WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - MAINTAIN FUPA (ft. Christina Catherine Martinez, Jared Logan, Mario Adrion)

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

Recorded live at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, CA on 11/2/24.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: Christina Catherine Martinez, Jared Logan, Mario AdrionSUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE to watch full shows in glorious HD!��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Upcoming Shows:San Diego: 11/15 @ Mic Drop Comedy Club, 7:30 PMLA: 12/7 @ The Comedy Store, 11:45 PMSUPPORT THE SHOW: https://ko-fi.com/wronggameshowcover photo by Van Corona Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello listeners, welcome to another episode of Wrong, a fucked-up game show podcast edition. I'm your host Jay Light, and I'm coming to you today with an episode we recorded at the Comedy Store. This is our most recent episode from The Comedy Store, recorded Saturday, November 2nd. It features Christina Catherine Martinez, Jared Logan, and Mario Adrian. If you like the show, if you like the show, please come see us live. because that's the best way to do it. We've got shows coming up tonight. If you're listening to this right now on release day in San Diego at Mike Drop Comedy Club,

at 7.30 p.m., ticket link in the show notes. We've also got shows coming up at the Comedy Store on the 7th of December. That is our regular Saturday time slot. First Saturdays at the month, 1145 p.m. ticket link for that is in the show notes. We also have a show coming up at Cabiot, New York City. That is going to be on the 18th of December. The lineup and ticket link will be dropping soon for that.

So keep your eyes peeled. If you like the show a whole lot, tell a friend, subscribe to the podcast. Go check out our YouTube. We got full video episodes up there. If you want to help chip in a little bit, offset some of our production costs. There is a link to our coffee page in the show notes.

You can drop a little something, something there. Help us out. Without further ado, let's get wrong. Live from the world famous comedy store, it's Ron! The fuck-up! We make some of the name in the corner, Tyler Meznor. She says this early in the show, but we were already taught... What is your name, sir?

AJ. AJ, you have a fucking incredible sweatshirt on right now. Please stand up and show... Showing it's so great. Everybody applaud this. This is one of my favorite things. Incredible. I asked somebody weird to a comedy show and sit in the front row.

AJ? Right, AJ? AJ, you're getting a prize, AJ. Do you do, uh, do you do drugs, AJ? Shrooms. Well, hey, lucky for you. I have shrooms for you. From Maxwell Farms, Maxwell Farms.

Followed on Instagram, Maxwell Farms with a pH. Have you asked her to our prize sponsor, Maxwell Farms. You've been out amazing. Max Maxwell. Amazing edible plants. Got some edibles, you got some three-rolls. And some other things. If you don't smoke, let me know.

Because here's the thing, guys, you might be worried. Sometimes people come to a comedy show and they're like, oh my God, they're going to ruin my fucking life. They're going to talk to me about some bullshit that I did. They're going to talk to me about my fucking lame job. They're going to talk to me about my love life and how I'm fucking not fucking. They're going to do all that kind of shit. Not us.

No, no, no, no. We are here to commit psychological warfare on our panel of comedians. We have comedians here who are. some of the funniest in the world who are here to get wrong with us. Because we like it on most game shows when people do things right, not here. We like it when people do things. Wrong! We almost got everybody in that one. I need to hear it from everybody. We like it when people do things. That's the... You didn't say it. I need just you to say it. Wrong. Yeah!

jokes we're going to go up some weird things from our comedians past and we celebrate when things are wrong here That's why we got our first audience game that we're playing just to make sure you guys are on the right page is a game called worst week Fucking thing sucks so that is a picture of me nobody Told me they were gonna use a picture of me from when I was 16 years old High school theater horrible picture and now I'm having a bad week because of this time Well I heard this photo you were doing something something like a jowling I believe what he's what I heard that you were doing?

I don't think the audience gives a fuck about what's going on in this entire bit that you guys tried to set me up for it. All right fine. Everybody booed-hound. Oh fuck you! Everybody booved! Oh, do you not want the drugs that I have? Noted.

I'm not having the worst week. A couple of y'all are having the worst week. Some people out here submitted on the cards that we left at your tables, uh, they had a really bad week and we got a couple contenders for the worst week. audience first of all we have Brian where's Brian where you have Brian Brian? Brian right here makes some noise for Brian everybody Brian had a fucked up week because uh vomited on car and shoes your car and the inside of your shoe oh I'm so somebody makes some noise for Brian for him fucking up this car and you're a contender for worst week you're gonna win some prizes for sure but we also have another contender one one

Juan, where are you at, Juan? Hey, okay, Juan. Yeah, makes a nice for one, everybody. Juan, my kid kicked me in the junk. Now, Juan, how hard of a kick are we talking? That's a six year old. A six year? That's fucking, no, they... That's the creeper one that, you know...

Yeah, that's like a baby cobra. They have no sense of how much the poison actually is. And how, and how's your junk? We like an okay junk. Make some noise for okay junk. We will take average. mid junk mid junk that's what we love to hear about of this show

guys we're going to go Brian and Juan I don't you guys come on up here we're gonna figure out who has had the worst week before we're coming on now by a round of applause we're gonna see who had the worst week

between these you guys was it Brian you gotta consider this or was it one for Brian on this medical chocolate chip cookie thing that's for you

and hey you know no one gets it You got a Maxwell Farmer's Lighter. There you have. There you go. To your kid. Get your junk on fire now. Yeah, why not?

We are going to start off, find out what our comedians think is fucked up. With a game called, This is fucked up. Some of our finest comedians here, we have asked them to tell their most fucked up jokes. It might be dark. It might be dirty. But it will definitely be. Raw.

Raw. All about it. Let's go and bring up our. first contestant you might recognize him from True TV's world's dumbest make some noise for Jared Logan everybody that credit with the true TV world's dumbest was the show I was on people still watch it and every once a while I'm walking down the street and someone goes world's dumb feel good that is for you to talk to me like that okay my most fucked up material I just this is just my material I don't know maybe that means I'm a

sad fucked up person But I'll just tell you about my marriage. I have a wife. Okay, everybody doesn't believe I have a wife. I have a wife, she's real, and she and I have different interests. You know, I think you can tell by listening to me for a second that I'm kind of a nerdy guy. I like like X-Men and Star Trek. And already some of the women in the audience are like, my vagina feels dry.

And that's how my wife feels about those things. Her vagina gets itchy and dry, and when I talk about it. when I talk about them. So we have to compromise on how we're going to spend time together, right? She's like more of like a real housewives drag race kind of girl, okay? So we have to figure out how are we going to spend time together. So I'll say to her, I'll be like, look, if you go with me to my Lord of the Rings fan fiction meetup group, I'll go with you to your ultrasound thing.

Her thing is so boring. takes forever. Good sex though. How is your sex with him? Okay. The sex I have with my wife is almost too good. It's like, well, I'll just tell this story. I'm not proud of this story, and I'll tell it directly to you.

I'm not proud of this, all right? But my wife and I recently, we were traveling, and we were in my hometown, and we ended up having sex in my childhood bedroom. And we got in huge trouble. my family doesn't live in that house anymore. We probably should have waited so the people who lived in there now were not there,

but instead I was like, this is a dream. No, it's not. I'm the devil. I'm the devil. In the evening, people don't like that part. A three-year-old or five-year-old. When my wife was pregnant with our five-year-old,

she was like eight months along. She came home from the OBGYN and goes, good news, the doctor said they could start doing things to induce labor. Oh, like, exactly. And I was like, oh, like what? And she was like, well, one of the things we can do is sex. And I was like, well, pick another one.

Because I'm not going to induce labor that way. Are you out of your fucking mind? I already don't know what I'm doing during sex. I don't need a birth to start. You know what I mean? I don't go very long in bed. I don't need to roll off my. wife and have her be like that was so nice I mean it didn't make me go into labor

but I also don't want my kid to be born that way I don't want my kid to be in the womb like what is that knocking what is that oh hey dad I'll be right out the knocking would be my penis against my wife's womb you got that part right the knock it look at me I have kids. Someone will tell me a story about their dog. Don't do that. Don't do that. Okay? And I'm open-minded about pet people. Like, I believe that if you have a pet, your love for your pet is as real and as strong as my love for my kids.

But there are differences, okay? If mine dies, it's a little sadder. If mine gets really, really, really sick that I'm really, really sick, the doctor doesn't give me the option of just not doing anything. I'm not allowed to bury my son in my backyard. And I feel I should have that right. Enjoy the show. Did you have ages?

Did you start taking those mushrooms yet? I don't know if you asked me a question. Hell, you might recognize our next contestant from queer baiting on the internet. No, it's not Harry Stiles, it's Mario. I'm from Germany. Okay, so it's not gay, it's European. I'm from a small town called Alpiesbacher-Schwarzfiles. You've heard of it?

Oh yeah. That's either German or gay, I'm not quite sure, yeah. Oh yeah. Have you been to Germany? Yeah. Yeah? Oh God, that sounds traumatized, dude. What happened in Germany?

I can't have a wine tent at October 1st. Oh, the wine set. I thought you were going to say some crazy kinky techno club. I mean, do you have any recommendations? Yeah. Do you know about the techno clubs? Yeah, Burkhan. Yeah.

techno music is American music is too positive for me. You know? Like American songs, they're always like, Don't worry, be happy, dude, right, it's too positive. Every German techno song is like, worry. P, p, p, p, pf, pf, wha. Fucking love it. And I'm not fucking Latino, I can't dance like a Latino,

so this will be Germans dance. You have a drop to a techno song, it's like, and then all those Germans, we all lose your shit, dancing like this. Yeah, it gets me hard. It's so funny, we talk about the gay shit, we don't care about sexuality at all. Like if you go to a techno club in Berlin, you can see two dudes make it out in the corner. And every German's gonna look at them and be like,

oh look, they're such good friends. And how he gives us a fuck, you know? My God. And the technical thing, it's kind of like a cake story because we do some fucked up shit at Burrhener in the Techno Club. One time I was at the urinal, and this guy asked me if I can pee in his mouth. me if I can pee in his mouth. The piss goblin. You know about the piss goblin?

Oh my God. You have a mutual friend. How beautiful. You know the piss goblin. You know Herrmann, yeah? It sounds beautiful. So you met the piss goblin? Yeah.

Did you? Hold on. You meant the piss goblin? You don't look like the piss goblin's demo. You're out of the bathroom. You're out of the bathroom. Oh, okay. Yeah. He passed away.

His car was my girl in these shirts and beautiful memories. But the Piscan, if you don't know the Piscan, like... Actually there's multiple, thankfully they have procreated. So there's not... Here's a legacy behind, yes, there's multiple. But now this guy, the thing is like they want to do that because they want to get the residue or whatever drug you took by drinking your piss. Yeah? Be Germans, be recycled.

Yeah? We don't waste the MDMA. So the weird thing is also, like at first I didn't want to do it, but then he asked so much. nicely you know because we're germans you know we lost two wars and now we're like super friendly we're like he was like so he was like can you pee my mouth a little bit and it's very hard for me to say no because i'm a people pleaser you know so when he asked me that i was like you know it doesn't hurt me because i peathe's mouth so i thought about it for a second but i physically couldn't do it because i'm pee shy you know what i get nervous in somebody's watching so i was like fuck what if i tell

this guy i got you brother and i'm trying to piss this mouth and i'm like fuck fuck fuck and i can't do it And then he picked somebody else and then I feel rejected. You know, I didn't want that. So I was in this weird scenario. I was like, I don't want to kingshame this guy and I don't want to reject him, but I couldn't pee in his mouth to him. So I was like, fuck, what do I do? So I was like, well, how do I get out of this?

So I asked him to pee my mouth, yeah? It's a jokey joke. I did not. Yeah, maybe it is. It's so funny, dude. Like also, American is so weird to me because I just went back to Germany and I see some shit you guys do we could never do. in Germany.

You know, first thing when I came to America, the first thing I saw was a big American flag at the airport. And it's very weird for me as a German, because in Germany, we don't have any German flags. We don't really have national pride in Germany because we used to have a little bit too much. In America, you guys at Pride Month, in Germany, we have guilt gear.

All right? I'm so afraid in German to do anything that makes me look like a Nazi, that I physically cannot lift on my right arm. You know, I'm trying, physically can't do it. Dude, I was in New York with my wife. She was like, hey, Mark, can you hail for us I was like Hela, who fucking came out with that term?

Hala cap? Is that a fucking joke? So I was trying to hail a cap, I was like, NAA! Yeah, I can't... Yeah, fucking dudes. But you're right because of shit, man. You do the crazy shit, I went to a baseball game in New York,

Yankee Stadium, go Dodgers, right? Am I right? Did you say this? Yeah. If the Yankees at one, I'll go to New York next week, I would have said, fuck the Dodgers. Oh my crowd. But dude, I went there, and the crazy thing happened.

In the seventh inning stretch, they start playing the American anthem and the whole stadium turned it into an American black banner. And then all of a sudden they rolled in a veteran from World War II and the whole stadium went crazy. They always, they always, USA! USA! Just imagine for a second if we Germans did that. Imagine you had a soccer game in Germany, all of a sudden they started playing the German national anthem, which you never hear. You know, they go, Deutschland, Deutschland, Deutsche, Uba, you know, we don't even hear that shit. And then imagine

They roll in a World War II veteran from Argentina. You know, they're rolling in their wheelchair. You know, a veteran would be like, oh, we're very sorry, yeah. We were just close, yeah. You guys, thanks much as Mario. Thank you. I did not meet the Piss Goblin,

but hey, we get a quick moment of silence for the Piss Coblin. Rest and peace, King. I bet he's so nice about it, or he was. He's got to be in heaven. Yeah. Is a Piss Goblin not in heaven? It's a given, right, because he's a giver.

That's selflessness, all right? Jesus is a Piss Goblin, in my heart, you know? That's what... All more religious people in the audience than I thought we were gonna get to that. Hey! Alright guys, we got our final contestant. Let's go ahead and make our final contest.

You might recognize her from her art criticism in art forum, art agenda, and text Zerkund. Kunst. Thanks a noise for Christina. Kathar Martinez. I'm gonna try to condom the mantle of normal womanhood or whatever. What a fuck?

I don't know what normal people do. You go, oh, look, circle back. Oh, yeah, let's go, I'm going to... Sweet green, you know? Did you get the deck, John? Did she do the deck? Because you could a deck for a clock? I don't know what you people do for work.

God, I remember when women weren't allowed in this building, at all. God, I'm so nervous. When I get nervous, I either revert to a, like a regressive pre-feminism state or I just eat my own shit. Shout to, anyway. Because look, I'm not, I'm not saying that it was better to be a woman before feminism, but it was easier.

It was simpler, right? Because like, I don't know if he knows, but I'm an actor, so fucking, my body's my instrument. whatever um and like back then in like now you have you have to have like fucking a complex female characters women's stories fucking oh now now I'm a first generation mixed-race immigrant thank you don't cheer and you know every pilot season I try to put on some hoopie area and they had a fucking job of the kooky Mexican neighbor on something I was a journalist and an art critic before I did comedy and I gave it up for you people.

But it's like clockwork, you know, I mean, as a thing about being a first generation mixed-race immigrant, if you've read any personal estate in the New Yorker for the past million years, is that it's a lot like being caught between two worlds. Usually like a white magazine editor from New York who just hold a knife to my neck over a few months and be like, God damn it Christina, you want a little essay, you want a little personal essay about the immigrant experience. You're gonna skin your little thoughts and feelings down about what it's like being coppenter.

This is just the white liberal mainstream media just so fucking horny for a story about the immigrant experience. I know it's, I know it's hack to hump the school. But think of this as the immigrant experience. Alright, let me just get some jokes out of here. Stupid girl, they don't know how to tell jokes, but I'm in this fucking town. I'm too cradwick. What do you do for his?

What is actually happening or if you're just imagining all of it? He doesn't know. A more fucking point. Everybody makes a noise. Hey, Jay. What's up, A. You guys all feeling after that first round. Well, pretty good, but this is the part where you...

Social media posts, right? This is true. Oh, shit, yeah. Ironically, I don't give a shit. Yes. How's everybody doing on the point so far? Well, Jay, went around. incredible. I really thought Jerry was going to pull it out by burying his son in the backyard.

And then I thought, wow, the piss goblin. No one's going to beat that. And then I saw a woman eat shit out of her ass. So, 600 points for Christina. 500 for the rest of the two. Let's continue on the show. How funny and fucked up our comedians are being. So he's going to be checking in. We'll check in with him a little bit later on. For now, we're going to play our next game with our comics. This is a game, a classic. It's called him Tweetpack. People know this game. We love this game. We've been playing this game for a long time.

This is basically a game, like Jared said. We've gone through all of our comedians' pasts. We've dug up things. We've looked into their old social media posts. Everybody's got stuff that they probably deleted, probably shouldn't have said. But the good news is we have some of the crack... I don't know how to read.

We got some of the finest researchers here in the show. in the world who have found some great posts from these guys. We're going to make them guess which one they actually said and which one is fake from their very big, deep, dark pass. Jared, you are legitimately nervous. I'm nervous. There's some dark shit in there.

We're going to start up with one of mine, so everybody can see how it works. This is one that I never find out what it is before the show. My minions, my producers always find some stuff. This one is apparently from October 12, 2009. I think this is the oldest one that you guys have ever found on me. In college, I was 19, I was pledging a fraternity. That's all I, that's what I know was going on. Okay?

Some gay shit, eh? The elephant walk? Kiki gay things, y'all. Blank, worst 20 minutes of my life. No likes, no comments, no retwitch. What's it like being you? Wait, I still don't understand this. There's a long line and then you wrote

Worst 20 Minutes of My Life. What were you trying to say? Well, this might not be true. Oh, wait, I'm guessing what you were sent. You don't understand the orders of the game, yeah? Get it straight? I think I cut the gummy like this guy. All right. So we're going to show three options here.

One of them is something I actually said. The other two are options that my producers cooked up. You guys have to guess which one is the real one. And I'm gonna guess on with you guys, because I don't know. I was getting a blowjob when I found out Michael Jackson died. Worst 20 minutes of my life. It sounds like great 20 minutes.

I don't think that's real. Yeah. And also, a blowjob with Jay doesn't last 20 minutes. It's, yeah, it's one minute of blowjob, one minute of seeing the notification, then 18 of mourning Michael Jackson. Yeah, just playing thriller twice. Option two, fat girl on the treadmill next to me at the gym smelled like roast beef and burnt popcorn worst 20 minutes of my life.

Yeah, this is real. You think that guy looks like you've been in a gym. Yeah. That's what I'm going on, exactly. I'm worried that this might be it. This is it, yeah. This is damaging. That's why your comedy career is.

I know I have shit on my mouth. It just feels like a joke that 19 year old would make. It feels like a 19 year old guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're from the South, right? I am. Like roast beef and burned popcorn sounds like a kink in the South, you know? Do you people have popcorn down there?

Only burn. Do you have treadmills down there? Based on what you wouldn't... You didn't have 10 girls down there, so that's more believable. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, too far. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, skinny girls can smell like roast beef too.

That's right. Yeah. My wife smells like roast beef. Oh, really? How much does she weigh? I could give an estimate. I love her body. Does that matter?

Absolutely not. I love my curvy wife. So I did my part and waited in line to vote for a black president. I still get used the N-word worst 20 minutes of our life. Now this one, I can't test this theory. This one's not real, but it is a very funny joke. That's why it's not real. Yeah.

It's a great fucking... I'm going to let you all guess first. Which one do you think is a real tweet? I'm guessing roast beef. Roast beef? No, roast beef. Roast beef? What was it first one?

Oh, the blow job, Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson blowjob. Well, 2009, dude, when are you done? Let's fact check this shit. Yeah, are we allowed to Google things while we play? Can I call somebody about this? I asked if I could be on my phone. He said no.

Did anybody? It was 2009. It was 2009. I wasn't born yet, so I don't know. I'm just, what is your name? Camila. So Camila is your designated fact check. Okay, great.

That one. You need to go to Camila, we can go to Camila. I don't know. How old were you in 2009? Kamele and GPD? 19. 19? No, no, no, you don't look like the kind of guy who gets blowjobs.

Now that I'm married. All right, that deserved. I'm a legend. Am I the only person up here who's not married and I can't figure out for the lack of me, why? I'm not polyamorous, but I do think I'm too much for one man. So I need two husbands. I need two husbands, one whose house I can shit in, and one whose mouth I can pee in. He's got it.

He would have been your guy. Women, am I right? Everybody booed Tyler real quick. Fuck you. Thank you. Mario, you ready to lock and a guess? Yeah, I'm gonna go, fuck, man. I don't believe that you got to...

I'm gonna go for the blowjob at 19, because I think you just wrote it as a flex, like a subliminal flex. of like worst 20 minutes in my life implying that guys I got a blow job you know the last it's 20 minutes and it lasted 20 minutes I think that you have enough blow drops from different people for comparisons so that's also insane right yeah it was probably your first blow drop ever and you hit that you know that humble brag you know so yeah that's good I'm gonna go for that one all right we're looking for that Harris Whittles retweet on that one I'm trying to get that humble bag in camp I am almost certain that it is the roast beef one,

because that sounds like 19-year-old me, and I am... Yep, fucking nailed it. Points for Jared and Christina. That is so sad. But honestly, that's the response that I was looking for from this tweet all on this clip.

Now, when you go to the treadmill today, you don't smell the fat woman to see what type of meat she smells like. No, I'm not... Nothing yet. He's a new guy. I do spin class instead. That's the way.

go. Well, let's go and move on. Our next tweet is coming from Mario, Adrian. Mario, come on over a year. Get yourself in the high-paces. Oh, boy. Mario, everybody! You're crushing it, by the way. It's been a tweet. I got banned from Twitter. You did? Yeah, for a, for, for, for, for, whole picks. Is that a, you know, send, whole picks? Oh. It's sexual thing, but I got banned from Twitter, so I'm curious to see if this is... Like, whole picks if you're asshole? No, but like I used to be a little, before I just, you know, it was a bit of a hole.

Oh. Ho-Picks. I know, I said whole-picks, but I had a whole face, not a whole face. You had a ho-face. They're very closely related. I know English is your second language. That's what it is, guys. That's what it is.

I'm sorry I'm just don't speak the language so well. Well, this is a tweet we found from October 28th, 2017. Okay. How long had you been in America for at this point? I didn't live in America at the time. You didn't even live in America? That makes a lot of sense. I was visiting.

I was visiting. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. So this is a Halloween costume. This is so much not as bad as I thought. Okay, this is perfect. So we got Mario, we got a peach, and then what are you dressed up as?

Well, listen. Germany has a lot of fucked up shit, yeah? One thing we did not do is, you know, slavery and Native American stuff. Wow! So we could do a lot more things, right? So like, it's culture appropriation in a way, but you know, we don't have the same. But, you know, we don't have the same. I would never do, I would never dress up as a Jew, but...

What do you mean? You think Jews aren't well-dressed? Yeah, you think Jews are poor or something? You think Jews don't have swag? No, my wife is Jewish, too. But, you know, I was saying, like, I can pull this off. So, I think, you know, that's what, uh, you know that the Nazis looked at the way we treated Native Americans, so you think you could pull this up.

Makes sure you're pulling this up. I'm not going to clap for that. Honestly, the most hurtful part about this for me is that this has five retweets in 79 nights. Which is one of the most popular tweets we've ever found in the history of this show. So we have our caption here, of course. This is totally blanked out with a hashtag and a caption. Now Mario, when you see the captions, we're going to show a few options.

If you think you know the real one, don't see anything until the very end because Christina and Jared will get a chance to guess first. All right, are you ready? Option one, I met my true family. Hashtag, it's a me! Option two. If only the Indians had star power to protect them from smallpox. Hashtag eat a genocide.

Or option three, two atomic bombs later, and this is what Japan thinks Italians are. hashtag ooh you guys are fucked up so we're gonna let you think on this one for a second Mario yeah yeah let me think about that one real hard here with Christina which one do you think is good I think the latter two are funny but I think the first one feels the most authentic yeah the first one feels the most authentic because Germans are rather humorous people

And I didn't find Mario very funny, did you? For the record, you can be racist against Italians. That is always okay. I don't know why it just is. Right. It's because they're grease balls. And they're lazy. They're so lazy.

And they dress bad, right? And they smell like roast wheat. And we lost because of them. But also, like this. It's true. They pumped it all up. Because this is close, yeah? But also this photo...

It's a me, you musta-lis! You think about the photo is very problematic because I'm a German surrounded by an Italian and a character from a Japanese video game. So this is like the access powers in a photo, you know? Oh my god, it was crazy, so yeah. Yeah. Reunion.

Hey. That's what I said. I met my true family. That's what it. That's what it is. That is the true family. Thanks for Mario Magiaghan, everybody. Kathy Martinez, coming over and basically for... Oh, Mar-a-go.

It was really bad timing for the show, actually. Because it was right when we started doing research and everybody, and you deleted your Twitter. Yeah. But luckily, we have a website that we use in just such occasions. No, I know. I just, yeah, it's called archive.org. Exactly. It makes noise for archive.

archive out of work. You know what I'm doing pictures of everybody's tweets like this one from January 5th, 2018. Fitness goal blank. One comment, 13 likes. What's going on at this stage in your life, Christine? What's going on in January 5th, 2018? Or 20, yeah, 2018. I was probably trying to sneak through the doggy door at my parents' house because they locked me out.

Why even think about fitness? I feel untrue, but I like it. I'm sorry, my private life is in shambles. Jared and Mario would be a good chance to guess first, so Christina's gonna take a good long time to think about this one. Fitness goal, maintain fupa. That's she. Like, you can't shame me on this show, I'm just gonna go under. Like smoke, you gotta stay with me.

Option two, fitness goal, butter face. What is butterface? It's a joke, you say, it's a term for, usually, you know what, usually a woman who you find unattractive, you say she's a butterface, because the body's great, butter face. Oh. You know what the equivalent for guys is, it's like a guy who's not hot he's just tall yeah yeah it's a scraper because you get to the top when it's

that in the jokes for girl's book this probably it's one of these bookmark ones I have six copies of though I'll buy one from you our final option fitness goal Squidward I'm okay I don't I don't I don't see you as a big SpongeBob fan. I've never seen it. Yeah. Oh, sorry, I gave away a flu. That's nice.

Watch your ass. Jared, Mario, which one do you think is a real thing? Well, I don't know. Like, first of all, I think you shouldn't work on a fitness goal. She should work on your social media engagements. Because if you remember, I had 79 likes. Not that it matters, but... I mean, she deleted her Twitter.

Yeah. I got to leave out to email brought me back so we'll see. Can I see the first one again? What's the first one? I think it's... Maint-Tainty-P-P-I-T-P-P-I-T-P-I. I think it's maintained Fupa. Yeah, yeah.

Did Christina have a Fupa in 2009? This is from 2018. Oh right, in 2018. Yeah, Camilla, did I have a Fupa in 2018? Was I still rocking this Fupa? This immigrant... This immigrant... Pupa?

Yeah? Yeah? You got me? I'm Fupa, huh? I'm a little Fupa, yeah. We're team, we're gonna watch a foo-trupa-tas over here. You fucking idiots! No?

No. ...any buddy, but I'll threaten you, you know? Be careful in this next time. He would never hit a woman, but... Well, I would shoot one. I'll shake another. I was really excited when we, when we book you for the show, Jared, because, so I did your show. Jared's got a great weekly show called Better Half at Bar Bambanini.

And I remember when I was... When I did your show, you mentioned having a Twitter that you had been locked out of, that you could not find the password to it. I had a, I talked about it on stage sometimes. I have a Twitter that I only had in like 2011, and I don't know the password to it anymore, and I can't shut it down. Unless one day I meet someone who works at Twitter, which I never have. So it's like a fairy tale.

You know what I mean? Like I walk the earth. Does anybody here work at Twitter? It's called X. God. And no, they're shedding employees. I shut mine down before they turned it into X because I don't agree with Elon Musk's politics.

Liberal or queer. I'm kind of a hero. Now, we did find that Twitter account. The password is Elon Rules. Now, fortunately, there wasn't actually a lot of stuff on that account There was some crazy shit on that account. There's some very bad comedy on that account.

Very bad jokes. We found actually some stuff that was deleted from your regular Twitter that was even better. Oh, no. Like this tweet from July 25th, 2013. 8.45 a.m., no likes, replies, or retweets. Wow. I mean, I'm going to go ahead and say that this has been doctored by them. I wouldn't even post the beginning of whatever that.

I think I mentioned earlier that I'm a father. A married father. A married father. I like this kind of talk. No. Well, Greg, would you hear the right talk about how we have to preserve the nuclear family? Just remember, I'm the only one up here who's not married. A thing that Jared said, so July 25th, 2013, at 8.45 a.m.

Just break it out of tiring... What year? What year are we in? This is 2013. Okay. Normally if I see a woman with a big belly post-pregnancy blank. I can't imagine what I said. If you think you know which one's the real one, as we go through it, Jared, zip your lips,

because Christina and Mario will be able to be able to be able to be able. I'm going to guess, too. I don't know. I'll wait until they go. I love that. All right, let's see our first option. Normally, if I see a woman with a big belly post-pregnancy, I vomit everywhere and stab out my eyes. But when Katie Mitz does it, it feels royal. Jake Middleton.

Yeah, it's a Kate Middellon. I don't think Jared could make a sense with like a dependent clause. No, I have better grammar than whatever happened here. It's just sophisticated stuff. Camilla, was Kate Middleton a thing in 2013? How do you? Camilla GPT likes you. You're fired, Camilla.

Option two. I give it a rough jostle and say, oh, looks like you're missing something. That's me. I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to do that. That might be it, I don't know, guys. Sorry about that. I run right to the nearest mosque and say,

give me a burqa, there's a juicy one outside. I respect the Muslim people. Their culture is a joke. I would never say something like that. Now... Is anybody here Muslim? Mario, Christina, do you guys think you know which was a real free? Well, I mean, he gave it away, yeah.

I don't think else you could spell for that. I did, I apologize for that. Yeah, for getting help with GameWorks. It's okay. Everybody's really so, number two. Yeah, Jocelyn seems such a dad thing to say, you know. I didn't even know what Jocelyn means, but it sounds like something a dad would say. It's like when you're, yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's like jacking off but not sexual. Oh, there's all. See? Like when you jack off in an inanimate object, you're just jostling. Well, for me, it is sexual. This is crazy. This rarely happens, but all of you guys are wrong. It actually was the first one. So God! Excuse me, I did delete it. What's good for a pretty fucking out?

And the archive slid in at just the right time to capture that. It feels royal. Guys, that's in Tweetman. We've only got a one game left after this. So, Tyler, let's go ahead and check in, seeing how he's doing on the points. It's been very close. I have Mario at 1100 points.

Jared at 1,300 points. And Christina at 1,400 points. Still in the league. Wow, that's close. It's tight. And let you know what, let's give me a little prize real quick. Tyler, let's throw Camille. Oh, yeah, I got Camille and Camille.

Camille. Camille. This is for you and your main. Man, you guys have been great sports. Maxwell Farms. Maxwell Farms. Piro. All right, you keep being good.

Maybe I'll give you some mushrooms, all right? All right. Are all the prices, drugs? Mostly drugs, yeah. Yeah, they're mostly drugs, yeah. It's mostly drugs. It feels so, it's so nice of me just to give people drugs. I feel like I'm Santa Claus up here.

Okay, we have one more game for you guys. This is a topical game. election season, everybody's losing their fucking minds. I think we all agree it does feel like this election season does feel like we're being held hostage. So to celebrate the beauty of American democracy, we are playing a brand new game called Political Prisoner. I think it's called Puerto Rico. Okay, all right.

Okay. We're getting there. We are getting there, I'm there. I'm hiding the hand that doesn't feed you. Oh my god, yeah, did you guys everybody, does everybody know about this Tony Henslop? Oh my god, what a fucking... Any Puerto Ricans here? Uh-huh.

Tijuana, Puerto Rico gets a prize for sure. Oh, Puerto Rico, I got you. What is your name? Darlene. Darlene. Darlio's getting a prize. Everybody makes noise for Joe. Here, we have some mushrooms for you. Yay! So, Tony learned this week, why comedians should not get involved in

politics. But nobody ever said anything about comedians becoming politicians. So what we're going to do is we are going to trap our comics into the fate. What is it? What's the fucking word here? What's the word I'm looking for? You're trapping them? We're making them political

politicians. Now they're politicians. We're forcing them to be politicians, Jay. I don't see it on the car. Force, is that the word you're looking for? Force. It's one syllable. You know what? We'll go with Force. You have one job, Jake. Thank you. Make some...

Everybody boo me, actually. Boo! Boo! Jay, I think you're doing a great job. You don't get points by doing that. So whatever. Now, all of our comedians here, we're going to test their political skills

because they are going to be politicians curing you guys' favor tonight. They're candidates. You guys are going to be voting for them. We're going to test their political skills across three classic politician skills. And in order to showcase, we have a special guest

ready to join us tonight. A true expert is a real. Everybody here to show us now is all that. Make sense for Tyler in the stupid fucking man.

That's not my name. I'm Donald Trump, Donald Trump 45th, and soon to be 47th President of the United States. The big deal. And I have a giant dick. Thank you.

I feel about this guy. I don't know who that is. I've never seen that man before in my life. He looks like I've been truolequist doll, to be honest. We have our first round here. We've got three skills that we're going to test from our comedians to see how good they would be as politicians. Round one, defend.

Everybody knows politicians have to defend shitty laws. Sometimes they make laws that are really bad. These comedians' job is going to be defend a shitty law like it is the center of their political platform. We're going to have 30 seconds to do it. And these are real laws and these are real laws, the United States that you guys will all be defending. We're gonna have Tyler Trump start up with an example.

In Los Angeles, it is illegal to wash your neighbor's car without permission. Tyler, we've got 30 seconds on the clock. Listen, okay, they were Mexican and they were Haitians. They wanna watch my car, they wanna do these things and you're not, can't be allowed. We got to why we gotta build the wall. That's why we gotta send them down.

Listen, please vote for you Mexicans and Haitians. Is anyone gonna vote for this? Absolutely fucking not. That's what I thought. All in the camps. To be fair, you can't see the front row from here, or anybody. Yes, I can. I can see everybody in this whole room right now. I don't know what you're talking about.

Crazy lady, nasty woman. No trust you. Who'd you say was in third place? It's a neat. Oh, it's hard. Yeah. They went against the fucking great. Okay, go.

Great German guy. German guy. It's your job to defend this shitty law. You have 30 seconds, please emphatically defend the shitty law. Yeah. In Texas, it is illegal to have more than six dildos. Real lies, the legal of more than six dildos. I'm sorry to break it to you, Camilla.

What's yandumica. Yeah, I'm sorry, too. You're missing up. No, I think it's, why would you need more, as a German I'm going to say? in Germany you take one dildo you fuck seven people because we're efficient yeah we fuck like blitzkriek yeah you give one german one dildo we can annihilate an entire country of the we can take care of them so i think having six dildos means that you're absolutely inefficient in the bedroom and you should be able to absolutely annihilate anises with only one dildo and one dildo only and that's why it should be

illegal in texas and that is time wow that's good yeah the schwartzenegger has political career who you're trying I was this... Swiss thing you think I was going to point? Another Austrian, but okay. Jared, we're going to go to you next. Okay. You're going to defend this law, like, it's the center of your political platform, 30 seconds.

In Washington, D.C., it is illegal to engage in any sexual position other than missionary. Yeah, I know. That's a fucked up law that Jared did. Yeah. Look, there's all kinds of sexual positions and you know there's the downward facing gock I think that's one there's a reverse cowgirl and a lot that a lot of us guys have claimed to have done but we we haven't we're lying and I think it's really when it comes down to it the only position any of us really excelled at or had a lot of experience with is missionary so it's time for us to stop telling a lot of tales

I think most of us have only had sex like two times. And I think, okay, like, correct me if I'm wrong, guys, but we are unable to give women orgasms. Like, a lot of us have, like, never, ever done it, right? So, like, why are we always lying about this kind of stuff? It's just, like, so stupid. Who will raise their hand and say that they've never given a woman an orgasm? And that's time.

They're loving me, Gary. All right, Christina, your law that you are defending. In Utah, it is legal to marry your first cousin if you are both over the age of 65. I know. Legal to marry your first cousin if you're both over the age of 65. Defend this law. Second cousin husband.

Is to do missionary with... Everybody watched the debates. Can't be watch the debates? Yeah. If you watch the debates, you know politics. No, politicians love to avoid giving straight answers to yes or no questions. We're going to test their ability to dodge a simple answer to a simple yes or no question. We're going to go rapid fire with you guys. We're going to start with Tyler just to show that work.

Mr. Trump, did Donald Trump lose the 2020 election? That's big news. First off, everyone agrees, and we've all seen it, Arnold Palmer did a giant penis. We all know that. And basically, I won, I didn't win, whatever you need me to be, okay? Listen, vote for me, I'm here. I'm the greatest president ever answered this question you've ever heard in your life. Thank you.

Okay. I do. I do think it's fitting that Tyler is doing way worse than any of the comments on the way. Wrong. Let's get everybody to see enough. It's going to just like it's a press conference. Makes noise for all of our contend. Oops, everybody.

We'll start out this time with Christina. We're gonna, like I said, to ask you guys, rapid fire. I'll cut you all off, and it's time to go to the next question. Christina, Dodge, do you agree that trans rights are human rights? Well, first of all, define climate change. Like, where does it begin? Where does it end?

Climate change must like gender is a spectrum, right? So, you know, some people think climate change begins at, you know, little bit of warmth, right? Some people say it's warm in LA. Some people think it's cold in LA, depending where you're from. If you're German, you don't think it's cold in New York is way, it's way colder in Germany, yeah?

Because we're not little pussies, right? So it's very subjective. So I would say, don't be little pussies, put on a jacket, right? He's calling us pussies and brother of gender. Great answer. Jared, okay. Should public school teachers be armed? School is, I think we all agree school is so important,

you know, it's where, where, It's where our children are educated. You know, I mean... Our children read books there. They learn things and teachers. They fill out worksheets that... Show us what they know. Every year, they take standardized tests.

This is fantastic. This is exactly what we're looking for. Those tests. Christina. Should we raise the minimum wage? Play like the Macarena or something at this point, and then everyone would go. shitty in the pants too.

Mario. Is the border secure? I thought it would be over-up. Before I ask that question, I'm going to point out that she did not answer the last question, right? Well, yeah. That's the whole point. Exactly, I'm dodged the question by dodging. Oh shit, that's a fucking double-eye.

Jared. Jared, are the American people better off now than they were four years ago? You're dodging that question. I was supposed to talking character and she was breaking the fourth wall on the That's not what we agreed to when we agreed to do the debate. Everybody makes some noise for everybody dodging questions. People. And I had, and I purchased an alote.

I'm my gardener. This is a classic thing. No politician, whenever they get embroiled in a political scandal, they never apologize. That's the one thing they love to do is never apologizing. And we are going to embroil you guys in some scandals. Their job is to issue an apology. without actually apologizing for what they did.

For example, Mr. Trump. Man, remember back in 2016, simpler time. 2016. I remember it like it was yesterday, James. The Access Hollywood tape where you said you would grab women by the pussy. How do you respond to that? Listen, Billy Bush is a crazed man. He loves it.

He grabs people all over. I don't like any of that stuff. Unless, how else are you going to grab a woman, to be honest? You just got to reach out, and just whatever's there. her heart and he just grabbed it as hard as you can. Listen, I'm winning this election. You guys know what to do this. Woo!

It's gonna eat food title one more time. Okay, get a word on Beligrant. Christina. Uh-oh. You got caught vaping and giving an over-the-pants hand job during a touring production of Beetlejuice in the musical. Representative Martinez, don't apologize. From the real issue,

which is that theater sucks. Well, first of all, she was asking for it. Yeah? I mean, you should have see what she was wearing, you know, I was not even, I told her to put on a mini skirt, yeah, she was not even wearing panties, you know what I'm saying? Like, what am I supposed to do? You know what I mean? The male speech is supposed to... This is how Trump would answer.

Incredible answer. Listen, as a man, you are supposed to have, it's ingrained in me. Evolutionary speaking, we as men are programmed to be reacting to that. If you don't know that as a woman, you don't know what life is about and you shouldn't even... In fact, I'm a fire her. She doesn't know how to, like she's out of touch with reality and I can't accept that. Yeah. Also I'm president. Who's got wrong cloud than me? Fuck y'all. Yeah. You, this guy would fuck me. Yeah, I'm president, dude. Be real dudes. You would fuck the president. Do you want the president? He's on Struths. If he's in a clear state of life,

it's a business, it's not gay, it's business. Power is an Aphrodisi. You don't know what you would do in the moment. Dude, in the moment. Bro, you don't know. I just think Piss Goblin should be a page. position and not an interest. Yes. Raise the minimum wage for the piss goblins. The position created in the Nixon administration. They're pissed and erase the tapes. Yeah, that's what Watergate is actually all about.

You got caught smoking crack while being the mayor. Did you pick this one because I'm fat? What could we do for Jared? What's a fat guy that did something wrong? That's pretty much exactly what about. I know a really fat guy that smoked crack. Let's put that. crack, let's put that up there. That's the level of comedy this show is working at.

Hey, he's fat, we'll put a fat guy. That's my answer to your contest. That's the most for Mayor Logan, everybody. Time even, look at that. Tyler's going to tabulate the scores. All of our comedians, by the way, we have had some tough, we've said some tough things

tonight, all right? I think AJ has had a real existential moment. I've watched him the entire show and I feel like if anybody's coming out of the show a truly changed person it is a jay and I think we should all make some noise for that let's all okay I know it's not easy being high in public but I just want you to know that everybody knows and we're really angry about it we're all looking at you we got more drugs to give away with future shows thank our friends at macro harm

we all right to make sure you get out of here after all this stuff we're said and done, we're going to get you out of here on a nice note with a pallet cleanser from all of our comedians. What we're going to do here is all of our comics are going to tell us one clean, wholesome joke to get us out of here. We're going to get one nice, clean, wholesome joke from all of our comics. Let's go ahead and start things off with Jared Logan. Thanks for Jared Logan, everybody. I think we can all agree that the best flavor of sun chips is harvest cheddar. I think we can agree.

Some people say garden salsa. Those people are virtue signalling. The best flavor is harvest cheddar. But think about it for one second. Harvest cheddar. What are they talking about? There's no cheddar harvest. Cheese doesn't come from the fields.

It sounds healthy. Harvest and put up aside something you shouldn't have cheddar. That's what Sun Chips is. They're like, Sun, oh, chips. Like they did it again. They should just go farther and do more flavors like that. They should be like, Sun chips running a 5K barbecue. Sun chips getting a yearly cancer screening sour cream and onion. I said all of that joke. I see that many things we're going from Mario Adrienne with his palace. I'm doing something wholesome now. Also you're stepping among my...

Well, I hate that people always say that we Germans aren't funny. You know, it pisses me off. Because we German are very funny people, we just don't laugh. You know, we don't laugh because it's very energy inefficient, okay? To show emotions. So when you tell a German joke, we're going to be like, oh, it's a very funny joke, yeah? But instead of laughing and expressing the emotion, is that we suppress the energy from the laughter, yeah? And we take the energy and we use it to make better cars. Maybe if you Americans didn't add as much, maybe Detroit would still be a place, yeah?

Mario Aegeeon, everybody! And keep they're going for your final comedian, Christina, Catherine Martinez! Also good, agent. What do you get if you cross a bear with a skunk? Whoa, Jay. It's a very close game in third place with 2,000 points. Well, let's say, where the prizes are brought. All these prizes are from a pilot that I did.

It was a right wing thing. It'll be fun. We'll get it. All right, in third place, 2,000 points. It's Jared Logan, you got this. Big Brother is watching you bursting. I like that. It looks like a few of our boot.

It is crazy, yeah. All right, in second place, with 20 hundred points. It's Mariobor's. Dot com. Fun, you guys are taking pictures with the posters. It's very funny for me. You guys, you get two posters, the two best posters. Oh my god.

Pizza. Peanut butter in my eyes.