WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 640 - Nick DiPaolo / Brian Regan & Joe Bolster

Episode Date: September 23, 2015

Comedian Nick DiPaolo is a relentless button-pusher, which might be why Marc likes him so much despite all their differences. Marc and Nick reminisce about their early comedy days in Boston, as they both try to figure out whether they’ve changed all that much. Plus, one of Marc’s favorite comedians, Brian Regan, stops by to talk about his new special. He brings along comic Joe Bolster, who has a unique connection with Brian and Marc. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Calgary is a city built by innovators. Innovation is in the city's DNA. And it's with this pedigree that bright minds and future thinking problem solvers are tackling some of the world's greatest challenges from right here in Calgary. some of the world's greatest challenges from right here in Calgary. From cleaner energy, safe and secure food, efficient movement of goods and people, and better health solutions,

Calgary's visionaries are turning heads around the globe, across all sectors, each and every day. Calgary's on the right path forward. Take a closer look how at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. Lock the gates! all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck tuckians what the fuck buddies what the fucksters what the fuckabillies what the fuckaholics what's going on it's mark this is my show wtf how's everybody doing thank you for joining me here in your head i appreciate being here i like taking up space here for a little while i hear a lot from you people i hear a lot that sometimes my voice is so um invasive

that uh some other things in your lives get narrated by my voice i'm honored i appreciate that i will not seek any compensation for being an inner narrator, even when I'm not being piped into your head, because I'm a big hearted guy. And I appreciate, you know, living in your head, whether I'm talking into it or just there, occupying space, as long as it's not obsessive and weird and you're not coming to kill me. That got dark awfully quick welcome to the show today on the show nick de palo who i have known since 1988 nick de palo stand-up comic some of you know him from a tough crowd some of you know him from stand-up some of you know him from his show with arty laying a while ago some of you know him from things he said that upset you but nick and i've been friends for coming up on 30 years and uh

he i did one of my first gigs opening for nick to paulo i've known him a long time and i talked to him on a trip to new york and uh you know nick is nick so brace yourselves if you're if you're the type of person that requires bracing of oneself. Also, in a minute, Brian Regan stopped by. He's got a pretty exciting bit of business happening.

Brian Regan, this Saturday, September 26th, he will be performing the first ever live stand-up special in the history of Comedy Central. Brian Regan live from Radio City Music Hall is this Saturday night. Watch it live as it happens at 9 p.m. 8 Central. So Brian came by to talk about doing that live special. He brought Joe Bolster with him. Now, Joe Bolster, myself and Brian all hosted a show called Short Attention Span Theater on Comedy Central back in the day. It was my first gig on television. I was not happy about it, surprise, but I did it because I was

broke and I learned some things doing it. But it was interesting that Joe came. Joe opens for Brian sometimes. I had not seen Joe in years. So I put him on the mic and it was like this weird reunion of a past host of short attention span theater and we had fun we had we had more uh more fun than i anticipated i always knew brian would be fun but then there was an uh joe was here and i was like wow this we just up the fun ante right i appreciate all the uh kudos and excitement over the keith richards interview a few uh bleeding deacon types of sober people uh got a little concerned uh with the cigarette some insinuations were made what if you'd offer you heroin what if you'd offer you a line of coke what if he offered you a cocktail i wouldn't have done those there's that answer well why'd you why'd you smoke? Now you're going to start smoking again.

One guy who was, I think, fairly sensitive to the situation and the possibilities of the situation said, oh, great, now we're going to have to listen to Mark Maron trying to quit cigarettes for six months in the monologues. I'm here to report that because I'm completely saturated with nicotine again on a daily basis through nicotine lozenges, I have not had another cigarette since I smoked that cigarette with Keith Richards. I have no plan to smoke another cigarette. I know that a lot of people say that, but I'm really, I don't think I'm in the, I don't think I'm in the woods.

I think I'm out of the woods. I knew I was out of the woods when I smoked it. It was risky just to smoke it because I'd already sucked a bunch of lozenges. But I wanted to share a smoke with Keith Richards. And I think a lot of you understand that. Who wouldn't do that? Amazing day in my life. And I was glad I got to share it with you.

And for those of you people, let me say another thing while I'm here. Because I'm sensitive and I get aggravated and angry sometimes over little things. But here's the deal. If I don't ask the questions that you think I should ask, you should seek to do an interview with the person I'm talking to. That's how that works. If the interview falls short of what you think you would have asked, you should make contact with that person and get those questions answered. Because I do what I do. And for those of you who listen and are still hung up on answers and not hung up on feeling,

I think you're missing the point of what happens here on a good day. That said, those of you who'd like to see me in Australia, here's your chance to take a trip to Australia. If you live there, it's going to be easier. But if some of you are like, when should we plan to go to Australia? Well, October 15th would be a nice day to go to Sydney because I'll be at the state theater that night or if you're thinking Melbourne would be fun October 16th would be the day to see that city I'll be at the Palais theater and if Brisbane is on your mind you should make that trip on October 17th because I'll be at the Brisbane City Hall. So if you live in Australia, those dates are

for you as well. But I was just trying to encourage a tourist activity in your country for those of you who live in Australia, for you Aussies. Also, I'll be at the New Yorker Festival on October 3rd. That's all I know about that one. I imagine you can look it up. New Yorker festival on october the evening of october 3rd i'll be somewhere uh in new york doing a thing a talk god knows i need to talk more what else i got some interesting news i that i'd like to share i think it's pretty exciting news that uh you know somewhere in the last month somewhere this month um we crossed a pretty big mark. It's a big number, but this show, WTF, this happened this month. I don't know the day.

I could find out, but it doesn't matter. We crossed the threshold of 200 million downloads since the day of this show's inception. And the weird thing about that is uh it was less than two years ago that we crossed the 100 million mark so things have picked up but that's a big number and man if i had a dollar or a quarter or a dime i even a penny for every one of those downloads wouldn't that be something let me uh do this now. Let's go to my conversation. This is Brian Regan and Joe Bolster

and myself, all three of us, previous hosts of Comedy Central Short Attention Span Theater. And again, Brian's special is this Saturday, September 26th. It's the first ever live stand-up special in the history of Comedy Central. Brian Regan live from Radio City Music Hall

is on this Saturday night. You can watch it live as it happens at 9 p.m. 8 Central. Brian Regan, live from Radio City Music Hall, is on this Saturday night. You can watch it live as it happens at 9 p.m. 8 Central. So here's me, Brian, and Joe. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice?

Yes, we deliver those. Goal tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. podcast episode where I talked to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.

This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Oh. Is it historical? It's historical. Yeah, I guess in a way. Come on, don't be, what do you call it?

Modest? Historic by, Comedy Central's never done one of these. Yes. It's going to be happening while you're doing it. That is correct. With no delay. Well. There'll be a little delay. There'll be a little delay.

A six second delay. They have to have a little delay. Well. There'll be a little delay. There'll be a little delay. A six-second delay. Yeah, they have to have a little delay. Yeah, was that a negotiating point? Were you a stickler? It's not like, you're ready. Did you say, I want no delay? Well, I think that's, you know, even Saturday Night Live, anything has a six-second delay for legal reasons. Yeah, because you never know when some idiot's going to lose his fucking mind.

See, right there. I hope we're on delay, Mark. I hope that gets bleeped out. I apologize to Mark's listeners for that. So your tape's on the 26th, and is this an hour you've been doing for, what, the last six months, year? Well, I mean, I've been like zeroing in on this particular hour because, you know, you need it. It's that weird tightrope. You want it in your bones, but not so much in your bones that you suck all the funny out of it.

Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you want to at least feel like you're engaged with it. Yeah. And not walking through it. Yeah. You have that weird moment where you're like, look at that guy doing my jokes.

Oh, fuck. That's me. Right. The out of body thing. There, fuck, that's me. Right, the out-of-body thing. There's me saying some memorized stuff. Have you had that before? Yeah. I've had it.

I mean, as soon as I feel like that, then I will automatically not say it the way I'm supposed to say it, just to get back into real mode. Sure, sure. I'd rather clunk through a joke and have it be real than say it perfectly and have it not feel funny. Right, right. And does it bother you if you don't feel like it's funny and you just sort of walk through it and you were thinking about something else and they're all laughing and rocking in their chairs and there's a party that's like, look at them, fooled them again. I'm not even present. No, I don't like that feeling. It's horrible.

Yeah, because it's like that feeling of mailing it in is a horrible feeling. Well, yeah. I always want to feel like I'm there in the moment. Right. Why would you want, yeah, we could have done another job if we were going to mail shit in. Exactly. Some type of mailing person. Sure, a mailing person or just a guy that just does this and goes, yeah, I'll get to it and just sit there.

Whatever that is yeah so you were you got the uh the honor of uh doing one of letterman's last bit of shows yeah man i was uh i had done what i thought was my last one in october of last year i usually do one about every nine months so i thought all right that was probably my last one. And then my manager, Rory, called to tell me they wanted me to do one more. And it was great. Rory Rosegarten? Rory Rosegarten. No kidding.

Did I know you were with Rory Rosegarten? Rory Rosegarten. What's his brother's name? Peter Rosegarten. Rory and Peter Rosegarten. Yes, with a T. Famous for handling the Romano and the Robert Klein is what I know. Yes. Yes. And Joe Bolster. And Joe Bolster, Romano and the Robert Klein is what I know. Yes.

Yes. And Joe Bolster. And Joe Bolster, who's in the house, who's in the room, he's in the garage. We're going to get him on mic in a second because we all share a weird common history. Bolster, I remember at one time, sported a mustache, but we'll talk about that. Am I wrong about that? No, you are correct. This is going to be, boy, that's a big tease.

And we'll be back. We'll get into that. We'll get into that right around in a few minutes. Right after these words from our spine. Remember, Joe Bolster's mustache coming back at you. So, all right. So what was it like with the Letterman? Did he talk to you?

Did you have a relationship with him? I've done the show like four times and he he was always one time he uh i sat down on the chair and he got he actually said uh you can get that stuff to work at clubs that's great you know i never you know well i i saw him backstage once or twice you know before a show but we never hung out. Everybody knows he's not a social person in that regard. And I've jokingly in interviews, people say, what's Dave Letterman like? And I would say, just to be ridiculous, I say, well, I was flying a couple days early and he and I go out to Central Park because he likes to fly kites and we'll fly kites together.

You know, thinking you're so over the top absurd. That they wouldn't. And then an interviewer will go, really? I didn't know that he was into kites. And you go, oh, geez. Now I got to bring this back. Does he like the complicated kite or a classic? Is he classic?

Single piece kite. Single. Some of those kites, they got fish, many parts. These kites. Single. Some of those kites, they got fish, many parts. And then I got to start Googling kites while I'm on the air with a guy going, no, no, we're going down this rabbit hole. Didn't know this bit was going to keep going.

I was not prepared for the improvisation. Now I'm talking like Brian Regan. See how quick it happens? How quick it happens. But you did that show like a lot. Yeah, I think it was 28, and I was honored to do every one of them. The last one I was on, Ray Romano was also on. He was the first guest.

And he had a very nice moment where he told Dave that his life changed on that spot, the stand-up comedy spot. Oh, yeah. He said, I went out there, and I had a set, and your people called me a couple days later. That's right. And you changed my life, and Ray Romano got emotional on the show. Uh-huh. And Dave said, why don't you go out there and stand on that spot again? Oh, man, I'm going to cry.

And I'm backstage going, I got to go stand on that spot. For real. I got to follow stand on that spot. For real. I got to follow a guy crying standing on a spot. And I got to go out there and make people laugh on that spot. I'm here to do the job that that spot requires. This is not a nostalgia journey for me. I don't have to work on that spot. Get the tears off that spot. That spot's not for crying.

But it was a really nice moment for ray and uh he you know he said that he had never been able to thank uh dave letterman publicly like that so it was a good thing he's a sweet guy that way absolutely you know and i've been somewhere backstage rory rose garden was going i got two guys on tonight two of my guys on but uh but so you really just passing conversation with him generally just like good job and he shakes your hand and you stand there yeah just the moment where you come you know you finish your set and then he walks up from behind and you have to pretend like you don't know he's walking up right just stand you don't want to turn around right right because what if he isn't coming right yeah there is that weird few seconds where you're just standing there like- You're just looking forward.

Yeah. Going, I think he's walking. Oh, there he is. Oh, hey. Hey. I didn't know you were coming up from behind me. It's so wild to be out there and know he's sitting there. It's so trippy, man.

I'm going to miss him. Oh, yeah. I think comedians, most comedians love Dave Letterman and his comedy and his style. He's the best. He introduced a style that had not been prominent before he was on the scene. And I think that's why comedians really love what he did. The endearing crank. Yes.

Yeah. Well, when Dave Letterman had the daytime talk show. Oh, yeah. You know, before they realized, well, no, it's not for that audience. Before they realized, well, no, it's not for that audience. But when he was going to be replaced, his final episode, he did a tribute to the show that was going to replace his show, which was going to be Card Sharks or Card Sharps. Right. And he had like 52 people dressed like playing cards coming out and walking around. And it was so subversive and funny that he was making fun of the show that was going to replace it.

Oh, yeah. He had just enough fuck you. You know what I mean? More of it when he was younger, and then it kind of smoothed out. And we had a nice palatable fuck you at the core of it. You know, that's important. You don't see that enough on TV. Now, is Joe going to open for you?

Joe, it's time to get on the mic, Joe. Joe Bolster, ladies and gentlemen. The Joe Bolster. Joe Bolster. I have felt like Teller for the last 20 minutes now Joe I should tell my audience Joe Bolster is a comedian

but he also and I didn't remember you doing this I hosted Short Attention Span Theater which was a show originally hosted by John Stewart

and Patty Rossborough yes which then I think became just Patty Rossborough correct and then then to Brian and then Brian Regan hosted it and then Brian and I, became just Patty Rossboro. Correct. And then to Brian. And then Brian Regan hosted it.

And then Brian and I co-hosted. Oh, you two co-hosted it. For a brief period. Get on that mic, Joe. You know how to do it. We were, you know, reminiscing today. If you'd like to ever see us, you can go down to the Museum of Radio and Television, where we've been archived.

And then Brian left. Yeah. He did not like train wrecks. And it was just you? Yeah. Mustached? No, this was. And it was just you? Yeah. And I took over. Mustached? No, this was post-moustached.

We'll get the mustache in a moment, Mark. Okay, I'm sorry. Our viewers or listeners are- I'm burying the lead. Burying the lead, yeah. And what happened when I took over is they then auditioned my replacement with me on camera. Which one was that?

They brought in Randy Kagan and Rashumba, who was a model at the time. Rashumba? Remember Rashumba? No, I don't remember her at all. She was illiterate. She couldn't read the prompter. So you're auditioning and you're put through the humiliation. Yes. Of, you know, finding my replacement.

And then they wound up with this guy, Marcus Allen. A radio personality from Sacramento. Is it San Diego? Sacramento, I think. Somewhere out here. And the thought was he's young and looks good, but he had no comedy chops. He looked plastic. Yes. He had the Ken doll kind of. And I think I came in after him

you did and then and then robert small known for the unplugged series that was his big claim to fame you know just put a curtain up and uh he said we're gonna revamp it so they they just trashed the whole premise of the show what did it become oh you didn't watch it at all thanks joe i had to sit through your fucking i've got them i've got them all on tape joe thank you brian i was watching some last night mark maron in front of the curtain. No, it wasn't. No, no. That was what he was known for.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm trying to lie my way through this. You remember the vault. The concept was we were in the comedy vault in the basement of Comedy Central when there was an elevator that I'd come out of. And there were several elevator operators. Frank Santorelli was my elevator operator briefly.

And you'd have chat with them on the way down? Yeah'll chat and then i come out and then what they do is they just bundle together a theme for the day based on free promotional clips so if we were doing a carson theme show it was because they just released the best of carson and we'd be like you remember this gem and i had to uh i had to like when i first got there i had to fight for them to get a writer in there that would write me jokes. They had me doing these weird throws to clips. All I remember is saying this before I lost my mind. I said, next up, a pithy python pear. And that's when we went to clip and I go, I need, what the fuck?

I'm a comedian. I'm a literate. That was the turning point. That was it. The pithy, python pair. And then John Groff came in, and that was his first writing job. He later went on to be a head writer at Conan. You know what was very hard about that show when we were doing it?

They would put themes together. They would have three or four comedians talking about tennis shoes. Oh, right. Okay? And then they were doing it. It wasn't going out live, but they were trying to do talking about tennis shoes. Oh, right. Okay? And then they were doing it. It wasn't going out live, but they were trying to do it live to tape. While they were doing that, while they're showing those clips, they would come up to me and say, we're 45 seconds short.

Wing something about tennis shoes. So I'm like, they got to come back. I got to follow three of the best comedians in the world doing their tightest tennis shoe stuff. And I got to wing something off the top of my head about tennis shoes, which, of course, can't even come close to what everyone had just seen. Right. And just let everybody just kind of land with the thud at home going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. He needs a co-host. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

He needs a co-host. Yeah. He needs a co-host. Yeah. Bring in Joe Bolster. We need a laugher. Get a laugher up there. So you ended the show. You were the last one. Yeah, I buried that thing.

It wasn't bad, I guess. You know, it's weird that, because you've had opportunities in television that you've just, you know how it goes. It's limiting somehow. Yeah. I'm trying to be diplomatic. We have complete autonomy as comedians. Exactly.

And then to get into a world where you don't is challenging. Yeah, it's like having a job. Yes. Well, that's exciting, man, and I'm happy for you. What else do you want to add? Well, I think we should get to my mustache. See, look at that. That's how lazy I've gotten as a broadcaster.

That's the big thing we're working towards. But, okay, there was a decision. Well, back in the day, in the early 80s, Maxwell House decided to do a campaign featuring comedians, Maxwell House Coffee. Oh, my God. There's a real story here. Yeah, and they had you come in, and you had to write the copy. You had to prepare your own material that was coffee-related. And so I was one of the guys they brought in and I came in and they said, we don't like

you with a mustache. So I said, well, I'll shave it and come back tomorrow. So I shaved it and came back the next day and they said, we still don't like you. And were you like, fuck. It took me time. This was my hook. Can you bring back just the mustache? Just put that out there.

Use that on the can. Could you voice the can with your mustache? Well, you look well, man. It's good to see you. Thank you. It was a nice surprise. And good luck with this thing. It sounds like it's going to be hilarious.

Well, I appreciate it, man. Thank you very much. Yeah, now I'm going to plug the date like a professional. September 26th at 9 o'clock p.m. Is there some part of your brain that's sort of like, I'm going to do something I've never done before? I hope they got that pixelating machine ready. I'm growing a mustache.

You better get on it. I'm working on it. Thanks, guys. That was fun. It was good seeing those guys. I don't know if you know this. I like hanging out with comedians because I'm a comedian. I like hanging out with guys that do the thing that I do as well. Huh?

How do you like that? Anyway, got Nick DiPaolo in a second. And it's very interesting how far back I go with that guy I bring it up to him I talk to him about it so now enjoy and as I said those of you who might be sensitive to particular tones hey I'm not I'm not even gonna whatever Nick is Nick and Nick and I have known each other a long time. And Nick is my friend. And he's got some stuff going on. If you want to see Nick, I believe you can go to Governor's on Long Island this weekend.

I remember that being a good room. I remember having a great sound system. But the last time I played Governor's, you could still smoke there. But if you're on the Long Island, go to Governor's to see Nick DiPaolo. He's at the Gramercy Theater in New York City on October 17th. And you can get his special Another Sense Was Killing at NickDiPaolo.com. Please, please join me as I talk to Nick DiPaolo. Come on, you had fucking Obama on.

I know. It was funny because when we were setting this up, I had fucking Obama on. I know. It was funny because when we were setting this up, I went out of town. When you were supposed to come out, you're like, I don't know if I'm going to. You had the president on. What am I going to do? I was honest.

Even now, I'm walking across the street. I'm going, Jesus Christ, he must be going, what the fuck? What am I? Oh, no, no. I don't feel that way at all. Because with me, that whole thing, it was an amazing honor.

As an American, the president says he wants to talk to you. Dude, dude. Well, you know what I call you now? You're like Dick Cabot. Oh, yeah. That's how I look at you. One of the Smothers Brothers, kind of a hip talk guy. That's a fucking great thing to be.

Yeah, but you were impressed. Dude, I was blown away. I was fucking blown. I woke up excited for you when I read that. Seriously. It was the only time you were excited about Obama. That's exactly right. Trust me.

He belongs in a garage. Listen, I was so excited for you. And I actually said this. I said to my wife, Marin, who's a friend of mine, I got a friend of mine interviewing the first black president and they're talking about my old roommate, Louis C.K.

It's not the greatest country on the face of the earth. It is, right? Are you shitting me? That's so funny. And the fact is that like we go, I want to talk about your house soap and then we'll work up to there. All right.

So you just got a good deal on something. It's so funny. We were living in Tarrytown, me and my wife. We moved up to Tarrytown and like when tough crowds are that that's that's 15 miles south of where my present house right and uh but my wife's such a like a financial genius we lived in this condo right near the the opening of the tappan zee bridge you've probably been by it a million times it's a complex and um we were there for a couple years tough crowd was on. I had saved a lot of money even before then. So you were not only a regular, but you were writing on the show?

I don't think I got a writer's credit. But you were there every day. You're going to laugh at this one. Yeah, well, I was supposed to be on. They had contracts for us, and I was scheduled to be on twice a week. And after the second or third episode, I get called in by comedy central and colin yeah he has a serious look on his face and everybody's talking like and he's cryptic i'm like what the fuck well you've been making a lot of jew jokes and uh you don't do it with a smile on your face this is an actual meeting

i go what are you talking about and they go go, I said, everybody was making Jewish jokes on an episode. Yeah, but you weren't really. I go, I want to see the fucking tape. Give me the tapes. Did they show you the tapes? Yeah, I brought them home. People were laughing their ass off. But I was saying some over-the-top shit.

Yeah. But so it was a big contract. Colin and Colin said to me he had to keep me from getting kicked off the show completely. Uh-huh. So now you know who really runs show business. That one turned out to be true, I guess. Yeah, at least in Comedy Central. It was so weird.

Colin's like, I remember he goes, I don't want you to be that guy. And I'm like, they were all these cryptic, I didn't know what they were talking about. What does that mean? You don't meet the guy. The guy who gets fired for saying jokes? I guess so, yes. And they were jokes. They were just that. It's the same shit we were doing at the comedy cellar table yeah

and that's the whole idea that was why people love that show and why it was probably a threat to everybody is that it was jokes but you know but it still got a little hairy and i and you know what i do i know when i'm on stage people have told you know sometimes i don't say it with a smile on my face you know me i'm way too intense in my own good well it's weird but I know when I'm on stage, people have told, you know, sometimes I don't say it with a smile on my face. You know me. I'm way too intense in my own good sometimes. Well, it's weird.

But you know when you cross the line. Oh, fuck yeah. But it's fun. It's fun. And I don't think that sometimes I don't think there is a line. Your line might be here. Mine's 500 feet down the road. But you know when it's not funny anymore.

I have trouble. I really have trouble going. Was that just mean or was that funny? As I get older, I feel worse. You notice you get jaded? Well, I don't know what happened to you. I don't know when the anger became first and foremost. You know what I mean? Because I started with you.

I know. But you were angry too. No, no, no. I was. And I think arguably not that funny sometimes. But you were always on the right side of the joke. I don't know if I was. You know, like when I look back at it, there were definitely jokes I did at a different time where it was meant just to see if I could get away with it, to push the buttons.

But if I really think about them, there's a couple of jokes I did where I'm surprised people didn't come up to me go yeah i don't i don't know if that's that's wrong-minded well but my stuff sort of goes against you know the uh the uh showbiz right but you know i lean a little to the right and that's not always very popular well that's right that's you know and showbiz and the showbiz uh world we live in but uh you're were always aggravated. Yes. No, I know. A little of this, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, before the show. You get bored after being at the cellar for 12 years.

A couple cocktails. Yeah. That brown liquor makes me fucking angry. It took me two cancellations to realize that. That it was the booze? It's still, I have to watch myself. Oh, really? Because your brain changes.

It changes. Without me, you know, nobody would point it out to me. Everybody's like afraid of me. Yeah, right, right. Nobody would point it out. You get a little intense. Yeah. Well, you remember, I think we talked about this once before,

but probably a long time ago on the show. I did my, I think my first paid gig in Boston opening for you. In Maine, yes. Captain Nix. You had just come off rehab. You'd taken a few years off. Well, no, I was in LA, and I came back to Boston where I went to school to start comedy over again.

And then I think it must have been, I wonder if it's even before I came in second in that riot. It might have been right before me. Barry Katzman has thrown me some bones. Yeah. And that's when I met you. And you were up, yeah, walk into that. Fuck, I drove up to a

gunkwit yeah after nicks i still i went by there a few years ago i think it's still the sign was still there really yeah it's still open yeah and it was like in the bar area i kind of remember it you walk in and the bar's on the left and the stage is right there when you walk in on the left that's exactly how i remember right and you were all nervous because you had to do like look what's funny how about you open for you now you were all nervous because you had to do like, look, what's funny? A half hour. How about you open for you now? You're interviewing Obama.

I know. That's wild, right? I got Joe Mattarace on the show. Yeah. Yeah. But see, I still like the funny thing is the week after I did Obama, I did Rich Voss. I made sure that. What the fuck am I worried about?

Nothing. You don't need to be worried. You provide a nice buffer with Voss. It was funny because what am I going to do? I yeah me too i i interview obama so what has everything changed how many things well i don't know about you i thought you might be you've really changed we're talking about my personality you've you've gone the other way there was a time when you and i had such negative energies both of us you'd walk into the comedy cellar and literally a rain cloud form over that table and stop pouring on other people. And you and I would just laugh. I know it was,

it was, it was true. And they were going the different directions, but I don't think they were essentially the different directions. I think that both of us are angry anyways. Yes. And, and,

and, and the idea of, you know, having politics to, to sort of run it through is nice, but I, I think that that's like throwing gas on it. Right.

Exactly. Yeah. I just think that we're, you know, we've got that attitude, you know, and we can't hide it. Yeah, that's what I like. And you and I, even though, you know, probably opposite ends of the spectrum politically,

but we never really had a beef. Never. It's terrifying. The idea of really having your anger pointed at me, I was like, you know, it's great. He can point it wherever he wants. Just not at me. I'm not going to do it.

I don't know. I'm mellowing out. You know. Age gets you, man. Age gets you. You can't. You know what I mean? It's fucking horrendous.

Even now, coming down to the FDR, I was like, bumper to bumper. I just fucking. I actually have a John Denver fucking best of John Denver I put on now in my car. I swear to God. I downloaded it on my phone. So when I get in traffic. To calm my car I swear to god I downloaded on my phone so when I get in traffic I swear to god I I put on like you know Colorado Rocky Mountain High and sunshine on my shoulder sunshine on my shirt I swear to god it's the funniest fucking thing have you really well yeah

you'll I'll be singing along with it on the Colorado Rocky Mountain High then I'm like get the fuck over you're in the left lane. Get over. As long as it helps. But so, okay, so let's go back. Because I remember when I came back from LA, yeah, I was a little fucked up. I was trying to stay sober. And then I go there. Because I remember you were sort of like,

yeah, you did a pretty good job. You were supportive. You were nice. I think you had a chick with you. I don't remember who the hell that was. But you were doing your thing. But it was all about tuna sandwich. Holy shit, you know, you were doing your thing. But it was all about, you know, tuna sandwich, you know. Holy shit, you're right.

Why don't you put some more sawdust in it or whatever. Yeah, broken glass and dust. Broken glass and dust. How the fuck did you remember that? I remember jokes, dude. But, like, there was a story about you that, like, you know, I always, always, it's an inspiration to me. Because I don't know if it really happened. It's one of these road myths that you made a bridal party cry. I've made a couple bridal parties cry.

I got banned from the comedy works in Denver. That's where it happened to me. Yeah. Don't sit the bachelorette party up front. I got banned from there because I guess the woman runs it. Wendy, yeah. Yeah. And I called the table.

I gave him a chance. I always give the bachelorette. You know, you got to give them a little rope. Yeah. Right. They're drunk. Right. And then they just kept yelling shit out.

And so I snapped on them. Bad? Yeah, whatever. Call them a bunch of drunken cunts. Yeah. Okay. And next thing you know. They're crying?

Yeah. Some chick gets upset and she's bawling. She's bawling with a fake tiara on her head. Get out of here. And even worse, Mark, at the Punchline Sacramento. That's the one I heard. That's the one. What happened?

Walk me through it. Well, I was in no mood, even for me. I'm like, I shouldn't be out tonight. I don't know why. I was just totally not in a good mood. And you had to work. Was there a full house? Full house.

Yeah. Two shows Friday night. Big room. Big room. Yeah. And there's a bachelorette party once again up front. But you know, you're sitting off stage and you see them and you see the middle and you see the bachelorette party.

You know before you even go on like, oh fuck. They were ruining the middles act. Right. I was getting so pissed that nobody was doing anything about it. And they were, they were ruining his act. Yeah. So on my way up, on my way up to the stage, some chicks like take off your shirt. Yeah.

And I'm not even to the microphone yet. And they are yelling shit at me. Yeah. And there's no doing me doing anything. I get up there. I go, look, shut your mouth. You ruined the last guy. You're not going to fucking microphone yet and they're yelling shit at me yeah and there's no doorman doing anything i get up there i go look shut your mouth you ruined the last guy you're not gonna fucking ruin my act back and forth back and forth haven't even told the joke yet yeah and and and uh some girl goes you're a fucking dick this is before i even i haven't even get to the microphone yeah so then i snap on her and another girl throws a beer at me yeah like a half a cup

of beer yeah like right on my shirt oh my god so i would go nuts yeah even for me i go crazy like you're frothing you're bent over bent over right over my face is an inch from the table just calling the filthiest things wishing cancer on them yeah anything i could think of and all of a sudden other tables some guys stand they get a table of guys gets mad at me. You can't call girls that. Are you defending these fucking whores? And they start screaming at me. Now half the room, this is how bad I was.

It's chaos. And I'm taking blame for this, even though they should have been thrown out before I got on stage. Now it's chaos. I have tables yelling at me. Right. Because you didn't get them on your side at all. Not at all.

Not at all, which I've learned since. Yeah. So literally, they're screaming at me. I'm screaming at them. Other people are screaming at me. Right in the middle of it, here's the manager's idea for resolution. He runs up and hands me a shot to calm me down, like a rumplement. And I do it.

And it gets even worse. Now people are leaving. Now people people try and leave the club uh when they there was 220 people i think yeah it was a packed house it was comedy was booming like i said and and uh when all the mayhem died down there was 45 people oh my god mass exodus mass exodus you stayed exodus. You stayed in the saddle. I stayed in the saddle, did my set. They were loving it. Here's the funny part. So the second show between, you know, I'm hanging in the back of the room and people

are being seated for the second show. And I hear people. I hear people, the waiter would come over, you know, the show hasn't started yet. I'm standing in the back and then I'm hiding behind the corner and I hear people going to the waiter. Hey, we heard the headline. It went nuts on the last show. Is he like a real fucking crazy guy?

Because all the people piling out see him waiting in line in the hallway. Yes, there was a line to try to get their money back. They saw people coming out of there screaming, and what was scary was, even after the second show was over, the guy comes out, and he goes, we have to have security walk you back to your hotel.

Because that first table of guys that was yelling, they were in a pickup truck. This is a couple hours later, waiting for me to come out of the club. And that place is in a mall. It's upstairs across from a fucking mattress store. Exactly. Exactly. And then you've got to walk downstairs to the parking lot. I had to go to the mattresses.

Strip mall. Yeah. No, you're exactly. They had the security guy to bring me back to the hotel. I had to go to the mattresses. Strip mall. Yeah. No, you're exactly. It was, they had the security guy to bring me back to the hotel. We had to walk across the street. Like you said, you mellow out with age. And I've had 20 bachelor parties since probably. And I say to them, and they've been pretty good.

I think even clubs are evolving in that way. But again, they still sit them up front. But I say to the girls now, I go, you know, I'm flattered you flattered you came right to see me right even though you probably know who the headliner was right you know but i always say why aren't you at uh you know uh chippendales right eating whipped cream out of a guy's ass yeah that one yeah thunder down under whoever the latest gay guys are dancing yeah so i go but i'm flattered you came to see me i don't know why why would you come your best friends get married which means you're not going to see much of her for the next 50 years.

So this might be the last night you're out with her, and you're going to come to a place where you can't talk. I don't really know where the tradition was established. I don't know why they keep doing it. I think it was Barry Katz management that established. That's how he gets it. The beginning of your career. Yes.

No, but I get that. I think what they're really looking for is like, yeah, they'll make fun of her. So they expect us to do what we're going to do, but they don't realize that we fucking hate them. And it's not going to be that fun. Some guys may handle it better, but I'm like, oh, this is going to be a problem. Yeah. And I am flattered they came out. Right.

But I think that you and I, what you realize as you get older is it gets sort of exhausting. Exactly. To fucking, to do this defensive fucking, you know? Yes. And it actually feels better just to do a nice show for people that want to laugh. Yes. But I think you and I, but I didn't feel this about you when you first started. I went into it defensively. You know, like when I started doing comedy.

Well, insecurity. Of course. But I was sort of like, it was always a fight to me. Before it even started. Before I even got up there, I'm like, oh, they're not... I'm done. Like, for no reason. You know, so it was always a fight.

Yeah, you can talk yourself out of a good show. Yeah, and I don't think I knew how to have a good show. The fact that I was doing regional gigs in the Boston area was crazy. Me? Like, you know, I watched you. Like, you're speaking their language. You have the right accent and i'm like revere beach yeah but what uh when you started though like i don't remember you

from sam's like played against sam's and shit i i i hung out there yeah well nicks was my home club right so but when did you start though like 87 yeah 87 like the spring of 87 right so we were working year in that's the weirdest thing about that's how much well that's how much stage time there was yeah because they had all those gigs everywhere every restaurant and pub i'll show you my book from my first year over 300 nights like bb king for christ's sake right every restaurant and pub on a monday night i'd be at a mexican restaurant in franklin mass franklin frank's and franklin frank's and franklin with drunk frank thank you next night i'd be the holiday in nash Franklin, Mass. Franklin. Franks and Franklin. Franks and Franklin. With drunk Frank. Thank you.

Next night, I'd be at the Holiday Inn in Nashua, New Hampshire. I remember that one. Wednesday, I might be back at Stitch's. Thursday, I'm in Providence, Rhode Island

at an Italian restaurant. Yeah. Friday, I might be back at Nick's. Saturday, University of Massachusetts. It was every pub and restaurant in New England,

Ski Lodge in Vermont. Remember all these gigs? Three of them. Mother Shapiro's. Mother Shapiro's. BK denny's bk how do you remember you're like louis you're like louis i we remember certain things somehow you convince yourself it'll be nice it'd be nice up there in the winter we'll go up we'll hang out tonight so it's a nightmare mother shapiro's a fucking nightmare with that weird

jewish dude that ran the place and there was that weird mixture of skiers and fucked up locals yeah yeah well I was there once and some guy like basically there was a group of fucking creepy ass dudes hitting on my fucking you know what became my wife Kim and I'm like you know I'm no fucking fighter I'm sort of like let's just go you get out of here we were mostly working for Barry Katz's Boston Comedy Company that's right I didn't walk for i didn't work for the connection much i work for mike clark i work for barry me you you and me both i didn't work for the connection either i still i i still remember mike clark's phone number it's so fucked up like my i still remember it was you remember it was he had the answering machine yeah but so we'd go and you never knew what you were driving into remember uh lemonster What was that?

Poncho Villas in Lemonster? Poncho Villas. Right. I did it two nights in a row for some reason. A guy was yelling. Second night, he was yelling my punch lines out. A guy came back to see me. He's yelling my punch lines out from the balcony.

I went up in a balcony with a microphone. You did? Yeah. Yeah. I went up in a balcony. It was one of the first places that had no wire on the thing. I went up there, and I'm like, who's yelling my shit out? And the guy raises his hand. So I'm interviewing him in the balcony. Oh, my God. Imagine yelling my punch lines thing. I went up there. I'm like, who's yelling my shit out? And the guy raises his hand. So I'm interviewing him in the balcony.

Oh, my God. Imagine yelling my punch lines out. And I'm upset at a club like that. Remember Bandidos? There was Bandidos and Fall River. But like... Your memory is killing me, dude. I thought you smoked a lot of weed.

No, I haven't done anything in a long time. I have selective memory. I can't remember some people's names that I've known for 20 years. You can remember Bandidos. Yeah, but you know why? And I realized this later because I can't remember some people's names that I've known for 20 years. You can remember Bandito. Yeah, but you know why? And I realized this later because I had it with the comedy store. It's like where we were abused. It's like traumatic experience.

That's what I was going to say earlier. I know. You guys, like what we took. It's like a childhood rape. You're not going to forget that face. Kind of, right? Mike Clark's phone number is tragic to you. Well, it was like I didn't know.

I knew that I had to do the job, but it's sort of fascinating to me, given my temperament and my mind, that that's where I learned how to do comedy, was going into regional New England and doing it. And those are not easy audiences. No, they weren't. And I was a freak. We didn't know how good it was for us. You know what I mean? To work that much that early in your career? That's how we learned. We didn't know how good it was for us. You know what I mean? To work that much that early in your career?

That's how we learned. We didn't know, though. But we were able to skip over the fucking host spot. It was a gift. That's right. You're going to be a local opener that can't get bumped up to middle and then never get worked as a headliner? Right.

That's what happens to those guys. Right. A lot of them do fine, but we literally had to do the job. You got these guys coming in from out of town. The weird thing about the fucking colleges is that when we were doing colleges for Barry, he was giving Anthony Clark and Eddie Regine the big money on the ticket, and we didn't know better. That's exactly right.

It's like you go out and do the 20 for this in a fucking you know lunch room you know for a hundred dollars and fucking anthony's walking with five grand yes we didn't fucking know no we didn't we're just like just let's have the gig that's barry man right always with the i he had me on his podcast and i he literally let me shit on him for an hour and a half he loved it that's the weird thing about barry well no no no i guess that's true we have it on film yeah yeah no but he likes you when he busts his balls because he knows he loved it that's the weird thing about barry well no no no i guess that's true we have it on film yeah yeah no but he likes you when he busts his balls because he knows he deserves it in his heart so he gets a bigger kick out of being you know busted on than anybody i've ever met he's always loved me right because he's my first manager that i remembered the time that happened

it was like a mafia thing like one day you get this call and everyone's brought into the basement and he slides the papers oh this is how it went down with me yeah this is my favorite barry cat story because it sums up his management style right and how he i was at nick's i went on in front of dana ghoul again i'm only doing it a year and it goes like 17 yeah and brilliant and amazing and i'm up there doing raw stuff because i'm new i'm probably being dirtier than i should be or whatever and destroying probably for all the wrong reasons right right i come off dana ghoul goes on starts bad mouthing me on stage now i've only been in the business about a year and a half i don't know i'm in a suit jacket right i still have my college football muscles yeah people hate me just for that because this is a nerd business right not enough then it wasn't

not at nicks not at nicks yeah but i'm wearing a suit jacket it fits me like a t-shirt yeah and i'm waiting for dana ghoul yeah he's bad mouthed yeah as new as i was i knew that's one thing you don't do right you don't bad mouth the comic before you so he comes off and he's coming down the stairs i'm waiting for him and i literally so he's walking out of the building i grab him push him against the wall and in the hallway yeah and i go what are you doing he's like what were you talking about i go you fucking you you know saying i was hacking and just shitting all over me. I go,

no, don't start fucking trying to, I watched the whole thing. Yeah. Right? So then, then, you know,

I scared the fucking daylight out of him. I go over to play it against Sam's later that night. Yeah. I'm sitting there with Kevin Flynn. Barry Katz comes up. Now, Barry has signed Kevin Flynn already,

Jackie, everybody but me. Oh, really? Yeah. He had already signed a few of my friends. Right. He comes up to me.

He goes, hey, DePaolo. And I hadn't even met Barry yet. I heard what you pulled. I heard the shit you pulled with my client, Dana Gould. Dana was with him? Yeah, at that point. So I go, Barry, do you want to hear my side of the story? He goes, sure, I do.

Call me on Monday. And hands me his business card. So I call him on Monday. He ends up signing me. Is that not? It's crazy. Is that not? That's like something you'd see in a movie.

Right. Like a sleazy agent. Yeah, yeah. I didn't sign with him. Like I was, it was all, he did it all at the same time. He made this weird jump. Yeah. And he brought me into one of the rooms in the basement there where he was running in

his apartment. Right? In Alston. Alston, yes. And he gave me the pitch. the rooms in the basement there where he was running in his apartment. Right? In Alston. Alston, yes. He gave me the pitch. He had the paper right there. And I said, look, I don't know what it means or what you would do for me, but I can't do it. I don't know what it means.

What do you want me to sign? And I think in that run, he signed like Al Ducharme, Marcy Rose, Ed Regine, Louis C.K. Yeah. Like he signed that whole first crew. Anthony Clark, because that was his big, I think Chip was like, Anthony's my guy. And he had everybody. And it took all of you a little while to get rid of him.

Did it ever. Did it ever. I moved down to New York with Louis C.K. He was my roommate. Barry got us an apartment on the Upper West Side. Because Barry opened the club here, the Boston Comedy Club, and the idea was he was going to run you guys, his guys, through there. And then he had that magical apartment.

That's right. Bunk beds. Yeah, bunk beds. You and Louis. But everyone came in, right? Yeah. There's definitely some stories in that apartment. Then me and Louie had it after people stopped coming.

It was me and Louie. Oh, was that fun. Was it? Looking back on it. Yeah. I mean, those were the good times. We wandered around New York City, me and Louie. Louie had no concept how to use money.

We went out. We did the punchline in San Francisco. Me and Louie for a week. I've told this to him. He goes, I'm going out. We had a net worth of probably $1,200 between us at that point. Yeah. He goes, I'm going out to get a VCR.

This is how long ago. I'm going to get a VCR so we can watch movies all week at the hotel. He's gone for like four hours, comes back with an $800 trumpet. A trumpet. That's the trumpet? Yes. Because I remember him buying a trumpet. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a couple of trumpet stores. We weren't even making $100 that week between us, I don't think. He bought a car out there, too, to drive. Like, he would buy cars places and then leave them on the side of the road. Right. That's why I love him.

He's the real deal. He was screwy Louie, man. Yeah. And we laid in bed, and we used to play this game. I took a shit so big, and then you do an analogy. Uh-huh. Right, right. I took a shit so big, it was worth 20 electoral votes. I took a shit so big, and then you do an analogy. Uh-huh. Right, right. I took a shit so big, it was worth 20 electoral votes.

I took a shit so big, I sprained an ankle. And we'd lay there until 5 in the morning. Laughing? Just belly laughing. It was like a good comedy exercise. You know what I mean? That's a funny bit. That's a funny...

Because that doesn't exist anymore. You two in bunk beds like kids. Yes. Doing jokes. Yes. That's hilarious. No, we... Those are my we we i and he had those are my memories and he had a motorcycle they almost got killed on and then he had cars here that he

would wreck and park and then eventually they'd just be taken away somebody stole his honda that remember he had a honda prelude when we first started uh-huh and uh somebody stole it and like left it like two blocks from where he was living in new york oh and and uh he does a joke about somebody stole his oh somebody stole his watch out of the car yeah and he saw the guy wearing his watch right yeah and he goes up the guy he goes up the guy he goes can you tell me what time it is and the guy looks at louis goes you got to push the button on that that's one of his early bits so we all did the like we like at that time because barry was sort of like he barry always helped me but like that was when you guys were in new york and they they

were shooting caroline's comedy hour here yes so we got to do that we got to do the mtv weird 10 minute things like there was a lot of basic cable shit we all did yeah what when and why did you decide to go to la what how old were you? Because I remember there's this weird memory I have. I was visiting in L.A. because I didn't really move there until 2002. So I don't remember when you were there, but I was driving somewhere, and I saw you walking across the street from a coffee shop or something in a mall somewhere. And I said, hey, how's it going? And you were just sort of like without even provocation.

You're like, I got fucked. I know Tony Danza was involved. I don't remember what. Oh, yeah. I had a deal with Tony. But I didn't get fucked there. I actually made some money. It must have been before.

Like, you were just sort of like, just like, alone, walking. That is perfect. And you were like, just like, without even like, how you doing? Like, ah, fuck this place. You know, like, right out of the gate. I was like, holy shit. I get really bad memory. I went out there twice. I went out on my own, like a 93, you know, like right out of the gate. I was like, holy shit. I get really bad memories. I went out there twice.

I went out on my own, like a 93 for like a year. So the first wave. So you're like, I'm going to do it. Yeah. And you leave New York. Yeah, 93 and 94.

And I got a- With no deal, just to go. No deal, but Rich Super would just sign me with Irving Arthur. Right. Which is a good agency. And he was my agent.

Yeah. So yeah, I went out there and like an idiot i find the place on venice beach a basement apartment i leave my girl from behind nancy from national hampshire who i mean arsenio hall had me on a show like three times in six months uh had i moved at that point i'm so bad with dates the first he had booked me i knew i was gonna be on a show. Right. And my manager said,

yeah, you got to move out there. Not Barry though. It wasn't Barry. I forget who talked me into it, but I left my girlfriend behind. I was going to be a star. Yeah. Like an idiot.

Right. I get out there. I don't know anybody. Rich Super's not around. And you moved to Venice? Venice. Because Rich was out there in Santa Monica.

So that's for Nick DiPaolo from, where are you from? Brockton? Where is it? No, Danvers. Danvers? North Shore. North Shore.

The entire world of minorities and freaks is at your doorstep. That never bothered me. And it doesn't. I don't think it does really bother you. No. I, you know, people, I got the, again, from Tough Crowd, I said a lot of shit to Patrice, who was my friend. Yeah.

And I got pigeonholed. They're quick in this business. If you say- They're quick in this business. They're quick in this culture. To throw that on you. But you're right. I get out there. It was a culture shock. But I'm living in a basement apartment.

I want my girlfriend back. Nancy, I miss her. I literally call home. I kept calling the house. The father's answering at like 3 in the morning. I'm like, where's Nancy? She's done with you. I cheated on her before we left New York.

So she's like, no. You're calling jealous or sad? Both. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, he goes, no, she's out with a guy, Brian, down the Cape. And he goes, Nick, you're not a bad guy. Because he was, he apparently, he was a wild man when he was younger. Doesn't make you a bad guy, but I'm crushed.

I'm sitting in Venice Beach. Mark, I went 14 days without taking a shower. Fucking sitting against the wall. I got my wife beater on. I'm eating pizza by myself. Evan Grant. Do you remember Evan Grant? He worked in Brian Steinberg's office.

Kind of a good looking kid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember him. Luckily, he was out there. Yeah. And a real player with the chicks. Right. He saved my life. It was like that movie with Vince Vaughn. What is it? Swingers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember him. Luckily, he was out there. Yeah. And a real player with the chicks. Right. He always... Yeah. He saved my life.

It was like that movie with Vince Vaughn. What is it? Something... Swingers? Yeah, Swingers. It was just like that. Remember they kept dragging... The Favreau character?

Yeah. I was that guy. Oh, really? I lost like 20 pounds. I was running every morning on that... On the boardwalk? That boardwalk. Yeah.

On Venice Beach, like six miles. I fucking was ripped. But I wasn't eating. I was depressed. You look good though i look like john mccain when they pull them out of the vietnamese prison hadn't shaven i weighed like 11 pounds yeah i she i would just totally fuck my i'd go home i'd fly home and try to get her back i'd drive up to her house oh that guy yeah yeah yeah and uh flowers or something

yeah yeah i remember even my mother going they picked me up at the airport, my parents, my mother goes, I wish you'd act like a man. Act like a fucking man. I go, that's how I get into this problem in the first place. My father's laughing,

my mother's almost crying. Oh my God. So I had a horrible, and then I moved back to New York, and then went out there, went out to- So that was it. So when you were out there in Venice,

it just didn't, nothing happened. You did Arsenio a couple times. I did Arsenio a few times. Got depressed. And yeah, and Evan Grant, thank God, he was in my complex and he used to fucking save my life.

And one Sunday, I'm walking, just what you just said, I'm walking down the sidewalk with a miserable look on my face. Evan Grant's coming the other way. I step in dog shit. It's like 108 degrees. The beach is closed because of gang activity.

And I go, I'm out of here by Wednesday. Fucking watch me. He starts laughing, sure, and I packed all my shit. That was it. Dog because of gang activity yeah and I go I'm out of here by Wednesday fucking watch me he starts laughing sure and I packed all my shit that was it dog shit and gang activity fucking that was it man

yeah it just nothing was happening so you flew back to try and you tried to get the girl back you didn't get her back couldn't get her back and

and yeah so I come back to New York and what the hell what were your parents thinking like how how many brothers and sisters you got?

I got three sisters and a brother. So a big family. I'm in the middle. All Italian all the way through? No. No? No, I'm half Italian. That's the other thing.

And French, Canadian, and English on my mother's side. Oh, your dad's Italian? Yeah. So you guys, you were a football player? Yeah, I played. I was a captain at high school. Me and my two buddies were tri-captains. And I went up to Maine, and I tore up my shoulders in high school.

Yeah. I busted up my shoulders. I had surgery after. Walked on at Maine. I was supposed to get a scholarship. That's another heartbreaking story. To the University of New Hampshire. That didn't turn out.

So I walked on at the University of Maine and earned a partial scholarship and played up there for a couple of years. Did you finish college up there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Best time of my life. Was it? It was there or BU.

I couldn't decide where to go. I was at BU. Oh, you did go to BU. I went to BU, yeah. I didn't go because I- Want to get out of town? Yes. The distract.

I go, and it was a good move because up at Maine- I've been up there. What part of Maine? I couldn't even focus up there on books, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I a good move because up at Maine. And up there. What part of Maine? I couldn't even focus up there on books, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine if I went to BU. No way. What the hell?

What part of Maine? That's up by, it's called Orono, but it's right, you know, it's a little north of Bangor. Yeah, far. 240 miles from where I grew up. Yeah. Fucking best time of my life. It blew high school away. I would do it again in a second.

Fondest memories of my life university of man sure we get you got all the freedom in the world to do whatever the fuck you want and and i guess where you want you were playing on the team i not till my uh i went out this spring of my sophomore year for spring football and like i said i walked on that i knew who i was and i sort of opened some eyes you know uh jack bicknell recruited me a guy that coached doug flutie at bc yeah he was up there i walk in there after having shoulder surgery right yeah i had atrophy to about 170 pounds yeah i get the balls finally to walk into his office and go you recruited me you know i you know and i said i

want to be part of the program he literally goes well you you can carry water and shit he knew that would blow me out of the arm i fucking what an asshole literally he goes you could carry water and shit. He knew that would blow me out of the arm. I fucking, what an asshole. Literally, he goes, you could carry water buckets. I'm like, this mother. I go, I fucking excused myself politely and walked out of there. But he was right. I had a sweatsuit on. I weighed about 11 pounds.

You know, it's still Maine football, but the guys are fucking big. Yeah. And doing steroids and shit. And so, you know, I was in no shape to play football. Took a couple years. I went home, got strong over the summer. And then a new coach came in, and I walked on. And, you know, it was fun.

It's weird when you think back of the fun times. But then it's not like you had a good time living with Louie and shit. Oh, my God. But when did you decide to do comedy? Why? There's the same reason I think a lot of us. Well, I was always attracted to it. Yeah. And I've heard other famous people tell the same story i think a lot of us well i was always attracted to it yeah and and i've heard other famous people tell the same story but it was true my parents would go you got to go to

bed downstairs watching tv downstairs i'd go up and leave the door open a crack to watch johnny carson's monologue yeah yeah i was i was attracted to it yeah yeah and my buddies were funny as hell you know boston kids yeah yeah my buddy bob murphy Murphy was David Letterman before Letterman was Letterman. Right. Brilliant. Yeah. Went to work at a think tank, this kid.

Graduated first in our class. Yeah. Funniest motherfucker I ever met in my life. Yeah. Another guy, Greg Zook. You still talk to him?

On occasion. Yeah. On occasion. That's the other sad thing. We go our separate ways. It is really weird. It bums me out. But that's what,

you know, so I was always attracted to the stand-up, to the stand-up thing. And I'd see Jay Leno on the Merv Griffin show and go, that guy sounds like me. Yeah. And it turns out he's from Andover, which is, you know, 10 minutes from where I grew up. Right?

Yeah. I go, wait a minute. I think I could do this. And then Bob Murphy, my very funny buddy, dragged me into Stitches one night. Like in the mid-80s to watch Sweeney. At the Paradise. To watch Steve Sweeney at Stitches at Stitches

interesting wasn't really his club but yeah yeah Sweeney Meany oh right the Sweeney Meany show that's right

like Wednesdays or something we were blown away Sweeney actually like picked on me look at this good looking giddy Tommy the Asshole and I was fascinated

yeah you know and this is why I think it was I believe in God sometimes yeah I was a barback at Stitches before I was a comedian for like six months. I was in awe of Steve Sweeney.

I was like, I was afraid of him. I was so in awe, I was like Ted Williams to me, right? Right. I had just moved to an apartment in Boston with my other buddy, Tony. I get drunk on St. Patrick's Day by myself. My buddy was working at Faneuil Hall. He gives me like 11 beers. I wander out of there. It's not even

one in the afternoon. I get on the fucking T and I get lost. I'm over by Huntington, by Northeastern. I'm wandering. I'm literally staggering down the sidewalk and I'm thinking about comedy and Steve Sweeney and Lenny Clark. As I'm thinking that, who comes stumbling out of a bar?

Steve Sweeney. So I guess he was drinking at that point. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, the fucking Guinea bar. He goes, come on, let's go for a drink. Dude, it was like Elvis. It would be you being a kid in love with Elvis and Elvis comes out of a bar. I still tell my parents, I go, I never really, I don't know about God, if he exists or not.

Right. That day. That day. Yeah. We go and he gets, you know, drink two Guinness and whatever the fuck. I drank with him all afternoon. Now he goes, I got to go to,

I want to go to Avenue B. It's getting dark. He go, he drags, we get in the cab, we go to South Boston. Yeah. South,

he wants to score some coke. Yeah, right. I'm in the back of the cab with Steve Sweeney, my idol. Yeah. Dude, I fucking,

I was hard as a rock. I couldn't believe what was going on. Yeah. We're in the cab. He goes, we pull into some neighborhood. It's getting dark. Yeah on saint patrick's day night they beat up irish people in saint patrick's day night never mind i didn't i ain't getting i wouldn't get out of the

cab steve goes here hold my watch i go why am i gonna hold this i was so naive why am i holding his watch turns out it was like one of the he gets out of the cab he's not on the cab 10 seconds three kids come around the corner three guys with leather jackets they you couldn't have made a most stereotypical one two of them had red hair yeah and they start chasing sweeney up the street they want to beat the fuck up i go to the cab cab driver takes off like what are you doing you can't fucking leave he said fuck that i'm not gonna get killed in this and then sweeney i didn't hear from him the rest of the night or day i call stitches they didn't know where the fucking comes down i come on monday night i. He comes out. He punches me in the chest. Like physically punches me in the chest.

He thought I told the cab driver to take off. Oh my God. I was almost going to get a fight with my idol. I was ready to fucking get in the cab. I'm glad he lived. What the hell happened to you? The last I saw of him, I looked out the window of the cab. Honestly, he's sprinting. And he had shoes on, not sneakers. He's got shoes on and three guys are chasing him.

It must have been an old deal. Exactly. There was some history there. Yeah, right. There was some history there. There's that motherfucker. Right away they came after him. And he's the godfather of South Boston for Christ's sake.

Yeah. How's that for a story, though? It's great. He comes out of a bar. I'm lost in Boston. I'm over by Northeastern. What the fuck's he doing over there? Did that make you decide to do comedy? sure in hell didn't hurt yeah you know and i used to try to be funny around him you know

so all right so then you start out and you start doing what the open mics there yeah stitches and shit yeah yeah george yeah george mcdonald george mcdonald's comedy hell comedy hell i pulled up i was drunk at my parents house my name was in the hat the hat, I think, and they told me I was on. I was going to fight with this kid, my roommate. I was living with an Alston, Anthony Seymour. He's an eye doctor now. I met him up at University of Maine. He's from Augusta.

Now he has a practice in my hometown. Oh, really? In a house in Topsfield. What's the name of the town again? Danvers. Yeah, Danvers. Yeah. So he confronted me one day. He thought I was the funniest guy alive.

He goes, and all these open mics, comedy was booming. He goes, you're a pussy. We almost got into blows. He's questioning my manhood. He goes, you could be making a living, fucking, you know. Literally, almost got physical. So sure enough, I put my name in the hat at Stitches, and they're like, yeah, you're on Sunday night. And I'm like, oh no.

That feeling is the worst, where you got three days or whatever. Exactly. And you're like oh god it was horrible and bit when you did Sam's and stuff you'd get you get booked like six weeks out you do it's right five minutes in six weeks and then like for six weeks yeah I went on it stitches my first line ever was an ad-lib yeah off the cuff that's when George goes that's when I know you're gonna be funny yeah i uh i went i was in a sweatshirt and jeans yeah and i go up and i followed a guy in a tuxedo who was it i don't know so i went on after him and i go you know i was trying to figure i didn't know what to wear yeah all afternoon i was like what do i wear

my first car i go i don't know i didn't know i was gonna follow mr fucking saunders that was a tuxedo pull local and it got like a nice laugh. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I'm in. I'm in. Then my next bit was about shaving my sister's back or something. That went in the toilet. And then I did Archie Bunker being blown by a great white shark.

What? Well, that's pretty creative. How horrible. That was the seed. The seed of the Nick disposition. But George said that. George goes, when you did that ad lib and it got a laugh, it was the first thing out of your mouth. He goes, you know, I saw something. And then George will be on the Nick disposition. But George said that. George goes, when you did that ad lib and it got a laugh, it was the first thing out of your mouth.

He goes, you know, I saw something. And then George will be on the back mic. Remember? Just making fun of other open micers. That's right. How about Bob Nickman? Nickman I still see with the hat. He was so funny.

He wrote and did a lot of TV work. He's a sober guy and he runs the Yuckaholics every year. Him and Scheidner created this show that every year happens, huge show to benefit Halfway House and stuff. My favorite Bob Nickman joke, and he's the first guy I saw call a table of women cunts on stage. It's a big moment for Nick. I'll never forget that day.

I was like, if that's okay, I'm in. I'm in. How do I get good at this? How do I get good at this? How do I get good at this? But one of my favorite jokes, he goes, I'd suck a dick. Not if it was like attached to a guy, but if it was like hanging off a wall. Remember he used to take the hat off at the end and have pigtails? He was a bald guy with pigtails.

Right, right, right. Big clothes. Yeah, that was the big physical clothes. But he was brilliantly funny. They would kick me out of the green room at Knicks because I was the only one not doing blow. Gavin, Lenny would show up, Kenny, and they'd go, hey, rookie, get the fuck out of there.

Yeah. Because I was- We don't want you to see this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. I used to do it. There was the green room,

but then they'd close the place down, and then you'd sit there in the main room at a table with everybody. In the main room. Yeah. Yeah. It's all dark. John Panette, I did coke once before I went on stage.

John Panette, the late great John Panette gave me a line of coke. Yeah. And that was the only time you did it? Before I went on stage. Right, right. Oh, I'd do it. I was at the Palace Nightclub trying to pick up whores from Rivera. You had to do it.

Only in that situation. Trying to pick up hairdresser from Somerville. You had to fucking give her a couple bumps. But, God, I got chlamydia 19 times out of the palace but but but yeah no i only did it once before i went on stage uh panette gave it to me this is a true story i'm up on stage i'm not even up there five minutes yeah my lip keep my upper lip keeps getting stuck to my teeth and i'm fucking i'm i'm tripping on my punch lines yeah and and i had my hand in my right pocket and all of a sudden some guy goes some guy like in the third row goes hey relax up there i looked on i was jingling i was jiggling my car keys in my pocket like 100 miles an hour hey relax up there that's the best heckle i've ever heard in my life it's just like dude really slow down

we want to see the show i i hadn't done much coke at that point in my life to do it to go on stage oh no it's a comic it threw off my timing that it's a bad drug for that unless you unless you one of those guys unless it works like riddling you know like i was also like that like if i did coke my eyes would bug out and i'd talk too fast and i'm like i'd see footage of me i'm like oh my god and you're thinking like i'm nailing this this. It's like a fucking disaster. Now I take Edville PM. There you go. Slow me down. Yeah, but like, that's so funny. Hey, relax up there. Guy yells, hey, relax up there. He's being

supportive. It wasn't mean. It was, and I look down and I hear my right hand doing this. I think that's the best crowd heckle I've ever heard in my life. Nick's was a rough room at times. Oh my God, dude. The one time I get, I don't know how the hell I managed to get in with them, but I did. They worked me. Nick's was a rough room at times. Oh my God, dude. The one time I get, I don't know how the hell

I managed to get in with them, but I did. They worked me. Because you're a good comic. Yeah. But like the one time, the first time I went up there for the guest spot,

you know, it was a really big lesson for me. Like I was waiting to go on and you're just nervous because like the thing about me is like I couldn't be more different in my mind than that audience. A very specific audience.

They were very, yeah. White, sweaty, Irish, tough guys from all over. They would come in from Revere, from Saugus, wherever. Yeah. And I was already at odds. And Leary's on. He was one of those guys where you didn't know whether he was killing or not, but you know there's a lot of energy going on.

So Leary's just like hammering. Nobody more committed. Yeah. That's what I learned from watching him. He could be dying and you'd think he's killing or not but you know there's a lot of energy going on like so leary's just like nobody more committed yeah that's what i learned from watching him yeah he could be dying you think he was killed exactly but but so whatever happened up there it was leary for 20 minutes 15 minutes and then they bring me on for my seven and i'm thinking like i'm just gonna jump into his energy so i start out like that nothing like. I do the first 40 seconds at this pace, and I stop, and they're just like, what is happening? And I just tanked. It was horrible.

It's like seven, eight minutes of never-ending pain. And I get off, and Dominic's like, hey, how you doing? He couldn't even hide it. Do you remember when it blew up? Nick's had the main room, and then the dance club, they made a second show, and you could do nine shows Like somehow, like Nick's had the main room and then the dance club, they made a second show. Yeah.

And you could do like nine shows in one night at Nick's. Yes. You run downstairs. Yes. It was crazy. Yeah, you do one up, go downstairs, go back up, go downstairs. Never leave the building. Yeah.

And make a nice chunk. Yeah, big chunk. What a money making machine that was. And then they opened up all those other rooms. Satellite rooms. You know, the one in Saugus is still there. That was actually a good room in Kowloon. Yes.

Like, it could really be good. It was like playing in a theater. That was the first time I used the word cunt on stage, and it did not. It was bad. I used it right out of the gate, and it was a long half hour, that half hour. I had a guy open his coat and show me a gun. I was making fun of his wife. Oh, really?

Big Italian guy. I don't know what I was fucking thinking. Did you stop? Big, sweaty Italian. Oh, yeah. He would sit right oh yeah he was sitting right in front he goes like this he goes like this real quick yeah yeah so the butt of the guy yeah hey no problem lover lover good for you how long you've been married congratulations i didn't mean that about your dress looking like like a circus yeah exactly nice leopard print. All right, so okay. So you come back to New York and you get strong again?

Yeah. And then when do you go back that way? 95. Because that's when it really got bad, it seems, right? No, no. I went out. I went out. David and Christine Martin were handling me.

Brett Butler just landed her big thing. Yeah. And I was being handled by the same management. And they were like, come out. Audition for Brett show. Louis was with them too, right? Yes, he was. Briefly.

Yeah. For a few months or whatever. I remember Christine Martin going, Louis is such a liar. He lies a lot. I go, what are you talking about? I don't really know. Louis would be the first to say that he did. Yeah, exactly.

So, yeah. So so i went out and no it was pretty good i you know we all thought we wanted to be in sitcom world yeah you know but that was what that was what we were trained to do you become a headliner you get a voice and then you know you get your show yeah what better way to get that voice out there than be a sidekick on brett butler is that what you did i yeah i played like you know a worker at her place oh yeah i did like a half a season wow i was there when the whole thing blew up i watched it you watched it unfold oh my god it was the funniest thing you've ever seen yeah i still love brett to this day brett butler yeah borderline genius insanity one of those people yeah i actually

took the picture on the back of her book her autobiography oh yeah I took the picture oh yeah she I went to Alabama with her yeah right rise into our research a book yeah you know she calls me up this is when I was still living in New York and she had just become big yeah or I had an apartment I was staying at somebody I can't even remember no I was living the Upper East Side yeah she calls me over one in the afternoon I'm laying there watching a football game how you like to open be in the Westbury Westbury music I'm like yeah and who's the guy do you like to open in a Westbury music town? I'm like, yeah. And who was the guy?

Do you remember the Italian guy? He had a heroin problem. He was very funny. Did a stint on SNL real quick. Oh, Vitaly. Vitaly. I interviewed him. Did you really?

Who loved Vitaly. He had a drug problem, and he couldn't make it that night. So I opened for Brett Butler. And then flew out to LA. Well, Danny was probably trying to be clean. He probably just couldn't make it that night. So they opened for Brett Butler. Yeah. And then flew out to LA. Well, Danny was probably trying to be clean. He probably just couldn't make it because he was too nervous. Like, I got to. No, you're right.

That was exactly the story. The pressure sort of broke. But I ended up becoming friends with Brett on her show. And she calls me when I was living in LA. She goes, I got Tom Cruise's Learjet. I'm flying to New York. She was doing something in New Jersey. Next thing, I'm on Tom Cruise's Learjet with Brett Butler, flying back to the East Coast to open for her somewhere.

Wow, that's great. Isn't that fucking crazy? So you did a lot of dates with her? I got a little taste of showbiz. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just enough to tease me and keep me in the stupid business. I know.

Sometimes you feel that way, don't you? Oh, you shouldn't. I should. No, but I came out. I know. Sometimes you feel that way, don't you? Oh, you shouldn't. I should. No, but I came out, but I didn't even have that much success. I never got into that rotation at all. This only happened out of desperation. Oh, dude.

Let me tell you something. And I love doing this. Radio is still my favorite thing. I like it as much as stand-up. Oh, no, definitely. Because you have the freedom. Nobody heckling you. You can be funny conversationally, right? So, yeah. So, you're anup. Oh, no, definitely. Because you have the freedom. Nobody heckling you. You can be funny conversationally.

Right? So, yeah. You're an inspiration. Oh, thanks, buddy. So, you're working with Brett. So, you saw that whole sort of like the... Oh, that's so sad. She used to write for the fucking Dolly Parton show.

I mean, like her... That's right. I mean, it's way... It's really interesting. Because a lot of people don't know about people who are... What their life is. I was going to tell you. i just interviewed remember john ridley the black dude yes he did comedy for like six or seven years in new york when we started yes and

then he just won the academy award for 12 years of slave yes but he used to be a comic he never talks about every time i see that name yeah how stupid i am i go is that the comic right right it is right so i finally interviewed him just the other day and i'm like you know i remember you i remember his jokes he had smart jokes great jokes and and he just like he just shut that part out of his you know the resume out of his brain you know yeah childhood trauma it really chalk it up to that right yeah but he's doing okay i guess the hell he won an academy award it did right yeah so all right so so you do the brett thing you're out in L.A. What was the Tony Danza thing? How did that even come about? I don't know.

It seemed to make sense to me. It was a Katie Face production is the name of his company. Yeah. And before I did that, I got a deal. Do you remember a guy named Bill Gross

that worked for the William Morris Agency? I do remember him. He was overqualified to be like a showbiz agent. Right. Because he was like a financial whiz or something. Right, right, right. But I'm with him for five over qualified to be like a showbiz agent right because he was like a financial whiz or something right right right but i'm with him for five minutes he gets

me a deal for 75 grand i don't remember with who newcastle yeah yeah whatever the fuck it didn't turn into anything yeah steve paymer david paymer i love that guy yeah well steve paymer his brother wrote a great script yeah for me yeah it was was going to be like a Giuliani mayor, and I'm a childhood friend who runs his fleet of limos and shit. That's great. It was a great story. Anyways, it goes nowhere, but I got to check out of that. Right.

And then I don't even remember how the Katie Face production thing. They might have saw me up at Montreal. Right. But I ended up going to Tony Danza's house and sitting on the couch drinking Heinekens, and he's telling me how much he made on Who's the Boss and how much it made the networks. And he's in his softball uniform.

He just came back from the batting game. And I loved it. He was so personable. He couldn't have been nicer. Yeah. And then I had an audition. That went nowhere. And about a year later, I had an audition for another show he was making.

And I had to read with him. Yeah. And I guess I was like nervous because halfway through the read, he goes like this and wipes my face. And somebody said, that's what they do to make you comfortable. Oh, you got something on your face. He goes like this. He licked his thumb and wiped my cheek like I had some.

And somebody told me, yeah, he. That's his trick. Yeah. To put you at ease. That's interesting. And I was like, wrong guy. Put me at ease. Wrong guy.

Put me at his face. What the fuck is this guy doing? I want out of this. Yeah, Tony. I mean, so I was at his house and this beautiful house, drinking Heinekens with Tony. This is the shit that's cool. I mean, you sort of take it for granted. I put that in the rear view mirror two seconds after it happened.

What's next? Right. Now I look back on it. Dude, come on. That was kind of cool. Right, right. My wife has been in love with Tony Danza since she was 10. Right.

To this day. I had to go take her to see his one-man show a couple years ago. Oh, here? The cabaret show? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I had to go take her to see his one-man show a couple years ago. Oh, here? The cabaret show? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it cost me like 550 bucks. After that show,

I go, it was good, Tony, but Jesus Christ, it cost me a half a nickel. He's laughing. My wife gets a picture with him. It was great. She still loves Tony, to this day.

It's the funniest thing. And yeah, so in 95, I just met my now wife. Yeah. We're just dating. And I go, I'm moving to LA. Christine, David Marmy, told me to go out there. Yeah.

And she follows me out. I go, you can come out. I'm not promising. We just met. She fucking comes out. God damn, thank God she came out. Because again, I didn't know anybody out there. Right.

I had her over all the, you know. Next thing you know, she's decorating my apartment. And my wife just, I never had a chance looking back. Yeah. Never had a fucking chance. That was the one. She decided. She saw me on HBO Young Comedian Special and said to her sisters, I'm marrying that guy.

Wow. And then she saw me on Jon Stewart's talk show. And I was plugging a date at Caroline. She came into Caroline's. Which Young Comedian Special were you on? The one shot in black and white in the 1850s. The one with Dana Carvey hosted. Janine was on it.

Listen to this lineup, Mark. Spade, Janine, Kendler. Not Spade. Kendler. Yeah. Kendler, me, Janine, Judd Apatow, Ray Romano, Bill Bellamy. Bill Bellamy. Right.

And Dana Carvi was the host wow yeah that's amazing yeah me and Kendler are fighting it out for last place

I think he pulled ahead of me with all his letterman spots I don't know where's Bill Bellamy Bill Bellamy he had a stretch

of movies you know yeah yeah it's weird how it all happens but you know the difference though

is when we're sitting here talking, is that we've clearly mentioned a couple of guys were like, they disappeared. And the weird thing is that the real dudes, the ones that can't help themselves, they find a way. Yes. You find a way. Yes, you do. And, you know, hopefully it's not too embarrassing.

You know, it's a good point. You know what I mean? Hopefully you can live with it or you're delusional enough to think that everything's okay right you know right it's fucking crazy to me no i definitely it's been good to me no and it still is yeah and people you know respect you and like you and louis like i love when you know like louis uses you in the in the show all the time he doesn't have to do that no but it but it's a friendship. And you don't have to interview me. Yeah, it's a friendship.

No, we go way back. I mean, way back, dude. Yeah, Louie is generous. 25 years already. This business has a lot of generous people in it. Oh, it's a real, like when you come up with people and you have relationships with people,

I don't know any better people. And the thing about it is, it's not like normal life. It's like, you know, it's almost like we were all in the same war together. And when we see each other, they're like, holy shit. I remember when you lost that arm. Yeah, that's right.

That was a bad night. Bad night. You doing all right? Grew back. Look at that. You got your arm back. You were holding the mic with the other hand for like four years. Yeah, it was your hook.

It's almost sad it grew back. No, it's been very good look tonight two weekends ago three weekends ago i was at the ridgefield playhouse yeah it's a in connecticut yeah it's a beautiful venue 350 people paid 30 something bucks to see me yeah yeah good show it's my favorite show yeah and i told him next time i shoot something i'm i don't care if it's an expensive place i'm shooting at that theater. It was fucking beautiful. People on the balcony.

It was full down the bus. Coming to see you. Coming to see me. Yeah. They paid, and they listened. No waitresses. You know, the theater's how nice it is. Right.

They're hanging on every punch. Shit, I mumble under my breath. Love it. I love it. They catch that. It's the best. It was so, and I was home by quarter of 11 yeah and i get paid for what i'd get paid to do a club for a week right it's the best what is

i mean i can't complain but you have that i do anyways with it like now that i'm doing like bigger venues i'm still nervous about it but like when you start doing door deals at comedy clubs and you realize this is what these fuckers were making when i was starting out like you know like you know i remember when i got when I was headlining comedy clubs and no one knew me and I was making $1,500 for Wednesday through Sunday. I'm like, I did it. I made it. Yeah.

And then you do a door deal. I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah. You mean 20 years ago were these fuckers doing that? I know. And then you wonder like, why? You know, like, well, that guy's still on the road. Yeah, because he's doing door deals.

He's making a fortune. Yeah. I wish I was. That's all I want, well, that guy's still on the road. Yeah, because he's doing door deals. He's making a fortune. Yeah. I wish I was. That's all I want. Mark, that's all I want at this point. I want stand up is still. I hate the flying in the all that shit. Yeah.

Being on stage. It's as fun now, if not more than it was. I don't know how many jobs you can say about that than it was when I first started. Oh, me too. Yeah. But I just want to put asses in the seats at this point. That's that's what it really comes down. That's all I want to do. And like I too, yeah. But I just want to put asses in the seats at this point. That's what it really comes down to. That's all I want to do.

And like I said, that Ridgefield thing just reinforces that, that experience I had. My second, I was there a year before. Well, it's beautiful now because you got the podcast and you got visibility and Howard loved you. And the thing is, you do have people that like you. And they come. It's just getting them there and getting the gig.

Right, right. And I think what's interesting about you is a people that like you and they come. It's just getting them there and getting the gig. Right. Yeah. Right. And I think what's interesting about you is a lot of people don't know this. And we know it because your public personality, once you decided to be completely opinionated, might alienate people. Sure. You have your people and I know you like to alienate people.

But I still know you and Louis still knows you. You're a sweet guy. You're good hearted guy. And you wrote for Chris rock. I mean, I don't think people realize that, you know, that the difference between an act and the difference,

you know what you're doing and how aware you are. I'm not even. Yeah. And I, I look, you have to, sometimes you have to do shit to get noticed. Yeah.

I had to be, I noticed, you know, everybody thinks one way politically in this business. Right. I'm going to swim upstream. Right. Right.

Sometimes bad publicity is good publicity. And the tough crowd experience was good and bad for me. Right. It got me noticed. Right. And there's a lot of people who think like me, and they still do. Right. But, yeah.

But, you know, like I said, we live in a time where, you know, to be an opinionated white male. Right. Shut your mouth and swim with us. A little bit, though. But, you know, I understand that point of view. But I think that when it comes down to doing comedy, that on your best night, you know, you're talking to a crowd that likes you and you're having a good time.

You're not up there just spewing anger. Right. You know what I mean? I went through that phase. It was a scary phrase. Frankly, there was a period there where probably, I think it happened to a lot of guys

right after 9-11. You know, like everything sort of snapped into place. That's a good point. And the anger had a depth to it and it kind of unleashed a thing. But you were kind of scary for a couple of years.

Oh, maybe. Nobody will tell you though. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, that's because we're comics. Quinn will. Colin Quinn's my best friend in this business yeah and and when when he would hint it's like having like your family member finally sit you down or whatever you know i mean so he's like a father figure yeah yeah that's when i started going what'd he say well just i'm afraid

he goes some of the you know i'd have meltdowns at the comedy cellar yeah a lot right and and he goes i'm you know i'm just afraid I'll come back to bite you in the ass eventually or whatever. And I sort of knew that myself. Right. But it's fun to be, it's fun to walk there and see how far I can go. Right, right. Part of the, you know what I mean?

But you said the booze will make it worse. Yes. Yeah. And I'm not like, I didn't drink like Dave Attell did in his prime or whatever. Right, right, right. Or Artie Lang. No, but you just want those, like when I drank, you know, you get, you know, something else turns on.

Like they say, and you probably know this from rehab, but it's not how much, it's what it does to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How it changes you. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not blaming it on that because I'm not a fall-down drunk, but I actually, Noam, the guy who runs a comedy salon now, he, about a year, a year and a half, two years ago, he goes, look, you know how me and my father love how you stick your thumb in the eye

of political correctness? But he goes, you're even making it hard on us now. And you know what? I didn't argue one point of his. I said, you're right. There's some nights I leave here feeling bad how I turn the room into a, you know. I feel bad about driving home what I did or whatever.

That's how I know it's not right. I have since sort of like kept distance from that room. Right. Just to give them a break. Right. Right. He didn't, he wasn't going to suspend me, but you know, he's got a lot of angry emails. Yeah.

Isn't that weird though? That whole, because I do that, like there's, there's, there's a couple of reasons that happens where you actually feel bad. You knew that, you know, that you did something. Oh yeah. Fucked up. And it's a real feeling. And like, I get it now.

something oh yeah fucked up and and it's a real feeling and like i get it now sometimes i get it where like you know when you like when you do in a room and you hear where the laugh is and you know you're not going to get higher than that yeah like it's just it's a yeah it's just the audience it's not even anything you said but there's part of you that's sort of like well i'm gonna have to push harder you want the reaction one way or the other. That's right. You want to connect. You want to wake them the fuck up or do something. Like sometimes when I'm bombing, or not bombing, but not doing as well as I want, I won't get off stage.

I'll stay up there for two fucking hours because the one thing I don't want them to leave saying is like... He's a quitter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, all right, so this is where you're going to be? Then I'm just going to stay up here and at least get your money's worth of something. But there is that feeling where you know you crossed you crossed a line you're like oh fuck you know and then you sort of like there's something about that weird guilt or self-hating

thing that like it's it happens a lot it's kind of compelling i'm not sure what it is maybe it's the way we we feel better about ourselves i don't fucking know what the fuck it is i know something was wrong when i when I got an apartment on the Upper East Side right before I moved to LA and here in New York. Nick's Diner was right across the street in the corner.

I used to eat breakfast. My first week in the apartment, I go over there to have breakfast. Yeah. Waitress, she goes, are you a comedian? And I go, yeah. I go, how'd you know that? that she goes you call me a cunt

at the comedy cellar like a couple months ago I go don't spit in my eggs please don't spit in my eggs did you apologize? she laughed about it yeah I go look I go you know there's no way to apologize I go but yeah that's happened more than you realize more common

don't spit in my eggs Don't spit in my eggs. Don't spit in my eggs, please. But yeah, but now, like my last hour I put out, I was never. Another sense was killing. Yeah, another sense was killing. Go to nickdip.com. It's selling well, man. Good.

Thanks to, I went out to LA, did Carolla Rogan and Fitzy, but it's selling well. Good. And yeah, on that, I was never a political comic yeah like colin quinn and i've said this on every podcast i've been interviewed on quinn said it best he goes no you're not a political comic he goes but nick you could be telling a joke a mcdonald's joke and people know how you voted yeah exactly yeah so you know i am not a political comic but your your uh your parents still around yeah how they feel do they feel about everything? Well, it's kind of sad. My dad was just like diagnosed with Alzheimer's like last December.

He'll be 80 in October. But he tells me now how proud he is. He never did. You know what I mean? Isn't that interesting? They get softer and they get, you know. Yeah. So the Alzheimer's, he says it and then he claims not to remember.

Exactly. I go, can you recite one of my jokes, Dad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, and my dad was the funny guy. I mean, he's, that's the other thing. People ask my influence. I used to watch him riffing at a cookout with my parents' friends. My parents' friends would be double over.

Oh, yeah? What did he do? He would just like. Like what was his job? Oh, he was a business controller. My uncle owns a very successful machine shop, Tool and Die. My father's the bookkeeper. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, you know. He was a funny guy. He was the funny guy. And I used to see him riffing and making these people double over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He always had funny cracks watching TV. But he always laughed at shit that was inappropriate. Right.

He always found the dark. I tell a story about on another sense of his killing. We're at McDonald's. You know, we're kids. I'm probably eight years old in the back of a station wagon. The whole family's packed in there. Like an old lady came out with a tray and she slipped on some ice and like fell. And my father's laughing his balls.

He went out and helped her up. Right. That's my dad. He was belly laughing before he got out of the car and helped her. And she was all right. And we're all pointing and laughing, just following his lead, you know? Well, it's funny when it's fake. I guess why wouldn't it be funny if it happens in reality?

No, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he was my dad. Yeah, so he'll be 80. My mother's like 78. They're proud, though. My dad is. He did all right. They're happy when you make a living.

I think most of the time they're worried. No, exactly. And I'm living in a nice house in Westchester. I mean, it could have been worse. Oh, dude. Right? Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen it.

It's like it can get really heartbreaking and sad. And you and I have both been through that. This is the one thing that, you know, there's not, there's not many people that don't, who don't pay their dues that get really big and hold it, you know, but we've all had hardships,

but, you know, the sort of, the rejection and heartbreak of having those moments where, you know, you really don't know

if it's going to work out. Yes. You know, like at our age, like, because I had that when I started the podcast where you're like,

I don't, I can't, what am I going to do? You know, what am I going to do? Are When I started the podcast Where you're like I don't I can't What am I gonna do You know what am I gonna do Are we gonna enter the job market At 45 46 There's nothing

I still have this conversation You do Yeah I Yeah I mean 53 I'm 53 Yeah

You know it's like Like I said Thank God for Gigs like Ridgefield Yeah Shed that energy back into me Yeah And the podcast

My podcast is going I've only been doing it two years, and it's always in the top. It's great. On iTunes. Yeah, yeah. And I still, you know, I still love radio, and I got people working on it. I really think that's where I'm going to end up. Well, you don't have to go to radio and just keep elevating the podcast.

Well, yeah. Maybe what you do is- You're the only one that's figured out how to monetize. Yeah. Well, a few, yeah. Well, you you can monetize it's just about numbers but you everybody i always say this because you know my people my web guy would be pointing to joe rogan and adam carroll i go they were famous before they had their podcast right understand yeah i go marin it's the best example of yeah didn't know yeah no knew me. You'll teach me how to monetize it.

No, I can't tell you that. But, you know, what I was thinking, though, is that maybe you get to a point where you can have some sort of situation in the city where you drive down to interview people. So you have... But you think the key is having... No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I don't think so. The key is really just, you know, figuring out who the hell knows how of getting people to the goddamn thing.

That's right. There's still a lot of people who don't even know how to do it. It's like some big fucking question. You know, like, podcast, how the hell do you... What do you mean, turn your computer on? You have a computer? You fucking idiot. I know.

It's getting easier every year to find... And it ultimately will become easier. But yeah, we can talk about that. But I'm glad you're doing all right. And thanks for talking to me. Are you kidding me? It's just like I said, man. I'm really impressed that you did it with the podcast.

Yeah, I know. It's a good thing. One time in my life I had good timing, career-wise. You don't know how the hell that's. It's the one thing no one can manufacture. You see a lot of talented guys. You're like, why the fuck didn't that happen? It's like, because the shit didn't line up.

The thing that we don't have any control over you know is sometimes the thing that's going to that's right yeah i just happened to get in you know i had a certain capacity for radio and and it was just at the beginning of this thing and you know i grew my show grew with the medium like you know no one it was you know there's a few guys doing it yeah but it wasn't like the thing yeah and it just turned around yeah well i mean a zillion people are doing it so you got something seriously i i keep feel like career wise i feel like i'm on the old uh let's make a deal show i keep picking the wrong curtain yeah i know i know oh the cow 4 000 cans of dog food but you seem better personally which which is good. Yeah, I am. You got a little peace of mind. I got a wife that sort of smooths me out and keeps my anger in check.

And she goes, don't call him back and leave that message. You're going to cost yourself 20 gigs. 20 gigs. I don't want you sitting around the house. I have tweets, Mark. I've had tweets where my finger's an inch from the button. I could commit showbiz suicide if I get this tweet. Yeah, and she she goes oh what are you doing i'm like a suicidal guy with a gun to his head go ahead i'll pull this fuck say one more word you'll be living back in that one bedroom in

queensland yeah she usually she has like parental controls on your computer yeah no exactly that's i'm like a child who wants to see porn uh Well, it's great seeing you, man. Thanks, Mark. Appreciate it, brother. That's it. That's me and Nick. That's Nick DiPaolo. Kind of a one-of-a-kind, that guy. It was good talking to him, good seeing him. Go to WTFpod.com for all your WTF pod needs.

Go to get a little justcoffee.coop over there. If you get the WTF blend uh get a little on the back end of that one you can get on the mailing list you can check the calendar and also if you're new to the show go to wtfpod.com slash guide to see everyone who's been on this show you can also get hooked up with Hal at wtfpod.com and I've just added a new poster I've dug up an old poster that I love that you can get on the site now. I'll sign it if you buy it. It was a riff on the Black Cat's packaging, the Black Cat firecracker packaging for a live WTF and CD release party we did years ago.

It was always one of my favorite posters, and I dug it up, and now it's available again. Whoa, here come the planes. So now I'm going to play guitar. So those of you who are trying to sweep, maybe you should turn it off. Thank you. guitar solo Boomer lives! Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes.

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