WRFH/Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM - Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?: Praying Together

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

The question of "when do we start praying together" while perhaps not one with a definitive answer is one which Greg and Emily attempt to unfold together. Greg and Emily discuss what it looks like to pray together as a couple, when to begin doing so, and how it impacts a relationship. 

Batman doesn't do ships, as in me. You complete me. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. It is not about the nail. No matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep anyone off her feet. You're listening to Where For Art Thou, Romeo? The show that discusses how to navigate romantic relationships

and how to achieve a mean between the extremes of hookup culture and over-discern dating. Here's your host, Emily Shudy. Welcome to Where For Art Thel Romeo, the show where we talk about how to follow your heart without losing your mind. My name is Emily Shudy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist and also my dad, Greg Shuddy. We're all navigating relationships every day, but sometimes the most intimate are also the most challenging. Our goal is to help you get out of your own head when it comes to your or even your friend's relationship questions and concerns. and Greg, it's good to be back.

How are you doing? It is. I'm doing well. Life is busy right now. I travel and a lot of different things outside of the actual work that I do here. You know, we always teased you growing up that you were just going to get super popular and be out and about doing all these conferences and talks. And, you know, at that point, you probably weren't doing nearly as many as we thought you were.

But now you are, in fact, doing all of these. talks and conferences and all over the place. Yeah, actually, it wasn't. I, you know, when I was in this job at Marriage Works, I actually did a lot more traveling than I had ever done. But in the whole scheme of things, compared to what I'm doing right now, yeah, it really wasn't that much. Of course, Mom always made sure that she let me know that the big things happened when

I was gone, like the dog died and, you know, she had to bury it. Yeah, yeah. Nothing like a little guilt to bring it all together. Hey, granted, she was like, what, five or six months pregnant and had to carry a lame dog out to go to the bathroom. So, you know, that's, that's not fun, I'm sure. With seven kids, was there any time I could leave when she wasn't pregnant? You know, okay, hopefully she doesn't hear this. I'll be in big trouble for that last statement.

So anyway. Who's small of that? Anyway, so. Anyway, so for Cupid or stupid today, I have a little bit of a really interesting story that I heard recently,

someone I know. I do have permission to tell this story. I can't wait to hear. But I am not going to use any names. No one you know. Let's just say it's a generic story of someone, you know, far off in the universe.

Hypothetical. Hypothetically. It's a little bit of a crazy story, and I was absolutely horrified when she told me this. Okay. Yeah. So she was going to go on a date with this guy that she knew from high school. It had been a while since they reconnected,

and he just reached out to her one day and was like, hey, I would really like to go on a date with you and reconnect and get to know you better. And so she was like, great. okay. I remember thinking this guy was really cool. Like, I think he was in seminary at one point. So, you know, like, probably like a pretty good, pretty good guy, hopefully. So, yeah, she was just, like, just going to go on a date with him. It was going to be super chill. And then about a week before they were supposed to go on the date, she gets just, like, email paragraph length texts from him. Several texts. Detail.

the things that he expected from her in a relationship. Ooh, okay. Both... I can't wait to hear this. Both emotionally and physically. And so he basically laid out for her what he was and wasn't comfortable doing physically. And one of those things involved, like,

how much he was comfortable kissing and what he expected from her with, like, I do expect you to like put your hands under my shirt or take my shirt off or whatever. Like things that were really, you know, very uncomfortable. Like these were all in text and she said that he also reiterated them when she called him. And just really, really weird and uncomfortable. And she even said to me, she was like, you know, if we had been maybe three months into the relationship, I might have fallen for it. I might have been more willing to accept some of these things, but thank God it happened right off the bat because I was like, yep, that's not going to happen.

And he tried to kind of backtrack on some of it when she pushed back on him. And he was like, no, no, no. I was talking about like down the road things that I was okay with. And she was like, dude, we've not even been on a single date. Like we haven't seen each other in years. And so this is my Cupid or stupid story, which I genuinely think this is really. Well, and you know, this brings out the therapist in me because I really have really good advice with this whole thing. And it's one word.

Run! Run as fast as you can. Because this is, yeah, this is somebody who, oh. i i can only imagine what goes on in this gentleman's head but um yeah there's no there's no cupid in that story this is pure stupidity that's really harsh but i mean ultimately you yeah and and your friend is right if this is something that you know you were together for a while i could see you broaching and and you should broach the subject of okay how How do we not go too far in our physical part here so that we create a bonding out of step or have other repercussions?

And so that's fine. But, you know, to the detail, that's, yeah, way too soon. Yeah. I know people, I've actually experienced people like this. You meet them for the first time and you're sitting there going, why are you telling me what answer? antidepressant medicine you're on, why are you telling me about, you know, what your, why your child is in prison and blah, blah, blah, yeah, it's just like, okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I overheard, I don't even going to repeat what it was because it's not appropriate for error, but I overheard a conversation from someone on a date while I was in New York.

And I was like, I'm sorry, why are you having this conversation with someone who's, it seems like a first date or maybe a second date? like, that is a horrible conversation topic. I don't know. Anyway, but I just, just this story that my friend was telling me and like, she was showing me the text and I was like, I, I, my advice was exactly the same. I was like, run, run, run, do not get involved in this. This is horrifying. The only thing that I could possibly understand in this is that maybe the guy had had some

situations in the past where he hadn't been clear about those things. and really just wanted to put it out there right away. But that, I think more than anything, that's just inappropriate and not something that you should be texting someone. Okay, I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt here just a little bit, which is you said that they had known each other before this, right? Yeah, a long time ago, though. Okay, but had it been, you know, was it a brief meeting or was it? it's probably been a like they were I think they might have been like friends growing up or something okay so that would be the only thing I would say that maybe played out in it not that it makes it

right in any way but if you know you would known someone for a while and now you're entering into a relationship and maybe someone gave him bad advice of you know well you should set the clear boundaries in it whatever um it's still not the best thing to do but that's the only thing I can think is now if if he had no clue who she was that that makes it even freakier to me but the fact that he knew her maybe maybe that had something to do with it again not not trying to condone it or justify it but yeah yeah so anyway anyway entertaining stories but just a reminder that you're listening to wherefore arthur arthur rthal romeo where we have been discussing our cupid or stupid moment and the situations which you should

really just run. If you want to listen to this episode again or any of our other shows, look up wherefore Arthel Romeo on transistor, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows. I'm your host, Emily Shuddy, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist to Greg Shuddy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. All righty. So today we're going to be discussing the topic of how soon do you start praying together. This is something that a friend of mine actually asked me recently because she was like, I really don't want to hyper-spiritualize our relationship before we actually get to know each other because I know that that can kind of create some, some, I don't know, cloudiness when it comes to actually getting to know the person. Because I think that a spiritual

relationship with someone can also kind of increase the emotional relationship you have with them before you maybe truly know them. But then how much should you be praying together? Should you start praying together right away? I know people who are like, you know, from the Catholic perspective, people are like, I'm going to do a novena to see, with this person to see if like we should even start dating.

And I'm like, okay. So what are the rules on this one? I don't know if there's actual rules on it, but I would just say it's another thing that you just need to take your time with because we have to remember, even in marriage, it's hard for me to get couples to pray together because it is so intimate. People are like, what do you mean by that? Well, you're bearing your heart in this. Well, we just do rote prayers.

Well, okay, but you're still, you're revealing something about yourself that is very personal, and you're inviting someone into that, even if it's we're going to pray the Our Father together. So couples struggle with that because now I'm being intimate and sometimes we can judge each other and feel judged in that. So I think there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, can we, you know, we got this going on. Can we pray about it? Meaning that we both understand each other's spirituality. We knew that going in, asking to say a prayer for something that's coming. coming up, something that's a little bit more benign is one thing.

Praying for our relationship, I think that should start. And again, there's no hard, fast rule on this, but in my opinion, I think that that should start individually, really praying about help me God, understand who this person is, to let me see things that indicate that this is a good fit or this is something good to progress in. or please, Lord, let me know if this is not something that is of your will or that can be harmful to me. So it starts there, but then I think little by little, if you're sharing your faith, you feel comfortable in that, then, yeah, it could be where let's pry about, you know, this particular thing together.

But it shouldn't be until we go, yes, let's officially date with the idea of let's move towards marriage. that we should even be thinking about, okay, how about we start praying about it together? So, you know, that future together. But I think this is just something that I would recommend taking your time with, not forcing. I think eventually it starts to naturally happen. But then again, if you're pushing it and one person is, they might be of the same faith, but that's just not their thing. It could create some difficulty if we start too soon.

Yeah. At what point would you say it's, or should you be like praying together always about the relationship and prayer together in discernment of the relationship? Or should you also be doing praying together just to pray together? Because I think this was one of the concerns of the person I was talking to was that then her prayer life would be dependent upon that other person. Oh yeah, no. I mean, it should never take the place of your personal prayer. Your personal prayer, needs to be your primary. Your relationship prayer should be, you know, very specific. Even with couples, you know, I encourage them who are married to at least pray once a week together, if not daily. But these are people who are married. They've committed to this. They've entered in through a,

most likely a religious ceremony where prayer was a part of that. And so, yeah, we need to draw God into this, but really not until you start to get serious about it. The only time I would say really maybe ramping up the prayer, but again, you've got to both be on the same page, would be if and when you get engaged as that preparation for marriage. Now, it's very specific. It's starting to unite us, but yeah, I think what you just said could be kind of an after or a side effect that we didn't even realize is that it starts to feel like it's robbing me of my own individual prayer. And now I feel pressured into it. And that should not be the case. It should be something that flows out of a joy and a desire to unite versus a, oh, we have to do this. Oh, we have to do this. I also wonder if

there's a concern or issue with like when you become more bonded through prayer and you're doing this early on in a relationship before you really know the person well or even if you are discerning and pursuing marriage together that it can kind of cloud your judgment when it comes to really recognizing whether you're compatible with the person or not because I think sometimes if you over spiritualize it you think that because the other person is a faithful Christian and does practice their faith and praise with you and you know seems really spiritual that that must mean that you should work out. Like you should work well together.

You can make it work because you're bathing it in prayer. But sometimes I think that can cloud your ability to judge the relationship for what it is. Oh, I think that's a great point. I definitely think that's a great point because, again, going back to John Van Epps, you know, how to pace a healthy relationship, getting to know and trust and all of that one of the things that he's trying to prevent you from doing is going too quick, too fast with the bonding in a relationship that it starts to cloud your judgment. That's why sex is so dangerous because it's not only an emotional connection, it's a

physical connection because your brain is releasing these neurochemicals. So even with that, you know, if that prayer is very intimate, it's starting to to draw you in, yeah, the thing you don't want is to start clouding your judgment before you've really taken that time to get to know them. This is a reminder that you're listening to Wherefore Arthel Romeo where we are discussing the act of praying together in a relationship. If you want to listen to this episode again or any of our other shows, look up Wherefore Art Thel Romeo on Transistor, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows. I'm your host, Emily Shorty, and my co-host is licensed marriage therapist Greg Shudy here on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM. With this in mind, just the

nature of how prayer can be bonding, it can actually cloud judgment if you're doing too much emotional prayer together before you really have a committed relationship and how it could potentially kind of just detract from your own personal prayer life. What might be some of your suggestions for people as they enter into a relationship and try to decide how they want to start praying together and like what kind of praying together they should do. Well, I mean, you can always start in more benign ways is, you know, if you're of the same faith, are you maybe going to church together? And so you're in the same space. You're saying the same prayers, but it's not the pressure of we have to do this just the two of us. So that can be one way where

we're sharing in prayer. We're sharing in our faith. I think talking about faith is very important before we start delving into that is what's important to you in faith. And that's not weird. That's part of that process of how do I really get to know somebody. But then the other thing is let some of that just happen naturally, don't force it. Because too many people are like, we've got to get to prayer. We've got to, this is what we know. Let something natural happen where we have a concern. We hit an argument and we say, you know, let's, let's pray about this.

And maybe let's start praying on our, let's both pray on our own about this. So now we've connected it. It doesn't have to be where we're praying. together but we know that both of us are doing a committed prayer in unity you see what i'm saying now we're moving in this direction in a little way and maybe you know if there comes a point where you guys decide you know should we really enter into a committed relationship and you feel comfortable maybe that's a time to say can we can we say a prayer together about it so it should be just in these little ways we're not pressured into it it's a natural you know move towards that and then what you

might find and this is where there's no there's no perfect way because some couple may go down this path and really have no trouble with praying together on a regular basis they don't feel pressured they it actually helps them feel more relaxed in things well that's good but if you're feeling pressured, if you're feeling, it's feeling awkward, it's feeling a natural, then that's where you've got to be honest with each other and say, can we back off a little bit with that? I don't know, just some thoughts. No, that's really helpful. I think that's a really good place to start when it comes to approaching this topic of praying together in your relationships. And I think this is probably a question. I imagine this is a question that a lot of people are asking. So I hope that

it's helpful to some people out there. Anyway, I just want to remind you all that relationships are a process. They take time and effort, and we just want to help you balance your head and your heart. This is your friendly reminder to not be discouraged because if you haven't found your Romeo or Juliet, learn how to shoot. If you have questions that you would like us to address, please email them to E-Shoudi at Hillsdale.edu. That's E-S-C-H-U-T-E at Hillsdale.edu. What? I'm sorry, but just be careful where you shoot if you're... I'm sorry. I love it. never mind you know

I didn't mean anything specific but I just you know yeah no it's probably need that caveat in there anyway please check us out on Spotify Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your shows to catch anything you've missed

or want to hear again that's all for wherefore Arthel Romeo I'm Emily Shuddy and I'm Greg Shuddy on Radio Free Hillsdale 101.7 FM Don't me turn my life around