WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1338 - Lara Beitz

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

For a while, Lara Beitz could only get on stage to do comedy if she was hammered. She'd drink to feel less nervous but then there wasn't a time when she didn't feel nervous, so she was just always drinking. Lara and Marc talk about their shared experiences with addiction and recovery as they were developing their voices as comedians. Lara also looks back on an upbringing that was clouded by the specter of alcoholism and how she had to come to terms with it later in life.  Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die we control nothing beyond that

an epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel to show your true heart is to risk your life when I die here you'll never leave

Japan alive FX's Shogun a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required T's and C's apply.

Lock the gates! All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Knicks? What's happening? How's it going? Is everybody okay? I'm Mark Maron. This is my podcast, WTF. Let me tell you, today on the show, a name that for some reason is confounding to me. I work with this woman all the time. I work with her all the time, and I'm always amazed if I can get her name correct. Lara Bytes.

Lara Bytes. The tricky thing is, it's not Laura. It's Lara Bytes. It's L-A-R-A-B-E-I-T-Z. Lara Bytes. She's a comedian. I bring her on stage, and I'm just thrilled when i get the name right

you wouldn't think it'd be difficult but it is for some reason she's very funny i was happy to get to know her by having her on this show she's been on comedy central she co-hosts the podcast slobs which you can uh get wherever you get your podcasts. And I had a nice chat with her. I really did. I was excited. I'm excited to talk to these young comedians. I started watching that George Carlin documentary that Judd did finally.

I watched it and it was very interesting that you get these documentaries that he's making a documentary. They're making a documentary about a guy who got it right and no one fucking listened and that's the message this guy eventually landed in a zone where he was just telling sort of fiery truth that was sometimes funny it sometimes wasn't he was correct about a lot of things and a lot of them came to pass and he was pointing them out in a way that implied maybe we should be aware of this and fix it. Nothing happened. A few things did, but mostly not.

So this is a beautiful documentary about a guy that we didn't listen to correctly. There is nobody, zero people that carry the carlin mantle in the way that he did it nobody because people have too much ego invested too much trivialization there was nobody that is doing it with the weight of later carlin and i didn't even like later carlin that much but i look at it in a different way. And it was inspiring to me. But this idea that somehow comedians are thought leaders is bullshit. None of them could fucking hold a candle to the type of things that George Carlin was saying towards the end of his career in the last few specials.

He framed it like George Carlin. And you could get laughs. But he was just sort of like. This is what's up. And we're in trouble. I don't know who's doing that. And you know. I'm glad I watched it.

I'm not even finished watching it. But it did inspire me to start. You know fucking. Doing a little god damn homework. On the set that I've been kicking around. For the last year. The two hours that i'm working with try to focus dude what are you trying to say despite that it might not get a laugh despite that people might disagree despite the fact that people don't really fucking think.

They think they think because they read things that seem to be by people who think. But most people don't fucking think. They're just scrambling to get through their fucking lives and not be terrified. But terrifying times, man. I'll be in Durham, North Carolina on June 17th at the Carolina Theater. Charlotte on June 18th at the Knight Theater. Charleston, South Carolina on June 19th at the Charleston Music Hall. Las Vegas on July 15th and 16th at Wise Guys.

There are also August and September dates in Indianapolis, Louisville, Lincoln, Nebraska, Des Moines and Iowa City, Iowa, Tucson, Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona, and Boulder, Colorado. Go to WTFpod.com slash tour for all dates and ticket info. And also the beautiful thing about Carlin is that he didn't seem to have many friends because he wanted to think he didn't see himself as a leader he wasn't a tribal warlord he didn't need that kind of support what the fuck is happening all right look i know what's happening lara bites is here her podcast slobs which she hosts with jessica michelle and steph tolev is available on all podcast platforms she'll be at the milwaukee improv for six shows starting june 23rd through June 26th. This is me talking to Lara.

Bites. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goal tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes.

Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Death is in our air.

This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.

When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, A new original series, streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. So what, you're overwhelmed all the time too? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Like today, what was the big obstacles? Oh, I drove here. That was it? Yeah. That's enough? Of course that's enough. Yeah, I live in Culver City. Are you kidding me? It was so much more than I could handle.

And then it kept going on for way longer than I could handle it. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you new to driving? No. No. Nope.

Just scared all the time. Of just driving? Of driving the most. The most? Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. I started taking an anti-anxiety medication.

Which one? Buspar. How's that one? It's great. Really? I've gotten so many people on it. I want them to sponsor. Buspar?

Just me. Yeah. Buspar. Buspar. With a B. I think the generic name is Busparone. Is it like an Ativan or a Valium? No, it doesn't feel good like that.

It's not, it's nothing. Oh, it's one of those drugs that you don't feel at all other than it does what it's supposed to? Yeah, exactly. Oh, fuck those. Yeah, it's not like a beta blocker. It's not an SSRI. I've had the beta blocker before. How does that work for you?

I don't know. I was so filled with rage, we thought it might work. Yeah. But I tried it once or twice. I'm not sure if it did work. I don't know i was so filled with rage we thought it might work yeah but i i'm i tried it once or twice i'm not sure if it did work i don't know really yeah it was a bad relationship and uh it didn't it didn't stop it from being bad yeah yeah i had one where it was one of the ones where you're supposed to control your own dose which i thought was a bad idea from the jump beta blocker no uh i think it was like actually technically an antihistamine,

but they give it to people for anxiety, but it just makes you fall asleep. Like it sucked. Right. But your nose is clear. Yeah. Your sinuses are good. Yeah.

They were like the maximum you can take in a day is four. And I took one and it didn't work. And then I took four immediately. And I'm like, I'm in recovery, you know? And so I'm like, I'm going to be so careful with these. And like the second that I don't feel perfect, I was like, well, what if I take as many as I'm allowed to? It still didn't work. So you're an anxiety person? Oh yeah. I am too, I think. And I don't know that I ever identified it until fairly recently. Yeah. You've always known? No.

I've just always been terrified at all times. And then finally someone noticed. Terrified. Yeah. And yeah, this medication just makes it where I'm just scared all the time, which doesn't sound like a big upgrade, but it's a tremendous improvement in my quality of life a little room between scared and terrified yeah or you can maybe catch a breath yeah yeah i i yeah i don't i'm not taking anything and i think that my coffee intake sadly um exacerbates the situation uh yeah no shit it does You're not on anything except coffee.

Are you out of your fucking mind? No wonder you're scared all the time. I'm not scared. I'm just, I'm like, what are we going to? Oh, yeah. But I'm not, I'm not, it's not fear that I'm experiencing. It's some sort of aggressive FOMO. It's like, I'm just, everything is happening'm just like, I'm just, uh, everything is happening to me

and, uh, I'm missing everything. Yeah. Like just little things like today was rough with the anxiety because of a, of a watering problem. I'm trying to, I'm trying to be good and only water appropriately related to you know the drought yeah but there's something wrong with my sprinkler timers and they're like going on and on and on and i'm think i'm embarrassed because the neighbors see all this water i'm just like i'm gonna be like the water waster i'm they're gonna judge me and i couldn't turn them off and then i like i spent like an hour trying

to figure out what's wrong with the timers because some things are getting water some some things aren't it was and then I'm just I decided that some things are almost dead and I'm out there I'm like some things aren't getting water at all and it was it just it was insane and I texted um my gardener who speaks no English like 90 times like a man who's obsessed just like you know and I got to that text at the end where it's sort of like maybe i have to call somebody else because he hadn't responded to my text yeah and then finally he did and so uh he said he's gonna send a guy i'm like does that guy know how to do the timer so that was that was today and then the grill wasn't was not acting right and then you know tragedy happens in the world horrendous tragedy and i'm just consumed with sprinkler and grill problems and uh a gunman killed a bunch of people yeah and then that doesn't make me anxious that just makes me uh it does though it you know it makes me empathetic but

also makes me sort of like it's time to go it might be time to go there's that anxiety let's get out well i kind of hear shame yeah like over i don't know you having these feelings about the sprinkler which i totally understand i'm laughing because i relate i would be freaking out too if my sprinkler were over watering my lawn in a drought where i shouldn't be watering anything but then yeah i don't know if it's ever a helpful layer to be like, I don't know. I think that it's important to be grateful for what we have. But then I do think that there's this point where it, for people like us, is just this almost like, it's this, oh, and then this feels like a good warm bath to slip into.

The self-hatred on top of the small mistake that I'm making and trying to correct is the real problems that people have. And I'm a piece of shit for still feeling the gauntlet of human emotion. When my problems are smaller, I should be happy all the time, but that's completely unrealistic. How are you with the body shame? Uh, I've hated every moment I've ever spent in my body. I've hated my body since I was born.

Yeah. I can't take it. I'm just like, no, I don't know. I'm I like, no, that's not true. I was going to say, I'm, I think I'm better with it, since I was born. Yeah, I can't take it. I'm just like- No, I don't know. I'm like, no, that's not true. I was going to say I think I'm better with it, but I'm not. Oh, it's so exhausting.

It's so annoying that the solution isn't on the outside. Isn't it? Because I lost this weight. And I was like, oh, I'll feel that way now. I feel, dare I say, like the same almost, like just about. i don't have like i don't for most people who would just be here's my new thing with that because i might have i had an anorexic mother so i grew up never i have total body dysmorphia and discomfort yeah but uh lately my new treatment for it is to be like you know no one's looking at your you know your your quote-unquote fat no one's looking at you saying like that guy's got a weight problem no one's even thinking about

how you feel in your pants yeah of course they are though they are they're thinking about me maybe they're not thinking about the way you feel in your pants they're thinking about the way i look they are yeah i mean i just had like a late night appearance and i didn't read the youtube comments because of what happened the last time I read the YouTube comments. Which late night? Cordon. Oh, how was that? The late, late show.

I can't do that one anymore. It was so much fun. Why not? I don't know how to have fun. And it's all about fun. It wasn't that much fun. I was so scared. I'd rather just.

It was fun for five minutes. I just like going out one on one with a guy that knows how to do it or standing up and talking by myself. Yeah. You know, there's another guest and he's like half talking to two people and there's a lot of activity and things. And I'm like, I can't do this. I don't know if anything's landing. And why am I sitting with this person? That's what goes on when I do cordon.

Yeah. Oh, but that's a different experience. I just did five minutes of stand-up. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Oh, no. I have to sit on the couch with the other person yeah i was terrified until like halfway through my set and then i was

like oh this is going so well and then i enjoyed the second half of my five minutes set and then it was over and it's crazy how fast like the studio just like clears out when these things are done so there's no like after party no one one hangs out. And they do it every day. And I'm just like, damn, that's it's over. Yeah. And that's what I always think. It's sort of like, where's what are we? Where are we all going now?

Yeah. And they're like, this is the job. Yeah. Even Ian Carmel will say something nice to you. But then I'm like, I got to go back to the. And I'm like, but this is my party. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. I know. It took me a long time just to realize it's another day at work for these people. Yeah. You're not going to get special treatment here. Because they seem like they're having so much fun. It looks like such a party. Oh, it's a lie.

But then the second the credits roll, it's over. It's a lie. Yeah. And that's the moment when I'm comfortable. It's after your set. Yeah. They're like, yeah. I did it.

Yeah. Where's my prize? Yeah. I have my adrenaline, but it's like the good kind of adrenaline, you know? Yeah. So you, you would stay off the comments though? Yeah, I did. But I was talking to my boyfriend about it and I was like, I, like, I already know what

they're going to say. And he was like, oh yeah, I read the comments. Don't read the comments. You do not want to. There were negative ones. And I was like, I don't even want to hear that. Why are you telling me that? I already said I wasn't going to look at him. And I was like, I don't even want to hear that. Why are you telling me that? I already said I wasn't going to look at them.

And he was like, no, I'm validating your choice. Because, yeah, there were some, like, really mean ones on there. So I know it's the same shit it always is. They're going to say I'm fat and I'm ugly and I look like a man. But it's because they're, like, these sad people who haven't accomplished anything. And also, for some reason, women just can't get a break on those fucking things. Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah.

Years ago, we had a comment board on the website for the show, and we took it down because of that. Every female guest, it was like, what the fuck is wrong? It's like a large group's hobby is to just troll around and shit on women all they can. But you have all these issues, which is, wait, see, I don't know. I'm glad you're here because I was like, I got to interview some of these young guns. Thanks. And I was like, who do I know? So I got, I interviewed Jesus.

Oh, great. And you, because I mean, I work with you. I see you. You're funny. You've got a thing, but I don't know anything about you or what brings you here. Yeah. Where do you come from? I come from Milwaukee.

That's never gotten such a strong response. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. I was hoping you weren't going to say Los Angeles because then I'd be like, oh, fuck. No, absolutely not. Milwaukee. I was just there. Really? Yeah, at the Turner Ballroom.

Oh, fuck. No, absolutely not. Milwaukee. I was just there. Really? Yeah, at the Turner Ballroom. Oh, great. I like Milwaukee. I like that gig. I like that city because when I was there last time, I stayed at that St. Kate Hotel. Do you know that place? No. It's the art hotel, St. something. I've never heard of it.

Come on, man. I know it's there. It must be a newer one. When was the last time you were there? Are you that terrified of going there? Well, I was there last year a couple times. St. Kate's Arts Hotel. Yeah, I've never heard of that.

It's nice. There's galleries downstairs. There's a pretty good restaurant. All the rooms are kind of themed and interesting. That's cool. It must be new. It's been there since before COVID because I went there. Well, but that's fairly new i mean i left i

moved from there in 2013 and i only just went back are you folks there no oh so you where are they um my dad has is dead and my mom okay lives in minac, Wisconsin, which is like four hours north of Milwaukee. Oh, alright. But you grew up in Milwaukee? Mm-hmm. Without them? No, I grew up with my parents. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't grow up independently.

Yeah, I had a little apartment. I was a baby. No, yeah, I had parents. I had parents as a child. And you have brothers and sisters and stuff? I have one older sister. What does she do? She works at a pharmacy. In Milwaukee?

No, in Minocqua. Minocqua? Yeah. What's that town like? Do you go there more than you go to Milwaukee? Yes. Okay. Yeah, because my family lives there.

It's pretty. It's like in the woods. But they used to live in Milwaukee? Mm-hmm. Was it a fun place to grow up? I mean, I didn't like being a kid, and it's very cold there. So I didn't have fun growing up. I think that there are other people who have had fun growing up there.

You didn't like being a kid? No, I hated being a kid. Yeah? Yeah. How did that manifest itself? I just was miserable at home. I was miserable at school. And then I had to go back home.

And then I had to go back to school. It was just awful. I hated it. Was there problems everywhere? Yeah. I kept running away. But, you know. From home?

I was a kid. Yeah. I ran away from home. I ran away from school. What was going on? My dad was an alcoholic. And my mom was an alcoholic's my mom was the wife of an alcoholic's wife yeah exactly yeah so that was it like what kind explosive alcoholic yeah oh no oh yeah it was

brutal and then i would like go to school and be weird and like kids would make fun of me and sucked yeah it was just like just terrified well that's the anxiety. Yeah, yeah. Just to like never know what's going to fucking happen. Yeah. One of those alcoholics? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, aren't they all those alcoholics? No, some of them just go to sleep or get goofy.

Oh, no. No, it was like, which person is this going to be? Oh, blackout guy? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah, but I didn't like know that. Like, there was so much behind the scenes. Like my mom told me that there were so many mornings where she like would drag him off of the kitchen floor and like drag him into another room before we would get up for school so that we wouldn't see him.

Oh. No, not like weekend at Bernie's. She didn't put sunglasses on him and a hat. Stick him in the corner. Dad's quiet today that's no she just would like drag him out of the room and then um i mean i i do remember him like calling in sick for work like a lot yeah and just like what did he do he was a lawyer oh really so he's like yeah he had a real job and everything he, but we never had enough money because he drank so much. He would go out to the nicest bar and just blow it off.

Our car would break down in the middle of intersections and stuff. Oh, my God. So he was an alcoholic your whole life? He wasn't. So he died when I was 24. Of alcoholism? No, of just death. I mean, he had a heart attack. Oh.

He was, he got sober in jail when I was 12. He was in jail? Yeah. And he stayed sober for 12 years. So for the first 12 years that I knew my dad, he was drunk. And for the second 12 years that I knew him, he was drunk and for the second 12 years that i knew him he was sober and then he died why did he go to jail um like drunk stuff he like drove drunk too many times and so i think he did like six or nine months when i was in high school and then he didn't hit anybody though um he got in a car accident with my sister in the car when my sister was a baby oh but i don't know if he got i think he got arrested that time i don't know i mean my mom tried to protect us so there was like a lot of stuff that i didn't really know about and you know what's so crazy is recently i mentioned this to my mom and my sister and my sister doesn't even remember that my dad went to jail

and my mom's older than you uh-huh she's five years older and my mom doesn't remember how long it was for so it's like even talking to them it's almost like none of this stuff ever happened what do you think that's ptsd i i mean i've been diagnosed with ptsd and it explained everything that i didn't have an explanation for in my life. Yeah. So I'm sure they have it too. Yeah. That's horrendous. Yeah, it's crazy. So when you're growing up, when you said you'd go to school and you just felt you couldn't feel normal, right?

Yeah. And all the other kids sensed it? I mean, I was also really like I acted out oh yeah i acted out a lot i did a lot of like attention seeking and just had really low self-esteem so i i mean i'm you know tried to make the other kids laugh really wanted to be liked but also was like wearing the same clothes to school every day because i wasn't you Yeah. So they're making fun of you on top of everything else. Yeah. Yeah.

So ultimately all you're achieving is just being the weird kid. Yeah. Yeah. I was trying so hard. That's the worst. No schoolwork though, right? Um, no. Yeah.

I can't remember doing any schoolwork ever. I don't remember this totally, but my mom said that i would write like this is a stupid assignment on on a paper and just like push it to the edge of my desk and i ended up skipping a grade i think because i was so difficult to teach and i wasn't trying to be an asshole i think part of it was just like i wasn't afraid to be hit when i was at school like i knew the teacher wasn't gonna hit me and so i'm like school. Like I knew the teacher wasn't going to hit me. And so I'm like, well, what are you going to do? What are the stakes here?

Oh, I'm going to play. I'm going to be inside for recess in this safe classroom where I'm getting attention from an adult. Like you don't have, you can't tell me shit. It doesn't matter what kind of attention. Yeah. Negative or positive. No. Mostly negative.

Yeah. And all the other kids are like, what? Yeah. Like, well, you can do that. And it's like, yeah, I evidently can. Yeah. Were you getting hit at home? Yeah.

By the monster? Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's rough. Yeah. This goes on, like, how were you in high school um high school was harder because you can like really fail stuff there you know yeah um yeah i started you know doing drugs and drinking when i was a senior and that helped a lot that was the That was the beginning of it? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What kind of drugs?

Everything that I saw. So I did like what I was told was ecstasy, but it didn't really do that much. Yeah. Mushrooms. Yeah. Like opium pot every day, alcohol every day. Oh, so you're full on fuck up, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That was good. Me too. I kind of, I mean, not Oh, so you're full on fuck up, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. Me too. I kinda, I mean, not till I did it a little later. Yeah. The daily pot smoking. Yeah. It was high school. I don't know. The stakes were kind of high and I didn't like not having control of myself. And I always found my, it's always embarrassing. I drank a lot, but I always drank till vomiting. Yeah. Same. Oh really? Yeah. So you're like one of those people. Yeah. I just couldn't get enough. I mean, if I didn't vomit, I would pass out, but I guess it's, I wonder, Yeah, same. of you know take over the evening yeah she's like what are we gonna do with him yeah and uh i think that had something to do with it like i don't think i liked blacking out or i don't think i

was feeling good at that time but i think that i don't know i didn't like beer so i drank hard liquor and i'd always become you know the problem yeah yeah but that means it's about you. Yeah. What an annoying friend. Yeah, I just couldn't, I couldn't get enough. Yeah. Yeah, and I would start drinking because I would be nervous, and the pot made me even more nervous, but it also made me feel fucked up, which I loved. Yeah. And so I drank because the alcohol made me feel less nervous.

Yeah. But then there was never a point where I just wasn't nervous and was having a good time. It was like then I was just blacked out, trashed, couldn't. Trashed. Yeah. I don't think, I don't remember having any good times. Yeah. I've realized that like if you don't feel comfortable in yourself all your memories are embarrassing and traumatic i'm so happy to hear you say that

not that i mean i i wish that you had good times all the time maybe i went skiing once or twice and i had some people you know like i remember hanging out with some pretty exciting people now and again but mostly it was just you know awkward and desperate yeah the whole fucking run yeah it was just being nervous because you were you and then being nervous because you were too drunk but i never knew what the hell to do with myself or like who i was or what i was supposed to be a lot of outfit changing yeah that went on until you know well into my 30s yeah like like trying to land on some sense of self that might work. Did it go on until comedy? Yeah. You know, I went through a lot of outfits during comedy.

Yeah. Yeah, but then, I don't know, I kind of leveled off where maybe it was just an honest searching for the right wardrobe. Yeah. And haircut and facial hair. Yeah. I did a lot of outfit changing until stand-up and then stand-up became my entire identity. And that seemed, people seemed to like that well enough.

So that's where I'm at right now. Did you go to college? Mm-hmm. So you drank all through high school and somehow you managed to get enough grades to go to college? I drank my last year of high school and somehow I managed to get decent enough grades to go to college? I drank my last year of high school and somehow I managed to get decent enough grades to go to a college that pretty much just lets anybody in.

Where's that? It's called Mount Mary University. It's in Milwaukee. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I think I heard of that. Yeah. Is that possible?

Is what possible? That I heard of it? No, it's unlikely, but I wasn't going to fight you on it. I'm probably going to say, no, you didn't. I don't know what you on it i'm not gonna say no you didn't i don't know what you've heard did you continue drinking in college yeah yeah how was that great it was great it was just um humiliation it was just endless humiliation oh did you have friends uh no like so you're drinking alone in college yeah Yeah. I mean, I would like start off with friends, but then I would get banned from like all the like frat parties and stuff because I'm like vomiting everywhere and like laid out and people can't wake me up, can't move me. You have to like step over me to go to the bathroom.

I remember that different places like that was what happened. Yeah, that was like my move. Just throwing up so much everywhere. Throwing up in the bathroom and people needed to use the bathroom. Yeah. That was like my move. Just throwing up. Throwing up in the bathroom and people needed to use the bathroom. Yeah. It's terrible. I was unmanageable. And I do, I totally relate to what you're talking about.

And I remember there would almost always be a moment in the night where I would realize like I'm about to pass the point of no return, like i'm completely incapacitated and then i would be like they'll figure it out and then i would just like yeah take the next drink and wake up with my boots and my winter coat on on the floor and be like well yeah just like here we are today yeah wow oh god how did i not make that connection sooner yeah just like dad yeah well there's that moment where you're like hey everyone's laughing and then you yeah then the rest of the night is lost yeah yeah and you realize that like it was probably something because you were throwing up on yourself or falling over you just hit your head on a chair yeah so what uh but not anymore. Okay. Well, what happens? It's okay. You go through all college?

Yeah. Drunk? Yeah. I mean, yes and no. So I was always trying to quit drinking. So I didn't know until I started step work and started writing stuff out that I had tried to quit drinking every single year since I started drinking pretty much daily when I was 17. When you, oh, first step work. Yeah. You had to decide whether or not you had a problem. Yeah.

It turns out I did. So you're always trying to quit. Yeah. So you knew that and you couldn't quit every day since you were 17. Not every day, but every, every year I would have like a period where I wasn't drinking. And then to me that proved that I could quit drinking. So I could drink again. So when did you like, so you finished college with what kind of degree? I double majored in psychology, behavioral science, and philosophy. Oh, wow. So you're really trying to figure yourself out.

Yeah. I just didn't want to do anything. There were no jobs I wanted. Did that stuff work out for you? Did any of that coalesce into anything other than a way of looking at the world and doing comedy? I worked with kids with developmental disabilities for a while, which I don't think I could have done without that degree. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

So you graduated college and that's what you did? Developmental disability? I mean, I did a lot of other things, too. Still drinking? Yeah. So you graduated college and that's what you did? Developmental disability? I mean, I did a lot of other things, too. Still drinking? Yeah. Yeah. I worked at a corner store. I worked in restaurants.

I worked in- In Milwaukee? A different corner store. Yeah. And Chicago. I worked in tech support. I went door-to-door asking like donations for different organizations. How'd that go?

It's the worst. It's the worst. Anything with a quota. I don't know how salespeople do it. I think that that. Oh my God. And you're like, you know, drinking and you're insecure. Awful.

Nightmare. So dehumanizing. It's almost like, you know, you're just going up. Hey, could you hurt my feelings? Yeah, absolutely. Could you reject me? Oh, okay. A hundred times a day.

Perfect. Outstanding. Did you move? hurt my feelings yeah absolutely could you reject me oh okay a hundred times a day perfect outstanding did you move people who are like my age and beautiful houses yeah and i'm like hi i'm a piece of shit can you say no to me please that was actually the script it was fucked up they made you say that you're not even selling anything they just paid people to go out and do that That was actually the script. It was fucked up. They made you say that. You're not even selling anything. They just paid people to go out and do that.

For a laugh. No, that's the funds I was raising were for me to live my life. Exactly. So did you move to Chicago? Yeah, 2013. And I lived there until 2016. And then I i moved here so you do all this stuff corner stores and door-to-door rejection yeah and you work with developmentally disabled kids yeah well that must be rewarding on some level yeah when did that fit in um that was the most recent thing i did

before i went full-time doing stand-up oh Oh, okay. Yeah. So was there a moment, like a white light moment when you were helping a developmentally disabled person when you were like, I'm going to be funny? No, I actually, there was a moment where I was like, shit, I think I have to go to grad school for this because I can't keep having the same job as people who are like in their early 20s. Like this is too embarrassing.

How old were you? I'm 37. So 35, 4, 3. When did you quit drinking? When I was 29. In college, your dad was in prison? In high school, my dad was in jail. Yeah.

And then you knew he was sober. Yes. Did you have conversations with him about it? You couldn't be his cashier without having conversations with him about it. He would not stop talking about it ever. It was the worst. He was worse almost. Yeah.

Like what? He just preached about it constantly. He wanted me to go to Alateen. He wanted me to go to Al-Anon. He just preached about it constantly. He wanted me to go to Alateen. He wanted me to go to Al-Anon. At the time, I was like, if you would not be a psychopath, I wouldn't have any problems in my life at all.

Like, I don't need a program. You need a program. Yeah. I'm perfectly happy. But stop talking to me about it. Yeah. Yeah. And now, I mean, I've been in, I've been to the meetings of, I think, seven different 12-step programs now, which, like, he totally got the last laugh. But he didn't live to see any of this, so.

So, you win? I guess. I don't know. Oh, sad though, right? I definitely win. I mean, that's the best outcome for someone with problems is help you know sure when i mean but like by the time he passed away i mean were you guys okay uh i mean the last thing i ever said to him was i love you that's nice um and he died very suddenly but we always had problems it was

very hard to be his daughter it was very hard to be his daughter i imagine it was hard to be my dad but yeah but i mean after all that shit when you're that young and that emotionally unsupported and all that chaos yeah i mean shit you know it's interesting because people are always like watch out because when your parents die you're going to regret that you didn't spend more time with them and i look back and i'm like i would if I knew then what I know now, I would have gotten no contact with my dad. When you were five? When I was 18. Yeah.

As soon as I legally could have. Yeah. But I wasn't self-supporting. He was giving me money. And so I talked to him. Like, was he still being violent? It was so hard because he would not be violent for a while yeah and i would start to trust him yeah and just when we had like built some trust i would go on a trip with him

or something and i would be like this could be really fun and it would be fun. And then at some point during the trip, it would be the old dad again. And he would be chasing me around or chasing me and my sister. And, you know, the monster would reemerge. And I would feel so stupid because I was like, how many times does this have to happen for you to figure out that this is always going to happen? Like, stop thinking thinking you're young i mean you we want you you have hope yeah it's terrible yeah well and it's so hard because like some people do change yeah you know with vigilance yeah i guess he did but not until he went to jail yeah and you were older well but this is even after that mean, he stalked me in my adulthood.

Sober. Yeah. Dry at least. I mean, he was going to meetings, but I think his step work was not mine to evaluate, but sure. He still had,

but he still starts it with you. Oh yeah. And I mean, there are outside issues that the program is not intended to solve. Sure. You know what I mean? Of course. Yeah.

Yeah. And eventually you went to therapy, but yeah, he, I couldn't tell. Sure. You know what I mean? Of course. Yeah, yeah. And eventually he went to therapy. But yeah, I couldn't tell him where I lived anymore. I mean, I moved to Philadelphia and I couldn't give him my address because when I still lived in Milwaukee, I mean, he would come to my apartment and he would ring my buzzer over and over

while calling me over and over for literally three hours. What did he want from you? He wanted me to let him help me shovel my car out of the snow, which I didn't need or want. But I mean, really, what he wanted was access to me. And he would show up at my work. He would show up in my apartment.

He would not. I would be sitting in my apartment as it got dark out, sitting next to the bed so that he couldn't see that anybody was home um just like a terrorist yeah emotional terrorist yeah yeah i just wonder like do you would do you have any sense of like that behavior i mean i'm trying did he did he want like did he want you to accept him?

Or did he want, you know, I don't, it's that kind of behavior. I mean, what is the end game of that? I don't get it. You know, I've been, I learned about personality disorders recently. Like narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths specifically. Borderline? I mean, borderline fits. Borderline fits.

Like those all fit. Yeah. And that's something that's been hard to come to terms with is like, he might have done it all to hurt me. He might have done it all because he got. To make you crazy. Yeah. Because he got off on it. Yeah.

Or he wanted some sort of emotional need to be met that couldn't be met. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry you went through that. Oh, thanks. It's terrible. emotional need to be met that couldn't be met yeah well i'm sorry you went through that oh thanks terrible so you got you started to get sober after he died um yeah what was your what was your moment i don't know i mean it was it was not like when it was at its worst, you know? Yeah. You're just tired maybe. Yeah. I just was done and the right person offered me the right kind of help at the right time. Like I was so exhausted from trying to quit drinking and just being, and you know, the periods of being dry get shorter and shorter. The relapses get harder and harder like you hit the ground running

but never never programmed just white knuckle no now i've been in the program for eight years no i know but like when you tried to get sober i went to one aa meeting when i was 18 yeah and i went to my second one when i was 24 yeah and i went to my third one when i was 29 and then kept going since then those first two were like what the fuck is this yeah this is crazy what are those things on the wall yeah yeah um the first one was two old men in the back of a perkins restaurant in decorah isla and i was just like this is not not your scene yeah i'm just talking about god i I was like, yeah, this isn't going to do it. The program was not well represented in that moment.

No. I shouldn't say AA. It's all right. Okay. I mean, I talk about it all the time. Okay. We can just make it clear. She's not here representing the program.

We are two recovering alcoholics talking about recovery we neither one of us would represent the program don't do what we do i'm just telling a story yes um i sometimes say the secret society or whatever but it doesn't you know that tradition needs to go yeah i say the program or like a 12-step program, but I say that because my first sponsor told me, just tell people it's a 12-step program for alcohol and they'll know what you're talking about, but you won't actually say it. And I'm like, that sounds like a superstition.

Yeah, like a roundabout way. That sounds like you made that up. And that's the rule. If I understand that particular tradition properly, which is not to bring it into the rest rate of your film it's primarily because if you become an example or you're seen as an example of the program and you get fucked up yeah then everyone's gonna be like that doesn't work yeah so yeah and i've had pushback from one asshole yeah maybe two in my life you know guys whose entire life it is to be you know the fanatic bleeding deacon of the you

know of uh the program but you know it's like fuck off what are you gonna kick me out yeah so yeah i just think i have like a pathological fear of like breaking rules and authority so i i'm almost like superstitious about it but you've been in the program long enough to see all kinds of fucking ridiculousness in those rooms. Well, and also. And no one's going to, there's no one going to like be like, you're done. No. Get out.

I'm just going to go to another meeting, asshole. Fuck you. And if someone's really ready and really needs and wants help. Yeah. They're not, I mean, it wouldn't have stopped me to know that people start drinking again after they do the program. You know, it was so desperate. After they're on TV. Yeah.

No, I know. Yeah. Of course not. Yeah. I mean, and then you start to realize like very few people make it. Yeah. start drinking again after they do the program you know after they're on tv yeah no i know yeah of course not yeah i mean and then you start to realize like very few people make it yeah it's crazy yeah but okay so the third meeting at 29 that did it that did it and what who is who was it that made the difference um i was living with a boyfriend at that time and he was like, I noticed that you've been drinking a lot more lately. And I also have noticed that you've been a lot sadder lately. Um, my boss said that he goes to these meetings and they help him and he said he would take you. Would you be willing to go with him and it was like it was the first time that i had ever even thought of that it was like it was the first time i had thought i had thought of that and it was like yeah it was like a light bulb went off yeah where i was like wait if i go and do every single thing that they say yeah like maybe this could work for me willingness yeah so i went and i did every single thing that they said and it worked for me how bad was it early on was it all right um how bad was i mean were you were you crazy yeah

but i wasn't like i didn't have the really dangerous physical withdrawal right just the mental kind of like just sobbed constantly the waves of discomfort that couldn't be treated. Yeah. Yeah. Squirrely. Yeah. I almost walked out of a meeting six days in to go drink. Yeah.

And didn't because I was on the opposite side from the door and I didn't want to have to walk through the circle to leave. So it wasn't a dramatic exit you wanted to make.

Yeah. You wanted to slink out yeah yeah and now it's been eight years wow do you feel better yeah of course yeah yeah but how so that's and then like obviously when you stop then all the other stuff comes up yeah yeah and that's like the anxiety and all that other shit and mine's like inability to compartmentalize everything seems to happen at roughly the same frequency yeah well i had i had like a fast and hard yeah i had a joke back then because i like used to talk about it in my act where i was like i used to get blackout drunk eat a whole pizza and bang a dude but i didn't

realize that that was three separate problems um but like yeah the pizza and the guys were still there when i got sober and i'm like oh shit so that's where all the other oh that's funny 12-step programs came from and now i feel pretty together and pretty good i don't feel like i'm living a life of active addiction the food's the hardest one but food is, yeah. Do you use that in your qualification, in your pitch, that joke? No.

Oh, you gotta. I'm so scared to make jokes in meetings because when they bomb, it makes me want to die. And that happened, like, way early. You know, I feel like

it's like the new people always try to make jokes. Oh, yeah. And people laugh at stuff that you would never think people would laugh at and they don't laugh at stuff. They laugh at the darkest,

horrible things. Yeah. They laugh at the darkest, horrible things. You can't go in with a planned bit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I've had a lot of stinkers.

A lot of bombs. Because it's like your natural, because when I first got in the rooms, I was like, all you people suck. I don't want to be one of you.

Yeah. I was that guy. And they're like, yeah, we don't you people suck. I don't want to be one of you. Yeah. I was that guy. And they're like, yeah, we don't either. Nobody is here. Welcome. Welcome. No, fuck you.

You sound great. You're not getting it. Sounds like you haven't figured it out. Yeah. Yeah. So when does the comedy start? So you're doing comedy when you're doing developmentally disabled counseling? Yes'd you start comedy milwaukee you did where uh the comedy cafe which no longer exists yeah and a bar called rounding third which does exist and then just other like little bars

in the area so what year was that 2010 all right so they've got a little scene there in milwaukee yeah there does do we know other people that came out of it no say that like everyone's dead everybody died yeah but well they still could they have time that you're you're early on so you just started uh so you you were still drinking when you started yeah a lot yeah and did that help um no no no it didn't were you loopy on stage yeah i was shit-faced on stage because i because i would get so nervous i had such bad stage fright yeah and so i would drink as much as i possibly could before i went on stage and then i would you know there are times when i did shows and i didn't

remember doing them afterwards like there were times when i performed completely blacked out um there were times when i would get off stage and be like how did that go like how did it seem they'd be like you seem shit- Like, you're very drunk right now. Oh, friends who are comics. Right. Oh, so you got in with them, the weirdos. So that was, did you feel like, I'm home now? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I really felt like it, because people also drink so much in Milwaukee. Yeah. I think, I know it has one of, at least one of the highest drunk driving rates in the country, if not the highest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I know it has one of, at least one of the highest drunk driving rates in the country, if not the highest. Oh yeah. Yeah. When I got sober and went back there, my friends were like, we didn't think you had a problem.

And I'm like, I drank first thing in the morning every day when I woke up. I mean, I didn't wake up in the morning. I drank first thing when I woke up in the afternoon every day. Ginger brandy in my coffee. Yeah. Or like wine or liquor, beer, anything. What was your main drink? I liked red wine the most.

Oh, really? But I drank everything. Yeah. Yeah. Red wine takes a lot. It must have taken a lot towards the end to get fucked up. It's so funny because you say that and i'm like in i don't know i still think like an alcoholic in my head i'm like yeah well i would drink those

like gallon jugs but then i'm like yeah that's a lot lara that's a lot of wine that's as much that's the biggest unit it comes in yeah the max of wine I wanted to like be in therapy at one point and I called to like do the intake process of some place that had like a sliding scale fee or whatever and they asked me how much alcohol I consumed

and I knew that they wouldn't take me if I told them the actual amount so I lied and my lie that I came up with was 10 beers a day. That'll get me in. They were like, yeah, that's like way too much. Like you need to deal with your alcohol problem first, or there's nothing anyone can do with you.

And you're like, no, I said 10. I was like, how many is not a problem? Just for when I call back in 20 minutes. Oh, shit. So when did you move to Chicago? Three years into doing stand-up. So did you break that scene as well? Yeah.

Is that where you got sober? Yeah. Chicago? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So how was the scene there then? Who was around? Anybody we know?

Or had they all left? Because I guess it's later than like the Kumail, Pete Holmes, you know, there was a little crew out of Chicago. Wasn't Mulaney Chicago? There seemed to be a generation there. Yeah, but they were all gone before I got there. Yeah. So where were you playing there? I got passed at all the clubs by the time I left.

Oh, so you moved there when you were three years in and you just started doing what, Zany's? Yep. The Laugh Factory, Jokes and Notes was around back then. But you're like you're not but you're like real deal comic you're not alt comic you're not doing like the i frankly don't understand the difference the difference well i mean there was a time where there were all these bringer rooms everywhere and and they were not and a lot of the people that played them were not

playing the laugh factory yeah they weren't playing zanies yeah they were insulated in this other community and and there too in chicago you had the sketch community as well yeah but like it sounds like you were like real deal coming i was also doing all those other rooms yeah i just don't count them now because they don't matter to me yeah as much you were just trying to work it out i feel like a lot of that stuff is like a popularity contest and i did it but it's gone so yeah there's no infrastructure to that thing anymore yeah alt comedy yeah i mean it's just gone and i think it happened a little before covid it seemed to just sort of die out because nobody really had a point of view it was just a bunch of people being goofy yeah and being clicky right and making comedians laugh and making their friends laugh yeah and i feel like there's something that's very important about like making regular people laugh yeah that's

what the job is i always thought that yeah and you thought that when um from the beginning i mean i kind of always thought that. I don't know. When you got into comedy, I mean, what were you basing your reasoning on? Like, did you know other people? Were you a fan of comedy? Did you want it to be a way to make a living? Or did you just want to do it?

I was always a fan of comedy. I always wanted to do it more than anything, but I didn't think that I could. But there's like a picture of me when I was like five years old. I had a little bowl cut and I did stand up at my grandma's house for the talent show. And I mean, I bombed both times, but I know that as far back as that, I was aware that like, this is my thing. If I have any talent at all, it's to make people laugh. Yeah. And then I had a, and I mean, I loved, I loved watching stand up. Yeah. And then I had a friend in Milwaukee who was doing open mics and stuff.

And I went and watched him at an open mic. And I was like, oh, I could do this. This is how you do it. Yeah. And so I signed up ahead of time. You had to call in and sign up ahead of time for the open mic the next week. And then I wrote five to seven minutes of jokes, stayed up all night. I mean, basically went manic just practicing these.

You know, in the beginning, you just are obsessed with it. Yeah. Just practicing these jokes and then, yeah, I did my first set and I, it was like anything else. Like I couldn't get enough. I could never get enough. Well, that's good. Do you still feel that way?

No, absolutely not. You've had enough? Yeah. I'm about done. I mean, I love it very much, but I also, there was like a point in Chicago where I did like 34 shows in a month and was also working at a minimum of 40 hours a week. Where at? At a place called Shopper track yeah we track your

shoppers and i realized i had to start saying no to stuff i was like you can't like this is living in active addiction if you are saying yes to every single show because in the beginning like that's the hard to to you know like i i still have a problem with it. Really? Yeah. Well, yeah, because it's like, we want you to do something because we want you. And you're like, you want me? Okay. Oh, man. I've gotten real good at saying no.

Yeah, me too. But it took a while. Yeah. You know, and, you know, I got it. It actually took being, you know, grounded and making a living on my own terms to realize, like, you know, I don't need, I don't know anybody, anything. Cause I've got a very, you know, innately codependent disposition.

You know what I mean? Like, oh, they're going to be mad at me. It's like, no, they're not going to like me. Yeah. And I don't even act that way. Like I would not say my act is the act of a guy that's worried that people don't like him. It won't like him, him you know but it seems to

be in there yeah you know yeah uh there is a people pleaser that i've sort of you know wrestled to the ground and i keep my foot on his neck yeah yeah yeah i know i've seen you before you go on stage i know exactly what's in there you say all your thoughts out loud i know what they are what this is gonna suck yeah these fucking people are terrible they're not gonna like me oh god these people are gonna hate me i'm like they don't though they don't even know you they're here to see you they're here to watch you do the thing that you've been doing for a very long time it's and it's always because they're having too much fun that to me is an indicator that they're not gonna like you out that bums you out yeah that's so funny

because we were just talking about how that's like the whole thing is to give these people a good time. You're like, oh, fuck, these fucking people are not going to. I have a different kind of good time. They're not going to like what I have.

I don't even know what I'm going to do out there. I don't even know. Yeah. I think that is actually just a thing I do. And then you kill and come back and you're like like they're all right was that all right yeah they're okay it's a ritual it's something i've gotten used to i don't know

if it's attached to actual real feelings i don't know i see like a an inner child like a little mark just setting yourself up so you can't be disappointed that's all it is yeah yeah which of course you can still be disappointed. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. There's no, like, there's no, I knew it. Right. You know, I can't, you know, because I got. You know when bombs and is then like, see? I did it.

Well, I mean, I used to do that, but that's manifesting self-sabotage, which I won't do anymore. You know, I'll just kind of i think i disarm it by doing that weird chit chat yeah you know like this is gonna suck or whatever i think i literally think that's me going like yes you know what like has been helping me is like i go and look at the audience and look at the individuals in the audience i always do that before and i'm like i can make that lady laugh. And I'm like, I can make that lady laugh. Like, that's just a guy.

I can make that guy laugh. Like, I can make individual people laugh. But if I see a room full of hundreds of people, I'm like, oh, fuck, these people are going to eat me alive. What I look for is like, if there's like, I can tell because I'm doing it so long. I can tell the like, when I'm on the road, I'm doing I'm doing like these two hour sets right now.

It's crazy. But I'll listen. Like, I can doing, I'm doing like these two hour sets right now. It's crazy. But I'll listen. Like I can tell how drunk a crowd is by the, the way they're talking just to the decibel level. You're like, it's like, or if it's like, you can tell. And then I can also tell like, you know, if there's one table and I'm like, oh, that one's those. Why did, why are they here?

Yeah. But, uh, but yeah, I mean, my problem is sometimes when I'm on stage, I'll focus in on one person. And I don't notice it until they're like looking at me like, what? What? Yeah. I'm like, hey. Well, I do too. And I'll tell you who.

It's that motherfucker in the front row who has not been smiling for the entire show. And I'll see them not smile for the other comedians. And then I go out and spend my entire set taking it personally yeah even though it's like that's not yeah that's not my fault yeah because yeah if if for no other reason then who goes to a comedy show and sits in the front row and frowns the entire time you can't like that's a fight with the boyfriend or that's something out that's not cancer diagnosis yeah exactly but that's something else. That's not my fault. Cancer diagnosis. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, no, I don't think, I never think it's my fault, but I do always find myself landing on faces that aren't laughing.

I mean, if you're going to do it. The other night I was in this huge theater. It wasn't huge. It was about 1300 in Kenswick. Yeah. Kenswick Theater. Keswick, right? Keswick?

Outside of Philly. It was packed, but like the house lights house lights just did not go down enough. I saw everybody. All 1,300 of them I could make out from the stage. And I swear to God, anytime I looked at anybody, no one's laughing. I'm hearing laughs. But it must not have been from the first third of the room, according to my eyes. It was like some horrible turning bingo ball where I'm just like, how about that person?

Nothing. Just reaching in. And I talked about it. I was like, is anyone laughing up in this area? Where are the laughs coming from? He's like, you're not. You're not. I don't know what you're doing it's so funny it's terrible

it just happened the other night i hate that and i hate the converse of that which is you can see people laughing but it sounds like you're bombing. Like, I'm like, you all look like you're having a lovely time. Why can't I hear you laughing? That's a structural problem with the room. And I won't do that. I just want, there's one in Michigan. I can't do it anymore.

Really? I've done it twice, three times maybe. Is it like carpet on the walls, carpet on the ceiling? It's a, sometimes it's just a cavernous feeling, you know, that it doesn't, it's just dead. Yeah. Like there was one, I had that issue in Atlanta and I had that issue where people seem to have a good time, but I also know when I'm connecting, like earlier shows are hard. Yeah. Like sometimes the energy is different, but there are definitely some rooms where it doesn't

come back at you. Yeah. You know, because it gets lost. Yeah. And it's a drag because it makes us work harder. Yeah. And we're just supposed to be self-regulating like that. Yeah.

But I feel the sweat on the back of my neck when, you know, it's sort of like, no. You know, like, where is it? Yeah. But so you got into all the clubs in Chicagoago and what you just hammered it out there for six years or whatever uh three years only three yeah so you put together 20 pretty quick half hour well i was like there were so few women doing stand-up in milwaukee where i started that i got a lot of opportunities really fast from people who were outright like, we'd like a girl on the lineup.

We need a woman. Will you do that? And so I got a lot of stage time, and I think I was doing half hours within six months of starting stand-up. Oh, that's great. They weren't good half hours. But you could stay up there. I mean, you would have to put a gun to my head to listen to one of them again. But I could stay up there.

Yeah. I could stay up there. I would have a gun to my head to listen to one of them again. But I could stay up there. Yeah. I could tell jokes. Yeah. I'm not sure that my two hours right now is what I would call perfect. I think that like, you know, it's an extent. Like, I know there's a lot of stuff in there that's going to go. Yeah. But it's entertaining.

You're not doing a tight 120 up there? Nope. I'm doing a funny 120. Yeah. But it's actually tighter than I think, but I got to get down to 70. Yeah. So like I'm starting to now think about like, well, I'm just doing that for fun. That's so cool. That's a movie. That is something that even just vocally you have to like train your way up to. I feel it. I noticed that the other night, like I was starting to lose

my voice. Are you ever doing two hours twice a night? Yeah. Damn. Oh, no, not twice a night. No. Okay. I've just gone out with no opener, and I'm just like, because I have a lot of shit, and I'm just hammering.

I'm like, how long am I going to get to do this? Yeah. So if I need to prove something to myself, let's get it done. That's such a long time. That's incredible. I don't think about it. I try not, you know, it's go, it goes from not, not usually it's an hour and a half to two hours and it's not getting, not getting less than that. That's like, cause being from Milwaukee in my head, I'm like, that is how long it takes to drive from Milwaukee to Chicago. If you're telling jokes

the entire time, like that's a long time. Well, you know, if you get in the groove, you don't think about it, which is the great thing. That's really, I think, why I'm doing it. Yeah. Because like I've worked so hard to own this space. That is mine. Yeah. Why not live in it? Yeah, I'm finally at the point where I can do an hour

without my ass sweating 50 minutes in about what's going to happen if I don't get the light in a few more jokes you know what i mean like i can do an hour now without i feel like i'm almost done without being afraid of running out of yeah of jokes so you're headlining mostly yeah oh great yeah theaters clubs clubs yeah yeah it's great the occasional So, all right, so you move here. What are the breaks? You get into the store pretty quick?

Are you doing the bringer shows? What are you doing? I was here for like three years and like bombed on potluck a couple times. Had, you know, a couple that went well, I thought. Three years you were here? Yeah. Where were you working? Nowhere. What?

How were you doing stand-up? I just was, I don't know, doing shows when people let me, doing some open mics. Oh, but you were still doing it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Were you going on the road featuring? No. Oh, so you did... It really, I mean, like I said, I was thinking about going to grad school.

Like, it wasn't looking good. I was at the point where I was having to face the very real possibility of, like, what if this doesn't happen and i still knew it would i don't i know that that doesn't make sense to say but that's just how it was like it's what we do i mean because like really and i think in my heart anyways i knew there was no other choice yeah exactly so whatever because after a while like all those like plan b's are just sort of like that can't happen now i knew there was no other choice. Yeah, exactly. So whatever, because after a while, like all those like plan B's are just sort of like that can't happen now. I knew there was no other choice, but I also was like, if my big break isn't until I'm

75, what's the plan for rent? Because like this isn't even cutting it. Not a plan B, just a rent plan. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. This isn't even cutting it. So three years, you're just doing jobs, odd jobs. Yeah.

Just doing whatever. And then, well, originally I like, I hadn't driven a car in 10 years and cause I was an alcoholic and, and like living in Chicago, you know, living places where there's public transportation. Um, and then I like got my driver's license again and moved here and started driving for Lyft very badly. Ooh. Um.

So you had to preface each ride with like, I'm not sure where I'm going. Yeah. Not great at the drive. They figured it out. They didn't need me to say anything. They figured out. It was like breaking traffic laws that I didn't know existed. Were you, were you working material?

No. Okay. No, I was just like dying inside. It was pretty brutal. It was pretty, it was, it, I mean, I think. Were you working material? No. Okay. No, I was just like dying inside. It was pretty brutal. It was pretty, it was, it, I mean, I think just moving here is hard at first. Going to meetings? Was I going to meetings? No, not really. Yes. Sometimes. Okay. Huh. Yeah. Yes. And no. But staying sober. Yeah. So what happens? What changes? How, how, how miserable were you by the time it shifted? I was pretty miserable, but I think that we just do it one day at a time by not giving up and not knowing how long it's going to take.

Like I think if in the beginning I had known how long it would take to go full time, no, I still would have done it. I just didn't have another choice. I was so consumed with spite, envy, and anger. Yeah. I don't know how I got through that. Yeah. And then I got passed at the store. Yeah. And then I- By Tommy? No, by Adam.

Okay. And he put me on Lights Out. And that was when, when I got passed at the store, that was when I quit my day job and just like crossed my fingers. Lights Out, you mean Last Spot? No. I mean Lights Out with David Spade on Comedy Central. Okay. Oh, he booked you. Oh, he liked you. just like cross my fingers lights out you mean last spot no i mean uh lights out with david spade on comedy okay oh he booked you oh he likes you so he put you on panelists regular um yeah i was

on there like four times and had a fifth one coming up but then the show got canceled during covid huh yeah yeah i was supposed to i was supposed to be on it in April of 2020, but that didn't happen. Didn't happen? Oh. So that was the break? Did you get recognized from that? Well, I heard that you're supposed to quit your day job when you can no longer successfully do both. Like when you can't have a day job and do standup. And when you get passed at the store, as you know, you start doing like the 1 a.m spots they start you with the really late ones and i had to wake up at six for work oh yeah and really the 1 a.m slot can be like a 2 or 3 a.m slot depending on how far behind right the show is running yeah so i just had to quit and then the rest of it just fell into place so you did those

1 a.m and those 2 as and those 3 AMs. Yeah. You were a trooper. Yeah. So you got, where did you get, did you do Montreal? Adam Egott. Adam Egott has put me in front of everyone who has had an impact on my career. Absolutely. Yeah.

That's a good story. That's a good Adam Egott story. Yeah. He introduced me to all my agents, all my managers. Yeah. What a good adam eaglet story yeah i only have good adam eaglet stories he's he's concerned that there's not enough good adam eaglet stories oh he's the best yeah i like him yeah okay i wish he would

come back yeah you know i want him to be happy i was really sad for myself when i when he left but i feel like austin I think he prefers it. And I think he needed to get out of Hollywood. I think he did need to get out of Hollywood. He needed to get out of that fucking job. He did. But I do wish the best for him. I do like him.

Yeah. So that's how, so he introduced you. That's great. That's a great story. Yeah. And have you done a special? No. Yeah. And have you done a special? No. What TV shots have you done?

Lights Out and Cordon and the Comedy Store documentary and Laughs on Fox. What about, we got to get you on Fallon. What's going on? Yeah, I would like to do that. You ready to go? What do you mean? You ready to do Fallon what's going on yeah I would like to do that you ready to go what do you mean you ready to do Fallon oh yeah I agree with you what about fucking Kimmel

um I would like to do that yeah I've sent I sent them a set I sent the tonight show a set but I said boobs in it and so they didn't like that they said they didn't like boobs yeah they said they didn't like it that I said boobs you it, and so they didn't like that. They said they didn't like boobs? Yeah, they said they didn't like it that I said boobs. You should be on Fallon.

I agree with you. I think I should. I think I deserve everything. I think I should be on everything. Colbert, I don't know, does he do stand-ups? I was told that they were fading that out, but then it seems like other people have gotten it, so maybe they just were fading out the idea of me being on the show for stand-up sets yeah i feel like i know people

who've gotten it since then what about like a special yeah i you ready incredibly ready for an hour yeah all right well you want me to call or yeah i do i want everyone to call if you could all show up at i I don't know, the King of Hollywood's office at the same time and say how great I am. You're being represented by the King of Hollywood. That was always my problem. It's like, you're the King of Hollywood.

Where's my stuff? He told me, I'm still waiting for him to call me back. He told me a few weeks ago he was going to get me a Netflix special and call me back, but he hasn't called me back yet. Yeah, yeah. Well, let me know what happens with that. So are you working tonight?

No, I'm not. I am. I am tomorrow. We're on a show together. Me and you? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah.

That'll be fun. Yeah. Now that we know each other, I'm going to act different around you. Oh, okay. And I'm not. How so? Where was the condescending part?

Also, I've been waiting for that. It wasn't condescending. It was just me going like, so what do you got? You got an hour? It's not really condescending. Oh, yeah. No, it's not condescending.

It's not a comic book. Condescending would be, you don't have an hour. Condescending would be, I mean, someone said this, just like people always think they're ready before they're ready. I'm like, you haven't even seen me do standup.

Well, you've been at it, what, eight? 12. Oh, you're ready. I'm like, you haven't even seen me do standup. Well, you've been at it. What? Eight, 12. Oh, you ready? Yeah.

If you're not ready at 12, then there's something wrong with you. Yeah. If you're not ready for at least the big TV shots, let alone, you know, or an hour, you know what I mean?

But you, you know, you've got a unique take, you got a unique voice, you got a way of doing it. That's your own. It's great. Thank you.

So that, you know, so that, that's different than just being like a, person that can do it yeah yeah and that's why all these people are are behind you that's why you got the big juice yeah what well in my head the thing in my head that i was thinking is do i have the big juice because you got all the big people yeah yeah all right well we'll see what happens i'm rooting for you thank you i'll do head that I was thinking is, do I have the big juice? You got all the big people. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll see what happens. I'm rooting for you. Thank you. I'll do everything

I can to help, which isn't much other than this. Thank you. This is very helpful. We'll see. But it was nice talking to you. Yeah, it was nice talking to you too. And I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. see you tomorrow. There you go. She was lovely. Lara Bites. Sorry, I just have to make sure I say it right. Again, she'll be at the Milwaukee Improv for six shows, June 23rd through the 26th. Her podcast Slobs is available on all podcast platforms. Go to WTF pod.com slash tour for all updated tour info about me. And here we go. Here's some mud. Here's some muddy guitar. Thank you. Stavros Stavros Kjell Andersen Teksting av Nicolai Winther boomer lives

monkey LaFonda. Cat angels everywhere. It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes.

Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First

Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com.