WRONG! A Fucked Up Game Show - NEVER FORGET, BITCH! (ft. André De Freitas, Olivia Janile, Onika McLean)

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

Recorded live at Edinburgh Fringe Festival on 8/8/24.OUR BRAVE CONTESTANTS: André De Freitas, Oliva Janile, Onika McLeanSUBSCRIBE ON YOUTUBE to watch full shows in glorious HD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠��⁠⁠COME SEE US LIVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Upcoming Shows:LA: 12/7 @ The Comedy Store, 11:45 PMNYC: 12/18 @ Caveat, 9:30 PMSUPPORT THE SHOW: https://ko-fi.com/wronggameshowcover photo by Van Corona Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello folks, welcome to another episode of Wrong, a fucked up game show podcast edition. I'm your host Jay Light, and today I have for you another episode from our run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. This is a great show featuring some international comedians and a really insane dynamic between our panel. Very excited for you all to hear it. Today's contestants are André de Freitash, Onika McLean, and Olivia Janiel. If you like the show, the best way to see us is live. You can come check us out at the Comedy Store on December 7th. And at the caveat in New York City, both those shows.

Ticket links are online. At the store, December 7th, 1145, caveat New York City is on December 18th at 9.30 p.m. You got tickets available for those now. Of course, you can come check us out on our YouTube channel. full video episodes there. We've got another one coming out soon so you can see all the action instead of just hearing it. And please, if you want to help chip in for our production costs, you can go to our coffee link, support the show. Link to that is in the show notes as well.

Without further ado, let's get wrong. Hi, for Mettibro, it's wrong. A fucked up game show! So excited you guys are all here. Thank you for coming. Oh, my God. I'm just going to take you guys in for a second. So beautiful, so young, so hip, so raw. Folks, who likes game shows in here? Makes noise if you like a game show. Good, because this is wrong, a fucked-up game show.

On most game shows you want people to do things right. Not here. We like it when people do things. Wrong! That's good. We're off to a good start. How about this side of the room? We like it when people do things. All right, now let's do it all together.

We like it when people do things! Fuck yeah! You guys! Fuck yeah, you guys are a great audience tonight, I can already tell. By the way, makes a noise for my man in the back. Tyler Meznor-Hage, he is an engineer. Howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy. No, you guys didn't want to make any noise for him. I really, I like that.

No, that is the right way to treat it wrong. Put Tyler in the corner and don't give him any attention. That's bullshit. You know I run the points here, Jim. Yeah, everybody start booing Tyler right now. You guys don't want to win prizes. Oh, okay. I'm so excited.

Here's how the show works. This is a game show where we brought some of the best comedians in the French to compete here to be the most fucked up comic of the night. Yes. What we've got planned for these comedians

smattering games. They're going to be telling some fucked up jokes. They're going to be playing some fucked up games. You want to know what we did to these guys? You nodded. You said, yeah. I like that. You want to know something?

We went through all their old social media. We found their old blogs. You guys remember blogs? We found some deep shit that they probably forgot that they had. And we're going to bring it up to their embarrassment tonight and for your entertainment. You guys ready to get fucked up tonight?

Hell yes. Now this is a place where we celebrate when things are wrong. You guys are a hot crowd, I can already tell. you guys get to win a chance of prizes right out of the gate. Who likes prizes? Well, you got a chance to win your first prize right now in the audience. This is a game we call it first.

Worst week, worst week. I have been asking this all week. We want to find out who has had something fucked up to them. Now, we've had some pretty good examples so far. I will say this. Personally, something that fucked up that happened to me this week. I walked into a street pole, like a light pole this week. and I bounced right off of it and I have a fucking welt on my head from it.

And I told this to an audience two nights ago and they responded with absolute silence. And I think that is pretty fucked up. I want sympathy, God damn it. But it's okay. No, you know what? I'll take an awe. Everybody awe for me right now. Ah, fuck you guys. You're so sweet.

For your first audience prize, if you had something fucked up happened to you do this week, go ahead and raise your hand. something, something. No? You got, you guys talking? Yeah, you got something. All right, what's your name? Um, Flynn. Flynn. Perfect, made up name. Didn't even

thought about it for a second. Ah, as soon as any time ask, somebody asked you your name and you go, ah, it's made up as fucked. Flynn? What fucked up that thing happened to you? Oh, this week, um, in the, pretty much the same hour

of each day, two flights of one got canceled, and I was, Flynn, that's fucked up. Take a lot for Flynn, everybody. Get him out for Flynn, everybody. Get him for the stage. Flights are canceled for this motherfucker. Damn.

Two times in the same day, in different days? Yeah, just different times. In two days, my own, cancel pretty much the same thing. Is it because you gave security a fake name? This is actually, we had somebody who had an issue with security last night, but he was coming from Romania, and he got cavity searched on his way over.

Did that also happen to you? I didn't get cavity searched, but I got pretty searched. He got pretty searched. They just, Jay, they just search of cheeks, not inside. That's nice. It's nice of them. Does anybody sight unseen, if you think you had something more fucked up happened to you than Flynn? All right, all right, come on up, buddy.

Let's get you up here. What is your name? My name's Lewis. Everybody makes a noise for Lewis. We're going to see if he had something more fucked up. No, no, Flynn, you're staying up here. This is a competition portion of the show. You are competing for who had the more fucked.

up week. All right Lewis. What fucked up thing happened to you? So I went out last night with my flatmate and he came home a bit later than I did. So I woke up this morning at 7 in the morning to see my flatmate naked in my bed because he thought it was his and I was

the little spoon sadly. Oh, that's fucked up. That's pretty fucked up. That's pretty fucked up. I was clothed. I was clothed. I mean he wasn't. He was so his, he was the big, the big spoon, you were the little spoon, so you felt his, between your clothed ass crack,

he felt. Yes, his average size men, though. I was about to ask, was it what's a big or smaller? Was it? The fact that you revealed that is more fucked up than you needed to be. Excuse me, Jay? Yeah, I was going to say, it might feel like he wins automatically. Guys, make some noise for your winner, Lewis.

Lewis. Flynn, don't worry, you're getting a prize too, but Tyler, tell Flynn. what he won first? Well, Flane, we have a special prize for you. I've been going to all of the thrift stores in the area, and I found this. The Forgotten Highlander, the Forgotten Highlander, that's for you.

It's a book about a Scottish guy. It's actually, in fact, so, Jay, that book is so, wow, it's already transferred. You want this book? Because it's about somebody who came from Australia? Flynn just takes it as it comes. Flynn. Taking it as it.

comes is also what happened to him in the security line. Hey-oh. And Lewis taking it as it comes is what happened to him in his bed with his roommate this morning. Fuck yeah. All right. Well, we got to give... Let's give him a prize, too. Hey, you got this. You love it. It's a secret policeman's ball,

Volume 1. It's not quite the two balls you're used to, but just one. Pretty good. Congratulations to our audience prizes. Now, guys, we do have a few more audience prizes, but we're going to save those for later on in the show. So keep being great audience. Members like you do, and now you're going to be in hot contention for a prize. It's time to get to the games with our comedians.

Are you guys ready to get fucked up with our comics tonight? Oh, I heard about three-fiths of the room. I need mostly these two specifically to get loud. Everybody, let's get fucked up tonight. Yes, good news. This is, like I said, we got some of the best comics of the French here to tell fucked up shows. for the first round. We've asked them to know their most fucked up jokes.

It could be dark, it could be dirty, but it will definitely be... Oh! Yes, wrong and fucked up. I will accept both answers. I'm very excited. Let's go ahead and meet your first contestant. She has a compilation show with two other comedians

from New York called Three Queens, and all three of them deserve more respect than that. Cunt Camilla. Make some noise! For Oneika McLean, everybody! everybody. I was about the curse his ass out of myself. I got a cunty bitch over here too.

I remember. I remember. She was Charles' tampon. Remember she was something? I know y'all can't tell because black don't crack unless you smoke it, but I am an old bitch. That's what they mean by Wakanda forever. We last a long time. That's probably why we can't get reparations.

They're like, hell no, how long we're gonna have to pay them? I remember Charles was like, I would like to be your tampon. I was like, oh, them brids are freaking. It's a freaking. It's mad old people in Scotland. Why is it something? Like it's fucking like it's like an old folks home like everybody. And I said, oh shit, y'all get to retire. You don't get to retire in Newarka, period. Like what we do is because we can't pay for health care anymore anymore. But y'all old people got free health care and they live in their best life. I was like, oh shit. In America, our old people work at Walmart. motherfuckers be a CEO or a Fortune 500 company and then he'd be Jerry the Greeter like that shit he had all his money with

Bernie Madoff y'all remember him no only certain group of people can get away of that kind of shit that's a white privilege I don't know people are like there's no such thing as privilege

your motherfuckers know it's privileged you just don't want to say it you're saying Donald Trump is white privilege because he's able to even do the shit that he was doing if he was black he would have been shot and I'm like kill this nigger you're crazy going to jail I got 40 34 counts he didn't fake to shoot it there's enough bounty paper towel on this that's American medicine right we just

don't give our goods we give our bounty paper towels it's flowing in the way he's like my guy shot in the air no you did don't Trump is a gangster y'all know that right it's a gangster I know I'm living in Hyvet Park I know where the fuck gangsters are now there now when I'm staying here, somebody's dog ran away and I saw a, I wanted my dog back, like a reward thing, so they was going to give like 2,000 pounds. But this is what they said. This is what they said. They said, when you see the dog, don't move. Motherfucker! Don't move, take a picture of the motherfucker. It was a long thing. I said, God damn, that lady probably never dealt a kegling. She wanted the dog back.

it says say some fucked up stuff let me see but I know that's fucked up oh I know so I'm having a lot of empathy for men I don't say I'm fucked up but I didn't give a fuck about y'all for forever you know what I didn't give my fuck about y'all but I'm getting older right I'm getting old now and now I'm in a pausal and I'm becoming y'all

so now I feel so angry like I'm just so angry my testosterone levels are going higher and I'm mad all the time and I didn't know that men just sit there wanting to kill I had no idea that that's what you felt like y'all wanted to kill like it's something inside of you that wants to kill and you don't

kill and nobody thanks you for not killing this is shit if I could kill somebody should thank me for not fucking killing I could kill it's in me I could kill but nobody thinks y'all we'd just be in your face like fuck you Jeremy and you're like I could kill her I could kill her she in my fucking face I could kill her I can kill this bitch right now where she stands I get it trying to get my testosterone levels right now trying to get them right and it's hard I'm going to

doctors I was doing supplements and I can't get them because it's not enough medicine because American medicines fucked up but in American we have to fight for those hormone drugs and trans is winning They're getting all the drugs. And they become a bad bitch just looking amazing with titty's and the Adams apple is smaller. And I am just doing bad bitch. You know what I'm saying? I'm sweating the shit, you know what I'm saying? I'm black.

I go in a store, start swearing. They think I'm stealing. I'm not nervous. I'm swearing. I'm going through the change. And it's the shit. They're like the trans needs the drugs. But I'm transitioning too.

My voice is thicker. My neck is big. I got chin here. I'll meet our next contestant. She has a game show every day at Coco Boho. She also came to see the show the other night and told us she fucked her cousin. So pretty great.

Makes a noise for Olivia Janiel, everybody. Any pedophiles here? Thank God I've been looking for a boyfriend all day. I do. I'm four foot ten. I get pedophile in a lot, you guys. It just happens, you know. But they're always disappointed. It's like when you're fishing and you think you caught something real good

and then it's just a trash bag filled with water. That's what happens. I'm getting older and it's harder, you know. They're not as into me. I just look like what the girl on the side of the milk carton would have looked like now, you know? They're all like, damn, I'm glad I fucked her when I did. And, you know, really, I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

But the problem is pedophiles? Never rich. Right? When the last time you saw a pedophile? First seen a pedophile trying to lure a child into a Tesla. It doesn't happen, huh? Move, was it a white Tesla instead of a white van? I like that.

I like that. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard getting older because I feel like all my assets are just, I'm aging out of them, you know? Like Jeffrey Epstein. I would have been perfect for Epstein Island. I mean, I know it couldn't have been the lead,

but I could have at least been an extra, right? It could have been an extra. 18 to look younger. It could be me. They get it. They're like, yeah, I could see it. If you turn from the right angle. I get it.

Yeah, it's fun. It's fun out there getting pedophiled. I don't, it's, you guys, you like simply, the term pedophile. Can I coin pedophile? I like it. It's hard too because I like grow up poor so I'm like used to old weird men hitting on me. Anybody grow up poor here? Oh one sad person. The rest of you are just privileged. What do you have dads too? Fuck yourselves. Fuck yourself. Yeah I did. I grew up. I grew up in a part of the country, a part of America that's just known for bad shit.

A lot of people said to me, you guys are known for being cousin fuckers. And I was like, listen, it's not so much we're trying to fuck our cousins. It's just none of us know who our dads are. Just keeps happening. Third time's a charm, huh? I did, I grew up so poor.

My parents were like, damn, we hope she gets cancer. It's the only way we're getting a free trip to Disney, you guys. Come on. I'm Italian and I'm from a small town. Italian families are weird too, because they're like way too close. You know, like, you guys know what free hug coupons are? You ever heard of it?

Yeah, when I was like four, I gave my uncle a free hug coupon. He gave it back to me when I was like 16. I was like, oh, he was like, get in here, you know? I was like, has this been in the fire safe all of these years? Is that what's going on? I got married 10 years ago. I got divorced last year. Thank you.

Turns out he was gay, you guys. I know, and I didn't know it until he got sober He used to fuck me all the time And then he got sober and we stopped having sex And the reason I knew he was gay is because we had sex Like once every two months And every time he started with a finger in my ass And I was like, listen, I don't even mind it

But if you haven't gone over to somebody's house for a while You go in through the front door first, right? Maybe they got new drapes you don't know about Is my wrong about that? Thank you. But then I realized, I got divorced and I started dating. Dating is weird too because you realize dating is just a bunch of guys who come inside you and don't call you again. Are you guys doing this to women? I've lost the whole room. They're like, so what's wrong with that, huh?

The problem is, the problem is you wonder why women get obsessed with men and it's because you guys come inside us and you never think about us again. And then we think about you four hours later when you drip into our panties slowly at a Starbucks. Warm, real warm, warmer than when you went in. And you know what Newton said, what goes up? Must come down. You guys are a lot of fun. Thank you. Folks, it's time to meet your final contestant. He has a show every day here at 4 p.m. called As Yet Untitled.

He is also Portuguese, or as my racist grandma calls it, Mexican. Please. Make some noise for Andre to Fritosh, everybody. Andre! guys, you know what, I think the real offensive thing is you hear an American comic come up here and be like, I'm Italian. Hey, we're in Europe. That bullshit's not true here. We got the real Italians, you know. It is outrageous how the Americans go around, say they're... Dude, I was in America, and I was talking to this guy, and he goes, oh, I'm Italian. And I'm like, oh, I'm a bit of Italian, because my ex-ragairetta is in Italia.

And he goes, I don't speak Italian. And I'm like, what part of Italy are you from? And he goes, New Jersey. And I'm like, it's some bullshit. We got the real Italians here. You know what I mean? Like the Italians over there, right? They're politically correct now.

Here, the real Italians, the prime minister is still having sex parties with underageed women. You know? That's the real Italian culture. The bunga, boomga, baby. All right, P. Berlusconi. Now, it's good. I am Portuguese. I always have to say that because a lot of the times people don't believe me.

They're like, really? because you sound American and you look like a lesbian. Now, I'm aware of that, which is why I've grown a beard, but this is the best I can do. So now I just look like I'm transitioning, but nobody knows which way, you know? Listen, I'm ready for the Olympics. Put me in the boxing ring, baby.

Put me out there, you know? I'm about to knock some bitches out. Dude, I felt bad for that chick. I felt bad for that. Dude, that Italian girl was like crying. I've never been hit so hard. That's a man, you know? The whole world, that's a man.

The whole time you see her face, like, damn, I'm just an ugly chick. You know? It just turned out she's just an ugly girl. And the whole world just shit on her. It'd be like, she's an ugly girl with a strong backhand. You know what? Because in Algeria, they'll hit you.

And so she shit and fuck him back, you know? The Italian. Italian culture has been lost. You know what I mean? used to be the Italian women, they knew how to take a punch. You know, nowadays. Nowadays, hey, pussy, they got the fucking, you know, they got the things, they got the protection, you know.

It's political correctness gone mad, you know. I, yeah. And it's funny, because a lot of the time, like, I come here, I was telling someone the other, just like, oh, you know, the Americans, you know, they're a bit dumb, you know, they don't really know geography. So I was like, yeah, I'm from Portugal, this guy was like, oh, it's my favorite part of Brazil. Because Brazil used to be a Portuguese colony, right?

I mean, do you know how bad if a colonizer you've got to be? I mean, obviously we got the Brits in the house, you wouldn't know. I mean, you guys are the goats, you know? Game recognizes game, and you guys fucked shit up, dude. I mean, we did it as like a hobby, but you fucking, you know. No, it's actually, it's, dude, because that's never happening to anybody else. No one's ever going around, like, people thinking like, fucking Portugal's a city in Brazil, you know? No one's happening that to the Brits, you know, no one's going around.

Oh, what's my favorite part of England? Bangladesh. Because, you know, like, you know, a lot of people don't even know this, right? But, like, Portugal was the first country in the history of the world to abolish slavery. Right? Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

We're also the ones who invented it. But, you know, listen, we invented it, but the American. they ran out with it, you know? They really made it. You know, like slavery was very much an indie band until the Americans took it. You know, then it became Metallica. Yeah, the version is, Master of Puppets,

just Master. Do you know what the fuck-the-thing is, like, I'm not even an offensive coming. You go see my show and you're like, you're like, it's a different guy, you know? But yeah, because we were the worst colonizers, Portugal. There's no ranking, but we were. Because I'll tell you how bad we were.

Angola, which for the Americans in the room is a country in Africa, used to be a Portuguese colony. And after Angola got its independence, it was discovered it was full of oil, gold, and diamonds. If you're a colonizer, you got one job. Dig for oil. That's it. That's all you got to do. Couldn't even do that right, right? So now that's why we're at the bottom, you know? But, no, but I, but I, I, uh, so I like being with the Brits to understand that. I, I live down in London and it was great.

Dude, I moved to London, changed so much. I moved to London, started eating ass. You know? Thank you, yeah. But to be fair, I only started doing that because it's better than the food. I mean, listen, beans on toast, give me a fucking asshole with salt and pepper, you know? That's not a fucking, dude. And I thought that was the worst until I came here and I'm like, black pudding?

all right, I'll eat a man's asshole. God damn, this is fucking shit. But I appreciate the Brits. You know, the Brits, you know, it's funny like in America people like the Brits. But obviously, we're in Scotland. We know what pieces of shit they are, you know?

People are like, oh, the Brits, they're so posh. The Americans, they love it. They're like, oh, they're all so posh. They're fucking scum, all of them, you know? Because, like, Brits, dude, when they go abroad on holiday, they, like, have no respect, you know? Like, Brits have, like, the thing of,

we own 25% of the world. And you know what that means? We will piss anywhere we like. Okay? Is that your statue of liberty? Fuck yeah, dude. Dude, three in the morning, I've seen the digital, but I appreciate some things about the Brits, you know?

Like, late night, I was out in Ibiza, which is a new English colony. And I was out 3 o'clock in the morning, you know? And the Brits, the lads, they got no standards. You know? Three o'clock in the morning, right? Or 4 o'clock in the morning. morning, fucking bar is like empty, you know? There's one girl at the bar, you know?

This girl, I don't know what happened to her. She had like an eye patch, you know? The one had like a wooden leg. I was there. She'd been in an accident or something, right? And this British guy comes up to her and goes, are you single? And I'm like, I got to appreciate that. You know what I mean?

Dude, the guy's, the guy had game. I walked past 10 minutes before he goes, so what kind of wood is that? You know, what, uh, it's, uh, it's fine. What else can I tell? I don't have anything else to tell you, right? I'm done for time. All right. Andre Defeitas, everybody.

Andre DeFrieney! Let's go ahead and get our other contestants back up here. Olivia and Ornika, come on back up. Makes noise for all of them. What's a hot start to the game, by the way. You guys are crushing it. Well played, well done. And we do have to give, excuse me, over,

what's your name? Who yelled at Prince Andrew? Kelly? Helen. Helen. Helen. Tyler, we have a special prize for Helen right now, don't we? Oh, yes, we have a special prize for you.

Do you like, since you have a little fascinated with Prince Andrew, you love this? It's Scottish Girls About Town, Scottish Girls About Town. A collection of stories about Scottish Girls About Town. Signed by the authors, by the way. One Town, one town. And give it up for Jay, the least successful preacher ever. He's given the good book, One Pounder, I am very excited to have you guys all up here.

This is a pretty fucked up fun panel, right? What a great panel on the lessons we have tonight. It's good to be here. Now get from behind us. Let's get to us. Working behind, ready to go. You look like a senator. I know that's how good Onika is it insulting.

It's like a better job than I could ever possibly have. And I feel deep in the pit of my soul, how much that hurt. Tyler, how's everybody doing on the points after the first round? Wow, what a round, Jay. We heard murder. We heard clarifications on which cousin. Someone fucked. But I have to give it to the guy that was putting seasoning on an asshole.

That just really did it for me. So five hundred points of Nica. Five of points. All right. Finally. Thank you very much. Finally, a win for the white straight male. We haven't had many in a while.

Allegedly. We were due. If there's anything the show is here for it, it is here to be sure. Tell you. All right, listen, I've done a lot worse to stay in the country. Oh, we see that. We can feel it. I know.

I'm the real immigrant here, you know? Oh, really? Yeah. You're American, right? Well, immigrants, you got to come there. We were brought. It's different. You weren't brought.

You flew. How do you? How do you? I flew where? Olivia, how do you feel being in the middle? You flew from America to here. Like, I'm going to say the wrong thing. This reverse slavery is...

I think it's time to start our next game. This is a game we call Entweetment, everybody. This is a game. Makes it noise for Entwitement. This is a fun time. So, like I mentioned, we've gone through everybody's old social media. We've gone through all their shit. We've found so much about all three of y'all. I don't think he gives a fuck.

I'm very excited because this is a game where we go into their past we pull out posts, things they forgot that they said from years ago, we blank out words, and we make them guess to see if they can remember what they said all those years ago. It is, yeah, I can feel the tension in here right now. How do you all feel, knowing we've done research literally for days? I feel like I'd love a drink right now. And I'd love for someone to put real hypnol in it so I could just fall asleep.

I don't have to go through it. I'm terrified. I don't live here. You can't break laws when you're not in the jurisdiction. You know what I'm saying? What are you tweeting about? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Andre, do you want to drink? We can grab one of the producers. Grab you drink real quick if you like. Oh, is there a brusky there? We can grab me. A brusky. No culture.

Look at this Florida State over here. Duke lacrosse team. Dude, I'm going to think that as a compliment to my upper body. Andre a brusky, please. And put the special mixture from my bag in an effort. That's right. We all know what that looks like. Yeah. Chang, chang, chang.

Let's... Now, don't you worry, because you guys are going to have a second before we get to yours. We are going to start out with one of my tweets. I know, and I never know what it is. My producers always find something on me. They never tell me what it is. We always see it live during the show. So let's find out what horrible shit I said years and years ago.

Oh, great. What the fuck did you say? I don't know what the fuck I said. I didn't think I had Twitter this long ago. A black person. My mom, blank, black person blank. 627 p.m. March 26, 2009. No likes, no retweets.

Okay. Well deserved, I would say. Those are heavy thoughts for the dinner time hour. I don't know what the fuck is going. I don't even going to try and speculate. I feel like we just need to see the option so I can get this off of my chest. Option one.

My mom just announced that sometimes, Sometimes she wishes she could help a black person achieve their dreams like Sandra Bullitts is my mom. This is her. Motherfucker, like she's your mom. Oh, okay. Option two. My mom just told me she wouldn't get me a gold car because it reminds her of a black person driving them.

Because it reminds her of a black person driving. I don't... Maybe driving in and out of her vagina. Well, the Magnums are in the gold wrapper, you know? I mean, I don't think Jerry's mother has ever had any gold in her vagina, you know? But maybe she's had black dick, which is kind of the same, right? I mean, I'm not sure it depends on the dick. As far as...

It's the gold medalist of gifts. I was going to say, we're playing the Dick Olympics. Black is definitely the golds. Yeah, but, you know, for sure. But you're going to steal it anyway. Like, you're going to buzz the numbers. Well, sure, but, like, having, like, I will just say this on behalf of all our mediums, the medium guys, the group, the mediums. You're going to say who?

You don't have to say who. Nobody asked you. Just pretend like everybody got a big dick and just be like, what are you talking about? And let them be alone. And let them be alone today. Everybody can have a big dick today. I got a big dick today. I mean, I feel like you've got a big dick everything.

Right now, just to combat that bullshit. Right now. Crazy. We have one more option. Let's see it. My mom says she believes in equality, but it's still suspicious of every black person at the grocery store. I believe that one. I do.

I think it's really. But you're a snitch. You are a goddamn snitch. That's all I'm saying. Your mom pay for your education. You know what I'm saying? Now your mom has to change grocery stores. I do actually think I know which one this is.

But yeah, do you all all think it's the grocery store one? Yeah, I think so for sure. Okay, it's rare that it's unanimous because I also think it's the grocery store one. Let's see. Oh, well, Tyler fucked it up and now we can't see what it was. Let me see what you got going out back here, guys. Can this go? It's not going to go all the way.

My mind... That's the thing you actually wrote? That sounds like a retarded chat GBT. But your mom is definitely racist. Well, she's more on the spectrum of racism. Now, yeah. Like, she only, like, she says... You say racism has a spectrum?

Yeah. Because my mom goes from liberal to conservative. Yeah. My mom would never say anything mean about anybody, but she does say interesting when she means full of black people. You know what I mean? As long as she doesn't say black like this,

black. That's how Donald Trump says, black. She says it like this. Black. Like the whisper's worst, isn't it? The whisper's worse. The whisper's like they could be anywhere at any time. The whisper's like it might be roaches.

You know what I'm saying? The whisper's like, you never know they might be in the house. If you're stopping midway through the sentence, they're like whisper black, we don't hear it. It could be the N word. We don't know. But if you stop it, like, it's a lot. But you know what? I get it.

Like we're the original and everything else falls. So you'd be jealous of the original. And I know my mom's not racist because she does. think interesting lives matter. So we've moved on... What's interesting? Okay. Let's go ahead and see. Oneika, we're going to go on to one of your posts. I felt like I was coming.

So this is actually very, very... Oh, no, we were starting with Andre? Yeah, okay, we got to produce. We got Andre, we got a beer just in time for you. Oh, thank you so much. Cheers, cheers, Andre. Okay, cheers, guys. Cheers, Andre.

So, Andre, we found in the research for this that you have two Twitter accounts. Oh, sketchy. Oh, I don't even think I had one. You probably forgot his password. You have one that looks like it was set up by like your management in order to promote friend shows. And then you

have one that was you that you stopped using a while ago. You can, you can, you can. You know, the reason I stopped Twitter, I was like one day is going to come back to bite me. Because I'm like, I've seen too many. people's like if I don't write anything I don't even have the app if I don't write anything it'll be fine apparently not but I guess I did write something at some point yes I feel like

you should apologize to me right now and I would and I would like to apologize if I could remember your name but it's just I think I think it got to be saw and pepper yeah I don't know because like we don't have those names in Europe You're like Onika? Onica? No, it's an African name. Yeah, I know. We don't have those in Europe anymore.

You got Africans, though. Yeah, we got Africans, but they've acclimatized. They left their names. They love their names in Nigeria. Andre, that's an American. That's an American name, but which I like. I love. My mother made that shit up.

I feel like you're digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole. I'm just going to apologize for everything. This is a tweet we found from August 30th. 2020 at 4.37 p.m. Oh, that's not that bad. Blank. Blank, school shooter, blank. Three likes.

That's pretty good. That's good numbers for entreatment. It's tense in here, Jay. Does somebody just say, cunt as part of the blanks? I hope maybe. Andre, we're going to show some options. If you think you know which one the real one is, don't say it until the very much.

Okay, okay. Onika. But I don't. I don't, yeah, I don't, no. You don't remember tweeting this? No. But you could apologize. I could feel your eyes burning.

I'm not. I'm a black lady in Europe. I'm good. So, let's go ahead and pull the first option up onto stage. Please. Saw that a school shooter brought a fully automatic weapon for less than $100. I mean, of those prices, how can you not shoot up a school? Oh, shit.

Have you wrote that? I am a fan, sir. I'm a motherfucker fan. She wants it to be now one. That's bars. Dude, I feel like every direction we have, he's like, you either hate me

or are going to become best friends. I think that's how best friends work, though. Option two. That's good. That's good. If I grew up in America, I wouldn't be a school shooter, but I do think I'd make a good guy

who gets drunk in a drunk driving accident paralyzed. Maybe I should get back on Twitter. Option three. Another school shooter. At this point, every American high school's mash shot should just be the targets. Mark that shit, you need to write it down. I'm like, if it's technically me, can I take the joke?

Yeah, you should. You should. Yeah, we'll let you have this one if this is the real deal. See, that's a big joke. So, yeah, Olivia and Ornika, you guys go ahead and get a chance to guess first. Andre will guess after you two. So I'm just going to go with my favorite. Okay. And I think that my favorite is if the school shooters, if the guns cost that cheap, why wouldn't you?

You got to use it. You know what I'm saying? Like when you're going to use it? I think that's hilarious. That's the first one. So I'm just go with that one. Wait, what was the second one? The second one was...

Drunk, you get it in a drunk driving accident. Paralyzed. Ah, that seems right. I'll take that one. I take two. Okay. Andre? I think it's the first one.

Let's see. It's the first. First one! That's a fucking joke writer. Man, that is a funny joke. You better go get that shit. Dude, I... That's going back in the set.

I'm doing Las Vegas next one. Yeah, in Las Vegas? Dude, they're gonna love that at my rooftop gig. That's perfect. No, that was a joke I just made. That was a good assist. What you're talking about? I don't want.

One. Nika, you got to remember, you got to remember mass shooters are always lone wolves. They never need an assist. All right. True. Except the Columbine guys. Well, they have mom and dad a sister. Glass and then have like, oh, am I being a bad...

Dynamic between you two. All right. We're bumping mics. We're not bumping you because your boobs might explode. Oh, shit. Can't move on. This is incredible. You say, you're ridiculous.

No, you guys are doing great. You guys are doing great. We're going to move on to Olivia now. Olivia, we found a tweet of yours from August 1, 2012. Oh, God. It was a very different time in your life. Yeah, I can imagine. You were married.

Yeah. From what our research showed, you were in nursing school. I was. Jesus Christ. And, yeah, actually, you were big into Jesus. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, way, way, way, wait. I do love Jesus. So, you, Jesus-loving Italian nurse, like, student nurse.

Wait, Jesus-loven, nursing. Nursing. Nursing, racist. Wait, what? We haven't got a god complex. Wait. You got a God complex. You wanted to go to medical school?

No, I put a catheter on one dick and I quit. So does that make you feel better? It depends on what size the dick was. I mean, it was old. It doesn't matter what size it was. It had crumbled upon itself. What a ball's leathery? Because I feel like the balls feel like new buck.

They feel like Newbuck, though. Like when they get all. Not like a stress ball. It was nice. I love a droopy ball sack. Don't we all? Not when it's hard, though. When it's hard, like it's a little bit.

Let's go and throw our first option up. onto the board. Jesus. You guys are chatting. Oh, well, for fuck sake. This is blank, greater than blank. Okay.

I know. We don't know. 6 or 7 p.m. No likes, no retweets. Well, okay. Fuck off. Oneika and Andre, we'll get a chance to guess first

after we see all three options. If you think you remember it, hold on to Olivia Lovebug. Also, what the fuck? Is that Twitter name? Cute, huh? Did it. Not good research.

Option one. Giving aid to Africa is greater than getting AIDS in Africa. It's true. I agree with that. I feel like you say Africa, like Africa. I would say it that way. You're right. Option two. Cannibal. You're not. I'm sorry.

Being a housewife is greater than going to work. Is that wrong? Okay. Ew. Option three. Nothing is greater than Jesus. Wait, which way are the arrows supposed to go? That means it's better.

Oh, wait, it's eating the better thing, right? It's eating the better thing, yeah. Oh, something about Jesus. Didn't quite make it as a nurse, I get it. I'm torn on this one. I'm torn because you did mention Jesus in the beginning. There was no prior mentioning to Jesus, which means, you know, put the love bug up in here.

Is that what your husband is? I feel like, but I'm going to go with my gut and I'm going to go second tweet. Okay, second tweet. Being a housewife is better than going to work. Locking it in. All right. Because you didn't finish nursing school, right? Yeah.

What do you think, Oniga? What's the third one? This is the third one. It's hating Jesus. The second one is being a housewife is better than going to work. And the first? The first one was getting aid in Africa. Africa, getting, giving aid to Africa is greater than getting AIDS in it.

Wasn't that the tweet that destroyed someone woman's life? That like, she, like, there was like an article. This woman, like, went to, uh, she, she, yeah, she went to Africa. Yeah. She flew over there. Before her plane took off, she said, uh, going to Africa, hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white.

And then she, then her plane took off. And then by the time she landed, she no longer had a job. Oh, wow. life was destroyed. I mean, she had seven followers. This is what I'm talking about Twitter. Just get off of it. You can't be on it. Just save to your drafts. Like tweet it and then don't tweet it. I can't be like tweet and then be like 12 hours. I can't, if it's starting momentum.

Yeah, they're going to take it. They're going to take it down. Yeah. Yeah. It's not. Because you get scared. It's true. Yeah. I'm going to just say that it's, I'm keeping my theme of everybody. He is racist. So I'm going to say the Afron of them. You know, I want to just keep it going. You know what I'm saying? I mean, aesthetically, why not?

You know, okay. Olivia. I mean, if I know myself, it's the housewife thing. It still stands. It's the housewife thing. Once a gold digger, always a gold digger. Hey, listen. You like housewife stuff?

I mean, I like not working. But people got to tell you what to do. Yeah. They didn't get boss you around. That's the wrong kind of housewife. That's a Mark Kelly housewife. You know I like to just. No, R. Kelly.

Bitches in a basement getting in on. If I don't have to work, I'll be in any part of the house. I don't think being a housewife is being locked up in a basement getting pissed on. But I guess I don't know. But you're not Jeffrey Epstein either. You know what I'm saying? Hey, wouldn't you like to have your own island? Yes.

I think it's time to move on to our finals. Wait, wait. Do I get coins because I got it right? Yeah, you get points. Typical man about him. That's right. I know. Because it's a competition.

It's a competition. It's a competition. It's a competition. It's a competition. It's right. What is the prize? I don't know yet. Okay.

Yeah, you'll find out. Onika. What's up? We looked up a lot of different social media things for you. I could tell you. I can feel it. Yeah. That's going to be on par.

So your Twitter was a lot of links to your Instagram. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm lazy. Your Instagram was a link to like five different Facebook pages. So let me tell you why. Because I keep forgetting my passwords. I don't got six Facebook. Don't fucking judge me.

So we found a post from one of your many Facebook pages. Fuck, yeah. How are you, Columbus? I went to on YouTube and tried to look at a video. And it couldn't make, it's too much. They got to have the words and they want to cut. And then you got to be said, subscribe before. It was a lot.

Okay, help me. Help me. We'll do tech support with you after the show. I love listening to you. Because this is exactly what I imagine when you go on, like, when we Europeans go on holiday to America, We're like, look at it. It's from the movies.

I made us. Onika, this is from a Facebook page called Ask Onika that you run from December 25th, 2015. This is from Christmas Day 2015. Oh, wow. That's probably some sad shit. Also, you look wider in your photo. What happened?

It's your mom. So this is a emoji. It's you sitting on Santa's laugh. You're saying Mary Christmas. Oh, that's me. I didn't see me. No, that's you. Oh, my God.

I didn't even see me. Okay, no, mind. So you wrote the caption for this graphic, though. Merry Christmas. No, no, no, no. The Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa part. Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa. Oh, okay, I got a white man fetish.

This is the thing. I thought you said you like big dicks. Bigger wallets. All right. Here we got. He's trying to bump. I'm not allowed. What's what you talk?

Okay, sure. So we have three options here for what Onika wrote, as she's saying, to Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa. Option one. Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa, it's your fault that I'm attracted to big beardy guys with huge, heavy sacks. I could see that.

That tracks. Option two. Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa, don't come down my chimney. I want you to come on my, Don't make me say it. As you would say it. Or option three.

Mr. Blue-Eyed Santa, I would like a great big old, don't tell nobody I asked for this, okay? Damn. My guess is good as yours. Olivia and Andre, which one do you all think is the real tweet? Or the real Facebook post.

I mean, it's really just a matter of picking out which way she asked Santa for Dick, right? It's all kind of asking Santa for Dick. I'm just trying to figure out which one's her voice. I'm going to go with number one. Number one. Wait, I need him again. He's trying to win.

Let's roll right through. So we got number one. It's your fault that I'm attracted to beardy guys with heavy sacks. Option two. Don't just come down my chimney. I want you to come on my, don't make me say it. Okay. Two exclamation points.

And option three, I would like a great big old. Don't tell nobody I ask for this. Okay, with three exclamation points. Wow. sound just like her. Don't tell nobody. He got it. I picked number one.

I don't know because two and three for the same. So are you trying to trick me. Do you guys want to help Olivia out? Do you have any thoughts? One. We got one. Wow.

One, two, three. Well, that's not helpful at all. That's all of them. It's all of the numbers. This has become the price is right. 99 cents. I'm going to. All right, we're going number two.

Onika, which one do you think is the real post? I have no idea. Like, I don't remember shit like this. Okay. You're just going to have to guess. You're going to fire away. So I think that don't tell nobody I ask for this. Like, yeah, I think it's that.

You think three. Yeah, this one. I think it's this one. It's this one. Oneika got it right. Make some noise for Onika, everybody. Oh, yeah. Does she get points for this?

She does get points for this. Look at this. Like, why are you watching my points? I'm a fucking referee. Why are you watching my point? watching your points. I'm letting you do you. I'm like trying to assist and you like, do you get it? I never said that well you got it. Because I was like you maybe this was a strategy where you just pretended you didn't know what China was. I don't know.

I fucking don't know. Folks, things are going. I'm up at half fast midnight, middle of the week. I'm here to win, you know? What's Thursday? You think you're winning out of this? Let me tell you something. This is how comedy go. We're sparring. Oh, verbally. I'm just not working. It's the rift. I'm just here not out of a job.

You never have. Okay, sorry, go. No, you're good. We have one more game to play. You guys are ready to play one more game? You guys are ready to watch these bickering siblings play one more game? We're ready for it? I'm having fun.

You guys are doing great. You guys are having a great. This is so much fun. I love it. I think this is my favorite panel, the whole festival. I'm not bullshit, you guys. We're big a laugh for them. Let's clap for them.

They're pretty fun. Dying. I'm losing my shit. This is so. Thank you so much guys. I would clap also but I already have it. So we are going to play a new game here with you guys tonight. This is a game because here in America or here in America. We're coming for you.

We have a pretty great country. I'm going to be back in charge. Watch it. Watch it. So. We did it, Joe. Yes, we did. We did a great job. So in America and over here, one of my favorite things to track is conspiracy theories. Saved it. Saved it.

In America, and... And in Scotland. I'm not going to call... I know enough not to call this, but this is fucking Scotland. We're here in Scotland. Braveheart. And people... Wow.

We all pissed at Mel Gibson play... Do you not bad? Okay. Because we be mad when the Brits come over there and take all the... All the ghetto black gigs. Stringabelle, your ass is not from Brickston, motherfucker. You are from Brickston. Like, okay, sir.

It's just black actors' lives matter, too. You know what I'm saying? God damn. We study. We study, we study, too. My motherfucker's fucking study and then study us and then come check that shit. I'm doing everything I can. You guys see that, right? I get pissed off about that. You know, you get an auditioned

into me some goddamn girl. I literally asked to this. You weren't even a slave in America. I literally, but that. Okay, sorry. Do you have a show here or you just stand on the box and say, let me see. No, I got to show you. I'm going to tell you, mother.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I got to show you. Guys, I will come behind you and lurk behind all of you. Oh, no, Jeffrey Dahmer's in the house. If this is what it takes to get you guys to shut the fuck up. I will do it. We have a game. In America and everywhere else, including here in Scotland,

in this room that we are in right now, we love conspiracy theories. We got some classics here in the UK and in America some classics like the moon landing wasn't faked Paul McCartney is actually dead and Rod Stewart pleasure to ship full of sailors and had to get his stomach pumped And that's for sure true Look it up we We uh and because I want to hear more of that That's what I want and because we love conspiracy theory so much we felt it would be only appropriate on the wrong show to make up some new conspiracy

theories. We're going to do that with a game called a Clue Anna. They turn the freaking frog's game. Do you understand that? Turn the freaking frog's game. Boo! Shoes crap! Okay, so... Hell yeah. All right. Is this how you attract the kids? Yeah!

So we've got a game ready to go here. Clu in America, as y'all call it over here, Cludo. Is a game where you gotta figure out the who, the what, and the where of how a murder occurred, right? So what we're gonna do in Clu Anon, Clu. if you want to call that for the folks here in the UK. We're going to give these comics a who. We are going to give these comics a what, and they're going to have to connect the dots live for you all and make them believe, make you guys believe the conspiracy theory

as it goes on live. So we've got some wheels here that Tyler is going to put onto the screen. Tyler, you're doing great. So, but I just have a question. I have one question. Yes. So is anybody going to help me get rid of all those Facebook pages? Like, I mean, you called it out.

Like, fucking help me. I will talk to you after the show. We'll make it. We'll figure it out. Shit. Oh, my God. We've got a wheel of who's. We've got a wheel of what. And these comics are going to get randomly assigned one of each,

and they're going to have to make a conspiracy up live on the spot for you guys. Tyler, who are we going to start out with? Who needs the help the most? Oh, who needs help? Who needs the help the most? Oh, uh... Let's give it to... Olivia. Let's get Olivia.

Olivia and Janiel. Get on up there. Me, I understand. Yes. You gotta go deliver it to the crowd. You are talking to your audience here. Conspiracy minions. All right, everybody. We have some music here, and when the wheel spins, we're going to clap along, okay?

I know we got a lot of whites in here tonight, but try to find some rhythm. Do your best. Let's go ahead and start off with the what. Let's see what we are going to connect the dots on. Spin that wheel right here, please, Tyler. Spin that wheel, spin that wheel. Classic. Oh, great.

The Holocaust. That's an easy one. I think they're excited already about this. Well, we all thought we knew who was behind the Holocaust the whole time. But it turns out it's actually somebody different, and we're going to find out who it is. Let's spin that wheel. Osama bin. So my job is to tell you why Osama bin Laden was behind the Holocaust.

Well, you have 30 seconds. I wanted to be a housewife. Bitch, you got stuff to you explain. I mean, Osama bin Laden, he was mad because he was so hairy. And he just wanted to kill a lot of people because of it. And the Jewish people had way less hair than him. And he was like, who better to do? take out my hairy rage on than the Jewish people.

And he put them into camps and he shaved them. And it's sad and it was a bad thing. Are you telling me those showers were supposed to be for them to wash their hairs? Is that what you're trying to? Yes, yes, yes. He counted the six million hairs on his body and he's like, I'm onto something here. I might be on to something. Makes much for Olivia Janil, everybody.

That is a good conspiracy theory. I'm on some of been laughing right now. Andre, we're gonna move on to you now. Yeah, go get him, Tiger. Get on up there, let's spin that. Not my best, but I'm on the anxiety pill, so sometimes it doesn't work gets fast. Ah, I know, I get that vibe. Don't put that pressure on you.

I get that vibe. Tyler. Harry Stiles and Louis Tomlinson are a couple. Who's Louis Tomlinson? That's from One Direction. Oh, they're all gay. Have you seen Harry Styles' magazine covers? Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Bye bye bye. You got it. I don't think that's a conspiracy theory at all. Our producer thinks it's a conspiracy theory. I think you're just dropping facts now. Let's go to the audience, Jay. Do they want to hear this or not? Do we even care about Louis-Tiles and Harry Tomlinson?

I feel like the answer is no. No, they don't care about this. Let's move on to a different conspiracy theory. Let's do one roll. Roll it up, roll it up. Come on, give me the Holocaust! I love this. Let's wait, see who actually did 9-11?

We all thought it was George Bush. Oh. Shrek. was behind 9-11. You have 30 seconds to explain to this ground why Shrek was behind 9-11. Go. Okay, first I want to say

9-11 is not like something we should be laughing at now. Okay? I mean, Shored was funny back then, but we moved on, okay? Moved on. Now, Shrek, obviously, it's an ugly

motherfucker. Ugly people, they always come up with the weird and shit. I mean they got revenge on them you know that guy he's green with anger he's green with anger right you know the only thing that he's like oh yeah you probably hired a pilot you know the guy's fat you know and so I think Shrek did 9-11 because the other guy stole his girlfriend before she was like hot donkey the Lord Farquhar yeah one of the one that was taking Fiona Lord Farquhar yeah Lord Farquhar yeah

And so you was like, fuck this fairy tale world. I'm going to go out there. And I'm going to bring my donkey with me because the man can crash two towers. And that donkey fucking does anything the guy says. You know what I mean? That donkey, you know, fucking. So I think Shrek, for sure, was like,

if I can't have her, no one can have her. And she just happened to be at the towers that day. And he was like, I'm going to take this bitch out. I don't care who goes with me. And then he hits the first building. And then he goes, and then everyone was like, well, oh, oh my God, a building just went down. He goes, where's that motherfucking donkey? Always takes ages.

Boom, second light goes out. And that's why we've never had a Shrek fort. Makes a noise for Andre, everybody. Ella Akbar, everybody. Yeah, Al-A Akbar. Very good Yeah, that was tough If you look back on the footage

You will see it is actually We thought it was an American Airlines It's actually a dragon That goes right into the first hour We never knew Onika It's time for you to conspiracize Let's spin that wheel

Let's make some noise Let's clap We got the Irish potato famine Oh okay, wow That was fucked up. That was fucked up. All them potatoes and no vegetables. Let's spin the wheel. Who caused the Irish potato famine? Am I six? The British secrets were...

Someone just said that's true. You already got a captive audience on that one. That's just the truth, right? Like they never gave them vegetables again. That's fucked up. There's no vegetables here. Like, you can't get a salad here to save your motherfucking life. Well, okay. I'm real. Remember, we're in Scotland now. Not Ireland.

I know, but you, okay, because I, okay. Yes, convince this audience. Northern Ireland, right? All of it. Okay, I don't, I don't know who the M-16 people are. Like, I'm just, I don't have no idea. If it's not out of new, if it's not out of beer, conspiracy, then the conspiracy is this shit never happened. I don't believe that it was no potato famine because you potatoes grow underground.

So if the potatoes grow underground, y'all still had grounds. So why the fuck, you can dig a little deeper to get the, but get the potato. potatoes. I don't believe that shit. I think the Irish people just wanted a fucking cause. You know what? We had a famine. You mean like you had the fucking famine. The potato. That's what happened. They're lying. That's okay. Makes it much for Oneika McLean, everybody. Holy shit. That was great. And that was Cluon, everybody. Make sure it was for everybody after Cluon. I can't tell if these are tears or sweat running down my face, but I'm having a fucking blast.

M-60. All right, we don't give a fuck either. If it don't happen in there, we don't turn the shit. This is what happened to America, right? They make all our shit differently. They say everybody have a 24-hour. They want to make it 12. They just want to charge us more shit.

You know what I'm saying? So then you go to America and then they say, you know what? Our paper towels are bigger. Why's our paper towel so big? Y'all are so efficient over here. I'm like, this is crazy. We are Medicaid.

We got to pay for it. We got to pay for education. There's a lot of shit that be happening that we got to pay for it. Listen folks, Onika did 9-11. Guys. I was there. Yeah, you were there. Folks, I know.

We've had a... We've had a wonderful time. We've said a lot of fucked up things tonight. Black. We said... We said a lot of interesting things tonight. Excuse me. Folks, this has been a very...

fun game and I know you guys have really rolled with us. We've had a lot of really fucked up dirty, dark things happen on the show tonight. But we want to make sure you get out of here on a nice note. While Tyler tallies the scores, we are going to have our comics tell one clean, wholesome joke apiece to get out of here. This is time for the pallet cleanser round. Each comic has one joke to cleanse your palettes. It is not part of your scores, but we hope it's funny.

So let's go ahead. We're going to start off with our same orders we had for the comedians. So we're going to start up with Oneika McLean. Makes noise for Onika, everybody. Okay. All right. My dog died. Right?

And so it made me start thinking about my relationships. I'm looking at my friendships differently. And what I noticed is that my white friends were really empathetic during this time. They sent me flowers, candy, all kinds of stuff. One of them offered me a psychic. Right? A psychic, like they was going to telepathically. I don't know what the fuck.

And I said, well, my dog doesn't speak English, so I don't know what the psychic going to do, right? But then I started thinking about it, and I was like, could you imagine if my dog spoke English through this psychic? I petsy so much. What would my dog say? He'd me like, why'd you fuck that guy when I was in the room? He was sucking his boss. My dog died. I had the dog for 13 years.

They were like, get another dog. They didn't give a fuck. They said, get another. to get a dog that looked like the dog. I don't care, get another dog. And I was like, wait, I have the mournness. When my grandma died, I didn't get another grandma. Right?

I wasn't at an old folks home like, here, nana, nana, nana, nana, na, man. It's your ass in this truck. And if I got another dog, if I got another dog, I would name the same name as my old dog. Because I'm not changing my passwords. Four fucking Facebook pages right now. That's what shit is so crazy.

They be having a tool. They say get another device. You gotta text another motherfucker. They send you an email. They'd be like, is this you? It's me. They be like, put your left foot. Hokey-poking.

My name is Onika McLean. Unclean, wholesome joke from Olivia Janino. Makes marks for Olivia. Apple's been doing a lot of updates recently, a lot of changes. There's a new Siri. He's a boy. You guys know about this? You want to call him like three times for even answers you.

You're like, hey, Siri. He's like, what bitch? Why you nagging all the time? Alright! And let's have one final clean, awesome joke from André to Fritash, everybody. Make sense for Andre. Andre DeRis! Thank you very much, guys.

First, I want to say that it's been an honor to share this panel. I never thought I'd get to be on the same stage as Cat Williams. And it's fantastic to meet Olivia in person. I always just thought, I was like, oh my God, I'll never get to meet the stepmom from the videos I watch. But here she is, and it is an honor to just share the stage with you guys. Now, this is supposed to be a palate cleanser, right? But I'm too far in this hole now. I can't turn it around.

You know what I mean? I don't have a dog bit to pull out right now. I don't have a, what's a, what's a palate cleanser? I could just I could just I'm just thinking of fucked up shit you know I'm just thinking a fucked up shit I'll tell you okay so I'll tell you a bit I was so I was dating I did it a Russian girl there for a while and you know it didn't work out very sort of different you know like on our first day I told her I wanted to be a stand-up comedian I was like you know what's your dream and she was like ah they haven't told me yet

I'm kidding of course Jay I love the Russians because they're listening and now it's very different you know it's it's hard like sometimes she'd be like oh you know I'll do anything in the bedroom what do you want to do and I'm like oh let's try a democracy she goes get the fuck out of here I wanted to have an open relationship with her she was like no and I'm like not very communist of you is it and and so I I had to meet her brother, right? And her brother is like a fucking big, you know, big Russian man, you know, fucking Russian man. He and he flew over from Russia to meet me. You know, when he met me, didn't say a word, turned to his sister, and goes, why are you dating trans woman? And I

understand. He's a Russian dude. You know, he's a big guy. I'm not what he has in mind. I understand, you know? Like we were trying to bond together, you know, on the couch, me and him talking. You know, my, my girlfriend, she came into the room, she goes, Andre, washing machine's broken it's leaking water everywhere could you come in and have a look so I went in I had a look and I agreed and he's like I don't you gonna fix it and I'm like nah that's not really the type of guy I am you know he goes what you doing something in your house breaks I move and so he goes I will fix and then he takes his tools out the guy takes the whole washing machine

apart piece by piece by piece all the little screws the guy finds the problem, fixes the problem, puts the whole washing machine back together, takes him two hours to do this. Two hours. I was standing next to him the whole time. When he finished, you looked up at me, I don't even know why the words that came out of my mouth were, God, it's nice to finally have a man in the house. Thanks very much.

Andre everybody. Andre. Holy shit. You guys, this was a great panel and unfortunately we do have some winners and losers, but everybody goes on with a prize. So Tyler, tell everybody what they won. Yes, Jay, yes. In third place.

It was a great game. It was an incredible game. In third place, with the 1,000 points, you kind of got swallowed up by everybody. It's Olivia Janiel. Everybody, Olivia Janiel. But you're not going home empty-handed. You got this.

It's 100 number one hits for the flute. 100 number one hits for the flute. It's perfect for that fluteist in your life who does not have the Internet. Oh, this is a great gift. You're going to know this. I bet you're good at blowing. I am.

In second place, and this was very close. We had a whole sitcom happening up here, folks, with 1,39 points. It's Andre Defeitas. And Andre Defeas, right? Second place. You get the Silver Linings Playbook, the book. Did you know it was a book? I didn't know it was a book.

It was free in a bin. Now it's yours. And our champion. It's Onega McLean and Wendy McLean. with 1,400 points and you get this, the TV Times record of your top TV themes. The only reason I pick this? Because look at that pink swastika on the corner.

I just thought it was crazy. What the fuck show is that, Britain? What are you guys doing out here? Some more racist shit. Yeah, it's more racist shit for you. You're a champion. Good for you, Anika. And for playing all of our contestants,

they do get a chance to take home our patent and get out of cancellation free card. Anything you say or do from here, or in the future. Give that card to your next meeting. We will take care of you guys. You guys are safe in our hands. Make some noise for all of our comedians.

One more tough. So you guys go ahead. Take some flyers, go see their shows. They're going to be here for the rest of the run. What a fucking panel. Honestly. And what a great audience. You guys have been a great audience.

I'm so excited you guys are here tonight. This is one of our last shows here, The Fringe. We are doing three more shows after tonight. We have different lineups every night. We have different comics. every night, different games every night. So if you like the show, if you like coming to see us again, come see us again sometime in the next three nights. If you can't, then hey,

tell a friend. If you paid for a ticket to get in tonight, thank you so much. If you did pay what you want, my wife will be at the exit with a bucket. I've spent all of our honeymoon money to do the show, so she is probably going to leave me after fringe, but please drop some money in the bucket so we can cover the divorce lawyers, and it'll all be good after that. We've got a couple, we've got contact list too if you want to do that. You guys have been an amazing audience. Thank you so much for coming wrong. I've been Jay-Light, you guys have a great rest of a night and a great wrist your finch. I bet you would do.

Keep wrong and carry on.