WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 865 - Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Date: November 19, 2017

For Christina Pazsitzky, comedy was finally something she enjoyed doing after burning through twenty-two different jobs in the course of four years. She talks with Marc about her troubled teen years, her ineffectual degree in philosophy, her general post-college aimlessness, her stint on MTV Road Rules, and the other circumstances of her life that made the grind of standup comedy seem exhilarating by comparison. Christina also talks about how she and her husband, Tom Segura, are dealing with the early years of parenthood. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category.

And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talked to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Lock the gates! All right, let's do this. How are you? What the fuck, buddy? What happened? All right,

let's do this. How are you? What the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fucking ears? What the fucksters? What's going on? I'm Mark Maron. I'm punchy. I'm tired. I haven't really slept. How's it going? Yeah, this is my podcast, WTF. Welcome to it.

I flew in very early this morning, today being Sunday that I'm recording for you on Monday for this lovely show featuring the very funny and great Christina Pazitsky. Man, I better pronounce that right. Pazitsky, P-A-Z-S-I-T-Z-K-Y. Christina Pazitsky. Pazitsky. We talk about it. I think that's it.

I think I got it. I love her. She's married to the very funny Tom Segura. They have a podcast together called Your Mom's House. She also has a great special out now called Mother Inferior streaming on Netflix. She's got her own podcast, That's Deep, Bro. So you can check those out wherever you get podcasts. This is the first time we've really gotten to talk.

We did a live one many years ago, but had a great chat. So that's coming up. That's coming your way. I'm tired. I'm chunky. I'm a little bit delusional. I was in Hartford, Hartford, Connecticut yesterday. I flew out there Friday night. I'm trying to, as I told you before, I'm moving. Everything's in limbo. I seem to have a hard time detaching from, I just, I don't know how long I can keep in this limbo. At some point, I just gotta, I gotta move, right? I gotta just move, right?

I don't know, man. Everything is so complicated. I just, whew, flew out there late Friday night, half awake, stressed out. That flight was all screwed up. Went through Chicago. Then I got to Hartford, not an electric city. I got nothing against it. I remember driving through Hartford a lot. Hartford was a place that you kind of went through. I think on 86 maybe, if you took the right way from New York to Boston, you would kind of move through Hartford and go like, hey, I guess that's Hartford. But yeah, I went there for this thing called the CT

Forum. It's a nonprofit that does a big lecture series and works with high school kids and does all kinds of interesting stuff with a lot of sponsors. But it was a panel. It was a comedy panel booked months ago. It was me, Tig Notaro, and Fred Armisen, hosted by a fella named Colin McEnroe. And it was kind of a lovely event. I had not seen Fred in a while. I had not seen Tig in a while. I had not talked to either of them.

And it was like a full evening. It was kind of wild, actually. I wake up the next day in Hartford, Connecticut. I don't turn my watch back. I keep it on LA time because I know I'm just going to be fucked up because I'm only there two nights. But the view I had from my room was just into an atrium. I keep it on LA time because I know I'm just going to be fucked up because I'm only there two nights.

But the view I had from my room was just into an atrium. I opened the curtains up and there was a view of a lobby, which is a little, I don't know. It makes you feel like THX 1138, like we're no longer allowed to go outside anymore. So that was disconcerting. And the hallway was a little noisy. Why am I just rambling on about this? So the event starts where me and Tig and Fred Armisen, we go and meet with this group of high school kids who have questions for all of us about comedy. And I hadn't seen Tig in a long time and I hadn't seen Fred in a long time. And it was really, you know, there is something about the comedy community. It was good to catch up with everybody it was fun to see those two in particular because we were all

together and it was sort of an odd group and it was interesting to see how everybody responded in talking to uh to addressing questions of people interested in comedy young people and we did that for a few minutes and then we were taken to some cocktail gathering where we all had to uh sort of hang out and engage with the regular working people that that's something as a comic you you know you do it after shows sometimes and maybe if you're you know on set but that's you know show business working people but these were just people from all the different sponsors who had uh different affiliations with the CT Forum. And it was like a cocktail hour, and they'd set us all up at different stations within this bar area. Like we all had a table with our name on a little placard sticking out of the table.

So I was just standing at a small round bar table with the note card which just said Mark Maron on it. And I just was there available to people to come up and talk and take pictures and answer questions. And Tig was in some other part of the room and Fred was in another part of the room. And we just kind of stood by our names and talked to people. And it was actually very pleasant. I don't know why. It was just I'd been in my head and so upset about things and so stressed out with moving and other stuff. And it was nice just to get out, hang out with some comics, and talk to regular people.

Then we had this big dinner thing. It was like a wedding almost where we were assigned tables. We were all at different tables. I was with a bunch of people from Comcast who were a sponsor. And I talked to the fellow from Comcast for a while about their business model and comedy and this and that. And he was a big fan of the podcast. And I don't know. It was a relief.

It was a relief to get out of L.A., to go do an event that was proactive, a nonprofit that did good work in the world, and to sit and talk to regular people. This was an epic experience. And the panel was great, too. It was really fun. The guy, Colin McEnroe, did a great job. And we did like an hour, it seemed like, of him just asking us questions

and us talking together. There was a lot of laughs. There was a lot of talk about heavy stuff, not so heavy stuff, comedy stuff. And then there was a break. And then there was a Q&A. And that got fun and everybody was funny. And I don't know. And then we all afterwards climbed onto this jolly little bus with some of the organizers and went back to the hotel.

And I don't know what to tell you, but it was a sweet event. And I want to thank them for having me out. And it's good to see everybody. I tried to find a restaurant downtown Hartford on Friday afternoon. It was not easy. I went to some Italian place and it was just me and a family of four eating there. I'd like to think we ate together, but I don't think they saw it that way. I was the guy alone, you know, occasionally mumbling to himself a couple of tables over, but it was good food. What are you going to do? Then I flew back this morning at four in the fucking morning. And it was just one of those things, man, where, you know, you just get to the airport.

I flew. The flight was at 625. I booked the car wrong. So I was there at 10 after four. And then it was late coming in. And then I just saw the vests. I saw the guys in the vests going on the plane. I'm like, oh, fuck.

Now I got to get back. I got to get back to talk about exactly what I'm talking about right now. I got to get back to talk about whatever's about to happen here at this airport so I can get the show up by tomorrow. A little delay. Just the seal problem. The vague seal. A seal needed to be pushed up. So they pushed up the seal and we got the fuck out of there.

I made it home and now I'm punchy. What can I tell you? Can I just start Christina now? I can't, right? I need to get a nap or something. I need to move some things. I need, oh, God. I got to study my lines for tomorrow.

Christina Pazitsky, Pazitsky, is, as I said before, she's got a special on Netflix called Mother Inferior. And she does a show, a podcast with Tom Segura, her husband, called Your Mom's House. She does her own show called That's Deep, Bro. And this is her and I talking about philosophy a bit and other things. Great time. Great, great.

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Chat. Pazitsky is terrible. It's the worst. Pazitsky? Yeah, Pazitsky. Pazitsky. Like, Georgia Gabor. Yeah. My whole life, it's just, I hate it.

I'm over it. So, Christina P.? Yep, that's it, dude. That's the new special? That's it, bro. What'd you call the special? Mother Inferior. Well, you know, because they were like, you got to tap into that mom.

And I was like, all right. Yeah. Okay, I'll do it. Yeah. Well, I mean, you might as well, right? Well, I want people to watch it. You know, because the title I originally had, they're like, no. Which one?

What was that? I hate my child? No, it was just called Good Job. Because my dad believes you should only praise a child once a day you say one good job a day and look what happened to you are you telling me you telling me well i guess he praised you at least he had a uh uh uh like he had a system right at least you're getting praise i feel feel like, though, to become funny, you can't get. It's the opposite.

You have to have a lot of self-loathing. It's got to cultivate. How does that happen, though? I'm just dealing with that today. I stopped doing nicotine. I was doing the nicotine lozenge. I heard this, yes. And now I'm just like, I'm all down on myself.

All this fucked up insecurity is coming back. All the demons howling, telling you you aren't good enough. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's great. And all it was taking was nicotine to keep that shit down. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, you used to take more, but that was working. Yes.

I loved smoking. I smoked for 17 years. It was fantastic. What do you use now? Just to... No, nothing. I white knuckle it and I go see my shrink. Yeah.

And I just, I feel my feelings now. Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. What are they? Yeah, I know. Mine seem to be revolving around like sort of like, oh, I'm sort of sad and nothing's that great. Oh, nothing's that great.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of sad because I was very very i was so angry my whole life i think until i got into psychotherapy and now i like now i've learned that it's okay to have the feelings and then they pass and then you can just be okay again but i didn't i didn't know that people had feelings that they felt and then yeah you know yeah just anger it all okay like because i think they say it's sadness is like i think anger anger is sort of a go-to for a lot of emotions. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like if you're the ones that are more uncomfortable, sadness. No, fuck that. I'm going to fuck that. I want to get punk rock. Yeah, yeah. Fuck sadness. Yeah.

Rebellion's more fun. Let's fucking write some jokes and stick it to the man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that. And then when you take that away, it's just sort of like, no, that's kind of sad.

I just want to eat something. Oh, that too. I used to eat a lot on the road. That was my jam. Like, you know, you do your show, you're all pumped, and then you go back to your sad courtyard Marriott, and then I would eat.

You just pillage the sad little candy bar shop they have there. Ice cream. Yeah. Snickers bars, M&Ms. Yeah. All just pillage the sad little candy bar shop they have there. Ice cream. Yeah. Snickers bars, M&M's. Yeah. All that. Mac and cheese.

Remember the hot goods? Oh, you do the hot goods? Oh, yeah. Not like the hot pockets. Those are disgusting. Oh, yeah? But you do which one? Mac and cheese?

Mac and cheese. I remember especially in Indianapolis, the hotel that Crackers put you up at, they had a specific one that was my jam. It was so disgusting what were i can't i've been to crackers in a long time but man they used to one downtown they used to put you up at like a halfway house yeah do you do you go that far back where they had that the winter house it was called they had sort of like a a con it was their condo but it was you know you go to that place there'd be police lines and yeah on the hallway

like what kind of fucking place this is nasty apartment like a furnished apartment situation it was nasty man no she they put me up in the outskirts one at that that like marriott oh yeah thing i haven't been there in years but they they weren't they didn't do a mainstream one when i was at broad whipple either that was another weird ass hotel. Oh my God. Can you believe, like I was just thinking about it, because with my special being out now, like I can't believe how many bad places

I put myself to get here. Do you know what I'm saying? Like the lack of self preservation and the lack of like, I should protect myself. I shouldn't stay in these places. I know. I don't know. Yeah. You're just so in it.

Yeah. And it's compounded by the fact that you're a woman. Oh, my God. And you're just like, you know, and I imagine that there has to be that moment when you're a comic and you're a road comic and you're a woman where you're at one of those places and you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah. Who are these people in my room?

Yeah. Yeah. Or just the point where you have to tell your agent, all right, if it's a hotel, the room faces indoors, not out to a parking lot. No sliding glass doors that face out. Like, come on, dude. I have to tell this to people. Like, this is my job.

So weird. And hotel life is a little creepy too. Oh, it's so lonely. It's so weird, right? Oh God. I've gotten a little more demanding as I've gotten a little bigger. You kind of should, yes. Yeah, it's just a little better.

But I like a Marriott Courtyard. What do you prefer, though? Let's be real. The Four Seasons or the Courtyard Marriott? Well, there's also the Hilton Garden ones, right? I like those Hilton Garden Inns. Yeah, those are all right. But I mean, I'm sort of weirdly courtyard marriott guy you know i if if i can't get a nice hotel even if i can get if if i have

a choice between an old-timey luxury hotel like a sheraton that's just like from the 70s and a courtyard i'll fucking do the courtyard the courtyards are they're updated well they're updated and you can and they have food and shit and they have enough plugs, you know, and you're not stranded in some, you know, Death Star, you know, giant hotel that you can't have food. And then there's no sidewalk on the street, so you can't walk anywhere. Yeah, those places. Or my favorite is when they have the restaurant and they're like, well, it's open from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m. and then it opens again at 7 p.m. And you're like, well, what am I supposed to do all day? Yeah, what am I going to do?

How do I eat? Yeah. This is before Postmates, too. Like, you would just walk to the IHOP two miles down. That's a sad walk in the strange town from the hotel that's not, there's nothing to drive to. You're the only one. I've had that conversation with so many comics where you're like,

where am I? You just walk out of that hotel with your sunglasses and you ask whoever it's like, how do I get to there? Like, are you walking? Yeah. Before Uber. Yeah. You're just walking places. And you think like, this will be good.

You have your notebook. Now you're about an hour and you're like, fuck, this seems farther than I thought. It's always farther. It's always two miles, three miles farther. You think it's going to be an easy walk? No. So wait, you grew up here?

Yeah, I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. What town? Like everywhere. Encino, Tarzana, Woodland Hills, West Hills, Canoga Park. Really? My folks divorced and they moved around. Were they in a very small Air Force? I know, right?

Just a valley-oriented military? We just moved. Like, the folks divorced. So I bounced between two two people and two people moved an average amount of times oh i see so i think over the span of my up how old were you when they divorced four yeah oh it's bad listen the childhood is textbook formula for a stand-up comedian how uh you have siblings i have three stepsisters for my mom's second marriage but they're you know marriage. But they came later. They came when I was like 12. Yeah, 12 or 13.

Triplets? No, no. There are three of them, but they're staggered. Teared? Yeah, they're great. They're great. They're wonderful. Oh, really?

Yeah. They got the healthy childhood? No, no, no, no. She was just a tumbling disaster, your mom? Oh, holy. I mean,. She was just a tumbling disaster, your mom? Oh, holy. I mean, how much time is a show? Like, do we?

Oh, my God. What'd your dad do out there? So, okay, here's the story. Yeah. So, my folks are Hungarian immigrants, hence my last name, Pajitsky, which now I'm- Like, with accents and everything? Yeah. Old school, dude. Old country.

The communists- Do you speak Hungarian? Not well. Like, at a tiny baby level. Did they used to speak it to, so you wouldn't understand what they were saying? No. I understood. I understood.

But anyway, they escaped from Hungary in 69. Escaped. Who was taking over? The Russians. Right. They went crazy. They screwed up the country pretty bad. So the Russians came and annexed all of Central Europe, Eastern Europe.

And we had the Soviet Union and they screwed up everything. So my folks were like, fuck this out. So my parents were like 20 years old and like 19. They got married and they fled. When you think about it, imagine fleeing your mother country. What were you doing at 19 or 20? Just trying to figure out who I was, man. Reading some of these books halfway through smoking cigarettes yeah smoking cigarettes you

know going goodwill shopping yeah oh right that's so important too yeah who am i yeah yeah what do i want what do i like is this haircut gonna work out how are these glasses frames how am i gonna get laid yeah how does that work how am i gonna how do i what do i do with that i'm so obsessed with that girl i think i'll write something about her what was your game when you're 20 yeah i don't know that i had much game i think the game i don't think i got game until a little later well now your game's on point yeah you got the game took a long time took about 40 years to get my game on point i don't know man you know I you know when I was uh 20 when I was in college I sort of was doing a lot of stuff I was you know I would it was in plays and I directed things I was doing photography and I was studying English and art history and writing for the paper and oh so you're

interesting yeah full-on like I want to be an intellectual guy yeah yeah and I don't think I ever got it I mean I got the i got the costume got the books yeah you know i got it i i have i have a i'm a pretty good thinker but i like to really do the studying to know shit i realized at some point to to like to be an english professor or something it's like oh you gotta focus on a very specific area and then you get i never quite got the hang of philosophy yeah and that kind of stuff yeah but i was a creative guy you know it was always about you know writing things and you know poetry i was into and uh and then eventually i i got my heart broken i started drinking and

comedy became and there you go there you go formula i always wanted to be a comic and i was like finally i'm here this is what there's other way. So you were like the brooding intellectual, were you smoking cigarettes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was a broody philosophy major, black. I still wear a lot of black.

Yeah. Depressed. Yeah. I didn't know that standup was an option for me. I didn't know yet. I knew performing was an option, you know, but I, and I knew I wanted to do it, but I had never wanted to be an entertainer. I just wanted, I wanted to figure some shit out.

Yeah, me too. I had some shit to say. Where am I going to say it? Yeah. Yeah. Because I think I knew that life felt fucked up. Like I was like, something's wrong. I don't know what it is.

Something's weird. Can't be me. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Childhood was great. What are you talking about? Parents are perfect. I'm so on to everybody's shit.

Yeah. I'm on to this. Yeah. So you were a philosophy major yeah i studied philosophy uh in school yeah and then um i graduated they weren't hiring at the philosophy company from college yeah but wait let's go back to your parents so they got here they come from hungary and yeah and how they get get it together so it launched like they escape on foot, which is bananas. They cross the ocean on foot? Well, so they go in there and they swim. They went to Yugoslavia. They got caught. They got kicked.

It was like a long thing. Anyway, they ended up in Italy in like a camp, like a refugee camp in Italy. And then after a year, theolic church sponsored them to go to canada and so they moved to canada wow and windsor ontario very glamorous across from detroit yeah and that's where i was born and then we moved to the u.s four years you canadian citizen yeah still no i have to i think i think i am because i was born, but my passport is expired a long time. Oh, yeah. I got to figure that out.

Yeah, you should. I know. I kind of want to be. You might have to go. I was thinking about that when November 8th came around. Me too, buddy. Me too. I never envied Canadian citizens more.

All these comics that I knew that were Canadian, I'm like, you guys can just go back. Yeah. Yeah, we're here. Oh, man. I dug it up, though. I will admit. November 9th, I dug it up, and I was like, time to get this thing renewed. I did the exact same thing then. Yeah. Yeah, we're here. Oh, man. I dug it up, though. I will admit. November 9th, I dug it up. And I was like, time to get this thing renewed.

I did the exact same thing then. Yeah. I didn't follow through. What? I didn't follow through yet. No, I had some other stuff to do first. Then I was going to do it. I was like, mine still had like eight months on it.

And I'm like, I've got to do it. I got to do it. So I just, it's very quick if you do the Express. Okay. If you already have a passport. I do, it. So I just, it's very quick if you do the express. Okay. If you already have a passport. I do, but it was from when I was 16. Oh, so it just doesn't even work. Yeah.

It's like, it's been a while because I became a US citizen when I was in high school when I was like 17. So I don't. Was there an event? Yeah. Yeah. I went downtown. Did you do it?

What do you mean did you do it? I was born here. Oh, I thought you were born. Nevermind. I thought you were more Canadian. Sorry. No. Yeah, you go to like a theater down here, and then they play a Neil Diamond video.

They're coming to America. Are you serious? It's so awesome. Yeah, it's the best. And I became a citizen on April Fool's Day of like 1993. And then, of course, the big joke, the guy giving the... Oh, yeah. Like, who is that?

Not really. And then, you know, I had had a hot dog and like it was the best it was the best that's what they did they had a hot dog cart there yeah for everyone to have a hot dog yeah and a coke and yeah and a coke hell yeah really you're not making that up no it's what i got yeah so you're born there you're when do your parents everyone when does everyone move down here so 1980 we get into a van and drive to the U.S. We drive to California, to the San Fernando Valley. And my dad loved it here because he came and visited before

and just saw the beach and like hot chicks, like everybody's blonde and hot. And he was like, this is where I need to be. This is where it all is. And we just, we stuck around in the San Fernando Valley and then, you know, they- Those were your father's priorities, married with a child?

Yeah. Interesting. I know, isn't that weird? Gosh, that's so weird, Mark. How did you pick up on that one? He's out about it too. Like, we're going to San Fernando Valley because there's hot chicks there.

I know. So, yeah. And what did he settle into as a business? He was a very successful business owner. He fixed forklifts in Canada, and he started his own company in the U.S. here, which was amazing. Fixing forklifts? He would repair them, sell them, buy them used. Forklifts.

Fix them up and sell them yeah and he had a really specific i know isn't that it's i don't know how did your mom work she did she did real estate with my stepfather later on and uh and yeah yeah they're both still around no they're both dead my mom and my stepdad they both died within like a year of each other and your dad too he's he's around Oh yeah? He's here, yeah. He's still around. Is he around more now? You got a kid?

No. But my dad's the same way with my brother's kids. Like, you know, my brother's sort of like, no, he doesn't come around. No. I don't need him around. No. Right?

It's okay. You know, if he doesn't want to come, I'm good. Well, that's the thing. Like, do do i really god's kind of a blessing i'm like that's fine yeah it depends like yeah it depends on how bad your relationship is with him or or what yeah what do you want to open up that can of worms for whatever right yeah wait so your dad though i know you made fun of it on marin i love that he lived in a van like in front of you that's not real i mean thank god that's not real it's metaphorically sure it is yeah he's always there in the van in my mind right yeah no i i'm okay with him you know he does take some hits and i get i i know that my

i'm getting older or maybe i'm uh something like i'm on the new special i took a shot at him but you know it was it was i shot at him, but you know, it was, it was, I thought it was pretty broad. You know, I, the,

the joke was, do you remember the day you realized your father was an asshole? I have an asshole father joke too. You do? Oh man. God damn it. But sorry. Yes.

Go ahead. It's not the same, right? No. Okay, good. But, but you know,

it gets a laugh and then like I kind of flesh it out, but he's taken a lot of hits over the year. Like I've definitely, you know, I, I won that one. Yeah. yeah now as long as i outlive him i i i win but if something fucking happens to me and i go down and he's still alive then fuck him he fucking wins the big game but uh but like i felt a little bad is what i'm saying like that's a nice it's a good sign that like i i knew it was it was kind of light-hearted that as as they go yeah in in relation to what i've done in the past to him on stage yeah but i still i was sort of like i think he's had enough yeah let him up you know see i actually had more anger towards my mom for so many years and i don't know that i can i don't know how to

write about it entirely like it's somewhere it's some of it's in my special, and I talk about her, but I'm going to get there. I think the next hour will be more about that. Yeah. She was mentally ill. My mom was borderline personality disorder. Oh, my God. Borderline, coming back around.

Oh, yeah. Terrible. And then became schizophrenic later. And the crazy part is that because my parents divorced, my mother got custody of me because back in the day, like it's just automatic. And I was raised by her, like just her and I alone in this apartment in the Valley. And so like the first 17 years of my life, I mean, she got remarried when I was 12, but I guess the first whatever, 12 years, I just thought everybody

lived in this crazy upside down land that I grew up in and like oh my god she found in man well she was hot well no no borderlines are pretty pretty sassy yeah they're yeah they are and they're kind of crazy yeah i guess and like she she's a huge rack she was blonde she was beautiful and like sassy you know yeah spicy yeah yeah like uh kind of like a live wire yeah yeah and i know i dated i did you've done a few of those well i know one at least and then i talked to pete davidson in here and he's he's just come out with he's borderline oh he is yes and he's talking about about it and what he's doing to treat it and you know it's a tricky uh profile it is is he he has you have to be in aggressive therapy. Yeah, yeah. He's doing it.

I'm glad. It's a lot for them, a borderline to cop to it. That's like half the battle with them because they don't want, it's never them. Yeah. Nothing is ever them.

Yeah. That's the issue part. So from four to 12, you're with her? Yeah. in an apartment but what's it what what what are the uh like what are the behavioral what what was the most noticeable manifestation of it yeah yeah so like there was a lot of absurd weird rules like little stuff like you can't put lotion on your palms you have to put lotion on the back

of your hands like just absurd like you can't eat sushi in the summertime because it's full of worms and then i remember like she would pick fights with people everywhere we went like if you go to a restaurant and someone sat her near too close to the bathroom or she thought it was like that fucking bitch sat me near the toilet because she doesn't respect me And you're like Why And she talked like that. Yeah, and really like a paranoia a lot of paranoia. Oh, yeah And they're always blaming you like you're always wrong for some reason like even when you're a little kid

You're like, what are you talking about? Yeah, it's not and black and white thinking. Yeah. Yeah, you even when you're a little kid, you're like, what are you talking about? It's not. And black and white thinking. Yeah. Yeah. You're in, you're out. Yeah. I love you. I hate you.

So that's why standup is like, Ooh, that's my jam. Yeah. It's home. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't feel good.

How's this going to go? Another night where I don't know if they're going to like me. Yeah. It's so alluring. And I, and unconsciously, cause my personal life is great. Like I'm,

I'm lucky that I have a good marriage I have a solid home life but I think the career I chose definitely unconsciously to fulfill that yeah cycle of like push-pull oh no I used to I used to do a joke like that was it what I like to do on stage you just say like that's what that's what I do I'll push you away just to pull you back in push you away for. It's a little dynamic I call dad. Wow. So what was mom for you? You know, I think that's the hidden horror.

Yeah, so you've been going after dad, but I feel like mom is ground zero. Yeah, yeah. That's the scab if you pick that one. Yeah, I'm living in it. I'm living in that. Dad's manageable because you just fight with them yeah they can take the heat but moms are a little they they play dirty pool because i feel like they're they're your heart of darkness like your mother is like i know it now because i have a

toddler he's two and it's hard not it's almost two it's hard not to love him it's hard not to just be like you're the best thing that's ever i love you so much like oh yeah so when it's not that way something's really something's really focaccia because yeah that that boo-boo that boy is my heart and my joy and like yeah fuck i will do it like i will die for that baby like i love yeah and you're and i don't know if everyone who listens to my show your husband's tom segura the funny man two funny people i love him yeah he Yeah, he is funny. He's the best. I like him. He's the best human, too. I just like him a lot. That's good.

You're married to him. Fuck. How's he taking to fatherhood? He's wanted a child since we first got together, and it's always been me. How long has it been? We've been together for like 12 years. Yeah. But I've always been terrified of becoming a parent because of my upbringing and my background.

So I was like i want to get my mind right like i want therapy to make sure that i'm not going to pass on this nuttiness to my kid you know when did you start doing that though like 10 years ago you've been therapizing for 10 years steady hell yeah in preparation to have a child not just basically no but i mean i like that because that's why i don't have any i mean i, I'm 54 and I'm like, I'm not passing it down. Yeah, because that's the fear. And I think a lot of people that rightly, like that's a good decision. Yeah, I'm not having a problem with it.

I know I'm selfish and panicky. And it's like, I can't even imagine having a child. Like it never occurred to me. Like growing up, people are like, you want a family? I'm like, no, I never occurred to me like growing up people like you want a family i'm like no no i just want to feel okay i just want to be a child yeah yeah i just want to feel like it's gonna be okay for me is this your inside all the time yeah kind of kind of oh god oh god i gotta do that oh and then i got it. Oh, God. Are you still there?

Is it that high? No. The anxiety? No, I guess it's something like I'm... I don't know if it's age or what, but some things are just have relaxed a little bit naturally. Yeah. I don't know what that is. I had a conversation last night with a guy about self-care.

That's the phrase my shrink uses. Yes. Oh, he used to be a shrink, this guy. Okay. Self-care. I've learned about that. Focusing on self-care as opposed be a shrink. This guy. Okay. Self-care. I've learned about that. Focusing on self-care as opposed to whatever the other thing is.

Yeah. And that's in relationships too. But like you've been with Tom for like 12 years. So that's a long time. Yeah. But, but you still had time before that to make a mess. I did. Yeah. I was not, um, I wasn't promiscuous.

It didn't go that way for me. My self destructiveness. Like, by the time I was 14, I was freaked the fuck out because my mom was nutty, and I was, like, suicidal and a punker, and I was out. Like, I was already out running the streets by 13. Drugs, though? No drugs? A little, like, dabbling, like, social, like, acid.

But you never got, yeah, you never got so fucked up. No. So, you're 14 and you're punk rock? I'm all freaked out. I'm all angry. You yelling at your mom? Yelling at mom, storming out,

taking the bus down to Hollywood, getting into nightclubs on a fake ID. Oh, that's right. And that's, what year is this? How old are you? You don't have to tell me.

Well, I'm 41 now, so this is like 90, 91. What's going on in Hollywood then? Oh, so great. Yeah. It was so cool, man. What's hip? Well, okay.

So there was this club called The Probe on Highland. And this is when Hollywood was still really dicey and shitty. And, you know, you come over the hill, you pay some like homeless guy to watch your car for you so it didn't get broken into. You drink in your car as it was parked in this lot. Yeah. And there is a club called Helter Skelter.

I was goth and punk and all that. Yeah. And, you know, we, and this is before like Hot Topic was around. So if you were goth, it was a full-time job. Like you'd go down to Aardvark's on Melrose. You'd find some smelly old velvet cloak or dress,

modify it, cut the sleeves off, put your fishnet stockings on your arms. Like it was a full-time gig. And Halloween makeup, I'd have to go to the Halloween store and buy my makeup, the white makeup and everything, like, once a year. For just day-to-day stuff? Yeah. Oh, it's a full-time job.

And so there was that. There were bands, you know. Were these underage clubs? It was 18 and over. Oh, okay. But I went downtown and you get a fake id and you give some guy 75 and he comes back with some bullshit looking thing but they didn't give a shit back then it worked hell yeah it worked you went downtown to get your fake id yeah my boyfriend

at the time did give him a picture and 75 bucks yeah i'm down on chevy chase or whatever and then the dude comes glendale oh no no chevy Chevy. No, what am I thinking of? Whatever the fucking street is in downtown LA. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. And then the guy comes back and then, you know, it's like a shitty handwritten, like it's not even real. But they let me in. And they did.

And they did. When you became a citizen, were you dressed in goth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I may have to give you the photo, my passport photo. It's like short on, the Vidal Sassoon cut, like short on one side, long on the other, like a hat bob.

Happy new American. Yeah. Like, you know, orange. Just, I had a Mohawk, too. Angry. You had Mohawks, too? I did. Yeah, yeah.

I lost my mind. So you're just running around in a car? Running around, you know, being angry. Not drinking, though, too much. I drank. I drank. I smoked cigarettes. I smoked pot.

I did a little LSD. Went to Lollapalooza. Like, you know, whatevs. When you were a teenager? Yeah. What was like the first Lollapalooza? Yeah. You did go to-

With fucking Suzy and the Banshees, Jane's Addiction, Ice-T's band, Body Count. And yeah, it was, yeah jane's addiction right it was so it was and i freaked out and i i lost my mind because i took two hits of acid instead of one and i had to leave the show early whatever yeah what did someone take you yeah some some dude some other person on acid drove us home that's so fucking stupid that's so stupid stupid how was what was the nature of the freak out? What was happening?

Why did you have to leave? Yeah, okay. So I took two hits instead of one and then Susie came on Cascades and I lost my mind. I had a retainer in

because I was only 14 and I threw my retainer across Irvine Meadows and I tried to take my velvet dress off and I had gloves on and my friends were like, you can't get naked at Irvine Meadows.

And my stepsister was with me and escorted me out. And then we drove home. How did my parents not know I was frying on acid? Do you ever think about that? Because that goes on a while, right? So you got home to Van Nuys. And yeah, you probably had a few hours still to go. I was out of my mind until like five in the morning.

You know, you're just laying on your back, just like, when's this gonna end? Yeah, I did mescaline once when I was in, I come back from college. I thought I was like hip and I went to some party with the local punks and Albuquerque and some guy gave me a hit of mescaline. And I waited like two hours and nothing happened.

Yeah. I went home and I got in the bed, in the bed that I grew up in i was saying to my parents and then it was just sort of like kaleidoscope yes the ceiling just just twists into a kaleidoscope of colors and i'm like and i wasn't in no way like that should have been entertaining but i was like oh no yeah it's happening now yeah and then like i was like i just could tell my parents someone put something in the soda and go to the emergency room and i was like don't do it don't do it just just see what's on television it was a black and white television and there was nothing on there was no cable but it was the beginning of cnn so they just ran the same like 10 minutes of stories over and

over again god in a loop all night so So I just sat there, focused on that. And when I closed my eyes, I'd be like, I don't know where I am. And I opened my eyes. I'm like, okay, I'm in my room. I couldn't close my eyes because I'd get lost. I made it through. Yeah, you do.

You just focus on something, right? You have to focus on television or something. But what could they do for you at the hospital? Because my stepsister was with me that night when I was frying too hard. You want someone to take care of you. You don't know how. I mean, it's not like, you know, what would they do? They'd be like, well, he seems to be on drugs.

Yeah. Lay down. Yeah. Keep an eye on him. Here's an IV. Stay hydrated. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you'd probably freak out even harder at the ER. Oh, yeah. I don't know what was going on. I can't, like, it's i i did freak out but i'm surprised i didn't you know baby i didn't kind of like help me like i'm very proud of myself and you were alone i made it yeah all because of that night what all the lessons that were learned so you go home and you freak but were you a regular acid person no you know a few times here and there again it wasn't drugs you don't like to always control yourself.

Yes, I'm very controlled. And so I eventually got out of my parents' house and I went to school in San Francisco at the University of San Francisco. I barely got into college. I'd fucking flunked out of public school, basically. And then I went to this all-girls Catholic school. It straightened me out entirely.

People hate Catholic school, but it saved my life. The nuns saved my life like the nuns saved my life got you a little discipline a lot of discipline a lot of structure yeah uniform so there's no like i'm goth i'm punk i'm what do you want you know what are you there's no boys so there was no like boy drama and that was senior year no this is freshman year halfway through my freshman year of high school oh you fucked up and they and so you went to catholic school for the whole rest of it yes no shit and it was awesome and i love it and i still like i donate money to that school to this day really yeah saved your life yes yeah 100 i love

the nuns love them oh yeah but you were living with a woman who was out of her mind yeah so like even if you weren't religious you're like that's stable it is so stable and yeah exactly and it was like i knew what to expect i knew yeah there's no surprises who am i who are you today sister antonia the same person you were yesterday yeah not great but not horrible no i know what to expect we're all wearing the same thing yeah it was great the the consistent yeah the consistency oh so good and then yeah college and then i've philosophy and then that's good though had you been up there before you went to college like once or twice and just could do the whole four years up there i did yeah i oh that's fun that's

a good city weird ass city and especially in the 90s when it was like gay dudes on tricycle or unicycles just butt fucking in the streets yeah it was so great like it was the it was the last of the awesome yeah you know you'd smoke a joint on the fucking muni bus and nobody would say anything or it was a wild place i lived there for a couple years i never quite figured it out but i i always you always felt like it definitely didn't feel like catholic school no like there was no structure there's no what is going on every day in san francisco i'm like who's in charge here what is happening yeah and there was a sense that um you could be 30 something and still act like a 20 year old it's full of them yeah you'd see guys at coffee shops

he just dropped out of college and he just never left no it's great just right here it's great but i did do one year abroad. I did the study abroad program and I went to Oxford and I studied philosophy there and that was fucking rad. So you got philosophy. You got it. You can wrap your brain around it.

Yeah, yeah. I think. I mean, I can write papers about it. Yeah? Yeah. I was never good at writing papers. What I would write is like 10, 15 pages of opening paragraphs.

Your work never evolved. Which is sort of like, I They're like, your work never evolved. Which is sort of like, I'd be like, this is what I'm going to set out to do. Oh, and this. And I'm going to set out to do this. All the intentions are there. Exactly. But never flesh anything out. Just one after the other.

That's fascinating. It's terrifying, the idea. Like, if I had to write a paper. Yeah. I would lose my mind. Right. It's a very involved, focused. You have to see it through. You have to. I know.

I like that. See, I like that shit. No, I like it, but I can never wrap up. I just could not get a handle on simple structure. Like there's your thesis. Support it. Close it up. Wrap it up.

Yeah. Well, you're free form, dude. I am. You know, you're like. Actually, that's. I think I am. My brain. No boundaries. Free form. You like up. Wrap it up. Yeah. Well, you're free form, dude. I am. You know, you're like. Actually, I think I am. My brain, no boundaries. Free form. Yeah, you like to go in and out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dip in and go there. And then kind of cop out. Sort of like, well, I'm doing something new with the term pig. It's a whole new approach. It's kind of poetry, kind of riffing. You're so funny. Didn't you do special ones with no set list?

Did I hear you talk about that once? Kind of. Yeah, like I brought a bunch of papers up there. Oh, my God. so funny didn't you do special ones with no set list did i hear you kind of yeah i know i like i brought a bunch of papers up there oh my god i did about an hour and a half on netflix a couple specials ago it's like we're just gonna wing it a little bit how did it feel like did it but that's your thing right not anymore the last two specials been tight yeah tight tighten that shit up i did it was very rewarding see i'm a perfectionist so the perfectionist in me was like let's get this shit tight i want every fucking joke to be a zinger i want it yeah bang bang bang

motherfucker yeah yeah yeah i'm very like i think especially as a female comic i always felt that pressure of like it you've only got one shot like the club's not gonna ask me back to headline if i suck and i'm the woman and oh i mean i feel female comics suck like i i can't do that for the rest of my fucking gender you know what i mean yeah i you know i never got that about clubs i was sort of like they're there to support whatever i do well sure yeah and sell alcohol never never got i never never built a big thing on the road before i i you know yeah i never like i'd go out a few times a year but it was always like you know the weeks were it weren't great yeah i mean i did my time out there

but i never built a following i always alienate club yeah i don't see i i felt a sense of like this is it i have to do or die and if i fail if i if i'm not successful at this like what what am I gonna do dude like yeah well I didn't have any of those answers yeah yeah somehow or another if you're a real comic yeah it gets in your head like that it's like there's no other options than this who's gonna hire me I've talked about

you know taking a dump on podcasts for the last seven years like what and also what skill set do we have come on after a few years but also at the beginning when you choose to do comedy and you're all in you don't think like there's another job anyways like i never i never thought like you know what was the other job i don't know what the other job was restaurant work maybe yeah that's all i came up with usually i did yeah i could do some restaurant work so. So wait, so you do the philosophy?

Yeah. And you graduate? I do, yeah. I take the five-year plan. In the meantime, I- I did five years too. That's a bad one. Why leave?

I never understand people who are- Take it easy on that last one. Yeah, but I never get why people are like, I can't wait to graduate. Like, why? Real life sucks. Like, you're in the ivory tower of academia. It's awesome here.

What philosophers are we studying, though? What would you focus on? Let's talk about it. Okay. I love it. And I still love it to this day. I love the existentialists. Yeah.

I like Sartre. I like Camus. I like Heidegger. Camus is nice because he's a fiction writer. I can wrap my brain around that. But like being a nothingness, which I have up there which was taught in a existential existentialism class that i took we only made it through like 25 pages and i cannot it's too dense and it annoys me did i throw it away let me say i wonder if i threw it away well i was so mad because that if you want to read sartre in my opinion there's a great little

book no i'm not even that one there's's a book called Existentialism and Human Emotions. It's like a tiny little booklet. And that one really summarizes his philosophy way better than being. But being a nothingness? That's too much, dude. I don't even, I don't mess with that. So, all right, so you do the studying. You do all right in college?

Yeah, I was a terrible student in high school, and then I got straight A's in college. So I went, oh, you know what? I think I'm smart, and I think that I just was not supported at all. Yeah, I did that. I did that, too. The last year of high school, I snapped into it. Right? And then you're like, oh, I can do this.

And that's when I got a bit of self-esteem like oh i think i'm okay you have fun in college though i you know it's funny how you talk about like i'm that i never have fun like i'm still not sure that i know how to relax enough in life honestly yeah like yeah just have fun like some there yeah sometimes but like what are we expecting i don't know i had this conversation with this guy last night about the difference between relief and happiness. Okay. Like, you know, that it's like feeling, you know, just being relieved. That's not having a good time.

Oh, oh, because that's... Yeah, right. I generally... Yeah, there are moments where I don't feel that anxiousness. Right, and it's sort of like, oh, this is good. Like everything's okay. I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yeah, that's not joy.

Oh. I'm sorry. What's joy then? I don't know. I don't know. It's uncomfortable and it's weird to look at. Yeah. Look at it.

I'm sure you see it in your kid. I do. I do. I see. And that's the thing too. Okay, so that's the hard thing. And I kind of try to go there in my special. Is that parenthood, like, the hard part about it is, like, yeah, it's the diapers and all the sitcom-y stuff that people talk about.

But the truth is, the hard part is, like, you realize what you didn't get as a kid. And that's the thing. Every day, you're like, what? Like, oh, my. How could they do that to me? Yeah. Or like, I didn't. Oh, that's interesting because he's pure joy and he doesn't hate himself.

There's no self-loathing. Yeah. There's no weird depressive stuff happening here. Like, you're born a certain way and then life kind of does what it does. And, you know, I'm trying to foster the good stuff. Yeah, people start saying you can't do stuff and it beats you down. Isn't that crazy?

That's crazy. First time you just said, no. Why would grown up even say that shit to you? Like, I remember my mother was like. But you got to say no to him, right? I mean, I don't know. No within boundaries. Yeah, like don't touch the stove.

Right. You're going to hurt yourself. You want to keep them safe. Right, right. But not no to an ambition or an inclination or like, I want to study dance. All right, let's go. Let's go, Billy Elliot. I'll put you in ballet tomorrow.

I'm not going to shame you on that. Right. Right? Yeah. But that's the tricky part. elliot like i'll put you in ballet tomorrow i'm not gonna shame you on on that right right yeah but that's the tricky part and i think in our culture too women are supposed to just be automatically great at motherhood and there's a lot of fetishizing fetishizing shishizing you can pronounce either way here um motherhood and pregnancy like every time a kardashian gets pregnant it's like baby bliss are we are we you know pregnancy is really hard on you physically emotionally spiritually yeah and motherhood too there's ambivalence some days there's some days you're great at it and some days you're like nah i can't i just can't well yeah why would you be a different person than you always

were but that's the that's the fuckery of it is that a lot of women, like, you're led to believe that once you have a baby, it's like this powder, this mist comes over you. And now I'm a mom and I'm not. And how do you reconcile your past self with this new identity? Yeah, with this amazing maternal perfect woman. That's right. And then the perfectionism. Who knew this was inside me? Thank God.

Yeah. And then you've got a lot of type a women who were great at careers and now they're focusing that kind of energy to raising children and it's like oh my god dude like you know like i was on the playground i i watch other moms and like there are the moms who are really good at momming yeah who narrate everything their kids doing um where they're just like, Cooper, put your foot up there. Good Cooper, Cooper, Cooper. Here's a snack, Cooper. Cooper has snacks. And you're like,

this kid to his mom who's three years old. Cooper? Cooper. Cooper went, I need space! And yelled at his mom. No, he didn't. And I was like, look at you. See how they know boundaries early?

It took me like 10 years in therapy to tell my mom to fuck off. And this kid figured it out. Where did he learn that line? I need space. Yeah. Back off mom. Back the fuck. I was like wow. Wow. Right?

Yeah. It took me a long time to learn. So as annoying as that woman was she taught him that too. Yeah. Right. Look when mommy's annoying just be sure you take the space you need. Yeah. Take the space Cooper. Take the space you need yeah take the space cooper take the space you want a snack i need space yeah i need space yeah you're devouring my fucking sense of self back off you're annihilating me yeah oh yeah i wish i could have done that me

too i did though we both did we both like you know it's you know eventually you're like fuck you yeah one way or the other yeah if you don't fight that fight i don't know what would happen i don't know what would happen being a gutter something right like i i really think that that like just thinking of it right now that if you have parents that you know are consuming or selfish or annihilating one way or the other if you don't fight back for yourself you may not know that's what you're doing but you're like i'm me fuck you yeah i don't know what happens to you right even the fight even if you fight you could end up fucked up but i mean if you just give into it uh oh it's sad it is fucking sad we were okay we're okay don't go there.

Everything's great. So when did you decide to start doing the standup? So I graduated and then I had four jobs. Sorry, 22 jobs in the span of four years where I either got fired or I quit. 22? 22 jobs. I made a list one day. Oh my God. I was bad at everything.

Like just everything. But on purpose? Like, you disengaged or really bad? I just didn't see the fucking point. Like, what jobs? Well, I worked in television because I did road rules. I forgot to mention that. So, a year in college, I took a semester off to do road rules, that reality show from the 90s where they put kids in a...

It's like the red-haired stepchild with Real World. You were in that? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Season six, Australia. How'd you get that? I went to an open casting call in a restaurant. In San Francisco?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I saw Flyer. Uh-huh. And I was like, oh, that sounds like fun. I want to get out of it. Because I was living in a tiny little closet. Did you know the show?

Vaguely. Yeah. Yeah, enough. Yeah. I knew the real world. I actually wanted to be on the real world. I was sitting on my ass for five months smoking cigarettes. That sounds awesome. Yeah. In another city. Sure. Yeah, in. Yeah. I knew the real world. I actually wanted to be on the real world. I was like sitting on my ass for five months smoking cigarettes. That sounds awesome.

Yeah. Like in another city. Sure. Yeah, in a nice place. Yeah. With a bunch of idiots. Get to be on MTV. There's nowhere cooler.

Fighting with people. Oh, that's that part. It wasn't like totally that bad by the time when I was on it. Oh. It was way more innocent. All right, so you get cast on Road Rules? Yeah. I take a semester off.

I go to Australia. I jump out of airplanes. I wrestle crocod crocodiles whatever wacky stuff that's exciting super exciting show business show yeah and that's i think the beginning for me where i felt like oh i got i got on the show just kind of being me and i don't know is all that video on youtube yeah it's so embarrassing i'm 21 and i think i'm like the coolest person ever i got it i got a tramp stamp tattoo on the show that i regret to this day what is it it's a fucking dumb dragon okay it looks like the low and brow uh-huh symbol is terror do you have tattoos did you ever don't i'm not a tattoo person but you have one it's so stupid yeah i regret it i've

dated people with tattoos and like eventually you don't notice yeah i don't know what's tom say he doesn't care there's the dragon yeah there it is target practice or whatever he makes some cum joke all right that's cool dude yeah so i do that stupid show that's stupid it actually, I'm actually kind of proud of it because it was in an era before reality TV got super. Right. Whatever. It was a good experience, right?

It wouldn't have gone to Australia. You wouldn't have touched an alligator, crocodile. Yeah. It was awesome. What boy were you in? Sydney? Yeah. We went everywhere.

Sydney. Oh, so it's actually you're on the road. That's the premise is that you're traveling. You're in a Winnebago. It's like the real world in a Winnebago. Oh, my God. I know. Good for you.

That's brave. It's crazy. And then you come back? And I come back. I graduate. But that's not the semester you did at Oxford. No. Before Road Rules, I did Oxford.

And I came back and I wanted to travel again. How was that for you in London? Or Oxford, England? What was it? Oxford is in where? Is it in Oxford? Oxford's in like an hour and a half right from london it's pretty right it's high end gorgeous and at the time radiohead had just started this

is like the 90s and they lived in oxford and so like you'd be walking to class and you'd see the fucking dudes from radiohead and i'd be like oh my god like they were known in england at the time but they hadn't like creep hadn't broke yeah broke. Yeah. And I remember being like, oh my God, there's radio. And that was cool. And it was beautiful. That's what you remember from Oxford?

Yeah. Seeing Tom York and the fellas. Yeah. And sandwiches. I ate these great sandwiches. Chocolates are better there. So much better. Cigarettes are more expensive.

But kind of taste a little different, a little weird. Yeah. And you want to believe they're better, but I don't know. It never stuck. I don't think they're better. I don't think so little different, a little weird. Yeah. And you want to believe they're better, but I don't know. It never stuck. I don't think they're better. I don't think so.

The ketchup never tastes right in any other foreign country. Yeah, man. I studied. I went to pubs a lot. I drank a lot. I lost a lot of weight. And then I came back. You take clothes in the middle of the day for a couple hours, the pubs.

Right. Yeah. But they start drinking at like 11. Yeah. Which is, anyway, I learned how to drink there. That was good. Sounds like a good Oxford experience. Yeah.

So you do road rules, you go back, you finish college. Yeah, finish school, I graduate, and I'm a fucking loser, man. I got this degree that is totally useless. But you were on television. Yeah, so I go work attv on a couple of shows like in la as a pa came back home came back to los angeles and um at the time my mom was sick so i was like i should kind of be near my mom she'd cancer this and that and then i i got a bunch of other jobs i

became a paralegal an immigration paralegal that was terrible i became a corporate paralegal i thought i went i went into law school for two weeks and dropped out. You got into law school? Yeah. Yeah. I got into law school. I went for two whole weeks. And then I was like, I can't.

I remember I was sitting in a criminal law class. And they were talking about murder. Yeah. And I was like, I can't. I can't do this. That was it? And that was it. I dropped out.

When did your mom pass away? 2015. Oh, so it lasted a while. Yeah. That was it? And that was it. I dropped out. When did your mom pass away? 2015. Oh, so it lasted a while. Yeah. That's true, then. Yeah. I was pregnant. I was like six months, five months pregnant with my son.

But she'd been fighting cancer for that long? Yeah, on and off. She got sick, and then it came, it went away, it came back. And you kind of held, you had a relationship with her always? Native. So then about eight years before her death, I had to cut ties completely because she'd completely lost touch with reality

and like was a shut in and she wouldn't send emails or use a telephone because she was convinced people were listening. Like she would send me cryptic cards with fucking weird things in them. And she diagnosed with schizophrenia?

Or you don't know? No, but I know having gone through her, she wouldn't go to a doctor for that. Like she was a borderline. or you don't know no but i know having gone through her she wouldn't go to a doctor for that like she was a borderline so they don't like usually that the onset of that is younger yes i think it was always she was always heading that way not in touch with reality right and then by the time the last eight years of her life, it had gotten pretty gnarly. Oh, God. So sad. Yeah, it was pretty intense. Who was taking care of her? She had some people, hired nurses and stuff that would keep an eye on her.

And her stepdad was gone? Yeah, they split. Oh. Yeah. But I get calls from her caregivers every now and then, like, she won't take her meds. I'm like, yeah, I know. What about your half-brothers and sisters? They're all half-step.

They're steps. Yeah. Oh, they're steps take her meds. I'm like, yeah, I know. What about the step? What about your half-brothers and sisters? They're all half-step. They're steps. Yeah. Oh, they're steps? Yeah, like from my stepdad's second marriage. Oh, so your mom didn't have any more kids? No. Oh, my God. No, thankfully.

No. So, oh, wow. Yeah. So it was really just, you know, it was just you and her still. Yeah. Yeah. That's a fuck. Wait until your folks die.

It's terrible. And you have to go through all their stuff. Oh, it's so bad. It's a fuck. Wait until your folks die. It's terrible. And you have to go through all their stuff. It's so bad. It's so bad. I know. she kept like printouts. She would like stalk my husband and I on the internet and print out interviews that my husband had given and like highlight things that she found were whatever in her mind. Like she would listen to our podcast

and hear messages and like write things down. And she would, there was this one journal I found where she had chronicled the dogs in the neighborhood that she had seen that day like brown dog 9 25 a.m whatever black dog and i was like what's happening here so bananas it was really weird yeah like active active mind what's going on oh there's a dog there's another dog i know what's going on i know it's so weird yeah it's lunacy i'm still

trying to kind of i mean i put it together a bit now yeah but you're still i'm still like what that what was that well it's sad because she probably she may have been able to been medicated properly if she could have gone you know what i mean like yeah yeah well i'm sorry you went through that all right it's over it's good so i'm did you start? That's the sound of fully processed emotions. Good. Everything's, yep. Yep. Moving on.

Anyways, what's up? But no, I really, I really. Fully processed grief. Oh my God. No, yep. What do you got to be? But I really have done work. I have seen a shrink.

No, no, yeah. It's fucking been. Yeah. I've been there and back. I'm fine. That's good. Yeah. no, yeah. It's fucking been. Yeah. I've been there and back. I'm fine. That's good. Yeah. Well, it's nice to have that.

So you cry and you move through the grief. They hold the space for you. You are able to do the deep work. You know all the phrases. Do you ever go to meetings? Sure. Oh, I haven't done those. Like Al-Anon or whatever.

What would you go to? Well, what is it? Al-Anon, right? Yeah, Al-Anon's all right for, yeah, codependency. Yeah. There's some of that I feel lingering. Was she a substance user, your mother? No.

But still, I think that when you have a mentally ill parent, it's not unlike being the child of an alcoholic. Correct. So, yeah, so the issues are still the same, this sort of like perpetual torture of reluctant caregiving and losing yourself in someone else's insanity. Exactly. Being a parentified child, as they say.

Oh, I hadn't heard that one. Oh, yeah. Parentified child. That's good. Yeah, no, I go to the AAs occasionally. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, I've been doing that for a long time.

I heard that helps. Yeah. But holding the space, that's not an AA term. That's a therapy term. Yeah. I think it is a long time. I know that helps. Yeah. But holding the space, that's not an AA term. That's a therapy term. Yeah. I think it is a therapy term. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, cause that like, once you know that term, you're like, oh, I get it. So you're going to hold the space so I can come unglued

and I got to trust you with that cause I'm paying you. Yeah. Not to, not to hurt me after. Yeah. I think too, like,

like I said, I talk about it a little bit on my special, but I don't know how to fully go there maybe in the next hour i will well maybe it's not meant for comedy the the dark shit to fully go there maybe fully go there in a safer place that's true maybe yeah i don't know why not keep that stuff private it's okay to work through that stuff and then maybe do a couple jokes about it yeah yeah you're, you're right. Well, because I think part of it for me, in talking about it,

it helps relieve the shame and the weirdness for me. To be identified, to feel seen. Yeah, normal and just normal. No, I do the same thing. I mean, I think we're similar comics in that. But there were definitely times where I would work through shit on stage comedically and I would not think I was doing you know, doing it for therapy,

but there's, but, but like in retrospect, I'm like, oh boy, I dragged some audiences through some garbage. Oh, oh,

that's what you say. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Like where it's just sort of like, that was not meant for comedy. And I don't believe in, and I don't,

when people say comedy is my therapy, I'm like, well run, then don't fucking do comedy because comedy is comedy and people have hired babysitters and are paying for a fun fucking i don't like when people claim that that's what it is it's like even if you're talking about yourself even if you're complaining and that's your comedy if you're like a a person that you know your your your point of view is you know complaining which is a fairly common comedic point of view. It's not therapy.

No. We're writing jokes. We're working this stuff out. Don't diminish it like that. No, people aren't laughing. I'm doing something horribly wrong. Well, I've done a lot of that. I've done that school of comedy before.

Yeah, but you gotta kind of move through that. Yeah. I mean, sometimes they don't laugh until they do. Right, that too. You're right. You know, like, through that. Yeah. I mean, sometimes they don't laugh until they do. Right, that too. You're right. You know, like, I don't know. I didn't know at the time that my bitterness was not entertaining. I didn't know that at the time that people were laughing because they were uncomfortable.

Oh, shit. Oh, okay. That's great. Wow. It's like, hey, laugh's a laugh. yeah but they they were just relieved when you were done yeah wow man yeah yeah i got past that figured out the balance yeah i you know because i came up like road dog you know what i'm saying like i i where'd you start in la i started in la but then i was like a road like a hard road feature i'm talking like i you know featured up and down florida i did all the fucking comedy connections with two x's in the title i did all the you know just going out as a feature so i was very lucky in that um april macy took me along as her feature act and so

like i did her clubs her circuit or whatever for yeah for like a couple years she's a booker no she's a comic she's a comedian she yeah she's been around for a minute uh i feel bad i don't know her yeah she's still around and uh so that that cool. And then I became a headliner and, you know, the rest. And you went back to those clubs. No, no, I did not. Oh, my God, no. So you're doing all the, like, real rough go. To feature, yes.

And I got lucky one night. It's not a bad, featuring's not a bad birth into it, you know, not being the local opener. Yeah. You know, the feature's sort of a sweet spot. At least you can build your act and you got a little bit of a buffer yeah i liked it i liked featuring it's like perfect amount of time yeah you can you can bomb your name's not on the marquee right cares yeah so i like i i'm a perfectionist so i wanted to learn how to do stand up yeah the right way right i don't want to like

half-ass it i don't want to yeah and you were out there for how many years? I don't remember now. I'm 14 years now. So five, five years. Five featuring? I think. Well, no less. I'm sorry. I was 32 when I started featuring. Where'd you do open mics and shit? So I would drive an hour south from LA. I'd do a club called Martini Blues that no longer exists. I would go out there twice a week and then I would do the bars I didn't want to touch the clubs

until I was decent so I'd stay away but there wasn't quite there wasn't really a mic scene with comics yet right so there was in LA?

yeah was there? there was? yeah yeah and there's like you know bowling alleys

I started my own room in Los Feliz that I would have my husband my then just friend Tom Segura close close out shows. Ryan Sickler and Matt Fulcheron, all these guys I'm still friends with.

Yeah, yeah. And there was like the advent of the Bringer show, which is horrible. The worst. So there were those that you just kind of tolerated in LA. I don't think I became a comic until I really started full time being like, I'm a fucking feature act. I'm going to go into debt. I'm going to rack up some credit card debt. being like, I'm a fucking feature act. I'm going to go into debt. I'm going to rack up some credit card debt. I'm going to be a fucking feature act, be a comedian.

And did you do TV? Have you done a lot of TV? Yeah. Well, like those talking head shows, you know, like VH1. Oh, you did? So you were in the loop? Yeah. Yeah.

And then I did Chelsea Lately for a while. I was a writer on that show for a minute, and then I got fired. And then that's when I really was like, oh, I should be a headliner now. I think that's what I wanted. I don't want to write jokes for some other blonde chick. I wanted to be the blonde chick. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I never was going to do the writing thing for other people.

My ego can't take it. I just don't write like that. The job of joke writing, I can't look at it that way. No. I mean, I have done i've written scripts and shit but i mean like for you i just was like i'm gonna write that guy jokes i can't do it i can barely write myself i fucking hate it right i have a discipline everything i have to do my thing my act isn't that amazing i think about i mean i think about you and like, your success came from a medium that hadn't yet been invented. You know what I'm saying? Like back when you started, did you ever imagine that? I'd be talking, I'd be desperately talking to people in my garage as a last ditch effort at what I don't know. It would turn everything around. No, I didn't think about that. No, no. It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

And I was just that, but that's the spite of it because, you know, I found my success in this and it led to a TV show and all this, but like I'm a comic, you know, so like

there was this whole area of like this, like when I started doing the podcast and I was building an audience, people would come to my shows and be like, we're here to support you.

I'm like, I don't need support. I've been doing this since I was a, it's a show. Like they weren't necessarily comedy people, but they're like, we like you and we just want to support you. I'm like, I don't need support. I've been doing this since I was a kid. It's a show. Like, they weren't necessarily comedy people. But they're like, we like you and we just want to see if you can do this. I'm like, this is what I always did. So now that's the other reason why the specials are so tight.

It's sort of like, that's what I do. Like, there's still this part of my brain that's like, that's the job. Right. This is this other thing. You know, it's so interesting. I saw you at Moon Tower. You and I are both doing that's the job. Right. This is this other thing. You know, it's so interesting. So I saw you at Moon Tower. You and I are both doing the same festival once. This is like five years ago.

Was I mean to you? No. You're awesome. And I came to see your theater show. And I never forget, this is before your mom's house had kind of taken off. Oh, yeah, yeah. So I was kind of,

it was starting to pick up, but not really. What, the live WTF or me doing stand-up? No, you doing stand-up. Oh, like the Paramount or whatever? Mm-hmm. I'm not sure of the name. But it was some theater in Austin. And it was full.

Yeah. And I remember you getting up there and you were like getting into a bit about pornography. And I could tell it was really thoughtful and you'd really like, you wanted to say something. Yeah. And then in the audience, the woman was, this woman shouts, how's Boomer? Yeah. And you were like, Boomer's great. But you were so sweet that you obliged the request to hear about your cats.

Right. Yeah, yeah. And I remember thinking, oh, this must be the difference. These are podcast fans, which it's a different breed than a stand-up fan. Well, they know you. Yeah. So there's that weird balance there you know yeah where like that was like i used to talk about that where where people come up to me after shows and be like do you get that thing fixed and you're like what what the toilet didn't you say you i'm like yeah yes oh good we were worried i'm like what'd you think of the show it was good yeah we just want to check make sure you right but in a way i prefer it like

i because i've had both people that just like sound and people like your podcast i like it i don't mind like you know it's just a matter of staying in it and realizing that you know the work that we do as comics is still you you know, that's what we do. You know, the podcast is great and I'm glad people like it and the interviewing is great. But like now, like the pressure is on me to when I do a comedy special, I'm like, I want it to be the best it can be. Yeah. Because I think for both of us that most people don't know us. So anytime you put comedy out there,

there's going to be hundreds and maybe thousands of people going, I've never seen this guy before in my life. Who's this guy? Oh, he's got this other thing too? Like that's most people. Yeah. And I got to remember that. Like I can't ever get cocky or anything.

No. And I think, and when you look at guys like Bill Burr or, you know, whoever, and you're like, oh, they're consistently so amazing. And it's because they've never rested on their laurels of being, well, everyone knows me already. I'm this famous guy. And they love to work, it seems. But now even Tom, Tom had a good year last year because his special blew up out of nowhere, right?

It's been bananas. And he just taped his third special in Denver, and it's bananas. And I can't wait for people to see it. It's so funny. And you've got your special out. It's crazy, dude. You guys are like a comedy couple royalty somehow. Sure.

Yeah. What'd you call your special again? Mother Inferior. It's on? It's on Netflix. It's on by the time this drops. Yeah. What's it say?

It's on now. It's on now. Check it out. It's on right the time this drops. Yeah. What's it say? It's on now. It's on now. Check it out. It's on right now. Check it out. All right. Good talking to you. Yes.

Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Christina Pazitsky. Go watch her special. Go listen to her podcast. Mother and Fury is a special. Her podcast is That's Deep, Bro.

And her podcast with tom segura is your mom's house i'm lacking in guitars out here now things are things are shifting i think i can find something hold on i know you you need it i would like to uh to say and this is a strat not an sg but i do need to say, rest in peace, Malcolm Young. You definitely made my life better. Boomer lives! See app for details. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead

courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com.