WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 690 - Ryan Singer

Episode Date: March 17, 2016

For longtime WTF listeners, comic Ryan Singer is a continuing presence throughout the history of the show. But this is the first time he goes in depth with his friend Marc, getting into Ryan’s deep-seated Catholic roots, his scuffles in the comedy world, and lots and lots about cigarettes. They probably talk too lovingly about cigarettes. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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T's and C's apply. Lock the gates! All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fucking ears? What the fucksters? What's happening? I'm Mark Maron.

This is WTF. This is my podcast. Welcome to the show. My guest today is comedian Ryan Singer, a good friend of mine who's been on this show in small bits and pieces many times over the years. Today's Ryan's day to have his full interview. He's been a good friend of mine for years. He's open for me on the road. He's got a new CD out called Immortal for Now.

been a good friend of mine for years he's open for me on the road he's got a new cd out called immortal for now he's also going to be appearing tonight at doc's lab which is the old purple onion in san francisco and he's on the show today ryan singer yay i am heading into the last day of shooting for season four of my show marin which can be seen on IFC starting in May. You can watch seasons one through three of Marin on Netflix. It's not really a plug. I'm not trying to plug. I'm just telling you. So let's reenter the conversation about the buzz that's coming through my receiver. And this is the problem with dealing with audio that you now have a, uh, some sort of sense of perfection invested in,

or some sort of a emotional, uh, commitment to the nostalgia effect of, uh, you know, running analog audio through old receivers and equipment to time travel. Like I do, I can't,

I can't not have music on right now. I just, I don't know what it is. If I, if I have music on almost all the time in my house or wherever I am alone, primarily, then whatever voices that are not singing to me within me that are not generally saying pleasant things, or maybe not reflecting on the best things, uh, they get sort of drowned out by some of the amazing musicians and people's

records that I listen to. So it is psychologically beneficial in my great journey to avoid and distract myself from existential paralysis. I think that's healthy. Am I a better person? Do I feel better? Yeah, I have music going all the time, so I'm constantly distracted by something that's pleasant in my ears and not necessarily something on a computer screen that's going to cause me anxiety like the speedball that is Twitter. But I'm getting to the point where I might have to try to build a Faraday box. I didn't know what a Faraday box was.

I'm not sure I do know what a faraday box is i'm not sure i understand what a faraday box is but if you're getting if your equipment's getting pummeled by external waves i believe they may be called rf waves might be the ones i'm dealing with radio transmitter wave something antenna but uh the faraday box is something it has to be made out of steel or copper mesh from what i understand and it has to surround the piece of equipment, and then you have to ground it, and it will deflect whatever electrons or electro pebbles or electricity waves are coming at it, are coming at your receiver or whatever piece of equipment it is that's picking up these waves and causing trouble

in the quieter moments of wonderful music. causing trouble in the quieter moments of wonderful music so so i'm i'm going to get that stuff and i'm going to build one and it's going to be a big pain in my ass because now i can't look at my my pretty old marantz i got to look at this giant box covered in copper tape that i have to put over the thing in order to play a record. The Faraday box. Apparently planes are basically flying Faraday boxes so we don't get jarred by lightning and fried in our chairs before the plane crashes. But Faraday box on the horizon. Protected.

protected protected from renegade frequencies that can just pound their way in and cause some unpleasant noises and buzzing and bad sounds so that's that's where i'm at i'm at the faraday box stage all right so let's let's track it know, see, like some of you know, you wonder, like, you know, why does Marin talk about himself all the time? Go back on the, go to the archives on how.fm and listen back. One of the reasons I choose to talk about my small world and my large brain keeping me trapped in my small world and whatever I take in within it is because there there's a it doesn't necessarily hardly ever date itself that I was very aware going into this that if I did a or or utilize this medium to talk about you know current events or or be constantly in relation to current events that that i would have they would have a shelf life of nothing they would be dated i knew that but i'm not always insulated well friends

so the other night i kind of fell down a pit. It's stupid. I did a few sets at the comedy store. Did one good one, pretty good one where I kind of got out on the ice and dicked around a little bit and paid off. That was the early show in the original room. Then I did the main room where I just did some good material that I liked to a great audience. I followed Yakov Smirnoff, who also did well at the Comedy Store, bringing up Rogan after me, and I killed. It was a great set. And then I did a later set

in the small room again, the original room, and I'm trying to work on new material. So the way I do that is I get on stage and I ramble through some stuff that I think's going to go somewhere, and I hope that the great muses, the comedy muses,

deliver to me in that moment where a laugh is needed the line that I will need to get that. I wait for it to spontaneously occur. And sometimes it's a longer wait than others. But the premises themselves were funny enough to at least be entertaining. And my struggle with them was funny enough to be entertaining. But I did not receive a transmission. I did not receive a transmission from the comedy muses,

from the great whatever. I wish I'd seen. That's exactly what happened. Right there, I waited for something, an analogy, a metaphor. I hope it would pop in. Did not pop in. I didn't outline this, but it didn't pop in.

So I was left hanging. And you saw it. You witnessed exactly what happens to me when I'm writing new material on stage. It doesn't always happen. All right? But it's just part of the process. So I did that. Which, you know, I should just be doing the job.

I should just be doing the job. I should be entertaining. So I got up on stage. That third show I was doing. And this is what sent me spiraling. And you're going to, it's stupid. I was looking for an opportunity to spiral. So I go up there and I riff through some stuff.

Didn't work great. Got some laughs. Was trying jokes that worked on the very first show that were new. And they just didn't pan out, that third show. Didn't pan out. And I knew that. But I knew it wasn't bad. And I'm in the hall after the set.

I'm getting ready to run away in my car because there were friends of mine there to see me. And I didn't feel good about the set. And I still have to run away in my car because there were friends of mine there to see me. And I didn't feel good about the set. And I still have that sensitivity. Some guy comes barreling out, an older guy, maybe a little older than me. He's all lit up. Looks like a tourist. He goes, hey, hey, hey. Hey, he goes, you're funny, man.

You're funny. It was the material. Okay. And I go, what? And he goes, you're funny. You really are funny up there. You know, I can see that you're funny, but the material just wasn't there. And this was a compliment that was negated immediately after it was said.

I'm familiar with that. I utilize that. But the bottom line was, he goes, this is my first time seeing you. I think you're really funny. It's just the material. Eh, you know. I'm like, all right, I get it, man. I don't need to hear it three times.

But he was right. I should have just done a pro set. I went up there and I noodled around. And I felt that tinge of humiliation. This is the downfall of doing comedy is that embarrassment is incredibly disconcerting and uncomfortable. Being embarrassed is a horrible feeling. It's a very tangible feeling. It's not deadly, but it's horrible. And there's no shortage of the opportunity for that when you do stand-up comedy. And one of the reasons I think I did stand-up comedy was to have a certain amount of control over that. But I did go home beating the shit out of myself, realizing like, yeah, that material isn't there. It'll be there. I didn't say that, though. I spent a couple of days and like, I don't even have it in me anymore. I don't got any material in me anymore. That was the end of it. There's no way I'm going to be able to pull another hour out of my fucking heart and out of my mind. It's over. That's where I went because that motherfucker said that. And I think he was honestly trying to

compliment me. Where is the Faraday cage for the brain? Where is the Faraday? Where is the protective mesh one builds around their inner sanctum of their mind where when there's just a little vulnerability? I usually have one. I've been pretty good with my mental Faraday cage of protecting myself from bad energy coming in and collapsing the whole sound of the inside of my inner monologue and dialogue and interpersonal relationship with myself from within. But there was a little vulnerability. It was a little crack in the mesh that night. And that guy just spat out that half compliment and set an electron past my mesh that protects my mind. And it just started to wreak havoc.

By the time I got home, I needed to stuff my feelings with food and to masturbate it all away. And then I woke up feeling gross and shitty and small and human and not completely sure I would ever be able to do anything funny again. End of story. But let's get now to my guest, Ryan Singer. Ryan Singer, a great friend of mine, someone who's been on this show in various capacities over the years, live shows, the Creationist Museum show. He's been in here for short interviews. Well, now today is Ryan's day. Today is Ryan Singer's day here on WTF.

He's been a good friend to me, and he's a funny guy. I've taken him out on the road with me. He's actually tonight in San Francisco at the old purple onion, which is called the Doc's lab. And he's got a new CD out called immortal for now. And he's a searcher and he's the real deal. He's out there doing the business folks. He's out there doing the funny. So. He's out there doing the funny.

So let's go now to my conversation with Ryan Singer. It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes.

Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Death is in our air.

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you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series Streaming February 27th Exclusively on Disney Plus 18 Plus Subscription required T's and C's apply

This is it I guess This is it Long time coming. Right? Coming down the pike. No, but have you thought that? Have you at all harbored any resentment or malice in your heart with the, you know, I'm Marin's friend.

Why haven't I done a full thing? Well, this is where I'm launching from my perspective on this. I mean, some people have asked me like, oh, haven't you done a full-length one? I was like, well, listen, I've done a live one in Aspen. That was a while ago. I've been in the garage a bunch of times. Yeah.

And then I was like, I understand where they're coming from, but they don't understand where I'm coming from or to the degree of all the other things you've done for me. Right. You've helped me out a big time. I mean, you're my mentor. Oh, come on. You're driving my old car.

You're going to teach me how to polish boots later. I will do that. I don't know. That's one of those things where I've got my own style that I think is the right way to go, but I imagine there are other people that are like, don't ever do that with a boot. Who the fuck told you to do that?

I feel like you polishing boots, in my mind, the image I have is you trying to strangle a rabbit. I feel like it would be very furious. No, no, it's meditational. I got shit. I got all this stuff. But okay, so let's go back. The first time I met you was in Cincinnati.

Yeah, Cincinnati years ago. I think I had you sign your book for me. Yeah. You were there. That's back when you were still Air America Radio Days. Oh, that horrible weekend where no one showed up? Yeah. Well, I mean, except me and a bunch of, all the comics in town.

And Tate. Yeah, and Tate. That was a bad weekend because I'm like, I felt like I didn't want the guy to give me the money. Because he had really assumed that I was going to just pack that place because Air America, and literally it was the opposite. Yeah, but there's no way that dude would not pay you. I mean, that's the kind of guy he was when he was... He's back there working again now,

but he's not booking the club anymore. But that's the club I came up at. So it's like you can't... Like, in our minds, that was never even an issue. But let's talk about the evolution of the wild man because I think at the time I met you, it was just beginning. But there was a time previous to that where you had a haircut that was a proper haircut.

You dressed like a road comic. You seem to be on a different trajectory. So let's walk it back. So you grew up in Ohio. I grew up in Ohio. Yeah. Very Catholic family. No, but let's hold up here.

You grew up in Ohio. How. Very Catholic family. No, but let's hold up here. Okay. You grew up in Ohio. How many siblings? I got two. Two born and then others through marriage. Sisters? Sisters, yeah. Two sisters?

No, brother and sister. You got brother and sister? But I've got a couple stepsisters. A lot of fragmenting. Yeah, a lot of fragmenting. A lot of babies. But which part of Ohio? Southern Ohio, Dayton, Ohio. Yeah, see lot of fragmenting. A lot of babies. But which part of Ohio? Southern Ohio, Dayton, Ohio.

Yeah, see, I don't know much about Ohio. Ohio is like a classic American state. You hear the word Ohio, it never means good things. Yeah, which is interesting to me. I take it with a grain of salt out here, especially when you got the coast bias out there. Yeah, sure. Everyone calls it the flyover states, but you don't really pay attention to that because, you know, a lot of the food comes from there.

So it's like, well, I mean, you're eating out here. Oh, so you're like, fuck you. We have pigs. Yeah, we have pigs and cows. We do pigs. My mom and Ann actually have a grass fed cow business that they've been doing for years. Right now? Yeah.

And organic, you know, no steroids. They've been doing it for like 10 years. Like tomorrow you could go visit cows? Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. I do all the time. You do? They got the horns too. The ones that are from like Scotland or whatever. They look like where the wild things are, those beasts. Yeah. And they're scary. But do they live on the farm? They live on the farm. Your mom and aunt? No,

my aunt does. My aunt lives on the farm that my grandpa and grandma had. Wait a minute. Yeah. Your grandpa and grandma had a cattle farm or was it always- No, it was not always a cattle farm. What was it? It was a corn farm. And they held onto it? Yeah, my grandpa was an Air Force guy. He was like a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force, and then he bought a bunch of land out there, because Wright-Patt Air Force Base is out there.

Outside of Dayton? Outside of Dayton. So a lot of Air Force people out in that area. And they bought land when it was- Bought land. Coming back from what? Years ago. From, like he was a Lieutenantel during what period in the military well gosh he

was korean war oh really yeah so there was just land available land grab a ton of land i mean you probably got a deal a break for being in the service sure you think oh yeah and a ton of acres out there and a beautiful house spent a lot of time out there as a kid growing up your grandparents place yeah my grandparents On my mom's side. And how many acres, like, are we talking? I'm guessing. I don't really know. I'm guessing at least probably 30, 40 acres.

Oh, that's some pretty big. Yeah. So, okay. So your mom grows up out there? Sure. And it's a big old farmhouse? Big old farmhouse. And there was corn.

No pigs? Lots of corn. Was there pigs? He didn't do any of the farming. Yeah. They did lease out the land. A lot of people would lease out their land to farmers. Right.

You guys do it. Pay the lease and good luck with the corn. Give us a cut. Yeah. Yeah. But there's always corn subsidies for this or that. They do more with corn. I think I might be ingesting corn right now and I don't even know it.

You probably are. I think there's corn in the air now. Corn syrup is everywhere. Corn syrup is everywhere and there's corn other things. I don't know. It's just corn always gets uh used and i don't know why the why corn i mean i guess soybeans are kind of moving in they're kind of moving up the uh the charts well corn is like i i think generally the across the board everyone's decided it's not good corn syrup is shitty it's a it's a horrible sweetener that

that gets everybody fat and uh and yeah it's to digest it, which is where you get all those classic corn poop jokes. Goes in the same way it comes out. Corn, there's no point in it. Popcorn's not so. I was a big fan of those jokes when I was younger. How can you not be? Yeah. All right, Cheech and Chong.

I like the way you got the corn in it for texture, man. I just saw on Instagram today, Tommy Chong is getting ready to release his new mixtape. Called Corn in My Shit. Never goes away. Yeah, so they grew up out there, and then I spent a lot of time out there as a kid. They would just drop us off during the summer or somewhere in the school. Of course, but no animals back then. No.

No, well, they always had a bunch of dogs and cats running around, all kinds of cats and random dogs running around. Now, is this the grandmother I hear so much about? That's Grandma Jesus. That's what we called her. She was hardcore Catholic. I mean, we're talking like when I was a teenager, if I was dating a girl, the first question out of her mouth was, is she Catholic?

Right. Don't be unequally yoked. And I was like, I have no idea what that means. Unequally yoked. It's some biblical term about not being, I guess, Catholic. So you grew up with that shit? I grew up with that shit. Because we'd get dropped off out there on the farm for a month at a time, it felt like,

during the summer. And we'd just wake up every morning and we'd have to do all the farm work and all that kind of shit. Like what if they're leasing the land out? They had a chicken coop. That's how we went and got our breakfast. We'd go and raid the chicken coop, grab a bunch of eggs. And then you bring them in the house and your grandma would cook eggs?

Yeah. Fresh eggs like that? Fresh eggs like that. And I'll tell you something. When you're a little kid, it's scary as hell stealing eggs from chickens. Yeah, because you're stealing their babies. You know what I mean? And they don't like that shit.

So you and your brother and your sister, are you the oldest? No, I'm the middle child. Who's the youngest? My sister. Oh, yeah. And so, yeah, but like, I did learn a valuable lesson though because there was one, what is it,

a rooster, I guess? Yeah. The guy who just got to, you know, I guess have sex with all the chickens. And I was like, my grandma was like, yeah, that's the guy who, that's the one. You know, and he was the one who got real, the most pissed off when you're in there

just squawking at you. But, yeah, we do that. And I think they did have a cow, too, because I milked a cow as a kid. Somewhere. Yeah. It's a vague memory. I remember grabbing those things. Yeah, and there were horses, too, because my aunt was boarding horses.

She always kind of lived on a back house on the farm, and she would board and train horses. Yeah. So I remember there was a bunch of horses there. She's a horse lady. Horse lady. So a couple donkeys here and there. Really? Uh-huh. Donkeys was a bunch of horses. She's a horse lady. Horse lady. So a couple donkeys here and there. Really?

Uh-huh. Donkeys? Yeah, I learned how to ride a horse when I was very young. Can you ride it now? Yeah, but I went and saw, I was out there last summer and they have this big black stallion out there.

It's gorgeous. And I was actually scared to approach it because it had been so long since I'd been around a horse. You've got to stay on the horse. Yeah, you do. And they are huge beasts, man. I know, they terrify me.

Yeah, yeah. I did ruin a horse once, or a pony. You broke a pony? Well, we, because you're not supposed to feed them when you're sitting on them. Yeah. They always told us that, but we did it anyways, because we were stupid little kids, right?

But what happens was, they get used to eating while someone's doing that, so then this horse wouldn't stop turning its head around and just biting your leg. Yeah, I had that experience. Horrible. When putting a saddle on, they bite you on the side. It's fucking worse. There's no way. Like dudes who have the mindset to deal with large animals like that, they're just sort of like, they're just dumb fucking animals.

And I'm the boss. I don't have that. I barely have that with my cats. And they're the worst because they don't ever register that yeah no i can't uh i do love a horse man but like i couldn't people are like oh i want to i never understood that either like oh i want a horse yeah i want a horse give me a horse it's like you want a horse yeah like a lot of responsibility yeah like that's a that's a fucking horse. But okay, so you're getting eggs, Grandma Jesus is cooking the eggs.

Grandma Jesus is filling us with, you know, filling us with like Book of Revelations type shit. Where's your, so where are your parents during this? They just drop you off at Jesus Farm? Oh yeah. And they're on their own? Yeah, I mean they're both raised in Catholic,

you know, big, large, strictly Catholic families. But what's the background? The background. But you're not Italian, you're not Polish. Irish, mostly Irish. Oh, okay. Mostly Irish Catholic. Yeah, I could see it.

Scottish, German, English, French, I think too. Uh-huh, uh-huh. But mostly Irish. My mom says it's the black Irish where I get the hair. I think so. I'm just seeing that now. I never realized it, but you're like some crazy Mick. Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense. But it's so funny because like you know the rooster thing that like a lot of your a lot of your bits now your broad crazy man bits you know have to do with uh survival and persistence and mysticism and in biological things to a certain degree it's all growing man yeah it's all grown the uh i've kind of transitioned it's interesting because because when I first started comedy, I was kind of this same style, but I couldn't get work

because I was too much of a maniac. I didn't know how to write a joke yet exactly, so I would go on stage and I'd be like, I'm an artist, don't tell me what to do. I can say everything I want. That's the way to go. And so then five years later, I'm like, well, I'm still just at open mics.

Well, let's go back. So tell me about the Catholicism that was dumped into your head, because I think Catholics get a little mad at me because sometimes I'm dismissive or even seemingly anti-Catholic. But it is a pretty big mindfuck. Oh, yeah. And it is. It gave me a great blueprint for what I really am into now in life, which is like that, you know, that mysticism of the universe and all that kind of stuff. So that's funny so you transcended the the the sort of mundane yet ornate mysticism of the catholic church but the template was there so you just started filling it in randomly with

your own information i don't need jesus i got crystals that's no good no why not i guess but so what were you terrified of your grandmother? No, she was a tiny little lady. Yeah. Tiny little lady. And she was a living saint, you know, according to everybody. So, but you don't want to miss yoke or whatever? Yeah, but she was very Catholic. Like she told me, I mean, she had pretty much convinced me that I was, I mean, I guess I didn't need much of a push.

But even as a little kid, I think I was kind of a megalomaniac or a little egomaniac. Yeah. You know, convinced me that I was very special. Yeah. You know. That's what a grandma's job. Yeah, exactly.

A good grandma's job is to- I think this went a little above and beyond to the point where she's like, you know, the Virgin Mary will come to you in a vision, probably because you're very special. Oh, really? And then she gave me guidelines about like- When that happens.

I don't know if it's the Virgin Mary or if it's Lucifer pretending to be the Virgin Mary, which happens. Really? Yeah. If the Virgin Mary appears to you and is not barefoot, that's when you know it's the devil posing as the Virgin Mary to try to trick you into some shit. Make note of that, Catholics. Yeah. So she told me that.

I remember I had one of the most distinct images or memories I have in my life as a little kid. We'd always go to church constantly with them when we were out there. And they'd have like little cafeteria luncheons afterwards. And one time we were just hanging out at the farmhouse. And she showed me. She's like, do you want to see a miracle? And I was like, I'm like six or seven years old. I'm like, hell yeah, I want to see a miracle.

And she shows me this picture of the lunch line of the church cafeteria and there's a space in between two people in line yeah and in the middle is a floating virgin mary a picture yeah this is before photoshop this is way before photos this is what 1983 yeah and uh she's like that's the virgin mary she was captured in this photo and And I was like, this will be the thing. Even as a little kid, I was like, this will be the thing that forever cements my faith in God. That picture. That picture, right.

You bought it. I bought it. I was in. How old were you? I can't remember exactly. I was somewhere between like six and nine years old. Wow. And so then for the rest of my life,

that was the one thing that no matter how far away I got from the church, which was very, very far, I always had that one thing like stuck in my brain. Like, oh, I've seen the Virgin Mary in a photo. In a cafeteria line picture. Yeah. And so then before she died, this was, I don't know, maybe like six or seven years ago, I was hanging out out there. At the farm still? At the farm. She's still out there?

Yeah. She stayed there till the end? Uh-huh. And my grandpa did too up until this past year. He passed away a year ago? Yeah, she was 89, or no, he was 89 when he passed away. And she was, I think, 87. Wow.

But so what happened was she would always ask me like, are you going to church? Blah, blah, blah. And I'd always lie and say yes. And I was like, you know what? The one thing that's always held me on, you know, I've always had in my mind, and I was like that picture you showed me of the Virgin Mary when I was a, you know what? The one thing that's always held me on, you know, I've always had in my mind, and I was like, that picture you showed me

of the Virgin Mary when I was a little kid. And she just looks at me and she goes, what? And I go, remember you had a picture from the church where the Virgin Mary was floating? And she goes, oh, no, I don't remember that. And then like instantly i just remembered like feeling like oh it's all it's all gone now because you don't forget a miracle right like to me that's the way i that's the way i rationalize it like you can't forget a miracle

happening and then someone told me well well if your grandma was as religious as you know you say she was she probably experienced miracles all the time so this was no big deal to her. And I was like, no, you remember showing your grandchild a photo of the Virgin Mary. She was 87. Still. I mean, it was enough for me to finally release all of that. Really, that moment? That moment.

It was gone. What other shit did she tell you? About like, oh, so you saw the miracle? When I was younger, she told me, like I would show up at school school when I was a kid. How often were you going to church when you were a kid? Did you go? Every Sunday. Every Sunday with the family,

and then every Friday at school, because I went to Catholic church for 12 years. So every Friday we'd have school mass. Oh, so you were really in. Well, when I was a real little kid, up until about 11, I wanted to be a priest. I had the whole mass memorized. That's why you were special.

That's why I was special, right? I thought I was like the next chosen leader of God. Oh, your grandmother had instilled that in you? She had instilled to me that essentially it was Moses, Jesus, Ryan Singer out of Dayton, Ohio. Everyone's been waiting for that singer, kid. I mean, I really thought I was going to be at the front lines of the war. Which war? Because she told me the war between the devil and God.

You know, the second coming of Jesus. That would be the big battle for everyone's souls. And she told me that it would happen in her lifetime. And she's been dead now for about six or seven years. It's probably happening. You're just out of the loop. You might be on the wrong side now. Or maybe this is hell or heaven or purgatory or whatever.

Nah, nah, it's happening. No, if it's happening, it's happening. It's happening on Twitter. But this is not heaven or hell. This is earth. And it's a troubled place. But there's no indication that that war is not going on. It's just really how you frame it, isn't it? And apparently you've given up your leadership potential.

And now we're just a lost planet because ryan singer you know decided to hang his hope on bullshit just waiting for that moment where they come and they come and get me out of the the you know the doldrums or whatever and say we need you now you're well how open are you well hey man i am uh you know my 2016 schedule is pretty open right now so be ready for the message from the almighty. Hey, Ryan, your grandmother just reminded me up here that. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I went by the Peacemaker as a little kid. Like, I gave myself that nickname.

You were the Peacemaker? I was the Peacemaker, yeah. I would go around recess in school breaking up fights. I'd be like, stop fighting. The Peacemaker is here. You got to stop fighting. Really? Oh, yeah.

So she really filled you up. She really filled me up. I mean, I got in trouble in mass in school because I'd be performing, doing all the things and the nuns would be like, what are you doing? And I'm like, they thought I was mocking the ceremony. Right. And I was like, no, I'm practicing.

You don't understand, like I already, like even as a kid, I was like, I'm better than this guy is. Yeah. This guy is boring as fuck. Like get the peacemaker up there. Let's get some charisma happening in this mass. You know what I mean? I could light this thing up. Riff a little bit.

Yeah, do some riffing. The homilies, you know, I was like, oh, go off book on the homilies. That's when, like, they tell their stupid jokes, you know. Some priests actually had a little bit of sense of humor, and those ones were like, they were living gods. Like, if you ever went, like, people would say, oh, this priest, you've got to come to this mass because this priest is hilarious. Yeah so i'd be like okay i'd check it out and uh and it was a guy who told a street joke yeah that was the guy not even using his own shit not even using his own shit

but but that's interesting so you were you you believed in hell oh yeah i don't have a memory of learning hell that's how strong it is still a little bit probably if i was to be honest like i don't remember learning about it it's always been there that's like a real that really framed my life you know the idea of burning oh god was it tangible i mean the peacemaker was uh you know before you you you realized that the devil was pulling at you but yeah i guess you knew that he was pulling at you every day right well sure yeah as the peacemaker when you saw a couple of kids fighting in the in the playground you're like oh lucifer yeah i better go get him out of there yeah the devil is fucking with my friends i better go beat the shit out of that devil over there yeah the i always and then i learned how to masturbate

that's when i realized that was a big moment really that's when i was like well because you you're taught that's when you start. That was a big moment. Really? That's when I was like, well, because you're taught that you're going to help with this. That's when he started negotiating. Sure, you started negotiating. He's like, how bad could hell be? Yeah, how bad could hell be? And so then, you know, slowly but surely, I shed the peacemaker after that. And now you're the masturbator? And now I was the masturbator.

I am the lizard king. Yeah, and that's about around the same time I realized. How old were you then? I was probably around 11. That's when you started jerking off? Yeah. I think that's about around the same time I realized. Yeah, how old were you then? I was probably around 11. That's when you started jerking off? Yeah. I think that's when I first did too. I think that's about the year.

That's when I transitioned from just laying on my belly on a mattress. Yeah. And waiting for something to happen. Yeah, to like actively. To actually taking control of the situation. Yeah, letting the devil. To letting the devil enter. Yeah.

It's like the devil said, you know, you can make this more fun. And if you turn over and you actually get active with this, not rely so much on like weirdly rubbing the fucking mattress never i never was that guy there i know guys never like went full bore into it no that fucked pillows or fuck the mattress is sort of like i had a weirder way i've talked about it before i it was sort of like my and it was i've never heard anyone say it like literally the first few times that i fucking jerked off it was like filling a bath up in that water shooting out of the spigot just stick my dick in there i don't know how it if it happened by mistake or whatever like uh you know in touch with your feminine side you were i guess so it's a little girly yeah because you hear about like shower heads all the time with women and yeah yeah even at a young age you were in touch with your feminine

side i guess so i guess yeah and i kind of jerk jerked off weird for a good part of my life. It was weird. It was almost, it was girly a little bit. Yeah. Well, I mean, mine was real loaded. Like, I mean, with guilt and shame and all that kind of stuff. The first time you grabbed hold of your dick, you were like, this is it. Like, I remember, I'll never forget the day because then I could hear friends in the back.

One of my best friends lived right behind me. Yeah. And my other best friend lived right next door to him we're all the same age and the one kid had a trampoline so there's always kids there just jumping around having a good time yeah and i was it was after school i jerk off for the first time and then i can hear them all out laughing and having a good time i'm like oh they're laughing at me because i just jerked off because this was also like part of this was in an age 1987 or 1987 or whatever, where it's like, if you jerked off, you were gay. Really?

And like being- What kind of fucking world did you grow up in? Well, I grew up in that Catholic- Jewish kids are like, you jerking off? Yeah, I'm jerking off. Really? How often do you jerk off? Twice a day?

Really? That's good. Well, it wasn't until I was in high school that that really became a topic for dudes. Oh, so you mean when you're 11 or 12, you're- Yeah, when I was 11, like it was, you know- You're probably ahead of the pack. And being gay was like a real big problem because you were going to burn in hell for that. You know what I mean, when you're 11 or 12, you're- Yeah, when I was 11, it was- You were probably ahead of the pack. And being gay was a real big problem because you were going to burn in hell for that.

You know what I mean? But you're also going to burn in hell for just jerking off. Yeah, so it's like you're jerking off. That means you're touching a dick, so you want to touch a dick, so you must be gay. Really? That was the thought? I guess that makes sense. You're a little kid. You don't know much.

Right, right. So then I go outside afterwards to go play full of shame full of shame and i just they all know they all just know i've just jerked off peacemaker is dark yeah and so then you know sometimes i would just i would just kind of like go home from school and just jerk off really and then just like lay in shame yeah just lay in shame now did your grandmother did you feel guilty around your grandmother after that? Once you started jerking off? I tried not to think about it when I was around my grandmother.

I mean, I felt guilty because I, because I also started smoking cigarettes at the same time. At 11? I kind of had a hard break from this God thing. At 11? I went all in. After you masturbated and then you smoked? That's when I smoked for the first time.

Now, how did you, did your grandmother characterize the battle that you were supposed to lead? Not really. I mean, my grandma mostly had stuff about like, you're very special. You know, Jesus is going to come back in my lifetime, so you'll be able to witness that. And then she would fill me with other stories. Like she went to Medjugorje, which is like a retreat place for like, you know, Catholics where miracles always happen. And she would always just tell me about, oh, some priest found a diary in an ancient ruin, and it has all these predictions.

And, you know, there's going to, Virgin Mary's going to appear over New York City on Christmas Eve. And so I'd go to school, and I'd tell all my friends, the Virgin Mary's going to appear over New York City on Christmas Eve, and there's going to be a great punishment and all this other kind of stuff. And then none of it would ever happen.

And so everybody would be like, hey, Peacemaker, what happened? I thought the Virgin Mary was there. What's your mother doing? Where's she at? She's just kind of, you know, being, she's still Catholic. I mean, I don't know really anymore,

but at the time she was. So your parents are married at this time when you're 11 and jerking off? Mm-hmm. And smoking cigarettes? What's your old man? Your old man's pretty Catholic? Yeah, also raised in a Catholic family.

What's he do? He's Catholic. He's a judge now, but at the time he was a lawyer. Uh-huh. Or he was in law school when I was very young. Oh, really? Yeah.

And so I just learned the other day we were on food stamps. My mom would probably get pissed off if I told people because she likes status and that kind of thing. But I just learned the other day. Not a great lawyer then, huh? Well, no, not yet. Oh, you mean when he was in law school. When he was in law school. And so then he went into the title business. Had a title business. Got pretty successful. Not a great lawyer then, huh? Well, no, not yet. Oh, you mean when he was in law school. When he was in law school.

And so then he went into the title business. Had a title business, got pretty successful. Then it crashed in the early 90s in that recession. I don't even know what it is. It's like when you buy a house, you have to sign a title and all that kind of shit. And then he kind of built it back up after almost going bankrupt and then got a job as a judge. Got a job as a judge. Well, I mean, he ran for, you have to be elected

because he was a county judge. And he actually, his first time he ever ran for election, I just dropped out of college and I was moving to Los Angeles to do standup. And I was very young. So you came out here before?

I've been out here a bunch of times. Like failure, I really embraced failure. So you came out and you fought the beast. I fought the beast. And then you went back. Yeah, I went back. I had my first mental breakdown.

Well, I've never had a second one. But anyway, I moved with a guy who's dead. Hold on, hold on. I moved with a guy who my dad was running against. It was his father. Oh, really? Yeah, so we had a bet at the time. Whoever's dad won the election, the other person had to give him up. Well, let's backtrack. So you're jerking off, you're smoking cigarettes, you? Yeah, so we had a bet at the time. Whoever's dad won the election, the other person had to give him up.

Well, let's backtrack. So you're jerking off, you're smoking cigarettes, you're 11, your mom's Catholic, you're dealing with your dad, being a lawyer. When did they break up? When I was about 16. And he was already a judge? No, not yet. He wasn't a judge until about seven years ago.

And what kind of judge is he, conservative judge? He is conservative, but he's a Republican, but I think he would probably declare himself more of a, he probably leans libertarian. So he's not a social conservative. He's a fiscal conservative. But very socially progressive. Right. That's what I mean. Yeah. Like, you know, he's okay with you jerking off and being gay. Yeah. I mean, he recently just, yeah, for sure. For sure. He recently started a woman's court in Montgomery County, Ohio, which I think there's only one other court like it in the country. And he's really into fighting human trafficking.

My dad is probably the best dude I know. That's good. Yeah. And you get along? Oh, yeah. We get along great. He's okay with your life decisions? Yeah, he is.

I think he's filled with worry. Yeah. That's usually what it is. Yeah. You're concerned. I've always been very supportive. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And your mom? Yeah, he is. I think he's filled with worry. Yeah. But, uh, that's usually what it is. Yeah. They're concerned. Always been very supportive. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And your mom? Yeah. Always supportive as well. You get along with her alright? Get along with her alright, you know.

She's, uh, we kind of have like a reverse relationship, though. What does that mean? Like, I'm almost the parent. I have to tell her, like, you need to call me back. Yeah. And she'll be like, oh, I'm sorry, I know. And she's out there on the horse farm? No, she's out, she lives with my step i'm sorry i know and she's out there on the horse farm no she's out she lives with my stepdad and just the suburbs how's that guy he's great oh good he's an architect guy he's a real uh this is how this is how he introduces himself to everybody he says uh jim

tinney dayton ohio like to everybody it doesn't matter who you are that's how he introduces himself guy who's been working since he was 14 years old. He's like 71 now, and I think he's being forced into retirement by my mom. Because, I mean, what's the guy? He's the kind of guy who doesn't know what he's doing. She better be careful what she hopes for. Yeah, right? You get the guy that can't stop working, and you make him stop working.

I don't know. I don't know how they're going to be around each other all day, because both of them need hearing aids, but they won't admit it. So it's just like constant arguments over things that the other person they think is ignoring them right when they just don't hear each other i think i'm getting to that point i'm yelling at my girlfriend like can you just talk like in a normal tone so i don't have to be like what what have you had your hearing tested recently what exactly i have not had it tested you should i mean I don't know why.

It's a vanity thing, I guess. Why people don't want hearing aids? Yeah. No, I don't think I need a hearing aid. So you made it through high school? Made it through high school. You smoking a lot of cigarettes? Smoking lots of cigarettes.

Dipping, chewing tobacco. I mean, I'm a Southern Ohio boy. Tell me about that fucking double thing, that horrible thing you told me about dipping where you do a full face. What is that thing? Oh, the mouthpiece? Oh my God. Yeah. The mouthpiece. I think I only tried the mouthpiece once. It's when you fill your upper lip

and your lower lip with just dip. And it's the worst. You can't breathe or you can't do anything. Your mouth just... But dipping is so specific. It's like it's not... I didn't grow up with it. I can't keep that shit together in my mouth. I would have. But like you just... You gotta get the long cut. That's why. I know,

but you could dip regular Copenhagen, couldn't you? Sure. For a while, I did do regular Copenhagen. But it's like, where'd you learn that shit?

Is that just an Ohio thing? My buddy Eric Nagel taught me. Well, and the only reason I dipped because I was never that drawn to it other than the fact that I loved baseball

and a ton of baseball players dipped. Right. And so, I don't know. The first time I ever tried it, dude, I mean, I must have been 15. Yeah. I almost fell down the steps. I was buzzing so hard. Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, I'm doing this. I'm doing this, dude. I mean, because that's how it was with cigarettes, too. I also heard that cigarettes lowered your voice. Right. That's why I started smoking because I was like the last one of all my friends to hit puberty so i kind of had a high-pitched voice i was like oh i don't know where i even heard that shit and now and then that and that leads to like me and you being stuck in a lifelong struggle with fucking nicotine yeah i mean i've

been about three months clean now but you're on and off you're throwing the book at me you've given me that book three times yeah i've read that book 17 times it works every time i read it i mean someone's like i think you might be addicted to reading the book and i've given me that book three times. Yeah, I've read that book 17 times. It works every time I read it. I mean, someone's like, I think you might be addicted to reading the book and I was like, well, maybe I should just smoke again so I can get another hit. Get another hit of that book, kid. That's the way the addict mind justifies doing it. I do think about, I mean, although when I see smokers now,

I kind of pity them, you know, when it's cold outside. But when it's summertime, I'm like, oh, they're living it. They're living the dream. I stay on these lozenges and it doesn't like i don't really think about smoking the actual cigarettes because it's just to me it's just like fucking death sticks like just burning my lungs out but you did when you go out you fucking go out when i go out i'm like this last time over this past summer uh when i went out dude i was i you know because it'd been almost five years since i had done it so i wasn't in the e-cig game and all that kind of stuff.

These were all new, so I was e-cigging, dipping, smoking. I never did Stogie. What's your brand? I do Camel Lights or Marlboro Lights. Although when I was a kid, I loved Newports or like Salem Lights. Yeah, I was a Marlboro Red. I never went Marlboro Reds.

Those were a little too, I did the mediums for a while. Yeah, they weren't around when I was a kid. Yeah, I mean, I remember when Marlboro Lights came out. Yeah. Like light cigarettes.

Like there was only, there was regular cigarettes and Merritt's or True. You know, those were the ones and those were awful. Merritt's were awful.

So you remember when they came out and now they can't even call them lights anymore. Well, now there's 90 different types of Marlboros. They're just trying to figure out how to keep people smoking those things. I eventually switched to Marlboro Lights and Camel Lights. I thought Camel Lights were more like Marlboros.

I tried Winston's. I tried Camel Straights. I tried Lucky Strikes. I've tried Palm Alls, Old Golds, because Tom Waits talked about Old Golds. There was a period there in high school where I smoked every fucking cigarette. Newports, because somebody mentioned, Iith richards mentioned newports once marlboro menthols which were hard to find which made those cool because the box was like the red box but it was green yeah but you couldn't find them that they weren't around much i tried balkan sabrani fancy cigarettes

nat sherman fancy cigarettes i fucking love cigarettes i even tried those skinny ones those uh i call them the slim jim ones or whatever those lady cigarettes i even tried those skinny ones those uh i call them the slim gym ones or whatever those lady cigarettes i even tried those virginia swims virginia slims that's that's the one they were always due to smoke those they were like weird old southern guys would smoke those things the long thin ones i never did the holder though the cigarette holder i tried it but it was stupid there was some no filter cigarettes were like you know i'm glad i couldn't handle it physically but they were the the best. First cigarette I ever smoked was a Camel Non-Filter. Camel Non-Filters were good, but Luckys were great. Luckys taste great.

There's a sweetness to them. They smell good. Your eyes are all lit up right now. Palmol is not bad. The Palmol No-Filter, pretty good. Pretty good cigarette. I think the appeal to the Non-Filter to me was like, oh, this is like drugs. Yeah, it's hardcore yeah but it's hard to maintain because you can't smoke as many as you want because they literally hurt you yeah and they burn your fucking fingertips yeah and you get all brown

i've had brown fingers dude you ever had brown fingers yeah i well i've never had brown fingers as much as i've had just like totally white gums which is the scariest moment i just remembered the brown finger thing how much did i have to fucking a ton like i had fucking brown fingers i never got brown fingers i got just slightly yellowish but i never went brown never i mean yeah but you were nicotine stain on your fucking fingers yeah the worst yeah i remember having that and just being like that i guess i'm i mean i would smoke back in half a day at the high point. Oh, man. I hope I'm not dying. I smoked a lot of cigarettes, dude.

We're all dying. I know. I was fantasizing about a Lucy the other day. Like, just one of those Lucys. What are they? Just a loose cigarette. One of those ones where you just put it wherever you can find to put it. Like, I was like, oh, man.

Those places sell them for a nickel. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got into a cigar store. So, I don't know what broke. I smoke a cigar every once in a while. But I got to be careful with those, too. I could it. Yeah, I got into a cigar store. So I don't know what broke. I'll smoke a cigar every once in a while, but I got to be careful with those two. I could never get into them. Yeah. I can't help but inhale.

So you make it through high school. I make it through high school. Dipping and smoking. Dipping and smoking. Did you do well in high school? I did okay. I was like a C. And then did you go to college?

I never tried. I didn't do anything. I didn't try. Driving around smoking and drinking. What about drugs? Drugs, I smoked a lot of weed in high school. A friend of mine, his dad, we figured out, he figured out, his dad grew it on their farm.

Oh, and he found it? He had a freezer full of it. Of buds? And so I smoked weed almost every day from like middle of my sophomore year through the end of my high school career. I miss weed. For free. Miss it, goddammit.

We would just have bonfires and just stare at UFOs and shit. Yeah. The first time I ever smoked weed was out of a corncob pipe that I made with a pocket knife and a hollow stick. And it was a magical moment in my life. And then, unfortunately, the dude's mom figured out that we were smoking her husband, his dad's, weed. And I remember one night we're at this bonfire, right? Just smoking weed, having a good time being, listening to Hank Jr. Yeah. Having the best time of our life. Well, Hank Jr. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, so now all of a sudden his

dad shows up with a wheelbarrow just filled with bricks of marijuana. And then next thing you know, you see, and he's got a look on his face that's like, he's going to kill somebody of marijuana. And then next thing you know, you see, and he's got a look on his face that's like he's going to kill somebody. Yeah. And then his mom shows up, and she goes, Do it. And then he has to dump all of the weed onto the bonfire. And that was probably the first time I saw a grown man cry.

And I was like, I'm never going to see my buddy again. What was the point of that? She found out that we were smoking it. And so she made him burn it all. As what? An example? I guess. What a fucked up weird thing to do.

And so then it was about a month later, or maybe a month or two later, when he's like, supply's been replenished. So he was growing. Oh, your buddy. Yeah, yeah. So then we were back in the game. I don't even understand the mental, the logic of that.

Yeah, I don't know. She was also our like kindergarten teacher when we were kids. Oh, so it was to, like she was punishing him as an example to you that weed is bad. Like she just caught him or something. Yeah. Look what you did to these kids. Now go show them yeah holy these kids believe in magic now you really fucked up how do you feel satan

yeah so but it was weird because uh you know i don't know then when i was about 21 22 like we just broke in my brain and just didn't it wasn't and then i started having panic and anxiety attacks when i'd get high and it just stopped being fun. So I was like, well, the only reason I did it is because it was so much fun. Did you move on to other narcotics? Not until I was older. Yeah.

When I got, when I was like, I don't know, maybe 27, I got into cocaine for a little while. Oh, that's later. So what happened? So did you go to college? I went to college, went to Bowling Green State University for about four years, studied theater, dropped out. I was like, you know, no one's asking De Niro for his diploma

when he's on set. But did you do plays and stuff? I did like one short, what are they called, one-act plays. The only reason I studied theater is because I knew I wanted to do stand-up. And I was like, I need to get comfortable on stage. When did you know that? Probably when I was in high school. Why? Because my

family, all the adults, all my aunts and uncles, they'd be laughing their ass off watching Carson. And I'm like, oh, I want to make adults laugh. That's where the juice is. Fuck my friends. But if you can make an adult laugh, you're doing something.

And I was like, so then I realized what stand-up comedy was. And who were your guys? My guys very early on were Cos know cosby and uh mostly richard prior i loved him and carlin but because i remember the first the first album i ever heard was himself which i no longer own but the uh i mean all that so it's just so so that whole thing is so loaded now yeah but uh but then the first album i ever tried to listen to was is it something i said by prior right my dad had the vinyl in his trunk and i was with him and my uncle and they were shopping and they popped the trunk and i

grabbed that album because i wanted to listen to it i was just a kid yeah because it just looked cool yeah he's like no you can't he's in hell yeah he's like you can't listen to this but you you can listen to this one and he gave me himself instead and the first album that's so funny you can you can listen to the family friendly Black Man. Exactly. Yeah. So then the first comedy album CD I ever bought was the Is It Something I Said. And now when my dad and I are on a road trip, we'll listen to it.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Isn't it fun to listen to a comedy record with somebody, and especially one that you know where you're both kind of looking at each other and you hope it still works? Oh, yeah. Is it still going to work, that joke for us? Yeah. It does. And that album still works. Oh, yeah. Is it still going to work, that joke, for us? Yeah, and that album sure does. Oh, yeah, it's great. All right, so you drop out of your theater program,

and what, you go back to Dayton, and you pack your car? What happens? Yeah, I go to Dayton. You don't do any stand-up yet? Save up some money. I think I did open mic maybe a handful of times, three or four times at a club in Dayton called called jokers which is closed now when a funny

bone moved in but uh i did maybe three or four open mics and i was like i'm ready for the tonight show and you were doing your crazy shit i was just yeah i was all over the place i was doing like one of my big bits at the time was i was skull fucking the devil uh that was like you know it's like so you'd seen some Hicks? So, yeah. Yeah, I was a big Kennison guy too, you know, because of all the religious stuff I could really relate to. He's got some great religious stuff. Yeah, and so I moved out to L.A. Did that thing, got a job at the Ice House, working the box office.

You moved to L.A. in what year? Gosh, I think it was like 99. Wow. It must have been 99. Okay. And I was like oh i'm gonna i'm gonna be a stand-up now and i was i don't know maybe 22 years old 23 years old at the most and where you living i was living in uh burbank with my buddy and the guy whose father ran for judge yeah whose dad beat my dad oh really the first time uh-huh so but your dad eventually got elected he eventually got appointed because someone retired. Oh, okay. So the governor appointed him or whatever.

So you're with that dude. Yeah. You're both judges' kids. Yeah, we're both judges' kids. Is he Catholic too? Yeah. Uh-huh. And so we...

What's he want to do out here? He moved out to be an actor. And he had graduated from Bowling Green. And how'd he do? Is he still out here? Yeah, he's still out here. Is he working? No, I don't think he's doing acting anymore. Okay. But he, but he stayed out here. So,

uh, I moved out there and then I'm, I'm also working at some Scientology title company in Glendale. Okay. So you're working the door at the ice house? I'm working the box office. Okay. So you got in with what? So I got in. And so then, uh, but I was losing, I didn't work there very long cause I was losing money working there because I would always try to i'd sneak away from the box office to go try to peek in because like oh arsenio hall showed up to do a drop-in yeah it's a good club yeah and so i would sneak away i'd come back and they had so many different tickets that i would always always fuck it up right so i'd have to go to the atm that's still in the bar there and i'd have to take like 30 bucks every night because you fucked up the because I didn't want to get fired because I'd fuck it so I was like losing money working there yeah and it wasn't very long because uh it wasn't shortly after that I just

kind of like had a split from I just freaked out and had to melt down and move back what does that mean dude I don't know I was just driving around my car screaming wait so you're doing you're watching comedy you're losing money you're working for the Scientologist, did they ever come after you? No. How'd you know it was Scientology front? Because a friend of mine, a guy I made buddies with who was working there, he was like behind me in a cubicle, he told me that everybody here's a Scientologist, man.

And I was like, oh yeah, and he's like, oh yeah, you can't talk about it. And then one day he's like, I got this book, I need to give it to you, it's in my trunk, but don't say anything about it. I was like, okay, whatever. And then like an hour later, this woman who was like the boss, she shows up and I overheard this conversation.

I can't remember his name. I think it was Corey. She's like, Corey, we know you have that book. Because he had gotten in, but then gotten out somehow, right? Scientologist? Yeah. And like he started to go into it and then pulled himself out. And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

They're like, she's like, we know you have that book. Give it to us or we will come take it from you. And he's like, i don't know what you're talking about they're like she's like we know you have that book give it to us or we will come take it from you and he's like i have no idea what you're talking about right and then it was the weirdest thing and then we get in an elevator to go to lunch and she hit the up button instead of the down and everybody on the elevator freaked out because she made a mistake like a mechanical mistake which she was like advanced enough in scientology where she wasn't supposed to make those kind of mistakes anymore and everybody just fucking like was freaking out on the i'm like i can't be working this is crazy but how are they freaking out like oh they were just like oh my god you you and she goes i don't know how i i don't i've never i don't and they're like what did you do you hit the and i'm like what the fuck she hit the wrong button man i do that

shit every day. Yeah. And that was your sign. And so I was just kind of like driving around, like screaming at myself. Like, what is, you know, and I kind of had like a mental, I don't, it was weird, man. I don't know. I was just like super, like I was just lost. Totally disconnected. What was your head doing? My head was like filled with anger and it was filled with just confusion.

I didn't know what I was doing. And I was also having like this religious relapse is where it was kind of coming from. Like, what is the purpose of my life? Existential crisis, I guess, is what you call it. So you were mad at yourself that you weren't doing comedy? Probably that was a big part of it because I wasn't doing stand-up at all. And like, you know, being out here without a purpose is horrifying. Yeah.

Because you know that everything you want to do is in some office somewhere sure or on a stage and you just get isolated in this weird way and your brain goes away that happened to me man but i was on a lot of coke yeah i wasn't i wasn't in that yet i was like uh you know i was still drinking you know i was just drinking every once in a while but you know i never were there women involved no i mean i was living on a mattress in the corner of the apartment at this point that's a word like a tapestry just blocking me off and one of our roommates and her and her boyfriend were always up super late at night smoking weed yeah watching tv which was like four feet away from my bed so i never i never slept because i was working two jobs sleep deprivation's bad yeah i was sleep deprived and it's that classic sort of like la hopelessness

where you're you've sacrificed all the comforts of life to sort of pursue this vague dream and you're sleeping on a fucking floor yeah it was the worst and then uh one day i just had a i just started slowly cracking a little bit right and then i started having a lot i'm doing the most selfish profession in the world stand-up comedy it's solitary are you doing spots no but i'm saying like in my mind, my dream, right? My dream life. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to burn in hell. That's like the most selfish thing you can be.

And so then I go back to Ohio and I just don't leave the house for weeks. I'm like totally just locked into this religious. Beating the shit out of yourself. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to burn in hell. I need to get my life back together. Did you seek your grandmother for counsel? No, I didn't. I didn't seek anybody for counsel.

Did you go to church? I started going to church. Oh boy. I started, but I couldn't get away from standup, so I got a job waiting tables at a club. Which one, Jokers? Jokers. Because even though I was like, I'm not doing this, subconsciously my brain was like, you're not getting away from this.

But you're like, it's like almost that weird self-flagellation thing. Like you felt like you deserved to be punished. Sure. And that's that Catholic thing. Yeah. And so I go back to school and I'm studying social work. So you can do the right thing. Yeah.

Right. I'm doing the right thing. And then after about like a semester or a couple quarters of social work, I'm like, oh man, I'm going to make $30,000 a year and i'm not even gonna like this job right no yeah and so then i transitioned into creative writing and ended up graduating like two years after that but the uh and then creative writing degree yeah uh liberal arts degree uh-huh and then started doing stand-up again after that but like how long did it take for the shit to simmer down oh like the uh religious thing and all that kind of stuff well what happened like it came to a head at some point where i

remember one time i'm laying in bed and like a car drove down the street i was living at my dad's house in like a guest room and the headlights went through the leaves and like they they cascaded across the wall yeah and i i thought that they were like the demons you know in the movie ghost when the demons come up and take the bad guy and suck him down through the street or whatever i don't remember that but i was like oh and then i felt my body getting sucked down through the mattress maybe it was sleep paralysis i'm not exactly sure but and i'm like and then i come out of that i'm like what the fuck is going i'm like religion's supposed to be like a puppy it's like a dog or something it's supposed to make your life better and not trap you and be a prisoner to it.

So then I drove to the highest point in town. So hack, right? And cliche, and I challenged God. Out loud? Yeah. Oh, out loud. I'm throwing rocks at this guy even. What are you saying?

I'm saying, if you exist, show me a sign you exist. Show me I don't believe you exist. This is your bullshit. Show me a sign. And then I had this moment where I'm like, oh this is like so this is so hacky like what i'm doing i'm like everybody challenges god and then i had this moment where i'm like biblical you're on a mountain you're still hung up with mountains yeah and so then but in my mind at the time it's a stand-up comedy part of my brain yeah that was like you know what's not hacky selling your soul to the

devil well it's not as hacky anyway like nobody does that so then not anymore it's not as popular yeah so i made a deal with the devil on the mountain i said if you are real you will show yourself to me you can have me the devil you give me everything i want right and uh because i because here was my brain my logic was was like, you know what? If the devil exists, that means by default God exists. So, you know, A equals B equals C. So I'm going to trick the devil into proving to me that God is real. Right.

And even though the devil knows I'm doing that, the devil is cocky enough to think, well, it doesn't matter. And you were strong enough in your will. Of course, right? And I do get everything i want to this day but it just takes a long time but did the devil reveal himself no oh so no one showed up yeah i mean up until six months ago i was driving a 99 camry i don't know do you think the devil's real i still got three roommates it might be very Yeah. Maybe you missed when he gave you everything. There was a day there. And maybe it's conditional.

So after that happened, man, after I sold my soul to the devil, life's been good. And I got back on the- It doesn't sound like you owe him much. No, I sure don't. Maybe he hasn't delivered yet. Yeah. Maybe it's a tough economy for the devil. Maybe it's time to go back up on the mountain and say like i thought we had a deal maybe that's why i go up

there every day what happened to the deal what happened to the deal man oh god so that all simmered down and then eventually you know i started doing stand-up all the time and then it was like one of those things too where uh i was like you know what i quit doing this once yeah now i'm never now now it's like i'm not quitting until I'm dead. Right. It was like one of those, like, I make ultimatums too much with myself. But that's one you've stuck with. That's one I've definitely stuck with, yeah.

Because, all right, so, well, I guess that's the devil working through you. You've made a commitment. Yeah. He's given you everything you want. And now there's no way out. No way out. No way out. There isn't, dude.

There really isn't. I know that personally, that like when it all goes away, but I think that there's probably an opportunity for you being a lapsed believer in, for reals, that, you know,

if it ever all goes away, you'll just go like, all right, Jesus. Okay, here we go, Jesus. These crystals aren't working anymore i get it i mean i got tiger's eye in my pocket this is supposed to give me money i guess i'll pray to jesus instead yeah finally came around to jesus but uh but you know what so what were your models like when you were working so you started uh because you're a big road dog now and you do a lot of those rooms and you're headlining now and what you just your third record they just put out

yeah what's that one called again immortal for now immortal for now yes and you you did the back the picture on the back in joshua tree joshua tree with no joshua tree with no joshua trees it was i the first guy to say that to you you're like i went to joshua It was so funny because it was like two days after I showed you the photo too. Yeah. I was like, how long have you been thinking about this? Has this been bothering you? I was like, you went to Joshua tree for the moment, for the spiritual juice. Not one Joshua tree in the fucking picture.

Yeah. It just worked out that way. I think that was the best photo that we just randomly took. Because it wasn't like a photo shoot. It was just me and my buddy Brooks, and we were just kind of walking around exploring. Okay, I get it. Yeah.

So we're all just supposed to know it was Joshua Tree? No, I mean, it doesn't really matter. Okay, no one matters to you? Well, I mean, it's cool to me to know that it was taken in Joshua Tree, just because Joshua Tree is kind of loaded with all that mythology from the past. So now, as I know you,

you've gone through different manifestations of, you've done the three cds you've done your your crazy web series uh you know uh you've been in and out of relationships with kooky girls you don't seem to be the drugs seem to be behind you what the hell is that period and how long did that go on for we were the probably went around for about three years i mean i don't think I ever hit a true rock bottom with the drugs. Yeah. I'll never forget it. Like one of my first feature weekends ever,

which was a big week for me, was Geraldo was headlining. And I got the week to be a feature act at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. And I was so excited about it. And we were in the green room just talking about like things and drugs. Great guy.

And I was like, oh yeah, I used to do a bunch of coke. And me and my buddies would just do coke and play speed chess. Yeah. Because you get 30 seconds to make a move. Yeah. And I'll never forget, Geraldo was just sitting in the green room. He looks at me and he goes, yeah, sounds like a real rock bottom. I was like, yeah, I'm a little beyond my scope here, I think.

And so I never really, I think two weeks. Did he get you some blow with Geraldo? No. He didn't? No, he was... He was in a clean period? He was in a clean period, as far as I can tell. I mean, what a great week, though.

Hey, he was great. He was great. Who else did you feature for that blew your mind, that made you go like, oh, I got work to do? Oh, there was there's been a lot of people that have really made me like feel like i got a lot of work to do giraldo was one of them for sure because i looked i went back and listened to those tapes yeah and i was just like oh my god how did he put up with me opening for him if i was him i would have been like get this fucking kid like his my opening joke at the time was hey you don't know who I am,

and thank God you don't, because if I was famous, I'd be a goddamn monster. I was like, okay, this is how the next 30 minutes is gonna go. Defying him to like you. So Ron Shock was a guy when I was younger. I remember he would come through Wiley's, his comedy club in Dayton, about twice a year,

and oh man, he was so goddamn good. I remember one time he just murdered and he comes off stage and I'd hung out. I was a wallflower there. I was just there all the time. And he just looks at me, comes off stage after just murdering for like an hour and 15 minutes. He goes, Ryan, that's how you do standup comedy.

And then walks off. And I was like, you know what, Ron? I'm not hanging out tonight. I'm going to go home and write. Yeah. It was like one o'clock on a Saturday and I'm going to go home and write.

He had such a slow groove too, you know? And there was a guy named John, John Capanero. I know him. You know John? John Capanera.

Capanera. He's a great comic. Yeah, the first time I saw him, I was like, oh, you can layer, you can level your jokes. You can have multiple levels to these jokes. A joke doesn't have to just stop. And he had a lot of juice too, a lot of energy. Yeah, he first time I saw him, I was like, oh, you can layer, you can level your jokes. You can have multiple levels to these jokes.

A joke doesn't have to just stop. And he had a lot of juice, too, a lot of energy. Yeah, he was great. Because I remember, like, all those guys would come through. Wiley's like, Ken Roderson would come through. Kenny Roderson's the best. So funny. His jokes are so good.

Yeah, and then, you know, Go Bananas, I saw, you know, Stan Hope. Yeah. Who just blew me away. And then, you know, all those, like And then all those, but not all of, and I saw Hedberg, because he would come through Jokers. She would bring him through here. Well, that's a great privilege, when you sort of abide by the sort of system

and to live it. I spent my life sitting around comedy clubs, even when you're not on. You're just sitting there chomping at the bit. know like when i worked at the store but then back in boston to catch a rising star you just go every night and just watch this shit it's interesting the guys you chose because those are all fucking solid for a lot of different reasons you know there's some real vision to all of them and i guess so you know over the years you realize that you could do exactly what you want to do just You just got to make it work.

Sure. You don't have to abide by the audience because none of those guys really do. Campanaro is a mainstream act, but he was his own thing. I haven't seen him in a long time. Yeah, I mean, I haven't either. But I think I reached a level at some point where I learned, you know what? You got to learn some jokes. You got to learn how to write a joke.

Yeah, I know. It took me a long time to learn that. I knew that they were there. i always knew i had to do jokes but it's like how do you do them for the ones that you you make your own exactly how's that fucking happen the first time i ever got a week the first week i ever got was featuring was just a thursday and a sunday featuring and i was like you know what i knew it i knew i was going to skip the mc spot yeah this kid's got it yeah know, it was after five years of not getting a fucking bone thrown his way, right? Yeah.

And I'm like, I got it. And Bobcat Goldthwait was headlining at Wiley's Comedy Club. Yeah. And, but they didn't even have me MC Friday and Saturday. They didn't even trust me to MC. Right. So they threw me up on Thursday and Sunday to feature. And I was like, oh, okay, my career, here we go.

Yeah. You know, tonight show, here we come. And then I didn't get another MC week from that club or work from that club again for years. And then I think slowly but surely I started working the other club in town. What happened? Why did you get a feature spot out of nowhere?

I think the manager of the club really liked me and thought I had potential. Convinced the owner of the club to give it to me. So then I started challenging myself to try to write some clean jokes just so I could MC and learn how to do that and then eventually

started getting work that way. But you're very compelled now. I mean, like, you know, I talk to you, you know, you're at different levels of enlightenment,

you're at different stages of not doing things or doing things. You've got yourself into minor trouble here and there. I'm very, I fly by the seat of my pants

maybe a little too much. But you do have a system. What's the system these days? The system is I try to lock in, do work every day, try to keep myself motivated. I got to hit the mountain. You got to hit the mountain. What does that mean for those of us?

Go hiking. Just get outside. Yeah. Just get outside and go get away from everything and just dump all that bullshit out. Do you meditate? I try to meditate on the mountain now. um what do you sit down i just sit down and i just kind of stare at a tree do you have crystals on you now i do have crystals on me now can i see

yeah i have um i have just tiger's eye and uh i just got some chris garcia your friend of mine yes just the other night uh gave me a bunch of crystals as gifts. We were doing a three-year anniversary show of the show we do, Underbelly. This is Tiger's Eye. Yeah. That's supposed to, like, help you get money or something. Uh-huh. And this is, oh, shit, how did I forget what this one was already?

Was that, oh, that's Apache. Is that Apache Tears? You asking me? It looks like it, yes. Yeah. And that's supposed to, like like i think bring balance between uh extremes so i was like oh that'd be a good one to have because i'm you know sometimes i feel like you and i have that kind of relationship where i'm a little too overly optimistic sometimes and you

can be a little bit more skeptical so we kind of have a balance yeah there's a balance but i i think that uh like i've grown to learn about you is that you're you're kind of painfully optimistic just because at any given point you could be sucked into a dark hole of fucking nothingness over breakfast if you're not careful. Yeah, sure. And I mean, I also have the circle of Solomon around my neck. Yeah. Which is supposed to protect you from the djinn.

From the djinn? The djinn, which is the D-J-I-N-N, which are like the shape-shifting shadow people, tricksters of the night. There's this book I was reading on them, and while I was reading the book, I was getting admittedly scared. You mean all of our peers? They protect you from the show business? Yeah, yeah.

That's the one that'll keep you out of work. Good job on misinterpreting the gin. Yeah, yeah. That's the one that'll keep you out of work. Good job on misinterpreting the gin. Yeah, yeah. That's the business. And I get the fact, too, like part of me really loves when there's stigma attached to something. Because you never know. There's a lot of loaded things I get into, like as far as the paranormal and all that kind of mystical stuff. And I do get that a lot of it's fanciful and i remember one time i was hiking and i was just at the top of this hill

in town i'm looking at like there was a couple helicopters flying around planes were ascending and some were landing and i remember thinking to myself oh man you know a hundred thousand years ago there might have been a human being ancestor just sitting here wondering what all this could turn into someday. Yeah. And I remember even, I remember saying out loud just to myself like, okay, there's a limit to how much whimsy you can have at some point

without just floating off the globe, you know? So I do try to find, it is important for me to get grounded within reality at times. Do you do that? I think you can't avoid it. No, you can't avoid it. I mean, because life- Unless you're nuts.

But I think what I see with you, and I think, because I've gone through my own crystal periods and conspiracy periods, is that you make choices to, you have some control if you're not out of your mind and you don't let yourself get out of your mind over the context of your perception. Do you know what I mean? It's like, are there UFOs? I'm going to choose to say no because I don't have time.

Yeah. It's like, what can you fit? What can you fit into your mind? Right. There might be. It's fine. But let someone else do that research and I'll be pleasantly surprised or terrified when they show up, but I'm not going to spend my

life. I would be terrified. Okay, fine. I know you've put thought into it. You said that with some earnestness and you do. No, but like, but I think that one thing, you know, from talking to you that we know is that, you know, you were wired with the ability to believe oh i got that blueprint man right yeah that mystical crazy blueprint and it's like it's so it's easy for me to latch on to

this this other world right but don't lose your mind oh no no i believe that it's it's more fun to believe i will share with you the quote from tom mcguane that i share occasionally the mind is not a boomerang if you throw it too too far, it will not come back. Yeah, I do worry about that. Well, you should, you fuck. Yeah. I think I got a decent grasp on the idea that, you know, you can only go so far with certain things. I do like pushing to edges. What's this podcast you do?

It's called Me and Paranormal You. And how often do you put it up? I put it up twice a week. Really? Yeah, I do. On Tuesdays, I do like a half hour, I call it a 30-year bonus, where it's just me doing research

on a subject that comes up a bunch. For example, I just put one up on the do easy method. I don't know if you've ever heard that William S. Burroughs wrote an essay on it. It's allegedly, it's tied into magic. He was like a practitioner of chaos magic. Yeah. I should know that i'm

a big bill burrows guy but you're teaching me something i probably have the fucking essay yeah uh gus van sant made a short film uh about based on it uh-huh uh when he was just out of film school oh i gotta check that out yeah it's uh it's pretty fascinating so that's tuesday yeah so that was like something tuesday and then uh on fridays i do the uh full-length interviews with people who have like paranormal abilities or experiences. Like I talked to a woman who was a medium. That's what her profession is. I was past-life hypnotized on one.

There was one I recorded myself with Shane Moss. We did a three-parter where we did DMT together. Yeah. Oh, really? How was that? That was crazy. So when you go up to the farm and you hang out with the cows occasionally, does that ground you? Yeah, it is pretty cool, man.

There's something very peaceful about just kind of being back in nature and not being surrounded by Twitter and Facebook and all that shit. All right. Well, don't get lost, dude. No. I think I'm on the right path. Yeah, my car has got the right. Oh, yeah, I saged the shit out of that car, too. We didn't need it.

That car is a practical car. Oh, yeah, it's practical. But, I mean, there was a lot of energy in there. There was a lot of, like, slamming it in reverse up a half a mile up a hill, screaming, what the fuck. All right, all right. So we, you know. It's been through some shit. Not too bad.

That car's been great so far. Has it? Oh, yeah, I'm taking it on a big trip here in about a week. Yeah, it's good, man. They're good cars. I love you, man. Love you too, buddy. Thanks for talking.

Yeah. That's me and Ryan Singer again tonight. Ryan Singer is at Doc's Lab in San Francisco. You can get his new CD, Immortal for Now, wherever you get CDs. A funny, odd, sensitive man, that Ryan Singer. He's a thinker. All right, so go to WTFpod.com soon. Soon everything's going to be different.

Everything's going to be different. Get some JustCoffee.co. Get on the mailing list. Order some posters. Do what you want. Leave a message. Yeah, email me through there. Hold on. අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි Thank you. Boomer lives! deliver that uber eats get almost almost anything order now product availability may vary by region

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