WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 665 - Horatio Sanz

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

Horatio Sanz didn’t always plan on becoming a comedian or an SNL cast member for eight seasons. Initially he wanted to be a CIA special agent. Marc talks with Horatio about the sudden change in career path and how it eventually led to the start of the UCB Theater. Horatio also explains why he decided to kick the hornet’s nest a little after he was gone from SNL. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Alright, let's do this. How are you what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fucksters, what the fuckadelics? What's happening? Where are we at? I'm Mark Maron. This is WTF. This is my podcast. Thank you for joining me today on the show Horatio Sands from, you know, I'm from SNL

and from places he's got a uh podcast called the hooray show over there on earwolf and uh well let's let's get up to speed let's talk about the anxiety for a minute because i have to apologize to many of you some of you who are my friends if you listen you know some of you who are my friends who listen to this occasionally, but have probably muted me on Twitter. I'm okay. I'm all right. I'm not going to do any investigating. I'm about done. I'm about out.

I'm about out. I'm going off the Twitter grid. But this is the Christmas, holiday, Hanukkah, seasonal things happening around getting Christmas cards from people that I don't know, or maybe I just don't know them anymore. Perhaps it's gotten to that point where I'm like, is that that kid all grown up? Who are these people?

That doesn't look like the same husband. That's not the same wife. Where did those three kids come from? It's strange how Christmas cards change. But I think I'm getting some from people i don't know unless my memory is really fucked up the point i'm trying to make is i do nothing i do nothing and i'm embarrassed about it i don't i don't send out i did you know uh when i was with different women uh who would we you know get get a you know sort of a jump on it.

Let's do this. Let's send a few out. I do nothing, and I feel bad about it. I didn't send out any cards, and I feel bad if people get cards. I didn't have a holiday party. I didn't light one goddamn Hanukkah candle. And I don't know if it's important. I don't know.

Like, I was thinking about this this morning. Like, I know that when people get things, get things like, oh, they sent a thing. But if you don't get it, are you like that fucker didn't send a thing if you haven't established that you're sending things? But I'm bad, man. I mean, I'll send my nephews and nieces anything. I don't send my parents anything. I don't send my brother anything. Some part of me thinks that this podcast is enough that it covers everything that like if if if anyone

is in my family listens marry stuff happy Hanukkah I didn't send a thing you know I barely get my uh if I'm with a woman which I am I have to remember to get them shit it's so I don't know if it's selfish or I really just don't, I'd like to frame it that, you know, like holidays are bullshit. But no matter how you, no matter how many times you say that, then you got to sell that to the person

that you're not buying presents for or not acknowledging. I mean, and I've been through a lot here at the house. I mean, I've had Christmas trees in there, people. I've had Christmas lights. I've lit candles. I've've had a lot of things have gone on in their holiday related there's been decorating there's been many presents there's been no presents but now i just i don't even think about it what the fuck am i thinking about if i'm not thinking about the holidays i didn't watch the democratic debate i I didn't go see star Wars.

I, you know, I knew it was coming. I knew everything was happening. What am I fucking doing with my time? Well, you know, have a safe holiday. Try to be kind to the people in your life. Even the ones that you have no choice about, even the ones that are annoying. Give people a little card or a piece of cake or something.

Makes a big difference. Say thank you. If you get a present for somebody, don't linger and then talk then talk them out of you know i just had that happen yesterday i bought a hat some gloves because we're gonna go on a chilly trip for a few days and and i and uh you know sarah did not give me the response that i was waiting for so i i bullied her basically well you know if you don't you know if you want you can take them back if you want hey if you're not gonna wear them i mean if it's not your style i mean if you don't, you know, if you want, you can take them back if you want. Hey, if you're not going to wear them. I mean, if it's not your style. I mean, if it doesn't, if it is, does it fit?

Do they fit? Is it something you're going to wear? I mean, I just, I just bought those. And if you're just going to put them in a drawer somewhere and I, me that I, I put things in drawers all the time and never look at them. A lot of that swag though. But I just sort of like, well, are you to the point where she's like, no, no, no. And she bought me a beautiful Filson duffel bag.

Now, granted, I did pay for this little adventure we're going on, but that's not the point. It's about giving. But it's not only about giving. It's about the person you're giving to to act excited, surprised, perhaps use or wear what you got them as immediately as possible even if it's only once it's about maybe bringing it up again and going like wow these are these are really great this is really great i remember years ago i had bought a girlfriend a sweater and it was not her style at all it was not anything she would wear. And in my mind, I had somehow convinced myself because that's what you do in that moment. You have a moment

with a thing and you're like, oh, that's an amazing thing. That's beautiful. I'm going to get that for her because in my mind, I'll make her into the person that wears that. I'll make him into the person that wears that. I don't think that's your intention. But this sweater was completely years ago. And she took it out of the box and she was like, what am I going to do with this? And I thought, I don't know, maybe wear it until it gets ratty and shitty like your other clothes. And then it'll be perfect because it'll look like an old one of those sweaters. perfect because it'll look like an old one of those sweaters but i think in my mind i wanted her to be the kind of person that wore that sweater and that's where alan on comes in 40

years later however many years it took me to understand that shit i'm not promoting anything here folks just don't buy presents for people with hopes that they'll fit your expectations of those gifts. Does that make sense? Does it? Let me give you a brief synopsis or a little bit of what I know. monday morning or maybe sunday night in chicago about to shoot this amazing uh thing i did with joe swamberg who's a just a great guy and a like a nice guy not an affected guy decent uh fella and and a an amazingly gifted film director and he's a complete auteur he does his own thing entirely and it has its own style and feel.

And I love the guy. I loved him before he hired me. And it's all improvising. And I know that you've seen shows that are like that where it's sort of like, yeah, it's all improvised. It's kind of intense, man, to just go. And I was working with Jane Addams. Jane fucking Addams. I love Jane Addams. What fucking Addams. I love Jane Addams.

What a great actress. And so funny. And we were like, you know, she's one of those people. You know, there's people in your lives. I've had a few people on the show like that. I just feel like I've known my whole fucking life. I don't know why. Well, Jane Addams is one of those people.

And we improvised these scenes. She was my best friend. It was amazing. And then I did those scenes with Emily Ratajkowski. And those turned out to be great. it was exactly what swanberg wanted this um gaping age difference let's see how mark does uh does a character engaging with um 25 year olds andrew bachelor who's a, was another one of the younger people. But I had a great time and improvising like that

because then you have to improvise when it's really all improvised and all you're going with is what needs, you know, sort of the things you have to, what sort of needs to happen in the scene is that you go through emotions that are surprising to you.

I mean, like I chose not to control my emotions and move through sort of the interactions with whoever I'm working with. And it was sort of mind-blowing to realize that, yes, yes, I'm old. I'm 52 years old. It's not old, old, but there's a difference, you know? Generational differences, exciting exciting things i don't know what i'm trying to tell you i'm just trying to tell you that the act what you're seeing when you see this thing is like actual immediate emotional reacting to other actors um without

really knowing where it's going to go and i know i do that a lot i do that on stage i do that here here and there. I do it right now. I'm doing it right now. And as you know, for those of you who are still listening, this sometimes can just spiral off into nothing, but not usually when there's another person here. But anyways, it was a great time and a great experience.

I want to thank Joe Swanberg and all the people involved with that thing because it was really the first thing I'd ever done like that. Yeah, I do my own TV show, but it was great to be working with a guy who you trust, a good guy doing something exciting and new. Do that if you can, maybe over the holidays. Huh? Right now, it's my pleasure to have my guest here in the garage. I'm going to talk to the very funny and decent Horatio Sam.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats, but iced tea and ice cream, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction.

Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Ends. Finally, dude. Yeah. Right? Pleasure to be here. It's nice to see you.

I mean, I canceled, you canceled. I mean, it canceled, you canceled. I mean, it was like, but like not just once. I mean, what is, we've been trying to do this for a year? At least. Maybe three. Has it been that long? What happened last time?

It sounded pretty interesting. Sounded like some international intrigue. The last time you canceled, there was some issues with your green card. Oh, yeah, that's right. I had to get my green card renewed. Oh. Yeah. So I had to go to New York and be there. They wouldn't take any kind of submission online or anything.

Is that true? Yeah. Is that the first time you've had to have it renewed? No, I think it's every 10 years. So was it a surprise to you? Like, oh, fuck. It's never a surprise, but it is like the only thing that's kind of serious in my life. Like, shit, I got to get this done or else they're going to kick me out of here.

And then you have to go back to where? To Chile, I guess. And I don't really know Chile, so that'd be kind of weird. So how does that work? How are you not a citizen? Not that I don't want you here. No, thank you. No, my parents just, just conceived me in Chicago,

and I had two older brothers at the time. Yeah. And they were like, well, let's just go back and have him be born Chilean also, so he won't be the different one. They flew back to have you? They flew back to Chile to have me born a Chilean citizen. And then they flew back to Chicago? Yes, like two months after I was born.

If they just had you here, it would have been okay. You would have been a citizen. I would have been a citizen, yeah. That doesn't seem like... Now I can't be president. Now, by the time... Well, you could. I guess you... I wasn't born here, though. You can't be president if you're born here, if you're not born here. Well, I'm sorry. Was that a big disappointment for you? Well, think about it. I mean, you know, when you're growing up, you want to have that option open.

Sure. I never did. Did it cause you a lot of trouble? Did you think it made you self-sabotage or have an anger issue or anything, not being able to be president? It may have. Yeah. It may be why I have a rebellious spirit. Wow.

Maybe we got to the bottom of it this quickly. That's awesome. I don't know what else we have to talk about. Yeah, let's just load this up with commercials and get out of here. So you've never spent any time in Chile? I did when I was five. They tried to move back. Yeah, so I spent a year at school, and I think it was first grade. They tried to move back. Really? Yeah. So I spent a year at school, and I think it was first grade.

They tried to move back. But by then, my older brothers really missed America, so we went back. Your parents seemed to be a little waffling. You can't commit to a decision, really. Well, they're Chilean immigrants, so when they came to the United States, their options weren't as... They didn't have as many options as they did in Chile. Right. What did they do there?

Well, my dad was – my dad taught school in Brazil – I mean, in Venezuela and in Chile, and my mother worked as a nurse at a hospital. And when they came here, none of that mattered. Right. So my dad worked at a hotel as a bartender and a waiter. Yeah. And my mother worked at a factory making lottery tickets. Making lottery tickets. Yeah, like those scratch opens that you get from Portland.

Yeah. Yeah, those. The scratch things. Yeah, she made the scratch things. With the little things you rub off with a coin or your finger, depending on how desperate you are. Fuck, I don't have a coin. You're a pick. everything's hanging on this this is it the last dollar on this scratch card and that's really that's what they uh

did your entire childhood yeah pretty much and then when i was in high school my dad started going back to college because he had a college degree from Chile that didn't transfer. So he went to college and became a drug counselor for a little bit. Oh, really? Before he retired, yeah. Interesting. Just out of nowhere or did somebody? He just kind of always wanted to and finally just had enough time and was retiring.

And so he did that. And you have two older brothers? Yeah. What'd they end up doing? So he did that. And you have two older brothers? Yeah. What'd they end up doing?

Well, my brother Steve ended up, he was running, he bought a dating service, and he was running that in Vegas. An internet dating service? Yeah. Uh-huh. And this was before the internet. No, it was before. It was videotape. Really?

Yeah. So he was getting, you know, like people would make, like, hey, my name's John. Yeah. What's your favorite thing to do on a date? Oh, really? Stuff like that. Yeah. Was this a national service or something local?

It was Chicago mostly, and then it was Vegas. What happened to it when it went to Vegas? Sounds like it got dodgy. It wasn't quite hard to define whether it was just a dating service then oh well the problem may have lied in the fact that it wasn't a full full dating service oh what it was a real dating you know real dating service oh you know i guess just fizzled out it fizzled out yeah and then he did you then he did some stuff with real estate and and then now I think he's working. What happened to all those great videos of desperate people looking for love?

They're in my parents' garage, I think. Oh, good. He kept them, huh? Yeah, we got them. You should digitize those fuckers. See how those people are doing. Put those on WikiLeak. Sure, man.

Just put them on YouTube. Hey, remember that? That'd be so terrible boxes of videotapes sitting in garages you got any of those i don't know i made them too i used to ask the questions see when we both worked for the the guy who owned it in chicago and then he ended up buying the business from the guy in chicago oh yeah so you were in the position of the executive you were the casting guy yeah. So you were in the position of the executive. You were the casting guy. Yeah, I was the casting. I was directing.

I was the whole, yeah, directing. Hey, could you look more less desperate? More like. Yeah, sometimes I would say like, yeah, relax. Don't, you know, you're sweating a lot. Maybe turn off the heat here. I mean, turn on the air conditioning and get them kind of ready. How old were you when that was happening?

I was 20, 21, 22. Yeah? Yeah. What's the other brother up to? He's an actor, and he does mostly, he does serious films and shows. So he's out here? Yeah, he's out here. He lives between Koreatown and Larchmont over there.

He plays drug dealers in a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because he's swarthy and handsome and tall and south american yeah yeah yeah so that typecast situation has he done some big movies he did uh that one with strave him where he needs to be like you know in a car he's on a car he can't stop the whole time oh Oh, yeah. Yeah. What the hell is that called? Well, he's got a mechanical heart. No, he has some kind of drug that has been given to him where he has to keep his heart rate above a certain...

Oh, am I making it up that there is some sort of ticking time bomb that if his heart doesn't... I thought it was a mechanical heart or something. It was not a realistic movie. No, it wasn't. He had to plug a car battery into his heart am i making that up at some point i think he did have to do something like that yeah oh yeah i saw i'm not sure he's got a mechanical heart but he's definitely dealing with some kind of new drug that's been invented by some bad guys they took his heart out or something and they put i'll put a fake with it

yeah maybe i forget the but i remember the bad guys were Asian in that kind of. Well, maybe you're mixing up the movies then. This one's Crank. This one's called Crank. Yeah, that's the one I saw. Well, maybe you thought my brother looked Asian. No, no. He was another guy. There was another guy, a big guy that gets into a big sort of fight and he's got guns.

No. My brother's the pimp. He's not a pimp, but he was the drug dealer. He fell out of a window and into a pool and died. Oh. Yeah, like a real good send-off. Oh, shit. I don't.

It must be the movie I saw. How many movies where he's got to keep his heart rate up? It's like, no, that's not the one where he's got the electric heart or the battery heart. Well, this is what we thought about Fast and the Furious 12 films later. It's amazing. Maybe that was, I'm thinking of Crank 2. You might be, yeah. Maybe you're right.

I got to get caught up on that shit. I miss everything. So Chicago's a fucking great city. I've grown to appreciate it. Yeah, I liked a lot of it. And mostly, you know, the arts kind of flourished there. Right. For me, they kind of, you know, the idea that kind of flourished there right for me they kind of you know the idea that second city was in the same town that i was in was always uh exciting

when did you become aware of that though i was little because uh snl when i i used to watch snl with my brothers in their room how much older are they they're six and nine years older wow so you're an accident yeah i'm an accident for sure yeah a happy accident catholic accident uh they weren't really catholic but oh let's see i just made an assumption chilean spanish catholic i think we should have been but my father was agnostic oh that's good no he's strong strongly against religion oh really yeah that's fucking beautiful it's nice to hear that yeah so i had that too that too. From someone of Latino background. Is it still Latino?

Yes. Am I being condescending? No. Okay. And it's coming up a lot. Yeah. What is? Latino?

Latino. What is it? Latino or Hispanic? Oh, yeah. I guess Hispanic means that it's derived from Spain and Latino is all different. Oh. Spanish. Broader. It's more broad. Mexican and and Latino is all different. Oh. Spanish. Broader.

It's more broad. Mexican and everybody else, South America. Yeah. But Hispanic can fall under the Latino umbrella. Yes. Oh. So Hispanic's out. Not really.

No. No, but I think Latino is the better. Yeah. You might not just not take any chances. Yes. And if somebody gets defensive and goes, I'm Hispanic, you're like, no, you're a racist. Yeah. Because you want to separate yourself from the rest of the Latino people.

Or you can say, Horatio says Latinos cool now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're dated retro with your Hispanic. Why don't you just say you're a cholo? Is that still in? Cholos? Are there still cholos? Yeah, there are. Yeah. And they still call themselves cholo is that still in cholos are there still cholos yeah there are yeah and they still call themselves cholo i think so i think it's a cholo pride i don't want to fight now they

get bad rep though no yeah because they just brain people at dodger stadium oh that happened yeah but i grew up in uh new mexico i was there at the birth of the neo cholo renaissance oh really sure that back when it came back. Like, I think it was like, I don't know if it was just invented in the 70s, but like there was a period where there was a lot of disco going on, a lot of Familari shoes, platform shoes,

leather jackets, feather haircuts, and then boom, all of a sudden, you know, just the work shirts with the t-shirts underneath, top button button, bandanas, chinos. Yeah, like an LA biker kind ofos. Yeah, like an L.A. biker kind of thing. Yeah, and that was like over. Disco was done.

Cholos were here. Yeah, and they've stayed. Oh, that stuck. I prefer it to the feather haircuts. I never liked it that much. Well, there's a big struggle in the neighborhood for them to retain. They're the indigenous people over there, and they were taken out by Dodger Stadium, and now they're being taken out by people who gentrify.

Everything. Yeah. You mean white people. Say it, white people. No, well, I'm part of the problem, too, I guess. I felt that right when you got here. I'm torn. I don't know if I should spray paint the yoga studio or join it.

Or take a class. Someone did tag the studio there by the house. Where do you live? Around here? I live in Echo Park. Oh, okay. So you're right over there by Dodger Stadium? Yeah.

Bought a house? No, I rent the house. Oh. Well, you're not really part of the problem then. You're just sort of like, I'm just renting, man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, talk rent the house. Oh. Well, you're not really part of the problem then. You're just sort of like, I'm just renting, man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Talk to the owner.

But the owner did want like a Latino person in the house. Cover his ass? Yeah, so I had to kind of like, I had to kind of Latino it up with his mom and stuff. Oh, so he's Latino. Yeah. Oh, then it's cool. That's not gentrification. Yeah, he has a weird obsession though with it.

With what? He's always like, with the Latino, he's from Peru. Oh really? But he kind of identifies with the Latinos in Echo Park. Yeah. And so he's always saying like, oh yeah man, you gotta watch out. Guy got shot at the gas station, dude. Like, those kind of instructions are just sort of like, just, you got to be paranoid, man, all the time.

You never know where it's coming from. That's exactly, you have to be paranoid. Take a walk, getting gas, boom. Yeah, I saw a guy threatening, like, there's, like, this 50-year-old white dude in, like, a Volkswagen. Yeah. And this kid on a bike was like, I'll come back and you and the guy was like what the fuck he couldn't believe it but he didn't come back he didn't come back no one stuck around though we all took off so you're

oh so your your brothers were that much older so your you're a kid and they're watching SNL. Do you remember what season it was that you first saw? Well, it was probably like 78, probably 77. So early. How old are you? I'll be 47. Oh, so you're close to my age. I just turned 52. So that was like Bill Murray, maybe?

Bill Murray, yeah. Yeah, Bill Murray and the Wild and Crazy Guys. Yeah. I ate all that up, and then they used to show them on Wednesday like Wednesday evenings at 7 30 they'd do like the best of the week so they would do like a little shortened version of it so that's where mostly I would watch and then do those bits at school the next day and yeah that kind of thing which were your what were your first uh your first uh impressions of impressions well well my my first impression was uh Robert Stack which is an impression of of Dan Aykroyd's Robert Stack.

He's like, I want to know what's going on. I want to know now. You are listening to Unsolved Mysteries. That's my Robert Stack. That's good. Thank you. And you were like, what, 12? No, no.

At 78, I was 8. Wow. Doing Robert Stack. Yeah. 12? No, no. At 78, I was eight. Wow. Or seven. Doing Robert Stack, yeah. I was about 13 when I saw the first season of SNL, and it had an effect on me. Did it blow you away or no? Yeah, I used to do the falls at school. I never did voices, but Chevy Chase, they used to set up sort of fairly elaborate ways

to fall down. Yeah, would you throw your books down the stairs and stuff? I think we, you know, like, it wasn't surprise falls. You know, I tried to do it, you know, in a way that was just funny. So, like, we'd set it up. It probably would have been better

if I figured out how to do it. Me and my friends, we were throwing books on the floor and stumbling down stairs. Oh, that's good. And the other students were like, what the? And if someone comes by and says hey knock it off it's like oh i fell yeah yeah oh yeah so you were a chevy chase fan too yes yeah all it's a fan of all of it yeah and you knew then at eight that you're like this is my future uh not really but i did really fall in love with uh with with making laugh. I think I did little entertainment things for my parents.

And I remember hanging out with my brother's friends and their girlfriends, and I would make the girls laugh, so I knew that I was on the right track. Did they used to get you, like, stoned? Like, older brothers would get, like, a cat stoned or something? Like, come here. No, my oldest brother's a real straight true blue guy so he he wouldn't do that he'd protect me oh from the other brother yeah yeah the other brother would do that yeah my other brother made me drink like a quarter bottle of vodka one time uh how old were

you at that time i was probably like 12 and he's like if you drink that vodka it was new year's eve if you drink that vodka i'll give you five bucks and i did and he didn't and you threw up i threw up yeah good times it's always a good first drinking story yeah i guess that's it and so you're entertaining your parents with voices and did you set up shows and have the family sit on the couch that kind of shit yeah that kind of shit they would be in bed and we would come into their doorframe as different characters and make them try to make them laugh. Oh, that's good. Make a beard with cotton balls and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. And did you get some laughs?

I did. I did. And it kept happening. So, you know, there was a time where I didn't think it was believable. I didn't think that it could be accomplished, that kind of thing. What, to get a job in show business? To get a job in show business, yeah. So what did you set out to do instead initially?

I was thinking about joining the CIA. Because I spoke fluent Spanish, I thought I could be used. And was this sort of like a patriotic duty? Maybe it was, you know, because I've never been an American, so to speak. Maybe I was trying to do my part. Yeah, you weren't just intrigued with the idea of being a spook? A spy? Well, you know, I think they call them spooks.

Okay. You know, the guys who, well, see, a spy is one thing, but the spooks are the ones that go down to places like Chile and overthrow the government. Yes. Okay, then, yeah, I would have been on board for something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I was a little Reaganite. You were a little late on the Allende thing. The Allende thing, I was, you know, the story on Allende, I didn't get it straight at first. Your parents must have lived through that shit. They actually left before that. Oh, really? Yeah. Good for them, I think.

I don't think because of it, but it just happened that way. Well, he was one of the good guys, right? He was the guy that socialized the copper industry. And then the Nixon administration said, fuck that guy. Let's take him out. Let's send a couple of CIA guys down there who speak Spanish to take out the good guy. Some Horatio types. Have you got a funny dude that can get into the presidential palace with his charm and jokes?

Some guy maybe does a cotton ball beard? I could still do that, by the way. I know Obama listens. He did the one time he was in here. That might be the extent of it. The president sat in this chair. Yeah. That's be the extent of it. The president sat in this chair. Yeah.

That's pretty great. It is. He left his cup. You're going to have to leave this thing to the Smithsonian. Yeah. Or maybe they could

just build a replica. Or donate some stuff. Just the stuff but not the whole desk. Yeah. I mean, they can have this stuff but I think that

it'd be just as credible if they, maybe, you know, I don't think it'd be easy to sort of manufacture a replica of this. A lot of shit here that's kind of one of a kind.

Absolutely. Like that hammer, that half a hammer, that had to be removed. They were like, that can't stay with the president. Is this a murder weapon? Yeah, the knife had to go.

Yeah, they were like, that goes out. Yeah, a lot of stuff had to be, we had to clean it up a little in here. So no scissors. No scissors.

They didn't know what I was capable of in a moment of desperation. Isn't that fun? Yeah. It was cool. Secret Service, they were cool. I had the same thought, though, when I met the president at SNL. Yeah? I'm like, wow, I can change the world right now.

I had profound fantasies of assassinating Karl Rove when I was doing Air America Radio. We actually were at the 2004 Republican Convention covering it from inside. And we were just sort of like, you know, on a break or it was before or after the show. And we were in this back room and Karl Rove was just walking by, no protection. I'm like, if I knew more about toxins, I could have prepared for this. I had this fantasy of having some sort of toxin that I'd made myself immune to on my hand. And I shook his hand. And then moments later, he had a horrendous coronary.

And I just slipped out the back door. There's no explanation. And I would have probably saved the country because he was the guy running things for that four years. You would have saved a lot of trouble. We're not saying it's cool to assassinate people no no no it's not cool but we're saying that it that at times it's necessary clearly not in the case of allende okay with allende but carl rove i think arguably you know a lot of people would side with me i didn't do it it was a fantasy and I don't think there's anything wrong with using your imagination for that type of stuff.

No. What are you going to do, tell your brain to stop working? That's right. Just censor myself like that? Yeah, no. Is there creative ways that could never happen to kill people?

We have to explore every option to see the beings. But you didn't go that far. You were just sort of like, you realized that if you were a dark, evil man in that moment, you could just... Yes. I could have snuck in with any kind of metal object because i was in the show that year so it could have been part of the sketch i could have gone to my dressing room grab something from the and put it in my costume i was dressed as spongebob oh spongebob could be dangerous yeah i mean there's a lot of stuff to put in the sponge

and then like maybe if you did it like that everyone would think it's part of a sketch and you could like get away in that secret elevator. Oh, yeah. I know my way around there. Yeah. From my years of working there. Yeah. At John Wilkes Booth.

Yeah. Yeah. I know my way around there. He knew his way around Ford Theater. Yeah. I was there, though, when I saw the opening show this season. That was the only time I've ever been there at the show. And Hillary Clinton appeared, and it was heavy security.

Yeah. A lot of Secret Service, a lot of guys looking around, you know, with that thing in their ear. That didn't happen when the president was there? Yeah. Yeah, there were people there. I think it's safe to say it was a good call not to. Yeah, very good call on my part not to.

Because I tried to take a video of Paul McCartney rehearsing. On your phone? Yeah. At SNL? At SNL. When you were on the cast? No, no. I came back later.

And they're like, oh, Paul McCartney's rehearsing. So I got in and I watched it. And I would take a video of it. And some guy was like, give me your phone. And you're like, I was on the show. He's like, I don't care. Give me your phone. and he went through my phone and like but that wasn't secret service that's just what they do now that's just his paul mccartney's guy huh the obama's guys were great yeah take all the pictures you want so all right so you you were going to be in the cia

yeah when did my dream die when uh When my brother in college started doing plays. Oh, really? He started doing plays in college. The actor. Yeah. And he started getting a little notoriety in Chicago theater, and I was like, oh, wow, okay, this can happen. You know, my brother doesn't have a job.

He was really just an actor. And so that kind of inspired me to go for it. Is he funny? He's not that funny. He's funny, but he's not that funny. My other brother is the funnier brother. The dating service real estate guy who might be working? Yeah.

The middle brother. Yeah. He sounds like a funny guy. It's easier to be funny when things don't always go right. It's the only thing you can do. You're either going to go that direction or you're going to get depressed and angry. I think he had the middle child thing, too. Oh, really?

Yeah. When I came, oh, everybody loves the baby. Oh, look, a little baby. Yeah. And he just got overlooked. The older brother was almost on his own. The middle brother was, like, upstaged by your ass. Yeah.

Yeah. Tough break. But he was good, though. It was kind of like having a friend in prison. You know, he kind of knew all the... He knew all the, you know, like... The bad stuff. You know, how to break into cars and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had burned his hair once setting a car on fire for some mobster. Really? Yeah, so... Like, he was definitely in a gang when he was in high school. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah?

And then he straightened out and... He's okay now? He's okay now, yeah. So, yeah? Yeah. Yeah? And then he straightened out. He's okay now? He's okay now, yeah. So did you go to college? I did. I went to... Oh, that's your kid? What is that?

That's a kid. That's a real kid. It's not a kitty. Oh, yeah. I don't know what it's doing in my backyard. Oops. That was my neighbor's kid. They don't have a yard.

It's sort of sad and sweet in a way. They just have that deck out there. So this kid has grown up from zero to like four or five or whatever she is now, just playing on that deck. She never crawls out down the hill? No, that hill's treacherous. The people that owned that place before, they pulled up all the shrubbery from that hill and then mud slitted away and now they can't ever

sell that house because it was they have to you know rebuild it they gotta put it whatever so they gotta put stilts on it they got no the house is fine but the the actual hill needs to be uh retaining walled but uh we don't talk about it. Are you okay? Are we okay? I don't know. I hope it doesn't rain. No, I'm okay.

I left my tree in. They better take some pictures of this desk before they get a rubble. Maybe that's what they'll put in the Smithsonian. Thank God the president wasn't here when this happened. Tragedy. Yeah, the boss agilist. A tough game. Close call for the president who was there years earlier just missed it could have changed the world yeah so you're in college

which college columbia college in chicago that's a good one it's yeah i was you know it's i was maybe gonna work in film television maybe behind the scenes in movies. That's what your plan was? That was my plan. Taking classes and holding things? Holding cameras and working at a TV station. Yeah, coffee came out good. Yeah, it really did. Yeah.

I agree. Yeah, and so did they have a TV station at the college? They did, and then I realized kind of quickly that I wasn't really that good with technical stuff. And then around that same time, I took an acting class, and then around that same time i took an acting class and then around that same time i saw a show at second city right on that show improv olympic oh at improv olympic anyone we know um no no uh joel murray i'd been recently doing stuff there uh-huh um and dave pasquaisi who's now pretty well regarded as an improv guru uh-huh and so i saw it and i and uh they were great and fun and i figured i like i thought i can do that and so then i hung around and watched

and took classes and then um i just started hanging out at night at you know talking to other improvisers and drinking and hanging out and eventually i just stopped going to college so you didn't finish no no that's all right you can go back you know yeah i can okay i don't really i don't it's not one of those things i feel like i should go back and finish you don't think about okay yeah that's interesting because i've talked to a few people that have that experience with performing where they see someone doing it and they're like ah fuck i could do that i never felt that way with comic really with comedy i'd watch comics you're like holy shit how the fuck do they do that

like it was like some sort of code i needed to crack it why i didn't ever was sort of like that fuck it i can i can get up there and do that i guess i could see that about stand-up because that's more rigid and you know you need to kind of have a style and you need to have jokes written whereas improv you can kind of bullshit your way around. Throw the ball to the other guy. I'm tapped out. Yeah, it's that easy. Tag. You'd take it. Yeah.

So when did you start taking improv? In like 1990, maybe 89. What were you, like 20? Yeah. Yeah, I was 20. And when I got in the second city, I was 21, which is pretty young. How does that happen? I was working with UCB guys. You took classes with Matt

and Amy and Matt? Yeah, I took classes with Matt Walsh and then I met, then Amy and Matt came later, but I met Matt Walsh and Matt Besser. Yeah. And Adam McKay and I teamed up with those guys. What's the other one's name? Ian. Ian. Ian wasn't around yet. So it was Matt, Matt, me, and Adam McKay and I Teamed up with those guys What's the other one's name? Ian

Ian Yeah Ian wasn't around yet So it was Matt Matt Me and Adam McKay What was What were you doing With Adam and Matt

And Matt We were doing a show At a stand up club So we were doing sketches At a stand up club But you were already In Second City I don't know if I'd been

At Second City yet But you were taking classes Taking classes Yeah Okay And you just met those guys And we met those guys And Matt and Matt Said hey why don't you guys join us and we'll do a show and then uh and then we did an upright so this is then we did what what became upright says brigade which is called

the cerebral strip mine so that was the predecessor the predecessor of ucb wow and then we took on ian and ali farnakian i know that that guy. What happened to that guy? He was like, in New York, there was a small period of time where he was like the improv genius. Yeah. And then I always found him intimidating. I saw him a couple times. I was like, he's all right. And then nothing.

And then commercials, a couple commercials. Yeah, but he's actually, he's opened up a theater. Oh, great. And bar that up a theater. Oh, great. And bar that's pretty successful. Oh, good. I think it's on the east side. Oh, really? Yeah.

For improv? Yes. Oh, that's great. So he became like an improv guru. He did. And he teaches? And he teaches. Oh, so that's the route.

He's taking the Del Close route. Yes. Oh. So there'll be generations, maybe several years from now, it's like, fuck UCB. He's the real guy. That's possible. That's possible. What's his whole name again? Farinacchia? Ali

Farinacchia. Yeah, I liked him. I'm glad we settled that. He was a good guy. He was a good guy. He is a good guy. Intense guy. He was very intense. So it's you, Ali, Matt, Matt, Adam, and then ian and then ian came in roberts so this was and what was the name of it again cerebral strip mine now do you like uh are you considered are you credited with uh the birth of ucb well yeah they do they do i'm one

of the founders you are yes You're on the plaque? Yes, I think I am. I'm on the board of UCB. I'm on a board. Of UCB. Of UCB guys. The actual board hanging there with a picture. I call myself the fifth beetle. Ah.

So they're the UCB four, and I'm the fifth beetle. What happened with UCB? Because they went on to tremendous success, and they built a school, and now they're nationwide almost, right? Yeah. What happened is that a few of us were taken by the Second City Chicago and put in the touring company. Was that a weird decision to make? You and Matt, did you have a sit down and go like, they were like, we're going places, man. You can go old school and run around the country doing improv.

I guess maybe we had that conversation. I don't remember it. But basically, it came down to, do you want to stay at Second City or do you want to come with us to New York? Yeah. And things were just going well at Second City, so I stayed. And you got into the touring company? I got into the touring company, and then I got into the ETC stage. Wait, who was in the touring company with you?

Were you there with Sudeikis? that's before this is before sudeikis right i was there with uh brian stack miriam um jerry minor oh yeah jerry minor yeah and uh and that was in the etc stage um what's that that's like the the next there's a there's a main stage that has 350 seats, and then there's a smaller theater next to it. So you're in the small theater, and you're doing road gigs. Yeah, you do road gigs, and then you graduate to one of the theaters. How long were you doing the road gigs? About three years.

Holy shit. Yeah. How many dates do you do a year doing that shit? Probably like 15, 20. Uh-huh. And you just go to like bigger cities or, you know, churches? Yeah, we go to Ohio and then do their big theater. And, you know, like we kind of, it's kind of interesting because we got to do a lot of the vaudeville theaters.

Uh-huh. Those old beautiful theaters. And people come out? An evening of Second City. Yeah. And people came out. But another great thing is probably like doing, going on the road for standupup is you start you start learning to make everyone laugh a little bit sure so it was it was I never was good at that the everyone thing no no it was always pretty specific early on very

specific literally at five to ten people well you know when I was on the show I dabbled in in that you know but uh if I had my druthers, I'd rather make less people laugh. Sure. It came naturally to me. Making less people laugh. Good. Good. And you didn't, you know, you weren't cocky in saying I can do that when you first saw

Stand Up. You worked on it. You knew that there was work involved. Sure. I don't think I got, you know, sort of broadly funny until recently. Is that right? I don't think so. I think you were well regarded.

I was well regarded, but a lot of times that regard is for like, oh so. I think you were well-regarded. I was well-regarded, but a lot of times that regard is for like, oh, that guy, yeah, he's very specific. You know, he's brilliant, but yeah, he's out there. He's a little angry.

Very well-regarded. Like you can't put any real money behind this guy. Sure, right, exactly. Well-regarded, respected by his peers, but he's not going anywhere. Gotcha.

Well, you definitely changed that up. Yeah, I did. Yeah, thank God. But actually, not just because of yeah thank god but i'm actually you know not just because the podcast but i'm a better entertainer now i don't think i saw myself as an entertainer uh i resented people who laughed at me too easily yeah it was sort of like uh you know that wasn't even where it was supposed to be the laugh and then you realize like oh they're laughing

at me because i'm making them uncomfortable and then then you're like, that's okay. And that's the first step to being funny to all people. Yeah. Look at the guy taking himself too seriously. It's like when the Beatles quit touring. Yeah. You know, the people weren't listening to the lyrics anymore. They were just screaming. Yeah, that was my problem.

They were screaming inside. They were screaming at themselves for spending money on this bad choice for entertainment. I saw you a couple years before the pot well were you doing the podcast yet you had just been through some kind of disaster and you were in uh you were at maxwell's in new jersey hoboken oh was that then for one of the yola tango nights yeah yeah right oh that's right. I remember that night. Yeah, it was ugly. I was full of anxiety. And it was not a good show to see.

Was I funny? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. And I did. I had that thing where like, oh, I haven't been really watching this guy intently like I should be. Oh, thank you. Yeah. That was the night the Nationals showed up.

The Nationals. Yeah, they were great. Yeah. I knew nothing about them. And I was like, this seems important to a lot of people. I had a good time that night. That was a very fun night. You met, you talked to Sharpling. You and Sharpling ironed things out. Well, yeah, it was the first time I think that me and Sharpling actually kind of met officially in a way. I don't think we had shit to iron out, did we? Maybe I had met him before. I just, yeah, I remember it was good to see him. I like Sharpling. And we all talking right yes yeah right and i quit drinking so while we were talking about

quitting drinking oh yeah yeah and then you eat ice cream and that i was eating ice cream oh yeah like that right yeah we smoking a cigar no we didn't smoke cigar in new york no but we did here out in the back deck with dave becky You still with Becky? I am. Oh, good for you. He's a good guy. I hear from him occasionally. Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah, I said I'm going to Mark Maron's, and he's like, all right, I'll come over too. Yeah.

All right. I'll ask him. I'll just meet you guys there. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I'm going to get this done. Get back on the same page with Maron. Didn't end well with us.

Just imposed myself on his porch. And you were writing something for the Montreal Comedy Festival. Oh, right. That was a powerful thing. And a lot of it had to do with Dave Becky. He can take a couple hits. Of course. Of course. Dave, how's my hair,

Becky? Why are you looking at me like that dave am i fat becky he's gonna love that yeah he's gonna love that he said he'll be all right of course yeah yeah no i'm glad he's doing well like you know we we're actually friends uh again i don't think we were ever not friends it was just sort of like you know are you enemies with anyone enemies yeah from my side adversaries let's say i think there's maybe one or two out there like i imagine there's a a few of the newer generation like i probably have some new enemies that you don't know right they're one-sided like fuck that guy it's got to be a few of those guys out it's my karma i was a fuck that guy guy

so i have to assume this is that's exactly what i say about the ucb yeah we were saying fuck you to everybody and now someone will come and say fuck you to ucb oh fuck yeah fuck them yeah so you're doing these road gigs so i was i was there at improv olympic and then i went to second city and i met walsh at ImprovOlympic. Yeah. So it was all kind of going on at the same time a little bit. Sure. But did you meet Del Close?

I did. Yeah. How was that? Well, the first time, it was kind of ugly because he was yelling at Matt Walsh. And Matt Walsh has always been a sweet, great guy. And was he at Second City or was it a separate thing, Del Close? It was a separate thing. Eventually, Second City became friends with ImprovOlympic,

and then they would take talent from there. So Del Close was ImprovOlympic? Yeah, ImprovOlympic. He and Sharna Halpern started it, and he trained a lot of the guys, Besser and McKay and all those guys and so i i didn't i was at second city while they were doing but he's like the wizard he is like a magical wizard of improv yeah i don't really subscribe to that yeah as much but very respected well regarded well regarded yes didn't make them all laugh and made some very important people laugh but yeah but people love

that guy what was uh so special about how he approached it did it resonate with you when you met him it was ugly because he was yelling at me what was he yelling at matt walsh because he hadn't paid for classes yet so he's like yeah bring a check next time you come here it was i thought you were gonna lay down some improv genius no no no it's all about paying for glasses. Next time you better bring a check. Yeah. And scene. And scene.

Get out. I'm saying no. I know it's against everything I believe in, but no, you cannot improv today. And then later, I have to show that there's another side to Dell. Later in a bar, I uttered this phrase or this sentence i wish i had five dollars so i can buy beer and he heard me and he said are you gonna buy beer with it i'm like yeah and he goes okay and he bought me a pitcher of beer and later it was a very sweet romantic thing as he looked at the screen and it was farley and tim meadows and

he goes you know i taught those two those two. And that was it. God, he was a genius. He was. Well, actually, you know, he did. He kind of forced Second City's hand and put Farley and Tim Meadows in the cast, where usually they would take from within. He's like, if you want me to direct, I've got to take these guys. Oh, so he went to Second City and actually directed there. I should know more about that.

And Farley and Meadows were his picks. Yes. Oh, so he went to Second City and actually directed there. I should know more about that. And Farley and Meadows were his picks. Yes. They were ImprovOlympic guys that were taken from ImprovOlympic and put directly on a stage, so they didn't have to tour. And he invented the Herald, right? Yeah, he invented the Herald. That Herald, what it does is it forces you to kind of write in your brain a little better. And it uses conventions that writers would use, and they're kind of built in. And so that's why I think improvisers are good writers on the fly.

Oh, right, right. And sometimes when you improvise, you can build sketches out. Yes. Yeah. And you kind of feel like now it's kind of built in how they're made, and so that's kind of what he was really good at. So what happened next for you at Second City? So you get into the small stage after doing the road for three years.

Now you're on the small stage. I'm on the small stage. But, you know, you only work four days on the small stage. And so that was great. And also I got to improvise after each show. There was improv set. So that's kind of where I learned to get good at improv. Before that, I was pretty decent at sketch.

And so that's where it happened for me. And I was lucky. You know, timing. Tina Fey was married to Jeff Richmond, who was my musical director at Second City. So I worked with him and wrote songs with him. So Tina was very aware of me. And, you know, there were times when I wanted to quit. So I worked with him and wrote songs with him. So Tina was very aware of me. Yeah. And, you know, there were times when I wanted to quit and I talked to her and she's like,

don't quit because there's nowhere I can send people to see you, you know? Right. And so I stayed. So you got, it got pretty dark, huh? Yeah, it got dark there. Kind of just staying there, not moving up. I didn't feel like that the boss there really was. At Second City?

Yeah. You weren't, you weren't standing out i was i was standing out in the back but not standing up in the front standing out for the front you were drinking i was drinking a lot and uh were you like that guy like uh after after the show's like let's go get drunk yeah i pretend i was probably less bro bro about it yeah but definitely the same results you're more like let's go get drunk let's go talk about the show

why are we so sad isn't that funny why can't I make my sadness more funny what happened I don't know some skin is on the mic here from you? I hope maybe I should clean that thing it's fine now.

Okay. Just don't put it in your mouth. Don't. People always tell you, put your mustache right on it. Do they really? Put your mustache right on it. Do they tell you? Yeah.

I wish I could tell people that. I can't tell you how many people do not know how to use a fucking mic. It's like, get up on it. I hear you. Yeah. You got to do it for my podcast too yeah i do and you don't want to be weird because you think they should know but they don't you don't want to just keep pushing in their face so i'm sitting here riding the fucking levels just to pick up people

who are out here it's like i can't what am i going to do with that shoving anything in someone's face is is going to be taken as a weird little thing yeah so you should you should let's let's tell everyone who does a podcast just put put that mic in your face. If it's a good mic, especially these Sony SM7s that I'll always take a free one. You got to get right up on them. They're made for that.

Yeah. That's how you do it. There's a lot of room between the foam and the mic insides. So you're drinking, you're sad, you're telling Tina you're going to quit and she says, don don't quit horatio you have so much to live for yes and so uh snl

comes around a few months later and they ask me and rachel rachel was on main stage rachel dratch they ask us both to audition oh and so what year is that 1998 oh and the great thing is i had a few months like uh before the audition before the audition they told me it's gonna happen because they came and saw me and they're like it's happening in the summer but we don't know when then later they're like it's in three months you could put some characters together sure and write some stuff yeah and uh work on it what'd you end up writing and what characters i did robert stack no i did robert stack i did a character. Because you thought Lorne would be like, oh, it's a throwback.

I don't, no, I really just didn't have impressions and that was one that I had. It may have looked that way, like, hey, here's a nod to you, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had you thought of that before? I thought of that when I did Truman Capote. Because I'm like, he'll know what Truman Capote is and he'll know that this isn't like a modern reference at all and he'll probably like it.

Yeah. So I did Truman Capote. Robert Stack, Truman Capote. Meatloaf, I sang like Meatloaf. Yeah. I wrote a little song

that I don't remember but I wrote a little song as Meatloaf. Yeah. And then so yeah, I ended up getting the gig. So where'd you audition? In 30 Rock on the home base.

For him? He's there with Adam McKay. Who's the head writer at the time? Who's the head writer at the time. Yeah. And Tina, who's up there. And I think maybe Sho yeah and higgins and they're at a table and you're and you do the thing and uh you know there's a camera without a

cameraman on it and it has a light on it and they're like that's beamed to new york city and it's beamed to chicago beamed los angeles and executives are watching this so really yeah yeah and uh and you hear this all the time. The guy says they're not going to laugh, so don't let that throw you. And then when they do, you're like, oh, wow. I got it. I'm the one that did it. Yeah. I'm the one that broke them.

So then you're just flying high after that. Did you get laughed? Yeah, I did. Okay. I got some good laughs. And I remember thinking afterwards, like, well, fuck it. I mean, I was drinking and just was madly drunk that night after the audition but I I felt really good because I always wanted to

to make sure that that audition I didn't blow it right other auditions I've blown and so many I can't even talk about but but that one I was like well I want to give it my best shot so I can say one day hey I gave it my best shot I wasn't fucking drinking and fucking around when I right so i checked into new york a couple days early you know they were gonna have me come the day before the audition i was like no no no new york's too crazy bring me out you know three days before yeah and then i i put myself up at a hotel so already there oh you put yourself up they weren't like that this guy's demanding no no no yeah i knew that i knew not to do that. So I put myself up. And then I was basically like Martin Sheen in the hotel in Saigon.

I just locked up in there and kind of just put my work on the wall and my scenes. And I got it all. Doing weird Tai Chi and drinking and breaking mirrors. Getting bloody. It was about three days of that. And then I was like, all right, let's go. Let's do it. Wow.

And you nailed it. And. And you nailed it. And I think I nailed it. Yeah. And when did you find out you were on? Did you have to go to a meeting with Lorne? Well, about the funny things about Lorne, you interviewed him. He calls me into his office, and I have to wait like an hour and a half to talk to him. Yeah.

And we come in, and we start talking about baseball. He's like, talking about the Cubs. Yeah. He knows I like the Cubs. He's talking about the Cubs. And he goes, you know, Bill Murray's son is named Homer. And so. That was the first time?

Yeah. So we're having this talk about, yeah, Bill Murray's son is named Homer after Ernie Banks. And then he says, we think we want to use you for this season. And so I'm like, oh, okay, all right. I'm like, well, I live with my parents at the time. And I said, well, can I tell my parents I have to move to New York? And he says, yes, tell them you have to move to New York,

but don't tell them you'll be on the show. Because we don't know yet. They're like, oh, shit. So I couldn couldn't even sell it i didn't even know what that was yet i couldn't say like yeah yeah shake his hand yeah i kind of just left with like okay all right i think that's good so they wanted you as a writer no so uh so they we say goodbye and then the next day i meet with higgins andins and other writers that hung out with Higgins there. And they were kind of making sure that I wasn't a dick. And then after that I went home.

And when I got home I got the call. And Lauren told me I got the job. Okay. So that's when I screamed. That's when I hung up. Thank you very much. And you call your parents? Well, I was in the house with my parents.

So I was screaming. And they're like, what happened? I'm like, I got it. I got the fucking show. It is glorious. Were they happy? Absolutely. Well, they're a little sad because I was moving out.

Right. But you were 30. I was 28. So they're like, yeah, he has to go. I'm like, ah, SNL is taking me out of my womb. I had a good gig here. Yeah. Mom was cooking.

And who knows? Maybe I would have become a guru myself. Yeah, you could have good gig here. Yeah. Mom was cooking. And who knows? Maybe I would have become a guru myself. Yeah, you could have been well-regarded. Yeah. Instead, I had to go out and get popular on SNL. Yeah. So you were there for? I was there for eight years.

It was eight? Eight years, yeah. That's a long run. It was a very long, fun run. You did a lot of shows. And who was on the cast when you got there? Very long, fun run. You did a lot of shows.

And who was on the cast when you got there? Well, I worked a lot with Farrell and Catan and Sherry. And you were kind of sweaty and your hair was, you had no beard. I had no beard. I was about 80 pounds heavier. Right. Yeah. And my hair was always kind of sweaty.

But did you work right away? Kind of, yeah. Well, the great thing is that Smoggle wrote a bit for me my first show where yeah where it was uh the best of Horatio Sands so they shot this thing that was that was comprised of of uh rehearsal footage from the from the eight o'clock show so so that was supposed to air my first show right which which ended up airing the second show for time but that kind of helped because my name was out now my name's being said and now they're you know they're making fun that this guy's so new that they're making that tape right and uh so yeah i did ozzy and that kind of was a big one i did the meatloaf and that kind of got a big response so i kind of snuck in with my musical impressions and and then i started working with jimmy and and people liked us together and right and well we thought well we didn't really

plan on breaking but we kind of made a thing of you were always trying to fuck with each other yeah yeah yeah well that was sort of established right by farrell and you know and like he broke a lot and jimmy always broke right right and jimmy i mean jimmy's like uh you know he's such a fan of sandler that you know he he auditioned at sandler too he did sand really and so you know that was him and him and farley's shtick so i think that's kind of it rubbed off on us and i and i was always i was like yeah more of that more of the the silliness because it's contagious because i could feel in that room it's not necessarily the warmest room, the studio. Like, it can get quiet in there.

Like, I can see how, like, being in, you know, when there's an electricity to it, it must just get, like, amazing. Because, like, when I was there, I was like, this isn't an easy gig. I mean, it's intimate, more intimate than I thought, and the audience is right there, and everything's moving in real time, but things can fall flat. Yeah, they often do. Yeah, and you can feel it. I felt it

as an audience guy and just as a guy who's on stage all his life. Yeah, and so you have to, that crowd isn't a regular slice of America crowd. Right, right, right. It's executives and friends and entertainers. And so it's not the warmest crowd. Yeah.

So I imagine if you're having fun, then it just kind of rubs off. Yeah. Now that I think of it, I have to say, we had Will Ferrell probably opening up every show. And so we probably had a great Will Ferrell sketch or katan and right doing something huge so the audience by the time we got on the audience were already kind of laughing and so did were you buddies with will and everybody yeah everybody i didn't like katan his comedy so much when i was with him yeah but i always did like him yeah and continue to like him and yeah i saw him recently on a plane he wasn't funny funny. He said hi, though.

Well, if you guys would have talked, he would have been funny. No, I'm sure he would have been funny. He's a naturally funny fella. Yeah. So how bad was the booze during the time? I mean, it was pretty functioning. Yeah. Apart for the booze got pretty bad after the show. Now, what happened? So you're on eight years that's a long run did you how did it end um during that my final year that eighth year i uh

i'd sat in for for tina on update for a couple weeks and so there were there was a audition to see who would be with with amy poehler on update yeah so i i talked to lauren i said well i'll uh after i auditioned for this hopefully i'll get it but if i don't you know i'll uh i'll probably leave this year and he said oh we don't we don't like talking about that about stars leaving we don't we don't like talking about that. So I took that as, okay, I guess I'll stick around. And since it wasn't something that anybody came up to you and say, hey, it's done, you kind of hang out for a while and you're like, wait, wait a minute.

Like, am I done here? And so what ended up happening- What, you just start getting written out? Well, this was before the show started. Right. Oh, okay. But so what happened is someone released something to the press saying that I was let go. And so I called up Shoemaker and asked him, like, did this happen?

And he's like, no, no, man. I don't know where that's coming from. Oh, no. Show business is the worst. where that's coming from. Oh, no. Show business is the worst. So then I'm interviewed by some radio station. They're like, well, what's up, man? Are you fired? I'm like, well, I don't know, man.

I think it's some executive just talking some shit or something, in which that wasn't the case. It was an executive probably who just wanted me out. But at that time, after eight years, you make a lot of money at SNL. Yeah. And it really doesn't make sense to keep guys around that long. Right. Where for what I was making, you can hire three new people.

Right. So I knew that for eight years is a very long time. It's up there in years for a lot of people. So I knew it was time to go and it was okay. But just the way it happened was a little disappointing. So how did you track it? What happened? So eventually, my managers called up lauren and lauren's like yeah you know we uh it's the money

thing or something and uh you know and i think he i think he may have tried to hold you know to keep me but in the end at the end he's just like well you know eight years and well i think when i talked to him he seemed to feel that like it seems to me that he likes knowing if someone's going to go either by his choice or someone above him's choice, he feels better if he thinks you're okay. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like, he'll do fine. Yeah.

People know him. He'll work. And if you think about it, I mean, he has the responsibility of a lot of people. Yeah. Sure. Not just those people that work for him, but the expectations of what that show should be. Right. Even now, people are asking me, what about Trump?

What's Lorne going to do about Trump? And so now Lorne has to figure that out. Yeah. Well, how did you leave feeling about him? well what how did you leave feeling about him i just felt like i would i really would have liked uh thank you for letting you go i really would have liked that have you called him oh i have i have talked to him since oh yeah that's good yeah now i'm working with his company broadway video so did you get your back in contact did you get your closure did you like did you say i'm still dealing with my closure yeah but did you say to him i would have liked uh well you know i i kind

of threw some some i shot some arrows his way trying to get his attention like what like i said jim downey was the carl rove of snl and that they were they were too far on the right all the right all those years when we could have really been hitting the Bush administration and they kind of dropped the ball on it. And that Will inadvertently was such a cool, fun guy that he probably swayed the election. And so I was saying that the show wasn't – In Bush's favor? Yeah, I think so. I think people, if you think about the margin of that election, it's not that preposterous to think that he could sway the- More people liked him because of Will's impression of him?

Yeah. And it would mean seeing Will every week. Yeah. They were that calculating? Maybe. I don't like the guy, but I- Subconsciously, if you're on the fence already- Yeah.

I want to see more Will Ferrell doing towards W. Bush, so let's elect that monster. Wow. And so I kind of like, so when they interviewed me for this book, I'm the one that always says stuff that gets printed. And so I recently said, you know, I don't hate the show. I'm not just here saying shit against the show. I just think that a little dissension is good for the Republic sometimes. and that i felt that the the show wasn't for those years it wasn't uh being run under the you know how the initial show had been run right now it was like with some teeth it's a rebellion with some fuck you to society you know it was just becoming too much like what

the people on this show don't feel the way you're feeling so how come you know jim downey is able to write these sketches that no one's identifying with and so uh so i really came into contact with him to tell him like hey nothing personal and he was very nice back and then down he was or lauren lauren yeah um i really do think downey is a super talented dude yeah i. I just don't like that he's a Republican. Right. And I think that his years at SNL when he was the head writer were probably the best. So it's nothing against his talent. Right.

I just don't like his politics. You just want a little more edge. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at that time, you know, Seth Meyers was writing the edgy left stuff. Uh-huh. And he was having to do battle with this guy. And usually this guy would win because of his seniority.

Ah. But you never got a sense. Well, how are you with Downey? Oh, I think he knows that I didn't like that about him. I hope he knows that it's not personal. He doesn't give a shit. Well, that's what you find. You know, when you're like, you know,

Goliath is not being affected by your slingshot, you're sort of like, I think Goliath's okay. Yeah. He's not throwing anything back at me, so that's okay. He's not stepping on me. But you're working for Broadway Video now, because I know you went through a time. So after the show, how did the the drinking become um well i had sleep apnea a sleep apnea operation i broke up with my my girlfriend at the time and then i got fired so

i had like this you know perfect storm of horrible stuff happening yeah and i just got really depressed and um and then i i was dating i started dating someone and i thought well if i don't stop drinking i'm gonna ruin this relationship like i have in the past what kind of drunk were you sad or angry uh both both but i would be i'd be very gregarious and fun to a certain point then i would become an asshole i assume right morose mor bitter. Yeah, jealous was the worst. All that truth coming out. Yeah. Too much truth. Yeah, yeah.

Too much truth no one seemed to want to hear. And you quit? And I quit. You doing the thing? I quit. No, I didn't do the thing. I did actually do the thing when I started. Eventually I got a little, I didn't feel it was doing me any good.

Right. And so you just kind of got grounded and stayed off it huh yeah and i i started seeing a therapist who specialized in addictions and so that was really good for me too oh that's great because i remember you were over at like you know i i know people when you're on snl and then you know they don't see you for a while they're like well that didn't wonder what that guy how'd that go yeah and i remember when I went over to Maker, you know, that weird internet factory. Yeah.

You're like, you know, they're trying to get me to do the podcast or do something over there. And you're like, yeah, Horatio's here running everything. And you were, I just remember seeing you in a room with a board. There's a lot of ideas. And I'm like, what's going on? You making stuff?

Well, no, not really. It's all going to yeah yeah we they put me in charge of uh of doing all these productions and uh well what happened there was they they were trying to sell it yeah so we didn't really make a lot of stuff but you got paid i got paid yeah i got paid they were nice to me uh-huh and then uh and so what happened after that so i've been in and out of failed pilots and movies and and working some decent shots yeah yeah always getting some shots in yeah and um well you look good thank you thank you and uh well thanks so what's the thing you're doing probably video so now we're doing uh i'm i'm gathering up the comedy for a digital platform called Mas Mejor, More Better. And it's a play off of Above Average, Lauren's internet site.

And so it's for millennial Latinos. Oh, good. And so I'm gathering up a lot of Latino talent that I'm finding. Yeah. And putting them onto this site. Yeah. And partnering up with Telemundo to do this huge monster site. Wow.

So you're like in competition with Al Madrigal. I am. Yeah. Actually, I welcome Al Madrigal's assistance. It's not an easy task getting all this funny Latino stuff out there. Got to get Madrigal. Madrigal is like. Absolutely.

I'm in contact with Madrigal. Okay. Yeah. He's the Don of that. I mean, I hope Madrigical can get me and Fluffy together But me and Magical are cool For sure Fluffy just got his own show so I don't know man

Maybe he'll do a little bit A little video I'll go to him Are you shorts on? Put on the shorts. Let's do a thing out front. You think he doesn't wear shorts? He always wears shorts.

Maybe at home. Yeah, this is big. He wears the shorts, the long shorts. Oh, that's right. Yeah, and then, you know. I think Fluffy will do it if you just say he can push his merchandise. He'll be fine if you can get the Fluffy merch out there. We can do that.

Okay. Well, this is, I guess, a public call to Gabriel Iglesias. And all funny Latinos out there. All funny Latinos. Can submit stuff to me. Yeah. Horatio needs your submissions. In Spanish?

In English or Spanish. Any way you want to do it. Whatever floats your boat. Yeah. And now Magical is giving a seal of approval of this. You're not going to alienate Magical. No. If you do some stuff with magical and it works both ways yeah buddy you know you can work with magical and i'm cool with it yeah oh look at that man this is uh you know this is an open door brothers man, man. All right. All right.

Hermanos? Is that it? Hermanos, yeah. Yeah. Good talking to you, man. A pleasure. Thank you. That's it. That's me and Horatio.

Sweet guy. Good guy. Funny guy. Had a really nice time. Some of you ask questions about this part of the podcast like why do things end abruptly sometimes because sometimes most of the time i'm not hearing the end of the podcast so my tone might be a little different the end of the conversation like i you know i do this stuff after i record the interview so i i don't want you to feel like i'm being rude or weird or my temperament is different it's just sometimes this part of the show is not recorded at the same time.

You know what I'm saying? But I love it. The Horatio on Earwolf is Horatio's podcast. You can go to wtfpod.com, get yourself some justcoffee.coop or some posters or leave a comment. I'm really hung up on this fucking volume pedal, on this repeater pedal. guitar solo Thank you. Boomer lives! Calgary is a city built by innovators. Innovation is in the city's DNA. And it's with this pedigree that bright minds and future thinking problem solvers are tackling some of the world's greatest challenges from right here in Calgary.

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