WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: Approachability P.2

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

How can I be more approachable? Greg and Emily continue their discussion on approachability and how to develop that skill. Consider ways to be open to others and learn not to read too much into someone's kindness. This and more on today's episode. 

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo? The show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships

and how to achieve a meme between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discerned dating. Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Where For Art Thel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friend's relationship questions and concerns. So today we're actually going to continue a conversation that we started last time we talked about the concept of approachability between men and women. But before we get into that, what are your top three songs from your childhood, Dad?

I'm not supposed to call you Dad, Greg. Top three songs of your childhood? You know, okay, this is going to sound sad. One of the ones I just introduced your brother to, Gabriel, which I shouldn't have because he's very much like me. And it was one that I used to listen to, but it's a very pathetic song. It's called Seasons in the Sun. Okay.

By Terry Jacks. And it's so depressing. Oh, no. But when I was younger, I was very emotional and just kind of like, you know, took everything heavy. And it's one where he's like, go. by my friend, it's hard to die. Oh, no.

Singing in the sky. And it's just like, oh, my gosh. You know, so it's pathetic. I mean, it's really pathetic. There's another song. I think I always think of those songs that stick in my head. There's one. I can't even remember the name of it, but it goes, it's like walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go.

And you're feeling like a part of you is dying. And you're looking for the answer in her eyes. you think she wants to break up but she says she wants to make up and I was trying to remember what the name of that song is but I always love the tune to it so you know that was one

and then I liked a lot of songs from Chicago like Saturday in the park I also liked a lot of songs from Rush Yes So I don't know I'm just throwing out some ideas here. That was like top three artists, maybe. That's okay.

It's okay. We'll roll with it. No, no, no, no. That's okay. I like where you throw me off the off filter here and I don't know what you're going to ask me. Yeah. Anyway, so last time we chatted, we were discussing this concept of like how a guy might be more willing to go talk to a girl and share stuff with her. And like vice versa.

So like the girl might be more willing to open up to a guy about certain things. And we were kind of discussing how maybe there are some personalities that are more attracted to each other, which is why sometimes that can happen with like the approachability. But we also just wanted to keep talking about this because I know we just didn't want people to to be discouraged about, oh no, is it me? Like what am I doing wrong? Because A, I'm not getting asked out ever. or be, I get asked out all the time.

Am I just like a total, you know, airhead? Like, what's, we wanted to talk about that a little bit more to kind of ease some concerns. Well, I also wanted to say, you know, this is where I wanted to go with this, is that there's a lot of people who are approachable. That doesn't mean that it's someone I want to date. So I think that's, we have to really talk about that because, you know, I think girls or guys are looking at, what can I do to be approachable to get a date? That's a whole different ball of wax.

I mean, to be approachable means that you don't shut people down. It means that you are willing to listen. Things that make you less approachable is when you talk, you're the one who's always talking. When someone's always talking and they don't ask me about me, I'm just like, okay, I want to be anywhere but here. And it's not because I'm self-centered. It's because we all want to feel like we can give and take in a conversation. So I would say, let's talk about some of the things that make us less approachable is if we talk way too much. If we are always trying to make the other person laugh at all times and we can't be serious, you know, if we're always, everything is

horrible all the time. And you've got a personality. where it's always complaining. Those are things that make you less approachable versus that person that's just friendly, they care about you, they want to know about you, they're interested in learning, they want to do things together

that are fun and, you know. So I think sometimes those type of personalities where people really truly are showing an interest in someone else can make, can give some, someone more of that approach ability to go, hmm, I feel, I feel seen by them. I feel like there's an interest there. And so that gives me the, maybe the courage to go, maybe I'll ask them out. Versus that person who, you know, we have fun together, but I don't get any feeling like

they're looking deeply into who I am. They're not exploring that. I mean, for your mom, to seek me out on the hallway that one time that we had talked about earlier on in one of these podcasts. And for her to say, I would like to learn guitar from you, opened a door for me. And again, it didn't have to, in that sense, be a, ooh, let's date. It was a door that said, okay, I can do something to spend time with you. And it doesn't have to be dating. It could be friendship, but maybe it turns into a dating. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a really interesting perspective because I think what what I know that some people struggle with, and I've seen this with my brothers where they, you know, have been genuinely really kind to someone. And then all of a sudden their kindness and approachability has been misconstrued. And so then they all of the sudden don't want to be, you know, approachable to anybody because then everybody's just going to misinterpret what I mean. And they're going to think.

that I meant it romantically or something. So I think it was really interesting, which you said initially about, like, being approachable doesn't necessarily have to be something romantic because you can be approachable merely because someone needs to ask you a question. Maybe it's a friend that is, you know, already dating somebody else. And they actually just come to you because they know that you will listen because that is your form of approachability. You are welcoming and have a hospitable nature.

And that is actually really beautiful. And it doesn't have to be focused on like, oh, well, this could turn into something more. But instead it could be focused on just this, wow, okay, I'm really honored that they came to me and thought that I, you know, had maybe some wisdom or kindness or thoughts to share about whatever it is that they're going through or want to talk about. So yeah, I definitely want to encourage everybody to not, not cause people to stop wanting to be approachable just because you immediately construe what they're saying to mean that they're romantically interested. Yeah. And the other thing that I hope I keep getting across in a lot of these podcasts is we can't go at the dating scene in desperation. I think too often we do. And we allow this to be a representation of, a representation of,

of our worth. Just because you haven't been asked out doesn't mean that you lack worth. Doesn't mean that you're not a beautiful person. It doesn't mean, you know, that you physically aren't attracting people. Just because you're asked out a lot doesn't, again, say something about your worth. And too many people, you know, get caught up in that is, well, they're asked out. I'm not. I must not be pretty. I must not. And so some of this is, can we try? try to show each other interest. And then are we willing to take that, those chances to say, especially for a guy to say,

I find you attractive, I would like to go out on a date. And if you're not accepted, not turning around going, I'm just a loser. Oh, I'm just, there's something wrong with me. Because that's not, that's not okay. Yeah. But I get it. You're trying to figure out, am I ever going to get married?

am I ever going to have because this is something I want in life? If you're just now tuning in, you're listening to Wherefore Artel Romeo, where we are discussing approachability. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist. Greg Shudy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. Before we get back into the conversation on approachability, let's take a moment to ask, how long has it been since you've attempted to romance someone? I have here with me my somehow successfully married Big Brother Joshua for this segment of Pitchin' Woo. Pick up lines for all your romantic endeavors. Welcome, Joshua. Are you a parking

ticket? Because you got fine written all over you. Oh gosh, I would have said good bless you after you sneeze there, but it looks like he already has. Are you related to the guy that invented the airplane? Because you just seem right for me. I was wondering if you have an extra heart in your purse, I believe you stole mine. Aw. Oof, I've hoped you've taken CPR training because you take my breath away. Excuse me, ma'am. I was blinded by your beauty.

I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes. A quick question for you. Well, I guess maybe none of our questions ended up being very quick. I was going to say none of the questions. No, that I think about it. I take it back. So you're talking about how sometimes it can be scary to approach someone that maybe there's interest in. maybe they are kind of approachable, but it's really scary to address the interest that you have in them.

What are some of your encouragements or suggestions when it comes to that? Because I think a lot of people, you know, maybe are putting their worth in whether they are accepted or rejected. And I wonder if that's maybe part of why it's so scary. It is. And I think this is where I encourage both sides. You know, those who are taking that opportunity and that chance to ask someone out, you know, don't rush to feeling horrible about yourself. If it doesn't work out like you want, maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe it's, you know, you like them, but maybe it wouldn't be a good fit for you. Because if they're not drawn to you, again, it doesn't mean there's, you're a misfit.

You're, you know, it just means that their heart's not drawn to you for some reason. And maybe it's not at this time because I've heard stories about that. We have good friends where, you know, it wasn't into the, the initial thought was, ooh, I would never date you. And then they ended up getting married. But I think the other thing that's important is the person being asked out. Are we, are we kind? Are we gentle?

Are we still trying to salvage someone's, I don't know how I want to say this, basically be respectful to them. Because so many people, you know, can be very cruel, you know, and how they treat someone. or they'll reject them and then they'll go tell everybody else and it gets back to them. And that's just cruel. That's not a kind person. That's not something that's helpful because just as much as we, you know, would like to be treated well if you said, no, I don't want to date you. But I still want to be friends with you.

I still enjoy spending time with you. Because I think what happens is we say no or we go on a date and we're like, maybe not right now. then we start to feel rejected and then it feels awkward versus can we just still have a friendship? Because that's, those are genuine people that you, I think it speaks volumes as to who they are, their integrity. And then maybe later on through that continued friendship, you both come to the realization that no, this is the person that I would, I'd like to spend time with. Versus, again, walking away, treating them poorly, and just damaging one another. That's just, I think it's cruel.

I think it's unkind and I don't think it's necessary. Yeah, yeah. I think it's really interesting, you know, being in those situations and then also like being the friend of someone in those situations and really learning how to be, you know, respectful of both parties. Like if as someone who has observed various challenging situations with relationships, definitely being someone who, you know, is not there to shun or condemn anybody, you know. I mean, hopefully the situation was not, if you're listening to this and you had a situation where it actually was really rough and the person was really cruel. I think that, you know, there is something to be said for being very hurt about that and being very angry about that.

but in instances where, you know, it was mutual but really hard, you know, and people, everyone handled it as well as they could, you know, just trashing them to friends is not very helpful, especially, you know, I was listening to a talk the other day by some faculty and staff, women of the college who talked about how, you know, they actually broke up with their now husband several times over the course of their dating experience, but then eventually got married. And, you know, if you start, you know, as a friend of that person, trashing them, that man or that woman, they're going to remember everything you said about them later on when you're actually in a relationship, which is actually, you know, a little terrifying. So being really

careful about what you're saying, even in the support of your friend, is always really important. Like whenever you defame someone that's always detrimental to everyone involved. Right. And, you know, I hold to this. The thing that I'm always drawn into or drawn to in a person is that person who's trying to become better. And I'm trying to be that person that's always trying to be better. Because that's, if you're thinking about it, this is what, if we're looking for someone that we're going to get married to, we want someone that's trying to become better. They can learn from their mistakes. They can, they can, they're, instead of those who just seem to keep doing the same thing over and over. And it's like, I was just trying to write this down here is, you know, is it more important? There are those people, let me put it this way, there are those people that can impress you in the moment. And we might be drawn to them in the short run because they can, you know, have fun. They can be very friendly.

But ultimately, you want that person who can care about you in the long. run. The person that is the steady Eddie, the steady betty, you know, and that one that's not just, and I think there are those people that they impress us in the moment, maybe because they have external beauty. But given time, you know, do they show that same internal beauty? Because I, you know, it's one of the things that I find fascinating is that they've done even studies on this. some of those, you know, people that are seen as really handsome or beautiful on the outside, people view them differently if based off of their personality. They see them as not as pretty as they, you know, are seen on magazines or whatever.

But those women or those men who are not necessarily kind of that, you know, you could be on a TV show or you could be on the magazines, They're just kind of, you know, I don't want to say ordinary because that's not the right word. They're just not deemed as maybe, you know, the one that would be on a magazine. So we'll just leave it at that. I can't think of the right words. But my point is that more people have, more people saw them as beautiful when they had a good personality. They care to listen to you.

You start seeing them as is beautiful. And again, you want that even going into your marriage. because I see a lot of people that are so invested in the external person when they get married. And then when the body changes because of babies and it changes because of time and you grow older, you know, these are the women who are out there doing nips and tucks and Botox and all of that. Versus when we see the internal beauty, that's lasting. That's, and I, again, we'll use your mom as the example. seven children wreak havoc on a body.

But the fact that your mom sacrificed herself for our life to have seven children brings about a beauty in her that, you know, maybe I'm the one that will only ever see that. But that's, you know, I think we got to always work on ourselves, work on who we are as a person. Are we becoming better? Because again, you want to be that person that you're cared for in the long run versus that, you know, there's just that being impressed in the moment. Yeah, which I think brings us back to that topic of approachability in that like, you don't necessarily, sometimes the most beautiful person in the room is not necessarily the most

approachable, but sometimes the person that just has a beautiful smile that is welcoming you to converse with them is the person that's most approachable, even if they don't meet that model magazine standard, you know? And I think that that's actually something really important to think about. It's, you know, placing your worth in your physical appearance is not necessarily what's going to lead you to be in good relationships with other people or be approachable, you know. And let me add this too, because I think about your brother-in-law and your sister where when they were at college together, they really had an attraction for each other,

but they both didn't know it because they were afraid. They were really afraid to say anything, and it wasn't until afterwards that they finally were like, no, I was always drawn to you, but I thought I was out of your league, and it's just like, you know, I think sometimes we play these games in our head versus taking that leap of faith,

really trying to build a connection and really listen and take the chance. But again, do we trust God and do we ask God to guide us at all points? Because sometimes, you know, the relationship that will end up being your married other, maybe right now is not the time. Maybe it's in a year from now. Maybe it's two years from now. But trust in God versus always having to have the perfect plan for approachability and connectability.

and you know, and keep trying to become a better person. That's the best thing I can say in all of this. And with that, we'd just like to remind you that relationships are a process. They take time and effort. And we just want to help you balance your head and your heart.

This is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged because if you haven't found you Romeo or Juliet yet, go rock climbing. If you have questions that you would like us to address, please email them to E-S-C-H-U-T-E at Hillsdale. edu, and we will discuss them in future shows. If you would like to listen to already released shows, you can find them wherever you get your podcasts.

That's all for Whereforeart thou Romeo. I'm Emily Shuddy. And I'm Dad Shuddy. I'm sorry, Greg Shuddy. Sorry. On Radio Free Hillsdale, 101.7 FM.