WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - LovingKindness: God's Grace in Suffering pt. 2

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

In this episode, Emma shares a personal story of God's faithfulness through a challenging time of aggressive illness, through which God further shaped her understanding of suffering.

And welcome back to the loving kindness podcast on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. I'm Karista Nicely. And I'm Emma Church. And today we're super excited to revisit this topic of suffering that we talked about a couple episodes ago. I'm pumped. I think it's going to be a great episode. But before we get into it, how has your day been today and what has the Lord I've shown to you recently, Emma?

Today has been really good. I think the beginning of the week was just a very big struggle for a myriad of reasons, which you'll hear towards the middle of the episode. But yeah, the Lord is really, really good and just sustained me today. And there were lots of things going on. And I was like, I'm not how am I going to be able to do this all day. but I just had energy and now we're doing the podcast and I'm really excited to talk today and be back. Like it's been what three weeks since we've been able to record a podcast.

So we're really excited. But what about you, Krissa? How was your day? My day was amazing. I definitely saw the Lord's blessings today just like in the things that I would do every other day. But also for those of you who may not know, we came back from spring break. this week. And so I was struggling with what I like to call post break blues. Oh, you have a name for it. I do you? Okay. Because every single time I go on break, I come back and I don't want to be here.

It's awful. It's awful. It's like the worst to say that even. I just don't want to be here. Yeah. But I'd rather be like relaxing on the beach like I was a week ago or at home with my family. Yeah. So that always happens when I come back from breaks. But I'm so happy to be here. And I love Hillsdale and I love where I'm at and where the Lord has placed me. Yeah. And so he has brought him back to that realization today, which is such a blessing.

Yeah, I think it takes everyone a few days. It does. To actually adjust and be like, okay, wait, why am I here? Yeah. Why do I like this? Yeah, totally. one thing that I just want to talk about really quickly because the Lord has placed this on my heart just something that I've recently discovered and I'm like should we talk about this in this

episode but I think it's a great thing to start this episode off with and so just the past year or so I've actually been struggling with spiritual fulfillment I guess I'll use that phrase And I have been looking everywhere else besides Jesus for spiritual fulfillment. I've been looking for in my community or my college or friendships or a certain worship service. You know, I've been looking at all of those things to try to be fulfilled in my spiritual life and walk. and it's actually something that I've been really struggling with and it has led to this sort of discontentment in all of those areas then if that makes any sense but I was praying a lot about this and reflecting a lot about this and I talked to friends and had mentors but I still

like could never really find an answer and then my devotions this week all of that happened like overbreak. And then it came back. In my devotions, I read John 6. And in that Jesus feeds the 5,000 and they come to him looking for more bread and kind of worldly spiritual fulfillment. And Jesus says, he's like, you guys are coming to me for bread, but you're not coming to me for the signs that I'm doing. And then he goes on to say, I'm the bread of life. Whoever comes to me shall not hunger. And I've heard that verse before, and I'm sure many, many people have heard it before. But it was kind of the point where I was like, what does that even mean? Like, I should not hunger and thirst. Like, what should I not be hungry and thirst for? And I thought about it and I did research.

And Jesus fulfills our desires in our hunger, in our thirst for spiritual fulfillment. And so what I've learned is just run to God, run to Jesus who has saved us and who wants to be in relation with us. Do your devotion. Spend time with him. Just run straight towards him. And he will like just engulf you with open arms. Because he is the only means of spiritual fulfillment. We will not find it in marriage or relationship or a certain church or.

are a community. Jesus is the only one who can provide that for us. So that was what I learned and I have been reflecting on it. And it's just been such a beautiful discovery for me in my walk with the Lord. That is so awesome. Wow. That's amazing. That is just going to lead us right into our topic, which is suffering.

So what have you learned recently about suffering? Yeah. Okay, so that's a pretty big question, but that's definitely why we're talking about suffering today. So it's been about, I'd say, three to four weeks that I've been, you know, out of commission and then starting to get back up on my feet. And I was reflecting on everything that happened. And I was like, you know, maybe it would just be really good to show that as an example of, okay, this is a legitimate situation where suffering is occurring. And it's kind of ironic because we were just talking about it weeks ago. And then we go like radio silent literally for a little bit.

And so it's like, okay, what's going on? I just want to share my heart and share my story of what really, like what's been going on to encourage whoever is also experiencing any levels of suffering. Yeah. Okay. So I'll just jump right in. Um, a few weeks ago. I was in the middle of the school week and I just got back from a night class.

and I just felt awful. Like I had just the worst symptoms, and I was really concerned about what was going on. But I just went straight to bed and slept it off, and I was like, everything's fine. You know, at Hillsdale, you kind of just have to keep going a lot of the times. Like, even if you don't feel like it, you, like, you're kind of, it's just horrible. You kind of put your health aside a little bit, which was a big reflection point for me. Yeah, like slowly, but surely my health just kept declining. I was just getting more and more sick.

it was from a cold to turning into like this really heavy cough and I would not sleeping for multiple nights a week and I just felt so bad for my roommate because I was like up and coughing and she was staying up late hearing me coughing and it was just this whole nasty cycle and that really does take a toll on you in itself like even just like a cold that turns into something more nasty it's like oh my gosh like you are you're not able to do homework and you're trying to to heal and rest up. But even then I still kept going. I was like, you know what? I don't need to see a doctor. Like, I'll just take my Walgreens meds. Like, I know what I'm doing. It's fine. And I was like, I don't have time for this. There was so much going on. There's midterms. And I just kept pushing

through. And so about three midterms in, I had like one more left. I was like, you know what? I needed to see the doctor. I had stayed up all night coughing. and had to sit up all night. And I was just like, this is really bad. Like, this is not living right now. I need to go to the doctor. And so went and saw him. He was like, here's some antibiotics.

Like, you have a ton of wheezing in your lungs, like, really bad. And we wish you would have come earlier. And I was like, yep, learning a lot of lessons here. So I took the antibiotics. And I started getting better. And I was like, everything is fine. Like, I'm improving. So I jump right back up.

Did exactly what I normally do. and Thursday rolls around and I was walking with my boyfriend to Soma and well right after I guess this was before dinner but I got this really sharp pain in my left lung

and it was really scary because it felt like you know like your lung was on fire but you're also being stabbed at the same time and I was just like oh that is not that's not normal but I was like you know what I'm sure I'll go away like we were just walking up

and it was cold outside and I was like it's aggravating my cough. I just need to get inside. Cough a lot more. And I'm just like, oh, it's fine. It's fine. We sit down and we're having a meal and we're talking and we make her way up to Soma, which is like a little worship gathering we do on Thursdays. And I'm actually a part of the worship team for that. So it's a lot of fun. But we're walking there and I just like, I just knew something was seriously wrong. And then while the worship was playing, I just start crying. And I was like, I have to go to the hospital. Like, this is really bad. And I never really cried, but like it was bad.

And so my boyfriend went and grabbed his car and we went to the ER and it took a long time from them to see me. But on a pain scale, 1 to 10, it was definitely 10. And they essentially gave me IV proofin to combat the pain. And they told me I had pleuracy. And so essentially, the lining of my lungs had gotten so inflamed from the coughing and the sickness. that my lung, my lining on my lung and my lung were rubbing like sandpaper. And so anytime we breathed in or did anything, it was just an excruciating amount of pain.

And my mom was really worried about me and boyfriend's worried about me. Like I'm crying. I'm just a mess. And I was just like, what is happening? I mean, if you have envisioned for a moment, you're in this position where you've been treading water for the past few weeks of just trying to do get in school and not like cough and die in class. And then now you were just in so much physical pain. You can't do anything. Like, I was scared.

Like, I thought something seriously wrong had happened. And then the next day, I go and see another doctor. And he's like, oh, you need steroids. You need actual stuff that's going to fix this. And so, yeah, once I, you know, I don't want to draw the story too long, but once I got the steroids and the heavier dose of anti-inflammatories to actually bring down the inflammation, I was bedridden for at least four days. I couldn't leave my room.

I was just like completely dependent on anyone who could help me. And my boyfriend was such a proponent for helping me through these challenges, just being the physical support. And all my friends were such an amazing support system. And I just, I had never felt so helpless in a situation before, ever, being complete. completely dependent physically and emotionally on people. Thank you, Emma, for just sharing the beginning of that story. We will get right back into it. You are listening to Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM to The Loving Kindness Podcast.

And today we are just talking about Emma's story and her experience with suffering recently and how she's been able to see the Lord through that. But just a question for you, did the suffering that you were going through cause any doubts or struggles in your faith, life, and in your walk with the Lord? Yeah, I mean, I wish I could sit here and say, nope, not at all. Like, I was 100% A-OK and I believed everything. The truth is, when you encounter physical pain for a prolonged time, it really takes. takes a toll on your mental health. And not only that, but I mean, I was taking so many different medications, so I didn't know what motions were really mine. But there were many times that I just,

you know, really cried out to God and was like, why? Why do I have to go through this right now? Everyone around me is healthy and happy and fine. Like, why am I stuck in my room and literally can't get up without help right now? And the more and more I ask those questions, the more more and more, I was just faced with the arms of God, like just the embrace of his peace and his shelter, knowing that, okay, nothing is solved yet. And there seems to be literally no light at the end of the tunnel, but the Lord is faithful and the Lord is good. And everything that happens to me and happens around me is in the Lord's hands and he is sovereign over everything.

And so, you know, with the suffering podcast we talked about last time, when you understand the character of God and you really know who he is, you know what you can fall back on when times are really hard. And so I would do that. And everyone around me would remind me of his attributes. Really just holding on to that and hoping that things would start changing. And even if they didn't, I became very much, aware of the fact that the Lord is my deliverer and my protection and my shield and my comforter

and there's no reason for me to fear and there were many nights that were very fearful like just being in that much pain i was worried that something got worse um there was one specific night where it was probably the absolute worst and i will not housepare the details for that night But the next day, after so much turmoil and emotional craziness, the one phrase of choose joy kept on coming into my mind that even when nothing makes sense and you don't want to be happy and all these things, we don't live by emotions and we don't live by the things that just hit us. But we can choose to have peace in the Lord and choose that his plans are perfect and right. And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to choose joy. And every day I started getting better and I was like, I'm still choosing joy.

I can only do as much as I'm able to right now and that's okay. That really just showed me God's faithfulness. So looking back on that experience then, have you been able to see how the Lord might be using this to shape you or pull you closer to him? or how can you, looking back, see God's goodness and faithfulness in the suffering? Yeah. Well, I think it just goes back to that dependence. A lot of times we can go pretty long thinking we don't need the help of God. And as much as we don't want to say it, we are very prideful in our nature.

And we'll find ourselves going through the motions of life and we're like, yep, doing all the tasks that are right. But ultimately, I got this. And that's just the truth. I mean, at least for me. So when I found myself dependent, I just learned how much I struggled to be out of control. I struggled not having the control, I mean. And every day, God taught me something new. And I wish I could explain all of it in one little podcast, but I can't.

I just know that his plans and his strength and his might and everything that he is, he has me in his protection. like I've never understood before. And every time I go through another different lesson of suffering or something like that, it's made known to me again in a different way. And I just think that the Lord constantly wants to refine us. Actually, it's really crazy because I went to church last Sunday, and my mind was blown.

You know, the Lord does so many things, but I swear, he leaves us little notes and things to see. and he's like, yep, that's what I've been teaching you. That's what it is. And so I feel like a name was finally put on it when I went to this church service. But I'm just going to read Romans 5 1 through 5 real quick because this just absolutely capped the whole situation. And I was like, no way, Lord.

You just stopped everything in my brain and showed me what all this was for. So, Romans 5. Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God. through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand. And we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance and perseverance, proven character, and proven character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been

given to us. Every single thing that we encounter, the Lord has his sovereign handover, and it produces something. We don't go through vain suffering that doesn't mean anything. Everything produces something, and that was such a peaceful principle I could rest in, knowing that everything that I would go through and everything that I had gone through and all the tears, it was for perseverance to prove character and to prove character hope and hope does not disappoint the lord wanted to produce something in me that may have not been there before or something that needed to be strengthened and that could only have been done through these tribulations and so whether or not any of this makes sense to me in the next few weeks it doesn't matter he uses us like uh soil and seeds and we grow and we grow and he he lets us face

these things because he loves us and he wants us to grow and become more like him and that's not easy. That is such a testament to your faith and your trust in who God is and the plan that he has for your life to surrender and say, I don't know why this is happening and I might not know why this is happening but I know that there is a reason that this is happening and that reason alone because it is in God's plan is good. Yeah. And I think that's beautiful. Yeah.

One thing that I am just curious about, you mentioned that you had friends or your boyfriend were encouraging in pointing you to Christ or reminding you of the attributes of God when you're going through that hard time. So, like, what is the virtue of having a Christian? Christian community and how does something like that help in times of suffering? Yeah, I mean, the Lord doesn't want us to be alone. Like, we will face these things, but we are not destroyed. We can keep on pressing through.

And also the people around us are what is so integral for us to keep going to. I don't know how many times I just stopped and thought, wow, I feel like I see the love of God just by the fact that these people care so much about me and are using their hands to help me and assist me in something that I never thought, you know, I'd have to be going through in the school year. Yeah, I just couldn't imagine having to do that by myself. This is a side note, but Christ-centered friendships, y'all.

They're so important. You can't trust that enough, seriously. Well, thank you, Emma, for sharing your story. Yeah, I mean, that was a lot of emotional explanation. So I just want to say, okay, like we can breathe now. That was a lot of explanation. But yeah, whoever is going through that, just remember trust in who the Lord is and what he does because that becomes bigger than what you see. And what you see is not eternal and what you see is temporal and focus on him. Yeah. Amen. Let's end on that now. Thank you for listening to the Loving Kindness podcast on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM.