WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - #11 – OH, I'M THE BAD GUY? (ft. Earl Skakel, Kelly Ryan, Saul Trujillo)

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

Recorded live at The Comedy Store, 12/4/24.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Earl Skakel, Kelly Ryan, Saul TrujilloSUPPORT THE SHOW AND ACCESS FULL VIDEO EPISODES ON PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/...wronggameshow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE:⁠⁠⁠⁠2/12 @ The Comedy Store, 8 PM2/17 @ Mic Drop Comedy Club, 10 PM Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:03 Hello, folks. This is Jay Light, and welcome to another episode of Wrong, a fucked up game show, our holiday edition. Happy New Year. Happy Wrong year. This one was filmed live at the Comedy Store on December 4th, 2023. It was our last recorded episode of the year. And it's got Kelly Ryan, Saul Trujillo, and Earl motherfucking Skakel. This episode is an absolute banger. I know y'all are going to love it. If you like the show, please. consider subscribing on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. You get access to full video episodes. And, of course, the sweet, sweet knowledge that you're helping produce the show and fund our endeavors. And we've got some more shows coming up soon this year. In California, as our next one's, Comedy Store, on the 12th, February 12th at 8 p.m. in the belly room.
Starting point is 00:00:57 And at Mike Drop in San Diego, we're coming back. It'll be on the 17th of February. at 10 p.m. Take the links will be live for those soon. So just check our website, beacons.a.I. slash wrong game show. And please, if you haven't already, tell a friend about the show.
Starting point is 00:01:13 Subscribe at wrong game show on Instagram and TikTok. Tell your friends. Let's have a very, very wrong 2024, everybody. Enjoy. From the Wolf of this Academy store here at Holland, California. It's wrong.
Starting point is 00:01:27 A fucked up game show. Welcome to Wrong, a fucked up game show. I'm your host, Jay Light. Make some noise for our man. in the corner Tyler Missor. Hello. Hey, good to see you, Jay. It's good to see you, too.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Well, it's glad to be back here at the comedy store. Who's, uh, who makes noise if you've never seen the show before. Makes some noise if you've never seen this. Cool. A lot of, a lot of newcomers tonight. I like this. This is good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Yeah. You like game shows, sir? Yes. You look like you watch a lot of game shows. What's your, what's your... You're more of a buzzer or a game show network guy? You got it on the cable or you're going on the free antenna? like all the poor folks out here.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Okay, that guy sees watching off the poor people's antenna service, buzzer. Very good. What's your favorite game show? The Price is Right. Okay, that's good. We love the Price is Right. This is a show where things are not right, though. This is a show where things are wrong.
Starting point is 00:02:34 And here's how this show works, folks. We have a lot of people here tonight on the show. Most game shows you want to say things that are right. Not here. We want to have our contestants say things that are wrong. That's how they win. That's how they get points. By being wrong, by being a little bit fucked up, Tyler's going to be keeping score the whole night.
Starting point is 00:02:55 That's right. Based on who's funny and who's fucked up. Yeah. Do you guys know you're in for a dart? We already had a bunch of abortion and beating your children material from our opener. And you guys seem primed for the pump. This is a good sign. This is a good sign for our audience.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Hey, Jay, before we start the show, let's all just take a moment of silence for Henry Kissinger. Tyler's dear friends. Or God. Loved him like a grandpa. All right. Hopefully nobody bombs as hard as Henry Kissinger did.
Starting point is 00:03:31 But hopefully everybody has a long and illustrious career like Henry Kissinger did. Because here's the thing about the show. We've all said some fucked up things, and we're all going to hear our comics say some fucked up things. We are a room where it's okay to be a little bit fucked up. We're going to give people points for that. And we're going to get to know what our contestants think is fucked up
Starting point is 00:03:49 to start things off. So we're going to start off with a round we like to call. Let's get fucked up. There we go. It's right there in the end. Yeah, somebody's been to game shows. Now, we have some great comedians on the show tonight,
Starting point is 00:04:02 some great contestants. They have all prepared a short set of their darkest, most fucked up material. It could be dark, it could be dirty. It's definitely going to be fucked up. Yeah. I don't know, you guys definitely did not hear that. He just said, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:16 He's very, you're stoked. You're ready for this. You've been waiting for those Barker beauties to take their tops off on the prices right for a long fucking time. Yeah. This guy's old enough to remember when Bob Barker beat the charges. That is a hard thing to be old enough at the show. And Tyler will be keeping score based on you guys' reactions to what's funny and what's fucked up. So you guys ready to meet our contestants.
Starting point is 00:04:42 Your first contestant tonight used to be a door guy right here at the comedy store, which is ironic because he can't fit through any of the door. Make it loud. Purcell Trujillo, everybody. Yeah. He was attacking me like that. Face, motherfucker. When I first started doing comedy, I was 420 pounds.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Now I'm like 2.99. Some of you're like, I'm not going to clap for 50% loaded. People usually clap because they think it's for health. No, I'm married now. It's like a fuck better. Okay? I have a responsibility. It used to be trick of one-n-stand under the next.
Starting point is 00:05:36 No, now you've got to lay in that disappointment, you know? I'm tired of that shit. making love with the belly is hard. Every time I make love to my wife, I have to hold my belly back like it's about to fight someone outside of a bar. Take it easy, motherfucker. He's had a little much, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I'll chuck him out. I'll call him an Uber, okay? My wife's a goddamn pioneer. I get two blow jobs a week. Yeah, I know. One guy in the back. See that lady? He's fucking normalized. Don't normalize that damn, all right? Boy, he's a goddamn pioneer.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And God bless her, do you hear this voice? Imagine this voice in any sexual scenario. Yeah, bro, open up that asshole, let me put that tongue in that. It's awful. With that voice, it's terrible. I don't make up for it in any way. How do I, oh, my dick's like a pistachio. You gotta work for the meat, right?
Starting point is 00:06:30 But as soon as you get past the shell, you're not pretty good. I like, okay. I would buy that at a gas station, I would. We're trying to have a kid, and it's probably definitely because we're not doing it right. I don't know. She's bigger, too, and I'm a fupa bitter. I like, I like fupas a lot. But you also have a pooha.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It's like two rams, butt and heads. It's not cool, you know. Let me give you an example of her trying. Like, I was on top, and she was making faces that did not match the amount of dick I know I know how to give. I'm like, are you okay? What's wrong, you know? Why are you acting so much? And that's what she said, I swear God, I have to fart.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Yeah, no, most people are probably like, all right, time out, go smoke a cigarette, come back, we burn some sage, and then the ghost's go away. Not me. I'm a fucking, my father was an illegal immigrant. I was like, fucking fart right now. This is America. My father didn't cross the border illegally for you not to fart right now. And ladies and gentlemen, that is what she farted through my balls, okay? I don't know, like you big. I didn't say on through. That was force. It was like an outlaw kicking the saloon doors in, like, where's the sheriff? You tell that son of a bitch pistols at noon. I'm not only gross, but I also grew up very poor.
Starting point is 00:07:50 So I had a lot of homeless friends growing up. And I'm tired of L.A. being fake about they care about poor people. They don't get about poor people. We care about what we see with our eyes. I heard someone say, I don't like these tents. I don't like looking at them. Well, I like those tents. Because if we're not going to fix the problem,
Starting point is 00:08:06 all those tents do is block our eyes from nefarious shit happening under tents. We need more tents, I think. You take the tint at the equation, now some guy's smoking crack with a smile, all right? I don't want to see that. I'm trying to drive home from Trader Joe's, okay? I'm trying to eat cookie butter. Actually, I want to see some guy make snow angels in bike parks.
Starting point is 00:08:25 That's not fair for me. Some people think I'm being not sensitive, but you don't understand. I live on Hollywood Boulevard. I'm in the dick of it. The other day, I saw a guy. It's on the side of the road. He was all deeing. It was foaming from the mouth.
Starting point is 00:08:39 It was the middle of the day. The sun was out. I was looking at him. I was like, there should be a tent there. That should be none of my business, Doc. My man should be able to OD
Starting point is 00:08:51 in the privacy of his own tent. This is America. We're in a housing crisis right now, y'all. I was raised different, though. I was raised by an immigrant grandmother who, she came into this country. She opened up a business. She bought three houses.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I mean, she did it using the identity of a dead woman, but that's neither here or the country. That's how she bought. She took in a homeless person. And not like you see on TV, you clean them up, you take him to rehab. She did it very, the most Mexican way I've ever seen. So I got a shack in the backyard. You can keep the front yard clean.
Starting point is 00:09:26 You can stay in the shack in the backyard. And for over a decade, we had the cleanest front yard. I know meth is bad, but it creates a precision in the human brain. You ever see anybody mow along with the school scissors? Because I have. I was giving that long a fade. Like, oh, those edges are crispy, Tony. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:09:45 He promised that he's real. His name's Tony. And he gives something like that real, all the luxuries, no responsibilities, they will live forever. Because my grandma's been dead for a while. He's still back there. My mom hasn't. When I get the house, I inherited a tweaker butler, okay? I don't know about you guys either outside tweaker butler, okay?
Starting point is 00:10:05 And if you have the problem with the words that I'm saying right now, fuck you put a shack in your backyard. Until then, don't tell me how to raise my homeless guy. Hey, I'll see you later, bye. Anything to say about after that one, Taylor? That was great. Uh, I don't know. I don't know. This is good.
Starting point is 00:10:29 It's great. You're going to start. It's got a homeless guy in the bag of his grandmother's, mother's house. It's luxury. It's beautiful. All right. Our next contestant is a wrestling fan, a Kennedy. And has been asked by club management to stop tweeting about the pedophiles who perform at the comedy store.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Give it up for Earl Skakel over there. Speaking of the pedophiles, me and Jay were on a show called Rostbaum. show called Roast Battle and uh... Roast Battle is not really a comedy show it's just skilled bullying so I was battling this 400-pound guy on TV I was nervous my first time on TV so I just had standard fat jokes about 10 minutes before our battle guy comes up to me because the guy was battling nobody liked it's like hey just so you know he fucked a 16 year old and if you don't think that changed the trajectory of my last
Starting point is 00:11:42 joke. I give it up for John, he's fucking 400 pounds, so I don't know what works harder on him. His arteries or the buttons on his shirt. Oh, he fucked the 16-year-old, too. So I go backstage. Like I'm the bad guy. So I go backstage and it's competitive roasting, so if you win, you keep performing that night.
Starting point is 00:12:12 another battle and the producer of the show he produces a lot of comedy central show so you probably never seen any of them he's named Joel Gallin if you want to look at it's like hey Earl you can leave now I'm like no no I have another battle he's like no you don't I'm like what are he talking about I beat John he's like yeah but you body shamed him right but he fucked a 16 year old Do you guys think OJ ever watched Dexter and thought that's how I should have done it? I do like wrestling. Before I came here tonight, I watched the Hulk Hogan sex tape.
Starting point is 00:13:03 It's really kind of fascinating because it's just like his wrestling. It's two basic moves and a shitty finish. And when he comes, calls a girl brother. But I picked up this, uh, I picked up this, uh, Sure, at the Kiss concert I went to two weeks ago was their final show at the Hollywood Bowl. I'm sure you guys are sensing a little sarcasm, because I also went to their farewell tour in 1998. I mean, they really stretch it out, man. My buddy's like, hey, you know Kiss is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
Starting point is 00:13:44 I had no idea. I thought the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was like Zeppelin and the Beatles and the Who. Who and Stevie Ray Vaughn. And then after the show, I totally understand why kiss is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Because from the opening song where they come out from the ceiling, well, not a ceiling at the Hollywood Bowl, but like, you know, they come out from the stage on a spaceship. And there's like lasers shooting everywhere.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Bombs going off. It's so smoky in the arena. You can't see anything. And then during Gene Simmons' bass solo, which sounds like he has two broken arms. You know, he's spitting blood and he flies to the top of the stage and then the guy they dress up as Ace Freely, his guitar blows up during a solo, and then the guy they dress up was Peter Chris, his twirling drumsticks that are on fire, and then Paul Stanley, the singer, flies out over the crowd.
Starting point is 00:14:41 And it hit me right then why they are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, because Kiss does everything humanly possible to distract you from how shitty their music. Like imagine you went to see a Laker game and you saw like LeBron James shoot an air ball and then his headband flew around the arena and like laser shot out of his eyes. You know like this is the greatest fucking basketball player ever. What do you guys want more pedophile judge? Because I'll do it. Hey we all remember Michael Jackson right?
Starting point is 00:15:24 I mean, it's one thing to be a pedophile, but a fag, too. Oh, I'm the bad guy? He's got fucking kids at his ranch. Okay, I'm going to become a pedophile, so I get more spots. Thank you guys very much. Daylight guy. This one booking requirement for the show is always book a comic who has absolutely nothing to lose. Hey, Jay, I have a special request.
Starting point is 00:15:57 What's your special request? We have any more comedians going over to do stand-up. They're not allowed to talk about a... guy fucking 16 year olds and point at where I'm serious. He said it about 14 times. He brought to 16 year. It doesn't help that you're wearing a shirt with the official wine of fucking 16 year olds. Mad Dog 2020.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Look at this face. This has been getting called pedophiles for fucking since I was a teenager. Yeah, all right. You dug out of the home. Go ahead. Last contestant is a former bodybuilding world champion and convicted murderer. Wait, sorry, we read the wrong Wikipedia page. She went to TCU. Give it up for Kelly Ryan. Hey, team. How are we doing?
Starting point is 00:16:57 Good? Fucked his 16-year-old? Because I don't believe you. I went to school in Texas. Anyone know the governor of Texas? Gabby, if you don't know Greg Abbott, he's a total fucking piece of shit. You know, hates women, loves guns. The classic. Okay?
Starting point is 00:17:18 And if you don't know this about little Gregie boy, is he's in a wheelchair. And that's not why I'm smiling. Although I would hate women, too, I literally couldn't fuck them. So if you don't know this story about Greg, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair, is he went on a run and just randomly got hit by a tree. Isn't that crazy?
Starting point is 00:17:41 And this man still wakes up every day and thinks like God loves him. Isn't that wild? I'm pretty sure God pulled the tree to the side and was like, you were supposed to finish the job. You know what I mean? I didn't cheer for TCU. Why not?
Starting point is 00:18:01 Why not? You don't like Texas, huh? Yeah, some of O U.T. fans? Yeah. TCU's not bad, only got raped once, you know? Not bad. Not bad. Do you know, you know, embarrassing it is to be raped by a theater major?
Starting point is 00:18:15 Do you understand? Don't believe me, his ally was just, I was in Pippin. I don't, I don't know, bitch. This person, this man actually became, I'm dead ass serious. He became a woman. Oh. Yeah, yeah. He became a woman.
Starting point is 00:18:37 And if you don't know this about the transgender community, is a lot of people say, well, you know, you can tell if someone is trans based on the hands. Have you heard that before? You could tell based on the hands and the shave and everything. Yeah, you have, you have. For him, you can't really tell because his hands are always inside of a girl who's asleep. So it's to do. Unfortunately, it's been a while since I've been in college to the statute of limitations that time is up.
Starting point is 00:19:07 The only thing I can wait on now is that high rate of trans suicide. So we're just seeing this bitch out, aren't we? No, I'm very mentally ill. I, uh, I agree about anxiety, and for that I take Pino Grigio. I have, um, I have very bad intrusive thoughts. Does anyone have these? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't know what an intrusive thought is, it's basically like when you think,
Starting point is 00:19:34 okay, I don't want to do this one thing, but what if I did? So let's say you're driving down the freeway, you're like, I don't want to crash into all these other cars. but what if I did? Or let's say you get on a plane and you're like, what if I were to just yell Bin Laden had a point? You know? What if I did that?
Starting point is 00:19:51 Wouldn't that be crazy? I went to a mental hospital. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? I went around I was 19. I used to self-harm because I had a tumbler. The worst part about going to a mental hospital is that they don't need to bring a razor in,
Starting point is 00:20:08 which makes sense. I'm not saying let's show them in and see what happens. What a documentary that would be. But the problem The problem with not having a razor for two weeks Is that my facial hair Oh my God It grows as fast as a fucking dick in the night
Starting point is 00:20:23 You know what I mean? Like it is there It is pronounced And it's super hard to prove to people That you've gotten better When you leave a mental hospital With a mustache Okay?
Starting point is 00:20:31 That's very difficult to do But I had the pipeline I had the pipeline being mentally ill My shirt, I'm lying Okay I did musical theater growing up Any musical theater people here? Yeah, musical theater, were you the lead?
Starting point is 00:20:46 Sometimes. Okay, what were you the lead in? Little Mermaid. A little Mermaid. As Ariel? Really? I don't see it. School theater. Then everyone had a crush on it. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Something's wrong with this guy, okay? Because he had those eyes that go in two different directions.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Do you know what I'm talking about? Ed Sheeran has them? Do you know what Ed Shearin's sexy? Okay? I will die on this hill, all right? None of everyone wants to fuck a leprecha. I'm tired of. Smith, you know, to go back to whatever forest they came from.
Starting point is 00:21:25 So anyway, this guy, he's got these eyes going like this. They're not lazy eyes because they're on the move. Something's wrong with this guy. So fast forward, he became a high school drama teacher and ended up fucking the high school drama kids. I know. I know, I know. And it's like, well, whoa, you're a loser for fucking high schoolers, okay? But you're a real loser for fucking high school losers.
Starting point is 00:21:51 You know what I mean? Wow. What a wonderful slate of contestants so far. We have, this is gonna be, I have a feeling, sometimes the show we either go very like 9-11 heavy. Tonight we're gonna roll pedophile heavy. I feel it. There's something in the air tonight.
Starting point is 00:22:24 All right, how about a hand? Let's go and bring up your contestants back on. Make some noise for some from you. Oh, Skakeland, Kelly Ryan. Come on down, take your seats. What a wonderful time. These folks are very fucked up and very funny, and I'm very excited to get into more show.
Starting point is 00:22:46 with you guys. How are you all feeling so far? Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, it was great. I love talking about pedophiles. This is after a great start. Tyler, how's everybody doing you know on the scores so far? Yeah, of course. Seul and Earl are tied with 500 points,
Starting point is 00:23:01 and Kelly with the most fucked up set, 700 points for Kelly. Thank you for letting her go last. You don't follow rape. It's a solid closer. I've been raped. What have you done? Oh, fucking. All right.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Let's go to move on to our next round. This is a round called Entweetment, everybody. We got a few fans of the show who know what's coming up. So if you don't know, this is a round of the show. Everybody here's got social media, and everybody here's probably said some things they regret on social media before. That smile you gave me, you've sent regrettable letters. You've sent Polaroids of your dick to women who were not expecting
Starting point is 00:23:58 And that's like, yep, yep, I can see it, I see it right in the face. We've said some things, and here's the thing. It's okay to say some fucked up stuff on social media in the past. And we, and all of us have done it. It's how it goes, right? In most places, you don't want anyone to find out about it. Not here. Yeah, what we're about to do is we're going to bring up tweets from our contestants.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Years ago. Years ago, decades ago, in some instance. and we have blanked out some of the words in their tweets and we're going to make everybody
Starting point is 00:24:34 guess the words that they said. We're going to make everybody guess what their real fucked up tweet was. Yes, you can't have a Diet Coke.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Now I don't want to put anyone in a weird spot. Of course, we're always going to start with one of mine so you guys could just get an idea
Starting point is 00:24:48 of what this is about. Now my tweets are always fucked up on the show because I'm bad at Twitter and I have historically been bad at Twitter and it's never going to stop.
Starting point is 00:24:55 And you've never seen these. You have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea what this is. Let's see. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Okay. You son of, you're a monster. Comedy since 2009? Fuck. I know. I know. It's also going to have a host with nothing to lose. Yeah, this is no retweets, no likes.
Starting point is 00:25:26 Blank, this is a big fucking blank. Excited about this open mic. I have no idea what this could be. All right. Let's start see some options here. Okay. Saw a drunk couple from a Christmas party hookup. She was decking his halls and jingling his balls.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Excited about this open mic. It is right around Christmas time. Yeah, this was December 23rd, 2009. Tis the season. I feel like you like to do dumb shit like rhyme. Truly, Kelly? I have rhymezone.com bookmarked on my computer. See?
Starting point is 00:26:09 Also, like, where's your family? Like, it's December 23rd. You should be with your loved ones. What are you doing? Why are you at a bar with fucking other dude? That's nice. Because marionette dolls don't have family. Fucking goosebuck dog.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Let's see the second option. Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Rainier is the Native American bartender at my hometown bar. Excited about this open mic. Yeah, that sounds like you, Jay. Okay. Let's see what the last option is.
Starting point is 00:26:48 Gin and tonic is a perfect drink for the holidays because it tastes like a Christmas tree excited about this open mic. Okay, there's one other alcoholic in the room today. I think I actually think I know what this one is. Let's give you all a chance to guess and see which one you think it is. I'm just going to go...
Starting point is 00:27:05 The first one, right? Excited about the silver mic straight up. That's my pick. I don't think you did any of the other stuff. You think I just did a blank and excited about this open by you. Straight to the excited, yeah. Just earnest tweeting in 2009. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:21 19 years old, full of hope. No opinion yet. Yeah. I think it's this one, because I know who you were porking in 2009. She did drink gin and tonics. What is the pedophiles drink? No, it's not... No, that's Diet Coke.
Starting point is 00:27:43 I mean, uh... I think it's the one that I picked with the... You think it's the rhyming one. I think it's the rhyming one, too. I am almost certain it is this one. It is! It's the Christmas tree one. Jetonic is a perfect drink for all this. It's a Christmas tree.
Starting point is 00:28:04 It's a polite 19-year-old J-Tweet. Yes. Drinking illegally in a bar in Dallas, Texas. Hienas, probably. Hienas, yeah. Dallas has learned tonight. Okay, great. Well, let's move on.
Starting point is 00:28:18 We've got a tweet from Sel Trujillo. All right. Let's see what you were tweeted. To be fair to King Kardashian. No likes, no retweets. Between this at October 3rd, 2016, 422 p.m. 22 p.m. before I was doing stand-up. Before you were doing stand-up,
Starting point is 00:28:45 you had a... No, no, no, I'm six years in. My bet I'm high. Six years in. I'm pretty funny at this point, yeah. It's probably gonna be good, I don't know. Two minutes after you hit the blunt, probably, at 4.22 p.m. Yeah, prime time. Do you have any idea with this? No, no.
Starting point is 00:29:01 It'll be something sexual. It's good place to start. Yeah. All right, let's see some options. To be fair to Kim Kardashian, The only way I could break the internet is if I sat on a router. I said I was funny, though. I can probably count that one out.
Starting point is 00:29:24 To be fair to Kim Kardashian, I too thought Ray J would be a bigger deal than the Ramp again. Kelly, you look perplexed. You're staring very hard at this tweet. Well, I'm looking at it grammatically. I believe that you would leave out the comma after I too. You see what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:29:49 I don't think you would have done... Your surprise is not a number, huh? Yeah. To be fair to Kim Kardashian, they probably thought they were robbing a traveling gypsy. Ooh, before a gypsy became bad. Because gypsy has been... I'm gonna keep saying it.
Starting point is 00:30:13 It's become bad. the past like two years maybe it's a recent yeah yeah yeah I think you're supposed to say traveler or some shit like that but that wouldn't make sense robbing a traveling traveler that would be ridiculous I'm not very smart you know that you're not very educated you got the right amount of ls in traveling that's good that is good that is good all right so well if you think you know which one it is don't say quite yet you don't you don't know you have no idea no I don't know take a beat think about it we got Earl and Kelly you're gonna put their guess is in. I already know which one of this. You do?
Starting point is 00:30:48 A hundred percent. Which one? It's the first one. I mean he was four hundred pounds. Of course he would break a router. I'm talking about Kim. Well she was probably 350. Believe me, I've dated women that size. It's all just distributed very well. It's a good... Kelly, what about you? I go with the Ray J one. I think you went through a moment where you liked references, maybe. I like the gypsy one, just because I like that one. I don't know if I did it or not. I like that.
Starting point is 00:31:20 This guy really thinks it's the Ray J one. Yeah. Well, let's see. It is the traveling gypsy one. Yeah, yeah, I know me. I know me. Yeah. There's some points for Sal Trujillo.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Congratulations. All right. Let's go ahead and see our next tweet. We got Earl Skakel. We got one cooked up in the chamber for you. Fitting, giving what you're talking about instead. In honor of the five-year anniversary of the death of hashtag Michael Jackson, Blank.
Starting point is 00:31:51 It checks out so far. This got two retweets and nine likes. I'll be, I'm a hug you, Matt, Ryan. You tweeted it's at 6.11 p.m. June 25th, 2014. So you've been thinking about this all day. I probably just woke up, to be honest. Okay. Do you have any idea what this could be? I mean, probably making fun of him being a pedophile.
Starting point is 00:32:21 I would imagine. Say it's a safe thing. Really? Stevie Wonder could see what was going on at the Neverland. Well, let's go ahead and roll some options here. In honor of the five-year anniversary of the death of hashtag Michael Jackson, all flags at Jim Burries will be flown at that was fucking solid. Props to whoever did.
Starting point is 00:32:50 That's good. That's the tweet. Because he's a petophile. In honor of the five-year anniversary of the death of hashtag Michael Jackson, Bubbles the chimpanzee is going to touch a few kids himself. But I don't think that's you. No, I don't think that's you either. It's too deep.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah, Bubbles wouldn't... Don't blame Bubbles in this. It wasn't his fault. At most, he watched. He didn't know what he was going to be. At most, Bubbles doesn't accomplish, not an active participant. From behind a cage, he's not a monster. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:29 He would have helped the kids out, is what you're saying. He did enough. He drew them in. Every kid wants to play with a monkey. He was the fucking mole. Who needs candy when you have a pet monkey? You can bring in. Fuck, your logic is solid there.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Who would want to pet a monkey when you're seven years old in your underwear? Honestly, seven years old and a monkey's in front of me? I'm getting molested that day. Yeah. His fault? Our final option. In honor of the five-year anniversary of the death of hashtag Michael Jackson,
Starting point is 00:34:08 his glove will be retired at the pedophile hall of hand. I think it's two on the nose. I think it's two on the nose. I think the first Jimbury, that's another good reference. A good reference. But this is two, pedophile hall of faith. I feel like you would have been more creative. I mean, I know which one of those.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Okay. Well, we have an official chance to guess from Sewell and Kelly. I'm going the Jimbury one too. Jimbury. Jimbury. It is Jimbury. It is Jimbury. It is Jimray.
Starting point is 00:34:39 That's a great joke. That's why I go on in midnight. I will say the one comment on this was somebody saying this is the best Michael Jackson joke they'd seen all day. So, props to her all. I think it was Barry Soll. That's a deep cut. That's for the comments. That's the real fucking cheap guy.
Starting point is 00:34:59 He was... Never mind. Barry Sobel tried to pray on me when I was a child. Yeah, Jeremiah, Biddlecombe. Yeah. He was an animal. Yeah, but you guys could fight a mob, so it's fine.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Yeah, that's fair. We were in our 20s. We weren't in our... Anyway. All right, we made the crowd perfectly uncomfortable. Let's move on to our final tweet from Kelly Ryan. I thought I deleted my Twitter.
Starting point is 00:35:23 So this is an alarming game. And I really do not know what you're... about the pull up. What hell you're able to pull it up? If they can find it I'm going, yeah, I'm fucked, dude. Jay's good with a keyboard.
Starting point is 00:35:38 I get, I got it up, yeah. I'm going to have it on my way around the dark web, Kelly. You did tweet, you did delete your Twitter. There is a website called Internet and Archive that archives a bunch of people's websites. What? Not that you know, go take care of business. Burn the files, stupid.
Starting point is 00:36:00 What am I supposed to fucking do? On the dark web. That's very simple. I think you are. He's in the real dark web. So we found there's only one page of yours of your Twitter that was archived.
Starting point is 00:36:14 It was pretty recent. It was 2022. And I don't even remember that. But we found it on a German archive of your Twitter from the 8th of January, 22. Two days after January 6th.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Good remembrance there. The most terrific thing I've seen is an entire frat house blank. I know what this is. It's why you delete your Twitter. It's got four likes, one comment. You know exactly what this one is. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:36:48 I'm very excited because we'll get to see if Sewell and Earl can figure this one out. Let's see some options. The most terrific thing I've seen is an entire frat house stripping to a pony. Tragic Mike. The most terrific thing I've seen
Starting point is 00:37:03 is an entire frat house belting wagon wheel Trump The most terrific thing I've seen is an entire frat house at a laundromat washing their comes on. Heavy load. I know the answer.
Starting point is 00:37:25 So, all the world, which ones do you think it is? It's the second one, but the third one's so good. It's the second one. I disagree. The first two are. way too cute for this brain. The third one reeks of her writing. Cum socks, heavy load.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Yeah, but I went to T to T.C.T.U. and the fact that you thought that I would have to go to a laundromat is triggering. I still stay on my choice. She doesn't, she stays away because of the cum socks. Yeah, the heavy load is a censure for me. I feel like a heavy load's always a
Starting point is 00:38:06 introferral. I just even walking into a fret house, seeing guys, seeing wagon wheel, her rolling her eyes so fucking hard. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the one? That is the one. Oh, fuck. That is the one. That is the one. That is the one. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, I,
Starting point is 00:38:22 the cone stocks is too, I'm not graphic like that. Hold on. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait a minute, Rakes Magoo. But I didn't tell you what he... All right, never mind. I'm sorry. I didn't say a rest of it. Please don't tell me. I don't want me. You didn't tell you.
Starting point is 00:38:38 I was told anyway. Well, that's a tweet, everybody. How we're doing on the scores? All right. Earls in third place with 1,100 points. And Sewell and Kelly are tied with 1,200 points. Very close game, too. That's good.
Starting point is 00:39:06 That is tight. All right, folks, we're on to our next game. This is a game really for all the Hollywood people out here. You may have read a book. If you went to film school, you want to be a screenwriter, you may have read a book called Save the Cat. Yeah, one of the person poorly using their degree in the audience tonight. Now this is a book about how to write movies, and we don't want to write good movies.
Starting point is 00:39:30 We want to fuck up movies, which is why this is a game called Shave the Cat. You're lucky it's a white cat. All right, Earl's tied the game right there. I'm in. Racism finally paying out more. It's just being taped, is it? So, uh... We're going to ask these comedians to ruin beloved movie franchises.
Starting point is 00:40:12 They're all going to have 15 seconds to pitch how they would fuck up a beloved movie franchise. Because it's December, it's because it's close to the holidays. It's holiday movie season, so we're going to have Christmas movies where the goal is for these comics to ruin Christmas. By ruining this movie. you're ready to fuck up some Christmases. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go ahead and start things off.
Starting point is 00:40:35 Your first movie that you're going to be ruining is Elf. A sequel to Elf. How You Would Fuck Up Elf. Let's start off with Saul Trujillo. Your 15 seconds are on the clock. Starting now. If he honestly, if he makes his son sit on his lap the same exact way, he's sitting on that man's lap right there.
Starting point is 00:40:54 I know that was a bum. I'm sorry. first. This is a pressure. This is my favorite movie and I like Christmas. Just I want to? I don't know if all the snow is come, I guess. Then you'd be all slippery all over the place.
Starting point is 00:41:12 It's after the buzzer, but I will allow that. If all the snow has come, that's an all-time-aliner- That would ruin out for me. That would definitely ruin out. All right, Earl, you got 15 seconds to ruin out. On the clock, starting now. He's a pedophile. That's the perfect game.
Starting point is 00:41:29 It's the perfect gig to have a bunch of little elves around. Slave labor and you can fuck him after. On the bad guy. And that's time. We're on for this show. All right, Kelly, you got 15 seconds to fuck up elf, starting now. Okay, so in the sequel, I don't know if you guys remember this, but the kid's name is Michael, okay?
Starting point is 00:41:54 And Michael is going to end up being super jealous of Buddy the Elf's relationship with his father, James Kahn, R-I-P. Okay? So he's going to end up super jealous, and then he's going to start doing fentanyl, like a lot of it. It's kind. I should have just said, come, you should have just fentanyl. It took us a long time to get there. All the snow is fentanyl also would have been except. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:22 That's good. That's where I overhanded as a country. Oh, right. Let's go ahead and move on to our next shave the cat. Earl, you're going to be starting this one off. Whoa, Earl. The moon branch. I think we know we're on.
Starting point is 00:42:34 going. The movie, The movie, Franch, you're going to fuck up, is How the Grinch Stole Christmas. How Do You Fuck Up the sequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 15 seconds, on the clock, starting now. The Grinch was mad because he was a pedophile
Starting point is 00:42:48 too. And that's why he looks like that, because he moves into a senior citizen's home, so there's nothing for him to do. Yeah, because they're all old. That's time. That does track with Cindy Lou Who. He's really obsessed.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Yeah, I mean, look at him. Looks like he does roast bouts. Oh, that was two. He looks like you're, like, going through his computer. He's like, don't click on that folder. He's tagging my bits now. He got the tech guy. He's got to tagging this.
Starting point is 00:43:27 I'm a lot. I'm a little match a roast battle. Kelly, are you ready to fuck up the Grinch? Sure. You got 50 seconds starting now. Okay, so Cindy Lou Who, again, falls into the trap where she ends up getting wrapped in a wrapping paper, and she gets sent off to Thailand, and boom, human trafficking ring. A lot more about the Grinch than I do. I don't remember that wrapping thing at all. Really?
Starting point is 00:44:00 Yeah. No, no, no, yeah. She, she, she, she, she, uh, and he's like, what are you doing? And she's like, oh. Stop after the part where she gets wrapped so we can imagine she gets human trafficking. We'll do that, we'll think of that together. So, you have 15 seconds to fuck up how they're going to. St. Christmas starting now. Like the cop who shoots the Grinch and there's like a George Floyd situation and
Starting point is 00:44:43 there's like a bunch of who protests and they burn the tree down you know. Say his name is the Grinch. Lives Matter everybody. Oh man, I think that was pretty good. We forgot to say so Seoul seems like won that round. Who did you, who won the first one, Tyler? I gave it her all. I gave her all. You got me on the pedophile stuff. Great.
Starting point is 00:45:22 So you guys want pedophiles and black people? Who got you? Stay your lady. You know which one's yours. I'm not going to say it again. They shut down when I say it. Well, we just got our own ways. Mine's racist. His is pedophile and yours is rape, right? I don't... We got our... We picked our swords. I don't support pedophilia for the record. You talk about it a lot. fascinated by the subject.
Starting point is 00:45:56 This big is never. We have one more movie that we're gonna be fucking up for Shaving Kett today. I can't wait to see it, Jay. What? I can't wait to see the next movie. Kelly, you're gonna start this one off. And I have to go rape. Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:27 I mean, you don't have to. Oh my God. Did that slide, Tyler? And one more time, but that horrible... Oh, no! Here's the thing, it'll work for all of us. Yeah. Steve to our point is, go to your point.
Starting point is 00:46:49 I've already got my story. I've already got my. Yep. All right. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Put 15 seconds on the clock for Kelly, starting now. So I think...
Starting point is 00:47:01 Actually, you switch real, I think McCauley Coulkin raped those. Sort of a three's company situation? Yeah. That's time. He's gonna make him the wet bandits in more ways than one. Oh, right. Oh, right. All right.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Seul, you have 15 seconds to fuck up home? Let me you know where I'm going with this. Come on. Starting now. This is Home alone, but it's me, and I'm Mexican, and my parents are in Reno, okay? And they know I'm home by myself. It just got sad, huh?
Starting point is 00:47:48 So ethnic home alone, but it's fine. It's fine. Instead of an iron swinging towards the door, it's a tortilla press. Yeah. Master chef riding right there. Exactly. Joke's he knows.
Starting point is 00:48:09 That joke is brought to by Gordon Ramsey. All right. Earl, I think we all know where you're going to go with this one. Not necessarily. Let's find out. You got 15 seconds on the clock to fuck up home alone starting now. So Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci get fired from being cooks at the Neverland Ranch. They're on a bus and they see this kid, so they take them home and fuck him for two hours. Why two hours?
Starting point is 00:48:39 It's a Disney movie. They're like a buck 20 at most. Yeah. But they're older guys, so it takes them a while. It's not as easy as it used to. Not that affects me, but... Uh, that's so... I want me to ruin it. I think he ruined it, everybody. Yeah, that's fucking up home alone and that's shaved the cat, everybody.
Starting point is 00:49:10 That's a new strip with this down. Yeah. Hollywood execs come at us. We are ready. us, we are ready. I don't think we have to worry about that. We're gonna have a lot of method actors. Getting into the audition? To be fair, if you sign up, if you sign your kid to audition in the Home Alone movie where Kevin gets raped for two hours, then that's on you.
Starting point is 00:49:45 There will be parents that do that. Yeah, there will be some stage moms are like, come on out, baby. I think one of them. If I had a kid, I'd be to shut up and get on fours. I'm getting sad. You're only tapped heartlets. It's for the actors. All right.
Starting point is 00:50:02 Tyler, let's get this abomination off the screen. Yeah. How's everybody doing on the scores? Who won that last one, by the way? Yeah, I don't know. That was a lot. I'm just gonna give you the total score, Jay. Soles in third place, four different points,
Starting point is 00:50:16 and Earl and Kelly are tied with 1,600 points. It's close, it's close, it's still anyone's game. I don't know if I want to win. There are no winners from my win. That's a great tell. Let's do that for marketing. Wrong. There are no winners here. Next time. Our next game, our final full game of the show, is a game called The Discomfort Zone, everybody. Yes. We've actually played a lot of fucked up ground tonight.
Starting point is 00:50:53 We've seen some fucked up material from these comics. We've fucked up some movies. We've found some fucked up tweets. And now our minions here in the show, we've done a lot of deep stuff. to have research on all of these comedians. And we had pinpointed a moment that is an uncomfortable moment for everybody. And we want to ask them a question, see how funny they can be as they wriggle their way out of this uncomfortable question. Okay. Earl, you seem a little nervous.
Starting point is 00:51:20 I've never done anything illegal comment. So, you're going to be going first, so you're ready. Let's go. All right. Let's rock and roll. So we went on your Facebook. We found this great picture. So was a graduate of the Cordon Blue Culinary Arts Academy.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Hold on, the trade school one, all right? Not like the real one, all right? It's the trade school one. I love this picture of you and your crewmates. This looks like Food Tang Clan. This is very good. My multi-racial gang that we got going on here with the Filipino and the white guy in the back. I like that. Why's the white guy in the back?
Starting point is 00:51:57 That's what they belong. It's 2023. It's me and Black Trans Lives, all right, motherfucker. It's us now. On it, turn. We also have some other stuff on your Facebook page, including your very first open mic performance. This is a shout out to Denise Crutchfield with this one. This is very good. It's Dennis. It's just spelled P.
Starting point is 00:52:26 We have another whole story. We're not gonna put you through the whole thing, but we do have it. Oh wow, there's actually set up there? There is a whole video. Oof! Yeah, don't do that. We have a little bit of it. It's a joke about being fat, and we're gonna roll the clip right now.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Get next. This was Saul Trejillo. Now where is this? Is this a Lapt and Limited in Sacramento, California? Oh, look at me and all of my beauty. Oh, 420 pounds. really stupid about it just like, well, you know, maybe you should smoke crap. Oh, we're not friends anymore.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Oh, I just want to say they were raping. I know it's not really last, but if I'm not going to be at home, and you know, bad people are reading when crack fucking one head, if I actually didn't watch my car like, like, is back to 1350 soon. Oh, that was uncomfortable. You mean to tell me your voice has gotten lower? Yeah, you lose weight.
Starting point is 00:53:35 I thought I gotta lose 100 more pounds to have a normal man's voice. We have a... Obviously, you joke about smoking crack and how it's not a good weight loss, but you've lost some weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you haven't smoked crack,
Starting point is 00:53:48 but it's been 13 years since this open mic said. And our question for you is what would you do if you were addicted to crap right now? Not here. I'd be on fucking skinned roll smoking crap. But when I dedicate myself to something, I moved to LA, I lived in my car. So if it's a dream or a passion, like it's crack, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:54:09 I would be smoking crack. And I'll be at least 120 pounds. My father was 120 pounds. I'd be smoking crack right now all day. I'd be collecting copper, sucking dicks. All right, I'd be what I got to do. Getting raped, fucking being a pedophile, whatever you got to do to attain crack. That's what it's a crack head.
Starting point is 00:54:28 You know what I mean? That's pretty good. Yeah. Spent 13 years being a crackhead. That's a fucking solid answer right there. None of this I-Carly bathtub full of gravy bullshit. Oh, thanks for reminding me about that. I need to hit a crack after that. I knew you used to like references.
Starting point is 00:54:47 It's because you also used to like references. So much of you, everybody. That was so much of you. Probably the most legitimately uncomfortable thing is somebody's old, old ass stand of video. I hate you. I hate you. Both you are evil, evil men. Earl.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Yes. Are you ready? I mean, that's all over, ready. Okay. We talked about this already. Earl is a member of the Kennedy family. Okay? You might not know how.
Starting point is 00:55:23 So we have the Kennedy family tree. We wanted to make sure we knew. Oh, you got a Game of Thrones tree. Yeah. Now, Earl is not part of the main Kennedy lineage. He married it, but the main Kennedy lineage, of course, it's got such notable. You got Arnold Schwarzenegger's in there now. Chris Bratt's in there now.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Of course, we got the Big Dogs. We got JFK. We got Bobby Kennedy. We got Ted Kennedy. They also, of course, notably have the Kennedy curse. Yes. A lot of people. We got people who died in a plane crash.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Got assassinated. Got assassinated. What? What? Those graphics are in... That's an insane thing to do. Yeah, out of context, it looks like you killed these people. Are you successful, like, ha ha, got another one.
Starting point is 00:56:12 I want to make the 12-year-old the dead one. Just kidding. We did put up for Rosemary's lobotomy. She didn't die from that, but it's just a fun fact about the kind of thing. The Lomatomize one of their children... I thought that was a hammer. She got murdered with a hammer? It's a hammer, and then they put it right through her eye to lobotomizer.
Starting point is 00:56:29 a lobotomizer so she couldn't pipe up. Technology wasn't good back then. Earl, where are you? I'm right after the rapist who's off the chart. Yeah, we have the next page. So Ted Kennedy is, he's somebody who was accused of murder. That's what the knife here is for. He may or may not have allegedly killed somebody in a car accident.
Starting point is 00:56:52 No, no, you got it wrong, dude. He was driving, he was drunk, the girl touches his pee-pee. Pee-P, they drove off the bridge, and he got out of the car. He tried to get her safety belt. I mean... This is the coming from the family reunion gossip. Yeah, this is... The Kennedy liar. What is he supposed to do? Drow to? This is the most media train you've found out of all night, by the way.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Never seen. So, Earl's side of the Kennedy family is right over here. The Skakel side of the family. So Earl's aunt was married to Bobby Kennedy. His dad, John, and Rushton, they're brothers of Ethel, and of course we have Earl, we also have Michael Skakel, who did not escape the Kennedy Curse. He, too, was convicted of murdering somebody. Allegedly. He did have a great alibi, though.
Starting point is 00:57:51 What was it? Well, there was rumors that they found his DNA on the girl's body, and he said, hey, I was just jacking off in the tree above her. So people ask me, was he really jacking off in the tree? like I was in the next branch over. Hey Michael, the cops are coming. We're at a high tail. He's out. He's not convicted. He is out. He was just released very recently.
Starting point is 00:58:22 And of course, he got away with it because he's a Kennedy. No, he's a scapele. There's a big difference. But you are still in the Kennedy lineage. You still have access to the Kennedy lawyers. You still got your ways out. If you need to get out, you got the option to pull the trigger just like, just like Michael did. 100%.
Starting point is 00:58:39 So for your question, Earl. Oops, you accidentally killed someone. Walk us through the rest of your night. Let's start off. Just to get you set the scene a little bit. Who is it? No percent. And how did it happen?
Starting point is 00:59:02 Who's your first call? The first call would be too. my ex-girlfriend who we share a dog with and hey take care of Lois I might be gone for a minute Lois Lane and I'm Superman I get it like you fuck your dog she's got six kids and she's hot and then I call a Skakele lawyer I would not call a Kennedy lawyer if I call a Skakel lawyer and I'll be playing golf the next day with a Night iron. That's an insult. One other question is
Starting point is 00:59:43 how did you accidentally get out of it? Well, how did I kill your ass? Well, I took him to a denise and he ate the whole menu. He died of a heart attacks. It's a believable story.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Food poisoning. But he died because he ate so much fucking food. So no one I knew it was food poison. Oh, you got no Friuss fans on this? Maybe a lot of Fins in the ice tonight. I think they were obviously to say like kids, fuck them to death. I mean, you know, I'm open to that.
Starting point is 01:00:18 There's certainly enough young people these days where that checks out. On the bag of here, you got more grooming going here on Tuesday nights and that are super cuts. Assholes. Earl Skakel, everybody. Make some noise for we all skatele. Kelly Ryan. Yeah. Are you ready for this? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:48 I've known you for a long time. I've known you only as a stand-up. What we found doing our research is that you also used to be on an improv team. No. It was while you're at TCU, senseless acts of comedy was the name of your improv team. Do you have to kill me? Oh, this is my first dog. This is a poster of you for the show.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Oh, no, what's worse, the impover? Oh, skinny. Whoops. Oh, God! What I would do to go back. We're going to take a little stroll down on every lane here. We got some great pictures of you doing improv
Starting point is 01:01:35 and improv photos. Yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't believe how often the TCU kids called me Dike. We found a whole sketch. We're not going to show. We found a whole sketch
Starting point is 01:01:50 that it's called How to Teaching Kelly How to be a Girl. You know, I would just like to say you're not going to play a piece of it? That, you know, when you're young, sometimes you join an improv team. And sometimes that improv team makes you do sketches.
Starting point is 01:02:13 And sometimes they're not taken off of YouTube. And this is my suicide though. Little Red Boys! This was really part of your identity for very long, so much so that you used. You wore the purple tie and you actually were known as the Purple Tie. Kelly Ryan, the Purple Tie. This is just...
Starting point is 01:02:40 I mean... The virgin you believe me. This is just despicable. Now, what we have done, I'm going to set this up for you just a little bit. Yeah. For your question, we are going to ask you to tap back into your old improv skills. So, what's the bar? No, you should be documenting this.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Absolutely documented, gentlemen. What happened? I didn't make fun of you when you were fucking talking up there like, you should up here? Come on, I'm gonna make funny you? You showed up. Kids, calm now. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Kelly, we're gonna ask you to tap back into those improv skills, and we do have a special guest here to help you out. It is the Purple Tie. What? Woo! Oh, shit. What are you talking about? We have a purple tie ready for you to come back
Starting point is 01:03:28 and to all your Improv. Get ready for that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna delete this. I didn't know I'm not. I deleted it right now. I deleted it. I didn't know they're gonna do this. Yeah?
Starting point is 01:03:53 Yeah, nobody knew, huh? What do you do? As a star improviser, that has a choice for you. Okay. Seems like everyone else just got a fucking question. See like no one else had to fucking dress up. Kelly. Yeah?
Starting point is 01:04:19 Would you rather? I just hit my teeth at the mic. Would you rather improvise the manifesto of someone who shoots up UCB. That is the Upright Citizens Brigade, a star improv theater here in Los Angeles. They're doing some dumb Harold Knight shit down at Franklin Avenue right now. Or improvise a speech calling for genocide of sketch and stand-up comedians in Los Angeles. That's right, we are asking you to be, would you rather, between improv mass shooter or improv hip-hipper? Ooh.
Starting point is 01:04:55 Shooter. These aren't, I'm about shooter, yeah. All right, take the stage. Kelly Ryan's man of question is really not. You know, you make, you know what? I don't think you respect women. Alright, so I'm just, I'm just talking. Let it right.
Starting point is 01:05:15 UCB should be shot up? Yes. Okay. Here is the deal. Before I shoot up this place, I need you all to know that if you are over the age of 22, years old and you still do improv comedy, this early death is a long time coming. You should have done this yourself.
Starting point is 01:05:49 To clean up the scene and take care of it on the... I would just, yes and, and turn around. This building, which is something no one should ever do. What a treat. I have my own tool. Absolutely incredible. What a wonderful... Folks, this is the chance we've had some great comedy.
Starting point is 01:06:50 We've had some great fucked up things. And now it's time for Tyler to tabulate the final scores, but before we do, we need to get your input. So if you would like to vote, we're going to vote by a plazometer. He's going to factor the vote to the final scores. Who you think was the most funny and fucked up tonight? Let's go ahead and make it loud. If you think that Sewell Trujillo was the most funny and fucked up tonight. If you think that Earl Skakel was the funniest and most fucked up tonight.
Starting point is 01:07:28 And if you think that Kelly Ryan, that's a fight out of your shit. If you need a minute to tabulate the scores, you think you got it. No, I do not, Jay. Tell us our final scores. Oh, do you really care? Okay. Yes. We got to give out these prizes.
Starting point is 01:07:50 All right. In third place, yeah, they were tied, but I'm going to choose Earl. Third place, 2,100 points. And Sewell, the second place was also 2,100 points. Did you give away some prizes? All these prizes were found on the street of Los Angeles. Street prizes! In third place, Earl, you've won Two Fat to Fish by Artie Lang.
Starting point is 01:08:18 There's some water damage on that book. I'm sorry to... It's third place. In second place, you won... I'm Drewo Black Christmas by Louis Black. Actually, a pretty good little prize. This is a good. Be honest, I have a good prize in these comedians. Yeah, let's switch.
Starting point is 01:08:33 And eight, first prize for winning. Cutron, he won the Margre Brothers Scrapbook. I paid 50 cents for it. It's actually pretty cool. Okay? Alliance prizes to give out also. You submitted why you had a fucked up week, and we're gonna give you some prizes for three people who had the most fucked up week.
Starting point is 01:08:53 So starting off third place. Oh yeah, also you get to be... Kelly, anytime you ever get canceled, you get out of cancellation free card. Congratulations. You're safe. Third place. We have Cliff, who was sick at the Shining Hotel. Cliff!
Starting point is 01:09:08 Right there. Tell us what he won. Cliff, you won this book. Who in what? an alligator versus python. Nobody knows, but you'll find out. You'll know the truth. Second place. Dan, Dan, where are you at, Dan? Dan! Did you not win the powerball?
Starting point is 01:09:30 Dan. This Dan. That Dan did win the powerball. That Dan had it fucked up week. Tyler, tell him what he won. Dan, you didn't not win the power ball, but you did win this Star Wars R2D2 thing I found somewhere. It's actually probably pretty cool. I think you have to build it though, so that's a little project for you. In our most fucked up week was from Ethan. Ethan where you went? Oh shit! Right in here in the front! Ethan's boss hit his bait. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. With that permission?
Starting point is 01:09:59 No, she asked. It's pretty fucked up. You won this painting. I found it in a trash can by All Seasons Brewery. I was like, not on my watch. You're going to my car. Alright folks, we are going to close things down. We're going to send you a home. now, we're gonna send you home on the end credits. Obviously, we've seen a lot of fucked up things tonight, but we don't want you to go home with a bad taste in your mouth.
Starting point is 01:10:27 So we're gonna cleanse everybody's palates. We've asked our comedians to close things out with their most wholesome joke. Could be clean, could be nice, it's gonna be short and sweet. Let's start things out with Zohu Juhio. Make it loud for Sao Trujurhiyo. I was raised by generally a strong family, but I don't like people with phobias.
Starting point is 01:10:47 People with phobia, like people were transphobic. This was pretty personal, but somebody was like arachnophobic. That was specific, because they never, told me, like that person never told me at normal. They're like, yeah, I'm really scared of spiders, terrified of spiders. But scorpions are pretty cool. What the fuck did you just say to me? Because all the scorpion really is is a spider with a knife, okay? That's your phobia plus a weapon. So true, you know, everybody. So in 1994, I lived in a 21-story building on the 19th floor, and Fay-ray from King Kong was my neighbor.
Starting point is 01:11:25 original girl from King Kong. So big earthquake hits and the building was on rollers and it's going back and forth like that. I knocked on Fay's door and she's crying it's 4 in the morning. She said, girl, I don't want to die, I don't want to have done it. This is my shot to see if I'm good at stand-up. I'm like, Faye, don't worry about it, but I think he's coming back for you. Girl Skakel, everybody. And it's on Green Winner of this show.
Starting point is 01:11:50 Palet cleansing us, it's Kelly Ryan. Guinea pigs. To me, they are all rats that are dressed in. rats that are dressed up as president town. We're on a fucked up game show. We got into the show. We got into your service. Take care of her and her way out.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Come to see us next time. Thank you so much. Have the holidays. Have a great night. Bye.

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