Worst Case Scenario with Abi Clarke and Julia Stenton - Day 6 - Delia Balmer

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Delia Balmer finds herself in a relationship with a serial killer.A bag containing a body is fished out of a Dutch canal. In London the person responsible, Delia Balmer's boyfriend John Sweeney inflicts on her a relationship of mental and physical control very nearly costing Delia her life. Julia takes Abi's hand through the survival story of Delia Balmer in this dark, shocking and twisted episode of Worst Case Scenario.We must flag the episode contains descriptions of violence.Send in tales of turning your own worst case scenario into your best case scenario to [e-mail] and follow the podcast on Instagram @wcspodTheme tune by the brilliant Crizard who can be found on Instagram @crizards Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get attacked by an angry shark Stuck up a mountain in the dark Pushed off the top of a big landmark Hit by lightning in your local park Caught in a downpour of acid rain Struck by meteorora train A proton beam passing through your brain Attacked by that angry shark again

Hear how they survive Trappled by a herd of buffalo Chaste with an axe by your new friend Joe Buried alive in a pile of snow It's not the worst case scenario. Hello. Hi. Welcome to Worst case scenario.

I'm Abby Clark. I'm Julia Stenson. And this is the podcast where we read you horrifying stories that, luckily, have a happy ending. You'd hope. You'd hope. Well, they get out alive. Yeah. Let's not set the bar too high.

At least one person does. At least one person. One person to tell the tale. What can they expect this episode, Jr.? It's getting. dark we're getting real dark this episode yeah wow yeah okay and then strap in and then we'll have some listener tales at the end yes as huge but if you're new that's what we do if you have a story of yourself getting into the worst case scenario and surviving please email us um help at worst case

scenario no that's not it help at wcspod dot com we got there thank you goodbye oh wait no okay have you survived the week um um I lost my phone. So it was nearly all over. God. It was actually last week. You'd gone. Last week after the recording?

You left us all behind. Well, I had to get a train. You were a minor character in this horror film. Barely in it. Just an extra. I could see what was going down and I got out of there. Yeah, and I was about to leave and I was like, oh my God, my phone's gone. Shit.

Now in the studio. Neil in the corner. Producer Neil. He and Lald dropped. Loudrop needed to go. Yeah. He'd held his bladder. Oh, go, go.

Too long. Right. Neal in the corner would like us to clarify that Loudrop is a dog. He's not just another producer who really needed to win. No, yeah. So Laudrop, the dog, really needed to go for a wee. But I was like, I've kind of lost my entire life. So can we, like, prioritise that?

I imagine that was quite a panic from you. I can't imagine you were keeping a cool head in this scenario. And I was like, I think I've left it in the cafe dance. because I was obviously writing my story last minute last week in the cafe downstairs before we recorded. So you'd left it there the whole time. So I'd left it there. The whole time.

Yeah, but like I'm just so dedicated to this podcast. Didn't even notice? Didn't even notice. I put my phone away and I was all yours. I appreciate that. But then then you left and I was like, where's my phone? Because I'm very much in and out. And you're very much a replacement to the phone.

Yeah. And then we went downstairs, asked the cafe, we were like, we haven't seen a phone. And we were like, could this get anyone? and then Laudra up peed all over the floor. Yes, Laudra. Cafe. Flooded it.

Flooded the cafe. What was even worse is there was another really well-behaved dog sat at another table like, judging. Loser. Can't even hold his bit. So then Neil is on his hands in knees. Oh, no.

With kitchen roll. Like, I'm so sorry. I'll clear it up. I'm so sorry. Whilst I'm like, Neil, my phone. priorities this can weigh there are unposted clips on there

and then luckily word had gone around I bet that comedy was missing our phone I bet the whole building was searching for your phone and someone came up being like reception say they have a phone

I know so then we cleaned up loud jobs piss and then we went to reception and I was like do you have a phone and she was like what does it look like and I said well it's got a mirror on the back of course it does and it says Abby of course I am she and then she looked at me and she said I love your background and then I was like oh no because my background is a photoshop photo of a very 80s portrait of like a mother and son Do we know the mother insert? No, no, no, but you know those like classic 80s, like sat on a stool.

Okay, yeah. Matching knitted jumper. Yes. And I photoshopped on my face to the mother and my cat's face to the child. Great. And I led with mirror phone case. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, I meant the background, but I love it.

It does not surprise me that you have. both a mirror on the back and your actual face on the front and my name so and your name it's all about the brand so on brand um no i was actually just given the phone case and then i put it i never used it because it's dressed me out having a mirror on a phone case because when you put it in the pocket and everything it just gets scratched up oh but then i did the wrestling match yeah where i played an influencer yeah and i was like how can i take this further and i was like I have the perfect phone case and then it's just still on my phone since then and it turns out to be actually very handy it's really handy just when you need a mirror it's going to say it

it sounds right up your street it's actually quite a deal so it stayed that was great and what did your background used to be on your phone abby before my dead cat oh yeah that makes it even weird yeah that does make it weird the cat is dead but the memory lives on rip Heidi was it Heidi it was Heidi. I also have a bum bag with my other dead cat on. It's my favourite thing when someone compliments something and then you go, thanks, it's dead. It's really fun. Wait, you have a bum bag with your other dead cat on it. Yeah. You said that like that was the most normal thing anyone's ever said. Alex got it for me. It's the best present I've ever been bought, to be fair. Is it like lots of pictures of the cat? No, no, no. It's like a peachy kind of

bum bag because I love a bum bag. Yeah. I wear it like a drug dealer despite never having done drugs. And then it has like a little painting because I love we are hairy people who like paint clothes and stuff. Right. And they paint my cat. My cat would always lie on her back like a beached seal.

Yeah. And it's like it's her lying like with her paws up in the air on her back like kind of following the curve of the bomb bag. Oh, that's cute. And it's really nice. Like it's really like tasteful. Yes. So it's like the nicest present ever.

but I do like to rip into him and whoever compliments it by being like she's dead when they're like oh my god that's so few I'm like thanks she's dead what do they say then they're like ah oh god yeah I'm so sorry

that's actually kind of weird then you can never pay Abby a compliment she will make you regret it yeah I don't do you have any dead animals on any merchandise yourself I don't weird yeah I didn't realize that that was weird until now you freak

and bum bags, though. Are you kidding? I don't get it. But also, do you know what I saw the other day? Another thing I don't understand, which you might be able to enlighten me on. Okay. Is the cycling shorts on the bottom. Obviously, that's where shorts go.

No, we wear them on the head towel. And the leather blazer up top. Oh, that's a Molly Mae, I think. I don't understand it. It's like Tour de France on the bottom. And then, like, you're solving a... 70s murder up top It makes no sense to me whatsoever

It's the weirdest fashion trend I haven't actually seen much of it Oh I was in Cardiff the other day everywhere Every other person was wearing like Yeah I think it's all the active wear with a blazer now Yeah but like a leather blazer I mean with a blazer also weird

With a leather blazer It's insane Okay Oh my God Yay. Ready? Yeah. This is going to get dark.

Okay. It's 1990. Okay. Remember it? No, because you're too young. It was a pretty good year. Do you remember it? Yeah.

You were like zero. Nelson Mandela. I'm going to tell you what happened in the year. Set the scene. Nelson Mandela has been released from prison. Thank God. The Hubble Space Telescope has been launched into space. Mm-hmm.

And I am born. Wow. Yeah, the big three. The baby Julia. Yeah. Nelson, Hubble, and this guy. Amen. It was a big year for the world.

Also, what happened was a bag is spotted in the Rotterdam Canal. The police recover the bag. And they set it down on the pavement where it starts to seep blood. No. Yeah. Yep. Inside the bag is the dismembered body. of a young white female with her head, hands and feet missing.

How does she survive? This is meant to be a survival podcast, Julia. I don't feel like she's got a chance. It's not a happy story. Oh my God. There is a survival within this story, just to clarify. It's a real bleak beginning. Okay, holy moly.

As you can tell. The Dutch police don't know yet, but this is the body of 33-year-old. American photographer and model Melissa Halstead. Oh God, it's always models. Is this a person who pretends to be a photographer? No. No, it's not that.

Okay. It's not that predictable. Wasn't a dig, but okay. Melissa has been living in Amsterdam with her boyfriend, a carpenter who she met on a photo shoot. Don't like that. Here's the tools to dismember. You want to get that red flag ready.

Here's the tools to dismember. do not trust a woodworker Okay It's 1991 Oh What year was this? What year was this? Do you not have everything that happened in that year as well?

Oh, not for 1991 What a shame? Because not much time. I'm one. Okay. I'm probably into looking at stuff Uh-huh

Eating stuff You're probably walking by now Yeah, probably Probably having a little walk round I'd probably like a park that's probably that's about it okay cool carry on I don't know what was happening in the world at 91

I sort of checked out at 91 when did you check back in I think 94 but I'll get to that in the story okay you've taken so long our logo is turning off on the screen oh god

41 year old nurse Delia Barma is living in Northland London. Oh, North London. Yeah. She sits at the bar of the Hawley Arms in Camden on a bank holiday Monday. Lovely. Hmm. A man sits at the other end of the bar and tries to make eye contact with her. Red flag. Here we go. You're going to get a lot of use out that red flag today. Eye contact. Red flag. Yeah. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. She finally looks back and they get talking. He tells her he travels to and from Germany for work. Which

piques her interest, because she likes to travel too. Okay. She invites him back to her flat. No. She doesn't have any furniture, so they sit on sleeping bags on her floor and drink tea. Okay. Yeah. How did you feel like that?

Bad. Yeah. She then didn't see him for a while. Oh, okay. But then bumps into him on Kentish Town Road. He asks her out and she says, no, I'm too busy. Yes. However, on reflection, she feels bad about turning him down.

I hate that. Which can we just not feel bad about turning people down? I, yeah, genuinely. Yeah. I have a story to tell you later, but sorry, guys, it's not podcast. Okay. It's not podcast, suitable, but yeah, politeness. Just to, yeah.

It's so hard, though. It is so hard. Because sometimes it's just easier to say yes than go through the uncomfort. Uncomfuss not word. Discomfort. of like having to make the situation difficult. It's easier just to be like, I'll just say yes for this little bit, get through it.

But actually it's probably better to be honest for everybody to be honest in the long run, isn't it? But so much harder. So hard. So much harder. So she feels really bad. And in her words, so there's a really great documentary where she tells this story herself. Okay, so she survives.

She survives. Oh great. She's a real badass. Okay, I'm glad. But she says, because I'm silly and stupid. No. and he might think like she's calling herself silly and stupid for feeling bad about saying no but I totally would be the same oh me too yeah me too um and then so because I'm silly and stupid

he might think I'm awful that's what she says that that's that was her thinking at the time who cares you can see him again exactly so she writes him a letter and said she started something I should never have started, which is so ominous, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, the two starts seeing each other. Wait, that's what she said in the letter? No, she gives the letter, in the documentary,

she says, I started something, I shouldn't have started. The two start seeing each other, and the man, John Sweeney, is currently living in a squat. So he ends up staying most nights at Delia's flat, unsurprisingly. Which I don't like him. Yeah, exactly.

Get your own flat. Dealia mentions that her. her bay window is broken, and he comes around the next day with tools and fixes it. He also showers her with flowers and chocolates. They're very much in the love bombing phase, yeah, where he's really going over the top. So she's like, oh, who's this great guy? Yeah. It doesn't matter that he's steeping here every night because he lives in a squat.

Yeah. Yeah. Things are going well, but one day, John asks if he can bring his tarantula over from the squat. She's so shocked she can't even reach for her red flag That's the worst thing we've said yet on this podcast Worse than a dismembered body Yep, okay He wants to bring his tarantula

Yeah Why's he got that? Exactly At his squat Yes, yes to all of this I don't know you had What? Why don't you just got a dog like a normal person?

Mm-hmm I don't understand Where's he keeping the tarantula? He has a tank Yeah, I guess so I don't think he's free I don't think the tarantula is just roaming free Inexplicably She says yes

Bring over the tarantula My housemate at uni Her boyfriend once Just turned up with a hamster for her Isn't that mental At uni Where you're not even meant to have pets anyway As a surprise for her birthday

He just bought her a hamster Had she mentioned she was really into hamster? No, she didn't want a hamster What did she do? And she was like, I now have to look after her. of this hamster. Did the hamster outlast the relationship? Yeah, of course it did. Bore a hamster a surprise. Got it. Stuck with this hamster. Oh no. I just think that's mad to just like buy someone a pet at uni that they didn't ask for. Did the hamster live in her room? Yeah, stank. So loud as well.

Yeah. The scurrying when you're trying to sleep. And she'd show no interest in hamsters. Oh God. Really, really good of her to keep the hamster. I would have been re-home that hamster. I think maybe eventually it did go back to him because he wasn't a student. Oh, even were. Yeah. Where's the red flag?

He was just a local. Okay. And I can't really remember what happened. It was an odd relationship. Yeah, sounds it. And really the hamster suffered. Yeah, that's a full-on gift. Here's a living thing.

Strange, right? At least it wasn't a tarantula. Yeah, true. Could be worse. He, so she thinks this is nice. He's going to move in. We'll have nice, lovely. long chats. He's, you know, fixing things around the house. So he's officially moving in now.

He officially moves in. But I guess he's already been living there. It's like, this has been nice. Yeah, but as soon as the tarantula comes in, he stops talking. He spends all his time staring at the tarantula, watching it. Yeah, watching it how it eats the locust. So she described it as, he spent his days drinking tea and staring at the trantula in its tank, commenting on how it stalks the locust who are unsuspects. until it pounces, just like the police. Big time. This isn't enough. I know. We need like a red flag. That's not a real.

That's not a real human being. Yeah. That's a villain in a horror movie who I would laugh at. Exactly. I'd be like, this is badly written. Yeah, too much, isn't it? Wow. Really on the nose.

What a loser. Okay, here I am. I mean, it gets so much worse. John drew pictures. I used to be an art teacher. And in my professional opinion, these pictures are fucking shit. Oh, my God, let's see. They're so, they are so, I should have done a dot-compoly.

If you also want to see these terrible pieces of art, check it out on our socials at WCS Pod. What? Neal and the corner is so proud of me. Oh, God. Well, look at any of them. Here you go, there's one. Oh, they're not of the tarantula.

You know, they were all just going to be... I thought they were all going to be just drawings of his tarantula. Does the tarantula have a name, by the way? Oh, I don't know. So if you haven't looked up yourself, it's kind of a picture of like a red silhouette against a black background with the moon and two little like, I don't know, smug, I'd say,

love hearts hugging and a man just kind of like stabbing in a woman's neck. And that piece is... It's a bit literal, I'd say. Oh, all of it's... of his art he has not learnt the word metaphor this man everything is so on the nose nothing subtle nothing subtle that abby just described is entitled a romantic weekend for two in austria yeah stabby neck romantic weekend it's proper and it's also done in pencil crayon which i'm sorry are we five like like they were legitimate artist no because then we're gonna get

Loads of things. Do you mean it's opened up a door? But my God, these pictures are GCSC level shit, like really, really poor. And that, I think, is unforgivable. So he shows off his pictures to Delia. I imagine she's like, oh, well done. They're also creepy as fuck. Yeah, I was going to say, they're not worried at this point about the stabby neck kind of situation.

Exactly. He does some artwork about Dealia that I will tell you about later. So the three pieces that he shows up, picture number one, it's him kissing the cheek of a woman who looks very happy and content. Okay. Dealer asks, who's the woman?

And he told her, that's my American girlfriend. He means ex-girlfriend. When asked what happened to her, he said they split up, but wouldn't give any further details. Okay, so he is like, yeah, definitely. an ex. Yeah,

she, yeah, yeah. Right. Drawing number two. A drawing... But first of all, sorry. I don't want you drawing your ex-girlfriend anyway. Certainly showing

a picture, a drawing of them very happy. Kissing on the cheek. Seems a bit much, doesn't it? Yeah, I would be like, no. Yeah. That's like showing a picture.

Did you watch Married at First Light Australia? No. Oh. Well, there was a guy on there who was showing all the lads, all of his ex-girlfriends to be like, look how hot all my ex-girlfriends are. It's kind of like that.

Look how hot all the girls he didn't want to be with me while. Yeah, exactly. Look at all these failed relationships I've had. Oh, well done. He was a real dick. Even if it's not her, I feel like boys as some advice,

just say it's her. Do you know what I mean? Oh, it looked nothing like. Oh. Like she had glasses. Oh, you could like, it was a good enough drawing to tell. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a shame.

Yeah, the hair colour was a, it was obvious. Drawing number two, just a drawing of a dismembered woman. Ah, chill. Yeah. Drawing number three, a drawing of him naked. This one's fucked. This one's so bad, right. It's a drawing of him, naked, sat down in a chair,

which has got to be the worst view of a man you've ever seen. Not flattering. Not flattering at all. The top of his head is missing, and spaghetti, slash brains, is spilling out onto a plate, and he is eating it. now that's a man who thinks a lot of himself oh also also his dick is wrapped around an axe which is not the best way to use an axe no certainly not that is impractical that is impractical but also like come on let's like let's think of let's so root one isn't it like let's go beyond

that sounds like an absolute thinker junior yeah really disappointed in you john i think you really are an art teacher yeah really just oh come on let's think That's the first idea. Sure, get the first idea down. Fine. The first ideas are always shit. Let's keep going. He really stopped at the first idea there.

Everybody's first idea is spaghetti brains, eating them with your penis rat, round, racks. Right? We all drew that in primary school. Come on. Develop. Yeah. Move on to Dead Cats on Bombaz. Right.

It's 1994. Okay. It's May. fiction premieres. And she's still... She's still with him, though. She's still with him. She's still with him.

She's still with him. No, that Polinus has gone hard. Sorry, yes. Do you want to know what kind of things are happening in the world? Always. In May of 1994? Yep. Okay.

Pulp Fiction premieres at Cam. Not for shame. Nelson Mandela. Oh, what's he up to? Is now made the first black president. Do you like how he was mentioned in the first? Yeah, I love that we're following Nelson's story at the same time. It's like Love Actually

where you've got the different storylines All in one film I'm sure he'd be thrilled to be compared Horrifying Yeah I thanks for asking In 1994 around May I am probably like halfway through

The year at nursery So you're the character in Love Actually You're that British guy That goes to America to just like Have a threason that nobody really cares about And wishes wasn't in the film Oh the funny guy That everybody loves and thinks it's adorable

Yeah sure I'll be that guy If that's how you've taken that film I think it's the narrative we can do about. I think he's quite a memorable character. Okay. Delia, 1994 in May. Oh, we're back to Delia. Delia's been away with her friend for a few days,

which John did not like at all. Of course he didn't. She arrives back at her flat to find... She's like, well, maybe if you talk to me instead of the tarantula, John, I wouldn't take the day away. Yeah. She arrives back at the flat to find John smoking and drinking. Inside the flat, come on.

Crack a window. She said, I'm going to bed. I've got. work tomorrow so she goes to her room seconds later john flings open the door grabs her ankles and ties them to the bottom of the bed he then grabs her wrist and goes to tie that to the top of the bed and deelia starts really struggling obviously but quickly realizes the more she struggles the tighter the restraints get so she stopped struggling and lets him tie up both wrists so she's now like both arms both legs tied to the bed

fuck yeah the next morning so she's left there all night the next morning he just leaves her yeah the next morning oh I think he goes back into the other and carries on spoke of drink like he leaves yeah yeah um so the next morning the hand that she'd resisted with is like really swollen and purple um and beside the bed he'd hidden a gun and a knife and he said if you scream I'll cut your tongue out and then he said I suppose you wonder what happened

to my American girlfriend Melissa in Amsterdam and she's like no I didn't have thought of us in and then he's Dalia's like why are you asking me this now

she said that in the documentary and I was like yes exactly he and then he goes on to say I went into our flat in Amsterdam there were two Germans with her and I killed them

I didn't know what to do oh I killed them all I didn't know what to do with the bodies so I sat with them for three days before cutting them up and putting them into bags and threw them into the canal. So he kills these three people in Amsterdam and then obviously if you remember the bag

from the beginning of the story was founded Rotterdam. He's obviously somehow he's transported Melissa from their flat in Amsterdam to Rotterdam which the police said that they think that he just like carried the bag. He just did it on it. What happened to the other two?

this is it. He told Delia that there were two Germans, but there's been no evidence that there were two Germans. Yeah. Yeah. Because I guess maybe that makes him seem like there was more of a threat. Well, it makes him like all cool and powerful because he's like, oh, I killed two men and her. Yeah. And also makes her, like, victim names her that like she was. Yeah. Yeah. Sleeping with two men and cheating on him and being, but actually they only. Sexually promiscuous. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. They only found Melissa right yeah i bet there was no germans probably not so sorry yeah he's just given all of this up giving it all up just because she said she was going to bed i have worked morris yeah wow he really didn't he really does just go root one everything right doesn't doesn't hold anything back no

exactly yeah what's but i would be so scared because i feel like as soon as they tell you something like that, you're like, they're not going to let me survive with that information. It's like seeing the burglar's faces. Yeah, literally. Like if you see their face, if they tell you their name, or if they, if they monologue, it's either a Pixar movie and they're about to die or you're about to die. Yeah. Well, we know Delia survives. Thank God. Just keep remembering that because it's going to get a lot worse. Okay. Okay. Dealia said the confession came out like an explosion so maybe he has been bottling this up since it happened right um because the body was found less we forget in the great year of 1990 yeah and we're now

he's trying to scare her though oh he's definitely using it as a yeah it's a brag as a scare tactic yeah and also look what i've done stay in line yeah look what i can do yes delia's still tied to the bed the next morning when her friend rosy from work calls because She hasn't turned up for work. But he told her that last night. He told her that last night. And she's just been lying with that now. Yes.

So Rosie calls. She's not been at work. Delia hears him. He answers the phone. Oh, no. And Delia hears him shouting down the phone. You're going to do what? You're going to do what?

Then slams down the phone. He storms in hot and bothered, shouting, it's Rosie. She says she's going to call the police. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Okay, but that's good news. He's not, he's not,

You're a good actor. That's good. Yeah. And Delia's like, I don't know. She's like, I'm still tied up. Yeah. Not my problem, bro. What are you expecting for me here? Exactly. I would quite like her to call the police. Yeah. So he said, look, I'll let you loose if you tell Rosie that you had to go away from an emergency. Which for me is a massive red flag. Because if you're then exiting yourself. No, not her call the police. Yeah. So they go to the front room and Delia makes the call. Her voice is shade.

but she tells Rosie she'll be back at work next Monday. See, we need a code word for this. Yes. Like, you just need a code for like if someone else makes you ring someone, you need to say something so they know that the other person doesn't. Apparently, I think I heard a story once where this exact thing happened, or not this exact thing, but somebody needed a code word. And their code word was red folder.

Like, can you get me the red folder? That's good. Because it was like a work situation. Or like, I'm going to need the red folder next Monday. yeah that's good isn't it i'll see you on monday and i'll bring the red folder yeah we don't work in a in an office i know um i'll see you at that gig julia with the red folder yeah what folder you nerd yeah what would um you'd have to start being a prop comic to make it all make fun i'll bring the rubber chicken yeah i'll wear the red top there we go

well done thanks so she's effectively a prisoner in our own home now she felt like she could read his mind oh sorry

he she felt like he could read her mind so she didn't even think about escaping because she was like he's gonna know that I'm thinking about how to do it

John's behaviour became more and more erratic he made her right this is mental he makes her brand new kitchen cabinets that's nice

what during this time during this time well she's prisoner so she's all She's cut loose now. She's not allowed to leave the house. Right. He makes her brand new kitchen cabinets.

And then, and she's like, oh, that's nice. Thank you. And then he deliberately scratches all along the top of it. And she's like, why have you done that? I didn't ask her cabinets in the first place. Exactly. You've done a nice thing and now you've ruined it. Well, I don't think he was ever doing a nice thing.

Well, that's quite nice. Brand new kitchen. I think he was always planning to cut the top. Yeah, yeah, probably. He was like, it's a real mind game, isn't it? I know a good way to spite you. And it's kind of like, I didn't want new cabinets in the first place. Yeah.

Yeah. You've just wasted your time and energy, to be honest. Exactly. Yeah. Watching, you should watch a documentary because watching her talk about him is really funny. Good question. Surviving a serial killer. Yeah, that's really good.

And it's just about her. They're multiple. They're multiple. Oh, my God. But don't watch the other ones because I might do them as a story. You can watch her episode. And you're at home as well. Nobody watch it.

Nobody watch it. Okay. So John bought Delia with him on a work trip to Germany. This is how control, he's getting so controlling that he can't even leave her alone. And this is before Monday? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Okay.

It's not told, she's not been back at work. As far as I know, she's not going back at work. They go to Germany. While they're out there, she said, I don't want you to come back to the flat. And she said she felt safe enough to say this because they were in a hotel. People were downstairs. It's unlikely he's going to try something under those circumstances. And he said, oh, well, I'll go to Liverpool when we get back.

He's from Liverpool originally. Okay. They get back and she's like, okay, so when are you going? And you just keep saying, I'll go next week. I'll go next week. And then obviously next week never comes. She can't go to the police because she knows what he did to Melissa. and obviously he'll

do the same Is she leaving the house at all? I don't think so. I think they've gone back to how it was where I think she's going back to work because later on she is coming back from work so I think he is allowing her to go to work

but when the control is that like incredible then you just do whatever they tell you don't you like to survive. Oh my God. So November. 1994. What's happening in the world, you say? Well, the first PlayStation is released.

Wow. I know. 94. That was really surprisingly. Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer is Club to Death by fellow inmate Christopher Scarva. Fun. In the prison gym in Wisconsin. And I've had like my first two terms of primary school. Okay. So I'm very into driving. Do you remember that red and yellow car? that's sort of shaped like an egg. Yeah. Did you have that at primary school? I'm really into driving that around the playground. That's my vibe.

Okay. Monday, Delia comes home. Wow. Okay. That is where we're pitching it. All of her stuff is gone. All her stuff is gone. He said he was going off to Germany for work,

but she had a feeling he was still in London. Okay. Yeah. So she got the locks changed on Thursday. Nice. But on Friday, John climbs a ladder up to a small unlocked window in Delia's bathroom and enters the flat. Oh, no. Yeah.

He hides all day waiting for Delia. I hate that. To come home. Yeah. That's a paranoia I don't need. People hiding. When she does come home, he jumps out. He shoves his fingers down her throat.

Which is so, like, invasive, isn't it? someone's fingers in your mouth. Why? And I don't know. And he's saying, are you going to stop screaming? Right. And so she's already stopped screaming,

she said. Like when his fingers went in, I couldn't make any noise. She said the pain was excruciating, like thorns stuck in her throat. Oh my God. Yeah, he pulls his fingers out and they're now covered in blood.

Oh! And he says, you bit me. and she opens her mouth that's now full of blood and she's like it's not your blood you've damaged me inside no no no no no no no no yeah

horrible really horrible so Delia's feeling pretty powerless but one of her friends knowing how volatile their relationship was becomes more and more concerned when she doesn't hear from Delia and so she calls the police

what so how long had it been I don't know I wonder whether, they don't really explain it, but I wonder whether they had plans or something and she hadn't turned up. This friend's brilliant. Is this the same friend? I don't know.

Okay. She just said one of her friends. I need to get some friends. But I'm putting friends in the survival toolkit right now. I think because he left on the Monday, she got the locks changed on Thursday. And so I imagine this whole week has been like... Tense.

So her friends are probably very aware. Like she doesn't answer her third. Yeah, so she's, they're probably checking in quite a lot. So they ring the police, they turn up at Delia's door and John instructs her to tell them that they're just having a chat and then he'll go. No. Yeah, she stands her ground and says no three times. She gets up and not knowing what to do goes to the door.

He follows behind her and she screams, help me. Yeah, I was going to say at this point, what do you have to lose? Either just take the risk. Yeah. So she screams, help me, runs past the police onto the street. the police arrest John for assault and also she's got a mouthful of blood like she must have looked

like she's been assaulted because she has been horrid yeah so even if she had followed like she's coming out mouthful of blood just been like oh we're just having a chat yeah like it wouldn't have made sense anyway

I didn't even know fingers could do that much damage I know yeah because when you first said it I was like that's horrid yeah but I didn't realize how deep you were saying they were got the detective described it as like nearly cutting her tongue off. Oh my God. Yeah. Like really, really bad. So they arrest John for assault and unlawful imprisonment. He's taken to the police station and they searched

Delia's flat where they find a bag that John had hidden in the bathroom. Do you want to take a guess at what was in this bag? Oh, weapons. Air shore? No. An axe. So it was a tarpaulin. Yeah. Masking tape, surgical gloves Oh my God And masks Rope So you're just Just a kill kit

Your bog standard kill kit Yeah exactly So there's no real question Of what he intended To do there Had the police not turned up John spends a week on remand At Pentonville Prison

But is bailed out Which seems insane to me By you! His tarantula That fucking bitch So the provision of his bail Is that he stays at his parents' house

in Liverpool, which is obviously very far from London. He's not allowed anywhere near Delia's flat. That's just not good enough. So I'm that dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. And she's convinced he'll come back. Yeah, of course.

And she knows that he killed before. Yeah. Yeah. She speaks to the same officers who saved her appealing to them that he knows her routine. Like he knows where she works. He knows that she finishes at six. He knows it takes her an hour to cycle home. And she's like, he'll be,

waiting for me he definitely will yeah and they respond we just call the police and then you are the police yeah she's very funny on the document she's like oh wait one second john um i'm just gonna call the police like when he turns up with the acts like as if ridiculous she's she's clearly terrified and the police come back come back with just screams someone will come and help you they won't this is what we've learned but like relying on scream yeah last week yeah so this is obviously from her point of view we don't know what no i believe it the other point of view is it would have been really nice if she had their person number and i phone that time and just when they're like just call the police she could have just like called them right then like yeah hello he's here i'm calling

no like in that moment when they say call the police oh i just call them right then like i'm calling you right now yeah yeah yeah i need help yeah um um and she so she's thinking well i can't scream because that's just going to make him worse he's going to try and shut me up if i scream so i literally there's nothing I can do. Delia shows two detectives, John's drawings, which for me would have been enough. Lock him up.

Crimes to art. The first picture she pulls out is of a naked woman with little... This is weird. It's like a... Well, you've seen his style. It's not mega realistic.

It's sort of cartoonish. So it's a naked woman. He definitely can't draw faces. No, yeah. He's definitely avoiding that. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? He...

I'd argue you can't draw anything. Can't, like... axes, dicks, spaghetti, the lot. He can't do any of it. So on this picture is a naked woman who's like lying on her side and all over her are these little like...

Trachelors? No, like little Bob the Builders Not what I was expecting. In diggers, they're all in little diggers and they're all like... Is it genuinely Bob the Builder? It looks... It's like a little cartoon builder man.

Wow. Yeah, and they're all in little diggers driving over her body parts. Uh-huh. It's really weird. It's like, yeah, it's really strange. Well, I'll find it, and she. I have to disagree with you on just one thing in this story, do you? And that I really don't think his art is Root 1.

Is what? Route 1. Yeah, to be fair. I'd say, it's quite abstract. Well, this, well, the whole thing is that they are in the process, I suppose, of dismembering her body. they are either they are deconstructing her body it's yeah it's really

that is probably the most imaginative but it's still very much on the naked woman women must die vein yeah but with a cartoon element I think that's just the quality of the story it's so strange yeah so she shows them that picture

she then reveals what he told her about killing and dismembering Melissa. I probably would have led with that myself. Yeah, but also these people aren't believing anything for that. Yeah, true. At least the pictures are like physical evidence. They might be visual learners. Yeah.

Look at this, yeah. And the two Germans in Amsterdam. They say, oh no, he's just trying to scare you. Like, don't be silly. It's now December 1994. What's happening in the world? Okay, Tonya Harding orchestrates the brutal attack of fellow ice skater Nancy Kerrigan.

Kirk Cobain dies Sad year I'm enjoying my fourth Christmas I believe I got a stuffed Elmo which apparently I did a little dance when I saw under the Christmas tree

that's what's happening I've just been producer Nils just told me Kirk Cobain died in April Big fan Big fan Record it Oh

You said the start you're like, I'm going to give you things for each year so you kind of know what's going on. We're still in the same year. You're giving me things for every month. And I'm going to say, starting to feel unnecessary. Well, I disagree. But this story spans like over 20 years.

Oh my God. Yeah, it's just a lot. So why are you giving us the months of 94? Because a lot of, a lot happens. If this is only the beginning, fucking let's start moving it on. A lot happens in 94. I don't care what you got for Christmas. Well, okay.

But other people might care. No. I mean, it's just a little background on me. No. A woman is going to be brutally attacked. Yeah, she is. But then this is, we got to find some light and shade. And I thought you might care.

See, I get accused of not sharing enough. And then I do share. And it's thrown back in my face. You're not sharing the stuff people want to know. I mean, well, I'm sharing the stuff I want to share. What's your relationship status, Julia? Undetermined. Doesn't want to share. Okay. But we all know she got an helmet for Christmas. Great. There you go. It's all... Yeah, I feel like I know you so much better now. The little information bricks that make up me. So you're welcome. You're welcome. I've lost my place now because you've asked me how many years. Okay, we're December. Apparently, Kirkcermaine has died. It's already been dead for quite a long time. Yeah. Okay. Apologies for that. Dealia is cycling back from work. Usually, she asks, she asks, she asks people.

to see her into the flat so she'll drive she'll cycle home and then if anybody's about she'll be like oh can you just make sure i get okay yeah very smart very smart but one night she gets back to the flat and there's no one around she's cautiously approaching her building when hands no grab onto the front of her bike oh she looks up and the hands belong to john swiney yeah he's back and he says we're going inside I want to talk to you now she pulls back and says no the bike falls against the wall

that is between her and her neighbour's house John pulls out an axe he swings and hits Delia with the wooden handle of the axe giving her a compound fracture of her skull now if you don't know a compound fracture is the one where you see bone

Like the inside are popping out. Oh my God. I didn't know that. That's a good fact. Thank you. There you go. You're welcome. He then takes another swing

and she gets a compound fracture to one arm and then tears the tendons on the other arm. He pulls out a knife and Dealia kicks out. He falls back cutting his palm and he shouts, you fucking bitch? Oh my God. And then he proceeds to stab her through the chest. through her lung and her thigh.

She held her arms up. He swung the axe and took off her little finger, which she said she saw fly into her neighbour's garden. With her broken arms, she manages to pull the bike on top of her, creating like a shield. He then continues to bash the bike with the axe, which makes a loud noise.

Oh, good. So Delia is resigning herself to the fact that she's going to die. Yeah. John raises the axe above his head. head, Delia curls into the fetal position, and she hears a noise. Mm-hmm. It's her 21-year-old neighbor who bursts out of the house. Oh my God, yes.

Finally, a neighbor that gives a shit. Yes, Delia looks up, and John still has the axe over his head. She curls back up, and here's another noise. This time, the neighbor lands a solid hit to the small of John's back with a baseball bat. Brilliant. He calls out in pain and then... Oh no, show, we did that hurt a little bit. Exactly.

He goes out in pain. When the neighbour boy's parents come out of the house, he runs away. What a fucking badass. Imagine that coming at... At 21. Yeah. Living with your parents. Hearing like the clanging sound of him hitting the bike with his axe.

And thinking like, I should probably go out and check that. Fair play. What do you think survival toolkit wise so far in the story? at first. Yes. I was like, okay, so we're adding a bike. Yeah. But then also, solid baseball bat doing its job right there.

Was it a metal baseball bat? Don't know. I would put more faith in a metal baseball bat, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean, either way. You don't want to get hit with a baseball bat, but yeah. Solid.

I think the detective did say, though, that the bike saved her life. If she hadn't have moved the bike onto her, the neighbor wouldn't have run out. before the neighbour yeah and it was the sound of the axe on bike right that alerted the louder than screams or was she not screaming oh my god yeah okay so i don't know two possible so two two potentials so now she tells this it gets quite sad the way that she tells it she's still obviously full of a lot of anger and the way she tells it is very sort of well angry and emotional

she feels quite like she's very forceful in the way that she says that she was like I just wanted to die and the medical professionals like wouldn't let me like they're the ones that saved my life so she describes what she had to go through in the recovery

so in order for them to fix her lung which has been stabbed they broke two of her ribs and leaving her with like a very big scar um she received 19 units of blood and three units of plasma protein which is a lot sure yeah she regained consciousness on christmas day but she's livid because she said she wanted to die um right so she wasn't conscious for any of this not for the operations no no but is in like in between in the ice oh i don't know i don't know if she's conscious in like when she was the doctors

are just like fixing her and then she wakes up like I didn't want to be fixed. Oh, I think, I mean, that was the general feeling when she did wake up, but I don't know if she was awake in between. Got you. So the police came to visit her to ask where she thought he'd gone

because he's just disappeared at this point. I mean, I can't believe the police even had the balls to turn up. Yeah. Do they at least give a shit now? Well, yeah. They want to find him because he's now nearly killed her.

He nearly, okay. Yeah. She said probably, Liverpool or Germany. His family house is raided in Liverpool. Where the hell are his parents? Yeah. But he manages to get out of the UK and goes on the run for six years. Right. Now we're at 2001. Legally blonde has been released. Woo! See how the eye roll immediately then went to a big woo. Oh, Legally blonde is the joy of my life. I put that in just for you. Thank you. Um, Legally Blonde the musical is when it really gets good.

Okay. See, that's not even good enough. Legally blown the musical over the film any day. Right, okay. It's my favourite musical in the whole word. Holwai, well, you? Whole world. Oh, God.

Maybe just sit back and I'll tell the story for a bit. Whole wide world. Got there in the end. Worth it, I think everyone would agree. Yeah, shoo. I am performing in a pantomime of Sleeping Beauty. I'm playing the role of Wee Willie Winky to rave reviews.

Truly, I've never done better. Okay. So, boys... Again, not the info I want about you. I want to know who you were dating. In 2001, I was 11, so no one. That's peak.

Who do you fancy every week? Yeah, I was peak being ignored by every male I came into contact with. You're playing wee, Willy Winker or worse. Yeah, to be fair, I was very much just concentrating on my craft at that point, rather than, like, worrying about boys. Speaking of boys,

Some boys are fishing in Regent's Canal. Oh, no. They catch something heavy. They're not catching fish. No, it's another hold-all bag. They managed to haul up... In England this time. In London, yeah.

They managed to haul up onto the side of the canal. When they open it, they find body parts. The police scour the canal and find a further five bags filled with wrapped up body parts and bricks. This is crazy. This is so much later. Yeah. The head, hands and feet are missing.

So the body is... But the body is still identified as Paula Fields. She was close with her sisters and stayed in regular contact until December 2000 when all contact stopped. Paula had been in a relationship with a tall liver puddle. man that everyone called Scouse Joe

the police figured out Scouse Joe was John Sweeney and they caught him and arrested him Oh they could just find him They found him The wild thing is that he was on the run for six years In the same city He was in London

Just different name He was working on a building site And then and the police Paying cash probably Yeah the police found out He was working on this building site Turned up to the building site arrested him, like without incident.

By November, he's charged with attempted murder of Delia Barma. Delia didn't want to go to court. No. But she said that she was forced to against her will. Right. And the detective said to her, you've been in purgatory this whole time, and now is your chance to have him put inside.

It's like closure. She wrote a letter to that detective saying that she died on the 22nd of December 1994, and I was sent to court. that was like going to my funeral. Oh my God, that's awful. Isn't it really? Because also like, where the fuck were you detective

when I asked for your help? Yeah, the first time. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Don't tell me about closure. You could have given me closure ages ago. Yeah. And also, if you think 1994 and we're now in 2001.

That's insane. Yeah. And she's just been living in fear the whole time. And he's been in the same city. That's what blows my mind. I'm surprised he didn't go back. Yeah. I'm surprised he didn't go.

to Germany or something like I'm surprised by it all to be honest well yeah it's a it's an intense story Sweeney is sentenced to life in prison for the attack on Delia but there isn't enough evidence to charge him with Paula's murder they still don't know about Melissa despite the fact that Delia's told them yeah they do know but they told them but they don't know that a body was found they haven't spoken right yeah it's different police yeah so 2008 start of the financial crisis Barack Obama as elected president

I'm probably dressed as Little Bo Peep on my last day of six form you went for Little Bo Peep I tell you why I know so out of character That's a weird choice Yeah but it was because we went to Where I grew up there was like one costume shop And this was before you could just get

Whatever you wanted off Amazon Also we weren't organised enough to like order stuff So we just went to this A fancy dress shop and just whatever they had left but because the whole of my year had gone and we were the last ones to go it was literally the dregs

so we were really odd so like my friend was Woody from Toy Story I was Little Bo Peep That's a pretty solid one Yeah true I think my friend Rose was just generic 60s woman Nice A classic

Yeah exactly So it was just like there was a cat Someone was a cat I think No that's real basic Because we really would scrape in the barrel Well, I made my own costume, so... Of course you did. I chose not to go shop ball.

Yeah, that does not surprise me. I went as Toadette from Mario Car. I made my own car. Wow. And what did your friends go as? The other characters from Mario Car. Smart. Oh, you had some friends by this point.

And we ran around the school. I had people I sat with at lunch. Oh, okay. And we ran around and did Mario Cat races and we all built cars. That's actually quite cute. Quite cute, right? Yeah, well done. I'm no longer in touch with Toad, but...

Oh, God, this is going to be. another polly situation. No, she dumped me. But I love a good craft. What, yeah, good. I made the hat and everything. Okay, sorry, carry on. I'm very impressed.

Thanks. But what's happening in the story, Julia? Well, Detective Smith gets a call from newly formed Rotterdam cold case in, I was going to say Instagram, man. Detective Smith. It's a DM. Detective Smith gets a call from newly formed Rotterdam. Damn Cold Case Investigation Team.

Yeah. Mm. Love a cold case investigation team. Can't say it. That's hard to say, isn't it? Love it, can't say it. Big fan. He says, I need to speak to you about John Sweeney.

Cut into the Chase, yeah. Wow. They'd obtained a full DNA profile from the blood that had been taken from the bag that had been recovered from the canal in 1990. But how did they get his DNA? Well, the DNA match. Melissa Halstead, who they knew was another previous partner of John Sweeney. So they knew that they'd been together.

And so they were like, we need to... Oh, so they were asking for his DNA. Asking him out. Yeah, exactly. We need to know about this guy. And then they said, oh, we had this body. We found the body in the canal. And then Detective Smith is like, funny you should say that because Paula...

Something happened here. Exactly. what are the chances that it's a coincidence. Now, 2011, HMV closes. No. This is when I start to give a shit. The film Winnie Mandela is released. It all comes back to Mandela.

Nice. I enjoy it. Well done. Yeah, that's great. I've just left drama school. Oh, that's the true tragedy of everything. Yeah, on a long and disappointing journey. Yeah, that was downhill from there for Julia.

Yeah, it really hasn't gotten much better. John Sweeney is found guilty of murder and perverting the course of justice for Paula Field and Melissa Halstead. So now he's in prison. So before he was in prison for the attempted murder of Delia but they couldn't pin the other murders on him. But great that the attempted murder still had a lifetime.

Yeah, tariff. Yeah, it did. But now, so that was life, like how life is like 25 to life, you know. Yeah. You can still get out. Now he's given a whole life. tariff, which in England is really rare to get. Only Rose West has it as a woman.

Yes, yes, you're right. Knowledge. So, and his shit pictures are used in evidence against him, which is just lovely. His worst picture is entitled, The Scout Hunter. Which really smacks of, like, giving yourself a nickname, doesn't it? It's so gross. No one's calling you the Scout Hunter. Stop trying to make Scalp Hunter happen.

It's not going to happen. Exactly. And this picture It's got to be the worst one It's a picture of like His torso and crotch And hanging from his belt He's closed

Hanging from his belt Sorry yeah I realised I did immediately go to nude Yeah Well he was nude in the other one In the sitting down one Um

Hanging from his belt is a Is an axe And then On the other side Is a blonde scalp Which is supposed to be Delia Delia's blonde Fuck off.

Yeah. And to make it even worse, he's written a note at the bottom addressed to Delia. And the note says, may you die in pain? Well, she didn't. Yeah. Fuck you. Jokes on you. What a dick.

So Detective Smith says, without the drawings and the confession to Delia, it's unlikely they would have had enough to convict him. Because though it is a coincidence. So did Delia have to go back to court again? I don't know, because they didn't speak to her for this bit. so I don't know if she did but maybe because she had given the evidence in the first trial I'm not sure

It's amazing she survived Oh my God like three separate attacks But just horror of having to have to live with that fear Oh yeah Yeah it's unthinkable really Like I'm anxious already And there is zero threat to my life

Yeah exactly yeah I'm just gonna I'll talk about one more piece of art and then we're done with John Sweeney. Good. He also did poems. So like, ew, grow up. So the last picture, which is quite important, is a picture called...

Do stand up, you coward. Yeah. Like a real man. Yeah. Could not be further. Can I just say, oh, this is actually really a tangent, so make it cut out. But I think it is only time until we have like a stand-up killer because that, not like stand-up, like a really good one.

Like stand-up. Lori Vallow's brother. What? You know Lori Vallow, the woman who... Oh, yeah. Her brother was a stand-up and he killed her ex-husband. Yeah, well, that's...

So first of all, a lot of them are psychopaths, but also, they travel so much and a lot of them get paid in cash, so you wouldn't be able to track them very well. Yeah? Although now everything's on social media, there's a poster. They'd have to be an open spot.

They couldn't be on the bill. But, like, you just travel the UK a lot, you could like kill and leave. Hmm. I feel like I've given someone an idea now. Okay. Artwork. So there's one picture called One Man Band,

which is like another one of these shit cartoons. It's like a collage of lots of different little pictures that make up this one big picture. And in the middle is a picture of a woman. And next to her is like a little tombstone shape with tip-ex on it. Oh no. So the police were like,

hmm, I wonder what's underneath the tip-ex. Uh-huh. So they scratch it off. It's a scratch and sniff? Yeah. I don't know if they scratch it or melted it, whatever. They get rid of the tip-ex. And underneath, on the tombstone,

it reads Melissa Halstead, R-I-P, and what looks like the dates of her life. So, like, birthday and the day she died. Right. And so the police are like, you, like, you, like, of course you did it then. It would make no sense

because he wouldn't have known that she was dead. This was before. He drew this before the police knew that she had died. But why did he even tip-ex it out? Because he obviously thought, well, this looks really bad. But why not just like, get rid of the painting?

Burn the painting, yeah. He's just really proud. Why do you like, no, that's a real... I think that's the best nose I've ever drawn. Yeah. I want to keep hold of that. It's a shame that this could literally send me down for life.

That's just Tipx the date. Thank God for Tipx, yeah. Well, it bit him in the ass because that was one of the pictures that helped to convict him. Oh, and also within this picture, there are two other women that police believe may have been victims of Sweeney's. Yeah, but they don't know. They're still investigating to find out, like, who else he'd been in contact with, I guess. but that's so there's two unknown potentials or to this day yeah or he's just you know

drawn to other women but it would follow yeah because he didn't draw the germans did he the two german guys no because they didn't exist yeah and also he mostly drew women yeah the poem do you want to hear the poem it's shit it's really shit but i'll tell you anyway so on the back of a lottery ticket he wrote this poem i just have so much contempt for Poems in general. So this poem goes like this. Loudrop sounds like, yeah. Poems suck. I'm sorry if you're a poet.

I'm sure there are some good poets. Or a dog. I'm sorry, you have to now listen to this poem. Okay. Poor old Melissa chopped her up into bits. Food to feed the fish. Amsterdam was the pits. Again, it's shit. That's not a poem.

Yeah. That's a shit nursery rhyme. I guess that is a kind of poem. Just really. That's just four sentences. Yeah, I mean a haiku is like Yeah, but do they at least write? Yeah, limerick, who doesn't love a limerick?

They're fun. So that's the story of Deely Obama and how she survived serial killer, John Sweeney. What a piece of shit. Right? What a real piece of shit. He's the, like I really did not enjoy learning about John Sweeney. It was quite a tough, tough time.

Yeah, I don't feel like I've come out this one with any optimism. Delia? I feel like had a horrible time. Oh, she definitely did. Still probably has a horrible time. Yeah, for sure. But in the documentary, it sounds like she came across pretty sarcastic and fun. Yes, she is definitely an interesting character to watch.

I would definitely recommend the documentary. And she does, when she does all of the, like act outs essentially like talking about when she's playing his character she does it with a lot of gusto i really appreciate that but i kind of like that there isn't just one way to be a survivor as well like it's a lot of pressure to be you know i'm gonna fight no matter what like she did fight you know as much as she and she was and to think to put the bike over you she says she doesn't want to survive but she still did yeah take the actions too So what would we be putting in the survival toolkit?

I would lean towards bike because it was the bike that made the sound that attracted the neighbour. And protected from the blows. Mm-hmm. Can you ride a bike? Yeah. Oh, good.

Do I have the vibe of Sony car? Kind of. I wouldn't be surprised if you were like. I'm just taking that as you think I'm not old enough to ride a bike. Wow. I love how... When I say I'm trying to really hit home this young...

Oh yeah, we get it. We get it. Brand. That's five, even five years old. I'm happy to go with that. Whoa, loud and clear. I guess bike, yeah, because there wasn't a code word, because what also I've taken away is that you need a code word, but there wasn't one.

So I guess bike. Yeah, adding a bike to the survival toolkit. That was a really dark one. Yeah, I told you you were going dark. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to try and pick some of our more fun listener survival stories

just to bring us back up a little bit because that was horrifying before you start Abby please can you just tell me how if I wanted to get in touch with my own worst case survival story sure so if you have a worst case scenario survival story of your own

whatever you take that to mean please email us at help at wcspod.com and here's some stories we've already had written in by people Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay.

This one is from Adamir. Hi guys. I was around seven years old and lived in a poor neighbourhood back in Lima, Peru. We were at a family party and ran out of beer. So I accompanied my father, my uncle and some young guy, just some guy, some young guy that was at the party who I didn't know but remembered hearing that he was dumb. Oh.

Look, there's a rumor out there about all of us. This guy was dumb. We parked on a hill and as my dad and uncle went to grab the beers, I was waiting in the car with this weird guy, who decided it was a great idea to start playing with the parking brake. Or to us, handbrake. The car started moving slowly in reverse going down the hill. Me, a kid, who at the time had seen too many action movies,

thought it was a great and cool idea to open the car's door and throw myself out. My parents have no idea why I did that, but it was a good call. because the car and the weird guy inside went all the way down the hill and crashed. This guy broke both a leg and an arm and I got away with only some scratches. They were right, he was dumb. That was a dumb thing to do.

Will done. Yeah. But both survived. Well done, yeah. Kid more kind of epically. I did sort of think that the car was going to go off a cliff or something. So I'm glad that it was, I'm glad everybody survived in that story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone is surviving now. You killed too many people in your story. You personally. Yeah. Okay. Hannah, I got stuck on a zip-wired adventure course in New Zealand and had a full-blown panic attack and was wailing. Until I heard children below me say, Mommy, why is that lady crying so loudly?

It's not even high. Oh, that's degrading, isn't it? Children are the worst. They're honest. Yeah. They're honest. And let's finish. No, actually, I'm going to give you two short ones.

Okay. This one's from Emma. I survived a kidnapping. Lighthearted. Like I said, lighthearted. I used to have a paper round when I was about 13 or 14, and I watched this boy walk up a driveway, turn around, and walk back again.

I assumed he was off meeting his grandparents and they weren't in. Anyway, as I went up the drive. driveway to post the paper, fire was coming out of the letterbox. Drama Queen me assumed fireworks and hid behind a bush in their garden. Side note, I was wearing a hoodie with the hood up. I don't know why I've given her this voice, but we're going forward with it. The elderly owners came out, spotted me, dragged me into their house and wouldn't let me leave until the police came, and I could convince them it wasn't me. So it was fireworks?

We don't really know. Something dangerous got posted through their letterbox. And she said fire. The old couple living there decided to take it into their own hands and hold her. I don't blame them. But it wasn't her. I know, yeah. It's a mistaken identity.

But she is lurking in a bush. No, she was delivering their paper. Oh, sorry. Took cover from the fireworks. Oh, took cover. My mistake. Yeah. And then they did a citizen's arrest and kept a child in their kitchen.

against her will. Wow. But surely she's like, look, here's the paper. I'm bringing you the paper. Yeah, I guess they didn't believe her. Yeah, God, it's a rough day for that paper round. Okay, last one. This one's from Anonymous. Ooh. Survived my then-boyfriend confusing hair removal cream with lube. No, no, no. You said these were lighthearted. When he grabbed it from the bedside drawer. That was not a good day and he was not the one. Oh God!

That's truly the most horrifying one I've heard. When I read that one I literally, I was like, no! That gives me a rash on my upper lip, let alone what it's going to give you down there. That should not, that's not for internal use. Can I just say lobe stings? Like normal lube? Oh, God.

Veat stinks as well. imagine so that was your little breath of fresher that's really what a fricking episode this has been join us next week as we go darker I'm going to do a bungee

called survival next week yeah I'm going to do one when nobody gets hurt I'm going to do whoops I slipped on a banana peel and survived a whoopsie yeah definitely going to do a whoopsie story I think we've earned one after this episode. I don't think we need to do a true crime one

for like months. Yeah, God. We survived this episode. I was like, I'm really worried the listeners are going to think they're just always going to be silly ones and we won't ever be able to do true crime. No, I don't think I want to do true crime.

We showed them. Oh boy, did we show them? If you have a survival story, you want to share with us, please email, help at WCS pod. dot com um i hope you've survived this episode yeah um julia's tangents and um we've all got to know me a bit better so you're welcome guys a little window and we hope you survive another week please do come back and we promise um no one will die in the next one no not one you have person

not even an insect not even an insect will die we can't promise no i'm promising okay all right thanks guys. Hope you survive another week. Bye. Bye. Get attacked by an angry shark. Struck up a mountain in the dark. Pushed off the top of a big landmark. Hit by lightning in your local park. Gord in the downpour of acid rain.

Struck by meteor or a train. A proton beam passing through your brain. Attacked by that angry shark again. Hear how they survive. Trappled by a herd of buffalo. Chaste with an axe by your new friend Joe. Buried alive in a pile. It's the worst case scenario.