WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 879 - Fortune Feimster

Episode Date: January 7, 2018

Comedian and actor Fortune Feimster joins Marc in the garage fresh off getting engaged to her girlfriend, which feels pretty far away from the young Southern girl who didn't come out as a lesbian or perform comedy until she was in her mid-20s. Fortune tells Marc how she got the nerve to do both, why her grandmother was her rock, and how a random security guard helped her fix the relationship with her mom. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category,

and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Lock the gates! Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers?

What the fuck buddies? What the fucking ears? What the fucksters? I'm Mark Maron. This is my podcast, WTF. Welcome to it. Today on the show, am I really going to do it? Am I just going to announce the guest right up front, right the way it's supposed to be done, professionally speaking?

Fortune Feimster is on the show you may have seen her in uh on the mindy project uh or on chelsea lately or chelsea's other show she's also a very popular stand-up i see her at the store a lot the comedy store and i finally asked her the big i popped the big question will you do the podcast and we had a nice chat doesn't always happen like that and she just got engaged so that's fresh on her mind that's exciting some happiness but uh so that's happening that fortune feimster will be on the show here with me and in a few minutes how's it going folks uh i don't know about you but i'm having a hard time breathing is anybody else having a hard time breathing is it uh when these things happen I don't know about you, but I'm having a hard time breathing. Is anybody else having a hard time breathing?

When these things happen, I don't know if it's my mind. Is it anxiety? Is it stress? Is it emphysema? Is it cancer? Is it the end of the world? Why am I having a hard time breathing? And this is not a complaint.

I'm not complaining. I'm not whining. I'm having a hard time breathing. I wake up and I'm like, am I drowning in my bed? What bed what is happening yeah i don't know what the smog levels are i don't know what's still on fire what isn't on fire but the air has been shit out here in la and i i guess that's not a lot to complain about given that people are afraid to go outside on the east coast because they might freeze before they get to their car they literally may freeze in their footsteps before they get to the car and i know look it's been cold before but it's very

interesting to me in these times where a lot of it a lot of the time all we can do is is just search our minds for a precedent is there a precedent for this uh did somebody say it is it written somewhere is this the coldest it's ever been? Is this the hottest it's ever been? Is this the most fiery it's ever been? Is this the most? And the answer is yes. Yes, it's the most.

Even if there was one other time, it's the most. All of it is coalescing. It's all happening and none of it is good. So what do you do? What do you do? A lot of times you got to, you know, it seems like we can't wait it out. It seems like there's urgency at hand, but what do you do? How do we change things? I can't breathe. I can't breathe. See, after see after I say that it all makes sense doesn't it but oddly I'm feeling okay I am about

to engage in a fairly big a big process a big shift maybe I'm having some anxiety about that there is actually no shortage of things I would that I could be anxious about see now I'm a little loopy,

a little tired, a little stressed out, a little short of air, as I brought up earlier, and my brain doesn't seem to be working as much. My brain skidded twice on stage last night. Something about that main room on certain nights at the comedy store. There's just something about it. I don't know if it's an electrical force

or a mystical force or just a strange quality to the air in there. But my brain just got stuck. It got hooked. It got skipped on a couple of words and it fucked up the beats on a couple of my jokes. And it's happened in there before. It doesn't happen in other places. I can't figure it out.

Is this a mystical event? That's always the question. How far are you going to let your brain drift how far so uh outside of being uh you know anxious all the time i'm excited about these award shows coming up because i get to wear my new suit i think i i'm thrilled and and humbled and uh and uh excited to be nominated for a sagG Award and a Critics' Choice Award for my work on GLOW. Oh, by the way, I'm recording this before I watch the Golden Globes. So I'm not mentioning the Golden Globes.

So there's that. So I don't know if Allison won or not. But I'm excited to wear my new suit, which I'm picking up on Monday. I'll take some pictures and I'll share them with you here. Here in the garage. I'll share the pictures with you. I'm not really on Monday. I'll take some pictures and I'll share them with you here, here in the garage. I'll share the pictures with you. I'm not really anticipating winning or even, I don't really,

I'm not even thinking about that, to be honest with you. I am excited to get dressed up and go to a thing. That's what I'm excited about. Nomination, pretty good. Getting dressed up for a reason that I'm excited about

with some new clothes, new shoes. That's exciting. And I'm excited about with some new clothes, new shoes. That's exciting. And I'm excited to be living in a new house. I'm excited to have new space, to have room to move. And the thing that I was going to tell you about that's a little bit traumatic or I think a little bit anxiety-inducing is I got to move this garage. I got to move it. got to move this garage i gotta move it i've decided i'm going to uh sell the cat ranch sell the uh the expansive two-bedroom one-bathroom cat ranch and i'm going to begin dismantling the garage and recreating it in the new place uh probably in the next couple weeks and i think

that's causing me a little bit of uh I may not know it right at the top of my soul right it's not on the surface of uh of my thoughts or my feelings but it's going to be heavy man but part of me is excited I'm just going to go through this place book for book piece of artifact for artifact and decide what has power what doesn't have power what uh what i i want and what i don't want i wish i could have a garage sale but i don't think i can be a real like the it would be the garage garage sale but i don't know what i would be selling so i'm probably just going to cart all this shit with me but i'll give it to libraries i'll give it to goodwill but um but yeah

it's going to be a big change, folks. But I would like to say that I am moving to another garage. It's literally another garage space. Yeah, I think it might be a little bigger. It's got a bathroom. But I got to take this one apart. I guess that's going to be a grieving process. That's going to be an emotional journey.

But goddamn, I don't need a lot of these books. I'm telling you, I just don't need them. Yeah, so, move in the garage. Wow. Oh, man, it's making me a little... I might get choked up. Maybe I should do a show as I go through stuff.

Would that be interesting? I don't know. I'll be honest with you. Maybe I should do a show as I go through stuff. Would that be interesting? I don't know. I'll be honest with you. Can I be honest with you? I had a photographer come over here and document the garage as it stands now. I don't know what I'm going to do with those pictures, but I thought it was important to have it. Maybe I should do some sort of video of the taking down the garage. It seems sad.

It seems like a historical day. And I think that's why I'm hanging on to this. Like the house is pretty empty. But yeah. Yeah, I think that part of it is just sort of like I'm just not ready. I'm not ready. I'm emotionally not ready. Even though not ready. I'm emotionally not ready. Even though the new space is going to be great,

just not emotionally ready. So Fortune Feimster is a killer, man. She's a great comic. She fucking slays, and I've seen it happen again and again. She'll be on the upcoming NBC show champions and she'll be at house of comedy in Phoenix, Arizona this Friday and Saturday,

January 12th and 13th. We talk a bit about, uh, you know, generate new material. We're both in the same place. I got the, I got a few year updates.

I got to get some new shit together for, but it was great to talk to fortune. And this is me doing just that. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that.

Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer

becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. So what's going on? Congratulations. Thank you. I appreciate it. That's a big deal. You got engaged?

Yes. Yeah, this is like two days ago. You didn't know that was going to happen or did you? Who did it? What happened? How'd it go? I did it. I'm technically the butch one. Yeah. Though I'm not very butch. People were asking online, they're like, how does it work when there's two chicks? Who asked who? But I kind of always knew I would be the one to ask for some reason. How long have you been together?

Two and a half years. That's good. Yeah. That's the right amount of time for people to do it. People who aren't waiting. Right. People were like, I'm scared. scared you're buying time maybe something better will come along which that was my experience with everyone i dated before her oh really just constant like you'll do for now right like them towards me oh yeah they'll be like i'll date you until i find

they were like that yeah they were like that. A lot of heartbreak? Yeah, quite a bit. But, you know, I mean, I never got super serious with anyone. Right. So it was like minor, minor little heartbreak. What's her name? Her name's Jacqueline. And what does she do?

She's a kindergarten teacher. Oh. So she's like a normal person. It's like a noble profession. Yeah. Like a real life important job job not like a weirdo show business job oh i know and she when i met her she lived in chicago how'd you meet her in chicago at gay pride what were you doing in pride in chicago i have friends that run like events out there for

gay pride and they were just like and my best friend who i lived with in la for seven years was living there oh Oh, okay. And they were like, come hang out. Come hang out at Gay Pride. And we met there and kind of been together ever since. It was two and a half years ago. So she was living in Chicago. Yeah.

So we were long distance for a year. And then you're like, drop your life, come out. Well, I mean, she had a very noble job, even in Chicago. She taught basically in the hood of Chicago and was an amazing teacher. Her kids loved her. Still kindergarten? Still kindergarten. I would go to her school,

and she just was so good with these kids. They loved her. These are kids who, every kid in there had someone in jail. Or shot. Or shot. They'd'd seen crazy amount of things at five years old would come to school like didn't even have a coat you know yeah chicago oh my god and i'm all like come to la yeah enough of this uh good work yeah stop stop being such a good

person to come to la relax yeah so so now so she's been in LA a year and a half. She like it? She does. I mean, she hasn't found that school yet that's like, because she wants to. I was like,

why don't you work at like a charter school where the parents give you gift cards at Christmas? And she tried it and she's like, I miss,

you know, my kids. Yeah. It must feel like you're making a difference, you know? Yeah. And she really wants to make a difference.

So she's subbing now looking for that school. Wow. So, well, she'll find it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So how did it go? What was the, who decided, well, that is an odd question, but who decides who's butch and who isn't? I guess sometimes it's apparent.

I guess I take out the trash more. Maybe that's what it is. I wear t-shirts a lot. Right. But it's not a disposition thing necessarily. Well, because if you were going by disposition, she'd be the butch one because she's a teacher, so she's got that like, sit down, watch your hands. Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, like yes ma'am um so i guess she's a little more budgeted that way but i just uh i knew she wanted like a a ring like that her dad's a jeweler so did you call him did he know before she did yeah i did call him i mean she knew like yeah i wanted her to have some input so we looked at a couple oh so it wasn't a surprise. It's hard when you live together to surprise someone. I guess so. Or I'm just lazy. They may not know when it's coming.

She didn't know the day it was going to happen, right? No, I mean, not really. Also, that's kind of hard, too, because you're like, hey, after Christmas, let's go on a random vacation for two days trip So I think she kind of knew it was coming So we went up to I really wanted to Do it at a place called San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara Oh it's pretty right Yeah we had a date up there early on

And she's like whoa this is a really romantic good thing We like each other Or this would be You'd be trying a little too hard What do you mean how did that how did what do you mean how'd that work out you went on one day it was like an overnight date like our first week of dating i was like i didn't know it was so romantic yeah they're like it was was it a day trip or it was an overnight trip i was really the first week you're like yeah let's do it i was

really like ready to make this happen um and uh it closed down for a month because of all those fires. Oh, yeah. Is it still on fire up there? No, I don't think so. I don't know. It's weird. We live in a state where it's like, oh, maybe it's still burning. Everything's burning around us.

Yeah, that's for sure. We're just like doing a podcast. You're waiting. That's LA though. It is. Just like waiting for it all to go down. We're like, we've got to entertain. Yeah.

It's hard to know what to do. You know, when you feel powerless, you do have to sort of just keep going. Yeah. You're like, we've got to talk to people out there. Yeah. Make sure people know that we're all freaking out, but we're still, you know, we got to live our lives and keep talking to each other. Our house just went down a hill from a mudslide but

whatever the garage is still here yeah exactly so all right so when do you have uh wedding dates and stuff or how's that no we're we're like not your typical lesbians they're usually in a rush to get everything official and done we're like maybe two years oh really is that what typical lesbians do they're just sort of like, rings on, let's go. A typical lesbian would have been engaged a year and a half ago and already married. A year in. That would be typical. We're not as typical.

I was just like, we know we're committed. We're happy. We'll do it at some point down the road. So how was that ring? It's a nice ring? I'm pretty proud of it. Yeah. It's a little bigger than i would have like normally gotten but um but that whose input was that her dad i mean

well her dad tried to help me out yeah he was like you don't need to get a ring i mean a stone that big right and she's just like really like it's jewelry I saw this. The problem was we went to go look at stone. Yeah. And I brought her mom and the mom's friend with us. Right. So they're showing us different stones and they're like, oh, that's pretty. That's pretty. And then they bring out, you know, the big one.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone in the room. Oh, my God. Whoa. It's so pretty. Look at. Oh, wow.

Wow. Wow. And you're looking at your wallet. So I kind of I was like, oh, man, how do you like backpedal from that one? You can't. There were too many people involved. Too many. That was my biggest mistake.

I should have never gotten input. No. Just do it on your own. So that, you know. So that's how she got the huge rock. So she got the big rock. Well, that's nice. And she loved it?

She loved it. And, you know, part of me getting her the bigger one, I knew she'd like it. And she did, you know, uproot her whole life for me. She, you know, had a job she loved. Chicago's a great city. And, you know, she loves L.A. Yeah. But it's different.

It takes a while to adjust. Oh, no, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Chicago, like, I've grown to really like Chicago. Oh, it's a cool city. It is. It takes a while to adjust. Oh, no, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Chicago, I've grown to really like Chicago. Oh, it's a cool city. It is. It's like its own thing. It's got its own vibe.

It's like a clean New York. Yeah, it's got its own personality. Obviously, there's good and bad, but it's like one of those places that is a real place. Yeah, real people. Yeah, yeah. It has a history. You feel it. It's got its own personality. There's only a few cities like that. Yeah, it's good real people. Yeah, yeah. Like it has a history. You feel it. It's got its own personalities.

There's only a few cities like that. Yeah, it's good food there. Oh, yeah. Really not, because a lot of the Midwest people live there. Sure. They're good folks. Sausages.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of, there's like, yeah, there's all that Ukrainian kind of food and there's like, you know, a lot of meat. Chicago's big on the meat. Oh, yeah.

So it's good. So is Mindy Kaling really going to officiate? I mean, we don't have any official plan. Right. But so she's just saying. She's just like, you know, we posted the picture and she wrote, yes, I will officiate. And so I wrote back, yeah, for sure. And then I didn't even know that like any publication knew who i was and all

these publications were like mindy kaling's gonna officiate oh really and feimster's wedding well now they know who you are yeah i'm like oh cool yeah maybe we'll get a free chili's gift card no i think you could probably pull that off i think you could probably pull that off with a couple of tweets yeah if you really want to. Like a Chili's gift card. I'm constantly tweeting them. They finally sent me a sweater at Christmas. It was a big, big moment in my life. Yeah.

What are you talking about? I tweeted them that, like, I love them, and they sent me a Christmas sweater. That's the America we live in, people. Chili's. It's a beautiful world. It's Chili's for you. you yeah i'm a simple southern girl yeah well do you like cracker barrel yeah i like cracker barrel i mean they're a little racist yeah so they're i don't feel as good eating right you used to but back in

yeah but now i was woke yeah before you were woke no I don't really say woke. It's all right. But in the South, there's other things than Chili's. Yeah. What happened to those mom and pop places? There are not a lot of those left anymore. It's all the chain places. Where did you grow up? I am from Belmont.

It's a small town in north carolina outside of charlotte oh so it's close to the other carolina like right there yeah right on the and and like what like what what kind of is that well charlotte's pretty southern yeah it's not it's charlotte's great i mean i've had good shows there but it's not Raleigh. Yeah, I love Raleigh. I went to college in Raleigh. Yeah. I mean, Charlotte's got the whole banking thing. A lot of banks. Like, there's like a Ritz-Carlton.

Yeah. It's like this bank hub. So it's got like a mix of a little more sophistication with Southern. Well, at least money with Southern. Yeah, money with Southern money. Right, because there's that whole little world there that's like really high end. Yeah. And it's all because of the banks.

Yeah, and I mean, my town's literally 20 minutes from there. Yeah. And everyone in my town sounds like me and their accent's thicker. Yeah. You go 20 minutes to Charlotte and no one sounds like this. Is it because they're all from out of town? I guess. I think.

Yeah, I mean, I don't think you just wash away the accent. It must be because people move there to work at the banks. I'd assume so. I cannot get rid of my accent. Have you tried? No. It's a nice accent. It's good.

It's gotten better since I've been in L.A. 15 years, but I watch videos from me in high school, and it's pretty painful. Like really? I mean, it was kind of like this. It was even slower. So you grew up your whole life there? Yeah, until I was 22.

How many siblings? Two older brothers. Oh, really? And what's your mom and dad do? My mom was a school teacher, special ed. For your whole life? My whole life. She's retired now.

My dad had a lot of different jobs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he didn't ever really find his passion, so he did a lot of different things. I think the longest job he had was a manager at a trucking company. Oh, yeah? And then he retired and then realized it's hard to pay bills being retired. So he went back to work at an elementary school.

He's in charge of the janitorial department. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Not the same school that your mom was at, no? No. So they're hardworking, simple folk. Southern American people. Yeah. Not the same school that your mom was at, no? No. So they're like, you know, hardworking, simple folk. Southern American people. Yeah.

Nice people. Nice people. And how'd your brothers turn out? Good. No one's in jail, which we're all very grateful for. One works for Homeland Security for the Coast Guard. And the other one works at Winthrop University in their student services department.

And are they all excited about you being in show business? Yeah, I mean, nothing really impresses them. They have kids and wives. They're just like, cool, cool. We've got to get Rylan to soccer practice. You're like, all right. Put him on television. Yeah, like, guys, did you see it?

They're like, well, they can't on television yeah like guys you see it they're like well they can't watch it because it's kind of dirty so they haven't seen you on tv you're like cool i'm always like i'm always like i i get kind of fascinated when people grow up in the south because like i've had this weird evolving relationship with the south oh yeah yeah like i stopped generalizing it at some point like you, I was one of those people that just sort of, you know, kind of lumped it all into like at least the people. But then like as time went on, I realized like, God, these people are nicer than most people. And, you know, there's good and bad and, you know, it gets a bad rap and it's beautiful down here and I like the food. And maybe I was just all wrong about the South.

And then something happens where you're like, nope. Yeah. It's a, you know, it's an interesting, it's nope. Yeah. It's an interesting place. It's an interesting group of people. I love the South being from there. I understand the people a little bit more. You kind of like, I get, not everyone. There's a lot of very, like everywhere,

there's a lot of very smart, educated people who are very aware in the world and are inclusive. And there are other people who just never quite left their bubble which is any part of the country you have people like that yeah um but they just kind of know what they know and don't want to look beyond that it's a it can be quite a hostile bubble down yeah well i was looking at that um you know that video went viral uh with the whole roy more stuff there was that southerner man yeah who stood outside with a picture of his daughter yeah yeah yeah she had committed suicide and he said you know he was there to fight roy more because roy called people like her right daughter a pervert and she was uh she was gay right yeah

yeah and you know i just it sort of reminded me of my dad like just a simple guy who you know he's he doesn't want to leave the south he's content where he is and if i if i wasn't gay he would not know gay any right gay person or think about it right and you know might have at one point thought it was weird. Sure. But because I'm gay, he's like, yeah, I like gay people. And it just reminded me of that guy. Where he's like, I was against her, but then I lost her and I realized I was wrong and gay people aren't perverts. Right. It's as simple as that sometimes.

Not someone committing suicide, but just knowing a gay person. Sure. I think that's true. Part of it's just not having a gay person around and not seeing that their lifestyle is not that different. Sure. Or else there's those people that lock into just hating the other type of person. Or they're something in themselves. Yeah.

Some fear, yeah. the other type of person or they're they're something in themselves yeah you know like i i mean i can't like it's sort of and i don't know if i'm wrong or if it's wrong for me to say but i you know some of the pictures of some of those uh you know sort of white nationalists in in in those protests i'm like oh my god they're so gay they're just they look for sure i mean they just look so like, I mean, maybe that's wrong for me to say, but that was my instinct. There was an inner struggle going on.

Yeah. I mean, some of the biggest homophobes or people that just hate people in general have, you know, something inside of them that they hate themselves. They're just like, I'm going to put all, you know,

push this out so far on the other people. Yeah. No one can see it in me. Right. I literally think that all Mike Pence thinks about is like, don't think about dick. Don't think about dick. No dick, please.

No, don't think about dicks. Oh, you just looked at a dick. Oh, God damn it. It's just like his face. I don't know. It's a face of a guy that wants dick and can't have it. Just can't. Just will not allow it no i mean and

and that's you know it's a real thing my my mom dated for a minute uh somebody who i don't know i don't have a proof but i allegedly think he could be a closet and homosexual and you know and he didn't like gay people and you know you know, you're just like, yeah, somebody should tell you that there's something about you. I guess I look, you know, I've talked to people that have just talked about coming out and struggling with certain things. But so I imagine that to some people, it's just sort of like, I can't, I can't. What was your experience? I came out late.

I was like 25 or 26 when I came out, which is, I consider late these days because now kids at 10 are like, I'm gay. You're like, what? Give it a minute. At 10, I didn't know anything. I was just like, what? Give it a minute. Oh, my gosh. At 10, I didn't know anything. I was just like, soccer. Yeah. I, you know, in hindsight, you look back, you're like, oh, I've been gay as soon as I was born.

Right. But being from the South and, again, not having examples of gay people, like, I didn't know any out gay people. of gay people like i didn't know any out gay people my name like uh there were people in my hometown who you know were in the closet but married and and you're like wait i there's some i think you might be gay but you have a wife i don't know so i just only knew like being in the closet or being ashamed of it so but you knew you were gay early on i think so but i just kind of shoved it down i didn't really even think about it and this was before youtube and this was before you know will and grace and those things do make a difference when you can watch a tv show and be like oh that yeah registers with me it exists yeah yeah um so i just kind of didn't date i just was sort of like

asexual for a long time wow i was very studious made good grades and soccer and soccer lots of soccer lots of uh like putting lotion on my friends's like arms just arms nothing perverted just like you look dry and that that was like my form of intimacy. Well, that's nice. Yeah, it was a more innocent time back then. Did you grow up with religion? We were Methodist. Like we went to church, but it was like,

that's what you do in the South. But we weren't like raging Baptists. Right. We were just like. It's weird. There are already like churches every few blocks in the South. Oh, it's like they're everywhere. And that's just a social part of life.

You're like, oh, we're going to go to church on Sunday. And that's your community. And go out to eat afterwards. Right. And you're like looking at the clock ready. You know, he better let us out before the Presbyterians or we're not going to get to this steakhouse. To Chili's?

Yeah, to Chili's. So, I mean, we had that, you you know church in in our lives but we weren't you know luckily my family's pretty liberal yeah and i've come from a long line of democrats oh yeah yeah the old school southern democrats yep well that's nice and still they still are still very my mom's like huge democrat like she's like the only woman like it was driving around with an obama sticker on her car oh right she got any flack oh she got a lot of a lot of mean looks uh-huh she was any friends over oh i'm sure uh she'd be in the they call it the beauty parlor and uh people would you know the beauty be like he's a muslim and she be like, you shut your mouth, he is a good man.

Yeah, so she was definitely like the lone wolf in that area. It's intense, man. The South is a little intense. But my family was, when I finally did come out, I had moved to LA at that point and it just, after being here for a little while and seeing gay people, seeing it as normal.

Right. It finally... Happened. Happened. Came out. I was watching a Lifetime movie. I swear to God. I'm not a great person to be like, you know how some organizations are like,

TV will make you gay. I'm not a good person to... To deny that? To deny it because I watched a Lifetime movie and it was a young girl was uh realized she was gay she was in high school yeah the truth about jane i think is the movie stalker channing was her mom and obviously this had been bubbling up in me for quite some time and the young girl realized she was gay and by then and she was brave and her mom was against

her but by the end of the movie like you know she was out her mom was proud yeah and for the first time in my life i was like oh my god i'm gay like i said it out loud to yourself to myself it was the first time i was like i'm gay oh what what and i didn't know what to do with it i was like i don't have any gay friends i've never kissed a girl. It was all like, what now? Yeah. Yeah. It was so weird.

Were you excited or freaked out? Freaked out, for sure. Yeah? Yeah. What were your thoughts? Like, I got to kiss a girl. I was like, I got to kiss a girl. I got to see what this is all about.

And it's really weird to realize you're gay without having ever even kissed a girl. At 26. I can't imagine it. It seems so naive did you kiss boys in the past or anybody i'd kiss yeah some boys yeah and it was just like yeah okay i guess this is what all the fuzz is about yeah um but yeah i never kissed a girl and i i think like in maybe elementary school i had you know grind know, grind, like dry humped a girl once at a sleepover.

That was pretty great. That was the height of my... Of your sexual experience? Yeah. Awakening. I was like 10. So what happens at 26? I can't...

Well, this was back when Craigslist was the place to like find activities and meet people. What year are we talking? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 37 now. Okay. Okay. So this was like How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 37 now. Okay, okay. So this was like 2005. And you've been here, what, a year? Two, I moved here in 2003.

Okay. So a couple years, two years. Okay. And I would go on Craigslist to find, that's how, when I was trying to meet friends, I would go on Craigslist and I joined I joined like a soccer league and a tennis league. I went to African drumming classes. I was just trying to meet people.

How long had you been doing comedy once you got out here? I had not started yet. I started in 2005. You started out here? Yeah, out here. Huh. 2005. I came out and started comedy at the same time.

But was that your intention? No, I came out here started comedy at the same time. But was that your intention? No, I came out here to be a personal assistant to an actress. Long story short, I was the speaker at my college graduation in

2002. And our commencement speaker was an actress who was from Raleigh, and she spoke. We hit it off, and through a series of events, ended up later that summer, she offered me a job as her assistant in L.A. I had already had plans to move to Spain for a year. Very random part of my story.

I moved to Spain for a year to just, I grew up very poor and I was like, I want to see the world and I don't want being poor to stop me from that. I took out a loan, bought a ticket to Spain

and moved there for a year to teach English and travel around Europe. Okay. So maybe we'll go back and come back up to you. So you go to which college? Peace College. It was a women's college. No kissing?

No kissing. It was a totally missed opportunity. What were you- But it was a conservative women's college. So what? They're convents that we're conservative. There was like one gay chick at my school, and she was basically harassed and left a year later.

Oh, really? Yeah. I can't... I know. It seems like that would have been the jackpot of gaydom. If anything, did you feel the feelings oh for sure for sure i mean i was surrounded by women constantly in like pajamas and you know underwear i mean it was like oh the temptations were everywhere but you're just like no i like boys they're so cute oh i just can't wait to get a boyfriend i hope you talked

like that to them i was very intense back then about my friends yeah yeah did you have a lot of friends over there yeah i was like that that was my thing because i didn't date i was always the social person. I had a lot of friends, a lot of different groups of people. So what did you study there? Communication. There wasn't a lot to, there weren't a lot of choices. Was it just a small college?

Yeah, really small. It's in Raleigh? Liberal arts, yeah. Now it's co-ed. Yeah. But back then it was all girls. And you just chose that because of? I got a scholarship.

Oh, good. I was poor. A soccer scholarship? I wish. No, academics. Yeah, I mean, when I was graduating high school, I really wasn't sure I was going to be able to go to college. Not anything other than I didn't have money.

Right, just a financial thing? Yeah. All right, so you just a financial thing? Yeah. So, all right, so you do like four years there? Four years. Study communications. Mm-hmm, so I can learn to communicate. Yeah, don't, you don't kiss any girls. No kissing of girls.

And then you just decide Spain. I decided Spain, I had gone to Mexico two summers in a row through my school to study like the Mayan ruins and stuff like that oh that's cool um so that was awesome and I was like oh I really love Spanish I love just you know meeting people who are different you know being I was from a small town in a small college and I was like seeing the world for the first time yeah and I was like I want to see more you know but I wanted to go further yeah and i only picked spain because they spoke spanish i wanted to learn spanish

and it was in europe yeah and i was like that would give me the opportunity to see for a year part of the world what city do you live in sevilla oh yeah was it great it was awesome it was awesome and it was one of the hardest years of my life. It was the year that we went to war. And it was the year after 9-11. So, you know, everybody was on high alert. Right. And Spain was one of the only countries to aid us in the war.

Right. And so all of the Spanish people were very against it. And like, you know, went to the streets like every weekend to protest it. And I look very American. I sound very American. So people were not very friendly to me. Oh, my God. So it was a tough year. Like I went to an English, I went to a school to learn Spanish.

And a lot of the European kids there would challenge me on it. Like, I had to read the news like every day because they would challenge me constantly about American politics and Bush. Oh, really?

So, were you like that before? Not as much. That really made me, you know, because I didn't want to be like, I don't want to be

the stupid American that comes to Spain and, you know. So, you had to have some opinions? I had to have opinions and read books

and be on the, you know, just the know of politics. That's an interesting reason to have to, you know, get engaged. It's just like, I got to defend myself against these Europeans. I sound stupid.

I don't want to not know what I'm talking about because, you know, I start talking and people just assume I don't know anything. Well, that's the problem with the accent. Yeah. Yeah. So I was talking about because you know i start talking and people just assume i don't know anything well that's the problem with the accent yeah yeah so i i was able to you know have intelligent conversations and the people that i came across and like oh americans aren't

so bad i'm like oh my own little victory yeah um so yeah i did i did that for a year and you know um learned some spanish it's all gone now is it i mean it's 14 years ago i mean i have it it comes back when i need it 14 years ago um and you can understand it probably 15 years ago yeah yeah i can understand it and i taught english and i i did get to travel all over europe but i ran out of money and left like a month earlier than i anticipated. But I came back to the States and moved to LA to work for the actress. You can't say who it is? Yeah, Emily Proctor was her name.

She's CSI Miami, the blonde on Saturday. Yeah, so she was from North Carolina. So she's the reason I moved out here. Were you her assistant for the time? I was her assistant. I was a terrible assistant assistant i was an awful assistant i like had a couple jobs one of the main jobs being to look after her cat yeah and i lost her cat like four times that's the worst feeling the cat would like disappear like he would go into a

closet and did like it was like he was going to narnia i i swear to god we'd both look all over this closet and he wasn't there that's a big closet and then like two hours later just walk out like oh that was you know i just went into a time warp i'm back yeah that was time traveling yeah so i was i did that maybe a a little, a year and a half maybe, but I sucked. I can't, I think it's sort of a relentless job. Well, I- Depending on who the person is, obviously. Yeah, I mean, she was totally nice

and she was busy working. You know, those hour dramas, they work all the time. Right. Did she have to sit you down and go like, look, one of those conversations? Yeah, I was like, you know, let's just go our separate ways.

You're like, cool, cool, cool, all right. I also was, while I was there, I started writing part time. I ended up being a journalist after that for seven years. Her neighbor wrote for the LA Daily News, like she covered events in town. And you've got a communications degree. I know. I had to use that big degree.

And she needed help. Because I had met Emily through my speech at my college, I heard you can write. You want to write for me part-time? I was like, sure. So then that started to of to take president. And then from there another. You were just writing, what kind of stories?

Like I would go to events at night. Uncover them, like local events? Like celebrity events, premieres and stuff like that. It was cool, like my first interview was like with Will Smith on the red carpet. Oh really? It was crazy. So you were like one of those people with the mic?

Yeah, I was one of the people standing on the carpet with the mic, little tape recorder. So that led to another part-time journalist job for a syndicated column, this woman, Marilyn Beck. She was kind of the Liz Smith of the West Coast. Right. They hired me and so I started doing that and so that kind of started overtaking my life

so I wasn't doing the assistant stuff as I should. Right, covering celebrity events? Yeah. But then after the assistant job ended, but the company I was working part-time for was like we want you full-time. So then I was a journalist for the next seven years. Celebrity journalist, showbiz journalist.

Yeah, it's so weird. For how long? Like almost seven years. So every journalist, showbiz journalist. Yeah, it's so weird. For how long? Like almost seven years. Did you have like a point of view? Like do people know who you were? No, I mean, the publicists all really liked me. I would always be like, will you talk to my client? I mean, sure.

I mean, I interviewed like Kerry Washington when no one knew who she was and Lindsay Lohan before she had blown up. And Viola Davis I interviewed several times. Her post was like, will you please interview? I mean, not now, like, she's huge. So that part was cool to see, like the trajectory of these people. Yeah, but so you were in it though.

You were in it on that side. Yeah, it was weird. That was my waitress job. And then I started comedy at the Groundlings at night. 2005. So that's how it starts. And this is all... So you're doing the journalist job and you're like, I'm going to take the classes.

Well, I didn't have friends. Wait, so what year are we at now? 2005. And how old were you then? 25. All right, so it's still a year away from the lifetime movie well i think it might have happened around that same kind of that same time so you still couldn't make friends like it can be a lonely town lonely town and i was from the south

where like you meet friends in the gas station right you know here everyone's like don't look at me you know don't talk to me like your neighbors don't even talk so you're just living in an apartment i had one friend and that you know and that which was my roommate i moved in with i met him through the csi miami show he worked on there and he needed a roommate so i moved into him he became my one friend and we were like been still best friends this day um but i was just like i need friends this city's very lonely and you know it's hard there were times when i wanted to leave and i was like i don't know if i can do this um but you're playing soccer and stuff i was playing soccer

meeting people like that but i was like you know what i had done uh theater in college right and i was like what you know but I never got to do comedy. It was always like weird plays. Like what? God, I mean, no one would have ever heard of some of these plays. And then a couple Shakespeare things. I was like, I'm not meant to do Shakespeare, though, you know? But you did a lot of theater.

I did a lot of theater. You liked being on stage. I had a lot of stage fright then, though. I would like want to throw up before going on stage. So you decided to do the Groundlings as a social... As a social thing. And I just immediately was like, this is what I've been missing my whole life. Really?

Yeah, I just knew right away. I was like, I love this more than anything. So it's wild. So what was your story with the Groundlings? Did you make it to the main stage and i did uh got through i did sunday up to sunday company for a year and a half uh-huh and then the six uh the last six months where they vote on me i got hired at chelsea lately and so i you know i don't know i didn't end up making it in the main company i don't know if it's because end up making it in the main company.

I don't know if it's because I sucked or if it's because I got a gig. So you were there a year and a half total? Yeah. Well, at the Groundlings, like six or seven years, but the Sunday company part was a year and a half. So you were in the classes? Classes and all. Because it's such a popular school.

I don't know what it's like now, but at that point, sometimes you'd have a year in between levels. Oh, really? So in that year, you'd take like extra classes. Were you working out at all? Were you doing sketch shows at UCB or anything? No, I never did UCB. I don't know why. I started my own sketch comedy and improv group

because I was like, how am I going to get better if I'm not practicing? So we would throw stupid improv shows in the back of a bar in Venice. Oh, really? Yeah. So you just carved your own little path somehow. Yeah, I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.

I didn't have an agent and manager for a very long time. i was just like i'm just gonna try to get better at this until somebody wants to work with me so right around this time then you're you're you're doing you're starting out the groundlings and then you have the lifetime moment yeah which was a very freeing moment of my life relief itief. It was a big relief. So it's interesting that comedy and coming out came at the same time because it was almost like I was like a new person. Right. I was like this new found life.

And you were excited. Yeah. This weight was lifted off me. Oh, you feel whole? I felt whole. I felt like a sense of peace that I had never felt. Huh. So is that when you started doing the stand-up?

I started stand-up in 2007 at the Comedy Store. Yeah. So this woman, Lisa Joffrey, came to one of those sketch shows that I was doing. In the back of a bar in Venice? In the back of a bar, and she was like, you are a stand-up, you have a very specific point of view why are you not doing a stand-up and i was just like because i it seems scary and i i don't know

how to do it she's like oh take take my friend's class are you from adam barnhart you know him okay so he uh he does a show on the at the comedy store on sunday nights or used in the belly room yeah in the belly room so he he had a class so i took his class and then you get to perform in the belly yeah all right so at the end of it i performed in the belly room and i loved it um but my like you know i think i talked about hating strawberries that's that was my routine i was like clearly i have some work to do not too personal yeah you weren't going too deep no it was not um but i knew being up there i love i love the feeling right so for um he said if you want to do the music for my show every sunday night i'll give you 10 minutes so as a brand new comic i got 10 minutes what do you mean do the music like press

oh play like a dj people up like you know the inter music when people come up press play. Like a DJ. Bring people up. Like do the music when people come up. Press play and stop. It was very simple. But I got 10 minutes every Sunday for the entire year of my first year of stand-up. And in the belly room. And that's how it started. 2007. 2007.

No kidding. And so I would do plenty of shows in between. But having that 10 minutes every week was huge for me. Doing mics and stuff? Yeah. I did a lot of gay shows, too, because they didn't care as much about, like, oh, you don't have any TV credits.

It was just like, oh, you're fun. You bring people. Right. Come to a show. Where are the gay shows? Like at Ackbar. Oh, okay. Aaron Foley had a show.

They do a show there. There was the M Bar. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, sure. They used to do a show there um there was a the m bar remember that yeah yeah sure yeah yeah they would have some shows at some of the gay bars um and were you talking about that then how long did it take you to start talking about pretty early on but i didn't have any dating experiences you had no experience it was more most of my stories are like repression you know repressed did someone finally come up and go like let's kiss me yeah ah god it took a minute but finally it happened and i was like whoa this is i made a good choice not a choice but you know what i mean why did i wait so long yeah what was i i mean that for sure if there are any regrets in life

it's that i didn't come out earlier i can't. I can't imagine what it's like to have your first real kiss at 26. I mean, that was the weirdest part about my life is for a long time, I was going through dating as you would in high school. Right. People were like, really? Why are you putting up with that at 29? I'd be like, because I didn't do this at 19. Yeah.

So I had to make a lot of mistakes later in life. With people? Yeah. Yeah. But you learn. Yeah. And then. But was it fun?

Yeah, I had a lot of fun. I mean, I made up for lost time. Yeah. And had good times, bad times, fun times. Yeah. I see it's like you must have been pretty exciting. Yeah. I mean, I wish I could have done it younger.

It sucked to be like in your early 30s, you know, still making those mistakes. Right, you just find new ones. Better late than never. Sure, I imagine those mistakes are, hey, it's, you know. Well, you just kind of like. It's hard.

Put up with whatever. Because you're like yeah i just want love right yeah so i'm gonna take whatever you're willing to give me yeah that's the biggest mistake oh that's bad yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't like i find that there's different elements of that where you're just sort of like oh it's just gonna be a pain to get out yeah i've been oh i've already you do feel like that you're like oh I've already put this time into it. You know? It's like, I'm invested, I'm invested in this.

It's just gonna be messy and drama. I'm just like, I'll just go through life half kilter. For sure. Yeah. And you're just, you know, I have a weird thing where like, I never wanna hurt anybody. So I would like, even if I knew it wasn't working, I didn't want to hurt them.

So I would just be like, I'll just stay here. And how did those end eventually? I mean, eventually they would just be like, do so much crappy things where you're just like, I gotta get out of this. You know, eventually I had to, you know, jump ship. Oh, good. So you learned those lessons. I learned, but it, you know, it take me,

especially in the beginning, it took a very long time. But as each relationship happened, you know jump ship oh good so you learned those i learned but it you know it take me out especially in the beginning it took a very long time but as each relationship happened it would happen the getting to the end would come sooner i would know sooner it's just like i never talked to i don't think i've ever talked to anybody who started learning that stuff like you know 26 right right yeah i mean now you're getting married well you're engaged i'm engaged and you know it's nice she's an adult she's uh and the nice thing about her is i never had to like convince her to want me or like me right yeah and that i felt like i was doing constantly before her but now also there's a like you know i I imagine that now the confidence around, you know, what you do, you know, in the gigs and doing the stand up because you're a strong stand up man. You're a killer.

And like, I didn't know where it came from or how, but I mean, your command of the stage is pretty amazing. And, you know, you really do a great job at it. I mean, my stand up is an interesting thing for me i know i don't i should put more into it i mean most stand-ups are you know at the comedy store laugh factory five seven days a week i did that in the beginning for sure but i've i'm at a point right now where i'm just like i'm having a little bit of a writer's block where I'm just like, I don't know. I gotta push through this. Right, you gotta go just do the short set.

Yeah, so I'm like, it's that time where I have to push through and that's the hardest part. How many, like which hour are you on? Like, I mean, how many, did you do, how many specials? I've done two half hours i was gonna do and i was working up to an hour when netflix asked me to do the half hour yeah stand

up yeah series and i was just like all right i'll just go ahead and do this really good half hour yeah really good half hour and i'm glad i did it was a really cool series and i think you know it was a like worldwide is a nice platform yeah there's like kind of like eight or ten of you guys yeah it was like six of us yeah and it got you know really good feedback on that and so now i have the other half of that hour that i'm working on and then i need you know the new half hour yeah so i because i do want to do an hour. Yeah. I'm right there with you. But God, I'm like,

I, I'm like such an all of you guys though. I mean, you just get up there and just like talk, you just talk and you talk it through. Yeah. You talk it through. And I get,

I get a little like hesitant to just get up there and talk. Well, it's not everyone's bag. You know what I mean? I mean, if you, if you're a writer, you're a writer,

you know what I mean? Like I'm a talker. Yeah. I have to write everything down. Yeah, yeah. I don't like to get up there. I mean, I do a lot of improv. Right.

Like, when I'm on the road, I talk to the audience a lot. Yeah. But I don't just get up there with a story. Right. I don't know where this is going to go. Yeah, yeah. Which I need to, I got to work through that. You know?

Yeah. Stand-up's like an evolving thing. yeah it's like it can be terrifying and it's like i'm like i'm trying to work out a new bit and it's like it's not it's just not there and like it's just that feeling of being in the main room yeah you know and you're and you're you're doing good and then you're like i gotta try i gotta do the new Yeah. And then you put it out there and it's like, it's not there yet. But like, at least I've earned enough gravitas to be like, well, that didn't work. Yeah.

And people love you and are so familiar with your work that they just are like, I just like being a part of this journey. Yeah, maybe he'll get it. I'm still working my way up to that. And, you know, it's just's just like i gotta push through that fear it's hard you know yeah because like it really it starts to weigh on you in weird ways you know like because you know you're standing up and you know that's what you do and you know part of you sort of like well maybe i don't have to do it yeah and then you but you get don't you get get squirmy if you don't go up? Yeah, I do.

I do for sure. I like fought the I'm a stand-up for a long time. I don't know why. Maybe because I started in improv and theater. Yeah. That when I got to stand-up, I felt like a little bit of like, am I just like a phony that's trying to be funny? Am I really a stand-up?

I kind of resisted the stand-up thing funny am i really a stand-up like i don't i kind of resisted the stand-up thing identifying identifying as a stand-up and um you know and but then i like was touring a lot and i was like i guess i'm a stand-up i'm touring a lot and now i'm just trying to like bill burr will be like what is wrong with you just like you're a stand-up go up there and talk like you're funny and i i don't know why you are not like just doing stand-up 24 7 but like he's like why are you doing this acting stuff you're in a stand-up he just yelled at you for no reason but like out of love yeah he's so supportive of me and has been from day one and like i thought someone like him would hate someone

like me who's just like silly and going up there. I'm going to tell silly stories. He's been so awesome to me and has really pushed for me to push myself. And he's right. I need to get up there and push through that fear and just embrace that I'm a stand-up and share my life.

Because there's a lot of things. It sounds like a lot of things share my life. Yeah. You know? Because there's a lot of things you're going to, it sounds like a lot of things are still happening. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's- Life is going on. Life is going on. There's plenty to talk about. You know, it's just more like my stand-ups come, it's a lot of stories,

but I've not yet really dug into the darker parts of life. Yeah. I usually try to keep it pretty positive. Right. And pretty like so there's something compelling you you're feeling like i gotta challenge myself just like or i thought about writing it in a like i sold a tv show based on my life a couple years ago but i i know that there's a darker comedy version of it that and maybe that's why the original one didn't go in your you know it's in you i know it's in me

and so it's like when is that gonna come out like what what elements would in terms of like your experience would you consider dark i mean i guess more of like just childhood and growing up you know like i'm like most comics had you know stuff in my life that was challenging and my parents divorced at a young age and there was a lot of drama surrounding my family how old were you i was 12 and oh yeah we you know didn't have money the lights would get shut off on a weekly basis and um but we were living in a in a big house and i came from a good family so no you know we were that lower middle class family that kind of slipped through the cracks where everyone after the divorce yeah everyone thought we were okay good and like you know we couldn't pay our bills and my mom was a teacher trying to

take care of three kids yeah there i think some you know depression happened for her after the divorce, which turns dark. It gets dark. Oh, yeah. You sort of become the parent all of a sudden. When you're like 12 or 13. Yeah, yeah. So there's that part of my life that I just kind of kept to myself and haven't really ever delved into as far as comedy.

And my family would go through hard times but as a family we'd always find the humor uh-huh in it so i have a tendency to see the funny they both stay in the darkness anyway yeah did they both stay in the same town yeah they were still in the same town and did they communicate not a lot back then they're good friends both my parents have gone through a a journey yeah you know they i think they both after the divorce kind of like we're like well we uh we're gonna go live our lives now and good luck kids yeah kind of they made a lot of mistakes and luckily i had a grandmother who you know was the person who was like you know what are you doing like come home from school i mean from your

friend's house and you need to do your homework. Did she live around too? She luckily lived around the corner. That's what neighborhoods used to be. That's the beauty of small towns. And she looked out for me. My parents were really trying to figure out their lives. How young were they, your parents?

They were normal age. It were they like they're normal age it's not like they had kids young right they just um my dad came from a bad home he didn't have any parental figures like he hitchhiked to school and i mean you talk about a rough life my dad had had a really bad go at it and so he didn't really learn those parental things. And then my mom came from an affluent family, so she didn't learn some of those life skills because everything was sort of handed to her. And you bring these two people together.

The one thing they have in common is an inability to parent. Exactly. But they loved us, and they taught us the basic human decencies. And my mom did keep a roof over her head, so I never want to poo-poo that because I had opportunities. I went to school. I had clothes on my back. Certainly a lot of other people had it rougher than I did.

But, you know, you just deal with the fallout of a family falling apart. Right. My mom and brother really had butted heads for a long time. So it was a very hostile place to be. And so school became my outlet right uh i just kind of committed myself to like being the good student and the athlete and the funny kid so that would like hide sure the you know that's how you manage right yeah that's where you could control the situation. Yeah, and I used humor to make friends. And, you know, you just kind of, you know,

you're not ready at that age to be the grown-up. And you're just taking on a lot at a young age. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I had really good teachers that they would like, you know, I'd come to school after some, like, World War III fight happened that morning. It was mostly between your brother and your mom? Yeah, just a lot of chaos there. And my teacher would be like, do you need a second?

And I'd be like, okay. And I'd go in a room and cry for five minutes. And then wipe my eyes and be like, okay, bye. It was crazy, just how you deal with it as a kid. But like I said, my grandmother was my rock. And without her, I don't know that I would have been as focused. Sure, you have to have one person in your life

that just loves you unconditionally. That's really the most important thing and she got me through all that. She died when I was 18, the day after I moved to college. So again, it's kind of like, she had been sick that she had cancer and she had said at the beginning of the summer that she was gonna see me off to college.

Right. And the doctor's like, there's no way. She has like three weeks to live that she has this major cancer surrounding her spinal cord and her brain. It was a skin cancer that went inside as a tumor and they said it was like excruciating and she never once said ouch or anything she ended up living for three more months and uh i was said you know i was going to college and i knew i

wouldn't see her again and so i went over there you know she was unconscious and i said goodbyes and you don't know like if yeah she's there or not right i said my goodbyes and she died the next morning so oh it was like crazy like she really did see me to college she way held out i was like good lord and and like the doctors who studied because she had a very interesting case a whole team of doctors studied her and they were like she should have never lived that long like it defies medicine oh my god and the the what she had was so painful i can't like i can't believe that she lived that long so in my you know I'm like, she held on for me. Yeah, yeah.

So after that, I kind of just was like, I don't want to, I don't want to, like, disappoint her. You know, she did this thing for me, and I'm going to, you know, go out there and try to not be an asshole. Well, you're doing great. But it is interesting that, you know, hearing about that, you know, that your basic job was to that you know that your your basic job was to you know keep your shit together you know for other people that were out of control

at too young an age and that you basically you know you had to stuff down all the stuff that your ability to kind of you know maintain yeah without expressing your own emotions that's probably why i was in the closet for so long. It's like, I have too much shit to deal with to even let this in. But also, you know, if you don't want to deal with something, you're very good at not dealing with it. Yeah. I just eat a cheeseburger.

Oh, God. Go to the crying room. Yeah. So, you know, but all that stuff, you know, makes you stronger, and I think that's why I have the work ethic I do. No, yeah, I think that's right. I think that makes you stronger, and I think that's why I have the work ethic I do. No, yeah, I think that's right. I think that a lot of times the stuff we do to just survive emotionally turns out to be if you can isolate the parts that are good,

they all come with a little bit of bad shit. Yeah. What are you going to do? I wouldn't change anything. Yeah. Because now I have such a motivation. I'm like, I never want to have a house that's chaos. I want peace in my life.

I want to be able to pay my bills. It drives me every day. And also, you're emotionally whole. Mm-hmm. And it took a long time. Yeah, but it's great. I had a lot of therapy. Yeah, you got a lot of therapy?

Yeah, I went to therapy you know because I was I had those mother issues and family issues that were seeping into dating life

where again that sort of accepting the morsels of love for people and I worked you worked through it you know

not saying I have all the answers or I'm fixed yeah are both your folks alive? Your mom's still alive? They are, yeah. And now you get along with them? Oh yeah, we're all very, that's the crazy thing. Like now, because like, if you had told me at like 22,

I'd be like, oh, my family's, like I'm basically an orphan. Right. Like we'll never have a unit. Yeah. It's all lost, hope is lost. You never have a unit. Yeah. It's all lost.

Hope is lost. But my folks both kind of did a weird 180 around, I don't know, 22, 24 years old that I was. Yeah. Where they both kind of grew up a little bit. And now I call both of them and I talk to them on a regular basis. They're good people, they care about me, they're good parents. Good grandparents? Yeah, good grandparents.

You know, they still have their moments where you're just like, hey, go see your grandson. Oh yeah. But I'm proud that we've gotten to this point and there are times in the where i've been like hey remember this crazy fucking story that happened yeah it's hard for you know especially my mom to hear it she's like i you know can't believe that was me i can't believe that happened and you know it's like they were different people almost. Of course. Yeah. And I had a lot of resentment for a long time,

especially towards my mom for some reason. And Spain weirdly helped heal that because I, for the first time in my life, I was like, I need my mom. I miss my mom. Yeah. And you're just like. This chaos is bigger than her chaos. Yeah.

I'm like, holy crap. I cannot believe I'm saying this. Because before that, I was like, screw you. You're like, yeah, I hate you. And then she actually came with me. She drove across the country with me when I moved to LA. And I remember we were in Vegas. And we were walking down the hall.

And like I said, I always had that dynamic where I was like the mom and she was a child. And I kind of snapped at her about something like you would a child yeah and some some woman was like hey you shouldn't talk to your mom like that and i was like it like you know hit me for the first time i was like oh she is my mom like i gotta stop reprimanding her in this way. So it really shifted our dynamic. Just a passerby. Yeah, it was like this African-American security guard woman. I was just like, yes, ma'am. You're right.

I mean, you know. That was the moment. That was the moment. I stopped being a dick. I just kind of realized you can't hold people to the past constantly but also like when your parents are like emotionally immature and you have that dynamic with them it's hard to see them as parents yeah exactly you know what i mean they're just sort of like oh god what the fuck yeah you want to be like what you were what the fuck were you thinking yeah

yeah yeah no idea yeah but now as an adult i'm, ooh, I don't know if I can be a parent. That looks hard. I know. Yeah, my parents have mellowed too to a certain degree, and my mom's gotten a lot better in terms of being attentive and stuff, but she was pretty self-involved. But it's still hard. We get along good, but it's still sort of like,

we grew up together. Yeah. You know what I mean? You gave birth. Yeah, yeah, and we hung out. I watched you go through your shit. Right. But it's okay, which is good.

I mean, you know, every relationship's different. Sure. And sometimes you evolve out of those chaos things. Sometimes they get worse. But when it's your family, they're always going to be there. They'll always be there. Something's got to happen. Yeah.

You don't want to be shut out from them. And I love my family like i'll tell stories occasionally to like uh you know like my girlfriend now fiance um and she's like oh you know holy shit like i can't believe that happened and i'm just like so far removed from i'm like yeah whatever i mean right from when you were a kid yeah just like Just like with the fights and stuff? My sister-in-law's have that thing too where they hear all of these crazy stories from our childhood, but they're,

and so they wanna be like protective of us and they're like very like, oh, I don't know how I feel about your mom or dad now. And we're just like, no, no, no, we're good. I mean, like we're laughing about it now. Right, right, right, because you shut it, you compartmentalized it. But it's interesting to tell, not strangers,

but people that didn't grow up with that. What was it, just mostly fighting and yelling? Yeah, just crazy. Like my mom went through a crazy spell. She probably should have been committed at some point. Oh really? But I think her meds got, she was going through a depression,

and I think had a chemical imbalance. I think the doctors put a lot of different things that just messed everything up. So it's just like a lot of crazy shit happened as a result. How long of a year, how many years was that? Like six years.

Oh, wow. Like when I was like 12 till probably right after my granddad, she mellowed out. So it's good that it leveled off. Yeah. I mean, I think she grew up. They got her meds right. I mean, she's not a crazy.

She's a very smart woman. Was it like bipolar or something? I don't know. You know, she never got the help to see. or something? I don't know. You know, she never got salt, the help to see. Oh. So I don't know. Yeah.

But she did get, I mean, she would go to a doctor and got some medicine that leveled everything out. Oh, that's good. And I mean,

we don't have, you know, that's again, like I'll tell her those stories now. She's like, what? You know, it seems like it's a different person.

Yeah. I mean, I'm old enough to have a few of those. Where like, oh, well, that was a bad time. You're just like, ah, that happened. Sorry. But you kind of probably see it as like, that's a person that doesn't exist. Like you're looking at it from the outside.

Well, yeah, but you know, you sort of, you know it existed, but you can't really, it's hard to answer for it. You know know it's hard to sort of deconstruct it like you know i know why you know i had certain feelings or acted certain ways yeah and it is a matter of of growing up to a certain degree and you know realizing certain things you know yeah some people have an easier go of it if you have one good parent it seems like you know you've got a better hold on things you know and you know what had i not had my grandmother i probably i definitely wouldn't be in la i definitely wouldn't be doing this i i could have ended up you know jail who knows yeah who knows it's weird to think that

yeah you just have like that one steady steady oh yeah thank god huge difference yeah what's your relationship with Chelsea these days? I mean, we're good. Yeah. Yeah, I did her show a lot. That's sort of like, oh, the new one. But the original one is really what got you. The original one was my big break, as they say.

And you were there a lot on the panel. I was a writer full-time. I started there in 2011. And before that, I could not break into the... I was doing the Groundlings, all that stuff. I, like you, had tested for SNL a couple times. You tested for SNL? Yeah, twice. Oh, really?

Two summers in a row. 2009, 2010. Brutal, isn't it? Oh, it's so brutal. That was one of the most nerve-wracking things. Just you in that studio? Oh, yeah. Me brutal. That was one of the most nerve-wracking things. Just you in that studio? Oh, yeah. Me in the studio with them behind the desk.

Yeah, yeah. Did you do Lorne meetings? I never got to the Lorne. I know you did the Lorne meeting. Yeah, I had the Lorne meeting. Yeah, I did not get that far. You fucked me up for years. I bet.

I bet. I tested for them twice, and then he and Kristen Wiig and a bunch of people came to a Groundlings show as well. So three times he saw me. Yeah. Nope. I don't know what the thing was, but that wasn't happening,

and I just wasn't getting a break. And then I sent a writing packet in for Chelsea's show. And thank God they hired me. I had a meeting with her, and I honestly think it, I got the job because of where I was placed in the meeting order. Oh, really? She doesn't like to have meetings. Yeah.

And I think I was the first person. I'd already met the producers. Yeah. But I would think I was the first meeting, and she just didn't want to be there any longer and thank god she liked me and it was like after 10 minutes of talking she like abruptly

stood up and like just was like I'm done thanks for coming and I called my manager and was like I definitely didn't get that like she interrupted the meeting stopped it and told me to get out and the next day they said i got the job and i was like couldn't believe it and that changed everything for me

because i was broke i was so broke i could i mean i didn't know how i was gonna pay the bills yeah this month and um started there the beginning of 2011 and stayed until 2014 she's a good boss right i mean she seems pretty loyal to people she's very loyal i mean yeah you know i i had a different experience with her than other people yeah um everybody has their own experience but like she's not the easiest person in the world i mean you know she's she who she is yeah you know like you see her on tv like she's not putting on airs like that's her but she's like always really good to me like right day one she just i don't know like saw something in me or took to me and so like uh you know she would give other people shit but never

never me like she was always so cool and took me on the road and you know that's where my whole career started doing the stand-up professionally i mean i before i had only been in stand-up three years when i got that job and suddenly i was like a headliner it was crazy that's tough it it was tough i mean because i didn't have the material to back it up yet so i was like having to learn as i was on stage yeah being like these people paid to see me i better figure this out um and then i left the show and before it ended the to do a tina fey pilot and i think that was hard uh because you know she really loved me and i think um you know wanted us to work together for a long time but she knew i had these aspirations to be an actor um so i ended up leaving her show to to do the acting yeah but i stayed on the round

table and we uh stayed friends and then um she kind of took a year off i didn't hear from her very much because she was like traveling the world i think yeah she got a house in spain or yeah and then she started her new show and started having me come back on doing uh like sarah could be sanders yeah all those crazy characters i've walked a trump who obviously looked nothing like uh it started because uh ann coulter had backed out at the last minute uh she was supposed to go on chelsea's show yeah and backed out so chelsea's like will you come put on a blonde wig and read from her book i was like sure so that's how the characters started oh that's good yeah yeah yeah yeah so we're yeah so we're good i mean she's uh she's always been good to me yeah Yeah. So what do you got going now aside from struggling to conquer the fear to get the more stand-up going?

Yeah. Well, acting has kind of taken a little bit of precedent over things at the moment. I finished up the series radio on Mindy for three seasons. And I started her. She's producing a new show called Champions. It's on NBC.

Oh, really? It'll, I think, come out, we don't have an air date yet. What is it? It's, Anders Holm is the main guy in it. He and Mindy's character have a kid together, but he just found out about it. And the kid's a young gay kid who wants to come to New York to be in

an art school and Anders character owns a gym so it's called champions the jam the gym is champions and so he has to suddenly like she's like here's our kid the only way he can go to school is if he lives with you so suddenly he's like this you know single bro ish dude who's having to care for this like 15 year old gay kid yeah while running this uh boxing gym oh that's interesting so i play one of the his best friend and one of the trainers at the gym obviously oh that's great this sounds like a big part you shoot the pilot already yeah we, we're like on, I think on episode like five right now. Oh, you're really in it.

Yeah, so it'll, I think come out sometime in spring or late spring, early summer. That's great. So yeah, we'll see. But that whole group is, Mindy and her whole team, they're so good to me. So I was happy to keep working with them. Nice. It sounds like everything's good. It's not bad.

I sold a movie to Steven Spielberg. I'm hoping. What? I don't know. We'll find out what happens with that. He wrote a movie and he sold it to Steven Spielberg? His company, Amblin. Yeah.

What's that about? It's called Bad Cop, Bad Cop. Bad Cop, Bad Cop? Bad Cop, Bad Cop. Yeah. Two rookie cops, female cops who really suck at their job. Uh-huh. Who are kind of like just in charge of errands.

Uh-huh. Get blackmailed into doing the dirty work for another, like a lieutenant who's like a bad cop. Uh-huh. It's a comedy though? It's a comedy. Yeah. It's kind of like a comedic training day where like we're gonna do all this crazy shit uh that's great yeah so we'll see that it's in the rewrite stages right now and you know we'll find out if that goes you know getting anything made these

days it's not easy well yeah but like you know being employed isn't either so that's true it sounds like you got a lot going on well it's been good i'm i'm just happy that well don't give up the standard yeah bill's right i will i will not give it i don't want to make bill upset yeah you stay on i'm gonna start writing again all right good it was great talking to you thanks for having me mark that was a great talk. And as I said before the talk, Fortune Feimster will be at the House of Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona, this Friday, January 12th.

All right. Yeah. I'm drowning. I'm going to play Thank you. Boomer lives! You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

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