WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 711 - Chris Gethard / Quincy Jones

Episode Date: May 30, 2016

Comedian Chris Gethard and Marc bond over their New Jersey upbringings, but Chris has Marc beat when it comes to unbelievable stories from growing up in the Garden State. They also talk about Viagra, public access TV, and dashed dreams of sitcom glory. Also, Marc chats with comedian Quincy Jones, who didn't let a cancer diagnosis stop his push to do his own comedy special, which he has now done for HBO. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.

When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth

at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Lock the gates! all right folks let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fucksters what's happening i imagine some of you are listening to this on memorial day have a nice

day off don't drive your car into a wall don't drink and drive go easy on the meat i think that's generally a good uh metaphor but also good practical advice in a literal sense. Go easy on the meat. Hey, unless you like it hard, you know what I'm saying? Then push it. But generally, if you go hard on the meat, it doesn't end well for anybody involved. Certainly not the meat. You know what?

Sometimes you shouldn't chase those metaphors. Sometimes there's no reason for it. Today on the show, Chris Gethard from his wonderful talk show. The season finale of the Chris Gethard show is this Wednesday on Fusion. Also check out Chris's podcast on Earwolf. It's called Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People. Chris is also a funny uh comedian and also today on the show i'm going to talk a good do a little little talk with uh quincy jones the comic um many of you know him

for he did a fairly famous uh ellen appearance and and told the world that he had this horrible cancer and and he wanted you know some of his last wishes were to do an hbo special and to do this show had a nice little chat with him pow look out to shit my pants just coffee.coop available wtfpod.com but uh yeah like i did three sets last night at the comedy store then i went to uh then i decided like i've gotten into this late night eating pattern which is a classic old comedy behavior when you're out there doing the work in the clubs you're all jacked up and there's nothing better to do at 11 30 at night than eat a full meal full meal is good uh judd and i have been doing that last night we went to uh canters which is

better than the the other night where we went to this place, Craig's. And we both had a similar experience where it was some sort of very definitive bottom. Like we had hit bottom. The day after I went to eat a couple, what was it, a few days ago, I thought I was going to die in my sleep. I'd eaten that much. I felt sweaty. It was a bad idea. It was 1130 at night. There was

meatballs, mac and cheese involved. There was cioppino involved. There was chocolate bread pudding and ice cream involved. And I literally thought that I might not wake up. Was it worth it? And I got to be honest with you, the chocolate bread pudding at Craig's was worth it. But last night it was Cantor's, Locke's eggs Onions, you know, straight up Jew food. Got home and then could not sleep. I sat through the entire movie, The Intern, from 1 o'clock in the morning to 3 o'clock in the morning because between us and those of you who have known me a while, I love Anne Hathaway. And I love Robert De Niro.

And as bad as that movie may have been, I do think that people need to start realizing that De Niro is actually doing some of the best fucking acting of his entire career. That was a very nuanced, very sweet, very controlled, very emotionally grounded and deep performance. And it was a pleasure to watch both of them work within the confines of a fairly sappy movie. That's all I'm saying today.

Also, go to WTFpod.com slash tour to see where I'm coming. All right? Because I got dates in July. I'm doing things. I'm out there trying to make the shit happen. Do you want me to read them to you? I can do it for you. I'm going to be doing the Trippany House for the next few Tuesdays, May 31, June 7, June 14, June 21, June 28. I'll be at

Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane, Washington, July 7th, 8th, and 9th. I will be at Wise Guys in Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 14, 15, and 16. I'll be at the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana, July 28th, 29th, and 30th. I'll be at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona, August 18th, 19th, and 20th. I'll be at the Comedy Club in Rochester, New York, September 9th and September 10th. And that's all that's up there for right now you dig good yeah okay another along with my tour dates i should promote my tv show on marin on marin no ifc marin on ifc wednesdays nine o'clock we're out of rehab we're in the world and it's gonna get weird uh this wednesday the amazing sally struthers uh is in the show with me, acting with me, and it's good.

I'm very proud of this season, and this is some dark but beautiful stuff. All right? All right. There, I promoted myself. My first guest here, Quincy Jones, has been out in the world doing stand-up for a bit, but been very public about his battle with cancer. He's going to be on HBO this Thursday in his special Quincy Jones Burning the Light.

It airs Thursday, June 2nd. That's this Thursday at 10 p.m. And this is me and Quincy Jones. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton.

The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel.

To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series, streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Quincy Jones. Yeah. What was your mother thinking?

That's a lot of expectation. That's a lot of pressure. Just the name itself. I mean, that's a stage name. Oh, it is. Yeah. Oh, you chose that. Well, it was chosen for me.

Really? Yeah. You know there's another one. I've heard of them. Thriller, Fresh Prince, something like that. But it's been a while since you did something like oh okay you thought the world needs another quincy jones i figured why not you really you chose it how'd that happen i mean i didn't choose it so much as i i was terrified that a ex-girlfriend of mine heard i was gonna do comedy and she said she was gonna come boo me if she saw me so I went up to the open mic and signed up as Q and the guy's like who's Q

and I asked me he's like we don't do one letter one names we need a full name so what is it Quentin Quincy I was like Quincy yeah Quincy's like what's last name Jones I was like Jones yeah he's like Quincy Jones like the producer I was like, Quincy Jones, like the producer? I was like, yeah, yeah, man. It happens all the time. And then it just went from there. Yeah. And then years later, I ran into that ex. Yeah. And I was like, you know I go by the name Quincy Jones because of you.

And she's like, dude, I was there that night. I saw you perform. You were funny. Yeah. I was like, you said you were going to boo me. She's like, we were breaking up. I was upset. I'm not going to really boo you.

I don't have the courage to do it. I was like, well, now I got a whole facade. I was upset. I'm not going to really boo you. I don't have the courage to do it. I was like, well, now I got a whole facade. I get checks in this name because of you. Thank you. She did it. What's your real name? Kwame Wallen. Kwame Wallen? Yeah. Kwame. Yeah. How do you spell that? Q-U-A-M-I. Really?

Mm-hmm. What kind of name is that? Swahili. Really? It means Keeper of the Sabbath in Swahili. Oh, really? And that was your mom's decision? That was my mom's decision, yeah. Where'd you grow up? Seattle, Washington. How old are you?

32. So what kind of family did you grow up in? What was your mom and dad doing? I mean, pops left early. Moms held it down. Like left? Like just bounced. Oh, really? And then moms held it down.

And that was that. Yeah. I got a little brother. I got got an older sister i got a niece and nephew and that's my immediate family right there and what was uh what was the deal growing up when did you start getting involved with wanting to do comedy i mean i was always funny i used because i grew up poor yeah you know so like i had jokes like when rich kids were trying clowning the other pork and they try and clown on me i'm like nah man you're not gonna you're not going to you're not going to do that, man. Right. So I used to always have jokes ready, fire back. I used to be a thing like everyone like, could you get the best of me?

Yeah. Yeah. But then, you know, I was always funny for the most part. And then I started doing comedy like years later, like I was 22. What were you doing around town before that? Did you work? I was hustling. Yeah, like what? Drugs. Really?

I sold everything except heroin and ecstasy. Because when I was hustling, ecstasy became manslaughter charges. This is now early 02. Really? So what were you selling? Wheat? Wheat, coke, shrooms. Really?

Pills, yeah. shrooms. Really? Pills, yeah. That was the job? I mean, I was working at Starbucks, too. I'm not going to lie. I had a day job, you know? And so back then, well, that's Starbucks land. That's where it started.

Yeah. You weren't working at the original one down in Pike's Market, were you? No, I worked at every other one. I worked at the one in 7th and Pike. I worked at the one in U District, all over. They care of you right yeah i mean yeah i mean like i i thought that there were a lot of shit for those benefits man do you put it with a lot put it with a lot of shit a lot of people coming back saying this isn't my latte oh man so how'd you get involved with that i mean again i grew up was there a dude it wasn't a dude but i grew up poor and i was like i'm tired of getting clowned for being not having because i grew up in the height of black consumerism

so this is when tommy hill figure helly hansen nautica fubu right first down jackets everything was just all getting purchased by black people right and i didn't have any of that right like i went to i've been to jail i've been locked up wow did 13 months actually and then inside you got clean you found some god you got did what you do yeah yeah i mean yeah yeah that's exactly i mean i'm believing it yeah i believe because i made a vow to god i said god you get me out of this joint yeah i'll never sell drugs again yeah god's like you sure i was, I promise you you get me out of there. I was like, all right. So I got out. I haven't sold drugs since November 25th, 2007. So when you get out, what's the plan?

What's the life change? The life change was for me, like, I remember like some of the OGs in the joint had been like, yo, bird, when you get out, what you going to do? I was like, I don't know. I'll figure out when I get out there. Like, what? They're like, no, if you don't have a plan, you'll end up back here sooner than later. So I was like, okay. So I got a job.

I knew some people who worked at Foot Locker. I got a job. So when I got out, I got out the day before Thanksgiving in 2007. Ate some food 2007. And then started a job the day after Thanksgiving. Selling shoes. Selling it uh is that okay did you find that you were like tempted or you were pretty much you you got scared i mean it was it was a to be honest i think you get it more than anybody else it's the politics of the bullshit sometimes you're just like like you have a show and you to get your

show on there you had to go through a lot of shit yeah i i mean i get like you know like having people above you that you don't have respect for is a difficult situation no matter what level it occurs at there you go there you go i don't even need to say anything else good night guys listen this has been WTL. Yeah, well, that's one of the reasons we do what we do. And I imagine it's one of the reasons why, you know, selling drugs and at least having that control over your own life, you know, is appealing. There's certain people like, yeah, it's criminal, but it also speaks to the idea. It's like, I don't want to do bullshit.

I don't want to do bullshit for people. So you're a footlocker. When did you do your first uh you know stand-up i mean okay i first did stand up 21 because i was scared that i might die in the joint so i did it to get it out of my way i remember meeting uh harry kondabalu after that open mic oh yeah yeah he was up there at the time and he was like yo you're really funny how long you been doing

I'm like this is my first time he's like oh you're gonna be good so you're going out now I'm taking it then that in Seattle just given you know the life you were living

there was no you know black comedy club nah not that I knew right Tacoma no there was no black comedy club right right so you're just going in with all the hipster kids it's 2000 and what this is 2006

so so like you know comedy's already changed you got all the little uh smarty pants guys you know there's still some old-timers around doing it the old way but there's a whole influx of young people that was a boom right trying shit out right so like who was coming around who were you watching who were you learning from uh nobody i went in like i forged i forged my way through like i mean i remember when i first discovered bill hicks yeah yeah you know yeah like i it was like i remember someone turned you on to him someone must have yeah i mean i i soaked up everything like i was looking at i'd ask every headline like yo who to check out like i wanted to learn i wanted to be that's like who were you watching like who was making an impression on you because if you so you start

you do your first set at the underground and then how long before you like hanging out there all the time oh shit man because i did the first set and i did it did the time did the year and then came out and started doing it oh so you did it right before you went into the joint? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then I ended up doing it again 2008, 2009. Okay. 2010 got serious.

So when you come out, are you talking about jail? Nah, because I didn't want to scare white people. I didn't want to do it. Yeah. I was like a 25-year-old junior in college at that point. You know what I'm saying? So you got out and you went to college? Yeah, I got out and went to college.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. I told you I wasn't going back, though. I learned my lesson. So you got the Foot Locker job and you got into school. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I started working at Starbucks again. Uh-huh.

About September of 2008, I started college. Mm-hmm. I went through a mid-20s breakdown. I freaked out. went to went enrolled in school went to fucking central washington that's a good freak out which is it was freaked out and you went enrolled in school you didn't freak out and fucked everything up again no and i couldn't do that yeah i couldn't do that so you went enrolled where we're at central washington yeah and how was that for you that was the worst decision i've ever made in my life you're talking to you're talking to a black kid from seattle yeah from the hood yeah going out

to fucking rural ass ellensburg washington an hour and a half away uh-huh i ended up getting more trouble out there why because what were you like what you tell me you're the only black guy out there i mean the only black guy that wasn't an athlete. I didn't fit in out there. Right. Like, that's the thing. Like, it was weird. It was real weird.

Yeah. Because there wasn't that many black people. So you're on either the football team, baseball team, basketball team. And if you're not, you're like, what's that black guy doing? Exactly. Exactly. Even the black people are like, what's that black guy doing? He doesn't have to be here.

And it's college, so it's like, oh, so like girls are, you know girls are you know jersey chasing right yeah but i'm still getting laid right yeah you know i'm not i'm not i don't have a jersey so that made the athletes mad at me black and white because they're like you shouldn't be getting laid yeah you don't play football why are you getting laid this is our time to shine i'm like man personality baby yeah yeah and how long did you last out there i did i finished up you got a degree yeah i got it and what philosophy and sociology that's good not bad it's good for comedy we are modern day philosophers sure all right so then you go back and now you're doing it you you lock in you're watching stand-ups with a critical eye with a hunger and not even critical i didn't have

an opinion because the only comedy i'd seen before was Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker. That's a good one. No Sex in the Champagne Room bit. And then the Niggas vs. Black People bit. That's the best bit in the world. It is. It is. And so I was like, I got thoughts like that.

Yeah. I could do this. Yeah. I remember that was that. I remember discovering Bill Burr. Yeah, he's great. I remember that. I mean, my favorites now.

I love comedy. I'm a student of Burr. Yeah, he's great. I remember that. I mean, like, my favorite's now. I love comedy. I'm a student of the game. Yeah, so when you first started out, is it just the underground or at Laughs It Opened or no? Yeah, Laughs It Opened. I actually worked at Laughs. Oh, yeah. For a little bit.

Do you work in the door? No, just doing serving. Oh, yeah? Yeah, doing serving, bringing out the little, you know, food. So you're seeing everybody. So you're getting to meet the people. Yeah, I'm getting to meet the people. And you're seeing how the game works yeah you're seeing these

headliners come in they're they're either bitchy or not bitchy and when you start learning about the life from these guys who are coming in for a week at a time you start to get a sense of of you know how it works i mean i'm at hannibal yeah i'm at hannibal there and was like he was cool yeah he's quiet deep dude he's a chill dude very chill well i've had him in here before yeah you're sort of like yeah all right yeah man i'm cool i'm just soaking in his garage that's right books that's crazy you know but it's like it's it's just i don't know man like it's funny with it's just, I don't know, man. It's funny, with him, he's evolved too. Like, you know, the Hannibal you probably saw early on before he became bigger. Like, now he put on a big show.

Remember, like, he was sort of like kind of Hedberg-y in a way? Not anymore, man. That first album was a classic. Oh, yeah. That first album and Mulaney's, the top part. Yeah, Mulaney's Fast. These are classic albums. For you. Yeah. Because it's your generation. Yeah. the top part yeah is a these are classic albums for you

yeah because it's your generation yeah I mean I looked at your generation it was like damn you go back online

and you can see Robin Williams first late night where he's like running around and being crazy you're like what

what the fuck yeah when I was in Conan I was like I stayed in the pocket. This guy's doing panel. Oh, yeah. He's up on his desk. He's crawling around on his knees on his desk.

I'm like, yo, the 70s were wild. Oh, they were definitely wild. And he was sort of a unique talent. Not everybody could do that and get away with it. That was his zone. You know what I mean? Everybody finds their own zone. So you just did Conan for the first time recently? yeah i did it uh last month just do it just stand up or just sit down

stand up just stand up so you got out there you got your spot yeah i got that man yeah how'd that feel was that the first big tv shot ellen was my first big tv shot yeah well that that puts you on the map yeah that definitely did. The dying guy. Yeah, yeah. The dying comedian. My mom called me and was like, do you not tell me something?

I'm like, nah, man, you know how Hollywood is, mom. They're marketing it a certain way. Right. It's totally different than what it's marketed as.

Well, at least you had the jokes to do the Conan. I mean, I was ready. Mm-hmm. I don't want anyone to think that this was like Make-A-Wish and I had writers or something like that. I was ready for this. I'd worked hard to get here. I had a bunch of material.

So when we trimmed the fat off the special, it was like, okay, this guy's ready. Yeah. So when did that – so were you headlining on the road? What were you doing? I mean, I didn't have any credits. So you had about what, 40 minutes? No, I had an hour and a half. Yeah?

Like full. My first headline club was Ontario Improv. I always have love for that club. When was that? That was, let's see, the 21st of April. Okay. Yeah, my mom's birthday. So, but basically, sadly, your big break was

announcing that you had cancer. Yeah. And I didn't see the Ellen episode. Did you do stand-up? No. She wouldn't do that. Uh-huh. What do you mean?

I don't think she'd bring stand-up on. She was a stand-up, you know? Well, yeah, I know, but so was David Letterman, so it was... Right, right, but that's late night. You know, this is daytime. I don't think she'd bring stand-up on. She was a stand-up, you know? Well, yeah, I know, but so was David Letterman, so it was... Right, right, but that's late night, you know? This is daytime. I don't really think... How did you get that gig?

I mean, the Kickstarter video went viral, and my cousin had written in. So you did a Kickstarter for money for cancer? Well, no, we did a GoFundMe to pay for my hospital bills. Yeah. That got a lot of love. That was in September. I did 45 days in the hospital last year well what let's go back then so you now you're kicking around you don't have cancer

you move down here i guess is that what happened first time on the road we went to sacramento uh sacramento punchline that was my first time on the road that's a big room yeah i loved it yeah i was like this is it i went back to fucking making coffee drinks, dog. Where at? At Le Pan Quotidien. Mm-hmm. Up in there in Melrose. Mm-hmm. And I was just like, I thought this was it.

Yeah, yeah. I thought that was my, so again, another moment where I'm like, this is it. You're going to work. You're going to work. Right. But I just kept grinding. Kept grinding. Doing alt rooms?

Yeah, doing alt rooms because I didn't like the way the clubs treated comics. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. So I was like, fuck fuck them i'm not going to the clubs yeah and i'd rather get time in these alt rooms yeah these jokes up so when i go to the clubs i knock it out the park so you're just living a comics life and you're getting some success and you're grinding away so when do you feel sick i feel sick i went home. I went home November of 2014. To Seattle? Yeah. I went there and I got sick and I came back and my belly had been filling up with fluid.

And my girlfriend at the time, she took me to the hospital. I was terrified of hospitals. And so she took me, she held me down there. And December 30th 30th 2014 they said hey you got ascites and that usually comes from kidney failure or cirrhosis of the liver i was like do i have those things they're like no i'm like what do i do right well you don't have health insurance so we're not we can't do anything here but you should get your belly drained sometime get a paracentesis tap i said okay sounds okay, sounds good. So wait, January 2015.

That starts the process of the next six months, getting my belly drained once or twice a month, getting four to six and a half liters of fluid. Without a diagnosis? Without a diagnosis. Why no diagnosis? Because it took them six months to do the biopsy. We didn't do a biopsy in my stomach until June.

Just because of health coverage? No, I think it was just because they couldn't figure it out and it was at L.A. County. Uh-huh. They were like, well, they're like, this normally comes from this.

He's too young to have anything else. Oh, so they couldn't track it. So they couldn't track it. Right. So they did a biopsy and they fucked me up that way. Uh-huh.

They did a biopsy. They said, we're going to take a sample of your stomach line and test it. Uh-huh. They went in, they took out my appendix, they took out a wall of tissue.

I was just like, I was fucked up. I went on the road later on that week. I got it Monday the 15th. Wednesday, I got out of the hospital. Saturday, I go on the road. I booked a tour where I was going to make at least $1,000 for the summer. I went to Boston. I got caught the red eye Saturday night.

Sunday, Monday, I was in the ER there. They drained my stomach there. It's messed up. It just filled up on you. you're filled up on me so i uh so then i leave there uh i go to new york catch the megabus down in new york i'm excited in new york i'll hit up some shows i go pass out on the train they take me to the pass out on the subway to brooklyn they take me to interfaith in Brooklyn. I stay there for a week. I force myself out. I go back down to where I'm staying in New York.

I go to Jersey. My cousin's there. I pass out there in the driveway. He takes me to a hospital in Jersey, Morristown. I stay there for a week, July 3rd, 5.50 in the morning. They're like, hey, we got the results back from your biopsy. In June, it's cancer. It's peritoneal mesothelioma. So I'm sitting're like, hey, we got the results back from your biopsy. In June, it's cancer. It's peritoneal mesothelioma.

So I'm sitting there like, well, this is cool. Peritoneal mesothelioma. Peritoneal mesothelioma. What's that? Mesothelioma of the stomach? Yeah, of the stomach. Right. Usually it's a lung thing, right?

Yeah, that's a common one. There's a heart one. That's the most rare. And then there's the stomach. That's the minor middle. Now, is this like, is there a cause? Normally it's related to asbestos in the lungs right but not you not me just a fluke just just a fluke shitty luck and exactly and it's like my i didn't live i didn't work in construction or on a mechanic shops my my old man wasn't there so we don't we don't know

how i got i got a lawyer on it that he's investigating all my addresses and stuff. But besides that, it was – so we find that I'm like, this is good. This is a step in the right direction because I didn't know what it was up until that point. So now we know it's cancer. They say you got to go home. I come back to L.A. I start fighting the cancer. They say it's going to be eight weeks to see an oncologist.

I said, you can't tell me I have cancer and tell me to chill for eight weeks. So then I leave. I get myself admitted into the ER. And I stayed there for 45 days. I got out. I did two open mics because I'm a real comic. I had jokes about being in a hospital. I didn't feel right.

I went to another hospital up in burbank and that's where i found out i had a heart attack i had a heart attack i had a blood clot around like the size of a quarter at the bottom a order of my heart and so at that point i broke down i lost it told my girl at the time you didn't feel the heart attack when he passed out that's what it was well we don't know why but it's probably stress yeah get one from straight we can have heart attacks all the time we don't even know sure but you know so I was just like this is it I can't take it yeah do it I was like I'm never gonna get this hospital never do comedy again and and that was that well I eventually get out the hospital I

started doing chemo and that's when you know did they did a go fund me to help me pay some of the bills. That helped out a lot. And then I've been doing chemo. And they did a Kickstarter at the top half of this year, January, February, to make a special. Because they asked me what I wanted to do. Who did? My friend, The Blains. They're a production company.

And they said, what do you want to do for your dad? I was like, well, I'm already living my dreams. I guess I want to make a special. Yeah. I don't want to do an album. Yeah. I want to do a special. Right.

So I did a special. I mean, so. Where'd you shoot it? Terragram Ballroom. That's nice. Yeah, right by the Monty Bar. I heard that's nice. It's a great music venue. It's going to go on HBO.

June 2nd, 10 p.m. That's exciting, man. Yeah. And what'd you do? How long did you do? What'd you end up with? I was 56, black to black. Uh-huh.

But yeah, I ended up doing an hour 20 each show. So you had choices. Yeah, I got choices. And you tightened it up. Yeah. I mean, I had two weeks to make that hour. So when you watch it, know that that was put together in two weeks. But you had the material.

Yeah, I had the material. You just had to put it together. But I'm more of a riffer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm more of that. I could do all day riffing. Right, right. So did you do a lot of that?

No, I had to tighten up because I had to send the jokes to HBO. Yeah. So I had to show them. I had to do the hour of the jokes that I wanted on there, send it to HBO, have their legal department look at it. They'd be like, these are good to HBO. Yeah. So I had to show them, I had to do the hour of the jokes that I wanted on there, send it to HBO, have their legal department look at it. They'd be like,

these are good to go. Well, you know, you look pretty healthy. I mean, besides the cancer, I am healthy. That's the real part. What's the prognosis, man? I mean, they don't update

your prognosis. They say you got a year to live. You live longer than a year. They're not like, let's review this. They're like, no. They're like, that's it. You just live they don't update your prognosis. They say you got a year to live. You live longer than a year. They're not like, let's review this. They're like, no. They're like, that's it. You just live longer. Keep doing whatever you're doing.

Uh-huh. But there's no getting rid of it? No, there's no. Well, as of right now, there's no cure. You know? Right. It's just chemo. All the cancer is doing is control.

All the chemo is doing is controlling it right now. Uh-huh. You know? Uh-huh. Is know? Uh-huh. Is there a chance that it goes away? No. No. There's no chance.

I mean, there's a surgery that you could do. Uh-huh. It's called HIPEC. Yeah. And that's what I'm trying to do. And that's where, like, they go inside. They get rid of all the cancer cells. Yeah.

And then they fill it up with heated chemotherapy, jostle it around, stitch you back up. Yeah. It's like a 12 to 17- cancer cells. Yeah. And then they fill it up with heated chemotherapy, jostle it around, stitch you back up. Yeah. It's like a 12 to 17 hour surgery. Yeah. But there's a chance that it may not come back. Come back.

Oh, right. I get you. Yeah. But there's a chance it might as well. So it's like, do you really want to do a 12 to 17 hour surgery for a, maybe a 50, 50?

Well, yeah, but I mean, but like, where does it leave you after the surgery? I mean, how compromised are you if you recover? I mean, you're out for a month because you're in the hospital six, seven days afterwards because they gut you.

They go from your sternum down your groin, hip to hip, pull it back. Yeah, and then just carterize almost. They just burn the shit out. Yeah, pretty much. And then they close you back up. They put chemotherapy and jostle everything around and then close you back up. Okay, but what I'm asking is that after you get that surgery, can you eat and digest food properly and live your life? I mean, it seems like even if it's just 50-50, if you can pull the bread together to do it, what do you got to lose a month versus maybe the rest of your life being longer? I mean, it still is a process.

The money, let's say it's the money it's still aggressive surgery yeah you know right so they're telling you that yeah yeah yeah there's not me just make it it's an aggressive surgery right right i just met with the ucla specialist on friday yeah yeah and so it was like okay yeah they're like dude if there's nothing let's hold off on this yeah you know let's see what else we could try and think of. So now how often do you go to chemo? I got it tomorrow. What is it, once a week, twice a week?

Every three weeks. Every three weeks? After the special, I had to do chemo the very next day. And they hook you up and you sit there? Yeah, I sit there. You know, they shoot it in the veins. You get sick? I still get nauseous.

Yeah? Yeah. Oh,'s not it's not fun well shit man oh i i you know i i hope it works out on that level for you and i and i hope you have a longer life than anticipated or or or diagnosed i will i will i feel like you will i feel like i feel like it's good you're gonna like the special i think you'd really like it. I'm looking forward to seeing it. You're really going to watch it? Of course. Yeah.

That's kind of dope. Why didn't you say he's going to watch it? Why wouldn't I watch it? I watch specials. Yeah? Yeah. Yours is dope. That last one I thought I did a pretty good job on.

You did more good. More later. I was pretty happy with that. Yeah. I was trying to be a little more open and a little more – I felt you put the charm. I felt that you turned it from zero to one. Sure, yeah.

Maybe zero to two. You did it. I was like, okay. Yeah, yeah. Look at Mark trying to play ball now. That's right. Exactly. It only took me 25 years to play a little ball to make my problems everybody's problems.

Spread those problems around, Mark right they're not that unique i gotta assume everyone has it maybe it's just the way i'm putting them out there there you go well good talking to you man thanks man it's a hell of a struggle that kid's in, and you can watch his special on HBO, Burning the Light. That's Thursday, this Thursday, June 2nd at 10 p.m. And now we're going to talk to Chris Gethard, and he's a guy that I've known about on the periphery for a while. He's a guy that I wanted to have on the show but i did not know his show i kind of knew him i knew i have friends that uh were big fans of his

and uh and i knew he was a great guy and i just uh and i knew he was a funny guy but i just didn't know his shit so like i got up to speed i it. And we actually had one of the great talks in my mind. I really enjoyed it. Dear friend of my friend, Tom Sharpling. And now I would consider Chris Gethard a friend of mine because of the nature of our conversation and the way we're a couple of Jersey guys at heart. Couple of Jersey guys. Again, Chris's the finale of the Chris Gethard show

is this Wednesday on Fusion. Also, you can check out Chris's podcast on Earwolf. It's called Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People. This is me and the very decent, funny, and deep Chris Gethard. What mics do you use for your Zs, right? Are you doing it at Earwolf? Where do you do it? I do it at Earwolf New York. They just opened a studio there.

Yeah? So I just... Do you always talk so low when you're doing your podcast? I am generally a pretty mild-mannered fellow, yeah. Uh-huh. I apologize. I can just shout the whole time at that house. That would be good, but I mean, you don't have to...

It feels like... Are you doing it on purpose? No, this is just my... This is just. I apologize. I can just shout the whole time. That would be good. But I mean, it feels like, are you doing it on purpose? No, this is just how I talk. Aren't you a performer of some kind? I feel immediately judged and insecure right now. Completely insecure. Welcome to my show. Not a good sign that their first question is, aren't you a performer of some sort? That's not a great

not a great start for me I just want to beat up on you a little it's not good that you told me you had Rob Reiner yesterday and then your first question was do you perform not you know I know who you are vaguely I would I don't know we I've we've met a couple times but I'm I've the only time we really met I was doing that I interviewed you I was at South by Southwest with the IFC

and it was a money gig and it was like I was like oh this is not the best way to like meet all these people I respect they're in the middle

of fucking press junkets that they are so like mad like three hours in everyone who came in really oh I got in a fight

with one person and it was like who I don't know, it was Ken Marino. Uh-huh. Oh, really? Yeah, he was just in a bad mood. Yeah. I was also like, I'm not an interviewer. He's kind of physically intimidating. He's a big guy.

And it's clear, like everybody's like drinking in that South by Southwest. He's probably like nine interviews in on a day and he was just in a bad mood. But I also am like like i don't give a shit about interviewing people at south by southwest so i don't want to like deal with it and then we got in like a weird fight and they put out a video of it and it's like it's i always felt bad i always felt bad about it it's just like two people in a bad mood butting heads when it's just that's so funny a simple promo video yeah i i. He was on the final episode of my last season of my show, and he was the guest of this talk show thing that I was doing,

and I was like high on drugs in the show and just busting on him. And it got a little tense. He's good at tense. It was real tension. It was real tension. Well, that was one of those things. I've done those things before where somehow or another you've been cajoled to do something like i remember i went to montreal comedy festival like in 1995 for comedy central and i was the guy with the mic yeah so hey you having a good time at the fest you know like

somehow it's some somehow i twisted it in my brain at that time that you know this is a good opportunity this would be good yeah but then you're not even a comic you're just no and you're asking the comics about what their experience as a comic is like and it's this weird um status ladder did you feel that yeah but yeah but the thing was is like you're uh you know your whole oeuvre is a little uh oddballish yeah so so then so then like you know we're told like oh yeah chris is doing this thing in a backyard with a with a shack or like there was trailer. There was something involved.

There was a whole sort of conceit to it. Yeah. So you're already working against that. You're like, really? Everyone's going to

work this hard to do the silly Chris thing? Ouch. What? The silly Chris thing. No, but it's not the,

it's not the. No, but you, you're the one who was shitting on it. No, I know. But it's also my thing. It's also... But that's what I was feeling in a big way was that many people were like,

oh, the silly Chris thing. Although yours was one of the ones I had more fun with. I have watched my show. It's weird. I don't know if you ever get this. Like with my show, it's like I'm simultaneously like fiercely proud of everything i've ever done with it and then also completely um i won't say ashamed but like

constantly like i have no idea what what the world outside of the bubble of people who really love it right i have no idea what people think of it i know there's a cult that like loves it and then i assume everyone else is just terribly confused. I don't, well, we can address that, but what were you saying? You were about to say something good about me. I was going to say, the interview, I remember the two that I really enjoyed

were yours and Eddie Pepitone's. Those were the two that I felt good about. Well, I know how to have a good time with the professional entertainers. Yeah. Which you are, and I knew you were a guy, and a funny guy. Well, thank you thank you i mean i didn't enter but see like i just put put you into this weird uh marginal area of like um not not like i don't buy into the whole nerd thing but you know you were a couple

generations behind me doing you know uh something uniquely your own that I had not really dealt with. Sure. Fair. Yeah. So, but I didn't think you were like nobody or something. That's good. Like Ken Marino had never heard my name and that was part of it. So that's nice to hear.

But I remember we were throwing knives and I was just interviewing and it was actually, I found it actually very pleasant and relaxing that one. Yeah. Because, you know, like if you give me a task i'm gonna try yeah it was great and you were good i remember like you got better at it in the course of the short interview yeah so you know and i that that whole festival that one in particular it's not even a festival it's just this strange corporate clusterfuck yeah i watched one of your shows. I think it was probably a great representation of what it really kind of emotionally was.

It was the one with that basketball guy you like a lot. Oh, John Starks. Yeah. Yeah, that was a recent one. I had fun with that one, yeah. Well, it's just sort of like

I got the whole, you know, the setting of it and the public access vibe of it, though I didn't really, it wasn't on board for the public access show because this is a newer show, right? This is on Fusion, yeah.

They picked up. We were on public access for four years, and now we're in the middle of our second season on Fusion. And I see all the regular people and everything else, but how moved you were by your relationship to basketball and that guy in particular was sort of touching. I wear my emotions on my sleeve on the show in a big way. In life in general, I'm a pretty emo guy.

But you like punk rock, and that's how you kind of express yourself? I do like punk rock, and I grew up, that was an early version of being, I think, finding ways to express myself and feeling like, I think that's what punk rock is, is outsiders go there to feel like they have a community right and yeah but i mean when you were growing up i mean who were the bands really the bands like local bands in jersey the bands i really loved growing up um like the big the big band i always used to see the bouncing souls are still around they were a big jersey band when i was a kid. And then this band Weston I was obsessed with.

They were the ones that we used to go see all the time. And then there were smaller bands. Smaller bands than those two? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They were like legends. They were like legends in Jersey at the time. Bouncing Souls are legitimately pretty big.

Weston now, the guy from Weston now is a band called Beach Slang, and they had an album that got tons of press last year. I didn't mean to be condescending. I just don't know that world. But who were the- We want to get into the small bands. I could start bringing up Boxcar and Felix Frump and bands that people who knew them will be amazed.

The Lavalinas from Little Falls, New Jersey. So who were the old guys at these shows? Just you and Tom? Yeah, I think Tom was even rolling his eyes at some of the shows I was going to when I was 15 or 16. But yeah. And who were the bigger bands that got you into punk? Even the bigger bands are kind of small.

I love Jay Church. That was a huge band for me. And then Jawbreaker. And there was a stretch where I really liked H2O, who were one of the, they were kind of a melodic hardcore band in New York. And I remember I saw them a couple times. And the guy, I had this like experience where the dude saw me. And I was like a depressed kid.

And I was standing in the back by myself. And the lead singer came up to me and was like, hey, man, I saw you back here. Like, you doing all right? And I remember that meant so much to me. And that was like punk rock to me. It was like, oh, the dude from the big band from New York just like walked over and talked to me because I looked sad. And I always like look back at that. And I i'm like i try to be that for people now like i try to be accessible because i think punk rock for me felt very accessible and felt

like okay like this feels like the one place where i feel halfway safe and normal right well you also have to have that empath skill. Yeah. You know, it's one thing to be gracious, but it's another thing to sort of like scan a room and be like, ooh, that guy. Yeah. That guy looks like he's in a little trouble. Yeah. And I feel like now my work, the people who are attracted to me are all-

Those people? Almost universally people who feel like they're in trouble or mentally suffering. Like, those are the most vocal fans I have. Well, I think that if you can confidently kind of hold your vulnerability publicly, that means a lot to people who are sensitive and are either struggling with that sensitivity or their feelings of not being able to fit in or function. Yeah. Yeah, you're an oddball savior.

A little bit. And I'm, I'm happy about that. No, it's great. It's the best thing you can be really. Yeah. To be a genuine one of those.

Yeah. It feels good. It feels good. It feels like it's been both like, there's a part of me that is aware that it was part of what I signed up for. That's kept me kind of like underground. Whereas I think I could have like tried to go be a character actor coming out of UCB when I did and everything,

but I'm very proud of it. I'm like very proud to have landed where I've landed. It's a very interesting trajectory. So you're from what part of New Jersey? West Orange. My grandfather owned a hardware store in Butler. Really? No,

in Haskell. Butler's an odd town. That's an odd area. Well, that's the mountain people. Oh, big time area. Well, that's the mountain people. Oh, big time mountain people. Well, I worked at a magazine called Weird New Jersey. That's all about weird stuff in New Jersey.

Oh, really? Yeah, for years. Oh, set me straight. Best job I've ever had. My grandfather owned Jack's Appliances and Jack's Hardware right on the main street in Haskell. And the mythology, the family mythology was that he was the guy early on that was sort of you know schlepping washing machines and refrigerators up to the jackson whites oh you know about them the ramipow

the ramipow mountain people yeah isn't that close by that's this is i'm obsessed with this story yeah that's up in that area yeah like they didn't have electricity for a long time jackson whites is like they they look at that term as derogatory at this point yeah I think I got a little flack for that well let's yeah it's an outdated term they call themselves the Ramapo Mountain Indians but the term Jackson White's is like in local legend

how they're known but I've been obsessed with them since I was 15 or 16 years old there was a couple of them that were sort of like around in my mother's childhood yeah and they all there's like four or five last names that they all share i know everything if this could just become a conversation about the ramapo indians we could talk about this for two hours well i was sort of fascinated with

it because like like in that area it was important to me because i was born in in jersey city my father was from jersey city and my mother grew up in pompton Lakes and, you know, so my grandparents were there. So I spent a lot of time in Pompton Lakes and at my grandfather's store, you know, in Haskell because I go over there and hang out for the day

with the old men that hang out there. And that, and, you know, I'd heard about that whole thing later in life. Yeah. And I sort of become

fascinated with it but I didn't have any information about them. Well, do you know the whole, they all have the same, there's like four or five last names. Van Dunk, DeGroat, DeVries, Milligan, Mann. Most, like if you meet people from that area, those names, they generally, these people, they live up in the mountains, up in the Ramapo Mountains in a few towns, like Mahwah, Ringwood.

Ringwood is the one that was close to where your folks are from. Yeah. I would imagine they were interacting with the Ringwood. And then Hilburn, New York. And they say that they have a Native American background. The state of New Jersey won't certify that. But a lot of people say it's this racist thing where it's because all the Atlantic City casinos, they don't want them to have to compete

if these guys get casino rights. Well, the mythology I heard was that there were Native American people and there were- Runaway slaves. Runaway slaves and mercenaries, German, Dutch mercenaries. The Hessians. They're German mercenaries or Dutch? In the Revolutionary War, it was the German mercenaries, the Hessians. Okay.

We think my family, my last name, because I'm Irish, three quarters Irish, and then the other quarter we don't know. And there's a family rumor that we might be descended from Hessians because they all tried to stay in America after the war and changed their names. Your family's been in Jersey that long? My family, my mom's family came to Jersey in, I think my grandfather got here in 1928. My grandmother a few years later. Through Ellis Island? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, from Ireland. family came to jersey and my i think my grandfather got here in 1928 my grandmother through ellis island i think so yeah yeah from ireland and then my dad's family his mom is irish cunningham so i come from it's kelly burn cunningham so all super irish and then gethard that's the weird one and they've been in new jersey like the fleming New Jersey area. You can find graves going back like to the 1800s, 1700s.

But not 1600s. Not Dutch. No, but nobody knows. Nobody quite knows where it came from. It's like very mysterious. Nobody's ever been able to figure it out. And I don't know any gethards who aren't related to me. Like you can account for everyone.

All the gethards are accounted for? Like, yeah. And it was funny because when Facebook came out yeah like i started finding there were like all these other gethards from south jersey and like you know north jersey and south jersey they're almost like two different states yeah it's a real divide so i was like who the fuck are all these guys and it turned out there was a guy named brad gethard and i found his facebook profile and he was like almost the exact equivalent to where i was at in the comedy world but in the world of BMX biking.

And I looked him up and he was this like jacked dude who hung out at the shore all the time. There's like videos of him doing like backflips on bikes. And I'm like, who are these South Jersey gethards that are all athletic and tan when like I'm up here and I'm this like pale broken down physically like piece of shit. Like what's,

who are these guys? I've never spoken to any of these people but my dad was like oh yeah they were like my grandfather's cousins descendants like you can track them all but it was it was weird but he was it seemingly was like in the in the culture of the like alt comedy world the exact status i had is this like up and comer he was exactly that in the south jersey Jersey BMX world or even like the national. Why haven't you had him on your show? I thought about it.

I thought about getting him to come in and just like, like doing a whole episode about like the genetically superior gether that I discover. And let him do some tricks on the bike. Yeah. I wanted to like set up a half pipe and stuff, but I don't remember if I contacted him or not, but if he hears this,

I think he's more than welcome. Yeah. Maybe I'll just, I don't know. I contacted him or not, but if he hears this, he's more than welcome. I think he's more than welcome. Yeah, maybe I'll just... I don't know. I've always felt awkward. What do you mean? It seems like it's right in your wheelhouse. But it's like this phantom branch of my own family, and I have no idea why we lost contact, but there's a story.

That branch of my family, there are many secrets. Yeah, but that's like generations ago. They just settled down there. You know what I mean? Yeah, but maybe they... I don't know. I'm very anxiety driven in the mccoys or something there's like renegade gethards who are like we're the alpha gethards we're going to the beach i am i am a crazy enough person to paint that in my mind for sure i am definitely so let's get back to the ramapo indians yeah so what else do you know so are there they like because you know the idea was

that they were hill people bordering on sort of hill, hillbillies. And there's all, did you hear it? There's stories that like, you know, these are stories that I think are probably rooted again in like judgment or racism,

but there's all stories that there's like a lot of albinos in their culture and a lot of people who have some deformities because of inbreeding and stuff. Well, that goes with any, you know, sort of hill oriented community. Like no one, you know, it's like, that's just, it's racist, but it's less specific than that.

It's just like, you know, hill people in general of any type. Fear. Without ethnicity, it's sort of like, you know, do they ever come down? Well, it's because you say your grandfather went up there and that's like a big deal in that part of Jersey. Like the story was always like, do not go up there. Don't fuck with them. They don't't like it and I think there is still because I've researched them a lot and I always felt a little bad like working at

weird New Jersey we write about them a lot and there's certainly like we really researched it you didn't go up there I never went up there I never wanted to bother anybody yeah you know like I think these guys like you know a lot of teenage kids will like drive their cars up there and see what's going on. And, you know, you can just feel, like, really getting gawked at. When I was younger, I wanted to go up there, but it's so hard to find. I would go drive around with my friends in that area. But, I mean, it is really hard.

You have to drive to these mountaintops, dirt roads and stuff. But lots of stories of them, like, people going up there. Like, my old boss at Weird New Jersey, he had a story. One of the first things I read about them, before I ever worked at that magazine, I loved it, obsessed about it. And he wrote a story about how him and his buddy were driving up there in a van and they went down this dirt road, not looking for them. They didn't know anything about this area. They were just like, let's go drive around, see what we can find. And they drove down this dirt road in the middle of the woods on top of mountain where there were these shacks and all these people came out and

lined the streets and just stared at them. And then it was a dead end. So they had to turn around and drive back and they thought they were going to get killed. And they just had to get out of there because these people just came out and just stared at them with this vibe of like, you do not belong here. What are you doing here? But I, you'll like this. When I went to Rutgers, they have in their library, they have this room called the New Jersey room, which is just all this archived stuff about New Jersey. And I went in there and looked up anything I could find about them. And I found this. Somebody in the 50s wrote a dissertation.

She was an NYU student, if I remember right. NYU or Columbia, school in New York. She wrote a dissertation about them in the 50s. And this was like, things have really modernized. And there's all these stories that a lot of these homes don't have electricity and stuff like that. And this was in the 50s before, like at a certain point, I think the government made an effort to go up there and say like, hey, your kids have to go to schools. Right. And you have to integrate a little bit with us so we can provide services.

Yeah. But in the 50s, that hadn't started yet. And some of the stories in this dissertation were terrifying. Really? Yeah. I remember one where like this guy, she was just writing all these stories she'd heard about. She's basically archiving. I remember one where she wrote about how there was like a farmer in the area had stuff like, I think, chickens, if I remember right, got stolen.

And the sheriff, it was reported to the sheriff and he went up the mountain. And it was just him and a deputy. And they were looking for this guy. And they went up, they found this guy chopping wood outside of this like little house in the woods. And they went up to the guy and they were like, hey, we're looking for this one specific guy. And they said his name. Like, if you can tell us how to find him, we really need to talk to him. And he just stared them down and they were like look we're not we're not trying

to cause any trouble but we really need to talk to this guy like do you know who he is and the guy just walked away in silence went into the house came back with a gun pointed it at the cops in uniform cops and was like that's me so what do you want to what are we talking about and like i remember reading that one and being like that's chilling that's like exactly what you want to, what are we talking about? And like, I remember reading that one and being like, that's chilling. That's like exactly what you want. If you're a nerd enough to go to the New Jersey room of the library at Rutgers to look for stories, that's the story you're trying to find. That exact story.

There was. Yeah. So Weird New Jersey, like, cause now I'm fascinated. That was the best gig I ever had. Yeah. I got that job when I was 19. Yeah. And I still think like, if I got that job when i was 19 yeah and i still

think like if i got that job when i was 27 i never would have left yeah but i was like a driven i was like an angry young guy yeah and comedy came calling and i had to chase that but i think if i found that if i got that job when i was older i never would have left this is the best job i've i'll ever have this is the best my my memories of like other things that that stand out as mythic to me, my grandmother, my father's parents later in life, when they retired, they lived in this seemingly singular high-rise building at the end of the Asbury Park boardwalk before Asbury Park turned around. And my aunt, my father's sister, lives in Oakhurst,

out by the beach there. Yeah. So when we go out there, we go to like Deal Beach. Yeah. To swim and shit. And then there was always this sort of like, you know, Al Capone or the Mafia used to own these mansions down there. Is that true?

I've always heard that. Yeah. Oh. And then there's also- Now I'm looking for confirmation. I don't know if that's- You're the weird New Jersey guy. I know, but this was also, I mean, I quit that job in 2004.

I know, but how many fucking stories could there be? I mean, tons, tons. But now I think it's all like Persian Jews or something. I don't know what's happening. And there's Ocean Grove down there too. Do you know about Ocean Grove? No. Which is this like town, right?

I think it's called Ocean Grove. I'm almost certain I have that right. It's a town right next to Asbury Park. That's like just a super, super devoted Christian community. Oh, yeah. No drinking. Right. Yeah, yeah, I've heard of this.

They have these like big tent like revivals on the beach. Yeah. But you don't think about, that's what I love about New Jersey. It's like you could be up in the Ramapo Mountains looking for the mountain people getting a gun pointed at you. Yeah. And 40 minutes later, you could be at a tent revival on the beach, both of which feel like you're living in a different reality in totally different ways.

And they're right next to each other. I always was very fascinated with it because it is part of my genetics. Do you know about Clinton Road? Do you ever remember that from when you were a kid? No, I remember Willowbrook Mall. I remember we were all very excited when Paramus Park was built, that Paramus Mall. The scariest thing that ever happened to me with Weird New Jersey was right next to Willowbrook Mall. It was insane.

Really? Yeah, there's this town, Lincoln Park, which is, Willowbrook Mall's in Wayne. Yeah. Right on the border. I lived in Wayne for a couple years. You did? When I was a kid. Yeah.

So right, there's like the Paquanic River, the Passaic River, they all meet right in Wayne. Yeah. Lincoln Park's on the other side. like the Paquanic River, the Passaic River, they all meet right in Wayne. Yeah. Lincoln Park's on the other side. And we were getting letters at Weird New Jersey about this place called Buttonwoods. And we heard like it's this swamp area and there's these cars that someone has placed like vertically, like buried vertical, this ring of cars.

And we were like, oh, we'll go get a picture of that. Call it Car Hinge. It'll be the best. You know, like put that in the magazine he had a name for it carhenge and my parents had just moved to fairfield which is right near there as well and i was like i know where they're talking about like i've never i don't know it too well but i know exactly i'd driven around and there was like these swamps up along the river and there were like people living back there in these tiny little houses, like broken down houses. And I was like, I know it has to be that same area. So me and my boss went driving up there. I was driving. I was driving. I had a 1986 Chevy

Celebrity, like this old man car. And we go up, we're driving around there. And one of the hurricanes had just hit. I forget which one this was was this was in like early 2000s so yeah i think maybe floyd i forget but a lot of these houses were abandoned they had like all the wood and the red x's on them and um we're driving down this swamp like all these roads in the swamp seeing all these abandoned little houses like one story little tiny houses like real swamp people like you got the mountain people on the mountains these this was like river people yeah and one of the houses was still lived in and there's all this shit on the front lawn car engines all this stuff like create like big piles of wood drove past that one didn't think anything of it and then we were down near the river and all of a sudden it's like a dead end

street you know it's a dirt road that goes to the river it just ends at the river swamp on both sides and all of a sudden this pickup truck just rolls and blocks the road big pickup truck we were like what the fuck is this you know so i turn my car around and i'm just gonna drive around past this guy and then he straightens the truck out so he's facing us we go i go to go around him and the window just rolls down driver's side window and this hand this like massive hand just comes out and gives me like the Dikembe Mutombo like no

so I was like oh my god and I'm sitting with my boss and I didn't have the job that long it had been like less than a year so I was like

about to shit my pants but I was like I don't want to look scared in front of like the dude from weird New Jersey like he hired me he's never going to let me do anything

don't want to be judged by the guy from weird New Jersey yeah like yeah me. He's never going to let me do anything. Don't want to be judged by the guy from weird New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. So- Got to keep it together. There's two dudes in the truck. Yeah.

The driver's side is massive. I can't stress enough. This dude was huge. And I'll never forget, all his hair was white, but there was this lump on his head and all the hair growing out of that was black. i was like what is this and meanwhile there's this smaller guy skinny guy in the passenger seat and he had a hat on and he immediately like pulled it down and slumped down so we couldn't see him and it was like this these people have bad intentions yeah in a big way yeah so i pull up try to get around the truck but i mean it's swamp on both sides yeah so i can't get around it the truck is too big so i roll my window down like three or four inches and i'm like hey man what's up and the guy i'm not kidding he he he just starts yelling and he's going like you gotta come back and i cannot he's like marble mouth it

was like crazy he's like and i was like you gotta calm down man i can't make out what you're saying like you gotta chill out and he eventually slows down enough that he's like, you coming back here? I heard about it. Kid in a shit, redhead, kid glasses. You've been stealing. You're stealing from the house. You want to come steal from these fucking houses? I'm going to fuck you up.

And I was like, hey, man, I'm not stealing anything. We were just driving around. Like, we're yelling at each other. The skinny guy's saying nothing. My boss is, like, silent. I later found out he was, like, as scared. Like, the idea that I didn't want to be scared in front of him like he was he meanwhile he's like hired me and he's like oh i'm gonna get this 19 year old kid killed in the swamp right great yeah so this

guy's yelling at me he's like you're stealing shit i know i've heard you about you stealing shit i'm like that's some other guy man so eventually it starts to slow down and at one point out of nowhere he's like mentions the Jerry Springer show. For some reason, in this diatribe of this guy just screaming at me, he's like, isn't that on the Jerry Springer show? And I was like, you like the Jerry Springer show? He's like, yeah. I'm like, I like that show too, man.

He's like, you do? And I'm like, yeah. And I'll never forget. He's like, I love it, man. They get in the fights with Steve. And I'm like, yeah, Steve gets in there. He breaks up. Steve's the man, bro. Like, we both. And then he's like, I like they bring the KKK on. i love it man they get in the fights with steve steve and i'm like yeah steve gets in there he breaks up steve's the man bro like we both and then he's like i like they bring the kkk on i love it i'm like yeah of course yeah of course who doesn't love the fucking cake i'm

like i'm just saying anything to try to get this guy to like calm down like you and he start the tension starts to break yeah and then the skinny guy who's still like he's high up he's leaning down he leans over to the big guy and he whispers something in his ear and the big guy who's still like he's high up he's leaning down he leans over to the big guy and he whispers something in his ear and the big guy he just goes yeah and as soon as i heard that i was like what's going on man and the dude looks at me dead in the eye he goes i'm gonna have sex with you and i was like no man no you're not like no way and he goes i'm gonna give you twenty dollars and then i'm gonna have sex with you is like, so like the fact that money got involved, it was really weird.

And at that point I was just like- And that like you were such a low ball. I know, insulting, insulting. But at that point I was like, fuck this. And I just drove into the swamp. I was like, cause immediately in my head, I'm like, oh, those, like he rapes people. He throws their bodies in the river.

And then he picks up their cars and just, he's huge. He just puts their, that's what the cars are. It's like his trophies. So I just, I was like, I don't know how deep this swamp is. I don't know what's going to happen, but I just drove into it. Just like enough to get around the guy. My wheels started spinning out, got around him, managed to get back on the road. Thank God.

And then they started chasing us through all these dirt roads. We got out to the main road. And when we got to like the border of this neighborhood, Two Bridges Road is like the main road there. We got to Two Bridges Road, which if anybody listening to this is hearing it, the idea that Two Bridges Road is the main road, it's in the middle of nowhere. They stopped. It was like a force field. Like they didn't They stopped. It was like a force field. Like they didn't leave their little neighborhood. So we got back to the office. My boss was like, write all of that right now.

Just write down what happened. We published it and like people loved it. It was one of the, probably one of the most popular articles I ever wrote for them. We started getting all these letters. People like one lady was like, I used to live down there. And it was like, kind of cracked out, but I loved it. I was near the water. She was like, but I had live down there and it was like, like kind of cracked out, but I loved it. I was near the water.

Right. She was like, but I had to move because those two guys would harass me and they killed my dog. Those two guys. Turned out they were brothers. You can't forget the guy with the growth on his head. Dude, we got a letter from a cop who was like, I had to arrest the big guy once. He was like, we used to get calls about those brothers all the time.

Had to arrest him, put handcuffs on him. He was so strong. The cop was like, I'm not time. Had to arrest him, put handcuffs on him. He's like, he was so strong. The cop was like, I'm not bullshitting you. He broke the handcuffs. Like he was that big and strong. Started getting letters. Another kid wrote us was like, he chased me once too. I was driving around back there.

They chased me, but they didn't stop. And I had to go the wrong way on the highway, like route 80, like the highway. Like it goes from the George Washington Bridge to California. He's like, I had to ride the wrong way down the highway. That's the only thing that got them to stop. But my favorite part was like about a year went by, two years, stopped hearing so much about it.

And then we got a letter out of the blue from another cop. And he's like, I just want you to know like this guy, we called him the beast of Buttonwoods in the neighborhood. Great. You know, we were always good. We were always good about giving it flashy names. And this cop was in the neighborhood. Great, you know, we were always good about giving it flashy names. And this cop was like, I just want you to know, like I knew him, his name was Schultzy.

That's what we called him. And like, we had to deal with him a lot. He was a troubled guy, but he had big heart. And I just want to let you know, like he passed away, he had a heart attack. So I wanted you to have closure of the story. But he's like, I also wanted to let you know, like he was legitimately a really big fan

of Weird New Jersey. And he used to love reading know like he was legitimately a really big fan of weird new jersey and he used to love reading about himself he got such a kick out of it so like the guy with the thing on his head yeah the guy who like threatened to rape me was like reading my article about it when it came out a few months later and like laughing apparently was like laughing his ass off that he scared me that bad but yeah that was that was that was the scariest and i got held at gunpoint that was the other thing once we were in the we used to go to like abandoned buildings and we went all the way up route 23 like sussex county there was this like home for abandoned boys yeah in the basement

heard footsteps above us which is like the nightmare when you're in an abandoned building and you just hear the door open and footsteps this guy came down with a shotgun this hunter and he was like what are you doing here and he pointed it right at me and my boss that time was very smartly like hey what's the deal and he's like you're trespassing my boss was like do you own this property he's like no and he's like well first of all you're trespassing too and secondly like however much trouble we're gonna get in for trespassing you're gonna get in a lot more for pointing a fucking gun at us yeah so maybe we just all call it a day and go our separate ways. Those were the two scariest things from my weird New Jersey days by far.

It was never, because it was all ghost stories and stuff. And people always ask me, like, what's the scariest thing? And it's like, oh, it was never the ghosts. It was always the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always the people. Well, yeah. I mean, like, I knew that was another thing.

When we drive into New York, we drive past Secaucus before they built the Meadowlands. And it stunk. And my grandmother would just. All I knew about that was like, this was all pig farms once. Yeah. Was it? Yeah. It was all pig farms.

And then, do you know there's a part of the Meadowlands that is so contaminated that it's like permanently on fire. It's just like a flaming wasteland. When I started at UCB, I was still at Rutgers as a kid. My dad went to Rutgers, by the way. Oh, nice. Yeah. I hated it.

It almost broke me mentally. It was like really bad for me. Why? Just because it was college? Well, I think I was like always a depressed kid and still deal with it. I'm on medication and everything. And I think a lot of everything I've read was like always, always a depressed kid and still deal with, I'm on medication and everything. And I think a lot of, everything I've read is like, that's the age when if you're going

to break, you break is when you're like college age. Yeah. 19, 20. And I went there and it's just a state school and like 40,000 students. Like I should have picked, I would have thrived. Like now that I'm old enough and I've done college gigs and standup, like I go to, I did a show at like Wesleyan. Yeah. Or like.

Right. And you're like, why didn't I come? I just did one at, um, uh, up, up, out in Ohio, Worcester. And I was like these like little artsy havens full of artsy kids. Like, why didn't I go to school like this? Worcester College is in Ohio? Yeah. The College of Worcester.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Out in Ohio. And like, why didn't I find some small school? I would have been the king of some little artsy school. And instead, I'm at the state school. Yeah. Like. Being the whipping boy.

Yeah. Just being like the nerdy guy at Rutgers. Like every blue collar Joe. Well. Yeah. I would take the train back and forth to the city to go to UCV. And I remember taking a train back once, which then those trains, they go right through the Meadowlands. And being on a train where both sides of it, the Meadowlands were just on fire. And it was like, oh, this is like, I literally live in hell. Like, this is how

New Jersey ends. This is how it all ends. Like to get back to Rutgers where I'm more depressed than I've ever been in my life. I literally have to take a train through flames. It's like so representative of how I felt about my life at the time. Well, how many siblings you got? I have one older brother, two and a half years older. And is he like you or is he? He's like me, but even nerdier and weirder. Like he's also funnier than me. And he does some comedy. He lives in Philly. Such a funny guy. I think I'm a little more disciplined. We both agree.

I think I'm a little more like organized and disciplined and that's why I went for it. But he is like really creative. But he's also like nerdier than I am. I don't know how much you know about West Orange, New Jersey, but like when I grew up it was like a pretty, it's like very divided. There's up the hill, down the hill. Up the hill is a good part of town. We were down the hill, which has always been like a little rougher.

My parents both grew up on the same street as my dad. And right around the corner from my aunt and my other aunt, my grandparents, very family. That's why Jersey worked. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was like very. What did your dad do? My dad worked in pharmaceuticals, which is one of the big industries in New Jersey.

And he like started, he's like started, he was just like a hustler. He's like a really, really smart guy. And he really started just being like a dude who like worked at the, he worked at a place called Graver Forever. And that was like, he's just working hard. And then he switched to Pfizer and he started he started pretty you know just worked his way no no no more like uh like organizing um eventually his job by the time he ended was he was like working at different pharmaceutical plants to make sure that they were all up to code with the

like fda and the epa right but he started off it's funny because like his big thing if i remember right was they made visine and he like he charge of the Visine production and was like, hey, if we switch this and this, we can save millions of dollars. So he became really on the fast track there. But the funniest part about him working at Pfizer was they would give all their employees stock options. And then when Pfizer put out Viagra, all of a sudden, my family had some money for the first time

because everybody just cashed in. But my last name spells the words get hard. Yeah. And my dad's name is Ken. His name spells Ken get hard. And we made all this money off Viagra, which was like, but it was cool because like forklift operators who'd worked at these factories for 40 years just cashed in. Oh, they did right away.

Viagra millionaire. Oh, everybody quit. Everybody quit. My dad kept working, but it was just this super cool thing to see like did he sell out a little though at least did he it was like it's funny because it was like all of a sudden we had some money and he was really i mean never flashy but it was like there would be just certain aspects of life where it was like oh like it was weird because it wasn't like i felt like oh all of a sudden we have money it was more that i realized oh like i didn't realize things were bad right until they weren't right and my parents did such a good job

of sheltering us from that right well you got what like uh like better yogurt and like you know uh oh yeah go ahead and buy those shoes or what? Like the big one for me was my parents kept me out of debt, which was nice. So I went to state school. My brother went to a private school and they were like, we'll give you as much money as we gave your brother. Like that's the fair deal. And like I had some scholarships because I was a smart kid, but it was like, oh, like

my brother had student loans and I didn't. I never had student loans because i went to a state school and they were just going to match and i don't know how much that was but i was like oh they were both they were able to be very generous with my brother and i for college right before viagra i don't think that would have been the case it would have been loans no matter what things like that you know where it was just like the infrastructure of life was taken care of break your life up your life up before and after Viagra. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. And they moved. That's when they moved from West Orange to Fairfield. And all of a sudden, we had a house that had a pool in the backyard. You know what I mean? Not in a flashy way, but it was just like- Just the next step up. Now I can feel.

We used to be lower middle class, and now we're upper middle class. It's good for my dad. Like he worked hard. My dad worked. My dad was like such a workaholic. Worked so hard. He deserves it. When did you find the depression?

I mean, like, because like it sounds like it was a real thing. Oh, yeah. Up until the past few years, it's been like really like definitely the hardest. And you weren't medicated for years? No, I hit it because the jersey thing everybody wants to be tough you know really you think it's a jersey thing or i think it was a part of it and i also think i mean like i'm irish catholic right you don't like you know everybody just drinks like everything you know you were boozing i was in college i quit drinking before

i i left college because it got so bad. I started feeling really- Oh, you must have been sad drunk. Oh, it was so bad. It was so bad. I got sad just picturing it. Oh, it was bad. Someone just- I've had a couple of college friends send me pictures of me when I'm drunk.

Like, you know, like friends will find old pictures and send them to you. And like somewhere I'm just like cross-eyed drunk and it makes me so sad. There's a few pictures of me on the y2k i was in college during the y2k new years yeah and that like there's pictures of me like standing in a sink just pouring a bottle of champagne all over myself just like cross-eyed and it's so sad and this like filthy fucking house that my friends lived in at ruckers yeah just sad. I was like, probably like 13 or 14 was when I was like, something's wrong. Like something's wrong with me. And I didn't see a shrink for the first time until I was 22. Really?

Yeah. So you just sucked it up and dealt with the darkness? Yeah. What was it, bleak? Was it like suicidal? Was it like nothing was good? It hit a point where it was suicidal. That's when I finally, when I was 22, that's when I crashed a car.

And that was like, that was the worst it ever got. And then about six months after that, I finally, I call, I have this ex-girlfriend who I- You weren't drunk? You just- No, I just basically like, I was driving for Weird New Jersey. I was like, our factory was, our warehouse rather, rather was in Patterson where we stored all our magazines. Patterson, we used to go get fish there. Oh, I thought you were going to say drugs.

No, my grandmother, there was a place right outside of Patterson, I think called P-Tax. It was a Jewish kind of smoked fish. All the Jews had their places. Yeah. And one of those was in Patterson. And I think my aunt lived in Patterson briefly with her husband. Yeah, another tough town. Your whole family, your family lived in the tough towns, man.

Jersey City, Patterson, Elizabeth. But in the 60s? Those were tough areas. But not like, I mean, they were tough. Yeah, all right. Your family had some grit. Oh, good. Family had some fight.

But yeah, I was driving. I had to go pick up some magazines and i was driving in patterson and i was driving back i was actually in clifton and uh i was behind this truck and he put his blinker on and i went to go around him and he turned the blinker off and i was just like fuck it and just like crashed and it was bad it was bad um it was like really scary and then i wound up on the front lawn of this house and the guy was telling me to get out of the car but i was in total shock and uh he was like i'm gonna fuck you up and then these housewives were all like i heard i'll never forget hearing like all

these housewives were like is he dead what's going on yeah they all sounded like carmela soprano like yeah they all these people just and i was in total shock and the guy was like, get the fuck out of the car. And I was like, I can't, man. The doors caved in. And it was making him mad that I was so calm, but I don't think he realized I was in shock.

Yeah. And he was like in this rage and he was coming around the car and then the dude whose house it was came out and got in between him and the car and was like, you need to chill out.

He's just a kid, man. And then the guy just, he got in his truck, he left. And then I'll never forget the worst part is i the guy helped me out of the car and i was like he's like you all right and i was like thanks man you saved me and he just looked right at me and he was like it's all right man i wasn't gonna let some nigger beat up a white kid and i was just like this day could not be worse this day could not everything about my life is fucked like everything i was just saved

by this i owe this guy i owe this racist this like stereotype of a north jersey racist my life great that was the worst that was like the worst it got for me that was that was your bottom big time rock bottom and then i i still i wouldn't go see a shrink i wouldn't do it i felt like it was like weak i felt like i wasn't supposed to do it. And then about six months after that, I just had like, I would have these like attacks, like breakdowns.

And I would always call, I had this ex-girlfriend who I would call unfairly because she like, she had basically seen it. We dated for three years. So she'd come over my house sometimes and I'd just be a wreck

where I couldn't leave the fucking house. And so I'd call her because that was convenient for me because it was like, oh, then no one else has to know right she was like i called her at like two in the morning crying and i was like i'm all fucked up and she was like hey you're you got to go home and wake up your mom right now because i'm calling i'm gonna call her in the morning and tell her how fucked up you are so you're not drinking you're just fucked up your brain's just just. Just my brain was not cooperating.

Yeah. It was not good. Uh-huh. And then, yeah, got on medication for the first time in 2002. And when did you start doing stand-up or the show? I mean, you spent all this time going to punk shows and being a depressed kid and being sad in college. Yeah. And having run-ins with swamp people.

Yeah. Big time. It's a weird life. I had a weird life. It was a weird childhood when I, it's like funny. Cause I like, I'm older now and I think about it sometimes and I'm like,

Oh, I'm like melodramatic. But then I tell these stories and I'm like, Oh yeah, no. Like it was kind of a strange way to live, but I started doing UCB right after it was, I think it was the same week as my 20th birthday.

So before you got on medicine, just after Strange Weird New Jersey? Before I was sober, yeah, during Weird New Jersey. I started Weird New Jersey when I was 19. Yeah. Maybe a month later, I started UCB. And those were the two things that got me through. Those were the two things that saved my life. Engaging.

Yeah. And like making, like Weird New Jersey was amazing because it was like, first of all, it was like this bizarre thing that fit my life. Engaging. Yeah. And like making, like Weird New Jersey was amazing because it was like, first of all, it was like this bizarre thing that fit my personality, but also it was just two guys made it and it was this massive success. And I was around these guys where it was like,

oh, they're doing their own thing and making it work. Yeah. And to me, it was really only bands that I thought could do that. Right. And then all of a sudden it was like,

oh, you can make a magazine specifically about ghosts in New Jersey and that can be your job yeah yeah and then ucb was like creatively yeah starting there in 2000 it was like oh this place feels like i'm allowed to be who i've always wanted to be yeah and you had like-minded people there yeah and also that was before ucb became like as successful as it was. So it was everybody, I think there at that time, it was just like, oh, they're doing it because they have nothing else to do or because this is worth doing for them for some, in the same way for me, where it was like, this just feels like a thing I need to be doing. Didn't feel like nobody had commercial agents even at that point. It was like, I remember when, when Andy D daly got mad tv they like shut down the theater and threw a party yeah yeah yeah it's like someone got a job but yeah but you getting into ucb when it was had gotten its own place i mean that was really the beginning of that you know of the culture of ucb right big time i was there pretty early yeah and it still felt like i missed the

golden age everybody i feel i always feel like no matter when you start at ucb you feel like 18 months ago was when it you always feel like it was 18 months prior that it was at its best i don't know no matter when you start i guess that's true everybody romanticizes it yeah but it but that looks at that that means you look at it as a singular time where actually it was like this relatively inconsistent week-to-week thing oh yeah that's the thing people romanticize it but it's also like half the shows at ucb back then yeah we're terrible or just insane yeah and there'd be six people right just watching complete yeah yeah nonsense drunken madness and i loved it yeah to be 20 years old and depressed and like going to ruckers going to state school because i was like too scared to say

to my dad i want to be an actor i want to be an artist yeah and then to find ucb where it was like oh i can show up and like just watch a show at midnight where it's like rob riggle yeah pretending like rob riggle i remember once seeing a show it was like rob riggle had a baby doll yeah and he put fake cocaine on it and snorted cocaine off a baby doll and then pretended to fuck it and to be like 20 years old and feel like you didn't have a place and then just like show up there and be like oh my god like these are like grown-ups these are like grown-ups behaving in a way that i've always dreamed of you're allowed to do this i'm allowed to be a part of this yeah and that's what i loved about it the most was it was like it didn't matter that i was 20 years old when people realized that I was hardworking and I was funny,

it was like all bets are off, just hang out. But then, of course, that also meant that I was 19, 20 years old where there was a city that paid no attention to drinking laws and I was just like getting shit faced at McManus. I don't know if you ever hung out at McManus. That was like the UCB bar back in the day. Just like so many of the best and worst nights of my life spent in that bar. Face down.

Yeah. Face down on the McManus men's room floor, which if you know that bar, you don't ever want to be face down on that floor. So you were that guy. Embarrassing myself. Yeah. So you're doing UCB. Now what? And you get sober, but you don't do the thing.

You just quit. Yeah. Yeah. I never did the program. Yeah. Just cold turkey. I tried to quit a couple times yeah and then i think the last the last time i drank was if you know owen burke um who works at uh funny or die uh-huh and he i think the last time i drank he came to ruckers i took this i used to just take joke classes that was, they had like an agriculture school. And I found out that you didn't have to be an agriculture major. And I took this class

where I basically just raised a goat. I just hung out with a goat. And then at the end of the semester, they had like a 4-H show. And like, you just like competed with the other goats. And I went and took that class. it was like two credits or something just that whole semester was the bet I just was my parents were like just don't drop out just get a degree yeah so I took that class I took modern dance I did an independent study about comic books just anything I could to just not take real classes those sound really good it was fun and Owen came Owen thought the goat thing was funny so he came and he filmed me with the goat a bunch then he the night before the goat show we drank 40s he came and he filmed me with the goat a bunch. Then the night before the goat show, we drank 40s.

If I remember right, the last time I drank was I drank a 40 with Owen Burke. Then I woke up the next morning and entered a competitive goat show. What happened to the goat? I don't know. I walked away. You just walked away from the goat? I've never seen it. I told myself I'd go back to the barn and touch base with the goat, and I never did.

The goat's got to be dead by now. Probably. Yeah. So when did the public access show come into reality? Well, basically, I'd been doing UCB for years, and mostly the improv stuff. And then I started to do – I had a very slow transition to stand-up

where I was doing more storytelling stuff, which is kind of like stand up, but safe. You know what I mean? It's kind of like stand up, but where, since it's a story. The expectations are different. Yes. It's basically a lot of storytelling shows. I love a lot of storytelling shows. And then a lot of them are basically, if you don't have enough punchlines, you just call it storytelling.

And that was a safe way to transition. And then started doing some more like kind of performance arty things and those were getting me pressed the i did like a show where i took everybody on a bus and took them like all my stories would be in jersey and then i started developing this little cult for the first time all these nyu kids and they were like we want to see where your stories take place in jersey so we rented a bus and i did the storytelling show where i tell the stories in the locations where they happened so we went to ruckers we went to west orange and that was like the first thing where people started to hear my name of like who's this fucking kid

that yeah boss right that was the first time where it wasn't just like at ucb i was right where the comedy world in general was like right so i had that reputation for doing this weirder stuff and this very personal stuff and then i got cast as the lead in a sitcom out of nowhere. It's this like miracle situation where John Heder, who played Napoleon Dynamite, dropped out last minute. And they were just like casting to replace this guy at this sitcom that was going to shoot in New York. And they only auditioned like 10 people. And they called back me and Matt Bronger and I got it.

Yeah. And it was like, and then a week later we were shooting. So different. It was, I know, it was like so weird, but it's kind of indicative

of how much of a scramble the situation was. Right. And it was like, they were writing the episodes while we shot them. We filmed two episodes a week. 10 episodes what was it called it's called big lake yeah comedy central and it was one of these situations where

it was like they're gonna film 10 and then if they pick it up they're gonna pick up 90 right right to syndication uh-huh my agents told me if it gets picked up you're gonna make over two million dollars yeah it gets picked up and i was like well this is the dream this is like you know for years i'd been at ucb at that point for so many years and it was always kind of like you're next you're gonna be the next guy yeah and then I never was mm-hmm and it was like my friends like Bobby Moynihan one of my best friends Zach Woods one of my best friends and I like that gigs that's the best you're gonna be the next guy and then my students I teach in classes that my students start getting gigs and

it's like uh all right and, but then I get this sitcom out of nowhere and that's kind of like, that's like the fantasy. That's like the romantic fantasy. And you'd worked for it. Yeah. I'd put in many,

at that point it had been 10 years at UCB. Yeah. And it was like this dream, but then you get there and it wound up not doing well. It bombed. It bombed hard

and that happens. And I've talked about this a bunch to the point where I think it's like, become like part of the legend. Yeah. Of me. But I want to be clear. It's like I loved it.

I loved the opportunity. If I knew it was going to bomb, I'd still take the opportunity. I'm like so grateful I got to do it. I learned so much. But after it bombed, it was really hard because it was like a lot of the press surrounding the show was like, who's this guy that came out of nowhere? Yeah. And then it became it's his fault. Exactly. Right.

Exactly. And then a lot of it was like, this guy can't carry a show and that's why it's failing. And I learned so much in that experience of like, well, I'm sure that might be true for some people. But in reality, there's a whole infrastructure. Like it's, it doesn't make so much sense to film two episodes in a week when they're also being written that week. No, it's hard. I mean, that's the schedule on my show. It's nuts.

Yeah. So I was like feeling kind of burned. And that really like, I'd been doing the Chris Gethard show at UCB the whole time. The talk show. Yeah, that started like November 2009. And I got the sitcom like a few months into 2010. And then we were just doing it once a month at ucb and i loved it and i was like this is me and then the sitcom bombed and i kind of had this choice where it was like

well now i'm kind of in the pipeline kind of in the club where i've been on a sitcom where even if it doesn't go well that i can go audition for more and do that but i just kind of felt like audition for more and do that but i just kind of felt like like it was very weird because it was like when it when i got it it didn't wind up solving my problems yeah i was still very depressed and very angry right and when it bombed i didn't it didn't hurt as much as i thought it was going to right and that just kind of showed me like i don't need to do it i'm chasing status i'm chasing ego and it's not i don't watch sitcoms i don't like sitcoms so why am i chasing them so hard what i really love is like renting buses and doing this gethard show thing that's just all these weird ideas basically i'd started doing the gethard

show the the i've been doing this storytelling show and i i was getting burnt out on it but it was still popular and the ad at ucB at the time, I was like, I'd like to do something different and carry the momentum. I've always wanted to host a talk show. And he like changed my whole career. He was like, I'll let you do a talk show. But he's like, everybody who does a stage talk show at a comedy club in New York, it's just,

they wear a suit and they follow the format. Right. And that's not you. So he's like, I'll give you the talk show slot, but just make it the place where you do all your weirdo shit. Yeah. And that was the start of it. And then after the sitcom bombed, I's like, I'll give you the talk show slot, but just make it the place where you do all your weirdo shit. Yeah. And that was the start of it. And then after the sitcom bombed, I was like, I don't love.

I just took it on the chin for this thing that I don't love, a sitcom job. I don't love sitcoms. I don't love them. Yeah. I love the other stuff I'm doing, but I'll never make money doing it. Right. But I think the punk rock side of me kicked in. And also there's definitely a fearful side of me kicked in and also there's

definitely a fearful side of me that was like that was so scary um and right then i met this guy i taught this kid in a class years prior and i ran into him at a bar at the same bar mcmanus i wasn't drinking anymore but i would hang out there because all my friends were there and he was like you know i work at the public access station in new york and i was like i had no idea and he's like your show would be kind of a perfect public access show. And I grew up, I loved a lot of like local TV, small scale TV. I was just like, man, this is like kind of the only opportunity I'll have to do my show as a TV show. And then he was telling me about it.

And he's like, we have a three camera studio. You can do it live. You can take calls. He's like, we stream the whole thing on the internet. And that's like, we have a three camera studio. You can do it live. You can take calls. He's like, we stream the whole thing on the internet. And that was the one where the red flag went up, where I was like, so you don't even need to just live in New York. He's like, no, people can watch. No one, he's like, no one knows this.

You can watch our shows anywhere. You just watch on the internet. We stream them off. And I was like, well, how much does it cost? And he's like, it's free, man. And I was like, you're telling me I could sign up and just for free, just have a TV studio with all those capabilities. And he's like, you're telling me I could sign up and just for free, just have a TV studio with all those capabilities? And he's like, yeah.

So I went and I filled out the paperwork. And it was like a very insane four years of my life. But public access, it saved my life. It's where I met my wife. She like came on. I had had a band at the UCB version of the show, but their singer got a job in Canada. So he left. We switched to public access.

They were all friends with her through the punk rock scene. And I had been a fan of hers, her albums. Who was she? She was the lead singer of this band called the Unlovables. It was like pretty big in the local New York punk scene. And I was like, she's like,

I thought I always thought I was like, that's the coolest girl in the world is Hallie Unlovable. That's, you know, punk rock. Everybody has a nickname and she's Hallie Unlovable like she writes these great songs like super catchy punk songs that I love she's this like beautiful tall redheaded woman and she had just she was also she was a punk rocker but then she also had this like kind of secret life the punk kids didn't know

about where she was on Broadway she was in Rent yeah and she was in um she wound up being in these shows de la guarda and fuerza bruta yeah she's like crazy aerialist shows where she'd hang from a fucking harness and swing around from the ceiling and stuff and she broke her back doing that show so before you met her before i met her yeah so her whole career just in a day ended she ruptured a disc and herniated a disc because she's doing this crazy show. This is like Daredevil show basically. And she was like on the shelf and I think feeling really stressed out. And then the boys in our band were like,

hey, do you want to come sing as part of this public access show? And I think she was like, she always says that she was like, oh my God, this like, I have to write new songs every week. And it's this thing that will like fuel creativity in this time where it's been taken away from me.

So she joined up and I got my wife out of it. So I always joke. Cause it's like, like if it was like, I had a bomb sitcom and she had a broken back and that's what led to us meeting on a public access TV show. It's like, it's like a weird a very weird love story and you did it weekly we did it weekly every wednesday night for four years and just lost money yeah i

just put money into it but i loved it and then kids started finding it and it was so cool like the initial month or two it was really bad the ucb we had this like cult following at ucb they abandoned us nobody came along nobody liked the new version of it all the calls we got were just prank calls yeah guys watching on public access in new york who'd call up and just be like fuck you pussy and then hang up the phone yeah and then two things started happening like one we'd have bands on the show and it was like this full circle moment in my life where the punk rock bands we didn't have an audience and we felt horrible about how the show was going and then bands would come in and they were like this is fucking cool and i was like oh people i think

are cool are telling me this thing is cool i'm gonna keep it going yeah and then i'll never forget like the first time we got a call from jersey and i was like so you're watching on the internet you're not just watching on new york public access then the first time we got a call from like kansas and i was like okay you're not just like northeast where i'm like a little bit known like and then our first call from canada and we started getting calls from sweden and brazil and like honolulu and like all these places where it was like oh my god like i can actually track this thing spreading and i'll never forget like it was so small i missed like i missed the days when it was small and I

always I like constantly am fighting to try to keep it feeling small like a community because like I remember the first time someone posted about the show on the internet it was this girl Caroline Anderson who uh put up a post on a special thing and she was just like hey there's this show happening in New York and it's cool it's like a a public access show, but it's weird, but it's funny. And then the next week I just took a white t-shirt and I wrote Caroline E. Anderson is the shit as like a shout out to her because I was like someone wrote about it on the internet. And she saw that and thought it was cool. And it was just like I just got to know the people watching the show one by one

as they found it. And I still try to do that, even though it's gotten bigger. I still just try to make it feel like a community because I had been through this thing that it was like, I thought I was finally successful. I thought I was finally going to bust out and then I didn't. And I wound up doing a public access TV show,

which is like beautiful, but kind of humiliating. I'm a year out. I'm less than a year out from being a star of a sitcom and I'm hosting a public access show that's definitely I got to imagine the only time that's ever happened yeah yeah and then but then people started finding it and it built this cult and uh they kept me going the cult kept me going it's like people always say like they thank me for the show and they're like it's this special thing to them and they don't realize it's like very hard for me to explain to people like oh

you guys have no idea that you saved my life like people tell me the show is a thing they find when they need it and a lot of people say like oh i was like i lost my job and i was home all day and that's when i found your show like a lot of stories like that and you know and then you built this cast of characters and then and it became a community yeah and and people got to know them and your interaction with the um uh with the uh you know with the audience and with the people on the show so it all became very organic and you had complete freedom yeah total freedom but you lost a lot of money just because uh uh i added it up once they when it started to gain momentum, New York Magazine wrote this article,

which was huge for us. And they called me the Carson of cable access. And it was like, oh, that's huge. That's like such a help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the guy asked me, he was like, so like, you know, we're buying props. We're buying tapes to tape the show.

Those are not cheap. We're buying all this stuff and he asked i think it'd been like a couple years in and he was like can you like add up all the money you've spent yeah and i went through and added it up and it was like in two years i had spent ten thousand dollars on this show that's nothing but it had no hope of making money it had no hope of making any money yeah and i'm like oh i't, it's not huge in the entertainment sense. But when you are a guy who is largely just doing, like teaching improv classes and trying to get commercial work, I don't, I didn't have $10,000. Right.

I didn't have $10,000 to put towards anything. But you didn't think about getting sponsors or anything like that? Not allowed. Public access. Oh. We weren't, that was the thing. Our show started catching all this momentum and had this huge cult fan base and was getting all these articles written about it and some people did reach out and they were like we'd love to sponsor the show and it's like i'm not allowed

it's one of the only things you can be you can curse yeah you can have nudity can't have a sponsor we couldn't even say when we'd have bands on we couldn't even say go to itunes and buy their album yeah public access is one of the only rules they're very very pure they have a lot of integrity about that i mean new york public access there's still so many insane shows yeah i could tell you about a lot of them yeah but there's also a lot of people where you meet it and it's like you meet these people and it's like oh these people are working hard because they have something they want to say yeah and this is actually providing them a forum to say it where they're not yeah they're not people who would ever be able to get this message out.

And I actually grew to really immensely respect it. And I think it's like an undervalued thing and the cable companies are trying to kill it. And I really think if you live in an area that has a public access station, you should fight to keep it alive. Cause it's no joke. It is no joke. You can be,

there's a dude, there was a dude I was told about named king cuba who had a show on new york public access and he used to do it live and during one of his taping he was a high ranking member of the latin kings no joke an admitted member of the latin kings in new york that's a big deal that's a real thing in new york the latin kings and he did his show there and during one of his tapings is a gang yeah it's a gang that's one of like it's the crips the bloods the latin kings those are the three everybody knows you know yeah and during one of his tapings. Is it a gang? Yeah, it's a gang. It's one of like, it's the Crips, the Bloods, the Latin Kings. Those are the three everybody knows, you know?

And during one of his tapings, the fire alarm went off. And he apparently flipped out. This is all, if King Cuba hears this, please, please take it easy on me. I'm just telling you what I heard. Don't shoot the messenger. But he apparently was like, you guys are trying to shut me down. Someone pulled that fire alarm because they didn't want me to say the shit I want to say. And they were like, that's not what happened.

Like there was a fire, man. And he threatened to kill. He was like, I'll fucking kill you. He like threatened to kill someone. And they were like, here's what's beautiful about public access is they didn't say, they didn't kick him out. They said, you can't tape your show

in our facility anymore. People are scared. You threaten violence, but you live in Manhattan. You can have a show show so now he pre-tapes a show and every week he shows up and he has to call from outside and a security guard comes out and takes a tape from him and they still fucking air it and i started in 2011 he'd been doing it for nine years he's been doing this since 2002 for 14 years they let this guy who threatened to kill them yeah have a show and to me that's like a funny story but

what other platform in the world would be like hey you can threaten to kill us and we'll still put your tv show on the air because this is a community maybe you're underestimating the the power of the threat yeah but i, they could have called the cops. Right, right. They could have called the cops. Whatever, there's a show that followed ours for years

was called Sub-Zero TV. Yeah. It's literally just dancing naked women and like, I mean like spreading their ass cheeks and just pointing their assholes

into the camera. And then every once in a while this dude would just lean into frame with a bunch of money and smile and shake the money and then lean out of the frame. That was the whole show.

And they just put it on for years. Just nudity and a guy grinning. And that's the whole show. Gotta love it, right? Yeah. They actually have a policy at New York at the Manhattan Neighborhood Network. They don't watch the shows. Once they give them a thumbs up, they don't watch the shows

because they say then they would have temptation to censor it. Right. They'd have the temptation. Like if it offended the sensibilities of people who work there, they might want to pull it. And that censorship is so against their mandate that they actually, as a policy, do not watch the shows. Interesting.

So if they get complaints from the community, they'll look into it. Otherwise, they don't even watch. Were you sad to leave? Well, no. There were many points where i thought about hanging it up and where it was a little embarrassing to be the public access guy well now what has changed since you're on fusion i can you still do it live we we have kind of the best of both worlds we stream it live we stream our tapings live on the internet so we can take calls right and now we can use skype because we have the money to like build the technology into it and then what we do is

we take the tapings we edit them we add in pre-taped stuff right add in stuff that's like highly more highly produced then we put that out on the network and then that out on youtube what's the podcast i'm doing this podcast um called beautiful stories from anonymous people i do it with earwolf. Yeah. And I basically just take a phone call. Last year when we were doing the half hour version of the Gethard show on Fusion, I really missed being able to just have long phone calls. Our show on public access, nobody cared. If I wanted to talk to somebody for 10 full minutes, I could.

And Earwolf, for years, I'd been friends with Jeff Ulrich. Yeah. And we'd been trying to figure something out. And then so I just take a phone call anonymously. They don't say their name. And I can't hang up for an hour. It can go up to an hour. They can hang up if they want.

I can't. And I thought it would just be like a nice laid back, like slice of life conversation with just some regular person. And it's been going really well. And then I was like, oh, I'll just ease into this and see if this podcasting thing is for me. And then they featured it on This American Life. And it's like exploded in my face. And it's become this scary thing where I'm like, oh, people.

Yeah, yeah. Like each episode is getting like way more than it should. And I'm scared of that. And I was hoping I'd just have some time to figure it out. But now I'm just in the shit. But I love it. It's really fun. It's very satisfying.

There was this thing in New York called the Apology Line years ago. Oh, that sounds awesome. And there was a... The guy who did it, I think, passed away, but there was a magazine in conjunction with it with transcripts of these anonymous apologies. Yes.

I used to have them, like three or four of those issues, and some of the tapes. So cool. It's pretty heavy. It was heavy. Yeah, this gets heavy too. When you tell people they heavy. You know, like it was heavy. Yeah. This gets heavy too.

When you tell people they can be anonymous, they'll tell you anything. Yeah. It's yeah. I got to check it out. And it was a pleasure. Thank you. It was my pleasure.

I loved it. And you've not had a great time. There's so many things to be insecure. No, there really isn't. You're doing well. And you know, you're,

you're showing up for what you do and it's a, it's a beautiful thing. And your story's great. And you've persevered, Chris. I do have a chip on my shoulder. That's the Jersey way. But thank you. I'm a huge fan and my wife is obsessive about the show. So she must be so excited listening to this in the future.

I hope so. It's going to be good. Awesome. Well, I'm glad. And if you're listening, what's her name? Hallie Bullitt. Hallie Bullitt. It's going to be good. Awesome. Well, I'm glad. And if you're listening, what's her name? Hallie Bullitt. Hallie Bullitt. It's a cool name, right?

Your husband's a very genuinely interesting and nice guy, and I'm sure you know that. And we're good. Him and I are good. I like that. We're good. I'll take that. That feels like a good place to land. All right.

Thanks, man. I'll take that. That feels like a good place to land. All right. Thanks, man. How wonderful. Not a word I use a lot. How wonderful was that conversation with Mr. Chris Gethard?

You can check out his stuff. Go see his stuff. Did I mention his stuff? The podcast on Earwolf called Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People, also the finale of his show on Fusion this Wednesday. My show, Marin on IFC this Wednesday at 9 o'clock, featuring the lovely Sally Struthers. It's pretty dark stuff coming up. We're out of rehab and in the world, folks. Okay, okay, I will play a little guitar for you i was on the cover of

guitar aficionado magazine this month which i didn't feel i deserved but i they wanted to talk to me and i guess i'm a i you know i'm i'm a amateur guitar player who plays who likes to play so i why not am i an aficionado i don't know i i like to play the guitar this is a i just i'm gonna just play a strat with a phaser on it and uh a little bit of echo Thank you. Boomer lives! So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

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