WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1142 - Chris Fairbanks

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

Chris Fairbanks lives the life of a comic, which means a lot of his life is on hold right now. Chris and Marc compare notes on what it's like to live alone during Covid, a non-ideal situation that is nevertheless providing them both with room for personal growth. They also talk about Chris's upbringing in Montana, skateboarding, chewing tobacco, making miniatures, and why having a mustache helps with comedy. Chris also explains what it's like to have a lot of true crime fans coming to his shows, thanks to his podcast with Karen Kilgariff. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Lock the gates! all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fuck tastics how's that one i don't know if i've ever used that what the fuck tastics what the fuck uh tuplets i don't fucking know how's it going i'm mark maron this is my podcast wtf welcome to it chris fairbanks is on the show today he's a comedian he was actually on a live wtf back in uh i think it was 2010 But we have actually never done a full talk. And he's a funny, quirky, odd guy. He's got a new comedy special out now. Chris Fairbanks Rescue Cactus is what it's called.

You can rent it or buy it at chrisfairbankscomedyspecial.com. I've been trying to watch specials. Speaking of new specials, my old friend. She's not that old a friend, but she's been on the show and I like her. Esther Povitsky. She has a new special. Just released it. It's on Comedy Central.

Esther Povitsky. Hot for my name. It's available on demand and you can stream it for free at cc.com yeah little esther so spiraling i don't know man i i guess it's rational i don't think i'm being irrational because cases are spiking here in los angeles i talked to my friends in new york and because of their responsible behavior things have leveled off a bit. Nothing is normal. But there's not morgue trucks in the streets.

I'm not seeing that here either, but I live in a neighborhood. All I can do is look at the numbers and feel like I'm surrounded by it. And it's kind of terrifying. I don't want to get it. I don't know what it does. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to be intubated. I don't want to be on a ventilator.

It's terrifying. And it's happening a lot. People are dying in the hospital. Intubated. And I don't know if I don't. I know I would count myself among the more empathetic people around. Maybe I know I'm self-centered. I know that I'm insensitive to a degree.

But to try to wrap your brain around the number of people that are dying of this fucking disease because of irresponsibility faulty shitty morally bankrupt leadership thousands of people are dying and you don't want to get numb to that number so we know exactly what's going on i don't know that to that people conceive of it or if it's easy to conceive of but i'm haunted by it i have to go get a fucking check up i'm afraid to go i guess they're still doing those are they still doing those i guess i'm a little out of the loop but all i know is i'm haunted this idea of ventilators like you know you just wait on a ventilator do you know what that means I guess I'm a little out of the loop, but all I know is I'm haunted.

This idea of ventilators, like, you know, you just wait on a ventilator. Do you know what that means? Like to be intubated? Look, I don't want to bring this up, but I've got an image in my head that'll never go away. On top of just the grief I'm experiencing now, as I've discussed, I don't know how long this goes on for, but it's different now. I talked about it the other day. I'm through the shock and trauma of my girlfriend, Lynn Shelton, dying suddenly, really. And now there's just the loss

the foundation of loss has been established in my heart but some of you know that when she did pass away I was told that I could go down there I was told in the middle of the night

by the doctor at the ICU that I could come down and spend some time with her body. Can't really hang out in hospitals anymore, but for some reason at that hour, it was not in COVID ICU. He said, I can get you in. And after some personal struggle, I decided to go down there, and I went down there. And she had passed, and I got there.

And I walk in. It was dark. It was quiet, and she was there. Her body was there. And they couldn't remove the tubes. They had to leave all that stuff in and she had been intubated. And it was devastating.

This is not just a mask. You know, they run a tube down your throat and then someone has to keep an eye on that tube so you don't drown in your own phlegm. This is horrible reality of what's going on for thousands and thousands of people in this country. Alone there. In the hospital. Thousands and thousands more. Will happen.

And thousands and thousands and thousands were unnecessary. Faulty leadership. Morally bankrupt. Governance. faulty leadership, morally bankrupt governance. And I'm haunted by it. I'm haunted by the fear of it. I'm haunted by knowing what the reality of that is. And Lynn didn't die of COVID. But some of the symptoms that she had were similar to some of the things that happened with that.

In this sort of positive area of life right now, there has been a grant was established in Lynn Shelton's name called the Lynn Shelton of a Certain Age Grant. It was established by the Northwest Film Forum along with the Duplass Brothers Productions to honor Lynn. unrestricted cash grant that will be awarded each year to a U.S.-based woman or non-binary filmmaker age 39 or older who has yet to direct a narrative feature. You can find out more about it

if you are interested in it. It's at the nwfilmforum.org. It's the Lynn Shelton of a certain age grant. A group of us are chipping in. And I think it's the lynn shelton of a certain age grant a group of us are chipping in and i think it's a beautiful thing because we live in a country where a country a world it's worse for women but for a lot of people you know they think that you get to a certain age and you're you're finished but actually you get to a certain age and you're finished.

But actually, you get to a certain age and you should just be starting. I mean, what the fuck do you really know when you're in your 20s? You're speculating. You're creating a fiction of a reality you think that exists emotionally. I mean, Lynn used to talk about that a lot, is that when you get older, you have some resource to draw from, emotional resource, experience, vision. Some of your time has run out,

so there's an urgency. And I think that's a beautiful thing that some of her friends came up with that idea and made it a reality, that grant. I think it'll help somebody realize their artistic dream. What is your artistic dream? Does it matter? What the fuck matters, right? Wow, man. I got, you know, I'm going in and out of, you know, fear, anger, sadness for a lot of different reasons.

And it becomes difficult to compartmentalize. I have to compartmentalize. Are you able to compartmentalize? Or like when you wake up, does your entire world fall to shit because of one fucking viral news story that enters your fucking brain, destroys everything in its path in terms of hope, faith, good feelings of any kind, and then destroys all your visions of the future and then destroys your present by creating symptoms of panic and fucking pain. And then goes down and infects your heart. And makes that sort of tight. Creates a tightness in your chest. And then an inability to make yourself fucking breakfast. an inability to make yourself fucking breakfast how many breakfasts are being ruined by infectious news stories revealing the truth of what the fuck is going on right now how many breakfasts

how many children are seeing a sad wrenched face of a parent trying to look like everything's okay for them. But they just read that infectious news story. And it just ruined their face. Can't tap into the heart. Can't make the brain think positive thoughts. Sadly serving pancakes. god damn it so chris fairbanks as i mentioned his new special is chris fairbanks rescue cactus you can rent it or buy it at chris fairbanks comedy special.com he also has a podcast, Do You Need a Ride,

that he co-hosts with Karen Kilgariff. And this is me and Chris Fairbanks coming up. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything.

Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? If your existing business insurance policy is renewing on autopilot each year without checking out Zensurance, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to low-cost coverage from Zensurance before your policy renews this year. Zensurance does all the

heavy lifting to find a policy, covering only what you need, and policies start at only $19 per month. So if your policy is renewing soon, go to Zensurance and fill out a quote. Zensurance, mind your business. I've got a little six feet here. I feel like I'm back far enough. We've got the new plexiglass boundary, and it's not bothering me. Yeah, yeah. It does feel like I'm visiting you in prison a little.

Yeah, yeah. Have you heard back from the lawyer? Yeah. Well, that's what makes me nervous. What? It's a friend of mine who's a fireman, so they just test them at work, I guess. He's also a skateboarder. We've reached a point in the world where there's firemen that skateboard.

Sure. But he had zero symptoms. Yeah. Totally. And he had it. Yeah, he had it. Never had a fever, never had any. And why'd they just test them as regular precaution?

So how many of those people are walking around? Who knows where anyone can get exposed to it? Yeah. I've been a little sloppy, but I'm not at the beach. I'm not going to bars. I don't have that many friends. Yeah. I don't think I'm being sloppy.

I get food brought to my house. That's a way to get it, I guess. But I don't go anywhere, man. You live alone? Yeah. You all right? Yeah, it is weird. I talk to myself a lot.

I react to movies audibly. I'm like, oh, she seems nice. And I'm not. There's no one. I mean, there's just plants. I know, dude. I'm trying to fight the impulse to talk to my dead girlfriend. You know, it's pretty fresh.

And I've got some of her stuff around, you know. But if I start doing that now, that could be the rest of my life. I talked. My mom passed a couple of years ago. It was a long 10-year Alzheimer's thing. Oh, really? But I talked to her. You did?

Yeah, and I didn't feel crazy. No, yeah. And I'm not a person that prays or I've never been a spiritual person. I'm not even raised that way. I pray a little. I don't think it's great. Yeah, I do now too.

I don't know what I'm praying to, but I got trained to pray when I got sober. And I'm still not a god guy really sure but uh but to do it it's kind of feels good to do it do you know what I mean yeah yeah it I talked to someone yeah I call him Craig I don't know who I but yeah I talk I talk to someone too yeah yeah I don't know I I guess I I I do it I do it now because, and I imagine it's the same reason anyone does it when you feel powerless over whatever and you don't know really what to do, you know, just sort of like vocalize it or ask for help or, you know, guidance.

Yeah. Even if it's from the air, at least the feelings are in you and they're out. Right. Right? Yeah. And I feel like even if no one's listening, it's almost on the therapy level, at least I'm vocalizing it. Yeah. My buddy believes that prayers, even if you don't believe, there's such a deep groove in the global or the spirit realm for everybody, that the act of it is ancient.

Yeah. So it connects you to that. Yeah. It's fine with me, man. Yeah. I don't want to get too mystical because I'm always just two websites away from believing QAnon. So I can't.

I know. I've always thought I am ripe. I am exactly what a Scientologist, like the stress test. Yeah. I think that I could easily get swayed into any cult. If someone's nice enough and what they say makes sense, I'll be like, yeah, sure. Actually, you seem happy. I like your shoes.

I like your purple Nikes. I'll go with you yeah uh yeah i'm a little worried that i'm i i have to uh yeah i'm not my i'm i i don't i'm not a searcher i don't find that i'm going on a quest for answers yeah uh but uh but you know mystical bullshit you know in my past i've i've been suckered by mystical bullshit. Yeah. Because, you know, why not? Yeah, I know. And then, you know, all of a sudden you got no control of your brain anymore and you're in fucking trouble and you're hanging around people you don't really like or know. Yeah, yeah.

And they're looking at you funny. Yeah. Yeah, there's too much judgment in that. Well, I had a dad that said nothing. Yeah, you just die and that's it. I'm like, oh, okay. Is that what your old man said? Yeah, but I don't think he really believes that anymore either.

He's around? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I want to go see him. Where'd you grow up? Montana. Like in a city or on a piece of land? A little of both.

I mean, we were in the middle of a small piece of land. It's the, Missoula is the river runs through it yeah oh yeah right yeah that's the movie yeah yeah yeah yeah well who's in that movie what the fuck was that brad pitt oh yeah tom scarrett that's right that's right some guy that looks like josh brolin but isn't you go to watch the movie you think it's rich was it skeet ulrich i don it Skeet Ulrich? I don't know if it was Skeet. Oh, no. I know who you're talking about.

That was the brother, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What happened to that guy? I don't know. Hmm. Yeah. I seem to be getting that movie confused with the golf movie in my head.

Caddyshack? No, Bagger Vance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why. Is that a Montana movie? No. It has the same tone. If you had said Legends of the Fall, I would have been like, oh, yeah, everyone does that.

It's another Brad Pitt. Yeah. Yeah. And that's sort of a, yeah, Anthony Hopkins. Sure. The Legends of the Fall, guilty pleasure. Good movie. Not a bad movie.

I like that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that last shot where the older, more hairy Brad Pitt just gets into it with the bear. And that's how it went. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God, I love a good bear fight. Oh, man. Human versus bear. How about that revenant then? Yeah. I think that's the best of all bear fights. Yeah, it is. No, that is.

That has to be the best bear fight. Oh, my God. I want to watch it right now. And growing up in Montana, that was such a fear is being mauled by a bear. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, because it can happen. So Missoula is a town of how many? 65, I think it stays steady there.

So it's small. Yeah, and it'll get up to 80 when people are in school. But it's a liberal arts college. Which is University of Montana? Yeah, yeah. So like how many high schools? Three. That's it?

Yeah. So everyone kind of knew each other? Sure. How did your family get to Montana? You come from Cowboys? What is it? My dad, yeah, they are from, my mom and dad are both from there, but I was born in Monterey. My dad was a radio guy there.

Really? Yeah. Morning? Yeah, yeah. Morning drive time? I don't know. It was, I wish that I, he has these reel-to-reels of- Oh, you got to digitize that shit.

Yeah, I really want to. Does he have a reel-to-reels of... Oh, you got to digitize that shit. Yeah, I really want to. Does he have a reel-to-reel player? No. We just take his word for it. Huh. Yeah, you could probably bring that somewhere. I would... Every year, my sister and I talk about

it being the best gift ever, but he doesn't seem that interested in listening to it, but I certainly am. Well, yeah, I would think you're... Yeah, I think you get to a certain point where, like, think about you. It's like if someone said, hey, I've got your first appearance on TV, or do you want to

see it? I don't know. I don't want to see my appearance this year. I have a special out, and I haven't watched all of it. I can't watch it. There's parts I can watch, but then I'll be, I'll watch a joke. I'm like, yeah, I know where this goes. I can't watch my, I don't, I remember, I remember the exact but then I'll watch a joke. I'm like, yeah, I know where this goes. I can't watch my anger.

I remember the exact response that got on that night. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to watch it. I've gotten over the fact that I have a nasally Muppet kind of voice. That doesn't bother me anymore. But, yeah, some of my material is just the worst. From the old days or the new stuff? Oh.

We've got to sell this record. Yeah, the new stuff i left all that stuff out on rescue cactus uh yeah it's uh it's well it's hard to at the end of the special i just tried to tell the I think my last joke kind of fell flat and I just was telling the audience uh when about my mom and how she passed and I got a little money and helped pay for this special so I want to thank my mom I just went to say that but instead I started crying uh and then I stifled it and I'm like well that was weird that I did? You felt it come up? Yeah. Grief's fucked, isn't it? Yeah, it hadn't come up like that. Certainly not.

I could talk to another person. How long ago did she die? It's been two years. Yeah, but it's like, it just sneaks up on you. Yeah, yeah. And at the weirdest, because one-on-one, I'll talk about it. I'm a damn cowboy. Right. And then once there was a, I think after you go through a whole set of standup and you're

pretending to have all these emotions, it opens you up to actually being emotional. Maybe that's what happened. But yeah, but also by that point you developed a relationship with this audience. Yeah. You know, you kind of know them. And I liked them. They were a great audience. I trusted them.

That's what did it yeah there there are people i mean what are you going to do i mean you know one-on-one i i'm having a hard time with uh you know with the crying and with strangers because i only have a few friends yeah but if anyone asks me about it my neighbors i'm just they're like how you doing i'm like i don't know yeah and it's like and they just stand there yeah And they take it because they're human and humans are, I think, built to take it. They don't really know what to do, but you know. Yeah, I can take it when someone's crying. I think it's weird when there's someone that can't take it and they're a grown up and it's like, you can't be around someone crying.

Yeah, I just think people can be around them, but I don't know that they know. They just got to let you do it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't know if they think they're supposed to be like, oh, my God, are you okay? Or are you going to be all right? It makes people uncomfortable because they feel like they need to say the right thing in that moment. But some people, most of them have just kind of stood there.

Sure. And then I dismiss them. Yeah. They stand there. I cry. I'm like, all right. I've gotten what I need out of you. You know, they stand there, I cry, I'm like, all right, I've gotten what I need out of you.

Hit the bricks. Thank you for helping me through this little chunk of grief. Yeah. But, so, that part I haven't listened to though of my,

that is hard for me to watch. I didn't want to leave that in there. You didn't leave it in? I did leave it in. Where you got choked up? Yeah. And I felt like, well, people are are gonna think this is a stunt or something really i don't know yeah i'd have to be a really good actor to pull off that yeah there's a lot

i mean there's it seems like this is a difficult time to lose people certainly i guess any time is difficult but i i the kind of, even just to have conversations, you walk up to my house, I put my mask on, you got your mask on. I'm like, all right, okay, let's go do the thing. Yeah, Mark, he has a plexiglass thing. It's great. I just got this. Yeah, it's nice. It's very professional. This is as nice as at the bank. Yeah. Well, I mean, plexiglas, it's a booming business right now. I don't know what it's ultimately going to do, but I think we're okay. Yeah.

I think it does provide something. Oh, yeah. As far as I know it, we're only supposed to worry about flying particles of spit, right? Yeah. So we're good on that. Yeah. We're good. All right.

So Missoula, three high schools. Your dad does what? He was a radio guy. Oh, that's where we were. Okay, wait, let's go back to that. Artist and all that. So you're going to be the guy who at some point is going to walk into a place with a box of reel-to-reel tapes and say, like, do you have a thing where we can make this another thing?

Can you put this on the computer? In Missoula, Montana? Yeah. I'm sure they have someone that does that. Out here, dude. You got to bring them out here. You could do it out here if anything ever starts up again. I definitely think you could do it here.

I'm going to drive up there to see my dad. I think that's the safest way to do it and I'll come back with those reels. How many are there? And take them to Lightning Dubs or where did I used to go to get VHS reels made? Oh, Lightning Dubs. Remember Lightning Dubs?

I do remember. They were a booming business. It was cheap and you can get a bunch of fucking reel video cassettes. Yeah, I'd go get a box. Yeah, and send them to Rich Miller and try and get booked. Fucking Rich Miller. Can you get me into Acme? Yeah.

Oh. God, Rich. Rich. Rich. Was he ever mad at you? Sometimes, yeah. I missed morning radio once, I think. You never know when you're going to cross a Miller. I think I was-

It's not a great thing. I think I was banned. But I see him now. I was in Portland and he just went there because he likes Dana Gould, and he just went to watch Dana Gould. Sure. That alone surprised me. I'm like, oh, after all these years, you like a comic and want to watch a comic? Yeah.

And he laughed so hard. I just watched him watching Dana Gould because I actually hadn't seen Dana do stand-up live before his old material. And when am I ever on a show with him yeah no it's he's a good one to watch yeah it's like watching the history of modern comedy yeah when you watch Dana Gould he can do everything he really sings dance mimics yeah he's a full-on guy does a mic toss yeah yeah to punctuate a statement he's very he's's great. He's really a unique thing. I like knowing that Rich Miller goes out of his way to watch Dana Gould. He's like, he's my favorite comic.

That's why I'm here. That's fucking great. Maybe he had other business in Portland. I think he has something to do with helium, but it was fun to watch him. Yeah, he's one of those guys where he shows up, it's like, do you do a thing? He's got a little piece of everything. I don't know. Yeah.

So your dad was a jock, a morning radio jock. Yeah, yeah. Funny guy? He's very funny, yeah. And he's an artist as well? He's a painter, yeah. Painter guy. Yeah, I feel like my whole life I've kind of tried to be him.

Yeah. And in retrospect, that's a good choice but nice guy he is a nice guy a morally sound guy without the religion did he have a draw a job yeah that was the thing i think he had kids and and he was doing radio and making furniture and painting makes furniture to reupholster yeah i have some of his pieces in my house like redwood really uh burls that are sliced you know these tables yeah yeah yeah yeah they're nice people are always uh admiring my furniture that my dad made in the 60s in the 60s he made it yeah yeah and that or maybe it was 70s uh-huh uh but then once he had kids and it was hard to be an artist for a living, he moved back to Montana and got a government job appraising properties.

Oh. Yeah. Got him outside? Yeah. He still does it sometimes. What did your mom do? She worked for the city sewer billing. city sewer billing that sounds like a made-up job but you uh you know there's someone that that gauges how much you owe for your sewer usage and that was your mom's gig yeah and there's some

people that aren't hooked up to sewer and they got a septic tank or they burn it there was a lady uh she was called the witch lady i remember her house was this this is a real person her house was this. This is a real person. Her house was spray painted and she used to ride around town on a bicycle all in all black with a black veil. Oh, my God. And there was all these stories that, you know, children would get their fingers hit with a hammer. And of course, she wasn't. My mom was kind of friends with her through this sewer billing. she would show up and say, I got billed for the sewer and I put my excrement in the fireplace and burn it. So, you know, I'm not hooked up to the sewer. And my mom with a straight face would be like, oh, we'll just take this bill. The fireplace, huh? That's a... Yeah. Do you do it like every time you do it or do you wait? Yeah. Did she leave it outside until there

was enough to burn? Yeah, yeah and then it lights up easier. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's hard. I don't know if she chewed her brain about it but she did consider her a friend. There was a woman who lived in my old building in Queens who used to walk around in a black veil and outfit and she eventually

jumped out the window. Yeah, yeah. this one seems a little different type of i don't know what ended up happening to her i do know that it was a one story house so oh that wouldn't have happened yeah yeah yeah she'd have to come up with another way she was the scary lady though everyone knew her as the scary lady you would see her riding around as a child it was so i very. But generally in the after school specials, those ladies turn out to be nice and have something to offer. Exactly. If you're writing a script about her, she brings insight and is a kind lady.

Yeah, she's a nice lady. So your mother, this wasn't her dream job. It was just what she did. Yeah. Yeah. And how many siblings you got? I have one older sister. How's she doing?

She's doing great. Yeah? Is she in Montana? She's in Spokane, Washington. Were you guys close to Spokane? Yeah. It's like three and a half hours away from Missoula. Because I didn't know what to expect when I went up there.

But it's like you want that city to do well because it's so cute. There's that old mill building and there's the water going through it. Yeah, yeah. Riverfront Park is beautiful. Yeah, it's so cute. There's that old mill building and there's the water going through it. Yeah, Riverfront Park is beautiful. Yeah, it's so beautiful. But there is a darkness to it. It's a combination of meth darkness and Nazis not too far away.

Yeah, there's Nazis lingering. Hayden Lake, that panhandle of Idaho, there's a lot of hate there. Yeah, and there's little parades. Yeah, and I just didn't like because there was part of me thought like well this is close to seattle people are probably gonna you know really build this up someday and i don't know i don't know if that's gonna happen no but i i i enjoyed the club yeah yeah i haven't been there yet oh you haven't no huh i would have thought you would

went there yeah i know one would why what's what's why no one's doing nothing now i yeah yeah i know it's funny i just had gotten a guy that was going to help me uh do just small theaters and stuff he does a lot of bands yeah and uh and then this happened and it's like well i guess we're gonna cancel this every lot our entire life but spok, so what'd she do there? She moved there to be a news person, an on-air news person. She did journalism. What'd she say about the joint? She married over there?

Yeah, and that's how I know about the darkness is her husband's a fireman, so he's constantly a first responder to the dark side of Spokane. Really? Like the meth side? Yeah, sure. Ah. So he's got the stories. Yeah.

So I've heard those stories. Like lab fires and that kind of shit? Sure, sure. Just lots of... I did a t-shirt design because I do illustration on the side. And it was an illustration of whatever division he was in.

That station was called The Zone. So it was a drawing of trailers and fires and hollowed out Camaros with plants growing out of the hood and a baby next to a syringe. It was a very detailed, it was for the department. And did they wear them? Oh, sure, yeah. They liked them? Just around the station, I think. it was for the department and did they wear them oh sure yeah just around the the station i think not out at the vents and stuff it might offend people at events

like yeah ribbon cutting mayoral ceremony yeah did you go to college in montana i did oh so you went through you went through high school and then you did the whole state school thing yeah yeah and stayed in my dad's basement and did four years and then your folks were split up yeah yeah oh you had to deal with that yeah but it you know that was when did that happen oh it's like 14 oh yeah that's like you're conscious and you're aware and but i uh pretty quickly thought it was a good decision for them to not be together. Yeah. Yeah? I think I figured that out pretty early.

This wasn't working out? Yeah, yeah. I get it. You both seem happy now. But yeah, I live with my mom, and then once college happened, I lived with my dad. You lived in the basement? Yeah, yeah. So you guys working on art projects together and shit? We did, yeah.

moved into the basement yeah yeah so you guys working on art projects together and she did yeah there was because the the art side of school i went i was uh painting and drawing i was an art major oh really that would be kind of demanding hourly they wanted you to spend a lot of time in the studio painting and then i had the rest of my credits which were just math and things like that right crippled me i yeah i can't i can i never could handle it was really hard for me so uh there were a few times and i shouldn't even admit this but i my dad would paint something and i'd turn it in wow is this the first time and that is the the only dishonest thing he was ever involved with he's like we paint the same i taught you how to paint it's kind of like an extension of you painting yeah you're part of me you're like my

brush yeah yeah well i mean he would always bring up that you know there's guys like picasso who would have a you know a team of guys that would paint like on a conveyor belt and then he'd look at it and he's like yeah i like that and he'd sign it like he didn't actually firsthand sure so you so this yeah but he was also making millions of dollars right right i understand it's a good rationalization well yeah so then if i was making money it would have been okay you know no i i get it no but but you were doing your thing it just had to be similar to your dad. Maybe he wasn't involved with the scandal. I did. I needed to turn in six paintings.

I had like four done. Oh, and you just did it. You just took a couple. I painted on top of one of my dad's paintings and painted over 1978, the year he was in art school. And I think they saw through it. Did they? Why? Yeah, it was reflected in my grade.

Oh, really? Bad? Yeah, yeah. That was the only time I got a bad grade in art school. Well, I mean, yeah, if it was an old painting, you could tell from the surface, I would think that, right? Well, oftentimes you reuse a canvas, you re-gesso it, and then from the back it would look like a canvas. Was this figurative, abstract, realist?

What was your trip? Oh, yeah. I don't. Brush, strokey realism. Like close up, maybe kind of abstract, but then you get further back. Oh, right, right. That's always good. Impressionistic-ish.

Sure. I think those are the best guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's just like you just, when you look close, you're like, oh my God, far away, it looks like a house. That's always what I wanted to do. Now up close, it's smudgy. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

And were you good at it? I don't know how good. I'm a good illustrator. I do a lot of art for people. Like comic stuff? Yeah, yeah. I got more comfortable with close-up work. Do you have any

heroes of illustration? Not necessarily of illustration. Like are you a fan? Because I know guys who do that. They're like, that guy's great at lines.

You know, got a good line. Yeah, yeah. Kevin Christie's like, he's got a great line. Yeah, he's a good artist. Dave Klock. I'm sure they all have guys that they look up to.

And I oddly have kind of a comic book style with my illustration. I've never owned a comic book. I don't really. Really? Yeah, it's weird that I never got into that world, comic books. I've never had a comic book. I got into them late, not young. Well, what was your thing music uh i was mostly skateboarding i thought that you're can you do like the pools

and stuff i i got my hip replaced uh oh my god like three years ago now and i'm from a childhood injury or a new just a God. The, uh, they just, the doctor said, you don't have cartilage. That's why you scream when you, when you walk and you're drinking a lot of whiskey. It may be even hurt back when I first met you,

like when I, you know, three and we'd go to that dirty Ramada basement. Oh my God. That's when I first met you. Yeah. And I remember Paul Hughes gig. Yeah.

Yeah. And, and uh oh boy they sent me to the did you ever do the palms yeah through yep i ate it with court and and paul yeah i really i've never done that poorly as a comedian worst i did very bad yeah i mean the fucking i i was so embarrassed in a way That was such a hard time for me. Yeah? Yeah. Because I'm coming in to this town, knowing that I've been at it a long time. Right.

But I want to establish myself at these alt venues because that's what people were doing. Yep. And then my wife at the time, I wasn't married to her yet. You remember Mishnah? Yes, I do. This is right when we moved to wife at the time, I wasn't married to her yet. You remember Mishnah? Yes, I do. This is right when I moved. We moved to L.A. at the same time. 2002?

Three is when I. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know, and I just like I had to dig in and figure out how to, you know, get, you know, into it. You know, coming, you know, and I'd already been at it in New York for years. Yeah. I had TV credits and everything. But it didn't make a difference.

And at that time, these alt rooms were so important. I'd go to that Ramada. It was the worst fucking place to do comedy. Yeah, it really was. It was haunted with no laughs. It was because there was no audience. It would just be comics. And then you'd get people from the hotel to come down. Against their will.

But oddly, I generated material there. I don't know how. I feel that way, too. I look back on it now as a place where it was pivotal in me adjusting to Los Angeles. But you were always there. adjusting to Los Angeles, but you were always there. And I knew you because I remembered you had like a, the shirt you wore on some,

like a Pearl Snap cowboy shirt or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh yeah, he's the guy that had the cool shirt. Yeah. On cars, something. Letterman? I don't know. I wouldn't have worn it on Letterman,

but I did wear it on my HBO special. I wore a black cowboy cowboy pearl button shirt yeah i used to wear those shirts me too yeah yeah we have and now in the last time i haven't seen you for a while but we both were doing denim on denim we had denim shirt that's right you did the uh canadian tuxedo that's right yeah i saw a picture of you like that and we i did that sure. Sure. So that was when we met. So, okay. So you graduate college with your painting degree? Yeah, and immediately moved to Austin to follow a girlfriend. I thought you always associated you with Texas.

Why is that? Yeah, because that's where comedy-wise I started. That's where you started. And so I always said when I moved here,'m like i'm from austin because we're talking about comedy right now if you want to talk about me as a human i'm from montana you know what i mean sure so you moved to austin with for the girl yeah and how'd that pan out uh she married bill hater uh they were they but i think that they now. Yeah, yeah, it's a shame. So she has kids with Hader, and yeah, they got divorced. And she's a talented director, filmmaker.

Oh, really? Yeah. How'd she meet Bill Hader? He's not from Texas, is he? No, that was when we first moved to LA. We were kind of amicably splitting up and flipping coins for the bed and- Oh, okay. and splitting up things. Oh, wow.

And then they started dating, and I thought he was a nice guy. You signed off on it? Yeah, yeah. I wish all breakups could be like that. I think he is a nice guy, and he's a funny guy. They had two kids, I think, right? Or maybe one, I don't know. Three.

Three kids. Yeah. That knocked him out. Yeah. Are you friends with her still? a funny guy they had two two kids i think right or maybe one i don't know three three kids that knocked him out yeah are you friends with her still uh i talked to when i heard of their split we we i was in boise where she's from so i was like hey here's your old high school like we uh being funny yeah helping out yeah i'm always good for a laugh yeah that's about it yeah what's up remember me yeah yeah do you want to cry i'll stand laugh. That's about it. What's up? Remember me? Yeah. If you want to cry, I'll stand here.

But that's about it. So you go to Austin. And who's on the scene? What year is that? That was, I moved there in 99. Maggie and I were in an improv group. In Austin. And we ended up going to some improv festival there.

And around that time, she got into UT for film school stuff. And so I went, I followed her there. And then accidentally started going to open mics. It wasn't necessarily my plan. How did he accidentally? I mean, one day realized I wanted to. That wasn't my reason for moving to Austin. Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah. I thought I was going to do improv comedy there. Okay. And then quickly preferred stand-up. Who was on the scene? When I moved there, there was a lot of like, that guy was good, he's a painter now, that guy is named Tater Salad.

Sure. Like, Ron White hadn't had his resurgence yet when i moved there he he was hanging out in a straw hat oh so they call them taters yeah yeah the old name still yeah yeah yeah that's hilarious he hadn't he hadn't really had his resurgence right that that came with uh whatever wb blue collar who else was t-shon there too i just i would go to houston to watch the shannon christmas show so i that's how he used to do that right uh no just the shannon brother like charlie shannon and t-shon and what happened at t-shon man he's around we i when i was working for this this network fuel tv he he was always obsessed with bears.

There was the masturbating bear. We did a skateboarding bear sketch together, and I went downtown to that hot house. Didn't Conan have a masturbating bear? Yes. I think he was responsible for that bear. Yeah. Because he rode on Conan briefly. And then there's bears doing things on Saturday Night Live.

Anything bear-based. Is T-Sean? It's T-Sean, yeah. And I there's Bears doing things on Saturday Night Live. Anything Bear-based. Is T. Sean? It's T. Sean, yeah. And I don't know where he's been. I've not heard of him in a long time. Yeah. So you're in Austin in 99 starting open mics, and you're going to Houston occasionally.

Yeah. Who were your guys there? Who were the people starting out in Austin that I would know? Yeah. I mean, Howard Kramer and Chip Pope had already left, but they were like a duo and they would come and perform together. Well, they were on, weren't they on some sort of weird MTV show? Austin Stories, yeah, yeah.

And so what was that woman's name? Laura House. Laura House, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, and those were the people I knew that had made it out of Austin. Right. But they would come and visit. But they were already gone when I had moved there. Do you know Matt Bearden?

Matt Bearden's a very good friend of mine. Yeah, he's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great- He's a radio guy now. He keeps getting better and better. Yeah, like terrestrial radio in Texas is still- Well, you got more. If you got a drive time show, you can still hang in there.

Yeah. Because people want to know what's going on on the road. Totally. Yeah. And those guys, once Bearden got added to Bob and Dudley, it got lighter and more fun. I enjoy doing that radio show. There's a couple of good crews I like doing radio with. You know, like I kind of remember them.

But there's some people that when I'm in certain cities, I'll go do them. I like morning radio. I do too in certain cities, I'll go do them. I like morning radio. I do too. I mean, I used to do, I used to host morning radio. And if you're in with a good bunch and they're jamming, it's great. It's great. Yeah. It's really fun.

It always brought me anxiety when they were like, okay, what does he say to cue the five jokes you're going to tell? I'm like, can we not do that? Where you're sitting there waiting and they're like, can you give them five things to set you up for? I don't mind doing it. And sometimes it's better in some ways if that's the way they're going to work and they're just going to throw it to me and I'm just going to kill. Great.

Yeah. It's not as fun as getting into a groove with people that know how to talk. Yeah. But in terms of delivering the goods to maybe. To maybe sell a ticket or two. Yeah, I guess. You know what I mean? It serves its purpose, especially when you're on for five, 10 minutes.

Yeah, it's like, how do I land this? All you're trying to do is sell 10 tickets. Yeah. But sometimes if you really fucking kill, like people will come. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was one week

where I was working with Paul Tompkins in Austin, and we took a poll every night. How was that? Who came because of the radio and not one hand. Not one hand. Yeah. How many people were coming, generally speaking? Yeah, maybe that was the issue. Yeah, maybe there's a reason Paul doesn't do stand-up anymore i don't uh did he stop i just uh every time i see him yeah yeah yeah he does things at largo and and like uh radio hour he's

an empresario of some kind yes yes so i i love hearing a word and then pretending i know what it means that's what i just did But I want this to be honest. I want, I want, I want, it wasn't an episode. I might've fucking. No,

no. Hey, that's not what I was doing. No, no, I know. But I'm like, I,

I like you like to, uh, to do what you just did. But sometimes I use words. I don't know what they mean. And I use them wrong. It's crazy. In,

in my forties to find out that I've saying, using a word incorrectly my whole life. A person who organizes and often finances concert plays or operas. A manager of a musical, theatrical, or operatic company. Man, you nailed the use of that word. Kind of. He seems like that. Oftentimes at Largo in Los Angeles. It's just part of the thing.

God damn it. So, boy, it doesn't sound like the relationship went sour. So you stayed out there for, what, two years? Yeah. Until she graduated? 99 to 04, yeah. Oh, that's not. Sorry, yeah.

And then you're like, we're doing it. Yeah. We're going to LA and you're going to leave me. I came here really accidentally. For a bigger star. I felt like maybe we did both know that was happening. Oh, really? Yeah.

I mean, I haven't asked her that. Was she already talking to him? No, no. I don't think there was ever any overlap. Or if there was, I don't know that I care. No, you don't want to. Yeah. Don't go digging there.

I just know that when we split everything up, oftentimes we would wear the same shirts. She was roughly my height. And I do remember they were at a party and he was wearing one of my shirts. That was the only time that one of the shirts that was hers that I used to wear and he was wearing it. That was the only time where I was like, hey, I used to wear that shirt. And that was the tone and feeling you had i have a i find that hard to believe i have to assume that this made you fucking just eat your guts out for a little while no i uh do you get angry i feel like yeah i'm riddled with anger yeah it's it and uh but it didn't surface then.

But you have a Midwestern cap on it, do you? I'm lousy with anger. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I keep it capped. Yeah, but it's there. It's always there. I try to. Just destroying your insides?

You just keep it in? Yeah, I let it percolate and shift around and bubble. Good, good. Circulate, shift around, bubble. Good, good. I guess stylistically I can kind of feel it in the quirkiness. Yeah, that I'm masking something. The quick pace, just right underneath it is just a shit show of fucking fury. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's always sitting there. But I really keep an eye on it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. To not do it. Yeah. Oh, it's always sitting there. But I really keep an eye on it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. To not do it. Yeah. Oh, good. To get upset.

So what happens out here? We're doing the fucking Ramada, so where'd you end up? Yeah. I immediately, I went- Because you were in a crew. You had guys. You had friends. You were running with some folks.

Not really. Not really. Not really. Yeah. I was on the road. I think I was working with Tig. That's what it was. When we were splitting up, I was working with Tig. We were like co-headlining somewhere.

You and Tig. Yeah. And I said, I'm going through a breakup. And she said, I'm moving out of a place. And she said, I'm having fun with you this week. Let's live together. And I lived with Tig for like seven years. Really?

Yeah. We were almost recognized by the state. I think we could have gotten like a tax. I don't know that California does that. I remember this now. I remember it now. I remember that was the thing. Yeah.

Like I remember she featured for me in tampa uh and we dress sent the same that was always our joke it's like we we kind of wear the same funny i was gonna come with the joke that you and i dress the same well and maybe it's all and i have a lot of tig sweaters yeah see every time i wear a cardigan with an animal on it people are like nice tig sweater and i'm like this is my sweater, I don't wear cardigans, but it's the bell bottoms, I think, was what started it

and the shoes we wear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always describe her as somebody who has her own time zone. There's always these pauses

and beats where you're like, am I connecting? Are we having a conversation? And I learned from her and someone like, like Todd Berry uses pauses comedically. I always felt like having a conversation with and i learned from her and someone like that like todd barry uses pauses comedically i always felt like i need to just keep talking fill that air yeah with manic

quirkiness just fill the air uh mask the anger yeah and keep talking but i learned from her that you can just be silent and and off of the awkwardness of that moment, other people are laughing. I saw her do it. She's a master of it. It seemed to be her life's work was to drag that pause out as long as she could. And I've learned from it. I occasionally resort to that now. I never would have.

That chair bit is just an experiment in pauses. Oh, yeah, yeah, totally. That's amazing. Yes. have that chair bit is just an experiment in pauses oh yeah yeah totally that's some yeah so it's a famous chair bit yeah it's like buster keaton yeah no no she's great and uh you know you know she seems good huh they got how many kids they got now she is doing great yeah how many kids two two little guys yeah did you open for her like so you opened for her a period of time or how'd that work or you just were you just were friends no you moved yeah just that one week we had so much fun laughing and and being ridiculous together that we were like yeah i could live

with this person down by the beach somewhere where was yeah i was always in i was in venice for 16 years i just moved to echo park i feel like I'm part of the city now. You were in Venice for 16 years? Yeah. Were you friends with Zach? I did see that. I was. Did you ever, when you were in recovery and talking about you were eating a lot of candy and stuff, were you also, did you have a nicotine thing?

Yeah. Were you chewing? Okay. So you and me and Zach are the only people that are privately. I still dabble. Oh, I got off got off him man i had the lozenges well i do these these nicotine pouches now with no it's they're white so for some reason that makes it think i'm being healthy oh are they uh there's no tobacco in them oh really well that's why i was on the candy yeah i loved it but he dipped i saw him recently or it was i was going to like he's a pro dipper i we i saw him he had his kids in a double stroller

yeah and he had a big fucking dude and we pulled on we both had some mint grizzly or some can of disgusting grizzly i yeah the cheap stuff yeah Yeah. I'm like, you could get the best, you could get top of the line Copenhagen, man. Pay the extra four bucks. Copenhagen's strong. Yeah, and then he saw me walk into a bar method studio. After I got my hip fixed, I started going to bar method

and I was the only dude, so I just wouldn't make eye contact, but the little leg squats and it was exactly what I needed help oh it yeah that's what the doctor told you to do i'm the doctor told me to go to some physical therapy elizabeth taylor aquatic center and swim around with these old people and i right away i was like this isn't for me uh and i was going to physical therapy but i was seeing a girl that did bar method and she said you have to go to this class.

Everything you're doing, you can do it in a class. So you're not. And that was it. Yeah. And he saw me go in there. He's like, have fun in your ballet class.

And everyone's like, is that, is that, is that that guy from the movie? I'm like, no, it's just some guy that chews. But he chews like he grew up chewing. You grew up chewing? Yeah, he's like from North

Carolina. I grew up around it and it's one of those things where it's like, that's for rednecks. I would never do that. And then at some point, almost as a joke, I put it in my mouth. It's the best thing ever. Or it's how I got a lot of comics in Austin. I guess

because of Bill Hicks. They all smoke. And I started smoking a lot. And that's how I got a lot of comics in Austin, I guess because of Bill Hicks. They all smoke. And I started smoking a lot. And that's how I got off cigarettes is- Dipping. Dipping. And then I get- I went off and on the nicotine in all different forms for so long. And I did the snooze for a long time.

And I used to get it from Sweden. That's up the nose, right? No. No, that's pouch. It's a pouch, but it's your upper lip. Yeah. And there's this idea that it doesn't hurt you. It's like, what do you have, your fucking mind?

They're almost identical lips. Yeah, because it was Swedish. Yeah, yeah. And it had weird names. And I was so in. I was so addicted. And I'd get really strong shit, and I'd go to sleep with it in my mouth. Oh, God.

And then when I got on the lozenges, I'd gone through cigars. I just never went back to cigarettes. I never went back to cigarettes after i quit him in 99 or whatever yeah yeah maybe i had one or two cigarettes one with keith richards and one when my divorce went through yeah if keith richards hands you a cigarette you gotta smoke it sure but i knew i wasn't gonna start again because i had the lozenges but i got off of those august i've i've been nicotine free since fucking august yeah but bargetti he fucking dips yeah yeah he was the other he was the other and like you know he would i he he he would do like four or six of those skull pouches the skull extras yeah and i remember he gave me like

he gave me a 10 like he opened for me at carnegie hall did i say i always fuck his name up it's bargetti right yeah i bargatzi i yeah i got it yeah i'm such an idiot because it comes and goes but uh he's a good friend of mine yeah yeah well when did that so then when are you ever saying his last name yeah i know yeah bargatzi but i used to fuck it up yeah but a carnegie hall he opened for me and then afterwards like i was like yeah because i want to stay away from it because i didn't want to get involved with it because it's no good yeah it's no good yeah of course but it's so great yeah and after carnegie holly gave me a fucking pouch and he just gave me the tin and i'm like oh this is the best just better than the show yeah yeah

little reward that's that's why i don't know if it's that i have an addictive personality or that i just like little rewards like i remember but i love being on that shit yeah i mean yeah the reward's one thing but eventually you're just doing it all the time you have no vices now right no but i work them in somehow no i don't do anything but like i wasn't drinking coffee i was drinking tea for a while now i'm just fucking jacking the car i got it's not when she passed away and you know and now like you know what am i doing you know at least i'm you know you know we had a good thing going and at least i was having sex and stuff yeah it's like i got nothing going on i'm quarantined so i'm like oh yeah and every time every once i'll get that feeling like I need a what can I and just make another

cup of coffee until I'm fucking nauseous on a much less traumatic level I was seeing someone that I loved and she had disappeared at the beginning

of quarantine she's just like this isn't working so same thing it's like well now what do I yeah

and I find I am impressed I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it but I'm kind of having fun. I think this whole the fact that nothing is expected of me. Oh, it's great. And then and also no one else is doing anything. Right. I didn't realize how competitive or how I was always looking at like, look what that guy has. Oh, yeah. Now that I'm watching Stephen Colbert in a messy kitchen doing his TV show with a confused look on his face, it's like, oh, we're all, it's the even playing field. Exactly.

It's shit for everyone. This is great. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. Finally relaxed. I don't know. I think it may be unhealthy that that brings me comfort. No, I've been, I talked about that right at the beginning.

I'm like, there's none of that. Like, hey, that guy. Nope. Yeah. Not doing anything either, either really and it's relaxing because we're whether you're actively competitive or not it's hard not to judge yourself in relation to other people and now that we're all on the same page i mean it's not like you know we're still going to go if we ever get to go back to our lives that's going to look the same but we minds will enjoy the reprieve yeah yeah yeah of that yeah i am enjoying it yeah but uh and i've gotten into other thing i'm like making doll houses and drawing and i i'm into miniatures i've always on not on i don't play with dolls uh but i've always

wanted to make wallace and gromit little worlds. Okay, so how do you differentiate between playing with dolls and making walks? I call it miniature houses. Okay. Yeah. I leave the word doll out of most of my conversations. I realize when I brought this up, I said dollhouses straight with ease.

Yeah. But I meant to say i've been getting into miniatures so i'm like a craftsman then then i'm like a trained guy what does that entail do you order stuff online do you have the paints uh i did do a little painting it's the furniture is just like little ikea furniture or more confusing there's no text i had to look online you know youtube videos of 15 year olds putting together this stuff but you distress it and it's tiny woodworking then i had to make all these little books for the shelves do you make them from a kit or you you it is a kit and some of it was easy to make but then

there's a little chandelier with these tiny wires and you have to wire this lamp through yeah it was it was a lot of work are Are you in that world now? I think once you're in, you can't get out. I'm looking at my next doll house, miniature house. I think I might go greenhouse. You're going to make a greenhouse? Yeah. Well, there's different areas of my apartment.

I put the bookstore on the bookshelf. I thought that was fitting. And now I have my plants that I talk to because i don't have pets and i think i'll put a little greenhouse next to them and then uh i did this weird thing in my apartment where i put up wallpaper uh like a snowy mountain in my bedroom yeah and after i did that i'm like well i have to make my bedroom look like a cabin so i have lanterns and snowshoes. Really? Yeah everyone thought I was being a weirdo but right when I finished it we're in lock in and no one can go outside and it's like well who's laughing now

I wake up and look at a snowy mountain every day. It's virtual outdoorsy. So this is the world you're living in? Yeah yeah. And you're going so this is the world you're living in. Yeah, yeah. And what, you're going to do a greenhouse miniature next? Well, I have a tropical living room. I got, there's like these wall mural, like photo murals. Yeah. And it's like palm trees in my living room.

Oh, in the living room. So that's where you're going to do the miniature. Yeah, yeah. That's the next project. Yeah. And is your third one? No, it'll be my second. The second one?

Yeah. After the bookstore? Yeah. Okay. And eventually, I want to make a little clay guy and do some stop motion animation. I've always wanted to get into that. Well, that seems easy. Do that with your phone, no?

Yeah, I think you're right. There's no miniature people involved yet? Not yet. I haven't made any people. Oh. And now are you going to do that from the kit or are you going to do your own thing? Yeah, I'll make a little guy on my own. Clay?

Order some clay, yeah. Or some of that plasticine stuff? Yeah, yeah. Polymer. Yeah, yeah, polymer. Someone made me my dead cat. Oh, yeah, that's impressive work. That's a handmade, there's only one of those?

Yeah. That's great. That's my handmade, there's only one of those? Yeah. That's great. That's my cat with my cat's colors. And my cat's weird two different color eyes. And I think you're right. It is, wow, yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. I think you're right.

It is easy. It's just make a little guy, you move him a little, take a picture, move him a little more. I don't think you can make him out of this. You're going to have to make him out of something that's malleable. Yeah. Right? Yeah, I got to.

It'll be all right. It sounds like you got your make them out of this. You're going to have to make them out of something that's malleable. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I got to. It'll be all right. It sounds like you got your work cut out for you. But what else am I going to do? I've been doing cooking videos. I've been. You've been cooking? Drawing. Yeah, yeah.

I had to learn. I didn't know how to cook anything. Oh, and how's that going? Yeah, it's just very enjoyable. Good. Yeah. You're growing up. Yeah. Just lock me in an apartment and I become a man.

We're talking about cats coming up. Now, you don't have a cat now? There's a cat that's been coming. What does this mean? This cat has a collar, so I'm not just going to snatch him up. Right. I started saying hi to him outside my kitchen. Like when I'm washing dishes

he comes and just stares there but he meows like he's in pain or something is wrong or the way a cat is loudly meowing when they're pregnant or something right like what's going on and he's kind of skinny yeah but lives next door yeah but i i said hi and he figured he jumped on the roof walked across the apartment and ended up in front of my door so he figured out yeah where my front door was right i've decided he's smart yeah so it's all i want out of a cat yeah uh and but i i didn't start feeding him once you start feeding a cat no they, they never go away. Yeah. And then like, yeah, I've had cats at the old house that would come around that I think were other people's cats. Yeah.

I actually had to put one down. I don't know if it was someone else's cat or not. Yeah. Yeah. It was all fucked up. When I lived with Tig, there was a cat, two cats, Sid and Nancy, that lived under my Mustang. And I would put food under the car.

I figured. But then Tig just started feeding these cats right on the porch. And I'm like, you know we have cats now. Right. If you're feeding. And there's some possums. They'd all line up. Oh, yeah.

Possums, skunks, everything. Fucking raccoons. Everything will eat cat food. Yeah, yeah. And so that's how I got my first cat. And it's funny when you'd see the cats and the other animals out there together, just kind of like. It was cat, possum, cat, possum. A lot of people don't know possums and cats are totally cool together.

Yeah. They'll eat out of the same dish. They don't judge. Possums are fucking too much. Yeah, they're really not. There's times if you squint or if they're young, they're kind of cute. But boy. Oh, no.

It gets rough. They don't age well. It gets rough. They get their teeth. Their baby ones are cute. Yeah. They're very rat like. I think it's the tail is the reason I judge them.

And the fucking hands. All of it, man. The fucking teeth. They're worse than rats. Why do possums have thumbs? I used to do a bit about it. I can't remember what the bit was, but it was a long bit. A rat with thumbs?

About how ugly possums are. Yeah. Gargoyles. But then, and raccoons are just burly. There was a family of raccoons that started eating cat food, and it was like, it was chaos when they'd come onto the deck. Oh, yeah. Just like, oh, raccoon will kick your cat's ass.

The family, it's a whole family, and they're're fat and you're like, how much are they eating? They have zero fear. They will come, they'll take something out of your hand and then stare at you. They have real hands. What took you so long? They have real hands. Yeah. Little black hands with little thumbs.

It's crazy. Little tiny howler monkey hands. But no cat for now. Do you think this cat is sick? Is that what you're concerned with? I'm just keeping my eye on him i i've talked to the owner has a no no i i have to every time i've tried to get close to the cat why are you meowing at my door of when i open it to you you run away so

you know i'm not gonna try it's hard to understand man but pain sounds like pain and uh you know what i mean yeah this cat's in pain oh really i of some kind oh yeah or did you mean my pain no i mean it's like you would know i mean you know cats wanting food yeah but you know howling you know it's like a separate thing yeah and i'm no cat specialist no but i've had a few i i've always uh prided myself uh or been proud of prided yeah on being able to whisper cats i'm pretty good i can pick up a feral cat i mean that's nothing i should brag about but cats trust me like a real feral you can pick them oh yeah uh they're austin is riddled with stray cats they don't care about cats in texas and no offense if you're from texas some people just see cats like they're they're

rats yeah they're just this fucking annoying animal and i think certain parts of the country they think that more yeah that first sport yeah uh and uh i i've picked up cats uh that are out street cats yeah yeah i like cats yeah why don't you get a cat because i was on the road a lot and i'm like even my plants are dead when i go home yeah i'd have to have someone right and which couldn't be arranged and i could do that so no i don't know why i don't have cats yeah i mean they're all over you just go pick one up yeah and during this whole quarantine thing it would have been nice i think well it's not over you might have a few months you could really dig in with a cat and wait so now the the new album's available it's uh yeah it's uh it's actually a special it's on vimeo on demand oh yeah it's like video yeah it's very well uh produced I really am proud of it

vimeo on demand or uh there's a website called We're Gnarly. We're Gnarly. It was the guy that produced it for me is an old friend and he's a talented filmmaker. And he just had this URL already sitting around from like the early snowboarding days. He used to make snowboard videos. Okay. And I used to snowboard a lot. So I knew him back then.

So you're in the board community as well. I am a member of the board. did you break your hip you're not doing that shit now i am again and i feel great and the doctor said this thing's bulletproof it's the only part of your body that isn't oh they replace the hip yeah it's just a or it's a helmet on top of my femur and then another piece of metal in the socket lubricated by i I guess, my own body. It's amazing that it works. No, I've seen him before. My dad used to put those in. Oh, really?

Yeah. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He used to be. So I've actually seen those out of the body. Sure. Like on his desk. Yeah. Yeah.

And I held one in my hand. I'm like, this is going in me. Yeah. And it's the best decision I ever made. But now you're back on the fucking board? Yeah. He said, I can't damage it. He said, go ahead.

What about the other hip, dummy? Yeah, it's not feeling great. And I know I have to get that one fixed too. But you didn't shatter this one. It was just worn out? Yeah. Interesting. It's been bothering me since my teen years.

So nothing I did is a reason that my cartilage has been wearing away. So he didn't blame skateboarding. Ohing okay i it just hurts to land on so how old are you wear ridiculous padded pants 45 yeah i mean you know just don't go crazy i mean we're breakable now yeah i know i i can't tell you how many fucking you know 50 to 60 to year old people man i see on mountain bikes up there yeah just cranking away and in their little outfits and i'm like all right and then buddy of mine he's a little older than me out there on his mountain bike broke his fucking hip yeah but i've had plenty of injuries uh i've broken both and i it's worth it in a weird way okay Maybe I'm just being a puss because I don't do that shit.

I'm a hiker. I run. Oh, and I've always been cautious. I've never been. Even when I was young, I wasn't like, let's do, you know. You weren't flying in the air out of pools? Once I was good enough to do it, I was. Yeah, but I made sure that fundamentally I was able to do that stuff.

And so I had friends that progressed before me, but I went a little. Are there pictures of you in the air? Like on the internet? No, just in general. Do they exist of you holding the board in the air? Maybe, maybe somewhere. That's great. I was never really on camera a lot.

You just have to take my word for it okay i believe you i mean i i want proof man i'm not buying it i had a cousin that was a pro snowboarder and we i just kind of would follow him around uh to different ski towns and snowboarding is different yeah i tried it i grew up skiing and i just missed it i missed the uh you gotta grow up doing the snowboard or you got to be a skier. I think you're right. And I know a lot of kids now are skiing. Skiing is popular.

It's again? Oh, yeah, yeah. Most kids are skiing now. Because my ex came up snowboarding and she just snowboards. I tried it when I went up skiing at Mammoth once. It was okay, but it's a whole different set of, you know, you got to relearn or learn first. Yeah, you have two effective edges.

It makes more sense. Yeah, but the body is more like skateboarding with a snowboard. Yeah, that's of course why I started doing it. Sure. So you've been doing stand-up now for 20 years. Jesus Christ. And I remember you went through a lot of different outfits, hair configurations.

Yeah, yeah. There was a while there I thought, like, is he doing an old Western character? I found that when I had a mustache, the audience took me more seriously. Like, even police officers, I'd pull up next to a cop and he'd nod at me sure you're one of us yeah or at least i work for the city or something but but they it it did you know like i always struggled with uh confidence on stage and and uh and when you have a mustache people are like oh i'll listen to this guy I don't know how I've discovered that. I just noticed a difference when I grew one for fun.

But you're always out there. I mean, you've worked hard, right? Yeah, I've spent a lot. You've been touring for a long time. A long time on stage. Yeah, I spend a lot of time on stage. And now, do you have a master following? Through podcasting, suddenly there is an audience.

And I think a lot of these, it's mostly women that... Wait, which podcast? Do You Need a Ride, it's called, with me and Karen Kilgareff. So now, how do you know Kilgareff? How did that come to be? With me and Karen Kilgareff. So now how do you know Kilgareff? How did that come to be?

When I worked for, I had a TV writing job, and her husband at the time was one of the camera guys, and they had like a party at their house. And I've heard from Jimmy Pardo and other people at the beginning, before everyone had a podcast, people always said you should do a podcast with karen kilgariff who i knew of but didn't know her well and then they just they all decided i maybe something in the way i talk they saw that we we because we do mesh conversationally and figured that out right away and i was at her

house and and i said we should do a podcast well Well, she's like a huge podcast star. And before that, she had a podcast with me and then started this murder, my favorite murder podcast, and that immediately blew up. But she continued to do Do You Need a Ride with me? And so now, gradually, these murderinos are going to my shows. And a lot of times, I don't think they've ever even seen stand-up before. Yeah, I found that like at the beginning of podcasting I had a lot of people coming to shows who were like, we should go support Mark.

I'm like, I've been doing this since I was 20. This is the thing I know how to do. I appreciate you're going to come support me. Why don't you just come be part of the audience and not say it like I need fucking help. It's great though. I'll take it. And a lot of times you can tell it's a podcast audience because they're quiet.

They're used to listening to these shows at work. And if they laugh out loud, they might get in trouble from their boss. So they're just silently smiling. And I'm like, okay, I could get used to this. They're enjoying themselves. They're just silently smiling and i'm like okay i could get used to this they're enjoying themselves they're just not the most verb vocal but it but it's interesting that i used to take it so personally and i i don't know it doesn't seem like you did like because i i was i've always been a comic yeah and the podcast was something that sort of uh came out

of desperation right and this idea that no one knew me as a comic for for a couple years there's just a knife in my side. I've been doing that my whole life. But now everybody, now I don't care where they come from. If everybody's into it, great. So you're saying mostly women? Yeah, and they're kind people.

Sweet. They say only supportive things. And I've seen friends of mine that have a following through stand-up or through a tv show or you know i was opening for tosh for a while i like oh no i like dave attell a lot i'm i'm a big fan of doug stanhope and it's a crowd of drunken dudes that heckle and don't know how to and alcoholics oh yeah you just kind of management. And I'm just this sober, sweet, gift-bearing women come to my shows. It's the best.

Yeah. It's the best. They're sweet people. Tosh, where were they? Like kids? Yeah, I think that when I was opening for him a lot, it was bigger venues like Vegas. And it was just, yeah, people that liked Tosh.0 like 22 year olds sure yeah yeah and it tells like kind of guys at the end of their rope yeah I remember he was getting sober and I was

opening for him somewhere and just people handing him Jägermeister because he was using Jägermeister as a catchphrase yeah it's like you can kind of figure out how that might backfire stanhope just has these radical weirdos yeah off the gritters yeah yeah yeah and uh oh man i've i've all of them make me nervous like a room of dudes makes me nervous i think oh yeah yeah and that's usually if you're yeah because if you're not like you know if you don't want to be a leader somewhere like if you don't have that in you it it's like, I can take these dudes where they need to go. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be in that. I don't want to be one of those dudes.

I don't want to lead those dudes. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I just want regular people who are a little sensitive, a little nervous, a little angry. And I'm getting that now, and I love it. Yeah, yeah. Well, congratulations. Thanks, thanks, man.

Maybe they'll be there when we get out of this fucking shit show. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. We can still podcast, so it's just keeping them at bay. How often do you do that one with Karen? Weekly? Every other week, yeah. Okay.

I think my favorite murder is a couple times a week for her, so. Okay. Mine is bi-weekly. It's great seeing you again. Oh, yeah, great to see you too. Good talking to you. Thanks. Great seeing you again.

Oh, yeah. Great to see you, too. Good talking to you. Thanks. That was Chris Fairbanks. He's a nice guy, and he braved it out. We both braved it out. We talked through the plexiglass six feet away, didn't touch each other, had the windows open, and got out.

Here's a little distorted guitar for you. Thank you. Boomer lives. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.

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