Worlds Beyond Number - [UNLOCKED] A County Affair ep1 "CRIME-a-doodle-doo!"

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

While The Wizard the Witch and the Wild One is taking a break between chapters, enjoy this treat from the Patreon Vault. If you're interested in the rules of the game and how the gang made their characters, check out the prologue to A County Affair, available now on our Patreon.WELCOME TO A County Affair, our first one shot game! [these are mini campaigns we run while the big public story is still going on] Join FIRST TIME GM Erika Ishii (!!!) as they weave a tale of barnyard bandits, farmland fiasco, and kernel knowledge using only the Roll for Shoes rule set and the extremely illegal talents of Aabria Iyengar as Phillip (the goat)Lou Wilson as Itsa Winnerbaby (the horse)andBrennan Lee Mulligan as Ruthie (the Chicken)withSound design by Casey Toney (a Human Man)A County Affair will conclude with episode 2 in two weeks!Transcript available here.

Hello, dear listener. What you're about to hear is a county affair, a rip-roaring two-part one shot that's been available to our dear, dear Patreon subscribers for months. If you enjoy this, you should really come and join the party over on our Patreon, where you can find even more stuff like this that might not always make it to the public feed. Our promise to you is this. For only five bucks a month, we offer infinite unending pleasure. Now, folks, that's a deal. In the meantime, please enjoy this peek behind the Patreon curtain with Erica Ishii's A County Affair. This is the sound of Worlds Beyond Number. You are animals that live on or near Family Farm Incorporated. You've worked together as a team many times.

Little jobs here and there. Extra trash for the goats. Managing to aid the daring escape of a whole generation of boy chicks that would otherwise have become rooster slurry. You got them to a neighboring free-range farm called the co-op coop. The county fair is a month away, and the farmer, Williams, and Mrs. the farmer's wife, Williams, Kitty Williams, are entering for the first time. Their son, Tad, has convinced them its good publicity and that he has a great idea for a green-friendly rebranding of the farm. The big score?

The bumper crop of heirloom corn stashed in the family farm incorporated heirloom kettle corn, truck, which is going to be sold at a 300% markup. Now, the animals have long been switched to Kern, TM, a mass-produced corn-like substitute with very little nutritive value. Question. Yes. How many R is in Kern? Uh, three.

K-E-R-R-R-N-T-M. But here's a thing. There's enough real primo corn in that truck to keep everyone fed for a whole year. which to most of you is actually a significant portion of your lives. So you're going to find a way to get to the fair, nab that corn, and get out. Welcome to the County of Fair. Q6 song.

Yeah, right? It's fucking absolutely rip-in. It's like a fucking barnyard version of... Is it going to be Ocean's 11? Yes, yes, that's on my playlist. Oh, my God. I thought it was going to be more like the sting, but that's okay. Okay.

Where it's like old-timey? It's a fucking barnyard version of the sting thing. The sting open with the entertainer? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's in the public domain, right? Oh, yeah. We'll find out.

We'll do that. Scott Joplin. Scott Joplin? He's long dead. Who the fuck wrote the entertainer? Yeah. Is it a Joplin? It's one of the Joplin's.

Janus Joplin. It's not Janus. Take it! Take another. We're doing so good. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you thought would happen? Oh, the entertainer is Scott Joplin.

Scott Joplin. Yeah, good job. There's lyrics for it. We got to start. We got to start. The look in your eyes. Once we start, we'll lock in, you know, it's just loose space before you start narrating hardcore.

Dawn breaks over the family farm incorporated, a subsidiary of Williams Agricultural. The light plays over the sweet little chicken coop. You hear rustling in the goat pens, the horse stables, you hear wickering, you can smell the hay and alfalfa. This is the kind of farm that you dream about when you think of the word farm. But that's not where we find, Brennan. We pull back to see the large fields and the course. corporate branded silos of Family Farm Incorporated.

The giant house of chickens is where we find Ruth. It's Dawn. Oh, hush you. Sorry, Ruth. Oh, that's all right, sweetie. You're doing wonderful. Oh, thanks. Um, hello. I'm Ruth. I'm a, uh, very. Venerable, though a lady never says her age, a venerable matriarch of the chicken coop.

I have stood watch over this farmyard for many years. I am a beautiful golden brown plumage and little small pink comb and a bright yellow beak and a little yellow chicken's feet. And a tail that gets a little bit tufted white up at my rear end. and I've been a professional criminal for I've been a professional criminal for the entirety of my adult life and actually was something of a wonder kind when I started way back in the days a young chick I'm a something of a pickpocket, a burglar,

a little bit of a grease as it were which is, I think, pretty remarkable because I have no hands. Grandma, Grandma, tell them about us. Ah, yes. Well, this, of course, is one of my delightful 180 grandchildren. And let me tell you, I'm as proud a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, and a great-great-grandmother as there could be. And it's a delight to be here.

On the farm, although times are not as they were. It's gotten a little bit harder recently. Come in, cheeks. Come in, little chicky chicks. I love you, Grandma. Oh, you're all looking wonderful. Bright little yellow balls. Oh, I love you all so much.

We pan away from this adorable scene, perhaps a little more compacted than would normally be in a traditional, farm and we move across the fields of corn and beans and cabbages over the silo of Kern, TM, and into the neighboring copse of trees. It's sparse here, but there's enough cover for there to hide a full-grown horse. Lou, can you introduce herself? Yeah, I can. among in the shade of the grove wearing an orange harlequin racing hood

is a beautiful painted American painted horse you know a little a little older than maybe he wants than in his prime but kind of staring out over the farm is my character, it's a winner baby. And I think it's as, it's as just kind of like head up, trying to find just a nice little stretch of a forest that's, that's like a, like, give me like looking for like a hundred meters to just kind of cut loose. And come on.

come on come on suddenly a rabbit breaks from the trees and ruins let's go let's go and I start

racing alongside the rabbit oh you want to go you want to go yeah yeah you think you're just because

you were in the pro circuit yeah yeah yeah I was in the pro circuit I ran the stakes motherfucker fuck you eat my dust no fuck you eat my dust

I'm gonna I am desperately trying to keep up with this rabbit but per usual I think after about 25 meters or so my ankle

starts to catch up with me and I feel myself kind of hitch a little bit as the rabbit takes off a little bit. I'm going to take a shit in your creed motherfucker. Fuck you! Fuck you, dude! And I think that Itta has a quiet moment. So as he cools down, the lather evaporating in the morning sun,

we pan back over to the little show farm, which says the Williams family petting zoo. And we see the goat pen, which is incredibly plush. roomy and there's a little canopy for the goats to rest under during the day. There's some yoga mats rolled up outside of their pen so that they can, uh, the guests that visit can have their, uh, little namaste in the morning. And we see a brea. Yes. Please introduce yourself. I'm a little jet black goat. perfect for goat yoga and if you

follow I'm rested on one of those lovely little like cork my chin's on one of those cork yoga blocks and if you follow my eyeline it goes all the way to the house all the way up to the window

of the master bedroom and I just give a small little wink to Catherine now Kitty Williams the farmer's wife who I have known since she was a girl. Kitty is out on the balcony,

watering the petunias. She, uh, goes around a little bit. She feels something to know what or why. But she has the urge, the urge to run, run across those fields,

out into the woods, out in the dark of the moon. And then it's gone. She finishes, watering the petunias and goes back inside to finish preparing breakfast for her husband, the farmer. And with a night's work well done, little Philip, begins to rest and just sort of lays out in the sun as the other goats begin to rise. But my work is at night. I'm a little criminal for the love of the game. I don't have, I don't, I'm in our

group, in our sundry missions. I'm a demolitions expert, a hacker. And by all of that, I mean, I can and will eat any fucking thing. So no doors are close to me, not to little Philip. So there's going to be about three hours before the farm truly comes alive. Yes, there are farmhands that are harvesting the eggs that are tilling, that are tending to the tractors that till the fields, but the patrons will not go to the show farm for another couple of hours, and you are all free to wander about as you please. Now, the thing that you've been working on for the last week, the big news, that Tad Williams, the Cornell graduate son of...

of the farming family, has come back with a lot of incredible new ideas to grow the company, to grow the brand, in order to bring this farmhouse into the modern era. I mean, they did that, you know, the way that his parents did it a generation ago was to expand the farm and, you know, implement

Kern but Tad has some really great fresh ideas such as entering the fair and you know he's been working away in the little workshed

next to the house you know that's where all of the leaflets are being designed that's where the the rebranding is happening where social media strategy is going down

but you have all been meeting for this past week to determine what your plan of action is. You have a month until the county fair. How are you going to get in? How are you going to get that sweet, sweet corn? How are you going to escape? I feel like we must meet at Phillips.

Yeah. Come to the pen. Wait, are you, like, is it cool that you just rock up through the farm all the time? I think I'm assuming, I guess. that everyone just assumes I'm from one farm over. Yes. It's just that thing that people do

where they like pull over to the side of the road and they're like, this horse is not, and people just kind of pet it, but no one's asking, where's this horse from? Whose horse is this? Everyone's just excited that a horse was sweet enough to come up to him.

Yeah, it's true. Nobody really... Nobody asks questions with a horse. If a horse comes up to you and is kind, it's magical. I would lose my mind. It's magical. And furthermore,

this is a very large farm. It's not like you guys know everybody on the farm You know there's always new faces around And definitely the humans don't have full stock of the situation Because like you notice when something goes missing You don't necessarily notice if there's an extra horse That hangs out around the show stables It's like an extra horse, you know?

Come on, it's a big farm up Big farm Yeah so you can so you all go over to the lovely little goat pen You know past the past the past the the show flowers and, uh, and, uh, yeah, Philip, as always holds court. Roy, I need the rest of you little goats to clear out. I have to do some business. Uh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, Mr. Philip Williams. Yeah, yeah. The other goat goats are terrified of you.

Yeah, good. Because they're just normal ass goats. Yeah. Also, Philip is smaller than the other ones. Like, this is like one of those little goats from a viral video that, like, jumps off of other goats. That's true. Just a little guy. So the giant goats, you know, in the pen, fully clear out. They leave the goat pen. They leave the penning zoo.

They want to give you a wide berth. Leave the door open. My friends are coming. Well, seems like you've cleared out all the rest of the goats here, Philip. Nice for us to have. have a little bit of privacy. Good morning, Rufie. How are you doing? Oh, I'm well.

It's just tending to the grandchildren, the great-grandchildren. It's hard, you know, they're... I can't tell if it's paranoia or not, but it doesn't seem like they're growing as big and strong as they might have if we'd had some real corn around here. That's the trouble. I think It's just

Quietly I'm kind of eyeing your water Can I have some What's mine is yours Oh thank you A rabbit shit in mine this morning Oh this is good Oh shit

Thank you At that moment The fourth Member of this middle meeting Ermentrude the rat scampers up through the gutters and in through the open window in the goat shed. Hello, Philip. How are you?

Good morning, Armandtrude. Miss Ruthie. Good morning, Hermitrued. Oh, yes, I've been keeping away from the little eggs, just as you ask. Yes, as well you know you must. Yeah, the cairn, though. The cairn is just not. It doesn't quite hit the same.

Well, we're all hungry, Herman Trude. And that's why we have to work together. That's right, Miss Ruthie. That's right. We've got to work together. And, uh, Mr. Mr. Say my name, Herman.

Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a winter, it's a winner baby. That's right. Mr. Winter baby. Yeah, good to see you too, Herman Trude. Uh, you know, usually horses are a little more scared. of my kind. Hey, fuck you.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ! Go here. Mr. Winner, baby. Sorry, I'm on edge. This has to go well, all right? This has got to go well. That's right.

Okay, so, um, so I got, you know, there's the, uh, the shed. The shed's got all, all the stuff that you need. There's blueprints in there and there's, there's the marketing materials. But, but, but also, you know, I can't read. don't know if any of you know how to read. So, uh, well, uh, but Billy and the pig, uh, he also has, he also has the scoop.

Billion? Billion? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the giant one. Well, I don't know how to read, but I'm sure I could learn. Oh. Yeah.

Uh, what does that say? And Ermin Trude points at, uh, a little sign that says goat yoga. So give me a little roll. Give me a little roll. Okay, I'm rolling my do-anything skill. Yeah, do anything. And this is to instantly become literate. Yes.

That's a one. I'm going to tell you that doesn't make it, but mark down that you have one experience point. Can I try to read? You can try to read. Felt the goat trots up to the goat yoga sign. That's a six baby. Okay.

This goat can read. Wow. Okay. So that's You So Philip is able to sound out Goat Yoga

Oh my God That's a good You can read Oh my goodness I've made a contractor too of my day So Philip the goat can read So let's give you two in Read signs

Yes Yeah. And that little spider web in the corner says some page. Holy shit. You're on an absolute role, Philip. Thank you. We have more shit in here, Philip. I mean, I don't know which are words.

Yeah, Ruthie points in a bucket of rainwater and says, read that. Yeah, read it. Read it. Read it. Read it. Read it. What does it say? What does it say?

is I can't I can't The gift comes and goes I understand Yes indeed Blessed rainwater Well

So those are the leads that I have so far Yes That's it That's all of it Well Thank you for your reconnaissance Ermine Trude You said Billy the pig

might know something? Yeah, Billyham. Billiam. Billy and the pig. The big brown one with the ear that goes like that. Yes. Well, I knew Billiam as Billy back in mind. Oh, okay, good.

So we've got an end. I might be able to talk old Bill into giving us a hand. Did you guys date? Well, a lady to never kisses and tells. All right. Okay.

I have a lot of follow-up questions. Before Irman True leaves, I want to walk over and kick the little the little like feed gotcha pawn for like goat snacks give him a little tip just kick him over a little... Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Phillip.

Oh, you don't know how much this means to me and my 800 children in the rafters. You look up and there are a lot of tiny little eyes, beady black eyes blinking down at you. A huge rat problem is. This is actually quite upset. You hear a lot of

anxiety noises. It's so anxious. It's the Kern, I'll tell you. Kern's got everyone on age. Ermin Trude scampers up into the rafters and they and the 1600 eyes leave with them.

Someone has to do something about that. That's very upsetting. Billy and the Pig's pen is in the little show farm. It's a big old pen, and it's full of nice, cool mud for him to roll around in. He doesn't move much from his little corner. He too holds court. He's not as terrifying as Philip, but he is very well respected on this farm. Um, let me

You want to Take this one Yeah, do you want us to What are you on a flanking maneuver You want us on either side Or you want us to hang back You know You're friends at the door

No no, come right it along with me Come right along with me Oh two little piglets Show up in front of you Hello? Hello? Can we help you? Oh, well hello

And what are your names, young children? Oh, I'm blip And this is Blip too Blip and Blip too Well my goodness We got named by a contest It was a social media contest And what and what now

Do you want to see Mr. Billiam? Yes Yes Blip 2 Why don't you and your sibling go and wake up Billiam? I don't know What kind of business you got

And they look at this motley crew I'm just head budding It's a In the leg Not me Just like having fun. You want me to go? You want me to go?

Yeah, you want to go? Let's fucking go. That seems like a lot of activity from Mr. Billiam. Well, your father, Billiam, is an old dear friend of mine, and I'm just coming here to say hello. Oh, give me a roll. Give me a roll for a sweet talk. Yeah.

Roll for sweet talk. That's a six, man. All right, that's a six for Sweet Talk for Brendan. Let's go, rude? Yeah, you got Sweet Talk, too. And they're like, oh, okay. Well, it looks like he's got an opening right about now if you all want to go in. Well, I would love that.

Okay. And so the two of them part, which is you could have stepped over them anyway. You're a lot bigger than this. why Ruthie's here to keep me in check. I'll tell you if it was just Philip. Yeah. You could kill everyone here. Philip, I love when you tell me that. But you can't say stuff like that.

You can't put that in my head. One little hoof on you. You can do it. Philip. In the dark of night? No one would know. You always say that. You always tell me I could do something nasty

in the dark of night. And it's dawn. Bill and the pig is over in the corner. You can't tell. he's asleep or awake. His eyes are kind of just half-closed all the time. Ruth, is this your king? Well, my king, I knew a lot of people back in the day.

Excuse me. Billiam! Oh, Ruthie. It's always so good to see you, my dear. Always so lovely to see you. I had the pleasure of just meeting your wonderful children, Blip and blip too. Oh, yes. Oh, social media polls.

Yes, and so explain that to me. They are part of a social medium? I really couldn't tell you. I knew a very social medium back in the day her name was Agatha. Very friendly, but constantly haunted by ghosts. All of this is quite lost on me, something about engaging. And I... They're so young.

What brings you to my corner of the pen? And I think, ah, Mr. Mr. It's a Mr. Winner baby. Yeah, that's me. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Good to see you, Bill. It's a pleasure. It's all mine. And, uh... Mr. Philip, your flesh is the closest to man's.

Yes, yes. That's a wonderful point. That's actually, yes, 100%. Yes, sometimes they call me the other white meat. And that right, Ruthie. Billiam, I've come here to discuss basements. Philip, I think they did fuck. No, for sure.

I think it was central. What brings you to my corner of the pen? Well, I think we all know the reputation that pigs have for being quite bright. as a matter of fact. No, no. None of your flattery. Yes, we all know that my influence on this farm comes from my prize-winning days, and he points a hoof over to a fourth-place ribbon.

Fourth place, 2005 at the county fair. That orange ribbon put us on the map. Yes, well. Some of my best days are behind me, I'm hoping to one day helps I're another winner. Well, blip and blip too aren't going to be winning any prizes at any county fairs eating Kern, Billiam, are they? Oh, it's a bad state of affairs. You know, it's such an interesting thing because, of course, this is our first season with Kern as feed.

But, of course, the farm still grows plenty. of real corn. Talking Primo maize here, you understand. That's right. Blue Heritage. But it's only for the humans. And occasionally

Philip and myself here. Yes. For now. Ah. You're thinking of pulling a job about this one. I'm going to get real close. One last job, Billy.

Ruthie. Our best days are behind us. We're never going to be back in the top of that hayloft. Those days are long gone. That beautiful accordion music coming in from the old farmhouse radio. The farm wife putting those fresh hot pies out on the windowsill. Oh, the halcyon days. Can I reach up and make a roll to take the...

I want to grab the ribbon with my mouth. Yeah! Yes, let's go. Go ahead, go ahead. That's a six. Oh, good God. All right, well, we got to respect that six. So you've got six to ribbon snatching.

Okay, ribbon snatching. Is it only ribbon snatching? Well, let's say prize snatching. Okay, prize snatching. I'm gonna... Yeah. I don't want to interrupt the privates. I just want to emphasize the private moment that he's having by taking that.

Well, as Ruthie's describing, taking that reaching that reaching. up balancing my hooves on the side of the wall, using my mouth to take off the orange ribbon, and quietly come and push it, like being it on him. Like it's the old days. Oh, it's...

The fourth place goes to Billiam. Billiam. Billiam. Billiam. You can see it. He zooms into his eyes and he's flashing back to the old days. The old Halcyon days when the farm was smaller and when he

was the prize-winning pride of the county. Oh, yes, he'd give anything. He looks around. The three of you. I see. You got yourself a pig.

So what's the job? What do you need from me? We've heard the shit. It's got stuff. The rat said we might need help me. I'm not

I think the rat said we got to get in the shit. Ermintrude. Yeah, that's his name. Ermin Trude. Urban Trude must have been talking about the promotional materials that they'll be handed out about the fair. Also, the new design for the corn truck. Oh, they've gone all post-modern with it,

and they've taken all the fun out. The schematics for the corn truck, they're there with the promotional materials. Ah, yes. Yes, yes, but even if you were to get the schematics for the truck and for all of that, how are you going to get into the fair? How are you going to find where they're keeping that corn and, you know, just how we can snatch it? Those farm hands, oh, they're like clockwork with their schedules.

And then how you're going to get yourself out? We'd need a little distraction. Oh, you'd need a hell of a big distraction. You're a hell of a big pig. I can't go with you. No. And you can see that the rut, he is literally in a rut. Like there's, he has wallowed down into this mire,

and he is not going nowhere fast any time soon. But... Well, at the time of the fair, all of that corn is going to be moved from wherever they're keeping it now, into the truck itself. So in terms of getting in, we need to find a way past the farmhands, a way to say unseen

by the humans that will be at the fair. But in terms of getting it out, Billiam, I'm just a simple country hen, but I've been operating under the impression that trucks can move. Well, your guess is as good as mine. Billiam hasn't seen much outside of the county fair.

bless. Billiam, take my word for a trucks can move. Yes, well, you learn something new every day. Well, all right, so you get in and you get the marketing materials, you get in, you get in and you get out with the truck. But, uh... Marketing materials, marketing materials. So these are all still stored.

What's the plan supposed to be, that they're going to be passed out at the fair, or are they going to town ahead of time? Well, they're going to be passed out at the fair, I suppose. Passed out at the fair to every attendee. Yes. What if... What if we were to put some information on those flyers? You could read the things and do reverse reading, which I don't know what it's called.

Yes. When you make those things that get read? There's no way to know what that's called, but... If you could reverse read onto these pamphlets... Oh, God. I just laugh so hard. that I almost passed out. Sure.

We can add a little bit of information. All right. Well, you've got your talented pickpocket and acrobatic expert, and you got your fast one, the strong, mussely. Yes, yes. But we still need a distraction. And if you can't do it, well, blip and blip too could use a little, you know, real-world experience. Well, yeah.

I suppose you could take them along with you, but also, um, uh, I do have a couple of friends I stay in touch with from the fair. Hmm. Yes. Who might that be? Well, they call themselves the roost. It's different than the roosters. I don't know why they sign on that name, but, uh, yeah, the roost.

It's the pigeons that live at the event, and sometimes we'll make their way back over here with messages and some of the local gossip of the county. Yeah, so you can find them. There, usually. They're everywhere. Everywhere. They know every inch of the place, and usually they'll be happy to help. Usually they'll acquire a favor in exchange, though.

But that's something you can figure out when you get there. Billiam, thank you so much for all your help. Oh, Ruthie. He takes your little claws and his clumsy hoofs, and he pats them. It says, here's to better times for our kids. To better times for our children. That's exactly right.

Yes. Yes. It's a we got to get out of here. I think they're going to make something happen. them a moment. If you all need a second. No, no, no, no, that's all right. Just make sure to be safe, you know. Blip, blip, too. You have a wonderful

day. Thank you, Miss Ruthie. And I'm sorry that you won a social media, sorry something happened. And I'm going to go out with my friends and say. All right. So you can get into, you know that you can get

into the shed. It's not locked, but none of you really have hands to open it. What's a hand? So you find yourself in front of the shed and you see it as just a normal ass door and a window.

It's not much more than what looks to be almost a tool shed. A converted tool shed on the outside. It's nice and it's rustic looking. Okay. Well, we're just trying to go in. Are you going to get in? I mean, you want me

to hit it? Give me a reason. Here it. Give me a reason. I think you've got to try to kick the door down. I mean, I'm going to try. I'm going to use my head a couple of times to get, well, okay. It's a deadbolt. It's a deadbolt for sure.

Just whip around and kick the shit out of it. Yeah. Okay, give me a roll. That's a three. Oh, let's see. You damage it. You can see. that it sort of the hinges give a little bit.

Oh, my ankle. Shit. I'm going to need a second. I'm going to need a second. I'm going to need a second. You must be careful. I want to try to motivate it's a to kick again with a little more heat. Can I roll to do magic to...

We can't have magic. Hear her out. You all the way. Go on, go on. Pitch me magic. Because I'm a little bad boy goat, and I want to remind it's a winter baby of the faded race when he hurt his ankle. And I want, like, all the sounds of, like, hooves running across, like, soft turf and the jockey, his owner, his trusted race companion, telling him to go inside against his better judgment. Inside, it's a

You have to take the inside Obviously, we gotta go outside We go around number four We go around number four Fuck, fine Oh no Guys say My horse seems to have sustained an injury

What is this what Tuckie's out You feel You feel the heels of a Small man Digging into your sides You hear the roar of the crowd the smell of the turf and that blinding, searing pain

as you feel something give way in your ankle. I think it's not even like an intentional kick at the door. It's just a full buck. It's like a get off. I have to get this feeling off of me, and we'll give it another kick. Okay, give it a kick. That's a five.

Okay, and with Brea's health, that is an extra one, and that's a six. Great. You made it to a six. Also make sure that you kept track of that one experience point. Yes, I did. Phillips horns are a little bit longer and a little curlier now. Mm, a little more satanic.

Like a little bit as a treat. Love it. That's a treat. It's a treat. All right. And the door explodes in a splintering of the frame. It's just absolutely wrecked tomorrow when the, When Tad and the rest of the farmhands come by, they're going to wonder,

it doesn't even look like a horse kicked it. It just looks like there was a bomb left here. Sorry, memory of worst days. I have to say, Philip, incredible motivation. I've never seen someone so deftly motivate someone by plunging them right into their deepest trauma. Is that you, Philip? Did you? Who could say?

And I just trot happily, like, waggling my little tail into the shed. Everyone is most themselves when they're at that worst. Trot, trot, trot, trot, trot. This goat is fucked up. This is crazy. Have you heard of say, has he ever met you with the in the dark of the night? In the dark of the night. You want to, yeah, something about butter.

And I was like, I've had enough butter in my life, young man. It is a lot. You walk inside and in contrast to the rustic pharmacy. aesthetic of the outside, this inside is all brutalist. It is metal countertops. It is a perfectly sorted minimalist

design of a little workshop. There's also even though the space is very small, there's a tiny foosball table in the corner. And you see scattered all around

are marketing materials. There's fly advertising for the Family Farm Incorporated heirloom kettle corn truck. There is, you know, stickers that are being handed out for the county fair hot dog eating contest sponsored by

Family Farms Incorporated. You already did know about this this sudden push on the pigs. It's been a bad month for the pigs. You see a drawing of the truck. It is being retrofitted to be up to code so that they can pop the kettle corn. You see a bin in there. It's a large bin for holding feed and corn.

And this is actually the kind of bin that is airtight that is used to hold the current. in the chicken coop. But you can see that there is a space for it in the schematics for the truck. You also see in all of this branding

just everything is this aesthetic is so rustic-y-looking and there's a font that screams fresh and eco-friendly and

It's just a true nightmare of goop proportions. There's a space in the truck for a bin exactly like the one that the Kern is served in. Yes. And when we are fed Kern, is it visibly or tactilely any different than regular corn? Or does it look the exact same? Good cue, good cue. It looks very, very similar to corn. Like if you just look at it and even if you smell it, it's been sprayed with corn scent so that, you know, it seems, it smells like corn.

You know, and it's visually very similar. If you put your hand inside it and you touch it, there's just something not quite right. It's something, there's something, it's like a. more powdery, if that makes sense, almost like gritty. Like when you bite on too much spinach and then your teeth feel gritty. It's like that. But visually, very similar and smell-wise, it smells almost too corn-like. Yes.

It's like my husband Alonzo used to say, Why extract your own jackpot when you can get the mark to do it for you? What? What? What? Yes. How often, like regularly and in Brisbane? He would scream it in his sleep.

Oh, okay. Yeah. He screamed a lot of sort of crime tips in his sleep. I mean, that must be as another criminal. That's helpful. I can't imagine. Yeah. Well, some of it got a little bit like,

okay, you're screaming this in your sleep. I know, I already know this. And then one time he screamed something and I thought I caught his eye open and I was like, oh, you're just trying to like give me notes. Oh, so now it gets into a kind of mansplaining space. Yeah, it's sort of a mansplaining. And I was like, listen,

either your conscious or your subconscious is mansplaining. And I just, there's work to do either way. Anyway, was it applying to something in this moment? Well, the truck has shaped for the, Kern bins in it, which makes me think that probably due to this, you know, I mean, Tad coming back from Cornell, one of the worst of the ivies.

I hate it. Doesn't even count if you ask me. It doesn't. Too far north. Too far north. It shouldn't be an ivy. You know, the, coming back from Cornell, Tad's had all these biz-dev concepts of creating efficiencies

and economies of scale and just ugh. Hold on. you can't read goat yoga, but you understand the phrase biz dev. Alonzo used to scream business development in his sleep. Now we know it's manspleting and it was definitely not subconscious. Yeah, he kept being like, economies of scale. And I said, now everyone's trying to sleep. No, but what I'm saying is I think the truck might be used for more than just the kettle corn.

It might be used to also make the deliveries on the actual farm yard. It would make sense if they're trying to find more efficiencies. Point being, if we're looking for a way to extract the real corn, disguising it as Kern and having the humans feed it to us themselves without knowing. Oh, that's very smart. But it's years worth of corn. Years worth of corn. But how much do they normally store in the silo? Is there any way for us to know if a year's worth of corn would be something that is held on the farm already?

Or if one of those bins could potentially be like a year's supply? Yeah. You know that there will be enough corn on that truck for a year's supply. That's just they are going all out on this push at the county fair. I mean, this is always what it is, right? You know, the easy part of a heist is getting the money. How do you spend it? We can get the corn, but how do we actually eat it and live without the humans knowing?

Philip, with your reading skills, you can see on the table there are things that are readable. Would you like to go see what you can read there? I would love to get up there and go read some things. Thank you. Give me a rule to see. You can read, but how well can you? how comprehensively reading comprehension

that's a different skill a different skill Roll for media literacy I rolled a three Wait you get two You rolled two dice And I got a three Interesting

Interesting I'm just there like His old says goat yoga All of these But they make me feel There's like a kind of vibe Of freshness And kind of like

Rusticness Everyone can get a vibe But like the words are all goat yoga It's just goat yoga over and over. Now, these, now I'm realizing because the bucket thing, the thing that's a bucket didn't have any of these shapes on it, but they're different shapes, and they all say goat yoga? All of them.

I'm going to feel, that's not my name. My name's not Phil. It says going to start just pushing papers onto the ground. All of these say goat yoga. As it says pushing papers, can I try to subtly, like, throw a paper I think is important away and like kind of kick it so it goes and lands behind a desk. Yeah.

Did I roll for it? Roll, give me um, give me slide of hoof. Give me a slide of hoof. One. That is a one. So fully. You keep pointing to this piece of Yeah. Do you want

do you want me to move it for you? It's a stuck on my hoof like yeah. Yeah, I'll get it off. Thank you. Thank you. You see, as you pull that piece of paper off, it is a map. And this is nice because it has pictures on it. And you know pictures. I, uh, I knows it in front of everyone.

This, I understand. This, these are, that's a farm. And I guess that farm is there. See, this is why I can read hieroglyphs, but not writing. You actually, on closer inspection, it's not. of the farms. It is a map of the fair. It is a little map that somebody has put together in order to show the different attractions at the county fair.

And you can see, even though you don't have all the details of each thing, you can see there's little pictures that show like a pig and a carrot and a first prize ribbon. So there's a prize-winning livestock and prize-winning produce contest. There is a little an easel with a landscape on it, and that's the Arts and Crafts Exhibition. There's a ferris wheel, a little tilt-a-whirl. There's a fun house. You can see that because there's fun little mirrors, and there's a clown and a house. Have you seen a mirror before? I have.

Was it a good experience? I'm sorry. Where's my point? Was it a good experience? It was not. Yeah. You can see there's also, you see a horse on there. And that horse is attached to a cart.

And that cart looks to be pulling bales of hay around. And there's a little map, like a little pirate treasure footsteps thing, where that goes in a loop around the carnival. They're going to have horses pulling carts here. Oh. Oh. Really dark stuff. The final thing that you see...

Is it really dark stuff? Pulling carts? It's crazy. Could you imagine? Pulling, making all beautiful, majestic, impeccable horse. Pull a... Pull a cart? One thing to ride, but another thing, to treat us as beasts of labor.

And it's not what we are. It's not what we're meant to be. Look wistfully off. I'm just doing happy taps. I like when it's to get spiced up. As you look off, you see in the far, far distance, a place with red rocks, with wide open spaces as far as the eye can see. Ruthie, be ever heard of some magical place called Sedona?

They say the horses out there run free. I know they do. The wind lifts your mane. You can feel it. Beautiful. Sedona. Sedona. Shadona.

Sorry, we were all doing it. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to get on my high horse. What can I say? The last little marking on the Fair Attractions map is you see a, a two-headed rooster on it. It's a little, and a two-headed

rooster, and you see it's a little side show looking thing. It looks like a little circus tent, which you probably don't know circus tent, but you know the stripes means entertainment. So everything on the map of interest that we've seen, the horse is pulling

carts, freak show with two-headed rooster. What were the other attractions we saw there? Carnival rides. You saw a Ferris wheel, a tilt-a-wirl, a fun house, an arts and crafts exhibition, and

you know, the farm contests with prize-winning livestock and prize-winning produce and a hot dog eating contest. Sponsored by Sponsored by Family Farms Incorporated.

I've seen maps like this before. They had one for the Derby when I It back in 97. Oh. This thing, it's a big wheel. People ride on it. Takes them all the way up in the sky and then brings them back down. Something tells me...

Something tells me we hit your few of those loose. The whole wheel goes a spin-in. I mean, I don't know. Is that crazy? Is that crazy? No, no, no, no, no judgment and brainstorming. I mean, we're in the brainstorming phase, right? Is that too crazy?

Hold on. It's a blue sky. All right. Can you do some reverse reading? I would love to. Okay, idea number one. I jam a little pen in between the clef of my love. Okay, actually, I'm going to reverse read.

Thank you. This goes under, I'll say this goes under read. So, give me two. What feels good today? And anybody can, once again, you can help. I'm going to assist, yeah. Yay. What is the skill you will use to assist?

I will use Sweet Talk. You're such a smart young man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I know that the devil will give you all the power you need. Okay. Actually, I think you can only use...

Okay, so that's plus two, actually. So that's plus two. And you can only use one skill at a time to assist somebody else. So that's a two. Okay. All right. All right, we've got 10 on the dice, plus two is 12. Oh, my God.

All right. So that's a heroic. level of success. So yeah, you absolutely... I am writing in like old English font. It's a gorgeous calligraphy. All your S's do look like F. They do, they do.

That's on purpose. That's how you know. It's such like a little colonial time sort of thing. That's fun. That's writing three. You have writing three now. Wow. Yes.

It's reverse reading. Right? Whatever word you just said, it's not the word in my head. Whatever the Lord just said was wrong. You have reverse read three. Thank you for you support. So idea number one, turn this the big, the fun wheel into a wheel of death. Yes. Correct. That's just one idea.

Let me be clear. I don't think we're going to do better than that one, but let's keep going. Exactly. And sometimes, you know, you come back all the way around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the wheel. So first place, first place is Wheel of Death, right? Second place is, and, you know, we don't, this could be different phases or steps of the plan. Using the cart, because the track goes all the way around, if we were to disguise Itza as one of these cart horses, we would have access. But I'm just disguised this one, because I would never. You would never.

You would never. Never. But your alias, um, uh, uh, that's a, uh,

that's a loser honey. Yes. All right. If I would have to be, I like this. Performance. A little acting. Yes,

I would play the role of a beast of burden named that's a loser, honey. I like that. Let's put that on the board. Yeah, I put it on the board. Um,

all right. The truck, the actual truck itself. You know it has a holding space for, the Kern Bin. So that's another resource. Yes. And right now, we have access to all of this material. All this material that's going to be posted up and handed out at the fair, all of these flyers

and things like that. And we have an incredible reverse reader right here. Thank you. They could put any kind of information we want. Now, what would get people excited? What would get them involved? What would get them a smotion? moment contest. A what? She's trying to say social media. Oh, the thing that everyone keeps saying. Yes.

The thing that blip and blip two got married for. Yes. The thing for engagements, yes? Yes. Hey, is there an open MacBook in this room? You know, roll to look. Wait, no, you are good at electronics. So give me a two for looking at stuff.

Nine. Okay. Yeah. All right. You see there's absolutely the newest, shiniest Mac out there, yes. It's not locked. Look, I feel like if we haven't figured out the bit I'm personally doing is I'm the devil. I know how to get to Twitter, right?

So, well, we bet to watch this. Philip, we can you say reverse reading. Philip, this is a county fair. You've got to do Facebook. Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. I know you feel like no one's on it. Everybody coming to a county fair is on it. All right.

I promise you. All right? You have two in electronic. So roll me two for social media. Okay. I'm going to roll that one, even though it was higher. Oh, I got the same. Eight.

God damn it. I'm so good. I've gone away from Facebook. I am a. full redditor now and I'm just typing ignorant shit until someone gives me something better to do. Yeah. You're absolutely on the dankest, dirtiest subreddits right now, posting mean things that make you feel good. What the hell is this? Chodes of farmland? You can read now. Chodes of farmland. Sweet. Sweet. Pitchfork tuna can 69. What the hell is?

this? That's my name. Hold on. Can I roll a read? I feel left out. I want to help. Oh, God. I need to be a part of this.

I'm helping. Also, are you letting me know when you have sexes, by the way? Yeah. Sixes? Yeah, cool. All right. So Philip finds the Tad's

Macintosh computer and opens it up. Absolutely creates a username for himself. And pitch forc tuna can 69. Pitchfork tuna can 69. And is browsing around on Reddit, but uses the...

Oh, God damn it. Let me roll something for you. Wait. Do you need... I got my... I love my dad to my back. You're good. All right.

Okay. Okay. Todd has left his Facebook signed in. Oh, great. Perfect. Wait, did you roll a rea? Can you read two? I rolled a five plus one equals six.

No, I help. I have read two. So it gives you two points, I think. Oh, does it give me two points? Yeah. Okay, so I got a seven. Okay, yeah, wow. All right.

Can you read now? I can read all of my toxicity. All right. So it's, it's, you don't get another level in it, but you have read. So I have read one. Yeah, read one. Roll do read. Join this hate.

Oh, my God. You're all kind of unsettled feeling about the world as it is and where it's headed comes over me? I got a five. Can anyone help me? I'll help you. Yes, great. Can we both help? And it's a plus three? See, reading is so easy.

And we all learn to read today. Now, reverse writing, that's a whole other bag. It's different because it's hard because it's little movement. Erica, can Ruth, can Ruthie roll sweet talk to try to develop. a social media strategy. Oh my God, you can absolutely do that. So you're going to be rolling two

sweet talk in order to, yes, okay. Rolling two sweet talk. Ugh, not good. Five overall. All right. Well, you're on there, but you're you keep saying

suddenly appears on Tad's Facebook. Social media, social media strategy, Social media strategy for chickens. Social media strategy for chickens, Ruthie. Yeah, I think I would like go into all of the posts about the county fair already. And I'm like, here's the plan. Like and respond to every single comment with thank you.

Love the good farm. Love the good farm family. Good time family farm. Is this work? Is this, this is. Am I typing for your? typing? I don't know how to type. Okay, I'm typing, but I'm not using

any punctuation. You don't know Hutton Peck? I don't know Hunt and Peck. Well, I don't know reverse read. I just know sweet talk. I don't know I'm typing everything verbatim, but my spelling's not great. Okay, actually I'm sorry, you didn't get any sixes for

Correct. Philip is ending everything with the passive aggressive ellipsis at the end of the end of the same thing. And the wrong emoji. Okay. But you do manage, so you do get to be on the worldwide web. You do get into access to Tad's Facebook. And actually while you, Ruthie, you said you were looking at the county fair's Facebook page. All right. You learn a couple of more things about it. You get little details about each of the attractions. Like the prize winning livestock and prize winning produce is all going to be housed in the rec center. The arts and crafts. Exhibition includes quilts, landscape and pastoral paintings, ceramics, and macramay. The hayride goes around, can do a full loop in 15 minutes of the entire fair. The Animal Freak Show includes a two-headed chicken, a bearded dragon, and a raccoon.

Okay. Who's the thing? We could all... You, okay, you're going to be the horse, but for pretend. Not me. That's a loser, honey. That's a loser, honey. The character I will be playing.

So you can do that. And then maybe we can sneak into the fair by pretending to be wrong animals in the freak shell. Oh, yeah. Two-headed chicken, the raccoon. It's among other things. Two-headed rooster. Yeah, amongst other things. But the things that are really, you know, touted.

a two-headed chicken, a bearded dragon, which looks to be a bearded dragon, but with additional extra frills on it. And just, it looks like a normal ass raccoon. He's big, he big. It's a thick boy. A thick boy. All right.

Are we going to dress you up as the raccoon? We could do it. The raccoon, a bearded dragon, and a two-headed chicken, There's only one disguise that makes sense for me. I'm going to dress up as the human barker. Yeah, perfect. It's perfect.

All right, so we'll get you. We'll need an outfit. Wow, we're all acting. Step right up. I'm convinced. You're ready to go. And you're going in under the guise of... Well, I was...

You got to be tall, though, so maybe we could just kind of stack on each other. A double. Yes. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. You can stand on my shoulders. It's like the opposite of goat yoga. It's goat yoga. but arm the yoga now.

It's exactly right. This morning I learned to read. And this is, my brain is getting tired. Right, but I like this plan. You guys are getting in in the animal fruit show. I'm getting in on the carriage. Then we're undoing some kind of mechanisms under the wheel and turning it into a wheel of death.

Yes. You also see that, you know, as you scroll down, you see somebody saying like, um, excuse me, but what about, uh, security? And, uh, the county fair social media admin has said, um, there will be a security force there. They are on horses in keeping with our little county aesthetic. Uh, so you know that there will be security on the premises. Is there anything there about what, like the actual security company or any of the like security, you know,

Is there any info about who the security is actually going to be? It's the Blue Boys Security Company. And it says the Blue Boy's Security Company. We are not the police. It's a little private firm called Backwater. Well, Little Boy Blue. All right. Wait, there's horns now?

Well, speaking of horns, there might be someone for you to headbutt. And by headbutt, I mean recklessly in danger. I'm going to look over at Philip and say All right You're logged into Tad's Facebook right I am Send a Facebook message To the public group

For the Blue Boys Security Company And tell them they're all fired Yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna fire them I'm sure you can fire someone over a Facebook message It's nothing more professional Thank you All right

So you can you have Can I roll for HR Yeah, roll for H.R. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Wait, uh, two, uh, give me two. Action. Nine total. No sixes. My dice have forgotten how to do that number.

All right. Well, I was actually looking for a 10. Ah, bates. Wait, can you, sweet talk? I can use sweet talk. I can add one. Yeah, make it a compliment sandwich. I'll add two. Compliment sandwich.

So it starts with, all right. So open it up with this. Say, first of all, I want to commend you on a wonderful security company. Then fire them. And then at the end, say, thank you again for your punctuality. And. Your willingness to do harm in the name of capitalism. Yes, wonderful.

Thank you. We work so good together. High five. Bluff. Just like a little. Like a little pillow fight. Somewhere on the other side of the county, somebody gets a Facebook message on the public page.

And they're like, Tad, theater or Williams is firing us? What, what? Hey, uh, Roger, we, we have the contract for the county fair, right?

Like, yeah. Yeah, we've done it three years running. Uh, Tad Williams is sending us an email. Well, who is dad Williams?

to fire us. He doesn't have that authority. I send a follow-up email. You could keep... We're still going to pay you. Just don't show up. It says here that they're going to pay us and we don't have to...

Oh, absolutely. Oh, and then follow it up with this. One more. PPS. They are not to contact your parents, Farmer William and Mrs. the Farmer Williams' wife. Yes, yes. They are because...

Because... They have an illness that can only be treated Bleeding in the brain. They've each had an aneurysm that is treated by putting a small pacemaker inside the brain. But if they read an email or get a phone call or talk to anyone, the pacemaker blows up and it kills their brain. Yeah, yeah. And what you tell them there's been a recent study. One more, PPPPS.

There's a recent study that says that people who ride horses, it destroys their genitalia. Can I generate that study? I want to get it published really quick. How much time do we have to give me a roll? Okay, I'm going to, this is a legend. Email Cornell. Email Cornell. This is a letter to publish me.

Look, I don't think you can make this with a two. With two, you're going to need. I have three in reverse read. You, this is typing. You have two for reverse. You have two for read and reverse read. I have three in reverse read now. I'm sorry.

I think that was mistaken. Did you roll a six when you rolled for reverse read? No, but if I get helped, you add a PIP, so does that make the Diasix? Oh, I think it does. Then I do have a couple sixes. Okay, well, give me three. We're looking for a, this is a legendary action to have,

to convince the police force. Giving you two. Giving you two. You can only do what? You can only have to. So plus two. We're doing it. We're terrible.

It doesn't matter. What do you get? Got seven. Nope. 10 plus 2.12. You did not make it. This study, you know, Cornell. Can I try again?

No. No, you can't. But give yourself experience point. Okay. But you still send them an article. So here's the thing. Yeah, I generated an article. It just wasn't published.

We can't generate an article. It's going to take you long to publish it. So just follow up. This is all this stuff about it. That's all true. That's all true. And then tell them that they also want a prize and that they should go to the airport and live there until a plane comes to fly them to a sunny Orlando Florida. Just put all of that in a Facebook message. Done.

And then like your own post. They have actually walked away from the, they're not going to take their social media with them. But they've already gone home for the day at this point. So they actually don't see the follow-ups. I mean, you told them they were going to get paid. They're only open from 7 to 9 a.m. You told them that they were going to get paid without having to show up to do anything at this county fair.

They're like, this is a good day, this is fine. And so they've gone off to the job. They're not at the home office anymore. They don't get the part about the horse riding, hurting your dentatia. They don't get the part about winning the prize. But they do see something, something, something. you're still getting paid but don't show up.

Well, maybe we over, maybe we over did it, but I'm proud of us. That was a great team effort. That was so good. I mean, it was just like when we got those checks out. It's just when we all, when we hit that flow state together. All right. So you have your plan, and I think at this point, we are going to flash forward in time to the day of the county fair. The day of the county fair dawns.

All of you have already been up for hours before sunrise. You traveled in the dark of the night to the county fair grounds. And you all moved to your places. It's going over to the hay carts. and Ruthie and Philip stacked one on top of the other over to the Animal Freak Show. It's still the early hours. The hot dogs are not going to be delivered until about 9 a.m. The animals and produce are in at 9.30 at the rec center.

The truck starts serving at a leisurely 12 p.m. It will arrive at 8 a.m. So, we're going to run this on location at a time. Do you all follow Itza to the Haykart? Yeah, we can, we have time. We've gotten here in the dark of night. Let's do it. Do you want us to go together?

You can come with me, but know that I'm going to disappear. And what was will not be what is. Understood. When we get in there, like, are there a... What's the horse to stall ratio? Is there just an open stall, or do we have to make some interesting choices? I roll a little... I could have grabbed my dice in the break.

I didn't. He's mine. All right. I'm going to roll a little look check for you guys to see if there's an extra stall. That's the highest number. That's the highest number. All right, so it looks like there are a couple of extra stalls, actually. It's just a large stable at a fairgrounds.

And there are going to be some horses arriving. This isn't a very horse forward fair, though. There's only a couple. That's why we're knocking it down. This is why you're here, baby. We would describe our fair as very horse forward. There's only a couple roustabouts in Karni. setting up the rides. There's no security force anymore, thanks to the social media work of Philip and the team.

So you can just kind of saunter over into the stables. There are three horses in there. Just right at the entrance, I turned up my two friends, and I'm going to try and hoof off my hood, my riding hood, and toss it. You guys take care of this for me? Of course. Of course, it's... Right. Do you want us to kill the other horses? No, I think there are a few other stalls. You won't have to kill anyone.

But I'm glad you were ready. Yeah. You should... Can't... No. I don't... It's not the dark of night. It's dawn.

The sun is up and it is looking at us. Well, we should maybe let him... We could let him go. And then if something bad happens, that's on them. That I don't hate. Okay. So who takes the hood? I do.

Just grab it and slowly pull it. I don't have a place to go with this. I'm just pulling it. I do like it. I'm not going to do anything bad to this hood. Yes, all right. So you walk into the stalls and the vibe in there is rancid. There are the three horses there, two of them asleep.

And one of them is just, uh, looking a little tweaky there. He's got those crazy eyes. where you can see it when you go up to a horse and they're kind of scared and there's a lot of whites showing. Oh, God. It's like, hey, buddy. Hello, friend. Haven't seen you around? I'm Wilbert.

I'm Thetza. That's a. We're so excited to pull the hay cart today, are we not? Oh, my God. Hey, it's just another day. of the county fair the day all the kids

screaming they're always screaming they're always screaming screams of joy it makes me feel good and I just slowly start to back into one of the stalls

and close it close it behind me yeah that's a lot of that's a lot of business I do that stuff Erica come on sure but give me roll for

getting into the stall Yeah, of course. You're pretty good at this. I think you're probably going to only need a, give me a five on this one. A little gatework. That's a big six. Oh.

So do I get a new skill in gate unlocking? Yeah, actually, you do. You get doors two. Hell of yes. Doors two. Doors two. I've answered a lot of the questions from the first doors movie. Yeah.

And there's a lot of tongue work in this. Like, it's not, you know, it's not, it's, tongues coming out, it's flipping a latch. So I just back in. Can't wait for the screams. Wilbur looks you up and down. Roofie, lost the other one. Oh. I'm going to go up to the super nervous looking horse.

And I'm going to, is the gate super locked by this horse or no? Let's see Let's do a little luck roll here What do we get over three And maybe it's a little loose That's a five It's fully you can just push it open Okay great

So I'm gonna open the little door to the nervous horse And I'm gonna walk up to him And I'm going to say Oh hello my friend What's your name? Oh my God I've seen this shit man How you see this shit?

Wow a chicken A talking chicken Wait, do you guys think of horses and humans alone can talk? That's word of you. I just talked to a chicken before. I just look, I just go and loop around this little fairgrounds, all right? Well, you know what they say? If you start seeing animals talk, they're not supposed to be able to talk.

It means you're losing your mind. You're losing your mind, Fred. What? It seems you're going crazy. But don't worry, don't worry. It's only if the humans notice that you're losing your mind that they'll boil you down into glue. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck. What the hell is that? Oh, my God. Why are I thinking about the dark of the moon? That's not a goat. That's the fucking devil. Oh, the devil. He's going to eat her soul.

That's the devil. They're coming. They're going to eat your soul. This horse starts bucking. Waking up the two other horses. Give me a roll. Give me a sweet talk roll. The sweetest talk.

Can I assist with my magic? Yes, you've got. Can. Oh, my God. It's my magic. Okay, it's a six? Yeah. Okay, so you get, uh, now you...

Or it's I had a nine overall. Nine overall. Okay. Plus what to help? Plus what it happens? So that's a total of ten. And you also, uh, in addition, learn the skill. Now you have three.

Cause fear. Cause fear, great. Ooh. All right. That's fear. Three. Perfect. Perfect.

Perfect. Perfect. Three. Made them like me now. The stall is closing in. And Wilbur fully loses it. Bucks open. The stall door flies open.

The two other horses, we're going to be glue. We're going to be glue. We're going to be glue. They put pacemakers in your brains. If you ever stop running, you'll die. If you ever stop running, you'll die. They burst from the stables. They start galloping.

The few rousedabouts and carnies that are around, who are normally extremely chill people, a couple of them have to take off after them, but they are in the wind at this point. They're just gone. And only one horse remains. Look, we helped. Now your brothers don't have to pull,

they're not being suburbion anymore. gonna be a long line for the hayride this year. Hey, Rufie, I'll feel away about you right now, and I just have to say it. You're just, you're doing a lot of good work. Well, flirting will get you pretty far in this life, Philip. Oh, my gosh. I think Philip just blesses a little bit. All right, so in, you leave, you leave its, aka under the pseudonym, that's in his stall.

and you two make it go over to where the map has told you that there will be a freak show we're going to have to find a costume that we are approach the red and white striped tent tent is a very generous term it holds as many as maybe five people at a time and you can hear the sounds of snoozing animals

here. All right. Let's take a look for a costume if we can. I'd like to search for a ringleader or barker costume if we can find one. Yeah, okay. Go roll, give me, roll one to find clothes.

Six! Yeah! Damn, you are so good at finding clothes. Best at clothes. This chicken finds clothes like crazy. Hella clothes. Find clothes. too for Brennan and

you find fully you find a full ringleader outfit. It is red with shiny brass buttons and a top hat and white breeches. I don't know if you're going to want

to use the breaches or not. You're going to have to try it on and find out if it fits. Ruthie's a ringleader. The full costume, it's in a back section of the And it is It's adjoining the actual freak show

Your head, would you like to try and disguise yourself? She should want to do it together? Or you're very scary now. Me? I thought I was going to have to help you, but I don't think you need help. No, well, Philip, I'm not scary. I'm your friend. Okay, whatever you want, Ruthie.

No, come, come, come. You're a satanic goat. If anyone should be scared of anybody, it should be me. I don't know what's happening right I need to talk to my boy Is this energy frightening or sexual Who can say Ruthie on a heist is a whole new Ruthie is the best

Ruther Reminiscing about times With her pig lover Yeah Ruthie on a heist Watch out now I'm at work motherfucker Office me and home me are different

Boundaries Boundaries Phil's going through every barnyard animal That he's heard Ruthie is maybe hooked up and is making a kill list. I risk it all for Ruthie. Let's go.

How do we, so how do we disguise ourselves now? We are pausing because we have a whiteboard here. We have a whole ass board. Giant whiteboard. Story beats on and you will find out what that means later. Oh, I explain the rules to them. You probably can figure out what's going on here. But, but, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Can you make a little hard? between Ruthie and Philip. Thank you so much. Damn. All right. So roll to put on the outfit. Okay. Do we both roll for outfit? So what I'm going to do here is I'm going to have each of you roll if you have a relevant skill you can try and use it. But it's going to be a combined score and I'm going to need

a 12 combined from you. Delightful. Okay. Yes. total of 12 I have no relevant skills for this Well you have

Do anything Oh that's right And that's one That's one But anything is just one And I think I'm going to

I'm going to think about this For a little bit And say Now you're a goat I'm a chicken We have a perfect ringleader costume Mm

Mm But if we try to seem like a normal ringleader, people may catch wise, given that we have six legs, two wings, and no hands. I think... Good point. It's like Alonzo used to scream in his sleep. The better part of an illusion is the misdirection. We don't try to look like a normal ringleader.

People won't notice that we have six legs. two wings and no hands if they're too terrified to look and I'm done it again I would like to use this like ringleader outfit to

like assemble a different like to make us look like a non-human monstrous like have Phillips goathead come out of like the middle and, you know, like, truly embrace the, like, take the clothes and just become a chimera essentially. That's fine. Yeah.

I use eat. Okay. Help with this. You know what? Eat my way through the center. Eat your way through the, oh, my God. Yeah. Okay.

Give me a roll to eat two. And what is this? Is this? Cause fear. Oh, my God. Okay. That's three. Oh, you guys.

I rolled bad. Ooh. Uh, uh, I got five. Two sixes, which means I am going to spend, so, so, so the, so, so, so, so the, so it's 14 from me overall. Let's go. But also, I would like to spend one of my XP to, for advancement, have another skill on top of that so I can advance to a four dice skill.

Yes. I love that. I love that. Wait, is that how it works? Well, no, if you get, oh, yeah. Okay, yes, yes, yes. So we get the success. Yeah.

But I'm turning my one die that. wasn't a six into a six for skill advancement purposes from Cosphere. Wow. I love that. But do the other sixes advance the skill or just the one? Yeah, well, I only needed one. So I got two sixes and then... I thought it was actually...

You have to get all sixes. You have to get all sixes. So that's what the XP is. So I'm spending an XP to turn the two into a six and now I have three sixes. Yes. I'm caught up. I think that's how that works. It is 100% how that works.

So you, let's say, Hell yeah. Create Monster 4. You have simply no idea what you've just done. I'm not the scary one anymore. I'm a normal, cool goat. Just a normal ass goat now. I'm a normal.

You can read and has electronic skills. You've got reverse read. Yeah, I'm a troll on the internet, but Ruthie's a monster. I love that. I didn't do anything one that went into Sweet Dog 2, Cause Fear 3 and now create Monster 4. Incredible. Yes, good.

All right. So the two of you set to work tailoring this ringleader costume. And what you craft is the thing of nightmares. It has how many limbs? Who can say? because they're so busy looking into the sideways pupils of Philip peeking through the stomach because to all purposes it looks like a many armed and legged humanoid goat torsoed ringleader.

Who's wearing the hat? Ruthie? Okay, Ruthie is wearing. So the hat is way too large for me. So I've like stuffed it with hay to like rest, balancing on the tiny chicken head in this like enormous starched collar of the shirt. And then I think Philip's head's coming out of. Yeah, I'm in the tummy. In the tummy.

Hey, Rufie, I just want to ask like no pressure or anything. If we survive this house, would that like to live deliciously like for a little bit if you're just free? You know, Philip. I've heard you asking some of the other hens. if they would like some butter. Or a pretty dress. Or a pretty dress. Or a pretty dress.

I'd you like some eggs, big boy. Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, that, it says, I like this. I like, just quietly by himself in an abandoned stall. As you guys, get ready to fuck. Whenever the first people, let me know, Erica, when people start approaching.

You guys quiet Is it just tense? So as you as you stare at each other You hear To You idiot That was like I don't know 20 minutes ago

How do you know time It's All right I'm gonna look down at you and say Hold on a moment Let's go over there investigate Yeah okay We know our kind of formation

We could just jump out Yeah And I want to rush over and open the curtain to see who's talking. And you see a whole menagerie sort of crammed in there. There is a raccoon with a little cup and it's going on the bars of its cage. There is a bearded dragon with extra, extra spikes and frills hanging down as if it were an actual be. There's a couple of other kinds of livestock, but Ruthie, what you zero in on is a two-headed rooster, one of whose heads is your beloved Alonzo. I'm so sorry, what?

I'm going to look... What? Alonzo. He stops arguing with the head on his other side. Ruthie I see you as you always have seemed to have gotten ahead

Oh Well You know It's a The whole You've been two-faced all along Jive was right there And you didn't go for it

But Yeah I did a different one I said you've gotten ahead Mine was good Yes his was better Are you fucking Roos displaying To Rufi right now

I'm gonna kick your fucking ass Yeah Yeah He runs around in that He's in a little pen It doesn't actually have bars It's just a A bunch of like chicken wire

In a little circle And he starts running around In a circle In the other head is going What's what's going You motherfucker I thought you were dead You motherfucking screaming in your sleep

Fucking run out on me I have a hundred and eighty grandchildren There were just too many I wasn't ready I wasn't ready Philip is just doing happy taps. Tag me in

whatever you want, Rufie, but this is your fight. The other head on his shoulder pads up. Hi. Is this, you're... What?

What guy? What's your name? I'm sorry. Hey, I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... What is your...

You're scared of you. I'm very scared. That's your name? That's your name. It's Christopher. It's Christopher. No, no, no. No, no.

No, your name is I'm very scared of you. That's what you said, and that's your new name. And now, when you introduce yourself to people, that's what you say. Is this your one? I'm going to beat the shit out of my husband. Is that okay with you? I'm very afraid of you. Hey, babe, it's like I always say.

God damn you. I'd like to roll do anything to just kick the crap out of my suddenly no longer dead. Wait, I will, you know, and I'm going to roll a pose to you. I'm going to go roll I'm going to go roll a post to you I got a four Five Oh no

So get it in there And he's not used to having a second Head to pilot this body He just doesn't know what's what You get a couple of good pecks in Wait can I make it worse Yes Can I have helped?

Oh God yeah you can't help That makes it a six right Oh it does make it a six I'm gonna help with eat. So that makes it a seven because you have two. I do have two and eat. But your die goes up and

Alonzo only has one head now. Holy shit. They say a chicken can live without its head for a long time. I'm screaming on the inside of my mouth. Jesus Christ. All right. Philip, please reattach my husband's head. I think we've taught him a lesson.

Oh my god! Oh my god! Alonso! The head is on the ground. What now, Ruthie? Well, you're such genius. You came back from life once. You can just do it again. Reattach your head, Alonzo.

Reattach your head, Alonzo. It doesn't work like that, Ruthie? What does it work? Like, explain it to me like you're doing your sleep. Is the body just running? The body is running around and there's this other guy kind of half piloting it. It's like piloting

a Jaeger with only one pilot. And so he's kind of just spinning around in a circle, freaking out. Alonzo is on the ground trying to come up with... I have something for this. But, you know, as you know,

I do my best work when I'm asleep. I know. I was there for the birth of our children. Ooh. I don't even know what I'm implying. Yeah, I'm so... Right over my head. And that's me, the human. The human, Lou.

No idea. Truly no idea. All vibes. All right. What do you want, Ruthie? What do you want? What are you here for? All right, I skipped out on you.

I want to know what you're here. I know what I'm here for. I didn't fake my death. I want to know what you're here for, Alonzo. And if you answer nicely, I just might reattach your head to your body. I could do magic. Philip can do magic. God damn it, you can do that.

All right. Well, here for the heirloom crops. Those prize-winning crops. That's us. No, no, no. You're going after the ones in the rec center? What are you going after? Why do you want...

Squashes? Like a big... You want a big pumpkin? As pumpkins. You want a big pumpkin? Yeah. Why? You know how much those seeds are worth?

You know how much a... crop the next generation of those crops could go for? That's bruffy. I think maybe we let him go and now we get a double score. We can go get this pumpkin.

And then we've got corn and a pumpkin. What do you say? What? No, why are you part of this? Okay, all right. I'll let you do the dog. Yeah, what? I'm going to look over at Philip and say farmer Williams might want to know

that there are people snooping around after his very, very big pumpkin. Ooh. Escape. Snitch, would you? Escape what? Escape rooster. Yes, yes, exactly, Philip.

All right, could you do some magic to retouch my husband's head to his body? And I'm going to gently, like, with my little goateefies, pick him up by the back of his head and wait for like a lap of the other chicken and then just boop, try to magic get back on. Give me a roll.

Let's do anything. This is. I have magic one. I rolled it so far away. That's a five. It's a five. That's not going to do it. I'll spend an XP and make, oh, wait, are you helping? I am going to help.

I'm going to add four from Create Monster. It's a six and now I got two in magic. It is a freak. A two-headed chicken sounds like a monster to me. Don't try to act like that's an act of God. in his beautiful dawn light. That's after hours, baby. That's things of the night.

This is nighttime. The Lord's hand did not touch this creature. No, no, no. That was all fill up, baby. You think this creature walked on the ark? I don't think so. This is devil work. No one said, get this shit out of here.

Fun fact. Everything that's ever been on heraldry is my shit. All of it. Unicorn? Devil shit. You spit out. This head. Oh,

Alonzo, whatch go there, man? It got real dark for a minute. So, this is your score now. Well, if you're such a master thief, Alonzo, it seems like it's your job to figure it out. I've never known you to bulk with a little bit of heat on a score.

All right. So it's a high stuff then. Hmm? Well, you'll see. I've got two brains thinking for me now. I don't know. I'm just kind of... You've got two brains thinking?

I'm just the guy that they sewed on when they made this little freak show here. I thought that was your original body. Alonzo, you've got two brains on this? Wow, does Chris have two? No, you told me that you were going to refer to me as I'm scared of you from now. That's how you refer to you. I don't refer to you any way I like. Yes, ma'am.

That's how you refer to you. Even in your mind. Even in your thoughts. I want you to forget your name. It's gone. It's gone, ma'am. Alonzo, let me be very clear. I absolutely get what you see in her.

Yes. Me and Philip have been spending a lot of time together, Alonzo. Yeah. I have a new little, a tiny set of second horns that are growing in. That's fine. I'm not jealous or anything. It's fine. Philip's going to teach me how to live deliciously.

Well, then I best, I wish you a tasty journey, Ruthie. Yes, well. Thanks for nothing. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Well, good luck with your squash. I poop in their pen before we leave. Great, this part of the heist went perfectly.

This is what we were trying to do here, right? Just sitting at a stall being like, I don't think I got dressed. Raccoon. The raccoon turns to the listeners like, What's up? Man, that's some shit. I know. Oh, my God.

What's your deal? Oh, I'm a raccoon. Okay. You want to go help my friend? Uh, yeah. What's your, what's your friend? Um, it's the only horse in the middle. Oh.

I don't know a little something about horses. Cool. I want to go over and unlock his door. Oh, thanks. What's your name? Oh, I'm furry. And he takes his little. little tiny little paw and and uh shakes your shakes your hoof uh i want to take one of my horns

and like just kind of poke him and pull a little blood out it's a blood pack now you have to go help my friend what's your name is a raccoon you're in a blood packed oh yeah what's your name well it's fergy and i know i'm not your name is fergy fergy ferg ferg ferg oh well you know alonzo and uh philm can teach me out of live deliciously and fergie can teach me How to live How to be furguilegelly I want to live for gilliciously Must now want to live

Furgilliciously And I think the answer for all of us is yes Hey look I'm in a blog pack With your friend here And I said I'd help And he sprung me And just so you know

I mean Alonzo and Chris I'm scared of you You didn't make a promise me You can go on Chris All right okay Chris Alonso and Chris I've been working this job For like a month now

And everything I get to get it to this So I'm like... Well, the three of us learned how to read today. So we work a little bit faster than old slow Alonzo. Now, I can't help but notice something, Fergie. Yeah, talk to me, talk to me. Furgy hunkers down and, like, sits like, you know, like a human.

I can't help but notice that at the end of your little four legs there, you've got a set of what looked like hands. Yeah. Fergie looks at his little hands, a little paws, and gives him a little flex. These bad boys is what got me in here in the first place. Doing time for the crime. We've all served all nickel. Now, I can't help but feel like with hands like that,

you might be able to unhook the central linchpin of a ferris wheel. I love you. Murphy. So, let me get this straight. Mm. You want me to climb up on the ferris wheel and unhook the central lynchpin, causing mayhem and destruction? Yeah. That's exactly right.

Ma'am, you got yourself a pair of hands. It's all coming together. And when you turn, go find our friend. Oh. If he needs anything. Okay. All right. Or plausible deniability.

You can hide in the hay bale. No one will know. More like pauseable. Deni. Hi-five. I enjoy these. That's good. That's good.

Fergie puts their little paw up for a thing. Oh, my God. For a little high-five. Yeah. Philip taps the hoof. Yeah. I do taps. All right.

Well, I think it's fair, though. If I do this for you, though, that I would like a little something in return. Do you want the whole outside of a pumpkin? Holy shit. Are you serious? We only need the seeds, Rufie. You can do that? You can get me a whole ass pumpkin.

Just the outsides. Yeah, you don't want the seeds. Oh. Outside of a pumpkin. That's the biggest part. Yeah. That's good eating. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. You're going to have so much pumpkin, my friend, that you know not kind of know what to do with it. Oh, my God. King. Ooh. That's right.

Fergie, the pumpkin cute. You will make the boys go loco. All right. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Fergie

scampers off. I guess. Okay. We should have given a timeline. We got to get to work fast. Yeah, okay. I think he's on it. All right.

Oh, shit. You turn around. Okay. And. Give it to the signal. We got to go right now. You turned around. You turn around and

and it's, you just, It is worth noting that as you leave the little tent, that Alonzo's pen is empty. Oh, shit. Yeah. We better work fast. Quick question. Why didn't we just kill him?

Alonzo? Yeah. Oh, do you still love him? I look wistfully off into the distance. You flash back, those mornings in the coop, back when it was a little coop. under a blanket. Yeah, under a blanket together. And both of you giggling furiously.

You can see Alonzo, his backlit, you know, the halo on his coxcomb. And he says, hey, Ruthie, promise me that it'll always be like this. Alonzo, now let's expose our vents to each other. You're in the present moment. We cut to It's a, now described as that's a. Just sitting quietly. Trying to blank out any want or desire. Pull the cart.

Enjoy pulling the cart. That's all. I live for the cart. Die for the cart. You hear the stall door. Swing open. Griser, still shut. Thinking, being only in the moment, just the way that you used to when you were in the races.

You hear. I say the horse this year looks a little scraggly. I think there's like a... You open your eyes. You look, there's nothing in front of you, but then you look down. You see, a small man. He is 4'11, and he's dressed impeccably. This is Herman Rutherford, the third,

your former owner and self-styled jockey. You are, that's a loser, honey. I am not. He pokes at your mouth to expose your teeth. I want to bite him so badly. But I'm not it's a... Roll to retain composure. All right.

Retaining composure. Okay, here it is. That's a two. Oh. I'm going to burn my XP. I'm going to burn the XP. You can't burn an XP for a success. You can only burn it for a new skill.

Okay, got it. So you could still do that. So I have failed. Yes. But I could spend an XP to gain a new skill. A composure one. Yeah. Or composure two.

Composure two. I will do that to maintain composure two. I mean, if I fail, I'm going to. You fail. So, I'm going to bite this little man's hand. See, you bite his hand. He pulls back and recoils. Oh, oh.

You? And he takes out the riding crop. And he goes. Can I roll again? Yes, yes. Roll composure too. Okay. Let's go. Oh, my fingers.

I'm going to have to go to the manicurist. That's a six and a one for a seven. And does the six, but no, two six is to get. So yes, a seven. Okay, that one, you stand still, you take it. Oh, I'm going to have to have to have trouble. Tran, do a whole job on this? What a bad horse. Well, it's all right. At least I won't have to be the one that has to handle him today. And he wanders off. You, girl, go get the horse ready and attach him to the cart. A girl walks up. It looks to be about 15 years old.

She has purple hair and a side shave and a couple tattoos, but she's in kind of a like an equestrian friendly outfit. And her eyes are full of wonder. She looks at you and you can tell she's still a little intimidated by you, but she's, she looks at you with these starry eyes that you've never really seen on a human before. Hey friend Hi

And she and she pat's your main And hands you an apple With the other hand She's hey I'm Finn I'm going to be taking you to the cart Um What's your name? I'm gonna

Well I will take the apple Uh And And do my best Uh To nuzzle. I'd like to attempt to nuzzle. Oh, would you, okay.

Roll to nuzzle. Aw. That's another two. I just kind of smack her in the jaw. Oh, oh, you're a feisty guy. You're a feisty guy. You're a feisty guy. It's okay.

You look just like the posters that I have and the windbreaker that I have. And, oh, gosh, I hope that we're, going to be the bestest of friends. I'm going to call you is there a way that you'd like to indicate to her what your name should be? What's around?

You see, there's just kind of normal, normal stall things. You know, there's actually a pamphlet about some of the horses there and it says, you know, county fair

Horse rides. I'm just going to smack my water bucket twice. Doon, don't. Oh, hmm. I'm going to call you River. I mean, I don't know how a horse gives side-eye, but I do my best. I try. I love you, River.

Roll to see if you can give side-eye and communicate side-eye. I'm going to try, I'd like to communicate side-eye. That's another two. Well, I will take very good care of. you, I promise. I'm sorry, Mr. Rutherford is kind of a pill, you know. And between you and me, I really don't know what he's got planned for all the horses. Where are the other horses, by the way? I don't know. I think he was muttering darkly about, you know, something about glue and I don't know how that's related to horses, but, well, all right, come with me.

She takes you to a cart and hitches you up. As I feel the weight of the cart on my terrific shoulders, look out at the county fair, and I just imagine all of it on fire. Then I snap back to the present moment, but for a second, I just dream of watching it all burn. Somewhere, Philip's like, yes. Yes, exactly.

So there you are. It is now 9 a.m. Things are starting to spin up at the county fair. That's a, that's a river. It's hooked up to the cart, ready to give the hayrides. And this horrifying monstrosity is in front of the tent. For all intents and purposes, passing as the monstrous barker of the front of the tent. The monstrous barker of the freak show.

Somewhere, there's a tiny raccoon making his way up the ferris wheel. The county fair begins. That's where we're going to stop this episode. That was Abrea Aangar, Renan, Lee, Mulligan, Lou Wilson, and in their debut as game master, Erica Ishii, a county affair was edited, designed, and scored by V1, the only Casey Tony friend of the show and was powered by the completely free RPG system

Roll for Shoes. See the show notes for a link to it and we'll be seeing you at the fair.