WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 728 - Brian Scolaro

Episode Date: July 28, 2016

Comedian Brian Scolaro is back to pick up where he left off 627 episodes ago. The last time, Brian and Marc barely scratched the surface of how they met. This time they get into everything, including Brian's childhood love of The Marx Brothers, how he used comedy as troublemaking while growing up, what he learned from working with the disabled, and what lessons he took away from the crap-shoot that is network television. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney Plus. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing with cannabis legalization. It's a brand new challenging marketing category.

legalization. It's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Lock the gates! store and a cast creative all right let's do this how are you what the fuckers what the fuck buddies what the fucking here is what the fucksters what the fuck is happening welcome to the show this is wtf this is my podcast it's your first time listening hi nice to see you

go ahead have a seat with everybody else wherever you are on this planet go ahead sit down wherever you're gonna sit down just hang out listen feels like you're uh in the room doesn't it we're all just hanging out all right right. Okay, look. Brian Scolero is on the show today, and Brian Scolero is one of my favorite comics to watch. Always makes me laugh, this guy. Forever. I like those goofy guys.

He's a pretty goofy guy, but there's an existential intensity to it. He's a naturally funny, cranky guy, and I like that. Because when I'm cranky, not always funny. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying. If anybody knows what I'm saying, it's you guys. So look, some dates added. Look, these Boston dates, they're not for a while but they're

selling pretty good i'm excited about it but i think i should give you a heads up about it september 24th i'll be at the wilbur i'll be at stand up live in phoenix august 20th uh two shows one night there saturday probably get tickets for that i'm not that that big in Phoenix. I'll be in my hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico, September 3rd. You can go to wtfpod.com slash tour for links to all of these shows. I'll be at the Comedy Club in Rochester, New York, September 9th and 10th for four shows and the Wilbur on the 24th of September, College Street Music Hall on September 25th, Troy Savings Bank Music Hall, October 14th, The Carolina Theater, November 17th. The Vic Theater in Chicago, December 3rd for two shows.

Ridgefield, Connecticut at the Ridgefield Playhouse. That is October 13th. Pushing it out there a bit. What is happening? I appreciate some of the input that I got over the last few days when I was talking about anger and about having a lifelong struggle with anger. I'll read a couple emails from you folks. I don't mind doing that. This one subject line, containing the lava. Dear Mark, first of all, love your show. Second of all,

in your most recent podcast, you mentioned your continuing struggle with containing the lava, quote unquote, of your anger and rage that will bubble up in moments of intimacy, which sounds extremely familiar to me as I have suffered this problem in the past as well. After talking about it with a counselor, friends, and my fiance, I've come to a few realizations and steps that help manage this process. Now, I'm stepping out of the email for a second. I've read about this.

I've done a lot of research. I understand a lot of things. Putting things into practice, not so easy. See, what I usually do is just shove it down, behave differently, which is on some level all you can do without necessarily doing the work underneath. You know what I mean? Just getting by. All right, back to the email. So two things to think about when considering the concept of anger one it is a stick of dynamite

and when it goes off it is all encompassing and cannot be controlled that is true size sounds a little bit like bernie supporters at this point some of them two it is a secondary emotion secondary is in all caps anger is caused by one of the three primary emotions which occur before that dynamite goes off one fear two frustration three hurt most people will not even acknowledge any of those first three emotions and just jump straight into anger doing so is essentially detonating the dynamite with the push of a button yeah i know I know, man. I know. I know. I got it. I got that button. However, when confronted with fear or frustration or hurt, this essentially adds a timer to the dynamite and gives you time to address those primary emotions first, or as I call it, diffusing the bomb. Naturally, this idea

seems simple until you're confronted by one of the big three but if you make a conscious decision of treating the primary emotions first the bomb will not go off as a person with a really short fuse i have found these steps to be extremely helpful and i rarely blow up at anyone anymore please excuse all the awful bomb puns and keep up the good work your fan richard richard i gotta say upon reading this email, I feel fear, frustration and hurt. You didn't cause the hurt,

but I'm a little hurt that I'm at this age. I haven't dealt with some of this shit. I'm frustrated because this sounds right to me. And I'm frightened because why do I want to deal with the, the other things underneath? God damn it, Richard. God damn it. Thank you. is what i meant to say what came out see what i did there i was frustrated i said god damn it twice and like a magical spell

i diffused the anger because i knew what i was feeling was frustrated so listen as you know i don't i don't do much politics anymore and there a reason. I think most of you know where I stand for the most part, basically. But here's what happens in my head. Now, this is what happens. This is my head. This is how my head works. And look, sometimes an open mind is great. Sometimes if your mind is too open, people can dump garbage in it.

And if your open mind is not fortified by being grounded and understanding the risks of having an open mind uh you could walk around with the garbage head now here's what happens okay so i watch the republican national convention watched a little bit of the democratic national convention um and i'm laying in bed the other night and i'm thinking like all right and here's here's the thing that guy was right a little bit you know i'm upset about the world but i'm thinking like all right and here's here's the thing that guy was right a little bit you know i'm upset about the world but i'm also you know i think i'm a little skittish because i'm coming up on a 17 year sober in august and as you get towards those those occasions there's part of you there's a little part of your brain left that's still like hey man birthday that that

sober birthday that sober anniversary is coming up oh fuck can you believe we're fucking 17 years sober let's go let's just go fucking let's go ruin something let's ruin something somehow so i think i got a little of that going on in the you know in the um in the subconscious in the river the rage river but but getting back to the way my brain works is my head hits the pillow the other night and i'm thinking like i'm laying there in los angeles some of which is burning but i think they're getting that under control and i just start thinking i don't know where it started you know donald trump had mentioned you know the that there's going to be a nuclear terrorist attack and then i started thinking about like, were the Russians helping Donald Trump

by releasing these or hacking the DNC against Hillary Clinton? Were the Russians helping Trump? Does Putin love Trump? Are Putin and Trump palsy-walsy? Are they talking on the phone? Is Putin looking for a sort of totalitarian bro bud to uh to kind of talk shop with as a global leader is putin is is putin trying to make trump uh a a franchise of what's

left of the russian ideology do they have common ground in the way they think about ruling or governing? Is this happening? Is Putin going to subvert the entire world and American election and global safety by maybe helping Donald out by slipping some sort of renegade nuclear device onto a boat that they park outside of Santa Monica. And they just fucking take L.A. off the map. So I'm just sitting there going like Putin's going to blow Los Angeles up to help Trump win the election. And I couldn't sleep for a little while. And then I started thinking, like, I bet you there's a lot of people in this country, specifically people who support a certain ideology that would be like well no great loss right so what we won't have movies or television or disneyland or the beach

or santa monica or uh a lot of celebrities we wouldn't have um wouldn't have a lot of uh exciting um uh television options we wouldn't they'd be thrilled they'd be like good riddance those manipulators of the real thing those people that put nothing but garbage into our heads they'd fucking just see and then the world would scramble it'd be a panic we lost a major american city and everybody would be freaked out and trump would be like i can handle it and put Putin would be secretly laughing in his pajamas and talking to Trump in his pajamas at night going, did it go good? And Trump goes, beautiful, baby. I was perfect. I don't know how to do a Trump.

Anyway, see, this is how my brain works. So if I'm not clear that that is my brain and not reality, then it becomes a problem. And can my brain run away with me? Sure. Sure. then it becomes a problem and can my brain run away with me sure sure i'm i'm very close to being uh one of the screamers on the floor of the democratic national convention of course i'm very prone to uh to allowing my mind to run away with me and then to make it true a lot of things happened in the last five years that keep me from wandering the streets, talking out loud to myself.

Drop it, Putin. Gonna blow up Disneyland. I'm never that far away from that. Never far. I mean, you don't think that Trump and Putin are parking a nuclear device off the coast of L.A., do you? I mean, they wouldn't do that, right? nuclear device off the coast of LA, do you? I mean, they wouldn't do that, right? I mean... My guest today is somebody that I go back with a bit.

I had a little tension at the beginning, but I always love watching him. This guy always fucking makes me laugh. He's a very funny comedian. Let's go now to my conversation with Brian Scolera. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. podcast episode where I talked to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a

producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by

the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Bro. Brian Scolero. I don't need to say people's names because I'll do an intro, but I wanted to acknowledge that I know your full name and that you're here in the garage. I hope you do. Yeah, I'm here.

I'm really excited about it. Are you? Well, I didn't want you to be nervous. I was a little nervous. Yeah. I was nervous, but I was like, well, you know here. I'm really excited about it. Are you? Well, I didn't want you to be nervous. I was a little nervous. Yeah. I was nervous, but then I was like, well, you know, from Obama to Sclero, you know. Hey, look, it went from Obama to Rich Voss, buddy. Like within, yeah, within two fucking episodes.

So, you know, I don't, I think you should move that worry out of the way. Okay, okay. But I was trying to think, man. I mean, I've known you a long time, I guess. Right? I think we met in 95 at the old Gotham Comedy Club. Oh, I remember that day. Yeah, I remember.

It was a while ago. Yeah. But you were one of the first guys I met. I think I met you before I really took it seriously, comedy, when I was still doing pre-shows and stuff. I met you and Geraldo in the same week. At the old gotham the old gotham yeah the one on 22nd street with the it was thin yeah and everybody would park

yeah and then while the show was going on they would tow all their cars do you remember that you could be parked there between 10 and 11 p.m for some reason it was horrible yeah and that was like i'm trying to remember right so i met you there yeah and. And so 95, so... I've known you at least 21 years. Really? Yeah. Holy fucking shit. No, actually, I met you way before that. You probably remember.

We talked about this on WTF, episode 100 or 101. The live one? Yeah, yeah. But you had on Comedy Central, it might have been Comedy Channel still, you had a pilot called the Mark Maron Project. That's right, for HBO Downtown.

I had graduated college in 95, and my first intern job was as a PA on your show. Really? With Robert Small? He produced it? Yeah, Robert Small. That's the guy I was working with. Robert Small Productions.

That's how I got with HBO Downtown. How'd you get that job? Just because i thought maybe if i did behind the scenes they would say well that guy's funny yeah throw him on camera but that never would happen and of course it could happen never happens all the time what happens like biff henderson and people like that but like people who can't well usually don't talk you like stand that guy over there yeah move the plant put that guy there at some point i had lost my shit and just quit the job really really traumatic well that was like i guess that was me on the way out because that was the pilot after short attention span theater you're right

yeah so so that's what because you became a you were you were working down there at hbo downtown uh they should go downtown yeah right after i left yeah because if that was your first job the pilot i think that was like my swan song, because they hadn't invented The Daily Show. No. So we were all up for it. Wow. That was a pilot.

They were looking for a show, so we shot that. Wow. Yeah, and Dave Chappelle was my guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Steven Weber. Yes, he was. Yeah. Yeah.

And we did bits. There were bits. And Chuck Sklar was one of the writers. And you had a little wheel that you'd spin. That was a great bit. And whatever would stop on, you would riff on. That was the Chris Kelly who went on to write for Politically Incorrect for years. Right.

We broke down the format of monologue jokes. So what you would do is that you, like how they work, work you know there's a setup and then a twist right so we put all the setups i i'm trying to figure out how that wheel worked yeah i think you threw a dart or it stopped no it's spin you spin it yeah and then you you i think you i remember was you you take one thing and compare it to another thing so yeah so like you'd spin it twice yeah and then you'd have to Build a joke out of that Yeah yeah I loved that bit You know what I was doing

When you were doing that What I was new So all I saw was Little colored pieces of tape On the floor Yeah And I was like

Well nobody's telling me What to do I should probably pick up All these pieces of tape Right Meanwhile they were your marks And I was I was taking them away from you

The guy tried to do a good job Yeah He's just this big idiot Sweating And then i stood outside with jelly beans for the audience members oh good so at one point at one point you came outside and you were like dude that was and i was like no it was good we didn't we haven't even met right you're like no i don't know really and you're like i was like yeah it was very funny

yeah because i thought it was very funny yeah and that was like the prime target audience member right for those shows and i was already like leaning on you. I don't know. I don't think I get the laughs I wanted. But that was the first time I met you. So where did you grow up? Queens. I was born in Brooklyn and then I was Brooklyn and Queens.

Long time in Queens. Really? So at that point I was living in Queens. Like what part of Queens? Well, Glendale, which is next to Forest Hills. I'd have to walk through the really nice Forest Hills to get to the subway to go to my college, high school. And then I'd go back, walk through the really jolly, infernal houses, and then go to my shit apartment. And your parents live there?

My parents live there, yeah, my brother. So you got one brother? I got one brother and two parents. Queens. Queens. It's an area between Long Island and Brooklyn where there's two separate personalities, and Queens is like, we're right here. Yeah, we're just trying to keep our own identity.

Yeah. Yeah, Brooklyn's pretty heavy, and Long Island's pretty heavy, and the further out you get on Long Island, the heavier it gets, right? It does, right? But then you get to Montauk, and it's nice again. Yeah, yeah, but they don't let the crazies in there. No, no, no. Yeah, the crazy sort of treat what does it happen the crazy sort of you know it gets thinned and then the rich

people come right yeah yeah yeah and they and couldn't they get there and they complain about the crazies right that guy working at the gas stations out of his mind you're a visitor here fuck you but you but your voice is not necessarily queens it used used to be. Yeah. I almost threw up. I'm really sorry. You almost threw up just then? Right there. But I used to have a very heavy accent. Yeah. I sounded like, remember the little kids in Jaws?

Come on, Dad, a little longer. That's, get out of the boat. That's what I sounded like. I got bit by a vampire. But that was exactly what I looked like and exactly what i sounded like and then i guess being here for 15 years it kind of like melded into this did it yeah well when i met you you already sounded like blaren scoero you think so i think so i had a deep voice i mean i think there's a little queens at the end of your sentences right right i used to love uh patrice

used to imitate me he would just just be like... Just sounds? Yeah, yeah. He would just do a deep voice. Isn't it funny how we talk about Patrice? Oh, Patrice used to shit on me, too. That was a compliment from Patrice. He's like, oh, yeah. He paid attention enough to work something out to hurt me.

He used to call me Patton Oswalt. Oh, he did? Yeah. He's like, look, fuck a Patton Oswalt over here. Then eventually he learned my name. I was like, I made it, you know? So the idea was to be an actor first when you were a kid?

Yeah, it was weird. When I was in, I would say, first grade, my father would show us Marx Brothers and Laurel and Hardy. Oh, really? Was your dad an old guy? Yeah. Well, no, he's old now still.

Oh, yeah? How old are you? You're 10 years younger than me. I'm 42, yeah. And I'm 52. Oh, right yeah right right so your dad was a marks brothers fan yeah so we we grew up watching that on channel 11 or do you get he had him on vhs oh really i always remember because you know duck soup one of the greatest movies of all time yeah in order for us to watch the vhs my father didn't want to get up we didn't have remote controls right so he didn't want to press fast forward he would just leave the last five minutes of the movie before it, and it was on borrowed

time. Did you ever see On Borrowed Time? No. It's a movie where there's death is in a tree. Yeah. A little kid climbs a tree. Yeah. And then he's supposed to die.

Yeah. So the little kid dies at the end. So we had to watch the little kid fall from a tree and die. Then he goes to heaven going, Grandma! And then Duck Superstar. So it was like- Every time you watched yeah if you wanted paid if you wanted happiness you had to go through a little bit of pain first

which is which is the scolaro family through and through so and you uh your dad's still around though yeah yeah luckily yeah and your mom yeah everybody's still around that's great yeah i've been very lucky they're also like really fun ridiculous people really yeah that's nice yeah yeah where's your brother? He lives in New York. And he's your little brother? He's older, and he does not like to be talked about. He's not on Facebook.

He's not on any social media. Oh, yeah? He does not want to be discussed. So we're not discussing your brother? I'm not telling you. I'm just kind of telling everybody my brother's interesting. He's like, I don't exist. Oh, really?

Well, he thinks he's like a spy, but meanwhile, he just works the job, you know? He thinks he's a spy? Yeah, but he acts like he's like don't never don't i don't exist oh really well he thinks he thinks he's like a spy but meanwhile he just works the job you know he thinks he's a spy but he acts like everyone's out to get him yeah pretty much but did he i think he's right though yeah yeah oh really he's that kind of guy well some people don't like him i've got some people like me it's always weird when you meet people that don't like you like what did i do to upset you it's usually based on some... With me, like... Like, I remember, like, you and I had... Like, there was a... Not tension, but I'm... Back at least 20 years ago, I didn't know. Yeah.

I was like, yeah, I upset. No way. How would you know? It was great. Because, like, let's get... We'll come back around that. You started doing comedy around the same time my ex-wife did,

I think. I was a little above her right on the food chain but you knew her yeah i knew right yeah right and i'm trying to remember it must have been like 99 it must have been like it must have been before like it was okay for me to be touching her ass in public no i'd well i was brand new to and all i knew is mark maron you know like yeah i looked up to you yeah and then i i just knew that there was this uh young sensitive girl yeah i was just becoming friends with right wasn't even interested in her to me she was out of my league yeah so i wasn't and she

felt like she's out of everyone's league i was amazed i got her i'm still amazed so i was just like there's no chance of me being with her yeah but i was like when she was brand new and she felt impressionable yeah like she would always ask me like uh advice questions yeah you know so when when you when your hand was on her ass i was like you would let him do that yeah i was learning yeah i was brand new so if he tries to do that to me it's okay yeah that's not what i was like but i my experience in the real world was even limited right you know You know? Right. All I really, I used to work with mentally retarded people. You did? Yeah, and that's all I, I worked at college, and then there was mentally retarded people,

and then there was day one on the job, and a guy I admire is feeling up a girl that's always asking me for advice. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't feeling her up. That would be different. Okay, yeah, and you're absolutely right. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, yeah.

You were. Yeah, and it must have been when we were sort of on the down low. I couldn't imagine it was like out and out. No, that's why I thought you were still married at that point. I probably was still married at that point. That's why I said something. What a scumbag. That guy's married.

I think I said, do you know he's married? That's what I said. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a long time ago. And then when you brought it up to me, I was like, I realized she had told you. And it became this probably rolling snowball thing bigger than it was you know no i remember you being around because i like i actually remember you like at the at the bar at the cellar even yeah like i remember the night i met her what like like i didn't really know her i met her briefly with arty foucault she was just this live

like wire you know running around all pretty and kooky. Yeah. And then, like, I remember, like, the way I tell the story is I was holding court at the comedy cellar, rambling on, having one of those conversations, like, I'll start it with Pryor, you know, and I think you were there. I mean, in my mind, you were there when she walked up to me and said, you're Mark Maron. At that point, I was so brand new, I wouldn't have even stepped in the cellar. The point is, everybody thinks we don't like each other

because we have this history, and that's like a tiny book. I never didn't like you. Always thought you were funny. Never, never didn't like you. You thought I didn't like you. That's right. Yeah.

That makes sense. Oh, that. Let's go down that list. The people that Brian thinks don't like him. Because you used to come up to me and say, you going to do the garbage truck joke? People always think that I'm being condescending. It's not my fault if you don't like the joke.

If I like the joke. You know, I went up to... I mean, like, I want to hear... Oh, it's so funny. But it's true, isn't it? I know people do it to me, too. Like, I went up to Joe Mattarese once. Yeah.

And I, you know, granted I may not be up to speed on anyone's evolution as a comic. Right. But like I remember a joke. I want to hear the joke. Yeah, yeah. Even as a comic,

I don't take in, I'm not empathetic enough to realize like that joke might be 10 years ago. Shame to that joke. See, I know exactly what happened because I look at it. I see younger comics now

who feature for me or whatever. And they'll walk away 90% of the time with a good experience right but 10% something I said confused them where they thought it was evil you know what I mean right and so it's so that's and I then they'll post it online Brian's cars for this and I have to find the number go dude I didn't mean it like that oh yeah could you take the post out yeah you know i mean so it's like with with that with you was i admired you so much because i really did you know so you thought i was being a dick i know i i thought you were like because i was self-aware of that joke compared to your good writing oh you know i mean so but you're just funny you're naturally funny i mean i couldn't

i'm a nervous maniac but you're like you you're like uh it's a rare thing thanks by the way yeah but it's a rare thing like you know you're just gonna get up there and you're gonna be funny even if you're just standing there me I got work good the way you've been the way you've been wrapping up everything I've been at the store yeah yeah it's fantastic the way it all wraps up like the full uh the stool bit yeah yeah it's wonderful how it all ends like this it's like a weird, perverted ballet. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Well, I'm trying to do that more because then, you know, it's like, I don't like joke to joke. Yeah. And, you know, I like going long form, but it's nice if you can start weaving things back in and back. It's nothing new. Yeah, but that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a talent I don't have yet. You could if you wanted. Yeah, I'd have to really concentrate. Here's what you do. You do the garbage truck at the beginning, and then at the end, in another joke. I do the same sound. Yeah, but just as an aside in another joke.

Fucking genius. So then the guy says, did you shit your pants? And in the back, you're going, going, going, going. He called it back. That's the first, the venture of the callback now it just uh but i've been admiring what you've been doing you've been really fucking i mean moving on from that weird mission topic you've been i like the weird mission topic did you yeah you know it's weird it's like it's been so long i literally haven't seen her in like seven or eight years which is

fine but let's go back to you. So you're walking through, you're walking by Geraldine Ferraro's house. I wanted to, yeah, that's your question. To get to school. Acting or comedy. That's what you're talking about. Well, yeah, we're back at home. We saw the kid fall out of a tree. We're watching Duck Soup.

Your dad, was your dad one of those guys that would laugh every time at the Marx Brothers? Yeah, but I think seeing it through our eyes, my brother and I's eyes, it was more fun. I really get a kick at whatever girl I'm dating before she figures out what a mess I am and takes off. She can't tell that right away? No. That's wild. Well, usually most of them can, but the ones that can't, the ones that are a little dumber or crazier, like my level, it takes them a couple more weeks. But I'll show them a Marx Brothers movie, and the ones that are a little dumber or crazier, like my level, it takes them a couple more weeks. But I'll show them a Marshall movie.

And the ones that really enjoy it, like when somebody's laughing at Harpo, you know they have a good soul. Right, right, right. And so when somebody's laughing at Groucho, you know they have a little rough edge to them. You can read a person. Yeah, yeah. And if they don't laugh, you go, I don't know what this is. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. I'm trying to think, because my grandfather liked Swapstick, but that was slightly more elevated than Swapstick because there was such a. Anarchist. Yeah. And Groucho was such a sharp wit. Yeah. And Heartbro was like, you know, the. Pantomime.

Yeah. And then Chico was just this working class character. And he was an idiot. I guess so. He was an idiot. Yeah. So those three together. Yeah.

It was like a constant barrage. Like, when we were kids, you'd play keep away. You'd play salooji. Keep away, you'd keep somebody's hat and you'd throw them. Keep away, keep away. That's what I feel the Marx Brothers did with their movies. They were like, well, we're taking this movie. We're kidnapping this movie for an hour.

Yeah. And we'll give it back to you at the end. I'd like to watch it again because I remember my grandfather loved it when I was a little kid. I don't mind slapstick, but it didn't immediately register with me. What registered with me was more like the guys that do the kind of comedy you do, which is sort of slightly cranky, sad sack guys. Yeah. I mean, that was the shit that got me.

Or hostile comics. Like W.C. Fields or Archie Bunker? Like Jackie Vernon. Okay. You know, Archie Bunker? Like Jackie Vernon. Okay. Yeah, Archie Bunker. I mean, I think W.C. Fields, if it didn't register as really old to me. Like, I had a hard time. I was very fascinated with black and white stuff,

but it always seemed like I was watching dead people. Well, you are. I know. I watch a movie now, and there's a dog, and I go, that dog's way dead. I never think about that. I do all the time. Really?

Yeah, I go, that dog's... Because you know what Bill Murray looks like now. So if I'm watching Stripes, and there's a dog,, I go, that dog's way dead. I never think about that. I do all the time. Really? Yeah, I go, that dog's... Because you know what Bill Murray looks like now. So if I'm watching Stripes and there's a dog in it, I go, that dog is way dead. Of course it's dead. The dog's dead. Where is it? Where is it buried? Was it cremated?

Oh, that shit interests me. Buddy Hackett I liked. Yeah, he was great. You know, but I watched those movies. But it's interesting that it registered with you. Like Laurel and Hardy, I could understand. I love Laurel and Hardy. What Laurel and Hardy did... This might sound boring. It's not as interesting as the... No, it's with you. Like Laurel and Hardy, I could understand. I love Laurel and Hardy. What Laurel and Hardy did,

this might sound boring, it's not as interesting as the- No, it's not boring. I've never talked about Laurel and Hardy on here except with Dick Van Dyke. Wow. Maybe one other person. He really admired Stan Laurel.

But he went and visited him. Yeah, I know. And he basically mimicked him in a movie. Found him in the film. Yeah, the comic, right? The comedian. But if you look at what Buster Keaton, this is what I try to do with scripts when somebody gives in a movie. Found him in the film. Yeah, the comic, right? The comedian? But if you look at what Buster Keaton, this is what I try to do with scripts

when somebody gives me a script. You try to find five laughs in one line. When I first started, I was like, as long as I say the line. Who said that? I did. Oh. Yeah, I'm talking to you right now.

This is me. No, but you've got to find five laughs in one line. That was your own rule. Yeah, well, in the beginning, I would go on the first sitcom I did, they'd give me a line. I would say the line, and the audience would go, yay. And then I'd say three years line, I would say the line, and the audience would go, yay!

And then I'd say three years later, I'm like, oh, if I stopped a line here, I can get two laughs out of it. Yeah. So then we progressed. Right. So you break down each paragraph they give you and try to get more laughs. Right. Whereas one, like, Big Bang Theory, those guys do that. You'll notice that they'd stop a line.

Yeah. So, Buster Keaton, I felt like would throw himself down a flight of stairs. His foot would go in a bucket, and he'd fall down the stairs. And it was brilliant because it was really him. Yeah. But then when sound came in, Laurel and Hardy had to figure out, what can we do with this? Yeah.

They're like, well, let's slow down the fall. Let's make five laughs on this one fall. We'll have Stan put the bucket on top of the stairs. Ollie is walking, doesn't see the bucket, almost puts his foot in it. That's a laugh. He does it again. Second laugh. Then he finally puts his foot in it.

Then he falls down the stairs. That's three laughs. And then there's this whole 30-second sequence where he's just staring at Stan Laurel. And Stan Laurel's just trying to kind of hide it. Right. The weird, like, awkward pause. The awkward beat that goes on forever between the two of them. So they got from five laughs

out of one fall. Didn't Ollie hit Laurel or play with his tie or something? Was there a physicality to it? Ollie would hit him with his hat a lot. You stare at him. Yeah, I think I like them better.

Marshmallows I like because they weren't slapstick even. They were just anarchists. I liked Groucho because that's really how jokes are to be delivered. I mean, if you're going to do jokes, it sort of starts there. Yeah. Like he could land those one-liners, man. Right? Well, you know, they would go on the road.

Yeah. They would take five big scenes from the upcoming movie, and they would time out the laughs, and then Groucho would try different laughs. He'd meet with the writers afterwards and be like, let's try a different word there. Let's try, you know. So they would test the scenes for Night at the Opera

and Day at the Races. Why? Before they got to the... In Vaudeville Stadium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or in the opera, in the Variety Houses. It's interesting, you know. Yeah, how'd you learn that?

I'm just, I read, one of the books I do read are like biographies of comedians, you know. Uh-huh. Like the, I love it. Yeah? You know, I got a Jack Benny oneies of comedians. I love it. Yeah? I got a Jack Benny one. I got a George Carlin one. The Jack Benny one's great?

Jack Benny one's really good. It was written by one of his partners. Uh-huh. But it's just a lot of good stories about him on the road. But all this technique is sort of interesting. I never thought about it. I know about making choices as an actor. Yeah, yeah.

But you're great. Yeah, but you're great Yeah, but I don't ever think how many laughs can I get out of this line Now I'm going to have to think about that Well, you don't have to because your show's not like that Your show's like Oh yeah, that's right Your acting on the show is I know it sounds like I'm kissing your ass

No, you're not I'm already here You can just be honest Tell me how much you don't like me I do like it I can't believe you touched her ass I'm sorry It was inappropriate It was out of line I felt bad about it You can just be honest. Tell me how much you don't like me. I do like it. I can't believe you touched her ass. I'm sorry.

It was inappropriate. It was out of line. I felt bad about it. I should have been more honest with my wife quicker. There's a lot of things. A lot of things. I shouldn't have fucking touched her ass. You know, dude.

It would have saved me a lot of darkness and aggravation, but I don't know if I hadn't touched her ass if I'd ever have this fucking podcast. Dude, it was a good time. Or I would have ever gotten out of that marriage, the first marriage. I would have had kids living in Queens doing some sort of local TV show if it still existed. Or being dead. Probably dead. Being fucked up on Coke.

Well, the person you are now is fantastic. I was thinking about that the other day. Tom Rhodes and I were talking about it. What? Like, you sent me that very nice email. Yeah. And I was like, and Tom was sitting next to me when it happened. We were playing some fucking laundromat.

Yeah. Like, it was just like, ugh, horrible. We're playing a laundromat. Yeah. And so we, I'm looking at the email. He goes, what's that? I go, no, Mark sent me a really nice email. I go, man, he's really, like, doesn't he really change?

Like, since the time I've met him, he's done a whole 180. And I always use that for proof. When people, like, say, look. How often does this come up, right? No, that's proof for me. Oh, right. And not for everybody else. When people, like, addictions or somebody was a jerk,

and they're like, people change. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I haven't known anybody that's changed. Like, I know one. Yeah, yeah. One guy. Yeah, I swear swear to god i've known one well i think what what happens is like i don't know like people generally people say people don't really change and and a lot of times people don't change much but the one thing if you take drugs and alcohol out of the mix and

that was amplifying all of your fucking negative traits right that's going to be a big change yeah but it took a long time for me to stop being an asshole to get humbled enough and see that's why i'd like to thank mishna and and you know kind of pat myself on the back for patting her on the ass because i would not have been humbled and humiliated enough to get hold of myself and understand who i really am had that chick not had enough of me see that yeah let's say well who you are now is great wait till we get through that yeah it works it works out you know we all have our little things have you been watching uh are you what's your what's your thing pot and food yeah yeah surprise i'm surprised i got that yeah that's exactly what it is. But you're not a gambler or that kind of shit?

No, no, no. That's good. Because you seem like a sweet guy. Pot and food, those are sweet guy ones. Yeah. I mean, not Coke and booze. No, I mean, there's been Coke. Yeah, sure.

There's been booze. Yeah. I remember driving home drunk from the Comedy Cellar in like 2001. I had to do the left eye thing where you close the left eye. Oh, yeah. I'm on that little lane on the side of the 59th Street Bridge. There's one lane. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a hill and a river. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a big fall and a river. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a pole built in the 30s. Yeah. I'm like, I was just like, you just watch those headlights in front of you. Yeah, yeah.

And I wound up sleeping at that guy's house. Yeah. Just followed him home. But there's been bad nights. Oh, man. There's been bad nights. That's real. You remember when you're in that shit, when you're doing that, and you're like, this is a skill.

It was a challenge that had to be overcome. Just you in the river. That reminds me of the Joe Mattarese joke that I asked him to do that he got mad about. When he was talking about old video games, he's like, you remember Pong? And he goes, you remember there's that one level where it's just you and the wall.

That was it. Yeah. I liked it. I haven't seen that joke in a while. I remember, I always liked your, I still think about it, the rage passing on joke. Oh, yeah, yeah. And somehow it all ends up in the Middle East. Right, right, right.

Yeah, that was around the same time you were doing the Yamaka joke. You're like, where are my people? Oh, there they are. With the hats. Yeah. I used toaka joke. You're like, where are my people? Oh, there they are. With the hats. I used to do jokes. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. All right, so there you are in Queens.

Are you Catholic-y? Are you Italian-y? It's a dumb joke, but my father was Catholic. He went to a Catholic high school, but I went to a Lutheran grammar school. Good balance. My joke is that I was Catholic. It was awful. I did that once.

But there's a good balance there. Lutherans are a little more forgiving than the Catholics. I'll say. Who are relentlessly unforgiving. But it's just, I just, I don't know, man. It was interesting. It sets you with that tone of being a good person. Yeah.

But you feel like a real jerk when you fall from that. But you believe that it instilled some sort of humility around being nice to other people? Yeah. That's good. It also instilled the necessary tools you need for a comic, which is fuck you. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Where you question authority at all times. I made a teacher quit. I quit the business as teaching. I would write... In Catholic school? Yeah. I was a complete dick.

High school. I was a dick. There's a dick in me. I know that. No, no. I believe that. Yeah. So I would write... In Catholic school? Yeah, I was a complete dick. High school. I was a dick. There's a dick in me. I know that. No, no, I believe that. So I would write plays about him. Wouldn't tell him they're about him. I'd go, can I read this to the class? And he'd be like, sure. Then I'd go up and just read horrible insults about this man.

And he quit. I don't know if he quit. Did he cry? I don't know if he... I'm sure he cried at some point. But not in front of me. But I was always being a jerk. The library was on the first floor. And I would come in the library some point, but not in front of me. But I was always being a jerk. The library was on the first floor, and I would come in the library and go, Hi, Mrs. Hagelin. And then I'd crawl out the window, run around the front of the school,

and come back in the library and go, Hi, Mrs. Hagelin, and crawl out the window and run around. I'd go, Hi, Mrs. Hagelin. She's like, What's going on? Was she old? Yeah, but she got pissed. I would do things that were cute at first and then pass them. Were you doing them for anybody?

No, because in Marx Brothers When you watch Marx Brothers This is what fucked my head I think Nobody on the screen is laughing At Groucho insulting people Right, right So to me as a kid watching that I go it doesn't matter

If nobody's laughing As long as the joke's done See there was not a kid who was like Watch I'm gonna do it again You didn't have that guy? No You were just doing it for your own entertainment? With my own weird personality

Was it satisfying? Yeah But it made me look nuts i found out years later oh yeah yeah how'd you find that out i remember talking to somebody a friend from high school and like the his friends never did anything in the school they just left to explore and his friends were like my friends thought you were crazy i'm like really well i guess i was because to to me, there was an audience in my head watching. Right. You know, and they were like, Brian, you got to say that. It doesn't matter if you're going to get a detention. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. Nobody's going to laugh. You have to say that. And I still have it. Like, I was sitting with this guy eating dinner. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, my father's friend just passed. He was a really good doctor.

I'm like, well, I guess he wasn't that good a doctor. Why am I saying this to the person? There's no audience member that'll laugh. The guy just got so sad. And I had to spend the next five minutes doing the old... Backpedaling? Yeah. Well, I think we do that to somehow...

Well, I mean, I do that too. You know, I mean, like, you do it to sort of hide the emotion, you know, like, or to deal with the, you know, I think sometimes when we're as comics, you know, a feeling comes up and you're like, I better dismember that with a joke. Yeah. Disassemble that.

Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. And I don't want to be sucked down into the set. One of us has to stay afloat here. Whoa, sorry. You know, I've had moments like that fairly recently, you know, when, when you hear about people's passing or whatever, you're going to make a joke.

You just, you can't help it, but you should try to keep it off Twitter and maybe just keep it around people that, uh, you know, that can handle it. That's why hanging with comics is fun. Cause yeah.

Cause you can say something really, really horrible and it was going to be okay with it. Just like what? Okay. Or get a laugh. Yeah. I went out in public the other night to a regular, a person party with my girlfriend yeah yeah yeah and one one woman was just going on and on about something that just was you know she's over intellectualizing it was

getting annoying and you know it was it was an easy thing to to get the the the gist of right and and she just kept going and i'm like, all right, listen. This is what, and like everybody, there was, I saw frightened faces for a second. because there's no microphone in your head.

Well, yeah, because the tone. Like, I don't know my tone and my girlfriend's like, you yelled at her. I'm like,

that wasn't yelling. Yeah. That wasn't yelling. Exactly. Because you weren't on stage with a mic in your hand. It becomes completely. It just became like ridiculous.

What are we doing? Yeah. Let's move on. Yeah. Yeah. completely. It just became like ridiculous. What are we doing? Yeah. Let's move on. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much my whole life. The worst is when you have to sit in the elevator. Well, you don't live in an apartment building anymore,

so you don't have that forced integration where you're like, I got five floors to listen to this guy trying to make me laugh because he saw me on TV. And it's just so painful. It's so painful. Like, tell me a joke. All right. Your girlfriend's fat. Yeah. It's so painful. Like, tell me a joke. All right, your girlfriend's fat. Yeah.

It's funny to me. But it's... It's like, what if my dog... Communities are always depressive people. Do you ever notice? Wait, my fucking dog died today, asshole. I always have to be funny. You said that to him?

No, I thought it. Just undermine the guy. Yeah, yeah. So when did you start doing the stage shit? Oh, yeah. In fifth grade, I saw George Carlin at the Westbury Music Fair. You did? Yeah.

My parents, my mother, though my father showed us the old stuff, my mother would take us to see Blues Brothers. The movie? Caddyshack. Yeah. Would show us the best of John Belushi. Did she enjoy him? Yeah.

She liked that little edgier stuff that my father was against. Against? Not against, but he didn't embrace it. He didn't show us George Carlin, but he would sit and watch us with a laugh the whole time. Right. So we all wanted to see George Carlin. Then we started Bill Cosby at Harrah's in Atlantic City.

Wait, in fourth grade, what year would that be for that? What phase of Carlin? Because I saw him when I was in fourth or fifth grade, too. Well, he did after Carnegie Hall and Carlin on Campus, those two HBO specials that I consider the great ones, then he did Playing With Your Head, which is the first one that I really saw. And it came out like the same year as himself, Bill Cosby himself. And I was watching it going, who is this guy?

This is fantastic. Yeah. And I just went and started digging up Occupation Fool. Yeah, yeah. Class clown. AMS. And I just discovered him. And up Occupation Fool. Yeah, yeah. Class clown. Yeah. AMS. And I just discovered him. Yeah.

And then my mom was like, you want to go see him? And I was like, yeah. So we just went. And he became almost like a second dad to me. Oh, really? I was like, I love individuals, but I don't like groups. Pretty soon, they're all wearing the same hats. Yeah, yeah.

You know? And so it just... I don't know. He taught me so much that my parents didn't teach me. Yeah. About religion and about groups of people and about politics. Yeah. And then how to look into yourself.

Like, don't wear headphones all the time. Why are you afraid of your own thoughts? Like, things like that get in your head and you're like, yeah. Yeah. You know? Philosophy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Well, no, that's great. Well, that's what a lot of us who are comedy fans get out of comedy you know it makes you understand things yeah see things differently maybe that's why we're depressed because we see fucking angles of truth that nobody else wants to pay attention to well no i think that's what saves us from falling into the depression permanently that's right you know like you know you can go to a comedy club and even now like you know i see guys they make you laugh some guys will get you a new angle on things. Right. Some guys will do something like, that is good. Yeah.

And, you know, and like, I never thought of that. And that still happens. Oh, yeah. All the time. It's one of the great things about being us. Yeah. It doesn't happen as often as when we were kids with the big guys. So, yeah.

But Cosby, myself, too, that thing I didn't watch yet until like, you know, right before he gotten, you know, got in all the trouble. Really? Like, I watched Cosby himself. That was the one that made him i know but i never cared really much you know i listened i'd listen to his old records and stuff and i knew he was a great comic but he wasn't really my bag but i was listening to old stuff and i watched himself right literally like you know six months to a year but i know it's more than that it was probably five years ago where i sat down with it yeah and let it you know make an impression on me it's very well done well it's just what he just he you know it's weird you feel bad even talking yeah well about the guy yeah but but you know

before pre pre-rapist bill cosby the knowledge of rapist bill cosby yeah pre the knowledge of the rapist bill cosby you know what i learned from from myself was just uh you know that you own your material that it's really up to you you know if you're gonna sit there and tell a story yeah if you make it your own and you make it funny it's you know that it was like they'll listen yeah you know there's you can you decide the time yeah as long as you keep it going it was so entertaining entertaining. And we saw him in Atlantic City, and I remember there was an old man sitting behind me who was laughing just as hard as me, and I was like 12.

Right. And that struck a chord with me. You know what I mean? There's nothing that I watched old people would watch. My grandmother had never seen Star Wars. It's a great moment. Yeah. I'm just starting now to really try to...

I need to keep learning. And I know that my evolution as a comic, whatever you're noticing is going on, is that I really want to learn how to maintain a role and stay in it. You're doing that. Yeah, and it's a whole new thing for me. As opposed to not waste time,

but let the silences carry something. Yes. I really wanted to and i wanted to make everybody laugh yeah so like that's sort of been my new thing in the last couple years that's wonderful yeah because you're not just playing to a certain type of person yeah and you're playing so the last few times i've seen at the store there was one night where you had to go on like probably a half hour later than you're supposed to oh yeah on that first show dropping checks on yeah It's a fucking mess.

Yeah, yeah. And you just dig yourself out in a really brilliant way and get everybody to identify without changing who you are. Right. A lot of people feel if you're going to make everybody laugh in the audience, then you've got to sell out a little bit to please everybody. Yeah. Well, I think, no, you don't.

I can't do that yet. But what you did that night was make everybody laugh. I started focusing on, I was never playing for a certain audience. It was just like I was just doing what I knew how to do the way I knew how to do it. And whatever moved me. I was defensive. I was less open. I wanted to push buttons.

That was just because of who I am emotionally. And I think that if I've changed at all, it's that I've opened up a little bit, certainly on stage. And it's like, what do I got to make people uncomfortable for? Is it really a point? Is someone really going to go home? But then when you talk about Carlin, people do go home and their minds are changed if you make them a little uncomfortable. But is that the guy I want to be right now? Maybe a little, but not overly.

Well, Carlin, most of his career, it made people think, but also... Oh, yeah. He'd always be talking about weird little things, moles and things. Yeah. I can't... Listen, I love Bill Hicks. If I listen to Bill Hicks, my comedy goes downhill because I can't do what he did. You know what I mean?

And if I try it, it's... So people are like, why don't you have this license to tell the truth and you're up there making this fucking tree cuttingcutting sound effects. I'm like, well, that's what I do. That's what Brian Regan does. I'm still being honest with myself on stage. Well, Hicks always, you know, every joke made a point. Yeah.

You know, it's like, you know, you got to pick your places for that. Yeah. Yeah, anyone, you can make a point. But, like, you know, if every joke you're making a point, and then you get this sort of disposition of, like, you people stupid yeah exactly yeah which i love bill i mean there was no one like him and he was like one of the greatest uh you know uh satirists around but but i i realized that just the other day that it like almost every joke is a point yeah and and it's good it's it's hell of a it's a hell of a task to write and to to

yeah i would never be able to do it and like to seeing uh i tried to do it but it's like the satisfaction isn't in being funny right the satisfaction is in making a point and making it land yeah like because a lot of times it's just a kick in the ball and it's not always our job to teach yeah i mean and so if we're if I'm teaching people, there's a problem. You know what I mean? It's like, what am I going to teach them? Try not to masturbate more than three times a day because you're not going to get to the FedEx store.

No, you're not going to do anything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you need to get two naps involved in that thing. Right. Don't masturbate when you get back from the FedEx store. Right, right, right. Make it a reward. Unless you got a big chunk of time in the afternoon.

Make it a reward for your errands. Well, I think that all that stuff is very simple, and that's what I started to realize, too, when I started doing the podcast, that, like, people are just people. I mean, you know, everybody thinks, but, you know, you can blow minds, and you can do that,

but if you space it out with the masturbation stuff, it's good. Bill knew that. Bill had some good time. Yeah, he was great. I just can't do what he did. Well, you don't watch me. You do what you do. Exactly. I always go out of my way to watch you man you have been

back a long time ago you recommended come to me recommended Comedy Central give me a half hour special I don't remember doing that you like I came out of a meeting I told me I should give you a special and I was like really and I didn't really know that you liked me yet sorry I was like really like yeah did you get it yeah yeah I think it was two years later I didn't really know that you liked me yet. So I was like, really? And he was like, yeah. Did you get it? Yeah. I think it was two years later, but I got it. But all that helps.

All that shit helps. And I've always been on the outskirts. Because of the fact, this is important for me. Anybody who doesn't know me doesn't give a shit. But because of the fact that my manager was theatrical based based i never had any comedy direction yeah like everything comedy i had to get like the conan shows and uh montreal all that had to come through me and my manager but he was that wasn't his forte he's good at getting acting auditions right so i decided to stay with him because that seems like a lot of comics, the end goal anyway. Yeah.

So I was like, well, I'll just have this covered. But for comedy, I have to call these clubs and they go, they're like, who are you? I'm like, I've been on lots of shows. Everybody on your list, they know me. Yeah. I'll have them call you. You know what I mean? Get ready for 52 phone messages.

You know what I mean? And so it's like, it's always me. You still have to do that? Yeah. Yeah. And I have to take crap money, but because I didn't go that route. So let's go back. So you see George Carlin, and then when do you start getting on stage one way or the other?

Did you do theater? Well, yeah. I did a lot of theater in, I would say, in high school. Yeah? A lot. I always played, like, it was a Marx Brothers play called Room Service. Yeah. And I played the Chinko character. Yeah. And it was like, I remember getting so many, there's this moment where we all have Marx Brothers play called Room Service. Yeah. And I played the Chinko character.

Yeah. And it was like, I remember getting so many, there's this moment we all have to eat the food really fast. Yeah. Because we haven't eaten in days. Yeah. So I'm shoving food in my face. Yeah.

And I just remember the audience laughing. And I was breaking loaves of bread over my head. I was like spitting apple when I was talking to people. I ate a whole apple in like five seconds. Yeah. And it was just in my mouth. I'm doing my lines and apples falling everywhere. And I remember the principals laughing. Old ladies that I never talking to people. I ate a whole apple in like five seconds. Yeah. And it was just in my mouth. I'm doing my lines and apples flying everywhere. And I remember the principals laughing,

old ladies that I never met are laughing, kids are laughing. And I remember thinking right there, you can actually do this. This isn't just something you want to do. You can actually do this. At that moment, I realized. With apple flying out of your mouth?

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I can do this. Yeah. So, with apple flying. And it was, I don't know. So, right around then, I decided that's what I want to do most of all. Be funny.

Yeah, but I like acting. Oh, yeah. Theater is fun because you're acting the whole time you're on stage. What kind of plays were you doing? Oh, mostly in high school? Yeah. I had children. I was the bad guy.

Lee J. Cobb. You were Lee J. Cobb's character with the kid? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. It's like, you work your fucking heart out. Ripping up the picture. Yeah.

I did all that. I'd love to see you at high school doing that. Yeah. High school plays are great. I. Yeah. It's like, you work your fucking heart out, ripping up the picture. Yeah. I did all that. I'd love to see you at a high school doing that. Yeah. High school plays are great. I loved them. Yeah. It was always because I ran away with a show. Right.

Because nobody else was like, they're just trying to memorize their lines. Yeah, yeah. And not look stupid in front of the girls. I'm just going for it. Yeah. Teddy Roosevelt and Art's Thinking Old Lace. Yeah. So then after, I would say college, the drama department wouldn't use me.

Because I wasn't in drama I was in communications so they would keep me out of the plays because I didn't know so it's like but was there an open audition? yeah but

it was all them it was all their friends every time where'd you go to college? New Paltz upstate New York it's like Berkeley now it's a big marijuana school

yeah what SUNY New Paltz? yeah yeah SUNY New Paltz so I got my own radio show there for three years oh yeah that damn show 9. on Tuesdays. Did you do bits?

All bits. I'd write them in class. I'd sit in class and just write the show. And you had other guys doing the voices and shit? They would come in, and I still work with these guys. Really? I still shoot skits with them. Really?

Yeah. They're all out here now? No, they live in New York, but they're like my best friends. Do you have tapes of that radio stuff? Yes. One day my mother got confused and threw them all out. Yeah. But they still exist on a computer that no longer works.

But I got to get in there and get them. Eventually. As long as they're somewhere. Yeah, yeah. They're there, you know. But I have a few of them on my lap. So you graduated with a communications degree? Yeah.

So I do understand communications. Good for you. You're doing a very good job of it today. Thank you. Yeah. It was the perfect amount of marijuana. Not too much where it's like my Joey Diaz appearance, but it's just enough to maintain. You balanced it?

Yeah. Yeah. I made an ass of myself on Joey Diaz's podcast. You did? I was like, I am way too stoned. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

It's tough, man. It's tough in the morning. Do you go old school or do you vape? Old school. Yeah? Yeah. Vaping requires going to the store and buying things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a

little one hitter. A true marijuana smoker doesn't leave the house to buy marijuana preferably. You know what I mean? I'm an actual marijuana smoker. Now I just do it in the street. I remember walking down the street with a, I had a girlfriend at the time, and we're walking and I'm smoking a joint and there's a guy behind me going, you can't do that here.

You can't do that here because there's a guy behind me going, you can't do that here. You can't do that here because there's a police across the street. And I was like, all right. And he ran across the street and me and my girlfriend are watching him

tell the cops. New York? Yeah. He's telling, 52nd Street, he's telling the cops, this guy's smoking weed over there.

And the cops just shrug their shoulders. He goes, yeah, what do you want us to do? And then he just walks away defeated. It was a victory for me

and a victory for weed against my girlfriend who wanted me to quit weed even though when we met i was fucking on weed you know what i mean yeah i like this person let's change what made him likable right right yeah yeah the weed no see brian you're likable without the weed right now yeah i know some people that feel differently there's a lot of i'm finding more and more people that don't like me i'm like wow is that true well you go through this the more i more people that don't like me. I'm like, wow. Is that true? Well, you go through this. The more... I'm not known.

I'm not known. Right. I'm known in like some areas. Yeah. But like you're known. But the more known you get, the more... In some areas. It might be slightly bigger areas, but...

My parents both know who you are, and that to me means that you're famous. Okay. Well, my parents know you, Louis, David Tell, and Jeff Ross. They know you four. And they don't know, for yeah and they don't know you know they don't know brian reagan yeah i know exactly they like it's weird about brian reagan is that like he's huge and he's so fucking funny like if i'm here's the weird thing about me if i'm like really down the dumps and like you know and i'm like i'll watch brian or i'll watch

kevin james yeah i love kevin james he's hilarious he's a good actor too yeah yeah the turns he has to make i that show. But you're among those guys. Thank you. Guys who are on stage. I could watch any of you guys. I'd like to see you try to learn how to use a phone on stage. You've got a new iPhone.

I'd like to give each of you a piece of technology that you don't know how to use and just stand on stage and try to figure it out. That would be a great show, man. Let's do that. That would be so funny. Wow, that would be a funny idea. You should book that show. Really?

Just have five different people. Comics trying to do things they don't know how to do. And you just hand them something before they're set. Like, okay. Yeah, work it out. You know, program this clock radio to wake up at 4.30 a.m. You know? I still don't do that.

I'll call downstairs. Yeah. But no, it's just the nature of it. Those are the guys that I... I like watching joke guys, but I like goofy guys. Yeah, I think it's because how intelligent your stuff is, it's released for you to watch Goofy. Whereas why probably I love you so much, you know, to watch you be.

You be smart. And I go, wow, that was really smart. Well, it's funny because I'm trying to be a little more goofy and a little more free because I know I got it in me. You know, but like they're just people that like you can only do it in your way. You know what I mean? But I can watch people write jokes and be like, that's a good joke. But if someone's not innately funny, you know, and there are those guys around.

Like, they get off stage and you have a conversation with them. Yeah. They're not going to make you laugh. They're like, well, we're never going to talk again. Well, yeah, just sort of like, you know, how do you even do it? Like, I know there are guys who are not naturally funny off stage or even naturally funny, period, who have gotten funny on stage. I know that.

Yeah. But I like naturally funny period who have gotten funny on stage i know that yeah but i like naturally funny people and and i think it'd be surprising for people to know but you know that there are plenty of fucking comics and i'm not saying names are that they're bad comics on stage but they're they're really not that funny people yeah interpersonally yeah sometimes i'm afraid i come off like that you know standing in front of uh some comedy club in St. Louis, and I'm like, man, I can't believe they're making me do a midnight show. They didn't tell me that. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, you're very negative. I'm like, I don't even fucking know you. I just gave you a cigarette. Fuck you. You know what I mean? So now I got this guy talking on Reddit. Brian Squire was not fun. Oh, fuck it.

He's not fun. Yeah. And I never go to Reddit. I don't like when the young comics start shitting on the old comics. That, is not fun. Oh, fuck it. He's not fun. Yeah, and I never go to Reddit. I don't like when the young comics start shitting on the old comics. That's weird, Nick, because it happens now. Yeah, because there's so many of them. But, I mean, I guess I did it, too, but there were fewer of us. Well, we didn't do it publicly.

We did it behind their backs in clubs. Yeah, like fucking comics. Yeah. I'm not posting it on Twitter. Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. Keep it in the family. At least just be professional.

Yeah, exactly. Just go gossip with some other assholes. Just be professional. Yeah, just go gossip with some other assholes. Just be professional. Mm-hmm. And then get to a point where the guy hears it from another guy, not because he saw it on Facebook or Reddit or Twitter. It's like, hey, Joe told me that you're saying some shit about me. No, fuck Joe.

I was waiting for that phone call. Have you looked at Facebook today, bro? No, what happened? It's terrifying. I don't like it. It really bothers me. When people try to draw me into arguments publicly,

I'm like, nah. Or when they start texting instead of calling. So you got something to say, let's talk. I'm a little guilty of that. I've done that before. Sure.

Like where you're just sort of like, hey man, sorry that I ruined your life. Well, that one, if it's an apology, I'm fine. With a sad face emoji. Fuck. Okay, so you did radio, which is fun. Yeah, no, it's just, and then I guess I graduated.

During college, I would come home to New York to visit my family, and I would do bringer shows at Stand Up New York and Gotham. Oh, that's where you started with the bringers, huh? Yeah, and then people were like, no, you should do open mics. And I'm like, well, I only did like five or six shows. But when did you get the job working with mentally retarded people? When I graduated college. But I had been doing it already.

My high school had a piece of property where during the summer there would be camps for mentally retarded children or adults. I still say retarded. I don't think the word retarded is bad. People are like, it's a bad word. It's not a bad word if it gets to what it if it gets to the point exactly like if i say i worked with special people yeah you'd be like oh it makes it special yeah well they're handicapped what's this broader it's broader right how different why the handicap yeah oh they're retarded like oh okay thanks now they understand i've had that conversation before and i used to do a bit on stage about that. Oh.

About, you know, like, but the truth of the matter is it just becomes, it's about respecting the families of the people. Okay. Because it just, the word just got negative. I understand that. But you did for 15 years? For a long time. And a lot of them are still my friends. Like, when I go home, I'll visit them.

I was there for when their parents died. What compelled you? Originally, it was just a job I felt comfortable doing. It was a fun job, and it was up my league of what I do. I would get fired from any other job from my mouth. Right. But this job supported my mouth. So you were a smart ass.

Well, if you think about it this way, this is my favorite story of how I sum up my entire years working with him. Chucky is an older, slight MR, slight mental retardation. He was sitting in bed. He wouldn't go to bed. And I was like, Chucky, why don't you go to bed? You got to work tomorrow. And he goes, there's a monster in my closet. Now, I know Chucky's smart enough to know there's no monster in his closet.

Right. So I go, really? I go, holy shit, we got to get out of here. And I pick up his woof-woof bat, and I open the closet, and I start beating nothing. Yeah. You're not supposed to do this. They would call me in an office and go, Brian, that's not the way. You just tell Chucky to stop playing fantasy games.

Yeah. But I would go along with it and pretend to beat the monster, and I would put my hand through the door, acting like I was choking myself and then I'd be like alright he's dead Sharky everything's fine and Sharky would sit there and laugh

and then that satisfied him and he'd go to bed that's the way I would handle things you know what I mean because there's no other counsels around to tell me what to do

but he probably knew there wasn't a monster and he probably just wanted attention yeah and by the time you did that I thought you were going to end that story with him saying,

like, I know there's no monster. No, no, that would be the intelligent way to do it. But I just, so I did that job and also was flexible. I would do 20 hours on a Sunday, 20 hours on a Wednesday. Right. So now I had the rest of the week open for auditions and spots. What did you learn from that experience, though? Because, like, you know, one of my misunderstood, yet I still feel, is that because of, you know, there's

a lot about humanity you can learn from people that don't have a filter. Exactly. That's the thing. That's a much smarter way of putting it. And I used to say, they can't hide how they're feeling. Right. That's what I used to say. Right.

So I remember one of the guy's mothers passed away. So he would stand in front of me and just occasionally pretend to look over my shoulder and wave at a ghost and then looked at me surprised like, oh, you weren't supposed to see. And it was so obviously he was saying, I want to believe my mother's still alive and I want to believe that we have something special and Brian doesn't know about it. And I would be like, okay. I was like, that's how we go along with it

to appease him. Yeah. But they can't hide how they're feeling. And then you learn a lot about human behavior. Right. Like when somebody

wants to apologize to you, let's say I'm apologizing to you, but I can't deal with the fact that it's 100% my fault. Right. So I'm going to split the responsibility onto you and my apology. And be like, I did this because you did this. And I can see through that as that's not an apology. That's splitting the apology and sharing the blame with me because you can't look at what you did.

So that's something that I learned from dealing with mentally retarded people. It's like, yeah, you can cut through that's something that you can i learned from dealing with oh really mentally retarded people it's like yeah you can cut through people's obvious right bullshit and they take it and they they understand that who they mentally retarded people they they just are happy to get the sandwiches like the grinds stop beating us that's fine but like i see people my point is now that's what i took away from and and yeah right and when you go when you still have relationships with these guys who are probably older now yeah they're not good yeah but they're happy to see you and the ones i remember i remember when i was first on i did that tv show called three sisters in 2001 nobody watched it because 9-11 happened the next day yeah that's

my career and uh i suppose not people who died had it worse. Yeah. But when I first appeared on the TV, I was like, you see me, Paul? There's me right there. No, no, no. Couldn't handle the fact that I was in the room and on the TV at the same time. Right. No, no, no. And he walked out of the room.

It was frustrating for him to handle both. Yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah, isn't that interesting? Well, yeah, it's honest. I mean, I've had that experience with me on TV. You had to leave the room. I'm like, no, no, no. Turn it off.

Turn it off. Oh, fuck. But I think that's a noble thing. Do you track any of that back to service, to the idea of Catholic? That's how it started at the catholic high school right and originally i went to those camps just to make young girls uncomfortable uh-huh what do you mean which girls the uh counselors yeah all right from the the catholic high school yeah i'll go up there and i'll hit on them yeah they'll turn me down yeah and i'll drag off to them then we'll all leave and never talk to each other again. And I'll work with

mentally challenged people. Yeah. Which I still do both of those. Yeah. You know? Sure. In a weird way. Yeah.

But it's, I don't know, that's just, I trace it back to that and then at some, when I got the money to move, when they gave me money

to move for a pilot here, I was like, okay, that's it. So you were doing bringer shows and then you graduated to other shows. Well, in 95, I got into Boston Comedy Club.

Yeah, the Boston. Yeah, which was fun. It was. And I was with Barry Katz. And then I started- You were managed by Barry? At the time, yeah. Yeah.

And then I started playing the Gotham. I started playing State of New York and Dangerfields. And when I got past the cellar, that's when I became a comic. So the guys pulled you in, got you working? Robert Kelly gave me an audition at The Cellar. Yeah. And that's back when he had a VHS tape. And I had to stand out in the hallway and give it to SD and be like,

Hey, listen, this is my tape. I'll come back. And I would come back every week for, like, I would say about eight months. Yeah. And I would, at the Boston Comedy Club, I would walk over. Yeah. And eventually she threw me on for five minutes on a Saturday trial by fire. Yeah.

And it went really well. Oh, good. And I started getting spots. I made Manny laugh. Yeah. And the waitstaff liked me. Yeah. And I think that's when I became a comic of 97.

Uh-huh. And suddenly everybody knew my name. And it just was i was i was pounding yeah every night having to keep up with you guys yeah and every comic back in those days before manny passed i feel like that club was firing on all cylinders at all times and every comic on stage was fantastic we had to be there yeah even if you weren't you had to be so. Yeah. Even if you weren't, you had to be. So I think that that's what made me a better comic. Right. That's what started me.

Yeah. Remember Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Yeah. That line where he goes, if you look out the window with the right pair of eyes, you can almost see that place where the wave broke and finally rolled back. I feel that's the seller in 1995 or 2001 probably.

I think so. That's what defined it certainly. And now it's defined by the people who are huge stars that came out of there that now show up there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But to me that's- What did Kurt Metzger call it? Louie tourism. Yeah. I love the fact he went to the pizza store. Yeah.

And they were like, hey, it's the guy who made our place famous. We're so famous now because of you. The pizza place? Yeah. $1.75. They still charged him for the pizza. Sure. And the slice.

That was a pretty good slice. Yeah. I forget. He probably made that whole block famous. Yeah, he did. Yeah. I tell people now, you get off at the train station from Louie, and they go, oh, what's fourth of my game?

Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know I do the voiceover for that show? You do? Yeah. Coming up next on Louie. I'm like, oh, what's fourth? I'm like, yeah. It's amazing. You know I do the voiceover for that show. You do? Yeah. Coming up next on Louie. Oh, do you? All new. The following program is rated TV MLA

for strong language in adult situations. You just do it for Louie? Yeah. But he didn't even hire me. The audition was do an old man voice and do a subway announcer. And so I was like, Louis, Louis, come Thursday

10 on FX. Yeah. And they were like, hey, you got the job. And then they didn't want me to do that at all. Which is weird. But Louis now knows me. He didn't before? Well, he knew me, but he never knew my name. Right. And so

it's like, you knew my name. Right. That's something I got to give credit to you. I think that you were approachable back to a younger comics. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Insecure and needy.

I guess what you want to call that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were nice. No, no. Yeah. I mean, I like comics. I'm still that way. I just don't like, you know, even when I shoot my show, like I don't, I never consider it to be like, you know,

I'm the boss or it's my show. I'm just like, I'm a guy working with other people. Yeah. You know, I have my moments. Yeah. Where I'm like, why isn't this going well? Who do I need? Who's in charge?

Oh, I can probably do something. I'm a judge. Because you can't act like the way that other people's shows. They'll kick you right off. That's what I figured out. But I just, it's just better to go through life being, I don't know if it's insecure or just sort of not thinking that way. I just don't, I don't have, I'm competitive

and I still get a little snippy and jealous. But in terms of like working, I always defer to who's guiding. You know, like if I'm working with a director or other actors, I'm not going to pull rank on anybody. It's like I'm here to, you know, work with everybody. Let's work together. Yeah, that's uh i like that approach better like hey we're putting on a show right little rascals right some people they have camps between the writers and actors yeah i remember this the second show i was on as a regular there was a camp between the two

and it was like uncomfortable oh my god what, my God. What show was that? Well, it was called Stacked with Pam Anderson and Christopher Lloyd and me. And those shows never work out well, you know, if you got that shit going on. I don't understand, like, you know, when you hear these stories about people, you know, pulling rank and being prima donnas or doing crazy shit just to show that they can. It's like, I don't understand. I don't understand where the fuck that comes from. Like, I'm not going to set today until they get me the shoes I want. It's like, what are you, fucking four?

I just don't understand that. Well, that show wasn't like that, but I've seen it. I've seen it on other shows. That show was actually pretty pleasant most of the time. Oh, good. That's the guy from Modern Family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good.

But I've been on shows where you're like, is this really happening? Like this guy, they gave him a gun, a plastic water gun. They're like, your plot line is you play a water gun with the grandson.

And he's like, well, I don't support guns. Well, yeah, but this is a character and we're paying him. Yeah. And he does the whole episode and at the end

he goes up to the producers and just smashes the water gun right in front of their faces. I'm like, that's crazy behavior. You know what I mean? He made his point. Yeah, yeah.

Now he's telling a different version of that story. Yeah. I showed them. Yeah. I'm guilty of that, too. I was doing a show and they were really coming at me with fat jokes. Yeah. And I was like, hey, I don't mind fat jokes.

Can I say something back? Can we spread them out? Yeah. fat jokes can i say something back can i can we spread them out yeah uh can not can uh the plot line be for every episode not can it not be that nobody wants to fuck me yeah you know i mean that's when i wrote that bit yeah you know so it's like uh and they're like well he doesn't like fat jokes and then it becomes telephone game yeah like he doesn't like fat joke brian's brian threw a squad more people being copied on the emails yeah and then it's like at the end you're flipping over the craft service table and the story.

Like, Brian went nuts. Like, I said one thing to one person in a nice way. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they asked me. Yeah. Did you flip over a craft service table?

Yes. No, no. What I'm saying is that it changes. I think my exact- Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Like, yeah, he killed a man. Yeah. Yeah, right, right.

It's telephone game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just gets worse and worse and worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, I've seen actors get jealous of other actors and have them fired from the show. Like I've seen that. I've seen sitting at lunch with a really nice actor

who's been around, he's in movies, and he's sitting, we're learning lines together, and he gets a phone call and he's fired right in front of my face because somebody else was jealous of the lines he was getting. It's sad. Yeah, I learned how, like, I knew that I wasn't that great an actor when I started, and I think I'm slightly better now. But, like, I always knew, like, I can understand that jealousy.

But, like, with me, you start to realize, like, well, if it's good, it's good. You know, if that guy's going to steal the scene, let him have it. Right. It's only going to help us. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, I mean, a lot of times when you work with actors who are better than you, you're better. Right. Yeah. You know, and it's just sort of us yeah i mean it's like you know i mean a lot of times when you work with actors who are better than you you're better right yeah you know and it's just sort of like he can have the scene let him have the scene like if if they had done that with jaleel white on family

matters or henry winkler on fucking happy days when he was taking over more with those shows nobody would know that sure if the guy who played mr what played Mr. Tom Bosley from fucking Happy Days was like, this show's about me, not about Henry Winkler, the show would have been canceled. It would have been terrible. Yeah. So which show did you move out for? What brought you to LA?

I did a pilot with Steve Korn first with Tiffany Thiessen, and then they threw me on a show called Three Sisters with Vicki Lewis from NewsRadio, A.J. Langer from My So-Called Life, Diane Cannon was in it. Oh, Diane Cannon. And the writers now write The Middle, this great show called The Middle, which they've had me on, because they're awesome girls. Yeah. So they

didn't like me from the meeting, because they had heard this guy was funny in the pilot, so let's call him in. And I just said, you guys write me a scene and i'll show you i was like interpersonally i'm not that interesting like i'm sure all the listeners who are wondering how much time is left in this interview no are you know that's what they were like how much time is left in this interview i um i just write me a scene yeah so i got they wrote

me a scene and i got it and then they gave me five grand to move yeah and then i moved really quickly and i just uh and then literally after the first episode aired, people are recognizing me online. I'm like, wow, I'm on TV. Yeah. On NBC. Getting an unholy paycheck. Paid off by student loans.

And then literally 9-11 happens. And the last thing people want to watch are three sisters on fucking NBC light comedy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It just died a slow death. So that was unfortunate. But you got your student loans paid off.

And I got to learn to act without anybody watching with network money. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, you're great on those shows. And if I look at the thing here, you're a guy that shows up on shows. I remember when I saw you on Mad Men. I was like, there's Brian. Yeah, that was a thrill.

Thanks, man. Thanks. Scalero's on Mad Men. Like, I remember when I saw you on Mad Men, I was like, there's Brian! Yeah, that was a thrill. Thanks, man, thanks. Scalero's on Mad Men! Thanks, man. You were someone's boyfriend, right? Smoking a cigarette, I remember. Yeah. I mean, and there was like,

how many series did you get that, you know, like that went a season? I was a regular on two network sitcoms. Three Sisters ran a season, and Stacked ran two seasons, but a short and first season. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun. Yeah. We're ran two seasons, but a shortened first season. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun.

Yeah. We're Going with Christopher Lloyd was a lot of fun. I bet. It's exciting to work with those guys you grew up with. Yeah, and you don't say anything to them for two weeks, and then you sit down, and you get the right thing to get them talking. You know what's a horrible thing to realize when you do, because the only experience I've had with television

is doing my show, and I've had big actors on it. Eric Stolz, Judd Hirsch. Sure. Alex Rocco. Wow. Elliot Gould.

Wow. Sally Kellerman. Like, these are big movie stars from the 70s. But after a certain point, like, come like season three or four,

you start to realize, like, they're actors. Yeah. You know, like, which is good because it's humanizing.

Yeah. Because it's very hard to separate, you know, your childhood reverence for these people. And then all of a sudden you realize like this is a job they did like when we're casting it's the most demystifying fucking thing you could ever do like we're like we gotta cast this guy's uh old guy and then they're you know the casting agent sends you all this stuff all these people that are available i'm like you can just get that guy

yeah that guy's great yeah you think he's still working just yeah just because your dvd's still on the player right but he's hasn't worked since but yeah or else he's i haven't seen him right he shows up and stuff but that that's their job yeah it's a hard job they're really shitty job you always have to apply constantly right you're like when a guy gets when you're on a regular show and everyone's like i'm buying a house i'm like just don't do that until season three. Don't buy a house until season three. Right. Yeah, I've known a lot of guys that did that.

Comics. Guys who get the show built around them. They're like, cars for everybody. Yeah. Yeah, I miss that, though. And I'm trying to get back to it. What? Like being a regular on something.

I was a recurring, after the writer's strike yeah it was just like i'm i'm a guest role now yeah you know now i'm fat and 42 now that half the shows are reality shows and now the fat best friend has been replaced by the minority best friend right so i'm like there's less jobs yeah plus i'm heavy and old yeah and in this business it's like they don't want heavy and old unless it's like the angle i don't know know. They show up. I mean, it's like there are rare things. Not even rare, but you don't know how something's going to come together or how someone's going to fit in. It happens.

Yeah. I just was close to a Chuck Lorre sitcom. I was close to it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And they wanted a heavyset 42-year-old Italian. And I'm like, okay. I can do that.

Yeah. I was like, I just have to show up. Yeah. I did. And they were like, you're perfect. And I'm like, thanks. Yeah. Like, we're going to ask you And I'm like, okay. I can do that. Yeah. I was like, I just have to show up. Yeah. You know, I did. And they were like, you're perfect. And I'm like, thanks. Yeah. Like, we're going to ask you.

I'm like, okay. And then what happened? We called them. They're like, oh, we decided to change the character. And I'm like, wait, you changed it from a brother to a black guy? What happened? Yeah. It just, it changed.

You know what I mean? And so it's like, okay, I didn't get a chance because they changed the character and that's not my fault. Right. But it's nice to know that it's been 10 years since Stacked, and I got close again. Yeah. And I had a bunch of recurrings on four cable channels, shows.

It's not over. Right. For a while there, I felt it was over. When you finally get what you've always wanted, and being on Stacked and watching it implode for one reason or another, and you're like, man, nobody's listening to my point. Right. I was like, I don't know if this is not the job I wanted.

Or when you get there, when you finally achieve your goal in life, you look around and go, have I been ignoring my parents? And did I not go to Julia's fucking camp trip with her parents? I could have been in that relationship still if i hadn't chased this goal my whole life yeah then you get you're going like i don't know if this was all worth it right so i was lost for like i would say six years just going through the motions doing comedy yeah but not writing yeah and i was just lost really is that when you're doing the drugs uh there was some drugs in there yeah Yeah. Yeah. It was not a great six years.

I just didn't know what to do with myself. Right. I was like, well, I already did it. I was a regular on two network sitcoms, and neither one of them went, and it's not my fault, but now it's what happens now. Now I'm not the flavor of the moment. The momentum has been killed because of the writer's strike. What happens now?

Yeah. What do I do? I don't really, I'm not even enjoying stand-up at that point in my life. So what do I do? Do I just wait until I die? Yeah. Am I now just a mentor to younger comics? Yeah. What do I do? I don't really, I'm not even enjoying stand-up at that point in my life. So what do I do? Do I just wait until I die? Yeah. Am I now just a mentor to younger comics? Right.

Like, what am I? The guy sitting there? Yeah. Go talk to Brian. Yeah. This is what you're going to do. But it's like, I would say the past two years, I've had a little bit of an act three begin. Yeah.

Where like, I'm on Castle in two weeks. Like, I'm learning back to how to audition again. Yeah. Where, like, I'm on Castle in two weeks. Like, I'm learning back to how to audition again. Yeah. And I'm like, if I put a video camera in front of me in my living room, just do the lines on my video camera, I'll watch it back and go, all right, that line could be better. You should keep your eyes up here. You know, like, you can look.

You're directing yourself. Yeah, and so then when I go in, I'm alive. Yeah, yeah. And probably for years in the care. The point is, I'm caring again. And I'm i'm hoping act three like i'm hoping that god this isn't the end of act three you know what i mean but this podcast yeah it's like could this be the scene where brian learns you know and then like i get killed yeah we're number by the guy i can tell you're funny now i mean i can tell you're like into it yeah you get up there and we you know we you know like

it's fun to go to the store now and see guys like you and Dom and dudes. There's a working man's ethic to it where it's like, you're going to do your job tonight? Yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm going to try to do my job. I'm going to care. I'm caring again.

I want to go on stage and make it an experience. I'm competing with very famous comedians. Some are on TV currently. Some are just really well-known, established legends. And how are they going to remember me? Well, I'm going to just give them 15 minutes of a lot of shit. Yeah, it's funny. And then I'm going to leave.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. You've been so supportive, man. Yeah. Well, it's been great. It's always great to see you. Yeah. You've been so supportive, man. Yeah. Well, it's been great. It's always great to see you. And again, I'm sorry about that one role.

I'll keep it. Oh, no, dude. You were so kind. That's what I'm saying. You were so kind about it. Yeah. When I saw, were we allowed to talk about it? You brought it up.

Sure. When I saw Schubert go by in the golf cart, I'm like, it should go to him. He was like, hey, Brian. And I was like, that should go to him. I didn't even know. It just made sense. I didn't even know he was auditioning. Well, like I said, when I opened the part, I was like, I don go to him. He was like, hey, Brian. And I was like, that should go to him. I didn't even know he was auditioning. Well, like I said, when I opened the part, I was like, I don't know if this is the part that would suit me best. If somebody could tell the story better, if they had that look. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think I had that look. Yeah. Yeah, you both would have been good. But yeah, but it was just, but I wanted to be honest with you. It was nice of you to write. Thank you. That's my whole point, how you're a very given guy now. And I stopped you in front of that girl, and I was like,

you know, there's a lot of guys at your level that aren't as generous as you. And I got to tell you, it really means a lot coming from you, your generosity. Well, thank you, man. And then you looked at your girl, and you were like, did you hear that? And the guy just walked away. I was like, yeah. I guess I avoided a fight that night. Yeah, yeah.

All right, buddy. Good talking to you. Yeah, thanks for having me on. Yeah, man, it's great. I love him. I love Brian. If you want to have fun and get some laughs, go see Brian wherever you can.

And go check out WTFpod.com, powered by Squarespace, for all your WTF needs. Yummy. Oh, am I into playing guitar? Can I play some really distorted fucking monster guitar? Can I do that on a Les Paul in a fucking pedal business?

And brrrr! monster guitar can i do that on a les paul in a fucking pedal pedal business and Boomer lives! Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising.

Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Center in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at

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