WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1352 - Zainab Johnson

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Comedian Zainab Johnson can survive anything in the comedy world after she survived growing up with twelve siblings in a New York City apartment, substitute teaching in juvenile detention centers, and being hit by a truck in an accident that altered the course of her life. Zainab also tells Marc how comics like Keith Robinson, Ian Edwards and Jimmy Schubert were instrumental in her development on the standup stage. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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T's and C's apply. Lock the gates! All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fuck nicks? What's happening? I'm Mark Maron.

This is my podcast, WTF. Welcome to it today on the show is uh is a comedian zaynab johnson i didn't know her and i just started seeing her at the comedy store and i'm like there's an entire generation of comics i don't know i have no i didn't and i you know she's funny she's uh a powerful presence she's on the prime video series upload which is created by Greg Daniels, and she'll be performing on my gala in Montreal this Saturday. And so I'll see her. That's a day after tomorrow.

But I just started seeing her on the Comedy Store, and I'm like, you know, I have to talk to this person. I would like to know more about this person. So I guess I talked to you like these shows were done a little bit in advance because we had to get the week in the can it was very busy the day i recorded this and i had a lot to do for the week because we had to pre-record some stuff but i i get obsessed with little things and i some of you know that it's how i keep my fucking life together it's how i it's my spirituality a certain ocd around small um corrections you know and i bought a watermelon that was you know not great it was it was bad

in just enough of a way that every bite i would take it would annoy me that that i didn't get a better watermelon or that i didn't throw it away. Half of it had a slightly tougher texture than it should be. And it was sweet enough and juicy enough, but half of it was too mushy and the other half was too stiff. I don't know how to explain it. You don't know what you're going to get, but it sounded correct. When I held it to my head and I knocked on the outside, I got the tone I wanted. And I think theoretically it was probably, it wasn't my mistake. It was an illusion.

Nonetheless, it was sitting in my fridge and I'm in the middle of a busy day and I'm like, fuck it. I got to make this right. I got to go find a watermelon I enjoy. I don't want to, because I enjoy watermelon. I'm on this sugar detox still and it's the only fruit I can eat, that and blueberries. So I need a good one. I don't need one that makes me feel like I made a bad choice in life. I picked the wrong fucking melon.

If that's the worst choice that I've made or the worst decision, it's not even a decision. So I was like, fuck this. And I got on Instagram live because I've done this before. And we went to Vaughn's and I got there. I found a melon. It was seeded. I was making a compromise. They didn't have unseeded, butn's and I got there. I found a melon. It was seeded. I was making a compromise. They didn't have unseeded, but I found one that sounded right.

I knocked on it and it had the right resonance. So I'm like, I'm going to buy this one. I walk in, don't have my wallet, don't have my cash. So I steal the melon. I threw the melon in my car. I got the hot melon in the car and I get home with the hot melon and I'm torn. I'm like, that's my community Vons. I've just videoed me stealing from the Vons.

They have footage. Be interesting to get both footage together because as the story unfolds, it becomes quite a tale. So I'm like, I got to go back and pay. So do I get my wallet? And when I'm in the house, I realized, no, let's go to the other Vons

and see if they have a seedless watermelon that might be better and then just go return the one you stole. So, but like at least have the option to either pay for it or return it or just keep the stolen metal melon, whatever, but buy yourself some time and go to Vons, the other Vons and check their melons. So we went to the other Vons. I bought a melon there that I think sounded good, brought it home, cut it open pretty

good. But then I got, you know, I've got the hot melon in the car. So I bring the hot melon back and return it to the wild. It might've been a little traumatized. And I know that somebody who gets it is not going to know that that melon had an adventure with a guy who basically took him hostage and they'll be eating like sort of like chunks of trauma, seeded trauma, not seeded S-E-A-T-E-D, but seeded trauma. But nonetheless, not seated s-e-a-t-e-d but seated trauma but nonetheless i i went and released a melon i went back and i realized like well maybe that melon maybe i should get that melon then i went back because i felt like i missed him and he might have missed me or they we decided on mel mel the melon of they you know i don't know what genders melons are but doesn't matter

gender fluid melon so i go back and i placed it in a certain way that i you know no one had been only been five minutes so i went and bought the original melon i stole so this is really a tale of a lot of you know moral conflict it's a tale of you know a lawless country coming to terms with itself it's a tale of getting away with things but not getting away with things you Ultimately, I made the right choice, but there was a lot of levels working in this piece. So if you'd like to go to my Instagram feed and watch the melon heist, you can kind of feel the weight of it. Feel the weight of being a criminal for 10 minutes and then finding then turning you know and then finding finding your soul that's what that's about and also getting melons so if that interests you that's good

viewing and i'm going to reach out to vaughn's to see if i can get the security material because i think it would really add to the film so i'm leaving well I'll actually be in Montreal tonight doing my solo show. And tomorrow for, I think the place only seats like 120 people. And the gala, I'll let you know how that goes. I'm a little nervous about it. Only because it's like a big, weird Canadian high-profile hosting gig. I can't remember the last time I did one of those. sting gig. And I can't remember the last time I did one of those. Anyway, Zainab Johnson is a

peer and somebody I started seeing at the store. And I just liked watching her. And I was curious about her life. And she's a comic, obviously. And you can watch her in both seasons of Upload on Prime Video. She's also going to be performing on my gala in Montreal this Saturday at Just for Laughs. And you can go to ZainabJohnson.com to see where else she's performing next month. This is me, me, me, Marc Maron, talking to Zainab Johnson. It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region.

See app for details. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global bestsellingselling novel by james clavelle to show your true heart just to risk your life when i die here you'll never leave japan alive fx's shogun a new original series streaming february 27th exclusively on disney plus

18 plus subscription required t's and c's apply Nice to see you. It's good to see you too. Never see a comedian on a Monday morning. You don't? No. You rarely see them during the day. Yes. Unless you socialize with them.

Exactly. But we live lives. I mean, I'm an older comic. I'm up and doing things i was at um i went to um the id celebration you know what it is no okay so it is like an islamic holiday there's two of them one comes after ramadan after the fat the 30-day fast good i'm learning things and i was at um the mosque in culver city and it's the id celebration and it's the first one i've been to since cove you know since the pandemic yeah and then i see um i see asif oh yeah you know yeah

and he's like zaynab and i'm like this is so i mean i know we know that we both have this belief in this practice but i didn't expect to see you it was strange it was strange but wonderful all at the same time that's nice then we go to the comedy store and then tell a bunch of dick jokes. Right. Sure, dick jokes. Well, that's interesting because that's two, like, I guess it's the same religion but two different communities. Yeah. Like, where does he come from?

I can't remember. I think he's Indian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm black. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, it's always kind of wild to me to to know the different like i'm a jew but there's some you know more jewy jews yeah less jewy jews and then

no and then there's jews that don't do any jew stuff yeah i was in um i was in venice yesterday was yesterday and i saw i i would i would call them black or in in California, Latinx Israelites. How do you feel about that? The guys in the costumes? I mean, are they costumes? They definitely look like they're walking through a desert. The Israelite people, they're in New York, too, right? You see them in Times Square.

But I don't know what those outfits are. I don't really know what religion they are. I don't know that they're representing Jewishness. They're doing something else. I don't want to judge them too harshly, but I know I've seen them yelling in Times Square, and I don't remember listening to intently. So I can't claim them. I can't say they're on the same spectrum as I am with the Jew thing.

Okay. I don't even, I don't have a dog in a fight, nor do I know enough to even. Me neither. I mean, like if they were Hasidic people, then I would be like, yes, we're on the same spectrum somehow. I grew up with, I didn't grow up with them, obviously, but in the same neighbor. I mean, I lived in Williamsburg, you know? And so i definitely

saw a lot of facitic jews yes i i i can tell by the mild change in tone that not a great experience well and i've gotten like i've gotten some i've gotten into trouble with them occasionally because i talk shit about them a lot ah okay, okay. You know, also, it's like, listen, I'm a New York City kid. So all my classmates for a good portion of my, you know, childhood were Jewish kids. Yeah, yeah. New York City kids? No. But you lived in Williamsburg later.

Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Harlem, but I was bussed out. So I went to school on like 84, like downtown, you know. Yeah. And so. Why were they bussed out to there? No, no, and so I, why would they bust out to there? No, no, no. I was bust out.

You know how they take, like you test out of your, you know, get quote unquote ghetto and they put you in a school with all white kids, but usually those all white kids are Jewish kids. And so in seventh and seventh and eighth grade, I went to a bunch of bar and bat mitzvahs. Like, yeah, like that was, that was my social life. So you, you tested out because you were a smart kid. Yeah. And then they sent you to the Jew-filled school.

Yeah. With the smart Jews. Yeah. And that was in Williamsburg. The smart Jews that are not rich because they're still in public school. They're not in private school. Right. So the reasonable Jews that didn't have too much of an attitude.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's wild. So you grew up your whole life in Harlem? Yeah, I was born in Brooklyn. I moved out of Brooklyn when I was five years old. I moved to Harlem. With your whole family?

My entire family. At the time that I moved, my parents, it was eight of us because they had the twins when we got to Harlem. So nine and ten. It's 13 of us total. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, where'd you put all those people? You put them, you put them in a hallway, you put them in a kitchen, you sleep in a bathroom

if you have to. Oh, we didn't sleep in a bathroom or the kitchen, but we definitely had bunk beds in the hallway. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to just be honest. I don't, it's like the biggest religion in the world. I don't know shit about the about Islam, really. But you know what? Growing up as much as I practiced it, I didn't know shit either. It's like Jews. Yeah. You just you just listen to your parents. Yeah. You just and you follow you copy what they do.

But the thing that kind of opened my mind up to religion period was I took a, I took an elective course in college. Like the, my favorite courses in college were my electives. I took the history of religion and it opened me up to Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, you know, and I took like a philosophy class and that was like the, that was like, that was it. Yeah. They spent a whole life just going along with it yeah and then sort of the it deepened later yes so okay so there's a total of how many kids in the house 13 oh my god seven boys six girls seven boys six girls so what what business was your dad in or your mom my dad worked for the mta wow yeah he worked for the Metropolitan Transit Authority and my mom stayed at home.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So it wasn't easy going. No, we were poor. We were dirt poor. So how did you all manage? I mean, I guess it's too broad a question. I mean.

Well, there were different times. Like I do remember when it was slightly less of us. Yeah. And we used to go on, like, we never went on, like, a family vacation. No. Never left, like, the city. But, like, we would travel to Queens to go to, like, Red Lobster. That was, like, a treat, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or we would. But how would you go on the, I guess, on the train? Yeah. Or we would, you know, take the D train all would you go on the i guess on the train yeah or we would we would go to you know take the detrain all the way to coney island yeah and like that was a day for us or spend the day in prospect park like that was a big deal so there was a time where all of you were underneath beneath the age of of 18 yeah or a lot so you all that's crazy yeah and then but

there were also times where it was really rough like Like I remember times where it's like only condiments in the refrigerator, you know, like only condiments in like a few slices of bread or like, um, heating up our sneakers and like the, the, the oven. Like I remember you went out. Yeah. Well, it's like, you can't afford new sneakers. Not before you went out, but like you can't afford new sneakers, not before you went out but like you can't afford new sneakers like at the start of a new school year so you heat them so you wash well you wash them

yeah but it's like my parents i remember in one apartment we had enough for our first harlem apartment we had enough for a washing machine but not a dryer so it's like we can wash the clothes but you have to hang them to dry right yeah and Yeah. And so, you know, maybe my mom made the mistake of like not managing her time. Right. And it's like we wash the sneakers the night before the first day of school. It's like they're not. So that's why they went in the oven. Yeah, they went in the oven.

I remember our sneakers. I thought it was a practical thing. No. Like it was so cold that we had to get a good start. We need to warm our shoes up. No. Just drying them. Just drying them. Just drying them, yeah.

So all the siblings, is everyone still around, in touch? Yeah, we're all in touch. No one has passed, thank God. Yeah. Folks are still around too? Yeah. Oh, my father passed away

when I was like 23 years old, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, but yeah, my mom is still, you know, just- Is still at the same place? No, she lives in Michigan now. Michigan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, but yeah, my mom is still, you know, just. Is still at the same place? No, she lives in Michigan now. Michigan. Michigan, Lansing, Michigan.

With a big community there. A big, a huge community. Of Muslims. Yeah, yeah. I was just there. Yeah, it's a huge community. Yeah, and I went out there and ate some food. Yeah, more so East Lansing.

And then if you go to like right outside of Detroit. Dearborn, exactly. That's where I went to eat. Yeah. That's how I judge everything. It's like, is there interesting food? Me too. Listen, if I can go to the most beautiful place in the world, if I haven't eaten good, it hasn't been a good trip. I wanted to go to India for years only because of the bread. Really? And then I never went because it seemed like a shallow reason to go. No, that's the shallow reason to go and no that's the perfect reason to go have you been there no but i want to go you do i want to go simply for the food yeah let's go yes let's go i'm serious but you know what stops me is like you know you

have to get shots and everybody who goes to india for any amount of time they're like look you'll be sick for like four days but then after that it's great yeah and i'm like i don't know do you want to be sick for four days i do because listen you know this is going to sound really vain and shallow but i love dropping a few pounds like i'm going crazy right now oh are you yeah because i was out on the road like i just let myself go for like three weeks yeah and i'm like I'm like crawling out of my skin. I hear I hear a lot of comedians say that about the road that never happens to me on the road. If anything on the road, I come back svelte. Because you deny yourself because there's nothing to eat.

So you don't eat nothing. Yeah. I either I either go to the ends of the earth to find what I need. Right. go to the ends of the earth to find what I need. Right. And so I'll be the person in freaking Wichita, Kansas, walking when nobody else is walking. I will walk eight miles to the one.

Yes. Yes. I know. I do that. Yes. I don't walk. You know, you can get Uber now. Yeah.

No, I walk. That's how I earn it. Yeah. That's how I earn it. So you're nuts. Yeah. But I never come back with like, I let myself go. I never come back with that story. Well, I mean, the problem with letting yourself go is that it's fun.

Yeah. And you sort of make an excuse. I was just in New Mexico. I was like, I've got to eat that food. And then Jenny's ice cream just sent me a case of ice cream. I didn't ask for it, but I didn't fight it. No, no, no. You accept ice cream whenever you get ice cream.

I'm nuts. I love to hear men say it. You do? Because this is like something that people think only women deal with. I'm fucking nuts. I'm full on. I have body dysmorphia. I'm all of it.

Most of the people who I've met that can say they have body dysmorphia have been men and they have been men in the industry. Really? Yes. Well, I would argue that most dudes that you see who are ripped and that's an eating disorder. It's just, it's a healthy one. Yeah. I mean, it's a control thing, right? Yeah. I mean, one way or the other, it's some, it's some kind of control thing, but I guarantee you they don't think they look big enough or ripped enough. Yeah. I don't have that don't think they look big enough or ripped enough. Yeah. I don't have that problem.

I'm not looking at my washboard stomach going like, I gotta work. But you know a lot of body dysmorphic men? Not a lot, but if ever I've heard, whenever I've heard

that term used or that, you know, like realization, it comes from a man. Yeah. But you wouldn't say you have an eating disorder. Oh, I don't. Yeah.

But you're just aware of it. No, I eat a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I eat, like, contrary to what I might look like, I eat a whole lot. Yeah. But I feel like that's what the vacation is for. Like, that's what I was saying. You know, like, on the road, like, that's your job.

You're doing that so often. You have to maintain a certain level of control because this is. But, oh, if I'm going to India, Mark, I am. You're going to eat. Oh, yeah control because this is but oh if i'm going to india mark i am oh yeah i'm gonna eat i'm gonna be sick i'm gonna eat some more i'm gonna be sick i don't care yeah i don't care it's vacation yeah well i look i go through periods where i'm very responsible on the road then there's periods where it just it just gets away from me where i don't like you go to some places you're not gonna find a whole foods no and then you gotta figure it out you gotta go buy some nuts somewhere whatever the first time I went to China before I got to I went to a bunch of cities before I got

to like Shanghai and Beijing which has everything you need but when I was in Hangzhou Changde when I couldn't find a thing I would just get a snicker bar yeah I would just get snickers M&Ms I would get what I knew yeah and i would just drink so much water that was my way of combating yeah yeah what i was where'd you go when'd you go to china like a couple of years ago maybe like five years ago i did shows yeah for who's booking that thing at the time it was a australian comedian named andy i don't know andy's so you're doing expat shows in all those places? Yeah. Did you like it? I did

I was there once. Yeah you didn't like it? It's like going to another planet It is. China specifically it really is. And I just did Beijing and Hong Kong and the place in Hong Kong like I don't in my recollection the restaurant that we performed in wasn't even built yet

and in Beijing it was a little weird because that spy plane had just been captured oh so it's kind of tense but just walking around i thought it was pretty fascinating yeah i i um i think that my favorite asian uh country so far has been japan i don't know. To me, it just seems like the future. You just land there and it's like, oh, we're in the future. It'd be nice if we had a Japanese future in America. I don't think it's going to pan out that way. Yeah, I don't think it will either. But I remember when I did a show in Shanghai, I just kept hearing an echo and I wasn't sure why I was hearing an echo. And then I stopped and I realized that there was a guy on a date and he spoke English, but his date didn't.

So he was translating everything I was saying. Ah, into Chinese. Into Chinese or Mandarin or, you know. And I was, so. And then you, did you hear a laugh after? That's what I was waiting for. I'm like, I'm waiting. I was like, am I funny?

Ask her, am I funny? And he was like, no, no, she's really enjoying it. And I'm like, I don't was like am i funny ask her am i funny and he's like no no she's really enjoying it and i'm like i don't even there's no way for me to verify do you but you like when you go to those places like i don't have any desire to like it's it's one and done kind of thing right i mean you're not gonna be like i'm going back to china as soon as i can no no it's it's i mean you gotta for me you know I'm hesitant to say it, but no, I didn't have a desire to like go back. Not having anything to do with the audience. No, I get it.

I get it. But just, it's a really long way to travel. And it's hard. Yeah. It's a hard job. Yeah. It's a hard enough job. There's some times where I do the job where, like, it's like when I said to you the other night because like I'm going to take Esther Povitsky to uh to Vegas with me but I don't know you know I don't know who

opens and who doesn't but you're like I'm not gonna I'm not opening you know what I mean and like some of the people that open for me are headliners so I don't I don't you know but I had to ask but there's some things that we do where it's like I'm done I'm done with that yeah like you know I'm not there's some there's just some places I'm not gonna I'm done with that. Yeah. Like, you know, I'm not, there's just some places I'm not going to perform anymore. Well, listen, I would open for you at Madison Square Garden. Okay. Well, let's make that happen. Yeah.

But you want to hear something that's also crazy? Yeah. What? Eight years ago, I would have never imagined that I would have ever said to Marc Maron, no, no, no, I can't open for you. Well, in that eight years? I would have never imagined that eight years a long time what happens in eight years all right so wait let's go back to uh to Harlem and sneakers

in the oven yeah so what was the expectations you know on a family level out of were your parents supportive of comedy I mean when did what was the original idea for you among all those kids? The original idea was to finish high school, go to college, and for me specifically, become a math teacher,

which I fulfilled. But that was your, not a dream. No, that wasn't a dream. It was practical. Why that? Well that well my parent you know for me i think it's because i watched my mom uh my mom got married to my dad when she was in college he had just my dad is seven years older than my mom and he had just finished uh he had

just gotten out the navy when they got married and my mom got married to my dad at 19. She had my oldest sister when she was 20. And I watched my mom as a kid go to college and never finish. I even remember my mom was a theater major. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I remember her putting me in the play, putting me and my brother in a play. I guess she didn't do the work. she didn't cast the people she needed so I'm like this freaking you know nine

year old kid doing a raisin in the sun at Queens College you know like and at the time when I was directing it yeah when I was little I knew that that wasn't right but it's like even when I think back at it I'm like dang it's like she has so many of us and she was still really just trying to fulfill her own dreams and goals. And she tried so hard, but it's look, she was the mother of so many, you know?

Well, that's, that's a choice. It is. But so for me, seeing that the, that translated to me as go to college and finish. Nothing comes before that.

Yeah. You know, I didn't discover comedy until later. Right. Was your dad born into the religion? No. Both my parents were born Christian. Okay. Yeah.

Converted apart from one another. My dad converted under the Nation of Islam. Yeah. And my mom converted under Sunni Islam. The mosque that you went to when you were growing up, was that affiliated with Nation of Islam? Yeah. I went to the Masjid Malcolm Shabazz, which is on 116th and Lenox Avenue in Harlem. And then before that, I went to the Masjid Taqwa in Brooklyn.

Those were both temples that are affiliated with the Nation of Islam. They're historic places? Yeah. Did it seem politicized in any way or just religious? No, to me, it seemed just religious. But my father was very political. My father used to talk about the white man all the time. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Like we're a problem. I've met a few of you. Yeah. Yeah. He used to, you know, he definitely had very strong opinions. I would say like the first 10 or 12 years of my life. But then I noticed something changed in him.

And I don't know. I don't he wasn't always a part of the Nation of Islam. Like my father didn't make the pilgrimage to Hajj. But I interpreted his change as the same thing that happened to like Malcolm X, which is you kind of realize like, oh, there's this faith, there's this religion that you believe in, but then there's this black nationalist group and those two things are separate. Right.

You know? Oh, really? Yeah. So you go to college- He stopped calling you guys the devil. He did. Well, I don't know there's any reason to ever stop now i mean listen now he has my sisters have married a bunch of white men so really yeah

so he has a bunch of white grandkids half white half half white half japanese half like all men yeah yeah yeah i don't know why that's so exciting is it just the way it is it is what it is did are any of them uh more religious people like any of your siblings did they become more religious no i mean i have one brother who um goes to jail a lot and he gets really religious yeah he comes home and he well yo he'd be on his hadith hard for like the first couple of months out of jail and then you know um but one of my siblings converted to catholicism and that was the thing that kind of blew our minds wow yeah that's an interesting choice i mean that's an that's from one extreme to the other right yeah and also like you know

not not the uh not a great reputation that religion uh these days but he married he married a spanish woman okay and so you know that's well that's different yeah you do what you got to do that religion these days. But he married a Spanish woman. Okay. So, you know. Well, that's different. Yeah. You do what you got to do, I guess. Yeah, the Puerto Ricans and the Dominicans in New York, they're Catholic.

Yeah. You know? So now he's in. He's in. All right. In Jesus Christ's name. Yeah. Sorry.

I've never said that before in my life. How was the shift for him? You don't know? I don't know how people do that. I don't know, but I know that he got, we roasted him. Yeah? Yeah. And he took it? He took it. He took it. We roast him all the time.

We're like, oh. It's about her. Here he comes. The Jesus guy. Jesus. Oh, God. That's great. So you taught math math you graduated college and taught math yeah i taught um math and science but i was never but i'm good at math are you good at it uh now i'd have to re-immerse myself but i but yeah i would say i'm pretty good with numbers yeah and

i'm not afraid of it yeah you know Like up until what level are you good? All the way, like trig and everything? Calculus. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get through algebra.

It wasn't until, really? Oh, no, I was doing algebra in fourth and fifth grade. So that's why you pursued it, because you were good at it. Yeah. You know, this was, I don't know if they're still doing this in schools but you know when you take the standardized test yeah i always i was always in a 99 percentile with math always so you had a natural yeah i was pretty high in reading like and it's still in the 90s 99 always yeah in math so the moment my mom was like oh we could get her into a better school let's do it yeah that's great so you get out you teach what

where where are you teaching the bronx like high school uh middle school like a like a middle like an elementary school that went all the way up to middle school but my plan was to teach high school yeah but i just never made i just ended up moving to california so what what happens what teaching kids in middle school was it disheartheartening? No. So at the school that I taught very briefly at, it was a charter school. And I feel like charter schools where those are where you have involved parents. Right. And so I feel like those kids were great for the most part. Right. You know, you can see things in kids that they can't see. Right. And themselves, like I remember this one kid and I won't say his name, but I remember I knew that he was going to be on the part of the LGBTQ.

You know, I knew it when he was that age, although he didn't know it. And I could tell that it was because he didn't know it. It was causing so much frustration. It was causing so much frustration. Even the way he interacted with kids is because he didn't really know what was happening to him. And now when I see whenever, you know, like maybe a few years ago, he messaged me on Facebook. And like he is not only is he out and proud and queer, he's also like gothic. You know what I'm saying? Like he's like emo or whatever. But I saw that. I saw all of that when he was, you know.

And yeah, at the time, I'm just like a 22 year old you know but I you don't say it but well no what do you say exactly yeah how would you say it sure of course you know you kind of know yeah just like but you didn't find it discouraging teaching because the environment was good because the environment was good my kids were good but I did have the epiphany and I think normally things. Like people have epiphanies when things are going, you know, bad. Yeah. But I remember this day being perfect. Different type of epiphany.

Yeah. I remember this day in that classroom being perfect. They were so well behaved. They were motivated. It was quiet. And I remember standing there watching them be like stellar students. And I thought, I can't do this. And I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew, I'm telling you, I knew.

It wasn't a sad moment? No, it was an aha moment. You just saw your whole life. Yeah, I'm like, this is actually not the plan. This is not the path. And then my friend was like i'm moving my friend like was a spoken word artist at the time and she's like i'm moving to la i'm gonna be famous and i'm like how'd she do i mean i'm more googleable

i think she's i think she's doing okay but i mean i'm definitely yeah yeah you know sure yeah yeah you picked a more uh uh a broader uh format uh medium comedy yeah spoken words pretty specific yeah yeah it is it is she could be huge in that world and we wouldn't know yeah i mean she's an actor now okay uh so you had that epiphany well yeah i think that's interesting that it happens that those epiphanies the epiphanies that happen in bad spaces are usually sort of like oh fuck i gotta yeah i'm in trouble yeah i gotta change it's like rock bottom right yeah but the epiphanies that happen just passively are kind of i would it would be i would they're more interesting yeah because you don't know where it came from you just realized that you just weren't because it wasn't even unhappy, really. But you know what? I think, I never thought about this until just this moment.

It's like sometimes things have to be perfect for you, because that's when it was the most quiet. Sure. I think if it was chaotic, I don't know if I would have gotten the message. Or you could trust it even. Yeah, but it was so quiet. Yeah. And I was so peaceful. And then it just, it was like, and I mean, I may have physically done that.

Like, like, like close my, like my head shook. Like, oh God, you got to get out of here. Yeah. Oh, so it was that, you had to go. Yeah, I had to. I was like, oh no. But you didn't know what? I didn't know, but I, but then I moved to LA because, you know.

But, so you just moved to LA to act? Like, well, she said to be famous and I knew I couldn't let her be famous without me. Who wants to be the friend of the famous person? Nobody. So you had to go out there and be famous too? Yeah, that was it. I was like, I'm going to be famous too. How?

I don't know. Really? I mean, I have parameters. I have boundaries in my life. I knew I wasn't going to do famous too. How? I don't know. Really? I mean, I have parameters. I have boundaries in my life. I knew I wasn't going to do porn. You know? You drew that line. Yeah, like I'm too much of a prude.

You know, like I knew I wasn't going to do porn. I knew I wasn't going to do. It's just sort of sad that was on the table as you're heading out. Let's make a list of how we're not going to be famous. I knew I wasn't going to do porn. I knew I wasn't going to rob a bank. You know what I'm saying? There's certain things that are like really on the far sides of the spectrum that I knew I wasn't going to do.

Well, good for you. You know. But comedy wasn't really. No, comedy was not even a thought or even I didn't even think that it was something that I could do. I never thought about it. Did you watch comedy? Yeah, I loved comedy. You did.

My mom snuck me into a comedy club when I was like 11 do you remember it i do who was on i don't remember the specific comedians but i think at the time the host was where was it was it like the west end like the west end gate the west the one up by uh columbia no it was uh it was in harlem it was it was like uptown comedy club uptown comedy right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah That would be like where I would pregame. The Boston. Yeah. Hmm. When I was like a freshman in college, I would pregame there.

Where'd you go to college? I went to City College. Okay. In New York. Sure. But my friend, she went to NYU. Yeah. And so that was her like stomping ground, you know?

And so we would go there before we went to, like before we were legal to be in nightclubs and everything, we would just go to comedy clubs. Yeah. We knew some of the comedians so they wouldn't ask for our id yeah and then we would go to park go to like nightclubs after that nobody we would we were like young pretty girls yeah so they didn't ask for our ids we were just in new york partying who were the comics you knew back when you were in high school uh keith robinson keith Keith Robinson. Keith. I remember watching him. Greer, definitely.

Yeah. Bill Burr was like one of my favorite people to see and watch when I was like 18 years old. When he had all that hair? I guess. Yeah, that red hair. Yeah, yeah. I just remember the attitude and the anger, you know? Yeah, yeah. And like the rant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. And then I remember being at the comedy store years later, sitting next to Bill Burr. And I was like, you know, you're one of my favorite comedians. He was like, what? And I was like, yeah.

He was like, shut up. I'm like, yeah. Why would he be surprised? It was more surprising that you were there that long. I wonder what year that was. Neil Brennan still a door guy at the Boston. Ooh, no,

this was like around like 2003, 2004. Yeah. So he was out. So like the Boston was almost over. Yeah, exactly. I remember Kevin Hart,

like before he was like Kevin Hart. Sure. You know? Yeah, I do too. That wasn't that long ago. Yeah. Yeah.

He did. I don't know. He just took over the world somehow. So when You know? Yeah, I do too. That wasn't that long ago. Yeah. I don't know. He just took over the world somehow. So when you get out here, what did you start doing first? Did you guys get a place? Tell me the horrible entrance into Los Angeles. I got a place, a 300 square foot

apartment in Silver Lake. 300 square feet? That's a closet. Yeah. You could see everything. The kitchen from the living room, like everything. It was right next to a bus stop, so I heard every time the bus came. But that made me feel like I was back home, so it was comforting. Need a little bit of noise. Yeah, need a little bit of noise.

So I had a bit of success when I first got here because, you know, I was still like, you know, like very youthful looking. And so I did like a lot of interstitials with Nickelodeon. Like they weren't. Did you have an agent? How did you do it? You just went on a casting call? Yeah. Like I would just go look at like breakdowns and stuff like that.

And it was like very easy for me. Like I have a good smile. It was very easy for me to be like yeah yeah I know I could say lines like sure you know yeah um and but but then I taught that's what that that makes it easier yeah when you when you can teach it makes it you feel like you can move anywhere in the world because everybody always needs teachers and you sign up for to be a substitute I signed up to be a substitute and here's what I didn't know when you sign up to be a substitute? Is that how it works? I signed up to be a substitute, and here's what I didn't know. When you sign up to be a substitute, it's really hard to get placed in actual schools in L.A.

because they have their go-to substitutes. So what you do first is they send you to the jails. Really? Yes. And so they call them campuses. So you think you're going to Stuyvesantant but no you are going to a jail you know like it may be like a juvenile detention center but it's like a jail so there's time there were times where i remember two things three things stick out to me once it was i was a i was on a camp like like in a jail, but they were able to learn together.

So they were in the classrooms together. And I remember sitting down at the desk looking at what I was supposed to cover. Yeah. And I guess there were black gangs and Mexican gangs. In your classroom? Yeah. And immediately one of the black boys came in and immediately started yelling at one of the Mexican boys. You killed my cousin. Yeah.

You killed my cousin. And I'm just and then it was not like a big commotion, but it was like a clear standoff. Yeah. You know, and I can't remember like I didn't black out or anything. Yeah. But I feel like I tried to get them under, like, please just have a seat. I have to go over. But I remember being like, you know, I grew up in New York.

So I wasn't like, I wasn't like completely naive. Right. So I was like, listen, that like I hit them with like the Michelle Pfeiffer, freaking Viola Davis. I was like, yo, what you're saying sucks. Like that sounds awful. But right now there's a lesson plan. Let me at least get through this lesson plan. And I just remember like getting through that day.

Yeah. Like them feeling like, yeah, like she's a reasonable person. That's reasonable. Yeah. They let us come into the classroom. All she's trying to do is her job. Let's let her, what you got to teach, teach, you know? And I remember going through it. that's reasonable yeah they let us come into the classroom all she's trying to do is her job let's let her what you got to teach teach you know and i remember going through it and that was i remember

that wasn't the last day that i did a jail but i was like okay i definitely can't go into a jail where they have like commute communal learning right so then and then these jails are not like this is not like la proper yeah you're. You're freaking driving near Six Flags. You're driving like right. Right. Way deep in the valley. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Selma or somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. So then shortly after that, I go to a campus and the some of that like so everybody is like really in their cells, but their cells surround like the common area. Yeah. And some people have the privilege to be in that common area and be learning in that common area.

And I didn't have a lot of kids and these are all boys. So it's like maybe like seven or eight boys. But right when I'm there that day, a fight breaks out. Yeah. A fight breaks out. And so they start to like try to lock everybody back in but i'm already with like like guys you know like young guys because you know anywhere from like 16 to maybe like 21 or something you know there and and i'm in this this guy i can't even tell you what he looks like now he just protected me huh yeah protected me until the threat was like you know squashed and then i remember thinking that day okay i cannot go to jails anymore it got scary yeah it's like you know fool me one shame before we it's like you gotta say you're

driving you don't even have the gas why are you putting yourself in yeah as much as i have been lucky enough for the these young men to have some sort of respect to like right sure but it's like there were dangerous situations and then the last time i remember the last time i taught it within this like program yeah i went to a place on wilshire that doesn't look like a school but it's like learning within like a building yeah right yeah and i remember it was all going fine. The kids weren't really listening to me, but I wasn't in like any threat of danger. Yeah.

And then during my lunch break, I sat in like what was considered, I guess, like the teacher's lounge or something. Yeah. And I'm eating grapes and like this 16 year old, really good looking 16 year old, 16 year old boy comes in the room and he's like, can I have some grapes? I'm like, you really want. Now, just remember, I'm like you really want now just remember I'm like 24 at the time so I'm 24 but he probably thinks that I'm closer to his age right right and so he's like I'm gonna have some grapes and I'm like you really want grapes and he was like I mean yeah I want to I want some grapes and I want to like get to know you when I tell you I laughed so hard and then I was like I was I said oh you think I'm younger than I

am I say here I'm gonna give you some grapes but I'm like I'm I'm I'm a complete adult yeah so sit down let's have some grapes we can like like let me get to know you but like you know it ain't happening respectfully yeah yeah I'm you know I could be your auntie I could be your old I remember saying that to him like I could be your older sister. I could be your older. I remember saying that to him. Like, I could be your older sister. Yeah. Yeah. Have that land.

It was like completely. I'm telling you, like, I think a lot in a lot of situations, how I respond, people go, that's reasonable. Sure. And also you're grounded, you know? Yeah. You know, you're in your body and you know what you feel and you have principles. Yeah.

So, you know, they're not going to fuck with you. Yeah. It helps in comedy. I mean, it's been saving me so far. Sure. I mean, a lot of people don't and they're kind of ungrounded or they, you know, and they're nervous and they're afraid. I imagine growing up with, you know, 12 siblings in this situation. Like, you know, you got to be pretty diplomatic and and but also sort of strong right exactly yeah and i'm a middle kid but also too it's like i think a lot of people

i probably because i did grow up with so many different personalities yeah it's like i can pretty much see like oh that oh this this reminds me of my brother or sure you know familiar somehow yeah you have experience with it yeah with every different kind of kid in a way yeah yeah but I I also remember having this thought when I related to a friend of mine when I when I was done with that day I was like wow it's like I have no interest in like a little kid yeah but like if I were in a different place in my life maybe feeling like constantly rejected or insecure um it's like that was a good looking kid yeah who was interested in you're saying and people who like thank god I was kind of like

have always been like my baseline is pretty secure yeah you know that's good because I was kind of like, I have always been like my baseline is pretty secure. Yeah. You know? That's good. Because I was like, this is how it happens. Sure. You know? It's how people get into trouble.

This is how people get into trouble. Even when I became a comedian, I used to feature for Jimmy Schubert. You know who Jimmy Schubert is? Yeah, of course I know Jimmy Schubert. I used to feature for Jimmy Schubert when I first started. Him and I go way back. There's a lot of lessons to learn there. Yeah, he was the first person to take me on a road with him. When I was on stage, we would be like, I remember we did a bunch of clubs and like all the improvs in Florida.

Oh my God. And I remember being on stage and the women, they could be on dates. They could be sitting right next to their even male partner. So these aren't even queer women, right? They could be on dates. They could be sitting right next to their even male partner. So these aren't even queer women. Right. They could be sitting next to their husbands and they would be like flirting with me, winking at me, mouthing things to me, doing things with their breasts while I'm on stage. Like and I would be on stage thinking like, oh, my God. Imagine if I were a guy who was like like susceptible to the you know what i'm saying like they will come up to me after the show feel on me you know and i'm like this is like a tough and this is like but that that sounds is that something that has continued throughout

your career i mean it sounds like florida oh well mean, yeah, that might have just been Florida. Now that I think about it, I never really. Florida is weird. I never separated it. I mean, no, women do flirt. Yeah. You know, they do flirt with me. But that sounded like heavy. No, I mean, it was so much so that I remember it.

Right. I don't remember. Women, men and women come to my shows all the time. Sure, yeah. And do what they do. Right. But that I remember feeling so uncomfortable with what a specific woman was doing to me while I was on stage. And I was only up there for 20, 25 minutes.

Yeah. And I was thinking like, wow, imagine if I was like a single guy, you know, like a single guy interested in this. This, you know, this would be my playground sure I mean I think my experience is a lot of people get into entertainment because they do get attention yeah from women that that's a prime motivator yeah early on yeah I don't think it's the same for women no I don't think I don't know that i've talked to any women that are like i'm gonna be i want to do comedy so these guys will hit on me yeah when i get off when i get off stage sometimes yeah and i find this very like i i know they think they're

complimenting me but i find it very insulting but i just smile they'll be like are you a model yeah and i'll be like no no you just saw me do an hour of comedy and they're like but you know it could be easy like you don't have to do this. And I'm like, did you find me funny? And they're like, no, yeah, like we loved you, but you know, like there's an easier road for you. And I'm like, that's so crazy. That's crazy.

But you knew that it could have been easier. Did you ever think that? No, because I've never like looked at my life like that like like there's certain privileges that are always cherries on top right of any situation but I don't think that that's what was I don't think that that's how I was prepared for the world yeah also like it's it's fundamentally shallow and it would probably be self-deceiving to do that yeah but also even if i did think that what i'll never do is go up to a sink i'll never i'm not gonna go up to a magician after i've watched an hour of his magic show and then say you know you could be a wrestler sure sure i'm never

gonna do it he yeah i think it's but that i think that's one of these general kind of weird you know comedy is the realm of of runty people yeah so i i think that it was probably meant as a genuine compliment absolutely that's sort of like yeah you know you don't look like other comics yeah yeah yeah yeah and i think people that's i'm sure that's what she was you know what people are thinking but that's not what comes what you think and what comes out of your mouth can be drastically different. Of course, and how we take things. I get it.

You know what I mean? It's like, for years when I was doing the podcast, people would be like, they would come to the comedy shows and they'd just start talking to me about my life and about the podcast. I'm like, did you, the comedy? Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Did you get that thing fixed in your house i'm like so when do you start doing comedy how does that happen um i started doing comedy uh in the end of

2010 yeah yeah and so you're substitute teaching you're doing interstitials for nickelodeon yeah for picking up work here and there yeah for like my first two years out here and um ian edwards uh-huh he's a comedian yeah he says hey um you know uh bt is casting for this show they need funny girls and i'm like well i'm not how'd you know Ian I met him one day uh at the cellar oh back in the day but not no like he was visiting New York oh okay and he was doing a spot at the cellar and he knew all the other comedians that I had gotten familiar with so did you remember I remember Ian when he had uh dreads I didn't know him I never yeah I know after I met him and got to know him, he showed me those pictures. The headshots?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, like he was heavier. He had dress. I'm like, oh, this is a completely different person. That's how I remember him when he started. Yeah. So he, so he just, so you knew him, you met him. Yeah.

So he, and so like when I was in college, my friend and I, we used to come here like on spring break. And I remember once my, she, I don't know how, but for one spring break and i remember once my uh she i don't know how but for one spring break we came here it was when soul plane had premiered and we went we were like we went to the premiere yeah like everything and that was for for me like la was so for that was like the dream because i would come here during spring break it's like you come here for a long weekend you eat brunch you go to the beach and you go to freaking A-list parties, you know,

because you're just like a young, cute girl. Yeah. And then when you move here, it's a rude awakening. Yeah. Well, for me it was. Yeah. It was like,

oh my God, I don't know anybody. I'm so lonely. It can be pretty lonely here. It's so freaking lonely. I lived in Silver Lake. I lived like at the Silver Lake. With your friend though?

Were you living with your friend? No, by myself. Okay. But she lived like maybe like three blocks, like walking distance away from me. I would get up having nothing to do. I would get up and walk from Silver Lake to Beverly Hills to Santa Monica. Oh no. It's like that New York thing.

It's like, I'm going to walk. I'm going to walk. I would go into open houses on the way. That's just sad. Like, how much is this going for? It can be pretty isolating here and it can really break you. Yeah. Yeah.

So Ian tells you. He says they're casting. So Ian tells me. Ian says that they're casting for you. They need funny women. That's what he says. They need not funny. They need funny black girls.

That's what he says. Yeah. And I said, well, I don't know why you called me. Yeah. And he was like, because you're funny. I'm like, no, I'm not. He said, you are funny. funny black girls that's what he said yeah and i said well i don't know why you called me yeah and he was like because you're funny i'm like no i'm not he said you are funny just i said i don't know i mean i'm arguing with him yeah i don't know what you're talking about or maybe you don't know like i know we don't know each other well but what i'm not is funny yeah and he's like just go right i end up going yeah they end up casting me for this prank show. I'm pranking a bunch of people. Yeah. I've made friends with the other cast people. Some are like my close friends to this day. Yeah. And after that, I started I went I started taking classes at Groundlings. I started doing like I've joined a bunch of like sketch groups started sketch groups perform like really yeah we'll perform like at the improv and comedy store with a sketch group you know and then so you found a community yeah yeah and then one day out of nowhere yeah I went to a comedy show my friend said I'm coming to this comedy show and i was like she was like yeah

it's all women yeah um and my friend is performing and i'm like oh okay i'll go and i went and i didn't really enjoy it watching it yeah i didn't really find those was it like a mic no it's like a real show it was a real show yeah um and i just didn't find them very funny sure and i think something clicked in me then because it wasn't like i didn't just have like a basic opinion like they're just not funny to me i was picking it apart right i was picking apart like i wonder why she would say this but this is the joke like I mean that with that out of nowhere yeah what's happening this is the second epiphany yes another calm and then I didn't know this I didn't know this but later this casting director that I now know

I went to I went to Vegas with a friend yeah and we went to a big comedy. I think they did Deaf Comedy Jam. When Deaf Comedy Jam came back, they did a Vegas show of it. And I remember coming back and reenacting everybody's sets. And when I saw this casting director later, after I started working as a comedian, she was like, you know, I knew you were going to be a comedian before you knew.

And I was like, no, how did you know? And she was like, because that, like we were at my boyfriend's apartment. Like she was with my boyfriend's roommate. So that's the reason why we were in the same,

you know, like that's what brought us together that day. She was like that day when you were in, you know, at your boyfriend's house, she was like, and you just launched into imitating all the comedians and then like rewriting the things that you felt like didn't work she said i knew in that moment what you were gonna do although i knew

you didn't know it yet yeah and i was like very interesting yeah and then i remember one day i was working like a nine to five i was working a A friend of mine at the time was like a manager, a manager, and he had to fire his assistant. He's like, can you come in, you know, be my show business manager? Yeah. Talent manager. And he's like, could you be my assistant? And I'm like, yeah, I need, you know, I could use the money. I always tell this story and I, I feel so bad now telling it, but it's the truth. The only reason why I said yes is because at the time I was windows. I was like virtual like virtually window shopping on Net-A-Porter. And I saw these fifteen hundred dollars Chloe boots that I just had to have. Yeah, I just had to have them. Yeah. And I'm like, how can I? And so right as I'm trying to debate, like, do I pay my rent or do I get these boots?

He calls and is like, can you come work? And I'm like, can you buy me these boots? I was like, how much will I how much will I make by the end of the week? And it was like a close enough amount to the boots. And I was like, yeah. And I called one of my sisters and I'm like, I just got a job, but I need you to send me money now for these boots. I'll give it back to you in a week. I just got a job. I promise you did. And my sister purchased the boots for me. I sent her my first check. I sent it all to my sister. And I had those boots for years. I recently sold them

on a vintage website. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Somebody else wanted the boots. What kind of boots? They were Chloe boots. They were thigh-high boots. Here's the reason why they were important to me, Mark. This is a really big part of my story that I never talk about. When I was 17 years old, I got hit by a truck. Really? Yeah.

Why would you lie about that? But like bad? Oh, super bad. Can I get up? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a massive massive scar so the truck ran over your legs so wow so the truck the truck kind of like pinned me in between a car and the truck my god when you're crossing the street i was pushing the back of the car

because the car turned up like shut down but i don't know how it shut down because i'm at the time you were driving it no i'm 17 i was a new york city kid like i had no concept of cars yeah i was a passenger and then the car just shut off so i don't know if it was gas i don't know if it was i don't know I didn't know how cars worked. I would be better starting up a train before I could tell you how a car worked. But the gas station was so close. And the driver was like, just get out and push. And me and the other girl in the car, it was three of us in the car.

So one stayed in. And then two of us got out and pushed the back of the car. And I remember getting out and pushing. And I remember joking with the guy, I had just had new sneakers. And I was like, this better not mess up my sneakers. And then I woke up in an ambulance for like a few seconds. And I remember the ambulance, the, you know, ambulance driver i remember one of them cutting off my clothes and asking me like what what uh like who was the president or yeah yeah it's like you think i know who the president i can't vote yeah i don't know who the president is you know i mean you know i probably knew but whatever sure um and yeah drunk driver so the boots were so important because they were they

were like they were like fashionable but also they served a very practical purpose. They cover everything up. Yeah. It's like, oh my God, I'm going to be freaking so fly. But also they're going to mask this thing that happened to me. So I had to get these boots.

How long did it take to recover from that? I don't know if I've ever fully recovered like i'm like that it's a part of me no but i mean like just physical therapy and everything i mean it sounds like maybe like a year and a half yeah but even now like you know i'm like really active but still these this causes complications that maybe someone who is as like active and fit as me wouldn't have, that I have to be mindful of and aware of. I mean, what got broken? Both, tib-fibs in both legs.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, I have like hip damage. Yeah, I have a bar, like a metal rod in my left leg. A lot of like, so you saw the bottom, but like the top is like a lot of skin graphing. Cause you just like, you have to take the skin from somewhere. So yeah, it's like, I have like limited,

like almost no dorsiflexor in my left ankle, but that's what's so cool. That's, that's, that's why when I'm on stage and I'm like, I mean, you hear my comedy, it's very personal, you know. And so sometimes when people like reduce me to like, you're just so beautiful. I'm like, you don't even know me. You don't even know that half of it. Yeah, sure. Why don't don't label me because it erases me.

Yeah. I tried to tell jokes about the the accident though very early in my career um i remember thinking it was very not thinking it was funny but thinking like this is how you overcome things you how do i make this and eventually i will you haven't yet though no i did it one one they don't believe me i did it one time on a show on uh joel kim booster's show and they didn't believe me and then i put just like i did to you then i pulled my pants up and i showed them yeah and then every they were like oh and then everything i said after that they were able to laugh but if i don't show them it's like they almost they i think they think like i'm

trying to be like oh she's just a hot girl trying to. Do you get what I'm saying? Right. Yeah. To undercut her hotness. Yeah. It's like it's like, you know, when you see like a skinny girl that's like, I feel fat today. It's like, bitch, shut up.

You know what I'm saying? I think that's how they look at me. But then when I show them. It's odd that it's odd that comedy is difficult for pretty women. My my second wife was a comic and she was a model before that. And, you know, there was just a lot of focus on, you know, trying to be humble around being beautiful because it's not like a beautiful people's game. You know what I mean? No, it's not. And it's actually an obstacle. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's an obstacle, but it's also an obstacle no one wants to hear about.

Yeah, well, that's it. You can't complain. Yeah, you can't. But you almost have to be more funny. You have to get them to forget. Yeah, exactly. You can't, you know, like either that or hyper-sexualize for a character. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Well, that must have been just, so you were homebound for a year i was in a hospital for a year oh my god that's like life defining did you think you were gonna die or wasn't it like that i did not think that i was gonna die because do you think you were ever going to be able to walk correctly? I still don't walk correctly, but you don't know that. I know that. Now I'm going to watch.

Yeah, watch. I don't care. But you didn't think you were going to die. I didn't think I was going to die because I have no recollection of the trauma. I know all the trauma of the aftermath trauma sure but not the hitting of the yeah you just went out immediately but here's when I knew

I could take a joke yeah so I'm laying in a hospital I'm in ICU yeah and I'm in ICU. Yeah. And I'm like my face, like my head is like laying to the left side. Right. Yeah. And at this point, I've been like basically in a medically induced coma. Right. To bring down. Yeah. You know, just the pain, like I'm going through surgeries and stuff.

How long were you in a medically induced coma? Like probably about two weeks. Wow. Right. Yeah. And it's traumatic about two weeks. Wow. Right? Yeah. And so, and it's traumatic for my family. Yeah.

My dad has to stop, he has to come and now he's, you know, like by my side because this didn't happen in New York. I was visiting in Atlanta, right?

So I'm away from home. So my mom gets a call, like they tell my mom that I'm dead. I'm not dead. You know, like it's traumatic. Oh my God. But I am not conscious through any of this, right? Yeah. I wake up to people by my not dead you know like it's traumatic oh my god but I'm I am not conscious through any

of this right yeah I wake up to people by my side you know but I'm I'm in the bed and I'm in the hospital bed and my head is to like is like leaning to the left so you can only see what you can only see the right side of my face right but the right side of my face was really traumatic i'm surprised that without any plastic surgery to my face that it it healed like that i did i looked the way i have i have had no plastic surgery nothing to my face what how did you get dragged on the road how did like how did it get so bad you were pinned between two cars but then did you what happened how'd you i think so so from how it was told to me i was pinned between two cars and the truck backed up and then drove off. And a woman who saw it in her car followed the truck and called the cops on her cell phone and the cops cut him off at an intersection.

So I think for me, just I think it's just like the the the glass, breaking of the glass the fall you know just like the hitting the conch you know being like i was knocked unconscious so what glass broke i don't know but i definitely had like a lot of cuts and gashes like i have them all over if you look at my body i have them all over wow i have them all over yeah like little things that people wouldn't notice. I have them all over, like in my scalp. Like I have them all over. Okay. Yeah. But. So you're leaning to the left.

Yeah. And so my face, I'm unrecognizable. Right. It's not just swollen, but it's cut up. It's blood. It's everything. Right. So my high school basketball coach, he comes.

I guess he came to like, because me and the other girl, we were like his athlete. Like we were his freaking kids. So you were a basketball star. Yeah. So he comes down and this is what wakes me up. Like this is the first thing that brings me to consciousness. Yeah. Right.

I hear him saying my name. Yeah. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, oh oh that's like people you know and he sees the right side of my face which is like unrecognizable yeah and i hear him say that's not i hear him like crying like that's not zaynab that's not zaynab that's like that can't be she was she was she was not only like an athlete but she was also the same in comedy like she's our she didn't have to play basketball she could have been a mountain you know what I'm saying it was that same and like no that can't be

her she doesn't look like that and then because I hear him saying that I turn over to look in his direction and then the left side of my face is complete is regular yeah and so he says oh shit it's the phantom of the opera and I just bust out laughing and I didn't of course like at that moment you know I'm 17 years old I don't think like oh I could take a joke right but when I think back on I'm like I could take a joke well yeah I laughed in that moment so that was well did you have dreams of being a professional athlete and all that or at least playing in college and all that stuff? Yeah. I think that the WNBA was like a few years in, you know?

And so it felt more possible than anything. And you were a good player? Yeah. So this whole thing shattered your life. Yeah. And we just brought it up an hour into it. But you know what, Mark? I don't see it as shatter.

I see it as a pivot. Sure. No, I get it. shatter i see it as a pivot sure no i get it but i mean it's a big transition yeah you know you overcame yeah i get it and in retrospect it's a pivot but when you're 17 you know i i don't know that you were laying in that bed going like this is just a pivot no it definitely felt like like like like life ending. Absolutely. Yeah. But my boyfriend still loved me. And that meant a lot. Same boyfriend? We're not together now, but yeah. No, no, no.

We're not together now. I was going to say, wow. No, but he came to one of my comedies. Years ago when I was a new, a JFL new face, he came to my show. In Montreal, yeah. He came to my showcase audition. Does he live up there? No.

Oh, the audition. It was, yeah, it was in New York. He came to my Montreal yeah he came to my showcase you live up there no the audition yeah he came to my showcase audition and I did really I had a shaved head and I remember he was looking at me like he couldn't believe yeah that I was the girl that he had been with like but we were boyfriend and girlfriend from like 15 to 19 you know like he couldn't but he was looking at me like I was an alien. Like, wow. Look,

look at, look at you. Yeah. You know, like, was he happy for you? He was. Yeah.

But still like, you could tell like speechless. Yeah. Speechless. And like, you're funny, like speechless. Yeah.

Oh my God. That's crazy. And then when I start working for this manager. Yeah. Got your boots. I got my boots. But I was there for like, you know, working for like a week for him turned into six months. Yeah.

And what I knew was I knew that I didn't move to L.A. to like sit in somebody's office. Sure. Answer phone. Yeah. And so right at that same time, that's when I saw that comedy show and I was like rewriting people's material. And so I remember Googling,

I lived in North Hollywood at the time. I remember Googling open mics near me. And it was this hookah lounge. And I remember it said first come for, you know, like five minutes, you gotta buy something something like you got to buy like a coffee or something. You got to buy five dollars worth of something, a five dollar minimum and you get five minutes. Yeah. And you sign up first 20 people to sign up, get to go up. And I remember leaving work that I remember saying, you know, I'm putting in my two weeks notice.

Yeah. Leaving work that day, going to the open mic. And I needed it to be close to my house because I didn't think it was going to be good. Yeah. I was like, I need to just do this, feel how it feels. And then when it's bad, I'll just go home. Nobody will ever know this happened. Right. I told one friend.

It's anonymous. Yeah. I told one friend. Yeah. I wrote down what I thought was material. Yeah. And it all started. I remember the first thought was material. Yeah. And it all started, I remember the first thing was with my family.

I always started with my family. Yeah. And they laughed. I mean, to the point where people who were outside smoking hookah, they came in. And this is just in, I didn't even do the whole five minutes.

Yeah. This was like, I'm like three and a half, four minutes in and they're enjoying you know open mics are freaking tough people they're weird they're not there for that people are not there for that comedians are like i want to get up there try my shit out yeah there's 20 comics yeah and three people who didn't know there was a comedy exactly and they're like what the fuck i'm you know and so they it's going well so i stop i'm like oh my god you guys are laughing

they're like yeah keep going and i was like no i'm gonna stop while i'm like, oh, my God, you guys are laughing. And they're like, yeah, keep going. And I was like, no, I'm going to stop while I'm ahead. And I get off stage. And my friend, right when I walk out the door, my friend walks, like the friend, the one friend who I told, she's like just arriving. And I'm like, she's like, how was it? I was like, I think I'm going to do comedy. And she was like, girl, I told you you were funny. I'm like, what? She was like, Zaynab, you're funny. And she was like, girl, I told you you were funny. I'm like, what?

She was like, Zaynab, you're funny. And I was like, okay. I said, I think I can be good at this. Yeah. And then, so here's like another sidebar. And me like becoming friends with Ian. Yeah. I remember that day, I remembered that ian told me one day when i was talking to him which was one day i called ian and he's like i'm like hey what you

doing and he's like oh i just finished you know i just finished doing some spots yeah and i'm still like a young girl hungry right so i'm just i'm calling ian like can we go get some food that was my goal right and so he so he was like I'm just finished some spots and I was like oh okay I was gonna see if you wanted to go get something to eat and he was like he's like no I'll I'll go get food with you he was like but just let me call you back because I'm like doing like I'm recalling my set and I was like what do you mean and he was like oh you know when I'm done like I either like listen to what I recorded or if I didn't record it I have to like go over it in my head while it's fresh yeah in that moment

I never he said that to me I'm like coming back when you ready to eat right yeah but now two and a half years later or whatever when I did that open mic I don't know why that clicked to me yeah so I recorded the set that I did yeah and so then the next day I listened to that set I thought about I rewrote it and I went to another open mic yeah and then I never stopped doing that yeah that was it I didn't start getting into I did last comic standing you weren't getting into clubs before last comic standing you doing mics? I was doing mics. And I remember. That's a rare thing.

Yeah. I remember. That you actually, like, you know, that's the way it should be. Yeah. Like a real talent show. Yeah. Like not some established has-been or something. Yeah. I remember.

So when I decided, oh, shoot, this is what I'm, I'm gonna, I do believe, Mark, that I can be good at a lot of things. Yeah, seems like it. And I am good at a lot of things, but, and I'm not fearful of stuff, you know what I'm saying? I think the first thing is like, you gotta get past the fear, right?

The one thing I know I'll never be good at is singing. Like that's just not something that I can do, right? Tone deaf everything. Right. So, but aside from that, I'm like, yeah. Now I want to hear you try. But do I believe I could write a song? Sure.

Okay. You know? Yeah. So, there's songwriters listening to this like. Oh boy. Yeah, please. Yeah. But, so what I did was the moment, I didn't feel like I had like a true, a I didn't really know much about as much as I came to comedy shows out here.

I didn't really know much about the comedy scene. Yeah. Yeah. I had a stronger connection with the comedy scene in New York. Sure. Because you knew those guys. Yeah. So what I did was I was, you know, I'm from New York. Yeah. My family is in New York. Yeah. So I would fly back to New York. And I remember telling Keith Robinson. I remember saying, I started doing comedy, but I need to get spots. And he was like, okay, come to New York. And when I went to New York, I did the same thing. I just did open mics.

I didn't show up at comedy clubs trying to get on. I just looked for every single open mic, you know? So you moved back? No. You just go? I would just book and like, you know, it's like. Because you visit your family and stuff. Yeah, so it's like, oh, I'm going to stay here for a month.

Right. And I'm just going to do as many open mics as I can in New York. Yeah, yeah. And then Keith says, meet me at Stand Up New York. Yeah. You're going to do the check spot. Oh. I don't even know what that means.

Was he hosting? spot. Oh. I don't even know what that means. Was he hosting? No. Okay. But he knew, he had enough leverage to say, put her on. Yeah, yeah. When they're paying. Yeah. Yeah.

I went up and did the check spot and I got off stage. And of course I was nervous and everything, but I got off stage and Keith says, you got something. He didn't even want to say it. He didn't. I mean, you know, he didn't want to give it to me. He said, you got something. Right.

He was checking. And he said, keep working. Keep working. How I got into clubs has always been very like, you know. So Keith comes. Keith is doing a show in LA with Kevin Hart. Yeah. They were doing a showcase at the Improv.

And Keith says, come down. I want you to do this set on Kevin's show. Yeah. You're going to be one of the opening comedians. I go down. I got my five minutes ready. Right. Yeah.

Dave Becky is in the audience. I got my five minutes ready. Yeah. And nothing happens from that. I do a good job. Like people think that I'm funny. Is Dave your guy? No, he's not.

But the host was working with Wanda Sykes. Yeah. She had a show on, she had a show. Yeah. And he said, you gotta, Wanda has to see you. That's what he said to me. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, people tell you everything.

I don't think anything of it. I never hear from Wanda has to see you. That's what he said to me. And I'm like, you know, people tell you everything. I don't think anything of it. I never hear from Wanda. Then like a few months later, he emails me that guy. I gave him my email. He emails me and he said, I just wanted you to know. I just wanted you to see. I just wanted you to know that I kept my word. I thought that you were great. I think that you have you'll have an awesome career in this. And I just wanted to send you the email that I sent to Wanda. Okay. And so he sends me this whole thing, right? Shortly after, he said, but the show, you know, I didn't realize that the show was ending. Oh. So I was too late to get you in, right? Shortly after that,

Wanda Sykes is producing Last Comic Standing. Yeah. So they call me in for an audition. Yeah. I'm not past at any clubs i'm not where i'm i'm open micing yeah but i mean diligently you got some time yeah 15 20 minutes yeah but i had about 12 12 i had probably like unworked 30 minutes, but like confident. I know this will do 12, 12 to 14 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

cause it's like, I'm actually doing five minutes. You know? Yeah. Um, and I auditioned for last comic standing and I remember, you know, it's just like four executives in a room.

They got your, they got a bunch of, I saw as soon as I got on stage, she snuck in yeah and I saw her sneak in and I turned it you know I'm saying when I saw her sneak in I was like oh she's coming to check me out yeah let's go let's go and I freaking went yeah um and then I had another I had a call back and I remember when I got Last Comic Standing I remember that that's how Jimmy started taking me on the road that was my because we were on the same season And I had another I had a callback. And I remember when I got Last Comic Standing, I remember that.

That's how Jimmy started taking me on the road. That was my because we were on the same season of Last Comic Standing on our taping. They don't air it like this. But that first night we like got passed to the next round, you know, to the semifinals. I went on the 24th. I was the 24th comedian to go on it after being there for seven hours. Oh, my God. The audience had been there for about four or five hours. I was the 24th comedian to go on that night after being there for seven hours. Oh, my God. The audience had been there for about four or five hours. I was the 24th comedian and Jimmy was the 25th, but we killed it.

And so after that, after Last Comic Standing, he was like, I need a feature. Because he was able to tour off of it. Sure. And he's like, I need a feature. You want a feature? And I'm like sure and i was so recognizable from last comic standing because i was this tall thin had a shaved head like people used to think that i won that season just because aesthetically i was who they remember how'd you

what would you come in i was a semi-finalist i was on for like two i got a little bit i could i told you i had 12 minutes yeah i did I did my first five minutes. Then I did my second five minutes. And then I was gone. But it got you recognition. It got me recognition. So you went out with Jimmy and that's where you learned how to put the set together. That's the way I learned how to put the set together. And then I think the thing that opened a lot.

So then right after that. Yeah. Right after that, I was auditioning for JFL. Yeah. And I got JFL. I got New Faces. New Faces, yeah. When it meant something, what year was that?

2014. So you could still be kind of unknown. So it meant something. Yeah. Yeah. And also Keith, again, he was taping his special. This was the first club I got past that as a regular, which is probably one of the most sought after clubs, right? With The Cellar?

The Cellar. Yeah. I was opening for him for his Comedy Center taping. And the next, and two shows, and I did, you know, well, I remember Kevin saying, this is yes, but you know, just joking, like roasting him. And the next day we were like sitting, like we were maybe having lunch

or something and he was like I'm going to you know see I'm gonna get you an audition for the seller yeah he said so do your best yeah yeah and he texts Esty like can she get on an audition she said I saw her last night she's passed that was easy and thank god yeah and so you started working there and i started working this out so i went back to new york so much as much as i lived in la i went back to new york because once you get past the cellar then it's like you could work at every other club in new york yeah you know and so that's where i got my spot i wasn't really a part of the la stand-up because i don't remember seeing you yeah i wasn't really until like it's just after covid yeah yeah

until i uh what's my call i would just, yeah. Until I, what's your name, I would just go back to New York and that's where I would, even if I had something here, like something be like, oh, you're about to tape something

or you have a showcase, I would book a trip to New York. So that was your place. Yeah. And that's where everyone knew you. Yeah, and that's where, that's why people are like,

aren't you a new, oh, when did you move out here? And I'm like, I lived here the whole time. Oh, that's interesting. So now,

what is this show you're on? When you're leaving, you're going to Montreal. But don't you have to start shooting again? Yeah, I'm on Upload. Third season? Yeah, we're shooting the third season. We go back to Vancouver to shoot in a month. You like Vancouver?

I love Vancouver. Me too. I love it. I want to live there. Do you? Kind of. Really? Really.

Like that part of Canada or Canada generally? Well, I don't know. I mean, it'd be Toronto or Vancouver, but I like the way Vancouver looks and feels, but I know it's rainy there a lot. But I mean, Toronto has brutal winters. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was there right before the pandemic.

It was one of my last. I went and did like a live podcast or something about a podcast show and it was brutal i love that city good food i love it vermont it's like canada's new york you know yeah but too cold it's like you in chicago in a way no kidding yeah so so you're gonna go up to montreal and do two weeks up there two and a half yeah two and a half just headlining i'm always i'm all i'm so particular about taping material. What do you mean? You're afraid to burn it?

I'm not afraid to burn it. You just want to burn it in the right place. Yeah, I like to burn it in the right place. I like for things to be, you know, so. I'm sitting here trying to figure out something. What can I re-use? What can I repurpose? What are these 17 minutes don't matter.

Yeah, exactly. It's not so much don't matter, but like I know that like I'm going to take my HBO special in December. So I know there's shit in there. It's not going to be December, it's too long. Yeah, yeah. So I can do it now. Yeah.

Yeah. I also recognize how bad, I didn't know this at first, but now I know how valuable our material is. It's literal IP coming out of our mouth. And I don't always think that people show how valuable our...

And I think that I used to be at a place where you just want to do everything and you want to do so much. And it's so like... A gala show, that sounds good. that's a nice

thing that's always exciting at jfl like i remember when i was the new face and the people who was doing galas i'm like i can't wait to be invited to do a gala but now i do not look at it like that i look at it you i i look at it truly like um what do i gain from this and what am i giving up for this and is is it equal and if it's not it doesn't appeal to me in the same i get it you know but there's also this weird thing we have in our heads that you know what i there are bits i like i'll churn through hours and hours i don't know how it happens, but it happens. I'm running through hour and a half, two hours now of stuff. That's pretty strong.

Some of it's better than others. And there's this idea we have in our head that if we put it on TV in any way, that it's dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know if that's all true. Because for me, there were decades where people didn't know who the fuck I was. I've got four or five CDs worth of shit and maybe two specials where people didn't really know who I was. So I'm still a discoverable thing. I'm not an arena guy.

I'm an 800 to 1200 seat guy, maybe 2000 in some cities. But my point is, it's like it's sort of sad that we have this idea that once you put it out there, it's done, that you can't tour on it. So you're absolutely right, but that's not where I'm coming from. So I'm working on a special as well, right? Right.

And so that means when I get up on stage, I try to be very intentional. So a lot of the work that I'm working on a special as well, right? Right. And so that means when I get up on stage, I try to be very intentional. So a lot of the work that I'm doing is towards the material that I plan on doing on the special. When are you going to shoot it? To be determined. Is that self-producing?

No. Okay. No. You just don't know yet. Yeah. Okay. But what I don't want to do, see, I could go up on a show and work stuff out.

But I do not like to work stuff out where people are taping. No, I get it. I have a joke like that. Where did I did at a gala show at JFL? And I watch that. I watch it. I watch it in its infancy. And I'm like, oh, yeah yeah this is much better now but but what's cemented what they're playing what they're posting what they keep using because contractually they can is this this half done yeah half done I get it I get I get I get it I don't like it no one's watching it no one no one's watching it you're right right but but but I get it you know like I used to do that on Conan all the time

because he'd have me they used to give me that show when people would not show up so on day of day before do you got anything

I'd always do panel because I could do half-baked jokes there's like hours of me doing Conan O'Brien sets and jokes it got much better

and I used other places because no one was watching and they just became better jokes but I get it but we have our own sort of I used other places because no one was watching. Yeah. And they just became better jokes. But I get it. But we have our own sort of.

We're hard on ourselves like that because there's part of you probably can no one that's out there. You're like, I can't do that joke in any form, you know, on TV again anyways or no. Sometimes. Yeah. But if it's like, I don't know, like the stuff, this, the stuff that's like special to me. Yeah. It's like that's the stuff that I'm trying to figure out. And it's causing me frustration. Some nights it's really fun, but some nights it's like unlocking like what this joke is really about or what I'm trying to say. And then what's funny about, you know what I'm saying? Like in a funny way. That's really that is what's occupying my mind and my spirit right now.

That is what's occupying my mind and my spirit right now. And so I don't, maybe I need to just let go and not take it too seriously. But I'm just a really intentional person. No, you're working on an hour. Yeah, and so I don't need the nuisance of trying to figure out a seven minute set for a gala. Believe me, I'm right there. I got this fucking gig two years ago. Two years ago.

And now I'm working on an hour and I'm like, oh my God. I'm going to fucking do 10 minutes and then a seven minutes. Yeah, but I'm most looking forward to the two nights where I get to just run my hour. Yeah, me too. That's what I'm looking forward to. I'm going to do that too. Yeah, of course. Because you're working it out and if anybody records i'm gonna freaking i must have nice fans no one ever fucking records me really so wait even when you how how is that even being on tv

like people don't show up and just record you. No, it's weird. I never see anything. I never like put it on YouTube or something. No, they that's the that's the strange thing about when people record. What? I'm like, I ask I ask people sometimes when I watch them record other comedians. I'm like, you just I just watch you record for are you going to rewatch this or do you send it to your friends? Do you post? They're like, oh, no, I'm never I'll never post this.

And I'm like, so what do you send it to your friends do you post they're like oh no i'm never i'll never post this and i'm like so what do you do with it like yeah the like we don't have that much phone space on our phones and they're like i don't know it's just like i just i think it's funny i like it so i just record it yeah so they they were there yeah but but they don't show anybody yeah i don't know what it is i but i don't see it most of my audience are grown-ups i was gonna say i didn't want to be i was gonna say do you have an older audience? Yeah. I do now. Thank God.

They're not pulling out camera phones. Not too much. The young kids, they watch you through the camera lens. I know. I know. It's weird. But I guess that's the way it is. And also, you know, people record because in the hopes that something happens.

And then they can. And they get it. Yeah. They've documented the moment. Like, you don't know if something is going to happen. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, when someone tackles you. When someone tackles you.

Or you do some crowd work. Yeah, or you say something wrong. I always record myself. I should record them on video. But I'm not on TikTok and shit. So, like, I, you know, I drew the line, I guess, at Instagram. But, because I know that a lot of people are doing crowd work intentionally for Instagram pieces to draw people to the shows.

And I thought about it. I'm like, do I want those people at my shows? Well, if you want to do stadiums. I don't. I'm good. I'm good with theaters. I'm going to Vegas to do a club because I don't want to do casinos. Yeah.

You know, it's not my, I'm not, I'm not out to conquer the world. I do like an intimate crowd. Oh, that's the best. Yeah. I do like it. Cause then you can really get into that. What are like what you were saying before?

What am I trying to say with this stuff? What, you know, what's funny about this stuff? What risks can I take? Yeah. It's, it's just a different exchange of energy.

No shit. It's, yeah, I love intimacy in that way. Well, it's good talking to you. It was great talking to you, Mark.

Thanks for having me. Thanks for doing it. I'll see you in Canada. I'll see you in Canada. Okay. That was wild. The big reveal of the horrible accident

and her attitude around it and how she's framed it in her life. You can go to Zaynab Johnson.com for her standup dates. And also could, if you could just hang out a minute, please. Thank you.

Thank you. Hang on. Just please hold. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of kids night. When the Toronto rock take on the Colorado mammoth at a special special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead

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delivered to your door quickly and for free. Assembly is a breeze, setting you up for years of comfort and style. Don't break the bank. Cozy's direct to model ensures that quality and value go hand in hand. Transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit cozy.ca, that's C-O-Z-E-Y, and start customizing your furniture. So I've been going a little crazy because I have Neil Gaiman on Monday and I've got to talk to him. And there was a brief window in my life where Sandman and Hellblazer were very important to me. I don't know why. I think I was still a little out of my mind. I think I felt like, you know, that the John Constantine story was sort of like my future. I, you know, I had no no i was having problems with with reality i think it was

probably somewhere in the yeah it had to have been the the sort of mid to late 80s like 87 ish when i went through this comic book stuff i think it was the beginning of hellblazer and then sandman came later and it was sort of like, you know, it was speaking to a part of me as someone who is not a fantasy nerd that, you know, that somehow resonated with my reality. That's the sad truth. I don't know if I bring that up with Gaiman. I guess we'll all find out. But he's on Monday. I'm in Montreal this weekend at Just for Laughs. My solo shows are sold out, but my gala is on Saturday night. Then next week, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio at the Southern Theater on August 4th, Indianapolis, Indiana. I'm at the Old National Center on August 5th, Louisville, Kentucky at the Baumhardt Theater

August 6th, which I hope is not a prophecy. All those dates I'll be doing with Lara Bites. Then I'm back at Dynasty Typewriter in LA on August 14th. And then Lincoln, Nebraska at the Rococo Theater on August 18th. Des Moines, Iowa at the Hoyt Sherman Place on August 19th. And Iowa City, Iowa at the Englert Theater on August 20th. All with Lara Bites. The very funny Lara Bites.

Lara. Lara. In September, I'm in Tucson, Arizona. Phoenix, Arizona, Boulder, Colorado, and Toronto, Ontario, Canada. In October, I'm in London, England, and Dublin, Ireland. Go to WTFpod.com slash tour for all dates and ticket info. Okay. Now here's some slide guitar. Sloppy slide on an old K guitar tuned to an open D.

I'll just give it a try. I'm giving it a try let's see let's see Thank you. guitar solo Thank you. guitar solo boomer lives monkey lafonda cat angels everywhere