WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wessex Is Touse | Boys Only #42

Episode Date: September 26, 2026

Nate and Storm chat with Victor "Black Orpheus" Fernandes and Jack "Alabaster Eurydice" Baldwin about swapping bodies, being a washed ballerina, and falling off roofs.

I feel like I'm at the dentist. I frequently feel like I'm at the dentist. You weren't supposed to talk yet, Victor. Oh. It's okay. It doesn't really matter. He started talking. We have to do our whole cold open thing, dude.

It's called a cold open, dude. It's not Taos. What are you talking about, bro? It's called a cold. I'm sorry, I forgot Pin order. I'm sorry, I forgot Pin order. This is Bauss, bro. This is Bauss moment.

This is a Bauss moment. I mean, normally, we're Touse. Yeah. I mean, I'm Nate Gallagher. I'm Storm Drexler. And this is, is boys only that was one of our lesser cold opens

that's all right though because it was a self-aware we're here with two members of house of our own house of our housemates our house move we're completing the house because we had coal on absolutely forever ago but now we're completing the quintet yes yes with our guys Victor Fernandez

hi and Jack Baldwin hello hi hi Guys, get your mustache off the mic. Guys, you guys, you guys, you guys. Introduce it, like, who do people know you as on campus? People on this campus generally know me as black orpheus. They call me Black Orpheus. Everyone's been calling me Black Orpheus.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard everyone say that. And everyone's been saying, oh my gosh, who's his Euritacy? That's what everyone's saying. What kind of Eurydice or? My alabaster Euritacy actually is what they're saying. They say, I want to be his alabaster Euritacy. So that's mainly how I'm known. That's good block.

Why is alabaster Eurydice? I don't know what that means. Alabaster's a rock. Well then, define yourself apart from him first and then we will define your relationship. Who are you? A new mustache guy.

New mustache on campus. You're the new mustache? New mustache. Tall guy, new mustache. Extremely large. You are one of the largest people I look up to literally. I appreciate that storm

I tilt my head up Yeah that's all I'm known for Being tall and having a mustache Yeah Don't you run a gold program I do but People You know it's the height thing

I added the mustache To add one more personality thing That people wouldn't notice Jack that's so sad No it's not It's great Okay the mustache is big enough Well once you debut your accordion playing

Yeah The one guy walks around and plays The accordion with Black Orpheus That's why they call me Black Orpheas Because of my accordion Because you're nearby

It's because of you're recording Yeah I didn't know that Definitely This is a very Joey buff Brendan Burnham Every time we have two guests Simultaneously on this show

It gets a little unhinged It gets a little hacktage Yeah Good Joey buff and Brendan Bernd At the same time But we kind of want to give The listener a little peek into what it's like to live at Wessex

Our house Which is By the way guys It's wonderful Say it with me now Wessex is Touse. Jack, you didn't say. Jack didn't catch on it.

All right, I'm going to do it again. We're going to do it again. Wessex is Towsy Rabbit. Oh, sorry. Finish each other's sandwiches. But we're giving you a sneak peek in what it looks like to live with us. A sneak peek. A peak sneak sneak into what it looks like.

Yeah, because Black Orpheus is fun to live with him. And then entire doorway is going to be blocked by Jack's presence. Yeah. It's a great security measure. Last night. We were, me, Jack, and Cole were in the kitchen. And Jack was like, you know, there's this, like, there's people on campus. And I literally, I can't see them.

Like, I run into them if I, if I, I'm not careful. Head is in the clouds. For real. No, because, like, I literally don't see them. And so I tested it. Is this a grace Brennan? And I got up to his level on a chair and had Cole walk around like a little shorter than Cole is, what, like, 5'8 or so?

Yeah, Cole's pretty short. So Cole was like, he was like lowered himself a little bit. Five eight is not much. And what are you talking about? It was... Guys, it was terrifying. I couldn't see him. Yeah.

Like, I couldn't see him at all. It was really scary. Do you run into Victor sometimes? Is Victor short? No, no. He's past that. There's a limit, you know. Victor, if they're like 5.4.

5.9? 5.10? It depends on the day. 5.10 on the good day? No. There's no way you're 5.10. It's generally somewhere between 51 and 5.7. Depending on the compression.

It's a pretty broad range. Yeah. What if you've just been on the moon? I'm just... I'll tell them. I don't know. I had breakfast this morning. I don't know.

I had breakfast. But what if you did? I don't. But I did. But I did. But I did have breakfast this morning. I did have breakfast this morning. Guys, we just got a great wave from Mr.

Bertram as he left. Oh, wow. That's a wonderful. Is that him? I've heard so much about it. That's the ethereal big bird. That's Mr. Bertram who just walked by. Yeah.

Should we get to some questions? Sure. No. Okay. Yes, go ahead. So there was a lot. Oh, yes. Of questions.

Sorry, we were sick last week, but we're... Sorry, I was extremely ill last week. He was bed red and I had to feed him soup. Yeah, and then you gave it to Jack and I, too. I gave it to the entire house. I gave it to all of tabs. Once it got into the group toothpaste, it was over. We're talking about that.

Yeah, once it got into the group toothpaste. The group tooth paste episode title. Sorry, a lot of the... A couple of these questions are about the same incident. I want to bring up this incident first. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. The Searle Roof incident.

That's all news. I think the status... Which is why we can talk about it. Yeah, it's like it's been... The statute of limitations has expired. Plus, you guys got caught. It's like a public domain patent now. Like, it's like public domain.

Everyone knows about... The video has 60K views on it. The beginning of the goon squad, maybe. Sort of. Like two founding goons. Tell us a tale. What happened? Well, we were doing...

We were shuffling around on the surrogue roof because, you know, first semester, freshman. You were at swing dance, actually. We were not at swing dance. That's a horrible allegation. Tell the back, like, why were you on the roof? Because why not? Well, who was there?

Oh, okay, so it was Jack and I, and then Andrew Hawkin and Peter Stokes, which is kind of an eclectic pull. I love the guy, but in context, I don't know. Concussion, concussion hit hard, right? right now. Yeah,

the third one. Victor has an enormous wealth on his head. He turns, welled, yeah. Yeah, it's like throbbing

in red. There's stars flying. Yeah, it's not great. Anyway, we were shuffling around on the roof, the four of us,

and then Jack has a chance misstep and because he's 600 pounds. He falls from one part of it. There was a ladder. There was a ladder to my left instead of in front of me.

And I was meaning to step on it. There was a ladder to my left instead of in front of me. It was an incredible way to say I could not see the ladder. Like did the ladder move? I don't know. There was a wall in front of me instead of to my right. Bam. So he fell some 50 feet, but just tanked the fall.

It was only about five. Five feet. And then so unbeknownst to us, we knew the CCA was happening. And we were like, okay, we'll roof Searle during the CCA because that's awesome. But we didn't know that the CCA was literally. session per se. We knew the CCA was happening that weekend. I didn't even know it was happening. Well, I didn't know what it was. Jack Fatt. I don't think I knew what it was. Jack Fack. I didn't know what it was happened. You're the take me far away meme of your life is just sunshine and rainbows.

Victor's like worrying about the things and you're just like, I'm having so much fun. Oh yeah, that's that's true. This is yep, completely true. Completely valid. Anyway, so we knew that the CCA was happening this weekend, but we didn't know that it was currently in session. at the minute that we decided to climb on the roof the Suril Center. Jack falls and then... No, there are other things.

We were rolling around. Rolling around. We were generally... Elaborate on rolling around. Trying to stay out of security's view. Oh. But then, I mean, by the time security became aware of our presence

because Jack fell 100,000 feet. Extremely loud sound. Making a din. It resounded... Where did you fall? Okay. You've been on the sorrel room.

Yeah, I've theoretically, I've theoretically maybe there's like two levels you get on the first level you go across and there's like there's a little ladder

you go up onto the second roof and not there anymore but yes yeah I just stepped down there oh you fell off of that that's like a solid five feet

that's a good five feet boom okay okay okay then what happened Victor yeah so anyway security became aware of us I kind of forget what happened between Jack falling

and security catching us but they well they tell us to come down off of the roof. Yes. And so. Reasonable. I guess so. Entirely reasonable.

I don't really know how to do that. So I guess I kind of just jump off of the roof. It fell off the roof. That's it. I, it was further. Well, I thought I could tank a fall of that distance pretty easily, which, I mean, it was fine. There were no permanent damage.

It didn't hurt a little bit. Did you tank it? I did tank it. That's awesome, I genuinely just jumped off. Just like how Black Orpheus tanked the fall into the underworld. Yes, exactly. That's why they call me, Black Orpheus actually. Anyway.

And then it was like, whatnot, whatever. And then, so we get in trouble. We have to go to the Dean's office. I don't know if you want to get into that whole. We won't get into that part. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that's kind of legendary, though. Yeah.

Well, the rest of us find out about this absolutely incredible story of Jack calling. We're like, they did what? Because everyone is like, you know, Your freshmen are dumb. Like, they're really dumb. Really, really stupid. Yeah. They do dumb things and it's really funny.

And so it's like, wait a minute, these four idiots were on a roof that hundreds of people. It was like 8 o'clock at night. Well, yeah. And see, the sun's scarcely down. Really the good part of the story is that if you go, because I mean, the CCA lectures are posted online. So if you go on YouTube and go to the video of that scene. CCA lecture. There's a part where... Oh my God. You hear...

The speaker's talking. You hear a thud sound. The speaker stops looking, or he stops talking, and he looks up and then resumes his speech. Anyway, that's Jack. That's Jack. That is Jack's fall from grace.

Felt like lightning from heaven. It tells it. He felt more like a very large stone. A bolt of us. A bolt of ice. Extremely large rock. Meteor. You're like a comment of sorts. Comment.

Yeah. That's awesome. So the rest of us hear about this and are like, you are all dumb. But really, they had a better adventure than we did that day. Yeah. We were treated very mercifully. You were?

Oh, yeah, we were. I mean, you've been here for like three weeks. A gentle rap on the knuckle. They made us go apologize to the gentleman who like organizes the CCAs. And he was very merciful on us. He was like, they told us to ask you to pick our punishment and he was like just do the standard punishment

which is washing the dishes in Saga. It's fun. It was about all you can ask for. You guys were Saga employees or these conscripted to be as such. So Liam has a lot of questions because he always does. Pick out the funny one. I am picking. I'm picking a couple of funnier.

The funny one. Victor, why are you a ballerina? Um, ballerina. You're a ballerina? Ballerina. I'm, I'm a washed ballet dancer. Ballerina. So I actually, interestingly enough, the memory came back to me, uh, this morning of why I decided to start taking ballet when I was nine. So I was a pre-professional ballet dancer for a decade. Ballerina. Ballerina, sure, whatever. For a decade. So that meant like six hours a day, six days a week at the Ballet Conservatory. Anyway,

Wow. I got roped into this because I remember my sister... Okay, so both my sisters were ballerinas before I decided to join the bandwagon. But I remember my older sister saying something about how they were going to put her face on a coin. What? As if it was an imminent thing about to happen because of her contributions to the arts. This was not true by... This is it lying to your face.

This was a falsehood. She probably doesn't remember this. what, she would have been 12 at the time. 12 year old, 12 year old Lucy Fernandez said this. Ignotic. And I was like, I need, I need to chase glory and fame in this.

And this is my avenue to do it. So that, that's why. That was you. I needed her face to be in that coin. I needed my face on a coin. So that's why you became a ballerina. That's why I became Black Orpheus. What, how's been your,

how's your ballet career, Ben? It's over. Yeah, I mean, it was a good time. It taught me a lot. Are your feet permanently pointed? No, I have some... No, like, pointed, like, the ankle extent, whatever. I had really bad feet for ballet.

I have, like, the worst feet you could have for ballet. You were so good, though. Yours are decent, Nate, from what I've seen them. Nate, Twinkletoes Gallagher. That's what they call them. Yeah, they used to, bad. Yep, that's right. Victor, I saw you dance around as like a cowboy

and the one cowboy. That was fantastic. That was a good time. Yeah, shout out to Faith Neacamp wherever she is. Yeah. Rest and peace. It was like a bunch of different,

what did you try it as? A bunch of different like plays, I guess, but they were like music interpretations, dance interpretations, things. Oh, good. You're just describing like ballet? It's, that's, that's...

It was tower dancers. Was that what it was? Yeah, it was a tower dancers performance. There was music playing and there was people moving. It was crazy. I never said anything like it. Yeah. Jack, can you dance?

Do I dance? Can you? Like his kind of dance? I don't know. He can, but he may not. I like to dance. You may not. He may not.

You may not. I may not. I mayn't dance. I may not. I may not. I see. I may dance. What's the Protestant denomination to can't dance?

What is that? A lot of them, right? Can't or may not? Maint. Maint. May not? probably the Quakers. No offense to Quakers.

I thought their whole thing is like quaking though. Oh, that's true. I think you're wrong about that. You're wrong about that. I don't know. I don't know. Like Presbyterians maybe? I don't know. I've seen them boogie down. Guys, guys, we're four Catholics in a room. Guys, we're four Catholics. That's right.

That's right. Four Catholics in this room. Four Catholics are here. One of these things is not like the other. It's not true because four Catholics are in the room right now. I forgot about that. Jack counts his too. actually two and a half Victor's only a half no that's not true

so the other half is pagan not Protestant okay that's horrible that is really bad has a question for Jack why did you body slam me in Bobbies I don't remember that

I think he's probably talking about naval battle he's probably talking Jack I remember you were a menace at naval battle battle one year yeah you yeah I just wait a lot then yeah I always wait the most beginning of the fall. Is naval battle campus wreck? Yeah and it's cancelled.

It's not happening this year. Oh my gosh. No one else wants to fight Simpson. They like, we've been dominated three years in a row. That's so sad. For those I don't know, campus wreck for was an event where we go out in the water and wrestle basically and you have to like get, like, build a boat out of like cardboard and materials and then you have to carry, and if you get your boat

to the opposing sides shore line. It's not across the entire lake just to clarify. It's like a round of like a hoop at the end and back. to the shore. But the other guys are fighting you and trying to sink your boat and wrestling you out in the water. And with Jack on our side,

we've like never lost. Well, so what happened is, it was an event. It was an event. We haven't lost and you've been there most years. I wasn't there last year. Well, that was,

and that was our closest year to defeat. Yeah. This is. But you take one step and you're halfway across the lake. So campus, so this was an old event. Like,

this was a very old event. Like, they talk about this in like 2018 in like 2018, but it was out at that. 2018. Yeah, ancient of days. Time in the morning.

Comparatively, I mean, dude, we're seniors now. We're old. 2018. But I'm still a freshman by credits. That's true. But anyway. It's 114 credits next semester. Yeah.

Like, gosh, I'm dying. It's crazy. This is the sick episode. Anyway, there was, it's an event from years ago, but it was at the lake by, like, the way to Hayden Park. It was, like, over there where there's, like, lily pads and, like, gunk and swore. Gunk and swam. And they got rid of it for years.

That's a nice nickname. And then they brought it back our freshman. Gunk and swam. Our freshman they brought it back. Cunk. Like cunk on Earth. Yeah, they did. And I can say with pride that I was the first cap of naval battle ever at Bob Ease.

The first cap? Like when you bring the flag across. Oh, that's right. First ever person. Me and Andrew Hawkin. That's awesome. pushed my boat. Wow.

It was like all cute and stuff. And your boat got to the other side. Yeah. That's why they call you titanium Achilles. Everyone calls him this. I remember when they called me that titanium Achilles.

That's why they call you... In answer to Liam's question, I think Liam is a more slamable person. Jack is an unslamable force. He's very... He's sturdier than you'd think. He's dense. He's pretty dense.

Yeah. So another dominant theme in the questions is your... your romantic situation. No, no, no, no. Read the question. The first one. Bobby.

Yeah. Asks, how does it feel to know that you guys are the best couple in Hills? Oh. And, and John Paul Sell adds, when are you all getting married? We do know this. This is well-known by us.

No, no, we know we know we know we're the best couple. Yeah, yeah, that's not, that's not obvious. It's not obvious. I mean, Black Orpheus and Alabaster, here it is. I mean, they just go together. I forgot I was that. Did I say that? You claim to be

Alabaster Euritone. You said, I'm Alabaster Euritzee. I barely got that out of the mouth. Jack Baldwin. Hard to pronounce. That's how you introduced yourself in Dr. Smith's class. He said, that's very nice, Jack. I don't remember that either.

That's wonderful, Jack. I will refer to you as such. That's not really what he sounds like, but it's a little bit. What was the question? I don't remember. Your couplehood. Oh.

When did you guys like first meet? Like, what was your first date? We actually met at Liberty and Learning, or rather Aristotle and Gun Camp. That's crazy. Wait, there's a question about that. Yeah, no, it was Bradley Haley, Sam Montone, Victor and I. A bunch of... Ewan McNer.

Oh, yeah, Ewan. What? Yep. You in ask about that. What was the Ewan's question? High school shooting trip to Hillsdale. Yeah. Wait, wait, tell us the story.

Tell us the story about that. I don't really remember much except that they somehow, they somehow, they somehow, Crowbar like Dante into being about the Second Amendment. It's like that's, that's the most Hillsdale thing like I've ever heard. And then Virgil takes out a shotgun. Yeah. Just popping demons. Well, I befriended you in there and I didn't, I met him two years later.

And I did not remember that it was him for like a month or two. Wow. Well, what was the truth? Like, how'd you get on it? Like when in high school? You and Wagner, by the way, last week's guest. Two weeks ago, I guess. I mean, we had it on.

I think we probably knew about it because we both. had older sisters at Hillsdale. At Hillsdale. Yeah. So. Yes. Mm-hmm. I don't want to talk about the camp at all. I remember almost nothing of it.

It was shooting though. We were a new dorm. Yeah. So like were y'all like not the halter, but like the one of the old center out there? I think it was the halter. It was still halted. It was still called that. Okay.

It wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't the new building. It was like a whole. Why were y'all like selected for that? Like you like guns? You like guns in high school? Amazing grade. Yeah.

Yeah. Just, you know, my five points. 0.6 GPA. Incredible. That's what I went to a ballet school. Didn't you go to a ballet school? I went to a ballet conservatory, yeah. He was the only guy there.

A conservatory, not a school. There were a handful of guys there. What is that mean? It meant that we had academics in the morning and then ballet training all afternoon. Wow. Five days a week.

And then the sixth day of the week, Saturday was just about. Thank for the clarification. Oh, yeah. For those who don't know, on the sixth day of the week, which is Saturday. just ballet all day. That's a lot of ballet.

And that's where you met Ginger Perfection. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my best friend from high school, Nathaniel Wilson. Nathaniel Ginger Perfection. Wilson, yeah. You should get him to listen to this show. Okay, yeah, I'll send it to him. You should send him the link on Spotify when it comes out at 11 a.m. on Saturday.

Okay, yeah. That's tomorrow. That's a six day of the week. That's, you know, LA. That's right. That's why. That's why we're recording this a day early. Jack Fagg.

That's tomorrow. That's why we're recording this one day in advance because we're all doing six hours of ballet tomorrow. Yes. We, yes, we. Oh, wait. Well, two of the people in this room have taken ballet. Yeah. You, you, Nate, joined his class.

It was not my class. It was a beginner class. Let's, let's get a twist. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't stoop to that. Our sophomore year second semester, I was, persuaded by no longer relevant forces to join this ballet class with Andrew and Jones. And it was actually a great time. Jones did that?

Yeah. It was 12 o'clock on Wednesdays. I used to run from Renaissance class with Dr. Gaetano. Great class, by the way. Horrible. Oh, fantastic. No, it's a great class. No, no, the ballet.

It was a good class. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. What is a good time? Because it was like super low stakes. I just learned how to, like, put my... Low stakes. I learned I have 180-degree turnout.

I hate that. I have meaninglessly amazing turnout. I have horrible turnout. I have perfect command of my horrible turnout. Actually, that's not true. I have no command of my perfect turnout. What did Luke Jones look like doing ballet? Silly.

Profoundly silly. He looked like me doing that. We were the only three guys in the class. Yeah, it was like six women and then us three. Oh, I thought you were the only three people total. I was like, wow. And then just six minutes. It was like a written exam.

That was the hardest part. There was an exam? It was a written test. Jump turn. That was in French. It was in French. It was in French. It was in a French class.

How did they expect you? It was in French. Like all the terms were in French. The questions were in French. All the terms were in French. Did you pass the class? Yeah. I just studied for like an hour.

It was fine. Did a pirouette? Went home? I, we did not learn how to do that in that class. I think they're going to do a pieroette. I can do. do a pirouette, but I can't do it on air. That's true. You have to be on the

ground. Wait, hold on. Just try. Just give it a shot. Wow. Oh, wow, that's a great pirouette. That's incredible. Dude, is that a sex double turn? Is that black Tire? Is that black orpheus doing a pierwet? Yeah, that was six, which was the most I've ever hit on stage is four, but it was like a pretty slow four.

I was really, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like you've hit way more than four like in a dance circle. No, those are like, that's a different type of pirouette. What's the difference? woman. Okay, so for that type of pierwa it's like consecutive pirouette, so it's one pleia

per pirouette. I once hit a one plie to four pirouette ratio. Are we really gonna get into this? No, no. Yeah, yeah, what is it? Kind of curious, what is that?

A pleia is just where you bend your knees. Okay, okay. So you rotated. I almost run deep. The listeners don't know that is either. I bend my knees straightened. Well, okay, I pushed up to onto the ball of my foot.

rotated four times, came back down. That's really impressive. Thanks. Dude. Look, dude, hold on. You think this is, dude, we talked about, we talked about juggling for like 40 minutes, which was awesome. It's one of my favorite episodes.

We talk about Andrew's ice skating. That is sick. We want to know about your skills. We want to know about your random things that you do. Jack can handstand. Jack and six and five and three hundred. Are you good at it? No.

Oh, I unlocked it yesterday. Jack, what kind of cool skills do you have? I could juggle. You can also juggle? Have you talked to Nathan for Nestle? about those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your juggling experience like? What did you learn?

My dad loved juggling and then I learned. And then I learned a couple of other tricks. I like doing with an egg, an apple, and a basketball, and then eating the apple. A basketball? And they're eating the basketball. Eating the basket. Eating the egg. The egg is dessert.

I can make a... Juggling and eating 30 eggs. Yes, we're not going to do any on air, though, because that would really not make nice recording. A little water drop. Yeah. You know what? Rip it.

All right. Whoa. That was like a sound effect. That was insane. Yeah, go ahead. My pupil. That's like super cool. I'm not a...

We're not editing this at all. That is raw dog footage. Yeah, that's just... I would just watch these guys with their... We have a little cup of water. Yeah. We have a little... Right next to the line.

What's the thing? What's the... A dropper. A pipe. But speaking of pipettes, remember when we were Ken lab partners? Yeah. And we discovered Avogadra's number. You, Victor Fernandez, Black Orpheus, and you, Nate Gallagher, were the discoverers

of Avogadra number? So there was this lab where it was like, you had to, like, Advoz Avogadra. You had to deduce Avocado's number. No, like, because, like, he discovered it in a way. I can't remember the exact, like, process will be followed, but it was like a thing. And it was like, okay, you're going to do it now. Do his process. And just see how close you get.

That's the name. Me and Victor were so incredibly accurate that she was like, did you just like cheat? We were like, no, we have no idea what we're doing. Dr. Bill and said, we were the closest students she's ever had in lab. Of all the students she's ever had in lab, we were the closest to getting Avagadra's number.

We were like, what? Which doesn't make any sense. Because we are two of the stupidest people who have ever lived. Yeah. But that's good, Victor. That means you're scientifically minded. It's not strictly...

Well, you know, you should have seen the rest of the labs. The rest of the labs with me and Victor were rough. When we were like lighting things on fire and it's like, like, tell the color of the fire, we kept being like, red of the enemy. Oh, yeah. Dolcent green. We said red of the enemy, a blue of the virgin. Because like we'd write in the lab notebook that we would be turning into our professor.

It was like, what color did you just cover? Blue of hope. The yellow of the sands of the east. Yes. The men of Rune. Yellow of Rune. I have to throw Storm a bone every now and then mention Lord of the Rings. Yeah, it makes me happier.

Spell R-H. U with a little thing. A little hat. Yeah, a little hat. Speaking of hats and letters, you guys are English majors. Why? What? What?

What is that? You guys are both? I know, but what is that? It's a non-sequent. Letters. It's called a segue. Oh, letters. As you, like, the same.

Yeah, it is. And we're riding straight into the things. Next conversation topic. English major. Why? Because of the money involved. Yeah, that's really good. But what?

Actually, why? Fame. Why did you open a second store, Mr. Crabs? Money. I like money. I like money. No, I, um... No, I...

You what? I don't remember why I made the initial decision. It had something to do with... Victor, I don't remember. I don't remember. I think I made the initial decision as a freshman to be in English. I made the decision for the optics mainly.

The optics, yeah. For the optics. And then, about you, Jack? No, same reason, exactly. Because you said you, last night we were having a conversation, but then you were like, I was larping. Oh, yeah. Wait, so your English major just for aesthetic purposes.

That's how, that's where we started. Well, why are you, why are you now? Because we lived into it. It gets to a point where it's like, okay, I'm supposed to write a 20-page paper. There is no way I'm going to write that, like, the aesthetics reason thing isn't going to cut this. I need a little more, you know. And what is that more?

A little bit of meat on the bones. Yeah. What was that? Brains. Brains? Straight intelligence. Oh, like, you feel like you're smarter because of those? Oh, yeah.

I do think, I think, I do think, Jack has yet to give a straight regular answer. I'm sorry. Why are you at least major? Smart. Smart. Brain. Book read.

Book read. The audience is like, wow, highly intelligent English. I do think it would be really hard to put it down in a sentence or two. Then make it more than two sentences. That's a. No, we can't do that yet. We're still in 300 levels. We learned how to do that.

They haven't gotten to paragraphs yet. They're only in intranetary sentences. I think a good reason... I mean, one nice thing about an English major is you get a good survey of everything in a sense. Like, you also get a lot of history, a lot of philosophy, a lot of... There's a lot of other stuff baked into it.

Yeah. So basically, I can do everything that history major can do as good as a history. Everything. Everything. Everything including history. Yes. I know as much about history as an English, I mean as a history major.

Just from being an English major. Your pastime is literally book read. Your majors literally book read. Don't you mostly read fiction, literature? Yes. So then you don't know anything about history. So you get the vibes. I took a history class here with Dr. Gamble,

Great War to Cold War where you just read literature and it was like told us about American, like the America. in like the 30s and 40s and 50s. And that was cool. That made me really appreciate the English major a lot more because I was like, oh wait, you can learn about history. Lines can be informative sometimes.

However, I do not know the facts of the Cold War from that class. So I don't know if that's strictly accurate. It's if that's historically correct. I don't know if that's historically correct. Follow that guy on Instagram. Yeah, historically correct. Liam Kai Augustine Brennan.

Celtic Crucifice. Full legal name drop. Like, bro. All right, next question. I guess we should have the Wyatt question. Wyatt Peters. Hi, Wyatt. Wait, have you guys ever listened to our show?

Have you guys, are you guys? Nope. You guys, I've got to be perfectly frank with you. Yeah. A little bit, yeah. Okay. I knew his friend Noah Marl. Hi, Wyatt.

A tradition here on Boys Only is that Wyatt asks a question every week, and it's always a would you rather that is getting progressively more and more outrageous. Okay. And by Nate's face, I can tell this. I don't know if I can ask this one. Let's rip it and we'll see. Okay. Why? And I always read it very slow

So we can take it all in Because it's a lot So deep breath Would you rather Swap bodies with each other So Victor and Jack And then it'll be me in storm assumedly

I don't want that at all With each other for a month Nope Oh boy Or have to experience a normal Female period cycle With all of its effects For eight months

Not Okay No no no We're not gonna We're not gonna be vulgar about this we're going to talk about this like intellectual. This is a scientific. Okay.

This scientific. I'm switching bodies. Yeah, yeah. Yes. I'm switching bodies. Yeah, yeah. For how long? A month?

A month. I was going to say, just one more. Would? But one more. Really? 30 days. Let's start with Victor and Jack.

What do you guys think you would do? Yeah, I'm going to switch bodies because if I was Jack, I would use. Jack has so much physical force that he could levy against people, but he doesn't. So I would basically, I'd become, I'd take Jack's body and then I'd just start mugging people. If you were, yeah, this is proof. If you were ever not meek, you would be a tyrant. Jack is treebeard. That's an offense.

What, treebeard's awesome. He's slow. But he's like, you told me as methodical. You used to jump off of your garage roof every time you got back. I was making sure I could still do it. Why? Case ever had to do it. He's ever to fall 10 feet.

It happens all the time. It happened to me on the, on the Searle roof. I guess it came in use. He survived. He tanked the fall because it was years of practice. What were we on? I completely forgot. Whether you'd swap bodies or whether you have a period

undergo a period. That's only like, you'd go a period. That would be 16 days of pain rather than 30. Look, I have one of them, Jack, you would love living in my body for a month. That was one of the most versatile and athletic bodies in existence. Wait, look, Victor's pitching. Victor's pitching it to you. Why would you not want to?

live in my body for a month. Short. No, I'd live in your body for a month. I still pick that. I don't know. It's uncomfortable. It's one of the most versatile and athletic bodies to ever exist.

You could do a pirouette, Jack. You could do pirouettes. That's true. That's convincing argument. No, because how much of pirouette is mental. Not very much. No, no, let's assume they... You don't know how to do it.

We have to assume they get, like, each other's muscle memory. If you get my muscle memory. Yeah, it's everything. You can... It's all that it's not as memories. Sounds uncomfortable. Okay, Jack takes the period cramps. No, that sounds pretty bad, too.

You know, he put it that way. I does. I assume, I mean, I've never had period cramps, but I think that it's terrible and horrible. And boy, boy, when we find the guy who invented those, we're gonna... Knuckle Sanger. Get that guy.

Hey, I made you dinner. It's my fist. We're actually seventh wave feminists. How could you do this to women? Yeah, yeah. How could... Exactly. He cheating on you again?

How can you live with yourself? My answer is I'm not staying. in solidarity with the women, and I'm going to swap bodies with nature. You'd rather be me for a... 100%. I'd rather be you for a month than have eight months of periods.

Kind of rough, man. If we swapped, if we swapped, I think that we, I think that I would at least pitch to you from your body, I would be like, let's not tell anyone we swap.

Let's just live our lives. I don't, I don't necessarily want that. Oh, wait, wait, so we have to keep living each other's lives? Yes, yes, it's eight months of your life. That's what I mean. You're now Jack for eight months.

I don't know, I thought the body's... Oh, no, no, sorry, one month, one month. Um, so don't want that. No, okay, no, we can... Still don't want that. I think we should tell people. Can I tell the people I want to tell? See, half of the room has girlfriends and the other half doesn't.

I don't. Like, we are sitting Veronica down and explaining this situation to her. Yeah, no. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's going to be, like, attracted. She's either going to be attracted to you for a month. Or she's going to become attracted to me in your body. Either way, this is a lose.

This is a loose scenario. Okay, we just, um... I think you and I, Bodies and then we take a trip to Bangkok. We take a trip to like Thailand for like a month and just like live our lives in Southeast Asia, you know? Why? Because if we're here and we're swapped,

it causes all kinds of problems with the people we know. But if we're in a foreign environment, that's awesome. That's pretty good. Yeah. Then we'd have to take three weeks off boys only. That's true. Which doesn't change at all. You know what? For you guys to get the content out, I'll take the period. Grams.

You know what, Jack? Okay. If we If we swissed bodies for a month, gosh. We just tell Veronica that we're gay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely. You're not doing this. No, no, no, I'm not doing this.

You're not doing it. But then we just tell. That would be the worst. Exactly. Wyatt question. Wyatt, what the heck. You've turned us all against each other. And then you tell her it's a prank at the end of.

Wyatt. No, Wyatt, it was a prank. Wyatt, I'm blaming you, Wyatt. We can cut all of this. I'm blaming my. We have to cut the whole episode. Do you have to cut the gay part? If you stop bringing it up.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, I won't. All right, Wyatt. We despise you now. Yeah. So what do you guys think about Curious George? Oh, it's a good movie. It's not a movie show.

It's a movie too. There are three movies. It's a book too. Was it a movie? Meteota? It was a book and a movie in the show. It was a TV show. It was a TV series.

They made the movie's spin-offs to the TV show. Okay, I didn't know that. I think it was a book a long time ago. Name any book. Medi-Meteota, Mediota. You guys ever read caps for sale? No. It's an old children's tale.

Yes, yes, yes. And I was going to think, like, it feels like your vibe. I have to read that in one of my English 400s. That's amazing. It's his old, I think, German tale? Is it? I don't know. About the Haberdash.

Or French. No, it's French. It's a French tale. and he's in the rural French countryside and he has like he's a cap salesman but he doesn't carry his caps right anywhere except on his head he's like a stack of like 13 caps on his head

there's like red ones yellow ones checkered ones whatever and then he says he takes a nap beneath the tree and a bunch of monkeys in the tree steal his caps happened to a buddy of mine yeah it's a common experience I hear in the French countryside and he has to go and get his caps back on a

on a fun whimsical adventure I don't like that that actually sounds extremely inconvenient it doesn't sound fine would you not carry a bag Yeah. The Caps for sale guy looks like you if you had like a big mustache. Oh, thank you. So he's handsome. He's handsome. You tried this one. He had two summers in a row of Vick. Yeah, my mustache. Yeah, my mustache wasn't. That hurts storm. You're not French enough. I wish I were. You wish you were. You know,

Dr. Bart said, Dr. Bart did say that I looked Norman. That's cool. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Dr. Bart also asked Jack and I if we were in a sorority. Which were not. If you were in a sorority. Which one would you want to be? We've talked about this. I don't know. I don't know if we can do this. All three sororities would be duking it out for me. Of course they would be. I would be getting swamped by recruiters. It, it would be such a situation that I would have to stay independent. But you don't have to say independent? Yeah, I would have to. And form the new sorority? Mm-hmm. No, I, I'd join SAI.

You join SAI. Okay. You'd love it again. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you, Jack? Tax a capper. I know. Yeah. Let's not even kid ourselves here. Let's not get it twisted. I think I'm a Pai.

I think I'm a Kyo. Yeah. Storms a Kio as well. I'm a Kio. Yeah. What do you think I would be? You'd be a PIFO. You'd be a PIFO.

You'd be a KATH. No, you'd be independent. They wouldn't let you in. No Bidded by A-Bett. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. Just like I got no bitted by Theta that one time. That was really rude, dude.

I'm sorry. I skipped chapter when they were doing the bid meeting. You could have been. Christian had some words for you. Yeah, he got mad. He said, baby, I'm praying on you tonight. Baby I'm praying on you tonight. Well, I'm gonna lay out for you what's about to happen.

Just like in the tale of Orpheus, you're gonna be walking up a large stairwell, I guess he's in? I don't know, I've never read it. You don't know the tale of Orpheus? No, it's just what people call me. I'm scarcely with it. No, no, I'm familiar with the story. Well, in the ending, he's leaving the underworld,

and Hades promises him he can have his wife back as long as he does, as long as she follows him, behind him up the stairs all the way back up to the mortal world, but he can't look back at her. Like Lot's wife. Wait. Except he's Lot and his wife. No, except he's Lot and his wife. And his wife, and his wife, Euryphus's his wife, Euryd is the town. I was hoping you would have a town. You take that not seriously. She's a town. Yeah. Tows. Salt Rock, bam. She's a town. No, and he can't look back at her or else she won't turn

mortal again into her spirit. It was back into the underworld, and he, and he's tempted too much. And by the end that he looks back at her. and he never gets her and they don't end up together and it's a tragedy. It's kind of sad. Give me thug it out. So just like in that moment, you are going to get off his podcast and you're going to start leaving and then I'm going to say, hey, Victor, and you're going to turn over your shoulder and look at me, but I won't be there. I'll be gone.

What? No, no. I'm his alabaster. Oh, you're, you're ready to see. Okay, Jack will fade from view slash turn into a pillar of salt. And that's how the podcast will end. I feel like it's hard for him to do both of those things. One of the two.

Storm is trying to get a funny ending to the podcast, and it's not. But I'm failing. He's failing. What if it ended instead with like a train crash sound effect? What if it ended instead? He didn't the impression that we all died in fiery inferno. Wait. What if it ended right now?