WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - The Healing Hour: Mother Knows Best

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

In today's episode, we interview Dr. Rita Perlingeiro Kyba about work-life balance, motherhood, and cultivating wellness in a busy life.

Hello and welcome to the Healing Hour where we bring you your weekly dose of healing. I'm your host, Adriana Azarian. And I'm your co-host, Erica Kaiba. Today we have a very special guest with us, Dr. Rita Perlangero Kaiba, head of the Perlangero Lab at the University of Minnesota, co-founder of myogenica and my mom. Welcome to the show. We are here to talk to you today about health and wellness as a mother, work-life balance, and staying healthy and having a very busy career in life all around.

Okay, so mom, for the context of the audience, tell us a little bit about what you do, what your life is like. What are the different spheres that keep you occupied? Okay. Many spheres. I am a professor of medicine at the University of Minnesota, so I have a research lab. So my career is very busy with about 10, 12. Researchers in my group, I am mom and the most important thing.

And, you know, making sure everything is moving along in our house, a family. It pretty much takes all my time. And, of course, taking care of myself. Because if I don't take care of myself, I cannot take care of anything else. That's so true. So what are some ways, some practical ways that a busy mom who has a job and has kids can can take care of herself and prioritize her health? I really carve time for exercise every single day, almost every single day.

It's not only important for me physically, but mentally. So it's like my hour or my 45 minutes, whatever it is that particular time. If it's 30 minutes, it's okay too. Being care of my nutrition is also very important, sleeping, you know, making sure, you know, I think listen to yourself is very important. important, right? And it's what I do. Sometimes, you're not going to sleep less because I have a deadline. But I need to be somewhere. But, you know, overall, I just try to listen to the cues, my body and my mind that's giving me. Do you have a favorite type of workout? One that you feel is the most impactful to, like, maximize your time?

It's whatever I feel in that day. It depends. I really like interval, class. that you can do cardio and, you know, weights. But sometimes you're not in the right mindset for that. So just power walk will do. So it really depends. Or a dancing session. That's also very good. Very healing.

Yes. So true. It's a 80s. Yes. Medi's music. So do you find that there's any difficulty at times? And I imagine there is with balancing career obligations and then the demands of motherhood,

especially like in the early stages, but also later on. Yeah, earlier the harder. Yeah, and I think the key is just tackling one thing at the time. Because, you know, you just cannot, you cannot take care of everything in the same time, right? So sometimes you have, sometimes you just have to prioritize. And if you start worrying about, like, for example,

even just at school or at work, if you have five, six, seven deadlines, you just cannot tackle them all in the same time. And you have your family and, you know, your kids are sick, for example. You just have to think, okay, what's the most important thing that I have to take care now? So take care of that. And when that's done, then you go to the next. So, and of course, and also you need to have support. you need to count on help when I'm talking about more family-wise.

But also at work sometimes, you know, if you need help with a task, whatever it is, sometimes you can count with support or, you know, teamwork, right? So, or ask help for a professor. I'm trying to be very broad here. But yeah, I think what you said is really important and interesting about needing help and recognizing that. Because I think a lot of the times we're told in our culture, I mean, both of the sex is that we have to do everything and we have to take all of it into account on our own. But that's not realistic. No, no.

No, you don't need to take the whole word in our shoulders. That's the wrong thing to do because then you're going to really burn out. And if you burn out, you're not a good professional, you're not a good mom, you're not a good wife, you're not a good girlfriend, not a good friend even, right? you're doing yourself a disservice. Going back to talking about how it's more difficult in some times of life than it is in others to prioritize your health, what advice do you have to maybe new moms who say, I just don't have time to take care of myself? You know, there are those little chairs that vibrate and our girls love it. I took them with me.

So actually it's possible, you know. I know it sounds like, you know, you could be like, oh, you're making it easy. But, you know, you just have to want it. You can always put a baby in a stroller and go for a walk. Right? So good. You have to, you know, I think it's important to make whatever the activity is if you can involve your family, right?

So even if you're in a room, it's knowing outside, well, you cannot go for a walk. But if you know, you have a little corner in your house that you're going to do some sit-ups, whatever it is. You know, sit your baby, if they're 10, whatever it is, they like to play. and they're part of it, right? They are next to you. So you don't feel like you have, oh, I'm taking time for me and my baby, my toddler is away from me.

So, you know, it doesn't need it to be separate. You can involve family affair. I remember when we were growing up, this is just something that triggered a memory, how you would always take us to the gym with you early on and tried to keep us active. And I was kind of thinking, like, because sometimes we were hesitant

And we didn't like really feel like going. So how do you get kids to be active? Yeah, that's, you know, I think most kids like to play sports, right? So I personally not really sports, you know, not good in sports. I like gin rat. But, you know, you like most of the time the kids like to do what their parents do, right? One way or another, or sometimes they don't at all just because you do. But most of the time they want to do it.

And the reality of moving your body, whatever activity you like is that you start doing, then you feel good. Then you want to do more. It's the famous endorphins, right? But everybody's different, right? Some people prefer to do yoga. Some people like to do Pilates. Some people like to run, right? So just you have to find, I always hear people saying, like, what do you recommend?

What's the best exercise? So whatever you can do, whatever you want to do, right? Because there is no recipe, I think. I'm not an expert of all means, but I think whatever you enjoy doing, you want to do it again. And what if we switched gears and talked about nutrition? What are your three golden rules in the kitchen if you had to narrow it down to three? Okay. Well, avoid packages, food in packages, for sure. So more you make the food from produce, you know, whole meals, that's always the best, right? So avoiding processed foods. That,

you know, in that number one already you are avoiding sugar, right? which we all love, right? But it's something that I try to make more as a treat as an everyday. I personally, I love chocolate. I love it, but I try to avoid it, make it a once a week kind of special treat. Protein, always try to keep protein and vegetables in all the meals, because, again, it keeps you satisfied. Carb is also important, but hopefully, through fruit, whole grains,

including all the, you know, the components that should be part of the diet, famous, you know, the macronutrients. Yeah. And if you're pressed for time, how do you do meal prep in such a way that you can eat healthy but also, you know, be on the go? Chili is a good one. Love chili. It's so good.

chill, you know, you open the cans, you know, you can add some ground turkey, some ground meat, tomato sauce, add your spices, and then you have food for the week, right? So that's a easy one. How about feeding kids, especially when kids are really picky? I don't know of Erica and Sophia were ever picky growing up. We had our phases. Did you have? How do you navigate that?

Yeah, that was not easy. Actually, the dad was better than me insisting. I don't have much a lot of tolerance. It's like, okay, you don't like or sweet. Yeah, it's the trying again, right? Try again. Put in front of them and try again. I think what can make it difficult

is that they know, not the word for me necessarily, but I think now, you know, thinking like, you know, It's like, oh, I don't like this. And then you come, oh, okay. And come with French fries, then they learn, oh, if I just say, no, what, I push to the floor. I know I'm going to get French fries or whatever, pizza, right, mac and cheese. Then I'll do that.

But, you know, if you, you know, I also make the vegetables tasty, right? Because if you just put, personally, if you just put broccoli in front of me, I'm not going to like it. But if you put broccoli with some olive oil, some salt. It's okay. With Oliver, everything is good, right? Yeah. So if you start, you know, playing around with the flavors, the textures, and let them eat with their hands and see, I like this.

I don't like that. You know, carrots, no. Maybe cauliflower, yes. And it's just, and it's not because they say no one day that tomorrow, you know. It's just, yeah, persistence. What are some of your favorite meals to make for your family? I would be, I think, is a staple from Brazil. what I'm from, which is black beans with some kind of meat, usually ground meat, garlic,

and rice. That's kind of a staple, I would say, isn't it? Yes, definitely. That's comfortable for us. It's funny because when I was growing up, I didn't like that much. But once I moved away and then I was raising my own kids far away, then it became a staple. It's very nutritious. That's a good one.

Yep, you got your fiber. You got your protein. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe if you're willing to talk about the move to the United States. Because I imagine taking care of your emotional health in that time, like being in a totally new environment and you're away from your family

and your friends who you miss very much. How do you just go from day to day and have your emotions in check? I have to go back many, many years. I have to remember me. Well, I think one of the aspects, is that I was just ready for the move. I was 29 years old, so I

know exactly what I wanted, and I had already experienced moving away from home in Brazil, right? But of course, moving to a different country is different, right? It's a different level of change. But I think one key aspect

is that I was very open to making France. I just really want to embrace the culture and making friends at work in the research lab. Cambridge, Boston, where I moved to is a very easy place to make lots of friends. There are people from all over the world. So I made friends from people from all over. So I was really open, and I think that's very key to make friends

and to feel happy, whatever you are, because you're not born to be alone. So true. So, okay, at Hillsdale, there's a lot of young women who really just want to get married and have kids. How do you, what advice do you have to, you know, people who are women who are interested in that, who want to prepare themselves to be good wives and mothers who are balanced? Okay. That's a very difficult question. The question is, how do you prepare to be a wife and a good mom?

I feel that's really there is no way to prepare as being, you know, I feel that to be a good mother and a good wife requires a certain level of maturity. And that doesn't necessarily is, you know, you can think of maturity of age, but, you know, people mature at different ages. You might be 30 and you're not really mature yet. Yeah.

And you'll be 21 and you're, and you're ready, right? I think one very important aspect is that you have to be ready. It's like, what do you mean by that? It's just that you have to be ready to give. Because, you know, we tend to be selfish. It's just normal, right? Selfish not in a bad way, but, you know, you're thinking about my studies.

I need this, I need that, right? My life, my schedule, right? I needed to do this for me, you know, and that's how it goes because you are learning who you are, right? And you want to be a good professional and you want to enjoy this time of your life friends and meeting people, right, having fun. This is a very unique time in your life, right? So when you go to the next step in your life that's getting married and starting a family, then, you know, then you it's not just about yourself anymore, especially when you have kids, right? The kids are always a priority. So your time is not there anymore.

It's there, but you just have to administer in another level. Let's put it in the way. Especially if you work outside the house. But even in the house, you know, people that say, oh, so you just stay in the house. You know, it's a whole new level of, you know, commitment, right? So I feel that's very important to just be ready for the changes that will come. And how do you prepare? I don't really know the answer.

Do you think in sub-respect you learn it by doing it? I think so. I think so. And how do you balance your faith life into all of this? Well, I think, you know, for everything in life is just very important. How do you, because life through your challenges, right? Here and there, you know, sometimes, you know, you don't expect or, you know, It's always something.

And how do you deal with them is, if this up and downs that life bring is just having the fate, right? That brings you, you know, that feeling that there is something bigger and there is something watching you. And if any, everything happens for a reason. Good things and even bad things. So don't know if I answer for your question there. What's the best way to manage all the stress of everything you have to, that you get to balance? You know, I get very stressed. I'm giving advice here like I'm a very, you know, balanced person.

Sometimes, you know, it feels like totally overwhelming and I just try to back up a little bit, you know, and get some perspective, maybe a day off. and again, reprioritize. If I can't take a day off, again, you know, take a time to read a book, pray if that brings you to, you know, center yourself, right? Break a sweat, go for a run, but you just needed to reprioritize. And even, you know, if you miss one deadline, try to work around that. You know, sometimes life happens and you cannot do it at certain tasks. So you're just like, okay, stop.

Don't, you know, have a breakdown. Just say, what can I do here? How can I organize? How can I bypass this hard? Do I need more time? Can I talk to someone? Sometimes the answer is no, you can't. So you might decide to work the whole night, as happened to me.

And other times, it's possible to just re-organize your schedule, for example. But again, I think he's always trying to find. balance on your days and prioritize one aspect that I find very important is when I have a particular job that I need to do I just try doesn't mean that I'm perfect all the time but I try to tackle that task for one hour let's say I don't think about oh what do I need to buy for the kids or what do I need to be because you know women in general have a monkey brain we are thinking about and that's really something that's very peculiar to us we have the capacity to do 10,000 things in the same time but you

know that also has a toll you burn out so sometimes you do need to focus so when you need to focus you know just try to clear your mind because when you focus on one task at the time you can make it much faster and much better than if you are like distracted right so that's Definitely something that is still work in progress for me because I usually, you know, multitasking. But going off of the multitasking, how do you decide what to prioritize? Deadline. Whatever the deadline is the soonest.

It can be two hours from now. It can be one day, two days. So I try to prioritize. You know, some people say like, you know, you do the tasks that you like the least in the morning. because you have more energy. But I just try to do, you know, what I'm more in terms of deadline. So I get it out of the way. I love to block things, then, then, then.

With the highlighter. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any last pieces of advice, things that might be important for? I always say the same when I meet students in conferences that they want to advise. Enjoy the ride. Otherwise, there is no point. Thanks so much for coming on the show.

Thank you. That was Rita Kaiva, PhD. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you for joining us. And thank you all for joining us as well. This has been The Healing Hour with your host, Adriana Azarian. And your co-host, Erica Kaiba. And remember, if you have any questions about healing, you can email us at your dose of healing at gmail.com.

That's your dose of healing at gmail.com, all lowercase. Tune in next week. Thanks for joining. Yes.