WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 1577 - Kathleen Hanna
Episode Date: September 26, 2024Kathleen Hanna’s life and career exist at the nexus of punk rock, outsider art, photography and feminism. Now that she’s been able to put it all into her memoir, Rebel Girl, Kathleen talks with Ma...rc about her upbringing in the Pacific Northwest, the music scene in Olympia, Washington, her time fronting the bands Bikini Kill and Le Tigre, her solo projects, her activism, and much more. She also explains the underground riot grrrl movement and the space it created for women in rock music. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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Block the gates!
Alright, let's do this.
How are you what the fuckers?
What the fuck buddies?
What the fuckniks?
What's happening?
I'm Marc Maron, this is my podcast.
Welcome to it.
Today, I'm talking to Kathleen Hanna.
I was nervous, man.
I was nervous.
She's the lead singer of the band Bikini Kill
and a pioneer of the Riot Girl Feminist Punk Movement.
And look, I always knew who she was,
but for some reason there's a huge chunk of my life
in relation to music and art that I sort of missed
because I was doing comedy every night.
There's TV shows, there's music, there's live music, there's all this stuff,
you know, starting from like 89, you know, through the mid 90s really, even more.
Where I was just in comedy clubs every night. That was my whole fucking life.
You know, I'd listen to CDs or whatever.
But I always knew about Kathleen. I always knew about Bikini Kill.
But I don't know that I'd really ever really processed it
or taken it in or listened to it.
And I always found her a bit intimidating just as a being.
I decided that she was intimidating.
The weird thing is, is like I read her book.
I read the whole book, Rebel Girl, and it's a great book.
It's a good, because not unlike any good,
like even like moon zappas
Memoir is that it's of a time, you know moon zappa is of a time
But it's also about the zappa family rebel girl is of a time
You know in the 80s and in the 90s, you know in terms of where she started out
You know an Olympia and then you're moving, you know
to the East Coast and just the punk rock life
and how it connected to the art of the time
and also the feminism of the time.
There was just this point of connection
that sometimes I forget about in terms of the way I grew up
and what I was thinking about and reading about,
about art and about impact and about ideological passion,
which obviously I'm not a woman
and I was not a feminist activist,
but the intellectual sort of foundation
of feminism in the 80s,
it's just an odd kind of coincidence, I guess, for me,
in that like, look, when I went to high school,
I was pretty dead set on the idea
that I was gonna be an artist.
And I was pretty sure it was gonna be photography.
And I was kind of consumed with art,
and I worked in a bagel shop, a bagel restaurant by the university. I was constantly
talking to artists. I was going to art shows. I was involved with sort of going to see performance
art. I was not like the regular kind of townie high school kid. You know, that was half of me
and the other half was sort of engaged with this art scene that was happening in Albuquerque, New
Mexico during that time, the late 70s.
And I was doing work, I thought very important work in the darkroom at Highland High School,
which had just been rebuilt.
It was like one of the greatest facilities ever built.
Certainly in a high school, Jeanette Williams, who was the teacher and photography teacher
over at Highland, who was also a great photographer
in her own right, had really gotten together,
I assume she pulled the money together
to make this sort of high level darkroom,
like with real fucking, like high level, I was in it.
And I was also in a graphics class,
just to learn offset printing and stuff.
So I had access to an offset camera and I would make photo, I would make collages and make giant negatives on the offset camera and then print them in the dark room for some groovy kind of punk rocky looking stuff.
You know, I was looking at the art of some of the bigger photographers at the time.
Some of them, I can't, I remember Cindy Sherman.
I remember, you know, Joel Peter Witkin, of course,
but I was sort of immersed in this idea
when I was in my teens that I was going to be an artist.
And then when I got to college, it was sort of like,
oh man, there's so much math and photography
and apertures and, you know, different papers,
different films, different chemical washes. It was just too much it was too much so then I think
I decided I was gonna be a poet and there was a lot of things going on a lot
of things going on but I was always engaged with the art world to some
degree because my mother was a painter and you know she was going to do her
masters at the University of New Mexico when I was in college.
She would always, when I was growing up,
we'd fly back to New York to see the retrospectives
at the Museum of Modern Art.
It was important.
It was important.
There was this idea that art could change things.
And that art was important,
and that you could make statements with art.
And then I thought that on some level,
comedy would sort of accommodate that,
that I would be able to do that with comedy.
But there's some of the foundations of some of the stuff
that Kathleen was living in.
I mean, she was doing photography,
she was doing some performance,
she was writing lyrics that later became songs,
but she was like going to be a photographer.
And then, you know, once, you know,
she decided on becoming a feminist,
I guess you would call activist,
but primarily an ideological feminist punk rock singer
with the agenda of elevating women and feminism.
And there were just some of the things,
it was just this weird coincidence that
when you read a book that somebody writes about themselves,
you know, you get to know them.
And there was just this point of connection
when I was reading her stuff,
because I'm a little older than her, but not that much.
And I was in New York in like 89,
and you know, she was, I guess, probably back in Washington,
but there are just these points of connection.
For some reason in 89, when I was in New York
and I was living on the Lower East Side,
I just got very involved with,
it wasn't zine culture, but there was stuff around,
the Village Voice was still around,
there was this magazine called World War III Illustrated,
which was sort of a kind you know, a kind of revolutionary
publication in a way. It was on print paper and it was, I don't remember if it was monthly or what,
but there were certain graphic pieces in there and certain essays in there, just changed the way I
thought. And for some reason in the late 80s, I was going to St. Mark's bookstore, and then I was kind of trying just
to fill my brain up with, you know, I had Adam Parfri's edited edition of the first
version of Apocalypse Culture, you know, I was looking at underground comics, I was doing
all this stuff to kind of feed my brain.
And at some point, I got hip to research laboratories out of San Francisco and their books, and
they put together a book called Angry Women.
And it was just these profiles of these women artists, Kathy Acker, Susie Bright, Wanda Coleman,
Karen Finley was in there, Lydia Lunch was in there, Annie Sprinkle, Avital, Ronnell,
these thinkers and artists and performers that I didn't know anything about. And for some reason, I got immersed in a lot of these,
these women who were doing this radical art because it seems so much more
fucking interesting because it had a point of view that was focused
specifically feminism, but,
but also just sort of like mind blowing art and,
and just women's voices in general in art.
I just wasn't on my radar as much
until I started to really kind of look at it.
Cindy Sherman was important, Jenny Holzer.
Like I remember after I read research,
after I got the Angry Women book,
I got Kathy Acker's book, Blood and Guts in High School.
And it was like mind blowing.
I was like, what is this fucking thing?
What is this voice?
What are these pictures?
What is this?
And like, you know, I'm wary to say I was like,
some sort of, like, you know,
I wanted to be a feminist man at that time.
I was just so fucking blown away by the art
of women in general.
I mean, two of my fairly serious girlfriends
were artists, three, before.
I mean, when I was in college, when I met Lauren, she was a welder. fairly serious girlfriends were artists, three, before.
I mean, when I was in college, when I met Lauren,
she was a welder.
She had big black mohawk, had that sculpture in her house
that she had welded, this emaciated metal female figure
with just like nails in the vagina.
I remember the first time I went to her house, I saw that.
And then, she changed my life, changed the way I thought,
but I've always been sort of like engaged
or in awe of, you know, angry, creative women of any kind,
because they have a point of view that is not mine,
it's specific, it's focused, and it's fucking raw.
And it was happening in the 80s, and there was just this point of connection.
And I don't know, by the time I finished a book, I was nervous, but I felt like I knew
her a little bit, and there was a little baggage there that was, I don't know if it was real
baggage in the sense of, I had thought that she thought that, you know, she didn't like me and, you know, that,
she, you know, Adam, she's married to Adam Horowitz,
you know, I had rock from the Beastie Boys
and I had a little issue with him when he talked to me.
I felt like he was just sort of like, you know,
like, you know, who is this guy?
What difference, I mean, he wanted me to wrap up
the interview, I did, I just decided that they were too cool
for me and I was some sort of fucking dork,
some guy who didn't matter.
But I guess that's my problem, isn't it?
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Good.
So, okay.
Anyway, heading into this talk with Kathleen Hanna,
the thing was is like, I always knew who Bikini Kill was,
but I don't know if I really sat down and listened,
and over the last few months in reading the book,
you know, I listened to all that was available,
and it was just like, I don't know if it brought me back
or brought me to a presence, but I was like, holy fuck,
this woman is one
of the most important rock people ever.
Like it was so raw and so good and so fucking earnest and fucking hard and just punk as
fuck.
And I'm listening to it, I'm 60 and I'm like, yeah.
I guess I had the experience that most people who love her
and her work had when they were in their 20s,
however long ago, but I'm, I look, I miss so much
because of my commitment to my particular art.
And I don't, I often say, and I believe it's true,
even though I was born with FOMO, born with it,
that there is no way to the party and that some things
stand the test of time and some things represent another time and some things, you know, in
their brilliance, you can sort of see how they impacted things after them.
And I think that Kathleen's work is that.
And I don't know, I was,'t know, I was a little intimidated.
But the book, which is excellent, Rebel Girl,
My Life as a Feminist Punk, is available
wherever you get books, and this is me talking
to Kathleen Hanna for the first time.
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So, okay, so let's just clear the air.
Yeah.
Somehow.
No, because I know that you were talking to Kim and that
you felt like, you know, something got screwed up. That I insulted you? Well, you know, it
was like, I just, well, I think I should, I think I should explain it. Okay. So I interviewed
Adam at some point and it was, it was okay. You know, my experience with him, you know,
on the show with him and Mike, but like at some point, you know, I get nervous
and I, you know, and I wanna know what I'm talking about.
Totally understand.
Yeah, yeah.
I do interviews all the time
and have an interview hangover afterwards.
Right, and you know, and I was,
I guess I was overly ambitious with them
in terms of wanting more information
and it just kept going on,
cause Michael talk, right?
And- No comment. And at some point, you know, like, you know, more information and it just kept going on because Michael talk, right?
And at some point, you know, like, you know, Adam, and I know I'm talking about your dude,
but you know, like it's, you know, he has a certain disposition he has in public conversations,
right?
And at some point he goes like this, you know, at some, he looks at me and he does this,
he goes, like, let's wrap it up.
Yeah.
And so I was, it hurt my feelings more than anything else.
I wasn't mad.
So then what happens is, so I get invited to this thing,
you guys' house.
Yes.
It was like a-
A benefit for Peace Sisters,
which is the organization I'm the ambassador for.
Right.
So in my mind, this isn't just me.
So I'm like, oh, well maybe we are okay.
They invited me to their house.
Yeah.
Right.
But I was just on a list.
Yeah, you were just on a list.
Right. So I go there- I list. Yeah, you were just on a list. Right, so I go there.
I didn't know who you are.
Right, so I go there thinking like,
well this is cool, they know who I am, everything's cool.
And then I see Adam, he's like, yeah, whatever.
And I'm like, all right, so what's that about?
And then I see you, and you don't even acknowledge me.
And it was really just basically,
it came down to me being like,
well maybe I'm not really cool.
It was really like that.
Okay, you wanna hear my side of the story?
Okay.
It's actually worse.
Way worse.
Okay, first of all, you shouldn't be insulted at all.
Because Adam was stoned as fuck out of his mind.
That night?
Yeah, and as you remember, John C. Reilly was there
wearing full on like country, western outfit with like
sparkles and hats and everything.
There's a lot going on.
Right.
I love comedy and I go to see a lot of comedy.
When I moved to New York, I was like,
I'm gonna not be a punk anymore,
I'm gonna just go to comedy.
And then I went and it was like all these dudes
doing domestic violence jokes and I was like, I can't deal with this. Right. So I went and it was like all these dudes doing like domestic violence jokes.
And I was like, this, I can't deal with this.
So I moved out to LA finally, 15, 20 years later.
And I started getting involved in like,
but I go mainly to see non-binary, feminist,
people of color, you know, like,
I don't see straight white guy comedy ever.
I just don't, I just don't seek it out.
So I was talking to whoever to someone who was with you
or next to you.
And I was like, they were like, oh, what are you doing
since you just moved to Pasadena?
And I was like, oh, comedy senior, so awesome.
I'm like such a comedy head.
And then you gave this face like,
and I was like.
I just wanted you to know me. Yeah, and then you kind face like, and I was like. I just wanted you to know me.
Yeah, and then you kinda like,
I think you kinda like walked away,
and then I was like,
what's up with that guy?
And she goes, that's Mark Maron.
Am I saying your name right?
Yeah.
Okay, that's Mark Maron.
He's a really famous comedian.
And I was like, oh shit.
But I also was like, well he'll understand
because he's like, I just don't go see Matt.
Like I just am not that interested in most
white male dude comedians because I've actually seen
some of your stuff and really, really like it.
Okay.
Since then but I was like, I felt like I was kind of
the asshole but it was also kind of funny
because I was like, oh, for once the straight white,
because usually I'm standing next to my husband
at some event and they're like, oh, yo, AdRoc, I love you.
And then they're like, hey, could you go get me a drink
to me, which I actually enjoy,
because it's kind of nice not being the center of attention
and floating in the background.
But so I felt like I had insulted you,
so I'm glad that you just felt uncool.
And I'm sorry you felt uncool, but maybe that's a good feeling to have every time.
It was insulting to a degree, but it was also leveling.
And I'd gone down there, you know, and I was mad, but I didn't really put it all together
until I realized like, oh, they didn't know who was there.
I mean, I was like, it wasn't like, I don't even know how I got there.
I went with a woman who I was seeing at the time who was a painter, and she knew more people than I did.
Yeah, she was awesome.
Yeah. And it was one of those things where it's like, oh, it's like art people and nobody.
I mean, there were like a lot of people from my co-worker's church.
Oh, yeah?
You know, like, so it was kind of all over the place.
And what was the organization?
Because I remember there were cool t-shirts and stuff and arts shirts.
It's called PeaceSisters.org.
And that's the group.
And the money goes to sending women in Togo, West Africa through school to get ID cards,
they get health insurance, computers, all this stuff.
And it's run by a woman who was an educator in Togo
and she has since moved to the States
and become a nurse and yeah.
There was like a film there at that night, right?
Cause I remember being educated on it.
Yeah, it was sort of one of those things
where we were trying to like just let people know,
hey, we're doing this thing.
And then I sold T-shirts, I made $12,000 that night.
And you did the shirts?
Yeah, I still do them.
It's been like, I think, six years or something.
I still do that.
But can I just say something aside?
I watched Glow just recently,
because I always get to everything cool really late.
Amazing.
Oh, good.
Literally, first I was like,
I love the casting director and I love Mark.
Like I was like, I couldn't, there was a certain like,
like Rockford thing that you were doing
that was like, I love Rockford, like I'm a big Rockford head.
And I was just like, nobody else could be cast in this role
and you kept me watching it.
So thank you.
You were really fantastic in it. I hope it was a good experience for you. I have no idea if it watching it. So thank you. You were really fantastic.
And I hope it was a good experience for you.
I have no idea if it was or wasn't, but.
Of course it was.
Really enjoyed it.
It was kind of a new experience to be working
around that many women every day.
And it's funny because people who are around our age,
you're a little younger than me,
but that dude is familiar somehow.
Oh yeah.
You know, like everyone, their dad or somebody
was around that was like that guy.
Yeah.
And somehow he, Sam, in the show, you know,
had the potential for being toxic,
but he really wasn't because he was self-involved
and he was not neurotic and, you know,
he was really kind of selfish more than creepy.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it worked out.
Yeah, I thought it was very three-dimensional
read on the character.
And you came up, we grew up, I mean, when I read the book,
and I don't wanna lead too much stuff,
the problem when I read books is then I know too many things.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's better if I just find them, but now I know things.
I did it with Kim Gordon too, because I didn't know if she really talked much.
And she doesn't, so it was good that I read her book.
But you're your talker.
Yeah.
But there were moments in it, like, because I was trying to think today how to go about
it, and I think that in the same way that I grew up with parents who were, you know, emotionally manipulative,
negligent, you know, selfish,
and yours was a little more dramatic and horrible,
but there is a part of growing up in a household like that
where you spend your life kind of looking for parents.
Yeah.
And that, like, what I think the book is about
in a lot of ways is you're sort of evolving
a sense of self from people that you meet that you aspire to.
And in that whole arc, it's kind of an amazing time that you, it was fortuitous or that where
art was and where feminism was and where music was
at the time and your proximity to it
and the people you were meeting,
I mean, they kind of gave you an opportunity
to fully become yourself.
Yeah, and to find a family.
Right.
I think that's one of the things that was-
Or a number of them.
Because part of the arcs that people haven't really noticed
in the book is exactly that is that like,
everybody comes from a fucking dysfunctional, are we allowed to cuss?
Yeah.
Everybody comes from a fucking dysfunctional family.
And with my particular dysfunction,
I just felt like, ugh, I gotta, you know,
once I got out of there, I started having memories
and being like, who am I?
And like, just needed to really, really pull away
and start my own life.
And then I was really desperate for family,
which came in the form of punk rock community,
feminist community, various overlapping communities.
And then when those things let me down,
like when punk rock let me down by being so sexist
and so racist and so homophobic, I could go on and on.
I felt like I was like, had been like a lamb to God
and I was being slaughtered.
You know what I mean?
It was so much heavier, I think,
than if I would have come from a background
where I felt not super insecure and I liked myself
and I had better self-esteem.
I think I would have been able to leave
a lot of the toxicity behind.
But in a way, there's a good thing
because I wanted it so bad
that when it didn't meet my expectations,
I sought out to change it.
I was like, I'm not leaving this family,
I'm gonna fix it.
I couldn't fix my own family.
But can I bring feminism into punk rock?
And many, many other people had already done that.
But it was like, could I bring it
into my specific niche scene?
Well, they did it to a degree in just sort of plowing through and being rock people and
punk people.
But it seems like you educated yourself in a much deeper way around the sort of intellectual
and conceptual ideas of feminism that some people just played
music, but you had an agenda early on that was informed by the people you were around.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely had an agenda, that's for sure.
Let me ask you though, in writing the book and seeing yourself in these situations or
looking for a family, I mean, when you're in it, are you really thinking that?
No.
Right, you're just sort of like, you know,
fuck, I'm uncomfortable and angry.
Yeah.
But I actually didn't even, you know,
because of sort of the dysfunction,
I grew up in an uncomfortable, angry situation, right?
So to me, that was like normal.
So when I went on tour back then,
and a guy was like, I'm not plugging in your monitor unless you tell me
if you're married or single.
I would feel grossed out and mad, kind of,
but I would also just take it.
Cause I was like kind of used to that behavior.
I was used to being like,
you're not really even a person, right?
So it was like a lot of the stuff I did sometimes
speak back to it, but it happened so often that it was like, a lot of the stuff, I did sometimes speak back to it,
but it happened so often
that it was just sort of like cumulative.
And a lot of it, the really heavy stuff,
I didn't tell people for years and years and years,
cause I was just like, it wasn't like, it's my fault.
It's like, I just was like, you move on to the next thing.
That's how I grew up.
And I shut off my intuition as a kid.
Like suck it up.
To, yeah, there was the suck it up, the show must go on,
kind of Liza Minnelli thing in me.
And then there was the,
I turned off my intuition when I was four.
And-
Why?
Because to live in my house,
I couldn't really be fully myself or alive.
Well, what was going on like exactly?
Well, it was just like, you know, my dad would get drunk
and he would be abusive, more psychologically
and emotionally, really kind of psychotic, abusive.
He was sexually super inappropriate,
said really horrible things.
Asking me if I had an orgasm when I was 15 or 16,
I'm in a hotel room alone with him,
and I'm like, I put that part in the book.
Cause it was kind of just a good example
of one of the times where I was like, oh my God.
I was like, no, I don't wanna talk about this.
And he's like, no, I wanna talk.
And it's like, clearly so he can get his jollies.
Which is a word you might be, remember that?
Remember when we used to say, get your jollies?
I feel like people don't say it anymore.
Well, you said something about the nature of,
because again, my parents were like naked too much
and like inappropriate in ways that I look back at
in that like when you talked about,
when you first started to come into understanding abuse
and what an incestuous home looks like,
how did that define itself for you?
How did you look at your childhood like that?
I just looked at it like I was on a continuum.
My dad didn't rate me.
But my dad did not look at us, me and my sister,
in a way that was appropriate, and he asked us questions.
Like a parent.
Like a parent, and continuing into adulthood
would say really intricate sexual things to us
like about what he was doing with a girlfriend
or like whatever and it was like to the point of like
we kept, you know, I would go to a therapist
and therapist would say, tell your dad
on the next phone call, you don't wanna talk about it
and I was like, I've already done that
and he would just keep talking over me,
saying, you know, strawberries and champagne.
Cause I mean, he's also like a sleepless in Seattle
kind of loser where it's like,
that's his idea of like something like really wild.
But yeah, it was, you know, so you sort of shut down.
Is he still around?
Yeah.
You talk to him?
No, hell no.
Fuck him.
How long have you not dealt with him?
Like 20 something years.
Really?
Yeah.
But your mom, you're close with her?
Yeah, she lives like five blocks away from me.
Oh really?
Yeah.
And you've got a kid, right?
Yes.
So you've got her there and that works out?
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
I mean the two of them are like completely,
they're obsessed with the library.
They're like at the library all the time.
And it's like trying to get library cards at every library.
And they're like kind of like,
they're kind of like baseball wives for library.
Really into libraries.
But when you started to, like, it felt like to me
that the time that you were coming up,
you know, creatively that, you know,
outside of the first time you sang,
which you were very young, but you felt it.
You felt like that was the place where you felt
like you could really do it, right?
Yeah, I mean, I still do.
Like, I was just singing along to Lana Del Rey in the car
and I was like, ooh, I don't have to go to my head voice
to hit that note.
And I was like really psyched
because I'm just coming off tour, so I'm still fresh.
And I was like, oh, I really wanna try to do a song
like, you know, like I just get really excited
about singing and now that I'm older,
I also am less afraid of my voice.
And I'm more like, I also am less afraid of my voice. And I'm more like,
I can get enjoyment out of it
in a way that is less like outside of myself
staring at it going, that's wrong, you did that wrong.
Live I still have that voice, but it's always replaced.
I can replace it, I can ride the show like a wave.
It's so fucked up when you have these kind of parents
that don't provide you the space to become yourself
and be supportive of it, that voice inside
that's like you suck, it's just,
you have to be vigilant about it for your whole fucking life.
Yeah, and then there's the internet
that if you ever read it, which you can't,
I know you can't, but I'm just saying,
if you ever do every bad thing you've ever thought about
yourself in your head, someone will have written it
in a better, funnier, crazier way than you ever could.
When they like, they're so good at the trolls,
at zeroing in on your vulnerabilities,
and it just becomes this fucking nightmare.
But I started to, I was like, what if we are living in a simulation,
and the internet is just parts of our brains
talking back to ourselves?
How's that help?
It doesn't.
It's just something that I was thinking of.
I tell this to people that have some more experiences.
I mean, I had this,
because when you have these insecurities,
that you're constantly fighting the fight
to not fuck yourself.
Yeah, to get out of your own way.
Right, because that other thing is gonna do it,
and you're not even gonna know it's doing it until after.
And then you have to sort of take responsibility for it,
but also if the other voice is more stronger,
you're like, well yeah, but fuck them.
So like you can't.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I had a therapist a long time ago who was talking about inner child stuff, which isn, but fuck them. So like you can't. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I had a therapist a long time ago
who was talking about inner child stuff,
which isn't really my bag.
But I spent the whole session trying to convince her
that we needed to lock my inner child
in the trunk of a car.
And then I was like, well I'll put a brick
like in the movies onto the thing
so I won't be in the car, she'll just be in the car.
And then she'll like explode and then I'll watch her explode,
and then I'll feel better, and she's like, no, no, no.
You were supposed to hug her and talk to her,
and I was like, fuck her.
First of all, I don't want her driving the bus
of my life anymore, so can't we just throw her off a cliff?
I know, right, but it's a constant conversation.
I think it kind of goes along with something I learned
while writing the book, Rebel Girl, out now on-
Yeah, available everywhere you get books.
And did you do the audio book?
Yep, I did.
Oh, that's good.
Did it all myself.
There's this thing that I learned while I was writing it
when I was dealing with like sexual abuse type stuff
and whatnot, where I was like, okay,
I have held
on to responsibility for some of these things.
Yeah.
Like, but it wasn't blame.
You know what I mean?
Like the whole thing of like, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
It's like, it doesn't matter how many times I counseled
other girls and women, people in general,
about sexual abuse.
I used to be a counselor
at a sexual abuse rape crisis center.
So I know a little bit about things to say
when people come to me with that stuff.
And so I'd done quite a bit of it
in my career as a musician.
And no matter how many times I said it to other people,
no matter how many times I said it to myself,
I still had this enormous connection
to the abuse I'd suffered
as if I raped myself with my own dick.
Yeah.
You know, or punched myself in the face with my own fist,
even though somebody else punched me in the face.
You know, and, and, but I realized it wasn't
that I felt like I was, there was other things
that made me feel like I was a deep down dirty napkin
and you know, to wipe the floor up with.
It was my only way to have agency in this situation.
And I had to kind of like, God, I sound so corny,
but like honor and respect that.
To own it yourself, you mean?
Yeah, yeah, to be like, it wasn't like,
I'm blaming myself because I'm like,
why'd you put yourself in that situation?
It was like, I can control that not happening again
if I look for these red flags.
And there's a certain part of that that's true.
And then there's a certain part of it that, you. And then there's a certain part of it that,
the world is a messed up place and messed up things happen
and you have no control over it.
To me that you have no control over it was terrifying.
And through the book and reading about my own life,
when you go to the editing stage
and you have to put your editor's hat on
and it's like you're reading about a character
and not yourself anymore.
I was like, whoa, just a bunch of weird stuff happened
that you had no control over.
You know what I mean?
And it's like, and you can't control the world.
And there's a certain thing that's just like the universe
doing this weird stuff.
And it really kind of helped me let go of that
and be like, hey, you know what?
Like staying tied to this stuff
isn't actually giving you any agency.
It's like holding you back.
So like time to let it go.
Right, it's a way to beat the shit out of yourself.
Yeah.
Ongoing.
Yeah, so I basically just like TMI'd
to everybody in the world so that now it's their problem.
Well, it was an interesting experience to read the book
because there was a couple of things that,
the one thing that sticks in my mind throughout the book
was like, God, I hope she gets a really good apartment soon.
I felt the same way.
I felt the same way and I was like,
I wanna put more joy towards the beginning.
And I was like, well, you just gotta write what's real.
You know what I mean?
It was just like a series of like,
they need a better car.
And well, that apartment doesn't sound good at all,
but she's making the best of it.
I know, but I really didn't want to come off like Ziggy,
you know, under the dark cloud.
No, no, it didn't come off that way.
It was the life you signed up for.
There was no other way to live that life.
But it just felt like it went on pretty long.
Yeah.
Like you were.
Till last year.
Till I read the book.
Gap my advance.
It was just sort of like, yeah,
why is she just sweeping on fours
because she thinks she deserves it?
I mean-
No, we were broke.
Yeah, yeah.
That's actually been one of the things
that really surprised me
because I didn't even think about that.
Like that a lot of people were like,
oh, I thought you were super famous
and you know, you like had a house and all this stuff.
And it's like, no, I, you no, I did not have any of that.
Really the only time I got access to money
was when I got together with my current husband
who is fucking rich and a rock star.
Yeah, that was after you met him,
there was a point where I was like,
come on, just get her a better place.
Chip in a little bit.
But he's also the kind of person who like,
you know, when I met him was like living
in a one bedroom apartment and just is like.
Oh, they hadn't blown up yet?
No, they had, but he's just like, yeah.
He's like a civilian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he's an interesting guy.
And he knows, he's got so many records, doesn't he?
Yeah, those are at his studio, which I made him buy.
Yeah, but like, let's talk about the beginning
because I felt like sort of I was interested in things
around the same time you were like in terms of art
because although you sang when you were a kid
and that you knew you wanted to do that,
there was this other world of art going on
that was influenced by very specific women artists,
like Jenny Holzer.
Like Jenny Holzer, Barbara Kruger.
Yeah, all of them.
And that they kind of informed a punk sensibility
before it happened.
And you seemed to be at the beginning of that.
Yeah, I mean, I was like,
but I was living in a small town very far away from New York.
In Olympia.
In Olympia, and so I was like, it's the capital of Washington state, but it's also, it functions in a small town very far away from New York. In Olympia. In Olympia.
And so I was like, it's the capital of Washington state, but it's also, it functions as a small
town.
And one of the great things about it is that it's always had a functioning downtown.
Yeah.
Which most places don't have anymore.
They have malls and then they have like a desolate boarded up.
And this is like the mid 80s?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like I graduated from high school in 86.
So I moved there when I was 17.
So it wasn't quite completely gone in a lot of places,
but they were going.
Yeah.
And it was just like different from, you know,
living in the suburbs where you're so far away
or living in Portland, Oregon,
which actually had a really lovely downtown as well,
but it didn't have the kind of, because it wasn't a small town, it didn't
have the, oh, you know, everybody who works at the
coffee shop.
Yeah.
Oh, there's long haired Dave.
He does books for prisons, prisoners, you know,
like he keeps asking me if I'll do a benefit.
Like there are all these like local characters
that you see every day.
I mean, and yeah, and it can drive you bananas.
Cause like when you're in a band,
the second you go out of your house,
someone's like, oh, how's your band doing?
It's like, you're in a fight, like, you know,
or like no one wants to practice
and you're totally frustrated about it.
And you're like, ugh.
Or if you're dating someone, people are like,
how's, you know, Timmy or whoever.
And you're like, fucking Timmy sucks.
Like Timmy sucks.
Like, you know, you don't wanna talk about it.
So you sort of just like, you know,
put a baseball hat on and like, or like, I haven't had my coffee it. So you sort of just like, you know, put a baseball hat on and like,
or like, I haven't had my coffee yet.
Cause back then we walked to get coffee.
It was like this weird thing.
Like the idea of having a coffee maker was so wild.
Like you wouldn't have a coffee maker.
Like, what am I?
Am I like Joe DiMaggio?
I don't have a coffee maker.
Like, you know, you had to walk in the morning
to get your coffee.
And then when Bikini Kill went on tour in England
for the first time, we had our label guy,
Slim Moon and Tanuvial Sampson ran Kill Rockstars.
And Slim came with us to England with a suitcase
full of Starbucks coffee,
because they didn't have Starbucks in England.
Right, and that was before Starbucks was a monster.
Yeah, and Starbucks had just started and they sold beans.
Our local coffee places didn't sell beans,
so we had to get them from Starbucks.
But because of that type of community,
when ideas or art sort of entered it from New York
or from wherever, from a book or from somebody coming in,
and that was before you were in college, right?
I was in college, I started when I was 17.
In Evergreen?
Yeah.
Yeah. So like, so these ideas would come and it wasn't, like in New York, I think you get
a little jaded, but when you're out in the world, it's the same with zine culture, with
punk rock in general, is that there is a sense of discovery, even though it's already been
discovered. And you just take the template or the process and you make it your own and you can learn the language. Yeah and it was so exciting because you
know we could envision a protest and then get a bunch of people together and
be like okay we're all gonna put PAs you know on the roofs of our building and
this is what we're gonna play or like I got a you know I was learning about you
know what ACT UP was doing and Queer Nation and so I got a, you know, I was learning about, you know, what Act Up was doing and Queer Nation.
And so I got an old slide projector at a thrift store
and I put it in my window and I lived across from
a building that just had a great big, huge white space.
And I started projecting slides about the AIDS crisis
on the wall every night.
And the police could do nothing about it
because I wasn't graffitiing, I wasn't vandalizing.
And I learned it from, you know, I learned it from you, Mark.
No, I learned it from a magazine,
I think called High Performance,
which is a performance art magazine from New York.
And they had it at our library,
but it was always like three months behind.
So I would like go to the library and like wait for it.
Like that, I would read about Karen Finley.
I saw Karen Finley.
I was just really into, you know,
what was happening mainly in New York.
And you were doing a lot of visual arts.
Yeah, I did photography,
mainly just cause it was like the one cool teacher
I had was a photography teacher.
Right, one of those people that just makes it happen.
Yeah.
Like when I was in high school,
they had an offset press and a silkscreen thing,
and you have that moment where you're like,
I can just do this.
Yeah. Everything else is stupid.
They're like, I don't want to remember the Canterbury Tales.
I just want to be in the dark room taking pictures of bands.
What was that machine that you were in love with?
Not the stop machine.
The flatbed?
It was a flatbed printer that printed on fabrics.
That was a life changer?
That and then a soundboard,
the soundboard that we had in the basement.
It was actually right by where I worked.
But okay, so there's this guy, his name was Hollywood.
He was a bank robber.
And there's a documentary out about him.
And he lived in this tree house in Olympia.
And he's a little bit older than me.
And I didn't know him, though I saw some of his friends
at this coffee shop that I went to.
Cause I just watched the documentary.
I was like, oh, I recognize her.
But he used to sneak into the Evergreen State College
around the same time I did, but in the science lab,
and he was making meth.
And I was like, so when I saw the documentary,
I was like, wait a minute, those were the same years
I was sneaking in to make art.
And I was like, my art, however, did not sell.
The meth went well for him.
Yeah, I think the meth went well for a while for him.
So when did you feel like, like who was,
like I know that you had that roommate that was assaulted
and that was a huge shift in the reality of thinking around,
you know, what being a victim is.
Yeah, I mean, I think mostly it was like,
when you get in a car crash or something
and you almost die and you're like, what is my life?
It was like, she almost died and I was like,
why am I doing this photography stuff?
This feels really stupid.
Or like what we all went through,
what we've all been going through with the Trump stuff.
A lot of artists are like, why am I making art?
I need to be out in the streets.
And you can do both or you can use your art
to do protests.
And I happened to go to a school that was very much
like, a binary of like, either you make art
and you're a total hedonist,
or you're like an environmental activist, and that's it.
You're either carrying a sign or you're making art.
So it was very hard for me to put those two together
and feel like that was okay.
But Ali, you know, what happened to her with the assault,
that's her story, that's like, that affected her
way more than it did me.
But it encouraged me to realize something
that I'd always cared about,
which was ending violence against women.
Like I wanted to be a part of that
in one way or another, always.
And in a way it was selfish,
because I wanted to be around other people
who were surviving sexism on a daily basis
and talking about it.
And sometimes the really extreme forms of sexism.
You know, I think it's like, you know, watching,
you know, people, a lot of women,
and there's been a lot of conversations about it,
watching shows where women are getting killed
and, you know, raped and all this stuff,
and oh, I just watch it so that I can fall asleep.
I don't do that anymore, but I used to.
And part of it was like,
I wanted to see people who survived.
I kept waiting to see, well, how,
I wanna see a success story of like,
I saw one where it was these two roommates,
which reminded me a lot of me and Ali.
And there was a guy like basically murdering the roommate
and the other roommate walked in
and she ran up into the bedroom and locked the door
because she couldn't get him off her.
And then she was like, I gotta get out of here to get her help.
And she's on the second floor.
And she took, she stepped back,
ran as fast as she could off the balcony
and just jumped and broke her leg
and then crawled to get help.
And her roommate was saved.
And I'm like, I need these stories.
You know what I mean?
Like I need these like to feel hopeful. I mean? Like, I need these, like,
to feel hopeful. I'm not watching them for,
like, the, you know, trauma porn of it. I'm also
watching it because sometimes it's the only
place you can get community. If you're a woman
who's like alone and isolated and you've had
these horrible things happen to you, you're
like, I'm not alone. This person had something
way worse happen to them. You know what I mean?
And, but sometimes it would keep me from getting help
because I'd be like, well, that woman died.
I didn't die.
Like I'm so lucky I'm alive.
I'm gonna go out and do all this stuff.
And as I'm doing it, I'm gonna remember,
I'm not just doing it for me.
I'm doing it for everyone who didn't make it.
It's like a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
But initially it drove you into, you know,
learning more and becoming an actual crisis counselor, right?
Yeah.
So you took action to help.
And then I guess that with the music,
that until, because I had, like,
for some reason, Kathy Acker had a profound impact on me too.
I don't, I'm not, I'm not, I can't explain my period
in New York in the late eighties,
but there was a lot going on with,
it wasn't really zine culture,
but there was a lot like World War III Illustrated,
St. Mark's Bookshop, and then somehow or another,
you know, I had gotten Avital Ranel's like book,
and I'd gotten Kathy Acker's book
and I got that research book, Angry Women.
So I was like, because it seemed like the thinking
was a lot more interesting
than most of what else was going on.
And when I read Kathy Acker's Blood and Guts in high school,
I was like, what the fuck is this?
Oh yeah, me too.
I mean, what the fuck is this?
Yeah.
And it was like, you know, life changing in the sense,
like you couldn't even wrap your brain around it.
Yeah.
That's so cool, we both had the same,
a very similar experience with the same book.
Yeah, and I just didn't,
it wasn't like I was trying to be, you know,
a feminist per se,
but it was like I found the art of women at that time
more interesting and had a lot more,
sort of not just personal
relevance but cultural relevance.
So I was reading all this stuff, but like Acker I was like, I got to know this person,
but I never met her.
But you did.
Yeah.
And it changed your life.
Yeah.
That was like, it seemed like that was the moment.
It was not the Andrea Dworkin moment.
No. I feel like I'm like, you know, Forrest Gump of feminist punk.
Well, no, it was so funny because like I had read Jorkin years ago and I'm like, I thought
like this is a little extreme in some ways. And when you wrote that story about, you know,
getting the guts up to ask her a question and how she treated you, in your book,
I wrote, Andrew Jorkin's a fucking asshole.
I wrote that right in there.
Here's the thing, I appreciate her extremism
in the same way I appreciate Valerie Solanus's extremism.
Yeah.
The thing is, is that literally watching her give a lecture,
I was like, if you wanna be obsessed with porn,
just be obsessed with porn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a part of me that was like, you you wanna be obsessed with porn, just be obsessed with porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, there was a part of me that was like,
you're really obsessed with pornography.
And that's also because she was a victim of pornography.
Yeah.
But it was like, I don't wanna look at all these,
this violent porn at a feminist lecture
and like just be like focused.
It was really, really strange.
And then she just shamed me and didn't answer my question.
And this was the thing about the 90s was that
if you tried to go to an anti-censorship thing,
they were like, pornography's great.
It's really empowering.
And it's like, no, it's not.
How is a stapled navel in the middle of a magazine
where guys are just jacking off to it,
and women are jacking off to it too.
I mean, I saw Shannon Tweed in Playboy when I was a kid
and it turned me on.
So like, I guess I'm the problem too, but whatever.
The black and white pictures?
No, no, no, the ski money ones.
Oh yeah.
Anyways, oh my God, I can't believe I just outed myself.
Gene Simmons, if you're listening, fuck you.
But there was also like, you were at the juncture
of those two sides of that early kind of punk feminism
where you had, you know, that, because you lived it,
having done sex work, that idea that it was empowering
to own it, but yet it was still judged by other feminists
as being part you know,
part of the male gaze and toxic culture.
Yeah, or just like you're not a real feminist if you're a sex worker of any kind.
And like, I actually never found sex work empowering to be perfectly honest.
It was a job.
You know, I didn't find McDonald's empowering.
I didn't find data entry empowering and I didn't find stripping empowering.
But did you know Annie Sprinkle?
Yeah, I knew about Annie Sprinkle
and I really appreciated the work that she was doing.
And I was really excited about the idea of alternative porn
but now it's just been,
the way that I think the utopian way
that a lot of us were thinking about it
is not what ended up happening.
It took over culture and it became totally exploitive
and then it just became this sort of
billion dollar content generating thing.
Yeah, I mean, you know what I liken it to kind of is like,
there's parts in the book where I talk about
not wanting to do interviews with mainstream magazines
because anytime I would try to,
it would be like, they would want me to talk about,
oh, so you were raped and you're a stripper,
and da-da-da-da-da.
And it was like, they would wanna like,
sexualize the stripper stuff.
And that's not what, I wanna talk about my music.
I wanna talk about our music, you know, as a band.
And I was like, it was just,
it was really disheartening and traumatizing sometimes.
And I was just like, I can't do this.
And so I stopped doing it and then I only did fanzines.
And then I had to stop doing fanzines
because they started doing the same thing.
And it almost reminds me of the thing
we're talking about with porn,
where it's like mainstream porn and then they're like,
we're gonna make this alternative porn
and it's gonna change everything
and it's gonna be more like equality based
and it's gonna be more like equality based
and it's gonna be, yes, there still is some of that stuff
that's happening in very small pockets
that's cool that you can find.
But in reality, it's like how the fanzines
just were emulating the mainstream,
the independent porn just started emulating the mainstream.
So it was just bad versions of the same mainstream,
you know, bad power dynamic, toxic thing.
It's like, it just, I don't know.
I think that that's,
that it's an interesting thing to think about
is like how capitalism infects everything
and how like, you know, you can be in this scene
that's like doing all these positive things,
but there's still this like individualist,
competitive, capitalist crap that's going on within it
that needs to be faced.
It's weird because like we brought up Acker,
but she told you because you were writing at that point,
stuff that became songs, but she literally told you,
if you want people to listen to this,
you need to be in a band.
Yeah, I mean, I need to be in a band.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely think she was a little bit
psychic because I said nothing about music or anything.
And I don't know, it was really wild.
And the thing about that moment when she told me that
was that it told me, it informed the rest of my life
in that I realized there's a lot of people
who are kind of on the margins of society
who don't get told by mainstream media
that you have permission to be the next Judd Apatow.
You have permission to be the next William Burroughs.
You have the permission to be the, you know, it's like you have the permission to be the next Dave Grohl.
Sure.
Maybe not now, but.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, you don't, I didn't feel like I had permission
and this person who, this artist who I super respected
was like, you have permission.
Sure.
You not only have permission, I'm telling you to do it.
And it was like, I really, it was that small thing
that like, I already probably would have ended up
doing what I did.
But that made it happen like the next day.
You know what I mean?
And so when I'm interacting with other people,
and I don't bullshit them and tell them,
oh, I love your fanzine or I love your music if I don't.
Also something I learned from Acker
because she also told me that I was kind of an idiot
in terms of where my feminism was at at the time.
But, and that really reminded me,
hey, you know, the kindest thing you can do
is be honest with people.
The kindest thing you can do
is if you listen to someone's record
and you're like, you know what?
You don't have a chorus here
and your vocals aren't loud enough and you need slapback.
Like to just give them the notes.
Give them the notes.
Don't just say, oh, it's so great.
Like tell the truth.
Like that's being helpful.
That's engaging with their work.
Yeah, it might hurt them for a second.
But it's also like being like,
I listened to it and here's what I thought.
You know, instead of just like lying and being like,
you're great. All of us women are great,
let's all support each other.
It's like, no, it takes criticism and challenging
and also support.
You know?
And also talent.
Yeah.
But I realized that me giving other people permission
sometimes is really great.
And I try to do it whenever I can,
like listen to what younger people are saying they wanna do and being like,
you should do that, I think you'd be great at it.
Well, it seemed like the combination
between what Acker said and who was it,
you saw Babes in Toyland.
Yeah.
That was like, that was it.
That was the one-two punch.
You punch.
And you're like, yeah, no, we did it, jinx,
you owe me a coke.
But that propelled you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm so lucky,
I was given such good origin stories, right? Yeah, but you were there at this point, But that propelled you. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I'm so lucky.
I was given like such good origin stories, right?
Yeah, but you were there like at this,
like, you know, what was going on?
And then, so you start doing it.
And then at that time,
that scene in Olympia was pretty vital.
Yeah.
I mean, like there was-
I mean, it still is actually.
Yeah.
I mean, it seemed like there was enough women around
to at least have a community. No, not really? It was, I mean, it seemed like there was enough women around to at least have a community.
No, not really?
It was, I mean, it was still like we played to all guys
with the five girls in the front.
And you know.
And you started telling the girls to come up front.
Yeah, and when we first started playing,
it was just like, you know,
a lot of people were very mad.
They were like, how dare you put feminism in your music?
It was really weird.
It was really weird how angry people were
because I was very Pollyanna about it.
Like I was like, everyone's gonna be psyched.
Like, I'm putting this feminist content into punk rock
and it's kind of become stale.
It's become this like white boy hardcore nonsense
or they're like, mom, make me a sandwich, or my girlfriend
won't give me a blow job, or whatever their songs were.
I used to be like, oh, we're having,
when we had white guy hardcore at our gallery
that ended up being an event space and shows,
I'd be like, oh, comedy night?
Because it's like white guy hardcore,
and I'd be like, oh, comedy night. But it's so interesting to me still that like,
that punk seemed to in its, at its core
was really about fuck you, right?
And that, you know, to inform fuck you
with actual ideology was so threatening to them,
it's kind of crazy because it just showed
how shallow it ultimately was.
And there was only a few bands, like, I mean,
you talk about Ian McKay a lot.
Yeah.
That understood intellectually the possibilities.
Yeah, I mean, when we played LA,
Flipside Magazine gave us a review
that said, fuck you 11 times.
That was it.
Yeah.
And I mean, ha ha, but at the same time,
they didn't give anybody else a review like that.
Yeah.
And it was like, oh, thanks for making us feel welcome.
Thanks.
And we put on a great show.
We still put on a great show.
I'm not gonna hold back.
Yeah.
I mean, I leave 110% of myself on the stage
every night and it's like, yeah, sometimes there's
kind of crap shows, I have a sore throat
or we're really tired, like whatever, the sound is bad.
But it's like, we put everything out there,
like every time when we've played and it's like,
to have constantly reviews and stuff and just articles
written about how all it was was that we were man haters
and we looked like this and I bared my breasts,
which I never did.
And it was like, when you're 23,
you're like, oh, everyone hates me.
You know what I mean?
And it's not like I really give a shit what flip side said,
but at the same time, I'm 55 and I still remember it.
Of course.
And it's not because I think, oh, I'm a bad person.
It's like, thanks for reminding me I'm on the right path.
Because if I'm pissing every single,
like I'm pissing off people in my own scene,
I'm pissing off people in LA, San Diego, Orange County scene,
I'm pissing off people in DC, I'm pissing, you know,
it was kind of like, I just started,
the thing that really saved me was remembering
that when a kid liked me in school, because it was kind of like, I just started, the thing that really saved me was remembering
that when a kid liked me in school,
they would throw spitballs at me.
And I was like, these people are just throwing spitballs
at me because they really like me.
And they don't know what to do about it
because it's too interesting, it's too smart,
it's too good, it's too sexy.
They are freaked out.
So fine
I you just told me you suck and I don't have to deal with you
Thanks for telling me I will move on and so it allowed us to find our own community of like friends and but it also
Like it seemed intentional like the thing even if you do politics in general, you know, even if it's not, you know
Specifically feminism, but even if you're doing political music,
it seems that, you know, meatheads are gonna react like, you know, like, you know, what the fuck is this?
Because they don't even want to do the thinking.
It's not, they're not even hearing what you're saying, really,
because they're not processing it other than some sort of attack on them.
And I, it just seems to me that to have the courage to just put new ideas out there and these ideas are still like now
The world we're living in this fucking you know, you know nascent fascist reality. Yeah
I mean all those ideas are being shut down still yeah
But but it seemed boring to me at the time like I was like it's really not that cargazine when like everybody I know
has a story of being raped
or punched by a guy or pulled into a car
or just not getting a job because they're female
or whatever, everybody I know,
which is over half the population
and I'm singing songs about it
and people are freaking out.
I'm like, this seems really not, I'm not guar.
You know what I mean?
It's like, I was like, guar is way scarier than we are.
You know, why aren't you freaked out about guar?
Because you threaten them.
Well, and that's part of the thing that's funny is like,
guys, it's fine if anybody doesn't like our music.
I'm always like, there's some of our music
I don't even like.
But it's fine if people are like,
I just don't like the way that they put songs together.
I don't like that kind of music.
I don't like the guitar sound.
I don't like her voice.
That's all fine.
It's just when it's like, nobody talks about the songs.
Nobody talks about the music. Nobody talks about my voice. Nobody talks about the songs, nobody talks about the music, nobody talks about my voice,
nobody talks about the guitar,
nobody talks about the drumming.
All they say is, fuck them, they hate men.
Yeah.
And it's like, or they say they're not really musicians
because they're activists or they're not really.
And it's like, I keep saying this,
how many songs do I have to write
before an article treats me like a real musician?
Like I've written real songs, like legitimate songs
that like have beginnings, middles and ends,
and they're like on records.
Yeah, but there's a hypocrisy to it from the get go.
It's like, you know, punk rock wasn't about,
you know, necessarily being a perfect musician.
It was about expressing a certain sentiment.
And it was a free zone.
Yeah, it's about kids creating culture
outside of corporations, right?
And so I thought, and we thought, as a band,
oh, well, guys go up all the time
and just like play some stuff
that they're just learning their instruments.
And it's totally like, that's so cool, they're so punk.
But when women or people of color or women of color do it,
it's like, oh, they suck, they need to go home
and work harder, you know, it's like,
but if you show up and you're, you know,
Stevie Ray Vaughan Jr. lady, then it's like,
you're ridiculous, you know what I mean? So it's like, you're ridiculous.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, you really can't win.
So we were just like, well, this is what we wanna do.
We wanna do punk rock and that's what we're gonna do.
And if people are like, you don't know how to play,
we're gonna be like, yeah, it's punk rock.
But in reaction to this pushback or this reaction,
that this is where the community really
kind of becomes defined, right?
That's where the idea of taking your counseling experience
and creating spaces for women to talk about their issues,
but also like that ultimately became somewhat
of an exhausting liability on some level, it seems.
But that was the core of the beginning
of the Right Girl movement was to create a space
for women to have these ideas in public
and to feel supported among themselves.
Well, it's kind of like what happens if you give a rape
crisis counselor a guitar.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And like, and also the ability to make flyers that, say,
come to my, you know, teenage sexual assault support group
and hand them out from stage instead of, like, just put them
up at the grocery store.
Like, a big thing, impetus for me of being in Bikini Kill
was I was like, oh, I could look like some weird lady
walking up to teenagers outside of the high school,
inviting them to this group,
or I could be the cool girl in a band
talking about it from stage.
Yeah.
And maybe that would be a better fit.
So it all kind of ran together, you know what I mean?
And it was like, oh, I did counseling
and I started to be like, I can't do intakes anymore
because I'm burnt out on intakes.
I can't do overnights anymore because they're terrifying.
Overnights at the domestic violence shelter
where nobody's supposed to know where it was,
but things happen.
Right.
I can't do rape crisis phones anymore.
I'm getting totally burnt out.
Okay, I'll do public speaking.
So I started going to high schools
and doing public speaking,
and actually this band Unwound,
all three of them at the time,
were in the class that I went to
because they were high school students.
They weren't the band Unwound yet.
And it was really, it was pretty hilarious.
They let me, like someone who was like,
I was about 22, 23 years old,
walk into a classroom and talk to people
was like totally insane.
In my mind, I was like, how they let me do this?
But I did it.
And it was like, I think in a way that
me like starting
to go into high schools and give, you know,
talks about sexual assault and consent and stuff like that.
I was like, oh, I can't do the crisis phones anymore,
but I can do this more performative thing
where I'm in collaboration with an audience
and I'm talking and you know,
and sometimes I would do full auditoriums
and I would have a mic.
And it really, if you look at it as a natural evolution
to like, and then I'm on stage singing,
turning it into a poem song,
which is what I like to call lyrics.
Writing lyrics about the stuff that I was witnessing
and some of which I'd experienced
and had friends experience. Cause that's been the other thing that was witnessing, and some of which I'd experienced and had friends experience,
because that's been the other thing
that was very hard to contend with,
is the idea that everything I've written
is autobiographical, and it's not.
Yeah.
You know, it's like-
You're a songwriter.
I'm a songwriter.
I get ideas from all over the place,
and now as I'm older, I do feel more like,
oh, I could write a narrative song if I wanted.
I could go down a lot of different roads that I haven't gone down.
But at the time, it felt very important to be specific and to be almost didactic and
to be really clear, like, this is a feminist performance.
And it's not the only feminist performance, and it's from my perspective, but it is a
feminist performance. You're not seeing a mirage.
This is really happening.
And also the sort of evolution to doing that
and trying to detach a bit from crisis counseling.
Like there's points in the book where you said
there were lines of girls who needed to talk
and that like your instinct is you wanted to do it,
but you just couldn't, you didn't have the bandwidth.
And then, also then, it seemed that you became
the de facto leader of a situation
that was becoming out of control,
and there's a point in the book where you talk about
the revelation of, you know, entitlement and racism
within the feminist community
that you were kind of attached to.
Yeah.
Because you had not, you know,
what you were doing was in earnest and it was correct,
but you were not seeing the full picture.
Yeah, and the punk scene that I was involved in was,
was largely, it was at least run by white people.
Yeah.
And so it wasn't necessarily a welcoming space to people of color.
And it was like, you know, the same way that I had felt unwelcomed at a lot of punk shows,
I was a part of creating all white spaces or predominantly white spaces that didn't
welcome BIPOC people.
Yeah.
And I had to contend with that
and I chronicled kind of my failures in the book
and also sort of, it's not like I'll ever come to terms
with it, you know what I mean?
Like I've gotta keep working on myself
and reading books by other people.
And that's the thing, so many amazing writers
have written so many great books about their experiences
or things that they know
that I don't know about that I can read.
I don't have to go up to somebody and be like,
please explain to me as a white person
how to be a better person, how to be an ally.
It's like, I feel like I've actually been really lucky
that I've had so many men come up to me
and be like, how can I be an ally?
And I'm like, go read a book. that I've had so many men come up to me and be like, how can I be an ally?
And I'm like, go read a book.
You know what I mean?
Like Google feminism.
You know what I mean?
Like that's not my job.
And I think going through some of those experiences
and obviously the template isn't the same
for every situation.
But it really encouraged me to read a lot of books
by people who see things different than me,
who grew up different than me, who grew up different than me,
who are different than me.
And that that's really helped me to be like,
oh, here's my limitations.
So with Bikini Kill, I mean, like what,
and like, I know you guys are back at it,
but like what really was the point
where you hit the wall the first time?
There's so many walls, but I mean, you know,
honestly, I'm just gonna tell you a weird story.
I was really sick.
I had a temperature of over 103, 104 maybe.
When was this?
This was like probably, I think we broke up in 97 or 98.
It was like 97.
Yeah.
And I was in my apartment in Olympia
and I just had a mattress on the floor
and I was really extremely sick
and I was trying to do this thing
for this political organization
that I had started working with.
They were doing a lot of stuff around
freeing Mumia from jail.
And I was trying to raise money and like start,
do benefits and like all this stuff with this organization.
And this woman called me and was like,
I need you to try to reach out to Eddie Vedder
and Zach De La Rocha.
Here's their number.
They'd probably take a call from you and not from me.
And I was like, I need to hold this off
because I barely, I can't even get out of bed.
Like I had to crawl to the bathroom, I was so sick.
And she's like, crawl to the fax machine
and fucking fax them.
And I was like, I never worked with that organization again.
I hung up the phone.
I did crawl to the thing and fax them.
Yeah.
And then I never did anything for them again
and I still won't.
But I was like, okay, if someone is actively
saying the cause matters more than your health.
Yeah.
You gotta get out of that.
And it made me look at the rest of my life
and be like, there were a few people
in kind of the riot girl scene who were very like,
I'm the most anti-racist, anti-classist,
anti-colonialist, anti- you know, like.
And they were like white middle class people mostly.
Having these like, kind of like beauty pageant
and reverse contests, you know?
And it was like, downwardly mobile, like bullshit
and you know, liberal guilt and all that kind of crap.
And it was like, constantly attacking me.
And I think part of it was just jealousy.
It was like, because you know,
we were all fighting for the scraps off the man's table
and we're taught to think there's only so much.
And so there could only be one cool
punk feminist girl at a time.
And I was that.
So I was targeted by people
in what I thought was my own community
and from the mainstream outside
telling me I was a slutty stripper man hater.
And it really just got to be too much.
And I was like, I can't, I literally can't do this
and I'm getting physically ill.
Which turned out to be a real thing.
Yeah, which turned out I have an autoimmune illness,
which we don't need to discuss
because I hate talking about it.
But I have an autoimmune illness, it is don't need to discuss because I hate talking about it. But I have an autoimmune illness.
It is under control.
It took a while, though.
It took a long, long time.
It's a tough one.
It is a tough one.
And most people don't believe in it.
And so it's funny.
What, Lyme disease?
Yeah.
I mean, it's definitely crazy if you're like,
you have a pick line in and you're like,
you know, constantly in the emergency room
and you haven't been able to work for seven years. And people are like, you know, constantly in the emergency room and you like haven't been able to work for, you know,
seven years and people are like, it's not real.
It's like, well, my body's telling me it is.
It's like.
And also that was something I was trying to address earlier
is that not unlike trolls, you know, in any community,
you know, voices can be heard,
but it doesn't mean they're gonna be the voice.
And I think there's a lot of resentment and jealousy
and frustration on behalf of people
that are not necessarily talented in a certain way
to sort of figure out a way to get a stronghold
in any community.
Yeah, and some people are just as talented.
Sure.
But like I said before, the way that it gets treated is,
you know, oh, there can only be one woman band,
there can only be one feminist, it used to be like,
there could only be one woman musician on a stage at a time.
Like there'd be a bass player or, you know,
and if there was like a female singer in one band,
you wouldn't want to have another one
because then they're compared to each other.
It's like, they wouldn't play and they still don't,
a lot of times on rock radio, if that even exists,
won't play a female singer next to another female singer.
They'll play one female singer every 10 records,
or if at all.
And so you really get this thing in your head.
So I don't really, I understand it,
and I've been on the I'm the jealous one side,
so I totally get it.
And also I am privileged, you know?
I was like a skinny, cute white girl
getting a lot of attention.
And you know, there were tons of bands
that were great bands with women in it
who weren't getting attention and had worked very hard.
And then we were like, we don't wanna do mainstream press.
Fuck the mainstream press.
Like I can imagine to a lot of women
who had worked really hard in the music industry proper
to get where they were,
were kind of like,
oh, you think you're so great that you don't even need this
and I'm fighting for it.
So, but we, we did, to me,
I did that as a thing for my mental health.
Yeah.
Well, there was also this thing that doesn't exist anymore
in the same way of this, the idea of selling out.
Oh yeah.
That was so huge.
And that like, I think, I mean, I get it,
and it certainly enabled people to carve a different path
for themselves and transcend in a different way,
but a lot of that was bullshit.
Yeah, DIY till you die.
Yeah, I mean, the thing that is really frustrating
about it is the only people who can afford
to not have a day job and then do their own booking,
their own press, their own everything,
like you have to, it's a 40 hour, 50, 60, 70 hour a week job
if you're gonna be in a band
and do every single thing yourself.
The only people we can afford to do that
are people with trust funds or like rich parents
or inheritance or whatever.
Like we didn't have that
and we were still trying to DIY everything.
And it got to the point of like,
sometimes I'm like, man, you know,
if we would have just got a manager,
like maybe we would have lasted a couple more years or put sometimes I'm like, man, you know, if we would have just got a manager, like maybe we would have lasted a couple more years
or put out another great album, like, you know.
But I honestly didn't know about a lot of those jobs.
I mean, I did have a fax machine,
which was, you know, pretty business,
pretty business in the 90s.
But, you know, I didn't know what a publicist did.
I didn't know, I knew what a booking agent was.
I thought a manager just took a bunch of your money.
I had no idea that, I didn't even realize
I was doing all these jobs.
We did our own artwork, we did our own booking,
we got the van, sometimes we had a roadie.
That was it.
Doing that for seven years on the level we were doing it, was really a lot of work.
And, you know, if we had rich parents,
maybe it would have been different.
But that's why I think having the sellout idea
kind of dissolve and not be present is great
because, you know, people need to make money
off of their work
and what they do, or else the punk scene
is gonna be a bunch of rich white people.
All right, so after you hit the wall with that
and you try to get your health back in place,
it seemed like Joan Jett was the next key
to the next evolution.
Yeah, because everybody needs a Joan Jett in their lives.
Right?
Yeah, I mean, me and my, yeah, I mean, yeah.
Joan called me on the phone.
Yeah.
My bandmates swear they didn't do it,
but I know one of them did it.
Someone wrote on a bikini, we had a bikini kill,
all we had was a demo tape.
And on the demo tape, someone wrote,
"'For a good time, call call Kathleen and put my phone number.
And this person, who shall remain nameless,
who refuses to say they did it,
was backstage at a Fugazi show in DC,
and Joan was there, she's a big Fugazi fan.
Yeah.
And this person handed Joan the cassette.
And then I didn't know about any of this.
I'm just like working my job, you know, with my life, you know, practicing with my band. And then I get't know about any of this. I'm just like working my job, you know, with my life,
you know, practicing with my band.
And then I get a phone call and it's like,
hi, it's Joan.
Yeah.
And I'm like, Joan who?
It's like Joan Jett.
I'm like, hee hee hee.
Yeah.
Like, who is this really?
Yeah.
And it's like, no, this is Joan Jett.
Yeah.
And we literally had a glorious days
of misspent youth poster in the living room.
So I was looking at it while I was talking to her,
and I was like, this is like, in the Jetsons,
like a video phone call.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, so 90s.
And I really did not believe that it was her.
And she's like, did you put out this cassette,
or are you the lead singer of this band?
And I started being like, wait, this actually might be her.
And then I was just like, okay,
what kind of hair do you have right now?
Yeah.
Because every Joan fan knows what kind of hair she has
at that particular moment.
And I was like, and she goes,
oh, it's like a bastardized disheveled bob.
And I was like, oh no, it's really Joan.
Because that's what she had.
And yeah, she was just like, I want to come see you play.
I love your band.
And then she came and saw us and she's like,
oh, that Rebel Girl song, that's the good one.
I really like that one.
I want to produce that.
And she produced the first Germs Rock.
And she's a legend in a million ways.
She's in the Runaways, which, you know,
prototype punk band, like, just voice of an angel.
Yeah.
Heart of a demon, voice of an angel.
Yeah.
Joan Jett.
But yeah, she was amazing.
And she also really, again, provided family for me
at a time when I felt really kind of like ousted
from my own community.
And I couldn't go to shows that were like feminist punk shows
because I would just get nonstop hassle.
Like people would be like, why did you do this
and this lyric and I was just like, oh God,
like I created a fucking Frankenstein monster.
It's interesting when trolls had to be in person.
No, there's a scene in the book where it's like,
I had, what's the thing revenge porn done to me in person. No, there's a scene in the book where it's like, I had, what's the thing revenge porn done to me in person?
What?
This guy I dated took these pictures of me
where I was like wearing a sexy negligee or something.
Oh, was that the artist?
Or the guy who did a show of the pictures?
Yeah, and he took these like pictures of me
and this like see-through, you know, outfit.
And I was like, no, don't. And he's like, just let in this see-through outfit.
And I was like, no, don't.
And he's like, just let me take a couple.
And then he did.
And he's like, I won't show it to anybody.
And then after we broke up, he built a wooden cross
and then nailed the pictures all over it
in a public space, like in the library building
right above where I worked.
And I had to walk by it to rent stuff from the media loan
where Kathy worked, the bass player for Bikini Kill,
who I didn't know at the time.
I had to walk through there every day and see those pictures.
And I was like, this is, and now,
that's what's so great about being 55 and writing the book
is that I look back and I was like,
oh, that was revenge porn before the internet.
Like, yeah, wow, I feel like such a, you know, like.
But do you think Joan, in terms of where she eventually
went with her career in, creatively,
was sort of the basis for La Tigra in a way?
I mean, I don't really relate that to her.
I more think, I think of Joan as a singer.
Yeah.
Because what she can do vocally in a studio is magical.
What she can do live with her voice is amazing.
But she eventually got a more defined pop sensibility
in the way to records.
Yeah, I mean, I think the main musical thing is that she taught me,
hey, it's okay to have a job.
She got me jobs songwriting and singing backups on records,
and I started being like, okay,
I can earn a living at this.
Yeah.
After I quit Bikini Kill and towards the end of that project.
Then she taught me,
I was doing this whole thing
with my voice on the early records where like,
there was nothing on it.
No reverb, no slap, like it was just completely raw.
And there's a lot of early rap records where,
real close to the mic, there's like no reverb
or anything on it.
I wish I could say I was emulating that, I wasn't.
I was just sort of like,
I don't want my voice to be airbrushed.
I don't want pantyhose on my voice.
I want it to just be in your face.
That's great.
But when I went in the studio with Joan,
and she was putting reverb on me, putting slap back,
she's like, Elvis, you slap back, let's try that.
We were trying all these different things
and experimenting, and also,
I wasn't just singing the song three times
and then picking the best take or picking the best verse.
It was like doing it, you know, like in film,
you know, where you like caught up.
And you didn't even know you could do that.
I knew, but like we didn't have the money
to sit there and do that.
And did you think it was, there was a lack of integrity
to it?
No, no, it was just, we literally did not have the money
to sit there and piece stuff together.
And we had the biggest budget,
which I think it was like $2,000 for that single
than we ever had for anything.
From Kill Rockstar?
Yeah.
And we had two days to do a single
where usually we have like five days to do an album.
So it was like very luxuriant.
And yeah, I learned a lot from that because I was like,
hey, my voice still sounds like me.
It still is...
It still sounds in your face.
It still sounds exciting.
The band still sounds exciting.
And actually, the contrast of that sheen,
that little bit of pop sheen she put on us,
made it feel like the band was like kind of fighting
against the pop sheen and it created this
really interesting tension that you can get with like,
you can also get it if you have like a guitar
that comes out too loud and starts blocking out the singer
and then the singer goes loud and you're like,
ah, they won, the singer won.
You know, like you can create that tension,
but I learned about creating that tension
in the studio through her You know, like you can create that tension, but I learned about creating that tension in the studio through her.
And I learned like, oh, I wanna experiment more
with how I produce myself.
And I don't wanna have these ideas of like,
don't put anything on your voice because that's sellout.
Well, how does that not lead to La Tigra?
That does.
And so in that way, production wise, it definitely did.
Cause I got really excited about production after that.
And then I got a four-track and then an eight-track,
and I started recording at home.
Drum machine.
Drum machine, dramatics.
That was big.
For $40!
You still have it?
Yeah, of course I do.
Of course I do.
And by that point, you're with Adam, right?
Yeah. And was how they you're with Adam, right? Yeah.
And was how they were working any sort of influence?
The BGP? Yeah, I mean of course.
I mean mainly just being like,
oh whoa, they actually have fun in the studio.
You know what I mean?
And they set up their own studio.
All the different things that they did that I watched.
And I was like, they have a publicist.
And I was like, I want that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, they have a publicist. And I was like, I want that. You know?
And, you know, my husband put out a lot of really
like sexist, homophobic, crappy songs in the 80s
and grew up and changed and became a different person.
The person that I love.
And in seeing that, that was really powerful
and gave me the ability to see myself growing and changing.
But it also was like, you know,
even though they had an inflatable dick on stage
and a dancer, Danielle, in a bikini, you know,
like in a cage, they never, besides when I got
the Nefla and Mumia
at the Jamal protest, when they got protested
or a benefit show, they got protested by the police
for that one, but they never really got protested.
And I've been protested a million times,
sometimes totally for right, the correct reasons.
And I totally agreed with the protest,
but for like weird things.
And I was like, that's really wild.
That's really wild that you had a dick,
an inflatable dick on stage
and there was no protest about it.
And yet I've been like threatened and you know.
Just for saying things.
Just for saying, and I was like, oh, okay.
Some of this stuff, a lot of criticism against me,
totally valid and totally helpful,
but then a lot of it, it just isn't.
Fuck it.
Yeah, and so I was kind of like,
okay, I just gotta turn my bullshit detector up.
But I like that you were in love with the guy
despite all that because it was something beyond his work.
Yeah, and he also wasn't doing that anymore.
Like when I was on tour with them,
it wasn't like the dick was there.
It's in Long Island, it's still in Long Island.
In the Beastie Boy archive?
It's in a storage locker, and apparently,
the guys who work at the storage locker
have a party once a year, and they,
it's hydraulic, it's not inflatable.
That's the thing that's so hilarious,
is when I'm like, yeah, the inflatable,
because I can win any argument.
All I have to do is bring up the inflatable penis.
The hydraulic dick.
But then he goes, it's hydraulic.
And I'm like, seriously, seriously,
you're gonna say that to me right now.
But so do you feel like with the Laotegra records
that put you on the map in a different way,
cause that was a big record deal.
And it seems like it was ahead of its time
in terms of like techno and some other stuff.
Yeah.
And then did you have your first real hit with them?
Not really, I mean, we still,
we were on an independent label,
and currently we're on Late Gros records
that we own ourselves and Bikini Kills
on Bikini Kill records, which we own ourselves.
But I mean, Decepticon became this like crazy
out of control thing that just like everybody
got into and played and people know that song
and it's wonderful, but it wasn't like a hit
in terms of radio or any of that.
I mean, we didn't even know the extent of it
until years later, because it keeps having a new life.
Like every few years it'll get revived
and it'll get used in a bunch of movies.
And that's how we get paid is through sync licensing.
Cause Spotify has fucked all of the musicians.
Yeah, yeah.
We could have 50 million plays
and thanks for the $2.27.
Really?
Even if it's on a playlist and you really,
there's just no money there?
You get less than a penny.
You get like less than a penny for each. And like we used to in the days of? You get less than a penny. You get less than a penny for each.
And we used to, in the days of Apple Music,
get a dollar a song.
And we didn't get that whole dollar,
but we got like 80 cents of it.
That was a lot.
Yeah.
But yeah, I'm waxing fondly about 1998.
Yeah.
No, but yeah, it really was a departure for me.
And the really exciting thing for me
was that a lot of people, it wasn't like,
the Bikini Kill girl is in Laetitia,
like people thought I was a totally different person.
We had a different name, right?
No, I still use the name Kathleen Hanna,
but I did a solo record in between called Julie Ruin,
which was like, you know, my Sasha Fierce
or my Chris Gaines.
I was really just following Chris Gaines.
Yeah. Was that Garth Brooks?
Yeah.
His eyeliner, like Kurt Cobain face.
That was so wild.
It was really wild.
That had to think happened after Julie Ruhn,
and I was like, oh my god, I'm like Chris Gaines.
I just didn't want my name on the record.
This is weird.
But I did put my face on it.
But I made this record that was electronic
and then it ended up being Le Tigre
and we did a lot of stuff
and we did sign to a major label for one record
and didn't go great, didn't love it.
And then I-
Oh, that's where they put the promotional money
into something else.
Oh yeah, into JoJo,
who I think she had a hit with a song called like, Get Back, or Stand Back Boy.
I mean, no disrespect towards her.
But now you're touring with Bikini.
Yes.
Original lineup?
Original lineup, except Bill, who does not wanna tour.
So Sarah Lando, who is a very good friend of mine
and was in the Julie Ruin band experience with Kathy and I.
It's our guitar player and she's amazing.
Like just listening to her guitar playing
through the monitor while I'm singing and like,
it sounds like there's two people playing
at the same time.
She's, yeah.
But like, so after all this, the book and Lyme's Disease
and going through.
The tornado that took my house away.
All of it, all of it, the cars, the apartments,
and then finally having a child
and the adoption process and all that.
Do you find now when you look back at everything
or at least do you get back
that you did actually change things?
I mean do you feel like do you have enough women who come up to you who are
in their 40s now and say like you know it made all the difference to me? Do you
feel like if not the music being of service in the way you were is is
validating? Yeah it's totally validating and and I can take it in to a certain extent, but you know what
I mean?
It's like if you really, I can't rely on external validation, even though I love it.
Wait, you can't?
God damn it.
Mark, your therapist is talking to me through my other ear.
I know you can't, but boy, you know it's and I resist it Which I think is something you do too because of the nature of who we are as people and the way we own ourselves
It's like it's like it's something like if something comes at me that's positive
I mean, I'm like 30 seconds away from being like, all right, where's the negative stuff?
Okay, do you look out in the audience and see the one person? Yeah, of course. Okay. I'm the same way
I look out I see the one person who's not laughing? Of course. Okay, I'm the same way. I look out and I see the one person who's not reacting
and I'm like, I will make that person dance.
I will make that person dance.
And then I had to get over at this tour
because I was like, there are certain places
where people in the front just don't dance
or they're too squished or they're too like whatever.
Or there's someone who's like partner brought them
and they don't like the music and it's like fine.
And I was like, I really had to make an effort
to focus on the people who were having a great time.
And I would pick a couple people
and just watch them dance and be so psyched.
I would like dance with them and it's really,
you should try it.
Try looking at the people who are laughing
and perform for them.
Don't perform for someone who is like
doing their laundry in their head.
Why is your eye, why do our eyes always fall on them though?
I mean, I, like it happens all the time
where like it'll get to a point where I'm? I mean, it happens all the time where like,
it'll get to a point where I'm doing stand up,
it happened the other night, where I'll see the one person.
And I know-
The person who leaves and then you start-
There's a bit of that, like, are you all right?
Where are you going?
Yeah, yeah.
But they're just going to the bathroom.
But if I see somebody who's not laughing,
sometimes they'll be like, are you having a good time?
Is it okay?
Is this landing?
And they're, oh my God, and then they freak out.
But a lot of times it is that.
They don't know me, they're brought to the show,
they're thinking about something else,
or maybe they're receiving it differently.
You know, a lot of times people don't react
the way you want them to react,
and they're still taking it.
Or maybe they're like, oh my God,
I can't believe I'm in the same room with my fucking idol.
I love this guy so much, I don't know what to do.
Like, you have no idea, they could be stunned.
They've never seen, like, a professional comedian before. Like, you have no idea what it is be stunned. They've never seen like a professional comedian before.
Like you have no idea what it is.
They could have gotten a horrible diagnosis.
They could have like IBS and they're like,
oh God, where's the bathroom?
You know like, yeah.
So you gotta just like let that go and detach.
But I mean, I can tell you that it doesn't matter why,
it matters what you do with it now.
It matters of like, and I know you have a thing
in your brain that's like, you got this Mark.
Like you just gotta go back to you got this Mark.
Yeah, yeah, and also it's fine.
But the thing I was saying about praise and stuff
is that like, yes, I feel like I have shaped culture
in a certain way in the indie feminist world
and maybe beyond, I mean, I do see girl power shirts at Target very often.
Is that a positive thing?
It's a whatever thing, you know what I mean?
I don't really think about it too much.
But it's also like, I think it's,
I don't believe in the like, all press is good press.
I don't believe in a lot of old show business.
It's like, drink yourself to death.
I just don't believe in a lot of it.
And one of the things is that while I really appreciate
people saying, and it can be really nice and lovely
to hear like, you helped me through a bad time
and it has been like something that that's kept me going
and I can take it in, I don't dwell on it
because this, if I dwell on it, I have to dwell
on all the negative stuff too.
And my thing is like, I really care what my
best friend thinks.
I really care what my mom thinks.
I care, you know, what the people in my actual
life think of me and how I'm doing as a friend
and a mom and you know, that's the real thing.
And so I just feel like I'm at the place now
where I'm doing it for enjoyment,
not for external validation.
So it's like, I let kind of the negative
and the positive roll off me a little
because I'll say you don't wanna become like
some egomaniac who's like,
I changed culture, god damn it.
Yeah, I don't feel that.
But I do like that because for me it was like a byproduct
of doing this podcast or whatever kind of comedy
I do that where I do get a significant amount of people
who are like, you know, you got me through a dark time.
And that's like, that is actually the most rewarding thing.
Yeah.
That, just that one.
Or if I help somebody get sober. Like those things
have in terms of facilitating any sort of change, just the idea and I think it's part
of the what the initial riot girl thing was about was to make people who were alone with
their fucking problems and had no outside you know way to compare or think that other
people are going through it to realize that they're not,
is that's the best you can do.
Yeah, if you can help somebody like get to the place
where they're doing the thing they really wanna do.
Yeah, or not destroying themselves.
Yeah, or not destroying themselves,
then these are the validating things.
And that's where it gets back to our conversation
of what feels really important is like validating
other people who are like doing cool creative progressive things
Especially if they're people you respect and yeah
And then and then being validated by you know having cool media out there
Actually seeing something that reflects you or your friends. Yeah, it's nice. Great. This has been an awesome talk
I feel like we really made up from the time. I didn't recognize you and I said I was a comedy head yet
I was I was good with it, and yet I blamed you.
I was good with it before we got started.
I'm glad it all worked out.
It was good talking to you.
But you wouldn't have recognized me either.
No, I don't know if that made it.
Well, you recognized me because I was at my house.
But I-
That's like cheating.
You like cheated on a test.
No, I had done some work.
I'd listened.
I knew who you were.
I was intimidated.
You know? What?
Of course.
I'm like so nice.
No, but you're gonna tell me
you've never been intimidating?
What?
You've never been intimidating?
Intimidating? Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
Exactly, it was all me, half of it was me.
See, that's the thing, it's projection,
cause like a lot of people tell me I'm intimidating
and like I'm actually totally not.
No, they do that to me, yeah. And it's so annoying cause it's like, that's your thing, it's projection, because a lot of people tell me I'm intimidating, and I'm actually totally not.
And it's so annoying, because it's like,
that's your thing, that's your problem.
Well, yeah, but the people that know you know you're not,
but people who don't know you,
for whatever reason, I get it all the time,
and I'm like, I'm not even thinking about you right now.
That's what I'm saying,
I'm not even thinking about you right now.
Yeah.
Okay, you know what's been really positive
about this conversation, Marc?
What?
Is that I've seen that it's not,
that like sometimes it's hard to pull apart the like,
I'm a political musician part from the like,
I'm just a person making work part.
And I'm seeing that like, you get some of the same stuff.
The way it comes to me is a little bit more dramatic,
probably, but it's not just like a sexism thing.
And that's actually one of the horrible damaging things
about all of the oppression in the world
is that people are constantly having to be like,
is this a thing because of,
because I'm not a straight white male
or is it because of this?
And it's like, and sometimes missing the mark
on thinking it's this, but it's not.
And it's like, you know what, it's fine to miss the mark
and think it is.
Everything in your world has told you
that this is probably sexism, because it typically is.
But it's like the intimidating thing
with being a feminist artist is like,
it's also coupled with you're a man hater. So men typically will be intimidated by me
when they've never met me.
And I'm like, I'm not saying that about you.
I'm just saying that like, it's like, she's a ball buster.
Right, right, yeah.
You know, we did a, Le Tegra did a TV show in England once
and the guy who introduced us was like,
and now for the ball busting, man tearing up,
group Laetigra.
And then we came on and like I'm wearing a pink dress
and I'm like, hot topic is the way that we rhyme.
And it was like, the, oh yeah.
Yeah, people just want, they wanna create juice.
Yeah.
Bad stuff.
Yeah, we're all right.
But this has been wonderful.
It has been great.
I'm so glad we did it.
I have a present for you too.
No, no, I found, no, no.
I love you, Kathleen.
No, no, I have a lot of stuff, you know,
as you get older, I'm sure you do too.
Is it that guitar?
It better be.
I'm just kidding.
Okay, let's go, can I touch it? Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh my God, I'm sure you do too. Is it that guitar? It better be. I'm just kidding.
Okay, let's go because I gotta kind of touch it.
Oh my god, you have to take that off.
No, we know you're talking about the guitar.
Okay.
There you go. Her book is called Rebel Girl, My Life as a Feminist Punk.
Get it where you get the books. Hang out for a minute, folks.
We're in the midst of a global mental health crisis, and although awareness about mental health is growing,
there are also significant public needs for care that are going unmet.
That's why CAMH, the Center for Addiction to Mental Health, is rising to the challenge.
As someone who struggled with addiction, I know there's no way to get through it alone.
CAMH is improving treatment and inspiring hope with life-saving research discoveries,
building better mental health care for everyone to ensure no one is left behind.
Visit camh.ca slash wtf to hear stories of hope and recovery.
So look people, more outtakes are now posted for full Marin listeners.
We've got a new batch of clips that didn't make it into recent episodes, including stuff
with Moon Zappa, Michael Rooker, and Greg Fitzsimmons.
Well, Lenny is the guy that...
Lenny.
You can't argue it.
He, of course, did questionable material, but I don't know anybody that had the charisma,
has the charisma of Lenny Clark.
Oh my God.
On and off stage.
What was that story?
Do you know that story?
I tried to tell it to one about,
I don't know if it was Billy Martin or Bobcat,
now that I think about the story about how,
the way I used to tell it was that Lenny Clark,
like Bobcat had gotten Letterman,
and he was like what, 22 or 23,
and he had moved down to Boston
from upstate New York with Tom Kenny,
and he got Letterman.
And the story is that Lenny went up to him at a club, picked him up by the shirt collar,
slammed him against the wall and said, it's not your turn.
And it's like, yup, that tracks.
To get bonus episodes twice a week,
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And a reminder before we go,
this podcast is hosted by Acast.
And this is me playing with my looper.
I'm still, I'm not good at the endings.
I gotta figure out how to fade or something,
but I laid down a track that actually had, let's see, one, two, three guitar tracks and I played on top of that. And look, I don't
know what I'm doing, so don't, you know, it's not tight, it's not, it's not pro, it's not pro. So So I'm gonna be a good boy. So Boomer lives!
Monkey and La Fonda!
Cat Angels everywhere!
I gotta figure out how to fade out!
I gotta figure out how to fade out!