WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1386 - Live with David Baddiel

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Live from The Bloomsbury Theatre in London, Marc welcomes comedian and writer David Baddiel to the stage. In light of David’s new book and accompanying documentary, Jews Don’t Count, Marc and David talk about what it’s like to make sure they’re both publicly counted as notable Jewish entertainers. They discuss the recent rise in antisemitism, the ways in which it gets overlooked in the culture and what can be done about it. Marc and David also make sure to spend some time on English breakfasts, Catholicism, and being cat guys. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Knicks? What's happening? Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. can you handle it are you okay there did you get your cooking done what's happening with the turkey are you doing

the turkey now what are you making right now are you working on cakes are you doing cakes are you doing sweet potatoes are you doing brussels sprouts are you doing that weird green bean casserole that no one really eats anymore but some people have grown comfortable with it are you doing the weird sweet potatoes with the marshmallows and the brown sugar? Are you being healthy? You don't be healthy. It's one day a year where you can fuck off. How are you doing your turkey?

Did you brine it? Did you baste it? Did you put spices underneath the skin? What have you done? Did you blow up your house trying to fry it? What's happening? Did you blow up your house trying to fry it? What's happening?

Is there a fire in your neighborhood because you exploded your idea of having a fried turkey? What's going on with your bird? Did you do a duck? How many ducks out there? Any geese? Anyone do a geese? Anyone do a tofu turkey thing? Not great. You know what you're getting with that.

What have you got going? Mashed potatoes, garlic potatoes, anything new, anything happening? Did you make some weird variation of cranberry sauce with a spice that probably shouldn't be in cranberry sauce, but you read it in a magazine, so you thought, why not try it? And then everybody at dinner was like, what's wrong with this cranberry sauce? Did you do that? Did you do that with some tarragon or some other kind of weird thing? Did you add something to something traditional that you did out of boredom

in hopes that it would be an exciting new thing, but instead, not unlike traditions of any kind, everyone was up in arms? How dare you do that? Why change anything? Don't you understand? We're trying to keep Thanksgiving consistent. What are you? What are you, an you an artist what are you a fucking artist happy thanksgiving good luck with the pies all right so you know it goes look today i'm doing uh uh this is a recording of a live show

i did at the bloomsbury theater in l. Had a nice live audience. My guest was comedian and writer David Baddiel. He's a stand-up. He's a writer of children's books. He's a writer of grown-up books like his book Jews Don't Count, which he also turned into a documentary that's out now. And I had not read it. I'd heard about him and I set out to read his book. I read the book. heard about him and uh i set out to read his book i read the book um you know it's interesting where you deal with a british writer writing primarily about britain where you know class is a thing and happens and is acknowledged but also in talking about the left they have an established sort of left there that has definition uh unlike here don't talk about class here unless it's the middle class disappearing. Other than that, no talk of class.

There's always been talk of class. It's ingrained in the class system there. So it was an interesting conversation. He's also funny. I've watched some of his shows. He's got interesting family stories, a great history of stand-up stuff. So, yeah. So I'm going to play that for you.

And also, Brian Jones has been making cat mugs for me, obviously, as you know, for years to give my guests. And every few months he makes a batch that you can buy, you people, you civilians. And now you can go directly to this site, WTFMugs.co. Go ahead and bookmark that or sign up for email updates these things go quick I want you to get one new mugs will go on sale this Saturday November 26th they'll go live at noon eastern and you'll want to get on that because they usually sell out immediately so look I don't

know what you're dealing with all right I don't know where you're at this Thanksgiving I do know that this is a an interesting time of year because because parents can bond with their kids around my reading of Turkey Trouble for for that charity I did. It's a it's a it's a charity called Storyline Online. I did it a while ago. The woman approached me at the the SAG awards actually and you know it was fun you know I didn't know what you know I I don't I don't have children but you know I can be entertaining but it's uh it's kind of funny because it's it's it's pretty popular it's it's very popular um this time of year obviously and I always get a lot of nice feedback and sometimes they show it in classrooms it's fun it is fun to read uh children's books I don't I don't do it often because I don't have children but you can watch that go find it it's called Turkey Trouble Mark Maron I guess you could find

it that way you can get it right at Storyline Online but aside from that I don't know what's up with you guys I don't know what you're doing. I did not go to Florida this year. I'm not in Florida this year because there's a couple reasons. In order for me to get out there and to bring Kit with me, they didn't need me to cook this year because my cousin's doing it. So to fly out day before and then hang out day of and then leave the next day and go to florida for that seemed crazy so i'm gonna go see my family another time in the next few weeks before my hbo shooting i think there's some balcony seats for that second show left over but yeah i'll go see my family then and i'm gonna go over to gimme gimme dan's house and i'm gonna cook i'm gonna

smoke a brisket and i'm gonna make a chest pie and I'm going to make the famous stuffing that I got from my gourmet existentialism professor who was in love with me. Yeah, I believe he's passed. I tried to find out, but it seems that I got validation on that. That guy did teach me how to cook, though. He didn't turn me, but he taught me how to cook. teach me how to cook though he didn't turn me but he taught me how to cook so getting back to you uh you know as i say every year and as i've said before to those of you who have heard me say it first and foremost um use whatever options you have at your disposal to maintain your sanity without hurting yourself or others that means you taking a walk, taking a breather,

trying to think before you yell, try to keep your shit together in the sense of you have control over that. You can make choices in a moment. Take a breath. These are aggravating times. They're still aggravating times. It feels a little better than it has in the last several years. I mean, there's a little relief, I think, but it's still scary. And there's still a lot of things to be terrified about and angry about. I get it. But if you're with family, you know, just try, I'm going to try, you know, I'm taping this obviously the day before, and I'm going to try to lock into my cooking and, and, and enjoy some of that meditation time. I've been very busy with a lot of stuff, interviewing people, and also going to see movies for guests,

which is fine. And, you know, and also having some pretty good conversations lately with a lot of different people. But I just, look, enjoy the fucking fall weather. I don't know, maybe you're in New York or the East Coast, or maybe it's just you're under snow. Look, just please, please please for your own benefit and your free families just use whatever options you have at your disposal to maintain

your sanity without hurting yourself or others you know there's wiggle room there hurting yourself does not mean you know uh you know eating a lot or or shame eating or anger eating or any of that you know gorge yourself until you're tired it. Do that as opposed to argue with your old dad, your old uncle, your old mom, your kids. Just eat. Eat those feelings. Today is a day to eat feelings, especially if you're with your family. Okay? I don't need to say too much, but try to enjoy your holiday.

I hope all your food turned out well. And, you know, I'll share this live one with you, which was funny. And we haven't done one in a while. And there's also a little, I think I do another intro. I did a live intro that night in London. So this is me talking to David Baddiel. He's the, he is the author of Jews Don't Count. You can get that wherever you get books. The documentary version is airing on BBC4. And please take care of yourselves, will you? Death is in our air.

This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series, streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. It's a night for the whole family.

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torontorock.com Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Knicks? London, England, welcome. Nice to see you.

Thanks for coming out. Yes, yes, I'm here. I'm here. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. I was just, I'm very excited to be here. I was just talking to David Baddiel backstage. He's going to come out soon.

We were talking about whether or not we needed to pee. So that's sort of the age we're at, I guess. Very exciting. I've been here for a couple days. I don't know what's happening in your country. I can't pretend to know. I'd like to get caught up, get up to speed. No fucking idea. To be honest with you, I don't know David. I wish I was kidding.

I didn't know anything about him until about a month ago. And now I know almost everything about him. So that's sort of the way that's going to go. I'm sure I'm instilling faith in my ability to him right now back there. But I don't know what's happening here also with, like, is there no COVID? Because I don't know, like I was in New York for a week and now I'm here for a week. It just feels like when I get on a train, I'm kind of entering some sort of international COVID lottery. Like maybe I'll get it. Maybe I won't. Maybe I wear a mask. I don't know what people are doing now. It's sort of a don't ask, don't test situation. Right? Where you're kind of like, you know, on a Friday, you're like, no, I kind of feel shitty, but I'm going to wait until Monday.

Because I want to have a weekend. I don't want to fuck up my weekend. See how hard that guy's laughing back there? That's the guy. There's one guy with COVID in here. You know there is. There has to be. And he knows it. He knows he has it. And he came anyway.

He had bought the ticket. He was at home. He's like, fuck. Everyone's going to get it. Fuck it. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I don't know, you guys. I guess we're going to do it. Fuck it. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I don't know, you guys. I guess we're going to do some Jew stuff. Because David and I have the same management. I think it was his idea.

He's sort of like, I think what we really need is a couple of secular atheists self-centered too much information Israel apathetic Jews to have a summit an international summit

of some kind just want to get a couple of guys that never shut up about themselves to talk about themselves at each other. But I do, it's interesting because of the Jew thing. I read his book and I enjoyed the book.

And a lot of it was very sort of Britain specific. Because we don't have... Well, maybe I should talk to him about this. He's going to be out here in a minute. I don't know. I thought I'd just ramble on for a bit more. So what did I do since I've been here? I don't know what... After a certain point of...

I don't travel internationally much, and I don't stay here long. But I generally think at some point in my life, I'm 59, that I would know all of the breakfast items. 59 that I would know all of the breakfast items. And I'm not making a joke about like a traditional English breakfast or any of that. It took me years to realize that you guys don't eat that every day. Like I really thought it was my job. Like I got to put all this down every day, the whole thing. This is what they do here. I want to be like them.

But there was something on the menu at my hotel that I had to do research on. And tell me, is bubble and squeak a thing? So it is. How am I 59 years old, and I was looking at the menu, and I'm like, I'm going to guess what that is. And I was off. I thought it was some sort of uncuttable sausage. That just must be a sausage you can't cut.

And it just bubbles. And it squeaks when you try to cut it. That was a pretty good guess, I thought. But it's not. It's a cabbage dish. And I like cabbage. And there's potatoes in it. And apparently it was popular if you had absolutely no money at all for a long time.

Tomorrow I'm going to have it. I didn't have it today. Should I have it? But is it something that you guys, do you make it at home? Are you like, you know what, I'm going to make bubble and squeak tomorrow for the special brunch. It is, it's that kind of thing? Leftovers. Oh, so you just put it all together, your potatoes and your cabbage. How many people eat that much cabbage? I mean, isn't that, because I eat a lot of cabbage, oddly, but I didn't know

that everybody did. You're just sort of like, oh, fuck, because I eat a lot of cabbage, oddly, but I didn't know that everybody did. You're just sort of like, oh, fuck, we got leftover cabbage again. Where are those potatoes? That happens like weekly or special? All right. So the Jew thing, again, I'll bring them up. But let me read a couple of emails to set this up, sort of. Because I talk about being a Jew a lot, and I do it aggressively.

And I'm not sure why all the time. But I've been doing it for years. Like, if I do a comedy special, and this goes way back, where I'm not even sure I gave a fuck necessarily. I always, when I was coming up, I really was annoyed. Even though I loved the old Jewish comics, I found that they trivialized being Jewish somehow. Like, I honestly hated Jackie Mason. And it was because he just, like, he would do things like, you know, Jews just like to sit down. You're like, what does

that mean? So, and I mean, I didn't know how it benefited anybody if you're a jew you'll eat a shrimp you know what is that you're not supposed to eat them all right whatever so so i never knew how to uh to be jewish on stage for years and and when i did it it was always sort of way way over the like uh in in night i guess it was in 90 when did i do the hbo special when i was a kid him and i've been doing this a long time but i did a whole thing about how uh you know i'm a jew and you know of course you know we have all the money and uh yeah we do we have all of it and like that toned i'd be like you could go to almost any synagogue and they have a special room in the basement that's just sort of like gold bricks and jewelry of different sorts and you can go in there and just kind of sit with

it and be like i can't believe we have it all yeah and there there's a weekly newsletter we all get the jews news that we get and it's just always the same headline we've got all the money again so that was the tone of it and i think some the somewhat of that tone has remained i just really i learned something from a guy named paul mooney who was a comic a black comic in in america who uh you know used to write for richard pryor and you know i middled for him i featured for him in sacramento once and he would do like two hours plus for like a primarily white audience and and i didn't really understand why you know because he didn't do particularly well um because he was very aggressive.

And then I realized it over time after watching him for a week is that if you're a white person and you don't think you're racist, after like two hours of Mooney, he'll find it in you. Like after about two hours, you're going to be saying to yourself or who you're sitting with

things you didn't think you would say. So, and I think that on some level, you know, a lot of the Jewish material I'm doing now is really specifically for that reason. I want to be an aggressively annoying Jew. But not in a neurotic way. Literally, like lately I've been on stage and I will say, you know, it's amazing. We really found out in the last few years what brings most people together,

and that's anti-Semitism. in the last few years, what brings most people together, and that's anti-Semitism. And then I say, and I just, you know, look, we will replace you. We're going to replace you. And I go into a long bit that I don't want to burn because I'm going to probably do it on the special. And it's like, I don't, I can't, I'm going to talk to David about this.

But I get emails, but he's like, you know, he's made it all very public at how he interacts with trolls and stuff. And I don't like, I'm not, you know, I'm not poking. I don't poke the Twitter monster because it's just too upsetting to me. Like, to do it face-to-face in real life to see what happens. But I do get emails. Oh, this was an email from David. I liked how he told me what to look for. And at the very end, after listing all his credits with links, he just says, and I've written four novels and nine children's books.

just says, and I've written four novels and nine children's books. And I just took the tone of that as, so there. I do want to know how he's so productive, because we're very similar, and our parents were the same, and I don't know how he managed to keep his shit together so well. Here are the emails. Hi, Mark. I like your podcast a lot. In one of your last pods, you talked about a guy who criticized all the Jew talk in many of your podcasts you thought he was maybe an anti-semite I just want to remind you that when having mega interesting guys in your show say for example Stephen King David Lee Roth Gene

Simmons etc I haven't had two of them I with him. I would not have Gene Simmons in my house. And I've talked to David Lee Roth, and that was exciting. And Stephen King, I don't think is Jewish. Whatever. So he goes on to say, not too many listeners give a shit if they are bar mitzvahed, baptized, or if they are Vancouver or Montreal Jews, etc. It's just for us listeners. It's not very interesting, but it's your show, and you should run it as you like. Good luck, Gunter.

Real name. And I said, Gunter, I will. When you said this, you gave yourself away. Quote, it's just for us listeners. It's not very interesting. Unquote. You, you don't find it interesting. Not us.

That other guy was an anti-Semite. I don't know about you thanks for listening so then one more and then i'll bring out david mark with a k i don't understand why you have to keep bringing up that you are a jewish man I don't understand why you have to keep bringing up that you are a Jewish man. You're not even a church-going man. This guy's very confused right out of the gate. But you can't go five minutes without bringing it up. I am Native American and Spanish American,

and I don't bring it up once a month. No one cares about that but you. You always bring it up with some of your guests that you know are Jewish. No one cares, all caps. The only one that does is you. Let it go michael and i said anti-semites care you're asking me to let go of my ethnicity when most of the world wants to erase it

you want to erase it plenty ofenty of people care. Jews care. Maybe ask yourself why you are so mad. Yeah, see? Right now it's my pleasure to bring out a man I met 15 minutes ago who's done an amazing, amazing amount of work in this country. You've known him for half your lives. He's done an amazing amazing amount of work in this country you've known him from some of your half your lives he's done stand-up he's written books nine novels um several children's books he had a football show he was in a team he wasn't in a team documentaries he's britain's go-to jew david baddiel ladies and gentlemen

thank you hey mark hi before we talk about the Jew thing... Well, we're going to start at the beginning. Okay, well... Fine. I want to talk about breakfast, which is kind of the beginning. Okay. Because you mentioned breakfast, which is kind of an interesting thing for two Jews to talk about

because the British breakfast is pork. Yeah. It's just different types of pork, right? And cabbage. Yeah, and many different types of pork. Yeah, like really different shapes of pork. Yeah, and ground pork. No, no ground pork. Oh, yeah, it is ground pork. Sausage is ground pork. Yeah, like really different shapes of pork. Yeah, and ground pork. Ground pork? No, no, no ground pork.

Oh, yeah, it is ground pork. Sausage is ground pork. Yes, it is. Yeah, sorry, I didn't know. I'm so Jewish, I didn't know that. Okay. So, I did a thing when I was on tour recently. I decided to, because I am, as you say, on social media quite a lot, to talk about the fact that when you're on tour in the British hotels,

that's what you're offered every morning. And if you've got the kind of willpower I've got, you can't not eat it. It's fucking impossible not to eat it, right? So I would take a picture of it, say this is my willpower, I'm having it again. But what happened, and you may not know this, is that it revealed a fault line in the British public, which is they are obsessed with the architecture

of the full English breakfast. With the plate. The layout? The map. The layout. I mean, literally, some people, if my eggs were touching the beans, they'd have a fucking nervous breakdown. Really? Yeah, really. Really. People would write and say, I can't look at this.

Are there people that don't eat them together? Like, you separate the beans? You can't eat the beans? There's quite a famous expression. It actually comes from Steve Coogan's character

Alan Partridge, which is that if you have eggs and beans, you have to use the sausages as a breakwater. Fuck, I've been eating it wrong. Well, I want to point out right out of the gate that, look, I don't know you.

We don't talk. You have said that quite a lot. It's almost as if you're trying to disassociate yourself. But let me just point out, look how we're fucking dressed. It was. Look at our fucking faces I mean What the fuck

It's ridiculous Like you've got Look at the The same With their Chelsea's Mine are nicer I like them with a point How are they nicer

They're just shinier No these were These are nice Nice thick leather Stop saying that I'm just saying they're nicer Doesn't make them nicer It's a point

They're pointy I like them pointy. Okay. Black jeans. Yeah, black jeans. Western shirt. Yeah, and the face. I can't believe you're not talking about the face. I see the face. I know the face. It's like there's a fucking really odd mirror

here. I know! See, I've always thought, like, I've been this mildly obsessed with British Jews my entire life. Have you? Yes. And yet you've never heard of me. What the fuck? Yeah. And the idea of it, not British Jews. Not the tonic reality.

One British Jew, Peter Green. That's the only one. Peter Green? Yes, Peter Green. From Fleetwood Mac? Yes, was a British Jew. I thought you meant Sir Peter Green. No, no, no. Peter Green. Peter Green from Fleetwood Mac was a British Jew and I was you meant Sir Peter Green. No, no, no, Peter Green. Peter Green from Fleetwood Mac was a British Jew, and I was so excited about that. I'm like, I knew it.

So... Right. But I just... The idea that there were British Jews at all when I was younger was just sort of like, that's amazing. Right. Yeah. And the fact that...

Americans don't think there are ethnic minorities in Britain. No, we know, we know, we heard, we heard. Well, I know, but you're still catching up with me. Yeah, we are. Yeah, it's a different ethnic landscape. You just think we're all people who wear top hats and essentially are members of the royal family, don't you? No, I think it was really as simple as I just couldn't...

Like, I don't know why, but when I was younger, I couldn't really picture a Jew talking like you. You mean with a British accent? That's right with a British no with a British accent Jew who thinks his boots are not as good as yours with a British accent it was that's a weird thing and I have no it was I was young okay now I know there's there's me and Peter Green yeah and like and a few other ones there's a few other ones they're all not a lot is there a lot. Is there a lot? No, there are a lot. Actually, that's one of the things I talk about in my book. So one of the things I talk about in my book is Jewish shame.

That's stronger in Britain. Because in Britain, Jews are not as out as they are in America. Maybe that was why. One of the things, there's a publication called the Jewish Chronicle, right? Which is the British Jewish newspaper. And someone once said to me, a Jewish person said to me, the headline of the Jewish Chronicle every week

is basically, they hate us, right? And I said, no. No, it's they hate us and let's not make a fuss about it, right? That's the British Jewish thing. So I am unusual in that I am very out. I mean, a bit like the guy who wrote to you. He would hate

me even more because I am absurdly out about being Jewish. And lots of British Jews in comedy aren't, to be honest. They're hiding? They're not hiding. Do you know they're Jewish? I know they're Jewish. Do they know? Well, I wonder if they know they're all Jewish.

Do you want to out him? Go ahead, out him. Do you know that Stephen Fry is Jewish? I did not know that. Holy fuck. Did you know Ben Alton is Jewish? Do you know Ben Stephen Fry is Jewish? I did not know that. Did you know Ben Alton is Jewish? Do you know Ben Alton is Jewish? That makes sense. Okay, but there's quite a lot of Jews in this audience. And Jews know.

They do the research. Jews know all the Jews, yeah. Matt Lucas. Okay, I'm trying to find one you don't know. Simon Amstel. Oh, for fuck's sake. And they're all comics. My friend.

I'm just trying to think of someone're all comics my friend Frank Skinner ok he's not but the thing about being out and Jewish and aggressively out is something that a lot of people don't like it I know and it makes a certain point and I'm not always clear

as to why I do it I've been doing it a long time aggressively, but I don't find myself as some, like, intellectually, I think you came into it later too, where you are aggressively pointing out anti-Semitism and making yourself, I think in my last special, I told the audience I was voluntarily making myself a target because I think it's important.

But I don't know if it's a selfish thing or it's actually a tremendous deep concern for Jews. Well, I was always, from an early time in stand-up, I talked about being Jewish because basically I'm an incredibly limited performer. I can't do

anything except be myself on stage. If I try to do an accent, it's embarrassing. I can't move away from myself. But you did sketch. You did things. Yeah, I was always just myself. I was going to say, shit, that's not fair. I was just myself in a hat.

You know? Or myself in big trousers. But you calibrate your voice a little bit. Not hardly. About the only accent I could do is a slightly more Jewish version of my own voice. Yeah. That is the only accent I could do is a slightly more Jewish version of my own voice. Yeah. That is the only accent I could do.

I can't even do Welsh, and my dad was Welsh. There are Welsh Jews. Do you know that? Yeah, it all makes sense. Scottish Jews, Welsh Jews. Are you aware of that? But are there Irish Jews? Many?

Yes, of course. There are? Do you know Jews are all over the fucking world? I do know that. You know that? I do know that. You know they got scattered? Yes.

You know that happened? Yeah, they wanted... They ran. They were kicked out of every fucking country. As a result, they're everywhere. I grew up in New Mexico. New Mexico. Okay.

Not Jew Mexico. No, but there wasn't that many. It's just that there were Jews that left Europe, and then there were the Jews that wanted to move as far away from their parents as possible in New York. So that's why we ended up in New Mexico, with a small group of other Jews that were just saying, thank God we're not living near our parents.

I think that some Jewish people... See, for me, I went to a Jewish primary school, an Orthodox Jewish primary school, which wasn't because my parents were religious. It was the nearest primary school in Cricklewood, where I grew up in the 1970s, where I wouldn't get beaten up for being Jewish. So they sent me there.

It was a very Jewish school. I had one line in the school play. It was this. It was, well, Rabbi, you certainly do drive a hard bargain. You thought Rabbi would be the Jewish element. No, it was bargain. It was very Jewish. That's a lot to unpack.

It's all in there. It's a lot to unpack. Yeah. It's a lot to unpack. And can you not scratch your nose while you're saying that? Because that feels almost pointed. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah. And so I think I did an odd thing, which is that when I realized the whole world wasn't Jewish, in fact, the Jews are a tiny demographic, the damage was done for me. Rather than shrinking from that, I just thought the world should be Jewish. I mean I'm wrong about that, but that's how it felt to me and so I felt really comfortable in my Jewishness and always have. Yeah, I don't think I felt uncomfortable in my Jewishness, and I always look to, you know, I think in America, there was sort of like this Jewish intellectual period in the 70s, you know, and I think that like Prozac killed a lot of that. I think that, I really think that medication destroyed some of the Semitic voice in America.

Okay. That medication destroyed some of the Semitic voice in America. Okay. There's only one guy, like Richard Lewis. You see Richard Lewis now, and he's still Richard Lewis, and part of you is sort of like, you know, they have medicine. Like, you even think that. Like, you haven't resolved any of this?

So, you know, nothing's better? There's nothing better. Yeah. Yeah, that's correct. That's correct. Nothing has got better. That's what therapy is, to teach you you fucking that Do you go to therapy still? Yeah I did

I went to therapy for about 11 years Almost as a kind of thing I just did to realise my Jewishness I don't know that I had any I had one particular problem Which has nothing to do with being Jewish I think Or maybe it is Which is I found it very difficult

To split up with anyone Like split up with I've or maybe it is, which is I found it very difficult to split up with anyone I'd be in relationships for far too long I'm sorry if any of my ex-girlfriends are listening but I was in relationships for far too long I was very frightened of splitting up with people Why though? I'll come to that

I'll hang out here I was in and I was in therapy for about 11 years. And about seven years in, I realized I couldn't split up with my therapist. That was what was happening. And the reason is, I can tell you why, actually. Which is like, have we done with the Jew?

We'll come back to the Jew thing. Okay, because this is not. No, no, we're jumping around. Well, maybe it is a Jew thing. Maybe this is, right? Well, that's the big question. So when I was first famous, right, I realized that I could have sex with women, right? Yeah.

And they wouldn't have sex with me before, right? Was that true? Well, I realized that that was a possibility. A lifetime of just masturbation. Well, I'd been with one Jewish woman, and it was mainly masturbation. Yes. That's what it's like.

But I found that I couldn't. There were lots of people I knew at the time, and all of these people are now sweating. I have some payback because they're all now sweating that something's going to happen to them, but I don't have that problem because I wasn't able to exploit, as it were, my fame in order to be promiscuous. Oh, I see, I see. Because I didn't want to be, can I say this?

I didn't want to be a cunt, right? And you have to be a complete cunt. Someone's applauding that. In order to really have sex with a lot of women, because you have to say, I don't want to see you anymore, right? I guess. Sometimes you can just sort of communicate

at the beginning you know shit I should have done that you can still be a nice guy and no but that's that's where the Jewishness I think made me

not that it's just for Jews but I I couldn't take take the thing of like saying okay now we're moving on I want to I want to be with someone else tomorrow and anyway I couldn't take the thing of like saying, okay, now we're moving on. I want to be with someone else tomorrow.

And anyway, I fell in love. I just fell in love really quickly. With a lot of people? Yeah. But that was the thing. I'd been in a relationship. Okay, I really didn't think I was going to talk about this. I was in a relationship between 16.

Finally, we found something that you haven't talked about. Well, it's partly because the women in question the this particular i was in a relationship between 16 and 28 okay one relationship 16 to 27 16 to 27 16 to 27 yeah one relationship 11 years a lot of changes happen in yeah uh and you hung in there i hung in there she hung in there yeah we both hung in there but that's my point i was unable to split up. Did she want to be with you? Were you both just sort of like fuck, how do I tell him? Fuck, I want to

tell her. Okay, so I am a bit worried she might be listening to this because I'm still friends with her, but my point is this, right? There's a bit in Seinfeld. There's a bit in Seinfeld where George is trying to split up with this woman who he's with in season seven. I can't remember the name of the woman.

Eventually she dies because in the marriage, in the wedding, she licks so many envelopes, she gets glue poisoning. And he can't stop being overjoyed about it. He's trying not to. Anyway, the point is not that. The point is, he really wants to split up with her. It's making him very unhappy. And Jerry takes him to outside her apartment

and tells him to go in and just do it. He says, it's like ripping off a Band-Aid, right? Just do it. And he says, I would rather be unhappy my whole life than have that conversation. And I think about 70% of couples live like that. I do. It's just very muted laughter. Yeah, I know.

I've alienated everyone in this room. No, I'm the same way. It's my parents partly. My parents, who are both dead so I can definitely say this about them. Much of the time they hated each other. But splitting up with each other was just not something. They were lower middle class Jews. They just didn't split up with people

like Tofstee. I mean, I saw that show. I mean, your mom definitely had a good time despite the fact. You didn't see the show, did you? Yeah, I watched it. Oh, you fucking watched it? I watched the whole thing. Thank you very much.

I know that you are a child of emotionally self-centered people who are incapable of loving you properly. Yeah. Okay, it's become the therapy that I never finished. You probably just are out in the therapy that I never finished. You probably just are out in the world wanting love, David. I do want love.

That's why I have to eat those full English breakfasts every day. To fill the gap. You can't break up with people because you're so afraid of rejecting them and losing the love that they have for you. That's true. All right, we're done. Thank you. Thank you.

So anyone who doesn't know didn't see my family show i did a show called my family not the sitcom did you not see it this was did anyone see that me some people saw it that's good why have this was like i watched it and it made me uncomfortable this is another question what the fuck is wrong with us i do that kind of stuff too yeah you just tell people strangers all this fucking deep shit that you're not even sure is fucking right Yes, and and then you kind of walk away feeling what like well, that's a relief that I dragged those people into it Yeah, that's the job if you don't realize that

That's what we do. Are you walk up victorious? They all feel really uncomfortable and weird about my life. Yeah Well, okay. so this is what happened in that particular show. So for anyone who doesn't know, who didn't see it... Well, you sent me a bad copy of it. You were like, I did this show in Australia and Canada

and there's only one tape existing and midway through the tape or the video, the guy's pointing at his feet or something. It's not even a real video. You can't see what you're pointing to on screen. I'm like, there's a lot of shame involved in the show. You didn't want this to get out. Did you?

Well, yeah, I did and I didn't. Maybe. Maybe that's the dichotomy. But the show was about the fact that mainly about, it was like my dad's dementia, and that's what a lot of people knew about it. My dad just got it. We need to talk about it.

Oh, really? We should talk about that. It's nice now, but it's going to get bad. Can I just get out this thing that I need to get out? I'm going to let you. I just want to make sure I'm present. Okay. That's how I do it.

A lot of interrupting. You've never listened to my show? Never. Okay. Well, I got a weird bootleg copy once, and it was kind of, like, it wasn't really clear. That's weird. Yeah, that's my

point uh so it was also about the fact that my mom had an affair with a golfing memorabilia salesman for her whole virtual adult life and transformed our world into a world of golf uh so that because my dad got made redundant when i was quite young, so we had very little money, but we would still have statues of Lee Trevino fucking everywhere. And she was very proud of this affair with the golfing memorabilia salesman. In fact, a high point in the show is at one point she's about to go to New York and she writes to this guy.

By that time, my mum was getting a little bit older and she was also quite proud of her illnesses she was a jewish woman and she liked to tell people about her ailments and this email if i can remember it says something like um the leukemia and also the crohn's disease makes me very tired but perhaps you can join me to make the naps more interesting right and she says this and people might think, that's a private email. No. She CC'd it to me and my older brother,

right? And when I asked her, how did you do that? She said, well, it was a mistake. What fucking mistake is that? Oh, butterfingers. I've CC'd a sexual email to my sons, right? That's... So the show was about this it was it was a it was a it was a heavy show and it made me wonder about myself in terms of like because i've done shows like when my uh when my

second wife left me yeah abruptly properly abruptly abruptly all right yeah i mean look i had it coming okay so but i did i was working on one person. The only thing I could think to do was get on the stage and start workshopping something. Right. And the people that saw it, it was in the basement. I remember it was in the basement of a theater, in a smaller theater. And upstairs, Mike Birbiglia was having a hit run of his show. So it was just like it was exactly where my career was.

It was like, fuck that guy. And I'm in the basement doing the real work. And so I was talking about this woman leaving me. And it was still happening. And it was meant to be a workshop. But I realized that it wasn't really a show. It was just I needed to get it out to rooms full of strangers so they could live with it. And it wasn't meant to be reviewed and and and someone from time out came and they were like you know this show is it's

very interesting it's very raw it almost seems like marin's not really worked this stuff through so it's a little hard to watch but it was very engaging and did she Did she come and see the show? That woman? Dude, she doesn't. I can't even explain it. No, she did not come see the show. She does not listen to my show. The bane of her existence is the fact that if you Google her name, people also look for me.

Right. She hates me. Fine. Whatever. So my question to you, because I thought about this. Okay. Was, like, we both do this. We both have, you know, my parents, very selfish, very, you know, emotionally incapable of parenting, really.

But you seem to come out all right. I can only assume it's because of Britain and sports. So. Sports. Yes. in sports so sports yes i mean you know there's the the sort of cultural repressive nature but also the fact that you understand healthy competition i i i don't engage with sports at all for me everything is uh you know kind of like personal like i couldn't play soccer because right so if i kicked it badly i'd be like oh you're all fucking assholes yeah you don't really like me so yeah yeah but but I do play football.

But when you say I seem to have come out all right, I would say we've come out almost exactly the same. I didn't... I didn't... I did not write... I didn't write nine books. How do you write nine books? You said...

That's kind of a slightly mad, manic thing. So you... Definitely... So my mother was a refugee from Nazi Germany. Okay. Right? My dad was a guy who constantly, constantly worried about money. He was a working-class Welsh bloke who had a brief period

when he earned a bit of money work for Unilever and then was made redundant. When he was made redundant, he got so crazy about money, we couldn't have friends back in case they ate some toast. You would actually say they might eat some toast, right? Oh, wow. They were unbelievable so i think so that the reason i write nine books is i am actually kind of okay but a part of me thinks

no i'm not any second now right it's going to go away because either my dad will say that's not real or the nazis will take it yeah the naz that Nazi thing. That was a... Well, we're jumping around. But because when I saw your show and then I saw your clothing, for me, it was sort of like, what the fuck is this? In the sense of like,

this isn't a Jewish thing. And then you're like a year younger than me. Yeah. And I get the... It's like I was trying to figure out what is the emotional component that makes us one you know talk about our jewishness constantly just to make people annoyed with jews um to like have like these you know kind of like you know spinning

brains about bullshit it's a it's not is it a jewish thing well i i actually don't think that i talk about Jewishness in order to make people annoyed. Or at least if they are annoyed, what I'm doing is saying, why are you fucking annoyed? Why are you annoyed about me talking about being Jewish? When you might not be annoyed about anyone else. I mean, obviously fucking racists are annoyed

about Richard Pryor talking about being black. But generally people are not annoyed about that. I get sort of stop talking about being Jewish from people who are not, in their own minds, racist. But that's what you're looking, but that's what you're provoking in order to find that, to start that conversation. Well, I

was always, I was going to say this like half an hour ago, but I was always really out about being Jewish. Without any doubt, increasing anti-Semitism, and my sense of increasing anti-Semitism, has made me more out about being Jewish. I want to talk about it more. Right. Why do you think? Just to

draw attention to it? There is an element of fuck you to that, I guess, but there is also an element of what you're going to do about it. What are you going to do? You've got people wanting to shut down. There are historical precedents yeah um well well yeah i mean i i i i'm in the same boat as that well the other this is what leading into your book like my last girlfriend before lynn who i was with five years to the painter. Right. She, like when Trump got elected, you know, we were in, we had taken a vacation, you know, the day he, you know, went into office.

I don't know what I was thinking. And he started, you know, doing that kind of like fascist theater signing things, you know, in the Oval Office. Yeah. And I was like, we're fucked, you know. I'm a Jew and this is like, this is going to go down. And this woman, and she's a progressive said to me she goes I don't think you're first on the list

right and I'm like yeah but we're on the list you're on the fucking list you're always on the fucking list but it did make me sort of like which is really a big point in your book it made me realize like,

you know, this is happening to Latin American immigrants. Now there, there is, there was a, at that time, a fairly real Gestapo set up to, you know,

to kind of, you know, put people in trucks and take them to camps. Yeah. So it did make me realize like, well, don't be so selfish and backseat the, the,

the implicit anti-Semitism that is in fascism. Now, and also in America, we have no real functioning left that has any solidarity or any focus. We just have a very active, you know, two-party system, and one of the parties is just shamelessly fucking fascist. Right. You know, and so with her saying that, like, my problem is, it's like maybe she's right.

But then all I'm thinking is, how long does it take to put that infrastructure in place? Not that long. I know. Not that long. Historical precedence, not very long at all. And also, he was signing executive orders in his big, fat, stupid way. Yes. That's what he was doing.

Yes. I never really understood it, because I don't know that much. It was all theater. About American lawmaking. But it was as if, right I never really understood it because I don't know that much. It was all theater. About American lawmaking. But it was as if I've signed it so it happens. But then it doesn't. Well, he's like a genetic autocrat. A lot of people think he's stupid or it's all impulsive.

But he knows exactly what he wants to be. And now with the tide and culture turning it's it's fucking creepy dude i mean i you know i've applied for permanent residency in canada just to in my mind to have a plan in place because you don't want to be you've watched a lot of movies where people in america in dysfunctional dystopian america escape to canada they're always escaping to canada it's close and they don't talk funny. Even in American Pickle, Seth Rogen's quite weird film about being Jewish. He's Canadian. Yeah, yeah, okay, so he's returning to the land of his father. For me it wasn't even, it's not

like I'm gonna give up my citizenship, you know, I just was like, you know, I was thinking about Ireland for some reason, you know, sort of like, oh the Irish get it, you know, they're sad and poetic, you know, and I think it's beautiful there. Yeah, but you're an American who won't have Irish roots because you're Jewish. Exactly. So you'll have to go back to Lithu-fucking-ania, won't you?

That's where you'll have to go back. No, Belarus. Belarus. That's not good. You don't want to go to Belarus. No, you don't want to go to Belarus. It's like Ukraine and Belarus, buddy. That's my background, Ukraine and Belarus. Yeah. Not the best time. Yeah, me too, Belarus. It's like Ukraine and Belarus, buddy. That's my background.

Ukraine and Belarus. Yeah. Not the best time. Yeah, me too, actually. It is? I think it's, yeah, Ukraine, Lithuania. That's my dad. This kind of thing. Poland.

Got a little Poland, but it's unclear because the borders moved around a lot. Yeah, it's very unclear. It's always unclear. But as far as I can make out from the no clarity is that my great-great- great great grandfather was because it's always fleeing right so there were pogroms my they were nazi refugees on my mum's side but on my dad's side great great grandfather is fleeing from russian pogroms in lithuania or vilnius whatever

he gets on a boat this is what i was always told he smuggles himself on a boat he doesn't speak any english or anything he thinks he's going to new y. The boat stops to refuel at Swansea. He gets... Seriously, he gets off. Ten years later, I assume he has enough English to say, where is the Statue of Liberty? Really, they didn't mean to be in Swansea.

Why would they be in Swansea? But that's what happened. Wow. I actually know a lot about my family because I did Finding Your Roots, the TV show. Yeah, I did Who Do You Think You Are, which is maybe the same thing. But Finding Your Roots, they have a team in place that went to... They tracked my father's lineage back into the Pale of Settlement.

The Pale of Settlement. That is where Fiddler on the Roof is actually set. That is very Jewish. Well done. Yes. Muzzle Tov. Yeah, a tailor. A tailor.

He was a tailor. A tailor. Was he actually doing a musical? Weren't they all? But that's so funny, because I was recently... I get in trouble for being... Shall we just do the the dance together like with the cross-legged thing? Sure, I I get in trouble for being anti-semitic against Hasidim

Oh, I get that too. Every time every time I say something like I said, you know, FCK You know why II on Twitter? That was my last tweet. Just fuck Kanye, you know? And some progressive Zionist dude pulls up a quote from something I said about the Hasids being sort of... I said they're so genetically tight as a community.

They don't even... If they didn't have the outfits, you wouldn't know they were Jews. Yeah. No, I agree with that. I go into trouble. i got into trouble i got into trouble i got you know i don't even mention this because i got they got very angry about it but fuck yeah um so during covid you may know this right yeah you know what's happened right yeah you've got a bit weird okay real thing okay so during covid there was a thing where the orthodox communities were disregarding COVID.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, because they needed to pray in certain ways. And so that was spreading COVID. So I wrote on Twitter, stupid fucking fromers. Now, fromers, for anyone who doesn't know, is what Jews call Orthodox Jews. Yeah. Right? And I thought that makes it clear to anyone reading this, I'm Jewish.

So I can kind of say this about these people but hey no that caused a lot of fuss oh yeah a lot of fuss i had to meet with a fromer oh really like yeah i'd have a public meeting with a fucking fromer to talk through it all yeah yeah i just find that you know the whole insulated community sort of you know the genetic lines and the sort of uh homeschooling. It's disturbing to me, but they get very mad because they see they believe they are the Jews doing the repopulating post-Holocaust

and that they are preparing and making sure that it's never going to happen again. I don't know if that's true, really. I mean, how many people are Chabad really bringing in with their trucks? I don't know if they have those here, but in New York, they just drive around in these trucks and they make you do tefillin. Yeah, yeah, they'll just drag you into a,

Jew, Jewish, Jewish, and they'll drag you into a truck and make you do tefillin, even if you don't know what's happening. And then they just throw you back onto the street. Wow. And you just sit there forced to question who you are in the world. You know what, Mark? They'll never spot us but i i think my point was like i i recently was uh and i told this story i think

on the podcast maybe but i was renting a car in new york and it was late at night and i was walking into this rental the place because like the story is about them not having cars but there was an orthodox a chassidic guy at the counter, like, you know, gesticulating madly. And in my mind, I'm like, that could be excitement or he's mad. You know, like, he might be like, I love my car! Because they're a bit, yeah. They like to dance, that's what you're saying.

Yeah, exactly. It was me being anti-Semitic again. It was just sort of like, look, he's dancing. But is that anti-Semitic? I mean, it kind of is. But is it anti-Semitic or is it just like making fun of those guys? No, I turned the corner and there was like, you know, six kids, you know, from age three to like 16. And a woman who looked exhausted.

Yeah. Exhausted. Yeah, from just having the baby. And just like she had like this look in her eye, just completely Stockholm syndrome is my projection. Yeah. Exhausted. Yeah, from just having the baby. And just like she had like this look in her eye, just completely Stockholm Syndrome is my projection. Okay. And she was pregnant again, and it was the saddest looking pregnancy I'd ever seen in my life.

Did she have help me written on her shite? On her rig? On her shite. On her wig? Yeah. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Well, that's the thing.

I thought like I can save her. This is my moment. Oh, right. Yeah, I can pull her away from this. That's who your third wife should be. Right pictured woman i would get the car i'd throw her in it i call my mother i'm like i'm marrying a jew she's in the car we're already having a child big jew yeah yeah finally i'm my first wife have you not been with a jewish woman my first wife was a jew okay oh god you look you look actually. I wrote the worst joke in the world about that, and I loved it.

What was the joke? The joke was, you know, I was married to a Jewish woman, and the problem with marrying a Jew is that everything you hated about going home is now in your house. Can I tell you something about, so my wife, who I'm... I feel like I'm going to cry. My wife is a woman called Moana Banks, who is a Catholic.

She's of Catholic background. And she's quite well known, possibly because she is the voice of Mummy Pig from Peppa Pig, which is complicated for a Jewish bloke, to be honest with you. Especially if you eat all those full English breakfasts. Yes, you can, yes, yes.

But the Catholic thing is interesting because Frank Skinner, who I do a lot of work with, is also Catholic. This is your third comedy partner? It's my, kind of, yeah. I've had quite a few. I like to think of you as my third comedy partner. I think it's going well.

Yeah, it's going well. But I think, I don't know how you get on with, I don't know Catholics in America, but I think that Catholics are a little bit like Jews in that in Britain, there's something different about them. Something not obviously different about them maybe, but it is different. And that difference is enough to make them feel marked in some way,

in the way that I think Anglicans, I don't really know what an Anglican is, but they don't feel like they're just the wallpaper of this country. Right. Well, Catholics have a dirty, weird history. And it's complicated, dude. I mean, I've been to Rome. You go into every church.

There's just fucking dead wizards everywhere. That's Harry Potter, I think. Same thing. It's the same. What, smoking orbs? You know, like fucking the robes and the hats, these pieces of saints and dead. How many fucking popes were there?

If you go to Italy, it's like every church you go in, it's like there's nine popes buried in the wall. And you're like, how long has this been going on for? They do fucking, they love dead shit. It's total witchcraft, dude. Yeah. And that's the same with the Jews. We're kind of witchy, too.

No, we're not as witchy. Because I think the thing about Jews, think about the religion. I'm an atheist. I don't know, are you an atheist? Yeah, you know, yes. Right. Glad we've worked that out.

Because I think the religion is such a fucking weird religion. The religion is not… Which one are we talking about, Jews? Judaism. Yeah, Judaism. I had to say it in a weird way. Judaism. I don to say it in a weird way. Judaism. I don't know why.

It's kind of like just a sort of OCD thing. It's not really about God. It's not really even about an afterlife. That's the whole point of religion is an afterlife. That's the racket. That's the racket. Yeah, that's the bait and switch is an afterlife. Everything's going to be amazing when you're dead.

Yeah, exactly. But we don't even have that. No. Jews don't have a heaven. They don't have it. What we have is 614 mitzvot, things you're meant to do, things you're meant to wind around your arm,

lights that you're meant to switch on or switch off at certain times of the day or night, candles you're meant to light, things you're supposed to say. Right. It's OCD. Of course it is.

And I used to like actually do a bit about that that any sort of ritual yeah you know is your spirituality like you know if you go back and you know check the gas nine times and then count the steps and back back up yeah like i mean that's a full day you know again it does keep things organized it's faith that's like a religious jew i think so but but but you know I'm checking the gas, it's really just fear of fire. I think when you're doing the thing around your arm, you're in fear of God. I guess it's similar.

It's the same thing. Yeah. He appeared as a fire at one point, not your house. Yeah, in a bush. In a bush. That's the weird thing about it. It's all fear. That's the point.

The thing I liked about Jews, though, is it seemed like they were, they were always in conversation. Like, it doesn't seem like these other religions are talking as much to God. Like, it seems like most of the old Jews are sort of like, what? What do you want? Yeah. When am I supposed to do that?

Now? Yeah. No, that's right. The Talmud is just really a long, long conversation. In fact, there's a woman called Dara Horn who's written a brilliant book called People Love Dead Jews. That was a round of applause for Dara Horn. She is great. It's a great book.

But she ends up talking about how she so can't bear the amount of anti-Semitism that is out there that she just starts reading the Talmud. And then she slightly upends that by saying it's a bit like Twitter. I think like, well, quite a lot of antisemitism on that. But that's what it, because she says it's just like scrolls and scrolls and scrolls

of people arguing with each other, except not about trans politics, but about whether or not you should like start the Shabbos at six o'clock or six minutes. Which shoe do I put on first? Yeah. Which shoe do I put on first? Yeah, which shoe do I put on first? Exactly. What does Hashem say about whether David's shoes or Mark's shoes are more pointy? Hashem, Hashem. You see, I could see the pale of settlement in you when you did that.

A small part of you, if you got offered, have you been offered the part of like yentl in anything? No, I would do that. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, to play actual yentl? Well, normally,

as I point out in my book, it's normally some big fucking goy who gets that part. It's normally a big yoke. I'm using these words, right? They just mean non-Jews in a slightly derogatory way. As we know, that's normally given to yoke. I'm using these words. They just mean non-Jews in a slightly derogatory way. As we know, that's normally given to someone who isn't.

But we, you know, if Yentl is remade, if Fiddler is remade, if we're not too old, it should come to us. Yeah. We could probably. Thank you. Thank you very much. We're going to be in Fiddler. That's what you just fought for.

That's what nine people applauded. You do deserve to both be Tevye's at the same time. The Tevye twins. But in your book, it's very interesting to me. I learned a lot about the book. Very provocative. Because it's structured differently. The government's structured differently here

and the conversation's much different here about it. But the sort of idea that antisemitism is not acknowledged enough, the left because there are more sort of relevant isms to the movement is very interesting to me. And I don't know how we reconcile that because it eventually... What do we do?

Well, firstly, how many people listen to this podcast? A lot. Well, like millions and millions, right? Eventually. Okay, so the book is called Jews Don't Count because you haven't said that and fucking hell why am i doing this right and and yes it's about the fact that generally i perceive

that anti-semitism and indeed jewish identity and inclusion and representation is low in the mix and actually uh when i wrote the book in 2020, I really felt that. And I still feel it. There was an interesting moment when Kanye did his thing. What, in the last week? Yeah, yeah.

Last week, yeah. It was an interesting thing because there was quite a big reaction to it. Here? Or in general? In general, on the internet, it felt to me like he was called out on whatever.

But now he just keeps saying that shit and people aren't bothered on whatever but now he's just keeps saying that shit and people aren't bothered now yeah like he just keeps saying it that's the doubling down thing is part of the whole sort of maga manic trip right yeah but i think it's partly because i saw him say there's a very typical thing with anti-semitism he was on a podcast the other day did you see it just doubling down yeah right and then he started talking again about how jews control this and now jews control black music and jews control whatever and then he says you know i respect the jewish people for this and here's a big problem which is this notion that jewish success which is always parlayed as basically jewish control jewish basically hands

over the world, is somehow like, it's not offensive to say that, because it means that we're just complimenting Jews. No, you're not. Because historically, that shit leads to Jewish houses being burned down. Because the notion is not,

hey, we're celebrating Jewish wealth, well done the Jews. Aren't they amazing? Aren't they amazing? Wow, the Jews, well done. Big on them. No, it's's fucking they must have got it by ill-gotten means because they're jewish and they've got secret societies or whatever right let's take that money back sure and like history shows that over and over again yeah so i guess

what's the timeline on this oh what should we go now no is that what you're saying we should we should flee somewhere now i don't know these people. Yeah. They'll take us in. Some of them will take us in. They'll hide us in attics. It'll be okay. I don't know what the timeline is. You don't know what the timeline is?

But the basic point is that the right wing, the far right, is getting louder and louder. You mentioned the thing about the Jews will not replace us. Do people even know what that is in here? Do you know? Okay. So a lot of people don't. When I first saw it, I saw all these fucking right-wing, mad American people with torches chanting, the Jew will not replace us.

I thought, absolutely not. I don't want to be you. That would be terrible. I thought, we're not going to out-fuck these people. And if we did, who would want those jobs? No, exactly. Who would want to look like them? But it turns out that...

It turns out people don't... Oh, hello. What's the difference between the right and the far right? Interesting that he decided it was question and answer time. Yeah. Wow. One is worse than the other. Is it?

Really? Is it question and answer, or should I just keep going with what I was saying? I don't know the tone of him, so why don't you? I know the tone of him, and it frightens me. I just don't know how far it's going to go.

No, okay. Well, the great replacement theory, which is not, I think, as well known in this country as maybe it is in America, is the idea is, which I didn't really understand, is not that Jews will be replacing sort of white Christian people, but that the Jews are secretly masterminding immigration and multiculturalism in order to undermine the Aryan white races. It's part of the communist socialist conspiracy that's been put forth by the Soros Colossus. Yes, exactly. Which is a mythological creature that's bigger put forth by the Soros Colossus. Yes, exactly.

Which is a mythological creature that's bigger than the planet Earth. Yeah. And the actual George Soros is just the penis of the Soros Colossus. Yeah. Although I like the idea... I'm sorry, I just read that. It's part of the QAnon thing. I don't know.

I can't validate it. Okay. I like the idea that the Soros... Sad how many people took it seriously. No, I liked it. Go ahead. Yeah, I know it's not worth saying now, but I think the Soros Colossus sounds like a prog rock band.

That's what I think. But yeah, I guess my concern is ultimately, and I panic about it all the time. I don't know how much you actually panic about it, but you start to realize in America that because so many norms were disrupted and so many of them aren't holding in terms of basic law and order that attacks that happen seemingly isolated

or spontaneous against Jews or any other religion are sort of part of a pattern that will only get worse. Like I fear in America that these things will keep being identified, you know, not as specifically as hate crimes as they should be, just as these acts, random acts. And I feel like it's sort of starting there. I feel like our law and order system is mildly breaking down.

How is it here? Well, I don't know if you've watched the news recently in Britain, but things are not quite right here at the moment. I just read before I came on. Did anyone see this? In this new bill, they're doing a bill on fracking right at the moment. Apparently, the Tory whips, that's not actual whips. Those are people who get people to vote.

Well, having to, like, force people. Did you read this? Force people into the chamber to actually vote. Having to like force people, did you read this? Force people into the chamber to actually vote. Jacob Rees-Mogg, who's like a cosplay Lord Snooty guy, he looks like a haunted pencil.

He was apparently like pushing people in. I mean, he hardly looks like he can actually stand up, but he was pushing. It's just something is really going wrong. Liz Truss, who is so out of her depth that you see her and you want to call the Royal National

Lifeboat Association straight away, it's just like it's not clear why she's Prime Minister. I don't want to explain the really boring system, but she got there because basically 80,000 Tory members mistook her for Margaret Thatcher. don't want to explain the really boring system but she got there because basically 80 000 tory members mistook her for margaret thatcher like she's back yeah exactly that's as far as i can make out that's

what they thought she looks a bit like right you know so we're all in trouble yeah it's all in trouble but uh but one of the things the thing i was going to say is that the far right are on the rise they always have jews in their sights It's always, however much they're attacking other minorities, Jews are always kind of really at the center of what they're talking about. Even people who go on, like white supremacists, who go on these massive, horrible sprees, they leave manifestos,

70 pages of which are about fucking Jews. But it's such old stuff. It's these mythological ideas that Jews somehow run the world secretly. Yeah. But that is shared on right and left. That's the problem. It's shared on right and left so that when the fars somehow run the world secretly yeah yeah but that is shared on right and left that's the problem it's shared on right and left so that when the far right is on the rise the left are kind of with jews kind of keen to downplay it a bit so for example i read that's another thing that dara horn says but when two religious jews were killed in new jersey

a while back like all the kind of progressive press didn't really report it as a hate crime while back like all the kind of progressive press didn't really report it as a hate crime they said oh well yeah maybe there was quite a lot of gentrification in this area right and similarly when 11 jews were killed in pittsburgh in this country a woman called dame jenny tong who used to be a liberal democrat mp so again on the left she said yeah this is terrible but what about what's happening in israel blah blah blah blah so it it's always like Jews can't be victims it's a weird idea that like the except for Jesus yeah how Jewish was he we don't know we just don't know right yeah or he took the victimhood for the rest of us. That's the thing. Sure did. Fucking Jesus. Jesus.

That guy, right? Yeah. But he gets taken away quite a lot. His Jewishness gets taken away. Yeah, I think we should get it back. Yeah. Maybe that's what we should be doing. It's just really celebrating the Jewishness. Then you become a Jew for Jesus.

And they are cunts. I look forward to being canceled by Jews for Jesus. That would be great. That's a weird cult, those guys. It is. Why bother? Anyway, sorry. Why bother with Jesus?

No, no. Why bother with, like, if you're a Jew and, like, anyway, sorry. Why bother with Jesus? No, no. Why bother with like, if you're a Jew and like the Jesus, that's the whole thing. You know, you know, David, people are confused.

Yeah. And they want to believe in something and it's causing all the fucking problems. Yeah. It's just this innate desire to believe in something that implies some bigger order or gives your life some definition. I mean, I, I, it's totally fucking crazy hmm and it's a problem when you are sort of an atheist person or a secular person and you kind of you know you try to keep your brain as clean as possible you know I realize it didn't sound like you were trying to keep your brain as clean as possible when you were picking glass out of cocaine. Oh no, that was clear.

That was going clear. Like a Scientologist. You just get that brain going, man. You get it, dude. You get it. So no,

but I, I, I just think like, you know, it's either you live with the reality that we're in, which I think, you know, we're trying to do,

which is terrifying. Or you go in some other direction with your belief system, which can be frightening or completely ignorant. But I don't know why I'm trying to say all that other than I don't know really what to do, do you, other than just speak out? I don't even really do any speaking out in terms of like this has got an end point i don't have an end point i say what i see yeah right and so i saw that it seemed to me that anti-semitism and jewish identity and whatever was low in the mix yeah of maybe the actual people that i kind of hang out with yeah the people that i sort of think like these are the like-minded people, these are the protective people.

They seem to be less bothered about it. So I saw it, and I wanted to talk about it. And then people say to me things like, oh, so do you want Jews to have the same kind of trigger, whatever, for offense? Do you want it all to be the same thing? And I don't know. I'm just pointing it out.

And wherever it goes is where it goes. Yeah, we just don't want to be killed. Yeah, we just don't want to be killed. Yeah, we just don't want to be killed. I don't actually want to die. No, I don't either. That's a problem, because even if we're not killed, that will happen. Yeah, that's going to happen no matter what. And I'm really unkeen on it.

Yeah, I'd rather do that on my own. Die? Yeah, as opposed to have somebody else do it for me. Oh, yeah. No, I'd rather do it on my own, but I'd rather it didn't happen at all. It's going to happen. Can we... Talk about cats? Yeah, well, I want to talk about cats

because we are very similar in a lot of ways, and it is weird that also you're obsessed with cats, I think. It came to me later in life, kind of. A little bit. I mean, I grew up with dogs, but they're just too needy, and I resent them. Yeah.

So. I can see how that would, but what you said about women and other things that you might. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. I will not allow that connection to be made. No, I'm not making that connection. It's about you. It's about me.

Yeah. Well, no, no. I find that I want to be the neediest thing in my house. Okay. But you are happy to supply the needs of cats. I like cats because... Do you actually have a feral load? How many do you have?

Well, I had several. There was a feral crew that I rescued in Queens without knowing what I was getting into. There was all these kittens in the back of my apartment when I lived in New York, and they were already going through the garbage and feeding themselves. I had no idea that that means that, well, it's over.

You're not going to make a cute cat out of that. So I trapped four of them in shoeboxes, and I brought them up into my apartment in Queens, and it was a fucking disaster. I mean, one of them went behind the fridge. One of them, you know, like climbed up between the screen and a window. One of them got stuck on a glue trap

and started flopping around. And then I couldn't get them out of the house because they didn't know where they were. They destroyed the entire house. So I had a similar situation. Because I had three cats. And then my dad died. And I took in his cat. And that cat was the half-sister of the had three cats yeah and then my dad died and i took in his cat and that cat

was the half sister of the other three cats and what the mother was there and the two brothers right and she hadn't seen them for 10 years and i thought i've known cats for a long time but i still thought there'll be some family affection it'll be like surprise surprise or long lost families yeah yeah i've missed that episode of long-lost families where they all hiss at each other and then claw at each other and then hide under kitchen eyelids. Yeah, how long do they go on for? Well, no, they still won't live together.

Really? Yeah, I mean, they're in my house, but they have to be in separate parts of the house. Otherwise, they just go... for ages and ages. What is that? I've done it. I've done that, so I've never told anyone this.

So Zelda, who is that cat, hisses so often that eventually I thought, what if I hiss at her? That might stop her. And she just looked so freaked out by it. Oh, you did? I did, yeah. Did it work? No, no. She just looked freaked out and then immediately looked at the other cat and hissed at them.

It was like I was training her. Yeah. I don't understand them, but I've had, like, from that four in Queens, I had two for, like, 16 years. And I just recently put, they went. And then I had another one show up at my house, the black one, Buster. He just showed up to eat out of the bowl that I put out for the ferals I was feeding at the old house.

And he was young. And I don't know, we grabbed him, got him fixed up. And he's a great cat. Has kidney problems. And then... I'm sad to hear the kidney problems. Well, it's like... Let me tell you a story.

So my... The cat that I'm... Well, the cat name that I'm very proud of. I used to live with Frank Skinner, one of my double app partners. And together we came up with this name for a cat, which was Chairman Meow. Which I still think is the best name for a cat ever. Well, you had a monkey, though, too. I had a monkey.

I don't have a monkey. Oh, sorry. I have a cat called Monkey. Yeah, me too. Sorry, I thought you meant, do I have a monkey? Yeah, I have a monkey. I had a cat called Monkey, but I had Chairman Meow. Anyway, I was really proud of the name.

And I went with Chairman Meow to the vet when he had actually, she had kidney problems. She was a she, Chairman Meow. And I gave just to the vet when he had actually, she had kidney problems. She was a she, Chairman Meow. And I gave just to the receptionist. I told the receptionist the name of the cat. People leaving, they don't want to hear stuff about ill cats. Fair enough. Chairman, I said the name of the cat is Chairman Meow, right?

And the receptionist just wrote down on her computer, Meow. Just like her surname, right? Which meant that when I went through to the actual vet and the vet got the name of the cat up on the computer i could tell he was thinking what a shit unoriginal name for a cat meow could you're a comedian could you do better than that yeah and let me tell you a real thing happened with that cat which is an amazing thing yeah so she did that thing which i don't know if your feral cats do, of just going to other houses to eat. Oh yeah,

when I used to wet them out, yeah. Okay, so this woman called Caroline, who used to live near me, she just basically took Chairman Meow in, right? And then eventually she got a collar for Chairman Meow,

because she didn't have a collar, right? But she decided, because she knew that it was my cat, to put like, not Chairman Meow on it, but David. David, with my phone number right my phone number so for years i was convinced that one day my wife would get a phone call saying i'm afraid

david's been in a road accident he's in a bin bag should we just hit him with a shovel right because he was shitting in my garden for ages. So anyway, honestly, you said about taking the cats. I mean, I honestly, when I took Monkey to the vet and had to put it, I've had like 30 cats in my life. I've never actually had to put one. Yeah, over the course of my life. But all of them have had the grace to die in ways that meant i don't

have to pay for it did you find them or monkey no the ones that died you know this thing that sometimes cats chairman did this chairman meow they'll just kind of go up the mountain like old japanese people do you have mountains here no i mean they'll go up the spiritual mountain oh so they just go die in a they go die somewhere because they realize it's their time. Under a car. Yeah, yeah. But monkey eye had to actually take the vet. And my daughter will tell you, she has never seen me cry so much.

Oh, it's the worst. Like nothing like when my mom died and my dad. Nothing like that. Did you have them put down as well? I had them put down, yeah. I did. Good for you. It was the best thing to do.

It was definitely the best thing to do. I did. Good for you. It was the best thing to do. It was definitely the best thing to do. I had to do... I did that with Monkey and his sister LaFonda who died about six months apart. But it's a decision you make.

I knew that I had to do it. Because you can just drop them off and stuff. Drop them off where? At the vet. You don't have to go into the room. Oh, no, I know. Like I went into the room. No, I did that go into the room. Oh, no, I know. Like, I went into the room. No, I did that.

I did too. Yeah, but there was one really extraordinary moment. I don't know if you had this. So I take Monkey in, right? Yeah. And I'm upset. I'm incredibly upset. And, you know, I got him out the little box.

He started purring. Oh, the worst. He started purring. And then the vet said, would you like to be alone with him for, like, a couple of minutes? Yeah. And I kind of thought, fucking no. I can't handle this but i did i did he hung out yeah oh god it was so awful then weirdly after he was dead i took a photo of him that was kind of weird like a selfie uh but i i wanted to send it to my wife who wasn't there to sort of share in this moment i went in there with both of them and and you just sort of, you hold them, right? And the doctor does it.

The two shots, was it the two shots? Yeah. One puts them to sleep. Yeah, then another one kills them. I can't, I want to believe that's the right thing to do, you know, to be there with them. But, you know, it doesn't feel great to me right now. No, but it's not for you. It for the cat in it oh it is actually I do

honestly would like to think that monkey was comforted in some way sure I mean I think they trust you yeah Yeah. Me personally. Well, no, the cats trust you and they figure this is okay. He's here.

Yeah, but that's part of the problem. I know. That's part of the problem. That's my point. Yeah, they trust you. He started purring

because he thought, yeah, I can see, could hardly see at all as it happened. But yeah, my owner is here. It must be okay.

And that's part of what makes you feel bad about it. But it's the best thing, dude. No, I know it's the best thing. I mean, fucking monkey was the best i mean fucking monkey was like he was losing weight i had to give him all kinds of medicine it was hard to give him the medicine he wasn't happy buster the young one was beaten up on him as a fucking nightmare okay but over the course of time i had a lot of cats outside that like one of them not wasn't even my cat right just came to my house to die well did you did you administer an injection or he just sat there no it was like i at my old house

there was he thought it was the mountain yeah he thought it was the cat mountain it was the cat mountain i had all these cats that used to hang around the old house i didn't know if they belonged to people or they were wild there was a deaf black cat that used to hang around my house. I don't know how it lived outside. It could not hear. Could not hear. Lived for over a decade before the coyotes got it. It was like an amazing mythological creature. And then there were all these other cats that hung around.

One of them got sick. It was disgusting. But I don't know if he was anyone's cat. I took him to the vet and had him killed. So then there was... Oh, shit. Did it haveid written on it oh my god it did and then like then the one that came to die at my house i remember him

hanging around once or twice but i but i didn't see him for like seven years where'd you live in a car you live in a cartoon like where i live in kind of like a hilly area in los angeles and there was a lot of wild cats and there was a lot of coyotes. And there were just a lot of animals around. But this guy came back. When I saw him come back, he looked terrible. And I'm like, oh, my God, it's been like seven years, Odysseus. What a...

And he just crawled. He almost got under my house. He just dropped dead. Oh, right. Yeah. Just like literally. But I felt, just dropped dead. Oh, right. Yeah. Just like literally. Yeah, but I felt, okay, well, this, maybe it's. Did you bury him?

No. But you just left him there. No, I put him in a bag. What, a bin liner? Like a garbage bag? Yeah. Okay, fair enough. I didn't know him.

No, no, he wasn't. He wasn't your cat Can you put a cat in the recycling Or where does that go? The regular garbage What do you want from me? Put it like the unknown cat grave On my property What's that headstone there?

That was an unknown soldier That came up injured I don't think we need to do a Q&A Now that the problem people left What's the headstone there? That I was an unknown soldier that came up injured. I don't think we need to do a Q&A now that the problem people left. Oh, is it them? Yeah. What time is it? Have you had enough?

It's up to you. It's your show. We're just going to cut it. What, the whole thing? No. We can have a question if you like. Do we it. What, the whole thing? No. We can have a question if you like. Do we want to do the whole Mike thing? I can just repeat them.

Does anyone have one? Anyone have a question? You can raise your hand. Oh, God. Why did you leave your garage? My garage? Yeah, you made Obama go to your garage. I didn't make him. He was the president. And, yes, you made Obama go to your garage. I didn't make him.

He was the president. And yes, I made him. I'm like, get that man to my garage. I'm still in an actual garage. It's just different than the garage. I moved. And one of the reasons I bought the house that I'm in, aside from it's a slightly bigger house, and I didn't want to die in that 800 square foot box that I had.

The old garage was great, but the one now is also in a garage, just a nicer garage. So I moved because a lot of things happened in that house, and I had made a little money, I'd saved a little money, and that house was falling apart. And the idea of rebuilding that house caused me so much anxiety I realized like why am I saving money I'm not married

I have no children why don't I buy a new house so even though Obama came to that garage it was not enough to keep me at that house you feel like you're a bit defensive about that garage I'm going to say garage by the way I think it was the way she put it. Well, I'm wondering if it was put in that way.

Like, why the fuck did you leave that garage? I love that garage. Everything is gone now. Obama gave that garage. No, no, no. It was practical. And yeah, Obama was there. And Boomer, that was the weird thing about that cat.

Fucking Boomer. Like, when my second wife left me, I thought, like, well, maybe I just needed to downsize and move into an apartment. But I had that cat who boomer like when i got when my second wife left me i thought like well maybe i just needed to downsize to move into an apartment but i had that cat who lived outside i'm like i can't move because boomer lives outside and what am i gonna do no it was a real thought i worry about my cats every fucking night it's ridiculous i have three now i have buster charlie yeah and uh and and uh and sammy sammy okay someone told you who your cat was Three now. I have Buster, Charlie, and Sammy. Sammy. Okay, someone told you who your cat was.

How have we got here? I've been kind of a little hard on Sammy. Have you? Why? Because I have Buster, who's like this black cat that is intense. And so Kit, my girlfriend, talked me into getting... Your girlfriend is called Kit? Yes.

That's confusing. She worked at the Animal Humane. Okay. So she talked me into... She's not an actual cat, though. No. Okay. But she has three, two now.

Oh, she... So she talked me into getting Sammy, who was a tiny little kitten. Yeah. And then, you know, you never know how they're going to turn out. He's kind of a sluggo, you know? So Buster just kept beating up on Sammy. It was terrible. It was almost like... I think Sammy could have been a different cat, hadn't Buster just kept beating up on Sammy. It was terrible. It was almost like I think Sammy could have been a different cat

hadn't Buster... He made him a submissive. Okay. Yeah. And I think he's confused about it. Okay. So which one's the submissive? And then there's one who's like a dominatrix.

No, he's just... They're all men. Okay. Yeah. They're all boys. So what is that? What do you call that? What's the male version of dominatrix? Sammy's just, you know, he's just, they're all men. Okay. Yeah. They're all boys. So what is that? What do you call that? What's the male version of dominatrix?

Just a dominant man. Like, I don't know, what do they call him? What? What? Alpha pussy, someone said. No, that's me. I'm the alpha pussy. That's an old bit of mine.

No, I just feel like, you know, Sammy, anyway, it doesn't matter. So now we got Charlie, a third one, a new kitten. So now there's three. And Sammy and Charlie seem to be bonding. And Sammy seems to be getting a little bit of his old spunk back. Spunk means something else here. His old

joie de vivre. Yeah. Do we at least have another question? Yes. Okay. Okay. That's a bit of a route one question for me. So do you know what football is coming home, the concept of football is coming home, all that stuff?

Just take it. Okay. I'm trying to bring you in, but you're so not interested in sports. It's not going to happen. As you said. Actually, well, I will tell you one thing about it. I'm going to tell you whether or not football's coming home, I don't fucking know as ever.

But one thing I can tell you, in case you don't know, is that the song, in fact, I can announce maybe on this show, I don't know when this is going out. The song that you wrote? Well, we wrote footballs, we wrote Three Lions, football's coming home. Football's Coming Home. It's gone to number one four times in this country. There's a new version of it

happening this Christmas. A Christmas version of it. Yes, that is actually happening. Two Jews, me and Ian Brodie and the Catholic, Frank Skinner, are doing a Christmas football song.

What about that? But one of the What about that? But one of the things that is odd about Three Lions, going to number one a number of times, is I have a terrible voice. As everyone in this audience knows, I can't actually sing. And when it first came out, I got insulted about that in a way that I think is the most extraordinary. I'm sort of proud it's so insulting.

Q Magazine, that at the time was like a big music magazine, it said of it that in the future, it reviewed it, three lions will be thought of as better than it was. In the future, it said, folk memory will have erased the memory of David Baddiel's

singing just as effectively as it has erased the memory of corpse robbers during the Blitz. I didn't even fucking know there were corpse robbers during the Blitz. But I was sort of proud to be insulted on such a scale.

Great reference. Yeah, it's a good reference. Historical and smart. But it has got, yeah, it's a thing. It's a thing, Three Lions. Football's coming up and I am very proud of it you should be

it sounds like a big thing yeah it is yeah I'll send you the links thank you very much ladies and gentlemen David Baddiel thank you

what a pleasure great audience thank you very much thank you London thank you very much cheers thank you thank you Mark that was fucking great thank you Thank you. What a pleasure. Great audience. Thank you very much. Thank you, London. Thank you very much. Cheers. Thank you.

Thank you, Mark. That was fucking great. Thank you. There you go. Live from the Bloomsbury Theatre, David Baddiel. Again, Jews Don't Count is available wherever you get books. Please, folks, hang out for a second, will ya? It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the

Colorado Mammoth at a special 5pm start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. So look, we did another Ask Mark Anything episode for Fulmer and subscribers. I answered

questions about everything from President Obama to Jethro Tull, including this one. I was listening to an older episode recently, and you mentioned a show you were doing for Vice. I googled and saw announcements for it, but nothing else. What happened with that? I don't know what happened with that. The Vice network was a big idea. They brought me in. I was very reluctant. They made promises. We were going to try to do an interview show and have it be somewhat like WTF, but we have found that to be impossible to do. And we did one pilot episode with John Cameron Mitchell, and they made all these promises about guests, but they could get none. Huge lists of guests kept coming and going. No one signed on.

No one knew what it was. No one knew what the network was. I don't know what the issue was, but we just kept looking at guest lists and approving them and then nothing happening until it went away. You can get that episode plus all our bonus content by subscribing to the full Marin on WTF plus sign up by going to the link in the episode description or go to WTF pod.com and click on WTF plus my tour dates are winding down thank God I can use a break I'm tired of myself I'm tired of my material uh but I'm not so tired that I'm not gonna do a great show coming up in New York gotta trim that shit down but there's only three more left this year my shows at the Orange Peel in Asheville, North Carolina

are sold out. Still some tickets for the show in Nashville, Tennessee. I'm at the James K. Polk Center on Saturday, December 2nd. And my HBO special taping is at Town Hall in New York City on Thursday, December 8th. There are still some tickets for the second show. Go to

WTFpod.com slash tour for all dates and ticket info. I did a little pensive guitar for you. Thank you. boomer lives monkey and lafonda cat angels everywhere happy thanksgiving Boomer lives. Monkey in La Fonda. Cat angels everywhere. Happy Thanksgiving. Can you do it?