WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: Mindset Going into Relationships

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

What should my mindset be going into a relationship? Should I want it? Not want it? Need it to validate me? Be totally disinterested? Greg and Emily discuss what may be some helpful places to be personally when looking to be in a romantic relationship. 

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George. George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep anyone off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo?

The show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships and how to achieve a mean between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discerned dating. Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Where For Arthel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shuddy and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friend's relationship questions and concerns. Greg, how's it going?

Oh, I need to wake up here. Sorry, you've got such a lull voice. Well, it's late in the afternoon and my coffee's wearing off and I made the mistake of laying my head back. Sorry about that. Taking a little nap. Anyway, well. Always on the job here. Our Cupid or Stupid for the day is actually going to be a song called Tuesdays by Jake Scott.

And this is definitely more of a Cupid one. I really love this song, if you haven't heard it, would definitely suggest. But let's look at the lyrics. So it says, two years this summer, I knew it from the day I saw her. We were going to be together. That's why I'm here to see her. She doesn't know I'm in Virginia, but I know she's mine forever. So I'm asking for your blessing and maybe just one lesson.

He said, 27 years, and here's my takeaway. It's not just picture perfect dancing in a white dress. It's not just rainy days when nothing stops the fighting. It's not just highs and lows and champagne toasts. I've come to know that love's not only the best days or the worst days, love is the Tuesdays. I'm not actually going to read the rest of it. I'm just going to finish with that for now

because I think that the chorus is the thing that I really want to talk about. And maybe that's a little teaser to you guys to go and listen to the song. Shameless plug for Dick Scott there. But I just love this chorus because what he's getting at here is that the act of loving someone in a relationship is not all of the high moments. It's not all of the like, I am so in love and I feel butterflies all the time and we do so much fun and spontaneous things together or whatever your version of being super in love is. And it's also not all the knock down, drag out, crying in the rain, fights and arguments and all of those horrible things that can also happen in human relationships. It is in fact just the average Tuesdays in which you just spend time together.

Actually, I am going to read a little bit of verse two because I also really like what he says here. He says, it's, it's breakfast thrown together while she's sleeping in your high school sweater, and you've never seen anything better. It's the season three you're watching, a little bit of evening walking, sitting with your best friend talking. It's just those moments, those little moments that you spend together. Just like sitting, watching the rain together, just talking together with your best friend. They should be your best friend. Just watching an episode of whatever show you're going through at that particular time together. Just those little moments that make up life.

That is what love is. That's what a good relationship is. It's not necessarily anything super crazy. It's not Hallmark. I think so this is coming from a shameless Hallmark movie lover. I absolutely watch. I can attest to that. Yes.

I love watching Hallmark movies, but I've also noticed throughout my life that it's something I've had to step back from in many ways because it started to affect my perception of what relationships are. Because relationships are not necessarily going to. be all of these really hard moments where we like have a stereotypical fight and then make up and it's also not going to necessarily be this guy who is going to quote unquote sweep you off your feet. Yeah, I think that in many ways we get this misrepresentation of what relationships are in the entertainment that we watch because it ends with like the relationship beginning

in many ways. And the relationship actually goes on for so much longer than that. There's so much more to it. So I don't know. Greg, do you have any thoughts? And you know what I like about this is he's asking for the father-in-law's blessing. And not everybody does it. And I think that that should be in, I mean, unless there's a situation where it's not good for whatever reason.

But I think that that's good. But the other part that's really cool is that he's accepting this advice. Because too often it's like, you know, we don't want to hear what someone else has to say. And then it goes on, you know, the advice is not just what I hear all the time. Well, just wait until this. You know, I hate when people do that. Well, you know, you think that's bad. Just wait until it's like, no, no, no, no.

I mean, the advice is basically, it's not. just the good and the it's not just the best things and the worst things it's not just the times where we're you know at our highest or we're lowest that makes it it's just it's the day-to-day things that you do that sometimes we we forget when we're in the midst of the highs and lows yeah we that's all we can see and so it's i think it's just like it's a beautiful song of that advice that we all need to look at is that it's it's not the best day and it's not the worst day that's going to make this it's it's those times that we we're there for each other even in the small things i think we lose sight of that and that's one of the things that we can't do in marriage

and that's in fact that's one of the reasons why in the marriage class we on the last day I send them home with homework to write a letter of gratitude to each other, to just remember all the things that this person brings to their life. And I think that that's important for us now and then to write a letter that just says, you know, I love you because of these things. And it's not the big things. It's not, it's those little things. Yeah. I think it's a beautiful. Oh, that's awesome. I give it a, what is it, five star cupid? We've never rated these. We've never rated these. things, but, you know. Five out of five, you know. Oh, man, so good. Well, you're listening to Whereforearth-Romeo, where we were just discussing Jake Scott's song Tuesdays as our

Cupid moment for the day. If you want to listen to this episode again or any of our other shows, look up Wherefore Arthel Romeo on Transistor, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows. I'm your host, Emily Shottie, and my co-host's licensed marriage therapist, Greg Shoddy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7FM. Today, we are going to discuss the thought process people may have when going into dating. So what are your reasons for going into dating? Why do you want to date someone? How do you go about doing that?

And what kind of mindsets are good and appropriate and helpful when going into that? And what kind of mindsets are actually really detrimental to you and to the other person? Okay. Let's hear it. So. Let's hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm curious to hear some of your thoughts on this, but one of the things that I've noticed when people are wanting to date, and this is something I've also noticed in myself, is that they just, they want someone who can support them. They want someone who is there to talk to about all the things. They want someone to snuggle with when it gets cold, those kinds of things. And sometimes it's just because they want. to say that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I think that those maybe all are not necessarily

the best reason to get into a relationship. And sometimes, you know, I know that the end goal of a relationship is supposed to be whether you want to discern marriage or not, but I think that that's also not a great reason to get into a relationship initially, because sometimes what happens is before people who've even had a chance to get to know each other, they're already thinking about that. Anyway, those are just some of my initial thoughts. What are you thinking? Well, you know, it's the difference between wants and needs. And I think that that's something that there's nothing wrong with having things that you would like to have in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that.

But be careful that you're not putting on someone something that they're unable to give. And it becomes a pressure versus that's part of the dating process is to see if, you know, there is some of that ability to. to meet those wants, but more so the needs are going to be important. That's where I think it's important to go into a relationship with knowing your deal breakers. Because I don't think people do. And I don't think people go into a relationship with boundaries, or sometimes their boundaries are too rigid, and that can be hard to break through.

What I mean by that is you want to make sure that as you go, into a relationship that, you know, some things are just very important to us. I may say, look, I really don't want to marry someone that's not of my same faith. I may not want to marry someone, you know, who's got a different thinking when it comes to how many children are going to have. And that's okay. I don't think that that's going into it wrong. That's just setting up something that you know if if you don't find someone that that goes along that line it can create a lot of difficulty in marriage i i loved it when i had a couple once come meet with me because they were of two different faiths uh and they're like can this work and i said well it can but let's go into it

with your eyes wide open let's talk about all the hard things because we don't talk about it we're just like, oh, we'll make it work. Oh, we respect each other's. Yeah, but bring along kids and everything changes. And so, you know, again, those needs and wants and those deal breakers. But I think the other thing. Quick question. Yeah. Are you saying that it's, you should go in with needs or you should go with wants? Or are you saying that you should be careful about both? I think you should be careful about both, but I think you should, I think you need to understand the difference between needs and wants, because not everybody's going to fulfill your every want, but you do have needs that you want to be able to find someone that's going to meet those. And I'm not talking about needs of like a six-figure

income and they're going to support me. No, I mean, that's a want. But a need in a relationship, you need to feel respected. If you don't feel respected, there's something wrong there. If they can't respect you, you need to have someone that honors your boundaries. And when someone keeps pushing your boundaries, do you overlook it? Or do you go, no, this is not good. They keep pushing my boundaries, and they're pushing me into something that's not good for me. So there are definitely things that are needs.

What if you go into a relationship because you think it will fulfill you, fill you, or it will make you feel worthy or like you are worth something? Well, you can't go into marriage as a cure. It's not necessarily a cure. And I think some people, you know, use it that way is this will fulfill. my loneliness well in some ways yes or this will heal my depression this will or I you know this person can fix this in me or I'm going to fix this in the other person that's unrealistic and I think we it goes back to what we were talking about last last episode which is you need to go into understanding that you're

working with two broken people and you're trying to become better together so To want someone that's going to meet all my needs is not realistic. And to recognize that they can't. Nobody can meet all of your needs. But you want someone who can help you get your needs met. And that's someone that even though they can't fix, I don't know, I'm just making something up. You can't fix their depression. you can definitely take care of things at home so that they can go work on that in therapy and you support that.

So how does this work then in regards to like very beginning before you've even really gone in many dates with someone? If you have a desire to date someone, what should that desire be rooted in? Should it be in desire to pursue marriage? Should it be in a desire to love someone? Should it be in a desire to be loved? I mean, what should be the desire in my heart when considering this? Is there a way, are there like particular, particular ways of approaching it that are healthy or like those desires? What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I can't give you the perfect. But one of the things that I would say is

really important is going to it initially to build a friendship. Because that's important in marriage that you have a friendship. And too often we jump. into the lover. We jump into the physical. We jump into the, you know, that kind of stuff versus building a friendship without the expectation of this is going to go towards marriage. I'm only going to date if it's going towards marriage. Well, yeah, I mean, in a sense, that's that's the long-term goal. But first, if you, if you stop all the pressure of whoever I date, you know, marriage, marriage, marriage, build a friendship so that if it doesn't end up being something you want as a, you know, someone that you're married to, that hopefully it's a friendship that you can continue

on with, which would change if you got married to someone else. But I think that friendship is that spending that time really getting to know somebody, really starting to build trust in them, understanding their differences and understanding those things that we differ on and, you know, also understanding, okay, these are deal breakers for me, but, you know, I thought it was a deal breaker. And now I got to know this person and it's really, I'm starting to really change in my thoughts. And let me just give you an example of that. So, you know, it might be, I'm not a Christian. And I start dating someone.

I'm just like, you know, deal breakers if they're Christian, because I had a bad experience with that and da, that, da, da, but you end up starting to date someone and your heart starts to change towards that. And you're like, I think I want to become a Christian. But it's a friendship. There's that opportunity to, you know, to change in the midst of that. And that deal breaker may change. Yeah, no, that is helpful.

You're listening to where far out there are. where we are discussing people's thought process before going into dating and what can be helpful with that. If you want to listen to this episode again or any of our other shows, look up wherefore are Thel Romeo on Transistor, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed to marriage therapist Greg Shudy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. You know, Greg, I think that a lot of people here at Hillsdale would really benefit from approaching relationships from the standpoint of building friendships because I think there's a lot of just mental freak out

and verbal freak out about being asked on a date. And I think... And pressure. Yeah, there's also a lot of pressure. And then there's a lot of pressure if people find out that you've been on a date or that you're like getting to know someone, especially, God forbid, if you're like different denominations.

Like, that's a huge deal. And so suddenly your ability to just get to, to know someone as a friend and really know who they are and decide, like, would we even be compatible in the first place besides from, like, this particular, like, difference of faith or, like, belief or whatever the case may be. Because you may find that you're not even compatible as people before you discover that, like, the faith thing. But I think it's interesting that you bring up the point of, like, well, maybe your heart will be softened towards something different from what you thought. So it doesn't hurt.

to build a friendship. I definitely been... And be inspired without this, oh my gosh, you know, we're heading towards marriage and I disagree with this or I'm starting to... Yeah. Yeah. It is so important to be serious about your relationship and not take it lightly on the one point where you're like, okay, yeah, it's not just us messing around. But on the other hand, you need to take it a little bit more lightly and take yourself a little bit less seriously because I think that is one of the pitfalls I've noticed. I mean, we have, like we talk about at the beginning of the show or introduction of like not, what does the mean between the extremes

of hookup culture and over discerned dating? So we have this issue in, in the world today where we fall into the pitfalls of just, you know, having sex before marriage or just doing a one-night stand and really just feeling unfulfilled by that, but then also like really desiring marriage to the point that we don't even know how to actually have friendships with members of the opposite sex, which is insane. I think that's so ridiculous. Well, and you know, another thing, and I've heard people that struggle with this is overthinking a relationship before. It's really even started. It's like you're so enamored with someone because of how beautiful they are. And you start picturing how this is all going to play out in your head. And then you've put so much

pressure on this working because it fits into what you think it should be. I remember in high school, you know, some of the girls, I'm like, oh, that's the person I want to marry someday. And I'm like, now I look back on it going, they are nothing like the person that I would. ever want to be married to. You know, nice person. I could be a friend to him, but I mean, actually, one person I dated, you know, I was really serious about it, but now I look back going, oh, thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord. Nothing against a beautiful person, beautiful lady, but we would have killed each other. And it's, you know, so I think not going into the first date or the first several dates with this pressure of, oh my gosh, it's got to move towards marriage and we got to,

no, build a friendship. Get to know. And I think even once you've defined the relationship as you're actually intentionally dating exclusively, even at that point, I think there is some room for that time to just build a friendship. It's so important. And build other friendships. Oh, my gosh.

So many people, it's just like, oh, this is my everything. and I've got to spend every waking hour with them. That's not good either. Because even in marriage, there's a balance where I need to go out with the guys. I need to connect with guys. You need to connect with, you know, ladies and this, I'm everything. And that you're starting off on the wrong foot. Do not neglect other relationships.

Go out with the girls. It's okay. Yes, yes. Go out with the boys. Or the guys. Sorry, both. Do it. Definitely have other friendships.

It's so important. We're out of time for the day, so we just want to remind you that... Well, that went quick. That went so quick. The relationships are a process. They take time and effort, and we just want to help you balance your head and your heart. This is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged, because if you haven't found your Romeo or Juliet yet, clear out your closet. If you have questions that you would like us to address, please email them to e Shodi athodyat Hillsdale.edu.

That's E-S-C-H-H-U-T-T-E at Hillsdale.edu. And we will discuss them in future. shows. Please check us out on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows to catch anything you have missed or want to hear again. That's all for Wherefore Arthel Romeo. I'm Emily Shurdy. And I'm Greg Shuddy on Radio Free Hillsdale, 101.7 FM.