WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1522 - Dave Attell

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Dave Attell and Marc have known each other for 35 years but really only converse at length on this podcast. Back on WTF after 14 years, Dave explains why he’s still on the road all the time as he gets set to premiere his new Netflix special, Hot Cross Buns. Dave and Marc also marvel at the current comedy boom in comparison to some of the down times they’ve lived through and they both share notes on what it’s like to be sons taking care of elderly parents. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

the You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking song, Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening

features her way and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's the right of spring, followed by a complete soul stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece. Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca.

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across all sectors each and every day. Calgary's on the right path forward. Take a closer look out at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. Wear that cape, be that superhero. On Saturday, March 23rd, it's Marvel Superhero Night in Rock City. You dress up as your favorite superhero and watch the Toronto Rock drop the hammer on the Halifax Thunderbirds at 7 p.m. at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. Bunch your ticket to Marvel Superhero Night on Saturday, March 23rd at 7 p.m. in Rock City at TorontoRock.com Hey folks today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace! We've used Squarespace for

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["Lost Again!" by The Bunch plays.] All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fuck, Nick? What's happening? How's it going? Where are we at?

look Good show today David tell is here now David tell I've probably known what year is it I probably 35 years I've known to tell and I've had maybe two full conversations with him. I mean, like long ones, and they're both on this podcast.

And he's my friend, but these are the longest conversations I've ever had with David Tell. And I guess you could say that for a lot of people, and I guess that's just generally how it works. How often do you just sit down and talk to someone for an hour? I do it a lot, and I do it professionally, and I do it on stage, and I do it in here,

but I have friends I sit and talk to for a few hours. Make a day of it. I used to go hiking with Gimme Gimme Dan from Gimme Gimme Records, and that was an important time that I missed out on because of my broken fucking foot. And I just hope Dan's okay. That's all I'm worried about. Like I, you know, I'm talking to other people. I imagine he is too, but you know, sometimes you get into a groove

and even if it's once a week or once every few weeks, go on that hike, stretch it out, the conversation, see what's going on. It's important, man. It's important for people. Ground yourself with people that you trust, people you can talk to. Be real, man. So, Attell is here. And him and I go way back. I mean, it was, I first met him in the late 80s doing comedy in

New York, and he was always so fucking funny Best joke writer ever and this still stands Still stands he did he did episode 40 of this show and I remember I was nervous about it because I knew it towel but you know, this is a community of of of loners and weirdos and We all know each other. We have a shorthand. We're comedians and we, you know, depending where you started it out or what the

community was, I would see it almost every day for years. But do you hang out and talk? I don't know a bit. Maybe, maybe I'm, I'm the outlier. Maybe everybody just talks and I'm, I was the idiot that wasn't hanging out and, uh, doing the big conversation. Let's say it was weed or some booze involved. I mean, I guess we've hanging out and doing the big conversation. Unless it was weed or some booze involved. I mean, I guess we've had a, it doesn't matter.

The point is, when he did the show, episode 40, I was nervous, I didn't know what to expect. I'd never had a conversation about him. And I was doing these shows, long interviews with my peers about their life. And I remember I drove into Hollywood, he was here for a reason, staying at a hotel. We sat by a pool during the day,

and he had a mountain of candy, different types of candy, coffee, cigarettes, outside talking. And we did this whole thing about David Tell's life, how he grew up and whatnot. And I didn't know anything about the guy, I'd known him for years. And that was really one of the original episodes,

one of the templates of how this show was built. That me getting to know my peers, but like I was just dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it, I talked about it for weeks. Like I just talked to a tell for an hour. Has anyone talked to a tell for an hour? And obviously I've seen him on and off. He's one of the guys that occasionally texts me

to see if I'm doing a joke like his. He checks in occasionally. He's been a good friend, showed up, always checks in when something bad happens to me. And I don't know, you know, I love the guy. I feel like we're friends, but this is the, you're gonna hear the second time that we sat down and really talked.

He was so quick, man, and he is so quick. I just never forget that moment where I was standing in front of a stand-up New York and I'd driven up, I parked in front of the place, I had this green Honda Accord LX that I'd gotten from my father. We were young people. Got my father's Accord, drove it out from New Mexico,

but my dad had it for years. And I remember Dave walked up, he goes, "'Where'd you get that car?' And I'm like, "'It's my dad's.'" And I said, "'There's 200,000 miles on it.'" And he said, "'Wow, that's a lot of running away. Classic, classic hotel. He's got a new special coming out.

It's called Hot Cross Buns. It's on Netflix. And I can't even begin to tell you the impact this guy had on standup in general, but New York comedy. I mean, yeah, we can talk about that. I'll talk about it with him, maybe. So look, I've got a lot of tour dates coming up.

I'm going to try to condense it. You can go see the ones I've been mentioning every week, but in case you missed this, last week I announced new cities for my tour. Here's where I'm coming later this year. Asheville, North Carolina, Nashville, Tennessee, Louisville, Kentucky, and Lexington, Kentucky, August 8th through 11th. That's that string of dates. Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Monterey, California. That's August 22nd through 24th. That run. Iowa City in Des Moines, Iowa September 5th and 6th and Kansas City, Missouri on September 7th, Tucson, Arizona September 20th, Oklahoma City Dallas Houston and San Antonio. That's October 3rd through 6th Boulder, Colorado on October 19th

Joliet Illinois Skokie Illinois and Grand Rapids, Michigan October 24th through 26 all the dates are up at wtfpod.com slash tour. You can get all the links to the venues and the links for the tickets. Get the tickets at these links. Don't scalp them out. Don't get stuck in a scalper hole. Though there does seem to be something going on

with some venues where they will, to not give money to scalpers, they'll put the tickets up for sale at the cost that people are scalping them. Then I get the money. I guess that's good. I don't know if it's good for you. I look, I don't know what's happening.

So also new cat mugs from Brian R. Jones go on sale today at noon. These are unique. Well, they are of the tradition of the handmade mugs from Brian R. Jones go on sale today at noon. These are, these are unique. Well, they are of the tradition of the handmade mugs you get when you get, when you're a guest on the show, these celebs and whatnot. But this new batch is glazed black with all gold decals. These are fucking awesome. I hope I can have one. Can I get one? Is he sending me one? I need one. These are available today. These new black and gold mugs are available today starting at noon eastern at WTFMUGS.CO So a tell. A tell. What? What? So, Attell, Attell, what, what?

I've seen Dave Attell do millions of sets, it feels like. But here was the interesting thing about coming up in New York in the late 80s and early 90s has got such a kind of contagious style, voice, rhythm, joke writing structure that so many young cats glommed onto it. You could see Attell running through at least 20 comics at any given time. I can still see the legacy of Attell today, because there are joke guys that know that he is the best joke writer, and you can see a little bit of Attell. There's a few guys, and I've talked about this before,

that people would lock into. Hedberg was another one. There was a lot of Hedbergs around for a while. There weren't that many Hicks's, but there was definitely Hedbergs and Attells around for a while. And I'm sure there are guys now that have a style that people are glomming onto,

but you can see Attells influence and certainly Hedbergs influence in the generation after mine. But I don't even know how many generations, where are we now, generationally? What is happening? Where, how many, I am fucking old, man. I mean, I'm not an old man. But like I I'm really having this weird moment where I

guess from age 35 Right up until becoming 60. I just saw Comics in my community and my peers as we're all just sort of doing the same thing and And now all of a sudden, like I see guys who I just, I just saw as comics who are like 45 and I'm 60. And I thought like, what did everybody stop aging? I don't know. I've probably said this before,

cause it's sort of like, I'm just noticing it. And I don't necessarily feel old, aside from my broke my foot and my hip hurts a little bit from walking weird because of a broken foot. I don't necessarily feel that old, aside from I broke my foot and my hip hurts a little bit from walking weird because of a broken foot. I don't necessarily feel that old, but I think part of the way that people feel old is realizing all of a sudden, and I don't think it happens in a lot of communities, but because comedy is such a big world and you just see people as your peers, that one day you're just sort of like, how did my clock speed up? What the fuck happened?

It's not a bad thing, I don't think. I, I, I sat on stage, I turned 60, I didn't think I'd make it, a lot of other people didn't think I'd make it, and now that I'm here, I don't know if I'm thrilled that I did. It doesn't, doesn't look like it picks up from here. This is not where things get great. I might've missed that moment because I wasn't paying attention.

David Tell came here to my house and I get a little nervous because I'm like, are we gonna be able to talk? But everybody's kinda getting nicer as they get older. I guess we're all settling into our sad skin sacks and letting a few things go. It was great to see him. We actually sat out in front of the house. I gotta give,

I'm gonna make that the picture for the post. We, I've got these rocking chairs out front, so we got a pic of me and Attell in the rocking chairs. But it was, it was a pleasure to see him. He's got a new special out, Dave Attell, Hot Cross hot cross buns on Netflix next week, March 26th. This is me talking to my friend Davitel. Did you know that even if you have a 401k for retirement you can still have an IRA? Did you know that? Robinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. But get this, now through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match.

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Awesome. You're doing it. So San Diego, I was there the night I broke my foot before I went to the fucking doctor. No way. I thought it was just sprain so I was hobbling around for two shows Oh, that's not a town to be hobbling around. No, no, everybody else is hobbling around in in sandals. Yeah but uh But like you did eight shows eight shows. Yeah, that little place is American Comedy

Club great club. I gotta say one thing about that town for me is that they bring in energy and they are like super fans. Not just me of comedy. And it was really, it was great. Like we were like, okay, that's gotta be the best show of the weekend. Then the next one was like even better. You're like, so, you know, I'm spoiled, you know. I played that club a few years ago.

I did some theater situation there this time. But it got a little crazy. It's a good club. It's got the weird dressing room that you kind of locked it on stage almost. Yeah, it's more of an Emporium than it is a dressing room. It's a lot of weird, weird memorabilia in there and stuff. But I gotta thank you, Mark, for having me.

It's been a long time, but I remember you always said, Dave, have you ever come to LA during the rainy season. I'd love to have you in during morning traffic with a chance of flooding. So here we are Well, I follow through on my promises. You really do I don't think I I don't know if we if we've had I think we've only had one long conversation ever on this show Was it in Montreal maybe Maybe, yeah, when I was crying. No, it was at that hotel, remember? Yeah, I think I was the first guy in your pocket.

One of them. And it's great to be the guy who closes it out. Yeah, finally, we can put an end to it. I was hoping for a way to do it. But no, I remember we were sitting out back and it was an odd situation for both of us. You were by a pool, it was during the day. You had a lot of candy set up. Well know that was that that was before you know the

comedy boom yeah wouldn't you wouldn't you agree there is a new comedy boom don't you think yeah it's we're going on for a couple years now I can't believe it I talked to older comments I go this has got to be it this is the last year for this I don't know it's like it's crazy that everybody like for years all we heard about with this other comedy boom, like when we started, right? The 80s, it was like, yeah, everyone talked about like, yeah, it's over now, but Jesus Christ, it's crazy right now.

And like when you try and tell the new comics about like the old days, yeah, the bad times, you know, it's like the dust bowl, like they don't believe you. They don't know what you're talking about and they just go up and do your jokes. They're like, and the room was empty, why didn't you tweet? I'm like, no.

There was no way to reach out to people. Yeah, really? You relied entirely on the club's outreach. I was flyering cars all day. Yeah, that was close to the truth, right? Yup. Shit, man. No, it's just endless radio.

Endless. From six in the morning to like right before you went on stage. And you'd be like, can I just lay down for a minute? And they're like, no, you gotta do this guy. You gotta go across the hall. Joey's got a thing over there. Yeah.

Yeah. You walk into a room with three people yelling at each other. And then I'm sure everyone said this on your show, but then you know, you get to the show and you go, who heard me on? Nobody. Nothing.

Nothing. I don't know, so I was thinking about how to approach, they didn't send me the link to the new special, is it not done yet? No, hey, what's with the tone? I'm sorry. All right, easy. I was looking forward to it.

Okay. And it didn't show up in the Netflix press thing. No, I guess it's supposed to air March 26th. And it's called Hot Cross Buns. So it might be in your spam. But that's the special. And the one thing I wanted to do, and I gotta give you props,

because I've watched a lot of your stuff, and you always are like, you know, definitely I enjoy watching you you and watching your material and watching how it develops and all that stuff. And I would say that this last one you did for HBO, beautiful. I mean, I don't know who the director is or- From bleak to dark.

It was really like, I mean, it was just like, everything looked great. That was Steve Fine Arts. Oh, so there you go. You know that guy? I'm not sure. He did that Eddie Pepitone documentary. He's been around out here. Yeah. And you know, he's been following me around with cameras for three years making a documentary. Really? Yeah, I think he's waiting for me to die.

He won't finish it. I'm like, what's the ending of this thing? Well, where is the foot injury in the dock? Is that towards the end, I hope? The middle. Gee, I don't know when the fuck it ends, but anyway, so you watch my special and it inspired you? Well, no, I just like, you know, I don't know when the fuck it ends, but anyway, so you watch my special and it inspired you? Well, no, I just like you know, I like seeing guys that I know Still doing it. Well, no, I know we all have to do these specials. That's like part of it Yeah, I don't do I don't do them as much as you guys do So, you know, I got these short jokes and it takes forever But what I what I what I learned from my own of watching specials is that I think that the attention span

is very low and I wanted mine short, so mine's 37 minutes. And even now I'm thinking it's about seven minutes too long. Like 30 minutes should be like the way to go. Who convinced you of that, you? Yeah, no, I'm just like from people's attention span, it's really hard to watch an hour of anything now, you know what I'm saying? And I know we live in the age of like director cuts

and all that kind of stuff, but still, 30 minutes to me is plenty. That's all I'm gonna say. So 37, you know, bear with me people. The director's cut of my special was three hours. Yes. And it was a lot of the workshopping. I just put that.

It was called the other Oppenheimer. Yeah. But do you, I mean, how'd you do it? Did Netflix just do it? No, no, I didn, how'd you do it? Did Netflix just do it? No, no, I didn't, I did it on my own. My director, Scott Gallick, is great. And he did road work with me.

That was the one I did before this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's really a patient soul. He's a great guy. Was that the one you shot at, like, wasn't Rascals, it was at Stress Factory? I shot it in three or four different locations. Stress Factory with the phone on the stage? Yes, yeah, that one.

Mm-hmm. And this one, like we have some, you know, like some other things in it as well as the standup. Really? Some movie stuff? No, I don't wanna let it out. I don't wanna let it out. When you get your memo or whatever you're talking about.

It's just supposed to show up. It will, buddy, it will. I'm not worried about it. I have complete. Pop all over to the mailbox. I'm sure you got a press release in there. It's not, it doesn't work that way. You sound like Steve Kravitz, the old comic.

He was at the Comedy Story. The last time I saw him, it was like a year ago, he was like, where do I send my tape? Um- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You must really love it. I mean, let's face it. What?

You know, everybody knows your origin story, but let's face it. Everybody knows your origin story, but let's face it, when you left this town, years and years and decades ago, with your tail between your legs, and now here you are. And hallucinating. Here you are living in the, are we allowed to say we live?

Glendale? Glendale. Yeah, famous Glendale. The top, almost near the peak of the top of Mount Funny. You can see all, you can see show business from here. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, so. No, I was thinking about that. Like I guess, like I've known you 35 years. Yep. Is that fucking nuts? Yeah, you were there when I showed up in New York with my tail between my legs. I remember. Oh my god. You lived on the

Lower East Side or Alphabet City. That's right. We went to your apartment for you to make coffee. Right. And you were telling us about the line in front of your house for methadone. No, it was for heroin. It was? Yeah. No, they weren't giving out heroin then? No, they weren't giving it away. Not like now.

You had to buy it. No. Who was it? Who was they? Who was in my apartment? Was it you? Me, you, and Louie or somebody? I'll be honest with you.

Maybe. I knew this would come up. I didn't think so soon. Go ahead. Oh, no, no. I just like, I talk about the old days, I just don't have any new days to talk about. What are you talking about? You have rocking chairs out front, you must remember those. No, I remember. Yeah, well, I remember them. Okay. But it was funny one time, like, I don't know if I ever said this on the podcast, but like, there was a night, like,

I was there down the Lower East Side for a year and a half trying to stay sober. And then at some point I decided, all those guys that looked horrifying buying heroin, every day I was like, Jesus, how do you live like this? There was finally a night where I'm like, I'm gonna try it. So I go over there, I buy a bag of heroin,

and I snort it like Coke and I throw up and I gotta do sets at night. And for some reason, I had to give you and Louis a ride uptown like we was in that VW Golf. And I just remember like I'm fighting, falling, like nodding out with you guys in the car. I'm like, I can't, these guys are too important in comedy. I can't kill us all.

And then like, I don't know if I drove us downtown, but I just remember sitting in the back of the comedy cell or just like fading away and telling people I had the flu. You know what? Glad it didn't stick. I'm glad it didn't stick. It could have been bad. There you go.

I didn't like it. Remember this, there's no days off in heroin. All right? No, it's a full-time job. It really is. But what I want to tell you, you know, in that story, so many things have changed now. I don't have a Golf.

Okay, heroin is now fentanyl. Yeah. Thank God we got out early. And the car would now be a Tesla. That's right. Cocaine is now fentanyl. Heroin is now fentanyl. Aren't you glad you're on the drug racket?

Jesus Christ. I love being clear and present, but it is so boring. It's me, I'm boring. That's what it is. It's not the world. I am boring. It's like, you know, I do two or three things a day

and I feel like, hey, I've done something. It's like other people. I'm exhausted. You know, they're zip lining and doing all that stuff. I don't know how to do any of that stuff. I don't know how to have a good time. Well, you're dressed for a good time. Well, I'm dressed in sweats

and I have to build my outfit around it because I can only wear sweats with the fucking boot. You're dressed for picking up a guitar and like. Well, I can dressed in sweats And I have to build my outfit around it because I can only wear sweats with the fucking boot You're you're dressed for picking up a guitar and well, I can do that. Let's light a fire just stand outside I'm not really a camp counselor kind of guy But but wait, so how long have you been off the booze? Oh for are you looking at your computer and asking me these questions? No, I'm looking at the levels. I get very nervous about the levels. I thought you were online gambling. No, no. The next addiction.

Hold on. The guy's about to come. This is the best part. Can you just take a second? Let me play through. All right. No, no, it's a lot of- How long has it been though?

You just went just want decades now I mean sober. Oh geez. Oh like oh my god over that like 17. Oh, is that crazy? Yeah, but you know, I don't miss any of that Yeah, I also like when I look at these, you know, like San Diego is a good place like it is out of control down I don't know. I mean like you're like walking around you're like wow., did we win a war? What's going on? I mean, look at this excitement. That's why people go there. Yeah. I mean, like that's their night. To be excited about walking down the street. No, and it's just like, you know, the cops are zipping by and there's people like screaming at each other. It's like, you know, the one good thing is

like, you know, I, you know, it's so close to the border. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you just popped over. No, we didn't go over. That's what I was like, you know, I, you know, it's so close to the border. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So you just popped over. No, we didn't go over. That's what I was like, you know, back in the day, it would be like, why am I not over on the other side? How come I'm not in a Mexican pharmacy getting Tylenol with codeine? Enhancements right now.

I want a new veneer. Yeah, I need dental work. But, but so you feel better generally, obviously? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what do you do? It's just, what do I do? I don't know. I like, first of all, I think you and I are kind of in the same boat with our family.

Like being old? My mom has dementia and stage three. Oh, god damn. Are there stages to it? Yeah, I thought your dad's also. He is, but I haven't been told about stages. I just call him and go- Okay, well get involved. I go, it's Mark. He is, but I haven't been told about stages. I just call him and go. Okay, well get involved.

I go, it's Mark, it's Mark. Do you remember? Yeah, well, that's the whole thing. People are like, why are you on the road all the time? It's like, I have to pay for round the clock care, and that's out of pocket. So that is pretty pricey. And I got her in a house,

and I was gonna put her in a facility. That's what my family wanted. I said no, and that was before the pandemic. And I think that, God bless, I think I made, for one time I made the right decision. I think that that was the right way to go. And that- Oh, cause she would have got COVID in there.

Yeah, yeah. It was like- Did you get it? No, and she actually got it. And when she had dementia, there's so many things going on with your body, hydration and all these other things. So we were like, nah, that's just,

it's like she really had it. So we got her vaccinated, we did all those different things, but like it really was tough during the pandemic where like I couldn't go in. So I was just like wearing the mask, looking through the house, leaving supplies. I was like, you know, like if she had a gun,

she would have shot me. I mean, it was that kind of a thing, you know? But- Does she know you still? No, she doesn't. But did she ever? No. That's really talk about my dad.

It's like, you know, once you realize they're there, whatever they were in the past, you can't hold on to that. But you can have kind of a good time with who they are now. Oh, of course I do. I've like taken an improv classes with my mom. I just agree and agree and agree and agree. Does she make sense? You know, she's a sweet person.

She's always been for others and never for herself. And I know it secretly hurts not only us, but her that there's people taking care of her around the clock. And I know that she was never that type of person. So that's really the thing. And that's also my message to the other people who are going through this here.

And your listeners are also really good people about it. Is that like adult children taking care of their parents is like something that nobody really talks about a lot. Really you're good people. Remember that, like the aides, they tell me all the time, like you are really good children because we've had other people who don't do anything. I tried to write a joke about-

Like these other people don't even know what you know well I tried to write a joke like these other people don't even know what stage dementia their parent has what why do you know but I think like his wife yeah still taking care of him that's good that's and you know she's hanging in there but like I think there's like they don't even call it she doesn't even call it dementia I don't know what the denial level is what does she call it well she keeps thinking like you know these just having bad days I mean she knows he's forgetting everything and more of a press secretary that kind of no but she's doing all the shit and he's like losing it you know he's like blacking out and he's doing like you have like a

drunk person take the keys away from him well he doesn't have the keys doesn't do much okay but like he still knows me and he's got old memories but day of shit yesterday that's all gone and he seems got old memories, but day of shit yesterday, that's all gone. And he seems to be getting more vacant. But like, I don't even know what the clear diagnosis is because she's dealing with it all. So I don't know the stages. I just know that it's getting progressively worse.

And I know eventually, we try to, like I try to get somebody in there, I say, let me help you out, but she's like, well, he doesn't want it. And I'm like, at some point. No, you can't, you gotta do the right thing. My sister is an angel. She does all the appointments.

I mean, I pay the bills, I go out there, I do things, I get supplies. My sister is there basically talking to the aid, setting up the appointments, doing all the medicine, all that kind of stuff. And it is a full-time job. So your dad's wife, I mean like, she's doing it. She's doing it, so you're very lucky.

But you know, he still makes her nervous and he's a stubborn fuck. So he doesn't want to take medicine, he doesn't want to do this. And I don't blame them. I don't blame them at all. It's just that eventually you gotta kinda go like, you know, we know what's best for this person

and they're gonna have to do it. And I think it's harder for men than it is for women with that thing, cause especially you know, that generation of guy. You know, like that kind of thing. Not necessarily they weren't taking care of themselves all the time. So it's very sad.

For the people listening on your show, it's like I totally get what you go through, and a lot of people are like, we're pretty lucky. We make good livings. There's other people who have to basically move cross-country back home, and it's not like in a sitcom where it's hilarious. I gotta move back home, back to Arkansas.

It's nothing like that. So, you know. Yeah, I was so, my mother is not demented, but she's old. Yes. And we just had, her boyfriend kind of declined very quickly with dementia. So he's gone to New York with his family

and he's in a place now. For acting? Yeah, it's amazing. He's like, I want to live out my last dream. The roles for guys you can't remember their lines in their 80s. It's really, really popping right now. I know. I watch the news. But she can't live at her house anymore because there's stairs. So my brother's down there. He's

living in Florida just by coincidence, thank God. And we just put her in a place that's nice. It's an apartment, it's not really an assisted living, but she's like a little aggravated about it. And I asked her, what's the matter? She goes, it's just full of old people. I'm like, oh my God. They don't see themselves. Why would you? That's also the assisted living thing where they're like, there'll be other people and they have these bingo parties and all these different things. And it's like, yeah, it depends where you are on the scale right there.

Because a lot of people are just basically in a chair, upstairs, that's what they're doing. The cloud floor they call it. And my mother, I don't know if she ever really liked people that much. Oh, well, there you go, that's even better. But I tell you, man, I was so fucking excited because I call up the person that manages her money, like the person, it's a friend, but I tell you man. I was so fucking excited because I call up I Call up the person that manages her money like the person it's a friend of hers from a forever

Yeah, but you know she you know my she's managed my mother's investments I was like so what's going on because you know yeah, this is the this is the time exactly how much is she all right? And and the woman's like yeah, she's great. She'll be fine. I'm like wow God only got to pay for one Oh, that's that's great. That's really good. I'm like, thank God. I only got to pay for one. Oh, that's great. That's really good. Help me with this joke though, because I can't get it to work. Well, hold on a second.

Now, they live where again? My mother's in Florida. Okay. And she's okay. She's got her brain. My dad's in New Mexico. Okay. And they're like, I'm gonna go out there next week

to deal with, I've been going out every few weeks to hang out and see what's going on and check in. Well, that was the time to do things with him while you still can, like hot air ballooning. Yeah, yeah, we did that. See the Pueblos. Sure, hang gliding. That's the next thing, the hang gliding

from the top of the mountain. Okay, go ahead. But, no, I take him out to lunch and stuff, and we sit there. All right, relax. But you find out, isn't it weird though, did your mom start to, you know, it seems like the statute of limitations on shit they should tell you goes away.

Oh, that's past, that's not an ad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I hear, you know, you just hear things, like you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's slowly bubbling up. Right, yeah, and then like, did I ever know this guy? I don't know if I ever knew this guy. There's a whole other life you never knew about. Totally, I don't know my mother at all. Plus there's the, you know, the weird things that are that are going on. She's like, do you hear that?

And I'm like, what? She goes, they're walking on up there. And it's like, where? And she's like, they're up there walking. I go, where are they going? It's like the movie theater. Like, she's looking at the ceiling. I'm like, heaven?

Is there a movie in heaven? And it's a long line. Yeah. Everybody you know is there. Creepy. OK, so here's the joke. Tell me why it doesn't work. It's basically long line. Yeah, everybody you know is there. Creepy. Okay, so here's the joke, tell me why it doesn't work. It's basically like, you know I'm older now and you have a family and it's weird that when you get older, no one ever really tells you just how much it's gonna cost

to put two parents through dying. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's not bad. It's not bad. That's a good start. You're right, it's a good start. Then sometimes I add, and you get're right, it's a good start. And then I sometimes I add like, and you get nothing out of it, except for the satisfaction.

But I can't make it work because people were just too sad about it. Like I dropped the punch line, people were like, oh. How much is it gonna cost to put two people through die? Two parents. Yeah. Put your parents through the dying.

Well, yeah, what are you gonna do? You can do like, you know, there's no two for ones out there, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, they've been divorced for years, right? Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? You can do like, you know, keep hitting it. There's no two for ones out there, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, they've been divorced for years, right? Oh yeah, yeah. So they're not gonna be buried together because that's what really,

you know, that plot. I think, yeah, did you buy one? No, no, I don't want it where my dad is buried. I don't like that, and I've been there a bunch. Bad neighborhood? No, well, here's what happened there like in the last couple of years. First of all, it is really creepy there.

And it is just like- Like the cemetery? No, but it's like one of those where the highway and then- They're all like that. There's a recycling plant and it's like smoke building out very Oswalt-like. Right, right.

It's very, like, ooh, it's very industrial. It's not like the rolling hills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the other thing is they had a, this is a joke, I was working on a new work, but they actually, a plane crashed into the cemetery and everybody was okay who was alive. Anybody who was still alive was still alive at that time.

But I go, this guy really, it's a Jewish cemetery, so I assume he must have hit a lawyer. So I'm sure a card popped out of the ground. Didn't work? No, it didn't work, no. Different time, didn't work. No, but my grandparents are buried in like Newark. Really? It's this little Jewish cemetery that's been there forever. But since when it was built, there's the Budweiser factory. Yeah. It's just sitting there and like, you

don't know if anyone's taking care of anything. You know, what's the creepiest thing about cemeteries is like at all the graves, like the ground goes down. A little bit. The stone goes down. The stone goes down, but the ground goes down because if it's a Jewish cemetery It's all pine boxes. So they got to give way at some point Yeah, I never thought of that But I was like I know that the headstone like, you know, they wanted to be you know I like the temple that they belong to it's like nothing ostentatious. So it's like this slab. Yeah Yeah, I'm always out there scrubbing it. Yeah, you all like, you know, weird looking mossy and everything like that.

Your dad's? Yeah, my dad's thing. And what was the other thing about it is also like, you know, the bathroom at the cemetery, like it's not open all the time, you know? There's no one there. Yeah, no, it's kind of an easy gig and they really give themselves a lot of like,

you know, holidays off, you know? I don't know, like, I think my mom, I don't know if they, I guess my dad's got a plot in New Mexico somewhere. I think my mom might wanna be cremated, I don't know. You know where I was thinking about it? Cause I just did my will. I was like- You did it? Yeah, I'm doing it.

I'm like, you know, like pretty close. You're still in it for now. What? No, I'm kidding, relax. So no, the, I was thinking, you know where Houdini- Could you leave me the jokes? Just leave me the jokes. Yeah, just, I'll leave you know where who do you do you mean the jokes just leave me the joke Yeah, just I'll leave you a couple of tags The Houdini you know where Houdini Harry Houdini's buried nobody knows he keeps no no he's buried in Queen somewhere

It's a weird cemetery in this like you know those parrots that escaped in Brooklyn. I think they live around Yeah, so it's supposedly like a really kind of cool thing. Yeah, but it's Queens right so no parking right. It's terrible No, what is it? What's that fucking cemetery that you drive through when you go the airport? You know? Oh, yeah, that one's big It's huge. I would do that one too. Yeah, cuz it's close to the city You know I'm saying some people like there's no excuse you can still do spots. No excuse Yeah, I don't like I don't know what about for yourself do you think like the wills heavy right Yeah, I don't like, I don't know. What about for yourself? Do you think like the will's heavy, right? Yeah, I mean I did that. You know, but you know, unless you have like children

and stuff like that, it's pretty- What do you do? I don't have kids. You don't have kids. We did the right thing. Yeah, you just give it to your like family. Right, right. Yeah, or friends.

I assume you have some cat sanctuary, your funding or something. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I have a girlfriend who works in the animal welfare business. Yeah, what's that like by the way? What, the animal welfare business. What's that like, by the way? What, the girlfriend? No, that and also like, there's a lot of these animal things out there,

because in my will I gave to one of them, but what's going on with that stuff? Well, I give to them every year. I'd rather do that then. I like that too. If you ever go to North Carolina and you're playing like Raleigh, Yes, I guess it was there. There's a place out there called the North Carolina Tiger Rescue.

Oh, tigers. Well, it's big cats because idiots buy tigers. And there's no law against it. And eventually they get too big and they're like, what the fuck do we do with the tiger? So they end up at this place. They can't release them like pythons. No, or just stray cats.

There's a feral tiger in the neighborhood. That's one of your... That's one of them, ASPCA, best friends. So there you go, that solves the problem that we were just talking about. You don't need to be buried, just throw yourself into the cat pit and let them tear you apart. It'll probably happen in my house. You won't be found for days. Days, just pieces of me.

I do like that. I do like that. A weird smell from a neighbor. Oh, pieces of me. I do like that. I do like that. A weird smell. Yeah, yeah. From a neighbor. Oh, that happened to me in New York once. It was so fucked up. You have to have a neighbor with a good nose to really.

But I did, that happened, you remember my, the Astoria apartment? I don't know if you're ever out there. But for weeks, dude, there was a smell in the building. It was so fucked up. You know, cause I thought like, well, you know, there's a lot of different types of people live here. They cook weird things. I didn't, I didn you know, there's a lot of different types of people live here. They cook weird things.

I didn't know what it was. But it turns out like, you know, the woman next door who lived by herself had been laying dead in her hallway for weeks. And then the hallway, no, in her apartment. Yeah. And so when the cops finally came, they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

You didn't smell that? I'm like, I didn't know what it was. Man, that in New York, I knew somebody who did that job where they had to do the death certificate stuff. Did you know them from your old show? No, no, well I know the crime scene cleanup, I did the thing with those people,

but the death certificate person where they're basically the second person in, and they get to see the life that these people live in. A lot of them are like, the parents had died and now it was this past of the son, these apartments, he's like, passed away. And then the son kicked out, just like, never married, nothing, had a job.

Just a regular guy, had a job, maybe he was on a spectrum or something like that. And then he went down, and it's just like, they could walk around the apartment, it's like a time capsule back to around the apartment and it's like, you could just like, it's like a time capsule back to like the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, those New York apartments

for those people that have lived there forever. I mean, it's kind of creepy. They're there right before the real estate person showing the apartment. Two days. Yeah, we could set this up. Get it out. With my will, like, I mean, I don't talk about it too much.

I mean, you gotta figure out where it's gonna go charities one place, right? But I got a couple of friends who are gonna be lottery winners if they make it good for you Yeah, there you go. Yeah, they're gonna keep the surprise arrow people with kids. Yes, right Does your sister have kids my sister does and my brother has them and they are like alpha kids too Like I'd be leagues and all that kind of stuff. Oh really? Yeah. It's your older brother? No, my younger brother has two kids that are like amazing.

And so you have a relationship with them? Yeah. Uncle Dave, do you take them to the comedy club? I like to call myself a stay at home uncle. How old are they? They're now coming up in their 20s. In the Ivy Leagues, huh? Yeah, well that's pretty expensive. You Yeah, I'm talking about sure and you know, they're

It's different generation. Yes, and like I think both of us can agree that college really had no effect on us I'm not like it really had if anything, you know, I was like, you know, why did I do that? You know, I don't know. I feel like like I did whatever the fuck I wanted to so I tried a lot of shit Yeah, I guess I mean when I tried comedy the first time in college, you know like I did whatever the fuck I wanted to so I tried a lot of shit Yeah, I guess I mean I tried comedy the first time in college. You know I did plays Wrote my poetry Wow studied film is this mark. We're talking. Yeah Sure, that's it. That's a deep resource there. Where's you go to school Boston University? Oh, there you go be you Jeff Ross who I didn't know Jeff is a good buddy of mine.

Of course. I mean, that's the cool of it, I guess. You could say at this point in our world of comedy is that, you know, it's a lot more fun, the hang, you know, in terms of like, it's so funny. Just like, I mean, I, you know, like when the young comics come up to me, they ask for advice. I'm sure they do that to you at some point. Very specific.

Any advice I have is almost like how to build a sword, like a blacksmith. And they're like, what years you're talking? Years? And they don't get it. And I'm like, yeah, you gotta listen to your tapes and no, you don't tape? Okay, I got it.

Put it right up on TikTok, I understand. All they do is they just record the set, they're a year in and they throw it on TikTok. I know, amazing. Is it amazing? No, I mean, it's amazing to like have that kind of confidence, I guess. I wouldn't, it took me like years and years

to release anything. Yeah, but I think that was like, I was gonna say at the beginning, I think that you, more than anybody else at the time in the 80s, established this weird, intense work ethic that all of us followed. Really? Well, yeah, because,, well maybe it was heavy,

I don't remember what it was, but there was this idea in New York that- Wait, you gave me a great comic, then you took it away. No, no, no, it was like this idea that you gotta do like 90 sets a week. And there's no other place you can do that but in New York, but that was the system. And to this day, I'm at the fucking comedy store

almost every night. I was gonna tell you, I drove in from San Diego, with Louis Katz, who is a headliner, he was working on the show with me, great comic, really fun guy, and he's gotta be with his wife and all that stuff, and I'm like, I'm fighting the urge to go to the comedy store tonight.

Like, I really am fighting it. Why don't you go? No, because I'm like, after eight shows, I was worn out, I had nothing new to talk about, so luckily, like, rain. Why ruin it? I was like, yeah, right. Why bring it right down to reality?

Why go do the 15 minutes where you don't really want to do it? You know, in front of, like, the storm people. So, anyway, I was like- Are you staying at Louie's? What? No, I'm staying in a hotel. Oh, good for you. But the other thing is just,

I felt that, like, that was the great thing about New York, that you can do multiple sets in a night and that, you know, like I know, I still think to this day that like those late night sets and I still go on late at the Comedy Cell. I'm the last guy. When I'm in town. Which Comedy Cell aren't there nine?

The original, the original, classic. And like, you know, the whole point was like, you do these late night sets and like, you're in front of other crowds and not just your your people. Yeah, you know you come up new material, but the crowds there now are so like International there's a lot of tourists and there's a lot of domestic and international tourism there And then you know once again like these are the new comics You know there's a lot of new ones there like all the time so I want to see if I can even follow them That's pretty much what it is like can, can I still follow an old man?

You know, like the old man. Yeah, tell me about it. But the point of it is, it's just like, am I getting as much new stuff out of it? Probably not. Like, there's more moans and groans coming out of that crowd than my crowd. My crowd's up for anything.

My crowd is great. So, you know, this crowd is where like, you know, I'll come up with something new or I'll test it. No, it really isn't that. It's more about like, you're looking at a guy and he's got his travel bag with him. He's catching the first flight out of LaGuardia. So, you know, this is like his thing to do

before he goes back to, you know, wear Oslo, whatever. So. Yeah, and there's a language barrier and you don't know if you're. Total. I feel like this seller was always kind of like that. What I mean, did you ever feel like, you knew Manny, the original owner, Manny.

Of course. And I remember you and him really going at it, Knesset style, like, really, like, open your collars and let's get this done here. Yeah, he threw me out for a while. I can't remember what I said, you know, but yeah, I remember Manny. Here's what I remember about Manny, and I remember this about you too, is like, when I first got at work at the cellar, if you were sitting in the room, I'd make you leave, because I'm like, I got to, I don't need the pressure.

I gotta figure out how to do this in front of these regular people. But all I remember about Manny when I was on is that at some point during my set, I'd see him come down the stairs, enter the room, and in a panicked way, just look around to see if anyone was laughing. And if it was a bad moment, I'm like,

oh, fuck, now I gotta listen to this. I gotta listen to Esti. Tell me I'm angry. That was the thing. He always said to me, like, oh fuck, now I gotta listen to this. I gotta listen to Espy, tell me I'm angry. It's, that was the thing. He always said to me, like all the classics, like do you have to work so blue? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of thing, and then all that kind of stuff. Why can't you be more like Johnny Joseph?

Yeah, he really was like, he was really classic in the sense of like, you know, you're an entertainer. Yeah. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. And, but the good thing, one thing I love about him, he never said, don't say, you know, like he never, no censorship of thing. And, uh, but the good thing, the one thing I love about him, he never said, don't say, you know, like, he never, no censorship of speech. Sure, sure.

Like, I don't want it this way. You do what you do. Sure. Well, that's, I mean, that's Noam's big thing right now, his son, right? Yeah. No censorship. We've got to...

No, Noam also fights the good fight with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a new act. He's, he's a, he goes by Joey Hitler. But, you know, he... But we got to indulge all voices here. But you know the road let's face it is dead end But what do you do out there? What do I do? I'm trying to basically you know when you're on the road It's all about like where's the next place you can do laundry. Yeah, then how's your draw out there good still yeah

No, I'm doing good I really got to give it up to my crowd. Like, you know, Louis said it, and all the people that are open for Ian Fadda. All these guys that are open for me, they're like, man, your crowd is the best. Like, they really love jokes. And like, that's really what I do. I'm a joke guy.

Right, yeah, yeah. So like, they're into it, and like, I can't thank them enough. Cause they've been with, some of them have been with me for years. Some of them, the new ones, like, who are getting into it, they're like, so like, wow, I've never been to a comedy show. This is pretty amazing. So I feel like I'm doing the

good thing and I try and get you know like if I can you know depending on like how many shows it's like get some locals do a guest spot you know here and there so like kind of spread sure like of course I try to get local openers get if I can I understand yeah yeah and then you know what else can I say you know but I mean like Do you have merch? Yeah, I do. What do you got? Well, I was...

You have t-shirts? I have t-shirts. I have a poster. And I know this is not your thing. It used to be. I just couldn't deal with all the boxes. You couldn't deal with... This room would fill, like, you could have a couple of great boxes of merch here.

Well, I mean, when I did t-shirts... Like a warehouse. When I did t--shirts you got to have all the sizes So yeah, three or four boxes. You got a mail them ahead of time Yeah, I sit there for an hour with some guy, you know at the end of the line He's like do you have triple XL? No, but now it's the new generation Where it's like a guy will come up to you have a small. Yeah. Oh what? Are you gonna like wax your car with this? No, I wear that Yeah, no, I get it. You know what was the best merch? What?

If you get a guy if you're going to a city and you get you know And you reach out somehow on Twitter whatever you fucking do and get like a local guy to design a poster and then you just run Them off. Yeah, the posters are the easiest because they don't yeah and people want to leave with something So you just you know you pay a dollar fifty for each one Why then you sell it for fifty bucks well the only reason why I do it is because you know you spend hours Taking pictures with everybody that's right. I did that too. Yeah, so I'm like you know I'm definitely gonna meet the crowd if I can it really depends on the club You know how they set it up, but you know I feel like that's part of it

But it's not like you know hey for a while there. I was living off of my merch money I got to tell you that because like I had taxes I had you know, my mom Yeah, so it was like one of these like perfect storms of like, you know, I'm broke right and I'm like, hey, wait a minute I got that merch money But when you uh, when you go out like here's the thing like like I'm trying I feel like I'm out of the how much Are you really out there? That's what I want I feel like I'm out of the loop. Well, how much are you really out there? That's what I wanna know. Like, are you out there?

Well, now I'm going out. I know, but do you out there like two weeks a month? Well, you can't with the foot, right? No, I go out with the foot. I did a date in San Francisco, and I did the two shows in San Diego. That's where I shot my special, a cop's San Francisco. Oh, really?

Yeah. It went good? That's like a huge room. It was great, and we had some tech problems We had some sound problems, but like honestly like my director guy took the best of both shows and like it was it was good What were the sound problems? Just like I guess like something wasn't plugged in or something like a whole show And yeah, we couldn't hear at the audience gonna. You know something like that, but nothing major. Yeah crazy, but but no I'm gonna go out, and I'm doing these smaller theaters.

I'll do clubs in places I can't do theaters like I do. I thought you'd be up to like more of the amphitheater by now. No. Come on. No, I'm a very, I'm a acquired taste. Really? No, I'm not what you would call your basic entertainer. And I beat the shit out of myself all the time.

It's like, I think I'm for everybody, but apparently not everybody's like me. What are you gonna do? I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. All I'm gonna say is, you know, there's a lot of factors, ticket price, you know what I'm talking about, there's that. But there's some places I can sell, like, you know, 800.

Some places I can sell, I think the max for me is maybe 2,000 seats. In a theater? Yeah, in a theater in like a few cities where I can sell well. I bet you I know those cities right now. Sure, yeah. Well, I did not write in San Diego, oddly. Oh, okay.. I bet you I know those cities right now. Sure, yeah.

Well I did write in San Diego oddly. But I did like two shows, five, 600 people. San Francisco I can sell. What about DC, you must kill it there. DC I can do good. Portland I can do good. Sure, Portland is another great town. I did like some really great comedy towns

and I bet you at the Wilbur in Boston you can crush that. I can do that, I can do all right. How many can you do? The Wilbur? Four? I don't know, two, no, no no no yeah, maybe one and a half two What about you you back that up with a foxwood casino gig? No, I don't do the casino. You gotta really is it good No, but that's how I always do it. It's like hit the casino on the way up hit it on the way back Well, here's the thing though like I've been doing a casino act. No, that's it. Oh, I just did one in Shreveport

You should check it out the The Au Bon Pratah Pomp Town. It's very French. And it's a riverboat. And it's right on the Mississippi. Are you serious? Yeah, no. Two connecting flights at least. I don't know what it was.

But that's another thing. It's like I won't do the gig if it's not a direct. So but the whole thing is like, I was there one time it was awesome. The second time it was like in the middle of the Mardi Gras warmup. So like, wow, it was a knife fight, but I still enjoyed it. But I like these casino gigs, man. You can smoke. You're sometimes the best looking guy

in the entire casino. I mean, those crowds, those casino crowds, really. Talk about cemeteries. Yeah, well, what I've been saying on stage, it was like, you know, like I say, my peers, they do casinos, but like, if you were my fan and you were in Vegas, you didn't go there on purpose. You know, you're there because Mary's doing her thing here.

We didn't want to go. Now, if you saw my... Well, let's talk about Vegas because I'm going to be in Vegas next week. Well, I'm going to Vegas. I'm playing wise, guys. Do you know that? Sure, love it. Which one?

The little one or the new one? The new one in Vegas. Well, no, he that he had like he just opened a second room the Vegas Yeah, the the original one was in the arts district. Did you that one sees like 220 low ceilings? I don't know and then he opened that on that well He opened one closer to the strip that I think you're probably going to okay like 400 seat I'm playing a club in Vegas right so what So what do I have to do to play the Sphere? Well, that's easy. How many credits am I away?

Let me forage you Bono's information. Can you imagine? David Tell with the Sphere. How do they even book that? Just like this. An obelisk glows. Well, no, it'd just be like this weird footage of New York City.

No, but the best thing to do is like now it's so so like full like now It's like the big thing but you know in Vegas every idea every new ideas is old immediately So it's like in a year when they're asking guys like us and it's like half sold out and like two for tickets like oh Hey, who's who's gambling tonight? It's just like David tell us this question Hey, who's gambling tonight? And it's just like flashing love around. David Tell at the sphere. Just question marks going around. Sorry, the guy who knows how to run this quit. He moved to Tahoe with a girl.

Yeah, they're building a smaller version of this at Tahoe. Sorry. But no, I just say like, if you're my fan, you saw I was playing in a casino, you'd actually be like, I don't know, it's a lot. We're just starting to have a good time. Isn't he coming near us? I don't think you give yourself enough credit.

How about a co-headlining, you and a chum? You go out on the road and then at the end you have like a little sitting in chairs talking to each other. Yeah, well that'd be fun. I mean, well you do that thing with Jeff. Yeah, no, we had great times doing that. Jeff's so funny.

Jeff is actually, I gotta give Jeff a lot of credit. Like not only the roasting thing, but he's working on one man's show. I actually, I gotta give Jeff a lot of credit. Like not only the roasting thing, but he's working on one man's show. I mean, like he's got a lot of stuff going. So, you know, he's always moving and he's always making some moves. And it feels like the thing about Jeff though, and I've said this about him before,

he feels like he's like some sort of connection to the history of comedy. He really is. It's weird. He's like the joke I do. You remember the Shining? You know, at the end they zoom into the picture like you've always been here. Mr. Torrance. I feel that way about Jeff Well, that's like when the friars closed. Yeah, the Friars Club in New York went down

I was like, I'm sure Jeff felt it like he just shaped It happened. No, but Jeff is good all the way through. I mean we have some great stuff We did Catalina Island. Have you ever done it? No. You haven't done it? No. Oh my god. It was weather just like this. Yeah. We had a helicopter out. Really? We helicoptered out. It was just me, Jeff, and a picture of Buddy Holly. Right into the rain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Jeff, like, I remember, like, it's so weird that we've known each other since the late 80s, because I remember when Jeff was Jeff Lifsholtz. Whoa. Right? You don't remember. We're gonna have to edit that out. No, he knows, he knows. Not in today's politics.

Jeff Zionist Lifsholtz. Have you realized that Zionist just means fucking Jew to some people? Well, that's why these college shows are out there for you. Do you do them? No, come on. I walk there, I'm the groundskeeper walking around. No way, that would be terrifying.

Actually, I would say that any kind of corporate or anything like that, I'd be like, you sure? Yeah. Like they wanted me to do some boat corporate thing. I'm like, I am not the guy for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I don't want you to waste your money. Yeah, yeah.

But they always seem to be like, no, the guy who is friends with the president loves you and he showed the president some clips. I'm like, what about the other 500 people then? You sell, you make Bibles. You know this is a mistake. And then you've got to sit there and like, you got to like, all right, so which guy's the boss?

And what's the- And then it's all about how much time. Like, you know, 40 would be better. And then you keep getting it down, you know, trying to like haggle them. I had no, I- How about just a meet and greet? Yeah, that'd be great.

Now, bus balls is the meet and greet. The one, I remember, I've never done a corporate since I had to do one in Boston when I was just starting out. And I walk into this, there's people, it's a dance floor, there's people eating on both sides. Right. There's an ice sculpture. And I don't know, somebody canceled. And I walk into this, there's people, it's a dance floor, there's people eating on both sides, there's an ice sculpture, and I don't know, somebody canceled, and I walk in,

and the woman says to me, like, what do you do? Do you talk about sports? They love sports, and I'm like, I'm fucking dead. So I went up there, I talked about AIDS for 10 minutes, and then I got out. Hit him right where you're closing. Oh, that's great. If you're starting with the closer, it's fucking over.

You know, that's the other thing is like, mostly anything I've ever done for money has sucked. So like, I just know it like when it's like, but the money, then it's always bad. The worst. It's terrible. But you have so many other tools in your tool belt. But I still like, I love doing this. What about the movies?

You can do some movie stuff, right? Yeah, I'm trying to do like, I don't work too hard at it. I swear to God, man, there's part of me that sort of is done. Yes. You know, but I keep doing the stand-up because it's the only thing that makes life interesting. Right. Because you can just do a new thing occasionally

and you're like, holy fuck, everything's okay in the world. You don't, so you like doing it or you don't like doing it? The movies? Yeah. I like it alright, but there's a lot of waiting around. You gotta sit in a trailer a long time. Yeah, that really is tough It kind of is it really and I you know, the more I complain about it the more I'm hurting my chances to get more movies But but no, you know

That's why like in the classic age of Hollywood like they would always show like the stars playing like cards with the stuntmen Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they had they had their phones or anything. Yeah, everyone just sits around on their fucking phone Yeah talking about like I guess World War two or something. You know, they're having a good time So how'd the deal with Netflix work? You just said here's my thing. Yeah, no, they're they're pretty cool I mean like I've worked with them before Robbie Robbie is good guy And you know did we did the bumping mics there and like, you know, they just known me for a long time So the good thing about it is like it's international Yeah, do you ever go to Europe you do?

I can't leave the country because of my mom like I really don't want to be Like somewhere like pick a country. Yeah, East Timor Doing Poland. Yeah, let's say I'm on the on the which we're calling the Don boss in Ukraine Yeah, and no, I don't want to be any you know where I have to like get back quickly Yeah, that happened when my dad passed where I was in Boise, Idaho and I take like nine flights to get home, so that was really terrible. Boise, I'm going to Boise.

See, I bet you're gonna sell that out. I don't know, it's a festival. Well, what kind of- A rock festival. Oh, is it? Yeah, and they have comedy. We'll see. You're asking me how much I'm out there. I'll go out- That's great.

In March, I'm gonna be out like almost every weekend. Well, there you go. For these, all different ones, like these one night runs. But what do you do when you're here? like almost every weekend. Well there you go. All different ones. But what do you do when you're here? That's more important. What are you doing when you're here? I do the comedy store every night and I talk to you. Okay.

And I talk to people. Movie stars come to my house and I thought. That's fun. When after I'm done I'm like, are we friends? Should I ask for his number? And I never. And what do you guys do? You play a little pickle ball?

What do you do? Pickle ball. My brother's all about the pickleball. I know. No, I just go to the gym and I break my foot. You know, that's the whole fucking thing. But what's it like in New York? Because I've been adverse.

Like, for some reason, I go to New York and I don't go to the cellar because I don't know. Yeah, why don't you? I should. No, really, that's really like they would love to have you there. I know. I have this weird idea that me and Noam don't get along. But I think it's all in my head. No, no, that's really like, they would love to have you there. I know. I have this weird idea that me and Noam don't get along,

but I think it's all in my head. No, no, no, we'd love to have you there. But I think also there's part of me that, from being there when I was younger, it was never that comfortable. I always felt a lot of pressure. So now it's almost like going back to where the abuse happened.

Well, but like when you go to the comic store, which is really like where you cut your bones. Well, I mean, I was there when I was a kid and when I finally figured out that you know that you know Sam Kenison wasn't gonna come back and make me do coke with him. Well, yeah, I was on the road and we were in Oklahoma Have you played that club Oklahoma City? I went to his grave. No the Tulsa Tulsa. Yeah, we went to his grave And I was like I expected something totally different. It's a family plot the family plot I had this agenda from what after he pissed on my bed when I was at the comedy store,

that I was gonna piss on his grave. No way. And when I got to Tulsa, I was there to do the reservation dogs and I went out there and I'm like, am I gonna do it? And I let it go. Oh good. I let it go. Cause you know, you can do a lot of things in Tulsa,

but not that. Yeah, can't piss on the same campus. Save it for the outsiders house, where I went. And they had a guy at the outside, cause you know the book, The but not that. Yeah, can't piss on Santa's. Save it for the Outsiders House, where I went. And they had a guy at the outside, because you know the book, The Outsiders. So they had a guy there who was actually an extra in the movie, and he kind of gives you a little tour of the house.

And I go, I've made a lot of mistakes, but this guy, talk about writing an old credit. And he's like, and this is the car, they're Pony Boy and Cherry Pop and what, hello? Hold on a second, I have to get to family court right now. This is the car of that pony boy and cherry pop and what? Hello? Hold on a second. I have to get to family court right now. Was there a lot of people there? There was a lot of people,

because it's funny you can stand in front of the house and take a picture, but the guy's house across the street looks like a total bunker. And you're like, what's going on at that house? Can we get a tour of that house? Who's got the guy? Don't tread on me, snake flag.

But like, are you having this thing where, I mean, you're in New York all the time though. Like, I don't know who the new comics are. I don't know them either. You don't? When I see Matt Tissel, I slowly get to know, but people like, you know, I don't get it. I mean, like I'm a comic, I'm standing on the street,

just like the rest of them. Sure. They're a little nervous. It's also like a generational thing, I think, that a lot of them, you know of them really lean into this whole like- Crowd work? Well, that, which is funny, because crowd work, as we all know, was like- Yeah, lazy.

It was a different thing. Well, yeah. Some people are better at it than others, but it turned into its own separate free running. But the thing was, I know how to do it, you know how to do it, but it's just a tool. You just have to act. Yeah, in fact, I would always like be a little like,

oh, I did a lot of crowd work on that one. Right, I wasted my time. But now that I see that it's a cash cow, I'm in. Are you doing that? Do you do the TikTok thing? No, I'm actually gonna try and put some clips up there. And I really am like tough on the, like I really like don't like the web, you know?

Like I'm like, I have a flip phone, you know? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, it's very slow wifi and it seems you've got to call back for this show, Glow. Yeah.

I'll meet you over there. I'm part of the audition process. Are you reading with me? Yeah. But the thing is like, I don't like it at all. I have someone who works my sites and everything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a TikTok guy?

I'm gonna get that going. I got a guy. And how's it going? What's your hits? What do you got going there? I got about, I got a couple hundred thousand followers and that guy just pulls clips from, sometimes I do Instagram-wise

and pulls clips from old specials, but I'm not doing too much club stuff. Okay. Like I made fun of the Crowd War comics on one clip, and that did really well. Oh really? Start a war? Yeah, kinda.

It's easy to start a war. That's for sure. Somebody got mad at me. I said something in a cryptic way about a comic, quote unquote, and another comic, someone framed it that it was him, and I had to call him and make up with him because he got, it was Burt, you know,

and he was like, why are you saying this about me? I'm like, I wasn't even talking about you. Wow. And then like it becomes like high school and I don't even know if that's resolved. Jesus. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

Sounds like something should be said only at a cigar bar in Miami. Two of you relaxing, two men in the world. Yeah. But the best thing about TikTok is that there actually is some really funny stuff on it, like international world stuff, you know, like something like a restaurant run by baboons or something. I can't beat that. Or a restaurant. I got nothing that good. A restaurant that cooks baboons.

Yeah, something like you're like, wow, that's hilarious. The editing and the effects. It's all perfect, yeah. I watch a lot of international food reels. Really? Where they're just cooking things, you're like, what the fuck is that? That's a great thing to say on a first date. I watch a lot of international food reels.

Why are we here at Bob Evans? Cause I like to disconnect sometimes. But I don't, do you, like, are you accepting, like? I watch endless documentaries. Yeah? Yeah, like on just like, stuff that you can't even find another person to talk about. Well, that's good for material, right?

I think it's just me, like, you know, as I get older and I forget things, that like, I used to read books, now I can't read books. And it was magazines, can't do that either. Now it's just documentaries 24 seven. What do you watch them on, anything? I watch them on, you know, I hate't do that either now. It's just documentaries 24 7. What do you watch them on anything? I watch them on you know, I hate saying Amazon. Yeah, I like all these like little crazy Docs What's the last one you watch? Um, gee, I watched so many of them

But the one that is our in our business is the Gary mule deal one. Oh, well, I interviewed him for that You did. Yeah, I had Gary over here. I love it. Yeah, did you think why I see the doc? Yeah, well there is I'm not gonna say but you know, they had Gary over here. I love it. What did you think? Well, I- You've seen the doc? Yeah. Well, there is, I'm not gonna say it, but they had some great legends in there. Conan, Letterman, and Steve Martin. And there is a scene in there that I thought was hilarious where they're like,

this guy is at the top of his game, and he does it for the art. And it's like, the money, yeah, whatever. But then they show him in an embassy suite bubble wrapping his guitar. I'm like, I think the yeah, whatever. But then they show him in like an Embassy Suites bubble wrapping his guitar. I'm like, I think the money has something to do with this. Well, he was one of those guys where I saw his picture at the store forever and he was a letterman's friend.

I never met him. But yeah, but there was this part of me, it's like, this guy, what's he been doing? But like he's- He's out there. He's huge though. In a way, with the country music people, and you know, he does act, some of the references he does in his acts

are actually retro now. So like the people that, like, and I've watched guys who like Argus Hamilton at the Comedy Store, there's something about the guy, Tom Driesen's back. And there's something about, I think, comforting to some audiences, just to hear these old guys do that way they used to do it,

it reminds them of their kid or something. Like they their kids. You know Gilbert, who was like a friend of mine. To this day, like his jokes, that classic set up of a rabbi and this, like those are really hard to write. Because like, you know, even though you grew up kind of hearing those jokes, they're really tough to write.

And like, what's his name? Gary Mulder had like a bunch of those too. And I'm like, wow, yeah, wow, man Like, you know here we are thinking we're like the big writing comics but like I can't even write these street jokes Well, but he but they did their writing once 30 years ago Well, maybe that's why they're so hard to come up with Well, the thing the interesting thing about Mule Deer is was he was a Keno addict I mean, you're gonna go can Keno. Yeah, if you're gonna get addicted to something. Yeah, Keno Keno Iteno, it's not even like in the meeting people like next,

who's got a better story, anybody? I play the ponies. You gotta like to lose a lot of money at Keno, it takes a long time. You gotta be really in. But are you feeling, well, lately I've been feeling like, you know, I just have to accept that I'm like this generation that like we're the old guys.

Yeah, we are the old guys. It's weird, right? I like being the old guy. I feel like I'm better at a lot of things now than I was when I was younger. I'm a better performer. I don't know about joke writing. I feel like sometimes I'm, sometimes I really hit it.

Sometimes like right now I'm in like a real funk. Like, you know, changing the- Well, you just did a special, right? Yeah, so it's like, you know, changing up the hour. There's some guys, like Sam Morell and Mark Norman. These guys can like turn an hour, man. I mean, like they really can turn an hour. Well, that's funny, cause they're your direct,

they're your direct prodigies. They would be like, they're like generations younger than me, but like, it's just amazing to see how they like bang it out. The Atel ethic goes through them. Okay. I believe that's true. I mean, there was a period there where everybody in New York was doing some version of Attell, but now there's two generations past, but they're still, they're joke guys that I think

are directly connected. Morrell, I think he would admit that you're a hero. I don't say it really well. I know them both. And there's a bunch of now joke writing coming up list. Coming up yet another guy. Yeah yeah yeah. Like you know the joke writing people are coming up again. I know. Where's for a while there was like everything but jokes. A lot of stories, a lot of emotions. I'm of the story ilk. That's okay. Yeah. Telling a good story is really difficult.

So I do you know some guys are better at it than others. But I think there are people don't realize that all the stories are full of jokes. You gotta have jokes. I mean, it's part of the story. Do you ever like go to yourself, like I assume before you go out, you look at a picture of Mark Twain and go, here it comes.

Here it comes. Finally, I'm getting gray. That's what I'm gonna end up doing when I retire is just a Mark Twain show. Where like Hal Hobrook's out, Val Kilmer's out. But with a Q and A.'s out with a Q&A yeah with a I love that no Q&A so let me ask you what you need to smoke I wanted to smoke a cigarette but I don't know if you have a half time for this no we're

good we're almost done I think yeah okay so we did good yeah how many how's the cigarettes probably about two packs a day but I always smoke halves oh yeah I can't get out the fucking nicotine I was I thought you were all on the POT. Don't you weed it up? No, no fucking weed. No, we sobered No, wow, not even a gummy. No gum me. Come on you know No, I like how this gummy thing took over well They just act like it's fucking candy, but like you know I the thing with me. I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it every day. I can't I don't do anything, but now I got what is it?

Give you what did they give you for your foot? I wasn't in that much pain I know I know myself well enough there. They're willing to give you anything. That's very Patrick Swayze Roadhouse Just stitch me up. Yeah, well. I mean I got prescribed oxycodones for teeth once And they just sat in my fucking medicine cabinet. I took one. Calling your name? Yeah, exactly. Hey buddy. Yeah, I took one the day of the surgery and then I didn't need them and I knew I didn't need them

but I didn't throw them away. And it took me like a year to throw them away. And when I finally threw them away, I flushed them down the toilet and I talked about it on the podcast and like nine people were like, don't flush medicine down the toilet. It ruins the water supply.

Jesus Christ. They gave me a pain. That's my audience. A pain stopper. A patch? No, it's like water supply. Jesus Christ. That's my audience. A pain stopper? A pain, no, it's like a nerve stopper for my shoulder when I first had it. This thing was great, because when you're like, is this thing working?

And then when you take it off, the pain, it's just rushing through the door, and I was like, man, I wanna put this thing on my head. But you didn't get high from it? No, it didn't get you high, but it just stopped all feeling in the arm, so I was like, man, that's not so great on my head. Drugs are so bad. Like a Yamaha get high from it. No, it didn't get you high, but it just stopped all feeling like in the arm So I was like man, it's a great on my Yamaka

Do the same thing so let me smoke a cigarette. All right, buddy. It was a great senior It's good too long. It has been but promise me this if you come to New York, right come to the seller We'll meet up. We'll have a good time. I will do it do it. I will do it the next time I don't know. I think I'm just being a baby. I think I can't compete. I always felt very competitive there. And I think I, the last time I went there, I'll tell you honestly. Yeah, let's hear it.

I hadn't been there in a long time, right? So they gave me a spot next door, right? Right. At the new place. And I'd forgotten just how much you got, how vigilant and how engaged you have to be. And you can't fuck around at the seller. You have to deliver the goods. No, that's not necessarily true.

All right, well maybe it's just my head. Yeah, it's you. So I go on and I'm doing my show and I feel that sweat on the back of my neck. Really? Because I'm starting to tank. And I'm like, oh my God, I haven't felt that sweat in a while.

And the set was just really mediocre. And then I bring up Soder and he just fucking kills. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah, he's great. You know, what am I gonna do? But that's like all the guys I always wanna see there, never like you, Stan Hope, never what works there. Have you talked to him?

Not recently, just texting. He's all right. He's great. Yeah, did you see the movie he did? He did a stand-up movie. I saw the trailer for it, but I didn't see it yet. It was good. I'm sorry, it came out the same week as Aquaman.

It was a coin toss, sorry Doug. Yeah, no, I wanna see it. I love Doug when he pushes it, because he's the first guy to write the books. He does all this stuff. Yeah, he really does push it. It's so funny, like, you know, I remember, like, when I called you, what was it?

Oh, the last time I texted you was because of that joke in the last special, the Angel Factory's joke about the abortion clinics. And then I texted, then we talked about the vitamin thing Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so you'll see that in the special. Oh, yeah. Well, I have my version Do you do the vitamins? Yeah, we do I take them. Yeah. Yeah, how many take what do you do? I think over I did I think I took calcium twice today. I don't know what's gonna happen. Well, I know I know You don't know what's gonna happen. Okay

No, but I like how like I can like anything now is about when you have to go to the bathroom again Is that you? No, then you're doing better than me. Anyway, yeah these vitamins it's really a tab it now Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I have no idea if it's working. Yeah, great to see you. I love you man. I'll see you in New York Mark Thank you so much, buddy. Yes, sir. All right Mark, thank you so much buddy. Yes sir. Alright. Cut-tow! That was fun, right?

Dave Attell Hot Cross Buns on Netflix. Start streaming on March 26th. Okay people, hang out for a second. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishikesh Hrway, the visionary behind the right of spring. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe. Her way the visionary behind the groundbreaking

song. Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features her way and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece. Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Calgary is an opportunity-rich city home to innovators, dreamers, disruptors, and problem solvers.

The city's visionaries are turning heads around the globe across all sectors each and every day. They embody Calgary's DNA, a city that's innovative, inclusive and creative. And they're helping put Calgary and our innovation ecosystem on the map as a place where people come to solve some of the world's greatest challenges. Calgary's on the right path forward. Take a closer look at CalgaryEconomicDevelopment.com. Take a closer look at Calgary at torontorock.com. People, on Thursday, Eddie Pepitone is back for a full episode. We recently reposted the road trip episode we did back in 2010. It's available now for full merit subscribers.

And then you leaned into me and said, you know, maybe I should do more singing. Maybe I should do lounge singing. This is how you bounce back from the situation at hand. Yeah. Well, I let, I let terror fuel my comedy and I'm thinking of doing a lounge act, but not a typical lounge act. Wait, what are you going to put on the tuxedo? You got a full orchestra? Maybe a full orchestra eventually, but at first just a couple of piece band and I'm just singing kind of Sinatra like, but the subject matter is about inner demons. You know, sort of like, I grew up in Brooklyn, my mother died alone, was it my fault I think so I think it was I

never loved her enough and kind of upbeat Sinatra style but the subject matter is very very only keep going emotionally like the okay I am a person who has inner demons so so many hey do you have inner demons, so, so many. Hey, do you have inner demons, young lady? Are they as big as mine? I don't think I love myself. How about you? How about you? I'm scared and frightened and alone,

but the one thing I have is this microphone. The way that I deal with my mother's death and alone but the one thing I have is this microphone. The way that I deal with my mother's death is to overeat and watch pornography, watching strangers fuck and eating pudding. That's the way I deal with my mother's death. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I like it. Bing, bang, bang, bang, boom. To get the road trip with Eddie Pepitone and all of the full Marimbonus episodes, go to the link in the episode description to sign up or go to WTFPod.com and click on WTF+. And a reminder before we go, this podcast is hosted by Acast. Here's some guitar that sounds like the other guitar that I've done in the past. Enjoy it! I'm gonna be with the guitar. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a rock star I'm gonna be a rock star I'm gonna be a rock star I'm gonna be a rock star I'm gonna be a rock star I'm gonna be a rock star

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I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy.

I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. Boomer lives, Monkey and Lafonda, Cat Angels everywhere.