WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: Dealing with Breakups

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Have you ever noticed the drastic number of relationship changes when coming back to school after the summer? Greg and Emily discuss why this might happen and whether absence really does make the heart grow fonder. 

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo? The show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships

and how to achieve a meme between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discerned dating. Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Wherefore Art Thel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shuddy and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friend's relationship questions and concerns. Greg, it's great to be back. It's been, I don't know, long, short summer.

I don't know. What was it like for you? Summer was good. It was nice to have a little time away, but also the summer just went really quick. When you're working, you know, sometimes your summer consists of a week off for vacation. So how was yours? You didn't get to relax a lot. No, no, not really.

Yeah, I was interning out in the Virginia DC. area like DC adjacent. I was in Arlington working at Radio America and it was actually really neat. So I got just more experience with radio production, podcast production and the like. So they kept me really busy. I was doing the internship through the National Journalism Center and Young America's Foundation. So they were kind of giving us hands-on journalism experience, which was great. Got a lot of really good mentorship. They just kept us very busy all summer. So, but it was really nice because I got to live with my sister and her husband. And they have a one-year-old. So I got to spend time with all of them. And I loved spending time with my nephew. It was just really beautiful.

So I was jealous about that. I got to be there when he took his first steps, which was super cool. I just, it's so interesting because in college, we get so caught up in things like relationships and all the people that are here. And we're thinking about like ourselves and we're all the same age. So it's just like, Like, you kind of lose track a little bit or, like, of the joys of watching people older or younger than you. And just getting to spend time with this little baby and seeing him go through all the developmental stages is just really special. And now you're back in the groove and doing more radio. Yes. So we've taken a break from this.

And so it's nice to be back. And speaking of which, just a reminder. that you're listening to Wherefore Art Thel Romeo, where we are just discussing our summers, and we're hopefully going to get into the topic of, does absence make the heart grow fonder? Especially considering the fact that we've been gone all summer. I'm your host, Emily Shoddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist Greg Shudy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. So what's the pulse that you're feeling there as far as does the heart grow fonder? absence seems to have maybe not been great for a lot of the relationships around campus, which is kind of interesting.

Oh, really? Yeah, coming back, just a lot of people decided that the relationship they were in wasn't right for them. And unfortunately, the nature of college campuses is that that gets trickled around really fast just because we're such a small student body. So that's just, it's just hard. I think what is frustrating to me about it is. like suddenly people think it's their business even though it's not. Now, that's hard. It is, you know, you start to live in two different worlds there and trying to keep a relationship

going from a distance is very hard. They even actually see this a lot in married couples. And I thought this was really neat. Dr. John Van App did a study on, you know, that whole absence, does it make the heart grow fonder? And what they found through a lot of studies is depending on how the relationship, was doing prior to that separation kind of determined the success of, you know, how things went when they were apart. Now, I don't know how that really relates to dating and those in the

high, in the college realm, but so what it showed is that if the relationship is going poorly before this absence before, and they saw this a lot with deployments with the military, And so when there was an absence, it actually started to wear on the relationship versus those who were actually doing well before that time. That absence actually drew them closer together. So I thought that was fascinating when I learned about that. It's interesting because, you know, from afar, we can kind of observe different couples and think, wow, they're so, you know, an aesthetic couple. They're so great. I just like, if they don't stay together, I don't know if I'll believe in love anymore.

I've definitely heard people say that. But it's interesting when you really know people and know like, okay, actually, they're taking this seriously and they're trying to actually discern if this is the right person for them. And just because you break up with somebody doesn't necessarily indicate that one of you is a bad person, it just means you guys realized that you weren't right for each other. Yeah, and I think that that's something that I really, encourage people to think about is, you know, you're better off taking your time, you're better off going through some heartbreak versus getting married to someone that is going to be a lifetime

of trial and tribulation. And I don't say that lightly, but I think sometimes people will get upset that something fell apart. But, you know, if it wasn't meant to be, you don't want to force something like that. And I think that that's what that absence can do, especially back, I think back in the college days when you're apart and you're dealing with relationships, you're trying to think things through. Sometimes that absence gets you thinking about, is this the person that is best for me? Or is this, you know, what's going to be good? And even though it's hard on the one that really is invested in it versus the other one that realizes that it's not a good thing. Ultimately, you don't want to end up with someone that's not going to honor you, respect you,

and stuff like that. I've also learned the hard way just in those friendships that a lot of times people know what they need to do. It's not really like helpful for me to go in and tell them what to do or give any sort of advice. It's just like, and that can be. Yeah, don't do that. I just, I learned this the hard way and I constantly fall back into just making that mistake. Because it comes from a place of well-meaning. I don't intend to act no-it-allish or whatever the case may be. But ultimately, I've just noticed people get super defensive, even if they're literally telling me the same things that I'm saying back to them, you know?

And I think that's just a really interesting aspect of walking with, walking through a relationship yourself, but then walking along with people who are in relationships or working out of relationships, whatever the case is for their particular place in life. Well, now you've got a taste of what guys go through because it's that whole thing of, you know, when something's wrong and the other person's hurting, we just want them to be happy.

Not that I'm justifying this, but a lot of times this is what happens. It's like, oh, man, I don't want you to be sad. So here, let me give you some ideas and in a sense, let me fix it. And I think we've talked about that before. Guys just want to fix things if it's really bright. And women just want to talk about it.

So, yeah, you fell into the guide trap of trying to give a good idea. And you're right, even if it is a good idea, they're not looking for an answer. They're just looking to process. Yeah, lesson learned. Just a reminder that you're listening to Wherefore Arthur Romeo, where we're discussing, does absence make the heart grow fonder? And what should we really do or say to our friends who are in relationships? Because not everything is helpful.

I'm your host, Emily Shodi, and my co-host is licensed to Mary. therapist Greg Shudy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. One of the things that I'm finding very interesting as now a senior in college, which is kind of a scary thought and scary realization. Just having some conversations with my fellow seniors and hearing people saying things like, yep, all the good guys are gone. All the good girls are gone. There's no chance for me anymore.

I'm just, you know, and just kind of. of disparaging the fact that, okay, their previous relationships didn't work out. And now none of the guys on campus are even remotely a possibility anymore because they're just, you know, whatever the case may be, or vice versa. I just like, I thought that the, that particular mindset was really entertaining. What are your thoughts on that? Well, think about that because what they're saying is they're saying the same thing about themselves. And maybe they don't mean to, but if they're saying, you know, all that's left of the guys or all that's left of the girls are just, you know, not worth. Well, they're saying about

themselves because they're not in a relationship. And that's not fair. It's, you know, it's not that there's a lack of them. And then, and the other thing is, is just because you don't meet them in college doesn't mean that the right person is not in your near future, somewhere else in a different state, at a different job, at a different, you know, that's, that's really where we have to, I think this is where faith has to come in into play. We have to trust that God has a plan for us and not that it's in our power always to, you know, to make things happen because that's where we can get ourselves in trouble. We force something and then it's, you know, we settle versus allowing God to, you know, open those doors for us when we're ready for it. Because I think about a lot of people that,

okay, they got married. I know some people they got married right out of high school. And that's great. I mean, maybe that works for them. Some people it does. Some people, it didn't. Some people met in college. Some people met after that.

But again, what does God have planned for you in that period of time when you're not in a relationship? How do you discover yourself? How do you figure out who you are and what God's calling you to become? And maybe that's the opportunity for you to really grow in a way that's going to help you blossom long into the future, especially if you have a family or if you don't. And I think that's sometimes we get so caught up in relationships that we don't realize that God has a plan for us. And do we trust that or do we think he's just kind of, you know, standing back watching and letting us mess up on our own? because if we act that way so often, it's just like we force, we have to have it this way.

And it's easier said than done. Yeah, I wonder if there's like a certain element of people just, they don't know who they are without a relationship. And I think that what you said is actually a really good point because sometimes people, they know what they should do. They know what could be helpful to them, the types of plans that they should make. but sometimes actually making those decisions is harder. I had a friend actually kind of challenged me. This was the same situation where I wasn't necessarily trying to give advice, but it came across as advice.

And she just said to me, you know, when you're actually in a relationship, it's a lot harder to make those decisions and make the right decisions because you have those attachments. And so you can't really understand that in the same way if you're not in a relationship. And I think on the one hand, maybe I don't agree with that. But on the other hand, yeah, sometimes, though, like, it's harder to make the right decision. It's harder to stay chaste.

It's harder to stay pure. It's harder to make the decision that, like, oh, this isn't the right relationship for me because in the midst of it, you have some of those attachments. I don't know. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, no, that's exactly what John Vanette talks about in the whole RAM model that we talked about last time around. you're, if you're going to put your heart out there, if you're going to be in a relationship,

you're going to have struggles. You're going to get, you know, hurt at times. There's going to be heartbreak. There's going to be difficulties. But that's where he even lays out the RAM model of how do you pace a healthy relationship and grow in that relationship, starting with knowing each other, then building trust, then building reliance versus commitment and that touch. And when that's out of balance, you're right.

Our hearts go deeper into it, and sometimes we don't, we lose sight of, you know, what's really going on in that relationship. And is it good? Or am I delving so deeply in? Sometimes we do, but life changes, too. I mean, you know a person as well as I do without naming names, and it's not someone who's there, who was engaged. Put her heart into this whole relationship. and she converted to a different religion, really felt called to that, but her fiancé didn't.

And it was a huge struggle of faith versus that relationship, and they ended up breaking up. And so it was very hard. And that's not to say someone was wrong for putting their whole heart into it, but life changes and do we change with it. And that's the hard part about, again, and finding that person who's going to walk this journey with you. And I don't want to scare people by saying, you know,

just because you find faith or you find a different faith, it's something that you need to be processing through with the person that you're dating and getting to know. You're listening to Whereforeart thou Romeo, where we are discussing different types of things you need to think about when you are in a relationship or when you're talking about relationships with your friends who are in them. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed.

to marriage therapist, Greg, shouldy hear on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. Greg, what kind of advice would you have for especially seniors, but really anybody right now in the time of college, as they're looking to their future and wondering, how am I going to do this without another person? Or how am I going to do this with another person? That's a huge question. I don't know if we have enough time for that one, but I think you know, you've got to be still developing the person that you are going to become. Because you can't just be in it. You've gone to college for four years.

You've studied for four years to become something, to utilize the gifts that you have for a particular, you know, reason. And so I think it's, you can't let that go out the door. And you can't be desperate for a relationship if you're not in one. if you're not in one and you still need to think clear if you are in that relationship and in processing forward. But yeah, I think it's one of those. If you are in a relationship, it's going to be really talking about how are you going to

build this relationship beyond college? Because some people go back to their homes in different states. And that becomes very difficult. And you saw that, we saw that with your brother, Joshua. And so he had to make that decision of, okay, this is someone that I really want to pursue. And he made the hard decision to move out to Oregon to pursue that relationship that he started in college. So part of it is going to be talking about that. But the same thing with both of them is you still have to look at what am I going to become once I leave college?

Because you're going to have a life too. and if something happens to that relationship, you've got to make sure that you're still moving in a direction. Does that make sense? And for those who don't have a relationship, again, it's still that kind of prepping yourself for what you're going to become. I do want to ask, though, like if you are actually in a really serious relationship

and pushing forward with that, should you really be focused on like a contingency plan? What do you mean by a contingency plan? You always have the mindset of, well, just in case this doesn't work out, I'm going to make sure that I'm set up well for whatever. Oh, no, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying, you know, planning for it to fail. That's not what I'm saying. I mean, I think sometimes people throw themselves too much into a relationship that they forget about what am I becoming. What am I doing with my life? You know, me and your mom, even though, you know, we were really drawn to each other after college.

and I went on to grad school and all of that. We still were working on the relationship, but your mom still had to develop who she was going to become in the music therapy. And I hear all the time of people going to college to get their MRS degree. And I think that I don't like that mindset of I'm just going to get married. No, you need to become the person that you're studying to be and eventually decide if this relationship does end up coming. coming to fruition. What are you going to do with that? How is that going to play out? Your mom,

she learned music therapy. She was a music therapist and she was early on in our marriage. But we also then once we got married, it was talking about how does that play out. Is she going to stay home? She's going to work? Am I going to all of that? But what I'm saying is be careful not to lose sight of you and what you're building in your talents and your abilities moving forward for the sake of a relationship. And I'm not talking contingency plan. So hopefully that makes sense. Yeah, no, that is good advice.

Don't lose track of who you are. It is always important to be working on yourself because once you work on yourself, then you can give the best version of yourself to someone else. I just want to remind you that relationships are a process. They take time and effort, and we just want to help you balance your head and your heart. This is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged

because if you haven't found your Romeo or Juliet, go Whitewater rafting. If you have questions that you would like us to address, please email them to E-Shuddy, E-S-C-H-H-U-T-T-E at Hillsdale.edu, and we will discuss them in future shows. Please check us out on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows, to catch anything you have missed or want to hear again. That's all for Wherefore Art thou, Romeo. I'm Emily Shuddy. And I'm Greg Shudy. On Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM.

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