WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1230 - Andrew Santino

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

Andrew Santino and Marc didn't know much about each other, aside from both being Comedy Store regulars and comedians from different ends of a generational divide. But in this conversation, they discover the similar paths they both paved in comedy, starting out with no money and no connections, finding themselves unhappy with their early work, and preferring the life of a lone wolf to the life in a pack. Andrew also talks about being a Comedy Store comic starring in a fictional show about the early days of The Comedy Store. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? If your existing business insurance policy is renewing on autopilot each year without checking out Zensurance, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to low-cost coverage from Zensurance before your policy renews this year. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting to find a policy, covering only what you need, and policies start at only $19 per month. So if your policy is renewing soon, go to Zensurance and fill out a quote. Zensurance, mind your business. It's a night for the whole

family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Lock the gates! All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fuck nicks what's happening i'm mark maron this is my podcast wtf i'm broadcasting outside of the house i'm in new mexico i'm in my home state coming home is always a little dicey, but I was surprised,

man. I mean, people are ready. They are ready to go. I flew Delta. I don't usually fly Delta. It wasn't terrible. There doesn't seem to be any other direct flights from Los Angeles to Albuquerque, and I flew Delta, and it was a shit show, man. I got to the airport, and it was fucking insane. There were lines wrapping around the building almost, if that's possible, at an airport. Just lines everywhere. I mean, I'm fortunate, I guess. I have TSA and I was following priority, but it was crazy. Granted, masks were being worn, but it's definitely a baptism in viral fire if you go to an airport right now because people are like, fuck it. I'm out. I'm moving. I'm going. I'm taking

that vacation. I don't care. I'm just, I want to go somewhere. I'm going. Today on the show, Andrew Santino. He's a comedian. He's also an actor. He was on that series based on the comedy store. I'm dying up here. He's currently a series regular on Dave. He also hosts a couple of podcasts, one with Bobby Lee, one of his own. And I didn't really know him that well. I knew he was around. I knew people liked him. I knew he was on that show. But it's one of these weird things where he's of another generation than I am. But I really didn't see him around. We didn't cross paths much at all, once or twice. And I never got to know him, never saw much of his comedy, but I knew he was one of us. I knew he was a comedian. I knew, and I knew he

was good at it. And I've just been sort of doing a few of these interviews with these guys who were younger than me that I didn't really know. Like I did one with Mark Norman, Santino's of that same generation, but he's a nice guy. And, uh, you know, it was nice to talk to him. We, we'd never really talked before, as I said, and then we ended up taking a hike together a couple of days later. So maybe we're pals now. I don't know. And I did his podcast. I don't know when that's going to be up next week. Maybe, maybe we're pals now. I don't know how it works anymore. I don't know as a grownup. I don't know how pals work. Do you know how pals work? Do you pick up new pals as a grown-up?

So I came out, oddly, given my, I don't have a distance from my parents. I like my parents. But the first thing I felt like I had to do once I got vaccinated was go visit my mother in Florida, which I did. visit my mother in Florida, which I did. And then this trip is primarily to see my father, who is getting on in years, getting a little fragile. He's going to be 83 this year. He's having a little trouble walking. His thoughts are not as clear as they used to be. But I just wanted to come see them. I don't know what's changed in me, but it's not something, it's something that most other people have kind of innately. But I guess because of some residue or lifelong kind of defensiveness or mild resentment towards my upbringing, which I think is probably immature

at this juncture, and seems to have dissipated a bit. And I can approach my parents as they age with a bit of empathy and compassion. And I'm happy about that because some people have problematic relationships with their parents. I did, but it was never horrible. I mean, I always liked them all right, but I'm glad to be here. And my dad my dad's wife is i think also relieved it's just uh there's no other way to look at this the life sometimes is just being sad but it is part of the process getting on in years and there's something to appreciate it there's sort of a sweet spot of the vulnerability of aging like i think my father by and large has forgotten how to be an asshole. There's residue of it, but there's no real thrust to it. And it's nice. You make sure you sort of take time to

appreciate the sweet spot of the slow decline. But that said, it has been nice. And, you know, because his brain is a little slower, a little different, it's just very – sometimes they say interesting things. I guess it's not some jump to compare it to a childlike thinking, but we were in the car. I was taking him over. We were going to get something to eat. And he's like, hey, have you seen uh advertisement with the guy that has no uh no pelvis i'm like what do you mean no pelvis he's like there's a guy with no pelvis i'm like no

pelvis it's an ad on television yeah no pelvis and i'm like what do you what is it a for medicine what is it he's like no i don't know I don't know. He's got no pelvis. And then there's a bunch of other ones. No pelvis. And I'm like, no pelvis? I don't understand. It's not an ad for medicine? No.

And I'm like, what the fuck is he talking about? And then I realized, oh, is it that? I said, is it the guy that's half motorcycle, half human? He's like, yeah. So no pelvis. Right. Okay. Half motorcycle, half human.'s like yeah so no pelvis right okay half motorcycle half human right the motor it's like i don't know it just seemed like there was a lot of them yeah he says he said uh too many for it to be realistic i think

it was the the sheer number of the uh fictional beings who were half motorcycle and half human that was daunting for my dad in his current state of perception just it didn't seem realistic though when all of them came when i said you mean when they're like well i think i said it's sort of a play on wild animals like you know like horses or a herd of them he he calls the herd right the one one guy calls the rest of them it he calls the herd right the one one guy calls the rest of them it seemed like too many they must do that with the special effects or something yeah yeah it just didn't seem realistic i mean it's not there's nothing realistic about it but and then the odd thing is neither one of us certainly not him but i could not remember what

the fuck that ad is for so is that an ad? I didn't know what it was for. But you remember the weird motor. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a progressive ad. They're not paying for this spot. But being home is interesting, man. You know how it is. There's something so comforting and so horrific about it simultaneously i just um and i don't know what i do here you know this i've had these thoughts and i don't know about about you but i you know for

the past five years five or six years i find myself you know looking at homes here you know looking at homes like i have these ideas in my head yeah i'm driving around here i'm driving around these streets and these roads that i grew up on. Do I want to come back here? Has anything changed? What is here? I mean, I love my house. I love my house in California. You know, we'll see. I don't know if the entire state's going to burn down this year. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. But I'm just starting to question this weird nostalgia. Because it was strange. I was driving. You know, I grew up, I stay at a place here, beautiful place called Los Poblanos. And I've talked to you about this before. I knew the family that lived here when we were kids. I knew all of them. There was four of them. There was two houses on this

property and eight people. And I knew them all because I went to school with most of them. The ones my age, and they still own the property and it's beautiful. But it's literally a block away from where I grew up. And for some reason, I always drive down the street to look at the lot where my old house was. It's not there anymore. There's another house that looks kind of like it. And I'm just, I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't know what kicks in.

I don't know what I think's going to happen. But I actually picked up my dad to try to drive him through some things that he might remember and i drove by the house that we've originally moved into when uh when i came here to albuquerque in 69 probably and uh so i was what seven and it was it's just odd to go to to sort of see what the memory holds on to or what it remembers and wondering, like, what has changed? Has my memory changed or has this block changed? Obviously, both are true. Obviously, people do different things with the homes around the neighborhood.

Some homes are gone entirely, not unlike things in your memory. But I drove down to the elementary school that I went to, which was right down the street from the house we were originally in. And that looked totally different. But I was in that schoolyard. I shed blood in that schoolyard. I got goat heads stuck in my hands in that schoolyard. I got bitten by ants in that schoolyard. I walked around with crutches. I had my first crushes there. It's just, what does it all mean? I guess they're just these journeys through memory. I'm trying to jog my dad's memory.

I'm trying to get a sense of where he's at mentally around memory. And it's interesting what sticks and what doesn't. So many of my memories are clear and so many, they're just fragments in my head, bits and pieces of things I did. Getting in front of my third grade class and reciting all of the presidents in order because I'd memorized them.

Doing weird shows in front of my class with this other kid, Jerry Graves. We'd do bits from Sesame Street where he'd play Grover and I'd interview him. That's when I started show business. Those two things. Saying the president's in order and interviewing Grover was really the original WTF in third

grade. Mrs. Webb's class, if anyone remembers. I don't think there's any audio available. But driving through the memories, it's kind of amazing. I guess I get overwhelmed with it. So there's no way this can't be bittersweet and i spent time with my old buddy david kleinfeld who i've known since second grade and you kind of go over the the things there's a 40-year high school reunion coming i can't fucking believe it but it's weird it just is interesting what you hold on to do you hold on to good things or do you hold on to embarrassing things do you hold on to? Do you hold on to good things or do you hold on to embarrassing things? Do you hold on to painful things? What are the things you hold on to? Weird things? Other people's

vulnerability? What are these moments? Because most of them come out, most of them are moments. They're not, you know, I remember like, you know, trying to make an arrowhead across the street at this guy Peter's house with taking a rock and like chipping away at another rock a piece of obsidian I think or a black rock that I had found and a a rock chip went into my eye and pierced my cornea and I had to wear a patch for a while see I wouldn't call that a good memory but I remember it I remember he also had a small naked picture of his mother that didn't show much but you know these are you know it's a little yin and yang there right and he wasn't even my friend

he just lived across the street uh so i was driving around with my dad it was you know it was interesting it was interesting uh and heavy and uh emotional and human and good to move through it with him. All right, folks. So Andrew Santino, as I said, comedian, actor, new friend, I think. He hosts the podcast Whiskey Ginger and is the co-host of Bad Friends with Bobby Lee. You can get them wherever you get podcasts and watch them on YouTube. And this is me talking to Andrew Santino. a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer

becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy?

If your existing business insurance policy is renewing on autopilot each year without checking out Zensurance, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to low-cost coverage from Zensurance before your policy renews this year. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting to find a policy, covering only what you need, and policies start at only $19 per month. So if your policy is renewing soon, go to Zensurance and fill out a quote. Zensurance, mind your business. You know, what I don't understand with that, I was thinking about last night after after not after i left you but i

was doing a spot and i'm sort of in a i give zero fucks at it and i'm kind of pushing the envelope a little again kind of and uh sort of like hey man a joke's a joke and and then you got to really think about it because i thought about it last night for myself like i'm talking about death you know i'm talking about my dad's uh beginning dementia and shit yeah so how do you frame that in that you've got to believe the tone of this has to be an antidote it can't it can't be just mocking the thing it's got to make the people that have experienced it feel better right now you can't i don't the thing. It's got to make the people that have experienced it feel better. Right. Now, you can't, I don't think you have any control over what triggers anybody.

But I think if a joke is designed correctly, people, even people who feel pain about what you're talking about should be like, oh, yeah, it's. Yeah, I know. I know what that feels like. Yeah. At least it hits them in a good, in a spot that they go, even if it's uncomfortable, they understand how you can find the humor in the chaos. What you're trying to do is disarm it, not trying to make it worse. You're not trying to inflame it with a joke. Right.

I mean, the only reason we're fucking funny is to avoid pain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To get away from all the shit that really hurts our feelings but it gets but all the stuff gets kind of expunged by you know all this all these other things around us right our insecurities come bleeding through when we really hear something that hurts us oh you could someone could say mark maron sucks mark maron stuff i think they said it today let me see let's look

at twitter i'm sure i'm. But it doesn't bother you. Someone's doing that right now? Of course it bothers me. No, it doesn't. It does a little. It bothers you when, I think it really bothers us when it's something that we know that we don't like about ourselves. Of course. And the good ones, the good trolls, they can fucking find that right away.

Oh, they got you. Yeah. But like, it always bothers me. But what I've learned to do is just not engage. Like, I have to, it's sort of Zen mind shit. Right. Like, you know like if I get if I see some of that and there's that impulse and I'm like yeah just take a breath

it'll be gone walk away or mute it just me I don't even block them anyone I don't want to give them the satisfaction I'll just mute it and it's like I don't see it blocking is giving them power exactly giving them a lot of fire I don't give no block well I'm an inch away from deleting twitter I've said this for the past I don't know decade me yeah yeah, I'm an inch away from deleting Twitter. I've said this for the past, I don't know. Decade? Me too. Yeah, yeah. 10 years. Have you ever done? You can do it for two months. I've done it.

I've done it before. But I'm talking about physically deleting my account forever. I've thought about that, of like erasing the account. Now, okay. So you have that moment where you're going to do that. Now, what drives that? Why? Because for me, it's sort of like, I don't want to be vulnerable to this shit anymore.

I don't want to be public. And I don't want to be attacked by nobodies no my for me it's like i i what am i i i've started to go what am i getting out of this someone said to me um it's like crack someone said well someone said about the podcast world when you do podcasts with people yeah what are you getting out of it are you getting something am i getting something or is it a duality is it and so twitter's the same way like am i getting anything out of it? Are you getting something? Am I getting something? Is it a duality? And so Twitter's the same way. Like, am I getting anything out of this? Truly. And I've started to learn that I wasn't getting anything out of it.

It wasn't fun. I wasn't getting, like, humor satisfaction. I wasn't even getting entertainment anymore. But were you getting likes? No. No, because I don't post. That's my thing. I stop posting.

I don't post much. I just post to promote. Same. So Twitter for me was like a business tool, and then I would go on it. I used to go on it to have some to watch fun stuff go down great tweets from comics that i love and respect or something really funny or engaging that's but now we don't respect any of them anymore no but they all suck it's all gone by the wayside i just don't love it anymore oh no it's the worst and it really feels like a sewer. Yeah. It feels like such a consistent sewer of fucking the subconscious of the world in the worst way.

Yes. It's the worst of it. But some of those sewer rats are very, very good at just- Hurting you. Unearthing shit and hurting you and being mean for no reason. We all do it, and people do it to us, too. Like, that guy sucks. It's like, I've been doing this 30 years, 40 years.

Yeah. I don't suck. You heard one joke you didn't like. Yeah, you maybe don't like me. Right. I understand. But I don't suck. I don't suck.

Yeah. No, I suck, but my art doesn't suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you may not like me. Right, right. I don't like me. I understand it. Yeah, right.

But I don't suck. I'm just not for you. Right. No, it's true. I did a phone interview for this thing recently and they said the guy said uh you've really kind of made a little bit of headway in the comedy world and it's a great pop for you and i was like it's only been 16 years of me grinding my fucking head at you know like but people don't know or care that you've put in

any effort into that it's for them it's nothing. Oh, yeah. And radio guys. Yeah. Being condescending. Surprise. That's why I quit doing those. But we're all doing radio. It's like, who knew that this would be the aspiration? A world of mediocre radio personalities. It used to be when you were a comic and you'd see the comic who is the side guy at the radio station. You'd be like, that guy fucking blew it.

Poor bastard. But it's like, no, he didn't. He just didn't do it on his own terms. Right, right right he's just doing it from a corporate level yeah we can do it now but we decide right it's ours yeah all those years of going i don't want to go do radio fuck radio now i do it every day in our house it's weird it blew my mind kevin christie brought that up to me like i never really thought about it that like most podcasts if there's more than one person it's just some sort of version of drive time radio totally two idiots talking or do you have any buttons there to make noises the any of that stuff i have an old one from when

i did radio they were called 360 machine right yeah it was a programmable machine and you could record on all the buttons i used to have them yeah i mean we didn't have noises and i never really got the hang of it so wait 16 years well no uh 15 years 15 but that's that's yeah 15 years that's all in that's for real yeah because like i don't know you at all i don't know how that happened but like yeah i mean i knew of you because you're on the show and then people said you were funny but i for somehow or another we never really crossed paths well here's what it is i can explain it because this happens you're avoiding me yeah you'd look at the schedule and be like fuck that fuck marin no but honestly for many many people particularly like your generation of comics say the same thing to me oh really in the sense of like i never met that guy but i've heard you were funny um i've always been on, when somebody goes, you know what, when somebody goes, who's your

group, your comedic friendship circle? You can probably name. Are you doing my job now? Yeah. Like, where'd you come up? Yeah, here in LA. Oh. I started in LA.

Oh, really? But when somebody asked me, who's my friendship circle? If they ask you, you can name it. For me, I couldn't tell you. I have guys that I- Different when you come up here. Yeah, I just have a lot of groups of people I can associate with. I started in East Side Rooms, and then I made my way to the store.

And then I was an improv guy for a long time. Then I was doing East Side Rooms again. And I had touched a lot of different groups. I know guys who came up here. Yeah. And it seemed like the guys who came up here from my day, like people like Spade or Sandler, those guys, Sandler was in New York for five minutes when he was a kid. But they knew, the guys that came up in my generation, they were like, they knew the game.

Like, it's a hard town to come up in. Yeah. But they came out like with show business in mind. Totally. Like for me, I didn't understand show business till like three years ago. Now it's making sense. Yeah. Now i get how i fucked up right but i i somehow because of my garage i was able to to make something happen but i never understood it as a business yeah i learned fast but when in new york you could definitely see you know like i started out with Attell, Jeff Ross, Todd Berry, Sarah Silverman, Nick DiPaolo. Like there was a whole crew of guys that were after like the Colin Quinn generation.

Right. Then we were all there. And those are the guys I started with. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. People ask, who's your crew? Right. They weren't my crew, but they were around. But you know what I mean?

That's kind of an associated acts would be the best way to say it. I didn't have any. Well, I mean mean i still don't but i get it but i mean for what what the question is is like when you were doing when you were starting out when you were doing mics yeah on the east side yeah who who do we know that was doing them with you a lot of those guys either quit or moved on to other shit smart i would say i would see much smarter than us i would say guys that i really you know, Jake Wiseman was somebody who I always loved. You don't know him? I know the name, I think.

Yeah, he's great. But I'm just old now. I used to think, like, I'm in the loop. I know all the guys. Well, Ron Funches and I kind of started together at the same, I mean, you know, we kind of, when he moved here from Portland, yeah, from Portland, he was kind of in my clique of young. See? You know, I can say this. The guys that I did a half hour with on Comedy Central was me, Brooks Whelan, Mark Normand,

Sam Morrell, who are, those are New York guys. I know those guys. And then LA guys would be, it was, besides Brooks, it was also Tone Bell and Hampton Yount. Do you know Hampton? Uh-uh. So, yeah, I mean, that was my half hour group of guys. And that was kind of my generation of guys.

It's weird. The reason I don't know some of them now, because things are so different. I mean, when I was coming up, we were all sort of gunning for the same thing, and there was only a few outlets. Right. So anybody who got that exposure,

who got the deal for whatever, you kind of knew, because there was only, like, you know, three networks and, you know, networks and you know a couple cable outlets and so you'd know yeah now like there are guys like oh he's fucking huge and you're like what do you mean he's huge got a million this million that i'm like i don't know that guy right on what you don't even know what that is but that's great i think now the outlets are fine because we were so tired of fighting for the same things like we were all fighting for the same what's the quality though isn't t Isn't TikTok just like, like just tricks?

But that's not exist. That doesn't exist in our world. You know that. I don't know what exists. What exists is hardworking comics who make it quote unquote, who have a continual career. Right.

They didn't come from any of those things. And you know that. When they say, when somebody goes like, except for Bo Burnham. Yeah. Bo Burnham. Bo Burnham is a anomaly,

a literal anomaly. he's a talented anomaly he doesn't exist he's you know what i mean he doesn't exist he did comedy at 15 years old it became in the zeitgeist of online comedy humor he was the first like youtubey guy he's the one yeah but you can't name another one and then before that it was the dane phenomenon but that but also a guy that captivated the singular market that you, okay, Dane is that, Bo was that. There are no others. Maybe someone came and went. I like how you thought that.

Look, I have a chart about this. Yeah, I did it at home. It's on my wall. And there's lines connected. It's my vision board. Right. Yeah. But it is true, though.

Bo was an exception to the rule. We like to think that there's these outlets that are brewing up shitty comics that are going to enter our world. It doesn't exist. I don't know how. I don't really understand how it all works, but I agree with you because even when we started doing alt comedy, I was already a club guy. We talked about this on your show. But there are people who organically came out of the alt world. There's not that many. people who organically came out of the alt world, there's not that many. Yeah, no, there's not.

I mean, well, your generation probably spurred the biggest names of that world. And then it sort of... But people like Galifianakis, he was a club guy. He started in regular clubs. Yeah, but he became synonymous with alternative comedy. Yeah, but even like me and Patton, we ended up in San Francisco at the same time. And he started in regular clubs in Baltimore.

He's a regular club guy, but you you kind of get because we started doing those rooms that more suited our point of view but I can you know I can vouch for his his club bona fides right but but also this is this never-ending argument that exists only in Los Angeles by the way in comedies only with comics yeah of like club versus non-club guys and you're like what what does that even mean it's important it's such bullshit important yeah someone tweeted someone great tweeted um and he was an east side guy and i wish i would know i don't want to call him like i don't even know what that means an east side guy a non-comedy store guy oh you know you know right so guys that only did- Not quite good enough to- Oh, see. Interesting.

Yes. Yeah, but he said he tweeted something along the lines of, all these East Side rooms make fun of the Comedy Store for being like this bro-bro commercial bullshit. And you're like, go to a Comedy Store show. Yeah, really. Go to a Comedy Store show. See the audience. It's the most diverse, outlandish group of, I can't believe these people in the same room

together. You go to an East Side room, oftentimes- It's just people's friends. It's justish group of i can't believe these people in the same room together you go to an east side room oftentimes just people's friends it's just a bunch of fucking white people with beards i don't like i can't i couldn't stand doing it it's white with beards even when i went to nerd melt and shit i was like what is this i want where's the mix of and there's a bro contingent at this store but you know it's like those shows there's a nice balance between like big stars br bros, people you feel kind of bad about. Kind of like, oh, this is a little sad.

Yeah. I hope they do okay. Isn't that nice to feel all the waves of that? That's why I love this show. The full range of emotion. And people are very forgiving about it. Like they assume because you're up there, you have to be reckoned with. Right.

And there's a lot of old dudes that were like, what's happening? It's like- Change. Fucking change that were like what's what's happening it's like change so fucking change man that's what's happening so wait so you grew up in chicago he grew up in chicago chicago and then i moved to go to school in arizona but wait so what was chicago man so like what was the what was my deal what was the uh crucible that that that created you what were you uh my were you? Chiseled. My parents got divorced before I was one. Oh, that's it. There it is.

So you're broken. Yeah. I'm sorry. How old were you? Before I was one. I never knew my parents. Before you were one. Yeah, my parents were never together.

In my mind, I never saw them together. So Santino, the old man, gone? The old man. No, he's- But he took off. Well, he went to jail. Prison. The other one.

Big time. Multiple times. He went to jail. Prison. The other one. Big time. Multiple times. He went to prison a few times. So he was a failure at whatever he was doing. Yeah. Or he was very, very good at it. Yeah. I think he loved cocaine a lot.

I think drugs are my father's vice. Wait. So you had to backload all this information or you had a relationship with the guy? I never knew the guy. I only had to learn him as I got older. Really? Yeah. So do you have brothers and sisters from the same man never knew the guy. I only had to, I had to learn him as I got older. Really? Yeah. So do you have brothers and sisters from the same man?

No, I'm the only of mine. The only kid? The only kid of my mom and dad. My mom and my stepdad have my sister and then my dad has children of his own. And you just heard about that? I would slowly learn about their existence. So wait, so when do you, so, okay, you're growing,

when did you, how old were you when your mom married the stepdad? They got married when I was nine. Oh, so you had, it was do you, so, okay, you're growing, when did you, how old were you when your mom married the stepdad? They got married when I was nine. Oh, so you had, it was just you and your mom? For a while, yeah, living in the city. And we lived downtown Chicago in these high rises that are quite luxurious. But then I learned we were on like government subsidy programs because my mom worked for the companies that property managed these high rises.

Oh, so she got a deal. So we kind of lived in the laps of luxury but we weren't we had no money right we i mean we were she was a working woman we had money but like but she figured out an angle to get the good place it was incredible yeah so we would move from building to building and we lived in three different buildings in downtown chicago she met my stepdad um what's he do he was in the in the automotive industry like he worked for turtle wax for years do you know what that is sure yeah and it's a it's a line of uh car care products correct yes

and he bounced around in the automotive industry and then he when they got pregnant when she got pregnant with my sister they wanted to move to the suburbs because they didn't want to raise another kid in the city they had fucked up one and they were like we can't fuck up two you know yeah me so when does the when do you and when do you start piecing together stuff about your dad? You know, it was always so, you know that song, The Cat's in the Cradle? Yeah. Yeah, that's like literally my life. I mean that genuinely.

You know when somebody goes, that song's written about me? It really is. Like my father was never present in my life. My stepdad was a great father to me, a great dad to me. But my father would do that thing where he'd be like i'm coming to pick you up and never come that was real i'd sit on the porch and my mom to this day loathes i mean could you know when someone's like oh i don't really hate my ex uh my mom couldn't hate a human anymore on earth because of because of me not

because of them she doesn't give a fuck about their mishap of a relationship. But just how could you do that to the kid? You're sitting out there with your baseball glove. Right, with a bat, always with a bat. Dad, can we play hit instead of catch? But I just, I think that shaped me a lot as far as like become let down. I understood what being let down meant.

I understood what gauging expectations meant. But wait, but so this started happening when you were like three, four, five? I mean, it started probably when I was four or five, and then it continued on into my young teens. So every time that happened, your mom would have to be like, he didn't, like she would explain him? She really wouldn't say much. To be honest with you, my mom and I have an extremely close bond because we understand

each other remarkably well. I understand how she feels, and she knows understand each other remarkably well we don't say i understand how she feels and she knows how i feel and we move forward to something else together but but you you've met the guy no no i know yes of course of course i'm just saying he was such a sporadic insertion in my life that it was so random i don't i only know what i know of him in snippets it reads like a like a So he would come in the car and he- He'd pick me up and I'd spend a day with him or two days with him. And what would you do?

Go on his job runs. He was a contractor. I'd go to the south side of Chicago or the west side of Chicago. Yeah. And he would do these job runs in these predominantly black neighborhoods. And they loved him and he was a people- That's the one thing my mother was like, at least you took away personality. He was like, there he is. Everybody loved areas everybody loved him everyone loves he is bigger than life

i mean he's so he can oh yeah he can talk to anybody oh yeah and people love him yeah tino santino yeah yeah he was just he just had a vibe about him where he didn't he was really good at not making other people feel less than we're all equals all the time no matter race or color or he was very good at that which made him a good salesman. He related to many different people. Was he a salesman? Yeah, a contractor. So he would be selling work.

So was he? Oh, so he was a fix-it guy? He would assemble a crew to redo kitchens and decks and- Hustler. A lot of exterior work. Oh, yeah. And his father was a hustler. My grandfather worked at the dog track until he died a couple months ago.

Chicago. Yeah. There's a horse track. There's Arlington. And there's Maywood, a dog track, a greyhound dog track. Greyhounds, yeah. My grandfather was a consummate gambler who spent his entire living at the track, working there. And gambling there.

Yeah. And was a numbers runner for the mob when he was a kid. Numbers. Yeah. So he was like a, you know, when he was a young kid, he was a numbers runner for the mafia. Sure. Running around the neighborhood with the pad. Yeah, so he was like a, you know, when he was a young kid, he was a numbers runner for the mafia. Sure, running around the neighborhood with the pad. Yeah, so I learned what his friends were.

And I've talked about this before, but, you know, he had friends. Joe the Hat was one of his friends. I thought that was normal to have. The guys with the nicknames? Right, I thought that was a thing that people do because generationally. So was your dad connected? Only through his father. But my father got into his own world through drugs and partying. And I guess you could say those are branches of one another.

But you didn't deal. I don't, that's the other thing. I don't know. Oh, you don't know. All I know is he fucked up. Is he around? Yeah. He's still alive.

He's in Chicago. We speak, like I said, we speak like cats in the cradle. Yeah. Hey, I'd love to see you. And I'm like, I got my own shit going on. It's, it's tough to now. But he's, he's out of the, he's out of the he's out of the who's cow yeah yeah he's out uh-huh yeah but but my but my stepdad is my is my dad i saw him my dad yeah and he was he was always the father figure right he taught me how to

ride a bike and take a punch and right play a sport and how do you teach someone to take a punch your father hits you you gotta fucking let him lay one in yeah don't be a pussy about leaning against the wall and you take a he just really was kind of like the everything i i needed yeah but the one thing that was missing was um i never understood why uh this guy couldn't get it no he just couldn't get it together it was more like why couldn't you get it together and is life that hard and you're kind of a hyper together guy. I am. If you saw my house, you'd be nauseated. Well, it's like everything is in place.

Everything goes in its place. Mis en place. Yeah. So when you walked into my house, you're like, what's all this stuff on the floor? No, yours is quite neat, actually. Yeah. Yeah. You're very neat.

Yeah. I keep playing. But my stepdad was a military kid. Oh, really? So that also bleeds over into this. Discipline? Yeah. And also just like with like,'m i'm annoyingly ocd

we're like shoes by the front door right oh really and i'd say to my wife i'd be like why what why are there three pairs of shoes by the front door huh and she's like who the fuck cares yeah and i'm like let's just keep one problem yeah let's keep one by the front can't have things out of balance yeah that's annoying that that that's the i think that's overcompensating for the for the for the lack of i'd lock in on stuff well i i mean i do that when i am like i told you yesterday like i've got this thing where i i'm i'm locking on to things that i have to get like i have been dealing with this aerator that goes into my one of my bathroom faucets you know the little thing that fits where the water comes out? Yeah. There's an aerator and then a screw in, I guess you'd call it a washer. It's a washer. It's almost like a washer. And I've bought two sizes that don't fit

and I'm like, I'm in this thing. And it doesn't even need it. I had a plumber come to fix it and he said the aerator was clogged. So I said, I'll just get another one. You don't know about plumbing. Do you know about plumbing? Nothing. So now I'm in it for like $30 already in aerators that are useless and then i was at the hardware store yesterday i'm like i can bring the whole screw and thing in you can get the whole piece right so today today's big day today's a huge day oh big yeah i'm going in with the piece i'm excited for you i'm excited for that moment that happens when i get it in there the guy goes you brought the wrong fucking thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh. They don't make this anymore. They don't, huh? Is there a way for me to get it online? He's like, listen, man, just hire a plumber. But I did. I already had the guy.

I did. I can do this myself. How hard is it? Yeah, and he's like, all right, well, listen, either hire a guy or I got nothing. I like being fucked off by those people because we deserve it. We think we can do their thing. Everyone thinks they can do things. You just look it up.

Yeah. Anything you, like, how do you do this? Like, there's got to be something online. And there is. There is. There is. Doesn't mean you're going to do it well. But yeah, but also it feels like cheating.

Like, this is not the way people learned. No. Yeah, there was years of practice. Right. And embarrassment from the guy. Well, like the guy came over to clip all these trees. We have an oak tree. It has to be cut by, the city has to approve an arborist. It's actually illegal in LA County. To fuck with oak trees.

To fuck with oak trees. Same with up north. Right. So we have these arborists that have to come to approve what you can cut. And he would ask me questions about like sun numbers and shade percentages to certain parts of the house. Right. And I'm talking out of my ass like I know what I'm saying because he says it to you as if you know like you know the sun number on this side of the home they figure of course you're going to be in that proximity to that tree you've got to be obsessed yes don't you know how do you not know you have one of the classic oaks it's insane and i just ramble on i go right yes of course yeah i think it's what what did you say

it was and then he'll tell you that's it what. What can I do? Yes. Can we do this? I need to. And at the end of it, you just realize you don't know shit, but also it's kind of comfortable because you know that they know that none of us know shit. Well, the weird thing is, depending on how you grow up in the world, it's like you don't always know that you can pay people to do things. Right. It's like, I'm going to do this myself.

And then you're like, I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like pay a guy like $15 an hour. Who does it for a living all day long. Yeah, and they'll just fucking do it. Right. It's like, I'm going to do this myself. And then you're like, I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like, pay a guy like $15 an hour. Who does it for a living all day long. Yeah, and they'll just fucking do it. Right. It's amazing. And then when they come and do it, when they leave, you kind of feel like half like you did it. Like, I made that happen.

I mean, I did the right thing. I was a contractor. Yeah. When they fix it, you feel good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, have you ever painted any rooms in your home? I'm not going to do that.

See, that's funny. I mean, I don't mind doing it, but I know there's guys you can hold the line better you gotta be able to cut that line yeah well my wife's dad is a contractor and he is brilliant with fixing stuff yeah and when we bought the house that was the one thing he's like we should paint it together all of us so we did and also i gained a new level of respect for people that paint. It is a fucking nightmare. For sure. Taping, prepping. And then that's just the first coat, which takes you days of these rooms.

And then the second, you're like, oh, there's another time we have to do this? I like to handle that. All right, so you're all good? I'm going out. My podcast isn't as successful as yours, so I need to cut corners where I can financially. I'll be back in a few hours. Right. And then you come back like, oh my God.

You guys did great. This is amazing. Yeah, the level of respect I earned when you have a home and you learn when people fix stuff, you're like, oh, this is a fucking nightmare. I can't believe you do this. I do it all the time. I try to fix stuff all the time. And I can handle some things.

But like what? What's the biggest thing you fixed? Like genuinely where someone would go, wow, that's pretty impressive. You know how to do that. I don't know. Yeah. Cause it's nothing substantial. No, it's just little things here and there.

I mean, I didn't fix it. Like it's the problem with fixing is that you can start it, but you got to follow all the way through. And there's a lot of tricks to getting things back together. Right. Right. Taking things apart is easy. So easy.

But putting them back together, like, oh, did you try to put that on first? Like, I don't know. I didn't know that goes on first. How could I know? This is my level of fixing stuff. One of the toilets slowly leaks. I just have to turn off the water when I'm done using the toilet now until the plumber comes and fixes it.

Oh, I can get into the back of a toilet and do stuff. I don't even want to. No, I can do that. You want to go over and do it, please? No, I mean, what's the problem? It's running? Yeah, well, it's such an old system. I think the even want to. No, I can do that. You want to go over and do it, please? No, I mean, what's the problem? It's running? Yeah, well, it's such an old system. I think the lines are leaking.

So I think it needs to be- Oh, it's running. Yeah. Well, barely. You can hear it's slow, so faint. Yeah, that's a simple thing. What is it? It's the thing that goes that when you flush it, it lifts up a little plug.

No, the cap, I've replaced that. Oh. Yeah, I've done that. I did that. See? I did that. So it's still running. And I called my plumber, Rene, and I've replaced that. Oh. Yeah, I've done that. I did that. See? I did that. So it's still running. And I called my plumber, Rene, and I explained to him.

He goes, I think it's a problem with the line itself. The line itself, which in my head goes, thousands of dollars. Well, this happened here. That bottom bathroom, the new bathroom, all of a sudden, it was just covered in water. The entire walls, it was spraying out the back of one of the pipes behind the toilet. And it just, you can look in there. There's water stains all over the paint. I'm like, what the fuck is happening?

And I had some doofus who I had hired who was like not a real handyman. Those are the guys you got to watch out for. Totally. And he's like, you know, I've seen this before. It's probably a nail, an old nail in one of the lines. I'm like, what? How? And then I just had a fucking plumber come over and he's like, you just got to tighten this before. It's probably a nail, an old nail in one of the lines. I'm like, what? How? And then I just had a fucking plumber come over, and he's like, you just got to tighten this up.

That's it? Just one crank to the left? And that's it. And I was like, I'm a fucking idiot. No one thought of that. I had this other guy, this hack fucking handyman, this beer drinking guy that does two things well. Like, I remember when I had to get the contractor in to do this ADU. I asked that guy. The guy referred to me. And and i'm like do you know how to handle this he's like

uh yeah i'm like do you the stutter yeah and i showed him the plans he's like oh looks like you got to get a lot of stuff checked i'm like thanks i'm gonna thank you for your input we'll talk later yeah yeah we'll talk another time we i got fucked over by insurance you gotta pay the guy we had a leak uh the in the middle of the night. I hear like, and it's the hot water heater. One of the hose lines broke. So I turn off the water source. I go and I get a new line.

But at this point, damage has been done to the pilot starter box. Right. We'll be right back. This is Guy Talk with Mark Maron and Andrew Zanetti. Guys who don't know how to fix shit. Yeah. But anyway, we got fucked. I called insurance.

Mark Calcarola? Yeah, hit him up. From what I understand, he put up some drywall 30 years ago because he's still talking about it. Construction. He's doing it now. He's rebuilding North Hollywood. Is he? Yeah, that's what he says.

Top to bottom. Oh. No, but I had to pay this guy to basically tell me that I was fucked because I called insurance. And I said, you guys said you'd pay for this. And they said, yeah, but it's a warranty thing. And they ran us around so much for such a minuscule thing from that point on I said if it breaks we will just pay someone to fix it or just get a new one Well that well we did end up getting it. Yeah, a lot of times. It's not as much as you think it is I'm also quite cheap. I'll say that I'm very cheap. Why is that?

the way you grew up a Fear of losing my fear of of it all going away. Just the comic cheap? Yeah. Kind of like, got to hold on. But I think I'm even more, I'm cheaper than most comics. So what were you going, so you have this life where your dad's in and out of jail. He's a problem.

He shows up occasionally. Takes you down to the site. You have kind of a relationship. Yeah. Early on, it was sad. was there a period where you're like fuck that guy i'm done i had a lot of fuck that guys i mean as you would in anything i had a lot of those fight him no but i had a lot of like i had a lot of moments where i realized i was a grown-up yeah and i was like oh fuck you i don't have to i don't owe you shit oh yeah yeah that

was kind of a moment that i realized probably probably out of college yeah i think he got annoyed or angry at something because he was you know he had gone through sobriety many times and had relapsed and then i think he was annoyed that i didn't want him present for something something personal and um my mom was graduation or something i don't really remember i think it was like a birthday. So did you have to deal with him drunk? Never. No, no drunk. No drunk. Cocaine was... I mean, he was mostly... So you had to deal with him jacked? Never. Oh. Now the one credit

I will give, unless I was too young to understand, was he never was fucked up around me. But around me, he was probably biting his time. It was probably like, I have the kid for 20 hours. I can stay sober for 20 hours and then get rid of him and go back. Right. Do I know that for a fact? No, but I imagine that's what it was probably like i have the kid for 20 hours i can stay sober for 20 hours and get rid of him and go back right do i know that for a fact no but i imagine that's what it was and your mom she's like straight uh no she i mean she'll have she'll have a couple of drinks but yeah she never i mean she grew up she's you know she she's born in 55 so like she smoked pot she she you know she

was part of that revolution yeah but you probably i'm tried acid you know what i mean but like never was you don't know if she tried acid no she did oh yeah she did and now they're into now they're into weed again it's so funny my childhood getting yelled at for smoking pot now everyone's into weed my my well now gummies are cool with my mom oh really she doesn't she doesn't like smoking because she used to smoke cigarettes yeah so she wants to get away from smoking so she'll take gummies yeah i don't like i've been sober so long i missed the the whole gummy thing. I missed all that stuff. And it's a train that I don't know if you need to ride anyway. Nah.

It's not. All I know is that people like never, they always do too much with gummies. 100%. Yeah. That you can take a hit of a joint. You can't take like a little piece of a gummy. It just doesn't seem right. It's not going to work.

People are like, I don't know, I forgot how to pee. You know, it's like, what? That's when my buddy said when he first took it, he goes, I was worried about not breathing. I was like, that's not a fun, that's not a fun way to get high yeah but yeah but she but no and so he just uh he had his struggles and i learned that i was my own man at some point i just was like oh i don't fucking owe people anything yeah i can just i can be cordial and nice and polite to people but i don't owe owe people shit. And I always had that weird, like, well, you should do right by them. It's like, for what?

Yeah, I don't owe them respect. No, you don't. Look, I'm with you. My parents weren't even that terrible, but it's sort of like this idea when you realize on some level that there's a good chunk of who you are that you had to put together by yourself

because they were not there to do it. You had to figure out Mark. Right. So it's sort of like, I get the credit. Right, right, right. I don't hate you people, but you were just sort of around. Right.

You built the thing that you've become and those things shaped you a little bit, but I don't think anybody owes anybody shit. You know what I used to say when I was a kid that I never really loved this idea that you had to always respect your elders? I'm with you. Because I was like,

they could just be grown-up assholes. No, I'm totally with you. And it's a weird thing that, you know, people don't really think about it because they take it for granted. But it's like, you don't have to respect anybody who didn't fucking deserve the respect.

Yeah, that doesn't make sense. It's just like this ridiculous kind of like submissive place. Totally. Yeah, I mean, I think that's sort of what part of the fuck you that drives being a comic. Yes. I mean, I have a fundamental lack of respect for almost everything. Yeah. Yeah, almost.

There's a few things I do respect. No, like I appreciate other people's skills. And like, you know, when I can plainly see that people are capable of doing what they're, what they say they're doing or artists or whatever. Right. But the idea that like, just because you have a certain job or that you hold a certain place that like that commands respect. I don't know.

Why? I don't know you. And who made that rule? Yeah. Where did that come from? So like, yeah, I'm not a complete fuck you to everything, you know, but there is a part of me that, and it's gotten softer as time has gone on, but I don't automatically think you, like there's certain people in like show business, like on the other side of the business

where I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. How do you, I don't, I don't know if we need to go into it too much, but you know, it's like, you're just like living off of me. Me, off of me. Yeah. And I'm not even one of the big earners. You're bottom feeding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. much but you know it's like you're just like living i off of me me off of me yeah and i'm not even one of the big earners no you're bottom feeding yeah yeah i'm the i'm the guy that supplies pencils for the office right yeah you're you're barely you're barely making uh barely making a

dent in the books but also i i understand our position like i've learned to just go right this is who i am to them and I'm okay with it now. But what was the path, man? I mean, so you went to college in where, Tucson? No, I went to ASU in Phoenix. Phoenix. Well, in Tempe. Right.

Oh, that's big. Yeah. So what happened was is my whole goal was to get to California, but I visited California and I was, I knew immediately I could never afford it. And we had, you know, my parents were never going to be like, here's all the money to go to wherever you want it. So I learned I could go to this school, the cheap out-of-state school,

and I could get to California by way of, because I already knew in high school that I wanted to get into entertainment and specifically comedy. Really? Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.

So, but you're running around Chicago. Like Chicago is a great city, I think. I've grown to love it. I've worked there a lot in recent years. And it's definitely its own thing. There's definitely a great city, I think. I've grown to love it. I've worked there a lot in recent years. And it's definitely its own thing. There's definitely a lot of, there's like kind of like heavy people that smoke still. Yeah. Yeah, we're a fat city.

We're a fat city, but we're proud of it. Smoke? They smoke. Yeah, you have to smoke. You have to smoke to get through winter. And you have to have the burden of going out to a garage to smoke when you're still cold. Yeah. And you crack the door a little bit.

I like that, though. It's a cultured city. But it's also annoying when you grow up and everyone has this right to complain about the weather. It just gets tired. You're like, yeah, well, then fucking we should move. Yeah. I know it's cold here a lot. Why don't we move?

I'm the only one that left Chicago. My mom's one of 10 kids. All of all of the brothers and sisters all the grandkids they all live in chicago what do you make of that because it reminds me of boston where i lived as well too there's a lot of smoking and weight and it's like a it's one of the great cities yeah like there's only a few in this country and i think there people develop a loyalty to it and there's a whole way of thinking around it. Because the culture. Catholic families.

Catholic, yeah. The culture supports that kind of lifestyle. I would say like because you have a strong sports team presence, which always does this bonding thing. It makes us feel like we're all on the same team. Yeah, I missed all that. Yeah. But I mean, but it does. If you move there, it would kind of do it to you naturally now. You know, if you move to Chicago, you would go to a local bar or restaurant, and you'd feel the camaraderie that is kind of lacking in places like L.A.

Yeah, I feel that. We don't have that thing. I feel that in Chicago more than, it's not New York much anymore. No, but New York is such a weird, fucking different place. It's its own universe. Different universes, chicago seems to have a core universe like where'd you tape that special at the vic yeah i taped that i didn't want it the vic yeah it looked different than mine i regretted it sound a little echoey yeah i hated

it i wasn't ready to do that special i didn't want to really do it showtime gave it to me because we did the show i didn't love everything i put on it i didn't really want to do it i for some reason i just i didn't love it and i didn't want to do it yeah it was so many things but i felt like i should and i felt this pressure from showtime to like there's a lot of me out there that you were like you just didn't feel baked yeah you were you're half cooked you weren't ready no i wasn't ready and i just didn't really feel um the only thing that i loved about it was i was going back home to do something that i was proud that i was proud to be able to say i was able to do yeah but outside of that i

didn't love the special i didn't it wasn't the best version of me 2016 or 17 huh so it's not that long ago no and you feel like in the last three years my strength has gotten tremendous i've gotten so much stronger with how i structure now and the jokes i want to put out and yeah i just think i've gotten way stronger i've gotten that was more and for me it was more like when you think you're ready for something and you probably you might yeah i always thought i was ready and you're probably not like those stories i told you on your show yeah i'm yelling and with that I always thought like you know why am I not well we all feel that way yeah but but honestly looking back on it I was not ready to handle anything no but that's kind of the beauty of doing it then like I'm okay with it right I'm okay with it but also like right now like now when I did the Joker you know from doing

my podcast and talking to whoever's everything like I was not freaked out to be doing a walk and talk with De Niro. Yeah, because why? He's just a guy. Right. But you're looking at him, it's like fucking Robert De Niro. It's like, I know, but in person, it's not the same. No. He's just a guy.

Yeah. He's a man who has flaws and you kind of feel it from people. And has a really hard time remembering very few lines. Well, he's also, what is he, 80 now? Old 80 now old yeah i mean why do it anymore at this point i asked that well i don't know he seems to have a lot going on you know what i mean yes he does yeah you get the big money you get the big life and that that can turn on you again my fear when we talked about before my fear is like why would i start being the guy who has all the too much shit and then then you have to pay for all of it for the rest of your life fuck that you just you're just you're feeding it every

month no thanks you have a boat yeah no yeah like yeah you got a boat you have guest houses and and and are you a boat guy no no way i hate boats i don't why do i need to go out on a boat motorcycle i like bikes but i never will own one because you know I've had friends just get murdered on those things. All right, so you knew you were going to get out of Chicago. You wanted that out. And in high school, you knew you were going to do comedy, but you weren't doing comedy in Chicago. Yeah, no.

So you get into ASU, is it? Yeah, which is not hard to do. No, my brother went there. I know people go there. Kind of walk in. And what was the plan? I met a bunch of Southern California guys. That school is filled with kids from California.

But what were you going to major in? Like just communication? I did journalism. Oh, journalism. Yeah, English was my minor. How'd that all pan out? Did you graduate? I graduated summa cum laude, my friend, in four years.

Well, you know what it is, and I noticed this when I watched your standup, is sort of like with journalism, with, uh, with journalism, not so easy with English. You can charm your way through it. Yeah. Yeah. You can definitely charm your way into honors. I did. I truly did.

You just kind of like, uh, you meander, you, you, you, you shoulder what your way through smoothly. You're like,

I'm here. Right. And they're like, you are, you're fine. Manage your electives properly. Yes. Correct.

You know what I mean? Stay away from the language one. Easy. Get a no Spanish. Fuck that. Second language. no way not i tested out yeah so did i yeah i didn't want to do it i was like i'm not doing that shit are you out of your mind where's the dumb dumb test yeah i can't i'm not proficient but then it did then then i learned that i i knew in college i want to do it and at the time tempe improv was the only one that was around um comedy wise i would do a couple of Mikey things, but they were atrocious.

And I used to sneak into the Tempe Improv because I knew a girl that worked in the booth that I kind of hooked up with. I'd go see guys. I saw Mitch right before he died. Was he working with me? No. I co-headlined with Mitch there. He did Tempe probably a couple months before he died. No, this would have been before that.

No, yeah, it was... Oh, so he didn't look good. It was terrible, man. It was actually the worst. I remember walking back to my dorm and being like, oh, that didn't make any sense. I didn't feel like the guy that I liked. He was so strung out, he looked weird.

Yeah, looked unusual. Right, right. There just something was off. Yeah, and you couldn't put your finger on it, really. You were like, oh, interesting. Yeah. But i got to see a lot of people there and i started to try a little bit and then a friend of mine had said my friend colin had said hey if you don't come with me to california if you go back to chicago when we're done you're never gonna fucking move that room so the so the tempe you did open mics in college no no because that room

was weird and hard no i never did the improv right but it's a big weird room that room yeah it sucked i for a comic now i really feel like it did suck yeah it's still there right it is i've never played it but i but you know i learned quickly that if my friends were like if you don't move with us to southern california to get to los angeles you're gonna go back to chicago and get some bullshit job and you're not really gonna go for it so the influence of my friends was truly why i moved to los angeles it's interesting because like there actually was a vital comedy scene in chicago yeah like chicago is in terms of the modern show business landscape of comedy is like the premier city yeah it's not stand-up driven but there's definitely plenty of comedy there well yeah i mean the second city drove that place as far as comedy goes but i knew that if i went back to chicago i would have too many of my

old conveniences there of being close to family and getting lazy and i thought well if i'm gonna drown i want to drown in the ocean it's wild man because coming out here with without any without anything no money no connections it's like it you it's such the it's the shittiest feeling in the world yes because you're just stranded yep and you're like in culver city or wherever and you're like how do i get from here i was in culver city you were it's literally where i moved i swear to god national on the freeway that's where i moved that's where i was national on overland i was on national boulevard by the fucking 10 i was on overland right right off the freeway yeah national national in the 10 in an apartment

guess where i lived in a in a uh partitioned off dining room the dining room got turned into a bedroom right for me right and the two other guys slept in a bedroom and we shared three guys one bathroom right and you're just sitting there going like how do i get from here to that billboard impossible no no way to know yeah you just thought and they were all happening and see you drive around looking like it's probably going on in there look at that studio building that's where i'm making a movie right now sharon stone is in there right now doing it yeah that's what i felt i felt this like uh but also i i learned quickly how to meander my way into um the comedy scene

because I learned that it was like, oh, you just show up, hang out, be kind of cool, and work hard. You'll start getting more spots. But you were a fan, so it's interesting. Who told that story? I think it was Rick Kearns tells a story about doing a meeting. He didn't have a car, but he got this big meeting at cbs or somewhere and he goes in takes the bus the bus to cbs yeah he does the meeting and then he's sitting at the bus stop and the executives

that he just met with drive out they see him at the buses good to meet you rick thanks it's coming in 15 i'll be out of here soon yeah that but that's what this business is you're trying to get the attention of multi multi-millionaires so you can get a little bit or they're lackeys or the lackeys thereof yeah and you just want to get a little bit of peace just give me a little peace oh fucking worst all right so but when do you do your first spots how do you what do you put together well the open mic of the comedy store i used to go to the sunday and monday oh the mondays put my name in the bucket and then through there i met brooks wheelan and fahim anwar were two of my closest yeah friends and those guys all would we would all tell each other about hey there's a i

heard there's a mic in culver city used to be a one by that park and there's a coffee shop and then we'd all kind of keep sharing and that's how i learned where mics were it was there there didn't there wasn't like a database of mics you just had to like slowly like a circuit right it was like oh you can go here and here and here on wednesday And I have a calendar, uh, still in a bin that showed every night that I was doing where, and I would write down all these mics and like, on these nights I had to make this mic by this time so I could get to this one, this one. And I just- That was the thing. See, that wasn't the thing when I was younger, when I was starting out. So you'd had to go from the coffee shop to the bookstore,

to the laundromat. Yep. And I would do it every fucking night. I'd work my day job all day. And then at night, I was a PA. And then Monday nights at the store. I remember when I was a doorman at the store back in the 80s. It's just like that line out in front of the store on Mondays. Gross. Some guy wearing a garbage bag.

Yes. Another guy in a chef's hat. Some guy has a bird on his shoulder. It's like, what's happening? Yeah, it was a nightmare. I fucking hated it. And I went one time to- And Don Bear's going, how's everybody doing Yeah, it was a nightmare. I fucking hated it. And I went one time to- And Don Bear's going, how's everybody doing?

Right, mocking your existence. Yes. And then I went to Mike's slowly but surely, and then started getting booked on produced shows, and then grew from there and there and there. So that's it, so no club affiliation until you'd already put a few years in. I went to the store. I did open Mike's at the store i did open mic to the store but in 2007 it was the store was pretty low key there wasn't much going on yeah i remember and then i would come back a little bit later tommy would eventually who was the old booker there

would eventually start to really like me because i showed up very prepared i would do my set and i would fuck off i didn't hang out right and he said it to me because people who don't know people hang out of the store too much do they a lot a lot of guys when i was coming up they would hang over there they would hang out too much you're like you're there every night all night and usually they're getting drunk yeah i mean for me like when i when i as a grown up when i went back to the store years later you know after whatever happened to me in the 80s or 90s uh like i don't i don't stay there I don't know what happens to that place after 1030. I'm gone.

That's the problem is young comics, I think, committed too much of their time to not going and doing other sets. I would show up, and I'm not saying my way is the right way, but Tommy liked it that it was like, you get up, you go on, you leave. And I was like, yeah, because I go do my best shit, show off for you, and I go home because I just wanted to get past. Yeah. I hung out a little

bit but i probably had some other bullshit set to go to yeah so because of that the culture that got created started it became apparent that you know i could do the or and then he subsequently got passed in maybe 2010 right maybe that Right before he left? Yeah. Literally right before he left. Dude, I didn't get my name on the wall until 2003 or 4, because when Duncan was booking it, he was like, how is your name not up there? And they're actively trying to take it off, by the way. I'm on a committee of trying to take your name off the wall. Oh, come on.

I just passed the historical system. No, we want it down. No. We want it down. I worked so hard. But on my birthday, I got passed at the improv, which was a big deal. At the same time, I got passed at the store. And then I put in a lot of time at the store, but I also started to go over to like Meltdown or, you know.

I felt like I had to do all that shit too when I got back here. Yeah, you do kind of have to start all over again per se in a weird way. You just kind of tag around but i you got to you're because of your cultural influence and the people that you're your peers yeah you have probably an easier time showing up to these places than when i go to the virgil it was always a little bit like he's a comedy store guy or like like i've never been booked at the uh largo i've never played log i've never stepped foot in the largo i get it yeah it. Yeah. I mean, like, but I always, but the weird thing is for me, there's part of me that's sort of like, I'm really not this, but you are, but I am, I am. I'm very much it. Yeah. That's what I mean. You are, but

you're, you don't, you're trying to come from it. Yeah. But it, but it's a part of your culture. Well, I just, it's like, uh, it's a better audience for me sometimes, in a way. Sure. But also, it tempers me. Because I came up in the dark, shitty, dirty world, and I can be a dark, shitty, dirty person. Right. But there, it's sort of like, don't be so dark and shitty here. Yeah, they want way more fluff. It's not fluff. They want more highbrow.

It's not fluff. I think they want a little bit more... Dude, the people that would kill the hardest in alt rooms are club comics because they don't know it. Right. Those audiences didn't come up in the club world and the guys who work real clubs,

they know how to do it. So these guys would come in with their fucking straight up club act and the alt rooms would be like, oh my God. Right. And they'd all of a sudden see what real comedy is and then someone would get up there and you know talk about his pants for 20 minutes and for me it was hard following those guys well it's impossible it's impossible you have to bring

real shit but unless when you're a famous comic club comic and you go to the alt rooms it's it's easier when you're a comic who is kind of known as a club guy they do have a tendency to kind of want to shut you out a little bit. No, no, I get what you're saying. Which is fine. I mean, I was always able to do both worlds, and I had equal resentment for both worlds for different reasons. That's why it worked so well. I guess. They hated you everywhere.

Yeah, or I hated them more. It was more like it. That's what it was. You had the hatred. But the acting. That was around the exact same time around 2010 when i got passed i got i landed a job that got me out of that got me out of my day job and it was a hosting gig on a on msn to just do like a comedic take on what's going on in the news today oh really and i got a contract to do it for one calendar year and i literally called my mom and i was like

i can quit my fucking job. Got insurance. Yeah. Like I finally could quit my job. Which was what? I was working a day job as a PA. Well, I was doing a PA. I was a PA for a movie studio.

And then after that, I was working in the music industry, booking international tours for people like we did Cypress Hill, Macy Gray. We were getting them visas. You were the booking? Oh, you're just working for somebody. We were working with their tour managers to get them visas and travel arrangements and all that stuff. I was a gopher. I would just, whatever they needed, I did all of it. I did PA work.

I did PA work. It's one of the reasons I became a doorman at the comedy store. It's because I got this random PA job for something Mitzi was producing, some garbage. What was it? Do you know? Yeah, I know. What was it do you know yeah i know what was it there was a period there in like i guess it was like 87 maybe where she was trying to do a comedy channel and shooting

all these sketches with all her fucking weirdos yeah and it was you know it was across the street where before house of blues there used to be a house there that she'd made into a restaurant called barrymore's it was one it was like one of the Barrymore family's old Hollywood homes. And she had production offices over there. So it was right where they built that new building. Yeah. And I got the PA gig through somebody else. And she was fucking Danny Stone at the time.

And there was all the like Karen Haber, Charlie Barnett, Danny Stone, Joey Kamen, all the people that you don't know. No, no idea who those are. Sure. But they were shooting these sketches. And I just remember getting the job as a PA and going up to her and go, Mitzi, you remember me? I auditioned for you like six weeks ago.

And she's like, oh, yeah, you're more funny. Go tell Becker you want to be a doorman. And that's how I got the doorman. No shit. I reminded her. She didn't remember you though of course she did she did yeah like she wasn't gonna let me fucking work she wasn't that way just to let anybody know see it's funny because i've heard so many different versions of her over the years from different people at that time she wasn't losing it yet she was still all together yes but even when she was all together she was extremely pc mentally right i've heard that she was when she was all together, she was extremely PC mentally, right?

I've heard that she was just, she was all over the place. She was trying to do 50 things at once. I guess, you know, but I do not think that if she really had, if I didn't hit a note, she would not have just told me to go get a doorman job. Sure. I guess that's true. Dude, it was such a weird, different world. And then I had to answer phones.

I had to work the door. I had to drive the Jeep. I had to get her chicken salad. I did not fuck her. That should be the name of your book, I Did Not Fuck Her. I Did Not Fuck Mitzi. I Did Not Fuck Mitzi. So much of that world seems pretty tragic to me.

Yeah, it was a rolling tragedy, dude. Yeah. Yeah. When did that cease? I don't know, you were there. I mean, I left, I lost my mind on Coke and I was gone by eight, by 88. Good God. And then I ran home to Albuquerque, cleaned up, went back to Boston and got back on, started doing comedy again. I was, all I wanted to do is do comedy. But then I really kind of

reloaded back here, full on 2006, 2007. It's been in and out. Will you spend the rest of your life here, you think? I don't know, dude. I, you know i you know i i get i don't know what you think in terms of like i sometimes fantasize about going where i grew up i can get a house in new mexico people do that industry's there i could rent it out all this stuff but like do you really want it what do you think you're gonna find you think what are you gonna go back to high school right go back to work at your high school yeah i'm gonna go work at the maybe the restaurant i worked at in high school. No, it's gone. Yeah. The house I used to live in was leveled.

Really? Yeah. See, that's tragic to me. You can't even go visit? Well, they built another house there that looked kind of like the one I lived in. The area is the same. Not the very first house, but I don't know what you do. I have dreams about going back to Chicago, though, because I love Chicago so much.

The city is so rich. It's just like, there's so much life there. Even if it's not anything like it was when I was a kid it just it's still so rich I mean it's just it feels it does feel like you can't take the Chicago out of Chicago like New York like they've moved everybody out and you know but but did New York ever really have a singular identity it was just it's a bunch of different identities all over the city really it kind of did have a singular identity and you're when you were there well no I mean you know there's uptown there's rich people whatever but you know it's a grid and the each neighborhood represented something but there was a working

class in new york in manhattan that lived in manhattan yeah that can't live there anymore so now like they're all moved out you don't even know who owns the buildings it's all kind of been turned out for uh you know, mollified and whatnot. Yeah. So that's my thing is like, I think that's Chicago just still has this. We're all here thing. We haven't get Chicago never got taken over by something.

I mean, there has been a high influx of a lot of money. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of new money and a lot of very expensive parts of Chicago now, but it still has that thing that it's still a working class blue collar. Yeah, I feel that. So you got that one gig. I got that one gig and I quit my, I got to quit my job and that helped me do comedy.

We got the PA job. Somewhat full time, I guess you could say it was. But were you, did you at some point decide you wanted to be an actor more than a comic or? I always had it in me. I always was like, I did a couple of plays in college. I always like really kind of wanted to, but I was so scared to admit it because i was like comedy something i can actually take on and not give a shit if i fail because i know the i know it's this grind because i was a student of it i was like i know what it's going to take you just have to bust ass all the time with acting i was like i'm not that good looking i don't have any formal training so it was daunting to even

think about it but i would tell my manager at the time throw me out for some shit if they wanted you know goofy looking redheaded guy yeah and then slowly but surely i learned that i was you know i was good at it i just was like oh i'm pretty good at this i could access emotions better than some of my peers yeah then i started landing shit and then truly i've said it before but you know all Alison Jones, casting director, kind of really found me, so to speak. Yeah. Her and Wendy O'Brien were both like, you're good. You should really commit. And I started to learn that I was like, okay, maybe I should really try to go for shit.

And from there, you know, that's a whole other game. Well, she put me in The Office, which was fucking huge. Oh, you were on The Office? I just did one little episode of The Office. Yeah. And after that, it was kind of like, what else can I find for you that you can show off? Yeah, what else were you in? I did an episode of Rested Development.

I did, honestly, I'd have to look it up. I know this sounds really sad, but I just don't. Your IMDb? Well, it doesn't matter. Well, I just, well, but honestly. But the biggest thing you did was I'm Dying Up Here? I'm Dying Up Here was, I mean, I booked a pilot called, I did a show called Mixology in 2000.

I kind of remember that. It was an ABC show. That was kind of like the first thing I ever landed. Yeah. But I did, you know, yeah, The Office, Arrested Development, Children's Hospital. Oh, yeah. Then I did The League, you know,

then I did that Mixology show. But before that, the first thing I ever landed, the first thing I ever did, did punked for mtv i did like the one of the remakes of punked oh you hosted or just no i was one of the one of the one of the pranksters one of the assholes one of the assholes on there yeah i did that thing and i helped write some of the bits it was huge for me looking back i'm glad i did it what but when did you like did were you were you like a rogan guy in the sense no i mean i guess people do associate my name with him now because But when did you, like, were you like a Rogan guy? No. I mean, I guess people do associate my name with him now because he had me on his show,

and it helped me kind of gain some resonance in the podcast. But you weren't a regular guy? You toured with him? Yeah. Once in a while, he'll let me go out and do some shows. If he's like, do you want to come open for me somewhere? Right. And I will. I'll go wherever he wants to go.

Is it just you? Usually. It's me, Ali Makovsky, Ian Edwards, Tony. He has a few guys go before him, right? somewhere and i will i'll go wherever he wants it just you usually me ali mckoski ian edwards tony uh he has a few guys go before he's got a big clique of people that he'll take out once in a while but does he take out more than one at a time i'm saying yeah oh yeah there's always somebody that opens the show and then a middle act or there'll be two middles and we just split time right right me and edwards would do that yeah you know ian yeah sure and we'll just split time yeah um but joe joe started to know who i was around the comedy

store six years ago something like that and then just liked my stand-up right and then was like how come you don't have a podcast yeah i was like i don't know yeah he's like well come do mine yeah so i got to do his and i started to do other people's podcasts and then i learned that i enjoyed it and i was okay at it right but joe i would never say like i'm associated with him right but i was never like a one of his you don't you didn't move to austin i'm i'm there mentally i'm there uh no no i had no fucking when he joked about that he was like would you would you ever think about moving out here i was like you out of your fucking mind like i just bought a house two years ago i just finally

got to a place when i could settle down here but uh no that's that's not i'm not um you're your own guy i am my own unfortunately like we said before i think i'm not you're your own guy I am my own unfortunately like we said before I think I'm so much of my own guy sometimes it hurts me a little bit I think it'd be helpful

to be a part of a group but I'm not I can't I'm no good at it I'm no good at it yeah it's tough because as soon as I'm part of a group

I'm sort of like who the fuck are these guys yeah I don't like these fucking guys these guys are annoying I'd rather be alone I do I really do

do my own thing a lot yeah a lot which is a benefit I can work in I can rather be alone. I really do do my own thing a lot. Yeah, yeah. A lot, which is a benefit. I can work in an ensemble. I can work with people, like acting or anything else. Sure. But in terms of sort of like, hey, me and the boys are going,

nah, I'm not one of the boys. I just don't agree with enough people enough to just get involved, and I just want to poke my head into things. Yeah. Oh, that sounds fun. I'll do that. Yeah. But otherwise, I'm going to keep doing whatever else I'm doing. For me, it's like

there's always the guys. That's the guys. Come on, guys. Now there's the one guy that talks and holds the guys together. The guy I am, I'm the one where they go like, who the fuck is that guy? Yeah, that's me. That's Mark.

Yeah, don't worry about him. It's just, where are we going? Yeah. Why has he got to come with us? He's not coming with us. Mark, we have too many people in the car, man. Good, good, good. That's your response.

Good. No, my response used to be like, I'll just follow you guys. I'll follow you in my car. Yeah, that's sad. And then- They ditch you. Yeah. They tell you they're going to Mel's Diner.

They're really going to Swingers. Yeah, it's just like your dad. And I'm waiting outside of fucking Mel's just tapping my toes with my baseball. Yeah, yeah. We're my friends. My baseball mitt. Yeah, I was that guy until I got hard, man. I hardened up.

What hardened you up the most? Oh. What turned you sour? Well, I don't know what turned me sour. I think when my first real girlfriend, you know, left me and then years later when the second wife left me. But comedically, it's just pretend. You know, that you just pretend like it doesn't hurt you

until one day it doesn't, you know? See, because the way I know you is we know each other just as comedians. Right. We've never spent a lot of time together. Yeah. And I, there's a perception that people have of you. It's wrong. Yeah, it's interesting.

I've learned that over the years. Yeah. That you're not that guy. Because when we speak at the store, it's always very nice and cordial and wonderful. But there is a perception that you're this hardened ex-comic criminal, this like vibe of like, yeah, I do.

I'm, they have this, there's this fantasy with weird. Well, I think you probably ate it in some of it over the years. And then a lot of it was created by everyone else. Well, I think really what it is is like,

I was just, I was just angry. I was usually thinking about myself. I wasn't carrying some sort of attitude as much as I was just bitter and weird. Inside yourself. Yeah. You know, and then people project onto that. But like as time went on, people who know me, like I'm a fucking marshmallow really.

Well, here's something that you did that I want to point out. You? Yeah. out to you yeah but it was it was very it was very funny because there was like a submit to be considered to be in the emmys and you had submitted my name was on like a list and you had come up to me at the store oh yeah and you had said hey i you know i submitted for you for that thing yeah and i said really yeah oh yeah i first of all it didn't deserve it but i was like that's really nice of you and you were very much like yeah yeah it was good and then you kind of fucked off yeah and i think i wrote you a an email or a text message or i don't even know how i try to communicate with you yeah

and i've i put like a heartfelt sappy thing because i have that inside of me yeah and um i think all you wrote back was you got it or something like that yeah it was very much like yeah this is the end we're not talking about this emotional thing anymore but see the weird thing about that is it's like i i just literally don't have the the focus to really dig into i get that i get that so when i go i got people think i'm being curt and i'm not there's a lot going on it's just like how much what do i gotta write here right well some people involve themselves in the emotion of communication and you're very literal you're like well this is kind of well with email and text i've

i've lost my ability to to do that right see i've learned that i have to do it more because i've i've had people tell me that hurt my feelings that you didn't xyz i'm like shit i didn't know yeah well maybe i should learn that lesson no because i put a lot of work into like i do a weekly email blast for the podcast, right? Yeah. And I really write the thing. And also, I'm constantly just bleeding on my podcast and stuff. Yeah.

So I put all that emotion out in the world. So when it comes to responding to a text, I'm like, I don't know. What do you want me to do? Yeah. Right. I get it. Trust me, I understand it. Well, because we've disconnected from an honest face-to-face version of the communication

to just saying, I want to receive that same emotion. Maybe you should call more. Through the letters. I do call people a lot more now. The pandemic made me start calling people. I would, Fahim Manwar and I have, like I said, he's my oldest friend. I've known him since we literally both moved here. Yeah.

And only in the past couple of years have we really started to call each other and speak on an almost daily basis. Because we fucking love chatting. Those were the days when we were younger, we would get some great conversation out, some really deep shit sometimes, or just talk shit and have a laugh. Yeah. And that went away. We both got, everyone gets busy, and then you just stop doing it. It's weird.

Yeah, the other thing with me is I think I'm just a little preoccupied and impolite. I'm not an asshole. No. But I mean, those two things can equate that. You know, like if I get to the store, I'm sort of like, what's happening? Where are we going? What's who's on? What?

Why is this? What's going on down here? Right. You know, and there's people I know for years, but like. That's what I learned about you, by the way. What? Right. You know, and there's people I know for years, but like. That's what I learned about you, by the way. What? Was that when you're at the club, you are very much at the club work minded. Mark is like tuned in. Yeah. You're not a hey, what's going on? Fuck that. Yeah. I've learned that like when Marin's there, it's like a you're like it's like a tractor beam of thoughts that you're executing in front of your own eyeballs. Right. And then you're doing it. And then then when you're done you will say goodbye or what's up right but it's when you're there for the show you're very much not a sebastian's the exact same way yeah people think sebastian's a little bit um some some younger guys are like oh he's you know he doesn't really talk to him he just is focused as fuck he wants

to go do his work and then he wants to leave which i totally respect when you're young you don't get it you're like you don't even look at me, man. That's true. That's true, the generational thing. Because there's genuinely people I like seeing. I mean, and I'll talk to them. I'm always happy to see people. And I think there are people that know who I am inside,

and they don't mess with it. I just say hi to you, and that's it. I always go, hey. And you're always like, hi. That's about as nice, that's about as. The next thought in my head is like,

what does that guy even do? Who's that guy? Who is that son of a bitch? Yeah, because I don't know, like, I hear his name, it's like,

you know, he seems to have his shit together. I don't know what he does. That's kind of nice. Yeah. I like, I like kind of floating

on my own shit. but now that's over. Now, now it's sort of like, now we got to like lock in. No. I'm going to see on my own shit. Yeah, but now that's over. Now it's sort of like now we got to lock in. No. I'm going to see. No, we can continue this fantasy as far as we need it to go.

The best part about being a professional and having your own shit going on is that you can kind of just do your own fucking thing and nobody cares anymore. I don't like that people think, because I'm really not what people think I am. And I think that most people who listen to the podcast kind of know that now. Sure. But there was this old version of me that younger comics or people who know me from comedy used to have. And maybe I was an asshole. But I was, you know, I don't know if it was bitter.

But sometimes it comes out of me. You know, like when we off the mics the other day you know it started the mics go i was like that fuck that guy yeah yeah but i used to do that just on stage right see that's that's doesn't help yeah right yeah right i used to i didn't know that there was the things you don't say out loud but it's honest if nothing more i know but i used to pride myself on that but that honesty just makes people afraid of you. Sure. Or think you're an asshole. It's more that they just think you're not someone that they need to associate with. Or trust.

Yeah, they're just like, oh, that guy, he's not- He'll throw you under the bus, that guy. Right, right. He'll say some shit about you. Yeah, exactly. Right. And you don't want to be that. So instead, people just say hi, and that's it.

They just go, hi. Don't give him any more. Don't rock the boat. He'll feed on whatever- Don't give him ammunition to fucking light you up for no reason. Yeah. But that's fine. Don't rock the boat. He'll feed on whatever. Don't give him ammunition to fucking light you up for no reason. But that's fine. I do think that's okay because this idea that we're all going to be buddies.

What job would you walk into that you're going to be friends with all of your coworkers? Well, the thing is, is we took the job where we didn't have to do that. Right. And also, we're also a bunch of people that really don't fit into other things. No, we're selfish and self-centered. Yeah, we're just a bunch of monsters. Right, we're bad people. We all just listen to me. Yeah, listen to what we self-centered. Yeah, we're just a bunch of monsters. Right, we're bad people. We all just listen to me. Yeah, listen to what we're doing now.

Terrible people. Listen to us, please. We're terrible people. Yeah, we're worthless. Just sort of like, you know, have no sense of what it's like to live in the real world. No.

But mock it. Right, but shit on it on a daily basis. Yeah. You got a secure life. Boo. How's your 401k, dick? Right. Mocking the normalcy. But that's but that's that's why i

enjoy your family you sicko you fucking sicko follow the sheep yeah yeah sheep fucking what are you doing i'm i don't know i'm gonna sleep in that's it though yeah i don't other than that i'll figure it out i guess i got all the time i want man not you yeah well i heard seth rogan did uh uh howard stern and he had said that about him not having kids and was like i get to sleep in and smoke weed on saturdays you know whatever and there was a piece of me that was like that's very much what comics do of like yeah i don't have to do the rules but there was also a sadness behind it. It sounds like you might want a thing to do a little bit.

I learned a lesson at the store once when I was submerged in that place, living in Crest Hill, living and breathing and eating at the store, just fucking coked up and fucked up. And some chick I used to have sex with in college came out to visit me.

She was just hanging out and we were in a circle burning furniture at Crest Hill have sex with from in college came out to visit me you know and it was like one of these she was just hanging out and we're like in a circle like burning furniture at crest hill and doing blow and playing guitar it was like four in the morning and i remember her just like sitting there like what is going on i'm like yeah man it's like this is life you know this is how we live fuck it you know and it was just and she wrote me this letter like weeks later, just basically saying like, no one wants to live like that. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you're judging these people.

Like we're not getting up. Fuck the joggers. You know, it's like, who wants to be you? Right. You guys are acting like this is the way to be. Right. And you're monsters. This vigilante lifestyle is insane.

Fucking ridiculous. I thought about that because I saw a photo the other day about uh that made that reminded me about how belushi and we regard belushi as like in that generation of those guys like just like yeah oh incredible but the truth was about belushi and farley was that lifestyle was a fucking nightmare like it was a nightmare like they were brilliant guys but we we kind of like got away from them well yeah i mean look what ended up happening to to hunter s thompson is like the latter half of that story is fucking sad wet brain it's not cool to oh shiva's regal and fucking four eight balls of coke and dunhill's till five in the morning then chocolate cake can you did you ever read what he ate and then you actually think about it you're like that's fucking sad and gross no way you feel good no your body's a dumpster and you're just begging to die yeah so no it's

cool for a moment in time to reflect especially as a teenager yeah when you're a grown-up you're like this is bullshit if you're if you're depends what kind of grown-up you are well i guess you know but when i say that i mean someone who's learned that life is a lot deeper than just these like cool moments like yeah we get to we get to do coke and burn it. But the culture is different. Yeah, no, it's changed. I mean, there's no premium on that shit anymore. It used to be like rock and roll, we're doing it.

You know what I mean? We're living on the edge. And now it's sort of like, nah, it's kind of sad. It's sad. People died on the edge. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people fell. This is insane.

Watch your carb intake. Right. Too much pasta, bro. What are you doing? Come on, you're going crazy. You're going to die. You're pasta, bro. What are you doing? Come on, you're going crazy. You're going to die. You're nuts, man. You got to check your health.

Good talking to you, man. Yes, it was great talking to you, brother. I've got to go finish up your yard with those fellas. Oh, they're waiting for you? Yeah, that's why they stopped. Okay, good. All right, thanks. Thank you.

That's it. Again, Andrew Santino is a recurring role on the sitcom dave you can get his podcast whiskey ginger or uh bad friends with bobby lee where you get podcasts and you can watch them on youtube and uh i i don't have any music today i didn't bring a harmonica i don't have nothing i have nothing i have nothing to share with you musically. There's an old cat outside. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

Let's see if we can get the cat to talk to close this out. I'm in a garden room, and there's a garden out here, and there's a cat that lives out here. Hey, come here. Come here. Come here. What do you got to say huh great great clothes good for you you coming in my room now you're filthy boomer lives monkey lafonda cat angels everywhere right that wasn't even to me.

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