Words of Jesus Podcast - Divorce

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

Jesus did not condemn the Samaritan woman for having multiple husbands. When she understood Jesus was a prophet, she went to a theological question about keeping the feasts. The Pharisees, on the other hand, approached Jesus about the rules for divorce. Jesus moved the issue from marriage to the heart. The nature of mankind is to attempt to keep the letter of the law while avoiding the plain meaning of the Scripture. The goal of Christianity is forgiveness and peace. ***82: Jesus Speaks Concerning DivorceMatthew 19:1-12; Mark 10:1-12Pharisees came to Jesus and asked, testing him:            “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?”       Jesus replied with a question, saying:            “What did Moses command you?”       The Pharisees replied to Jesus, saying:            “Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement and put her away.”       Jesus replied to the Pharisees:            “For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh; so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”            Later, when Jesus was alone with his disciples, they asked him again about the matter of divorce. He replied, saying:            “Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.”

Think Red Ink Ministries presents The Words of Jesus series with Don C. Harris Hello my friends and welcome once again to the Words of Jesus program. And thank you so much for being a part. Every time that you come I appreciate it. Last time we were talking about what Jesus got into the subject of divorce. And this is a big subject today. And I guess it's been a big subject for a long time.

There's a couple of things that I'd like to make very, very clear, because I'm afraid over the period of time, the wives' tales or the clichés that have gone toward this subject have just not done us a whole lot of good. Number one, let me say first off how much I appreciate the woman at the well. I've said this before. This woman at the well was married several times and many people put her into a category undeservedly I think as being a worldly woman or someone that you know less than desirable and well you know some people have been

very derogatory and given her, you know, names that aren't very pleasant. But the woman at the well proved herself to Jesus Christ as worthy of his attention and worthy of his teaching. And he was very, very kind to her. Now, he wasn't kind to her because she had so many husbands, but he was kind to her, I think, because she asked the right questions. She was really a very spiritually minded woman, and it was pretty obvious that she wanted to serve God and do it properly. She was a Samaritan and she had lived under the law where they essentially erased one of the

Ten Commandments and wrote in there, thou shalt worship in Mount Gerizim. This was a part of the Samaritan so-called law of God. And so it was a point of contention, and it always had been for many, many years. And I want to contrast her encounter with Christ with the Pharisees. And unfortunately, even the disciples were kind of caught up in this sexual preoccupation. But the truth is, is if you read the documents of the Jews, the Talmud is just full of all kinds of talk about sex and sex with underaged women and divorce and how to do this and how to do that.

And to the point that the discussions of the religious leadership really can't even be read in public, not by anybody with the ability to blush. But this attitude, preoccupation with sexual things goes back many many years it's interesting that when the pharisees found a time to discuss things with jesus they wanted to know about okay this man this guy over there you know he he's been married so many times, or, you know, is it okay if he divorces his wife? This woman over here, even the Sadducees used the sexual preoccupation to ask him, you know, about the resurrection. He said, in the resurrection, whose wife will she be for all these guys had her and uh so you know they're they're

concerned about you know things they ought not be concerned about wow contrast that with the with the woman at the well they don't even compare the woman at the well you know she got pinned to the wall here jesus is saying you know you, you've been married several times and the guy that you're living with now isn't even your husband. Well, she could have, you know, offered a whole bunch of excuses and, you know, well, we're married in the eyes of God kind of a thing. You know, made the natural excuses for common law marriage or whatever else. But, you you know she just kind

of let that go and like there's more important things i appreciate that about her and that is that uh she says now um you're obviously a prophet let me ask you some questions here and you know okay jesus is might be thinking at that point, okay, now we've got to talk about all these marriages that's failed under her. But she didn't. She says, you know, the Feast of Tabernacles is on its way. It's about to come, and we're going to, you know, in a couple of days from now, we're going to have the Feast of Tabernacles,

and we're going to do it right here in Mount Gerizim like our fathers have told us to do. Now I happen to know that Jews say that in Jerusalem is where he ought to do this. Now which is right? So she defaulted to a theological question, a spiritual question that has to do with the proper worship of the Almighty. That's more than the Pharisees did. They just wanted to know how is it I can divorce a woman and get away with it?

You've heard me use the word lawyer. The scripture used the words lawyer and in the scriptures the lawyers were the men who had the ability, many of them being scribes and knowing the scriptures very, very well, found loopholes in the law. And one of those loopholes had to do with divorce and remarriage. The truth was is that Moses did give them the ability to divorce their wives. And according to the law.

So if a man were to, you know, spy out of the corner of his eye when he's at Winn-Dixie one day and he sees some gal over in the meat department and he appeals to her, he finds out that she's married. And now he doesn't want to commit adultery. So what he wants to do is, is he wants to come up with something to divorce the woman he's got, for her to divorce the man she's got, and them to be married, and then it's not adultery. Jesus, well, you know, technically that's true.

Jesus is saying, ah, no dice. That doesn't work. You can't do that. And they would have had a legal argument against Jesus at that point. This is not my wife. Now this is. This is not this man's wife. And now she's mine. i'm not this woman's husband

you know so what's the problem legally we're not doing anything wrong jesus is saying look you divorce your wife and marry another you're committing adultery now that doesn't mean i i can't believe that it means that if a man divorces his wife, of course, you know, the best avenue for a man to take at this particular point is to learn from his mistake or her mistake or whoever, however the mistake was made and divorce and not get married again. As Paul said, that's probably the best thing for you to do. However, Jesus said, married again as paul said that's probably the best thing for you to do however jesus said

remember that he when he was talking about what moses had done for the people he said for the hardness of your heart moses suffered you to put away your wives but from the beginning it was not so now look the the fact of the matter is that there's a whole lot of stuff about a christian's life and our lives you know living in this world that are not like it was at the beginning now that does not give us an excuse but it certainly does give us some excuse, but it certainly does give us some justification, some reasoning behind what we're doing. And Jesus is saying that, look, I know you just got a hardness of heart, and that's

the reason your marriage fell apart, and that's the reason the next one's going to fall apart, and the next one's going to fall apart because of the hardness of your heart now because of the hardness of your heart and moses allowed you to put away your wife look there's as paul says you know if if the unbeliever wants to depart let him depart and whether it's the man or whether it's the woman, it doesn't really matter. Let them go. Because God has called us to peace. Now, there is nothing more miserable than life where there is no peace at home. Men will find a peaceful location. They just don't like a lot of

noise and a lot of nagging and that kind of thing. And they don't want to discuss it. They don't want to talk about it. And, of course, it's the nature of women to want to talk about it. And sometimes, because of the hardness of our heart, because we're not seeing things like our spouse sees them, we don't figure the things that our spouse is saying is as is important as they do and all these problems that we have they all boil down to

hardness of heart and sometimes you know divorce is wow it's just the thing that needs to be done because nothing's going to change and if nothing is going to change if a man can't be the head of his home and if a woman is just intent on making a man miserable look i i am not in favor of divorce there is you know i i've been through divorce i understand what it's all about you might be shocked to find out that I'm hard to get along with, but I think I am. And in order to make me an expert because I'm divorced, this is really a really strange place to be

because as a marriage counselor, if you have a marriage and you've been married for a long time and you're counseling with somebody, they'll say, well, what do you know? You're married to a perfect woman or you're married to a perfect guy or whatever else. What do you know? You've been married for years. You don't know what it's like. And then if you're one who has been through a divorce, they say, well, what do you know you've been married for years you don't know what it's like and then if you're one who has been through a divorce they say well what do you know you had a divorce yourself so there's really no way to win here uh what you're dealing with is in counseling and in marriages

and in families is hardness of heart friend jesus is trying to teach us that you want to know what the problem is? It's not how to have a good divorce or even how to have a good marriage. It's how to have a life without a hard heart, without being tender and concerned in the things that you're supposed to be concerned with. And so, you know, the repair of this is not to find some legal loophole or anything like that. It has to do with, you know, let's work on the hardness of our heart because that can not only cost you your marriage,

it can cost you your soul. So there are some things that are more important than a good marriage. There are some things more important than a family being intact. I've always been fascinated with people who put a lot of value on how many years someone's been married. My experience has been that if the house itself is in good order, the man's been doing his job.

If the home is in good order, the woman's been doing her job. And it doesn't really matter if it's been one year or 31 years. It just doesn't matter that, you know, people who have big, long marriages, you know, that's wonderful and that's nice. And I think that's wonderful and that's nice and i i think it's wonderful but the accomplishment is within them not in the fact that they just put up with each other for 31 years i remember sitting in a restaurant and a little you know a couple obviously with some age on them not you know young and spry like me and i looked over there and I watched them they walked in they never said a word they sat down they never said a word waitress came over and they kind of pointed it what they wanted on the

menu mumbled something waitress walks away they don't say a word they're not talking to each other it's not like they're playing on their phones or anything they just don't have anything to say and uh you know there's no conversation. There's no interaction. There's nothing. They eat their meal. You know, he's got a big hunk of mayonnaise hanging out of his mouth. She doesn't reach over with a napkin and say,

lean over here, honey. Let me, you know, make you look like you're not a pig. Nobody's looking at each other. Nobody's looking at each other. Nobody's talking to each other. They get up, they pay the bill, they walk out to the car, and I'm thinking, wow, I never heard their voice. But if you talk to them, you'd find out they've been married for 45 years. Oh, praise the Lord. I'm thinking, wow, 45 years of that i don't know that i could deal with that so there's all kinds of ways of making a marriage last and one of them is is just to shut up and just put up with whatever happens to you and never complain uh and and the other way is is to not have such a hard heart make each other better to to uh to to capitalize on the fact that

a man by himself is not a whole man he's just not he's not a whole human being that there's a part of him missing uh that's when when god took the rib out of adam he took many things out of Adam. He took many things out of Adam. And he gave them to a woman. And so Adam was left with a handful of things. The woman was given a handful of things. And all these are all attributes of God. We're all created in His image. And so, you know, this woman has just incredible value to a man. And a man has incredible value to a woman and to be able to merge these things how is that going to be done it's not done through sex it's

not done through good cooking it's done through communication and so what what happens in communication hard hearts they they shut people's ears. They make people say things that they don't want to say. It causes strife and problems like that. And so where do we need to focus? We need to focus on ourselves. The key to being a good husband, you go to any marriage seminar today and uh and this is almost without exception i'd love to say that it's not without exception but i don't want to just lasso in the whole group of people who are trying to fix problems in homes i appreciate what they're trying to do many marriage seminars and you know pastors bob and nancy and all the rest of the stuff that's going on, getting women involved in the ministry

and all the kinds of things we're doing to try to make the home better. What I have noticed is most of it is trying to teach a man how to be a woman and how to be her girlfriend. And that'll make a marriage last a long, long time. It'll absolutely destroy a man. He will die an empty shell.

But they got a good marriage. So I'm sometimes intrigued with people who are appreciative of the longevity of a marriage. I'm also intrigued by, most of the time it's women, sometimes it's men, but most of the time it's women that are real concerned about saving their marriage. I need to save my marriage. Do you know no truer words have ever been spoken?

You just want to save your marriage really you don't care what this does to your husband you don't care if he's fulfilled or if he if he does his particular duties that the lord has called him to do you don't care about what he's called to do you don't you don't care about anything but your marriage you just want to save your marriage sister you need to stop that kind of talk. You know, you want to get someplace, you know, with yourself, with your counselor,

with whoever you're talking to, mom, dad, whoever. You know what I want to do? I want to be the wife that my husband wants me to be. Now, you say, well, you don't know my husband. You don't know what he wants. You know, you don't understand what he's asking me to be now you say well you don't know my husband you don't know what he wants you know you don't understand what he's asking me to do look i know men are pigs i'm sorry about that there's a handful of them that aren't pigs and they're dogs they don't they just

look i'm sorry about that i don't know what to do about that. But a man that's not masculine, I don't know what your intention is with this guy. But he needs to be masculine. You need to be feminine. You need to compliment one another. And the marriage, it'll take care of itself. It's really a fact. And if your marriage doesn't take care of itself,

if it does fall apart, I'm sorry about that. I wish it hadn't happened. I mean, I don't care how bad a marriage is. Divorce is a horrible thing. And if you can avoid it, avoid it. But if you can't, move on. Just move on. And you church people out there that judge people by how many times they've

been married or i mean there's people that are done with me because i just said that i had been through divorce you know that you know those kind of people man oh man you better be careful how you judge people you ought not do that um why is? I remember my father saying to me when I was a young man, he says, you know, in the church, you'd do better to kill your wife than to divorce her. Because they can forgive you of murder. But divorce? That's not going to happen. I remember, because I was raised with a stepfather,

a lovely man, spiritual man, friend of Jim Baker's. For so many years, he was his pastor. And I remember I went on the Jim Baker show. Sorry, Jim. You know, I don't mean to tell tales out of school. But, you know, when a man is concerned about, perhaps we shouldn't, we shouldn't talk about your stepfather as your stepfather, because you know, people will know that he's been divorced. I'm thinking, who the heck cares? You know, if you can't hear the voice of God from a

man because he's divorced, or because he smokes, or because he drinks a beer, or because he's divorced or because he smokes or because he drinks a beer or because he's whatever you think is sinful you know you're in serious trouble because i've never met a charlatan and a false prophet that didn't look like diamond jim brady they're wonderful people i understand you know one of the famous evangelists getting a divorce has got back with his wife and now he's okay with everybody. He's still a false prophet, people. You know, I just, I don't know.

We do put way too much concern in this area. The other thing is that I'd love to talk about is that, you know, this woman at the well thing, this woman, Jesus says, you've had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. We have, in many cases, you know, we've set our kids up for bad marriages. My advice is, you know, I've had young people that have said you know i you know this is my girlfriend we've been together for you know six months six years it doesn't really matter and uh and you know they've slept together and he comes out with and you can hear it boy they'll say

it they'll say it as sure as the world make Make an honest woman out of her. You've heard this, right? Married in the eyes of God kind of a thing. Did you know Jesus was not aware of that concept at all? Unless you want to believe that this woman at the well had this sixth man in her house and wasn't having sex with him. I mean, if you want to believe that, frankly, I don't. But when Jesus says the one you have now, I think he knows exactly what he's talking about.

But I want you to know that Jesus didn't consider them married in the eyes of God. Where did we get that silly idea? Make an honest woman out of her by marrying her you know those kind of silly things we have forced our kids into doing things that they ought not do which is marry the girl they slept with my counsel the young people always says look you slept with this girl yeah well do you realize she slept with somebody that wasn't her husband does that worry you at all it better worry you you know statistics are against you here you want to live with them first and then marry them statistics are against you you want to sleep with them first and and marry them statistics are against you um you know what should i do dumper go find somebody else that won't sleep with you even if you don't have what it takes to say no or to keep those that situation at bay at least

find a woman that does but you know perfectly you need to be the man in this situation you need to stop being so silly and so selfish and in ruining your marriage by doing things like that i've met people that have decided to be married you know what do you think about us as a couple and i say well you know i i know you love each other and i know everything's fine but you know you can do the right thing at the wrong time and make it into the wrong thing what's wrong with waiting a year two years three years is there something wrong with that so what's the hurry um another big problem so there are ways to circumnavigate the divorce thing there are ways to deal with a an imminent divorce it's just gonna happen but mostly we need to care for one another and be good to each other you know you don't know first of all you're not supposed to judge another man's servant second you don't know

that you're not going to find yourself in the same situation tomorrow do you know the situation stacks up in the right situation in the right time and you in the right situation tomorrow. Do you know the situation stacks up in the right situation, in the right time, and you in the right frame of mind, friend, you don't know what you're going to do. You might think you're going to look at your wedding ring and not commit adultery, but you could be wrong.

Many men have been, and many women have been wrong. We need to treat this as if this is a problem within ourself. When you're dealing with a divorce, you're talking about two people that are going to try to divide their life up, because when you're married, you're one. That's one life. When you're going to divide it up, you know what?

You're going to be left with your problem the problem that caused that divorce will likely cause the next one until you make a change hey if you're willing to make a change why don't you do that now and uh and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and a whole lot of money and make these things right. Now, friend, the divorce thing, yes, it's bad. Yes, absolutely it is. And anybody that says otherwise has never seen one or witnessed one. But I've never seen a really good situation like that.

And I think it needs to be avoided. However, it's a part of life. And if you want to avoid divorce, the only way to do that is to avoid marriage. Because, friend, I'll tell you, the younger you get married, the more at risk you are. Because, you know, we don't even become who we are friend I'll tell you the younger you get married the more at risk you are because you know we don't even become who we are till we're 30 35 years old you don't

know what that woman's gonna be when she's 35 you marrying her when she's 18 you don't know what that guy is gonna be you marrying him just out of high school you don't know where he's going he doesn't even know where he's going you know we we need to really consider these things and put weight on them it's not just a matter of well if it doesn't work out we're going to get a divorce jesus says friend that's adultery now that's what jesus was trying to tell us and I don't know how we've really missed this first of all can we quit judging people

because of divorces you don't know that they weren't preventing murder so anyway like I say there's no way to feel good about all this stuff it's very uncomfortable to talk about but it certainly ought to feel good about all this stuff. It's very uncomfortable to talk about, but it certainly ought to be talked about. And time is gone already. Wow. Fastest 30 minutes on television. Hey, send your questions or your comments to me, if you will. Email me at donthinkreading.com.

I'll be glad to talk with you or help you in any way that I can and until next time my friend Think Red Ink Bye Bye C. Harris of Think Red Ink Ministries. Email don at thinkredink.com. That's thinkredink.com. Join us again for the next episode in the Words of Jesus series. you