WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: Approachability P.1

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

Are women more approachable to a man or a man more approachable to a woman. Is this always true? Greg and Emily discuss how sometimes we are more open to individuals of the opposite gender even before knowing them well. How can this be done in a healthy manner, and how does it become unhealthy? This and more on today's episode. 

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo, the show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships and how to achieve a meme between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discerned dating.

Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Wherefore Art Thel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shuddy and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friends' relationship questions and concerns. So, Greg, welcome back. It's so good to talk with you again today. And I just wanted to start out by asking you, how is your weekend?

My weekend was good. Better than the weekend before where I had the flu. So, you know, it's nice to be able to, you know, feel better. And my cough is going away. But no, it's a good weekend. Got to talk to a group of people at a marriage event. And that's always fun. Good, good.

Yeah, my weekend was also quite good. I finally feel like I was recovering from my illness as well, and I got to spend a lot of good time resting, and I made bread on Sunday, which was so much fun. I made ficccia bread, and it turned out very well. And actually, so this has kind of become a little bit of a tradition in my dorm where the bread doesn't always happen, but I try to make it when I can on Sundays. But then we watch Farmer Once a Wife, which is a reality TV show, kind of like a bachelor, a bachelorette. Yeah. We watch it in the evenings as a dorm. And it's been very fun. But I have been actually so horrified just in general. It's really fun to laugh at, but it's kind of horrifying that this concept for a reality TV show exists.

So the whole idea is that these four farmers each take five women with them back to their ranches. And they're kind of dating five women at once while they supposedly help them on their farm. These women really generally don't seem to do a very good job in my personal opinion of working on a farm. But, you know, they're trying. And the farmer is trying to see like how compatible they are. there's a lot of use of the word connection and how much connection they have. And yeah, so it's very entertaining. But I'm just curious what your thoughts are initially from what I've said about a show that has this type of concept.

Well, I haven't seen it. So, you know, forgive me for anybody who has watched it and loved it. And, you know, I might be speaking in a... I did, I see it. When we were down in Florida, some of the ladies headed on and they were like, you don't want to watch this. You don't want to watch this. He kind of kicked me out. But I kind of watched from a side view and I saw, you know, kind of what you were talking about where the women were coming.

And I think the hardest part for me was how made up everybody was. And I'm thinking, you know, farmers, I don't know. Maybe I'm, my whole thought of farmers are kind of, you know, in the muck and mire of things. and they're looking for a lady who's willing to kind of begin. But, okay, anyway, I digress. You know, I think there's, I think anything that you put out there in public and you make it a TV show, it becomes something that starts to lose some integrity. And it's because now it's where are we doing this with the right intentionality

or are we just trying to also, in the midst of it, entertain everybody? And so I think some of that can get lost in there. Does it mean that it's horrible? Not necessarily. When you say that they're trying to bring them into their life in some ways and trying to see how that works out, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Because again, as we're trying to find someone that we want to be compatible with, the question is, is do we have compatibility around some of the most important things in our life?

Now, there are some things that, you know, we don't have to be compatible on. It's not a deal breaker. So maybe with this whole thing, it's one of those, you know, the farmers saying, this is a huge part of my lifestyle and this is the way it's going to be, and I want to find someone that's going to support me in this. And, you know, if there's some of that that they're trying to feel out now, I was watching a lot of the whole being romantic with one another and kissing this girl and then kissing that girl. And I'm like, okay, now we're starting to really muddy the waters.

And I wonder how good that is. So again, this is an outsider looking in without a good preview of it. No, I think that's a fair representation of it. I think there's like on the one hand, it's really interesting that they're trying to help these farmers who are, you know, so busy that they don't necessarily have time to go out and meet women, try to find something. and I think that that's, you know, commendable in its own way. But on the other hand, you are seeing these men kind of, you know, two-timing all of these women in a sense. And so, like, some of them are more respectful, but it definitely, it's so, you know, I think it plays upon the most insecure part of a woman's heart in that, you know, they start to feel like they really care about this guy, but then he's also, you know, out with other women. and hanging out with them and kissing them

and being romantic with them and so it makes you feel very a lot less special, you know? And so it's, it all, we've kind of started describing it as like their harem of women. And so we get like that issue of Solomon and his wives. You can't please everybody.

Yeah, and I think that that's definitely a side problem with this whole concept. It's, you know, you're adding so many people, into the mix that it starts to create that comparing and and if these from what again i saw from a side view was all the women sitting together talking about it in some getting offended that they you know were not chosen or something like that yeah that starts to play into people feeling like it feeling that rejection feeling i'm being compared to others which that happens in dating i mean I mean, you just don't see it when you're dating someone, you know, exclusively.

You're not seeing how they're comparing you to past girlfriends and all that. But that is something that happens. But I think, like you said, it can be damaging when it's, okay, I choose you over you. And, you know, and now we don't have a good conversation about it. Yeah. And I've got to put on my best face before millions of people that are watching this. Yeah. So not super cool.

But, you know, very, very entertaining to what? Yeah, I could see that. I always hated The Bachelorette. That one was, and again, I never watched it, but I didn't like the concept of it. It just seemed too much of a reality TV shows don't enter. Yeah. They don't, I'm not drawn to them. Let's put it that way.

So fair. So fair. That's not really why or what I wanted to talk about through the entirety of today, though. I just thought it would be kind of entertainment. to discuss, but I did want to get into a question that was asked by a student where they asked what makes a girl more approachable to a guy? And I wonder if we can also say this vice versa. It also makes a guy more approachable to a girl and what your thoughts might be on this. It seems a little bit vague in that we don't necessarily know the exact situation, but maybe what are some of your initial thoughts on that?

Let me ask you that question first. What are your thoughts? on that because, you know, you're now in the thick of the whole scene in college and, you know. Yeah, yeah. No, that's fair. It definitely is something that when I read it, I thought to myself, wow, that's actually really relatable in a slightly unfortunate way, just because sometimes I find myself being more willing to open up to a guy when I'm just like in an initial conversation. that we have.

I'm more willing to have, like, if there's that give and take, that natural give and take where they're giving some information, I'm more willing to give some information. And then I leave the conversation thinking, wow, I didn't really intend to share most of those things, and I don't know that I usually would share those things with someone.

I don't know very well. But also on the flip side of that, I do sometimes have guys that share things with me more than I would expect when I don't know them, very well, or just like, even if I do know them, just being willing to come to me with some questions or concerns that they have, which I'm honored by is just really interesting to see that that that happens. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that you're saying something there that's really important, which is it goes along with John Van App's, I'll avoid falling for a jerk or jerk at where he really talks about, you know, when we're building a connectability with someone. you give a little and you see if you get a little, and then you give a little bit more and you do that. And that's kind of the pace that you want. And I think that's what can draw you more into a relationship

is when you feel like you're getting little by little, you're learning about them, you're not feeling pressured or, you know, totally dumped on. And I think some people want to just throw out everything about their life. They want to throw out all their quirks. They want to, or they rush into it. to it out of desperation. So I think sometimes that can turn a person off.

But I think there's a couple of things that I want to bring up in this. And this is a curiosity of mine is that over the years I've seen sometimes that people are drawn to date certain people, but ultimately there's people that were drawn more to marry. It's like I've heard people say, yeah, these guys go out with these women that they just want to date, but they're not the kind of women or not. they're not the kind of men that they want to marry someday. And I'm thinking, that's an interesting concept.

And I don't, I'm not trying to say that, to say that I agree with it in any way. But I think sometimes we're drawn to someone that's, you know, I can really jump into a relationship, have fun with. But it might not be the necessary personality or person that I would want to marry. Now, with saying that, I think we want to, when we're trying to, when we're trying to, to be approachable, you know, I think the other thing we got to keep in mind is that opposites attract. And so it's not as easy as saying women who are quieter are more approachable or women who talk more or more approachable or women or guys who are, because a lot of times we're drawn to a certain personality type that really draws us out of ourselves that brings about some

excitement. So, you know, just talking about your mom. Your mom is one of those back in college. She was very outgoing. She was very cordial. She was, you know, love to make friends. She was the one who approached me. You know, some guys might have found that offensive and be like, nah, I don't want that. I want someone who's quiet, someone who's, and that might be what they're drawn to. For me, you know, things about your mom really drew me in that might to someone else push them away. For example, your mom is one who speaks her mind. Yeah.

And some people, you know, might go at that going, I can't deal with a woman or a guy who just says what they think right off the bat. Whereas I struggle more with someone who's quiet and I'm sitting there going, can you tell me something? Can you give me something to go on here because that's harder for me. I don't know if that makes sense. That does make sense. I think it is really interesting because I see a lot of certain types of women that get asked out a lot.

There's like this particular personality. And it tends to be, I say this in all love because they are women that I really care about and am good friends with in many situations. but women who tend to be a little bit more spacey and kind of like they need help. You kind of get this impression that they, you know, are not always paying attention. And so they kind of, there's this little bit of like a rescue mentality that it seems like, I don't know. Maybe that's not totally fair to say. But like there can be this tendency for that to happen. or there are women that are just super strong-willed that just decide he's the man for me

and they're going to make it happen no matter what. And so I think it's really interesting watching the certain types of people that get asked out around me most frequently. Sure. And try, like, those are just observations I've had of the personalities because I've just wondered about that. Like, what is it about them as opposed to these other women that is kind of capturing people more? And I think it's really scary to me if it is true that there are men who just go out with women just for the sake of, like, having fun, but don't see them as someone they want to marry.

I think that's kind of a scary thought. But before we get back into talking about that, if you've just tuned in, I'd like to remind you that you're listening to Wherefore Arthel Romeo, where we are discussing approachability. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist, Greg Schoady here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.1.7 FM. Well, let me speak to that because I think, yeah, I never want to paint anybody as, you know, an easy target or, you know, they're loose or they're, you know, unappropriated. or, I mean, we all bring some sort of brokenness. We bring some sort of personality. We bring something to the table. And so, yeah, there are going to be those people that are drawn to try and go after women or men that are weaker.

There's going to be some who would be drawn into, you know, finding people to date, but they're not really looking for someone that they want to marry at this point. and that's that's totally horrible you know and those things happen i think some women and some men make themselves more available and easier to connect with and really you know they're they're looking for dating they're they're they're making themselves more approachable and so maybe they get asked out a lot more because of that but sometimes that doesn't always mean there's a stability there that's going to um going to last and again it's not trying to say that there's something wrong with the woman, there's something wrong with the man. I think it's, you know, it's hard to get, it's hard to ask somebody out because you never know what you're going to get.

You never know if you're going to get rejected. For women, it's, you know, you want to be asked and you're sitting there just waiting for someone to go out with. And it's hard when you're waiting long periods of time and it seems like everybody else is being asked out. But I think either way, it's are you the kind of person that connects with others? Are you trying to put yourself out there? You're trying to connect. But, you know, I think there's something to we are drawn to certain people. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's not one of those. You're a loser if nobody's been drawn to you yet. And it doesn't mean that you're a loser if everybody's drawn to you. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, there are certain personalities that are easier to quickly connect. with and others it takes time. Yeah, and I definitely, my friends that get asked out a lot are the ones that definitely tell me it's not really all it's cracked up to be. They definitely say that that

can be really hard in and of itself because you're trying to figure out, you know, with all of these different people, how to just be, you know, figure out if it's right for you and then also figure out how to just be really gentle and loving in that situation. It was really, okay, it's really funny. I was talking to Gabriel. So for those of you who don't know, Gabriel is my younger brother, who is a student with me here at Hillsdale College. And he came up to me one day and told me that he couldn't remember who it was, but someone told him that they thought I was scary. Like, not that I was, you know, they didn't like me or anything, but that they thought I was scary. And Gabriel, which I thought was so funny.

And it was like, wait, what? No. But Gabriel actually said something so funny And actually I appreciated it a lot He was like, you just scared of women Who are, you know, strong-willed and like know their mind Well, yeah, no, that's a good point Because I think sometimes, you know,

Those are the relationships that you have to take more time To really develop And your mom was like that She was one where, you know, she spoke her mind And I think for some people, that's hard because I don't connect with that. That's a turnoff. That's something that I'm not drawn to versus someone who takes time with each person, you know, to really get to know them. And again, I think there are certain people that externally we can be drawn into quick and other people that it takes time to really build that connection with.

So, again, it's one where let's let's take the. opposite side of this is we also have to learn about ourselves because there's certain things that we bring into this whole realm that can create difficulty and are we always trying to be better if we find that we are one of those people that yeah i speak my mind but maybe i need to do it a little bit less you know yes harsh okay that's good relationships should draw us into becoming better or we're we find ourselves, you know, everybody wants to ask us out and we're jumping at all the opportunities. Maybe, you know, we need to think about, okay, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Maybe I need to tighten my boundaries. Maybe I need to, you know, change some ways

that I approach this person or, I don't know. I think it's always that internal, what can I do to build relationships. And they think that that's where it's got to start with friendships. And are we working at building friendships? Because those are the ones that then really build into those stronger relationships that move towards marriage. I think we barely touch. We've scratched the surface here on this. But maybe we can continue it next time.

Yeah. But I do think that it was a good representation of what to think about with this. because I think that, like, it's encouraging to know, like, if you're not getting asked out as much, it's not necessarily you. And if you're getting asked out a lot, it's also not necessarily a bad thing or a bad representation of you. But every, like, all of it is an opportunity to, like, reflect on yourself and, like, what you can continue to do better. And it's not a bad thing.

So we know that this is a big topic. And we don't want to leave you on that. So be sure to tune in next week for the, the second part on approachability. I just want to remind you that relationships are a process. They take time and effort. And we just want you to be able to balance your head and your heart. This is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged because if you haven't found your Romeo or Juliet, take up bird watching. The birds are so much less complicated. If you have questions that you would like us to address, please email them to E-S-H-U-T-E at Hillsdale.edu, and we will discuss them in

future shows. If you would like to listen to all ready-released shows, you can find them wherever you get your podcasts. That's all for Wherefore Art Thel Romeo. I'm Emily Shuddy. And I'm Greg Shuddy. On Radio Freehillsdale 101.7F.