WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: FACES: Examples of Other Relationships

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

This week on Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?, Greg and Emily continue discussing John Van Epp's getting-to-know-you, FACES, acronym. They move into 'E,' Examples of Other Relationships whether those be relationships with siblings, parents, and friends or previous romantic relationships.

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep anyone off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo? The show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships

and how to achieve a mean between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discerned dating. Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Wherefore Art Thel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shudy and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friends, relationship questions and concerns. So last time we were on the show, Greg, we were still talking about. about John Van Epps getting to know you acronym Faces.

And we were talking about compatibility potential. And this week, we're going to be moving into E examples of other relationships. But before we get into that, I'm pretty sure you have something for our Cupid or Stupid section. Yeah, I'm starting to like this section because, you know, there's so much, there's so much food for fodder out there on this whole thing of just people. well, I think not just doing silly and stupid stuff when it comes to relationships, but also some really cool stuff. And so I'm hoping eventually, you know, to bring some really neat stories of people building relationships or that. But right now I've just got lately since your sister got me hooked up with Spotify, I've been having a lot of fun just building all these different lists of different songs. And so I title them different things.

Well, this is in my list of the worst relationship songs. Because what I want to do one of these days, since I do a lot of talks nationally, is, you know, I'd love to bring my guitar and play music. So I'd love to do a little compilation, sort of like Tim Hawkins with just some fun little snippets about relationships, since that's what I talk about. For those of you who don't know who Tim Hawkins is, he's just a Christian comedian, really funny. Yeah, has a lot of parodies that he does. So this is one that I think to me so far has been one of the worst relationships songs I've ever heard. And I'm sure people could come along and go, oh, no, there's a million more. And they're right.

But this one just when I heard it, I knew it back when I was a kid, but when I actually listened to the words, I was just aghast with it. This is silly. So anyway, on Cupid or Stupid, I'm bringing to you the song called It's Sad to Belong. by England Dan and John Ford Coley. And I think this was back in the 70s. So that tells you a little bit of something about the, you know, the song. So here's how it goes.

It says, I met you on a springtime day. You were minding your life and I was minding mine too. Lady, when you looked my way, I had a strange sensation. And darling, that's when I knew. That it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along. And he repeats that. Then he goes on and says, oh, I wake up in the night. And I reach beside me hoping you would be there.

But instead, I find someone who believed in me when I said I'd always care. Oh, it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along. And he repeats that again. And then it just keeps getting better. He says, so I'll live my life in a dream world for the rest of my days. just you and me walking hand in hand in a wishful memory. Oh, I guess it's all that it would ever be. I wish I had a, and this is where this is the kicker,

I wish I had a time machine. I could make myself go back until the day I was born, and I would live my life again and rearrange it so I would be yours from now on. Oh, it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along. And he keeps saying that half a dozen times or more after that. But I know. That's horrible. And did you catch the fact that this is just someone he saw?

Met you on a springtime day. You were minding your life and I was minding them too. Because it says met you, but it says, Lady, when you looked my way, I had a strained son. But it's like there's no knowledge of who this woman is. If she's a psychopath, if she just came from killing somebody, and he's dreaming about her next to him. But yeah. Yikes.

I just feel horrible for his wife. Yeah. In the sad part, Emily, is some of the songs back when we were growing up in the 70s, 60s, 70s, 80s, we love the songs because they were so rock and they were so cool how they were put together. and I love the music. And you remember just like the refrain. But now I look back and read some of these and go, oh my gosh, I can't believe that I used to think this was a great song.

So anyway. Yeah. Well, I'm curious what your thoughts are on like, do you think that that happens often where people do just spend their married years wishing they were with somebody else? Yes. I think there are.

I think there's a lot of people who are in, now this doesn't make it sound like he hates the other lady, but, you know, that makes you question that. But there are a lot of people today that they're so upset with their own marriage. They don't like their own marriage that they're always, yeah, that's why Facebook has been horrible over the years because a lot of people connect with old girlfriends, old boyfriends, and try and reignite that when their own marriage, their own relationship is going bad. So, and then to complicate it even more, the whole thing with pornography today, think about that. It's us, you know, lusting after someone that's an image. It's a picture. It's a video. It's not even a real person.

And we're wishing we were with anybody but the person that we're with. Yeah. But that's the whole thing is relationships take work a lot in the beginning. And that's what we're talking about with the whole faces. and getting to know and building that trust and learning to rely and commitment. You know, so many people today don't want to commit to a married life. They just want to be free to meet and sleep with, have relationships with whoever. But ultimately, it's a lonely life because you never really fully invest and connect with, you know, other people.

It was so interesting because I've even heard people that I very much respect them and I know that their hearts are in the right place but still voice this this struggle of well if I date this girl then I can't date anybody else and part of that is just I think a recognition that there are a lot of really wonderful people that you could be in a relationship with but it's also the recognition of. of I have to make a hard decision to choose one of those people to walk through the rest of my life with. And for some reason, I think that that's really terrifying. I mean, I get it. I get why that would be terrifying to people, but it's interesting that it's used kind of as an escape to have a person that is your imaginary perfect person. This sounds contradictory probably to someone who's in that realm. But to me, it's, there's more freedom in. investing in one person. Because the freedom comes with, then I can really start to become who I am and I can learn how to really love another person versus if I'm just going from person to person to person,

then really I am stuck in the little prison of my own self just trying to please myself. Because now this person pleases me, now I want this person to please me. And I don't have to work at really putting or investing anything. And you use people. And to me, that's a little prison that we're stuck in in ourselves. But to draw out of ourselves means that we have to invest in another person. And it's too hard. You can't invest in two people at the same time. One of those relationships is going to suffer.

And so, yeah, I think that's the lie of the devil is you're free when you can just have all these girlfriends now. It's actually self-destructive because you can't really invest in those relationships. They don't invest in you. And so all you have really at the end of the day is just yourself. And that to me is sad. I didn't really think about it like that, but that actually makes a lot of sense that it just becomes very turned in on self as opposed to. Because also like you jump from person to person and so then nobody ever truly knows you and loves you.

And so you're never really able to let your guard down because you don't ever have that time tested relationship and bond with somebody. Yeah. And that's the danger today. And I don't even want to go into this because I haven't done a lot of research into this, but all of this virtual relationships now people are getting into and virtual stuff, robots and all of that is just, again, another form of going into yourself, that prison of ourselves when God's calling us to come out of ourselves to love others. And that's how we become better. And yeah. So that's going to be a failed experiment. I guarantee it.

Unfortunately, there's going to be a lot of heart people. Yeah. I mean, there have already been stories about kids committing suicide because they tried to have this relationship with an AI friend, like literal romantic relationship. And, you know, you can't really have that at all. And that's just so sad to me that people are trying to manufacture this because they can't. can't find it in another human. Yep. And that's why, you know, that's why I love the stuff that Van App has and other things that

relationship therapists talk to people about. Because it helps us navigate that realm and how to learn how to be more self-giving to be other-focused. And there's a beauty in that. There's a joy in that. I think we need to get out of those lies and just learn how to do the work. to really work on these. And that's what we're going to be talking about today with this whole examples of other relationships. Yes, good point. You're listening to Wherefore Arthur Romeo,

where we are discussing the song, It's Sad to Belong, by England, Dan, and John Ford Coley. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist Greg Schoty here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. All right. Well, let's go ahead and move on into the E of John Van Epps faces, which is examples of other relationships. So with examples of other relationships, this could be other relationships, particularly that were romantic relationships, maybe other people that you dated, could also be relationships with siblings or with coworkers or with parents. Greg, what are some of your initial thoughts on this topic?

It's all of the above. And this is where you're taking inventory of what this person's like in. a relationship with others. And that's going to tell you something about the person, because we're known by, you know, the habits, the, the patterns that we bring to any relationship. You and I were just talking about that with another situation in your life where, you know, you're dealing with someone who's creating patterns in their life. And as patterns then tell you, again, remember what he's trying to do with the whole faces.

This is how do you pace a healthy relationship to assess what they would most likely be like in a marriage? So there's no perfect way to do that, but most people are like, you know, they're afraid to get married because they're like, is this going to be something where I get married and all of a sudden that I'm going to wake up and they're going to be this total different person? And how did we get, how do people get to this point of divorce? Well, it's because we're not looking at the red flags. And this is what we're talking about with examples of other relationships. Because think about this. If you start dating someone and this guy says, yeah, my last relationship, she was just possessive. And she was psycho.

And then you are left with what? Who's the problem of that past relationship with him? She is. She is. So you come along and you think, oh, well, you're a nice guy with I'm not that way. So this is going to be a great relationship. I'm going to invest in that. But what do you think his girlfriend is saying?

or his ex-girlfriend is saying about him. Probably similar things or has other problems with what he was doing in the relationship. Yeah. It could be the same. It could be a total different story. It could be that he's narcissistic and so all he saw was her is the problem. So again, sometimes that doesn't give you enough. Just someone telling you that it's if you can ever find out more about some of their past relationships, that's always going to be helpful.

But sometimes that's the harder one to get. But yeah, some of the other ones, like you said, are, and this goes back to the whole F with family relationships is what was their relationship like with their parents? Was it contentious? Was it enmeshed? Was it distant? Because that's where we learn how to be men and learn how to be women and also first learn how to be in relationship with, you know, someone from the opposite sex. So that's going to be important. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And I think that can also be really helpful. to see, like if you actually go and meet their family, you're able to see what the parents are like and that can kind of explain some things about the person or tell you some things that maybe they haven't, hasn't really presented itself in the relationship yet about that person. I mean, I just, even just for myself, I was talking with a friend about this today about how we make so many judgments about people, but it's really hard to know always what's going on underneath the surface. And sometimes our particular conclusion with that was it's really important

to give people some grace because we don't always know what's going on in their family life. But I think especially when it comes to relationships, it's really important to consider that and consider, okay, well, yes, we got to give them some grace, but also for the health of the relationship and for your own particular health, if you're considering pursuing a more serious relationship with this person. You got to know, can I deal with this? Is this something that's going to cause problems in our relationship? Or is it something that we can work through? Yeah. And that's, again, goes back to my original thing from way in the beginning of these whole shows that we've talked about is when you're trying to find someone, it's find someone that's not perfect, but who's

trying to become better. They're willing to recognize and face these things from their past. because here's another one just with family. And this is not a judgment on people with large families because I know people with large families that are doing great. We have a larger family. But there's one that we know that has, I think it's like 14 or 15 children or something like that. We've heard the parents say, yeah, there's just so many kids.

We just can't spend a lot of time with each one. And I don't know a lot about this one. Or, yeah, I think she's not, she's a nice kid, but she's not very smart or whatever. and you start to find out that there's just no interaction with some of the kids with their parents. Well, that's going to have an effect on them. It doesn't mean that because they came from a large family that they can't be in relationship or they don't have skills or that they're damage for life. But some of those ways that they're maybe distant from that parent or a parent could play out in a relationship or when you get married.

That's all it's saying is, do you take these things in the consideration? And again, it's not just about large families. You can come from a small family where you were an only child. Or you can have other siblings, but your parents, you know, were very strict or very cruel or very healthy. And all of those things will play out in how you relate to others too. I remember you also always saying to us growing up, it's going to be really important for you to see, at least for us, girls, it's going to be really important for us to see how the guy that we are dating interacts with his. mom and his sisters and how he treats them because the way that he treats them is going to be indicative of how he's going to treat you. And I think that's also fair to say for guys

who are, and the girl that they're dating. How is she treated by the men in her life? And how does she treat other people in her family? I think that that is going to tell you something about how she will be. Because contrary to popular opinion, women can also be abusive. Yeah. And I think that that's something that, yeah, now that you mentioned that is, you know, we often think abuse being something where it's physical. But a lot of times abuse from women to men can often be verbal, very degrading, very dominating. And those kind of patterns are important to really take note of. Because if they are a dominant person, is that the way they go into all relationships with men or just all relationships in general? See how they connect with others.

Yeah, I think it's really important to see patterns of how people. people treat each other because how is this going to present itself in the family? Is this something that they're aware of from their family or are they just simply a part of the problem? Yeah. That's the key. Again, do they recognize these things? Here's another one that, you know, sometimes maybe you start dating someone and you don't have the ability to meet their parents just yet or learn a lot about their parents. Well, one of the things is just look at the friends that they're around. You often hear the saying, birds of a feather, lock together. Well, there's some truth to that. So, you know, that might be, well, yeah, he hangs

around with this one guy who smokes drugs or he's, okay, but why? If he sees that as no problem, then doesn't that say something about him? If he's hanging around this guy, is that guy influencing him or her? Or are they always going out drinking with all their friends? Well, guess what? That's something that they're drawn to. Or do they surround themselves with friends who have good conversations, friends who build them up or friends that are always, you know, maybe they're on their best behavior when they're around their friends, but all their friends are cussing, you know, F-bomb, you know, all these different things just flying off their lips and he doesn't do anything or she doesn't do anything about it. Guess what? That's a red flag. Why are they spending

so much time with these people that, you know, lack any kind of moral grounding or self-control. Yeah, that's always to me a big red flag is the people that we hang out with and that we choose to hang out with. It's hard because you can look at a person in certain contexts and they really seem to have it together and really trying to live a moral, upstanding life. For myself, I see people who are trying to live an upright Christian life. And yet, sometimes their actions with friends and the people they choose to hang out with, things they do on the week. and kind of seem to be contradictory to what they otherwise claim to be in other aspects of life. And I think that incongruity is really important to pay attention to and not ignore. Well, we are out of time.

Unfortunately, I'm sure we could talk about this more. And maybe we will next time. Yeah. I think we need to. I haven't even touched on some other ones here. So, yeah. Just remind me for next time is looking at our own friend. too because it's not just a matter of not finding a jerk it's also not being a jerk or jerk at so

absolutely this is just a reminder that relationships are process they take time and effort and we want you to balance your head and your heart this is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged because if you haven't found your romeo or juliet learn to raise bees instead if you have questions that you would like us to address please email them to e shoddy e sce hute t t e at hilsdale edu and we will discuss them in future shows. Please check us out on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows to catch anything you have missed or want to hear again. You can now follow us on Instagram at Romeo underscore Romeo 2003 or check out our website, Whereforearthel Romeo. That's all for Whereforeartal Romeo. I'm Emily Shuddy. And I'm Greg Shuddy on Radio Free

Hillsdale 101.7 FM.