WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - #2 – YOUR DREAM HOLOCAUST MUSEUM (ft. Eli Leonard, Jay Washington, Monarey Martinez)

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

Recorded live at the Roguelike Tavern, 6/12/2023.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Eli Leonard, Monarey Martinez, Jay WashingtonSUPPORT THE SHOW ON PATREON: patreon.com/wronggameshowCOME SEE US LIVE: Austin, TX @ Sunset Strip ATX, 8/22, 8 PM Los Angeles, CA @ Alamo Drafthouse DTLA, 8/26, 8 PM San Diego, CA @ Mic Drop Comedy Club, 9/2, 10 PM This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wronggameshow.substack.com Get full access to Captain's Log at jaylight.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wronggameshow.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello folks, welcome to another podcast edition of Wrong, a fucked up game show. I'm your host Jay Light, and on this episode, we've got three brand new comedians ready to tap dance on the line for your entertainment. Will they turn darkness and discomfort into cash and prizes? Only time will tell. Recorded live at the Rogue Like Tavern on June 12, 2023, this show's contestants were Eli Leonard, Jay Washington, and Monterey Martinez. Before we get into it, thank you to the other members of the wrong team, Tyler Meznerich,

Yorgo Architas, and Melanie Meisner. Thank you to our Patreon subscribers, Don Fardo, Joe Ammer, Richard, Abigail Shane, Hunter Patterson, Marcellina, and Molly Green. If you'd like to get full access to the video episodes

and get a shout out here, you can subscribe on Patreon for as little as a dollar a month at patreon.com slash wrong game show. Please follow us on all the socials at Wrong Game Show. And, of course, the best way to experience

the show is live. Our next shows are in Austin on Tuesday, August 22nd, 8 p.m. at sunset strip ATX, Los Angeles on Saturday, August 26th, 8 p.m. at Alamo Draft House, and San Diego on Saturday, September 2nd, 10 p.m. at the mic drop comedy club. Get tickets at beacons.a.i. slash wrong game show, and of course, all the links to all of this are in the show notes. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, let's get wrong. Live from the Rogue Like Tavern here in Burbank, California.

It's Wrong, a fucked up game show. Let's make a laugh for your host. It's Jay Laugh! Hey! Welcome to Rock! This is Wrong, a fucked up game show, everybody, and I'm very excited to y'all are here. Who likes game shows in the house?

Makes a noise, but you like games shows. Now this, unlike most games shows, on most games shows, you might like seeing people do things right. not here we want our contestants to do things wrong we want them to say things that are wrong we want them to be a little bit fucked up are you guys ready

to go on a little bit of a fucked up journey with us tonight that's the spirit we've got three wonderful contestants who I'm very excited to introduce wonderful comedians we got a performer professional wrestler we got a shaman we got maybe the most

Jewish man I know we are very excited make some noise for Eli Lennar Jay Washington and Monterey Martinez. I was the professional wrestling. I was the most Jewish duty saying Kanye had it fucked up, so this is how this shit's starting already. I'm the shaman, which basically means I'm using witchcraft to solve my financial problems.

We're excited to get to know y'all a little bit more later on. We also have, of course, my George Gray, my man in the corner are Points Guru. It's Tyler Mesh, everybody. Hey. How's it going? Good to see you, Jay. Good to see you, as always, Tyler.

You're excited to tabulate the scores from these three schmucks and you put them through a gauntlet of bad stuff? As you know, I just never tell you how I do the scores, but I have a feeling I'm going to hit it right with the best player. So, as you know, shamanesque.

They don't buy into this at all. We'll see. Yeah, because that shit sounded really awkward. I'm going to hit it right to the best player. You're not going to fuck me, but it's game show, just saying. The point thing don't count that much. Tyler, we used to have such chemistry. What happens? I spent the opening

looking for a pet, so that's what I did with your time. Things were coming prepared, Tyler. Yeah, no problem, no problem. Now, we do like to get to know a little bit about our contestants. We'll get to know a little bit more about them in just a moment, because I want to know a little bit more about our audience. We've got a fucking robust audience tonight.

I know there are some people who are under 21 in here. How dare you? That's rude. I already heard when I heard people saying 2001 for their birthday I was like we're fucked this is all

this is bad I feel so old where were you when 9-11 happened my parents were having sex nice cool I was in Spanish class when 911 happened

but it was 6th grade Spanish we did not have the like the language capacity to explain what was going on like they showed they had the video playing

in our class and the best we could go is ah, so I'mal. This is all we could get. Dios meo, man. Dios meo. I was definitely a little bit more menos than mas that day. I'm excited. We went around and we asked into our audience here tonight, who had a fucked up week? We want to find

out why your week was fucked up. We want to see maybe our comics might have some answers for your fucked up week. And we do want to know, you know, this is your first chance as audience members to win some prizes of your own. So I'm excited to see what we got here. First person who really stood out tonight, Christian, in five words or less, why was your week fucked up? She tried to peg me. Yes.

Were you expecting to peg me? Are y'all still together? Jesus Christ. Christian, where are you at? Christian? Yeah, I wouldn't raise my hand. I wouldn't raise my hand after that. Somebody buy him a beer.

Buy him some hard lick of fucking beer. He'd eat whiskey. No, Christian. Wait, it could be that he didn't get the pegging. That might be the issue. What, yeah, is it, he's got, he's got blue butts. Yeah, you need to explain your goddamn self right now. Was it an unwanted pegging, or was it a pegging that didn't follow through as far down as you would like it to go?

Well, it's tough because I'm Asian and kind of tight. Asian and what kind of tight? Yeah. I didn't know that was a stereotype about Asian bubbles. Yeah, yeah. Are those two separate things? Are you saying those meat that means to say? I just wanted to know what the fuck

this Asian and tight got to do with him getting paid. We are going to give you, you're going to get a drink ticket, so hopefully you can loosen your butthole up a little bit more. Christian, congratulations. Let's get some poppers back there. Yeah, happy Pride Month. Let's get some poppies for the next day.

Let's go ahead and get you. Matthew, please get Christian a sticker. Make sure Christian gets a sticker. Make some noise for our interesting. intern for the next two months, Matthew, everybody. Matthew the intern. He gets paid just like we do in drink tickets. All right.

Next we have Ellie in five words or less why your week was fucked up. I can't stop fucking Canadians. Ellie, where are you at? Ellie! Hi, Ellie! Hi, Ellie! Okay, what's so bad about fucking Canadians that it's fucked your week up completely? Literally.

People think white people are all the same. same. We have stuff too with Canadians, okay? This is how you handle international diplomacy right there. You know what I'm saying? This is how you make countries come together, literally. Yes. Oh, very good. There we go. That's some points. That's for sure some points. But what's the big problem? Is he putting too much maple syrup on his dick?

Is he saying sorry too much? Yeah, how does it sound when they come? How does it sound when they come? Hey. Good. Ellie, we got you in the contention for maybe we got a fucked up week. And how many, wait, how many Canadians?

Yeah. You don't need to, but I would like it if you did. Ten Canadians. It's seven days in a week. Good Lord. Ain't nobody else doing the bath? She's a motherfucking hero. It's like a fucking bachelorette episode.

She took out, two straight lines of a hockey team. That's the real... That's the real... That's the real Royal Canadian Mounted Police like that. And varsity. They iced her penalty box.

I'll tell you what. Let's get Rie. Rie really intrigued me. Rie, in five words of the last wire, your week was fucked up. And you put this in quotes, too, which I appreciate it. Burt my ass with Nair.

Rie, where are you at? Rie? Oh, Did they know that these were going to be read out loud, these poor people? I hope so. There are clippers. How about you leave there on your ass that long, buddy? Why you didn't have an emergency contact with some shit like that?

Oh, Rhee, you're over here. Sorry, I don't see, Reed. Re, first, how's your ass? Oh, wait, who burnt their ass with an air then? I mean, I feel like I can't engage with this if it's not even your ass that got burned. Believe her or is she just pretending as her roommate now? I believe, I believe her. I'm just kidding. And what we're going to do?

She sent it in invisible. What the fuck is this? A spy novel? Come knock on the door. Here, we're going to give you a sticker to give to your roommate. Winkwood's next night. Congratulations. We also have one more, I think this is a pretty fucked up thing.

This is from Alex in five words of less, why your week was fucked up. Went to Pride, dot, dot, dot, dot. No bitches. That was a frowny face included in the message. Alex, Alex, Alex. All right, you went to Pride, no bitches. This is a real, this is a real shame. How many, okay, did you go to both Pride parades?

I just thought there was only one. Maybe that's my problem. All the bitches were the WeHo Pride. You went to L.A. Pride. Nobody gives you shit about that. You didn't go to Straight Pride? Straight Pride's this coming weekend, you know. There's a lot of little bitch boys over there, I think, probably.

That's not the bitches you're into. Have you found any bitches since then? Damn! All right, that's fucked up. Now I'm having the most fucked up week. All right. I think Alex just earned her way into competing for the grand prize.

Alex, go ahead and please make her up to the stage. Ellie, thank you for playing. You get a drink ticket. Alex, come on up. You're competing. I think Alex has had the most fucked up week. Make a loud for Alex, everybody. Thanks a noise for Alex.

Alex. rocketed your way into the hearts and minds of America as our favorite audience member of that. Because I appreciate somebody who sass is back. I will be telling my mom about how good we fucked her last night. I will. Alex, what we want to know is you had a pretty fucked up week. I think you had the most fucked up week out of any of our audience. But did you have a more fucked up week than this mother and child?

We got a mother and child here. They look like they're in distress. Do you think you had a worse week than this mother child? That's the point. It's supposed to be a little bit ambiguous for comedic effect. Comedians, do you all think that this mother and child had a worse week than Alex here? The black dude she thought was her daddy is not a daddy.

The mother or the child? Both. Both. Some more episode gone wrong. Eli, Monterey, what do y'all think? This is going to sound really fucked up. But to me, it looks like a natural disaster. And as someone who can't afford a home,

I'm like, maybe that's like a good thing that they don't have a mortgage anymore. So maybe she did have a more fucked up week. Am I making sense? Okay, nope. All right. I read this, I too read this photo as a celebration. It's the wrong show.

The wrong show. Oh, it's Barney. Well, let's find out. Let's play the tape. if Alex had a worse week than this mother and child. The mom is laughing. I just want to be clear. The mom is laughing at her child's expense, because that's pretty fucking

funny. You can't be that. The aim, the precision. Is that like a sod of grass or something? I looked in the comments to figure out what it was, because nobody knew. It turns out if you zoom in, you can see it's a dead raccoon. But also, this kid totally flopped. It did not hit the kid. He's got

a career in whatever professional sport they want to have. I think it's safe to that Alex did have a more fucked up week than this mother and child. And that's why Alex is going to win, not just a drink ticket, not just a wrong sticker, but Tyler, tell her what she's won as our first audience. Oh, yeah, you won this. It's raw food. Raw food, the complete book of raw food.

Healthy deletion, vegetarian cuisine made with living foods. I did find it on the street. That's for you. Alex is a vegetarian. Congratulations. The one time that somebody's actually appreciated a prize on the show. Fantastic. All right.

Let's go ahead and get into knowing our contestants. We know a little bit about y'all and let y'all tick, but now we want to know what makes them tick. We've asked them to tell us their most fucked-up jokes, and that's all I asked them to do, and I don't know what that means to them, but we're about to find out. You guys ready to get a little fucked up?

Let's start things off. We're going to get our first impression of Eli Leonard, everybody. Makes noise for Eli. You look so much like a model. You know, the problem, you're not aware of this? Well, close your ears. You know, when you're a model, people hit on you nonstop. And it's weird when you're a model at the Holocaust Museum is the pickup situation.

It goes a little bit like a pop song. You know, maybe not in a good way. You know, hey, yeah, oh, I just met you. This is crazy. You know, but... But here's my number. It's wrong, but I can do it. As far as I could go with the Holocaust.

And by the way, I have so much Holocaust material. As a child, it was very important for me to get laughter. You know, it shaped my identity. And one way for me to do that was to... Oh, fun, mentally handicapped. You know, when you're seven, in the year 2000 nothing hits than embodying

you know the arm and the voice and now you know I'm an adult I don't do that anymore I would say it's even at this point I'd say it's bad but I still get the itch

you know which my child's like so the way I scratch it now is to just do my very best Randy Newman impression. You got a friend in me. Yeah, what are your first impressions? I mean, was I right?

You know, or was I... I don't know if I was all say it once. I need to all say that at once, or I'm not getting one. Don't forget your mic. Elon. Well, I'm sweating. It's okay. I think that this young, hip audience, did

not know who Randy Newman was. That's why that joke didn't work. I think my cleanest joke they also won't get. I can't wait to hear what that is. The end of the show. Tyler, I'm so excited. We've already got people...

It's gonna be fun. I'm so excited. We got our next comic coming to the stage. Oh boy. Y'all are in for a treat. Masonoid's for Monterey Martinez, everybody. Monterey! Martinez! So scared. Oh my God. They told us we have to write these fucked up

jokes, okay? So this is just I'm writing from my truth, don't judge me alright, this is just my reality. I'm so fucking scared. Okay. All right, this is me, okay? I don't like makeup, okay? I'm a girl. I don't really like makeup. Because the first

time I ever saw makeup was to watch my mother cover up a black eye. And I was like, oh my God, I fucking told you, let's go. People's childhoods are different. I had a different life, okay? Sorry I survived and I make jokes about it. Okay, the show's called wrong.

Get on board, motherfuckers. Drink up, all right? My birthday ones. Bruises. It's crazy because it's like it's LA right now and we've had no sunshine. No sunshine. And don't they know, it's like,

this is a city full of people who have failed at their dreams. We need the sunshine immediately, okay? I have depressed. You don't know you have depression because you get these little wins. You get like Instagram likes sometimes and you're like, I think I'm doing okay.

You know? But you don't know you're in a depression hole sometimes and that sometimes you catch yourself and you're just reading suicide notes of celebrities. And you're like, maybe I'm sad. Description and you're like, oh, you think I have health insurance? Oh my God, that's so crazy of you. You think I have that?

No. I'm not promoting suicide. I'm like literally not promoting suicide whatsoever. I'm not suicidal. I'm like way too much of a procrastinator. But trust me, it's on the to-do list. just keep not getting to it, you know? It's like, who knew your floss could save your life, right?

Come with me, come with me. It's a journey in Burbank. Let's go. Fine, I'll do an abortion joke. If that's what you guys want, I'll do an abortion joke. Jesus Christ. I'm in my 30s and I'm pretty positive. I don't want kids.

For me, my biggest fears in life are getting cancer or getting pregnant. But at least with cancer, people are like happy for you when you get rid of it. Maybe I had two, you know, and each of my babies get their own joke. I am, thank you. I've done this joke in Texas, you know. Hey, I'm brave, whatever. What's crazy is, like, conservatives, you know what they believe in? Like, they believe in pro-life, but they also believe in border control, right?

And you're like, what's the whole entire premise of border control? It's, hey, don't come inside. Oh, we're starting to sound the same, huh? Tell you, they're like, okay, well, then you guys should be using birth control. I'm like, oh, kind of like how your borders work, and sometimes they don't, and people still just slip on through, right? You can't understand an accident, really? Just send those people back where they came from.

And I'm like, okay, so you can deport people, but we can't abort people. Oh, okay. That makes sense, right? And then some Christian always yells at me, and they're like, well, then you shouldn't be having sex. And it's like, well, be careful. It's the last group of people you told to do that. We're your priests.

Anybody from Boston here? Okay. It's going to be dark, but we're going to. We're going to have an adventure. Anybody ever been in a toxic relationship? Yes, right. I've been the toxic one in all of them. Surprise, it's me.

One time I actually did have a guy that was very toxic, and one time we got in a really bad fight, and he threw me through a wall. Don't worry, I deserved it. I was like, that's where I belong tonight, and I totally understand. But the worst part about getting thrown through a wall, is like, you hope they at least know how to fix it, you know?

Like, how am I going to get my security deposit back? There's a fucking hole in the wall. And also, I was like, does he think that just because he threw me through the wall that the argument is done? He's no pussy. Sorry. I crawled out of the wall. And I peeled the drywall out of my hair.

And I was like, as I was saying was, that's a feminist. All right, thank you. I've been wondering. I'm happy. I wish your roommate was at this show. there are bigger problems at foot that she can know about. That was all the wrong. She hit so many wrongs there.

She hit a couple of fucking wrong grand slam. We had a Boston shoutout from the audience. They're like, she got fucked by her priest. This Boston resident did too. That's how wronged that show got. I'm very excited. We've got one more comic. We're going to find out what makes them tick

and what they think is fucked up. Make it real loud for. Jay Washington, everybody. Jay Washington. Yay, Washington. This is going to be interested in shit. First of all, let me say as a grown man, I do support abortion because I pay for several. I get one more on my punch card.

I get it free. Look, I'm a dude that likes to have great raw sex. You know what I'm saying? And sometimes I just happen to go shoot up the club. And if I hit my target and you like, hey, first response, I'm like, here's the second response, $250. Leave me the fucking law. Okay, we got that

one out the way. We got that one out the way. Let's see how far y'all don't let me go real quick. Round of applause if you watch porn. So to all of you boozy motherfuckers in here, let me see your phone real quick, okay?

Because I want to go on your internet browser for a second. Because everybody in here who watches porn regularly knows if somebody asks to use your phone or computer to go on the internet, before they type in a goddamn thing, you stopped them like, hey, what the website started with? Because you put a pee in this bitch, I'll punch you in the face, I swear to God.

You better not go to Pizza Hut, Panera Bread, Pandora, Pantera, Express, Patagonia, and none of this shit. I don't give a fuck if your kids like, Pokemon is dead, don't you do it? You put an ex in here, I'm an ex-in-the-fucking throat, I swear to Christ. Why people get uptight and pretentious about porn? We're adults. For most of us, we're adults. Some of us are grown, okay?

watched it a lot. You heard the motherfucker state, 2003. I'm like, oh, Jesus. The shit shook my spirit. I was like, oh shit. Father. A lot of us have watched porn, even the illegal ones.

And a lot of us have our own favorite category too, because mine is amateur. Now, here's why, though, okay? Here's why. I don't give a fuck about production value. Do you hear what I'm telling you? I like to see blue collar people fucking. Because I need know what I'm going to look like if I decide to give it a go on a good fucking day.

Also, let me tell you this. If you have watched a porn all the way to the end and through the credits, you're a serial killer. Listen, you're motherfucking mass murder. There's no reason you should be watching the porn get to the end and be like, I was wonder who the gaffer was. The lights in art decoration was amazing. That's why they call him the key grip and the best boy. Okay. Did y'all hear about that one woman cop in Tennessee that got fired for fucking her five subordinates? Some of y'all didn't hear it. Some of y'all probably didn't

believe it was a real story. Because when you hear it, you're like, that wasn't a woman cop. It had to be a dude cop. There's only dude cops be fucking a subordinates. And then they showed a picture of her. And she was a moderately decent white chick. And I was like, yeah, I'd have to fuck too. And so, man, a lot of people got mad on social media and shit. They was like, why y'all just talking

about her? Why you ain't talking about nobody else? Why are you talking about her? I was like, first of all, y'all need to come to fuck down. This bitch is a fucking hero. Let me explain. First off, she did one thing that a lot of us have been asking for them to do with the police for a while. She kept six cops off the street at one time.

Then we found out that all five cops she was fucking was black. Which means this bitch was taking a myriad of black penis. Then going on the streets to patrol and fight crime, get that bitch a medal. And then the five dudes that she was fucking deserved silver medals as well. Why? Because they all

had to go on the streets with Postnut clarity. So what I'm telling you all is if we won't want more cops to stop killing niggas in the streets, we need to have them fucking each other before they shift, okay? Because imagine you get pulled over by a cop that just got done busting the nut. He ain't trying to write no ticket. He's like gone,

fam, have a good night. Enjoy yourself. Be safe out here. Think we be talking about some defund the police. Fuck that, fund these niggers with blue chutes, Romans, Viagras, hymns, anything that keep them from killing black people in the news. What I'm trying to tell you all is Blue Nuts Matter. Listen,

I'm Jay Watson, I'm done. Jay. Period of black penis. I didn't realize that was the official measurement. A flock of seagulls, a murder of crows, and a myriad of black penis. I want to point out that a lot of people didn't clap when he asked about the porn. And then he mentioned blue-colored of porn, and this whole corner started clapping all at once. Snapping your fingers.

Supporters of workers' rights. I appreciate that. Yes. Unions make us strong. especially when we do our kegels correctly. All right, nobody here's old enough to need to do kegles yet. All your pelvic floors are good, huh? Strong floors.

Strong floors. Strong pussies, tight balls. How dare you, you fucking youngens? All right. Tyler, how's everybody doing on the points? How's everybody doing on the scores? That's one of the best opening rounds of wrong I've ever seen, I got to say. Yeah, makes lines for all of our comments.

Make a loud part. What a wonderful prop. Eli Monterey tied to 600 points. Jay and Lee with 800 points. Okay, good shit. Let's go ahead and keep things moving with our next round. The discomfort zone.

Ooh, ah, ah shit, yes. So we've gotten to know what they think is fucked up. And we were curious. We did a little bit more research, found out some stuff that we just had a few more questions about in their past. and we are going to, we ask each of them an uncomfortable question,

and they're going to answer to the best and funniest of their abilities. Let's go ahead and start things off with Eli. Eli, you are now in the discomfort zone. Come on down here. Come on down. Make some noise for Eli, everybody. Okay. You can take a seat.

Yeah, would you let you sit if you want? People have been starting to sit now that we have this couch here at Roadway. Can everybody see me? Yes. All right. Where can I go where you don't? You want me to stand in front of you the whole? I can do

I'm the C. I'm the I'm the C. You want? The J is my hair and I'm the C of comedy. Now Eli you did talk about this is uncanny. This is rarely happened and wrong. But you did do a bit

that we actually had queued up and ready to go. Oh God. You talked about the Holocaust. We found this clip of you from the Comedy Chateau doing a bit about the Holocaust. They're posting this shit? They are Wait, the comedy chateau is posting these fucking videos. This is where I go to work out.

This isn't fucking public. I'm suing! We can skip as a video. It's that great bit you opened up with. We can... We can... We have a modeling job. We know what happened.

Now, we're not sure if you do work the actual daytime shift to the Holocaust Museum, but as a Jewish man, you're the only expert here in the Holocaust Museum. I think. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're very welcome. And we have... Well, let's not...

Are there any other Jews? And by the way, I'm not... We got a bartender. A Jewish bar. See, you don't... How beautiful is this? I'm not... He could be an expert.

And by the way, Jewish bartenders, you don't think they exist, but they do. I'm serious. It's always a good idea to just ask all the Jews to make noise so we know where they are. That's never got wrong. That's exactly what we were looking. Never been a problem.

Yes. Yes. Yes, this one's coming from within the house. So we did look up... Within the annex, yeah. We looked at some other stuff about Holocaust museums. Now, obviously Holocaust museums, people can approach them a little problematically sometimes, right? Like, we had a tweet from the Auschwitz Memorial. People have been walking down the train tracks that were used like a balance beam

and posting it on their weird influencer websites. It's not as efficient to walk. This is their official stance. There are better places to learn how to walk on a balance beam than the site which symbol is deportation of hundreds of thousands to their deaths. Whoa, hundreds of thousands. Auschwitz is saying hundreds of thousands? They are.

Whoa, my life got flipped upside down. I always heard millions. I always heard it was six million at least. And now Auschwitz itself is saying hundreds of thousands. Why? It's a little bit. But we were curious, you know, we did also look up some other stuff about Honkaz Museum. We did find this article.

Best Holocaust museums in the world. I'm curious, you know, I can't speak. I'm not a Jewish person. I get confused as one all the time. And I'm flattered, but we've got a real-life Jew here in the building. We've got two of y'all right here live in the building. At least. At least.

At least. And I commend the ones who didn't speak up. We don't know who's hiding in the rest. You'll survive. Yeah. And we are curious. What would you put in your dream Holocaust museum? Right.

right this is an incredible question you want to phone a friend because you're going to need to yeah but I ain't the friend I'm not the friend

don't phone me well okay no good Holocaust Museum is is ready for the public

if it doesn't have shoes so it's got to have the shoes no it's very very important. I went, I've been to Israel, no offense, but I've been there. And they have a Holocaust museum there called Yadbashem. I went all the way there, no shoes. And I felt like I was fucking Jewed out of an experience. I was fucking, okay. Okay, so shoes first. And then,

honestly, at that point, what I would like to see is of, uh, free food. Like a spread. A nice spread. If you can tolerate eating in that place, I think there should be an option for eating.

Wherever in the past, it was you know prohibited to eat. Well, it would be nice when experiencing it in the future. Wow, look at this spread at the Holocaust Museum.

I went to the one on 3rd Street and Fairfax. The fucking spread was incredible. I haven't seen better locks in my entire life than the museum the tolerance. Smoked fish fresh from the ocean, pastrami cooked. I would love to see a deli in one of these things. You know, because, can I be honest with you, I didn't read much when I was at the Holocaust Museum. When I go to them, I don't like to read it.

It's, because it's, in my opinion, sad. That's a bold stance. So, yeah, just some entertainment. You know, maybe a tennis court, some spike ball, whatever the fuck people like to do. And then, okay. So you're saying you wanted to be more of like a hotel, right? You're like maybe be a little bit more hospitable. People are traveling from all over the world.

You want a continental breakfast in the holocaust. Yes, as we We're going less Holocaust Museum and more Cat Skills Resort now, I think it's what we're aiming for. You want a Howard Johnsonian. What's your last dream exhibit? The one

to cap it all up. Okay, a real exhibit and I mean this. I would like there to be those wax figures that talk back. Or like AI with all of the data. You know,

the great of the people in the past where they can speak back to you and tell you what their experience was like. But I would like for that exhibit to be, for it to have Hitler and Gerbils and Lenny Riefenstahl, who, by the way, if Lenny Riefenstahl is over your head, I mean, you're ignorant.

You know, I'd like for them to, because I always wonder, What is so bad about us? And I'd like for them to let me know so I can fix it. I mean, we survived, but we didn't get any answers. Eli Leonard, everybody. Make some noise for Eli. And happy birthday to Anne Frank.

She would have been 94 today. Oh, thank you. That is true. That is true. I saw that on Twitter before I got to the show today. Sometimes you just get presented. Some nice serendipity, right? Let's go ahead and make some noise for Monterey Martinez.

does she enters the discomfort zone. Come with that, Monarchie. You're going to sit, too? Oh, are we not supposed to do? You can, if you want, it's up to you? Oh, I feel it, yeah. Monterey's going to sit. Are you guys okay if I said it?

There we go. Now, Monterey, we looked on your Instagram. We saw this post from 29 weeks ago. People be like, you're not funny, whore. Okay, what? There's actually, a lot of people like this one. So the first, it's a carousel post.

And the first slide is, in all caps, Ever wonder if it fucking sucks to be around you? And there's a lot of stuff. We found a lot of people in this who you think it fucking sucks to be around. We've got a fucking, we got a smattering of slides. People. You guys are like, she's manic. Uh-oh.

She's got some issues. Okay. Truth is out. All right. We've got people who play their music on speakerphone and not on their headphones. You hate them? Right. Right?

Yes. We got people who are sarcastic and are too pussy to have a real convo. Your words. Yes. Right. There we go. Speak on it, queen. We also have people who are bad at telling stories, people who don't know how to know when they should leave a conversation.

Yeah, sometimes it's not your turn. You know what I mean? Just let people do their thing. You don't have to get involved. Just enjoy, you know. Jay, I just like to point out, I thought these were all caps all the time, but I'd just like to see the lower case. Yeah, there's one section that's... normal and in lowercase.

It's a very down-trop, all-caps. That's how I read it. Please, for the love of God, when you're in public space. You know, sometimes you just have those days. You know, just yell at everybody on Instagram. Yeah, just normal stuff. We also found a tweet that was interesting.

Sometimes when I'm surrounded by idiots, in all caps, with no purpose, responsibility, or care. It makes me understand dictators. Not if they're murdering people, but it makes you understand sometimes just having one person be like, no, you guys need to do this, you have to go to fucking school, you have to get a job, you have to shut the fuck up, because then we just have too much time, and everybody's all miserable,

so sometimes you just need someone to be like, I'm going to be a dictator. Okay, I'm hearing it. You think they should go to school, you think that people should get reeducated, huh? Let's ask a question. Congratulations, you're a dictator. Congratulations. You just won in a military coup. your first job is to pick who goes to the re-education camps.

Would you rather genocide? Bad storytellers. Public music assholes or sarcastic pussies. It would be most beneficial for sarcastic pussies. That's so funny because you've just essentially said for Jews. Well, that's what we call back, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, shit. That was a callback.

Perfect timing. That is not what I said, you guys. You are my witness. That's not what I said. That was your train of thought that you took us on. Train of thought. Wait, did everybody know that that's what that was and just not me or no? No, I think that Eli just enlightened.

I'm troubled. Monterey for the couple big, go through a phone and find that tweet like, like, fuck this she got to go. You shouldn't be able to thought. Mind of you. Delete, delete, delete. Now, Monterey, is there a particular reason why you would go for that group over

the other two? Because I just think communication is important. And like most of the problems in our lives just come from like you just can't hold an honest conversation. All right, everybody stopped clapping once they realized there was just a coded Jewish reference. I swear to God.

But you know what? They were on board with you before and I think we should still... I swear to God. None of us, honestly, I didn't even know. I'm sweating as on your behalf right now. And by the way, for usual, I'll take the blame. Yates. Make it loud for Monterey Martinez, everybody.

Fun, uncomfortable question. That's where we go here. All right. Jay, it is your turn. Makes a noise for Jay Washington. Is he answered this in the time? Jay Washington. Now, I hope that there's no accidental Holocaust references in this. Let me say something first.

Okay. Given out of the God who's ahead of my life. I feel like I got to repent with some shit, and I don't even know. Look. Go ahead get this shit over with. It's going to be okay. Get your goddamn hands off the baby. This one's a little bit more lighthearted.

We've got some clips. We found, you know, those of you might not know, like I said, we have a former professional wrestler. Jay is a former professional wrestler. He found his wrestling reel on Alzheimer's. page. Now this was, your name was trauma in the rain. The urban gladiator trauma.

Yep. Look at that. What's that move called? This is about to be a sit-out power bomb. We got a couple other, you got some good moves right there. Look at that. Those are some other slams. Yeah. Leg drop, very nice.

You've got a belt. Former U.A.W.A. champion. Yeah. I feel like y'all get way too happy because I'm bullshit for to come up We have some wrestling fans in the audience time We have some fans of wrestlers All right So you all know, you're familiar with the WWE

And how they have had times Skewed a little bit towards being a bit of a racist organization Oh God We have We've had some racist people involved They've had racist individuals like Routy Routy Piper

God rest Piper's soul Half racist It's only half black face Excuse the fuck out of me Let me just say this for the record For about the full black people in here You can't say half a nigger Like that's just a whole racist

He's just dressed up like Obama I don't see the problem Obama wasn't charcoal black We've also got Of course Hulk Hogan Infamous said it on the end Edward on tape said he was racist Hogan is a certified race.

He's from Tampa, Florida. The fuck you expect. He's from Tampa, Florida. We also have, of course, one of the most infamous moments in professional wrestling. I know which one this is, probably. You know which one this is.

That happened live on WWU.E. Smackdown. And that's Vince McMahon. Not just a wrestler, but the guy who owns the company. Just look at John Cena's face in this. They did not tell John Cena. An Cena that this was going to be part of the pit I think that was going on that day. No, they didn't tell

John that shit at all. But I wanted to imagine you know, you could have a chance to go pro still. I never want to say it's too late, but underway and you're going to have to tag team with one of these guys. So which racist wrestler do you tag team with? Is it Rowdy, Roddy Piper, Hulk Hogan, or Vincent McNam?

This is how you answer this with all of these. We watch this. Well, I can't tag with Roddy Piper because I'm not tagging with a corpse. that's just not going to happen. If I tag with Hulk Hogan, I'm going to make a man, because I'm going to try to fuck his daughter in front of him. Let me tell you something, brother.

Vince McMahon. So, to the black people, I got to explain some of it. So here's what that happened. So Vince McMahon is worth about $17.5 billion, okay? I currently have $22.18 in my bank account. For 3.7 million, Vince can call me nigger on the tag rope for 18 minutes, is what I'm telling you. That's for y'all. To the black dude with the afro.

Listen, it's a big man. For $4.2 million can call me spear chucker in a TikTok video. Sir, for a bus token, I'd kick Hulk Hogan in his dick. So I'm going with Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Vince McMahon, everybody. Lose my black card after this year. Jay Washington, thank you for getting to the discomfort zone. Wow.

Tyler, this is an incredible round. I think we can probably figure out how to kill that music. Let's go ahead and move on. Oh, well, now we've got my weird motivational background shown up, but we'll get past this, folks. Tyler, in the meantime, okay, that'll work. Before we get to our next round, Shave the Cat, Tyler, tell everybody how our scores are looking after the discomfort zone.

All right, all right, all right. It was a very tight round. Sorry, I was still calculating scores. Right now, Monterey's in third place with 1,000 points. Eli and Jay are tied with 1,400 points. Wow. A nice comeback, but it's still anyone's game, and we are going to our next round, Shave the Cat.

This is a round. Obviously, the riders are on strike right now, and no human being. should be replaced by AI, right? That's a big thing for the writers. We don't want the idea to replace writers because humans are better than AI. But humans are also way better at fucking things up than AI are.

I know you don't believe me, but we're going to show you right now the value of these human beings as they fuck up beloved movie franchises. Jay, why do you look surprised? Did you not read the email explaining what was going on in the show? I didn't see movie franchises in my email, okay? see it. But okay, go ahead.

Everybody's got to read the emails. I did. I would reread me. We got to figure out how to get people to read the emails for when they're doing the show. Guys, we're going to go down the line. Everybody going, come on up here. We're going to start off one by one. You're each going to get 15 seconds to pitch this room of film executives on how you would fuck up this beloved franchise. Fucking scabs. Jay.

We're going to show you... Monterey's in the last place. She should choose if she wants to go first or last. That's a great point. Monterey, would you like to go first or last? Or second. Or second. Or second. All right. We're going to start with Monterey.

And everybody's going to get 15 seconds, but we're going to go down the line. First, Monterey, you are going to show us how to fuck up. Jurassic Park. Just so you guys go, they didn't give us this ahead of time, but we're just doing this on the spot. Okay. How would I feel? fuck up Jurassic Park.

15 seconds on the clock. Okay. I would replace all the dinosaurs with hot models. You know, so we got to like keep visual experience and... That's time.

50 seconds is pretty fast. All right, let's go and keep going down the line. Jay, your time to fuck up Jurassic Park starts now. The dinosaurs eat all the black people and white people celebrate. Now, they've been like, we've been trying to get rid them somehow, but we let the T-Rex go in the hood go crazy. Six people tried

to barbecue them. They did get a teradactyl. That's how you end the shit out of this franchise. On time. Let's go ahead and see. Eli, you have 15 seconds to fuck up Jurassic Park starting now. Yeah, it's me as the... And that's time, everybody.

Well, I feel like we know who's going to run away with this round, but we still got two more movie franchises to go. Jay, you're going to go ahead and start us off with the next one. You have 15 seconds to fuck up? Spider-Man. Ready? Ready?

Set? Go. Peter Parker falls to his death on the building, right? He just can't get up. But Mary Jane watches him, and she go into labor, and she tried to reach out and the baby swing out of vagina. And then they say, you know what?

This is going for a D.C. franchise at the whole time. There we go. And that's time. I wouldn't watch that. I would watch that. I would absolutely watch that. Eli, you have 15 seconds to fuck up Spider-Man. on your mark, get set. Go.

That's time. All right, Monterey, you have 15 seconds to fuck up Spider-Man, starting now. Okay, so he has no self-esteem. Spider-Man all of a sudden is going through a crisis. He's going on Instagram, nobody's liking his shit, so he's like, has no self-esteem. He can save everybody's life, but he can't do it because he doesn't have, like, motivation.

Everybody's like, Peter, you could do it, you could do it. And he's like, I just can't. He just pussies out, and he just never does anything ever again. That's time. That's real Peter Parker shit. He got real bad self-esteem. That is a very good answer. That is so in line with the character.

All right, we have one more franchise. Eli, you're going to kick us off this time with how we fuck up the fast and the furious. Eli, your 15 seconds to fuck up the fast and the furious franchise starts now. You get old people driving these cars. Fucking slow. That's time.

The slow and the spurious. I would watch that. Monterey, you have 15 seconds They're still furious. Monterrey, you have 15 seconds to fuck up the Fast and the Furious starting now. Fast and furious is all female cast. It's women who are

driving fast and they're pissed off at their boyfriends and they're going through a breakup and they create a neckword. No men on the roads at all if you're a bad guy if you ever fucking dumped or ghosted a girl and it's just female power in all the highways of Los Angeles. That's time! But he's actually doing a spinoff with all

women. They are? Oh, my God. They are? They are? Oh, geez. Sounds like you got a problem, huh? Well, I remember what happened with Ocean's Eight and Ghostbusters answered the call.

I'm just... Nobody here watched them either. See? You see what happens? Let's go ahead and Jay, you have 15 seconds to fuck up the Fast and the Furious franchise starting now. Ben Diesel gets a DUI killing eight kids in the riddle of the road. Soon as the shit starts, okay? Tyrese tries to bail him out.

They were like, you got Warrington, put his ass in jail. Ludacris tries to rap to the judge, and they like, lock that nigga up to. That's time, everybody. And that has been Shaved the Cat. Folks, go ahead and make your way back to your seats. What a wonderful round. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, head on back.

Take a load off. You all deserve it. Wow. That was great. Now, we're going to take a little breather here. By the way, if you haven't gotten a drink, please get a drink. Make sure you tip your bartenders. Make some noise for your store.

after you're working the night. We got a little break here. We got a word from our sponsors. So just enjoy, and we'll see you back in a few seconds. Some people say, that rain is God cry, is God sneezing. And it stands to reason. That mudslides is God shooting himself.

Possibly shooting himself. Then how come it was so bad for me to eat too much in that? church again, I shoot myself only four times during three separate worship services. Would you ban God from first category? Your answers are known? They let me back. Can you better? Give me better. Makes a noise for our sponsor, Jesse Wayne Carter, everybody. Please let him back.

He only shoot himself four times. Oh, this goes the longer than I thought it was going to go. Oh my God. He's really lifting it up to the heavens there. All right. Wow. Oh, my God. Okay.

Tyler, we are getting close to the end of the show. How is everybody doing on their points? All right. In third place, we have Monterey with 1,500 points. In second place, Eli, with 1,900 points. And Jay took the lead with 2,000 points. Still, anyone's game as we get into our next round. This is the round

They know this one. They know this one. If you don't know, this is a round, this is one of our favorite rounds here. We have gone through all of their old social media. We've gone through their old tweets. We have pulled old tweets that they definitely do not remember. We have blanked out words from those tweets.

And we're going to make them see if they can guess what they said all those years ago. And don't worry, because they're worried. They're worried, but don't you worry, because they also, my crack team of researchers, started off with me. And I am, I am, I get worried every single fucking time for this show.

Yeah, you should be. And I should be. I should be, you've seen this one? Oh yeah, of course, I always see them, yeah. We're gonna see what I said. Let's see what I said, okay. Oh, this seems a little too open-ended. I don't like how open-ended this is.

New life goal, blank. 207 p.m. April 7th, 2012. I was about a month away from graduating at Elon University when I tweeted this. They're all going to tweet some regrettable shit too, probably. I have no idea. I have no idea what I said. This is so open-ended. I am very nervous.

Let's see some options. New life goal have sex. You lost your virgin. I did lose my virginity before college. I know. Shocker. Please. You gave me.

New life goal. Have sex while riding a jet ski. I mean, that sounds pretty good. Was he spouting down on at this point? He spouting down was on at this point. Would you go eat on or I saw you trying to talk to your mic was on? Turn it on, turn it on, turn on. Oh, I was saying, like, it's very specific, like, were you inspired by something?

I might have been, I might have been. Little Kenny Powell was right there. Yeah. Let's see option three. New Life goal, have sex while riding a jet ski with the lady. This time. I mean, I could have sex with myself while having while on a jet ski. I could just crank one out while I'm on a jet ski.

That's pretty easy to do. You're going to drive with one hand, really? You need two hands. Look, I'm not going to get back safely on a jet ski after I'm done here, but I will drive with one hand so I could, you know, get a nice little ocean spray. See what you did there. sitting idle still count as writing you can jack up and sit idle

I don't think that counts that sounds like you've done that before Tyler Tyler does give off very big like I fucked on a lake vibes Yeah it's It happened one time, no big deal Or like parents are lawyers Definitely not that

Let's go ahead guys I don't know I don't know which one it is I think it might be number two But what do y'all think Which one do you all think it is? I think it's number two Please got to be three I think it's number two

because probably when you were younger maybe people thought that you were not straight I mean some people still think that to this day with this kind of fashion sense how happy pride

Eli what about you yeah I think it's three I mean it's 2012 you know it's gonna be worse if you said it then it's gonna be the worst version

let's find out It's just number two That's a bisexual riot That was a life goal He had me worried for nothing That actually wasn't that bad I've gotten close to cancelable For some of the ones

I'm glad you've laid off And we didn't lay off for them Eli Leonard please come up Welcome to the entreatment round Come on up here You can clear the way You can sit down again if you want Can I judge from here?

No, come on Makes noise for Eli everybody I'll even sit next to you this time Thanks, bud. You're welcome. I'm here for you. Let's take a poll. Which hate crime do you think I committed?

Anybody got any guesses? Anybody? Misogyny. That she knows misogyny. That's fucking... That's fucking awesome that you think I'm... Let's see Eli's blanked out tweet. Blank gets just enough.

So you tweeted this at 9.41 a.m. December 19th. That could be so much. It could be anything. One retweet, two, likes. A lot of engagement. Eli, do you have, this is, do you have any, what were you doing at this point of your life? Probably still pretty hung up on the election. From the year.

From the year prior. It says Trump. You worry? That's what he says. Look, if we get this one right, we're going to give her all of Eli's points. I'm worried. It's a group of. people.

It says the blacks. It says the blacks. All right. Let's see our first option. Now remember, if you know this, what it actually is, I don't say it because Monterey and Jay are going to get the chance to guess first.

Let's see our options. Kobe gets just enough credit. 2017, everybody. In this town? Go to the next one. And our next option, Hitler gets just enough credit. And her final.

final choice. Billy Ray Cyrus gets just enough credit. All right. Monterrey. That he did, that he might double down and say Hitler. All right.

Monterey literally took the words out of my mouth. Because the Holocaust thing, I was like, he might have gave Hitler a little bit of props. It was like, he would be like, no.

Billy Ray Cyrus, I'm trying to think. This was when Miley was out. He's still wilding. Oh, was this like BMA like that? Yeah, this is wrecking ball, Miley era. She's got a princess Leia bun. Yeah, he ain't done. He ain't did the Old Town Road remix yet. They're saying she's appropriating for twerking in this time.

With no ass cheeks. It was just all back-as. Like, Molly ain't had no ass. It's just the back-up. We can't help our genetics, okay? Some of us don't have asses. She could have did some squats, got an ass-in-planted, did some shit. You ain't going to be just twirking.

thigh and backbone. That shit was disgusting. I'm going with number two, Hitler. I hate that I said that out loud like that. So Monterey and Jay both think it's Hitler. Eli. Which tweet do you think it is? I'm happy to say

it's actually the person who is best at what they do. Kobe. This was pre-duck. Kobe! By the way, the crowd really did that than Hitler.

Welcome. You know what, we just did that. What were you saying? I was just saying the crowd. Kobe was listening, everyone was like, oh, and then Hitler was next, and we're like, yeah, that's the man makes sense. Yeah, they reacted so much.

That's right. Eli Leonard, congratulations. You're the only one who gets points on that one. You got yourself right, man. All right, Monterey, come on down. It's time for you to get entweeted. Thanks a voice for Monterey, everybody. What do you want to do?

You want to do Mike in the stand? You want to sit it? I'm going to sit. All right. You got a nice, cozy. couch for all these uncomfortable comedians. I'm sorry, do you want to say? Is it much better for what you're doing?

I don't really. Let's move on to our next tweet. Monterey tweeted, I'm watching blank. I want some answers. 2015, 12, 17 a.m. Two likes. Some of us don't have a social media presence.

Okay. How do you guys follow me? Thank you. I've actually, this is, I found this out, your shadow band on Twitter when I would look this up. Yeah, you don't show up in search results. I swear God, I like post, like, spiritual tarot shit and, like, happy shit. And I'm either going to shadow it.

Trying to stop women once again. What were you doing at this point in your life? September 26, 2015. Do you remember? Yes. I just moved in with a new roommate who was going to rehab at the time. Who she was, like, moving. Sorry, that was just real.

That was just what was happening. Okay, yeah. Well, we'll see if that ties in. I'm watching Gremlins 2 for the first time. I ain't shit wrong with that move. Respect that boon. I'm watching two girls one cup for the third time. Or I'm watching my mom Hagel at a 7-Eleven.

I'm going to give you a sec to think on it. Eli, Jay, which one do you think is the real tweet? Okay, I mean, I think the two girls one cup thing is good. 7-11. I think it's C, and I'm assuming you had a relationship with your mom in 2015. I was like, did you hear my sense? Jay, what about you? Which one do you think is the real tweet?

I'm gonna say this, if you watch two girls one cup more than one time, maybe three, you were not a witch, you're a fucking demon. I'm going to fuck what you think. I can't. Thinking about that shit was some disrespect. I get it. I only watched it about a third of a time. And now I tapped out. Grimless 2 is a beautiful fucking movie,

okay? I love gizmo. Okay? Personal story, there. I believe you watch your mama Haggle a 7-Eleven for some goddamn tequitos. Like, I feel like you need tequitos or the price on some chips. So I'm going with your mama

at 7-11. It is gremlin. Are you talking about when they change in the different type of gremlins? There's all these different gremlins. They each get like their like power rangers. Like one gremlin is a slut. Literally.

It's the trans gremlin. It's a trans gremlin. And she's like having another gremlin is a bat and just blind at the same time or whatever maybe the bats do. And then there's a scientist gremlin. No, she's just brainy gremlin. I will say bats are famously blind.

Sorry, I'm not a scientist, Jay. Sorry, I didn't know that about bats. Monterey, you wouldn't know what's fucked up? I literally just watched Grimilin's 2 the other day. You guys, when you go home tonight, watch gremlins 2, you're going to remember me for the rest of your life, and you're going to be like, that girl was right. You've already seen it?

Oh, no, you have to watch it. That's what I'm saying. You have to watch it. While your roommate repairs her butthole, you two can watch gremlins two together. Next one is for Monterey. everybody. That is. Earning points.

And Jay Washington, come on down. It's time to you. God damn it. Here we go. To get and tweeted. Shit, shit, shit, shit. All right, Jay. Jay is worried. Because I tweet a lot of shit.

Yes, yes, you do. Fuck. And this is what we found that you tweeted in 2013. I just had a random blank. That's a long-ass blank. No like. No retweets.

Look, 2013, didn't nobody know who the fuck I was, okay? I'm good with that, that, you know what I'm saying? You get the tweet from now it's probably 20 likes. This is 319 PM.

Do you have any idea what you might have been doing right at this time? You just had a random moment at 319 that you had to tell the internet about it. I was working on radio, I think. Yeah, I was still running my radio. I was still doing the radio show

back to Chicago. I was on air. No, I was, no, no. was for four-hour airfetchated insanity. No, it wasn't, because it picked up the time here, so it'd be 519. Aging is horrible, everybody. Please don't age.

Fuck you, I'm trying to, I'm doing the math of this shit, trying to figure this sound. I'm like, I'm young, stay fresh. No, I'm around this bitch, like Zach Gallup and Atkins in the hangover right now, like, carry the one. Jay knows gremlins, too, more than his own life. God damn right.

I wasn't beating off at 319, because I couldn't have a random nut. I think I had a random sandwich. We don't know, but we'll find out some options. Now remember, if you think you know it, don't say my honor and I'm going to go first. I just had a random thought. What do atheists scream when they fucking?

I just had a random woman come up to me and ask me if I was Cedric the Entertainment. Okay. Okay. Oh shit He's popping in 2013 He was He didn't have a residency at flappers then I'll tell him that's just for the comics

I just had a random Ashy Dry Foot moment And instantly started singing slave chants Oh my god Eli Monterey Who's the fuck-up thing I literally can't respond. Here's the fuck-up thing I literally could have said any one of those three.

So I have no motherfucker clue what I said. Oh, no. Like, if one of them is the one that he did say, then I'm like, you guys just wrote the other one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm tempted to go with number three because if you wrote that, you know, maybe not a good look. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I'm really hoping that Jay wrote that. Or maybe you just know. his voice so well.

We need to pay our writers. Yeah, we need this. He goes number three. Monterey, are you also going to go to number three? Well, if he's going to go number three, then I'm going to go, number two was what, again? It was the Cedric of the Entertainer. I feel like that is a thing where if you're a comic and you

are at a club, then you get mistaken for another comic and you would tweet that. So I feel like it's number two. They think this whole table re-encode, they think it's number two. Yeah, because it's black people. Jay, which one do you think it is? You really want to know what I think?

Yeah. I swear to God, I think I had an ashy dry foot moment and started going, I'm building me old while rubbing lotion on my feet. I started singing the slave song from the beginning of school days. That's a black move from there. Congratulations. You know exactly how Ashley your feet were in 2013. Nice work.

Jay Washington. Make a noise for everybody who got him tweeted. Great work. Wow. What a wrap. Wow, wow, wow. Now, we are almost at the end of the show, folks. We do have.

Now, Tyler, tell them we do have a grand prize that they are competing for tonight. Yeah. It's going to be really good. I'm not going to say what it is. It's going to be fun. It's a prize in that box. All the prizes are actually in that box.

So the box is just there to hold things, really. They're to hold things and look nice. Yeah. Let's go ahead and get a, Our scores, so we know what we're working with going into the final round. Now is a close game. I will say Monterey's in third place with 2,200 points. Eli's in second with 2,400 points, and J in first with 2,600 points.

Close, close game. We love to see it, folks. Now, to close things out, our final round is the palate cleanser round. Aw. Wait? Oh, there you go. Aw, okay. Now we can aw on cue.

Aw. You know what I'm really By the way, usually we have to boo people during the show? We haven't had anybody that booed once on this entire show. So congratulations. Good for us. All right. Yeah, okay,

fine. Boot me for that corny shit I just did. I deserve that. I shouldn't have called it out. It was like calling out a perfect game. So the Palak lens around. We've done some fucked up stuff tonight. We've talked about a lot of fucked up things. We've been uncomfortable. We have seen uncomfortable. We have done uncomfortable. But we don't

want you all to get out of here with a bad taste in your mouths. We want you to have a good time, just like we have had these comics had a good time this entire show. So, to get you out of here on a nice note, we have asked these comics to tell us their cleanest, most wholesome joke for the grand prize to win it all. And they are going to wager their points. Just like Final Jeopardy, exactly. So let's go ahead and remind everybody down the line, Monterey. $2,200 points, and Eli. 24, 100 points, and Jake.

6,600 points. Now you're wagering on your ability to tell a fucking clean, wholesome joke that this audience decides is the most clean wholesome joke. Oh, it doesn't have to be funny. I mean, I think it would be better if it was funny. I understand.

It's still going to the audience. It's still going to the audience. Monterey, how many points are you going to wager? That's great. I like that. Remember talking to the mic. We got Eli coming up. What are you going to go for the winner? 3,600. You don't even have 30.

6,600 points. Just do the math that'll get him to 3,600. Jay, what are you going to wait here? 1,800. 1,800, all right. Very good. I like that you did your math. Let's go ahead and start things off. Eli Leonard, please hit us with your palate cleanser.

Everybody makes a noise for Eli. Oh, this is wonderful. Hey, everybody. Oh, it's so good to see you. How is everybody tonight? Awesome. Thank you. I almost didn't, oh.

That would have been funny and clean. Oh? I swear I have them. Hey, Jay, how you doing, man? You're doing a lot better if you did a fucking joke. Sorry, a freaking joke. I keep making me. Okay, okay, okay.

Oh my, my cousin, he's already covering her face. What's your problem? What's your problem? My cousin, my family member, my cousin, yeah. My aunt's daughter. Big of a deal. My cousin, wait, my cousin lives in Iowa. Oh, that's awesome.

Cheers. My cousin lives in Iowa and she said she wants to She said she wants me to move to Iowa to be closer. I said, you kidding me? Iowa? I would rather... I would rather eat a rock. Letter, everybody.

Eey letter! Go ahead and take a stand right over here next to Tyler. And Monterey, come on up. Let's get your pallet lens going. Monterey Martinez, everybody. Broke to the point where I'm... doing witchcraft. I said this earlier.

And people, I don't know if you've ever had to do this before, where you have to take your vision board to your landlord and be like, as you can see here, I'm gonna have the money. If you could just wait to the next full moon,

let me light this abundance candle and I'll get you your money. Perfect. Monterey Martinez, everybody. as Jay Washington hits us with his ballot cleanser. All right. This is an actual joke I used to do as well. I just recently broke up with my relationship,

and I should have known it wasn't going to last. I didn't have real faith in it. I didn't believe in it because she would always blame me for things I had no control over. Like she wouldn't get mad at me if I left the cap off the toothpaste. You know what I'm saying? She wouldn't get mad if I drank all the orange juice and just put a little dollop in the refrigerator.

She wouldn't get mad at me if at 247, 7 in the morning, she fell in the toilet because she didn't want to turn around and look, I flip on a light switch. No. She got mad at me because she had a mouse in her house and I wouldn't go get it. I don't think you understand.

It's a mouse in her house. You know what I feel like if it's her house, therefore it's her mouse and it's her responsibility. And she always has no problem with letting me know it's her house. She always like, well, you don't run nothing around here. You don't pay no bills around here. I'm this I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

Do you know what that means? Yeah, that means you catch a Mickey by yourself tonight, okay? Thank you all. Jay Washington, everybody. Jay Washington. Everybody, come on up here. Come on up, come on up, coming up, coming up, coming up. What a wonderful lineup of comics we've got tonight.

Now, we're going to do this old classic applauseometer style with who you think had the best joke in the Paleklins around. And remember, you only get really got to vote once. We've got to make a definitive, all right? There's grand prize on the fucking line, okay, everybody? This is a serious business. If you think Eli Leonard won the Palaclins around, makes her noise. Just the guy from Iowa.

Just love the Iowa reference. Did Monterey Martinez win the Palis? Did Jay Washington win the Palacan. I think that means Monterey Martinez won the Palacinz around. Monterey Martinez. But what did that do to the final score? Well, I mean, she went for it all, so I did you get it. That's a full-on win.

Montero Martinez is our winner. Congratulations. Tell them what they won. Third prize, this is a worst prize the best price. This is important. This is a previously open copy. Hold on, I was going to open it. Of Seinfeld,

the DVD set. Season 7, volume 6. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's mine. I gave that to you. Eli did give it to me. Thank you.

Okay, but also, keep going, sir. In second place, you win this. It's Blackmere Bander Snatch, a promotional DVD ahead in my car. It's cool. I don't know, watch it. Pick your own adventure. Do it.

I actually like Bander Snatch. I'm not going to even lie. And our grand prize. It's an unopened version of Season 7, Volume 6, which signed jump. It's unopened. You want to save that for the value? You can do that.

Folks make some noise for our comics tonight. Eli Leonard, Jay Washington, our champion Monterey Martinez. I've been Jay Light. That's Tyler Mezzanerich. Thank you, Barstaff. Thank you, folks. We'll be back next month with another wrong.