WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - LUIGI'S HOT LOAD (ft. Jaffer Khan, Kat Bird, Tyler Groce)

Episode Date: December 28, 2024

Recorded live at Caveat in New York City on December 18th, 2024.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Jaffer Khan, Kat Bird, Tyler GroceSUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE to watch full shows in glorious HD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Upcoming Shows:LA: 1/4 @ The Comedy Store, 11:45 PMSAN DIEGO: 1/24 @ Mic Drop Comedy Club, 10 PMSUPPORT THE SHOW: https://ko-fi.com/wronggameshowcover photo by Van Corona Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello folks, welcome to another episode of Wrong, a fucked-up game show podcast edition. I'm your host Jay Light, and today we are dropping our final episode of 2024, our final show of 2024 as well. This one is the one we just recorded at Caviot in New York City. Caviot? Caviot? Who cares? I'm saying it how I want to say it. My wife will probably make fun of me later for this. Caviot in New York City. This is a great show. Features Catbird, Jaffer Khan. and Tyler Gross. And we recorded this on the 18th. We've got some fun games in here.

We've got a brand new game for all you Luigi and Giannihouni heads out there, so we enjoy that. And we'll be back in 2025 with a bunch of new shows. We've got two coming up in the month of January. Our first show is a week from today, if you're listening to this, on release day. It's coming out on the 4th, January 4th, 1145. that's a regular spot at the Comedy Store first Saturdays of the month. And we also have a show coming up in San Diego at Mike Drop Comedy Club at the 24th at 10 p.m. So we've got ticket links for both those shows in the show notes.

If you like the show, please consider subscribing or telling a friend. If you haven't already, follow us on social media at Wrong Game Show. Drop a little money in the coffee jar at the coffee link in the show notes as well. help offset our production costs. And you know what? And that's about it. Have a happy New Year. And without further ado, let's get wrong.

Game show. Make some noise for my man, Tyler Meznor at show over here. Thank you. Okay, by the way, I know we have some people who've been here. Makes noise have you been to the show before

if you're familiar with this show. Makes an interesting. It's your first time at this show. All right. I like as many first-timers. It's a pretty even split. Here's how the show. works. This is a game show. Tyler has two jobs on this game show.

Yeah? One of those jobs is to keep score. The other job is to take care of the prizes. Yeah. Tyler. What happened to the prizes for tonight's show? They are in Tahir's Uber and he is not picking up my phone calls, Jay. Everybody booed real quick. Oh, hold on a second. Maybe you should boo to hear us. You should boo. Yeah.

So you're not here to hear that. You are going to take the brunt of this paint tonight. Just for the record, I do have my phone on in case he should choose to contact me. And we are like, we're streaming this or we're going to, like, we're going to. Yeah, this is a live stream. So send to hear the link to the live stream. So I don't know where the camera is. But if you know to hear, you let him know his rating is, we'll see what happens.

This is a game show. And on most game shows, you want people to do things right. Not here. We like it when people do things. Oh. We can do that with a little bit more. Act like you guys are not all developing a cold actively. We need a little bit more enthusiasm.

We like when people do things. Wrong. That's the spirit. That's what we love. love to hear. You guys didn't even been taking drink orders and I really appreciate that. That's really bad. Tyler, mark them down. They should win a potential

prize for that. You guys are definitely on track for winning some prizes for that enthusiasm. Makes a noise for this table up here in the front of us. Enthusive table. Because you are going to be getting audience prizes. We've got some of the finest comics here in the city to get wrong with you guys tonight. They are going to be

telling dark jokes. We are going to be covering some uncomfortable subject matter. Things we found out about their lives that they probably don't know that we had access to. It's all gonna be in the name of fun. This is good. We also, of course, like I said, comics are good prizes, but you guys are up for grabs to get some prizes as well.

Especially starting out with our first game, an audience-only game. This is called Worst W-Wrusting thing sucks! We have some pieces of paper on your table. You filled them all out, and we have two nominees for who we think had the worst week, had the worst week out of everybody in this audience. We're going to put them head to head. The first person, five words or less, five words or less,

why his week was fucked up. Only used three words. Jack. Emeroids on hemorrhoids. That's good. Now, it's rare for me to actually know immediately who it is. But this is my boy Jack right here.

Jack, how's your butt? You got one of those cushion things? sit on? No. Yeah, you fucked up. You know, we did actually have a cushion for somebody to sit on in the prize bag tonight, but Tyler left it in the fucking Uber. What the fuck, Tyler?

Yeah, that's right. That's right what the fuck Tyler. Yeah, whatever. How many, you know what? I'm not getting asked some more questions by the happens. It actually feels like I've asked the appropriate amount of questions rather than have rights. That's about right.

But makes noise for Jack and is having the process. If you can, please come up to the stage just for a second. So we have your opponent, Ellen, Ellen. where are you at Ellen? Ellen, Ellen, come up to the stage, please. Make noise for Ellen, everybody. Ellen, everybody.

Ellen's week was fucked up. Patriarchal gallstone attack. What does that mean? In Texas, and got transported by an ambulance to the hospital for four days because of ballstones. Oh, I really thought that was going to be, I thought it was going to be that,

you thought the, I thought the patriarchy gave you gallstones or something. I thought this was going to be some. I thought she just had a, Gallstone that thinks that man should be in charge. Patriot of Gallstones do be supporting the patriarchy. That is, you know, folks, we're going to have a quick little

applause meter style vote here. Do we think that Ellen had the most fucked up week? Or do we think that Jack had the most fucked up week? Oh, that is a queer winner. Sorry for your butt, Jack, but Ellen takes the prize. Don't you worry, you both get prizes, Tyler. Tell them what they've won.

So all the prizes were provided by Jay's father-in-law, and I have no idea what they are, so we're going to learn this live. This is a T-shirt, and it's just a striped T-shirt. It's a striped T-shirt? That's yours. I don't know. Congratulations. That's you. It kind of looks like one of the Puxley from Amazon.

And this shirt, this might be better. I have no idea. This is, oh, it's the Mandalorian. The Mandalorian, everybody. It's a T-shirt. The Mandalorian. There you have. You've got to use it as a cushion.

Oh, he's a cushion. That's good. Yeah, you can take back your fucked either. That's worst week. You guys haven't had some fucked up weeks, but now we're going to get real with you guys. It's time to meet our contestants for this show. So let's go ahead and get to know what they think is fucked up.

With the round we call, let's get fucked up. And this is good. I get it. You clap and thanks. It's very good. Dude, those insurance companies better hope that Steve doesn't get a gun on his chair. You know what? If they're going to use a itemized clip,

you should be able to get an AI power turret on the market. Look, yeah. Some auto aim in there. Do it like a fucking counter strike player. Yeah, so it runs up karma or something, you know? I like listening for the gamer laughs in the audience as you make counterstrike and auto-wave references.

Folks, we have a slate of wonderful comedians here for you tonight. As you may have guessed by the title of this round, they're going to be getting fucked up. We have asked them to do their most fucked up material. It might be dark, it might be dirty, but it will be dirty, but it will definitely be. I really got to figure out how to do this part better. Because you guys are supposed to say wrong there again.

But it says fucked up on the board. It says fucked up on the board. You know what? This is a me problem, not a you problem. Here. We need our contestants, shall we? Let's meet our first contestant. Our first contestant used to be a history teacher, and I wish he'd make his stupid fucking haircut history.

Please make some noise for Chopper Khan, everybody. A great teacher, I'm sure that we'll get more into that later. I'm here to do, and so I said I'll do this bit. This is a bit I used to do a lot more back in the day. This is a true story. I was doing this bit in Texas, and a man ran up on stage and punched me in the face. That's a true story, yeah. And I'm going to do that bit for y'all right now.

So some of y'all are excited, some of y'all look scared. Just, yeah, here's the bit that got me punched in the face. Goes like this. Hey, y'all ever notice how Islam is the one true religion? What a strange yet accurate observation I'm making right now. And to explain why Islam is the one true religion, I will be using the process of elimination. So, process of elimination, first up, the Jews.

Here's why the Jews are wrong. These are jokes. Okay, so, yeah, so, you know, just stay down there or whatever. But, so, process of elimination. First up, the Jewish people, here's why the Jews are wrong. And I think the Jews are wrong because no one believes in their religion anymore, not even Jews. All the Jews that, all the Jewish people

that I know personally, none of them believe in God. They're just like culturally Jewish. Like, I'm sorry, but that means you're not Jewish. You're just regular white people now. I am demoting you. And that sucks. Sucks to be white these days, right? It doesn't know what to do. Exactly. That was exactly my point.

It does suck to be white. Like, everyone hates white people these days. Like, I don't know, I hate white people. But like, the other day, this is a true story. The other day, I I walked into a bar with my friend and we walk in together. She looks around and she looks at me. She goes, a lot of white people here. And I was like, you're white, Hannah. Like, what?

I don't know what's happening to y'all right now, but prayer's up for y'all. But, yeah, you know, Jewish religion no one believes in. Christians. This is an actual scary part for me. Look, people believe in Christianity, but like only. like kind of like people Christians are very like casual about like eternal afterlife like Christians I feel like Christians don't take their religion very seriously and I think I figured out why I think it's because Christians like y'all y'all got a savior Christians y'all got a savior who will forgive you

of all your sins at the end so if you're Christian it really like doesn't matter what you do like You can do whatever the fuck you want. You'll be forgiven at the end. Christianity, to me, like, less a religion, more just, like, knowing a guy. Right? Like, like, if heaven is some, like, super exclusive nightclub in the sky, Christians are at the front arguing with a bouncer. Bouncer's like, look, you don't mean any of these requirements. You are not on this list.

Christians are like, uh, we know Jesus, his dad owns this place. All right? Let us send. Where is my wine? Christians are all white girls, I guess. But, okay. So, yeah, proscivilination. Jewish religion, no one believes in anymore. Christianity, no one takes seriously. But you know who does take the religion seriously? No one yelled it out. I love that.

I love that no one yelled it out. That means the work that we've been putting in is paying off. Yeah. Muslims. Muslims take their religion very seriously, don't they? Muslims are the only people left living as if they believe, you know, in something. And that's why Muslims are so crazy to Americans. Americans can't wrap their heads around people believing in their religion religiously.

That's crazy to Americans. They're like, oh my God, how can they just blow themselves up? It's called believing in something. It's called faith. Yeah, you wouldn't understand. This country has gone astray. Anyways, I'm just joking at this point. I just want to clarify that.

I'm just saying that Muslims, you know, Muslims, they actually follow their religion. Like, Muslims actually read the Quran. There's Muslims out there who memorize the Quran. Like, Muslims follow and believe in the... Muslims read the Quran like it's the Bible. But Christians read the Bible, like it's a solid. software agreement, right?

They just flip to the back, I agree, whatever. I'm not reading this way too long. Anyway, that's it for me. Thanks, everyone. Good up for James. Junker Khan, everybody! Wow, doing jokes that actually got him hurt. That is a first on the show.

I love it, I love it, I love it. I'm excited. I'm excited, excited, excited, I'm excited for an ex-contestant. She, yeah. Everybody just go, yeah, Yeah. Very funny comic out of LA. She used to be a Michelin star chef. So if comedy doesn't work out, this woman can always go back to the kitchen. Please make a voice for Cat Bird everybody. Chef material. I was in the kitchen before. Yeah, you seem traumatized. I am

It is a little bit trapped. Like for the first three and a half years of me being in a kitchen, the head chef called me a tampon strength. Yeah. And by the end of it, I was like, can you call me, you know, my real name, which is your wife? You know, that'd be good. Thanks. My husband, he is like a, he's a big time, like fancy chef. The restaurant he works at, like I can't even get a table there. I was recently there.

I was like, hi, I'm like the wife of the chef. They're like, who? I'm like, I've done butt stuff. Like, all right, you can sit at the bar. the bar. Let me cheer. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I've done this bit for a minute. Oh, I've made some bad decisions, obviously. My worst decision, I got a really bad tattoo when I was in the kitchen. I got the word silence on my forearm, which is a terrible thing to get as a woman. Probably the worst thing you can get tattooed on your body, you know, so, because men will refer back to that. that. I mean jokes about religion, so, but I got some jokes about gay people. No, I don't know.

I do. Yeah, like I am from LA, but my mom is British. She grew up in like a really rough area of England. It's called Ireland. And she kind of like a first generation alcoholic, which is kind of cool. She walks so I could take 12 steps. And I love LA. I just wish I had LA boobs.

I don't have those. I have kind of like flyover state tits. You can't titty fuck Indiana, you know. Many have tried. That was new. You know, that came out. Weird. The cousin, and she is a professional dog natrix.

And she's got 14 pound tits. Yes. She weighed them out of FedEx. She's like, you want to weigh yours? I'm like, nah, I'm good. Just pop a stamp down. One for each nip. Okay, whatever, we've got some trans jokes here.

Okay, so we do. I'm like ignorantly progressive, you know, being from L.A., like I recently saw a bumper sticker and it said, caution new lady driver. And my first thought was good for that trans woman, you know? Behind the wheel. Like, ignorantly woke out there. Ask it for it.

I'm like, yeah. By the pussy is an app, a... Tricket it. Minor stroke. I'm poor. Yeah, pretty poor right now, pretty broke. I have only a Victoria's Secret gift card in my wallet. And, yes.

Can't keep eating edible underwear. There's no protein in that. But I do live in a studio, I do live in a studio apartment with five rabbits, which is good, yes, which is a lot of vibrators. I'm pretty tired. I, exhausted, but thank you for the light here. Okay, so, yes, I guess I'll do this one.

My younger sister, she's just come out as non-binary, so she's my half-sister now. It's okay, she loves that joke, but they hate it. I'm sorry. Interesting facts, like they recently told me all hot girls have herpes. It's a crazy way to find out you're hot. Super hot. I mean, she said it, not me.

We're going to be tonight. This is very fun. He actually shares a name with my co-host here. And his full name is the same thing that every woman's says when they see his penis. Please make some noise for Tyler Gross, everybody. Tyler Gross. For gross penises, everybody.

Keep it going for us. Are you well? Are you good? Yeah. It's good. I'm glad to be here. Hope y'all are too. What's up?

I live here from Texas. I've been here for about two years. I live in Brooklyn. That's where I live. I've been single dating there. Let me tell you, I was not ready. for dating in Brooklyn. These women, I mean, they are sexual.

Do you know what I mean? Like, for real, like men. Like, they fuck like men, like figuratively and literally, okay? Like, do you know how many times since I moved to Brooklyn that's a girl that is nice, has asked to peck me? Do you know how many times? More than I care to admit, okay? It keeps happening.

You know Pegging is, sir? He was like, oh yeah. You pointed to the right guy. That's like you did, let's go. If you don't know what it is, it's when a lady, it's when a lady, usually strong lady. There's a real strong one, she lifts, and she straps on an artificial penis,

and lays a man down, and then begins to penetrate. For some reason, I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't want this. That's not what I want. Like I said, I'm from, I didn't know what it was before I moved to Brooklyn. I'm from Texas. We wasn't pegging. We wasn't pegging in Texas. Growing up, we just played in the park.

You know, like we just went to the yard. We have fun. One of the things we did is we would take like, you know, like tennis balls, baseballs. We'd go out with our friends. We throw them at each other as hard as we could, you know, because it was fun. And if we got hit, it would have hurt a lot. I remember I got hit by it. ball and I screamed I said I said ow Brian pegged me you know because that's what

it was called remember like that's what it was you tried to peck a motherfucker with a ball no one told me the word changed y'all no one told me I got to Brooklyn these women were like have you ever been pegged before I'm like all the time I mean like the neighborhood kids and my cousins my brother and my dad, he would get it on the fun. If he was in the mood, it was a family affair. We'll be boys. I'm from Texas, like I said, black dude,

black dude from Texas. And I've been doing comedy for a little bit. And the more I keep doing it, the more I'm like, I'm a black guy, but I'm not a black comedy. You know, like, niggas do not like my shit. I don't know what to do. It's a shame. Like, sometimes if you have a good set, people will say nice things afterwards.

And it's always like a white dude that's like, Hey man, Tyler, you are living my life. And I'm always like, no, I got into this for the cool niggas. That's what I wanted. I wanted some cool ass nigga to be like, hey man, shit. Hey man, that joke about pegging, bro. Let me tell you, you're really speaking to the culture on that one.

You really speaking for all of us. The whole diaspora's in support. It's been collard greens, chitlins, butt stuff for centuries. I remember one time there was a black dude that came up to me. I'm so excited. It was a bunch of cool niggas after the show. I was looking at them. They weren't looking at me.

I felt disappointed. And then a black dude came towards me. And I was like, here's my chance, you know? And as he got closer, it wasn't one of the cool niggas. It was not. This was a black dude, but clearly one that loved anime. You know what I mean? He was like, hi.

And I'm like, God damn it. That's not what I meant. I was so mad. And I knew this nigger loved anime. You know how? I'm a nigger. Also, he Naruto ran over to me. I mean, come on.

He was like, we shall do all. We're like, what the fuck? But me, I know anime, so I was like, get behind me, cool niggas. This is not his final form. That's what I said. And he goes, ah! He throws a power belt.

They left. They want to know part of that. What else? I like, I like, I like socks as well. Yeah, no, I just do. I like, I always wear like, you. like fun socks. My favorite pair of socks I have is a pair watermelon socks.

And I know black people in watermelons, we've had a history, you know, but I said, I'm gonna keep wearing these socks. I'm not gonna let the white man tell me what fruits to wear, you know, so I kept wearing it. And the first day I wore him, coincidentally, I was hanging out my white friend, he had a watermelon shirt.

And I was like, race war. Like, who's gonna get the watermelon? I'm taking it back from my people. I said, hi, where do you get off wearing the waterbone shirt? And then he goes, he gets very serious. And he goes, I'm wearing this shirt, Tyler, because the watermelon is the international symbol for Palestinian solidarity.

Can't have nothing. What's next? It's like, oh, fried chicken is peace in Ukraine. No, it's not. That's for us. I've been praying for peace in the Middle East. I've been thinking about Palestine. They would betray me like this.

If Palestine comes out pro-Hennessee, I'm gonna go crazy. I'm gonna pray like God. I pray for their safety, but Israel got a point. All right, that's it for me. Thank you, Tyler. With you, how's everybody doing on the scores after round one? Great round, great round, five hundred points for Jaffer, 500 points for Cat, and most fucked up.

Tyler Gross, 600 points for you. Wow. Over at this table, did you point at Jack, who does have active hemorrhoids right now? active hemorrhoids right now. No, he did a heart shake. But there was a longing in his eyes. Healing after that first round. You guys ready to see what we found on everybody? I'm terrified, but this is fun. I feel good right now, but I'm very nervous and scared. Just where we want them. Great. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. I'm just a woman. I'm happy. I'm tired. Well, let's go ahead and get to our games. Next game, this is one for the holiday season.

This is a game called The Nottie List. Awesome. Give it up for you. You guys should clap for this. Am I? Maybe I'm just easily impressed. No, I think you're... And like, Jeff, give drop for a few extra points for...

Yeah. Don't tell me how to do my fucking job, Jack. If I don't tell you how to do the fucking job, you're going to leave the prizes in an Uber again. Yeah, whatever. Get this game going. Here's how this game works. Of course, we got Santa.

Keeper of the Nottie list. We've been in touch with this gentleman. and we have some of the most famously naughty individuals in history behind this Advent calendar. That's adorable. Yeah. Yeah, great job. Now this round, you guys, the audience, you are all going to act as Santa Claus. Because these contestants are going to pick somebody from behind this door.

One of the most famously naughty people in history, they will have to convince you. That they should not be on the naughty list. 30 seconds. And we're going to start off with Jabber Khan. Which number would you like to go for it? Let me do, I'll do 19. 19, okay. We got some cinnamon on there.

We got some oranges. Cinnamon and oranges? It's just a winter spice. Some mold wine. Yeah, for mold wine. Do you get points? No typing. I don't want to fail.

I failed the comedy show. Let's see what's behind door number 19 for John. Let's see it. Mayor, Rudy. I hope we can get them off the Nile List so we can get us a better fucking hair dye for next time. Jopher, you have 30 seconds on the clock to convince Santa Claus to take Rudy Giuliani off the Nadi list. Please take your stand right here in the middle. Thanks a nice for Jaffer Khan, everybody.

Well, Rudy Joliani. Where do I start? 9-11, right? Um, look, 9-11 was in different, you know, little ways probably, uh, much as Rudy Giuliani, right? I mean, look at that guy. That's a guy who's been rocked by those towers falling. And it's like, can you imagine, he was America's mayor, right? That's what we called them, America's mayor.

Dude, America's mayor sounds awesome, unless it's during 9-11, dude. Dude? Man, you're gonna look like that eventually, dude. That's time, everybody. You were cooking. Did Jopper take him off the naughty list? What do we think, Santa? Did he take him off the naughty list?

No. Let admin calendar up. Are you going to choose? Oh, I'm gonna do 24, please, with the little cat. With the little cat? Yeah, we got a little reindeer sweater on there. Adorable. Yeah.

All right. Tyler, you're ready to pull behind that door? Let's see it. Let's see it. Oh, Gilae Maxwell. Right. Touching one of the only adult feet she ever touched. What a career.

Okay. Famously naughty, Galane, Maxwell, Cat Bird. It is your job to convince Santa Claus, this audience. To take Galane off the naughty list, you have 30 seconds. Your time starts now. Well, okay.

She obviously is being compromised in this picture by a man who loves feet and pedophilia. So, um, loved... Islands. She's big islands. Big island gal. You know, she'd probably get a little vitamin D. Who said no that per shopper, so that's... United. I like this.

Gross. We are going to pull you up on the Advent calendar now. Tyler, let's see what we got for Tyler. Tyler, this is gonna get... I love that. I'm never gonna get old. I like 11. 11. Was it? A dog with Santa?

That's cute. There's no one bad behind there. We're in little booty. Let's see who's behind there. Oh, it's the son of Sam. Okay. The most notorious serial killer in New York City history. The son of Sam. More people knew this than I expected, and that is great news for me.

Well, I'm glad y'all know him, because I do not. So, what I know about the son of Sam is he's a serial killer, yes? Yes. And he killed a lot of people. But here's the thing that people forget. It's right there in the name. You're so blinded by the acts that he did or did not do. that it's the son of Sam.

Who's the father? That's the question here. Who is the man who raised the son of Sam? I guess his name is Sam. That's his name. That's what I'm figuring out right now. I'm speaking to you. But the son of Sam...

The Sam is so bad. We don't even know the son's name. We don't even know. We have no clue. We just know that Sam was such a bad father. And it starts with the parents. We know. You've been to school.

You know. You remember. There was you, the good kid, and there was the bad kid, and they had a weird dad who was probably like, you should kill a lot of people. That's what he said. That's what he's... That's time.

Audience, do we think that Tyler is taken to the son of Sam off the naughty list? I never heard of this guy. I never knew what he looked like. We did determine he does look like sort of a fucked-up John Travolta. I think that's... Like, grease got... His car is greased frightening. Greased frightening.

Not deserved more. That did deserve more. That's why I looked hardcore at times. You know what, give Jaffer some points for the talent. Yeah, all right, that was. Yeah. Bunch of fucking idiots in the line. He needs to get one more chance.

Okay. Everybody should get another chance. I'm gonna back up. Because Tyler's got, you know, he won them over, but I feel like Kat Jopher for sure. So we're gonna give everybody one more time here. Tyler, we're gonna start off with you this time. We're gonna go in reverse order. Which number would you like to pick for your second Nodiless person?

My birthday's on the 8, so I'm gonna choose eight. Okay. Eight, Candy Cains. Let's use behind the candy. Gaines. Oh, it's Woody Allen. Damn. Sounds like there's a lot of... Wait, who's that next to Woody Allen?

Oh, yeah, that's his stepdaughter slash wife. Oh, okay. Sue Dee. I feel like there's a lot of Woody Allen fans in the audience, judging by how shocked they were to see this man on the Noduley list. But he's on the Nautilus, and it's Tyler's job to get

him off starting now. Get him off? You know, again, I'm not informed about Woody, I know vaguely what he did. I know there's a documentary about it, where they go into detail of the timeline and all these things.

But I think they de-emphasize one specific point that I think is important. Step, daughter, okay? Step, daughter, need I say more? Look at them, they don't even look related. Look at it. They don't look. That's time. I can be a lawyer.

Can you say more and then you said exactly the right amount of more. Let's do Tyler get Woody Allen off the Nottie Lauson. So let's see if Kat and Joffert can catch up. Kat, who are you, who, who, who, which number are you gonna go with? I'm gonna go with number three. Number three, we got a little, a shaved testicle ornament right there.

That's the one, that's the one. Gross. Let's see who's behind. Number three. Oh, it's Elizabeth Hall. Oh, okay. Famous scammer. Okay.

The blood lady. The blood lady. Yeah, she's got a little vile of blood that she took from somebody right there. Okay. Okay, yeah. You ready? Ready. Let's go.

Make some noise for Cat Bird. Once again, defending a woman, okay? Just want you guys to know, please vote for me. Sure. Taking a ship. This is more about me. But I, she was out. She might have, you know.

She had all of you guys at Elizabeth Holmes. be ath-a-naughty left. Did that work to have her herself? We're gonna move on finally, Jaffir Khan. You got your second chance coming up here. Which number would you like to go with? I'll do one. I'll see who y'all put first.

Okay. Number one, the snow globe, the first day of Christmas. Let's see. So I think at this point we should be judging y'all, and not me and not O'Sulliman Lime. This is a game called the discomfort zone. Tense music. From who wants to be a millionaire to play the entire show.

But what we've done, folks, is we have dug up some information on all of these contestants. We have gone through all of their social media. We have looked up things about their private prior school history. We have found things that they might have forgotten that they put online, and guess what? We dug them up for your enjoyment tonight. So one by one, they're going to come here to the hot seat. We have a question for them that they're going to have to answer in the funniest way possible. And we're going to start off with Tyler Gross.

Like somebody's from Tyler Rozier. Look at this. Yeah. All right, Tyler. So, during the pandemic, you, like most comedians, did some kind of a pivot. You pivot to making sketches.

I did. I see we have some fans of Tyler's sketchwork. They were good. I stand by all of them. I mean, you should. They're funny. We watched a lot of them. This one was one of our particular favorite.

This one's a shout out. If you guys remember, there's a lady in Central Park who sent some racist shit to a guy who's watching birds. This is Tyler's take of that sketch. I'm going to tell them there's an African-American man threatening my life. Is that really all you're going to say? Look for an African-American. Oh, so you're not going to mention my balloon, my bow-tie. I want to do.

I want to social media platforms. You've posted on Instagram, on Twitter, on YouTube. Did you know what's the third line? None of them worked. Did you know what was that? Exactly. None of them worked. Not a lot of... 12 was a peek for me.

12 was pretty good. We were watching these separately. We're like half the views. Yeah. Racist Jesus, how did these not pop-bonds? We noticed that you started to taper off at different times. Your Twitter account, you've actually not posted anything since August of 2020. Your last video you ever posted there was this sketch,

gay is good. Last thing you ever posted on your other platforms of these six. other platforms of these sketches was in July of 2022. On YouTube, you posted this. I've used my Alexa. You actually got the most views that of any of the sketches you ever posted. Yeah.

1,891 views. That's good. It's pretty good. July 20, 2020. On Instagram, you posted a completely different sketch for some reason. This is not on your Instagram, but this next sketch is, horny guy tries to meditate.

31 likes. 31. 301. 301. 40 guys. Even did hashtag horny up there. This is the thing, the algorithm's a mess. Because hashtag horny should blast through the matrix.

Everyone should be hidden with that. But, you know? Unfortunately. I call racism. That's what I call. 2020. This is the last day that you posted any sketches. You did not post anything sketchwise again, ever again after this.

So our question. You've really made a narrative here. You really like, it's not about any individual sketches. Like, you've been failing for this long. That's what it is. And I, and I, and you're right, and I love it. This is why we have to ask the question for you is, was this your rock bottom?

What is the, you're gonna show one? No, no, no, no, no. Was giving up on posting these sketches on July 20, 2020, 22? Like, something had to have happened. You had to have hit bottom or something must have gone wrong. So the last time I posted, a sketch was July 2020.

And you're just asking what my happened. What was your mental state going on? I was, you know, COVID, you remember? Locked up. I was living with a girl that were not together, so she was, that wasn't good. And I was trying to put out several sketches a week, and that is a lot. So then I just stopped. No, it's a bad story. I'm not saying it's a good story. It's okay. It doesn't have to be a good story.

I was just putting out a lot and I was like, I'm tired. And then I stopped. That's what happened. Self-care. My rock bottom? Way after that. Wait, way, way after that. What was your rock bottom? Tell us a venture right-wild. Oh, I don't know.

What's today's date? Actually, I didn't realize this. A bit of a, is Tyler? Yeah, I was. Yeah. God damn. So, Jopfer used to have this account where he was posting fake inspirational quotes. Oh shit.

It was called real, what was it, real, real girl quotes. Really real girl quotes, yes. You had them on Instagram, you had them on Twitter, you had them on Reddit. Website. Website, yes, he did have his own website. We found that.

I did have a way, yeah. My roommate made me a website. And these were popular, these were good. I wouldn't say they were popular, or, you know, I mean, they're more popular than Tyler's sketches. Hashton-Corps. It's relative. I don't know why.

But then all of a sudden, one day, you just deleted all of it. I did, yeah. Why did you delete all of it? Wow. Interesting question. Not going to be a funny. Oh, you want an actual answer? All right, all right. I'll be quick. I'll be like, ha-ha, well, I'll try. But like, okay.

My, uh, I was a teacher at the time, and I taught high school, and I taught half my school. half my class were girls, teenage girls. And so they would like have all these quotes, like these quotes. And I thought they were all so funny. And so I wanted to do like a parody of them. But then like as it went on, like people kind of interpreted them as I'm just like making fun of like women at large. And not just like a specific, I thought I was making for like a very specific thing.

And then I was just like, I don't want to deal with like whatever this like. So I just stopped. Gotcha. Well, so basically the woke. mob stopped me from expressing myself. Well, the good news is you guys get a chance to judge for yourselves tonight because luckily, the Facebook page for a really real girl quotes is completely untouched and completely

11,000 likes, 11,000 followers, wonderful quotes. Like, if you can't handle me when I'm throw up drunk, you don't deserve me when I'm warning drunk. Classic. You know what about that? No, one time this comedian, she brought me on her, like, like feminist podcast and she was like we're gonna talk about I want to talk about your girl quotes and I was like I don't want to like I explained it to her and I was like I don't

want to like argue about it and whatever and then she was like no no it's fine like I'm gonna like I'm not gonna like it's not gonna be a trap and then I did the podcast and it was a a trap. She made me like defend myself what was the first question do you remember I don't remember it I just remember the vibe of it was very like but then like at the end of the podcast I did defeat her. And she was like, she was like, all right, I get it. And I was like, thank you. Like, beat, like, anyways.

I mean, like, objectively, there's funny. You hit some topics here, you know, you hit some stuff like we got this next one. Maybe tapeworks are just caterpillars in your poop, meant to be butterflies in your stomach. I don't even remember that. You can see somebody posting that, right? You know, a nice picture of trees.

We got this next one here. I believe in soulmates. And my worst fear in life is that mine. is not physically attractive. He's pretty good. There were a couple that we really liked that we noticed you sort of went into like what we, I imagine you,

it's Jopper, your voice coming through of being a little bit more like political, issues-y. We have this one. Care about genocides. This is a great flow. There's some nice lilies, I think that is. We got another one. That's what we call green.

Do something uncomfortable today. Talk to a stranger. Tell someone how you really feel. Make eye contact with America. We also found that you actually, you were a little bit prescient. You were a little bit ahead of your time. We found this one from September 18, 2017. When people learn to support each other,

instead of being jealous and gossiping, the crisis in Syria would we saw. And they came together. It looks like they decided to stop being jealous and gossiping and they got rid of Bashar al-Assad. So you know, you got your time. And the crisis in Syria is totally solved. Completely solved.

It's all good. End of the year. 2025 is almost upon us. World's in turmoil. Lots going on. All right? We got a couple wars happening. Could expand.

We got a new presidential administration. Coming in and ready to fuck up our government. Yeah. We've got governments collapsing all over the world. We could join pretty soon. So I feel like now is the time for really real girl quotes to speak to the people. It provides inspiration. So what we're going to do right now, your question, Jaffer, is,

what are the really real girl quotes that the world needs to hear right now? That if people just stop being jealous and gossiping each other and just instead choose to support each other, the crisis in Syria could be suffered. You know what? I think that's good enough, guys. That's what I'm gonna use as a stage name. I had to find what your real name was. Yeah. Wait, your name's not catbird? No, it's not. I don't know. That was a joke, sorry. I'll stop it. I'll stop it. I'll stop it. He's points for that one.

Ty face. I did start finding things under your real name. I found your backstage profile. Oh no. Oh. Live is to risk at all. We just found there's a couple pieces of media on this page, including this intro video that you made for anybody who's Catherine Byrd, I'm British American, which basically just means that I am obsessed, like weirdly obsessed with doing access. I am obsessed with accents. I can do five to six dialects in the U.S., about six talents in the UK, and I can do Canadian,

German, Spanish, French, Italian. That wasn't Italian. and in Australian. So I can do quite a lot of access. Like to do in person, because those are not doing it justice. So, okay. You do say you can do what we count in were 18 different accents. Six from the United States, six from the UK, Canadian, Italian, Italian, German, Australian, Australian,

Yeah. Do all 18 X. That's six from the USA. Okay. Can you make... You said it. Were you lying on this thing? No, I just need the States.

Goddammit. Okay. Yeah. Hey dude. How you doing? That's one. All right. Um, from fucking Chicago.

Okay. I'm from fucking Chicago and I eat pizza. Scottish. I am Scottish and I... I... That's 10. Make sure you order your drinks and tip of our stuff. Has everybody doing on the points.

Okay, it's been very close, Jay. In third place right now, Jopra Khan with 1300 points. In second place, Cat Bird with 1350. We did not think you're going to be able to pull that off. And still, in the lead, just barely, though. Tyler Rose, with 1400 points. Nice. But still, anybody's game.

Going into our final for you guys tonight, you're in for Real Tree. This is a game called Guess Who's Horning. Drink ticket. Come on. Okay, it's my wife. She produced, like almost all of you here at the show. Called Archive of Our Own. It is fan fiction central.

It is where people write erotica about basically anybody and everybody, anybody in the world. Okay? Fictional characters, real characters. If you can think of something, it is on archive of our own. What I really was excited about was when my wife told me that within 48 hours of the assassination of the guy who, of the UHC guy,

the first fanfic about the assassin, was posted on archive of our own. In the last 12 days, we are now at 141 works about Luigi Mangione. Shoot or shoot. That's what I'm saying. There's also an even more famous Luigi who's got a lot of fan fiction out there.

You guys might know from the Mario Brothers games. It is Luigi Mario. Yes, one big Mario fan right here in the front. We have found some of the dirtiest fan fiction out there about both of these Luigi's. And our job for a comedians is to guess which Luigi it's about. Hell yeah! So is it about Luigi Mangione or Luigi Mario?

And I want you guys to know you're in good hands as I read this, okay? I know at least one of this is about how small Luigi's mouth is. Look at that. That is his chin! That's the chin! That's a chin? That's a chin? Everybody booed Tyler again real quick.

bad because you don't look at that good with the mustache tile. I didn't point out, like it is a little troubling. We have the same look right now. Like I said, you're in good hands. I, at the beginning of COVID, I made a weird pivot, and I started reading audio erotica to make a little bit of cash on the side. So for you guys tonight, I'm going to bust out my audiobook narrator voice as we read through some of these. Your job comedians is to guess.

Which fan fiction is about Luigi Mangione or Luigi Mario? We have blanked out identifying details about the partner who they are with. For bonus points, you're welcome to guess who they fuck. Let's roll our first fanfic. What did I say about addressing me? Blank growled, shoving his living toy down on his dick again. This time, the bulgevich shifted around Luigi's belly as he ground his hips. I'm so sorry, my...

King Luigi's voice turned to a whining cry as he came. For the third time, his little dick exploded with gun. Spraying it on both his and blank stomachs. His body shook as his eyes crossed, mouth hanging open. Oh, yeah, who's horny? Which Luigi? Well, type of skills to do this. The key word here is belly, right?

Only one Luigi has a belly. The Luigi who killed a guy, we all know is a hot, sexy guy who's all making us question our sexuality and his abs. We're kind of gay. We kind of want to fuck that guy. And he does not have a belly. And so to me, I'm saying that this is Luigi Mario. Okay. I like this is the Luigi Mario.

I like that logic. Cat. I'm going to, yeah, because the little dick thing for me. The belly for you, but little dick is why I'm going to do Luigi Mario. And I think, can I say the person? Yes, you can say the person. Oh, yeah. You guys both feel for your kid person.

You can't anymore. No, it's Mario, I think, Luigi. You think this is incest? It's not. I'll tell you who it is. No. It's Wauichi. That's like a time traveler masturbating kind of a thing.

Are they the same person? I don't think so. I don't think that's too hard. Yeah, yours is incest. No, but yours is, okay, whatever. Tyros. Wait, they may not be the same person, but they're definitely super smash bros.

Which Luigi? I agree. I think it's Luigi Mario. I think for me, what I saw was specifically king. But he's like, I'm sorry by king. Luigi assassin wouldn't be caught dead with anyone in the upper class. He wouldn't be caught dead. He would assassinate them immediately.

He's not about to fuck a king. about to kill cut off the king's head for the people. So this is clearly Mario and Luigi Mario's clearly fucking Bowser. Who's the other thing? You guys are correct. It is Luigi Mario and it is Bowser! No, I would fuck that can't invest. You look.

Look you're happy. They look, that looks like love to me. Yeah, Luigi's got little tears of joy in his eyes there. And you see just the back of his balls, just right, just the tides. Oh yeah, you see a little, just right there poking out. Remember when you were like tan and you'd moon and you'd see, Just a little bit. Just a little bit of your balls.

You know what? Let's see what happens next in the story. Bowser grin, ramming his hips forward harder. He watched in satisfaction as the little plumber under him. Cried out in pleasure. Stomach bulging with the shape of the Kupa Kings, massive cock. I just want to take a moment to point out that Jay's parents-in-law are both here. Keep going, Jay.

I love it. Let's go on show our next fanfic. Okay, said and took his hand, guiding it down to his pants. With his other hand, he slid down his pants. Blank delicately slid his hand beneath the other man's boxers, stroking his cock. Luigi hissed out a low breath, bucking into even the slightest touch.

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's amazing. And now you see why my wife reads this fan fiction shit. All right, Catbird. We're going to start off with you. Which Luigi do you think this is?

I think it's Luigi, the Mangione. Okay. And I think it's with Timothy Shalovey. A little like, this is like Post the Timothy Shalamey look-a-like contest. Yes. A very New York table of love. Tyler Rose. Yeah, definitely.

What's his name, Mangioni? Mangione. I definitely think Luigi ain't Mangione because slid his hand beneath, or. cutting it down to his pants and Mario Luigi wears overalls. That's what it is. I made out with a girl who's wearing overalls one time

and I was like trying to dig it around and you couldn't do it. So I've been here and I know that this is not, if that was overalls it wouldn't work. She was also a plumber, go on. It's fine. Joffer? I don't know who it is. I'm gonna say Duane the Rock Johnson.

Dwayne the Ron Johnson. I'll just go to that. That's good. Two guys of that. I'm just gonna go with my gut. The fact that this has, like, actually aroused me a little bit. It tells me that it's Luigi Mangione. So I'm just gonna go purely off that, and I think,

I guess the guy, I don't know, there's not that many characters related to him besides the guy that he killed. I don't know, I don't remember his name, but I'm gonna say it's the CEO. Oh. Oh. It's fucking the CEO.

That would be a twist. Why not? It's fan fiction. It's fan fiction. I like that. You should write. You should write to pay attention. Well, you guys are all correct.

This is Luigi Mangiani, but his partner in this is Hassan Pekar, the famous Lepterst Streamer. Look at that, look at that Thirst Tram. Look at all Asan. Wow. I've only seen him neck up. This is great. I know. This is great.

I don't know how worn up he is right now. Yeah. Big closet, too. Let's see what happens next in the story. So you're a YouTuber, Louichi, has. realizing you didn't actually know much about the other man. And streamer, Hassan said, chuckling.

Moderately well known. I've only got about 3 million subscribers. Bragging. Hey, you're the one with a national manhunt. Touch. He paused, leaning back in his seat. At least you aren't wanted behind bars. You're not just wanted in jail, baby, Hassan tees. This guy's such a...

such a fan of Hassan. Because, like, you're a YouTuber. And streamer. Like, he's defending it on a cell. And he's a streamer, too. Hey, Jay. If anyone of the audience wants to reach out to have you read erotic fan fiction

to them and their loved ones, how do they, what's your name under here? You can look me up J.T. Linus on Amazon. That is how you can get in touch with me on audible.com. Wait, how'd you pick the name J.T. Linus? Well, it's my first initial and my middle initial, and then one of my cats. And that is how you got a sexy name to read.

We got one more fan for you guys. This is what we got right here. Luigi's grip on blank hips tightened as he guided blank into a slow delivery rhythm. Each thrust was purposeful. His body rising to meet blank. That's it, Princess, he murmured. His lips brushing against a blank jawline.

You're so perfect. I've missed you more. than you can imagine. Tyler Gross, which Luigi? See, I feel like this is a misdirect. Because we see princess. We all see princess, so we're thinking Luigi Barn. But, and again, like I said,

my foolproof point before, he wouldn't be caught with royalty. Mangione. So I don't know who to say. I'm going to say Luigi Mangione. And Princess, I don't know who Princess would be. Diana? The corpse of Princess Diana. That's my final.

Jabber gone. It is Princess Peach, and I think it is, this is great fan fiction, because it's Princess Peach, not fucking Mario, fucking Luigi. Mario's brother,

the ultimate forbidden fruit. Great fan fiction. It's Luigi Mario fucking Princess Peach. That's what I think. I feel like the temperature just turned up 10 degrees in here. I'm pitching that story. I'm turned out.

Cat Bird. Okay, I'm going to say it's Luigi. Mangione and he is as obvious Princess Diaries, Amy Hathaway. Oh, I like that. Before we reveal, since we do it, invited panel, makes some noise out there if you think it is Luigi Mangione. Do you think it's Luigi Mangione? Do you think it's Luigi Mario?

If you think it's Luigi Mario. It's a pretty close call. The correct answer is, this is Luigi Mangione. And the second character is you, the reader. You're so fucking Luigi Mangione. As we learn in this next portion of the story, you wrapped your legs around him, grinding against him. That's my good girl.

Trap me in, baby. Come with me while I fuck a baby into you. Jesus Christ. His words sent you over the edge. And you moaned his name as you felt his hot loat. spurred deep inside you. Take it, take it, take it, beautiful, he asked, fucking you.

As ropes of his cums, spurred it inside you. That's a really cum-heavy seed. A lot of cubs. He had a lot of spurting him. He had a lot of it. Guess who's horny everybody. These comics, you guys, we've had a wonderful show. What a wonderful group of contestants.

We've gotten to some weird places tonight. We talked a lot about cum for the past 10 or so minutes. We've covered a lot of weird, dark stuff. We want you guys to make sure you get out of here on a nice note. We want you to come back, see the show again, when we're back here in New York, or follow us online and see what else we got going on. So we're gonna make sure you get out of here

with a nice, clean frame of mind, as our comedians close out with a pallet cleanser joke. I'm going to tell you one clean, wholesome joke to get your mind out of the gutter and ready to go back to the real world after the show. We're gonna start off with Jaffer Conner, but he makes noise for Jaffer Conner. Clean joke.

When I first moved to New York, I needed a job. I was scrambling. I was like, look at my background is as a teacher and as a comedian. So what if I get a job as a tour guide? That's kind of like, kind of educational, kind of fun. So I did that. I got a job as a New York City tour guide having lived in New York for two weeks.

So I was just a bad tour guide. giving people bad tours, you know, that asked me questions. They were like, hey, how tall is the Empire State building? I'd be like, you know what? That's a great question. No one knows. He is Scottish, and he's also a chef. So our dirty talk gets a little bit odd.

Sometimes, like the other day, he whispered into my ear, and he's like, baby, ye are so efficient. I was like, oh no, I think my husband thinks my vagina snare prior. I commit to it, you know? I had to commit to it. So I was just like, yeah.

One more time for those accents, though. They came out. I got to go home to Texas to my parents. I like seeing them. I just don't want to visit, you know, visiting. It's hard. The only good part is when they text me and ask. Because it's the only time I feel like a hot girl.

That's the only time I feel. They'll text me like, hey, Tyler, are you coming home soon? And every time I'm like, desperate. Okay. Thirsty match. And then like a hot girl, I'll see how much I can get away with. I'll be like, I would come home, but I can't afford the plane ticket.

Yeah, you will you. Thank you. For the record, I have not yet heard from to hear. The only notification I have on my phone is from Hinge that my most compatible has been updated. I'll talk to her about what it's like when you want to desperately reach out to a man, but he won't call you back. All right. So you have two audience prizes to give away.

One is for the enthusiastic table right here, you got a special prize. It's the last pizza pizza I couldn't finish after I realized I left the fucking prizes in an Uber. I was like, what do you mean? I got to talk with the guy through the app. Nobody was quite horny enough to admit that they were into Luigi stuff.

But we have this special prize. It's a Mario shirt, a Mario shirt, to our one special Mario band. Right hand, let's do you. His shirt, all right. It's in this bag, we're going to find out in real time. In third place, you're wrong in the louisie. The last one.

70 hundred points. Jafrican, John. Javrikan, third place. You get this shirt, Jay, what is it? You got flamingos on it. You got a shirt of flamingo. The second place, it's... This is a...

driver of some kind. You got a villainous driver's shirt. That's... You said tonight. Public opinion, they are safe at their next Netflix meeting.