WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1420 - Nick Youssef

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Nick Youssef found himself on the receiving end of anti-Arab hate when he took the standup stage shortly after 9/11, right at the start of his comedy career. It was that moment when Nick knew he was never going to let anyone get the better of him on the comedy stage ever again. Marc talks with Nick about how the shy son of Lebanese immigrants became a battle-hardened comic who just produced and released his first comedy special.Please click here to take our audience survey. It’s our best way to get to know our listeners!Click here to Ask Marc Anything and Marc might answer your question in WTF+ bonus content. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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T's and C's apply. Lock the gates! Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Knicks? What is happening? I'm Mark Maron.

This is my podcast, WTF. It's been my podcast since 2009. Just lately, folks. How old are you? Seriously, how old are you? I mean, are you feeling it? I just keep plugging along. But lately, I'm just noticing more.

Like today. Today, I got Nick Youssef on the show. Nick Youssef is a comedian. He's a writer. I met him. He was working out in the parking lot at the comedy store. Like he was a kid. Flashy dresser.

Interesting dresser. But like a kid in a way, right? And now I, I, I assume he's all grown up. Right. I mean, my point is he's on because he's got a new special on YouTube. It's called Nick Youssef take care. Um, and all of a sudden I'm starting to notice the ages of people who I've known for years, who I think at some other point in time, I knew they were like a little younger than me, but now all of a sudden they seem a lot younger than me. And I don't know how the fuck that happened. I mean, I always knew I was of a generation and that we were not like, we're not Seinfeld's generation. We're sort of the one after that. And then there's probably two after me already, but there was a point in time,

maybe 10, 15 years ago. Well, everyone was sort of on the same page. I was a little older, but now all of a sudden I'm a lot older than a lot of people in my racket who I just assumed were, we were all on the same, same kind of page ish. But now I'm sort of, I'm kind of crossing over into undeniable old veteran territory, comedy veteran. And I start to think about my impact. I start to think about what I got left in me. I start to think about how did they stop aging and I just kept going. Now, again, I'm not complaining. I'm more than happy to be alive. I'm happy to be working still. I just don't always know why. I don't, on either count, to be honest with you. I'm not being morbid or morose. I'm just, I'm kind of trying to find a groove that will lead me to the next place.

And I don't want, I don't want to be in a rut. I'd rather a groove. A groove is deeper than a rut. A deep rut is never going to be as fun as a deep groove. You dig, man? Ruts and grooves, similar but lead different places. Oh, yeah. You know, I wanted to tell you another friend of mine who had been on the show, because, you know, I've got Nick Yusuf on today. He's got a YouTube special. But my old friend Mike Kaplan has a new comedy album out today.

It's called Mike Kaplan Live In Between Albums. And you can get it wherever you get your music or comedy. And that's Mike spelled M-Y-Q. Mike, M-Y-Q. And Mike's one of these guys who I had on years ago. I used to like seeing him. Very smart guy, bright guy, interesting comedian. He's like very,

uh, into language almost mathematically. So, uh, but he's always, uh, you know, he keeps in touch,

you know, just here and there. Like he reads my updates and he, you know, responds and he checks in on me and, and I appreciate that. Uh, and it's pretty regular and it's been going on for years.

So go. And he's also very funny. So check out that record. All right, will you? Will you do it? I've got to let myself enjoy stuff. That's really what I want to get at. I've got to let myself enjoy stuff.

I think I'm closing myself off to a lot of things just out of, it's not even principle. It's sort of habit. It's kind of a snooty habit. Like I, I might've mentioned when I visited my father the last time we were watching regular television and we watched the beginning of Jack Reacher. And I'd never, I don't even remember that coming out, but it's a, is what do you call that? An action movie? It's a Tom Cruise vehicle. He plays this guy, Jack Reacher, this drifting, uh, uh, ex military detective. I get, there's probably more. Is there, is there a Jack Reacher one and two? But I'm like, I gotta get, I gotta watch the end of that at some point. And the other day I sat down and I watched it and it was, you know, I get it. You know, it was satisfying to some degree. I wanted to see how it ended.

I wanted to see how they figured it out. But you know what? How many of those things just literally fall apart in the third act where it's all of a sudden we got to, we got to wrap this thing up. No matter how ridiculous it gets, we got to wrap it up. And that's not the time to do that. You want that fucking third act to land somehow, or at least be ambiguous. I mean, if you don't know how to end somehow, or at least be ambiguous. I mean, if you don't know how to end it, don't tie everything up, make it kind of fucked up.

And Jack Reacher, it was actually a little fucked up that ending. So I watched that and I thought like, well, man, maybe you should be able, maybe you can lighten up on yourself. It's not like you're utilizing all of your time. Think of all the time you're, you're not using by fermenting. You know, you don't have to engage with that. That's a three week process. And that, that on some level, it's not regular cooking. And this is the equation doesn't make sense, but look, I'm thinking like, maybe I can watch Marvel movies. Maybe I can watch more, uh, more, uh, action movies, maybe a Batman or two, you know, what am I doing with my time? I ended up watching a Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin movie because I've been listening to Karina Longworth's podcast.

You must remember this because I never listen to talking podcasts. I don't listen to any podcasts, but I'm listening to this. I've been listening to the series about Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, and she spoke so highly of this movie. Some come, some came running. Is that what it's called? That I had to watch it.

And it was a peculiar movie. And you got to love those guys. I, and then I watched the Nan Golden documentary, which was radically exciting. But to that point, art, you know, Nan Golden has been somewhat of a fixture in my brain for a long time, just from going to museums and giving a shit about art. And,

you know, her documentary style photographs in New York and, you know, in the, and I think it was probably the seventies and eighties, the sort of queer community and drag community and community of artists in New York at the time and just this sort of very raw, very visceral, very kind of gritty photographs of herself as a victim of domestic abuse and of people wasted and a lot of Cookie Muir pictures. and, you know, a lot of Cookie Muir pictures, but, but, you know, those pictures are of a time and, you know, I can't help

have my brain come around to, you know, what fascism means and what fascism seeks to eradicate. You know, the documentary about Nan, you know, really becomes about her struggle with, you know, overcoming an OxyContin addiction and then her active sort of radical protests with a group against the Sackler family to remove their name and money from the art world to sort of call them out for the killers that they are. call them out for the killers that they are and, you know, stop the philanthropy to museums and support of the arts because disingenuous, it's being used as kind of a moral laundering outlet. More importantly, when you think about what's happening in fascist America and in, you know, anti-woke America and what they seek to eradicate is exactly what, what, what Nan was documenting, um, pre AIDS and after AIDS and, you know, just the, the sort of drag community and the community of free spirits and creative free spirits and people who want to live the life they want to live in what is supposedly

a free country. And these are creative lives and lives that seek to be seen. And that's exactly what modern American fascism and anti-woke politics is seeking to destroy and eradicate from our culture in the name of saving children, whatever the fuck that means. And I just think there's an analog to it or an analogy, I guess, is the word, you know, to pre-World War II Germany. It's just all sort of happening. And then listening to Karina Longworth talk about the shift out of what was once cool in terms of kind of, you know, drunky, kind of sexist, philandering, proud, sleazy middle-aged men kind of swinging around in suits, making jokes and singing, that shift to a more woke population with civil rights and feminism in the 70s is not unlike what's happening now. You have a lot of older white people that

want to hold on to a way of life that they had gotten comfortable with, even if it was only mentally, and are enabling a tremendous amount of just straight up religious repression and outright fascism. But what we stand to lose is sort of the amazing, unique voices of all different types of people. Whether it's gender-based or ethnicity-based or just the marginalized voices are the life force of culture. And without that, it just becomes homogenized and terrifying to more than half the population because of brute force. because of brute force. And also, like I said before,

don't look to corporate entities for any support or help. Netflix will go full Hitler if necessary, not unlike any other corporation. Where the money goes, so goes the corporate interest. But anyways, my crowd will be done Monday. And I want to thank thousands of you, if I can right now, who have already answered our new survey. If you haven't taken the survey yet,

just go to the episode description of this show on whatever app you're using right now. We have a link there that says, take the audience survey. It's a quick survey that will help us make decisions to better serve you, the listeners. This is really the best way for us to know what works and what doesn't for our audience. So it would be a real big help to us if you do it. It'll take you about five to seven minutes. You can do it while you're listening. Just scroll to the episode description and click take the audience survey. And while you're in the episode description, if you want to send a question for our next Ask Mark Anything episode, there's a link for that too.

Okay, so this is me talking to young Nick Youssef. His new comedy special, Nick Youssef Take Care, is available on YouTube now. Now you can go watch it. Available on YouTube now. Now you can go watch it. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category.

And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Death is in our air.

This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required.

T's and C's apply. Are you living in your car? I mean, it seems like a big backpack. No, I just have my computer. I have a film camera and stuff in there, and I just always have my bag, especially now that I live in New York. I just always have it on me, and I forget it's there.

And it's not even full. Oh, really? Yeah. And you just bring all of it with you? Yeah, it just feels good to have like my, because I'll pop into a coffee shop and sit and work. And it just feels nice to have the four or five things I always want on me on me. What kind of work are you doing in the coffee shops?

Just writing bits? Writing bits. And then I'll do, I'll write like magazine articles and stuff, like freelance. Really? Yeah. That's something that happens? You live in a world where magazines still exist? Magazines exist.

Not very physical anymore. More and more the online. They should stop calling them magazines probably. But yeah, I've done a bunch of freelance stuff. For who? For Esquire. Really? Yeah. So you're like a

columnist now, in a way? Yeah, I mean, it's like freelance. So it's like, columnist sounds way more official, way more like permanent. But they know you

and you sell articles? Yeah, I have. I've sold like, in 2014 or 15, they profiled me. So they were like, you're the most fashionable comedian.

We know we want to do a thing on you. Oh, back then when you were, do a thing on you oh back then when you were it was cleaner lines going on back then yeah yeah yeah

yeah it made more sense to give me that title so they were they wanted to pair that with like my first album that I put out the writer was just like

a fan of me and stuff in 2015? yeah that was the first record? for yeah like audio only vinyl yeah what was that one called? Yeah, like audio only, vinyl. What was that one called? Stop Not

Owning This. How'd that do? It did good. Back when iTunes charts mattered, it was like number two for like a week. Yeah? Did you make money? I made money. Weirdly, it was like the last album you could put out that still sold. People bought the thing for $9.99.

Yeah. I was pleasantly surprised, you know. I mean, it did good. I was happy with it. What are you writing articles on? I did. I've done a couple on like fashion and style, which made sense after the profile. Sure. I asked the editor.

I was like, can I write for you guys? Yeah. And he was like, I don't see why not. You know. Right. He's like, you write funny jokes, so let's try it out. Yeah. And so I did that. That was at Esquire? Esquire esquire esquire who was it with that new editor guy at the time um or you

don't know you're just working with his name is andrew he hasn't been there for a number of years he moved on but he was like the style oh style guy yeah okay yeah yeah yeah and now what are you writing on over there the last thing i did was uh i profiled maynard james keenan writing on over there. The last thing I did was I profiled Maynard James Keenan. From Tool. From Tool. Yeah.

And wine. Yeah, extensive. We had an extensive conversation about parrots. Not interesting. We used to work with animals. Yeah, we used to work at a pet store. Pet store, yeah. And that was, because I wasn't a huge Tool guy,

but I got the opportunity to interview him. So we ended up talking about pet stores and parrots. Yeah. And pretty he's pretty sure that he invented um you know a certain way of uh moving products up front at the pet store so people would buy them i didn't want versus bubble i think it was probably a a thing that a 50s advertisement well i mean it's just like sort of like yeah if you want you showcase stuff you want to sell more of but But he seemed like an interesting guy. I think I sat next to the guitar player at AEW.

You did. I saw that photo. Oh, you did? Was that him? Adam Jones. I said nothing. Yeah. Really?

He's the nicest dude. No, I mean, we had a nice thing, but he knew who I was. But I didn't really, like, someone DMed me, like, that's the guy from Tool next to you. And I'm like, all right. Well, I mean, I can't really be like, I liked Oculus or whatever. I don't know. What's the album's name? There's Lateralis is one of them.

Lateralis. Yeah. This might be the one you were close on. Have you become a big Tool fan since? No. Oh. What? I mean, that's fine.

That shit's got to be planted young, dude. You're right. You're right. You know, like if it wasn't planted in my weird, angry adolescent head. yeah where that's where it got planted for me right yeah but of course i mean that's where it happens but you know i missed all that so you know there i was like in my 40s kind of listening to tool yes uh but they were they were comedy fans they were hicks fans and yeah because there's a painting of hicks on one of their records, I think. On Anima.

Yeah. Yeah. And they have a clip of his stand-up in it. That's right. That's how weirdly I found out about Bill Hicks. It wasn't from comedy. Well, that was probably their intention. I think so.

But knowing being a big comedy nerd as a teenager, I thought I would have discovered that fur, but it was like oddly the other way around. How old are you now? I just turned 40. Wow. Yeah. So I'm trying to, what's the timeline? You've been away for three years?

Yeah. I moved to New York full time at the beginning of 2019. Right. You just were sort of like, fuck it? I mean, no, it was kind of the opposite. It was more like, I want to not say fuck it to everything. Oh. Entertainment-wise,

my life-wise, my mental health-wise. Did you feel like you hit a wall? Yeah. I felt like, I grew up here. Where? In La Crescenta,

right over the hill. Right here? Yeah. So you grew up driving on the two? Yeah, 130, the 210 to the two

to the 134 to the wherever I needed to go to do an open mic. La Crescenta, what the fuck is up there? Conservatives. Oh yeah, and La Cunada

is a little less conservative? And a lot richer. Oh really? Yeah, La Crescenta is middle class, La Cunada is very wealthy. You're just on either side of the 210,

right? Yeah, and then Tujunga's on the kind of lower end, lower-ish class. Yeah. It's a little nicer now, but we were like right in the middle.

Well, what kind of upbringing? What kind of family? I'm Lebanese. Full on? Yeah, I was born, I just became a citizen. Get the fuck out of here. I swear to God, six months ago.

So you were born in Lebanon? Yeah. I moved here when I was a kid. I was like four or five. So your were born in Lebanon? Yeah. I moved here when I was a kid. I was like four or five. So your parents are like first, they're total Lebanese immigrants. Don't speak English well. Our house smells like garlic. Really? Yeah. It's the whole deal. Is there a Lebanese community in La Crescenta? We're it. The Youssef family's it. How big is that? There's four of us. Oh, that's it? Well, there were six.

My grandma and my aunt lived nearby for a while, and then now it's... Well, so what did your parents run away from? War. Civil war. That's what was going on when they left. Yeah. So that's why there's a lot of Lebanese people in Dearborn, Michigan. Yeah, I was just in Dearborn not too long ago.

Last year, I got some serious food there. Yeah, apparently it's... I haven't been there, but apparently it's... Well, yeah, well, it's a very... It's the largest, I think, Muslim population outside of Muslim world. Is that true? Of Lebanese Muslims? No, just Muslims in general.

It's not all Lebanese there. Am I wrong? I'm not sure, because I have... Are your parents Muslim? They're... We're Christian. Oh, okay. Well, they are.

I'm not or anything anymore. Like, no, but you're brought up Christian? Brought up, yeah, Christian. So you come Muslim? They're, we're Christian. Oh, okay. Well, they are. I'm not or anything anymore. Like, no, but you're brought up Christian? Brought up, yeah, Christian. So you come here when you're how old? I was four. Holy shit. And you have how many siblings? I have one younger brother who's two years younger.

He was born here? He was, yeah, weirdly he was born in Washington State because my parents were visiting my uncle who lived up there. Yeah. And my mom was like ready to have a baby pretty much and then had him there. Really? And he just lucked out and was a citizen instantly. And the reason I didn't become one is because my dad didn't get his until right after I turned 18. My mom got it before. So if you're both your parents do it before you're an adult, you get it automatically. Right. But they didn't,

they didn't. And then I didn't for, I mean. Was there a holdup? Kind of. I was scared to do it for a few years after 9-11 because I just thought, I was like 17 or 18 when that happened. And I was like. You thought you'd get sent back or something? I thought I would, I didn't know what I thought

because it was so much like anti-arab right hatred and this and that and i was getting called names on stage and i'd open mics and stuff i was just right when i started stand up and really when you're 17 yeah when i was 18 yeah and you were getting kind of like assaulted i didn't get us i mean verbally yeah i told I told the story to a writer at the 20th anniversary. He's doing comedians during 9-11. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. And I told him the story about it.

Some guy called me a sand and word. Yeah. While I was on stage. Where? At the Ha Ha. Over in the valley, yeah. In Burbank? Yeah.

And it scared me because it was like, that was the feeling. You were a kid. Yeah. And I didn, scared me. Cause it was like, that was the feeling. You were a kid. Yeah. And I, I didn't know what to do. And I just like, I, it made me just sort of like freeze up on stage. And, and the lesson it taught me was like, I'm never allowing that to happen again on stage ever. Without responding? I will destroy a show if I have to, because no one's going to get the best of me ever again. Really?

Yeah. It broke you, huh? It broke me and reformed me as a new, more callous. Your origin story, your superhero moment. Yeah. I mean, it kind of was. It didn't make me good all of a sudden, but it made me a lot more fearless because the reason I got into it was to, I was like, I need to find a place to be, a person to be. I need to identify myself as an adult and i always wanted to do stand-up and i was like i'm gonna get into that because i love it i think i could

be good at it yeah and it's gonna make me a person and almost right away some guy in the crowd's like you're not a person you're not one of us get out and i was like so it just oh wow and that was my whole upbringing but you were that you were that aware of it? Because, I mean, I think I got into stand-up for similar reasons. It certainly wasn't to entertain people. But I think for some reason I decided that's where I need to pull myself together is up there. What age did you start? I guess I was, like, let's see. I was probably 22 or 23.

I mean, I came out here, I was 22 maybe. Okay. But I always wanted to do it. And I went to college and shit. Yeah. But that didn't quite, I was still scrambling for some sort of sense of self. And I always wanted to do stand-up. And I don't know.

I don't know why I chose that. Because I thought there was like, you're a truth teller. I had a romantic idea, but I wasn't. Yeah. I never thought of myself as a song and dance man. I mean, I didn't, I didn't either really. I just thought like I, the first kind of positive attention I ever got was when I would be funny or silly or weird. When did that start?

Probably like third or fourth grade. I remember just making like a girl laugh and kind of giggle. third or fourth grade, I remember just making like a girl laugh and kind of giggle. And then I went like, I went so like head over heels in love that I went and got her flowers. Did you laugh at that too? She did not laugh at that. And my mom helped me pick the flowers. I told her, I was like, mom, there's this girl I really like. She's like, oh my God, I'm like, I think I want to get her flower. I don't know where I got this idea of like a romantic gesture. And she was like, that's so sweet. And she's like, well, you know, we have a few flowers in our yard we got a little thing together and i went and gave them to her and she just like i think i i i called her out of

class i told her to like come out of class or something and then like she came out and then i gave them to her and she's like oh thank you thank you. And she said, that was really nice. And then I thought it went well. I felt good about it. And then the end of the day, I got called into the principal's office and, and I was told that it made her uncomfortable. And she was like, she didn't know what to do. And she, and they're like, you know, you can't give a girl flowers. I'm like, wow, I thought that was like nice. And they were like, listen, you know, your intentions were good. And that was very sweet of you, but you know, it just, you know, she didn't, she didn't like it and you shouldn't do that again. I was like 10 and she was 10. Yeah. And this was already happening in school. I mean, it doesn't seem like tell girls they like them and you know, like,

it didn't seem like they would be, you'd go to the principal's office I mean maybe she told her mom and her mom told the principal she's like hey my daughter felt weird about getting flowers from another boy you know and

and they were like oh yeah we'll talk yeah we'll shut that kid down yeah yeah I mean I didn't get like trouble we're gonna kill

the romantic inside of that kid pretty much it made me feel so weird I was like I thought that's how and my mom felt

so bad for me she was like that is how you do it honey but some you know some you know, some people just don't, it really weirded me out. But yeah. And it never went away. Yeah. I didn't lose my virginity. I was 19. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. That was the arc of your heartbrokenness over the flowers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had to move through that. Yeah, yeah. But, so you're just out there being a Lebanese person in La Crescenta,

moving through the world? I mean, I was trying to. I was trying to find my footing as a kid. Yeah. It's like, it was hard.

How, like, you got a brother? I have a younger brother. Yeah. How's that guy doing? He's good. He like,

he's working. He took over my dad's business. What was that uh installing marble in houses and buildings good old business good old-fashioned blue collar work wait so he's got slabs of marble he's got a store with slabs of marble there's a store he just like will get the materials and cut them he's a contractor yeah in a way yeah yeah that seems like a good business how's the marble racket? Is he still around? Yeah.

Still doing marble? Only part-time. He can't give it up. He's been working since he was 12. So your brother's doing the marble business? Yeah. I was supposed to do it, and then I was like, I don't know if I want to. Cut marble?

Yeah, and install. I did it in the summers. Our dad was very much like, you need to learn what work is. And so you're coming to work with me on either weekends or in the summer and you're going to lift bags and install marble in the ground and make grout and all that. I did, yeah. So you can always fall back on that. I don't know that I remember how to do it. You can't do the grout work? Yeah.

I mean, you'd probably pick it up pretty fast. Do you do tiles too? Yeah. Oh, tiles too. Yeah, ceramic tile, bathrooms, and countertops. Really? Yeah, yeah. He literally started working when he was a 12-year-old kid.

In marble? In marble. In Lebanon? In Lebanon. His dad got sick when he was 11 or whatever, and then mothers didn't work back then. He was the oldest of four. There you go.

Whatever dreams you had are over. Yeah. You're the marble kid. I don't even know if people had dreams back then in Lebanon. I think it was just like, you know. I have no sense of Lebanon. Lebanon is just north of Israel, just west of Syria. I know that, yeah.

But I mean, do you go there? I went there once in the summer of eighth, seventh grade. Yeah. And I hated every minute of it. I thought it was the worst thing my parents could do to me because I was like, I just got into-

Did you have family there? Yeah, my grandma, my grandpa, and my mom's youngest sister. But look, I just got out of seventh grade. I made a couple new friends. It was like middle school.

I'd left that elementary school thing behind and I was like, I'm going to start fresh. I'm going to make friends. I got my first alternative band t-shirt or something. I was like, I'm going to be cool. And then my parents were like, you were going to Lebanon for two months. And it just upended everything I thought I was going to establish as a kid. In your life. Yeah. In my young, closed-off world. Between that and the flowers, things were not working out. Things were not going good for young Nicky. What did you do in Lebanon, though?

It must have been fucking mind-blowing. Well, at the time, it wasn't. But later on, it shaped my view of the world in a way it wouldn't have. In retrospect? Yeah. Probably around when I was like 18 19 20 when when 9 11 happened and and and all that i was like it just it made me see the entire world in a way that also like you because like you couldn't really process lebanon because you were so full of

like uh just barely pubescent rage yeah i mean honestly i wanted to just hang out with my two new friends and play video games like in lebanon no no in in la crescenta yeah that was what i wanted to do and then we were taken to lebanon and we stayed in my parent my grandparents apartment in right downtown beirut and i just sort of like hung out in the apartment i was too young to go anywhere it's too dangerous you just walk around on your own. And I sort of would walk up and down the street right there, go down and get groceries at the little market for my parents. Because of strife within the country,

you can really experience whatever might have been great about Lebanon. Only with my mom and dad, if we were going to a specific place. So we would go, like the coastline there at the end of the Mediterranean is still very pretty. Yeah. And it was like,

it used to be the, like a lot of like French would vacation there in the 70s. Oh, right. Oh, really? Yeah. It was colonized by the French for a long time.

So that kind of kept up appearances because it was like their economy was like hinged on that only. So that looked nice. The rest of it was a, I mean, a wasteland. Really? And we would drive through parts of town that like, these are vivid memories I will always have. Like we were in a rental car and it was my dad, my mom, me and my brother in the backseat.

And we were driving down what looked like a regular road and then turned a few times. And then it just turned into like the war ended yesterday. It was buildings that look like Swiss cheese. I mean, bomb, like, you know, like holes and bullet holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, what happened?

And my mom turned around and she was just like, don't roll down your windows and just look straight ahead. And we got to a stoplight and families started coming up with just chiclets for sale and just a bottle of water, like anything that they could just try and like sell to make money. And I'd never seen this before on the news or anywhere. I'm 12. And I'm

like, mom, what are they, what are they doing? She's like, just don't roll down the window. And my dad had his window cracked this much because he smoked cigarettes yeah this child's hand just got through and had gum and was dropping it in there and saying you know money money masare masare you know and i was like what and my dad like was trying to push the hand out the window and he was going no no no and he like took the gum and like pushed it back out and he was like no and rolled the window up and i think went through the red light it was all just it happened so fast and and i was like what what what mom why why what and she looked at me and she was like in some places the the war isn't really over you know there are places that are just have been forgotten. Wow.

And it just, I think this car was silent for the next 20 minutes until we got back to my grandma's house. And I was just like, people live that way. It's- Could have been you. It honestly could have been me. Yeah.

And it still didn't register until years later. Like we went down to the southern uh border where that was still occupied by israel at the time like maybe 10 miles in or something and her my mom's family that's where i was where we stopped we drove up there to that border yeah yeah how is it now well no it was years ago i mean i'm trying to think i was with my first wife it must have been like in the mid 90s oh yeah so real right around the time i was there so so we would drive through these checkpoints and i mean marines or whatever full fatigues automatic weapons and a tank and my mom would look back as we would come up to the checkpoint and she would say pretend you're asleep don't say anything when they knock on the window even if

it's your window and i'm like why she's like, if you even speak any Arabic or try, they'll hear your accent. No, you don't live here. We don't need any questions. We just want to get through. So we close our eyes. You had an accent at that time? No, if I tried to speak Arabic, they would hear. Oh, I see. That's a kid that speaks primarily English. So where are you from? You're visiting from America. Get out of the car. We're going to question. Who knows you'll be detained. So a few of those went by and it was fine. We got through and we get down to the village. And that was one of the moments where I was like, this could have been my life.

There are like brick and stone houses, not really a lot of windows. And the climate's nice down there, so it wasn't miserable one way or another. Right. But you're just like, there's no air conditioning. There's no TVs. Cows are walking through the dirt roads. Yeah, I noticed the air conditioning thing.

It was like, you can't sleep. It was too hot to sleep. So on one of the nights we were trying to sleep, we were sleeping all in one room, and we were on a mattress on the floor, and I just hear these like, these droning sounds way off in the distance. Yeah.

And I was like, Mom, I can't sleep. What is that? And she was like, oh, don't worry about it. It's just, you know, machines. I don't know what she said. And I was just like, are you sure? There's a lot. She was like, don't worry about it.

Yeah. So we go to sleep. The next day, we're back in the car. We're driving up to Beirut again. Yeah. And when we got there, we were talking about being down in the village. I'm like, oh, I got to pet a cow. And I held a frog in my hand.

Just stuff you don't experience in the suburbs of LA. Right. And I go, so mom, what were those noises? What kind of machines? I thought they were tanks, which would, whenever they want, drive through the village. Yeah. And just they'd stop. And a guy would come out and just look around.

But whose tanks were they? They're Israeli tanks. Okay, yeah. Yeah. I was like, what were those noises? And she was like, and again, she was like, in some parts, the war is still not over. And I'm like, you keep saying this stuff.

Like, is it safe here? And she's like, if you're with us, it's safe. We know where to go. We know where to not go. And I was just sweating. I'm like, we were down the street from an active war zone. There were just bombs going off right over the border and just like little skirmishes with whoever.

I mean, people that live there live with that, that they don't even notice it. Yes. They don't hear or feel like with the smog around here for us, we're like, Oh, it feels fine.

Or like, I can't see the sky 10 miles away. That's the same thing with them. And my grandma's apartment building still has bullet holes on the ground. I was like putting my finger in one. So this, but nonetheless, you were still just wishing

you were playing video games on La Crescenta. Yeah, after those moments, sort of like I kind of processed them and I'm sure my mind was like, stop thinking about it. It's too scary. Yeah, it kind of is scary, right? It was.

So you come back here with all these memories, but do you walk into school? Are you able to, you know, get traction in seventh grade and change it? I think I pretty much, it all went away.

I came back with like a week left and I think like the one or two friends I had gone. We were still like, where were you this whole, there were no cell phones back then. It's like, where were you this summer? were no cell phones back then where were you this summer my parents made me go to Lebanon

and they're like where's that what is that it's where I'm from and I sort of just like was kind of a loner again for most of that school year I'm telling you like I didn't I was not comfortable in my own skin I got tall early

I didn't know how to carry myself. When did the drugs and drinking start? Oh, that started, I think, first time I got drunk was in the eighth grade. Oh, so after that. Yeah. Because I was just like, well, none of this is working. I'm depressed all the time. Really?

Yeah. It's been there forever. But what was it? Do you find that? so you just felt awkward? I mean, I, it was more than awkward because you're not, there was nothing I could change that would fix it. It wasn't like I could, we didn't really have the money to, I'd just be like, I'm going to get all these new clothes. We get a few new things for each school year. You figured that out.

You always had the nice new clothes eventually. Why do you think that is? I don't know. You're year. You figured that out. You always had the nice new clothes eventually. Why do you think that is? I don't know. You're trying to do something. I needed to build an armor. An armor or an entire persona? All of it. Personas are armor.

Yeah. You know, they're a version of you. Like it's something you put out there. But is this something you're looking at in retrospect or you were conscious at the time? I mean, it just seemed like, you know, you had to get a thing going. Yeah, I did. Well, I needed to find out where to belong, right? So I thought, I'm like, oh, I could hang out with like the skater kids maybe, but I was like, not well, I couldn't, I couldn't Ollie on a skateboard. So I'm like, well, that's out.

Oh my God. I had that experience too, man. But I was too old for it to happen. Like I, you know, like I bought a fancy skateboard when I was living in New York, 89. So that's 63, 73, 83. So I'm 26 and I just shaved my head and lost complete sense of who I was. I thought like, I'll just shave my head. And then I was like, what did I do? And, uh, and then I bought a skateboard and I went and just sat over in Tompkins square park with the other skaters. And they're just looking at me like, when are you sat over in Tompkins Square Park with the other skaters,

and they're just looking at me like, when are you going to do something? I'm like, I got nothing, man. I just got the board and thought it would work. You tuck the board under your arm and just walk away with your head held in shame. You got to start that when you're seven. Oh, yeah, when there's no fear of injury. I already was like, I don't want to break something. This feels wobbly and awkward.

I got into BMX bikes. Did you? Yeah, because I don't want to break something. This feels wobbly and awkward. I got into BMX bikes. Did you? Yeah, because I wasn't going to fall. So the skater thing didn't work out. You went to BMX. There was no BMX culture really with groups and stuff then. Because there wasn't really clothing and music attached to it, so it didn't really form.

What were you wearing? This punk rock or where were you at in eighth grade? You started drinking. I discovered heavy metal. So you were a metal guy first. Yeah. That really- That's where Tool came in.

A couple years after that. Metallica was first. Pantera. This is eighth grade? Yeah. Metallica, you're dressing in the black clothes? I started getting the black clothing. Makeup?

No makeup? No makeup, but I did- My parents would have kicked me out of the house. They would have been like, that's not how- Do you speak Lebanese? I speak some Arabic. Yeah. Arabic.

Yeah. Is that what it is? Arabic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lebanese Arabic. Lebanese Arabic.

That's what I meant. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that. It's custom you to see if you knew. All of a sudden I'm Brendan Schaub. Interesting. So I,

I got a, I grew my, I did back then in the, in the mid nineties, the step cut was popular. So you shave your head up to here, grow your hair out long. Oh, I did back then in the mid-90s, the step cut was popular. You shave your head up to here, grow your hair out long. Oh, you did that? I did that.

Because that was the one thing I could do that my parents wouldn't say, that's not how a boy should look. So that's out. But then slowly it starts getting longer and longer. And my dad's at work 70 hours a week, so he doesn't really notice. He's like, what's the boy doing? And my mom was always the mediator that was like, just let him try it.

The kids are doing it. She never appreciated the Marilyn Manson part of things though. Oh, yeah? She was like, that's the devil. Oh, really? Yeah. I came home one day in the ninth grade and she had the Antichrist Superstar album

that I had secretly purchased with saving lunch money. She went into my room and got it and took out the booklet and laid the whole thing out on the table. I came home from school and she was standing there

with her arms crossed and she's like, where did this come from? I'm like, mom, it's just music. Yeah. He speaks to people like me.

He's the, you know, uncool rebel guy that's saying it's okay to be different. You know, I had this whole spiel and she was like,

well then, why is that thing around his penis with two tubes heading into other people's mouths? I'm like, that I cannot explain. okay to be different. You know, I had this whole spiel. And she was like, well, then why is that thing around his penis with two tubes heading into other people's mouths? I'm like, that I cannot explain. I don't know. I don't know why he's doing that. Probably to make people like you angry.

Wasn't there pentagrams on that thing too? There were pentagrams. There was the whole nine. I mean, you know. He brought it all together, that guy. Yeah, and musicians like that made me feel a little less alone yeah i could kind of rage out yeah and they were they were intentionally very different yeah and i took from that i was like i

want a mohawk now so i took that step cut and and cut all of it off but it was all shaved underneath so i pretty much had a mohawk right after that. And this is like, you're what? 14, 15? I think so. Yeah. 14, 15, 15 probably. Yeah. And then I was like, whoa, I have a Mohawk all of a sudden. Yeah.

My dad was going to be happy that I was cutting my hair. Sure. Yeah. And then I was like, whoa, I want to do this for a minute. And then I just started dyeing it every color. Really? I was like trading hair dyes with my friends at school. You poor guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Scrambling for an identity. But here's what it did for me. Yeah. It made me feel like I was in control of what you were seeing when you looked at me. If you were going to look at me and scowl or be like, why is that kid wearing JNCO raver pants and a Marilyn Manson shirt and a mohawk? Yeah.

I don't like it. At least I chose it. Right. It's not, look at that Arabic guy. Yeah. I can't un-Lebanese myself, but I can put on the Mohawk and the clothing and I can, I can choose what, and then that became really important to me. Yeah. I tried my hardest to just look different. Yeah. And, and just own it as my i was still very insecure on the inside but you know at least yeah you couldn't see that well people in the know could oh sure older people yeah yeah look at that poor kid yeah hope he lands on something i remember one

kid i was at this little cafe somewhere on foothill boulevard like forever ago and i remember this kid that was probably 17 18 19, 19 at the time. He was sitting like a couple tables over with a group of friends and I walked in and he kind of like looked me up and down. And he was like, so you have raver pants

and a Marilyn Manson shirt and you have a mohawk. Yeah. Which is three different subcultures. And he was just like, dude, you don't know who you are. And that one just cut right through everything. Gotta send that guy a thank you note.

Well, I think it just made me angrier. Oh, really? Yeah. And that's when the tool came? Yeah, yeah. That was kind of building right there. That's when, when I got into tool, that's when I was just like, that you can make this type of music and it can be melodic and have meaning.

But also like, he's a weirdo. Like, who doesn't abide by, you know, cultural identifiers. He'll mix them up. Yes.

And it's awesome. Yeah. And they all, they all are like that and they all came together and they were like, let's do something different. Let's do it our way.

Let's take our time. Who cares about the fame? How drunk are you at this point? At 17, 18? Yeah. I would have like a few drinks, which would get me drunk back then. Were you drinking with pals? I would go to like, if I got invited to little house parties and stuff.

Oh yeah, just high school shit. Yeah, just high school shit. So the worst I ever had was when I was 13. I think it was the first time I got drunk. It was with a friend at the time named Pat. He was like, wait, I was like 6'3 already. And he was like 5'2. Yeah.

It was a weird pairing. Yeah. And he had an older brother who would get him beer sometimes. So he got us each a 40 of Old English. Yeah. And yeah, the malt liquor is stronger. We didn't know. Puked it up.

Yeah. Not at first. We walked, we drank maybe half of it. And we were just like stumbling around the suburbs. Yeah. I remember like, I'm like, I need to piss. And I just like stopped just on a sidewalk in the middle of the street. Yeah.

And he was like, I don't know if you should do that. I'm like, what? Oh, maybe not. Yeah. We're giggling and laughing. And fast forward a few months, another friend named Danny was like, hey, I got a bottle of rum and gin and let's drink it.

That's something like from the parents' cabinet. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, you know, no one would mix those two. So we go down to the park, which is like a couple blocks from his place.

It made me nauseous. Yeah, there's no lights, no nothing. He's like, no one will find us. I'm like, great. So he had a girlfriend at the time.

All three of us went down there. And she was taking like a couple shots. And then he took one. And then I was like, oh, I got to get ahead of them. So I took like two or three. Of which liquor? I think it was the gin.

That's the one I remember not being able to drink for a decade after that. The smell of it. The next thing I remember, I woke up, I was like on my back and I was like, I passed out. I looked over and they were like making out

a few feet over for me and I was just like, and then I just like fell asleep again. And then when I woke up again, I was covered in vomit. Yeah, that's always good. And I look over, a friend and his girlfriend are gone.

And you're just by yourself covered in vomit. In a dark park. That's how people die of drug overdoses. Yeah. I was that guy. You know, the drinking to the vomiting. One time I vomited in the stands of a school game. No way!

Yeah, while I was passed out. And I blacked out and I just ended up at the McDonald's where everyone hung out. No one had come back from the game yet. Someone had driven me back and I just ended up, you know, at the McDonald's where everyone hung out. Like no one had come back from the game yet. Someone had driven me back and I was just there. And I remember the girl who I thought was so cute just walked up to me as people were coming in and she's like, why do you have rice in your hair?

Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, what? Aren't you glad there were no cell phones back then? Oh dude. You know, it's not an uncommon experience to get fucked up like that. That's true.

So when do you start listening to comedy? How, where does comedy fit in? Comedy fits in like around 14, 15. I started, I went to a friend's house and he was playing it on like a cable, old any evening at the improv reruns.

Sure. And I was like, you can do that for a living. Really? You thought that right away? I honestly, right away. Because the only thing I knew about comedy before was like, you can do that for a living. Really? You thought that right away? Honestly, right away. Because the only thing I knew about comedy before

was like Saturday Night Live or sitcoms or something. And I knew I was funny. Yeah. And I knew I liked that attention and I wanted to do something. Yeah, yeah. And I was like,

that's a job people have. And I didn't know any of this. It's happening right across the way. Pretty much, yeah. So you didn't know about, you guys never came into Hollywood. You never drove in to party. No. My dad would get his haircut from like a friend who I, he like, I remember, all I remember

is like he spoke Arabic. So maybe he was another Lebanese guy he met through work. He would drive into like old Hollywood Boulevard where it was, it was no good. Yeah. There was just a little barbershop there owned by this guy. Oh, that's hilarious. Before they cleaned it up.

Yeah, he would take us in there with him and he was like, you're not allowed to go outside at all. Because it was just like crazy there. Oh, it was just drug addicts. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah.

That was it. They didn't have any knowledge of entertainment. They didn't know standup could a, could be a career. When I first told them, they were like, what do you mean? Yeah. Funny on a stage.

They're like, like Saturday Night Live. I'm like, not on TV. And they're like, what? I'm like, you know,

musicians play at clubs. I'm like, you can do that while telling jokes. And it just was just over their heads. How old were you? I was 16 or 17 when I told him I wanted to do it. And who, who inspired you? What did you have 17 when I told him I wanted to do it. And who inspired you?

Did you have comics you liked? I liked Norm MacDonald. Sure. Loved him. Yeah. And David Tell. Yeah. It was just people

I saw on Comedy Central. You. Yeah. Nick Swartzen. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. It was honestly

like four, five, six guys like that. Yeah. That's a good bunch. Yeah. A tell. Yeah. It really was. I was just's a good, a good bunch. Yeah. A tell. Yeah, it really was.

I was just like, these guys are all so funny. And I just couldn't believe you could do that for a living. And I remember going to a friend's family's like house party.

Me and the friend were hanging out in the backyard and we were just being goofy and stupid. And my friend's mom's friend was like, you kids are being really funny.

And she's like, I teach a comedy class out of Glendale Community College on Saturdays. And I was like- Yeah. She's like, you guys should take it. And my friend, he goes, he wants to be a professional comedian. And I was like, uh.

And she's like, do you want to do my class? I was like, I don't have any money. Yeah. But so she honestly was like, you're a friend of the family. Just show up once, just so the students know that you were there and I didn't sneak you onto the show. And then try and write six minutes of jokes. So it was a standup class? It was a standup class. Who was the teacher? Her name is Charlene is all I remember. Really? Not a comic? Not a comedian. Must've tried. She, yeah, she might've tried. She didn't

give me any real like backstory. And I was honestly too young to ask her. No. So you're 17, 16, 17, 17. So you go to this class in Glendale. In Glendale. Yeah. From a lady named Charlene, who you met at a family party. Yeah. And what was it? And, well, the one class that I attended was she was telling people how to, like, stand up in front of people. Yeah. And, like, how to hold the microphone. Yeah. And how to, like, you know, say the things you wrote down that you thought were funny. Like, you know, look at people and, like, enunciate and that kind of thing.

Really? That's, like, all I remember from that class. Were there any big future stars in the, I don't remember any, not one person. She just went to one class. Yeah.

And then she goes, we're doing a showcase at the Ice House Annex Room. Oh yeah. And I was like, okay, what does that mean? She's like, you're going to perform comedy

in front of people. And I was like, oh my God. And it's just like, I think I was just too young and naive to know better. I was so excited. I offered to host the show. She was like, I need a host. No one wants to volunteer.

I'm like, I will do it. And I don't remember the jokes I wrote. This is your first time on stage? Yeah, first time ever on stage. You're hosting a weird class showcase in that small room in the ISO. Yeah, yeah. And my only memories were just speaking on stage with my cue card, my note cards on top of the microphone that was on the mic stand still.

And I don't remember how it went. Really? I don't think it went well, but maybe I got it. Who was there? Just people in the class? Yeah, the people that the students invited. Right. And I remember feeling okay about it

because it was a very supportive environment. Yeah. And we all leave the show at the same time. Yeah. And it was just a crowd of people all like leaving this one little door. And this older lady, even older for me when I was 17, she probably was like 50. And she was laughing with a friend and they were on their way out.

And she looks back at me. Yeah. And she's this big smile on her face. And she was like, you were awful. And. Again, it's just a pattern, man. Yeah. And I just smiled right back.

Cause it's just the face didn't match the words. And I was like, thank you. And I went and told Charlene, I was like, I pointed, I'm like that lady right there told me I was awful. She's like,

who? She looked over and she was like, don't mind her. She's a bitch. She went over there and yelled at her. Right. So, so first it was the flowers.

Then I was the guy at the coffee shop and now this, it's all coming together. Yeah. But honestly, and all of those scenarios were still just like, well, I'm still here. I still,

it was a decision I made and I needed to continue to do it. It was the only thing I felt that I, that could like ground me, anchor me somewhere. It was just only thing I felt that could ground me, anchor me somewhere. Stand up. Yeah. Or just making these weird decisions that gave me a sense of self, like dressing weird. And you realize with stand up, you could do it all.

You could act weird. You could dress weird. You could say weird things. And no one will say no. It's part of the job. Yeah. Yeah. So I didn't do it again until the summer of 2000 after I turned 18.

That's so funny, man. Because when I did it in college, like, I didn't do it again until I went to the store. Like, it took me a while. The first time I did it was, like, in the 80s, and I still had two years of college, and it was so devastating. Yeah. Like, I did it for a summer, and I'm like, I'm not going to do it until I get out of college. So for two years, I didn't do it. Wow. But when I graduated, I'm like, I came right out here. Yeah. Like, I did it for a summer and I'm like, I'm not gonna do it until I get out of college. So for two years I didn't do it.

Wow. But when I graduated, I'm like, I came right out here. Yeah. But yeah, I just hung it up. I don't think I had a choice

because it was like, my parents were like, you have to go to college or you have to go to work with your dad or both. You have to do something. Right.

And I was like, I want to do comedy. Yeah, but you still gotta make money so you must have some jobs. I lived at home. Yeah, something? And I was like, I want to do comedy. Yeah, but you still got to make money, so you must have had some jobs. I lived at home. Yeah, okay. And I went to Colonial Community College for a couple years.

Really? And then I worked with my dad, and then I got a job in a fast food place when I was like a few months after turning 18. Where? What was it? This place called New York Burrito. Huh. Which makes no sense.

There's no burritos in New York. Every single customer that came in said that. Oh, really? They're like, is New York a burrito. Huh. Which makes no sense. There's no burritos in New York. Every single customer that came in said that. Oh, really? They're like, is New York a burrito place? I'm like, I've never been, but everyone keeps saying no, so no. I'm literally a zip-faced 18-year-old. I'm like, I don't know anything. So, alright, so that's the setup for you starting your comedy thing?

Pretty much, yeah. So where do you start going? I did the open mic at the Ha Ha Cafe. It was five nights a week. That's where you got the sand N-word? Yeah, that's where that guy did that. But that didn't happen right at the beginning? It happened, no, like a year or almost a, no, actually a little over a year in. So you started in 2000? June 24th, 2000. So now how did the, like in looking back at that experience, how did you reconsider Lebanon? I reconsidered it after 9-11 happened and after I started getting scared again and wondering about my identity.

In this country? In this country, yeah. And then I looked around and I was like, you know, I belong here, even though it doesn't feel like it. And I'm a year into comedy. I finally have 5% confidence and I, I, I cannot let it go. And every time I look at my parents, I always think like they went through way more strife than I will ever go through. And they came all the way over here for me to do something better. And I was like, I need to try my hardest at this. And I don't want to go back to Lebanon because I was like, what if they start deporting Arabs? I didn't know. What if they draft me?

Yeah. So I started thinking back to Lebanon. I was like, they left for a reason. I'm not going to go back. I need to really find myself and plant myself in this country and find who I am and project that out into the world. So I will always have a place to be, a person to be, always. In America. In America or wherever so this is my travels take me internationally as a commute out all these crazy dreams you know yeah but so so this is it still comes this this comes down to this sort of like i need to be me somehow yeah

i needed to find out who me was i was never i never i didn't come from a family that had like they didn't know anything about American classic rock and music and pop culture in America. They knew who Fay Ruz was, which is like the most famous singer in Lebanon. I don't know if she's even alive anymore. Because like I used to see when I lived in Queens in New York, I used to see these posters.

Yeah. You know, for like all these international stars. I'm like, who is that? One name. Yeah. And a lot of makeup. And I never knew where they were coming from, but there's a whole world

out there yeah I mean Fay Riz was probably like the Michael Jackson slash Madonna slash Rolling Stones of Lebanon

it's all in one person yeah okay so when do you go to the store I go to the store how many years in are you I am probably a couple years in

so you're just doing alt shows you're just doing what are you doing I'm doing open mics. Mics, right, right. So a lot of coffee shops. Yeah, yeah.

I did the Westwood Brew Co. first. That was my first little mini home in comedy. Didn't Brennan work there a lot? It was around a long time, that place, right? Yeah, so Vance Sanders hosted it. It's called the Open Mic of Love. Yeah. And that's where I met Chris Hardwick.

That's where I met Maria Bamford. That's where I met Zach. That's where where I met Chris Hardwick. That's where I met Maria Bamford. That's where I met Zach. That's where I met Bob Oshak. That's where I met all, I mean, all the comics that now you're like, these guys are, you know, L.A. So they were going there doing the old thing. Yeah, they were just working on material. And I was this young little,

I had a bit about being a virgin from what I remember. They all thought it was so cute. Yeah. Well, that's funny though, because, you know, that's, you know, that alt crowd, you still ended up at the store. Yeah. Which is not that. Not at all. Yeah. And for many years, people always asked, why are you there?

What are you doing there? Why are, it's the worst place in the world. Because you were coming up in that alt situation. Because your style is sort of like more conversational. Yeah. You know, it's sort of like descriptive and more kind of self, like it is sort of an alt style. Yeah.

And I get, I like to get personal and more and more so as I get older. But I just thought it was, there was something about the comedy store. I saw it in an E! True Hollywood documentary, I think in the night. And I was like,

this place is fascinating. And like, they just, the list of names that came out of there, I was like, I mean, I got to get in there. So when you auditioned, Mithy was still cognizant? She was. So I got hired there as an employee first. Because by that time, I was answering the phones Monday through Friday.

You had to be a comic? You didn't have to audition for the phone job? No, no. They just got me in. Because I knew all the door guys at that point. All of us did open mics together. They were all working there yeah and at the time they were just like we need new so they vouch for you yeah they're like as long as he's a comedian and like no he is he's done the open mic we vouch for him who said that tommy knows before tommy so who was it duncan duncan

was the talent coordinator yeah uh hey man hey man uh dun Duncan's the best yeah and Ari Shafir was there yeah he he was the first person that was like

nice and got me in and and also teased me relentlessly like he would be like I got off stage the first open mic

I did that he saw me at I was talking about being an 18 year old and I slept in a race car bed like that stupid jokes like that yeah and he was like, he came up and he was like, Hey dude, are you really 18? Like a big smile on his face. I'm like, yep. And he's like, we're 21 and over. You got to go outside. I was like, what? And he walked me out. And then for the next year he would be

like, Hey, you see this threshold where like the patio meets the door right here. You need to be on this side. Cause he was a door guy. Yeah. He's like, you're here you need to be on this side because he's a door guy yeah he's like you're you're on the underage side yeah they were really serious about that no they don't fuck around with that yeah they really you could work the phones during the day oh not until i turned 21 so they were like keep coming back here for a year you know i was like what 19 you couldn't even go in the room i could go in and perform and then i had to go right back outside wow they were on you they were really they really were they they did not want to get shut down and so for the first couple years of the comedy store i sat on the front porch and

watched the comedy through the window and just wondered hear it i wondered what these people were talking about so the back side of my first album. That's when you're doing open mics. Yeah. Yeah. The backside of my first album is I had the photographer sit in the seat that I sat in. Yeah. And take a photo of the window. Yeah. Yeah. I know the window where you can just see the profile if it was ever up there. Yeah.

For two years? Yeah. I just sat there. And you're doing open mics. Doing open mics. And then you turned 21. Is there a party? Did Ari buy you a cupcake?

No, they just, they got me a job. That was the party. They were like, we're going to get you in and you're going to answer the phones and you're going to do what everyone says. Who's saying that? Ari and Duncan. They're like, you're going to pick up all the shifts and you're going to answer the phone like you mean it. Yeah. World famous comedy star.

This is Nick. You know, that kind of thing. And, uh, and I did, I, I took all the shifts, like a Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. phones. And after a few months, they're like,

now you can work downstairs at night. You've, you know, we know that you're not a weirdo or crazy. You're reliable. Yeah. Like comedy store reliable, you know,

and I started picking up parking lot shifts. So it's cover booth. And was Mitzi in the office? Mitzi would call every day. I would talk to her every day. But not if she wasn't in the office, she was calling from home? She would come in once a week, I think. Yeah.

During the day to do lineups with Duncan. Hi, Nick. Hi, Nick. Oh, how you doing? Really? You're good on the phone. Oh, come on. I was the last person she passed.

Really? Yeah. How did that transpire? She watched you? She watched me. She would still come in like every other week maybe to do showcases. Yeah. How did that transpire? She watched you? She watched me. She would still come in like every other week maybe to do showcases. Yeah. And sometimes just randomly to just watch the employees or watch the regulars.

It's always scary, the random Mitzi visit. People would scatter like cockroaches when the light went on. It was just like, Mitzi's in some of the back door. Mitzi's here. Everyone would just run. Yeah. I tried not to. By then, Tommy had taken the reins.

And one day, he decided all the reins and one day he decided all the door guys, all the employees are showcasing for Mitzi. And I was like, we were told we can decide. I'm not ready. I don't want to.

I don't want to get fired. Tommy said that? Yeah, he just decided. So that must have been right when I started coming back around, right? I think it was,

yeah. Yeah. And he said, no, you all have to. And I remember yelling at him. I was like, we were told we could showcase when we're ready.

If I get fired, I'm going to destroy you. And he was like, you're going to be fine. Mitzi's going to like you. And I was just, I was so angry and so nervous. I'm like, this is it. This is my whole, like, I can't get fired. Because she would just randomly fire people. But I know it's so funny that how much like, you know, like here you are a guy looking for himself and somehow or another, because I was the same way.

You end up there and all you care about is that crazy lady approving you. Yeah. She was the most frightening presence in that club because everybody from famous to nobody was like, I don't want her to make eye contact. She'll remember I exist. She'll make me showcase again. It's so weird. And these are people who are like doing well on stage.

Yeah. It was, I go up. Who's that? Yeah, who is that? Yeah. So I got a couple little mini Mitzi stories like that.

So I go up, that time she didn't say anything. Yeah. So I was like, that's a good sign. She didn't, she didn't have an opinion. That's good.

Sometimes she wasn't even in the room or she'd be talking to somebody. That was always what would happen is you'd showcase and she'd be talking to some comic who sat down. Yeah, I think, honestly, that had to be what it was. Because she just had no opinion, so she probably wasn't paying attention.

And I remember comics would intentionally do that. They'd sit down and get her attention so she didn't pass a new person, and then their spots would be taken away. I was told- Who the fuck did that? Oh, man, I don't don't maybe like remember the guy wheels yeah yeah i think he was known did he would always sit right next to her and talk to her and

people would say this is what he's trying to do and i was like i guess wow but i just what happened to that guy i have no idea yeah all right but i was just happy who were the regulars that were around all the time when you were there? Caparulo had just gotten past. Sebastian was still getting kind of later spots. He wasn't really in the mix. And then Joey Diaz was around. Was this the Rogan era? It was before Rogan got big, big.

It was before Fear Factor. Right. Yeah. So he was just a guy. Yeah, he was a guy that was just like great and he was like always like on, on like the middle

of the lineup. Yeah. He was on the road. Right. He was like after he was ready. He was like a guy. Yeah.

He was, you know, killing and stuff. Maybe Mencia was, Eddie Griffin was around doing three hour sets all the time. Yeah.

Ugh. That was back when there were no rules for that. Yeah. Like Dice would go on and do two hours. No one could stop him. I don't,

I really wonder if they could stop them now. I don't. Like, are you going to stop Dice? I don't know. I don't, honestly. You think Dice is going to, like, even care? What are you going to do, flash the light at Dice? Yeah, or pull him off stage?

He's a huge, you know. So a couple months later, I decide I want to showcase for Mitzi. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Yeah. I think I could get past. So this is like a, a, a short haired Nick with the fancy pants and shoes and everything. It was before that I kind of had like sort of spiky, messy hair and like, you know, I had no real like personal style or whatever. I made a couple of tight t-shirts that Bobby Lee gave me cause he was cleaning out his closet. You let go of all the other stuff. You were in transition.

Yeah. I was trying to be like I want to look like a comedian and not stand out in a weird way. Right. And I had no money. Where am I going to get clothes? I literally got hand-me-downs from Bobby Lee. Who's like half your size. His pants didn't fit but his shirts weirdly did

because I was starving. So I showcased for her and then she pulls me over when I come off. And she was like, Colin Duncan for a veils in the belly room. And I was like, oh. So I was like, I'm a non-paid regular. Right. So I could do belly room spots. And fallouts in the OR.

Fallouts in the OR. Yeah. And I was like, this is amazing. And then two weeks later later she came in again while you were on um no it was before we were on but i think i remember saying like i don't mind going up in front of her because it was a hot crowd and i was like oh so someone didn't show up and you got the spot it was still employed i could still go up with employees and stuff oh yeah but she just happened to be there?

Just happened to be there. And Ahmed Ahmed and Polly were on either side of her. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to go on. I'm going to go up in front of her. I think it's going to be fine. Yeah. And I talked to her on the phone in between passing me.

She's like, are you getting balloting room spots? Like, she was there. She remembered. Oh, so you, because you were talking to her every day. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I think I get along with her. Yeah. So I went up and then i get off and i went over to do well i did well yeah and i said thank you for watching me i hope you're doing well it's good to see you

and i just let her be and i'm just talking to paulie and whatever and i go into the back ahmed gets up and comes around he goes dude mitzi just said you're a paid regular and i was like what no i know and he was like dude i'm too he's right there ask paulie he heard it too and he goes let's go celebrate with a drink next door at the hyatt and i go i don't want to curse it no yeah and at that point i was barely drinking you still didn't believe it i didn't believe it did you get her to say it she could change her mind i didn't want to bother her because maybe that would that would undo the passing. You didn't think they were fucking with you?

I didn't know if they were. So then Tommy takes her home. Yeah. And at that point, I'm like, Tommy's going to talk her out of it or something. Or, you know, she's going to forget. That's so crazy how crazy we would get with that lady. Yeah.

We really did. And then he came back. Yeah. At like 1230 in the morning. Yeah. And he's like, well, I just took Mitzi home, put her to bed.

And I go, and what did she think of who she saw? And he just like crosses his arms and looks at me and he goes, you're paid regular now. And I just like fell back on the hood of whatever car was there. And I just screamed into the night.

I was like, yes, finally. And she didn't pass anyone for another two years after that. So no more lot? to the night. I was like, yes, finally. Yeah. And she didn't pass anyone for another two years after that. So no more lot after that? That year, I transitioned out

of all that stuff. No more lot, no more door? No more door. I worked the booth still because you could put yourself on the pop-in list.

Oh, okay. Because the pop-in list would be whoever checked in with the booth. And I was the booth guy. Whoa, you have Mitzi's license right there. It's amazing. I know.

Wow. Crazy. That is history right there. Wow. Okay, so then you were paid regular. What year is that? That was April of 2005. Why don't I remember you?

How come I remember you in the lot? You don't remember me. I do. Oh, because I worked the lot for another year, two years after or something. They eventually were like, you're not allowed to work the cover booth anymore because cover booth guys that were regulars were always making themselves first pop in. And the management didn't want to hear the complaints anymore. So they're like, new rule effective, Emilio, you can't do that that so i worked a lot still for a little bit and then i got a day job waiting tables for a few years okay and then i didn't really get a lot of spots like a spot a

week i would do it as many belly room spots as i could which is probably when did you open for me what year was that 2009 i guess 2010 uh 2000 maybe oh. Oh, geez. It must have been 10 if I just started the podcast. But the first, first time was in La Jolla. We did La Jolla together. It was like 2008 or nine. Wow. Was it Eliza on that one?

I think she might've been. I remember being down there. Were we staying at the condo? We were staying at the condo. No shit. Yeah. It was before they fixed it. It was, yeah, it was still a dump. I remember the first- But it was before they fixed it it was yeah it was still a dump I remember

the first but it was right on the beach the first time I did your podcast I told the story about that yeah when you were I think you had just gotten divorced was that a live one

it was a live one yeah at South by Southwest yeah yeah oh that's right so that's like 2007 that was 2010 or 11 was that podcast

yeah but I remember we were going to get pizza in La Jolla yeah like how far is it I'm like it's a couple blocks and you're like we're over on what's it called street I'm like no was that podcast. Yeah. But I remember we were going to get pizza in La Jolla. Yeah. Like how far is it? I'm like, it's a couple blocks

and you're like, we're over on, what's it called street? I'm like, no, a little further. You're like, we said it was a couple blocks.

Now it sounds like way further. And there's like college kid turned around and like looked at us and I was just like, my dad gets irritable when he's hungry and you were like,

God, you shook your head and like stormed off ahead of me. Oh my God. So we were down La Jolla in like 2008 or something. Some of that,

yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm trying to remember what you're addressing like yeah it was before you did skinny jeans then right in the chain did you have a chain for a while on the skinny jeans no chain no chain but just super tight jeans tight haircut yeah tight high and tight side part yeah and then you know like just graphic t band super tight shirts and that kind of stuff because you opened for me a bit right a couple times a few times yeah i think a couple of hoyas i did the punchline samsisco punchline with you so what what and and then you watched the rise of rogan and you saw the store get turned inside out and you saw you were there for the war

i was there yeah i was there for the the that I was there. Yeah, I was there for that battle, onstage battle. Mencia. For many years, he was gone. Who, Joe was gone? Yeah, he was gone for a lot of the years that I was there and getting good spots. And I was there every night.

He was gone. He had said goodbye to the store for a long time. Because he got mad? Yeah, I don't know what the ins and outs were with the decisions that were made, but he was like, I'm done with the comedy store for a while. So that was the era of like Caparulo's middle of the line.

Yeah, two, three spot. Tommy loved him. Yeah. And Tommy was in charge of that place. Yeah, I remember. He was passing people. Yeah, no, was he? Yeah, yeah.

Mitzi really wants you in the fourth position. Yeah, Mitzi saw you, and it's like, she doesn't know. Because she went downhill after that. Like, it was, yeah. Yeah, she wouldn't remember people in the hallways. I'm like, she's not passing people. Yeah. But he would use, that would be a manipulative tactic with him.

Mitzi said you did a good job last night. It's like, what? Yeah, I know. It was weird, dude. Like, at certain times- Because that's when I came back around. I mean, I was back around. Mitzi saw you at midnight. We're like, we? Yeah, I know. It was weird, dude. Like, at certain times, like... Because that's when I came back around. I mean, I was back around. Mitzi saw you at midnight.

We're like, we all watched Mitzi leave at 10 p.m. Like, you can't keep track of your lies anymore. It was like... Oh, that guy. It was a really weird time.

And then when Adam came in... That was 2010? 11? I don't know, dude. 11, 12? Like, I can't believe that's 10 years ago. I know.

It's fucking nuts. Yeah. The time is a flying. So what are you doing? Are you middling? Are you headlining? Are you opening for people? How are you making bread?

So I was waiting tables for a bunch of years during the day. I had a good job at like a high, not fine dining, but high dining place in Westwood doing lunch shifts. And I was making good money. And then I started, I got a commercial agent,wood doing lunch shifts. And I was making good money. Yeah. And then I started, I got a commercial agent, started doing that thing, started booking commercials. Really? Those were making some pretty good money.

I did like a few beer commercials, like Bud Light commercials. And I did like one that aired in like somewhere in Europe. And all I remember about it is we had to eat Snickers bars in a movie theater for four hours. Did you have a spit bag? We had a spit bucket, but I don't think I've had a Snickers since. It was awful.

Same thing with the gin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gin and Snickers. Gin and Snickers. So when did the porn actress come in? Because that's what I remember. I'm sort of like, that guy? That guy's dating that lady?

Because I had her on the podcast at some point. I barely knew her. Because she was like, at some point, she was like the hipster porn actress. She liked comedy and she was sort of around. But she was all right. She was a really sweet, I'm sure she still is, a very sweet girl. She was really good to me. Dana DeArmond.

Yeah. I don't want to get into the personal stuff because she's a public person. So I don't want to, you know. But we dated for like two years. And she still hasn't seen or heard from her in a long time, or of her. We, yeah, we haven't talked in a few years, but. Did it end all right? I mean, yeah, it didn't.

There was no bad. How'd your parents feel about her? Didn't tell them. I don't tell them about girlfriends in life. At all. I mean, usually it'd be a few years we're dating. And even then I'm like, because they're like, are you going to get married? Yeah.

I just don't want to have a conversation about about any girl it didn't matter what she did for a living but yeah um i mean but we dated for a couple years and it was the year i got sober so i was like i think the first year or two i was sober and she was the most supportive person of it. And I was just like this broke fuck up comic. And she would like, I mean, she like, I was like, Hey,

I can't take you out. I don't have money. And she's like, look, I like to go out. I like to eat and I'm, I make good money. I'm,

I'm fine. I'm an adult. I know what I'm doing. If we want to go out, I'll pay. And nice. That kind of stuff. And,

um, she, she lent me money once just because i was in a bad financial and i paid her back eventually and yeah you know but like she was she's good she's a good person that's great she was a great girlfriend yeah yeah i hope she's all right i hope so too so when do you decide to leave then you just what's going on in york because now what are you doing you're you're wearing a sweater and your hair is long So when do you decide to leave? Then you just, what's going on in New York? Because now what are you doing?

You're wearing a sweater and your hair is long? Yeah. And your parents all right with you? Yeah, they came around to the comedy thing in 2008 or 9 when I opened for the Axis of Evil tour. Okay. Did they come? That was the one, the first time I allowed them to see me.

Was it Cater and Maz and Ahmed? Yes. And they were playing a theater in Beverly Hills, somewhere around there, on Wilshire Boulevard. For all the upscale Persians? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. And my parents were like, well, maybe we'll want to see you one day. And I was just like, no, like late nights at the store. What are you going can do, yeah. Yeah.

So I was very careful about that decision. And when I was like, wait a minute, a theater of 2,000 Arabs? Yeah, you guys can come to that one. Yeah. And they came and they saw, I did like seven or eight minutes up top. Did you kill it?

Yeah. Yeah. And after the show, we were in the lobby and all these audience members came down to take photos with everyone. And I was standing with them. So they wanted me in some of the photos. I was obviously nobody. My parents were just there like, okay, all right. We didn't know it could be this way. And we didn't know that other Arabs also like and appreciate.

This comedy thing. It changed their minds. My dad started telling people at work, my son's a comedian. And that's when people go, Oh, that's a really hard job. Wow. And he was just like, Oh, this is a respectable profession, you know? And then they, yeah, they became like supportive of the career choice after that. And I mean, they're, yeah, they're, they're great. And so like the, the move to New York was really just, you wanted to, to free yourself up and get out of this cesspool and do more spots or what? Yeah. I mean, I started getting to a place where I was, I wasn't getting a lot of spots at the store anymore.

And I was doing some road work. Yeah. And I just, I wasn't really auditioning for stuff. And I just started getting really depressed again. Oh, yeah. Like right before I quit drinking, like suicidal, I want to end it, that kind of stuff. Oh, really? And that started coming around again.

And I wasn't on medication. Yeah. And I was sober long enough to where I'm like, I think I should try the drugs. I think I should try the Zolofts and the Wellforshins and do it. And it started helping a little. Yeah. I just felt dead inside in the city. There was no inspiration anymore.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like like I've always wanted to live in New York I started spending more time there the previous few years and I always felt good Ari would let me

stay at his place when he'd be on long road stretches so in some ways I was like kind of living there where did he have a place in the East Village

so I was like alright I could spend a month or two here and I'm like this feels good there's more clubs here it's the real world like it's no one's writing screenplays and coffee sure and there's So I was like, all right, spend a month or two here. And I'm like, this feels good. There's more clubs here. It's the real world.

No one's writing screenplays and coffee shots. Sure, and there's a lot of people around. I love going there, yeah. So I was like, you know, this is the one thing I haven't done. I got sober, therapy, medicine, got a dog, did all this stuff. And I was like, moving to New York's probably the last thing I can maybe try and let's see how it feels. How long have you been there now? Beginning of 2019 is when I made the full time. So where are you at? In Brooklyn?

Yeah. I lived in Greenpoint for a couple years and now in East Williamsburg off the L. Oh yeah? Yeah. Is the L working again? Works perfectly. It's great. I lucked out with that. Yeah. So it's going well there. It's going pretty good.

Do you work clubs or mostly alt rooms? What are you doing? I do some of the alt rooms, and then I do primarily New York Comedy Club. Oh, wow. I was getting some love. Where is that now? 23rd still?

24th and 2nd. It's still there? It's still there, and it's nice now. Come on. The horror stories I heard about it from before I moved there, they were like, oh, no one even wants to perform there. I'm like, comics don't want to perform at a place. Do they still have the one weird room up front that seats like four people?

Or is it one room? It's just one room. It's like a box. It's like 80. Good acoustics. It's a good room. Did Al Martin come in? Who?

Al Martin. He sold it. Oh, so it's a whole different thing. Yeah, I've only heard that name. They're like, that's the sold it. Oh, so it's a whole different thing. Yeah, I've only heard that name. They're like, that's the old owner. Oh, God. You don't remember the time where they're just cooking things on a George Foreman grill? I've heard that story.

Yeah, they're making George Foreman stuff in front of everyone. The audience could see it. So now it's a good club. They have a location in the East Village on 4th Street where the old Eastville used to be. I know where that is. The acoustics aren't good in that room. Not really. Yeah. But it's a good one. The acoustics aren't good in that room. Not really. Yeah.

But it's a good room. Yeah. The stand was good to me for a couple of years. They gave me a lot of spots. That sort of dried up after the pandemic. Uh-huh.

And stand up New York a little bit. Huh. And the first couple of years in New York was kind of weird though because 2019, I moved there intentionally telling myself, focus on writing, do less stage time on purpose.

Well, then the pandemic hit. And then do the road. Yeah. And so I did that. So I wasn't really, you know, hitting the scene like a ton. Then, yeah, all of 2020 was nothing. But people dying was scary, wasn't it, to be in New York? Yes and no.

It was scary in the sense that it was like, you know, a post-apocalyptic white man movie where there's no one in the streets. And I was like riding my bike through all the avenues in Manhattan, not even looking left and right. It was bizarre. But the communities there are super supportive

and everyone was like being cool, wearing masks, no one was getting in each other's way. 7 p.m. applause for the heroes of the pandemic. Yeah. Every day with the pots and pans.

the pots and pans. It felt good. Yeah. It felt good. So now you're out of that and now what are we promoting? My new special. And where is that going to be?

So that's going to be on YouTube. Find it on YouTube. Yeah. And you just self-produced it and put it up? How does it work? I did a GoFundMe because all the money I was going to put towards it at the beginning of 2020 went to just surviving the pandemic and all that.

How much did it cost you? I raised 15 grand in the GoFundMe. And where'd you shoot it? I shot it at a place called Zinc Bar in the West Village. Yeah. And a couple blocks from Washington Square Park. Cool little jazz bar. How many shows did you do? I did Village. Yeah. And a couple blocks from Washington Square Park. Yeah. Cool little jazz bar.

How many shows did you do? I did two. Yeah. This venue sat 40 to 50. Oh, wow. Small. I wanted it small. How'd it come out?

Kind of good. Oh, good. I hired a team of like, I hired a DP named Michael Koshkin. He's like a film guy. Yeah. And a director named Brian Gaynor. Yeah.

And they both knew each other. I told named Brian Gaynor. Yeah. And they, they, they both knew each other. I told him what I wanted. I want, I want that like old school-ish, seventies-ish. Yeah.

New York jazz. I want that look and feel of it. Yeah. It's going to be small, intimate. I'm not pretending I'm anything more than I am. No, no renting a theater.

Gerard Carmichael just ripped this off. He ripped off your whole idea. He did the blue note. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this will look and feel way different. Aesthetically.

Sure. I was going for a very specific thing. Uh-huh. And I just wanted to be up close and personal. Was it an hour? 51 minutes before the credits. 52. And then do you make money off it?

I don't think I will see a cent from it. But that's kind of not. I'm not in a position to. I couldn't think I will see a cent from it. Um, but that's kind of not the, I I'm not in a position to, I couldn't sell it on my website. I don't have a following like that, but the idea is get it out there and hopefully it gets a lot of, you know, views and light. It's, it's as personal as I could get and as honest, I try to do something a little different with it. And hopefully that does something and I can work the road more at a higher level and kind of build off that.

That's the gamble. Well, good, man. I'll find out when we're putting this up and maybe that'll help. I think it will. But it was great seeing you, pal. You too, man. You feel all right about everything? I feel better.

I'm a citizen. I feel good. I got a special out. I feel good. And we just had a good talk. We did, man. That was young Nick Youssef. You can watch this special Nick Youssef Take Care on YouTube.

Okay? Hang out a second. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category,

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