Worlds Beyond Number - [UNLOCKED] A County Affair ep2 "FAIRmageddon!""

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

While The Wizard the Witch and the Wild One is taking a break between chapters, enjoy this treat from the Patreon Vault. If you're interested in the rules of the game and how the gang made their characters, check out the prologue to A County Affair, available now on our Patreon.We hope you've enjoyed A County Affair, our first one shot game! [these are mini campaigns we run while the big public story is still going on] Join FIRST TIME GM Erika Ishii (!!!) as they weave a tale of barnyard bandits, farmland fiasco, and kernel knowledge using only the Roll for Shoes rule set and the extremely illegal talents ofAabria Iyengar as Phillip (the goat)Lou Wilson as Itsa Winnerbaby (the horse)andBrennan Lee Mulligan as Ruthie (the Chicken)withSound design by Casey Toney (a Human Man)Transcript available here.

Hello, dear listener. What you're about to hear is a county affair, a rip-roaring two-part one shot that's been available to our dear, dear Patreon subscribers for months. If you enjoy this, you should really come and join the party over on our Patreon, where you can find even more stuff like this that might not always make it to the public feed. Our promise to you is this. For only five bucks a month, we offer infinite unending pleasure. Now, folks, that's a deal. In the meantime, please enjoy this peek behind the Patreon curtain with Erica Ishii's A County Affair. This is the sound of Worlds Beyond Number. Hello, everyone. It is once again your humble GM for this little excursion. Erica Ishii, and we are back at the County Fair.

Last time on the farm, we saw Ruthie the Chicken and It's the horse and Philip, the terrifying devil himself. Oh, thanks. I'm just a little guy. All planned how they were going to break in and heist the corn on the family farms' heirloom kettle corn truck. They made a plan to release the Ferris wheel from its pinions so that it would cause mayhem and do a little murder. They decided they were going to swap out the corn for the animals feed, which is Kern. They were going to break into the fair and pass themselves off as the horse that pulls the hay cart.

And as two animals stacked on top of each other as a barker for the freak show. And they went in and did exactly that. save for the complications of some shadowy figures from their past. So we pick up and it's a winner baby. A.k.a. that's a loser, honey. A.k.a. River. It is about to begin his first circuit as the hay cart pulling horse. And the monstrous...

Eldritch horror walking around, the many-limbed, I don't know, what is your celebrity couple name, Footh? Yeah, Footh. Footh. Right. Are making their way, let's say, where? We are slowly, well, I should say, are people beginning to gather at the county fair. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. It is about 9.30 at this point. The animals and the pros. have arrived at the rec center. Stalls are starting to open up. The hot dogs have been delivered. The contest is happening at about 2 p.m. And the first denizens of the fair are coming in. You see a couple of families with smaller children that have to come early, have come. Of course, mostly older folks. They are quite partial to these earlier mornings. of the county fair.

You see a couple of them going in and out of the arts and crafts exhibition going in with macramay and crocheted pot holders leaving empty-handed. Ruthie. I'm going to look at Philip and say,

very well. Well, my suddenly alive husband has disappeared with his accomplice Chris, aka I'm afraid of you, to rush out and collect whatever giant, Quash thereafter. A big old pumpkin.

Pumpkin that we now owe the exterior of to Fergie the raccoon, who is undoing the latch and the Ferris wheel. Right. That's going to be a perfect cover for what we're going to do. For what we're going to do next, which is we're going to get a big crowd here at the free time because we've disguised ourselves as a barker.

Now, at this exact moment, Itsa, disguised as that'sa, will begin pulling the hay cart. Yeah. Once the... Can I roll for math to know exactly where that's is going? If we know it's a perfect 15-minute circuit. Perfect 15-minute circuit.

That's right. So you should know exactly the route. Yeah. Philip out here learning to read, learn it to math, learning to reverse read. That's right. Can I roll...

Is this a mixture of read and reverse read? Because it's... No, this is math. All right. I know how to read and reverse read, and I don't know math. All right. Three.

That's a three. You don't, it's an imperfect memory. I don't think goats see with depth perception because their eyes are on the sides of their head. I'm a prey animal. Yeah, that's true. Futh is a prey animal for sure.

Huth is a prey animal. Okay, anyway. As you were saying, I thought I was going to have like a math thing to help, but you keep going. I didn't know. So, very simply, it's a disguised as that's a, pulling the hake You and me here at the freak show. Fergie undoing the Ferris wheel. Alonzo and Chris, unrelated to our heist on their own heist for the pumpkin.

As soon as that haycar gets into position and the Ferris wheel is unlatched, we will finish our presentation as the carnival barker. Bing, bang, boom, the corn has been swapped in the truck. And the heist is over. No, no, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's all fine. It's all fine.

It's all part of the plan. It's all part of the plan. Don't you see? We are disguised as a barker. It's us pulling the cart. Fergie's unlatching the Ferris wheel. You add these pieces together. I can't do math.

We've just established it. All of this sounds perfect to me. Let's go. Let's go. Meanwhile, over at the hay cart, they've started. and Fenn is kind of letting you do your own thing. She trusts you to keep things moving. And roll to pull the cart.

All right. Roll in to pull the cart. Go to pull. That's a one. Oh, no. All right. I'm used to running free. That's true.

I'm being held back. You're so encumbered. So there's a lot of stops and starts and you're still and you can't. I just keep getting so tired. Are there people still? Oh, God, it's not, it won't end. River. River.

Hey, we got, we've got about like, I don't know how many a thousand, two thousand revolutions of this fairground still left to do today. And, you know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to try and force you to do anything you don't want to do. But I've read that it is important for horses to have a bit of structure in their life. Are you trying to communicate with her? No, but I think it's as Thet's River. Is like wants to say things, but it doesn't want to talk. It's trying to be a horse. That's a can't talk.

So I think it's like almost like subconsciously, much like Alon's. in his sleep is like having responses but making sure they're coming out as horse speak and very much regretting that his friends chased off all the other horses it's all

on me now also can we talk about you said thousands if it's if it takes 15 minutes to go around once in a 15 hour work day that's 60 times I think you're going to die I think you're going to die

I think you're going to You said so many and I'm stressed out. And as you have found out from Fen as well in her sort of self-talk in front of the horse, your former owner slash jockey, Mr. Rutherford has been talking about something, something the horses are bad, something, something glue? You? It's every stop. Just keep pushing. Just keep pushing because every stop is just those words starting to invade my headspace.

Yeah, but I know it's a nose. The plan is rock solid. I pull this hay cart. They do the barking. The Ferris wheel falls and the corn gets switched. So I'm going to keep Continue desperately trying to pull this cart Around in a circle

What is what's kind of the path I'm on? Like what's in front of me? What am I looking at? So this is a circuit of the fair And it's somewhat circuitous Because people prefer to take a little scenic tour And you're Gonna be stopping occasionally

But you can't tell when or how or what. Fen is kind of irregular in her stopping, but so far you've well actually roll for a sort of map in your head. Rolling for map. Rolling for map.

That's a six. Oh! Okay, so you unlike Philip are somehow able to perfectly calculate where the stops are, how long it takes you between them

and you realize that they're stopping at different points of interest. So it stops... Along the map that we found at the shed. Holy shit. I'm on the track. I'm the dots, baby.

I'm the little dots. You're the little dots. And so you have map two. I have map two. Hell yes. Well, then I'm gonna... It's hard as shit, but I'm gonna pull this cart

until I get around to the barker, to the freak show tent and try and communicate with my... Get some kind of eye coordination. I'm going to keep pulling to try in this first revolution, which is already off to a pretty haggard start, to hopefully make eye contact with one or both of my friends.

All right. So as the cart pulls around to where the animal freak show is, you slow to a trot and then pull up. This is normal for Fenn. I'm gonna... I want...

Oh, God. I need to cause a ruckus. Is there anything in my immediate... I need attention. I don't want to blow my cover. Is there something around me that I can knock over to cross... To maybe get some attention over here.

Around the freak show, you can see there's a couple of old feed bins and cages and the things that this is not a very tidy looking fair. Perfect. I'd like to run into the cages.

Yeah. Two to run. I have two to run. Two to run. That's a six and a five. Let's go. Can any of us help? Can I need us help? Yes, yes, you can. So you're trying to make a distraction, right? I'm trying to make enough noise that you come and pay attention to me. I feel like we need to, I

need to reconnect with my friends to figure out when the Ferris wheel is going to fall. I'll just add, do anything to get you to two sixes. So that's two sixes on that. There you go. So, uh, I think that that gives you two or that would give you a three in, uh, no, not in running. It would be

in, let's say, ruckus. All right. A three in ruckus. Isn't it? Yeah. Great. Three in ruckus. Three. You got a three in ruckus. The cages. Uh, all knock over.

there's a mess and Fenn is worried that you're going to be spoofed Oh it's okay River It's okay River Oh my God

That's okay Oh I don't know anything about what it means When horses blow rats berries But oh I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Here here here Here do you want another apple Do you know the apple

Roll to see Roll to see if you can communicate with What the heck you're doing? That's a four. That's a four. Well, okay. I have...

See you in read signs. Can I help? In read signs? Yeah. He's giving signs. Oh, my God. All right. I would say, roll to see if you can see what he, if you can decipher what he is doing.

All right. Is that for me reading? I'm going to read signs. Read signs. No. Six total. Six total. I'd say with a six, you can tell that he, I mean, he gets your attention.

All right, great. At a six, you gets your attention. Fenn can tell something is wrong. So she pulls the cart over for a second and unlatches you from the horse cart just to kind of rub you down. And she holds your face close to hers and she goes, shh, she closes her eyes. And she tries to. Just to intimate to you. It's kind of...

Roofie, someone's trying to whisper to... I don't like it. This is the moment we've been waiting for. Okay, what do you want to do? I think we should go over there, but should we go together? Because there's also people here. Who needs us to go over there when the people will go over there for us? I don't know if that means.

I feel like you just said it again, but slow. Okay. I'm going to... Having seen that you're trying to get our attention, I'm going to give you a big conspiratorial wink. Like, I know exactly what you want us to do. And I would like to jump into the middle of the light as our ringleader monstrosity with all the people gathered at the freak show and start screaming at all of them.

Do you speak human? Yeah, do we speak human? You can roll. Can I roll to speak human because I think I tempts. Oh, absolutely. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Is that...

Okay. Roll? Yeah, roll. Roll to tempt human. Roll to tempt human. It's magic. Magic, too. It is magic, too.

I rolled bad, so don't worry. Five. Okay. A five. All right, that's another... Okay, so you have five experience. I think you have five experience points right now. All right.

Now, let me say something that a goat sounds... Rolemon. remarkably like a human singing. But clearly somebody who doesn't speak English. So you can communicate to the people. People are starting to gather and you can hear some of the locals

say like, oh my God, they got a brand new attraction here this year. They don't seem to have the rooster this time, But, boy, if this isn't the wackiest-looking creature that I ever saw. Could I attempt to... This is what happens when you have that Monsanto corn. Could I attempt to speak human? You may attempt to speak human.

Would you like to use anything else with that? Yes. I think it would be pretty monstrous if a chicken could speak. So I'd like to create monster and create myself as a monster. as a monster that can speak human. I assist. I'm going to... I'm going to use sweet talk.

I'm going to give you... Sweet talk or cause fear. So sweet talk two or cause fear three. I'm going to do cause fear. Okay. And try to speak human. All right. You get to assist.

What's the difficulty? What are you going to assist with? I mean, yeah, it's got to be magic. Right. Okay. So plus two, Brennan, we'll get a plus two. Speaking to humans is cause fear and magic. I'm going to say this is a legendary, so we're looking for an 18. For an 18. You got it.

How many D in there? I'm only rolling three. It's okay, but you have a plus two? I have a plus two. My man, you got this. You were born with this. So I either need two sixes and a four or a six and two fives. Or you can spend one XP to change a roll on the dot. Only four.

Only for a fail. You're right. So two, six and a four or a six and two fives gets me to where I need to be. You got it. You got a 16. Yeah. Baby, baby, baby. All day.

Oop. I failed. Can we hear what it sounds like? Can we, because that's, you honestly got a 12. Or no. 12, 14. I got a 14. Oh, my.

You got a 14? What's that? a 14 sound like. A 14? All right. So I'm like, this is exactly what it's a needs us to do.

We sound like a black eyed peas record. Where is fergillicious? Where is ferggy? A rat, a fat raccoon on a ferris, we all go, Fergolish, definition.

There's a raccoon twerking on the ferris right now. He's only still, well, you don't know. You don't know what he does up to. We don't know. If you look, what you don't see.

Oh, what you don't see. It's a raccoon, a fat little raccoon hanging on to some of the crossbars of a Ferris wheel, twerking his little buddy out. Yeah. He is not very far up, though. Oh, buddy. He's pulling himself up. It's a lot of, a lot of other body strength.

But what's happening right now at the freak show is, Fenn is, she's never seen this before. She thinks perhaps that her whispering has done something, that she's gotten through to you, that this is a reaction to her, and she's seen all of this, and is actually kind of into it. And the patrons, while they don't understand anything

that you're trying to say, there's a smattering of applause as they think perhaps this is some sort of side show, an exhibition of the freaks, perhaps. So they're coming over. They're interested. They're not 100% on board. But also, you know, the genetically engineered animals in this area are not always pretty.

This could be the thing. This could be the thing what they use in the McDonald's burgers. I'd like to spend two experience points for a flashback. Oh, God. It begins. We're going back to a few minutes ago? We're going back to a few minutes ago. All right, okay, okay, okay, okay.

All right, bearded dragon. Now, in a few moments, exactly as we planned, ahead of time, mind you, as we planned way in advance, in conversations you were not party to. It was you at Luskis. Who are you talking to? A bearded dragon. So where are we flashing back to? We are flashing back to inside the freak show tent minutes before the people arrived. All right.

Because Fergie's already headed out and so have Alonzo and Chris. Yeah. So I'm there tied to fill up. We're in our ringleader outfit. And when Fergie heads off, I'm going to say, exactly going according to plan and I'm

going to look at I'm going to look at Hey man Hello my old friend What's your name? Oh It's Spike Spike

In a few short minutes A horse named That's a loser honey Wink Is going to come on the first of 2,000 revolutions of the county film. Point, the horse is going to break for the cages and make an enormous ruckus.

Myself and my colleague here are going to handle the next leg of the distraction. That's where you come in. As we provide the distraction, you will quickly and discreetly eat all of the kern inside of the bin attached to the kettle corn truck. You'll eat it in minutes? You don't have minutes. You only have 30 seconds. Well, should I, like, get over there now?

Uh, yeah, Spike. You should get over there right now. Man, this is bullshit, man. Yeah, all right. Well, I happen to actually like Kern. You know, I know I shouldn't, but, like, oh, it's just so... All right. All right.

So Spike waddles off. And we flash forward again to the moment in which the cages, the cages topple over. Spike has, let me see. Yeah. I'm going to roll for Spike to see if Spike made it over there. So what is eating all of? Sorry.

Sorry, just to see if he made it over. It's rolled for shoes. It's one thing at a time. All right, that's a five. Spike got a five. Can I give him a plus one from do anything? One. Okay, sweet dog

Sweet walking, make it a plus two, God damn. Oh, I'm going to tell it two. Okay, seven. So somehow, like, so when you say this, it's like, yeah, man, cool. And suddenly scuttles off, like, on two legs doing this thing, where he waved his arms as he goes,

makes it over to the truck, which is parked not at the next stop over. And he starts, eating, starts eating real fast, just as a lot as the two cooks of the truck have run out

to see what all the ruckus is about. So what is a, what's Spike's Roll to eat all of the curd in a bin that can hold a year supply of cur? Is that, will we say that's legendary? Would we say that's

godlike? I mean, that sounds, I mean, that sounds difficult. I said You're what? I said He killed him. It's difficult. I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, look, here's what No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

If you said, Brennan, Brennan, how, how hard would it be to eat your community's year's supply of food in 30 seconds?

Would you say it was, easy or difficult? I would say difficult. So difficult is seven to eight. It's difficult to seven to eight. You know what? Okay. I would say I would say, I would call that challenging.

Yeah, okay. I also described it. I also described it. I'm going to need a nine. Get a nine. I'm going to get a nine. He has two, eat. Eat two, because all he pretty much does is sit around and eat and look cute. Can I help? No. Was I part of the conversation?

No, no. You were not at the flower. I mean, you were part of the conversation, but. Yeah. If I could just give him some advice, like when you eat, you just got to relax your jaw and assist him with it with I have eat too. And I'm good at eating anything. We can get there. We need to get a seven on the die for this. Now we can do it. Okay, here we go. This is challenging. That's a nine on the time It's a 9.11? Yeah, dude. Okay.

So, in this flashback continuing, so a series of events is back when everything is going according to plan. And then Spike is motivated by the freakiest freak man that he's ever seen in his life. High tails it over to the current truck, goes into the bin. where the Kern is and eats all of it. He eats all of it. And the stuff that he doesn't eat gets, like, he realizes that he can't eat all of it. So he eats a good amount,

and the rest of it gets scattered onto the ground under the truck. He just uses his paws. Bearded dragons are very good at digging. So he goes, and, chit, chit, chit, chit, chit, ta. Amazing. And a good portion of a year of Kern goes, under the truck and into his belly.

And in the next 29 seconds, you see an enormously bellied bearded dragon dragging himself out of the Kern truck. Oh, man. Well, well, well. Stocking's empty. Time to fill it up with honey. In the meantime, Fen has gone over to you and says, okay, well, look all the rest of the horses are gone so I'm gonna need to hook you back up to the cart buddy I I purposely put myself in position

oh all right and so who's in the back of the cart right now right now there is just two elderly folks I think this is our time to get in the back of the cart yeah I think we've done what we needed to do yeah right there's two elderly folks in in the back of the cart. And they're, oh, this is nice. This is very lively. What a spirited young horse.

And you two, as you to, I guess, roll to climb up into that. Roll to move as a human. I think, roll the move as a human. I think I'm going to need this from

a brea. Yeah. Since you are the legs, correct? All right. So, uh, yeah. Roll to walk as a human. What can you do with a three?

With a three? Can I give you a, can I give an aid plus two for running? Plus two for running. It's a four, it's another gerund. That's still not a full success, but I'd say for a five that the two of you manage to sway on over and the old elderly couple look at each other

and they're like, oh these young singers in their body modifications oh my oh my oh yes now I would love to say

what are your pronouns and and my weird sideways people shoot up to the sky as it's darkened I would like to spend my 5xp on my flashback now. Thank you very much. Here we go. Here we go.

All part of the plan. This was what we were going to do the entire time. The entire time. As the sky is suddenly darkened by just a truly upsetting number of pigeons from the roost. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, yes. The Scott goes black.

When are you flashing? I'm flashing back to the night before, because Philip does all his best work in the dark of the night. Flashback to the previous night. And there is a whole lineup of pigeons. One of them is nestled in a chair, the ruins of a large leather chair out just outside the carnival grounds. Hey, you want something from us? pleasure to see you I have a little

little deal that I'd like to make with you and my friend Billiam he sends his regards yes yeah Billiam's an old friend

man he could have made it big time it kept on going but yeah what can we do you for some people are a little past their prime and destiny for the abattoir, but not us. That's real dark.

I like the way you think. Thank you. So, when, tomorrow, during the carnival. Yeah, the county fair. An opportunity is going to present itself, and I need you and hundreds of thousands of your best mates to each

on my signal. And that signal is a horse, freaking out by a freak shell. Yeah. So hundreds of thousands of my boys out in the skies.

I'm going to dark in the sky. And each of you are going to go swing in and truly obliterate the farmer's stock of good primo corn. I need each of you to pick up one corn and fill the empty truck. with it one at a time and no one get greedy and eat your piece of corn.

Oh, all right. But in return, we're going to need a favor. What could I do for you? Well, I think you do, we do your favor. And then we call upon you when the time is right. Does that seem good? And I... You like that?

Capiche. Oh, a mothold. you a pigeon. I love it. And Philip is going to reach inside of his fur and pull out a contract, written in old-timey English font where all the S's look like F's and slides it forward.

All right. The pigeons take 20 minutes to read through it. They can read. They can do read. They can read. Yeah, the roost. They have the legal team swarm over it a little bit. You can line out and veto some things in there too.

Oh, right. After some lengthy negotiations, they put their paws in some of the dirt, and then they stamp it onto the page. Perfect. All right. You will get your 100,000 birds in the sky at the moment of your choosing. Thank you. It was a pleasure doing business with you.

Truly, you are the king of birds. We flash forward to the moment. It's a kicks over. over the cages, spike in the truck, gorging himself and wrecking up the kern, footh, sauntering out of the center ring, and suddenly the skies darken. You hear the cooing of hundreds, thousands of pigeons. This, this is an onslaught the like of which the county fair has never seen before. Denizens look up foolishly Mao's a gait

They don't know They don't know Classic mistake Can I make an attempt of human speech As Finn finishes Hitching me up Yes That's only a two

How can I So it only comes out as Oh my lips are dry But what I say is Oh, go ahead Yeah It's almost like you're trying to communicate with me If only, if only you could talk

So that's another failure But In my mind what I'm attempting to say is I've never been a loser, honey You ask who I am It's a winner, baby and I'm going to headbutt her I'm going to headbutt her

and take off as fast as I can toward the Kern truck Okay, roll to headbutt first Okay, great It's so important that we sent one lizard To eat all of one corn And then millions of pigeons

To replace the rest And that the pigeons we did the night before And the lizard we did Like, oh shit, this better happen soon We got like, we got like... Pinsets are coming, pigeons are coming. Wait, let me tell you something. You are the best

heist animals. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. That doesn't mean you're good on human standards, but you don't need to be good at human standards. This is unbelievable for three animals. I got a one on my head butt.

Never really done this before. I don't, I'm actually not sure which is the head on human. Because there's no big nose. You are. Aim for the head. What you think may or may not be the head. You end up kissing her cheek ever so lightly. And she throws her arms around your neck.

Well, she better hold on because I'm taking off at full gallop. Well, you've got two to run, so go ahead and give me a two for run. That's a six total. This pulling thing This like having a thing on my back Is not fucking doing it for me guys Somebody free me How many XP have you gotten in the last 90 seconds

Enough to switch the whole eyes to have a second I think you got like three XP One breath I think that's seven I think that's seven So you can manage a canter You manage a canter You manage a can't

And in the meantime, Fenn. Oh, my God. I'm trying to be so cool. Ooh, okay. Well, she tried to Fenn, sensing that this is her moment, and she's going to swing up one-handed

and do a full a win and become live her horse dreams. She manages to cling to your side. So you have Fenn clinging to your saddle. Shit. River. You never slow down. I'm supposed to go to a full gallop right now.

The elderly people look like they're having a fun time. So the elderly folks are in the back. Are you still connected? Yes. Because you're in it, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're still connecting. Do you like modern music?

How about that? I don't know what do young people like? Do you, are you on the TikTok? Blah. Oh. Okay. A influencer you say I would like to

Now we're in the cart But up at the front of the cart We can see Itsa and Fenn Yeah I'm going to spring out of the costume And rush to the front of the cart Seeing that Fenn is still grappling Itsa And I would like to

Lay an egg and let it break on the fastening of its to the cart because eggs are corrosive. And is this true story? I learned this from a brain. In a moment, how long does it take for it to corrode leather and steel? Leather and steel? Yeah?

Well, it took us, you know. Would you say it's challenging? It just took a lizard 90 seconds to eat. Let's see what the dye I have to say about that, my friend. Can I assist? First of all, roll for clothes. Roll for clothes.

Roll for clothes. You have to break out of this costume and take off a top. That's a four. All right. Hold on. Can I assist with this specifically? Yes.

As I feel Ruthie starting to like jostle, I'm going to lean up and just start to eat the clothes around Ruthie. Okay. With my eat of two, which gets you to a six. Yes. All right. That gets used to his six. All right.

So you are able to bust loose from... Do I get any skill? And you get a skill, let's say, um, Bustin to. Bust it. Bust out too. No, wait.

This is very important. Is it bust out or Bustin? With an apostrophe. You heard it. You heard it. It's Bustin. It's Bustin. It makes him feel good.

As my old, as Alonzo used to scream in his sleep, Bustin makes me feel good. All right. So you bust out. You head to the front. Roll to see if you can egg on command. You have two, you have egg two. I'd say this is still difficult, so we're looking for an eight.

We're looking for an eight. Looking for an eight. Watch this. Five. Shit dog, that's not even a ruckus. I can't even get you there. Nope. All right.

So you try your damnedest to lay an egg on command, but I, you know, I mean, it might be just a performance thing. No one look at me. Everyone look away. Everyone look away. Please. I did you see this morning. I should have held it in.

Come on. That's just a farce. You canter. You canter towards the next stop, which is the heirloom corn truck. Hell yes. And in the meantime, Fen is going, all the pretty little horses. Hold on. Can I attempt my magic on young impressionable women to get Fen to go run screaming into the woods at night?

You can absolutely do that. Thank you. Let's say Let's give it a I'd say that's an 8 Okay An 8, okay 2D6

I'm at a 7 7 You need Matt Wait hold on I will spend an XP to turn this This one into a 6 So But that's only for you Oh that's only if I make

Turn for advancement But you do have one point that you can use to push it up and then you would get another skill. You wouldn't succeed but you'd get another skill. Shoot. Yeah, okay, I'll do that anyway. All right. Losing my touch. Then, here's it. She hears the call.

Dance under the moon. Naked in the moonlight. And she goes, yeah, that seems good, especially if there's horses there. but it's not yet the afternoon. It's so early. It's like 10 o'clock. She's same put. Kind of clinging to it's a.

Okay. As you pull up to the cart, to the truck, you still have about an hour until serving happens. Okay. Cool. And you see that there is current spilled out all over on the ground. and there are birds still in the process of, there's a flurry of feathers and motion and cooing

as thousands of birds put heirloom corn into the Kern container and a very large lizard drags himself out. Hey, man, got that, boy. Don't look at me, look at roof. Oh, very well done, Spike. Very well done. Yeah. That's delicious.

Well, I'm glad it was a good meal, because it's your last. No loose ends. And I shoot Spike in the head. With what? I don't know. Can I roll down? Roller gun. Wait, I have five XP.

Can I flashback? Flashback. Flashback. Show me on this board. you flashback and find a fucking gun. It was hard. Are we really doing this for this? Are we really blowing your fire?

You better give us all guns. It's right after social media access. We need me with my Colombian expat, friend. No, no, I'm not going to spend it. I'm not going to spend it. We're not going to spend five XP to flashback to us. Getting guns on the internet? I'm just picking up a clock and just kind of feeling the way.

It's nice. Okay. What do I need to roll to end Spike's life? I'll just, I can just roll to do anything. You can roll do anything, see if you can attack Spike and end him. I would like to roll to have a firearm. You can't just roll to have a firearm.

Have is a verb, and this says, do anything. Having is a thing you can do. All right. Well, okay, I'm going to need. They're going to make it Godlike. It is Godlike to have found a loaded gun and learned how to use it in this space. You can't. You can't roll 21 on a D6.

Okay. I'm helping with my magic, so you have a plus two. Okay. What do I need to roll? 21, Brennan. Do these explode? No. No, they don't explode.

All right, all right, all right. This one does. This is the kids on broom day. That's the kids on broom die. Do that one. That one explodes. I can't. Hey, Erica.

I can't get it. That one explodes. You can't. Hey, Erica. Look, you don't have a gun right now. If you can find a way. Okay. I gave you flashback points.

You did. That's true. Do you want me to use five to flashback to us getting guns? No, fine. You can still try and end him. I'll still say the same menacing thing to spike. We can't normal. He's so slow.

Can I, can't I have any weapons. It's not that you can't have. You cannot specifically have had a gun that is unlocked and you can use in this moment without flashing back. Can I just can I just have a henhouse egg incubator lamp? Are you keeping it? I think you know where I was keeping it. That's why the egg was having such a hard time coming out. It has to get past the head house hot lamp.

Roll leg, lay egg. Okay. To produce. To produce your heat lamp. I'm gonna throw up. This has been a core workout. That's, can anyone add? Because I have two fives.

Here's the problem. Magic? You can't just say magic period. Okay, here's one thing. Okay, well, hold on. It's a lamp. Electronics? I do have it.

Electronics would work. I also have, I won't lie. I also have door. Do door. It is funnier. We're going to endorse. We're going to endorse. It's funnier.

Plus two for doors. That makes that two sixes. You got a 12 total. You get, uh, I guess. Say it. Produce weapon three. Oh, baby. This is bad.

Produce weapon three. Okay, so I'll say that, I'll say that threatening thing. I'll go, I hope it was a good meal because it's your last meal. No loose hands. And I'm going to pull literally out of my ass. whole, a full working heat lamp. Yeah. And I'm going to set it on Spike, who is filled to bursting with unpopped corn.

Yeah. And he would love that because he's a lizard and he would love a heat lamp. So he doesn't even have the instinct to run away. He thinks it's a treat. He thinks it's a treat. Everyone's thought that Ruthie was like a little sweetie. No, this is, she's at work. Everyone's been listening. No one thought that after the first half of the last episode.

Yes. As soon as we saw Ruthie at work, you know, Ruthie at home, Ruthie at work? Ruthie at work? She's introduced with her chicks. Yes. Ruthie at work is pulling a heating lamp out of her ass to cook or to pop a bearded dragon. Yeah.

Amazing. Oh, man, I'd love a good sunning. And suddenly lizard guts are everywhere in front of you. There's a splatter of blood across the beak. Ruthie doesn't even blink. She's seen this so many times. I'm going to like trot over and lick Ruthie's beat clean. That's right, Philip, get it clean.

Yeah. Yeah, put that on the fucking board. You say get it clean? Get it clean, Phil. It's not, this line of work isn't for everybody. You've got to have a cold heart to make it in the heist business. Rufie. I'll think I'm in love.

And I just like frolic around the kern powdering guts. The bird flock, the flock of the roost has mostly started to clear out. One big pigeon

with chubby pouchy cheeks comes up to you. So, we are still in agreement that you owe a favor to the roost. Yes. Obviously. I'm a goat of my word.

Very good. Well, we'll just hold that in reserve here. The county carnival day is yet young. And takes off. Before he takes off, I want to gesticulate towards the pile of lizard guts and Kern powder and be like, a little treat for the road. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just being hospitable.

Are you sure you don't want to finish that? Yourself. Oh, I have, I'm chewing like a little bit of lizard intestine right now, and I'm like, Well, that's very kind of you, yes, yes. The rules of hospitality. Thank you. Intestines and corn powder. Yeah.

Yeah, that means it's been a pleasure doing business with you. And takes as much as he can carry in his beak and his talons. They're like lizard guts everywhere. Flies away. So now you have a truck. full, empty of Kern and full of heritage corn in the Kern bin. Mm-hmm. Okay.

And you are still, uh, Itza is still hitched. Oh, shit. Oh, my friends are doing cool shit. Yeah. This woman strokes me. Yeah. Uh, Finn is there. And, uh, I mean, can I go and try eat through the harness so you can be free?

All right. Roll to eat. Yeah. I'm not full. That's, I'm gonna need, before you, before I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm gonna need, uh, it's a difficult-ish, let's say a seven. I need a seven. Do you want me to roll again?

Uh, yeah, give me a seven. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. I rolled too early. Oh, no, I rolled so much worse the second time. Ah, it's a shame. Dang it. It's a dang shame. I can't help you.

It's all right. So, oh, no, no, no, no, no, little, no, little one. It's okay. It's okay. Uh-uh. I want a head butter. Oh. Don't patronize me.

Roll the headbutt. Shit, I don't have that either. God damn it. Do anything. Six. Well, now you have headbutt too. Yay. You missed.

It's right. It's the soft part on the side. That's the head. Um, and, oh. And, uh, that's all my damage is. Oop. Fen. Uh, and, uh, picks you up.

Oh, no. I'm so small. Is that somebody's goat? Bha. Somebody's goat? He haphotted me. Ruthie. Ruthie, produce a weapon.

I am going to... I just started to like, Ruthie smoke this bitch. I'm going to... I'm going to create a monster. Let me see. What can I do here? I think I'm going to attempt to scare, Finn. I'm going to do cause fear.

Cause fear? All right. Yeah. I say that's somewhat challenging. You are a chicken. Give me an 11. Okay. She doesn't fear anything.

Rufie, help. She doesn't fear anything. We both headbutted her. She's just so happy to be. Fenn doesn't care. She loves horses and animal friends. No. No.

All right. She's our boss battle. Just a kind woman. Boss battle. Okay, this is what's been in my head for the last three minutes. I'm just going to say it out loud and attempt to do it. I'd like to run again. But this time, kind of the dream is to Tokyo drift the cart.

Like, I don't care about, I don't, like, I just, like, to use this, like, to go forward and then swing so that the cart flips and maybe we can snap. Ooh. The hit. Okay, give me What would you say this is? I mean, I go It's obviously running. Yeah, all right.

It's running. Let's go. I wish it was ruckus. Give me run. Okay, this is... It feels like ruckus, because you're trying to cause destruction to the cart. Yes, my goal is destruction.

Can we call it ruckus? We can call it ruckus. You're rolling three for ruckus, and I'm looking for... Let's call it a 12. Okay, 12. You got this. Okay, the first two are a six.

So I need a six. You could do this? I got a two. Wait, you said the first two were six? No, the first one was a six. It was a one and a five, and then I got a two for a total of... Why is this the hardest part? For a total of eight.

Okay. Well, I'd like to say you have a two. have eight experience points right now. I do have eight experience points so I can flash back to the beginning to change the whole nature of the eyes. Okay. Do it. Do it.

You have to. Okay. So, but, I mean, would you like to do that now or can I, should I tell you what happens? No, tell me what happens. So you take off at a trot, a canter, a galap, a run, and you drift and the cart does indeed tip over, but it is still attached to you. now two old people in the back clinging on, oh my, clinging onto the cart. So you're dragging a cart that is no longer upright.

Great. As I just kind of circle around, I don't want to leave the vicinity of the court. So I'm just, get this thing off of me. We have to execute the next phase of the heist. Where the fuck is that? All right I would like to attempt to sweet talk the old people

into strangling and killing Finn What? Wait, can I assist because I have temp to Yes, you can assess All right, it's a Okay, Brennan, I need to tell you now. Yeah.

For a chicken too sweet who does not know English to sweet talk to old people To a killing a little girl, I'm gonna need a 24 from you. Hold on, can I also roll then because I can communicate with humans. No, you can help. But we're working together because we're the same.

You can help. What's my life? I have to say. What is it? Two, tempt two, like magic tempt two. All right. To, uh, sweet talk to, uh, two dice. Mm-hmm.

Let's have to say real quick that it's amazing. Brennan said it And we all went Yeah okay And Erica actually laid it out And it was like Yeah That is pretty

Brennan said it's so I'd like Sweet tongue the old people Into murdering And then we all went Mmhmm Yeah Okay

So So we're saying So we So you don't feel like It would be difficult I'm saying it'd be godlike Godlike Okay

Straight up 24 To convince you, a chicken, knowing no English, you convinced two old people to murder a little girl. All right. You know, even Ruthie has a line that she won't cross, and murdering a little girl probably

crosses that line. How little? Like, is she like an adult? She's 15 years old. Ah, shit. I, well, I was voting when I was 15. Is there chicken suffrage in this world?

Okay. I'm going to spend five. I'm going to spend five. I'm going to spend five. I'm going to spend five. We're going to flash back. Five or all eight? No, not all eight. I'm just going to spend five. I don't want to change the whole nature of the heist

because I feel like we're still figuring out the nature of the heist. It's not what you think it is. Because I'm still waiting for that raccoon to come through. I want to flash back to the creek, to the rabbit, who beats me in the race every morning. In the moments of preparer, Two days before the Heist

Hey You want a piece of this? Fuck you You're a fast little fucker All right You know that? Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah

I'll tell you back in my prime, I could kick your fucking ass Well, you're not in your prime now But yeah, I know I'm not, all right? That's why I need help Tomorrow I got a big score Two days from now The County Fair We might get into hot water

All right, I'm not the horse I used to be And I got to admit that It's too important to score There's too much on the line, Sedona But enough enough I don't want to be to get, I don't want to get lost to what could be. I want to focus on what is. That's that I might need help. So I need you to be in the woods nearby. Just keeping an eye on things. If we need you,

we might need your speed. We might need your courage. We might need your ears. I don't fucking know, man, all right? But I'll cut you in on my share. All right? Just be there and be ready. And maybe bring some fucking friends. I don't know. Hey, my name's Ruby. It'sa. Good to meet you, Itza. All right? All right.

See you then. Well, hopefully it won't come to that. But if it does, kick some fucking ass. That was a very cool flat fact. Love that, love that. We return to the present. The car has just been tipped. Itza is walking around in a circle with Fen,

clucking at him sweetly, and two old people thinking, perhaps this is a new exciting ride that they've added to the county fair. Wild. A Warren of rabbits emerges from the cops of the trees nearby. Comes in. Ruby, you came.

Yeah, you think I missed this for the world, bud? I thought you and that rabbit hated you. Absolutely. We did. Oh, I could tell you. But maybe there was something underneath it. all along.

That's what I love about heise. He was emotionally vulnerable. We as an athlete, I got to respect that. I get it. I get it. You see, it's one of those tropes, you know, where the kind of two alphas kind of realize that together they're stronger. For sure, we don't call them tropes in real life.

But yes, absolutely. Right there with you. So they come in and they start to gnaw at the tethers that fasten you to the the cart. Within moments, you are free. Oh, thank God. I'd like to ruckus finn off my back. Come back. Just full rear up. All right. Okay.

Okay, I'm looking for, let's say this is a six. This is pretty. Headbutt assist? Thank you. That's, uh, holy shit. I need it because that's a, I got a five. Plus two? Plus two equals seven. All right. So with that, Philip, at the same time that you're bucking,

Philip kicks. And poor sweet Fen gets dumped on her butt, falling safely into the hay of the hay cart. All right, phase Zeta. Go, go, go. Exactly. Everything going according to plan. As we all start to head out,

can I walk up to Ruby? Yeah. I go, Ruby. phenomenal work. Thank you for saving our friends. Oh, absolutely. No loose ends.

Can I produce weapons? Yes. I'll just roll a number and you tell me what weapon I get. I don't know what I got up there. Up there. Oh, my God. That is an 11 overall. Okay.

For an 11. Three to produce weapon is so dangerous. It's crazy. Okay. So you come up to Drew. You're like, thank you, thank you. You pull out a rabbit ear on a chain. You start swinging it around.

Holy shit. Oh, shit. I'm going to try to jump in garot wire. Yeah. Roll to garot. Roll to garot, mate. Come on, you got to roll the garat. That's a two.

That's a two of a garage. All right. Hey, hey, hey, knock it off. Ruby starts kicking, kicking, kicking, kicking. I let go, fine, fine, fine, fine, whatever. Your friends suck. Whatever, man. Whatever.

Like a white dog. And then Ruby and Warren take off back into the woods. They've already forgotten clean about this. Great. I never get to no loose ends anybody. You killed that bearded dragon. Oh, that's right. When was that?

Was that? That was like minutes ago? A minute's a minute's ago. Anyway, quick, let's hit. Yeah. Wait. But before you go, I want to toss you your harlequin mask back. It's a, I'd like to roll to perfectly catch it on my face.

Yes. Please do that. That's a one. All right. So it lands behind you. It's like, you can see it. The beautiful orange harlequin mask, tumbling through the air as if it's,

slow motion. Splat. It falls behind you. I'm going to turn around and take a minute. Can I roll to put it on? Yeah. Roll for clothes. I'm going to assist? Yes, I do. Yeah, you're pretty good on clothes, right? I have two and fine clothes. Okay. That's a six.

Woo! Was that a six? A six on the die. All right. So now you're closed two. Oh, great. Close two. And you wriggle your head in

and ah your head is complete once more it's a winner baby all right let's execute the next plan where the fuck is the raccoon and at that moment this raccoon

rolled very well for disassembly because what you didn't know about this raccoon is that he was doing time for for bird glory. We knew. Yeah, all right. He's got thumbs. That's

stereotyping. Anyone with thumb steals things. All right, that's, yeah, okay, I can't. Roll for stereotyping. Roll for prejudice. That's a four. I got a four in prejudice. All right. So, you're like, you're like, hey,

you're one of the good raccoons. You're not like other raccoons. So he pulls that out. Oh my God. At that moment, you hear it. You feel it before you see it. There's a rumbling in the ground.

You hear screams. There's not many people left here. It's only 1130. But the unmistakable sounds of chaos and mayhem. And then you see it. The Ferris wheel. Freed from its pinions, rolling towards you. All right?

Everybody, uh, roll to dodge. You can use whatever skill you'd like, but avoid this mayhem as you see stampeding people and carts spilled all over. And a ferris wheel. Can I make my dodge, uh, scooping up or an attempt to scoop up the other two? Thank you. You are the getaway and muscle.

So yeah, you can absolutely. Can I help? I got a three. What did you want to add in something? I was going to assist with eat. Explain. Now, if I assist, is it you have to eat or I'm eating to help you? You're eating to help.

Then I bite, not in a bad way, but I bite your teeth. to be scooped up and just bobbing on the back. Okay. You got a three? I got a three. And what's the difficulty? A million. The difficulty is six because it's easy, but not trivial.

I would like to roll. We got a three right now. Yes, and you could only add one extra skill. Ah, shit. For aiding. Yeah. Well, don't let it be eat that. Do you have a three and something?

I was just trying to scoop you up. You just focus on individual dodging. So that's one miss from Lou. Abrea. You're looking for six. I would love to use magic, too. To use magic. I'm not going to allow it.

The falling back on magic. You have what? You have other. Us planning a heist, like. You'll use your ability to run to close the distance as fast as possible. Then Philip will cast a magic spell. I roll, do anything. I got six.

We made it. So you have dodged too now, actually. Well, I forgot you could be normal in this game. But you haven't dodged for yourself. I haven't dodged. I spent my time trying to save my friends. This isn't Dean. You don't have an action to call me.

You can roll to try. Dodge now? Yeah, do you sit there. That's a two. All right. Can I help with my Dodge? No. Leave me, leave me. No.

Brennan, how do you get out of the way? I am going to roll to dodge for myself two. I'd like to imagine I'm just moving left and right trying to be like just on the other side of it. But I roll a six to get it's a out of the way.

Ooh. Oh. How do you get him out of the way? I go, as you're like moving left and right, I go, It's a run. That's what I was bored to do. And I'd move rather than going left or right.

I just go right. And then I think Ruthie looks up at the Ferris wheel barreling towards her having failed her dodge check. And everything slows down for her. And she just sees the wheel coming. He goes, I always knew it would. For real?

We got to kill somebody. Yeah, that's fair. All right. Well. So I'm going to roll for the Ferris wheel because there is a chance that you could Buster Keaton this and get caught between one of this. You're a chicky and that's got to be easy for that to happen. be easy, right?

So I'm going to roll Yeah, I'm going to roll a D6 and I need a 4 on the dye. You're going to roll that and you... Okay, so do anything...

Actually, let's do a roll-off. We're going to do roll-off. I am going to roll a D-6 and you go roll a D-6. Great. And the and the higher higher number wins. There's something so funny, too.

Can I help with magic? Let's see. We always say the phrase like the GM is everything else. Yeah. And it's just something very funny to it, becoming as concrete as, well, I will roll for the Ferris wheel. You will roll. To not die. Here we go.

I'm going to roll and I've got a one. Now here's the thing. You said I could bust your Keaton this. I have two in Bustin. Wouldn't we say that Busting? Is what a buster does? Is it busting what a buster does? Now let me tell you what a buster does.

Roll to you. To bust it's busted. But roll two to bust. You have to beat a one. Oh, I just busted. That's a 10, baby. Yes. Straight busted.

Absolutely busted. Just busted all over this fair. Incredible. I also will spend the next Pede turn that other four into a six, unless anyone can add. No, you passed it. Oh. Oh, no.

You want to get a new skill. Oh, sure. Or unless anyone added two, I might. Can I add to magic? Can I add my magic to time that properly? You have to let the magic mean something. I have a two in magic. Do you have a two in magic?

How does that manifest, though, as you tempting? It's not tempting. I have a, I have temp to and magic to. What does it look like? Because your magic, philip. has always been about persuasion and manifesting. You just plant an idea in somebody's head and they do what they want to do

and they can blame it on you. Exactly. And it's always been on like females too and Ruth is a lady chicken. And as Ruth closes her eyes and to accept death by Farr's wheel as expected, I give her a vision of the worst moment in her life, which was what her 47th grandkid wanted extra corn pudding,

and she too sternly said no. And in that moment... That's your worst here now with the character played out. Yep. And you freezing and halting in that specific moment as it replays in your mind and turning back. Can I have an extra helping of corn pudding? not right now, sweetie.

I was too. I was too harsh with my sweet baby. And I time it so that you are frozen in your horrible memory at exactly the right point for it to roll over and miss you. Anyone looking sees a chicken truly crying, huge tears rolling down my face in shame at having so sternly. I've killed so many people. Three minutes ago, failed to a garot, a rabbit. I tried to kill a rabbit. Two elderly people, a little girl,

successfully killed a bearded dragon, whose only crime was helping us for no reason. So anyway, I think your thing goes up. Busting up. That's true. No, you get, that gives you Dodge 3. Dodge 3. Or no, you know what?

It's not Dodge. It's not Dodge. That's except fate. Three. Whoa. God, I'm going to use that skill in a fuck enough way later.

I would be disappointed if you were. I'm so good at accepting my fate. Oh, shit. I thought something was going to happen, but then they accepted their faith so hard. Whoa.

God like acceptance of faith. So, is this what you expected? Actually, yeah. Huh. The Ferris wheel rolling free and as it rolls by, it's a plalvering, trying to decide which side to go to. Turns to the right, canteres off, runs off, runs like he's never run before. Ruth standing there accepting her fate, knowing that this, this is how the light is snuffed.

She's going to that big free range co-op in the sky. Philip encouraging his new love. What? Your words. The Ferris wheel rolls by. You see a little raccoon clinging to the side. Good job. There's utter mayhem at this carnival.

Nobody is paying attention to any of you. People are running and screaming. Children are with no sort of context or moral compass, actually kind of having a good time. And you are there with a truck that is full of corn in the corn bin. Corn in the Kern bin? What do you do next? It's a trots back over to, I'm assuming we're,

Ruthie is still standing still. Accepting her fate. And he gets down on like, like, does that like thing that horses do where they get down on like all fours. Ruthie? It's a. Thank you. Of course.

I haven't had many friends in this life. You knew what I needed. You needed to do what you were born to do, what you do better than anyone I've ever known. that's run I don't want to be too forward but are we having a moment well I don't know it's a

roll to have a moment each of you roll for moments for a moment I'm looking for a combined score of uh look this is challenging for the both of you living your life of crime so I'm going to say a 10 combined six that's a 10

10 overall This moment warms you. You both remember Sedona sending your little chicks to college. What? I was there in Sedona. What? Sedona, I was there the whole time. Wait, you want to send your children to college?

All 40 children and all one in 180 grandchildren. Like a chicken college? No, a human college. One of the ivies. Not a bullshit. I don't know how you like Cornell, but a real ivy, Harvard, Yale, Princeton. You share that moment where you each remember why you are in this. Why, why this is important to you, the real stakes of this, what to Philip is a game.

And then the moment is gone and you're left with a truck full of corn, and a carnival in mayhem and a two-headed rooster on the dashboard with the giant-dusts pumpkin you've ever seen Ruthie Alonso Hi, I'm here too

It's a I'm scared I'm afraid of you That's right, I'm afraid of you, that's your name Even in your mind to yourself, that's your name. Yes, ma'am. Yes, that's right. God, she's in my head, Alonzo. I know, why do you think I left?

We're taking this truck for ourselves, Ruthie. But I'm afraid we need this truck to stay on the farm, Alonzo. Yeah. That's going to feed all the little chicks and everybody else. Blip and blip too. Everyone's counting on us Those are stupid names They're engaged asshole

You're a chicken with two heads And you're gonna call blip and blip too stupid Hey Are we stupid Alonzo? No Dumb as hell I'm gonna say Alonzo

If you want us To carry your pumpkin to safety We'd be happy to do that And have our two heists run side by side But first You have to scoop out all of the innards and leave them here in a big pile for Fergie. Not the singer.

Although he does have some lovely lady lumps. Well, that does sound like an appealing offer, Ruthie. But fortunately, I know you. And it's like I always say, when I'm asleep, you can't trust a chick. Fine. No loose ends. Are you producing another weapon?

I'm going to produce another weapon. Can I add plus two with doors? Yes. How much do you add for doors? Plus two. I have an 18. No joke. I rolled a six and two fours.

Also with plus two. Wait, does plus two work across? Yeah. It raises pips. It raises pips. Okay, so that's an 18. And I get a new skill off of Purdue's weapon. It's got to be cluck with a Glock.

18 is legendary. Yep. Just like this moment that's just It's just us with a chicken in the center And a horse and a goat on the other side staring down a two-headed rooster In the front seat of a car with a pumpkin in it And normal corn in the back

And normal ass corn in the back A year's worth of normal corn And currently that chicken is digging around in its ass Alonzo knows all of your tricks but he has never seen you pull a full-ass rocket launcher from your ass before Is that a stinger?

Say baghawk little man Baglock Beglock! That's my new catchphrase! You can see it in his eyes there's this weird machismo that he doesn't want to give up this heist for but he is staring down the barrel of RPG.

What's it going to do? Hey, Alonzo, you know, we can, there's like a giant Rutapega in there that we can just fully go and scoop. We can, I don't even think anybody's guarding it. There doesn't seem to be any security around this year. Listen to him, Chris. You got to get out. All right. All right. empty the pumpkin Alonzo

We want the outside of the pumpkin actually Oh He could take the inside of the seeds Yeah yeah yeah yeah wait You can keep the inside of the seeds But the outside needs to go to Fergie the raccoon Oh It's the part you wanted anyway

Yeah that's the part I wanted anyway All right Ruthie You got yourself a deal All right Wow all right Alonzo and Chris working in tandem make quick work of that pumpkin. They hollow it out,

take the seeds with them somehow. I think Chris has to eat all of the seeds. They're going to pass them later. They are mulling this entirety of a pumpkin. Seed mule.

They leave the pumpkin rind, dump it into the passenger seat. for you. All right. All right. You got it. We're going. We're going.

Well, a little chickadee. Hope to see you on another job. And they... Get the fuck out of there! I mean, how fast are they running? Because they're full of seeds, because I would like to kill what... I want to kill them. Yeah?

I've learned from Ruthie. Okay. No loose hands. Rufi cannot borrow. Can I borrow that little rabbit foot? Do you want the heat lamp or the rocket launcher? I want the rabbit foot. The rabbit foot.

Here's the rabbit foot. Thank you. All right. Roll for it. What are you going to use? Yeah, I'm just going to roll to garat. Roll to garat. I don't have that skill.

Well, they unfortunately have two for fighting because they are roosters. Shoot. Hold on. I'm going to do headbutt then. I'm going to take it for luck. And then I'm going to try to headbutt them. Two against two. All right.

You're going to need to beat, oh, a seven. All right. With a nine, baby. She just like, you run up the full tilt. Your tiny little body smashing into the, there's with your four sets of horns now? Yeah. They explode. I don't want them to explode.

I want to knock the Alonzo head off and kind of just, kind of just use the body. That's like a little bag to hold the seeds Because the seeds are also worth money All right So go ahead And uh Go ahead Tell me how it happens

You go face to face These roosters used to be prize fighters before this That's when they met Ruthie Yeah But I'm trying to I'm trying to show up for Ruthie Because Ruthie is very cool But have you seen those videos of the little baby goats

That like do like kick flips off of each other Oh yeah Yeah I do in a super adorable kickflip off of the Chris head and then head butt the Alonzo head. And then just drag back a chicken sack, a rooster sack of seeds. This is, this is somehow your fault, Chris. I don't know.

I don't do anything and you should probably call me. Oh, they're still alive. I'm just going to rag doll the necks until they stop. Well, I mean, they're on the ground. Their heads are off and they're arguing with each other as you leave. Just please call me. I'm afraid of you. That's what your wife called.

Ex-wife, I don't know. Also, I don't, I don't like her. She's still single. Ruthie's reiss is unreal. So you leave the two of them, arguing in the dirt. Now you have a full truck and pumpkin and a bag of heirloom seeds. Ruthie, you always say no loose hands, right? That's right.

You hop on my back with that rocket launcher. Hell yeah. I'll jump on. It says back with a rocket launcher. We need to go find my owner slash jockey. Yeah. This is the perfect story. All right.

Roll to be holding a rocket launcher and ride. So I guess horseback riding. Roll for a question. You're going to, yeah, roll for a question. It's pretty easy. Well, no, I'm going to say, Give me a six. Give me a six.

You got one. Incredible. Roll for a question. Okay, now you have Equestrian two. Amazing. I have so many fucking skills. You have so many skills. You absolutely played this game correctly.

I mean, it is fucking. Jackal Walt Drey. I'm like just like grooving in the saddle. My lower body is fucking perfect. I have perfectly steady feathered wings. holding this stinger missile. One eye on the scope. Children running the opposite way

as we run deeper in. Off in the distance, the Ferris wheel. Just going to be like, I hope this stops sometime. I want to go get that pumpkin. So you make it to the stables. And there in Kulats. In front of the stable.

Just sitting there, feet up, sipping. A martini is Herman Rutherford III. I say, what happened to the cart? Can I try and make an attempt at human language? Yeah. Yeah, actually. It's a three. Listen here, your little bit.

You may not remember me, but I remember you. Oh, is it? You rode me. You sat outside. I sit inside, and I knew what was right. And now my friend, who's a chicken with a skitter missile, is going to blow you to hell. What is happening here? Say goodbye, motherfucker.

Why does that chicken have a gun of some sort? How am I? I'm all for Second Amendment rights, but this is ridiculous. Of course, you are. Why did the chicken cross the road? Do you want to communicate? Yeah, wait, I'm going to roll to speak English. Or?

That's a five. You manage it. I'm going to go. Raw. Raw. Why? Shut up my car. I shoot the missile.

Incredible. Perfect. What do you want to, what do you want to roll for? This might be. Lay egg. This could be busting. This could be lay egg. Produceding.

It could be weapon. It could also be, if I get a real taste for blood, it could be create monster. It also could be written in this man's destiny that he was going to die here, which case it's except fate. You let me know. You know what? Give me cause. No, give me lay egg. Do lay an egg.

Because I'm going to say, I'm going to say. say right now that Herman Rutherford the 3rd does not have any skills really that are relevant to repelling a rocket. Let's go. Is it Rolese? Oh,

it's a five. That's a five. So he might be able to dodge a little bit. I got a seven. All right. You deliver your punchline. Rutherford is Pothold. Which was, so we're all clear.

Why did the chicken cross the road? And then he said something and I said, shut the fuck up and I shot the missile. That's not really a... He is a pink mist. Beautiful. With pink mist in culots. There's nothing, nothing left for him

when his airs come to collect. I can't even identify the body. Well, looks like he got to the other side. Motherfucker. Not dead. Luce ain't not bad at all. Can I roll up with the truck now? You can roll for that.

See, I have electronics too. Electronics, too. Can I hot wire this car? Give me hot wire. Yeah, hotwire it. Electronics too. Keep in mind, Lou, you... Seven?

Seven. Okay. That's difficult. That's there. Yeah, I'm going to say that you can hotwire this. You're not driving well, though. Yeah, sure. I have the chicken body full of seeds on the accelerator.

And I'm using my two little hooves to like whip the truck around and be like, time to go. Time to go. This is it? You ready? I think this is it. Can I fit in the car? Yes. Why am I saying?

It is a massive truck. It is a massive truck. Yes. It is a food truck. Yes. You can squeeze in there. It's going to be a little tight, but you can make it, yeah. Right, you all pile into the truck.

And then with Philip at the wheel, you peel out of the county fair. And I'd like to spend eight. No! Yes! No! To be getting and changed the nature of the heist? Yes. Yes, good, yes.

No! I want to... After watching Phillips successfully used Facebook, the next day I go into the shed and spend hours sending one message to the security professionals or the Blue Boys. Yes. I say, Sedona, me, you, heist, solve. Yes? And after 90 messages back and forth, I communicate to the Blue Boys that there's going to be a heist at the county fair. And they just need to, they need to be posted.

When the Ferris wheel falls, they need to be posted outside of the county fair grounds ready to stop the truck before it gets away. But they have to let the horse go. Excuse me, they need to arrange another truck to take me to Arizona. Can I have done all that? So as we started approaching, I look and I say, you motherfucker, you double-crossed us. You double-crossed us. What are you talking about? Why is there a horse trailer with Arizona plates?

I don't know. Weird. We got to, guys, what do we do? What have you done? What do we do? Hey, I run this race alone, you dumb fucks. There can only be one winner, all right? You don't win the Kentucky Derby as a team?

Yes, it's the Triple Crown, but it only goes to one motherfucker. You don't know. I hope you enjoy riding in fucking jail. Our moment was fucking jail. fucking fake. I knew about all you dumb fucking kids. You told me about it during that co-op, co-op fucking the heist we pulled off. I fucking hate chickens. I fucking hate chickens. You're a two-bit pre-glu piece of shit.

Oh, yeah? I'll see you in a bottle of Elmer's, you dumb motherfucker. Hey, why don't you fucking lay an egg for once? For once in your fucking life. Laying egg and don't fucking fart while you're doing. There are two security cars. that have pulled up and are blocking the way of the truck. They start to get out.

These men with... They look like... They look like just sort of party store shirts and aviators, which they think obviously make them look very cool. And they start climbing out, and they look into the vehicle. They don't see... I'm driving.

in the front, I think you both are in the back? They don't see any humans there. I get out. I walk towards you. They're right in there. Take them. You got it. Let me get in the trailer.

They look confused. And then they're like, well, there's a horse here. They start, but they open up the trailer for you. I get on the trailer. Can I attempt to tempt them? You guys, what do you two do? Sorry, what do you do? At this moment, I'm going to say,

you got to know when you beat, Philip. What? And there's just no one heist is worth it. You there. I'm afraid of you. Get your dumb fucking pumpkin rind and push it off the truck and let's at least take care of Fergie. Go.

Wait. They're back in the dirt. Yeah, no. They're back in the dirt with God. So I'm going to say, in that case, I'm just going to look at Philip and say, you got to know when you beat. I have children to go see in the coop.

and I'm going to jump out of the truck and just look like a dumb chicken and just wander off into the farmyard. Philip has been left. Hey, Roger, do they say anything about who was supposed to do the highest? Who's your contact?

It would have been Tad Williams. Tad Williams. Oh, okay. Well, there doesn't seem to be anybody in here. There's just a goat. I lay on the horn. Okay, one of them kicks you up. Can I tempt them?

Sure. Sweet. Try it. I want to tempt. What are you hoping happen to? I want to tempt one blue boy to kill the other blue boy. I'm in it for the crime.

This is, you don't speak human. Can I try to speak human first? Everyone got to try to speak human a lot, and I only tried one time. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Two. It comes out of them.

If you'd like to try and tempt, one to kill the other, that is going to be. I'm going to need, what would I say? 11 and 11? Okay. From you? All right.

I forget what the challenge rating was before. Come on. Please let me use 10. 11. That's a six. Does not. So one of them. Oh, look at this cute little guy.

Oh, man. Well, I bet this guy belongs to one of the farmers. And so you are taken away from the truck? I'd like to spend some XP on a flashback. It's just two XP. It's only a couple minutes. A couple of minutes. But I think as I wander away from the truck,

having been of course betrayed by It's a winner baby. I just wander back up the road a little bit to where Chris and the pumpkin rind are. And I think if any of the. Blue boys open up the bin, the big heavy bin, they see that it's filled with ceramics from the craft tent. And I walk back up the road and I go, I walk up to Chris with the big pumpkin rind.

And I'm going to walk off to him and I'm going to go, take off that stupid disguise, Alonzo. Fuck me on this pumpkin. Oh, Ruthie. Oh, it's been a long con and it's worth it. Like I always say. Like you always say, I'm going to fill up a pumpkin with lots of stolen corn and fuck you on top of it. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Amazing. I say that's a five flashback because that's, you know, sort of going back further than that. But yeah. Well, I don't have enough XP to do that. But let's say that can I make a roll to get the extra XP? I think you had. You had.

Did I have five? You had seven. Oh, I think I missed writing down a lot. I have seven. Okay, great, great, great. A lot of rolls. A lot of rolls. Yeah.

There was a lot of Stinger Missile rolls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. Preach. One month later, things have somewhat returned to normal at Family Farms, Inc. The animals seem a lot. happier though because once they took back

that truck from the county fair it seems like they just got fed so much better or at least they were enjoying the Kern so much more Philip is back in his pen doing his little thing Kitty's spending a lot of time

there what have you been up to you Philip? Philip is enjoying tummy time as kitty is just petting him and he's just filling kitty's head with the future of this plan. Now, Kitty's idiot son, Tad went to Cornell, but Kitty went to Penn because she's a clever lady. And we have been working on a newer, stronger, more resilient, and cheaper to produce version of Kern. Now, my

goal for the heist was always to destroy the last good heirloom, on this farm and in the tri-state area. But my lovely chicken friend took care of that for me. So now there's nothing but spreading the good news of bad feed across the farmland. And baby, business is great. Ruthie, where are you? And Alonzo? And your pumpkin full of fucked on corn.

Well, the fucked on corn is, of course, stored safe. right near the chicken coop where all the little baby chicks can have as much as they want, eat their little tummies full. And we see Ruthie and her husband Alonso, who had to go away for so many years to make this con work behind the wheel of a beautiful corvette, top down, racing through the American Southwest. A 40-foot silk scarf trailing from Ruthie's neck. A pair of beautiful horn-rimmed sunglasses with her exact prescription. 140 miles per hour. Headed straight for the lip of the Grand Canyon. Sayanaro world.

Ruthie's going out on top. In Sedona. How do we find it's a? Once the Blue Boys, who recommended highly for their stopping of this daring heist, drove him out to Sedona. They, quite puzzled, just opened the back of the trailer and let him out. Just in Sedona. They were instructed in no uncertain terms by Tad Williams.

So just like, Literally, wherever the pin drops when you Google Maps, Sedona. Yeah, it's in downtown right near the Wendy's. I get out and I'm looking at a teal McDonald's logo. And I say, where the horses are at? Days of wandering Sedona looking for the racetrack. Days and days. eating fucking french fries out of dumpsters.

Where is it? It's so far from the first, I don't know how I had it in time, do we jump? Oh, a month, one month. Yeah, I would say the first four weeks are just eating garbage. I look a bear in a summer where I'm like in people's trash eating. being like there are no horses, there are streets, there is not wide open ranges. There are streets. But I have a two in maps.

Eventually, I see a long off horizon and I go to it. And I think exactly a month later, he's just kind of beaten down and starting to feel a little bit hopeless of maybe he shouldn't have given up his friends. Maybe it was Maybe it was all mistakes Maybe he was supposed to go outside Maybe he was supposed to go inside And it wasn't he or outside Or I don't even remember what it was

He hears the thundering of hooves And over the ridge Gorgeous Mustangs Other American paints Napaloozer to Go charging off along the sand-e horizon

across the redstone horizon picking up speed to catch him and then my ankle kicks in ah oh ah ha ha come on pushing through pushing through pushing through pushing through and it takes I don't know if I'll catch him or when I'll catch him but boy can I see him

finally know why gave up my friends so that I can have this moment as I chase after the other wild horses of Sedona, Arizona. And as the sun sets on Itza

running, slow down! Come, brother, come. I'm trying. They wanted to kill me. Each of you has left perhaps getting exactly what you want.

from the County Affair. Incredible. Let's go! Incredible. It is hot and swampy in here. Wow. Oh my God. I love you.

I just love you. Really awesome. Great job, really great job, Erica. So much fun. So much fun. Oh, thank you. It was so incredible. It was delightful.

You nailed it. You nailed it. You're amazing. I love that so much. That was so much fun. for characters so much. That's so good. That was fucking crazy.

If there was an epilogue, it would have to be, I'm trying to, because I'm literally like there's two loose hands, which is Ruby and Fergie. They're still out there. Ooh, okay. Can we have a stinger? Wait, just to be clear, you die. No, hold on. Hold on.

It's you driving off a clip. The post credit stinger as you, like, head towards the lip of the Grand Canyon. Can I roll tempt and use a little bit of magic to reach out to Ruthie with just a little inkling of a thought. I grabbed the steering wheel, jerking to the side, and I say, Alonso, there's nothing more

than I want in this world than to die fucking humid air falling through the Grand Canyon. There's a rabbit and a raccoon. We need to go deep, deep, deep undercover. Well, it's like I always say, there's nothing like pulling back from the brink of tantric sex in midair before you die in order to tie up some loose ends.

Are you sleep right now? He cracks an eye and I half open. Wake up, you're driving. That's so unsafe. Oh, my God. Now I'm going to stop recording. Do we have any more epilogs? We need to toss out there?

Incredible. That was Briah Iyengar, running Lee Mulligan, Lou Wilson. and in their debut as game master Erica Ishii. A county affair was edited, designed, and scored by the one, the only Casey Tony, friend of the show, and was powered by the completely free RPG system. Roll for Shoes. See the show notes for a link to it,

and we'll be seeing you at the fair.