WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - #20 – I'M A GAY MURDERER (ft. Abby Roberge, Ellen Sugarman, Walter Ford)

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

Recorded live at Mic Drop Comedy Club in San Diego, 6/8/24.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Abby Roberge, Ellen Sugarman, Walter FordSUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE! We’ve got full video of battles there!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Upcoming Shows:SAN DIEGO: 9/21 @ Mic Drop, 10 PMLA: 10/5 @ The Comedy Store, 11:45 PMcover photo by Van Corona Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Jay Light here with another episode of Wrong, a fucked-up game show podcast edition. This show's another one from San Diego, California, recorded live at Mike Drop Comedy Club on June 8th, 2024. This one's got Abby Robberge, Ellen Sugarman, and Walter Ford competing to find out who is the wrongest comedian, and it is a super, super-duper fun episode. If you like the show, please consider subscribing to the podcast. You can also get tickets to see us in San Diego. We're going to be back there tomorrow night, September 21st at 10 p.m. And you can also come catch us in Los Angeles

at the Comedy Store on October 5th at 1145 a.m. We've got ticket links for both of those in the show notes. So click and purchase. If you want to see full video episodes of the show, they are available on our YouTube. We've got a playlist link in the comments. So please watch and subscribe there if you haven't already. Without further ado, let's get wrong.

Live from the mic show up here in Sunny, San Diego. It's Wrong, a fucked up game show. Let's be a live for our host. It's Jay Lighter by Jay. Hey, my own. You don't know how to turn your own fucking microphone on. How dare you? It's the only one that has an hot-off switch.

Guys, everybody, welcome to Wrong, a fucked up game show. Make some noise for yourselves. You guys are great, looking, proud. I'm your coach, Gail. I'm going to be proud. that my scorekeeper Tyler Mezorich bought for me in Wyoming. It's too short and I don't like it, but Tyler, every time he has a chance, he will sabotage me.

So make some noise for Tyler. It's great. It's got a palm tree on it. It's very fast. It does. Yeah, we're in San Diego. We're in America's Finan City. I think this is what people in Wyoming think San Diego looks like.

We're so excited to have you guys here tonight. This is a fucked-up game show. It's a dark-cum game show. Who likes games shows? Makes me noise if you like game shows. Yes, good stuff. Now, on most game shows, people like to do things right. Not here. We like it when people do things wrong.

That's right. When we get a little bit of audience participation, we like when people do things... Wrong. Oh, you can do better than that. You like it... You guys to talk like you drink all the angry orchards in this bucket, okay? We are going to get loud. We are going to have a nice time

because we are going to have some comments up here who are going to be saying some fucked up things. We're going to be covering some dark topics. We're going to be going to some weird places tonight. And it's all the love of the game. You guys ready for that? You guys ready to go fuck up with us tonight? Excellent.

We're going to go ahead and start things off because we're crowned and keep people who have the most fucked up comedian of the week. But we have an audience member. We were looking through our audience members. We got some responses from people who submitted they had worst weeks. And we have one person in particular who we felt like had the worst week.

Mercedes. Mercedes, where are you at Mercedes? Right there! Mercedes in five words or less, Mercedes said a fucked up week. Road dick too hard. It's hung out emoji. All right, Mercedes. Yeah, I think we can clap for Mercedes.

Welcome. Did you know your seatmate, rode a dick too hard? Did you know that? You're the first one to find out. Wait, what's your name? I'm Irene the Dream. Irene the Dream. We got Mercedes, who's been totaled.

Uh, Mercedes, you rode the day too hard, did it? Was there an injury involved? Did you get injured as a result of it? Yes. Okay, what kind of injury are we talking here? I'm just kidding, though. No, no, no. No, uh, she's just kidding, which means she doesn't want to talk about this.

She wants to get the fuck out of it. Let's see, it's okay. Because Mercedes had a fuck, up week and we're gonna give Mercedes a prize. How about that? Let's give her a prize, Tyler. Tell her what she won. Mercedes, you won this book. It's, don't touch me by Howie Mandel.

Congratulations, Mercedes. Don't ride his dick. Don't ride his dick. And y'all, let's give Irene the dream baby what's up, what's good, a prize too. How about that? Tyler, tell her what she won. You won this.

It's DeGrasi, the next generation. Diss 3 from season 2, I believe. Congratulations, Irene. Very good stuff. Yes, and this is good. Audience members, keep up a good work like those two did, and you might want to prize yourself. Guys, let's go ahead and keep things going. We are very excited. We have some of the best comics in the city, in the world,

here to tell us what they think is fucked up, ready to play the game tonight. So this is time for our first round. All right, that far works. We got, we'll clap for the... Perfect time, I can fix some technical difficulties in a minute. But we have three three. great comedians, we have asked them to tell their most fucked up jokes tonight. Yeah. It could be dirty. It could be dark. It's definitely going to be wrong. And what we're scoring, Tyler's keeping track, keeping an iron thing. He's going to give people

points based on how funny and how fucked up they are. So the only way we can really tell things are funny and fucked up is if you laugh at these fucked up things, all right? So we've got to be prepared. We're going to let it out tonight. We're not going to hold it in, all right? We're gonna let it out. Like Irene has tried to let herself out on me. That felt very aggressive, but I didn't mind so much, Irene. You guys are ready to get fucked up with these comics? Let's make a noise.

Let's get some things going. Our first comedian is from Gary, Indiana, the original home of the Jackson family. That's right. So if his set sucks tonight, we can tell him to beat it. It is. Walter Ford, everybody. This is the first place in San Diego.

Black people going first. I fucked up there. Okay, so when he told me the preternist, I didn't know what the fuck to talk about, so I guess I'm just talking. I was like, I think I'm just telling a story about when I showed up to church going commando with coochie juice still on my balls. In middle school. So anybody here ever dated a Jehovah's Witness, and you're not a Jehovah's Witness?

No, just me. Trust me, man. That's the most dumbest thing you can't other do because girls, clear about Jehovah's Witness, can't even talk to boys at all. Let alone when you become an adult and you become an adult woman, your husband can't not be a Jehovah's Witness either. So they dating pooled like this being. They fucked up.

If you get somebody that can't fuck right, you're just done. You're just done. Stuck with him and Jesus for the rest of your life. That's little life, man. trying to get him hard. In the name of Jesus, I got it. He's like, I'm trying, Lord, I'm trying. So, right, so I'm in middle school, so I'm just trying to fuck all the time.

So I'm like, all right, I got my girlfriend. She told me, come over when her mama was at work. I said, cool, hell yeah. When your mama would have to work, she's like 4 p.m. to 5.32 p.m. I called my guy Matt. I said, Matt, I'm going to have to put Jesus on hold for some cheeks. I'm gonna be right back. Well, I feel 22 booty holes tightened up

when I said cheeks, ironically. This is middle school going to high school, right? So it's the summer. So when you date somebody at Jehovah's Witness, you gotta be real espionized, like inspector gadget type shit. So I had to pull out a map, and I'm coordinated where the booty at. I'm like, I'm like, alright.

This is my hump I'm gonna leave it, so I'm gonna go around this corner, I'm gonna jump this fence, this the window. So I go in there. Now, this is one. of my first sexual experiences. I don't really know what's going on when I get in there I jump in the window she like get comfortable I'm like what the fuck man is a fucking ninja what is you talking about this what the fuck your mom was a gangster like so I put my shoes down this is where I fucked up I put my shoes down

sat up by the door she's like I ain't come in you know we sit there we laying down we get on her mama bed She was just talking about how her would be abused of her. She didn't be doing shit right. So I had just watched the movie Step Brothers. And my favorite part was, I'm going to put my nutsack on your drum set. She didn't have a drum set, but she had a vanity mirror that looked just as precious.

So right when I was hitting it, I'm just, boom, boom, boom, boom, nuts on the drum set. I just left all the fickle matter right down. balls just matter all the things that's too I think I got too nasty right there my man was at too all justice is too what I mean okay so we into it we getting into it her mama got off at four o'clock sweat of God she lived 15 minutes away she got there in seven minutes fam she zoomed in that bitch so we heard the door open right hand to God you've never got out of pussy so fast as soon as I heard a

door open I just was like one motion just went right back in her closet like Fred uh Homer Simpson in the bush we're right in the closet now I'm in the closet and I'm trying to be quiet now she go out and her mama like Jasmine what you doing she's trying to put a rope up nothing her mama like her mama like who the fuck size twills is at the door bitch the fuck is you doing So now I'm like fuck So her mama like what you fuck is who the fuck is and who who woo woo Jasmine like I had Walter go come out I'm like oh the fun so now I got a

I ain't got shit I got no drawls on and a shirt no no undershirt and I just walk out like hey How are you and so nice to meet you mama hey I'm trying to be nice on shugging and jabby she was like would you have been sex with my daughter and for some reason The Holy Ghost came over me. I was like, does about to count? When I tell you, she knocked me, and I went straight to the Lord, nigga. No draws. My name is Walter Ford.

I appreciate you all. Walter Ford. Just to clarify, ball juice is not fecal matter, and I want to make sure we're all on the same page about that. Unless Walter was not showering well. Kyle, I'm on here. All right, folks. Tyler, you got everything set up in the back.

How do you feel about Walter said? Oh, yeah, it was good. I agree with the fecal matter. He just said it's both several times. So he does disagree with you, Jay. All right, Glad Walter is a comedian and not a medical professional. Great news for everybody.

Let's go and bring up your next contestant. Her Instagram bio says, Dog's, Sunset, and Comedy. And her Boston bio says, Patriots, Red Sox, and Red Sox, and Make some noise for Alan Sugarman everybody. I'm really gross. What I'm right, seriously know, is that,

okay, so ladies, did we know this, that the shit seeps up into the crevice of the balls? And that was what he was talking about. That is so fucking gross to me. Ugh. All right? No, no, go ahead, take a sip. Is that?

Is that? You call it butt buttering. Oh my god, do you have a name for it? What? I was back there and they were given all the instructions and I was like, oh, am I supposed to be fucked up? Like, well, yeah, you are. I was like, fuck. So I was just back there trying to get high as fast as I can.

What my dirt, I'm like, what do you think of what my dirtiest joke is. I guess, wow. Did you get is, do you think it's sufficiently stirred? Yeah. I'll hear that, like the room is so fucking quiet. I don't think I've ever been in on a stage and have the room be that quiet. That I could hear somebody's stirring their drink. Ah!

All right, um, I was just telling you earlier that the biggest bomb I ever did was in Scotland one year at Fringe. And this is actually pretty close. This is pretty close, right? Yeah. Okay, so people tell me a lot that I look like Barbara Stry-Sand. Oh. She didn't make it, right? It's just a more polite way of pointing at me and saying, hey, Jew.

Yeah, exactly. So, I'm not Jewish. You just don't have it. I was like, I don't know what you mean, you're fucking anti-Semitic asshole, but tell me more. And, uh, so, uh, so, uh, uh, you just don't have to be me. So, you know, we didn't have a second date. I do fuck. I'm playing for all of you what that means.

It means that I did it and I complained the entire time. What's that? No? No. Oh, you didn't like me. No. Oh, I jufucked him. I know what that means, right?

No, I mean you guys what it means? No. It means I complained the whole time, right? Like, I was like, oh, this, this bill is so hard. These plagues are itchy. He was like, Ellen, I don't know, this is your problem. I was like, oh yeah. Doritos. You know what I?

I was sitting next to these two guys, right? They were talking, as one will do. And one of the guys said to the other, he said, Hey, bro, I went out with this chick the other night. Dude, she's got bipolar. And his buddy goes, oh, bipolar. Well, bipolar girls love sex. They can't get enough sex.

They want to do it all night long. Go for it. And I was like, eh, well, well, What the hell, man? And he's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you were listening to defend you. And I'm like, no, I'm not offended, but this is a weird way to find out that I have bipolar. Very Jewish. Yeah, very Jewish.

Now I know. Very Jewish. Yeah, she said she, uh, everyone who knows she's Jewish because you look like Barbara Streis and said. I knew because you kept talking about bombing. A monster joke for a couple, definitely ex-military guys. Definitely ex-military guys laughing at that joke. Tyler, I'll give yourself like 50 points for that. I'll take them.

I'll take them. You're welcome. Folks, we're on to our last contestant. We're gonna find out what they think is fucked up. He has a tattoo on his collarbone that says employable. Let's find out if his comedy is enjoyable. Make some noise for Abby Robair! Gay dark shows so I can say whatever I want.

I can say whatever. Is it worth ruining my career for the five-minute set? Maybe. Most people are just rot in their brains watching TikTok. watching TikTok and shit. Now you guys, you guys look like more of a Facebook Reels kind of crowd. You're over 65 years old. You push it out. Are you on Facebook?

Yeah. Oh, you're that, you're that haircut is the type of guy that has... Do you have a selfie in your truck? Is your profile picture? Picture? I have a lot of my truck and drag on. Of course. You got lifted corvette?

That's a head. That's got a fox. This guy's got a lifted corvette. That's the most redneck vehicle. Girl. Jesus Christ. Is that legal? So you're on Facebook, right?

People get political on there like crazy for no reason, right? It'll be like a video of like a cat dancing around. around you know and then you open the comment section and this guy's in there like i bet fucking joe biden's cat does the man's as good as this cat does and the next comment was like shut up you cut bitch i was like why do you make me he's like i'm fucking getting in the lifted corvette i'm gonna fatt i banned tic-tok and so hopefully all these facebook are gonna come over or whatever I'm my buddy, he's really excited about this whole TikTok band that might happen because he embarrassed himself when he was complaining about TikTok.

He didn't, he was complaining to me, he didn't realize, your algorithm says a lot about you. He's too, he doesn't understand these things, you know? My buddy's like, man, fuck TikTok dude, TikTok sucks, bro. All it is, it's just a bunch of black guys shaking their dicks. like the videos. You love the videos. Black guys remember laughing quite hard. So it's a show.

I would say, man, no, what it is. TikTok is Chinese propaganda. They invented it in China, and they sent it to America to turn us gay so they could take us over. I don't know, I think you're born that way. I don't think that's how it works. Have you got any karens in here tonight? What are my karens?

I have this theory about Cairns. I think there's two kinds. There's conservative Cairns and there's liberal Cairns. They get mad about, you know, different political things, right? Liberal Cairns, a little worse than the conservative ones, though, because liberal Cairns, you know, conservative can only be evil and complain to the manager half the day, right? The other half of the day, they got a family to take care of. They got to do laundry, they got to take the kids to school, things like that, right? murdered their babies. So they have nothing but time and their hair blue. I contact with every person in here. It's the best joke ever ready. I gotta get out of here soon. I got a house plant at home. I got to take care of it. I got this plant. It looked fired at the store. No watered it and this plant looked amazing. And I brought it home. I gave a love and attention. And all of a sudden this plant, it became like an email fucking teenager. This plant I got. His plant is just like, give me water, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

And I gave it water and it's like, that was too much water. Not me at all. I've got this along, I eat salads next to it. I go, you better be on your best behavior and you're gonna end up in the ball. Alright, thank you guys. I'm Abby Robberz. Abby Robairs, everybody. An abortion joke. He hit a suicide joke, and he hit a TikTok is making a gay joke.

That's a wrong trifecta right there. That's impressive. It's been wonderful, so let's go ahead and bring all of our contestants out for one time here on the panel. Make some noise, one more time for Ellen Sugarman, Walter Ford, and Abby Robairs. Take a seat, take a seat, welcome. Come on up. Everybody's got their own microphones now. How are you got? You guys are drinking. are drinking and got a couple more

angry orchards on deck. Great, we're getting through them. You're allowed to drunk drive if you have a lifted Corvette. Yeah, it's all good. Pop will watch that and be like, damn, that's fucking ram, man. That's sick. I like this. You guys are having a good time. Ellen, are you a little bit less high now? Are you worried? I'm coming down a little bit. Just a little bit.

But I've got a beer coming, so it'll be. There you go. I'll be back. If I remember there was a show to get cross-faded on, as a contestant. It is this show. Walter, how are you feeling? I'm feeling fucking great. I'm just trying to figure out when he's going to start driving Uber in that lifted Corvette.

We need that button. We ain't never get pulled over. He's going to see the police and they're going to high-five each other. Uber, Uber, K, K. Or, keeping track of how funny and how fucked up everybody's being. Tyler, how does everybody do it after the first round? Very good first round. Walter and Ellen tied 500 points. And the most fucked up

So that goes to Abby with 600 points. Wow. Nice. Good job, Abby. Oh, wow. Would you complain about being in the odd? Shocking. This is her land, it turns out.

She's over here trying to haggle me, Jay. I knew it. Did everybody know this was the theme of the show or some wholesome people were like horrified? I said a little horrified faces. Oh, yeah. We haven't anybody walk out yet, which is a good sign.

happened at this point of the game earlier on in the show but not tonight because you guys are fucked up and we like that So let's go ahead and get more fucked up. Let's go ahead and play our next game. This is a game called Fight your fan longer more fucked up version of it All the black people in the room got practiced at that fan. Your auntie gets you ready for the streets my dear. That's all I'm saying you're good by the time you were third grade Oh, it is almost Father's Day, so we felt like bringing the show back. Makes noise if you forgot that Father's Day was in about a week and a half. I definitely did, yeah.

I'm just going to tell a quick story. One time I got a... I used to do a lot of drugs. One time I did acid on a Sunday. And, yeah, it's a good day to do acid on a Sunday. The Lord's day. Yes, exactly. And I got to see the Lord that day.

It was nice. He was hanging outside of Chick-fil-A bag. They don't know how it showed up. Don't know how we got it. And I remember, I checked the calendar, which if you ever drop acid, just don't have your phone on you. Don't be anywhere where you can see dates or times. And I checked the calendar and I was like,

oh, it's Father's Day. I should text my dad right now. And tell him how much. I intended this really nice, heartfelt text, happy Father's Day stuff. And then he texted me back. Thanks, Jay. Father's Day's next Sunday.

And I think you knew that was when I was on drugs. It was a good time. This is a game called Fight Your Family where we are going to have some familial arguments. These comedians are going to imagine, Ellen, why are you so shy? I explained this to you in the green room back before the shit. I know, I wasn't going to listen to all right.

What the fuck you thought we was doing, Ellen? What you? I didn't know. I was going to follow these guys. What we've done is we've got a couple rounds. We've got our first round here is certain familial arguments, basically. You're going to imagine the audience is an audience

is a family member that you. you are starting an argument with. Like it's Thanksgiving or something like that, right? Right time to start an argument with your family. We've got the top six options on the board for this first round, and you're going to have to pick which one of these six you're going to be starting a fight with. Walter, you're going to go first.

So I just pick a number? Pick a number. Let's go with... Cinco! Cinco! Let's see number five. Number five. Most cousin, most likely to join a cult or multi-

level marketing scheme. I'm not up in the calls. You're ready. So I'll argue with you? Walter, do you have a cousin who you can picture is like who this would be? No, when you, when you're from poverty, you ain't got enough time to be in a cult.

What about Herbalat? That seems like it's... Herbalife is actually a good... That's a California cold, actually. I know six people are I was actually an herbal life. You were an herbal life. If anybody wants to get your life change about nutrition. Support black business is what I'm saying.

It's almost June 10th, my name. So if you're our herbal life guy, I want you to argue with this, I want you to start a fight with this audience. Imagine that they are you and how you're going to start a fight with somebody who's in an MLM. Go ahead and give it to him. You got 15 seconds on the clock. Okay, so I'm the cousin or on me? You're the cousin.

Okay, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, that. What the fuck, Walter? I'm telling you, they got you, bro, free blow jobs every six days, diga sima. And that's time. I don't know how that was starting a fight, that actually made the MLM sound more enticing. That sounds like, and their cum taste great,

because it's full of nutrition. And people that give you blow drops, they get blowjobs. You get sick, they get. You get sick. Yeah. It's trickled down off your chin economics is while we're talking here. Ellen. Okay.

You're going to be up next. Top six options on the board for who you're going to fight with. Pick a number. 21. No. You go get ex-husband. Why? Three.

Three? All right. Let's see three, Tyler. Drunkest aunt. No, I'm in the rest. She's arguing with us else to that. She's embodying herself. You're gonna start a fight with your drunkenest hand.

So how do you start a... When you're shit-faced in the mirror, imagine that the audience is you in the mirror. Start that fight. You got 15 seconds on the clock. You're the aunt. You're the drunk aunt. Hand of that.

They were free drinks and somebody wanted me to have one. And... Add a scoop of bitch in there. I was, what? He said, had a scoop of bitch in me. Yeah, I was a little nervous. I was a little nervous. Want to be the drunk aunt starting a fight with your niece?

You could do that. We can switch it up. Oh, and ten is up. Nobody seems to understand. Abby, we're going to stay with it anyway. I think you got it. I just need whatever weed. My bad.

I was just going to say, I need whatever weed. Ellen is all right now. I'm fucking doing that game. All right, give me number one. Number one. Let's see number one on the board. To have stormed the Capitol on January 6th. A little racist.

Absolutely racist. I went and stormed the capital. I'm going to record this. That's time. This is great. That's how you play Fight Your Feet Family. You ride up to the National Mall in the Linton Court back. That's cheating.

Because when his family commit crimes, they get on Fox. My family commit crimes, they're in jail. Fucked up. He got home court advantage, man. Now would have been really fucking if you got that one. Well, now we've got a second round going on. Maybe you'll get it this time. It is Father's Day coming up,

but we did some research on all of your fathers. Oh shit. So we're... Damn, can you... Can you help me, mother? Your dad is? Yes, we learned, yeah. He talked about it.

Alcoholics starting in 14. Yup. Yup. He up. He started early. How many times have you seen him now? I've seen him four times in my whole life. Okay.

So I want you to imagine that you're seeing him for the fifth. fifth time in your whole life. Oh shit, okay. And you're starting a fight with your alcoholic absentee father. Oh, we still doing that right now? Oh, hell yeah. Time is on the clock.

I've been waiting my whole life. Here we go. So you're not gonna teach me how to mix the tequila and the hypnotic? You're drinking up and teach me how to put your hair like that. And that's time. That's a good answer. That's a good answer. Did you say tequila and hypnotic?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucked up. I'm gonna say, he'd say, and hypnotic, but... Jay, who is the wrong show? The wrong show. Jay, Henry, he started 14. That makes sense. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Isn't hypnotic, did he's drink? Of course he started 14. Oh, shit. We got a live crowd tonight. We did some research, and the best we could figure out is that. You got a dead dad. He's not dead? No, I got it.

Oh, god damn. That's fucked up because my dad did. Digger, that's fucked up. Can I tell you how confident we were that we found this? Wrong research. We had an intern. We had an intern. for this show. Do research on everybody on this show.

Time to fire his ass. Bound in obituary. It's the wrong time to be switching a browned juice, niggins, this is wrong. I'm all soon you can escape. For someone from a beloved husband, certainly, well, I mean, at the time, currently, of Lake Worth, Florida, formerly of Quincy Mass,

beloved... Blevade. Dad. Dude, do you think that I lived in Quincy? Well, it said Alan Sugarman, of Brookline. Was your daughter? Yeah.

Are you just finding out that you did you not know that your dad died in 2007? Is there a different dad? Now she got a new sister. She's crazy. Dad, new sister? First of all, I did not grow up Quincy. So, and I have had a children from Brooklyn. That's crazy.

That's crazy. You're fired an intern, nigger. He got all his facts. fact that was not my father. I'm LeBron James to him probably. We don't know what's going on. We'll tell you what. We'll tell you what.

How about that doesn't happen in a touch. If you wanted to get into a fight with your currently living, 92-year-old dad, you got 15 seconds to do it. Get his ass. Let's start that timer. But dad, why? Why can't I have it? Why can't I have that piece of jewelry in that house?

And why don't you love me? Dad! We talk about what you eat for dinner for a while. Ellen, you're so Jewish. They're really going to know. We were, we did it our best guest. Make some noise for Ellen Sugarman, everybody. Just fuck arguments.

We have a therapy session. And so because of that, I have daddy issues. So this is a top one for me. So. We're happy we can help you process tonight. I'm going to cry for hours. Let's go ahead and move on to our final Abby, who we talked about your dad a little bit. He is.

We're up on a call. What, tell us a little bit about the cult? Oh shit. I was on the Hari-Krishna Khomeya till I was like 13 years old. I'm still part of it. So it's like, it's still, I still am a member of the cult. the cult. So for this sake, just picture, for this scenario,

picture like a very religious cult dad that likes to live off of credit, okay? Is he wearing like a robe or something? On a robe. Wearing a robe? Yeah. Is he offering us like a rose or something or beads or like a business card? Yeah, sure. Let's just pretend.

Let's just fictionalize him, so I don't know. There we go. All right. Go ahead and argue with this audience. He is your cult dad ready to start a fight. You've got 15 seconds on the clock, starting now. Dad, I know you don't want me to get a job, and I know you want me to hang around the house all day smoking weed,

but I have dreams, okay? I want to go to college, and I want to learn things. I don't want to smoke weed all day. That is time, everybody. Makes noise for Abby Robes. And that is Fight Your Family. None of us argued with our dads, bro. We all had heartfelt emotional trauma bonds right now.

I wouldn't be wanting a mic friend. Oh, oh sorry. Say, I haven't worked. Let's go ahead and move on to the next round. This next round is called every single game. This is a round called entwip. Aetree tweet. The cult tweets?

So basically the way that's working, So basically the way this works is we got a bunch of tweets. All of our comedians here, we all tweet. We all thought it was the West way for us to have a career was to be all over social media. I know, you've tweeted some questionable things before, haven't you? You've almost gotten fired from a job

or something you tweeted. Here's what happens, everybody. A lot of people have gone through and deleted a lot of their tweets, but some of these comedians have not. And we have taken advantage of that. We've gone through everybody's old. We've gone through everybody's old social media posts.

We've found some questionable posts. We blanked out some things that they've said, and we are going to make them guess what the real thing they wrote was. I know. It's tense. I feel the tense. I don't know. It's a fucked-up will of fortune. Yeah, this isn't jeopardy.

This is career jeopardy. Guys, I've learned about other cultures since these tweets came out. And I was drinking and all. A lot of medications. Okay, we'll wait. Now don't you worry, we will start off, because I wouldn't play anything that I wouldn't want you guys to play. So we're gonna start off with one of mine or see if you can guess what the real tweet is. One of mine.

Yeah, one of mine, okay. Masturbation advice, blank. Do we know what afterwards before that? Oh, so we fill in the blanks? We're gonna try and fill in the blanks. I mean, we'll- Oh, this is. Yeah, I don't know what this is. I tweeted this July 28th, 2016.

How old were you? That's gonna let me know. I was 26. Oh, you was 26. I should know better at this point. Yeah. I know what it was. You know what it was?

I think so, yeah. Say it. I don't need masturbation advice from my mother. That's good. That deserves some points. Either that one or I always take masturbation advice from my father. Very good. I know both ways on that.

I mean, this one got five likes and run retweet, which is honestly pretty good numbers for me. That's pretty high. one comment to one person actually took that masturbation advice. So we all go through and fill out in the blanks? Well we're gonna show off, because we've got one of these that we're about to show you is the real tweet.

Two of them are ones that are my team of minions and researchers made up. And I don't know when the real one is. I never know, I'm gonna guess right along with you guys. So let's go ahead and see the first option. At Pornhub, knock it off with these jack-off instruction videos. If I wanted masturbation advice, I'd listen to the stroke by police squire. Very complex.

That is a deep cut. That is a deep cut. But you were a writer, bro, so I can see you actually writing that at 26. You got like... I'm sorry. I mean, you're reaching. I'm really reaching.

That's why only five people knew who this was. Yeah, but he got that reaching-ass haircut. So I actually believe you know who Lally Squire is. With their haircut, he got to him. Billy squirdered. Okay, the next one? Let's see option two. If pre-teen and teenage boys knew how much dating, sex, and masturbation advice you get at Christian summer camps, they'd pick up Bibles too.

I know, this is the real tweet. Jay grew Christian or something like that. This is the real tweet. I did. I was coming off a year working at Christian summer camps for years and years. Oh, yeah. A lot of goo you had to walk by. In the name of Jesus.

Say a lot of goo I had to walk. Just littering the kids. A new layer of shellac on these log cabins, just ready to go. All right, you can take away a couple points for me for that one, Tyler. Like a Shalak reference. At least you know. At least I'm what. At least you know.

Option three. Instead of asking for masturbation advice, try asking what it's like to be a white guy in Hollywood. Hashtag Oscar's So White. That one actually might be the real tweet. That one is very on topic in 2016. This doesn't make sense. Yeah, this one doesn't make sense. Also, it's from July.

The Oscars are always in the early. The beginning of the writers, you fucked up on this one. I'm going to go with the second one, actually. I'm going to go with the second one. We got two for the second one. Ellen, what do you think it is? Can you go over the first two? No, I'm going to go with the first one.

I mean, I'm not going to go with that, so, well, just go with the first one. Okay, we got Alan San's the first one. We got alternate hand is. I feel like... Although, I have to tell you something. That does sound like something you would say. But like later, like being like, oh, I know a tweet that I forgot to. And then tweet it in July.

Yeah, like months, months later. Be like, oh my God, I totally missed that one. Why not? Black Panther's been re-released in the theaters. What's my going to happen? Come on, that's Spider-Man. We're sticking with one. I think it is, I actually, I think my number two feels like it is a little bit fake.

I actually do think it might be the first one. I think I might be in the same page as Zelling here. But let's see what the real one is. Nope, it's Christian Summer Camps. I know. I can't... I'm gonna be a bit about, Whin'bye, we can just start a do a hashtag called

Oscar so gay and lame. I mean, it's almost July. You could start that hashtag. It is Pride Month right now, so, you know. Walter, let's go ahead and get you up here in the hot seat, right here at the hot stand. Makes noise for Walter, Florida, everybody. Walter, Walter! In words in these tweets.

Yeah, Walter, you had a, you've had a Twitter history. You've had a little... A little of history. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm like, fuck. I don't know. I've been tweeting since. How old was we, like, 12, 13?

Yeah. Anybody here make a Facebook page and you put you 16, but you was really like 11th on that motherfucker? No, just me. Hey, y'all hug me out to trial on that motherfucker like,

no, that was you. This room looks more like an AOL chat room kind of. Yeah, you're right. I see a lot of dial-up eye wrinkles in this motherfucker right now. That I'm a motherfucker's squitting. Yeah.

A lot of like eight-year-olds just asking ASL to each other and lying about them either and a child. This guy fucking does. There's a lot of no keys in this room, nigga, yeah. A lot of no keys in this room. A lot of people accessing the internet on sidekicks in this room, for sure. Let's go ahead and see what Walter's blink out tweet is. Now remember, if you think you know the real one, don't say it, because Ellen and Abby are going to chance to guess first.

Yes, and there's three of them, right? Yes. Got you. So here's the blinks. linked out tweet. Okay. Blank, that's an MLK quote. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. That's fucked up.

I don't even know what the fuck it is. I would like to point out, you tweeted this on Martin Luther King 16th, 2018 at 154 a.m. I was drunk. Happy dreams.

I like woke up, I was like, Martin Luther. I kind of looked like in if you really look at me hard enough actually. Like, I walk in the room like Marvin Luther King in this bench, like, I'm just ready to change? I'm sorry. I think the thing that you most have in common with Martin Luther King

is that you probably cheated on every woman he'd probably. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Here in my points back to. One day, white ass, black hands. Black hands, white booty. Let's go ahead and see some options. Option one from Walter.

I have a dream. Two chicks at the same time. That's an MOK quote. That's it. I don't need to see the other two. I don't need to see the other two. Fuck, that dream, what is hell, diggy? Okay.

All right. Option two. Shut your bitch ass up. That's an MOK quote. That's actually it right there. That's the one. Let me see the third one, because this is good.

This is good. Yeah, let's see the third one. Beat your kids. Harriet Tubman did. That's an MLK quote. I tell a white dude wrote that. I know. Think on which one you think is the real one. Ellen, Abby, which one do you think is the real tweet? The second, I...

Remember talking to the mic? You got a microphone. I think... Wander's whole life is a kid talk. I think that he said that. And when he's drunk, so the second one. Second one, all right. Shut your...

Shut your ass up. This is a really tough one. I'm gonna go with the second one just because you think it's the second one. Walter, which one do you think it is? Trick y'all motherfuckers, I think it's the first one. Goddain. I don't know, to be honest. I think it's the first one, though. I think it's the first one. Let's see the real deal.

It is the second one. Y'all earn your black cards. Welcome to the cookout. Welcome to the cookout, Nick. Walter, I can see. Because you actually tweeted basically the same thing, like two minutes later. You just tweeted, this is an MLPikbook. This is an MLP quote. Shut your bitch ass up.

At 156 AM. So I can see why. Thanks so much for Walter Ford, everybody. Go ahead and take a seat. And it is time for Ellen to take a stand at the hot stand to get entwitted. So Ellen, we did talk a little bit about this backstage.

Your Twitter is basically wiped clean. Yeah, my Twitter was white clean when they switched it over to X. Yeah. I don't know why. I forgot the password and stuff. So we had to go look on your face. What?

That's a... Facebook with a real fucked-up shit, yeah? Yeah, buddy. Yeah. Ellen's got a pretty wholesome Facebook, but we did find this tweet that was from three days after the Boston Marathon bombing. This explains it best, blank. 10 likes, one comment. Oh shit. I was kidding it.

But I know people are... They're just shy. I know they want to. So remember, if you think you see the real post, don't stay till the very end, because Walter and Abby will get a chance to guess first. This explains it best. Uncle of Boston Bombers, what I think was behind it, being losers.

No, that's too nice. That's too nice. Option two. Pressure Cookers. These are for making chili and not for turning people into chunks. That's pretty good. Even if she didn't write that, you need to give that N-Tern to fucking write.

That's a good ass fuck That's a good ass joke 2013 I was just different Reddit sluice Identify wrong suspect Stick with the cat pictures Intranet

That's the right one right there That's it right there It's three I'm going three Walter's going three Abby going two Which one do you think it is Ellen How young were you in 2013

Don't tell you I was quoting the uncle Of the marathon bombers Because those guys We're just being losers. That's right, and that's what Ellen... Question, man. I've been to be on the East Coast.

Oh, I'm curious to see that. So is not righteous. All right, yeah. This is pretty far back. Yeah, this is from October 16, 2012. Internet was a whole different place back then, again. And I would like to say, at this point, we did look, you had recently restarted tweeting again,

and this was some of your finest work back from that era. Wait, is this what I wrote? You wrote this. Oh. Okay, hey, it's not over. It's not over yet. We don't know. From the second half.

The tweet so far says, some people say fat chicks are beautiful on the insides. Beautiful is spelled B-E-U-T-I-F-U-O. I think just like mine, this is going to have a whole bunch of end words in it. Yeah, what do you think it is? Okay, so some people say fat chicks are beautiful on the inside. I wish my dick was big enough so I could see it too. That's what I'm talking about.

Ellen Jay's points. Get out of all of my points. That was great. That was a good to me. No, you gotta get back up there, Abby. You're not out of the woods yet. We haven't even seen any of the options. We got to see the options.

Let me see the options. Remember, if you think you know the real one, don't say it. Some people say fat chicks are beautiful on the inside, maybe inside a prison where there are no skinnier options. You was kind of... That's kind of all fire, though.

Whoever wrote that, that's kind of good. Get that intern in another race. I love all women. Option two, I doubt it, unless veins and organs make you super horny. That would right now. Half the people in this room are mortified right now. It was doing so good in this competition. It's how I got set up to a tweet.

There's a lot of really fit and attracted people in this room looking around to see if there's any fat people laughing at any of these jokes. Just to make sure. sure. This is what it's like to get canceled. Option three. In court. I disagree. It's mostly fat and cholesterol.

So strongly thinks that's this one. Walter Ellen, which one do you think is the real tweet? I think three. I'm going with three. My friend right here, I'm calling a lifeline. Yeah, that, nigga. Using a lifeline. We got the left line.

I got two. I'm going to go with two. Okay. Ellen's going two. It's to this guy says it's too high intelligence. I like that. I like that the guy who's sick-first drunk driving electric cord is referencing intelligence. He's not going to...

If you'd like to, go for it. Some people say fat chicks are beautiful on the inside. I disagree. It's mostly black guys. Yeah, nigger, hold on. Nick, all that you're talking about. This is crazy. Let's see the real tweet. Let's see the real one.

It is number three. How did you misspell beautiful and spelled cholesterol, right? Actually, didn't spell cholesterol right here. Oh, he did. Oh, no, you're right. My bad, I can't read. It's a cholesterol. It says cholesterol, yeah.

My bad, my bad. You write on brand. This was in tweeting, everybody. I was 2012. That's cold education. Very different. How's everybody doing on the scores? Wow, what a game we got in this day.

Wow, this game's off the rails. Okay, right now, he dropped down in third place, Abby was 1700 points, and tied for first. Walter Nell with 1,800 points. Very close game, Jim. Very nice, very close. Make some noise for everybody so far. This is good.

Wait, wait, why are my? You're tied from first with Walter. And they were like, we hate you now. Yeah, I know. But we got one more game before we wrap things up, and this is a game. That lady is sleeping. No, she's just that. That's fine.

Ellie, you focus his nail, man. She just got off work. She just did. She's good. She's fine. Yeah, you won't come up. Move on to our final game. This is a game called Unhinned.

Oh, yeah, this is a game for all the romantics out there. What are the single people in the room? You two both clapped of that? This is incredible. This is going to be some weird polycule that we got going on later. These guys are on field. I love it. This is going to be great.

Now, Now, Tyler, our scorekeeper, is also a dating consultant, professional dating expert. Oh shit. And he's got some celebrity clients who he works on their hinge profiles. Tyler, tell us about it. Oh yeah, of course. Let's see our first client here. Our first client from the hinge profile.

We got Gypsy Rose. Oh yeah. Love this girl. Love this girl. No, this is not the girl who banged all the cubs. Everybody is collectively explaining. Oh no, everybody. Yeah, don't worry, don't worry, guys, I will explain.

If you don't know who it is, I will explain who it is. We don't need to have everybody explaining it at the same fucking... I will explain. Hey, Jay, who is this? Hey, who is this? I'm glad you asked, Tyler. Yeah. This is a, that chick who killed her mom.

This is the chick who killed her mom, went to jail. She had a whole TV series about her. Now she's out of jail. She's out of prison, and she is looking. This could be you, buddy. You could be... You could be fucking that mom killer pussy. This could be great.

Yeah, she's looking for monogamy. She is interested in monogamy. Tyler's working on her hinge profile, and our comics are going to help come up with some prompts for these hinge profiles. She killed her mom. We got an example of one of the ones that Tyler wrote for her. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's hear that.

Let's see that. I'll brag about you, my friends, if you help me kill my mom. That's a good option right there. So we're going to go ahead and go down the line. Everybody's going to get a prompt to arrive it on for Gypsy Rose. Starting off with Walter. Let's see Walter's prompt. Most spontaneous thing I've done. Now this is a prompt for her, right?

Yeah, for her. I'm like, fuck. What's spontaneous about murdering your mama? There's more. No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. The most spontaneous thing I'm doing lost 400 pounds in two minutes. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good.

I'll take that answer. It's a fat mom show. It's a fat mom show. Yeah, a fat mom joke. We in San Diego. It's a fit. I should have talked about a fit mom. Yeah.

Ellen, we got a prompt for you for Gypsy Rose. A shower thought I recently had. Yeah, you can do something. Yeah, of course you can. Did you guys just hear her stage whisper to me in the microphone? Can I do something about the Holocaust? I just want to prep you guys. That's like me talking about slavery.

You got a pass. You got a pass. You got a pass. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Ellen, you've got your chance. What's a shower thought she recently had?

It's like she almost wants to say it. You do? Yeah. I tell me how it is and I'll tell you if it was a good one. We got a lifeline from the audience. Just say it then? Just say it. Is head and shoulders a shampoo or what I should take off?

All right. Everybody boo this guy. Comedy is hard. Welcome to the real world, my name. Welcome to the real world. You just got... I recently had a... I recently was thinking in a shower

like maybe maybe you don't... Maybe it's a mother-in-law thing, right? Her wife. Maybe I'd make it kill her wife. That's pretty good. I understand why Ellen is still single now, but let's go ahead move on.

No, she's always whispering about should she talk about the Holocaust? Let's go ahead and see. Abby's product for Gypsy Rose. Green flags I look for. Green flags I look for. You know, there's more to her than just murdering her mom. She has, like, activities and

hobbies and things like that. It's not just the only thing she does murder her mom. That's like she did a one minute of one day. She existed the rest of her life doing other activities. But most of those, most of those activities was an hour of the day.

Yeah, most of that was in the yard for one a chance a day. Yeah, green flags I look for. I'm into a guy that texts with an Android phone. I'm into a guy who fucking has a lifted corvette. Lifting corvette. This is good. All right, that's been the first round.

Let's do one more, Tyler. Let's go ahead and get one more. We got a redemption one, don't you worry. This guy's great. I love this guy's great. Yeah, wait, okay, Jeffrey. Yeah, wait a minute, hold on. Fucking second, Tyler.

What are you talking about? You're a piece of shit. That's me. No, no, no, that's Jeffrey Dahmer. That's the Milwaukee Monster for sure. Hey, you look like Jeffrey Dahmer and the Six Flags dude put together. I came out of the Vanga Bus. Okay.

Yeah, Jeffrey, what a nice man. He's looking for one-night stand. He's a personal chef. He's got multiple partners. He's a Gemini. He's a Gemini, naturally, of course. Let's see the one that Tyler wrote for him. Don't hate me if I eat your heart out.

Look at that hard throb. Look at that sexy man right there. Oh, he got that 70s porno mustache. He's ready to get out. Yeah. He got the Ron Jeremy. I mean, Ron Jeremy would have been breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the guy. That's a full meal.

That's leftovers. You know Jeffrey Dahmer was a medic in the military, so he's actually a U.S. hero. It's actually a hero. I will say it's Pride Month. He's a gay icon, too. So give him his flowers. I mean, either Jeffrey Dahmer is a hero, were not all the truth for heroes. Only one of those two statements can be true.

This makes sense. Alright, we're gonna show off our prompt. Let's go ahead and start out with Abby this time. We'll go to Abby, then Walter, then Ellen, we'll close it out with you. Let's go and show our first prompt. Two truths and a lie for Jeffrey Dahmer. What are you throwing in there, Abby? So three facts, and you guys decide that they're alive.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, I'm a gay murderer. I'm a gay murderer. I love the beejis. No, a lifted Corvette. That's good. And I produce a monthly stand-up comedy show at the mic drop. That one's the lie.

It is a quarterly stand-up comedy show at Mike Drop. All right, Walter, let's see your prompt. Your prompt for Jeffrey is what I order for the table. Nigger. That's the answer. All right, that's good enough. My bad, my bad, my bad. Dark meat.

Black women want to push the shit out of me right now. Comedy, this is a sacrifice for comedy. Yeah, it's a sacrifice for comedy. We're moving on to Ellen with the final prompts. Ellen, what are you right for Jeffrey? If loving this is wrong, I don't want to be right. If loving this. Yes.

Remember speaking in the life. All right, sorry, speaking in the way. This is my first seat doing this. If loving this is wrong. Oh, what did you say? I thought you were trying to say, No, I was trying to... From under...

From under cheese. From under cheese. Yeah. He spread a little from under cheese on the top. No, we call that fecal matter. That's good. Yeah, fecal matter is wrong. What was that called in that?

Dutbubbub. Dut. Dutte. Dut butter. Dut. Duttebrough? Truffle? What?

No, duck butter. That's the wrong shovel. Duck butter. Do you guys not know what duck butter? What? No. duck buttery as fuck on urban dictionary that's not an old urban dictionary Tyler what you got I was gonna say Ellen you can talk about the holocaust dude

yeah you could talk about the Holocaust I talk about slavery we'd make you come up folks that has been unhinged everybody let's go ahead and move on what a time he's gonna go ahead and tabulate the scores but while he's doing that unless we've been to a lot of fucked up things we got some black women who want to punch Walter in the face right now That's where we're at in the show. But we want to make sure you guys come back. We want to make sure you see more shows here. Come see wrong again.

Come see the other great shows at Mike Drop. So our comics are going to cleanse your pallets with a clean, wholesome joke, and the palate comes around. Just keep it quick, keep it clean, even wholesome. Let's start off with Walter Ford. Walter, tell us that clean joke. Anybody here got to one family members that you know that special needs, but you still smoke a blunt

with a mini wimph? That's how you know that you really love him because you always know when you do drugs with somebody that don't even know how to do drugs correctly. That's true love. I handed it right to my cousin and I was like, smoke this. He was like, thank you. I've been sober for 20 years since being. My name is Walter Ford. Clean joke from Walter Ford.

You got that clean joke from Allen. Shriverman, everybody. I don't really have a lot of clean jokes. So, but I was watching dishes naked and my dick was swinging. And on the other side is like, oh. And no kidding, I don't really have a dick. Just a big set of balls. So I know that that was supposed to be clean, but I was doing dishes.

See what I did? That don't count. Alan Sugarman, everybody. Sugarman everybody. Abby Robairge, let's have a clean joke. Okay, I'm gonna do a fucking airplane joke. I love it. Whenever I fly, you know, they have the movies on a dumb little screen on the back of a seat.

I'm too ADD to pay attention and watch a whole movie on the back of a seat. However, a movie on the back of a seat through the cracks in the row ahead of me? That's my shit right there. I don't care. I don't care what you're watching. When you changed the channel, I was watching and he changed the channel, I started shaking a seat. I'm like, put it back, dude.

And he's like, he's like, watch the screen, watch your own screen. I'm like, you're watching the guy ahead of you, so why don't you care. Just put it back. Thank you guys. I'm in. Let's go ahead and give out some prizes. I do have a couple quick audience prizes I'd like to give out.

Yeah. Tyler, are you coming on up too? You're coming on up too? You're coming up for more? Tyler's going to come back from the scoreboard and help give out some prizes. But he wanted to give out some audience prizes. We had some more great audience members.

They're going to get the Degrassi next generation. Okay, so we're going to go ahead and give disc one to the polyamorous drunk driving lifted Corbeck couple right here in the front row. We're going to give disc two to the guy who told a joke and bombed horrifically for sure. Congratulations. And then we're going to give to me.

sure Walter's not going to get the shit beaten out in the wild park. You guys keep the sleeve. You get to keep the sleep in the deep in the league case just to make sure everybody's coach. It's almost June teeth, thank you man. You got that drink. Tyler. The second one of these has drink sex tape in the inside of it.

Tyler, go ahead and tell everybody. All right, in third place, she had 23 points, and then her 19 year old dad called me, this one, this one, on the end. This one, this one, one, a little tight. Her 19-year-old dad called me Negotiated up to 2350. It's Ellen, Ellen, you got this. How to Get on reality TV.

It's from the guy that One Greek Brooklyn. Another sincere, too, everybody. All right. In second place. In second place. You got this Bible picture book. This Bible picture book I got for 99th cents.

It's got pictures of Bible stuff in there that you're supposed to send to your parents. Unwrapped, unopened. That's going to. Abby Robes, Harry Reberts, who's, who are you? You got this book. How much is too much?

The effects of social drinking. It's good stuff. Good things to know. Jay, back to you. Folks, this has been wrong, a fucked-up game show. You guys been a wonderful audience. Let's hear one more time for a comedian.

It's out of Walter Ford. I can seize again sometime. You did get a fucking great prize. You're going to win more money than all of these other people combined. Take care of your service. Get home safe. We'll see you guys next time right here.