WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1205 - Tim Allen

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Tim Allen has embodied enough different personas - Tim Taylor, Mike Baxter, Buzz Lightyear, Santa Claus - that he often doesn't know which guy he actually is. But at least he's no longer the directionless young man who made bad choices and ran afoul of the law. Tim tells Marc how he cleaned up his act and made it as a club comic before breaking out with one of the most popular sitcoms in network history. They also talk about how Tim's emotions are running high as Last Man Standing comes to an end and why his new competition show, Assembly Required, is surprisingly out of his comfort zone. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fuck nicks? What the fuckadelics? What's happening? Where you at? You all right?

Hey, hey. I'm talking to you, man. Snap out of it. You've washed that dish for 10 minutes. Are you drifting? Are you losing it? Have you had enough? Can you see the finish line that you want to fuck the game up that's isn't that the worst oh man look how close we are to the finish line i'm gonna i'm gonna throw the game tim allen is on the show

today um you know him home improvement. Big. He's a product. He is like the genuine product of the comedy boom of the 80s, of the comedy club boom. He's a guy that came up. There's not many of them around and not many of them had succeeded as big as he did. He wasn't like a New York or L.A. guy. He was a Midwest guy that built his fucking machine, his funny vessel, during that boom. It's very specific. And, like, you know, Tim is known for a lot of things. He's done a lot of things.

But I know people judge him because of his politics. But the truth is, it's like we did the thing that, you know, when i got asked you want to talk to tim allen yeah he he's a comedy story that i haven't really heard you know i know the road i've been out on the road but he is a product of the road who made a billion dollars as a comic he's the real deal so we did what i do here sometimes. He's a comedian. We talked about mostly comedy. You know, we touch on other parts of the Tim Allen experience. But it's really just a couple of comics talking.

So I have some. These fucking, I'm assuming they're allergies. You know, I did have a sort of a panic attack um around like it's one of these things like a few days ago i don't think i talked about this i was cutting a slab of mahi and the phone rang and i answered it and i'm in the middle of slicing the mahi and i you know that horrible feeling of slicing into your hand into your finger where it's just like it doesn't hurt but you know you've just done some death it's a weird specific feeling a knife running through

your flesh and i knew i did that and i knew it was pretty bad and i pulled my friend sam's on the phone i'm like fuck man and i lopped a small chunk of my thumb off and those kind of things you know they're you know when the like i saw the flap was there, but the flap, that wasn't going back. There was no, the flap was not going back. So I had to go flapless. I pulled the flap off. And those are gushers, man. They're gushers, and it was gushing.

And it's hard to get to stop bleeding because there's nothing to coagulate, to congeal there. You know, it's just a hole. You're just missing a slab. So I wrap it, I bandage it, I get off the phone. I plan to go to a socially distanced outdoor AA meeting, which I needed. And I'm keeping my hand elevated. I don't want to bleed.

The blood is soaking into the bandage, but I'm at the meeting double masked. And it was good. It was a lot of lit up newcomers. And they were fucking talking the talk. It was good. I needed it. I hadn't been to one in a while.

Don't like the Zoom business. Nonetheless, I'm, you know, okay. So, look, I'm not anonymous, but that's what I did. Keep my sanity. Ground myself into the rhythm. Talking about control. There's a context to the secret society. There's a framework.

And you sit in it. And you hear it. and you hear it and you feel it and people raise their hands everyone who's an alcoholic please raise your hand you know acknowledge here i can witness that look at me and you kind of get in it and you feel the feels and you know it grounds you it humbles you it gets you back into it i've been going on those things for you know half of my life. So on the way back, I'm like, I got to put gas in my car. I got to go to self-serve 76 over by my house because my gas is getting a little low. And I always like to have a full tank in case I have

to run. That's my thinking. It's like, what if we got to get out and I've got a quarter tank that, you know, we probably won't get out anyways because of traffic but i don't want to be the asshole that didn't have the gas to uh to you know get out from under you know the q anon attack on liberal los angeles so i stop i get gas i'm worried about my hand holding the hand up i fill the gas up yeah i do the nozzle i pay on the paypad i get back in my car and i'm driving home and i rub my eye with my hand and in the middle of or maybe my nose maybe i'm picking my nose with my finger on my other hand and i realize dude you didn't fucking sanitize i always sanitize i'm a vigilant motherfucker and there i am with my finger in my nose and And it's been on the gas pump. It's been on the pay pad. I might as well have just stuck my face into a toilet bowl filled with fucking COVID.

What a fucking idiot. So there you go. So then I get home. I take the sanitizer and I sprayed it up my nose, sprayed it on my hands. And I'm like, I'm fucked. And then it was pointed out to me that, you know, the odds are low. It's really not how it's getting around. But think about how many people.

Ugh. So I'm still in a holding pattern around that. But I believe I do not have it. I believe that I have allergies. I have not gotten that confirmed yet, but I believe it's allergies. Like, because, like, sometimes, like, I don't know. Maybe you guys can email me on this like i i'm not congested but i'm a little runny my throat's a little scratchy sometimes my chest

is a little tight i sometimes i'm feeling like like i'm like it been in a long pillow fight like i'm all hazy and foggy and fucked and sometimes it feels like there's a weight on me and so it feels like that my face there's a lot of pressure behind my face but i'm not sneezy i'm a little runny and i'm not stuffy but like my throat's a little scratchy and it's just i just feel fucked up and this has been going on and off for you know a while now but i never had him as a kid is that an allergy thing is it a cancer thing i don't think it's a covid thing though you know i should not have licked that fucking pay pad on the gas pump i mean it's one thing to touch my face but like i was just on my knees

licking the keys on the fucking punch pad the fuck is wrong with me just trying to fucking keep it together man my friend john turned me on to the drama rama song i hadn't heard it in a while that song work for food my buddy john jd's in the music racket does all right in the music business and he said a lot of people actually do all right in the music business but there's a lot he said 60 000 new songs a day are put out into the world 60 000 that's fucking nuts and some people aren't gonna make it man no matter how much they feel they should or how good they think they are or even how good they are or how much they should it's's a tough racket, the entertainment game. And there's a moment that few people have.

It's in that fucking Dramarama song that he pointed out to me. No one wants to pay me for my broken heart. Tough moment, man. Look, Tim Allen. It's a good story there's jail involved his show last man standing is in its final episodes that airs on thursdays on fox he's also in a new show for history channel called assembly required it's a competition series for builders like home improvement meets chopped thatped. That airs on Tuesdays. And this is me talking to Tim Allen. you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats.

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at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5pm in Rock City at TorontoRock.com Where are you, man?

I wasn't really prepared for this. With the big shift into the plague, you mean? Did you get it? No. Literally, everybody around me got it. We were at the studio, and we have a Disney cop that watches our show at all times. And I like him. He's such a, you know, push in your face.

Don't touch this. Don't touch that. He gets it. He brings it to the set. And it was really remarkable that he got my assistant sick. He didn't do it. Of course, nobody's doing the wardrobe and transpo, which takes care of my bus. And everybody around me had it. And I lucked out, ended up getting that first vaccine about a month and a month and a half ago. And then the second vaccine last week.

Oh, so you got in under the old guy wire. Yeah, maybe you maybe you could put it that way. Old guy wire. Yeah. The lucky thing about that is that I got out there and i got they were kind of po'd at me at dodger stadium because they didn't think i looked old so it was it was a it was it was a little compliment somebody says are you sure you should be getting this i said yeah she goes you're not old enough for this i went well aren't you not that's very sweet yeah so did any but everyone got through it i i'm terrified of it still i don't know what everyone got through it. I I'm terrified of it still. I don't know what everyone got through it. My, my brother-in-law's, uh, uh, uh, dear father passed from it. And it was quite a shock to all of our systems. His, one of his kids got it. The other kid had it and didn't know it. His

wife got it. And then his poor father just passed. And it was, it's just like you hear every for some of us that are either can't live in fear and deny it i just can't be around constantly worrying about stuff and i didn't i wasn't cavalier whatever people comfortable with mass my neighbors always stop by their house i got kids and i got kids masks shake hands antiseptic whatever i've been going to my office from day one we have offices and production offices are separated and i have a car shop we build hot rods and we've been taking care it brings it home when you have a family member or local family member that passes from it it's it's a even for a guy that's like me i like i mean i mean i'm interested in viruses as an entity like

what are they what i always have been and it when it it's so strange that it kills in this you know i no matter what i say it sounds like i'm i'm making light of it you get a half a million people dead of anything there's nothing to say that That's horrible. Well, so it's interesting that you have this curiosity about machines, cars, viruses. I mean, is that something you've always, were you a science kid? I mean. Yeah, yeah. Science kid. And I love cars and tanks and military stuff and machines. I asked science questions and I took philosophy for five years in college, which just is a, I don't know. I don't know. Are there any, is there any use for philosophy? I don't know. I think there's some, I think there's something to,

to, to taking philosophy. I think whether you know it or not, it probably trains your brain a certain way. It makes you think about certain things. I mean, don't you reflect? Are you a reflective guy? I'm more than a reflective guy. Always when I talk to our professor Dilworth, I remember when you get to the fifth year of it and you become a minor in it, there's about eight guys in the class that never speak because eventually you're just asking big questions. And I said, did any of these guys ever have a happy life? Were they all like desperately depressed? They're not like, there wasn't like a comedy philosopher. And these days, people mistake my philosophy for a political view. And I say, it's more like an observation if I just watch. And that's what philosophy has been really uncomfortable because I'll ask people an

overview question. That's interesting. Well, where did you get that information? They say, why do you care? Well, it's important to get, as an observer, to pick up facts that are outside of you. Is there an objective truth, is what I ask sometimes. Is there something a priori? And it's an old philosophical comment. Do we mix up truth as we go along? It would today that we do is there a truth outside of your belief and i tell my family i said the sun exists whether i believe in it or not there's nothing to do with my belief in it no denying that but what is it thinking tim what does this son want from us what is it what's it trying to say it just says get hot and it ran but eventually again my kid i told her this the other day yeah i had a mental breakdown we uh bell it used to be ma bell or what was it called yeah it was i grew up in denver when i was a kid we had a whole big long movie

about the sun and i was fascinated about this big furnace and at the end of it movie about the sun. And I was fascinated about this big furnace. And at the end of it, they said the sun will turn into a red, big red sun, then a white dwarf, and it will go away. We all die. The whole class went home for Easter.

And I said, wait a second, what's the point? Yeah. And I sat there so depressed. The teacher went, Tim, you got to go.

What's the point? Why study? What are we doing? This is horrible. Didn't you guys hear it? It was right there in the movie. It's over. Right there in the movie. We're study? What are we doing? This is horrible. Didn't you guys hear it? It was right there in the movie. It's over. Right there in the movie.

We're dead. What's the museum for? What are we studying? What are we taking books for? Forget the library. It's 4.6 billion years away. I don't care. See, you almost became a philosopher.

Yes. You grew up in Denver? Yeah, I grew up in Denver. Dora Moore was our elementary school. Still there. Oh, wow. I went to Mark Twain Elementary in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Wow.

That's where my aunt was from. Really? Mm-hmm. Well, it's sort of connected. Colorado, New Mexico, Southwest. When you come there, my father was killed when I was a kid. My mom moved us back to Michigan. It's so different when you come from the midwest and the southwest that whole different i said i i never when i grew up i never saw any difference between when they that were hispanic came up later

in my life exactly i didn't know anything different from people that were spoke spanish i never well it never occurred to me that they were any different. Yeah, when we grew up, when I grew up in Albuquerque, it was probably 70% Latino. Denver is... It was just... Yeah, I mean, the names when I grew up at school were Chavez, Martinez, Archuleta, Sanchez, all the guys.

The guy was Manuel Apodaca. That was the guy. We had a Governor Apodaca. He was we had a governor apodaca he was the king of our high school because he had the first facial here oh yeah did he have this oh my god the guy had a mustache i didn't get a mustache at six six yeah that's that's young uh so wait your your old man passed away when you were young a traffic accident when. I never knew much about it. He went to a University of Colorado football game with my other, there's six in my natural family. There's nine now and my mom remarried. And they took him to a Buffalo football game, University colorado and never came home the other almost car allegedly a

inebriated driver flipped on top of his car killed him right in my mom's lap and to my older brothers whole car was filled with kids it was very very fortunate nobody else died jesus that's fucking horrendous i don't need do you do you ever like have you ever processed or tried to figure out what effect that had on you it's um as a philosophy major and a pretty church-going guy my whole family's we've been churchgoers whether we liked it or not and i've always been ahead of me it's as they say god of my misunderstanding. I never could understand, never had a good answer from our minister at age 11. Where is he? He's in a better place. And I was like pissed off. I said, better place? Why don't we just start there? What are we doing

here? What's this better place thing? And who is this friendly god that takes your dad from you? and who is this friendly God that takes your dad from you? Cut to, I love my children and I love my life. So if I'm going to blame it for all the anger in my life, I've got to give it credit for all the good things. It's really hard to process that a bad thing can, if it hadn't happened, I'd still be living in Denver. He was an insurance man. I probably would have gone in that business. I don't know. Can you? That's interesting. Yeah. I probably would have gone in that business. I don't know. That's interesting. Yeah, I think as you get older, I think that's the choice. You can't really afford to have sort of woulda, shoulda, or blaming.

You have to spin it the other way. I mean, that's a pretty healthy position to have to realize, well, if anything would have happened any differently, I wouldn't be where I am right now. And you're a pretty lucky motherfucker, right? Yeah. It's very uncomfortable though. When I use that same philosophical perspective to anything, I tend to get philosophical about it. And there was a woman, a wonderful woman, Donna Hearn, who I knew that worked for the Reagan administration. She was just the brightest mind. And she said, talking about history, she always would say,

when people would argue, especially politics, well, it was all Clinton's fault or all Reagan's fault or whatever. And she goes, when is the point? When is the day that we stop? History starts here. And everybody always goes back a day. Well, what about the day before that what about the day prior to that yeah and it gets very uncomfortable when you chase

things up river and i used to love that as a kid we used to go up in the mountains of colorado with my father when he was alive and search i love to search where rivers came from yeah and it's it's kind of alarming when you get to the very beginning of the Colorado River, which is way up above Rocky Mountain National Park. And it starts with snow melt and a couple little creeks. There's no hole with water coming out of it. Right. It's sort of uneventful.

Uneventful. You got to be careful upriver. You might not find, you might, as they said on the planet of the apes, when, when Taylor's got the horse, he goes, well, well, I find Zaris. And he goes, you might not like what you find. But you felt like you did carry like a chip on your shoulder for years. I still have a, I asked, I spent some time in incarcerated and I used to ask in there all the time.

I said, why do you, why is it that you're talking as Abraham? I used to love reading about Abraham in the Bible, that he was innocent enough. He could talk right to God. I don't think that's good, God. Why don't we, why do we kill everybody? And God says, well, what about 30%? I mean, I love that. If you could have that conversation.

And I asked a couple of times times why is it always a a bus full of catholic ghouls girls school that flips and dies it's not a bus on its way to prison yeah it always seems like it's innocent people that you kill i find you very cruel sometimes and sometimes the vision or the answer i got back from my version, if I'm ever humble enough to hear the creator said, this isn't quite what you think it is. If I showed you what was behind the curtain, trust me, you're not going to understand it. And you'd go, oh, I get it. And then you wouldn't want to be here anymore. So it's not quite what you think it is. So that seems like a fairly genuine religious experience. Yes. yes well i've had a series

of them every now and then i said i think solomon in proverbs said ask for wisdom it's it's all you gotta do is ask you'll get an answer and i add to that but you might not like what you hear or you might not understand it right well what was the uh like what led up to were you doing comedy before you you did prison? No, I was a I was an F up. I just didn't know. And so I kind of relate to these kids that don't have. I didn't listen to anybody after my old man died. I really just played games with people and told adults what they wanted to hear and then stole their booze.

I never really, I could, I could really, I was Eddie Haskell. Yes, Mrs. Cleaver, no Mrs. Cleaver. I knew exactly what adults wanted. Make your bed, be polite, you know, use a napkin. And then I'd go steal everything in the house. And so I really was, I look back, I should have gone in the military and a military friend of mine said you probably would be a good officer if you could get out of the brig because the way you are i hate authority and i would have never because i don't trust it i would have never been i could have never gone through the military i think i would have gotten myself in jail or it does what they when they throw you out right because i just don't take directions well and i was lost so you're like you were you're heading into a life of crime yeah it i didn't

realize that's what i was doing you know it just it went you get into it's like i relate to those movies where all of a sudden you turn around and go am i going to be doing this the rest of my life? And I, and it's, it's a terribly stressful existence. What crime? Drugs. Yeah. But you were, you were, you were,

you were drinking and drugging at the time too. Well, I did. It's odd. That movie, um, Scarface. Yeah.

Did everything that he said, don't get greedy and don't do your own stuff. Right. And you did both. That was the two things he said. Meet my little friend. I didn't have a machine gun. I eventually succumbed to it where I was getting

greedy and I was doing my own stuff. And then they got you. Well, it was a group of people that got me. A bunch of the college kids was a group of people that got me. We were college kids, and a bunch of the people that overdid it rolled on two of us. So two of us took it for about 20 guys.

Now, the prison situation, it's just interesting to me. I'm just only pressing it in the sense that I just read this book that a comic wrote. He self-published it. And it's a great book. It's called Running the Light. And the protagonist of that book is a guy who was of your generation, who did some time. And he claims in the book that he learned how to be funny in prison. Now, I don't know what your experience in prison was, but it just dawned on me maybe that you were the inspiration for that character. I don't know. I learned literally how to live day by day,

and I learned how to shut up. You definitely want to learn how to shut up. Really? Was it a hardcore prison? It was a level three federal prison eventually I got to. I went through three different ones. They move you around. This was for federal prisoners that were on, had done five of 10 or seven of 14.

They're halfway through their sentences. So they exhibited a modicum of good behavior. But it's still people that, of course, nobody was guilty. Right. And I learned to just shut up, do what I was told. It was the first time ever I did what I was told and played the game. But I'll tell you what, you're right. People don't laugh. There's an edge to it. You don't want to be sarcastic in prison. Being funny, doing funny voices is fun. Sarcasm doesn't go over too well that i learned

sarcasm it's not there's no place for me to well i'll see you later i'm gonna run over here there's no running over here you don't want to be the misunderstood smart ass no that's that that happened twice and that never happened again goofy faces funny jokes and uh weird voices one thing being sarcastic. It didn't work out. It wasn't so much a prison was working. It was the population of prison that was terrifying. It is.

It's not even terrifying. It's funny that and I don't say this lightly and anybody who's been incarcerated, it's surprising what the human being will get used to. Yeah. And eventually, after eight months, I got used to it. There was okay times. Saturday, we got better food. I eventually

had to went from a holding cell arrangement to my own cell, which is embarrassingly funny to me. I called my parents and my mom at the time at a Thanksgiving dinner. I was interrupting dinner. I get a phone call.

Yeah. And I told her how proud I was. I got my own cell. And you're really proud of it. And she goes, well, that's good. Steve graduated Purdue. Jeff's on his way to Michigan State. And one of my oldest sons got his own cell.

So don't ever call here again. They wouldn't talk to you anymore? Well, she was kidding. Well, I guess it's sort of like college, but you can't leave or party. You know what it was more like to me was camp. Maybe I went to a day camp. You know, you got really uncomfortable getting to know who's who there's always a tough guy there's always the people that are funny there's the

people that are i've run that i've changed schools twice anybody who's moved like military families or anybody's moved you see the the platform which is a funny uh i'm looking at it now in today's world. There's nobody responsible anymore. It's like the whole world is camp or high school. I remember that commons in high school. There's a cool group, the athletes and the cheerleaders, the AV group that I hung out with. I like the guys that put the film strip together.

There's the shop guys, the geeks, and there was kind of chameleons that moved around. And then there was kind of chameleons moved around. And then there was the people that had no friends or they're very quiet. Which one were you? I kind of floated around. I'd been to two different high schools, so I knew how to play the game. But I'm funny, man. And when you're funny, in my case, when you're truly funny, and I believe I'm truly funny, you own it. People like being around.

Right. You can go wherever you want. You can go wherever you want. I had a real bad complexion, so I wasn't a real handsome kid. And still, girls kind of liked me, and guys want to hang out with me. And I hung out with the football players because I liked going to the gym. I was a gym rat, so they taught me that. I loved being around the football players.

I loved the shop guys. I kind of floated around. When did you start hitting the booze hard? rat so they taught me that i love being around the football players i love the shop guys i kind of floated around when did you start uh hitting the booze hard um i just told one of my family members this i watched cowboy movies every cowboy movie i saw as a kid they'd ride horses they're dusty and they pull up and they'd wrap the horse real quick around that bar yeah they run in they get that brown liquor yeah and they go give me a whiskey and that bottle comes out then they just a shot of whiskey and they go all right yeah they dig right off and i go what that stuff's got to be pretty damn refreshing that one shot of that and at like 10 years old i went down to a friend's house and just poured jim bean into a

jigger not a shot glass it's it's two and a half shots actually and downed it just like the tv just the cold thing it was like i drank a bottle of gasoline i couldn't believe it any normal person would have said that's it i said well maybe i needed more water yeah i got used to it and alcohol for me i'm 20 going on 23 years of sober and clean of everything i said that alcohol never affected me like the other guys i never i could drink copious amounts even as a young kid and neither guys are vomiting or driving through glass windows yeah it never affected me like i think that's funny though because i got it too i got i got i got 21 years sober and like it's just that that that feeling of like you know you get sick

and you're like maybe i'm not doing it right it's not exactly well i never had like i never i had one blackout in my life. And I had just gotten into, my grandma died and she gave all my brothers nine grand. And she said, buy a car. I know how you boys love cars. Don't save it. Buy yourself a car. So I did.

And I loved that car. And I came home and it was parked kind of sideways in my driveway at college. I went, what the hell? And everybody in class, the next thing, you have never been funnier, which is the most frustrating part of that blackout. I go, what did I do? You were jumping across cars. I said, that explains the dent in my hood. I go, yeah, you slipped and your elbow hit your own hood and you dented that.

You drove everybody home. And those are the days. And I drove everybody home. Drove everybody home. everybody home i don't remember a thing and it's you look i look back on those things and i'm you know this is the sober guy stuff i have so much shame at the things that i did that i i was okay yeah especially driving people around and it and it coming from a dad that was killed that way, it's difficult to get past what you heard. I heard it last night at a special meeting about the stuff that you think is okay.

And I said, that's a vicious little drug, alcohol. And one of my buddies is a very famous doctor, won't out him here. And we were doing, he's on TV a lot. And I said, if they, they were going to powder alcohol. And I think I remember this probably three years ago and they would be okayed it in a, they're going to be, so you could put it in anything. And I think even the FDA went, is this really a good idea? Yeah. Is this necessary? If you powdered alcohol alcohol you'd really see what it was yeah this is it's not a it's not a very good thing for us yeah i'm i'm incredibly uh you know grateful to be sober and i i know things would have went differently and uh yeah it it is sort of uh

when you when you think about what you were able to rationalize rational yeah you know what i mean and part of it was like you were proud of yourself man i mean if you got away with it or if you didn't wreck the car or you made it home you know you were like i did it i did it the thing that you said earlier is i said it and it's even if you're not curious enough the first 80 80 pages of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the story, I wish I'd never read it. The Alcoholics Still Alive, I wish I'd never read it because I read it. This is some weird book in the 20s or something. And I'm going, I'm relating to this. This is horrible.

But try it different. Maybe I'm not doing it right. And I think of all the times, you know what? I'm going to have just heavy days and I must put it on a calendar. Actually, the Thursday and Friday, that's going to be heavy. And then try wine or, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grateful is the word. I love my life.

I'm not any more mentally stable. I have the same issues I had. Now I can't hide from them. But also it seems that you process through the comedy. This show, The Last Man Standing, that character, whether you feel that way or you don't, it's a way to deal with that with that. There's a, there's a, there's sort of a mild river of anger through that guy. You know, it, it's a very curious thing that you just said that because my, we are watching the history channel show I just finished and I don't know which guy I am. Tim, the tool man, Taylor was kind of a, the early men are pigs tour I did for Showtime into a sitcom and just goofy. Still, I said and I've said this many times. I was a masculinist most of my life. Raised by a very strong mother and grandma and just a lot of very not just women that were so much women.

They were men. They don't mean it like that, I didn't think of them when women are strong, they have a different kind of strength than I'm used to from men. So I'm used to that strength from women and it's intimidating. And it's also emasculating because they're, they come off as smarter and maybe they are. I don't, I, but I became very male oriented and it came out in my first act. And I said, men are pigs. That was my joke, you know, and I'd go, aren't they? And the women go, yeah. And I go, men are pigs, dirty guys, men are pigs, right?

Women, they go, yeah, it's just too bad we own everything. And then, hey, wait a second. And that was my joke. Mike Baxter is that same guy with an edge to him. And then I find the comedy. There's a part of me that's that is an edge to him. And then I find the comedy, there's a part of me that is angry all the time. And it's just a pissy guy. And it's funny that I don't know, because the last tour I did was just, God, when are we going to go back into rooms sitting right next to a guy with his mouth open going,

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, never thought you'd miss that, huh? I miss it. I miss it terribly. going to go back into rooms sitting right now with a guy with his mouth open going yeah never thought you'd miss that huh i miss it i miss it terribly i don't i don't i can't deny it and i said that the guy that i was doing the last of the last tour i'd get angry and angry on stage and it's funny the guys the guy that i presented and i don't know which one's which. Here at home, even my wife and kids go, you're kind of a patient guy. And I said, you wouldn't know it internally. But I've learned that from 23 years. I got 23 seconds now where I don't say anything. I don't respond. And there was an old sober guy that passed away that one time I said, you don't say much. And he goes, because no one asked me anything. And you realize is you don't realize how often you give your opinions and nobody asked for them. Yeah.

And that's what I'm seeing today is I don't see serenity or somebody, a thoughtful person or somebody with ethics. Yeah. You know, I don't you know i don't see you don't see that in yourself i i only see it in myself because i learned to listen to other individuals it's a really weird skill where i don't i've learned it in my program where you just listen yeah i learned it doing this show and you just listen you don't that the guy didn't ask make it it's okay for the other person just to talk and without you going you know what you should do isn't it amazing how many times you have the impulse to to jump in with nothing

you were sort of like oh i could yeah you know what nah why yeah and it's it's a remarkable skill and i watched it um two guys argue both on different sides of the political fence, and I said, if you would both allow each other just to finish that thought and don't say anything, and then walk away, the next guy comes back an hour later, and he gets to have his whole point of view, you would be very difficult to deny the other person had a point. Right. But then, but then the audience will be gone and no commercials would be sold. That's a long hour. But so when did you, so you did a couple of years in, inside in the prison for Coke, right? Yes. And when you got out, I mean, when, how did the hustle become comedy i mean you were still

when you got out i didn't think i was there i really thought i once they realized i'm not a flight risk i'm not going anywhere they could have put me in my garage for a year i would have done that yeah i was very contrite i i put a lot of things together in my life during sentencing. And it was like eight months. I didn't think they would do that. And neither did my attorney. And then they came hard on me. And right before I went, I put my list together of what I wanted in my life.

The first time ever, I put down a list of the things I wanted to do, which I still to this day, I can't believe how simple it is. And I did all of them. And then I kept making lists. And so I went to a local comedy club based on a dare from another dear friend of mine who worked in an ad agency. So why don't you do that? What are you, chicken? I can't believe I did something because some other guys have called me chicken. And I did it. I went up and did 30 minutes at the Comedy Castle in Walled Lake, Michigan, and saved the best for last, which is a great thing to remember. Because the audience really only remembers the last, what you say, good night, right before you say good night, they go, that was a great joke. And

they remembered it. I didn't do so well, but I did. I recall what would happen if the lady was doing the Pillsbury commercial, got drunk and put the dough boy in the oven instead of the crescent rolls. So then you'd have a little Pillsbury dough boy banging who baked our little dough boy. We'd really like to know he's banging on that window and he swells up golden brown and it got a big laugh. And I set all that up but the owner of the comedy club mark ridley he said come back you know we could you got something i said i'll be back but it's going to be a while because i think i'm going to do some time and he was shocked but i set everything up to give me something to do because i realized at one point I think I'm going to do time. And I said, I, so I set myself up, I sold, I put my car away and really prepared myself and my family for this. I, I, I was,

I knew a thing, bad things were going to happen, but I wanted something to come out. I wanted to be able to have come out with something. How old were you? 23. So you knew that, so in the back of your mind, you had a plan. You were going to do stand-up. I wanted to be on the Johnny Carson show. That's it. I just said, however that would be. I love that show and Don Rickles and all the guys around that.

Yeah. Love that when you wave them over. I just love the early Carson show. That's what I want to do is be one of those guys. Well, you know, I must have been like when you were younger and angry and pissed off and sad about your old man. I mean, you know, you got to get some laughs. Well, I was always never not a cut up no matter what. I never considered that that was something you could do. And especially the way I made jokes still, I don't, I don't write jokes like some of the great guys. I don't do that. I do bits and then make up characters.

It's pretty peculiar what I do, really. And I did. I've always been funny like that. I just never thought you could do. I didn't know how to translate that into an act. We do long form pieces. I mean, they become pieces. You got an act.

Oh, yeah. I looked at Rodney. I knew pretty well Dangerfield. And before he passed away, his wife, we went by his house. The paperwork in that house and his bits and all of his sketches, you're going, Jesus. I felt I've got a lot of legal pads. I do it in little sentences that I know what the key word is. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, that's how I do it. Just you make lists. You make a little list of stuff, and then I got keywords that remind me of the joke, and I don't think I write like some of the guys I do. It's so funny to me, though, because it's like you're beating yourself up about that on some level, and I do the same way too, because I do long-form bits,

and I do pieces, and they evolve over time on stage, but there's still a part of me. I watch David tell, or I watch one of the guys who I know are joke guys. And I'm like, I'm not, no working hard enough.

Yeah. I can't. Well, I think I hang around a lot with Leno. It. Yeah. Jay is out when, when we were out.

Yeah. He, he does. He did a whole bunch of last-minute standings. I mean, he's doing one this week, one of our last four. It breaks my heart. But he said he was out like 300 days or something, like 200 days doing anything. And Jay comes up.

Nobody does like 1950s jokes better than Jay. He's going, hang on. This guy comes in. None of the stuff he does on stage. Cause I'm a little blue. Yeah. Oh, blue in the way that I'll use.

I use testicles or balls or F this F that I I'm, I use language. And my wife just, she brings her family. She goes, I can't believe you, how much you swear. Oh my God.

I literally, even my management said, I think you said, fuck 70 times. I said, sometimes I management said, I think you said fuck 70 times. I said, sometimes I'm in that mood and I'm not doing it to piss anybody off. I don't know what it is about me and language sometimes. I say on stage, it's lazy. There's probably a better word. Come on.

I guess. I don't know. I don't make a big deal about it. It's I'm kind of mean on stage, which I love. I said, one of my favorite bits is I said about kids, I said, everything about kids is that like this, let me be honest. I hate goddamn kids. And that joke, for some reason, my wife hates and my, I get the biggest laugh. And I said, I hate your kids. I hate my, I I'm not that fond

of my kids, but I really hate your kids. Nothing is dumber than human children. And above all, they take the attention away from me in a room. And I, the fact that I make jokes of kids and truly the kids in my neighborhood sense this and they're like cats, the more they know I don't like them, the more they hang around me. This neighbor's kid who every time I come over, I give her a nickname. Yeah. And this kid remembers it and she talks about me all the time and I'm not there. And now I am starting to like her. Well, the thing is, Tim, it's like you're the guy like, you know, you're mean, but you can't not be funny mean.

You know, so kids are going to get a kick out of you. They're not going to read it that way. They don't. I was a mean, horrible Santa Claus offstage. And when I wasn't on the camera, I was an angry, made-up comedian that didn't have any idea what five hours of makeup was like. It was horrific. And then these kids wouldn't behave. And I'm swearing, swearing, dressed like Santa Claus until I finally realized even then one of the Disney people says, Tim, you can't keep dropping the F-bomb dressed

as Santa Claus around these kids. And of course, I'm going, I'm not goddamn Santa. I'm an actor. He said, they don't know that. You can't tell these kids literally scream. There's no such thing as Santa. And I went, okay, I got it. Then I had to play this. It was the most amazing experience for a guy like me. I don't like kids that much, but these kids love being around this kind of pissy Santa. And I learned to be a pissy nice guy well the thing is like i think kids resonate when they see adults behaving a certain way that they don't see at home they know it's not quite right and it's exciting you know i think so too i think kids like i'm saying with pets they kind of like it when you're not this this gushy guy or gushy

person maybe i shouldn't say that because i said i like when people are nice to kids of course yeah They kind of like it when you're not this gushy guy or gushy person. Maybe I shouldn't say that because I said I like when people are nice to kids, of course. Yeah. Nice kids. And I would never hurt a child or do anything inappropriate, be inappropriate, all that. But I like being a smart ass. And you get right in their face going, are you looking at me? Yeah.

Stop looking at me. Yeah. I love doing that with babies because they just don't stop it. Look someplace else. I don't want to look at you. So how long had you been doing it, though, when everything started happening? So you come back, you get out of jail, and you just start knocking it out? I knew what I wanted to do immediately.

I said, this is not something I want to do. And literally, I put my nose in. What I really wanted to have, I worked in a gun store, believe it or not. And that's where I got. Why wouldn't I believe that you worked at a gun store? Well, I worked downstairs. I like weapons. I've always liked weapons.

Weapons, cars, technology, viruses. Just like guns. Guns and cameras have that clicky, weird. I love, and I worked in a gun store. It was like outdoor me. I worked in a store just like that. And I was a great salesman. At night, I went and did the clubs and at one point i sold a browning or a beretta

it was a over and under shotgun and uh i wasn't in the gun department probably shouldn't on parole i don't think you're allowed to but i don't i don't think we ever checked into that and i sold the shotgun i wasn't allowed to sell the shotgun because I wasn't in that department but an old that there was a customer that kind of liked my attitude and I learned about I sold him a browning bamboo there was an orvis bamboo rod which are very expensive and then I went and sold him a shotgun because the gun guy Leo was not there and that I went to the owner who I still know I think he just passed away and I said listen I just sold an $8,500 shotgun and a four a $4,200 fly fishing setup and I want a commission on that and he goes no we don't do that I know but I'm

there's no reason for me to work here and do that if I don't get a commission off that. And he goes, well, then don't work here. And I left and I said, I had to turn comedy into, it sounds like nothing, but I had to turn comedy into 500 bucks a week somehow. So I started going to different gigs. And that was when we rioted.

The comedy store did this whole thing where comics should get paid. For a while, we were slave labor. You were there in 73? I wasn't there. I was in Detroit. It spread everywhere where every comic had to get, what, 25 bucks a set. I think we're still making 25 bucks a set.

Yeah, at the Comedy Store. Then they opened up all the road work. yeah the comedy then they opened up all the the road work and i started i was quickly able to get my rent 500 bucks a month and then i went to bobby slayton i think or whoever did the tonight show they were getting up to nine grand a month or nine grand a week you really are a product of that that boom you're the guy they all of a sudden you're going how much are you making and uh doing door deals i can't remember the guys that were uh tom sharp i was thinking the guys were starting to headline jake johansson yes yes yes um shanley yeah shanley yep yep he's making big money and i go my god you could do that you could make a living and that's when the two worlds collided Jenny those are yeah shit he and I switched acts one night we I loved his act so

much he did my act I did his that's how good his act was I could just do his act and he had on we were road comics we were very different breed than the the guys that hung out at catch in New York and the guys that hung out oh yeah the comedy store I'd come out to LA and look for Macaulay. And now I'm doing 45 minutes on the road and killing myself. I mean, between drinking and drugging and doing comedy, it was, God, I just was- So you and Rich Jenny were buddies? Yeah, real close. I said, I never knew his torment i never knew i never knew well he never seemed i never read any of that in him i was working his weekend in schomburg improv when he committed suicide i just never saw any of that coming i mean nothing he never was like that he was one

of the guys i think he had a break he had a psychotic break yeah but i never i mean i knew him real well i never knew any of that part of him and it broke my heart because he was he had a break. He had a psychotic break. Yeah. But I never, I mean, I knew him real well. I never knew any of that part of him, and it broke my heart because he's a wonderful guy. I've said this to many guys. We don't last long. It seems like comics. It seems like it either burns you out or something.

I don't know. There's not many of us. I don't know. Some of us do. Some of you do. I mean, it's like you know he the weird thing is is like how would you know you guys there's a I think the scary thing is is both you deal with your demons and your anger and your sadness in the same way so

like you know how the hell are you going to know unless you know someone's going to be you know you're going to have those conversation the the the sort of rogues gallery of 80s comics you know really ran the spectrum and we did we did you started making great money on the road and then come out to los los los angeles and they want you to do six three to six minutes yeah it was nearly impossible to translate a lot of guys couldn't do it and they knew it you come here and jim mccauley says i can't i can't put you on the tonight show with doing your sack jokes about your balls i said i told you that's in the middle of you come and see me at the ice house and i got i got an hour i just wanted you you're supposed to be there at eight o'clock i said the just watch the beginning why didn't you until 9 15 he told me so many times i saw macaulay probably eight times he goes you're funny but this

this is not tonight show shit right so yeah so macaulay was like because you that was always the thing that was always the problem with the road guys it's like i yeah i gotta do five minutes i can't do five minutes clean it's like you can't do five minutes you can't do five minutes clean what do you mean can't do my balls in five minutes i can't do this in clean? What do you mean you can't do five minutes? I scratch my balls in five minutes. I can't do this in five minutes. And then the short truth is I eventually get a call to do the Tonight Show, and I didn't want to do it because they want me on as Tim Allen because the Home Improvement hit, and that's the number one show. I go, I don't want to go on there as a sitcom guy.

Oh, you didn't get to do it as a stand-up before? No. I get there, and right before I'm back there there and he said, can I go do some jokes? And they, Freddie DeCordova and then we go, what? Can I just, I want to do some jokes. And they said, well, they didn't know how to say no to me. And I said, do you know where to stand? And I went, I lied.

I guess I took my glasses off and I stood they they said to tim allen i stopped and there's i had no idea where i was it's a much smaller room than i thought it was going to be and the the noise and the camera pedestal was right in front of me so i stopped and the curtain hit me in the side of the head because it's shut so i'm panicking i'm sweating i didn't see the star they're moving all the bike booms I I freaking died and then they said and then Johnny was I'm in the I'm the guest so he had me come sit down and in the break he leans over he said kid you got to be funnier than that wow and I said I just I just died it was the last month he was on the air and that kind man looked at me and I said I can't

believe I screwed that up. He goes, look, come back next week. And I came back the next week, drilled it. I mean, that's all that I wanted in my whole life was to do that. Stood there, killed it. He did the thing which had come over, but I was going to come over anyway. The court of it. And then Macaulay, of course, now my best friend.

You drilled it. I said, this is all I ever wanted to do. I can do this thing. And that was off that checklist. Be, be courageous enough. I told myself to write down what I really want. I want to be on the tonight show. It's so interesting to me. So you got booked as a panel guest for home improvement in its first season. Yeah. And they didn't really acknowledge you as a standup. So you're like, I want to do standup.

And they, and the show is fine. I love that TV show. I get it. I get it. So you kind of bullied them into letting you do standup and you didn't, and they weren't prepared for that. And you went out there and bombed.

I bombed. I did the week later. I went out there and killed it. I killed it. Oh, that's with Johnny. You're still lucky. Oh God. Am I lucky? You're lucky. He said he would do that for you at that point they you were i was such a big i mean

the home improvement went it was huge look at those it was 23 million people watched that show every tuesday night how'd you get that show um that i i did the showtime special all right men are pigs and it was and it killed everywhere. It was big time. And then Jeffrey Katzenberg and Michael Eisner wanted to meet me, and they wanted to see me. So I went to the improv, which I never worked, really. And I worked. I did the show there at the improv to show them.

They sat and had dinner with me. And we met at Disney. And they said, we want to be in the Tim Allen business. We want to be in a marriage with Tim Allen. And I said, I'd like to see the ring first. And we made a joke and they offered me Turner and Hooch as a sitcom. And I just said, no, that's Tom Hanks. And then they wanted me, that was the one with the Dead Poets Society, I think it was Robin Williams. The one he did, I said, no, Williams already did a movie like that. And they, I said, no, I don't want to do that.

They said Disney wants to be in business with you. Well, I don't want to, they had no idea what kind of money I was making on the road. So they were offering me money that was half. You also had no idea of money that you could make in television. No, but I didn't care. I didn't, I didn't want to do that. Right. And they said, I was back to Michiganigan i'm on my outdoor mower i love lawn mowing my own lawn with a big john deere i'm sitting on that lawnmower when my wife called she said jeffrey katzenberg's on the phone i get there and he goes i i'm i'm stunned that you went back

to michigan i said well we had we had this conversation i don't want to do that he goes he never had been said no to like that and he goes let me rephrase this you know what i was offering you i said yeah i appreciate the offer i just don't want to do that he goes what would you want to do i said what i would want to do is make a parody of this old house with uh norm and bob via yeah and have a neighbor that i can't see. And I pitched it. I want three boys. I would do what I do in Michigan. I never really see my neighbor. I just wave at this figure that we had.

And I want to do that. And then have a show within a show that is, I break stuff all the time. And he just said, I don't know. And then he got me together with the people that did Cosby and Roseanne. And we all agreed. Is that Carsey Warner? No, it was Matt Williams, wind dancer. And he did.

They took my act that I'd done to Showtime and kind of merged it into a character. And the rest was gold. I mean, luckily I had extremely competent director, John Passman, and great writers and people, all good actors that taught me how to be an actor. Well, that was the model then, right? You know, you were enough of a defined character. Now, was there a moment where you, because you sort of were one of those guys that, you know, I would say you had a hook, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So, like, you know, did you know the day that you came up with that hook and you're like oh oh yeah oh yeah he had a i did i did a regular show and then it was as i recall it was in cincinnati ohio or akron actually for goodyear tire and rubber company i did their corporate sales meeting early on in my career and i was doing my my bits and there was men just eating and smoking cigarettes in the room no one was listening to yeah all I said I'm never I'm never going to do this again I hate this yeah and I started mimicking the growling and grunting I hear I started doing that bit and all these men were going that's funny yeah and i started mimicking what men sound like when they're eating and that became that grunt then i started doing lawnmowers and paint and

hardware store stuff and we did a show for gino michellini in los angeles he taped me putting on the uh what is it friday funnies or something yeah they get eight or nine calls 20 calls who was that guy instead they got like 800 calls right. Who's that guy doing the lawnmower stuff? As soon as you have something, as Bob Seger once told me, you've got to go to a town and come back instead in a month, not six months, come back a month later and see if they remember you. If they remember who you are and you could put butts in the seats, you own it. And I learned that lesson. Do morning radio. I don't care how late I stayed out. Do morning radio.

Do morning radio and get a hook. Get it so they remember you. It's much like pop music, that there's a thing in there that they remember. They remember the guy that barked, like, you know, did that caveman thing and talked about lawnmowers. And the rest was really history because they could remember who i maybe not my name but they remembered you you're the guy that barks like a neanderthal and i said that's me and you like doing radio yeah i i loved it in college i loved uh i learned i did

voiceovers i've done voiceovers for chevy uh kodak craft it's so funny that it's also funny that you, you know, you have this weird relationship with a tense, not tense, but you have this kind of cranky relationship with kids. And you're like, you're like a kid's icon. I mean, you're, you're Buzz Lightyear for God's sake. That's my biggest joke ever where God would go, what, what is it you want? And I said, I want to do, I want to be on the Johnny Carson show. And then you've got to be able, I used to say, you can tell God exactly how you want that to happen.

Otherwise it might not happen like you want it to. Because I said, I want to do the Tonight Show. And God said, okay, next thing I'm doing Santa Claus, Buzz Lightyear, home improvement, family shows. I said, wait a minute, I forgot to tell you I hate kids. Now I'm like this. I didn't. You never told me that.

You just said you want to be on The Tonight Show. You've got to be careful. You've got to be very specific with me. Otherwise, you're going to get it. But this is how you did it. And I said, believe me, that did not go. I can't believe I was Santa Claus. The script was Stephen Leo.

The comedians wrote it and it was dark man it was some dark i shot and killed santa the opening scene of the original movie i shot him yeah and he fell off the roof and the kid goes you just killed santa he said he shouldn't have been on the roof he should have been at the mall where he belongs i thought he was robbing the house and they didn't as i recall the the head of the studio said we want you in this movie we think it's funny and i said it's funny it's movie i've literally one of the funnier scripts i i've ever read that didn't get changed except for the opening scene which they said we can't start a disney movie with you murdering santa and i said why you kill all the

parents in every other movie but But they wouldn't let you. No, they said we started off softly disappears. So it's interesting. You've had this lifelong relationship with Disney. Yeah. And it's interesting that, you know, I mean, I guess it speaks to the fact that you publicly, you know, you are a old school conservative and not a, a right wing whack job. It, I never, I never really, I just don't like once I started making money, I had the silent partner that just took almost half of my money and never gave me anything for it. And that was the taxes. I've never liked taxes. Whoever takes the taxes and never tells me what they do with it. I'm a I'm a fiscal conservative person. I get it. Money. My family's. That's it.

It's all I don't like taking. I work pretty hard for this stuff. And I accomplished a lot. And I was handicapped by my own errors. It's all my fault. I get that. that yeah but i had this silent partner never like taxes never like what they do with taxes and the bullshit both sides it's not their money the silent partner being the government the government i never really liked that i don't like that are you concerned or has disney ever said anything to you are you too big an earner for them to give a shit no because i said the the powers be, I don't, I literally don't preach anything. Right. I said, what I've done is I've just not joined into, as I call it,

the we culture. I don't, I don't, I'm not telling anybody else how to live. I don't like that. It was like, we should do this or we should do that. once i realized that the press the last president pissed people off i kind of liked that so it was fun to just not say anything didn't join in the the the lynching crowd but yeah yeah you know you you you got a kick at his belligerent anger i just i didn't and i even know the clintons yeahons and Bill Clinton has been a very genuinely nice guy to me. And I used to send, when he was president, I sent them a Christmas stuff from Disney. And I sent all the movies that we did and Merry Christmas from them. And I sent it to Bush too. And I sent it to the Obamas. I'm just, I'm a bolster. I just didn't think that Hillary

should have been president. So it's like in the end, you go the other direction. And I said, there's nothing personal about it. If you don't like it, then wait till the next election. So you don't engage with that stuff? No, I said, if you want to engage philosophically, that's great. And that's where I get into trouble these days. If I get in philosophical discussions, that's interesting. Where do we start? Right. know who has time for that and what what

outlet would that be and then you you know you don't want to get hoisted on your own petard by depending on no it's if you've ever been in a debate class which i had debate itself is a winning and losing proposition it doesn't mean you're right or wrong you just won the debate you scored a point right it's it's an old roman thing qui bono who profits by this and i've asked anytime we get an argument i said what's your point what did you let's just get to the point do you want me to love uh this or dislike this no i just want you to see clearly well i can see clearly i don't that's not my problem i just said what is your point qui bono who profits by the position that you're pushing oh nobody why are you asking me those questions i i just have to be clear about what it is we're doing here do you want me to have a what would be your point at the end of this yeah yeah i get it

yeah yeah yeah most people say nothing i just want you to know the truth. Right. Okay. So do we agree on fundamental elements of the truth? No. And as I said earlier. And then debate's over. Nobody watching the store. There's people in high positions that out and out just make shit up. And they kind of look around and realize that there's no penalty for that. And then that's insane. That's insanity

dude and yeah and uh and nobody uh and the thing is is that well everybody thinks they can get what get away with shit now a lot of a lot of dubious sources out there yeah or no sources make it up there's nobody nobody around to say you were wrong so you go ahead right so now are you now what's the emotional uh sort of uh feeling about the last man standing uh ending is it you've been with these people for years now i can't um yeah i'm so sad i'm having a tough time because i adore the crew, what we've been through. We've had life, death, canceled, not canceled, crowd resurrected us on Fox. Fox has been great. ABC was great. But the writers have been great. He's got better and better. And then we added Lena.

We had the youngest daughter went on to be a movie star and she keeps coming back. And she, it's, it's like a real family to me. And I can't say that I I'm not it. Knowing it was the last year home improvement. We decided it was last year. We'd had enough. This one, we were still going and then to end it right now we've got four more to do and i'm relishing every moment of it it reminds me unfortunately you have a very sick relative that's on life support and you get but they're not gonna last and i said it

it saddens me i'm not right now excited about about moving on because I've spent so much of my heart and soul into keeping this thing going. And I love every minute of it. I love where I'm looking around the set every day, like the day. God, I've looked at this stuff for nine years. And Hector, Alessandro and I become close friends. And I said, we've grown together. The kids were little girls when we started this. And Nancy Travis and I, I said, become great friends. And I said, it's very difficult. Yeah.

And this new show, now, do you, I'm assuming that you've got money saved. You just, you don't want to stop working, apparently. No, I don't. I love what I do. I love being funny. This Assembly Required was a young producer, Kate Fox, and I've been pushing this around for quite a while. And I like mentoring people, me included, about getting stuff done. And so we put an idea together about celebrating the people

that do solve problems, like a line producer in my people in my business that just don't care about politics. We want to get the movie done for this price. This is what you can do. And builders, I'm an old designer, and I like building. The contractor has got to solve all the problems. The designer, it'll be great. I have windows everywhere.

And the contractor goes, can't really afford all that. And it reminds me of politics. The designer is the Democrat. That'll be beautiful and it'll be wonderful. Let all this light in. And the contractor goes, but you're going to need 30-foot windows and all your furniture will get faded quickly and then oh invented the beauty but you got to compromise somehow and i i want to celebrate the people

that solve problems funny so assembly required it's funny that the metaphor is that the democrats are going to have to compromise is well both of them the contract in the middle somewhere the contractor would like to build a brick building and the the the designer the liberals have this beautiful idea and it's wonderful their hearts are big and open and it'll be great and it'll let light in and it'll be uh eco-friendly and the contractor goes well it can't be because the plumbing's got to do this and can we do it this way and put the generator blah blah blah and i said so assembly required started off that way the virus hit they had to change the format i'm thrilled at how they

were able to develop the show it's changed a bit so how does it work is it a game show now it's a competition you go three different builders okay get three different boxes some random parts in there they got to figure out what the parts are build something out of those parts next build they add those parts expand it modify it and the last one you got to combine it with something big and make a big build get shipped now used to be the idea was to be all done in the same big studio now it's at their own because of the, we had to send everything to them. Made it kind of interesting, because you see men and women problem solvers.

And my God, whatever we screw up humans, we can fix. So it's like Apollo 13 every week? Yes, some parts of it. You know, there were a lot of struggles that we didn't get through. I've been in movies, theater-up television this format is very hard on me because it's you're on it's real and i sometimes i get i lose it get moody and i had to get like the director said you've never done this before have you i said what stand around for eight hours get film talking about

shit no because half the time i'll say crap and they go, you can't say that. You know, I got myself into some, you know, I get into doing comedy. Raw, I mean, working without a net comedy. Well, that's exciting. Well, Tim, I wish you the best of success with it. Well, thank you, Mark. I really appreciate the time, man. Yeah, it was good talking to you, man. It really was. We'd never met before, and I've known your stuff for years. And we're both comics, and it's always good to talk to a comic.

Yeah, it really is, man. Take care of yourself. All right, buddy. Thanks for everything. There you go. Tim Allen. Road comic. Tim Allen. Road comic. Real deal.

Last Man Standing is on its final episodes. That airs on Thursdays on Fox. And the new show, Assembly Required, is on History Channel. And also, just a side note, it looks like I'm having drop-ins on my Instagram Live, which I do most days in the morning. I do a guitar one, usually on Sundays. And there was a Kevin Morby situation. I didn't know who Kevin Morby was.

And I still don't know his music that well, but I started talking about not knowing who he was. And we ended up getting closure on that on my IG Live on Sunday, yesterday. Also, Sadler Vaden. I did two yesterday. I was playing my guitar part. He was watching. He plays guitar for Jason Isbell, and he hopped on. We talked.

We told some Jason stories. He did a couple of Mike Campbell bits and show me his B bender. Yeah. He whipped out his B bender. So you can check my, uh, Instagram lives or you can go follow me on Instagram at Mark Marin. Anyway,

look, I'll play some, this is the guitar I was working on when I was rudely interrupted by a sad word. Vaden. He's great. His record's great. Anyway, here.

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