WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - The Healing Hour: Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not to Who Someone Else is Today

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Today, Adriana and Erika discuss Rule Four of Jordan Peterson's Twelve Rules for Life: Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not to Who Someone Else is Today. They discuss how to evaluate the spheres of your life that you want to prioritize over others, and why it's generally a bad idea to constantly judge yourself by the achievements of others.

Hello and welcome to the Healing Hour on Raky Dose of Healing. I'm your host, Adriana Zaire. And I'm your co-host, Erica Kaiba. And we are here to help you become your happiest, healthiest, fullest self. Erica, how are you doing? I'm doing great. I'm actually, I should add that I feel a little bit tired because I slept six hours last night. No. And that is not enough for Erica Kaiba. So what you're going to do is you're going to challenge yourself tonight to be better than you were last night. Exactly. Very topical, Adriano. Thank you. How are you doing? I'm doing pretty well. I actually got exactly seven hours of sleep last night, which I think is the bare minimum to actually be healthy.

So maybe tomorrow I'll get eight hours. We'll see. That's amazing. Yeah. But yes, this ties exactly into our topic on the fourth rule for life. For life. Yes, the fourth rule for life. And that is... Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today. Adrienne, I wanted to ask, what were your reactions to this chapter? Because I know this is something that we've talked about a lot that has come up on and off the show. Well, I think Jordan Peterson is exactly right. I think, like, yes, it is true. We are pretty much designed to compare ourselves to others. But at the end of the day, like, you are an individual and putting yourself down isn't doing anyone any good because you offer something to the world that nobody else can. Right. So it would be best for yourself and for everyone else to actually cultivate the gifts that you have been given and kind of have a mindset of abundance rather than. limiting. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And he gets into that a lot in the chapter of how to actually better

your life and take steps to do that and negotiate with yourself so that you make your life better. But then the bulk of the chapter is pointing out the greatest obstacle to that, which is paralysis because we continually compare ourselves to others. And that's not a fair thing for us to do, especially as adults, because the older you get, the more multifaceted your life becomes. So you've got like eight or nine spheres. It's like your health, your family, your relationships with your friends, your significant other, your work, professional life, hobbies, all this different stuff. So then if you're looking at one facet of a person's life and saying, well, they're doing so much better than me in their career, well, I mean, you don't know the full story of their life.

So you can't really do that. Right. Yeah. Erica, I have kind of a fun thought experiment that came from while I was reading this. Oh. He talks about aiming towards a certain goal in your life to, you know, you can't see clearly if you don't, you know, have a target of what you're looking at. Erica, I was wondering, where do you see yourself in 60 years? Oh, 60 years. Okay, so I'll be 80 years old.

Because you think about it, if you're improving yourself a little bit every day, think of how much you'll be different in 60 years from now. Oh, I see what you mean by that. Yeah. Okay, so my ideal 80-year-old self is surrounded by a brood of grandchildren. And I would want to have my family very close to me. Like, I want to have close bonds with my family. And I think that would be the most important thing for me.

Yeah. But then, like, I also, I never want to stop writing. That's, this is something I've thought about for a really long time because writing is the great passion of my life. And I was like, I never want to, like, quote unquote, retire from this. So I kind of see myself as like little 80 year old me like at a desk just writing novels or whatever. I think that would be so fun. That's adorable. Thank you.

How about you? Okay. So when I picture myself as an 80 year old woman, God willing, I want to be a buff grandma. Yes. I want to be that grandma who makes lots of food and yells at her children to eat and eat more. And because, okay, I basically grew up around like, old ethnic grandmas and I was really inspired by them and I would like to be one of those little old ethnic grandmas who is like really strong really healthy cooks very like but also very hospitable

very warm very wise and so I live my life in light of one day being that really buff grandma who cooks and loves your family because you're already a buff Armenian baddie it's true no I mean that's why I work out now at 20 is that way I can still be strong and full of life when I'm old Right? So I think that's actually a really good way of looking at it. Yeah. And I love that. I love that, you know, kind of projecting into the future. Because we talk about five-year plans. But then, like, I love what you pointed out. Like, theoretically, if you're always making yourself better, that will project even into your old age. Yeah. And I think that we're very now-focused society, so we neglect that. But that's something that's really important to keep in mind when you think about bettering yourself. It's like, what's the end game? Yeah. Long-term payoffs. Yeah. Yeah. So we were kind of talking about how there's multiple different facets. Like you might want to be a grandma who has lots of grandchildren around her, but then also want to be strong, but then also want to be cooking or like also want to keep up with your hobbies. And the reason for that is that there are many what Jordan Peterson calls games that you're playing in life.

I think that's a nice way to conceptualize it. And he talks about like what makes a good game or a bad game. And what he says is standards of better or worse are not illusory. or unnecessary. If you haven't decided that what you are doing right now was better than the alternatives you wouldn't be doing it. The idea of a value-free choice is a contradiction in terms. Furthermore, every activity once chosen comes with its own internal standards of accomplishment. If something can be done at all, it can be done better or worse. To do anything at all is therefore to play a game, with a defined and valued end, which can always be reached

more or less efficiently and elegantly. Every game comes with its chance of success or failure. Furthermore, if there was no better or worse, nothing would be worth doing. There would be no value and therefore no meaning. So, yeah, I think that that's an interesting way to conceptualize it. The games we choose to play, so to speak, the activities that we take on in our life and the things that we dedicate ourselves to, it's like we're playing a game and we're trying to achieve the best thing possible. What did you think of that image? Yeah, I mean, I think that's a really positive way of looking at it is because it's not just about, like, beating yourself up about how bad you've been in the past.

past, it's like trying to improve yourself going forward and taking those practical steps and succeeding at those practical easily attainable steps. And then you, you know, you reward yourself by doing that and you want to keep doing that. You want to keep having those dopamine hits. And so I think that really by doing it little by little with those, you know, calling it a game, whatever, like those little wins. That's going to set you up for long-term success instead of like, having these big, extravagant, you know, plans or goals or whatever, it's very gradual. And then I guess because he talks about there being, he's like, well, there's objectively good games to play and maybe there's objectively bad games to play. So if this question makes sense to you, how do you decide, like, in your life, what's like a good game, so to speak?

Or like, what's worthy of your time? Or have you ever had to like look at what you're doing and think like, oh, maybe this shouldn't be the priority? Maybe I should, I don't actually need to be pursuing this right now. Does it make me more whole and holy? Okay. Does it make me more present with my family and friends or does it distract me? Does it make me more pleasant to be around or am I a total witch? You know, for example, like if I'm spending two, three, four, five hours on social media, not that I've ever done this.

Oh, no. I've never, never even think of doing this. Far be it from us. What kind of person does that make me? Well, it makes me irritable. It makes me easily distracted. It makes it really hard for me to think about anything else besides that. I'm not any better for doing it.

But when I, for example, go for a run, I come back. I feel really good. I feel really strong. If I lift weights, same thing. If I'm eating fruits and vegetables and protein and good sources of carbohydrates, I feel very healthy and full of vitality when I'm with other people. but if I'm eating just sugar and bread and processed foods, I feel really inflamed and gross and unhappy and depressed and anxious.

So I think it really leads to this whole concept that we always start our, we start our show talking about, which is, you know, the fullness of health, what that means like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and dentally. Don't forget dentally. Don't forget dentally. If it's making you more healthy, and whole and holy, then it's something to keep up. But if it's making your vices come out

or making you just have a harder time fully embracing the gift of life, then don't do it. Yeah. I think that's so important what you said about thinking about what you're doing and is this actively bettering me as a person in any one of the dimensions. But then there's also, I think, how does it fit into my long-term goals? and also just does it spark joy? Because I think forcing yourself to undertake a project, if it's like not really that important for the long run, like you don't have to do it and it's not necessarily going to be important or good for you. And you just have to force yourself to do it. Like, you really have to think about that.

And what I have in mind right now is that a few months ago, I decided that I had to have a book blog on Instagram. And because people would always talk about, oh, if you're going to self-publish books, you need to have this strong online presence. And I always, the idea of that always stressed me out. And I also like found it tedious. I was like, how do you even, what? How do I like build like this whole following on a book blog? I just want to write about the books.

So I just did that. And I would like make myself write something about every book that I read and then post about it over the summer. And then I stepped back and I was like, how much is this realistically going to help my future as a writer? Probably not much. And I hate doing it. It's just taking time away from other things. Yeah. You know, so I think it's important to assess the quote-unquote games that we're playing.

Yeah. I think about where our time is best spent and if we should be so worried about how well we're doing in that sphere. I mean, yeah, ultimately you're going to be happiest with whatever you're made for, right? So that's the problem that I have with people, you know, who pursue careers that they're just not happy with just like for the sake of money and like, yes, money is good. but if you wasted your life doing something you hated then yeah right i mean we're made for happiness and wholeness and and holiness yes um so that's something i've really been meditating on lately too is well what do i want to do after college what's actually going to make me happy it's really yeah it's important not to compare yourself with other people in terms of like salary or

achievement in that way especially if you're trying you should just be focusing on finding your purpose right yeah have you heard of the concept of ike guy i think that's how you're Oh, it's the Japanese. Yes. And it's like the several spheres. Yeah. Tell me more about it, though. Yeah.

So it's basically trying to find your purpose. That's at the center of the diagram. And then it's like you have your passion. You have what the world needs. And then you have where your talents are. And where those three things intersect is your purpose. So you want to do something. Like your passion is cluing you in.

What you love, I think is ultimately directed at what your ultimate purpose is, what you were created to do. your talents, what you're naturally good at, what you have an aptitude for so you can be effective, and then what the world needs. How can you do good in the world with what you're passionate about and what you're talented in? Yeah. And yeah. And, you know, we talked about in other chapters where Jordan Peterson says that when you're in the right place and the right time you get this metaphysical feeling where you're like, yes, this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and this is where I'm supposed to be. Have you ever experienced that? Yeah, coming to Hills.

I think because that was not my plan to come to Hillsdale. I really wanted to go to a school with quote, more prestige. But it was one of those things where the Lord really just guided me here. And I just applied and ended up falling in love with it in a way I never thought that I would. And I fell in love with the education at the times when I'm really stressed or when I look at friends from other colleges or whatever, I just have this like unshakable feeling this is where God needed me to be. And this is where like I have to be. how about you okay so i've always really really loved english i've loved writing and i've loved literature those are like the two big things and for the longest time when when i was in high school i thought well i'm never going to make any money if i'm an english major this is

actually something i struggled with i was like well what am i actually going to do with myself but then i find that i actually got to hillsdale and i was like i don't think i'm going to be able to not be an English major. Realistically, I just love it too much. Yeah. But then I was like, okay, well, I'm going to start looking for things that, where I can, you know, be writing and maybe explore things that I can get better at and get involved in more activities. And what I found is, like, when I'm in my English classes, like, that's where I feel that sense of purpose, you know, especially. I'm like, this really matters, like the literature that we're studying. And this is having, like, studying this is going to have a really huge impact on our lives because these are the timeless

questions. But then also I find that like I work at the Writing Center as well, helping people with essays and then hearing their ideas and like being able to help draw that out of them. Like that's where I also feel like that sense of rightness, you know, like I really like being here and I get the sense that I'm supposed to be. So while I haven't totally defined what path I'm going to end up going down as relates to writing or literature, I have a feeling that it might be in that direction. praise God. Like praise God, that's what you're called to do.

That's where you're going to find the most joy and the Lord provides otherwise. Yeah. I mean, it relates back to being the 80-year-old woman, okay? Like, do you want to look back at your life and think, oh, my gosh, I just wasted it? Or do you want to be, you know, the grandma with all the children who's writing books? Yeah. And the grandchildren. Okay.

And this is so funny. This is like actually literally what we were just talking about. Mm-hmm. Okay, so. And Jordan Peterson has this idea that kind of inform. how we think about finding our purpose, and he talks about how, well, he asks the question, who are you?

You think you know, but maybe you don't. You are, for example, neither your own master nor your own slave. You cannot easily tell yourself what to do and compel your own obedience, any more than you can easily tell your husband, wife, son, or daughter what to do and compel theirs. You are interested in some things and not in others.

You can shape that interest, but there are limits. Some activities will always engage you and others simply will not. You have a nature. You can play the tyrant to it, but you will certainly rebel. How hard can you force yourself to work and sustain your desire to work? How much can you sacrifice to your partner before generosity turns to resentment? What is it that you actually love?

And I think these questions are so important to ask ourselves before deciding what we set out to do, you know? I mean, you can't force yourself to be what you're not. I mean it relates to not comparing yourself to others you are made to be very unique and given a certain way of seeing the world and a certain set of how do you say you're you're wired to think a certain way and that does change throughout life but at the end of the day like you there is something about you that persists throughout your whole life that makes you you exactly and there's no sense in changing it exactly yeah that's the huge problem problem, I think, is what you expressed with comparing yourself to other people because you are not them. So at the end of the day, does it really matter that, oh, their salary is this much more than mine? Oh, they're getting this many accolades more than I am. Well, okay, is that what matters? Because they're pursuing, maybe they're pursuing something different.

And maybe you have like a different, a different purpose in life. Maybe your answer to these questions are different than they are. And so you have to go down a different path. Right. So, and I think that really gets at the heart of the chapter, which is that you shouldn't be constantly comparing yourself to how other people are moving down their path because it's so multivariant what people can do with their lives, but compare yourself to who you were yesterday. I mean, maybe you have a better understanding of yourself now and you are moving in a different direction. That's further along your own path. You don't have to be further along someone else's path. It's not your path. Can you imagine how awkward it would be. be to just be walking on someone else's path. And they were trying to go forward. Yeah. You're like, no, this is my moment, actually.

Exactly. I was listening to a podcast, actually. Imagine listening to a podcast. Oh, that's crazy. I was listening to a podcast, Pines of Aquinas, where Mother Natalia, she's a Byzantine Catholic nun was talking about this idea of comparison.

And she says that when someone else has a gift that you don't have, like don't forget that their gift is also meant to be a gift to everyone else around them. So in a sense, their gift is also your gift. Yeah. Oh, I like that. So, I mean, I may not be Erica Kaiba. I may not be able to write as beautifully and wonderfully as she does, you know, with her beautiful,

fictional stories. But that's a gift to me that, like, she is able to share the things that she writes with me and I can appreciate them and, like, grow because of that. Or, you know, I'm never going to be, I'm never going to be, um, a great basketball player. Okay, I'm four foot eight. But the people who do play basketball, it's very entertaining for them to watch.

And they're doing what they can do as a gift to me in that sense. So in a way, I'm really not lacking, you know. I love that. The saints, even. I mean, there's so many saints who are so much holier than I could ever be, but their holiness is an inspiration for me.

Yeah, that's the other thing. So it's like maybe, I mean, in some sense, it's like, okay, well, maybe you shouldn't be comparing yourself in certain instances. But then it's like exactly what you said. In other instances, it can actually be them inspiring you towards your goal. Yeah, that's true. But you shouldn't go about it in a way that you're distressing about over not being there yet.

And we've talked about this before, too, but like at the end of the day, we're all called the holiness, but holiness looks different on every person. I think it was G.K. Chesterton. Maybe it was C.S. Lewis. I'm sorry. can't remember. But it was like look at how alike all the demons are and how gloriously different all the saints are. And that really struck something with me because you think of like, Saint Padre Pio is not St. Gianna Bredaamola is not St. Bernardin is not, you know,

they're all so uniquely different, but they all reflect God somehow. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, if you think about the point about the demons, jealousy kind of operates on all the same targets, if that makes sense. Like we envy wealth, power, fame, people having lots of resources to different pleasurable hedonistic things. And so those are the things that we look at and we tend to envy. And so, but like what would the world look like if we all just like had the stuff that we envied? Oh, we're all like really powerful and rich and we have all this. stuff. That wouldn't satisfy us. But then if we go to the converse of that and we're all trying to be holy the way that God meant us to be holy, that's where you get the variance that you

talked about in the saints, where they all have this very specific and unique mission. Yeah. Okay. Well, on that note, I think that wraps of our discussion for today of Jordan Peterson's fourth rule of life. But don't fret because we'll be back again next week for the fifth rule of life, which is, do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike. them. This is like so topical for us as we have many children. Well, in 60 years, we're going to have lots of children and grandchildren. Yeah, so, yeah, lots to think about. I can't wait to get into it. Well, we'll see you next week. Thank you for joining us. I'm your host, Adriana Azarian. And I'm your co-host, Erica Kaiva. And this was The Healing Hour on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM.

We will catch you next week. Same time, same place. Bye. Thank you.