WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1350 - Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Nikki Glaser returns to the show because Marc finds her so easy to talk with, probably because they share so many similarities. They have kindred stand-up processes, they both get stressed out by writing, they have lifelong issues with food and eating, and they’re both still trying to figure out all that sex stuff. Marc and Nikki talk about all of that, as well as Nikki’s new HBO stand-up special, the places in the world they’re considering moving to, and whether it’s healthy to know anything about Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian’s love life. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now.

Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed,

how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Lock the gates!

Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Knicks? What the fuckadelics? What's happening? Look, Nikki Glaser's on the show. She was on the show back in 2016

when she had her show Not Safe with Nikki Glaser on Comedy Central. And look, I see her around. She's living in St. Louis. She's around occasionally. I always like her. She's a very frank. Louis. She's around occasionally. I always like her. She's a very frank, honest, dirty comic. I like it.

She's a dirty lady. And I always enjoy seeing her. And she was around. And she's got this new HBO special out, Nikki Glaser, Good Clean Filth. She also is the host of FBoy Island on HBO Max. And I thought, well, let's we're revisiting some people some people who i like to talk to let's talk to nikki and um man it gets a little racy

a little raw a little honest just honest about deep fucking food issues and sex stuff and i don't have these conversations much but uh for some reason, I trust her. I trust Nikki Glaser to talk about this. So I don't know how you hold your life together, but I don't have an assistant. A lot of people in my position who'd have basically three jobs all the time, which is standup, which is WTF, and at you know, acting, that I should have somebody watching over my day-to-day so I can be more efficient and take some things off my plate. But I seem to like a full plate, even if it's just bullshit. I just have been doing bullshit.

And it's really the best way to ground yourself. I mean, I literally was sort of excited and overprepared to go to the DMV to get my real ID. I'm not even sure a real ID is a real idea or a good idea. I mean, I don't know. It's some sort of kind of management of our identities. I don't know what the idea of the real ID is. I guess it's that every state will have a real ID situation so they can federalize

drivers licenses and make the database more efficient for when they want to get us. But I'm like, I'm excited about it. I'm excited about my real ID. Cause like I have to, my license expired and I got to shift over to the real ID and they need, they need documentation of where I live. They need to know where I live and I need to submit that and then I'll have it. But there's something like I just want to show up and do this stuff and have it and then get it processed. So I go to the DMV and it's peak COVID over here. I know a lot of people are like, yeah, it's peak COVID, but it's not deadly COVID.

It's fine. You don't want COVID. There's no reason to get COVID four times. It can't be good. There's no reason to get COVID four times. It can't be good. You know, for all you whiny people about vaccines causing heart attacks and this and that, there seems to be repercussions of getting more and more COVID that could last a lifetime. And they're not great.

But I went to the DMV, masked up, got in there. It was crazy. It was exactly, it was so predictable. It's almost like a hacky DMV experience. It's like, this is exactly like the DMV should be. This is exactly what it is. Just like literally hundreds of people doing any number of things you can do with the DMV. Titles, IDs, pictures, taking driver's tests.

It was crazy. It looked like there were people sleeping there. It looked like there were people camping out at the DMV. But I made an appointment and surprisingly, I got in there, had my documents, was pleasant. And I was done in like 15, 20 minutes. And then I couldn't find my keys. I left my keys at the DMV. It's very interesting what your brain does. Well, maybe I shouldn't say yours when something like that happens when i'm in a crowded place and you have to assume there has to be a criminal element in this dmv right now does there am i being

racist am i being you know there's part of me it's like is are there any representatives of the armenian mob here you know that's what happens when something falls out of order. Tickets for my shows in Montreal, the solo shows that I've been putting off telling you about so I could sell tickets to the gala. But these are the solo shows. Now, this is a small place. It's about 120. And I'll try to pronounce it properly.

But they go on sale today at noon Eastern. All right. And the name of the place is, is, uh, Saul Claude Leveille. It's a, it's a theater. I don't know what that means in French. Saul Claude Leveille. Maybe I got it right.

But look, you can go to my website, wtfpod.com slash tour, or you can go to ha ha ha dot com and grab these tickets. Alright? There's only a few. Show on Thursday, July 28th is at 7 p.m

then the show on friday is it uh on july 29th is at 8 30 p.m sal claude you can get tickets at wtfpod.com slash tour or at uh ha ha ha dot com okay anyway i'm at the dmv and i've left my keys somewhere and i run through the place twice that everywhere i stopped couldn't find the keys and right away my brain goes into like what do i do now did somebody go take my car all you'd have to do is go out into the parking lot and pushed a little alarm buzzer on the key fob and you would find my car and then you would take my car and there would be something in my car that would have my address. Then you have the keys to my house. Then you're in my house. Then maybe you're maybe you're petting my cats and I don't know you. Why are you in my house? Granted, you don't have

my alarm code, but maybe I didn't put the alarm on. So you're hanging out at my house. Maybe you're touching everything. Maybe you're just climbing into my bed and hanging out for a few minutes to see what that feels like. Maybe you're stealing things. Maybe you're taking all my loose change. Maybe you're taking some of my pottery. Maybe you're just going to wait till later to do all that. So I go out to the car and the car is still there and I don't really know what to do. Do I go home? Do I get a lift home? Do I get a car service and go get my extra keys? Or when I come back, is my car going to be gone? Should I stand by my car and wait for whoever the criminal element is that has my keys to come out here and show themselves and then confront them in the parking lot and say, what'd you think you were going to do with my keys now that you found my car? What was your plan,

man? Who are you? Who sent you? What did you think was going to happen you gonna go get in my bed just to check out my mattress you fucking weirdo so that went on in my head and uh then i asked if there was a lost and found and the security guy goes go to window 12 and i asked her anyone find any keys and she goes keys and she walked back to a desk where another lady was sitting and held up some keys. I'm like, yup. She's like, what kind of car? Toyota. Okay. She gave me my keys. So a lot went on in my head.

Full narrative. There was some dude in my bed fully clothed just because. There was a dude touching my cats. There was a dude going through my stuff taking my change all of that maybe eating some snacks man what the fuck is wrong with me listen to me Nikki Glaser is here her new special Good Clean Filth is now streaming on HBO Max. Season two of F-Boy Island is also on HBO Max. And this is us getting down to it. Brass tacks, eating disorders, vibrators, sex, stuff.

Enjoy. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know, we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer.

I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. I don't know. You know what? What's going to happen? You know what I mean? I'm not hung up on money.

Me neither. Right? I just stopped being. I mean, I like it. Right. But it doesn't drive your life. No. But I, but yeah, I just, I'm trying to write.

I was thinking about writing a book and I just realized that the, I was thinking about writing a book and I just realized that the the stress of not even getting a book proposal together and the loose deadlines that my agents have given me for that have caused me so much stress that I don't even want a book deal. I don't care how many,

I don't care what the number is. It's not worth feeling guilty all the time that I'm not writing. It's like having an incomplete in college. Yes. Yes. Yes. They're so hard. Where you're just sort of like,

how can I write a paper now? It's six months after I graduated. I still had to write that. Oh, yeah. Wait, what do you mean by an incomplete in college? I mean- That resonated with me, and then I go, I don't know that I know.

It just means you didn't finish one class. You still have a paper. Oh, yeah, to get your, oh, God, yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit? Oh, no. I really don't paper. Oh yeah, to get your, oh God, yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit. Oh, no. I really don't think I would be able to do it. And I think that everything

that I would want to say in a book, I've said on a podcast at some point. And if someone really cares, just go back and listen to stuff. You know what you can do? What?

Because I wrote a couple books and I would never write another one. Why? Well, the ones that you just write by yourself, they just hang over you and they don't sell. I mean, maybe you're huge

and I don't know. Are you huge? No, no no no well then it's not going to be worth it unless you get a huge the last book i wrote they just they it was at the beginning of podcasts and twitter and shit yeah so they were all about like he's got all this exposure let's give him a big money there's a big war and i'm like i had no desire to write a book but the money was stupid so i'm like exactly i'll write it but this will be the last book I ever write for a lot of reasons. I'm not going to make this money back. Yeah.

And I don't like doing it. I don't like writing. I don't even like writing my own TV show. I don't either. I hate it. Oh God. Yeah. That's the other thing.

I don't, I don't like writing my own act. You're the same as me. You're the only person that I have heard has the same, uh, you know, writing style, uh, for standup as me, where it's just all in your head and you don't really write anything down no you just outline it yes yeah just make these outline but you lose so much shit like that oh it's the worst process and i and i and when i look at people that are really successful they always are on their laptops they have it all written down long form well i mean it but they're also doing a different type of joke like these people that have like some sort of distance between them and their routine

which i don't really i mean it is the me that lives on stage sure but i'm not just writing general jokes no i mean i do sometimes sometimes they're fun to still pepper in and then they're they they're all over my set but no I don't do that anymore either there is no difference between me on and off stage I feel like there I can which is so nice to finally be able to go on stage and be very conversational yeah I mean you do stop talking off stage sometimes

right Mark are you telling me that I talk too much no I'm just saying that I say that too that there's a difference no difference between me on stage and off. But like off stage, like there's another 24 hours, there's another 23 hours. And I think that it's obviously a heightened version of myself. And I know what you mean.

You're just comfortable, confident version of myself. But there's no it's people are always shocked at how seamless it is from me having a conversation with them in the wings of the theater. And then just being like, hold on one second. I'll just get right back to that. And then being able to walk out without having to do some kind of breathing exercise, centering myself. I can just flow right into it. I don't even bring opener anymore.

I've, I've lately just been going out cause I got all this material. I know I have too much too. Right. So I'm just sort of like, fuck it. They're here to see me. What do I need? And I'm sort of mean because I get out and I go, there's no opener. too much too. Right. So I'm just sort of like, fuck it. They're here to see me. What do I need? And I'm sort of mean because I get out and I go, there's no opener. It's me. Yeah.

I just, I'm tired of the patter and the trying. I don't disagree with you. I bring an opener. I like, because bringing openers helps give comics opportunity. That's the only reason. And that's important to do. It's part of our legacy. Yes.

Like it's part of the responsibility to give back. And they keep me company. Well, see, that goes either way. I need that. Yeah. Deeply. I have three openers sometimes. I bring two regardless.

I have my Anya Marina. She's a musician. She's my best friend. So she comes out and does two songs. Then my podcast co-host who my fans already know and they're fans of he comes out andrew collin oh is he the guy that is always there with you always there with me yes he's my uh you know he lives in my building and we do a podcast together from st louis four days a week and then um and then uh so he opens it they usually have like a one usually three and then

anya comes out does two songs and then she does a third song. And then I come out and sing with her. Oh. And then. And then you do your show? So then what are you left with? Like 15 minutes? $15 at the end of paying for all this shit. But no, I do like sometimes I do, you know, an hour 40 sometimes.

Yeah, me too. And then I have to just every night go, can you do five minutes, Andrew? I'm sorry. Like I know what's the point. But that's why I do it myself because I know I'm working shit out. Yeah. And I got to shoot a special in December and it's a long arc. But so I've got this like two hours, hour 45.

Yes. Some of it I'm going to burn in Montreal and I can be done with it because I got to do a TV thing. But no one's going to see that here. No one ever sees that. I know. Where does it go? I don't know.

No one ever tweets about it. So much know. No one ever tweets about it. So much pressure. No one ever talks about it. So much preparation, so much planning, so much pressure is on those gala sets. And then I never see them again. Never. I can't even find them on YouTube. But nobody, right.

And nobody talks about them. No. It's the weirdest thing. It is. First of all, as big a country as Canada is, there's not a lot of people there. Number one. Right. And number two, you just would think there'd be a flurry of maybe two tweets when they

run it, when they repeat it. I've done four, at least, of those galas of one kind or another. Did one in Winnipeg. I'm hosting this one. Oh, that's nice. I guess it's nice. It would have been nice 10 years ago. It feels like a big deal in the moment.

But I've done so many of them. It's not an easy room. It's huge. No, it's nice. It would have been nice 10 years ago. It feels like a big deal in the moment. But I've done so many of them. It's not an easy room. It's huge. No, it's not. It's a huge room. It's just like, it's terrible.

Hosting is never easy, no matter when you do it. Okay, I'm not going to do it. But anyway. Do it. So, what I'm saying about the opener thing

is that I started to realize that if I'm going to be up there an hour and a half and I follow some guy who's doing 20, 25, and then all of a sudden it could be like a two hour, two and a half hour, two 15. Like they don't want that. No one wants that. My fucking audience is grownups.

They got babysitters and shit. I sometimes offer, if I go too long and I go, you have to pay, I will say, I will Venmo you for the extra hour for your babysitter. I feel so bad that I kept you so long. I will Venmo you for the extra hour for your babysitter. I feel so bad that I kept you so long. I start to feel bad because I don't want to see anyone more than two hours, two,

two 15. And here we are doing it. I know. And, and sometimes I used to do it. Sometimes I do it when I was tanking. Like if I wasn't having a good show, I just stay up there. Cause waiting for something good to happen.

I think subconsciously it's sort of, it's a mixture of both of those, but it's also so right they can't leave saying i didn't try yes you know they can't they can't go like god he just fucking ate it and bolted me it's like no i'm gonna stay up here until i used to close with a dance and by used to i mean a couple months ago it was just fun to do i had my two openers oh yeah it's so fun i had my two openers come out at the end yeah and and there's no like there was no closer that's like and so you must dance and then the music comes i close on just whatever bit i end up on that right there

was never so you know that with the dance it'll be strong clothes no matter what exactly it always gives them something even if they didn't have fun at least they saw me do a weird dance like there always have to give extra things. And then the meet and greets, I give so much because I just want them to not be able to go, it wasn't that great. Because if they meet me, they're going to have a good time. I'm a really good meet. I'm a great greet too. Yeah, a good meet and greet? Yeah, I do it both. Well, I mean, what do you think this is though? Low self-esteem. Exactly, right? Yeah, I do it both. Well, I mean, what do you think this is, though? Low self-esteem. Exactly, right? Yeah. You know, it's... Because I don't do the meet and greet

anymore. What I'll do is I'll, like, hang around backstage for a while. Right. And then I'll just wander out about 20 minutes later, and I just figure whoever's out in front of the theater... Whoever, yes. You know, the 20 weirdos who love me, and I love them. And they put in the time. They waited. And I'll do

a few pictures. Sure. But I won't do the line anymore. There's too many pictures of me out in the world looking tired with strangers. Yeah. And they don't go anywhere. Talk about it. You never see it.

I take hundreds of pictures a night and then no one posts it. I go, you're waiting for me to die so you can have a good Instagram post because that's when this will show up. Maybe they just want to have their own memory. Maybe they're not all about... No one has memories

anymore in their phone. They only post the only reason you take a picture is to post it. But I love doing it. I really enjoy it because I've You don't do merch

anymore though do you? I do merch but I don't do it myself. I could never do that and look people in the eye and convince them to buy a shirt that says Nikki Glaser

is my hall pass or whatever the fuck I'm selling. Like I could not. I feel I'm such a bad salesman. I don't believe in myself. You bring someone on the road to sell? Yeah, I have a tour manager.

And then the venue has someone that you pay. You tip extra. I just can't. I can't deal with the anxiety of the boxes and knowing that. Oh, yeah. That's all taken care of. I would never do it if it wasn't taken care of. But the meet and greets I do like, I charge $50 for them at the merch booth if you want

to buy one. But if you can't afford one, you DM me and I go, yeah, I'll give you one if you care enough to meet me. You do a $50 meet and greet, they get $50 to hang out with you? Well, it's one of the items at the merch booth. But if you can't afford it, I will always give it to you. And the people that run the merch booth know that if someone is just like, how do I meet Nikki? Oh, and they're worried about the money, then I'll just give it to you. I'm not trying to make money off it.

So that's your version of helping the homeless? No, I'm trying to minimize how many people I meet. Because if you just meet everyone, then you get a lot of guys grabbing you weird ways, saying dirty jokes to you. Oh, really? Not just their hand lingering. This is the move they do. They around your waist.

Yeah. And then when the picture is over, they let their hand drape and then slide across your ass slowly. So you cannot call them out for hey you just touched my ass because it's a mistake what are you talking about yeah and then it's a whole thing so you just let it repeats itself oh yeah it happens over and over i will sometimes tell someone watch behind will you just watch for these guys because i know some audiences where there's going to be these guys and these guys the guys that are security guys focused on my ass waiting for guys

to touch it will not see it i'll'll go, did you see that one? They go, it's so sly. It's so under the radar. These guys are good. And so I don't do, I used to just hang out after shows

and meet every single person because I heard Dane Cook did that or whatever. I don't know. You heard Dane Cook? You know, Dane Cook used to do that.

He used to like stay hours and meet everyone after like arenas. And now I just charge just to cut down on the sheer number. But what do they get? Is that part of a vip package yeah it's a part of a vip thing or you can buy them individually at the merch booth or if you i have a new policy where if you go to my show alone which i think so many we miss out on so many ticket sales and a lot

of people that won't go to shows because people that are fans of comedy have social anxiety a lot of times people that are fans of podcasts i get a lot of guys alone but they a lot of people will not go alone because they don't have a friend to go with and they don't want to look like a loser so i've incentivized it and i say if you go to my show alone you get a free meet and greet and i will like i'll be your friend because i think that that include dudes that include everyone and they're the sweet the people that take me on are always the sweetest they're always so glad they're, I never do anything like this. It's empowering me to go to more things alone because I don't know that I could do it. I felt very awkward going to things alone.

I just want to be able to leave before it's over. Oh, me too. Oh, God. I wonder if I would leave my own show before it's over. I always think of that and possibly, but I'd miss the dancing. Okay, so you're living in St. Louis. Yeah, I live in St. Louis. How long have you been doing that?

Since March of 2020. I haven't, I don't think we've hung out in years. So I got to catch up on shit. Okay. So how's the eating? I love you so much. What? Just get to it.

I just made a, you know. What did you do? I just made my Anorexic salad That I have for the week Oh my god Let me guess Is there It's an oil and vinegar

You're using A little bit of oil Not much It's a red cabbage thing Oh you're in a cabbage phase Are you? It's been going on a while Oh yeah

How long has this been going on? Months Yeah months That's usually how long I go With like a food That I'm really into Yeah i thought i was gonna hit the wall with it but it hasn't happened yet i do that all the time still but the problem is like i was on the road for like three months for three weeks uh like a month and one of it was shooting a show in canada and i i would i just drifted into like i'll fucking eat bread i don't give a fuck yeah and

how'd that go for you bad i'm like yeah it got bloated i got ice cream in it i don't give a fuck yeah and how'd that go for you bad i'm like yeah it got bloated like ice cream in it i don't give a shit cream cheese i don't even fucking dare it has to be all or nothing for us but it's like a slow build though that man but like it turns your brain all of a sudden you're like you know like i guess i'm just a bread guy now yeah i can't be that you can be a bread guy no you don't have to be all the bread guy the problem i okay march 2020 i and i've lived moved in with my parents in st louis i was scared the pandemic was happening i was in between apartments in new york your parents no no i'm out of there but i was there for 10 months and um i just got so depressed very quickly and then my eating disorder became

so loud and was honestly the thing that I realized. I go, this is why I don't have a boyfriend or anyone I could possibly live with besides my parents. And this is why I don't want to live alone either, because I'm so scared of how fucking weird I would get with food and how much it would kill me. And so I took care of it. What do you mean took care of it? I got help. Oh. I started, you know.

What, got away? I just found a solution of it? I got help. Oh. I started, you know. What, OA? I just found a solution. OA? I cannot say. We talk good. Well, I know you do, but you're missing the second letter there. I get that, but I mean, you are sort of saying it, and also I believe it helps people. I believe it helps people too, but I also believe that if you associate yourself with that-

Then you're a representative. And then you fail, then people can say it doesn't work. I believe it helps people too, but I also believe that if you associate yourself with that and then you don't, and then you fail, then people can say it doesn't work. I understand that tradition. Yes. Okay. Do you? Sure. I absolutely do. Then why don't you respect it? Because I say this, I am not speaking for the program. Okay. I am in recovery,

but I do not represent AA in saying this, that it worked for me. Okay. Or that any of it works for me i'm very conditional about it right and i found that i get dozens if not hundreds of fucking emails from people i help gets over oh because of it yeah well i say what i say is if you want to know what i did you can write to me and i'll tell you okay but i will not confirm or deny what you just said but uh i found a... All right. Secret society. Yeah, I found a secret society.

You're old school. Yeah. You know, I just... Because right now I'm not actually very active in it. I'm still abstinent, which is for me not skipping meals. I don't get to skip breakfast anymore. I don't get to starve ever. I don't get to be hungry and be like, yes.

Do you know that lady who has the ice cream places in St. Louis? Jenny? No. No? Clementine's. Is that it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard of Clementine's.

Of course, yes. I'm just not a, I don't do sugar. This shit, she, I learned. It's good. I learned so much from her. What did you learn? Well, I mean, the publicists of the place is a fan of mine, so they're sending me the boxes. Oh, nice. What did you learn well i mean she they would the the publicists of the place is a fan of mine so they're sending me the boxes oh nice what'd you learn that in order for an ice cream to be

artisanal uh that has to have a certain uh milk fat ratio and some part of it has to be made by hand and that most of the the good ice creams do not have a high milk fat they're all hovering around some percentage i don't remember what it, but real ice cream with the real amount. People are scared of fat. Right, but that's why it tastes so different. After the 90s, nonfat trends. Yes. Okay, clunkytines.

Yeah, so I don't skip meals anymore. And so I, yeah, I really, I still struggle with stuff, but man, is it not as loud anymore. But you freaked out when you got home? Oh, dude, I was, because I was just eating. I was starving all day. I was doing because i was just eating i was starving all day i was doing intermittent fasting so i was just starving all day and then i was intermittent fasting like you were being healthy well that's it's just adult anorexia it's like this suddenly you don't have to lie about starving you can just be like oh i'm doing if and then everyone is like oh that's fine and they don't ask questions and they don't judge you it's like acceptable so i really latched on to that and was just for years not eating just coffee like lattes throughout the day and then um start

eating at night have a dinner and then it would not stop for the rest of the night and then i would just sleep and wake up and you just eat all night all night long just protein bars though like you know just like very fun no well they were so good i mean like i can be into anything that's anything like your cabbage salad you're super into it. But I know that it's not going to, like, hang on me. Well, when I'm starving all day and I'm doing the amount of calories, you know. But they were... Like, I would wake up and just collect, like, you know, in the morning, count the wrappers,

not knowing how many there were that I before. It was always, like, nine to 17 wrappers. I'm not going to say what kind, because then someone's going to go... There's some anorexic listening being like, what kind did she use? I really, like,

I don't know. But they were low sugar, let me, low sugar, as low cal as I can get with still being delicious and they are delicious. I never,

I never eat the protein bars. Really? Good for you. And the only one that I'll eat sometimes is the one that's got like the one egg. Oh yeah,

those, yeah, that's the, yeah, Two dates. Yeah, those ones. You know, honey. One of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are everywhere. Yeah, those are the new kind bars.

They're taking over. Yeah, yeah. I have one sitting. Someone sent me one. Here's what I don't understand, though. What? That I cannot fucking shake it.

The judging, the woman I've been seeing put it to me pretty plainly, that I don't know, I can't see that my self-worth is not based on how I feel about my weight. Yeah, I know, I know. Because it just happens, like it's not even that clear. I just know that when I'm uncomfortable, I'm like, I'm terrible. Yeah.

I just want to be invisible. How many chins do I have? I know. But haven't you been the way you want to be? I know, Mark. It doesn't go away unless you work a program, unfortunately, is my understanding of it. But have you looked back, though, when you have been the weight you wanted to be, and were you happy? Too skinny.

Well, let's say the weight that you would want to be right now if you snap your fingers. If you look back at a picture of yourself, you weren't happy. It doesn't look good. Not only does it not look good, but you— Look at the last season of Glow. I was emaciated. Really? I just started a sugar detox, by the way, yesterday.

Of course you did. No, it's been a while. Okay. So I started one. Uh-huh. But I did this for GLOW because I said, I'm going to just take off a few pounds so I can not be freaked out about eating Kraft Services for the last season of GLOW. And I got down to like 172, all right?

And that's, for me, like at 175, I'm on the border of too skinny. So at 172, like my character in the last season of Gloat looks like I have cancer that no one was talking about. We're all waiting for this announcement to happen. No, they're not going to mention it. They're not going to mention Sam's cancer. That's weird. Oh, my God. So, yeah, even when you get it, you don't look good.

You don't feel good. I can't be. I just, I've gained weight recently, and I felt so, because it was so good as soon as I started doing three meals a day, and then just letting myself eat. My rule was, like, never let yourself skip a meal, and never let, if you're hungry, you got to find something to eat right away. No questions asked. And I did it, and I still do it. And then I started overeating and under exercising.

I gained weight and it's a struggle sometimes. And I feel, and I'm tempted to, the good thing is now, I can't do anything about it. My rule is I don't get to diet. So when I feel fat, I got to come up with something else because it's not going to be eating less because I'm not changing that. As opposed to putting a control in place.

Yeah, like whenever I used to feel like out of control about my body or hate a picture i was in or my pants were tight i would immediately go okay tomorrow i'm starting this diet and i would fucking do it or i wouldn't do it and i'd feel like a failure now it's okay i gotta um i'm clearly overeating for some reason and i gotta start writing letters to god or whatever the fuck like i gotta start praying i gotta start writing letters to god or whatever the fuck like i gotta start praying i gotta start meditating more like there's got to be another solution it's not going to be not eating i can't do that because on the other side of that is always going to be a binge whether it's now or whether it's tomorrow when i finally get to eat or whether

it's months from now when i finally almost or years from now i mean i could starve myself for years and then eventually it will turn into out-of-control eating that is so embarrassing. No one would ever. I'm someone who prides myself on being so honest all the time. But man, was I not being honest about that. I was talking about it being like, oh, I ate four protein bars last night in bed. It was more like 13. You know, like that's not.

Once I get honest with it and i started taking pictures of the shit i was doing and sending it to the person that i was working with it just got it was just so it was just so ugly no you know down instagram that stuff i mean if i did it would be it was so alarming but i'm not i'm not no please laugh it is it's but it's not so many people do this shit i know you realize like everyone struggles with and i always assumed that that place that you talked about before that i didn't say that i go to or not yeah i always assumed that was for people who were overweight extremely overweight and struggling it isn't it's for everyone and um and i really uh i found so i didn't think anything would ever work.

And although I still struggle, it is nothing like you get powerless over it and you can look at it differently. Yeah, I just don't. I love having a hard, fast rule, which is something anorexics love to do anyway. So my rule for myself now is it used to be like no sugar or no carbs or whatever it was. Now it's no skipping meals like I can stick to it. You can't do this thing and you're a bad girl if you do. And I am a good girl. And so I do not,

I got a streak going of, since, you know, that's great. April of 2020 that I don't skip meals. And I'll tell, it's hard because everyone fucking skips meals.

It's the, it's the way that people think they lose weight. But I haven't been doing that. Like my, I, and I'm, I'm happy for you, but I just started a sugar detox. way that people think they lose weight but i don't i haven't been doing that like my i uh and i'm i'm happy for you but i just started a sugar detox how why why are you trying to lose

weight you look why would you want to change the way you look at all right now well because i plowed through a fucking pint and a half of ice cream the other night and i was in new mexico eating tortillas for three days well i have a feeling you're gonna plow through another pint at some point if you deprive yourself of what you deeply, deeply want. No, I'm not depriving myself. I'm eating all day long. I just thought maybe I got some new vitamins from a guy.

Listen, you enjoy yourself on these things. It'll pass. And I've been here before. I'm just saying I'm happy. I can't stand being around people on detoxes, diets. I can't even be friends with them. People just get so... Dude, I'm eating all day, but I'm just not eating it't stand being around people on detoxes, diets. I can't even be friends with, like, people just get so. I'm eating all day, but I'm just not eating it.

Like, are you kidding me? I can tell you're good. I'm eating nuts. Yeah. I'm eating the cabbage salad, ate eggs and avocados. You know, isn't it just so nice, though, when you're not constantly thinking about food and like at the end of every meal you're thinking about when's my next one? Like now I can just like think about other shit. Yeah, I know. But I love thinking about one. Like, now I can just, like, think about other shit.

Yeah, I know, but I love thinking about food. I mean, I do, too. Yeah, but not in a bad way. Not in a way that's like, I'd rather eat than fuck. Here's what happened. This is what I'm telling you. You'd rather eat than fuck. Well, I used to always, like, at the end of the night,

I would, like, be starving all day. I'd go on a date with a guy, eat a dinner that looks, like, normal. I wouldn't be like, I want to eat like a bird for a man. I'd eat a normal dinner. But it wouldn't be enough because I starved all day, and I'm used to going home and eating all my protein bars. So instead of going back to his place, which I would love be like, I want to eat like a bird for a man. I'd eat a normal dinner. But it wouldn't be enough because I starved all day and I'm used to going home and eating all my protein bars. So instead of going back to his place, which I would love to do, food is always going to fucking win. Wow. Food always wins.

Food is being hungry trumps everything. And so you you're just all you're thinking about is food. You can't think about sex. You can't think about my career even like everything was motivated by food. When I was going to eat next, when how much I just ate, when I'm going to work that off. And it just, it's, that voice is still in me. It's not, I haven't killed her yet. But it's quieter, yeah.

But it's so much quieter. Yeah. Well, you got, it's like by getting your head around your three meals thing and around the powerlessness of the compulsion, you know, you can kind of be like, just shut up. Yes. To that person. It's like, I know, you can kind of be like, just shut up. Yes. To that person. It's like, I know you're upset, but we're not doing it.

I just realized, like, there was this one thing that I heard one time that really got through to me, which was there's this anecdote that someone shared in one of the meetings about a girl that had a sugar problem and her thing was like no sugar. You know, in these kind of programs,

everyone has a different abstinence. You can't just like stop eating or what you know everyone that's what one thing misha needs to say to me is that because i've been wrestling with this for years and as my second wife yeah she said like you can't the the problem with the addiction to sex and food is you need to do both yeah you know you cannot really abstain from those things, really. I mean, sex? You can, but it's not great. Yeah. So even if it's just food.

It's not like drugs or drinking or gambling or getting in debt. Hard lives. Yes, yes. You know what I mean? So like with food, you have to decide your bottom line. You have to figure out what your bottom lines are, and it takes a really long time to do that. I mean, then I switched. For a i was just you know doing three meals eating a normal diet but i was chewing gum to the point where i was getting sores in my mouth yeah i had

to have a fucking surgery trident um wintergreen oh god surgery i had to get surgery in college i was chewing so much gum i had this thing called a ranula if you google it it's it's ranula is latin for like a bullfrogs like bubble and it just like it clogged one of my like yeah and i had to pop it with a needle and it got so callous that i had to have it surgically removed and i had to lie to the guy about why it was why i knew it was from gum i've had those removed those yeah the they're uh they're glands that get clogged yes yes but okay so so i quit gum too So that's another one. I did too. I quit gum.

No more gum. No gum. Because I just want it more and more and it easily replaces- Orbits, I was orbits. Oh yeah. It easily replaces food. Yeah, that's what I was doing.

It's gone. That's gone. The only reason, here's what I'm telling you. Yeah. Because I don't want you to judge me. I'm not judging you. I smoke weed.

Okay. That's fine. Yeah. I mean, I just want to say I'm not perfect. I've got stuff that I i just want to say like i i'm not perfect i've got stuff that i still want to conquer you're not perfect i'm so close i'm so fucking close here's what i'm here's what i was gonna tell you though yeah the the sugar detox is only because

i know that once i get on a you you crave that thing and and you're getting it out yeah because it changes the way you think yeah that it out. Yeah, because sugar is. It changes the way you think. Yeah. That's what's bumming me out about it. Okay, that makes sense. It's shifting how I perceive, you know, what I'm eating.

Everything, yes. Yeah. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Yeah, that's it. I support that. That's it, that's it. No judgment there. So, St. Louis,

how do you feel, what is it like living in a fascist state? I know, right? Fuck. I mean, right? Fuck. I mean, is that a considerate? Like, I'll go perform there, and the people I bring, they're sort of like, thank you. Thank you for coming.

Yeah. It's scary hearing like that. St. Louis is not, it doesn't feel that way in St. Louis. I just interviewed Jason Kander, who used to be your state senator, I believe. Really? Yeah, he's great. Okay, good, good. Yeah, he's a great guy.

Democratic guy. Hopefully, he'll run for Senate there. He was a presidential hopeful, but he had PTSD, and he didn't know great. Okay, good, good. Yeah, he's a great guy. Democratic guy. Hopefully he'll run for Senate there. He was a presidential hopeful, but he had PTSD and he didn't know it. Oh my God. And he had to pull out and deal with it. Great guy. Good for him. He's a great guy.

Yeah. Oh, but anyway, so do you- So I'm in St. Louis, so I don't feel it that much. And I'm not there that much. I'm just there Monday through Thursday. I just wonder. And I love it. I love St. Louis.

You do? I do. I had a nice time there. I was taken around by the woman who owns Clementine. She showed me around the city. It's beautiful. It's one of those cities where I go, that's kind of rebuilding somehow. There's a lot of them.

You know what else is? Pittsburgh's cool. It's so cool. Isn't it? Yes. I was surprised. I said the same thing. Oh, God. You could tell me and I would know. Did you do that Carnegie Homest Isn't it? Yes. I was surprised. I said the same thing. Oh, God.

You could tell me and I would know. Did you do that Carnegie Homestead Library thing? Yes. Yes. Yes. That weird haunted shithole up there? Yes. Yes.

Yes. Which was great this time. The first time I played it, I'm like, there's something wrong with this place. And then this time, I'm like, no, it's good. Maybe it was me. I loved Pittsburgh. Yes. But yeah, you walk around, you're like, holy fuck.

It's gorgeous. What a cool city. The hills. The trolley thing's going up the- Yeah. I loved it. I did too. I was like, I could live here holy fuck. It's gorgeous. What a cool city. The hill, the trolley things going up the- Yeah, the- I loved it. I did too. I was like, I could live here.

I felt the same way. Really? But I was just in Denver. Now I know because I live in St. Louis, I could live anywhere and have a great career. Yeah. I was just in Denver and I was out at, I was at a Columbine. Yeah. I'm kind of like, I just got really into Columbine in the past couple months.

The school? Just the event. So you went to go look at it? Yeah, like the way that people are obsessed with like murders, I'm kind of obsessed with. School shootings? Columbine specifically. I was just of the age. I was a freshman when it happened.

I've been fascinated by it for years. And then I read this amazing book by Dave Cullen called Columbine. I thought i knew everything about it and i didn't it was so fascinating it really makes you look at every mass shooting now so much differently and understand like how it got why well columbine was a uh botched bombing it if those guys were alive to see what they did they would be humiliated by what happened because it was supposed to be uh they were trying to recreate the oklahoma city bombing okay and their bombs didn't go off and they were only they only had guns so they could pick off the survivors that ran out of the cafeteria where

they have the bombs in the cafeteria in their cars also they were bought they planted a bomb first to drive all active police activity away from littleton so the bomb, so there could be more carnage. That bombed really, that kind of fizzled. No one really paid attention to it. The bombs they planted in the cafeteria where it was supposed to be up to 600, maybe 1,000 casualties during this. They plotted it, figured out when the most students would be there. These kids, by the way, were like not losers. They were picked on at times, but so was everyone at Columbine, really. It was like a very like bullying school day problem not losers they were picked on at times but so was everyone at columbine

really it was like a very like bullying school they had a problem but they were they were getting laid they were popular they had a lot of friends that had no idea what do you think it was eric harris is a psychopath and he had a um an extinction fetish and he wanted to cause mass extinction and so and then um dylan was uh suicidal and meant to kill himself before they had planned this attack on 420 but he never got around to it and so he just kind of fell into it and um so what happened so when you went so i went there to the school what did you feel i i just was well i felt very creepy vibes at one point point in this certain area that where it almost looked reminiscent of what happened 20 years ago there or over 20 years ago there. There was a moment where my friends were really weirded out by my fascination.

But I like forced them to go to Columbine twice because we went at night one time and then I because they wanted to go to dinner beforehand. So I want to see it during the day. And then we went back during the day again and they were worried that I was going to be arrested for trespassing. But I wasn't trying to get in. I was just trying to pay homage. And also there was this morbid curiosity that I'm not going to lie, was also there of this insane tragedy that happened that was such an anomaly of two people deciding to do this act together,

which it's usually a single person. And so I... Did you like that Gus Van van zandt movie what was that one um did they do it did he do a columbine movie it's sort of based on it wasn't it called elephant oh yeah i never saw that no i don't want to see it i don't want to see people get i really hate gun violence i don't watch i can't watch any kind of violent thing but i can sure as hell read about it and um but the real interesting thing was I went to Columbine, the memorial at night,

which they have a beautiful, that's where I want to live is Littleton. It's the most beautiful campus I've ever seen. You can see the mountains. There's this gigantic lake. It is, it's glorious. That's where Columbine is? Yeah, in Littleton.

And I went to this, this is so weird, Mark. Okay, so I don't know if you remember, but I don't know why this is turning into me teaching you about Columbine, but it is interesting and I'm obsessed. So there was a story that came out of Columbine when it happened that this one girl, they were asking people in the library before they picked them off, they would say, do you believe in God?

And one girl said, yes, and then he killed her. Her name was Cassie Bernal, and she died a martyr for Jesus Christ. That was eyewitness accounts of someone that heard one of the shooters say, do you believe in God and heard a gunshot. That turned into this huge story where this girl that, you know, was a definite like crusader for Christ, had her life turned around by Christ and was so devoted, such a good Christian. It became her story. She became this martyr.

Her mom got a book deal. Her mom felt weird about even doing a book about it. But people were inspired by Cassie's story that she told this guy in the face of a gun in her face. She said, I believe in Christ and she died for it. Well, once crime scene investigators started doing their research, they realized that the girl who said yes was not Cassie. It was this other girl who got shot at but who did not die. was not Cassie. And it was this other girl who got shot at,

but who did not die. And she felt embarrassed to even tell the story that she was the one who said yes, because she didn't want to take it from this poor girl who died. And so it kind of got out a little bit, but it was quickly squashed by, you know, the Christian movement, like the churches globbed onto this.

They used her as like a way to get, to convert so many kids. The Christian industrial complex shut her down. The Christian stooges. Yes. But it is documented that Cassie did not say it. It was this other girl that said it. So then I'm at the memorial and there is a woman there.

I mean, this is like on Father's Day at 930 at night on a Sunday. There's no, this is no anniversary. Sure. I go there with my friends. We're reading each of the plaques. And as we're standing there, there's this with my friends. We're reading each of the plaques. And as we're standing there, there's this one woman just standing in front of one of the plaques. We get to it. It's Cassie's plaque.

I'm trying to read it. And the woman's like, where are you guys from? What's your connection to Columbine? And I'm just like, oh, I'm just pretty fascinated by it. I was a freshman in high school when it happened. Kind of bookended my high school. I was Columbine freshman year, 9-11 senior year. Like, it just means a lot to me in a weird way she's asking a lot of questions and she is uh trying to she's there for

i look back on it she was like trying to get us to convert to something she was standing in front of her her like little site as like a you know an ambassador for her and i have no idea at this time that that's her but i just thought she's just a woman. And I quickly established, like, she wasn't there mourning anyone because I wasn't going to go off and talk about what I know if it was someone who lost someone.

So she was like, oh, yeah, I was, you know, going to this Denver high school when it happened. I don't know anyone from it, but, you know, I just like to come here. It's so peaceful. And I was like, yeah, it really is. And I was like, and then I read her plaque and it said, she said yes.

And I go, you know, she didn't, right? And the girl goes, what? And I go, she didn't actually say yes. And I was kind of telling my friends more than her. I was like, oh, the whole story. And this woman is just like, where did you hear that? And I was like, well, I just read this book by Dave Cullen called Columbine. And it's been completely debunked.

She didn't say it, but I'm guessing she would have have anyway so why not just give it to her you know yeah and she's suddenly she just drifted off into the night and i swear to god this woman i dismantled her entire reason for believing in christ i mean this was probably a girl who was she was an eighth grader when it happened and it was she was probably one of the ones that was converted by this story and my just like, just, you know, aside. There you go. You're doing the opposite

of missionary work. Which is? You're an anti-Christ missionary. I mean, if that is what I go down in history as, I would love it. That'll be on your grave site.

Yes. She said bullshit. But I had no idea. I would have never, I would never try to offend anyone who believes in that and knows who, you know, has a whole identity based on that. But it was fascinating. So you've decided that you can live in Pittsburgh because it's, there's hills and it's cool.

Yeah. And I could live in Littleton because of Columbine's nearby. I could stop by Columbine anytime and just. What other cities like, cause I've been touring a lot and I see the ones that are trying to kind of turn it around. Like Cleveland's only, it's just, it's inching towards, it's a little too big. It's too spread out. Not quite hip. Yes, yes, yes.

Kansas City. Detroit seems to be bouncing back a little bit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, my God. That one hotel, Shenandoah. Oh, I stayed at Foundation.

Oh, yeah. It was like, it was a firehouse. It was the main firehouse. Yeah. Well, I stayed at Foundation. Oh, yeah. It was a firehouse. It was the main firehouse. Yeah. Well, I read in Detroit. I called 911 when I was in Detroit because we saw a car accident happen on the highway. And I got a busy tone. And then it just rang for 10 minutes and then never picked up.

And then I was looking up interesting facts about Detroit so I could roast them. And one of the facts was it takes an hour for your 911 call to be answered. Oh, my God. Well, maybe it's not bouncing back. Kansas City. I didn't go to Kansas City. I like Kansas City a lot. I got some dates coming up in Lincoln, Nebraska.

I've never been there. So I thought I was going to get to see your whole special, but they just sent me the fucking trailer. Oh, lucky you. What are you talking about? I mean, you just didn't have to watch a special. I mean, but they just sent me the fucking trailer. Oh, lucky you. What are you talking about? I mean, like, you just didn't have to, like, watch a special. I mean, we all love watching. I watch them. I watch them.

That's so nice. I know you would, but, like, you got out of it by, like, I couldn't. It's kind of, like, why I, like. No, I was ready. I set time aside. That's why I like being tied up during sex so I can be, like, I would jerk you on, but I can't. You can't. Like, I love a good excuse.

It's part of my thrill. Yeah. Oh, they only sent me the trailer. I would have. I couldn't wait to. No, but I thought it was funny. It's part of my thrill. Oh, they only sent me the trailer. I would have. I couldn't wait to. No, but I thought it was funny. It's called good clean filth. Oh, thank you.

That doesn't sound convincing. No, I do. I like it. I'm glad you didn't see it. Why? Because if you didn't like it, I could tell. No, but I like you and I like the dirty stuff. Yeah, that's what I'm known for.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I don't know how to feel about that. Are you not proud of it yeah i'm proud of it but it's not like i just feel like there's some kind of um if i were an outsider looking at what i do i would you rather be come on girl get stop it like it's just enough like this is your gimmick i saw that in the trailer yeah like i'm still talking about i am still talking about the shit because it's interesting to me i thought i gotta be true to what i'm interested in it's still fucking interesting talking about this shit because it's interesting to me. I thought I got to be true to what I'm interested in. It's still fucking interesting to be talking about fucking.

Yeah, it's great. I used to do it all the time. I don't see why more people don't. I used to do it all the time, but then it sort of like it became sort of a bad look at some point. At a certain age, it becomes a bad look? No, for like, you know, it's just sort of like, I mean, fucking is fascinating. But you still, I'm sure you still reference it and still. Oh, sure, sure.

I mean, yeah, I'll say yeah yeah i do uh i'm doing a bit about how i don't like i'm not one of these older dudes that like does hobbies where you know physical fitness hobbies like you know where it's gonna have to wear a unitard and pedal fast to go nowhere and you know what i mean it's like and these guys are like i'm pushing my personal limits like? And then I say, if you really want to push your personal limits, fuck a crazy lady. But not like, I'm not saying all women are crazy. I mean, a mentally ill person. Okay. Have sex.

Don't fuck, stop fucking girls before, literally stop having, men need to understand that women have, when we have sex, no matter what we say, we get way more emotionally attached, as you all have seen, than even we intend or we can predict. That's true. And it happens every single time. And that is the big crux of my special is I've stopped having sex unless I'm in love, unless the person I know. Is going to be able to take it? No, is in love with me. unless the person I know is going to be able to take it? No, is in love with me

because a man will always like you less after sex, but if he loves you, he'll still stay with you and have enough. Men, my point is that the only thing men like more than new pussy

is integrity. And so if a man loves you, he'll have integrity to not fuck other women. Not that that is something I care about. I honestly don't really care if someone fucked other women,

but they won't. They'll, they'll, they'll. i just had too many times where i would sleep with someone too soon because i thought it was time i thought they were going to be my boyfriend i thought we had shared enough and connected enough and then they just change afterwards and i kind of i i read enough about the male brain and about orgasms and um and by that i mean like thirds of books and i go i get this. Yeah, sure. Talk about it in my special like I'm a fucking expert. I have like two bookshelves

for just thirds of books. Just thirds of books. Because you just go, I get this. Where did I stop underlining? Yes. Where did I leave that set list

that I bookmarked with? And so, yeah, that's a big, stop having sex with us, please, please. Like we, and I really do do I've just learned How to get off in other ways

And to get men off in other ways Because I used to just Sleep with guys Because I think women Especially If we're talking about High school age girls Having sex

And if we want to cut down On teen pregnancy I really believe We need to teach girls How to give good hand jobs Sure And good blow jobs But more so hand jobs

Because they're not invasive. Aren't they all watching porn? Can't they get a sense of it? There's no handjobs in porn. Oh. Girls are just getting... You have to make your search more specific. Handjobs are just...

We're scared to disappoint men, and girls are having sex in high school because they want boys to like them, not because they like having sex with a high school kid. I've gotten... it's been a long road and i'm 58 yeah what have you learned um do you know that like are you a little apprehensive when you're dating someone new and you're not sure how committed you want to be well i just i was

very straight you know this uh the woman i've been sort of hanging out with i mean since you know like when lynn died that kind of shattered any capacity I had, you know, for, you know, like, I was not that good at intimacy to begin with. And whatever, that reconfigured everything. So I, like this woman I've been hanging out with for a while, you know, she's younger than me, but there's nothing I can do about that.

Yeah. You know. Most people are going to be at this point. Yeah, exactly. And I don't mind having, you know, being with. You. And I don't mind having, being with 40 or 50 years. You're immature in a way. And you're hip. I'm not immature.

I just don't have children. Yeah, that's a good point. But you are. You're silly and you're lighthearted. You dress young. You're young. I don't know. Maybe I dress young, but I'm not sure I'm silly and lighthearted.

You are. I don't know that everyone is. To you, because you know me. I know. So then you are. No, but I'm not sure i'm silly and lighthearted i don't know everyone is to you because you know me i know so uh like you are no but i'm not hiding from you i'm not i'm not being like i'm not being defensive or or or or or threatened right emotionally okay yeah so i mean unless being uh immature is being terrified of being threatened threatened emotionally but but anyways the point being is I was just straight. I said, look, I don't know what I'm capable of emotionally, really, at this point or whatever, but I like hanging out.

And sex is good. But I have a hard time sleeping with you. I was all pretty much open. Yeah. Why would you have a hard time sleeping with someone? It's just the intimacy of it. Like I can't. The intimacy after,

during, before. No, for some reason in my brain, there's some sort of weird separation between, like, I just can't, like,

I'm also very codependent almost immediately. So if I have somebody living in the house, it's like, I'm going to disappear. And I'm just going to be like, what are you doing? And he's just worried to the point where I'll just resent them because I think they're taking up too much of my brain. It's my problem.

So you get too invested in them. I just worry. About what? Everything. Or like about them? No, just like, you know, be careful when you drive. Right. Is this post-Slin or was this always that way?

It was kind of always that way. But then I let that get to anger where i just sort of like they're not asking me to do anything and i'm living this whole life in my head right you know you're so concerned with them or i'm paranoid or whatever it could go either way but i'm not jealous anymore i don't do that shit anymore well how do you how do you how do you fight that how how'd you get over that because that plagues everyone i i don't i don't know you know i just i i think i'm a little numb but like well you might trust more now yeah i don't know because doesn't fear of getting cheated getting jealous is just not trusting the person because if you

trust the person not to fuck anyone then i guess but it's like but you know people fuck yeah they do and it depends on like the situation i'm just not in the situation. I'm sure it could all come back. You just don't care either way? No, I do. Yeah. You know, I'd like to know. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yes. I've been left for people I've been fucked around on. And I don't even realize it until years later sometimes where I'm like, oh my God, that was going on for months before they left me. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Most people do that. Of course they do. They get my God. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, most people do that.

Of course they do. They get set up and then they leave. Most people need, my therapist used to say, some people just need a lily pad before they decide to jump. Some people, most people. They need to,

they need to test it out. I know most people. I've just been straight, you know, and I know that emotionally it's deepening and I don't, I don't know what the fuck I want. And I don't, but I,

you know, I don't have kids. I don't have debt. I don't have, what about emotional intimacy? That's what I'm saying is that, it's deepening. And I don't know what the fuck I want. But I don't have kids. I don't have debt. I don't have... What about emotional intimacy? That's what I'm saying is that that's the harder thing for me. Because it's like... And I can't quite figure that out, but I'm working on it.

That's why I'm saying a lot of times we'll sweep in separate rooms or she won't sweep over at all. Because I can't deal with it. Because it's either all or nothing. Yeah, the responsibility of it or something. I don't know yeah i don't know if i'm ready but i was definitely ready to fuck when we started yes well at least i like i like what you're saying i'm straight about it like i'm at least telling her yeah that these are my hang-ups yeah and that i'm struggling with and also i don't expect anything i'm old and these are my hangups and that I'm struggling with them and don't expect anything. I'm old and these are the things I need to happen when we have sex if it's going to be good.

Do you really say that? Can you really give like, this is what I need? That's great. That makes everything so much easier. I think if we all need to be doing that more because so much of sex is just like, is this what they want?

Is this good? Oh my God, they're placating me. Oh God. But there's this weird thing about being a dude too where it's sort of like there's this pressure. And it's sort of like, you know, if things aren't working, you know, why are you blaming me? Yes, yes, yes. Can't we work a little harder at getting this where we need to get it?

You just need to bring in toys. Men need to just, I mean, do you incorporate those? Are you intimidated by those? Are you jealous of those? For me or her? Her. Oh, no, I'm not doing it currently, but no, that wasn't a problem. I don't have a problem with that.

You never have a problem with that. But I do, like, sometimes you have to, depending on who the person is, like, I've had to wean people off of toys. Oh, yeah. Because, like, if someone's, like, compulsively, if toy, like, a compulsive toy person, like, you can't make them come so you got it you start like okay i'll do the toy for you right and then and then sort of like let's try without the toy i've been single a really long time i need to i need to wean myself off porn and

just jerking off in general because you can desensitize yourself oh yeah because you have it's like a control thing you have complete control of the whole process of getting to your orgasm yes so like if you're in and that's the fucked up thing is that and i hate it i don't want control well oh so that's your thing yeah but but that's but that's a relief thing that's a compulsive thing that's like i want to come to feel you know i just need like eating or whatever but uh but i don't let myself oh i don't love i like that's another i'm anorexic when it comes to orgasms so you'll watch porn for like hours and not come yeah and just well because i'm saving it for like i want to wait to eat and like this is the same thing for food i want to wait to eat until no i don't do

that i did today and it like was orgasmic to pee in your bathroom upstairs it was so good it lasted so long but no i do that with orgasms i don't know what it is i just i i do it with christmas even on christmas i don't like to open my presents until the very last second because i'm just i think the enjoyment is in the anticipation for me it's not actually the orgasm itself because as soon as i'm coming i'm like oh i can't believe it's gonna be a while before i get to do this again oh yeah i don't or i want to just make sure it's like the best it can be and then i just lose it yeah that's good yeah, I don't. Or I want to just make sure it's like the best it can be and then I just lose it.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, but I don't like the sort of, what do you call it, denying myself. But I think the point I was trying to make is that when you jerk off compulsively, you're your primary sexual partner. Right. I know exactly what I like.

Right. And so when someone else has entered into the equation, you've got to get them up to speed on that, but also meet halfway. But the weird thing is is sometimes

when you do start fucking somebody and you're used to jerking off all the time, even when you come, it's sort of like, I could have done that better on my own.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, it is. It sucks. And I think men, oftentimes, if you tell them something that you want, it takes the hotness out of it because there's the dynamic there, especially that I like in bed that they're calling the shots. I'm just a dumb mute hole. Yeah. You know, like I like to kind of be like defense.

I like to be so the opposite of the way I am on. It's like I like to just be holes and just be, that's interesting. Cause there's people like, you know, that have that, that, you know,

that control thing that, you know, sexually it's like, why wouldn't you be submissive to just anyone who's super in charge and most of their life likes to be out of control in the bedroom. I find that to be, but that's hard to do to ask for what you want by, but also be a submissive. Right. Because then you, I get it. It takes away from the, yeah i find that to be but that's hard to do to ask for what you want by but also be a submissive right because then you i get it it takes away from the yeah well i mean you

just well eventually you don't have to ask you just lay out toys that you want to be used on you and you send messages of like hey this porn got me off look check this out look lay out an eye mask uh you know clamps of sorts sure um and never really yeah and then a safe word things like that but it's it is i do struggle with the idea of like um i really love like the i just like anticipation i really love crushes and that is something i my boyfriend i'm with now we've broken up so many times because i love are we gonna get back together like oh wow i have to earn him again yeah does he like me and then when you finally do you're like oh and i i'm really scared of that never that is that is what i don't understand how married people can can have that and just never never have a crush again and my married

friends go i have crushes don't don't you think i don't have a crush i'm like it's it's not the same if you think if you know it can't happen. Well, I think that, like, especially now with the apocalypse and everything, I think people are taking it pretty close to the edge. Yes, you're so right. Like, you know, I've gotten proposition by people who want to use our hall pass, and I'm like, that's not a real thing. Yeah, I know. Like, it's not a real thing. Yes.

And I'm flattered that. Well, yeah, and I have to consent to, I and i'm i'm flattered that yeah and i have to consent to i know you i'm your hall pass but i have to well that's that but like you know as a dude like if someone's coming at me it's like my you know my husband already said i'm like but did he really say like i don't want to be on the wrong end of a fucking gun because you know you you know people say things just as a couple thing yeah you know and know, and also it doesn't, it's not. And she had a fight with him earlier that day and she's like, I'm going to fucking do it.

Or any of that sort of like, it's an open relationship shit. Is it though? Like, I don't want to die for pussy. I don't want, you know, because.

Would it be weird if he was like, yeah, it's cool. If he was like right there, would that make, would that take it out? Like, what's going to.

No, the whole thing's bad. It's all bad. The whole thing's bad. You know, like, sure. I mean.

I think that what I think. I've been fucked around on and I have fucked around on dudes. Yes. I have fucked around as well and it is not. You gotta carry that shit, man. Yeah.

I, yeah, I know. And you, it's hard to feel bad sometimes when you are in the middle of it because you go, it would have just been someone else.

I never do it unless I give confirmation that it's something they just do. But the fucking, yeah, but the thing is, is like depending on how much you're doing, you know, living the double life thing is the only one who loses is you. Because you're not doing, you know, you're obviously not doing what you want to do and you're living a lie. Oh, right. you know you're obviously not doing what you want to do and you're you're living a lie oh right well i've never stepped out but i've been the one that's been the other woman oh is what i'm saying yeah oh it's like yeah yeah you've done that as well but you've been on both sides of things oh my god i can't imagine like i i you know i've been on the other side of things so i've been with someone who has been cheating and it you know what boggles my mind is that these men and this is way in my

past it's been a long time since i've done anything like this i mean there was one recently but that was a whole different thing but back in the day i used to really actually pursue men that had girlfriends it was a turn-on to me because i had low self-esteem i could never be with them i'd never trust these people i could never have them but i um i am boggled by how many of these guys married the women that they cheated on because i thought mary cheated with you mean cheated no cheated with me with me on you know where i go i know i know you stayed with her and you're gonna be her but you can't unless you guys worked on that but no it's just a and you're going to be her, but you can't, unless you guys worked on that, but no, it's just a secret you're going to keep to the grave.

I don't want to have any secrets with the person I marry. Yeah, well, that's good luck. I know. I mean, you can't tell it all,

but I try. Yeah. Is that necessary though? No, I mean, to some degree. But I mean, shouldn't it be just sort of like

from when you start? Yes. Wait, from when you start. The relationship, like I'm going to be honest with you. Yes. You really need to sort of like, let's take out? Yes. Wait, from when you start? The relationship. Like, I'm going to be honest with you. Yes. Do you really need to sort of like, let's take out the journals?

No, no, no, no, no. I don't think. No, that's just cruel. That's, you don't. Yes. There is something to me also about a committed relationship where sometimes I go, you really, just me, the rest of your life? Yeah.

You would be like, that's cool with you like there's a part of me that feels like a man loses a part of himself in not in shutting down any attraction or any like desire for other women i know that desire is there i know you can jerk off to other girls and and look at them and ogle but i i want that i want as much as i don't ever want to be left for another woman i do want i think it's a bad sign if if my man is not attracted to other women sure aside yeah but it's just a matter of how much you talk about but who the hell knows like it's weird now because like i'm like i'm i'm older and i don't know what the fuck i want and i'm so hung up on you know the world ending and doing my comedy and and just sort of like panicking about shit. It's just like I've gotten pretty in the present about it.

Yeah. And like I just don't see any future at all. I know. Let alone for me. I know. You know, sort of like, what are your plans? I don't fucking know. I don't think we're going to be able to live in California in a year

because there's not going to be any water. But do you want to get married? What? It's happening so fast. Yeah, like me writing a book, I just picture them just in a wave. That's been being, like just all of them floating away. They're not going to be around that long. Everything's going to be underwater.

I know. Okay, so let's talk about some shit then. Yeah. Like, so the special's out now? Yeah, it's going to, yeah. When? When is this coming out? We're going good yeah it's gonna yeah when when is this coming out we're gonna do it for you oh okay well the special is out as of uh july 16th on hbo max

i'm also the host of f boy island and i watch a trailer of that too i don't i really didn't feel like i needed to watch all of that all the all the trailers but i want but i did want to see your comedy special but the trailer of f boy island i was like i think i've seen enough of this you get it yeah it's 13 f boys 13 nice guys three girls trying to figure out who's who and it is so funny and fun and you know i'm i get to be like comedic as the host it's like a reality well you're very funny to be funny on you're funny and then yeah my special is out and it's just like um yeah me talking about relationships yeah oh my god i i honestly think they were negligent and letting me get away with some of the things that i said on on f boy island where i would go that no notes you're not going to give me one note i'm so happy to do an hbo special you're

doing one yeah yes but that's what i wanted when i was a kid hbo special and now this before netflix and everything else and that's gonna be so cool is before Netflix and everything else. Oh, it's going to be so cool. But it seems pure, man. It is. I was so fucking thrilled about the opportunity. Fuck Netflix. Fuck them. I've done a few with them, you know, but it's like, there's no, it's like, okay, let's just throw it out there. At least at HBO, they're going to curate it.

You know, they're going to fucking get behind it. Yes. They believe, they are so, they're such fans of mine and they're so excited about it and I'm really proud of what they let me do. yeah it's called good clean filth yeah and it's um i shot it in denver just down the road from columbine where you might be living yeah where i might move any day now yeah i just want to wake up and see the mountains like i just just thinking about how we're not going to be around that much longer. I feel the same way as you feel. I'm like, why am I wasting any of my life not being in this crisp air and getting to see these majestic mountains every day?

It's a little high and dry, isn't it? Yeah. I don't mind. Oh, sometimes the altitude fucks with me. And I've never seen drunker people in Denver because of the fucking altitude. I don't drink anymore. No, it's just sort of like, but when you do a show there and you go out downtown, like if you're at the comedy works and it's just sort of like, but when you do a show there and you go out downtown, like if you're at the comedy works

and it's just sort of like, what's happening between the legal weed and the booze and the altitude? It's fucking disaster. It's like fucking Glasgow. Fucking nuts.

Do you smoke weed? No, I don't do nothing. Okay. But, all right. So I think we covered everything. All right. I feel like we did. Yeah. Columbine, fucking. fucking yeah uh sex fear of intimacy wait but fear of like sharing your deepest fears and like

looking into each other's eyes i just want to like i'm not trying to pry i'm just trying to understand no i'm just i'm it's just i gotta get there you know like even with lynn it was it wasn't quite there yet and we were just sort of getting started have you been to couples therapy before i'm sure yes yes usually it's just it's a fucking hail mary yeah it's already it's over i went to couples therapy with my boyfriend before we became official i said i'm not i'm not i used to say that it's like you should you're on your second date it should be couples yeah it's a joke it's great did you do that joke no i won't i won't even think about it now. It's done. But I just, there's not so much a thing like, you know, I'm not waiting for the right one

or whatever. It's just like, you know, sometimes you just, you stay with people for a long, I've stayed with people too long. And sometimes I've stayed with people that I didn't feel, that I knew weren't really right. Yeah. Just because I don't know how to get out. Right. You know, like I've been in relationships that I didn't feel that I knew weren't really right. Yeah. Just because I don't know how to get out. Right.

You know, like, like I've, I've been in relationships that should have been over. There were still good times to be had. In six months. They should have been over in six months. And I was in it for four or five years. Why don't you know how to get out? Because you're scared you won't find someone better. You're scared.

No, I just, I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want the confrontation. I don't want to feel the heartbreak. I don't want to hurt somebody. Yeah, I'm. You know, I don't want to deal with the whole fucking... And usually in my past, it's got to blow up.

Right. Someone's got to blow up. I do that sometimes to my boyfriend and just try to get him to either hang up on me or break up with me. You sound very exciting. That guy's a real hero. He's great. We've been dating off and on for nine years

we took a five-year break and we're we just became official again because it's just getting embarrassing how many times we've broken up and gone back together and our families just like just have no faith in us and now we're actually like okay i think we're gonna do this and he's i i think what what the thing is i'm scared of of like no new crushes ever. No, that'll die. There's a thing that I could give that up. I gave up a lot of things. Drinking, I miss a lot. And that was so fun.

But I go, I had my fun. It's done. But crushes are different. Yeah. Crushes, it's like any other sort of obsession, like a meal or whatever. It'll fade. Of course. You know what I mean?

It's fleeting. It is a hit. It's not's fleeting. It is a hit. It's not exactly fleeting. It can last a while. But it will go away. But I look at like, you know, Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian, I'm like that obsessive love called limerence

is what it's called, where you're just all over each other. It's so good. And it's like, God, I'm never going to feel that way again. But what I will feel is- Why do I look at those two and I feel like someone's in trouble? Oh, see, I look at that and I go, God damn it, I want that.

Like, that is like that first hit. For me, I just sort of like, I don't know if this is good for Pete. No, of course not. It's like any two people that obsess with each other, it can't sustain it even though you think it's going to. Why are we seeing so much? Why are we seeing so much? What do you mean? It's just like, you know, why is the press on it it it's just a little disturbing to me because we're talking about

it right now and it's gonna help their bottom line i mean it's like but that's what i mean so what do we really know um i don't know i think i can tell i can tell i am but i think i can tell they're pretty fucking happy and then she's getting banged out real good and she's like in it and like feeling young again and free it's a good feeling but i do feel i'm glad everyone's happy i've just never felt in my life enough like that like that deep love that everyone talks about is like oh i can sacrifice any of these new dalliances because there's this deep committed love and i think i'm just starting to actually understand what that can be and like that's the thing my therapist keeps saying is like, you have to take a leap of

faith and just really commit because I'm scared to commit further because then I'm going to hurt him or I'm going to hurt me. Why get deeper into it? Like you're saying, like sleep in another room. Don't stay over because it's either all or nothing. When really they have a, you can't prevent someone from getting hurt. It's up to them. That's right.

And people get hurt and I've been hurt and I've hurt people and i've lost people and i'll just enjoy music more those few months that i get hurt you know like i've gotten through it's exhausting dude yeah but reminds you you can't avoid it yeah no absolutely and i know that and i know that now and i've lived a long and weird life and i've been you know married twice and you know and i've been with a lot of people yeah and uh and it's, whatever you're talking about, this weird, committed, sort of relaxed love thing. I don't know, man. If we haven't fully got a handle on that shit

that's inside of us, I don't know how. Right. Well, that's why I'm starting to feel it is because the voice that's telling me to starve myself is dissipated. And then there's a voice that's like, just be good to yourself. It's like getting louder. And then that's letting people in that are just good to me.

All right, good. So it is true. Keep that door open. See what you can do. I'll give, get back to me. I'll talk to you in six months. Gotta go eat a protein bar. Thanks for doing it.

Thank you, Mark. Nikki Glaser Nikki Glaser Good Queen Filth is streaming on HBO Max uh and oh could you just hang out for a second can you hang out for one second thanks it's a night for the whole family be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m.

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Cozy's Direct2 model ensures that quality and value go hand in hand. Transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit cozy.ca, that's C-O-Z-E-Y, and start customizing your furniture. Listen, for people who have a full Marin subscription on WTF Plus, we just posted some producer cuts. This is something we're going to do regularly. When there's stuff that gets cut out of recent episodes, Brendan will explain why it got cut out in the first place. And you'll get to hear the whole clip. There's stuff from the Michael Mann and Orny Adams episodes up now.

So go check out the producer cuts on the full marin feed if you're subscribed if you're not subscribed join up now and you'll get all the bonus stuff we've been posting plus every episode of wtf ever just click on the link in the episode description or go to wtfpod.com and click on wtf plus okay so i'll be at just for Laughs in Montreal for my gala on Saturday, July 30th. I'll also be doing two solo shows at Sol Claude Leveille. And tickets are going to be available today at noon Eastern. That's July 28th, Thursday at 7 o'clock and Friday, July 29th at 8.30. This place only seats a couple hundred, so not even.

This place seats like 125 or something. Just get the tickets at ha-ha-ha.com or wtfpod.com slash tour for my shows at Saul Claude Leveille. I don't know. In August, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio at the Southern Theater on August 4th. Indianapolis, Indiana, I'm at the Old National Center on August 5th. Louisville, Kentucky at

the Bomhard Theater August 6th, and I hope I don't bomb hard. Ooh, man, I'm on fire. Then I'm back at Dynasty Typewriter in LA on August 14th Lincoln Nebraska at the Rococo Theater on August 18th

Des Moines Iowa at the Hoyt Sherman Place on August 19th and Iowa City Iowa at the Ingwert Theater on August 20th then in September I'm in Tucson Arizona Phoenix Arizona Boulder Colorado Toronto Ontario Canada in October I'm in London, England and Dublin, Ireland.

Yes, yes. Go to WTFpod slash tour for all the dates and ticket info. And the shows have been good. On some of those Midwest dates, in the Nebraska and Iowa dates, I'm taking Lara Bites with me. She's going to be my ambassador to the Midwest, being from the Midwest. And the shows have been good. Shit is tightening up.

There's four or five, you know, kind of like real big bits in there. And the rest of the stuff is kind of working around those things. It's really starting to take shape. So I've only been doing it now for over a year. You would think it would take shape, right? Huh? You would think it would take shape. And now I will do some raga.

I'm going to do sort of some sort of Indian blues riff for you now with my Benker Custom Leslie guitar through the old amps. Just tubes, man. Just the natural breakup of the tubes. guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo Boomer lives Monkey and La Fonda Cat angels everywhere guitar solo