the things I adopted when I moved here and had children here was the, I learnt from my London friends. I don't know how big it is around the country, but like giving my children pyjamas on Christmas Eve. Oh, okay. I love that. That is 100% staying, that one.

Matching to you off matching pyjamas? No, no. Okay. That was disdain. No. So, for the line. Everybody in the family has very distinct taste. So, yeah, so we tailor to everybody.

What else have we introduced? I do the Christmas morning very similar to how I did it as a child, which is the stocking is a free-for-all, but then we have to take turns unwrapping the wrapped presents. Yeah, that's good. So that's something I have kept from a child. And now I have to say, Sky, I'm really tempted to add the Pavlova because... Add the Pavlova. Yeah, it's got to be done.

Yeah, I think I might try that this year. What is the Pavlova, by the way? should we be putting in this pavlova? Oh, well, this is interesting because, I mean, you will know, but Australian friends and my husband tell me that you need to have passion fruit in your pavlova to make it a proper pavlova. But it's hard, I think, to find good passion fruit

in the UK at this time of year. So I do mine kind of, I do it as a reef, which I think looks quite cute. And then I do lots of red fruits on top. So I do kind of amarina cherries, they sort of sour cherries and syrup. I do pomegranate seeds because they twinkle. I do red currents because I think they add a pop of like sharpness

that hopefully in some way fills the boots of the passion. Amazing. I hope everyone listening is taking notes because you can do this on Boxing Day or, you know, day after. You've got the whole of this next week or so to get involved. So how many are you expecting this year? We just have two extras this year. So we have a friend of my youngest from secondary school and their single mom.

And you recently remarried. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Husband is Irish. My husband is Irish. And so, you know, it's interesting about the traditions, melding the traditions. Because of my son's needs, he has folded himself into our traditions. And he is now not flying home for Christmas, as he used to do. He is staying with us for Christmas.

And it's been actually really incredible. His family, my in-laws have been just so understanding about the needs of our family. And so we have our own little small Christmas together and then we'll visit the family after Christmas. in Ireland. Penny, thank you so much. So while we are hanging off stockings or tucking into Turkey or the nut roast. People around the world, of course, doing all their own weird and wonderful Christmas traditions. One of those is Jessica Vincent, travel journalist and joins us from southern Spain. Jessica, where are you? I am in a lovely little seaside town called Altaire. I'm about 45 minutes from Alicante. And what are some of the summer? And what are some

of the traditions that are there? Well, in Spain, like many of the other countries in Europe and some of the other countries that we've spoken about today already, tend to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. They have a very big late night feast. It usually starts with a few tappers, prawns, cheeses, cured meats, and then they'll have that big kind of roast lamb or suckling pig followed by midnight mass if they're religious. that particular family. Where I live in the Alicante Valencia region,

it's very traditional to have what it's called, it's called Sopa de Belota, which translates to ball soup, which is not very nice sounding name. But it's basically just a meat and vegetable broth with meatballs that are wrapped in cabbage. It doesn't sound that appetising, but it's delicious and it really, really helps with a hangover.

So that's kind of the tradition just from this region. And you've spent time in many countries around the world, including Iceland, one of my favourite places on the planet. What traditions do they have there? Yeah, so Iceland is a really, really interesting country. It's got a long, deep-rooted tradition of folklore and storytelling. And in these stories, the protagonists are always, well, they're very often mythical beings like trolls, fairies, elves, giants, et cetera, right? So there's no surprise that around Christmas, trolls play a big role in Iceland.

For 13 nights before Christmas, Icelandic children are visited by 13 trolls called the Yule Lads. And they get presents or if they behave badly, they might get some rotten potatoes. So what else? Let's go across Europe with you, Jessica. Give us a few more when it comes to some of the traditions. In Norway, they hide witches, well, they hide their brims in the homes on Christmas Eve because they too have lots of folklore and ancient traditions there where on Christmas Eve it's believed that's when the witches all come out to play and other evil spirits or magical beings are very active on Christmas Eve

so they will hide their brims so that they don't steal them. Jessica, take us to a place that actually, when I think of Christmas, as I think of Germany. Tell us about some of the traditions that happen there. Yeah, Germany is such a magical place to be at Christmas. The Christmas markets, it's just that that coziness is just amazing. But Germany does also have quite an interesting ritual where they exchange, they do a junk gift exchange

or quote-unquote crap secret Santa, it translates to, where friends and family will exchange gifts they don't. particularly like or something they no longer want or use. And I absolutely love this idea because not only do you get to have a good laugh at all the presents that are being circulated between friends, but it's also a great way to not contribute to waste over Christmas and take joy in the exchange of gifts rather than just consuming presents and buying more, more, more, which is a really, really lovely idea. What about another perhaps unusual to? us tradition, and that is throwing dough onto the ceiling.

In Slovakia families will throw their equivalent, their Christmas pudding. It's called loxer, which is a mixture of bread dough, poppy seeds and honey onto the ceiling. The more that sticks, it is meant to give more luck the following year, but I'm not sure exactly where that tradition came from. It sounds really, really fun. I think I know where it could go. I'm thinking Sky's husband. As she's baking, you can get revenge.

Christmas cakes. Exactly. Stuff being thrown all over the place. A woman's our listener. Raina got in touch. She's from Mexico. And she says that as Mexican celebrate on Christmas Eve, she's kept the tradition of eating Mexican food

on the evening of the 24th. She's introduced her own family's tradition of Santa giving clothes and the three kings, let's bring those in, too, bringing a toy. I love that. I think it's nice to mix it up. Like I said, every year for me, it was very different.

I'll never forget one year going to my auntie's house in Birmingham. Basically, half of Birmingham was at the house on Christmas Day. The most enormous tunduri turkey. No, but as a child, this thing just terrified with it. Oh, really? This glowing red bird in this enormous oven. But it was delicious. Talking of birds, can we head to Japan, Jessica?

Is it true that there is a ritual? where everyone goes for fried chicken for a KFC? Yes, that is absolutely correct. So Christmas isn't a public holiday in Japan technically. But in the 1970s, that's when KFC first opened their first shop in Japan. And a very clever KFC manager there thought there was an opportunity here because he heard that expats there in Japan, were missing turkey, so they didn't have their turkey to eat on Christmas days.

It's not very common to find turkey in Japan. So he came up with the idea of offering, of doing this big promotion, and we're going to come and have KFC instead for your Christmas dinner. And that idea caught on, and today families pre-order these giant festive buckets weeks in advance. And there's queues waiting outside KFC in Japan on Christmas Eve. And, yeah, it's often very, very difficult to get your hands on these precious buckets. Marketing dream, right? Penny, tell us about your Australian rituals growing up.

Well, we did have a roast dinner, which is a bit strange because it is sometimes very hot at Christmas time. And actually, that was in the 80s. And then throughout the 90s, I noticed definitely a lot of my friends and my own family sort of started switching to seafood. But the thing that was really traditional is playing cricket is. very traditional in Australia and also Boxing Day is a really big time to get together with friends rather than family and so you're usually

listening to the cricket and you're hanging out with friends Isn't that interesting because that is an example of how traditions can change based on your environment and because it's essentially you took traditions, Christmas traditions from here from the UK and it's just morphed into something completely different

Well it was really strange when I first moved here I did sort of suddenly understand where all of the things came from because everything is flipped, obviously, upside down, seasonally in Australia. But I think Australia's traditions have evolved over the time since I was a child as well, and they definitely embrace much more variety now and what they do at Christmas. We had a listener, Adam, who got in touch and his family emigrated to New Zealand about 20 years ago. And they always start off Christmas Day with the swim in the sea.

And he did send us a picture of the family celebrating on the beach. Thanks very much for that, Adam. As we have you, Jessica, I just want to give a quick nod to Latin America and what happens at Christmas. Did I read correctly that some Venezuelans, how many, roller skate to midnight mass? Yes. This has to be the best Christmas tradition I've ever come across.

Yeah, it's called Las Batinadas, where families roller skate to morning mass. And they'll usually roller skate throughout. out of the night, especially in Cadacca as they close the streets. They'll roller skate all night and then at 5, 6 a.m. go to mass. Okay. I'm adopting this tradition. I was about to say, I see the alarm if you see me rollerbooting around at 4 a.m. in the

morning. It's just a Christmas edition. I want to see you with all your friends behind you. They will be. Starlight Express. Now, Christmas wouldn't be complete without some music. Yes. Now, many of us have particular songs that say,

Christmas to us from white Christmas to last Christmas fairy tale of New York Merry Christmas everyone All I want for Christmas is you We could go around the table

Esk any favourites favourite Christmas song Lula I like David Bowie And Bing Crosby Oh yeah Very nice Yeah drummer boy Jonah Louie

Do da da da da Oh I know it I know it I know it Yes I do love a white Christmas Beverly You ever got a favourite

I think it must be Last Christmas George Michael Cool. Anything that's kind of old school Hollywood I'm happy with. Oh, yeah. Lovely. Jessica, are you still there? Do you have one? I'm still here. This is so cheesy, but I love Santa Baby. I thought you were going to say Felice Navitat.

Oh, I missed the trick, and I'm so sorry. I can only ever think of that song with the mean girls scene, you know, where they're all dancing on stage and it's all very much. Yes. Jinglebell rock, that's it. Now, well, one woman who was completely. embrace the Christmas single is Alexis Strum. She writes a Christmas song every year and her song for 2025 is called I Won't Be Lonely This Christmas. Alexis, welcome. Thank you. It is wonderful to have you here. Where did your love for Christmas songs come from? Oh goodness. I think it's just because I'm a

tourist for Christmas. So I'm Jewish and when I was growing up we weren't really allowed to celebrate Christmas. And I used to work on my mum every year and be like, can we get a tree? Can we do it? Please, can we? And so I think as I've grown up and I'm allowed to do Christmas myself, it's become so much more important to me because I think it's just joyful and magical. And I think when it's not your native religion, you kind of, yeah, you embrace it as a tourist. I love all the, you know, the festivities and the traditions and the rituals. I think I probably love it more for that reason. there may be lots of people who take it for granted. It just means so much more.

I can relate to this because obviously growing up in an Indian household. It's not that we didn't do. I think my mum just didn't know. So it was when I became a teenager, I'd say, well, you know, other people have trees, mum. Maybe we could, now I go big. Yes. But one of my favourite traditions, and it's most of us,

the minute you start hearing Christmas songs, right? There's just something just about the music of Christmas that get, it's the ritual of hearing those songs and you're in. So what is it about the song? for you that's so important? I think it's like a level of hope that you don't have the rest of the year and there's an enormous tradition

of Jewish songwriters who've written, you know, white Christmas, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Rudolph the Red Nose Rained in. I think it's that thing again because we don't really do much joyfulness in, there's a lot of mournful festivals.

Obviously we have Hanukkah. And I think it's that sort of embracing the possibility and the hope, you know, even just as, as Nila says, I'm walking around Oxford Street today and it's just so exciting. And it's a lovely thing to embrace. And I think, you know, we talked about loneliness. You mentioned about Christmas can be a time of trauma and, you know, although the negative side of things. And I find it personally, I'm a single parent and I find it really difficult Christmas because obviously when you have children going between parents etc let's go to pennies yeah I know I was thinking that I'll come so it's just having that sort of

a crutch to lean on and for me that's been that I write this Christmas song every year and it makes me happy and it makes me feel less alone and music's always made me feel less alone and consoles I think that's what's so joyful and wonderful about it so it's become a lovely Christmas tradition for you 100% I mean I say started when I was four and I wrote a pastiche of red red wine. It was called pink champagne. Amazing. I just, a four-year-old knowing about pink champagne.

That says everything we need to know about you, Alexis. They had a little gap where I didn't do music for a long time. But I still, you know, I just, I still got joyful at that time of year. But the last few years, I've been back doing it again in full force. And yeah, like I wanted to write a song this year that was about loneliness and about about that feeling of looking at everybody else and thinking, oh, they're having an amazing Christmas, why aren't I having an amazing Christmas?

And just being really real about that. You know, it's not always going to be incredible, but we do what we can and stay positive and see friends and, you know. And perform for many, many people. Yes. On Christmas Day with your songs. So this is an acoustic version.

You're playing guitar for us and it's called You Won't Be Lonely this Christmas. I'm seeing people in. Drinking, a familiar heart sinking, When's it gonna be my time? Snow is falling, I don't mind a bit. I could have been somebody's wife someday, and yeah, that would be kind of nice, maybe.

Everybody finds the one, what if I'm the only one alone? But then I see you. you out of the darkness out of the blue and I don't need to prove anything to anyone I'm telling you I won't be lonely this Christmas I won't be holding on two lovers I should have missed

now I've got your kiss it takes me home I won't be long Only this Christmas, I won't be hanging on to bad habits I can't resist. Don't need no therapist to tell me I'm in love. I know it's still early days, baby. I know I don't want to seem crazy. But happiness is quite the vibe, drinking wine and getting high on us. But when I see you, out of the darkness, out of the blue,

no, I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm telling you, I won't be lonely. This Christmas, I won't be holding on two lovers I shouldn't miss. Now I've got your kiss. It takes me home I won't be lonely This Christmas I won't be hanging on

To bad habits I can resist Don't need no therapist To tell me I'm in love Do do do do do do do do do do No I won't be lonely is Christmas time Alexis strong Thank you

That's so beautiful A single is called I won't be lonely this Christmas And you're not lonely because you've got us You've got us And you've just played to so many people That will appreciate that so much this morning, So it's such a beautiful voice

and we look forward to next Christmas a song. Considering this is a tradition I was also hearing that you're letting some of the bad habits go. You're letting some of the old kind of traditions, rituals go the ones that you need to. Great stuff. Thank you so much for joining us.

That's it. For this Christmas Day, Woman's Hour. I want to thank everybody and hope everyone listening is enjoying the wonderful and bizarre rituals and traditions that you might be carrying out today and over the festive season with your family and friends. I love this ritual that we have, Nula, spending Christmas Day together.

I can't wait for the jelly next year. Absolutely. We're bringing it all. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. Very good. And chucking the dough on the ceiling. The Pavlova the sky is going to bring. Brilliant. It's going to be wonderful. So thank you to all our guests, Eliza, Sky, Jessica, Audrey, Beverly, Alexis, Penny.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Join me tomorrow when I'll be looking at women's relationship with the dark. Do you love it or hate it? Fear it or feel the thrill. Night owls or not, we welcome you to join me at our usual time of 10 a.m. But from all of us here on Woman's Hour, wishing you a very Merry Christmas. That's all for today's Woman's Hour. Join us again next time. Hello, Greg Jenner here, host of Your Dead to Me.

In my new family-friendly podcast series, Dead Funny History, historical figures come back to life for just about long enough to argue with me. Tell us their life stories and sometimes get on my nerves. There's 15 lovely episodes to unwrap, including the life of Ramsey's the Great, Josephine Baker and The History of Football, plus much, much more. So this Christmas, gather around an audio playing device and give your ears, and indeed your family's ears, a treat with Dead Funny History. You can find it into Your Dead to Me feed on BBC Sounds. And if that's not enough history for you, in the new year,

Your Dead to Me is back with another brand new series. Thank you. Bye!