WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - #18 – J. HARD-R TOLKIEN (ft. Ken Garr, Lyssa Laird, Sohrab Forouzesh)

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

Recorded live at The Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, 5/11/24.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Ken Garr, Lyssa Laird, Sohrab ForouzeshSUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE! We’ve got full video of battles there!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Upcoming Shows:LA: 9/7 @ The Comedy Store, 11:45 PMSAN DIEGO: 9/21 @ Mic Drop, 10 PMcover photo by Van Corona Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, folks. Welcome back to the long overdue return of Wrong, a Dark Comedy Game Show podcast edition. I'm your host Jay Light, and we've been slacken, which means we got a lot of episodes in the archives, so we will be releasing weekly for the next little bit here. Our first episode out of the archives we are dropping is from our show in Chicago back in May. This one features Ken Gar, Lisa Laird, and So Rob Faroozesh. It was such a fun show. We recorded it at the Lincoln Lodge. We will be very excited to go back there when we can. As far as upcoming shows go, you can catch us monthly at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles. We are debuting a new time slot starting on September 7th. We'll be the first Saturday of the month at 11.45 p.m. So we're a late night slot.

Our first show is the 7th. So if you're in L.A., come check this out. We will also be at Mike Drop Comedy Club. in San Diego on September 21st. Tickets for that show and the comedy store are available in the show notes. And also, in the meantime, we have moved our podcast provider over to Substack. So if you like the show, please go ahead and consider donating there. You can subscribe to us to officially support the show. Give us a little bit of extra cash in our pockets. Help us make the show better, get better equipment, pay all of our comedians, and keep you.

this thing running. Also, follow our YouTube. If you want to see full episodes, we've got a bunch of episodes on YouTube. You can see them all live and in action. The link for the playlist is in the show notes as well. You know, we've got some visual jokes on these shows, so it might help you to see what's going on besides just hearing the hilarity. But anyway, without further ado, let's get wrong. Lincoln Lodge is a windy city of Chicago, Illinois. It's from a Clubtoe Game Show! This is so exciting.

Our first time in Chicago, Lincoln Lodge, you guys are wonderful. I'm very happy to have a crowd of here tonight. Makes for yourselves one more time. This is great. Who likes game shows? You guys all like game shows? Yes. What's your favorite game show? Probably at the original prices, right?

Oh, they were Bob Barker style. Yeah. Nice, there you go. Back when he was age appropriately having sex. with the Barker Beauty, so it's good. It's the right time for it. We like a game show. I love game shows. And most game shows, you want your contestants to be right.

Not here. We want our contestants to be... There you go. One more time. We want our contestants to be... Rob! Yeah, there we go. This is great. You guys are a great audience. You're going to be in a great mood for these games. We got some games.

We have some of the best comics in the city ready to get fucked up tonight. Alright, you're going to hear some dark jokes. Yes. You're going to hear some dirty jokes. We're going to get to some weird things that we have found from their past that are probably a little bit fucked up, and I am worried. I'm worried. Okay, that's what I'm here for.

And we got our guy in the back. Makes noise for Tyler Mezzanerich. My announcer, Shoeh deeper. Tyler, it's his first time in Chicago. Tyler, how are you feeling? It's pretty good. I saw that big building you guys all like. Was it the Willis Tower?

Pretty cool. We got one person in front. It is the Sears Tower. No, I'm pretty sure it's a Willis Tower. I'm going to sit there on front. Tyler's here to troll. Tyler's here to make sure that you think fucked up time. Tyler, if you want me to, if you want to go beat Tyler up,

this guy could beat you up, Tyler. I'm looking at him. He's got, you've got skills. All right, you don't want to fuck with this guy. All right, me and you fight. Whoever wins has to pay for the pizza casserole after. It's all right. Done, pizza.

I will turn Tyler's location tracking on so you guys can find him tomorrow. We will be here. By the end of tonight, by the end of this game, we will crown the most fucked up comedian in Chicago. Yeah, pretty cool, right? Pretty great. But speaking of fucked up weeks, it's time to play our first game,

which is a game we play with you guys. You guys here in the audience have submitted. You've told us the kind things that have told us why you had a fucked up week. And we have one person who we're going to give a prize to right now. You guys somebody ready to get a prize? Make some noise. We're ready to get a prize.

Okay. Our worst week winner. In five words or less, this person had a fucked up week. Stephen, Stephen, where are you at, Stephen? Stephen right here. Stephen should have pulled out, frowny face. Stephen, I'm so sorry. Happy Mother's Day, by the way.

Happy Mother's Day. Yeah, how old is this mistake child that you have coming up here? Doesn't know, that's a great sign. Three. All right. Nice work, Stephen. I like your drinking the liquid death. That's good.

That's good. Father, move. Smart. No, I've just hung over. Oh, I see. Well, you know, maybe our prize will help you be less hung over. Tyler, tell Stephen what he won. Stephen, you won this book.

It's Dr. Susan Love's Breast's Book. Tyler, tell everybody a little bit about this book. Yeah, it's called the Bible for People with Breasts on the Bad. The Most Prominent Authority on Women's Health. They're for you, Stephen. I should mention, Jay, all prizes were found at your fiancé's grandmother's house. Yes. We did raid her apartment for a bunch of books.

Usually we find stuff out of the trash, but you guys are classy, Chicago. We wanted to go straight to the top of the Hancock building in this old-ass apartment. I feel like we've lost you guys on the Hancock building mentioned. Don't you worry, the books will lose you even further. We got you covered. Let's go ahead and start off. We know what we think is fucked up from the crowd. go ahead and find out what our comedians think is fucked up.

But let's fuck get fucked. Yes, this clap. This is a good time. No, you're doing the right thing. Professional audience. What's your name is? Meredith. Meredith.

Tyler, go ahead and give Meredith some points. Meredith might be on our way to an audience prize a little later in the show. Yeah, I think they're just like, they're so shocked by the fact they won prizes so easily. They're just kind of, they're just coping. They're going to come back. It'll come back.

Let's go ahead and start things off. Your first contestant of the evening. When I told Tyler, first name of this contestant. He said that sounds like the cousin of the guy who hunted hobbits in Middle Earth. Make some noise for Sorab everybody! Soirah! How is everybody? Listen if you're gonna be racist, just be accurate. That's all I want.

Like if you're gonna be racist, just say the right thing. Don't call me a terrorist. That's very lazy. It's very good accurate. I'd be a terrible terrorist. First of all, I'm fat. I don't see any fat terrorism. I'm seeing any fat terrorism. I'm CNN. I don't know why. They live a very healthy lifestyle. These terrorists are always on the move. Eating granola bars. I don't know what it is. Terrorism is just CrossFit. It's a lot of running and jumping. Climbing fucking monkey bars. I've seen the videos. Also, I can't keep a secret. That's a very important part of terrorism. Keeping your goddamn mouth shut. I can't do that. I'm a gossip. You got a couple drinks in me. I'll tell you anything you want to know.

I'm being terrible terrorist. If I was a terrorist, I would have fucked everything up September 8th. I would have ruined the whole... Just drunk at a strip club. Like, yeah, we're here for work. We've got some big plans. Those guys went to a strip club.

That's true. That's the FBI knows about that. That's a real thing. Those terrorists, sons of bitches, who did what they did on September 11th, on September 10th. to a strip club, which is crazy to think about. Because if those strippers would have just danced a little harder.

I think if those strippers knew the stakes and they went out there and they twerk for America, I think it could have been heroes. God damn it. They would save a lot of time and money. Are you guys part of the show to make me feel bad? These jokes. I feel like to put you here to make me feel bad.

Uh, and it's working. Uh, I apologize. They told me if you're being fucked up jokes, I don't have a lot. I don't, I don't know that.

I'm very, you're this big, you gotta be affable. You can't be. I can't be scared people. The career is not gonna work, so I don't have a lot of fucked up stuff. I've done some fucked up.

I gave a horse, this is true, I gave a horse LSD once. I'm not proud of that. This is a real thing. I'm sorry. Let me explain how it down. if you buy really good acid,

if you buy really good LSD, it will come on a sugar cube. Okay, that's important information. When you go out, when you buy a good LSD, it comes on a sugar cube. I had a baggie of sugar cubes. I was eating one.

I made eye contact with a horse, and I could tell the horse was like, hey, let me get one of those. He was hungry. He saw sugar cubes. He was confused how I had sugar cubes. That's his snack, right? So I walked over, I gave it a sugar cube.

I looked up. I noticed it was a police horse. All right? I didn't know it was a police horse at first. I've never seen a horse and been like, oh shit, it's the cops. I'm not worried. So I went and gave him. And then I was like, all right, I've committed a crime.

I got to leave the situation. I exited the situation. And then I started to feel bad. I was like, I should go check. What if this horse killed somebody or started a band? I don't know what horses is too. So I went back, I checked on it. Everything was fine.

And I was like, of course it is. This animal was five. pounds there's no way one sugar cube is gonna work so I gave it two more I was two more uh and that was pretty I don't have that many I make fun of white people sometimes I said something that was a little controversial to show lately I said white people smell like soup I haven't really figured that why I don't know it's not a lot of meat to that joke because I don't know why or how I don't know the why's or how so why you guys smell like soup and it seems bad to investigate I don't know you guys have a lot of crockpots

I don't know. Okay, does anyone in here know about Cedar Point? Yes. Okay. Cedar Point is the greatest amusement park in the world. If you want to ride a roller coaster, you've got to go to Cedar Point, all right? They have the best roller coasters. I am not legally allowed anywhere near Cedar Point.

This is true. I will be arrested immediately. Here's the story. When I was in college, I used to sell mushrooms because I'm Persian. I'm very mercantile. I'm a businessman. One year, me and my fraternity brothers, we got a job at Cedar Point. And I was like, perfect.

I'm going to bring a bunch of mushrooms with me. I'm going to sell them. I'm going to make a lot of money. I show up to Cedar Point. I realize no one wants my drugs. Not only do they not want them, they're going to call the police on me for having them. So I did what any good business fan would do.

I ate all the mushrooms, right? I had about an ounce of mushrooms, which is way too many for one person to eat, and I did what any good sensible American would do. I went to work immediately afterwards. I was like, what's up Cedar Point? What are we doing? Am I grilling hot dogs?

Am I sweeping the floor? They were like, no. you gotta operate one of the rods. This is true. And the ride I got was Millennium Force. That's what I was in charge of. That's the best ride at Cedar Point. It's the tallest, fastest ride.

It's got the longest lines. I was in charge of it. It was two buttons. It was a green button and a red button. That's it. I swear to God, it was a very small panel. You pushed the green button to start the ride. You push the red button to end the ride.

Anybody could do it. It was very idiot-proof. I was nailing it. You couldn't even tell I was hot. I was out of the fact that I was very sweating. That gave it away. But I'm chubby. I would notice that one.

Everything was going smoothly. Eventually, a group of people got on the ride, and I could tell they weren't having very much fun at Cedar Point. You know, when you're on mushrooms, you can read someone's energy. These people were not having fun at Cedar Point. So I did him a favor. When the ride ended, I never hit the red button, or the green button. I just kept hitting, oh, I just fucked that up.

I never hit the red button. I just kept hitting the green button. So they went on the ride a couple times, all right? Four or five times, they went on the ride. On the fifth time, I got fired. They yanked me out of the scene. This is true. They threw me in the back office as a Cedar Point.

I knew I was in trouble. I knew one was going to get yelled at. And you know when you're high, and you're like, fuck it, let's get a little higher. Because you know what I saw on the desk? I saw a little can of keyboard duster. And I love inhalers. I'm a big fan of Wippets. So I did a couple wicks.

Unfortunately, I didn't read the can correctly because it wasn't keyboard duster. It was WD.40. Which does not get you high. It just tastes terrible. And it makes you look like you sucked off the Terminator. It's a terrible situation. There I am. Covering in oil.

sweaty, rummaging through someone's desk at Cedar Point. At that very moment, upper management opens the door, they take one look at the situation, they call the police. All right? Now the Ohio State Police Department are there. They got me in handcuffs. They're like, tell us the truth. Where are the drugs? We know you've got drugs on you. And I did tell them the truth. I was like, officer, I did bring a lot of mushrooms with me to Cedar Point,

but I ate them all. They're gone. And I said this. I go, case closed. Like a lawyer. I said that. I said like Atticus fish covered in oil. And then they banned me for life. All right, you guys are getting, thank you very much. Fucked up. Very fun. I would have been terrified if I was on that roller coaster that day. What a time. Let's go to bring up your next contestant, everybody.

Our next contestant, Tyler also thought this guy's name sounds like if Chicago had its own Pokemon. Make some noise for Ken Gar, everybody! Hi, everybody. I wore a leather jacket today so I could seem edgy. I have to tell dark and dirty jokes. All right, let's go. Here we go. Love in the Spectrum is a show about adults with autism

that are looking for love. And it is the sweetest, most wholesome television show I've ever seen in my life. And my theory is this, is if we all dated like autistic adults, there would be no divorce in the world. Let me explain. This is what an autistic date looks like.

First of all, they show up in their dress to the nines. This guy's wearing a three-piece suit. She's got on a cute sun dress. And he looks there and he goes, you look very beautiful, too know what? And she goes, you're that very handsome. And then he goes, I love dinosaurs. And she goes, are I like dinosaurs?

And he goes, see you later. And he fucking laughed. That was the end of the date. Zero compromise. He's like, you don't like dinosaurs. Fuck you, I'm gone. Dinosaurs are my life, bro. This bitch, just talking about you don't like dinosaurs.

All right, that was good. That was dark. I had dinner, my friend Becky a couple of weeks ago, and she's very quiet during dinner, so finally I was like, why he's so quiet? And she goes, this is embarrassing. She goes, but after dinner, I got to go to Walgreens and I got to buy a Plan B pill.

I was like, oh shit. I go, what happened? She goes, I had a one night stand last night and the condom broke and I just want to make sure that everything's okay. I was like, well, I'm coming with you on this journey. I learned a lot that day about Plan B. Did you guys know that there's two types of Plan B? There's Plan B and there's a generic brand called Option 2. And it's only $10 cheaper.

And she's like, I think I'm going with Option 2. And I was like, Becky, this might be. be a name brand situation. Let's spend the money, sweetheart. You don't want nine months or not a baby coming halfway out being like, you fucked up. I'm like, it talks? What the... That's too edgy. But then I quickly realized I'm not the father of this child.

I'm not having sex with Becky, so I'm an embarrasser. I started a walk about five feet behind it down the aisle going, why can't we keep it? I love you! We got to the cashier, she's like, you want a bag for 10 cents? I'm like, I want my son! She goes, you're not even the father.

I was like, that was too edgy for you guys. Too dark and edgy. I got married not too long ago. Yay, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. This is my second marriage, disclosure. I was buried 10 years ago

for about three years. It didn't work out. The beginning of the end of my marriage was when we went on a couple's diet. Oh, no. Yeah, if you're on a couple's diet, I implore you. Get off that shit. It is a no-in situation. I'm a guy which means I can lose nine pounds in

four days by just not thinking about butter. Meanwhile, it took my ex-wife about six months, so it was about a pound and a half. And all of a sudden, I'm an athlete. He'll lose my passing in her. Trying to be a good husband. started cheating on the couple's diet I'm making I'm eating McDonald's like I got the other day but I'm not an idiot side to hide the McDonald's bag of my neighbor's

garbage can and now he's getting divorced this is where the edgy part comes in if you guys want to lose weight as a couple go home tonight and make a sex tape I'm serious every time you get hungry just turn that bad boy on you won't eat for a fucking week those things are disgusting they're growing I learn things about my body I didn't want to know. Like, is that a dent? What is that? Is that rust? Honey, come look at this mole. It's moving.

My ex-wife and I made a sexist. It looked like Chewbacca was wrestling a body pillow. It's not easy referring to myself as a body pillow. All right. Let's end this with a special Olympics joke. I was in the Special Olympics in 1984. It's a 100% true story. I had a lot of problems with my legs as a child, and so I had to wear leg braces for about three years.

Now, if you guys are familiar at all with the education system in the 1980s, if you had anything wrong with you, you went to a handicap school. I was like, I'll be fine in six months. I'm like, nope, here's your helmet. So I went to the Jane Neal School for the handicap right here in Chicago, I swear to God.

And you walk in, and they got to sign up for the Special Olympics. They have all kinds of events. Obviously, it's the Olympics. I'm not doing it. doing track and field, boop, metal legs. But they had beanbag toss. So beanbag toss is an actual Special Olympic sport. Turns out, I'm a fucking prodigy.

I blew away the competition and the qualifying rounds of the Special Olympics. I make it to the actual Special Olympics. Soldier Field, 1984. They got a little, right in the beginning, I'm fucking, force gumping around the track. And they got cocky. I under-essimated my competition.

Here's why. Neither one of my competitors had use of their arms. One guy had no arms. The other kid had a flipper thing. I look at my dad and go, bet the house we're bringing home the goal. Which leads you to believe there's someone taking bets in the Special Olympics. And ironically, he's called a handicapper. So edgy. So dark. So the Special Olympics starts. I'm going third.

And what I fail to realize and what you good people know is that what God takes a weighed one air of your life, he gives you tenfold in another. Guy with no arms kicks off his shoes and socks, picks at the beanbag with his big toe, flips a 20 feet in the air, right in the fucking hole. Scores 30 points. All right, flip her home boy, doesn't use his feet

because he's got a built-in catapult system at his wrist. He goes, go go get your wrist, flips that mother, right in the hole. I get nervous, my hand starts sweating. I look at my dad, he's got his arms crossed and he's the sensee from the Kopukai Dojo. I go to pick up my first bean bag. I go to throw it and it gets caught in my

forest-up leg brace. Rips open their beans flying everywhere. Long story short, I won a bronze medal in the Special Olympics in 1984. It's a true story. I learned two important lessons that day. One, don't underestimate kids with special needs. There's no one more motivated in this whole world

than someone who's been told 10,000 times that they can't do something. And the second lesson I learned that day is if one day you find yourself standing on the bronze medal podium at the Special Olympics and you're cast in the shadow of a gold medal winner who is currently eating the beans on the bean bag. Become a stand-up comedian. You guys have been lovely.

My name is Ken Gar. Thank you so little. That's the only special Olympian we've ever had to do this show. Very exciting. It's a real get for us. Good news. All right. We've got our final contestant of the evening.

If you like the dirty jokes of your next contestant, make sure you check out her dirtier only fans. Makes noise for Lisa Lynn! No special jokes. That motherfucker is terrible. But let me tell you what, I am in this weight loss thing, and if you know a weight loss journey in 30, she gets really fucking real, okay? Like, so far I'm down 10 pounds, and I'm excited about that shit, okay? I lost them in December, but they still count. And I'm just trying to eat healthier.

So, like, when I do stuff, like, go to Taco Bell, don't do that, because I, I order light bites, you know, like, a, I don't know, like a five-layer bean burrito with just a small Baja blast. Only two of those cinnamon on roll. I think it's just two. And then the bitch at the window always want to get fancy. Did you want to add cheesy fiss to potatoes for a dollar? Like, bitch, yes. So now I have realized that my 35-year-old stomach

is not my 25-year-old stomach because I don't know if I've been to a roller coaster and you know it goes up and goes and then that was my stomach I think and I swear to God, I was like, oh my God, I found out you can no longer drive like this when you got a shit, like, you kind of got a, at the same time, just start rolling up, you know?

So my stomach was doing this lombada, and I was like, I have to shit, so bad. And I was like, maybe I can use a wall ring, right? So I'm going to warrants, I'm like, hey, man, you do the wall, but you don't want them to know you got a shit, but you definitely have to use it. So I was just like, hey, she's like straight to the bag, baby,

I go to the bag, that's a sign, and on the ready. All ready, it's out of order. I'm like, oh, shit. Nobody comes to help me. I'm like, okay, I got to figure it. So I get back in the car, I'm like, come on. Now I'm scared, because you know, when you sit back down, it may happen, you know? So I start praying, I'm like, look, Lord, I'm not going to fuck Darrell no more.

His father just let me make it home, so I get in the car, you know, you just... I wasn't going to make it, I had to get in the alley, okay? So now, I'm, don't judge, because I know what y'all thinking, I'm a lady. I have wipes, so I opened the front and the back, right? Make the makeshift restroom. I'm shitting, y'all. That's coming out like love. I'm talking like, I'm like, where the fuck would I have? whore! And all of a sudden, this car started coming down. And I'm like, holy shit.

It really did scare the shit out of me, quite literally. So it turned off early, I'm like, oh, thank you. So then now I'm finishing up, and all of a sudden this very fucking crackhead comes out of nowhere. Looks over the window until my soul, it was like, you need a little help. So I don't really come around. Lincoln Lodge like that. They know my face in these streets. I don't know what it is about dudes, but dating is getting real fucking difficult, you know? Because I'm not sure who told you all this okay to send dictures.

Yeah, dictatures. They're like 6.30 in the morning on Snapchat. Like, what the fuck, sir? Like, what made you decide? You know what? She should see this dick. I don't know. Y'all don't know if no flowers and no music or nothing to have it.

Like, what the fuck? And I know what you're thinking is not just black dudes. White dills fucking love me. Dudes beat my shit like, holy shit, Lisa. I totally want to moor on those dudes. Dick. I'm like, oh shit, kid, what the fuck?

Indians? Oh, Indians be like, oh my goodness, don't you see your left nipple? Shit. Asians. Mexicans are worse, though. Mexicans be like, Ola, mama.

You want your thyrus, real day. Stick. I'm like, oh shit, Jesus, you too? I think the worst ones is African, maybe. They'd be like so aggressive, too. They'd be like, you're like, you remind me? him my wife.

I'm gonna be number 16. Date is hard, man. I'm talking to one guy and he was like, we was getting busy. And I guess he was like talking to some dude who was pointing out her insecurity these bitches love that we don't. I was getting busy.

He hit me like, front of the back, like cracked me like a walnut going crazy. Like that he was getting busy, right? And I guess this was his dirty talk. He like, come on, yeah, you a big bat bitch. I was like, I'm like, um, really fuck me up because he reached up and grabbed my shoulder. Like, hell yeah, you feel like a wide receiver.

I'm like, he's like the shoulders that running my family next. And he really fucked me up because he reached under grab the bottom of my stomach was like, ooh, I feel like this with the mission of the man. Bitch, get off me. Y'all, I don't believe somebody. My goodness. Folks, that was, let's get fucked up. What a formation noise for all of our contestants.

We're right here on the piece right here on the paint. on the panel. Oh my goodness. Gracious. Tyler, how is everybody doing on the scores? Well, Jay, it was a great first round. Surab and Lisa, 500 points, and four, being a very special Olympian

in his edgy jacket. Ken Gar, 600 points. They're like him special. There are points. I mean, it's a game show. I got to read email. That's what a lot of people who play this game point of saying to us. We got a lot of

game show. By the way, we've been noticing you two this whole time. Great audience members. We love you guys. I love them. Big fans. What is your name? And what is your name? Lisa and Bill. Tyler, go ahead and give them some points. Yeah, I think you should be praising something on Antiques Roadshow.

Do you watch Antiques Road Show? Yes. Oh, man, I watch it. I love that. I was going to chat with you. I love. I love. And Bill definitely looks like, would you be, could you be my neighbor? I think he was a guy from the Empire carpet commercial.

I'll be giving everybody points. Tyler's keeping track of how funny and fucked up the comics are being. That's how we're getting all these points for everybody. So let's go ahead. Are you guys excited to play some more games? I'm so excited. Yes. I got another show I've got to

in my car. Well, we will get you right on through it. Well, I know Ken has another show. Ken, big boy, he's going to go do a motivational speech after this. Let's go and play our next game. This is a game called I Can Save Her or Straight to Jail. Yes.

Yes, Meredith knows. Meredith is our designated flapper. We like it. Are you guys familiar with a website called Mug Shotties? If you don't know Mug Shotties, it's a great Instagram account, a great Facebook page to follow. We can probably get somebody to fax some pages to you guys if you're looking for a little bit.

So basically, all it does is, It takes hot people's mugshots and post them. And it's a great place to read the comment section. Like throughout history? Have you seen Stalin's munch shot? No, I've not seen stuff. You look at me. Do we have any Salem witch trial mugshot?

You might have been etching from around then. But we actually, instead of doing mug shies the way we usually will find stuff and you ask if you will save her or send them straight to jail. We actually found out Chicago has a lot of really great public mum. Mugshots already. We found this one very, this was from Valentine's Day of this year. Chicago Criminal Goes Viral for Disturbing Mugshot, received 16 million views, nearly 150,000 likes.

Here's the Mug Shot. Oh, wow. Yeah. Whatever they say that niggins did, he did. I was going to say the same thing. Not that word, I can't say that thing. We don't actually know what this guy did so we couldn't play the game because part of the game is we'll show you the crime that this person did and they're gonna have to defend or prosecute. He looks like he stole Christas.

He looks like black riddlemy and this like... It's a black redler. The blin-riddler. The redler, the redler, the redler. I think some people on the internet think he's more of a like, steal kids from the sewers kind of vibe or the vibe. You ever see a picture and you're like, that's not good for racism. That's bad for racism.

He is like the picture of what white people like, see? That's not great. So you gotta lock your car doors after dark. In the morning, what do you mean? But we have some head shots, and what we're gonna ask y'all to do, comedians, medcha, munchshah, and the head shot.

You win the shot, Barry. fucking LA. I'm gonna show you some mug shots. You're gonna have to tell us whether you think you can save them or you would send them straight to jail. No, no one can save him. He's going straight to jail. No pass, no.

You say based on looks alone, they're gonna tell you what they did. Yes, he's going to jail. Oh, sorry. My bad. I just wanted you to know we not saving him. We are not, no worry, we're not gonna save this guy. We didn't even know what he did. We don't.

We don't need to. And we don't want to find out. But we will show you what they did. You're gonna have to defend them or prosecute them. them like you're their lawyer. Okay. Okay. A real quick argument here.

So let's go ahead and pull up our first mug shoddy. All right. This is our first Chicago mug shoddy right here. That's a very Chicago mug shot. Yeah. That's my sister. That is a man. She's got a tattoo right here that says

your pain is mine now in old English fun. This is my favorite part of that at that mugshot. Oh, I thought that was like a timestamp or something. I thought it was like a from the website. Oh. From the website. I thought it was a barcode. This is when you check her out of the library.

I'm not talking any more shit because she looks like she might beat the shit out of me. She's definitely beat the shit out of him. At like Richard's bar, downtown or something. Yeah, I can't save her. She wanted to jail. Whenever she did, yeah, she did. She said she's going to jail. I unfortunately think she's going to jail as well.

So I said Senator Jail. I'm codependent, so I probably can save her. Okay. Well, we got one defense and two prosecutions. So let's go ahead and see what she did. Oh yeah, she pepper sprayed four Chicago cops on Mexican Independence Day. Oh no, she's good, never mind. I take that back.

That's awesome. She got turnt on Mexican independence day and we're mad about it? No, that would have fun. That would have fun. I didn't even know Mexicans were independent. This was her last photo ever said. This was her last one. Yeah, then we didn't even go see how to you. Ken, do you want to defend your girlfriend?

like she's in court. Let's go ahead and start off with you in the defense before we get to the prosecution. I do. People of the jury, this is simply a matter of a misunderstanding. My friend Fiona, who I am defending for free, is a bartender at a bar that has an old style sign outside of it. And she simply thought that she was putting on a Polish perfume. For evil Chicago police. who costed her during the application of the polka perfume and she blinded all of them which actually made them better cops I rest my case thank you so much all right Lisa so you guys are you guys are prosecuting no I'm gonna be the lawyer on TV who changes his mind ways

because I I don't think she had fun on Mexican if they had a Middle Eastern Independence Day I would have done worse if they had a Middle Eastern independent I don't know what we're talking about trying to be a dependent from but if they had one I would also um I could tell I accidentally pepper sprayed a friend once so I believe they gave I was I was in a friend and I I don't even have a reason for doing it we all know you were in a

friend he was a dude he was a dude so you accidentally pepper sprayed this dude I didn't accidentally I did but I didn't like to get no one liked him that's why I did it that's why it was funny if you knew him you would agree with me uh well Lisa you got you got your one chance to prosecute yeah

ladies and gentlemen of the jury I would just like to say there's no fucking way this Spanish lady was in a goddamn Polish bar on all this maniact was Too cute I think we've burned enough from council You guys do make some noise audience Are you guys the jury

Do we think that she is going straight to jail It's a little too hard, white boy You're gonna chill that out right now She has his pain. People one of the cops. Something fun, like whether or not she really likes a nightmare before Christmas. Because she does, she probably does. With that tattoo, she does.

She owns Jack Skellington socks for sure. For sure. And booty shorts. Makes noise if you think we have saved her. Makes noise you think we saved her. It's basically just... She's going to... I can totally see some very somber lawyer going to her cell to her cell to.

going to her cell tomorrow being like I'm sorry you lost at the Lincoln line yeah this is legally binding just like judge Steve Harvey is yeah it's gonna be bill tomorrow like let's see our next mugshot from Chicago okay it's this lady she does meth she's going to jail she's sending her she looks like a substitute teacher that got in a fight with collars with a collars yeah because she blew little boys because she does mess. From the forehead up, for the forehead up, I'd say that was like a mobster. Yeah.

Somebody for the five families. I don't think they put her a little makeup on before they take these girls. What are the help of him? Where are we thinking? So I'm in. She's got the, that's the face I make when I fucked up. That's literally the face I make. When I do something stupid, I make that face.

Yep, everybody. She knows she fucked up. She's a cat. Yeah. So you're back the goddamn face. I know. I have to defend her because... Oh my God.

Listen, everyone deserves a second chance, you guys. She looks like she just wanted to get away from her kids for a little while. So she drowned them. Just a little bit. But clearly you've never had kids because... She does look like she knows a lot about yacht. She knows a lot about infant CPR and how not to do it. Let's go ahead and show what she did.

Oh, she got the hate crime. I knew it was a crime. You clapped again? She yelled racial slurs at a black couple while playing cornhole at the Margarita Festival. She's a cornhole. All right. Before the prosecution gets a chance, let's go ahead and have the defense. Listen, guys.

Between a black woman and a middle of the family. Yeah, close your ears, guys. My defense is very simple. It's three words. words, she's from also. You're right, come on. Let's be honest here. Oh, no. All right, let's have the prosecution.

I mean, it speaks for itself. I really, I have nothing meaningful to add to the case. I think this is, she's guilty. As fuck. That's what you did. She's guilty as fuck. That's the only meaningful part you need to add. I feel bad, honestly, whenever I see these stories,

I'm like, I feel bad for her kids. Because you know the other parents are going to read this and be like, Mary did what? I love that. Her pitch races. I love that in this picture now, she's finally keeping her fucking mouth shut. She's like, this is what I should have done earlier.

She kind of looks like a trashy version of one of the elves with Lord of the Rings. The first guy? Yeah, a little bit. A little. Like a little shitty Galadriel. She doesn't want to hang out with the guy. She said a racial slurred Elvis.

For sure. I didn't put a love to get out of here. Okay, get out of here. Oh, man. All right. She's anti-elish. Jury, do we think she is gonna be saved? No, she's going to get together, right?

We got one more Chicagoan smoke shot. Bill was like, I like the cut of her gym. This was a little something for the ladies. We got this gentleman right now. gentleman right here. I fucking knew. All right. This little cute ass did it too.

You got Bill and Lisa's great grandson right here. Yeah, as guilty as he is. All right, we got one for guilty. I'd like to actually put some hard money on what he did wrong. If anyone wants to gamble. I will put five U.S. dollars that it was drunk driving. I will put five U.S. dollars he slapped a white girl. Okay.

Okay. What he needs to do is steal a turtleneck. Look at that. right that's the longest neck I've ever seen no but that's what they like that's what they all set on I take it back

his Adam's apple is a red delicious he stole a car he definitely stole a car and it was to meet his black girlfriend was hiding from Bill and Lisa you think he can pull a black girl yeah he's pretty much

he got to a good boy he got that good in galamon he can pull he's spending I can see him with like a cute hijabi girl I'd be so mad I'd be like where the fuck Disnaping. Absolutely.

And she definitely hides him from her parents. Oh, for sure. I feel like he just stole Jay's Bitcoin. He'll be getting his mail for her. This guy's been sending me all those fishing emails. So how are you going guilty or saving this gentleman? What do you say? You said guilty.

I'm gonna go guilty. I have, I am fortunate. Well. Guilty. Yeah, guilty. I gotta go guilty. All right. We got three guilty.

Let's see what he did. He strangled instead of Chick-filet. Chick-fil-A security guard. Wow. In Lake Villa? That's where I live in the Laird. Who's getting stabbed in Lake Villa? The wrong security guard in the Chick-Palais.

Oh, it was in Chicago. It was in Chicago. Oh, I was gonna say. See, but why, though, sir? Like, but why? Chislein's so peaceful. He's like, these are nevets! Dude, all right, so this is exactly what went down.

Right? He has his Beats by Dre headphones on. He's listening to Joe Rogan. Yes. Right? We just did a kettleball workout. For sure.

And this black security guy got all lippy with him. Yep. Yep. All right, cool. The black security guy was like, excuse me doing your food's ready. He's like, he was like, he was probably a Lala Blues or something

getting a little too fucked out. That's what it looks like. Oh, meth. Oh, man. He was probably in Brookfield, too, getting fed with the rest of the girass. God, damn. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Well, this guy's going to jail, everybody. Everybody says he's going to jail. That was, I can save him her straight to jail. If it were a Burger King security guard, I can understand. Where's all the girls from these? Right. Where's that?

These are all, these are all not in Chicago. They don't live in Chicago, sorry. Right. I think we were going to do something fun, like show me like Casey Anthony or something. Oh, we thought it definitely put her in jail. That looks like the cash from love after lockups. It's a tremendous show, by the way. It is so good.

I love it. Okay, we'll talk later. Yes. Let's do a podcast. That would be, that's a good. You know what you should call it? Hard R. Tolkien? Yes.

Back. Let's go ahead. Tyler, how's everybody doing on the points after that round? All right, it's a very close game. Ken and Sir Rob with 1,000 points and Lisa with 1100 points. Yes.

Yeah. How funny and fucked up you are. But where are the points? Like, who's... Tyler's in the back. Yeah, we have a fucking points. You just went all caring. What were other?

Ask Tyler for more points if you want. Tyler, give me some fucking points, bro. What are you doing that? Frat. He's going to try and he was in a frat too. You can appeal to his fratination. Oh yeah. What's up, bro?

What house we have? Oh, gotta. Wait, what? Capa sick. I don't know that one. Is that one of the new age one where they let ladies in and you go get hazed? No, I got haze. Oh, you got hazed too?

Yeah. Were either of you in like the Divide Nine, you know if the black ones that matter? No, but those, no. I would watch their step shows in the quad. We had the Kappa's. What did you do? What did they're their step show?

It was their step show. I did see American History X where they stopped the yard though. Oh my shit. Tyler. It's long. I'm fucking up the Asian. Yeah. That's that's very good.

All right, let's go ahead and move on to our next game. This is a game called Entweetment, everybody. I heard of this play. I do not want this time. I don't want this one either. This is a very exciting one. They all don't want this one. Whatever all of them is kids.

So here's how this game works. Comedians, we all have weird social media past. Some people have deleted stuff. We have gone through everybody's old social media. Everybody's all Twitter. We have pulled tweets from years ago. Oh, shit is right. Why would you do this?

Because it's fun. Because it's great. Yeah, look how fun. Everybody's having a great time already. We blank out words, and we make it. them guess what is the real tweet versus the two ones that we made up. Oh, great. Yeah, so we're going to show you three options.

We're going to do one of mine first. Don't you worry? And mine are always the worst out of everybody's and I creeped every single fucking time I do this game. This is where I lose my development deal. Let's go ahead and start off with one of mine. Now, oh, okay, jacking off. Great. Blank, jacking off.

And it's pretty long. Yeah, this is a really long one. It's like Edvin Fitzgerald. I tweeted this. There's three likes. No retweets. Honestly, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. I'm currently in the shower, jacking off

of animal planet. Mirkat Manor had me feeling some type of way that the afternoon. Jacking off. Yeah. Jacking off, blank, blank. Yeah.

So we're going to show some of the options. There are going to be two fake ones and one real one. I'm not going to guess until the very end. So you guys will have a chance to figure out which one you think is the real tweet. Let's start off. The consolation for a bad first date is jacking off at a clean bedroom. I don't believe that.

I believe that because that's a, that's, I know comics. I know, and I know comics. They write a joke that's not good enough for the stage so they tweet it. And that's got all, that's got the vibe of a bit that's not ready for the stage. I know comics too, and there's no way you have a clean bedroom. Also a great point. Okay, you have me a clean bedroom. Option two.

One of the top five happiest people in America this week was that dude I saw jacking off in an alley last night. That's a better joke. This one is ready for the stage. That's the one. Yeah, that's the one. I hope you kept that joke. I hope that was the real one. I have no idea.

Yes, you do. No, no, honestly, none of these are jogging my memory at all. Let's see if option three does it. They're not jacking your memory. Jack and Joe went up the hill. Jack and Joe went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but then Joe caught Jack jacking off and that's how I met your mother. I don't think you were. I don't think I wrote that.

If there's one I can rule that. I don't know. 2017, J. Light might have written that one. You were pretty new in comedy. I'm going with number two. I'm going with number two, for sure. I'm going with number one. Number two, C, was too funny.

I'm going to go with, no, that one. No, no, it's too funny for Twitter. I'm going to go with number two. For the real deal. Okay. I feel like, okay, I'm trying to think that. Which is crazy. I think it's, I think it's, oh, man.

I'm trying to think of what I was doing it this time of my life. and I feel like it might be number two. I was, I mean, I've been jacking off. I've been jacking off a lot of fucking time. You've got, yeah. I know what I want to high five, my brother. And you know that's a strong hand. I got soft hands.

These are great to high five. Lots of lotion. I think he was number two. I'm going with number two. Yeah, I was the number two. Let's see. Yes! Jacking up in an alley.

Because I felt like you walked past a laugh factor when that shit happened and it seems possible right there in a gang way. These are, these are the three people who like this tweet, actually, that we have here. Let's go ahead and kick things off with our contestants. Our panel, let's start off with Sarah. Here's the apper's start up.

Let's see what we have for you. Okay, here we go. I know that's wrong. Strong segregation. I know this one. It's a white water rafting joke. It's either a white water rafting joke or. Or it's a joke about people working out off.

about people working out on vacation. Or it's just racist as shit. No, it's not. Well, if you think you see the real tweet, don't say it until the very end. I don't tweet that much. That's why I think I might remember one. I think it's a joke about whitewater rafting.

We got some options. Fuck. We got three. Three tweets, four lives. What a weird time. 2000, January, 28, 2016. I don't know, 2016. I was living in South Africa.

I was married to a Dutch woman. Anything goes. You went to Africa. No, of course. I didn't know. Of course I didn't go to South Africa. Okay, okay. Oh boy. Okay. Let's see your first option. I'm not pro-segregation or anything, but sometimes we need a bit of racism if we want great cinema.

Like, remember the tightness. Good point. Solid point. They had a great team. That is spicy. I didn't write that. We just don't know, sir. You don't know.

It did better than his fucking shitty tweet. It's true. We tweets four lights. And I had a whole year on this. So come on now. option two I'm not pro segregation or anything but I totally understand that I have no business

going white water rafting well you know which one it is we got option three no business okay because white white white water whatever I guess I mean the brown people never should do some shit like that well it's also called white water rafting I think that's what I was going for

you're just giving points away to everybody else whatever I don't care he's like everyone guess the one that it is all right go ahead option three I'm not pro-segregation or anything, but maybe if we had a white guy's only varsity basketball squad, they'd stop shooting everyone.

Option three is better. Yeah, that's better. Those nerds don't play basketball. This is why I wasn't successful on Twitter, right? Oh, shit. Are we all in agreement with what sort of thing? Yeah. He shot his load quickly.

He did. He prematurely ejaculated out. That's a whitewater rafting reference. Thanks a noise for our panel. They got that one, right? Eight year old. I thought you. No, it's okay.

Do not sweat it. Ken Gar's about me. Oh, actually, no, Lisa's sweating. Lisa's sweating. You got Lisa next. Lisa, okay, so this is just a thing. We looked to see if you had a different Twitter because the one we found was highly sexual.

Yes. Oh, my God. Like, literally, it's almost entirely you promoting your only fans until, like, in the past year or so. And so, just a fair warning. This is a very, this is a real horny tweet that we found. I have a normal one. They didn't, that is not the normal one.

We did not find the normal one. It's low, my God. But that one says I am hilarious. But all the side, this is a fun part. This is from May 11th, 2020. Oh my God. Oh, was that a horny year? It's so bad.

Can I guess what one of the answers is gonna be? Go right ahead. That asshole ain't gonna eat itself. 30 of six likes. Yes. sure that's good. Oh Lord. Here is your first option Lisa, you ever just look at somebody and be like, hmm, let me kiss you deep and sit this ocean on your dick and let you swim.

Yeah. That's on brand. That is on brand. That one seems very specific. About someone she saw very recently. Oh, man. Hey, Jay. Jay used to do audiobooks for erotica. You should read it like you do those. Oh yeah, I did. Is that true? At this time, I was doing, this was, yeah, this was May 11th. She touched her. Who would what?

You ever get her? Someone would be like, they can't skate play and it was amazing. You brought him up in. Let me, I'll do my audio book voice for this. Okay. Oh, Lord. You ever just look at somebody and be like,

No. Let me kiss you deep. Oh, wait, no, fuck. Did that look? I'm like, did you know what? You ever just look at somebody and be like, hmm, I bet he'd be like, hmm, he can figure out how to market my pussy

water like a motherfucking sports drink. That's how they came up with liquid death. So do, robies. Option three. You ever just look at somebody and be like, hmm, I want to take your dick, add mustard,

relish, tomatoes, peppers, and celery salt, and fucking Chicago stuff. I think that's true. You can very easily tell which one we're by the two comedy writers and which one was written by someone who's just super horny. Yeah. So, it's crazy. And hadn't gotten a Chicago dog that this COVID outbreak two months in.

Which one are you guys going with before we go to Lisa? Three. Okay. So what I'm going to go to number one. We got number one. Lisa, do you remember which one's the real tweet? I want to say it was number way. Let's see the real deal.

It is. It is. Let's just read it now, Jane. See what you got. Do you ever just look at somebody and be like, hmm, let me kiss you, you deep than sit this ocean on your dick and let you swim. It's hot? Thank you. Thank you. Sweet Jesus. That's why I did a whole, how many books?

Nine, nine, audio books. Nine erotic audio books. I did nine erotic audio books. My fiance had to listen the whole time while I was just reading in the closet. One of the books called Reading in the Closin. I actually listened to one and I started jacking off in an alley. Oh. Now every time him and his fiance have sex, she's just like, like your book boy. I did, I will say, before we go into Kent, I will just say, there's one that I read.

I didn't know this was a thing, but there's a bullying kink where it's your, the woman bullies the guy, and I read from the point of view of the guy and the girl on that book, and that was a real, that was a real wild time. Okay. A bad boy bullied romance, if you guys ever want to find that on Amazon. Did you just awake in something?

I might have. It's called my marriage. Hey, but do you. I awaken something inside of me reading that book. Okay. Ken, are you ready to get a tweet? This is awful. This is the oldest one of the entire game that we found. Oh no.

This is gonna be so racist. We found... Deleted like anything. You know what? It made you think about making a Rocky King joke. Just to be clear, I am from Olsa. So this is, uh, yeah. I'm getting to make some type of joke about the death of rock.

Oh, wow. The Death of Geron King Blaine. I don't remember this. No likes, no retweets. Nobody in the internet. No, of course. Neither. Yeah.

They were like, who's not touching this one. Also, I don't think you are obligated. That's fair. That's very fair. Can we all think about this in context of 2012? I had a goatee at the time.

All right, here me goateee. I bet you did. Anna goatee, he still had hair. It was a very different cat. Yeah. You're evil. Shit. If you think you know which one of the real one is,

as we were Roll through these. Don't say it. We got a first option here. Whatever. I want to say never. Please. A comedian, I'm obligated to make some type of joke about the death of Ronnie King.

But first, I need to know the whereabouts of OJ Simpson and Hillary Clinton. No. That's so terrible that might be it. Yeah. No, that ain't, it's one worse than that. Option two. But I'm not touching that topic with a two-foot baton. No.

In go! That's the one. That's the one. That is the one. That's your voice. That sounds like your stand-up. That's very, yeah, very war play guy. Um.

Is it bad that I'm a fan of it? You know I did the voiceover for MindComph? You know I'm talking about Bill? You were there. You said, don't bring me into that pollution. I'm just trying to sell carpets here, huh? We got our final action. But my racist don't cool told me, don't be the dead.

Never mind. Yeah. About this, 2012, Goatheed, Rodney King. I'm gonna go wait by the door You just ruin Ken's comedy career It's only two brown people here I think you're pretty safe

I don't think he did that Bill starts a car Yeah I don't think Ken would do that I haven't traveled with Ken before We got two for two foot baton then Is that what you guys are gonna? No I'm gonna go with the first one Oh the first one okay

Bro if it's this one I'm all crap I'm gonna go with the first one Because it's just a terrible joke And I was not this good in 2000 What? Oh, my God. Thank you, God. My God.

That was terrible. Ian, do you want to hug it out? Wait, thank you so much. We just cured racism. This is what happened. Ken Moose, L.A. I don't book him on, like, anything in L.A. for a year. So the first thing is me terrifying.

Oh, my God, brother. This is what we're here for. Let's go ahead and move on to our final game. This is a game about conspiracy theories that we like to call Cluonon. Uh, Tupac, that Rampas, Tupac Jomba Ramsey? Jambi Rams is being a cigarette, yeah, we got big fun of, why is Tupac so guilty? And why is, I don't like the way Liggins is- Wait, wait, wait, why does the black man have to be guilty?

Tupac's leering over, he's holding away, he's holding away. Why, no, look at the way Kennedy's looking at Jambini Ramsey. I don't like that one. Yeah, that is suspicious. Well, she was hot. So, so. So, here's how, here's how this game works. how this game works.

You just survived the tweet man. You just survived. It was slow. I'm feeling cocky right now. He's like, but I didn't say, niggle. The best way these days to survive in the comedy industry is to make a pivot to just doing conspiracy theories. So we're offering you guys a great career opportunity. We have conspiracy theories.

We found out they kind of go like the game clue where it's like, you know, they did this with this into this, right? into this, right? So it's like you did, John Mnay Ramsey with the candlestick in the study, or whatever the fuck, right? Okay. So what we're going to do is we have a couple wheels for you guys. Tyler, go ahead and pull up the wheels. So we have some what, and we have some who's. We're going to give you a what and a who, and you're going to have to connect the dots for us. Oh, that belongs right next to Matt Rice. Yeah, we've got some good so here. We got like John Cena, Lisa Vanderpump,

Itcher Woganyar and Rogers. We've got the flat earth, the Holocaust, autism. Y'all really went there. Yeah, we did. So let's go ahead and start off with So Rob. So we're going to go ahead and start off with your what. Let's spin that wheel. Go ahead and make some noise for Sir Rob as we spin that wheel. Okay.

Robb's you have to tell us. Oh. Oh. Oh. What? It's the hardest one on that list. What? And let's go ahead and see you.

Why would you do this to me? Who did the Me Too movement? We're going to find out. Don't you worry. Oh, no. Can I have a full 24 hours to read this? Yeah, right. Rest in peace, okay.

You didn't have to be two movements. Yes. He killed a woman. I mean, if the love does not fit, you must acquit. So, O.J. Simpson, I think the only logical explanation would be O.J. Simpson's reputation is so bad that he would have to start a good movement to try to dig himself out of. it but that's the only I don't you're putting me in a tough spot man I mean I don't know OJ Simpson he killed he killed the woman dude I don't think he's eligible he was not an airline you don't got to sell me you got to sell you I am sorry I feel like

you are he did do it though I don't know because said everyone on his right you know and that's probably why he started the me to move in because I'm gonna think that he really did kill her so what other way to do that than hopping on a M2 movement in a white Bronco and letting that big drag. This is why we need black women in comedy because a fat Middle Eastern dude is not going to be able to do. An O.J. Simpson, Me Too, movie. You would have given me, like, DJ Callan and, like, 9-11? Now we're talking.

DJ Calick knew about 9-11. His stage name was DJ Arab attack. That's true. You can look that out. The first plane hit the tower and he went, another one. Yeah, that's how he did it. Boom. He's the best!

Boom! Let's go ahead and uh, I know that Lisa saved Sorab a little bit, let's give Sorob a little bit of points for DJ Kal on 9-11 too. That's one. That was a little extra point. I got you. I got you. I got you.

All right. There was Ken. I think Me Too was the last thing that Ron Goldman said. Me too! Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Okay.

Ken, we're gonna go ahead and get you going. You've got your what? Up right? Oh, what's it going to be? It'll be Rocky King, and I'm like, well, don't do it. Oh, it is the JFK assassination. Oh, I love this. White dudes love talking about the JFK.

Oh, my God, we are in my lane. Who is behind the JFK assassination? We are about to. A lot of people think it's the CIA. Some people think it's the FBI. Some people think it's the Illuminati. But you're going to tell us why. Oh, perfect.

Why is Alex Jones behind the JFK? assassination hit us I can't talk about this in public but it's a hundred percent true it's a hundred percent true that Alex Jones did in fact kill JFK right after he killed all them Columbine kids these are just fax people and this tends to stay here in this room Alex Jones killed all them Columbine kids and then he went on trial for the making up of the story and then he killed JFK, he went into a time machine. And he can go in a time machine because the earth is flat and time is linear.

And I went back and he shot JFK because he was trying to shoot Jackie O and the left hit. I don't know it's for Ken Gar. It's my conspiracy. It's a good conspiracy voice. It's a good conspiracy voice. That is good. I'm actually reading a book where

Lee Har Galswell actually act alone. And that's probably what happened. It is what happened. It is what happened. And America is so much hot up in conspiracy theory. That every, this author went through and disclaimed every single conspiracy theory. And he was just a crazy dude. He was a crazy dude.

And then Jack Ruby was just pissed. Love JFK. He was a huge JFK. I swear that it's all it is. Yeah. And he owned a strip club that all the cops went to. So it made sense that Jack Ruby was there. I'm sorry.

And the strip club is that. The strip club is in Milwaukee is called silk. And every Wednesday night a gown named cheese curds dance there. You got to put cheese curds on the next list. Cheese curds and the shrimp and goes in the next two list. And that's who started the Me Too. That's who started the Me Too movement. All right, Lisa.

We're going to get your conspiracy theory. Let's hear some what. Wow. Oh, this is a tight one. The 2008 financial crisis. Okay, because we've got no money. Okay. Who did the 2017?

financial crisis I was having a baby so that's right one more kid we're gun I added to the problem Lisa made the bank trash oh these are just that they could just drink there's no conspiracy drop up that's pretty good I feel like let's do let's have everybody do one more with the 2008 financial crisis let's spend one more just for funties Britney Spears she's on there baby, man. I can't talk about this, but it was

Peony Herman. Is it gonna be George Bush again? It's George Bush again. We don't have to let us play the game. We're all gonna die. All right, clearly they're watching, they're surveilling the space right now,

which means we have to end this game. That was Cluon, everybody. That should not happen. That's crazy. I'm going to the fucking casino. Yeah, let's go to the Bally's after this together. We got it. We're gonna make it happen.

No, Bally's as a casino bar. Oh, that's right. And if a gal there, every Wednesdays, is he got on the craps table. All right, Tyler. All right, Tyler, all I got to do is hit the thing. Escape. Okay.

Come on, Tyler, I wish we could get a job, bro. Taylor, you should, Tyler should escape that haircut, buddy. Hey! You watch it, terrorist. Don't do that. He looked like one of the kids from that one show in the 90s when the dad was a rapist. Which show? Oh, seven heaven.

Yeah, seven heaven. I thought you meant every show in Nickelodeon. Well, Tyler's going to keep track of the scores, but we have one more a little bit here, because we've had a lot of fucked-up things happening. You guys are a lovely audience, but we, you know, we've said a lot of fucked up things, right? Merrick gets some glad. You guys all deserve a round of applause for yourself. You got it.

We have going to cleanse your palates with a nice little clean, wholesome joke from everybody. And our palate comes around. There we go. Come on, yeah, everybody booed Tyler real quick. Booh. All right, let's go down the line. Start with the start off. Tell us a clean, wholesome joke.

Uh, clean, I don't really have any clean. Come on, flat, go ahead. I'll do some self-deprecation. Everyone likes self-deprecation. Yes. I broke a chair recently at a party. If you're fat, you break a chair, you're done sitting for the night. That's it.

You gotta stand the rest of the evening. You can't risk it. You can't break two chairs in one night. That's a spree. You're right? By the news. The Jeffrey Domruh chairs. Like a skinny person breaks a chair, people are like, oh, look, a faulty chair.

Someone better email the manufacturer let him know. You can't eat. You also can't eat after breaking a chair. You look guilty as shit. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. Oh, look, he's eating. We haven't learned a fucking thing. I'm eating.

I just like to preserve, everybody. Very good. This is my favorite joke I've ever written that it never worked. The other day I was driving behind a Mitsubishi Mirage. Or was I? That's Ken Gar. That's good. Thank you.

You know, like, that's the biggest bill has smiled all evening. Bill's like, that's like, finally. What I came for, I mean, Bill, oh, wow. That's a keeper. Kian, why you cheat like that? Everybody want to win with Bill. All right, Lisa, hit us with your joke. Clean, wholesome joke.

Make it about your ocean vagina. You're gonna go home, you're gonna see a Bill's fall in one, Onlyfants. Oh, black, have you sucked it. It's a palate cleanser indeed. You know what I'm saying? We all thought we was the only one he loved, so we all was excited, kissing them in the mouth,

French kissing his slow and getting excited, and he messed up the mood, because he like, And he just down there with dick on the point and like, and you start changing, man. Just kisses the ass, you know? He's like a champion, you know? You know? You're ladies.

Thanks always for Lisa Laird, everybody. We have, uh... Tyler's been doing the math in the back. Let's go ahead and give out some prizes. And prizes to our audience members as well, Tyler. Let's do a prize for Bill and Lisa. I got to tell you. Again, these prizes are from your in-law's, what, your fiance's grandmother.

This is the big book. a beastly mispronunciation. Oh, you mispronunciation. We know who didn't reply your puts. Do we trust Tyler to add this up? How there you? And then the enterprise with the other one.

Conquering the paper pileup. How to sort, organize, and file store every piece of paper in your home and office. Wow. Very useful information. Take it out of several times. This shit. In third place.

Now we're going to use something. What's six here to point in syrup. You got this book. It says, Don't sweat the small stuff. Hey, I can't mean, you've taken the book. Your gift to me is a fat joke? The book about, you can't be a book that says,

Don't Sweets and Small Stuff. That's a good book. That's a good book. Soir out, everybody. Make sense for Sora. It's a Chinese fortune-telling book. Oh yeah, so you're a Lisa. Elisa, everybody in the second place.

Holy shit, that's pretty cool. Actually, you're not the coolest book. I like this. You got this great book, which I will read a bit from, this book. This is perfect for you, Ken. Sound up the words, Tyler. Rethink attitudes towards minorities, women, welfare, and the handicapped.

Not to mention state lottery, Sesame Street, and karaoke bars. It's in defense of elitism. Yes. Yes. And now it's yours. Jay, back to you. And for playing today, all of our contestants do get a get-out-cancellation-free card. Don't you worry about anything you said on the show tonight.

We will keep you safe. I'm gonna need to do that Columbine bit. Make sure. Make sure nice for all of our... It's been wonderful line, so please follow us at Rung Game Show so we can come back here again. You guys come back next time too.

Can I plug something? Yes, plug away. I'm going to be headlining the improv in Schaumburg on May 23rd, so if you guys want it, hit me up on Instagram or whatever. I'll get you free tickets, all right? Yes.

Follow all these contestants, please, on Instagram. We will see you guys next time. Right here, wrong. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Everybody.