WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Strength and Dignity: The Trad Wife Debate vs. Traditional and Biblical Womanhood

Episode Date: March 17, 2024

Recent news and X conversation got heated over the trad wife phenomenon. Michaela covers the conversation, aims to define the multiple different angles of the debate, and offers her biblical perspective on the praise of beautiful womanhood.

And welcome back to strength and dignity. This is Michaela Estuary, and you are listening to Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. So today I'm hopping on the Tradwife trend from an article on CNN. I'm departing from my typical news outlet of Ms. Magazine. I actually went to the website Ms. Magazine to look to see if they had anything to comment on the trad wife. that has been occurring for the past weekish, but they haven't published anything. So I went to the, I guess you could say, original source of the article that kind of brought this surge of discussing the tradwife idea or conversation back up because it's been a conversation

obviously for a while, but this being March 1st. But earlier this week on about, I think it was Tuesday, this article from CNN was released kind of covering a trad wife discussion. So the title of the article is A Single Mother Speaks Out on how the Trad Wife Lifestyle Led to Her Divorce. So I'm going to just kind of overview what the article entails and then give my commentary on it.

The article opens kind of depicting what the trad wife phenomenon or lifestyle is. Quoting, it says, These traditional wives who showcase 30 second videos of home homemade sourdough bread content and other glimpses into the making of a perfect home are no ordinary stay-at-home moms. They steadfastly believe in traditional gender roles. That means staying devoted to housework and taking care of the children and being subservient to their working husbands. So the article is already kind of setting off a stereotype of what traditional wives mean

and they say, well, these traditional wives aren't just stay-at-home moms. They're trying to avoid lumping every stay-at-home mom into the traditional wife or trad-wife trend or stereotype, but then they also kind of completely disregard the idea of traditional wife or traditional husband apart from the trad-wife stereotype. And by saying that they are staying at home devoted to their housework and taking care of their children. Three things that all stay-at-home moms do. They are most likely devoted to their children, to their husbands, and do a majority of the housework. So that doesn't just, just because you do those three things doesn't mean that you're a trad wife or in terms of the definition. But we'll also

get more into that because I think this article and in general the conversation around trad wife, the reason why it's so controversial and frustrating to a lot of women is because trad wife doesn't have a distinct definition. And that creates a lot of conflict in speaking past each other and not being clear. In addition, saying being subservient to their working husbands, well, subservient also can have a number of different ideas. Do you mean that they're not working and they're staying at home or that the husband is being degrading and not seeing them as on an equal footing to themselves?

Because that's a whole different conversation. Anyways, continuing on in the article, they kind of try to offer this definition of tradwife. They say, tradwife influencers romanticize and glamorize the period before and directly after World War II, a time when most women were homemakers. Some trad wives also take a stance against the feminist movement, believing only men should be in the workplace while women focus on home life. Okay, so a couple major red flags already just in those two sentences. So they associate trad wives with this period directly following World War II, which is intentional

because the second wave feminism basically emerged alongside the sexual revolution immediately following World War II for a lot of various reasons. But that's when Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique came out, and she basically categorized women as stay-at-home moms suffering from something called The Problem That Has No Name. is what she called it, saying that they're basically enslaved in their households, literally calling their homes concentration camps. That was her exact verbiage. And so first, this article associates women with wanting to return to that time,

basically before second wave feminism, associating with the 1950s, 1960s, the magazine articles, and covers that a lot of women find it is extremely degrading, meaning a wife's supposed to just stay at home, do the house, work and look pretty. Meanwhile, all of this industrial and economic and just advancement is happening post-World War II, where a lot of the housework is not necessarily as demanding because of the change in the economy, the change in industry, and more and more women wanting to get drawn into the workplace. Also, because during World War II, where were the men? They were off fighting.

and so a lot of women had to step into the workplace. So there was this weird back-and-forth tug and battle of where do we belong and kind of mixed messages following World War II. So this article associates tradwife phenomena or stereotypes with wanting to return to that period. But then in the following sentence it says, some trad wives also take a stance against the feminist movement. Okay. A lot of people take a stance against the feminist movement.

Also, the feminist movement could mean a lot of different things. Are you talking about first wave feminism? Second wave feminism? Third wave feminism. A lot of people who might associate with the feminist movement are against what's happening today in terms of the feminist movement that's been kind of like hijacked by the LGBTQ plus movement. Of J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, kind of getting shunned and flamed online.

because of her speaking out against the trans movement and how that's almost a threat to women and a threat to feminism and to female empowerment because now men are allowed to compete against in all of these things that women have finally attained on their own from her perspective. So just saying, oh, they take a stance against the feminist movement really isn't saying anything because a lot of people have problems and faults with the feminist movement who would not associate with trad wife. Because it depends on how you define trad wife. And then the second half of that second sentence, she says believing only men should be in the workplace while women focus on home life. Well, that is, so she says they're speaking against the feminist movement and then believing only men should be in the workplace. place. There are very few people who think that, especially nowadays. Like if you're a young woman post-grad, post-college, and you're in the workplace, there are going to be very few people being

like, no, you should be at home, you should have a husband, and you shouldn't be working. Most people are very supportive of women being in the workplace, and they don't think that the home is the only place for a woman. And so that's a very limited and, frankly, false perception of what people think today. Okay, continuing on, this article is trying to give further definition to Tradwife and it says, quote, in the world of traditional wives, the husband has the authority when it comes to financial choices, but the control can stretch even further in which some women cannot leave the house without permission, and in some relationships, punishments are put in place. The arrangement allows room for financial abuse, holding all money and power over the other person's

and emotional abuse, which leads to one partner losing their self-agency and confidence. Wow. That's all I have really to say about that is wow, because if that is the definition of a trad wife or someone who holds to those views, first of all, that's not what I would say a traditional wife is. Second of all, I completely agree that that situation that was just described is emotionally abusive. and should not be acceptable, right?

That's not the signs of a healthy marriage or a healthy family. Financial conversations are supposed to be a marriage as a partnership. It's between a man and a woman, becoming one flesh, but having those conversations, learning how to deal together with finances, supporting a family. And yes, they both play very distinct roles in that, but that doesn't mean that the husband is punishing the wife if she leaves the home. That is not at all a healthy arrangement or marriage in general.

In fact, if you return to scripture in Proverbs 31, which is what the show obviously is based on, strength and dignity, it says that her husband respects the wife and he trusts her and he praises her for the work that she does. And she does a lot of financial work. She makes and sells things in the marketplaces. She rises early and she stays up late working to support her family. And her husband praises her and he respects her. And so there is no idea of this emotional or financial abuse that's set forth in what a lot of people would call a traditional wife and traditional husband role as presented in Proverbs 31.

So let's just be clear from the outset. Proverbs 31 may present a traditional wife, but it does not present what a lot of people today call trad wife if we're going by this definition. So then this article relays this woman's story who was in one of these marriages with five or six kids and ended up divorcing her husband and getting out. And she said that divorce was an instant relief. and that reading that just punched me in the gut because relief is not the go-to emotion after divorce. There is pain even in a circumstance that warrants divorce. There is so much pain and hurt and healing that needs to be done. So reading that divorce was a relief was really sad to hear.

And one thing that really made me laugh when I read the article was that this woman suggested to other women who might be going through a hard marriage or having a hard time or facing these challenges of maybe a traditional wife or like abusive husband relationship she suggests that you should have friends and family supporting you outside of your husband which i would i was just kind of like um yes like yes in any marriage the husband should have guy friends and the woman the wife should have female friends that's the a sign of a healthy good marriage. Like, yes, you become one flesh. Yes, you become a unit together, but you also live different lives in terms of what's happening day to day and who are you pouring into versus who is he pouring into of course your children. But also like he's going to be

mentoring young men and hopefully you're mentoring young women. And in the same way, you need people mentoring you who are ahead of you in life, who can speak to what's going on in your life, who can support you and pray for you and come alongside you during hard times, who can come alongside you and support you when your marriage hits a rough patch. Because let's be honest, you're both sinners. And so you're going to hit moments of rough conflict. And that doesn't mean that the turn or the answer is divorce that will cause instant relief. No, that's the farthest thing from the truth.

In fact, the answer is being one flesh and talking through it together, but also having people who can support you and support your marriage as a unit, as one flesh. So then the article turns and interviews a woman who says she is living the trad wife lifestyle, and she loves it. And her name is Della Rose, and she gives advice to women and says that if they want this lifestyle, they have to make sure that both partners have goals and visions that align and have conversations early on about what is expected. And it says, quote, for those living in the tradwife lifestyle, it is important not to put too

much pressure on yourself and to give grace to your partner as well, while asking for help when it is needed, she said, end quote. So again, that kind of goes back to the friends comment. These life advice or marriage advice things that are put in the article seem rather straightforward to me or like self-explanatory of, yeah, you, um, You should be talking to your husband about what expectations are for marriage. You should be doing that before you get married when you're engaged during pre-counseling and talking through hard situations, making sure that your goals and visions align.

That was her exact wordage was that your goals and visions align. Well, that's very much a conversation that should be happening pre-marriage. Because if your goals and visions don't align, then the marriage is not going to go very well. And the same with giving grace to your partner and not putting pressure on yourself or having, not having too high expectations or comparing yourself to other wives is great advice, but also very natural and common. You should be always giving grace to your partner and should be communicating that and supportive of them because, like I said earlier, you're both sinners.

You're both going to make mistakes. If you have this idea of a completely idolistic marriage where there are no problems and that your partner, your husband, if you're the wife or your wife, if you're the husband is perfect and will never make mistakes, then you're going to be disappointed because you're marrying a sinner. And you need to be aware of that. The idea in this article that really hits me in the face of what's problematic in this whole conversation is that trad wife has a very different definition depending on who you talk to. because some people associate trad wife with women of the 1950s.

Other people say a trad wife is biblical. It's just a husband and a wife in traditional marriage roles, which is very different than the idea of having an emotional and abusive relationship. Those are two very different things. Other people think trad wife and they think, oh, you live on a farm and you make your own bread. Okay. Just because you do that doesn't mean you're a trad wife or that those things are bad or that those things necessarily define what a good wife is.

neither one of those is true. You don't have to make bread and live on a farm to be a good wife, but also if you make bread and live on a farm, that doesn't mean that you're a trad wife who, like, has an abusive husband. It's just, it's a vague definition and a vague term, and so it keeps getting thrown around and misapplied. So let's just turn to the conversation that a couple of women who I follow, who I believe hold very similar views that I do, and I really appreciate their voice in the public square, what they had to say about this. So Megan Basham, she is a writer for Daily Wire. She also used to write for World, which is a Christian journalism organization.

And she tweeted on this conversation. And at first she's against the tradwife discourse. And she says, quote, more evidence of how very wrong the trad wife discourse can go when it's just tied to man pleasing and no transcendent standards beyond making husbands happy. Which is very true. because the standard of a trad wife being man pleasing or making your husband happy is where it all goes wrong. Instead, if it's tied to these transcendent standards of God's design for women and God's design for marriage and God's design for a family, those are transcendent standards as set forth in scripture. That is where you can have a good definition of what maybe a traditional wife is,

or maybe you could just say biblical womanhood or biblical femininity. She also retweet, and it says, quote, The Tradwife trend has its negatives for sure, but it's nice to see women enjoying homemaking as opposed to frumpy complaining mothers in seats talking about how much they hate it. And I think that's a really good point, is that, yes, while the Tradwife conversation

has really bad ploys and just ideas associated with it, it's also really good to hear women support. being stay-at-home moms and talking about why they love it, why it gives them life, why it's beautiful, why it's fulfilling. All of those things are good things to be talking about and what young women need to hear that being a wife and mom is not afflictive or oppressive. It's actually beautiful. And then finally, Megan tweeted this a few days after the article came out so it's not directly responding to the article, but it was really good to see on her site. She said, leaving aside so much stupid Twitter discourse from self-proclaimed, quote, high-value men who insist ideal women are too shy to talk to strangers, I would like to note that the Proverbs 31 wife is not a helpless damsel. In her proper sphere, she is confident, capable, and shrewd. I want my daughters to be modest and chaste, yes, but I also want to raise them with enough self-assurance that they will someday be this kind of wife. And she quotes, Proverbs 31, 16 to 23.

which I just thought was really beautiful and really encouraging to see. Okay, finally turning to Ali Beth Stucky, she's a writer for World Magazine, the Christian journalism platform, and she responds to this trend as well. It's a rather long quote, so bear with me. She says, quote, Tradwife, a trend that's been popularized on TikTok and Instagram, has redeeming qualities.

Certainly, no one should complain about a return to homemade cooking and homeschooling or a desire to depend on the government less and on your skills more. But not all trad wife content is biblical. Some of it is straight up 1950s cosplay. Some of it is just capitalizing on the aesthetics of homesteading without any moral substances. Like all social media trends, it has vapid and yes harmful elements to it. And these secular subsets of trad life can needlessly tempt Christian women into discontentment. There are in fact many godly women who are caught up in this comparison trap and the reminder that the Bible, not social media, sets the standard, is freeing.

So she was kind of both attacking and defending the tradwife movement and I think, again, that comes down to a definition because she says not all tradwife content is biblical. Some of it is from 1950s. So it depends on how you define it and that's really what you need to get to. That's the main point. But then I also liked her ending turn towards the comparison trap, which I think is so common among women. They compare themselves to other people. And honestly, what saddens me most is that we're teaching our daughters to do the same, especially because of their raising on social media.

It's just constantly like, you're not good enough. You need to be better. You need to look like this. You need to do that. You need to do X, Y, Z to please so and so. and the Bible sets forth that we are all made in the image of God and then the roles that God has given for men and women and how women can both please him and be a part of his plan while also exemplifying true biblical femininity is just so beautiful and that doesn't require comparison.

It is just accepting and praying that your life would honor the Lord. and that he would work through it for his glory and that whatever you're doing and whatever sphere he is working in you. So that's really beautiful. I loved her turn there. And that's how I'd just like to end today's episode, which I often do. But just returning to Proverbs 31 as a reminder of what this show is about. And while Proverbs 31 may be labeled as Tradwife, it's not the 1950s tradwife stereotype.

In fact, it's a more beautiful standard, the most beautiful that we could. ever have. And so verse 11 of Proverbs 31 says her husband has full confidence her and lacks nothing of value. And then verse 25 in following says, she's clothed with strength and dignity and she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. It continues to describe her contributions to the household and the way she participates in the public square. And then verse 30 and 31 very common. charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised honor her for all that her hands have done and let her works bring her praise at the city gate thanks for listening to strength and dignity i'm michela estu and you're listening to

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