WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Episode 882 - Derek Waters

Episode Date: January 17, 2018

Derek Waters created Drunk History, but he really doesn't want to know about the darkness that lies in his family history. And while he doesn't have a drinking problem, he's long been plagued by sleep problems. These are just some of the things Marc learns about Derek, in addition to his love for Bob Seger, his celebrity interactions while working at Tower Video, and his relationship with Bob Odenkirk that changed his life. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Alright, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fuck nicks? What the fucking knots? What's happening? I'm Mark Maron. This is my podcast, WTF, welcome to it. I can't imagine it's your first time here, I can't imagine that.

But if it is, hi, just hang out, sit with the rest of the people, wherever it is that they are. You just hang out with them. Hang out, you know, feel at home, relax, grab something to eat, do your job, do your exercise, drive to work, take the train to work, be on an airplane, be at home doing cooking, be doing your work in your shop, your design work, your shoemaking work, your metal work. Just hang out with the rest of them if this is your first day no reason to be shy welcome welcome to all the newcomers as they say in the recovery racket what is happening folks everybody all right is everybody all right is everyone uh on that weird

balance between internalizing the decline of our republic uh and uh actually talking about it or have you been so beat up psychically by the decline of the republic on so many levels that there seems to be squeezing any little you know crack of hope out of you just being spackled with despotic garbage huh are all your cracks of hope spackled with despotic garbage with despotic sludge with authoritarian slime that hardens into cynical but uh very not effective jokes no no notice my tone i just want that was an experiment in tone i've derrick waters on the show today and uh i like derrick you might know him from drunk drunk history he's a also an actor a sketch guy but he also has a it was in a very uh interesting

episode of my show marin i've always liked the guy i didn't really know the guy but i've always liked his work he seemed like a sort of a i don't know i i i just always he was like rob hubel like i knew him i knew he's around i liked him. Like I knew him. I knew he was around. I liked him. I'd worked with him. But I didn't really know him. But I always thought that he'd be fun to talk to. And we had a great time. Bob Seger is going to enjoy this conversation.

That's all I'm going to give you. That's the only hint I'm going to give you is that Bob Seger will enjoy this conversation. By the way, I will be selling this house. It seems as that that is where I'm heading with this as of right now. So I'm just putting that out there. There are some people, myself included, on some days that think this is a somewhat of a historic location. Lots gone on here. Lots gone down in the garage.

A lot of changes and emotional upheavals, both for good and bad, have gone on in the house and in the garage. But I think it's going to happen. I think it's going to be available. So if there's any really filthy, rich people out there that just want to own a piece of history because they're huge fans of the show, you might have your shot. You might have your opportunity.

And by the way, I'm i'm getting the uh i'm getting the floors done right now there's some staining going on 100 year old floors 100 year old floors looking clean as shit right now just raw that stain hasn't gone down it's so weird when i have people working on anything they you know because i'm paying them to do it some part of me thinks i'm doing it myself it's got nothing to do with the work but it's sort of like look what we're doing. I'm not doing anything but appreciating true craftsmen at work. Stain's going down today, getting the walls done, painted, getting new plaster here and there.

Going to do some painting on the outside. I am going to make this place so nice that I'm going to want to move back in. That's what's going to happen. That's going to be the predicament. Oh, why didn't I do this while I was living here? Now look what it is. Look how nice it is. Maybe I should keep it.

This will be my vacation home or my work home. I could make this my office and workplace. I could. I could. Oh, man. See, now there's options. I closed the door on options. And now all of a sudden, out of emotional connection, there's options i closed the door on options and now all of a sudden out of emotional

connection there's options so what else is happening do you want me to read some emails i could read some emails uh oh yeah you heard last week this doesn't happen too often oh no this is another one this uh this says a subject line uh can we hold please plane can we hold holding for the plane holding are we good one more second okay so uh this line, cat scratcher couch. So when our cats scratch the couch, my husband says Mark Maron lets his cat scratch the couch as if it's all good. Thought you should know we love WTF and cat guys are awesome. Shauna. Yes, I, yes.

You know, it's not, it's not, it's not my first choice. You know what I mean? You never, there's always a little window of time when you have cats where you're like, I'm going to keep them off this stuff. I'm going to keep them off the furniture. I'm going to squirt them with water. I'm going to put this thing on it, whatever. You know, that goes on for as long as it takes

for the cat to do it once. And then you're like, shit, what the fuck? And then he does it twice. And then you're like, nah, it's already a little fucked up. And then you just watch them destroy whatever furniture or rugs that you like it takes time and you you can live with it i've lived with couches where literally the the arm of the couch is almost no longer there on the upholstery level just gone and people come over they're like fuck man and they're surprised as if the cat did that in two

days it takes a long time and you just you adapt man you adapt to your fucking rug being all wadded up and balled up sometimes stained you adapt to your couch being just ripped to shreds on one side or both sides you adapt to them destroying beautiful things relatively quickly. And for some reason, it's a sacrifice worth making. I don't know. At the new house, I got a leather couch and I'm keeping them out of that room. But sometimes I get in there and I'm like, this is where it starts. This is where everything nice turns to fucking scratch pads. Just everything nice turns into scratching posts all over the house.

Yeah, that was a nice couch. yeah, that was a nice couch. Yeah, that was a nice chair. Yeah, I love that rug when I got it. But now I guess it's theirs, the little fuckers. But you just, you deal with it. You deal with it. It just becomes, it becomes futile when you have cats. Futile to maintain anything furniture-wise or rug-wise that you'd like.

Another email. RX Bar Packaging. Hey, Mark, you mentioned you like the RX Bar Packaging on your last show, and I wanted to inform you that I am the designer who created it. That's all, man. Thanks for making my day. Your fan, Mike. See, I didn't even know.

What did I know? We didn't add for RX Bar, and I do like the packaging. Mike, you did a fine job. Nice know. What did I know? We didn't add for our X-Bar. And I do like the packaging. Mikey did a fine job. Nice layout. Enjoyed it. Good work. So I've been watching some movies because I got the screeners and I've got the, what day is today? Oh shit. It's Thursday. So yeah, on Sunday I'm going to the SAG Awards and I'm trying, I don't know if I can wear the exact same thing. I think I can I'm not it's not like everyone's photographing me waiting for me to to show off designer merchandise I'm not a woman in a new dress I don't need a new dress every I maybe I won't wear the vest but I

might just wear the same thing entirely someone told me to get a black shirt and a black tie this is not important stuff uh so the SAG Awards are coming up uh we're finishing up glow the last this is the last week of shooting monday monday is the last day of shooting for season two and it's been it's been great it's been fun it's always sad when a production ends it's like the end of camp although i was more of like the the women on the show obviously were doing a lot more work together training and wrestling and everything else and i would come in occasionally and with my mustache and my bad attitude so uh i was more like a camp director but but it is a it's a sad day so yeah i watched

what did i watch is it call me by your name is that the name of it let's call me by your name is that is that the exact title because Cause I watched that. What a beautiful, poetic movie, just a stunning movie. And I got to say, uh, I think after watching it, I'm,

I'm probably 4% more gay than I was before. I think I hovered around, you know, 11, 12% gay. And now I'm like 16, 17% gay. And it's not,

and it's going to stick after watching that movie, but yeah, don't be afraid of it. It's a, it's an opening. It's not, it's not, not something scary. You probably need to be a little more gay. There's some dudes out there. It could be a little more gay. It would, it would be a, you know, it would be nice. You know, sometimes you need a, you need a little balance. Just see, see what happens to you when you watch that movie and you know what exactly are your feelings around the peach scene no spoilers but uh let me know let me know how the peach scene works for you in um and call me by your name and the acting was tremendous on all parts really seriously molly's game look i'm

reviewing movies i guess if you like aaron sorkin and here's the thing and i think i've talked about this before on the show with aaron sorkin is that it's not how people talk but it is very entertaining and if it's acted properly uh it's great like the steve jobs movie i loved it i loved it because it was it was like you know uh it was like carrie grant and katherine heparin you know there was a there was a pace to it uh that was almost like 40s and i've talked about this before there's a pace to the banter and an intelligence to the banter that uh that is just very compelling and driving and there are moments the weaker moments of aaron sorkin scripts or in this movie which he directed is where you just

all of a sudden you have that beat where you're like, oh, people don't talk like this. And it's a sad moment. And there's only one in this movie. And it doesn't derail the movie. I enjoyed the movie, even though, you know, obviously it's a movie. But if you like that banter and you like the story, the story's a good story.

And Jessica Chastain is great. And Edris Elba, is that his name? I can't look it up. He's great, too. I think I'd like to know, I'd like to think that i got that right i'd like to think that that uh that i said that right and i'm gonna google it on my phone edris elba yeah yeah i think i got it right so i can vouch for those two movies both of them yeah obviously you know one's uh poetic sort of coming of age coming out story uh it takes place in italy it's a different pace and the other one is about uh a woman who uh ran a gambling racket

and it's got an insanely uh uh compelling uh lyrical uh dialogue driven pace very different films both very entertaining and good. So Derek Waters, I had a great time talking to him. The fifth season of Drunk History premieres next Tuesday, January 23rd on Comedy Central. This is me and Derek Waters talking primarily about Bob Seger in my record. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night

when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction.

Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel.

To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th, exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. you know i've been with this woman i've been seeing for a few years how long have you been with her like three and a half okay you party of one but how yeah yeah yeah for a long time for a long time that's been a long party of one.

Really? Yeah. Is it a sad party, Derek? My party, is it sad? No, I love this party. It's the only party I've ever known. Uh-huh. It gets bigger and smaller, though, but it's still a party of one?

It's still a party of one. I got out of some probably like four months ago. That was pretty... How long was that? Like eight months. I usually go, I do the six months to a year, a year and a half is the longest I've ever been with someone. Yeah.

What do you think that's about? I mean, do you question it? Are you like, what's wrong with me? Or like, this is just right? Oh, I don't think anything's wrong with me. No, you know. Really? I don't think anything's wrong with me uh no you know really i don't know my parents uh have been married for like 45 years happily yeah oh yeah really i mean you know well this is a good story i remember my therapist was the one that pointed out like oh your parents

don't sleep you think that your mom and dad don't sleep in the same bed because your father snores and i was like yeah he has a snoring problem she's like she just like shook her head pissed off like she's like you know they just don't sleep together but anyway a lot of people are doing that now i hear i hear that really thing yeah i hear like you know i mean makes sense i know you snore i don't think I snore badly. Yeah. I dated a woman for a while that snored badly. Who snores greatly?

Well, I mean, they're, well, no, that's right. I mean, greatly in that, like that is an awesome, greatly disturbing, greatly annoying. But she snored really bad. And it's bad because you kind of want to punch them in the head when they're sleeping which is not a nice thing so you don't do that i mean that's a little violent i'm ashamed that i said it but you try to nudge them and but it is there's an intensity to the nudge like god damn it yeah well i've been on the receiving end of that and my ex made me get these well then you're a snore person you said yeah and i got these nasal strips right did they work these well then you're a snore person you said yeah and i got these nasal strips right did they work but yeah they do but when i did snore i remember waking up and just like feeling that

nudge the elbow sorry this is my place the fuck are you nudging me for and that was the that was the last week of that relationship yeah yeah exactly yeah, exactly. No, I don't know. There's something about the nudge that it's just like, I don't know. I don't know if I've woke up on the receiving end of that, but I've given some nudges. Yeah, yeah. It feels weird. It's like if you love someone and that's how they're breathing, are you saying you hate how they breathe? Well, you're saying that like, can we do something to help this?

Can we do something to stop this? Maybe a sleep after. earplugs oh you offer you have a sweet guy you have a drawer for a earplug yeah hey honey just check the drawer this might be a problem tonight might be turbulent you got a little machine yeah yeah i uh yeah i have had really bad sleep problems i used to um well i know i have full conversations in my sleep really when anyone spends the night they're always like who the fuck were you talking to i don't know full conversations yeah full conversations yeah no i i wake myself up talking really yeah not screaming i've woken myself up really screaming you scream well it's weird when you scream in a dream. No matter what, it seems like no matter what emotion you're experiencing, whether it's

joy or terror, the sound you make out loud in the real world is always, and in the dream you're like, I don't know why it translates that way. Yeah. I don't know either. I've woken up like that. I've gotten nudged for that. And what's your response?

What did she say? Well, she goes, you're having a nightmare. And I'm like, I don't remember my dreams that well. Do you? I do, yeah. You do? Yeah. Do you have a recurring?

No, never had a reoccurring. I did as a kid. Really, what was it? Going up the stairs and somebody grabbing you. But that's like the classic. It's one of the classics. Closet, stairs, woods. Yeah.

Somebody grabbing you. Yeah. Yeah. But. Where'd you grow up, man? Baltimore. Baltimore was your father in politics? My dad.

No, but I love imagining that. Because my dad looks like a very cute barney rubble really um he has his own uh it's a tire um tire parts company tire tire supplies like not tires everything to do with tires except for tires real weights wheels uh tire valves no wheels weights and valves yeah weight is distributor you know i it's a family business that i never got into really 1926 though it's gone down three generations and my brother who's older will luckily take over but i used to work there is it's still a thriving business somehow man yeah does he manufacture these valves and weights? He distributes, yeah. He distributes valves and tire weights?

Yeah. Do they still use tire weights? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Wheel weights. Wheel weights. Wheel weights. The little things that you find on the side of the highway, you're like, what the fuck

is that? They're made out of lead or something? Yeah. And they just tack onto the... Yeah. I never knew what they did. Do you? No.

They balance. They balance out the wheels from what I remember. Yeah. I just... Yeah. I used to work in the warehouse shipping stuff and boxing stuff up. And I remember when I used to get real depressed out here, I would call my brother and he would- Say what he's doing. Hey, what are you up to? He would just put the phone down.

And he, God bless him, he knew I hated what he did. Yeah. Or I couldn't do it. But you liked him. And I love him. But I would't do it. But you liked him. And I love him. But I would just listen to the boxes being taped up. And that was the best motivation. Be like, all right, it's not that bad here.

I'm going to stay a little longer. Yeah. Oh, God. That's my alternative. All right. A couple more cold nights. That was the only two things? Yeah.

Either show business or... Yeah, exactly. Wheel weights or make people laugh. But you worked at the only two things. It was either show business or... Yeah, exactly. Wheel weights or make people laugh. But you worked at the place? Yeah, I worked there. I'm having a hard time picturing, because we've only really... It seems like we've only come up with two items that they have there. I'm not judging the business, but it sounds like that's all they have.

Valves and tire weights. Well, they got jacks. Anything to do with tires. Just not the tire or the wheel. Or the wheel or the tires. But everyone will always need tires, Mark. No, I know that. And I think it's a great business.

But doesn't it fascinate you? Because I always wonder, it's like, who thinks to do that business? Was it your dad's dad or was it your dad's dad? Dad's dad, great-grandfather. Your great-grandfather got into the tire rack. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think it was originally just a rubber company, just selling different types of rubber that I think eventually then drifted off from tires.

Either way, it wasn't for me it's fascinating that i imagine as a person in high school who was living the life you were living that maybe that would become fascinating to you at some point given that you did create drunk history that maybe you would one day in high school get fucked up and wonder about your great-grandfather's rubber business as as you know what got you to where you are. But you just never, there's a big blind spot with people and their families and what they do sometimes. The people just, they go away.

And you work there and you don't fucking know, really. Well, wait, what don't I know? It seems very vague to me. Where it started? That your great-grandfather was just doing different types of rubber. It seems fascinating to me. This is the dawn of the automotive age yeah and like you know your grandfather had this great idea that's a great point that that you know like everyone's gonna need rubber everyone's gonna need tire parts because this car thing's gonna stick yeah and he created a business that has legs man generational legs i know vision vision derrick what am i doing i don't i i i gotta get

ancestry.com you gotta get it you gotta figure it out i gotta talk to my father i gotta just ask and then it'll be disappointing it'll no doubt be disappointing because they don't know as much as you think that they should but see i've done that mark where i go back and ask like oh so why why did that happen as kids like oh your grandmother wanted to kill herself i'm like all right well i don't think i want to hear that story anymore so i don't really want there's certain things story there there oh yeah oh your grandmother tried to jump out of the car okay cool why was grandpa gone for a little while oh little while? Oh, he was addicted to cough syrup. Okay, cool.

That's it. I don't need to know. I don't want to go to 1926. If I'm just referencing the 70s here, I don't want to go before the Depression. You got enough. How many brothers and sisters are there? Just one brother.

He's six years older. And he's at the tire place. He's at the tire place. He's married with three kids. You have three nieces and nephews? One niece and two nephews, yeah. And you're all close? Yeah, he's my best friend.

Really? Yeah. That works out. You do? Talk to my parents once a week. You do? Yeah. But did you always do that or just when you sort of got successful?

Always. Always. And I don't know. I remember first moving out here and always hearing stories of like, oh man, like, you know, you really can't be funny unless like you had like a fucked up childhood. And I was always in my head like, man, I really like my parents. a fucked up childhood and i was always in my head like man i really like my parents and i remember once talking to bob odenkirk and i was like bob is it like am i ever gonna be funny like so i like i liked my childhood yeah yeah it's like derek just because you had a you just because you liked

your childhood doesn't mean it was a good childhood that was very good the odin kirk spin yeah yeah you're not seeing it how to make it negative but it was real but yeah i've been very close with my parents since yeah so you're smoking cigarettes at 16 sorry you must have been a problematic it seems like yeah i'm just like i got stressed i gotta characterize you as some troubled drunken mess i know but i didn't drink for a very long time right i um i was sober all through high school i liked cigarettes uh i don't know why i guess because who fucking doesn't in high school thinking that it's cool you know how old are you 38. Yeah, I'm 54. I would have thought by your generation that that shit would have passed.

Yeah. But no, see, people still locked into the cigarettes at 15. You think that it, well, wait, you actually think people like my generation are done smoking? I think it's the next one. It's the one after me. Oh, okay.

That's like, they're cautious. You guys are still sort of like, eh, I can still do it. Yeah, we're still like rebels without a call and the millennial so you're not a millennial you're older fuck that easy man i'm not i'm just i want some there's a knife here yeah um no i don't know i don't even know what uh i mean i know what a millennial what are they born after 2000 i think so i think they were they don't i always reference i asked someone someone if they were dead or if they were alive when Kurt Cobain died.

And if someone says no. What year was that? 96. Yeah. Were you upset about it? Yeah. Leveled. Bad day.

Yeah. I mean, I was young. I think it was 94. I was 15. young if it was 90 i think it was 94 i was 15 i remember it was just after john candy i remember john candy kirk obama right after each other yeah i was born in 79 79 yeah yeah and child of the 70s wow um yeah man but yeah i don't know um what was the landscape like man because like i was born in 63 so like 73 i'm already 10 you know and shit is going down everywhere 73 everything's you know unleashed everything's wild 60s are over and now people are just acting like lunatics yeah without a purpose yeah it was attached to a purpose for a few years yeah in the 60s and then the 70s no purpose just good times and then

disco happened and i witnessed all that like i was there derrick and in high school when when disco was actively being killed and fought wow yeah disco sucks that was yeah that was my that was high school for me when punk rock came in and the knack did my shirona and everybody wore thin ties things were changing yeah were you part of the disco demolition i don't know like i was sort of townie rock guy and you know uh you know i had some older dudes i knew at the college you know they turned me on to you know more progressive weirdo music so the disco stuff never affected in fact you know in junior high I remember listening to AM radio. But I don't remember specifically disco.

I remember David Bowie's Fame. I remember Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb, who died. Yeah. This is like an episode of your show, and I'm not drunk. I remember. And then I remember Night Moves, Bob Seger. Bob Seger is great. I lost my virginity to his greatest hits.

You did? Yeah. How old was the girl? Well, I was a junior. So I guess like 16, 15. Oh, you're both the same age, same class? Yeah. So you're both-

I'd just like say 16 and move on. Yes, we were in the same, or she was a year older. I was held back. So I was always older than everyone in my class so there see now now start here we go here we go so i got held back as a kid oh what's that what happened here what happened there mom why did i get held back oh i just thought it would be so cool if you were older than everyone in your class. So I held you and your brother back in preschool, which there wasn't. Your mom did that?

My mom did that, yeah. So it wasn't a disciplinary thing? Your mom just had this weird idea? Supposedly. But I also had this very strange. I didn't hit five foot until I was maybe 15. And I got tested for this thing which was at that time now i think it's evolved in something else but it's called growth hormone deficiency oh that's scary that's scary when you

got to go to the doctor when your parents are like is he gonna whatever yeah is this gonna change right and i remember them saying you're only going to be 5'1", and that you'll be the same height as Michael J. Fox. And I kind of thought that was cool. That was the positive? That's how they spun it? But it's like Michael J. Fox. I'm like, well. The doctor told you that?

Yeah, the doctor. Trying to make you feel good. She shows me a picture of, there's Karim Al-Dujravar, and then there's Michael. And you. You're going to be, yeah, Michael J. Fox. picture of there's kareem i'll do a javar and then there's michael eddie you're gonna be yeah michael j fox but uh yeah they're like oh it's a two percent chance that you'll get cancer there's a three percent chance that you'll gain like 20 pounds and i i think my father my father's father had just died of cancer and they were like we're not giving him any of these hormones. So, um, so now you're what? Five,

eight, six, 12. Uh, no, I'm five, six, five,

six. Yeah. Five, seven. So you did all right. I did. Okay. Yeah.

I did. All right. I mean, I got flat feet. I could avoid the draft. It's not my dad. Avoid a Vietnam. How tells he,

sorry. Uh, he's, I'm taller than him. He's probably five, three. Oh really? So he's five, three and fat and flat feet yeah oh should have written a song i am so this girl that you had sex with for the first time at 16 when you were five feet tall yeah boy uh had she had sex before oh so she knew what she was doing.

Yeah, but losing my virginity to Bob Seger is a great story, but the reality is I had sex before that. Yeah. And it was my parents, God bless them. Wait, were they there? I was allowed to bring girls up in my room as long as I kept the door open. So I learned how to quiet fuck no um but i remember the girl i lost my virginity to i was this is real white trash i think i was 14 and i remember taking a con the condom and put yeah my mom's like okay we gotta take her home and so we're driving her home and i'm holding up because i

was too i'm still so scared of anything yeah disease oh yeah but flushing a condom down the toilet i was so petrified of like it'll stuff up the toilet my parents you know i grew up in church like you won't have sex until you get married. Right. Which church? It was called, and still is, Hunts United Memorial. It's Methodist. Methodist. Yes, yes. Are they hardcore?

Mm-mm. No, I would say it's like the most laid back. Not as laid back as Unitarian, but. No. Or the Lutherans. Maybe it goes Unitarian. Yeah. Well, they can be pretty uptight.

I found, no, they are actually, I'd love to tell you what they don't believe in. Oh no. But so anyway, but I remember coming, leaving the house with a Pepsi can with a condom inside of it, knowing like I had to figure out where to throw this Pepsi can away.

So my parents didn't know I had a condom inside of it. Yeah. And as, but you had sex with the girl at your house with the door open with your parents there. to throw this Pepsi can away so my parents didn't know I had a condom inside of it. Yeah. But you had sex with the girl at your house with the door open with your parents there. Yeah. And you were all driving

the girl home? Mm-hmm. And you were sitting there with a condom and a Pepsi can? Just my mom and me. Yeah. Oh, just your mom and you? And the girl.

And the girl. But dad's at work trying to sell tire parts. Tire parts. Weights, valves, jacks. Pepsi that he worked his ass off for. So then you and the girl just kind of smirking at each other nervously. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that was. Do you remember what Bob Seger song was going? Because I can't imagine. There was the greatest hits. And I remember it was weird when he covers a Chuck Berry song on that well it was oh yeah uh i can't remember i remember throwing a this is cool that i really have always had safe sex i threw it we had sex with the pop seger album and i threw a raspberry red condom that I'd just gotten from Spain

on a field trip to Spain. As a novelty item that you didn't think you were going to use? I was like, hey, we're in Spain. Let's get a red condom. You got to get a condom and a dispensary. This is cool, man. Yeah.

Bellissimo. I know, that's a time. Bueno. Let's see. But I threw a red raspberry condom out in a middle school parking lot and it really still fucks me up thinking about like a kid coming to school the next day with like this condom yeah we also would have this have sex like in place like this church like um playground and i remember like cops would come to these parties and i mean like i'm so tired

of finding condoms here you guys had to stop having really baltimore is real boring all you do is that's pretty good i didn't really i didn't have i didn't really have i had sex when i was 17 but i would not call it a successful event well no yeah for one person and that was and never again with that same person no the one i lost my virginity to no no i didn't get i didn't get good at it until college really and even then not great i it took a long time for me to really get the hang of it when do you know you're good at it uh when you can uh when when you when you can honestly know that like are you good and they're like yep and they're like all right then i'm gonna go ahead and finish now oh yeah yeah giving receive yeah withdrawal and uh whatever you gotta do you know i think that good is that

you can you know it's i think it's the gauge is how when how when, how many times and how often or when do you apologize? It's based on the apology spectrum. If you're like, oh God, sorry, that's not good. No, sorry during sex is never a good word. No, but sorry after sex is not great either. If you can limit the apologies. Yeah. Because only if they their apologies out of

insecurity my bad if you've done something that you should apologize for sure yeah you should probably go ahead and do that yeah yeah at the time yes yeah in the in the moment in the moment yeah yeah yeah i know i'm gonna ever apologize after so oh that's good that's good that's good self-esteem uh yeah i don't know what my go-to thing is afterwards i just think you move on or for me at least i got some old bob seeger project records really yeah what is it lovable loser yeah it's god damn there were some big records man and you know i i'm not ashamed to say that i liked it like did somebody give you hell on liking seager maybe like when the risky business shit i won't even think about that song

no it was like uh like well bob seger was such straight up you know american townie rock you know when he hit when that night moves record hit yeah he'd been around for a while yeah i think it was called bob seger project there was like two or three of those records was it bob's secret project and then uh and then he hit with the solo stuff and then it just kept getting it just kept happening but like night moves when that came on if it was night outside and you were in a car it's fucked up you're like oh man this is great this is america man i know yeah so oh man now i'm thinking about just you'll accompany me all his songs you can picture like i don't even ever remember a bob seger video but we have like our own memories about like seeing like those girls that like he made us like imagine and i remember driving

out here with my pony at grand dam 96 not to, and I called that fucking car the Hollywood Knight. Oh, yeah? I know, that's really cheesy, but I was young. But that's actually a pretty good Seeger song. It's a great song. Yeah. Why can't I find the early Seegers? Well, I thought it was called Bob Seeger Project.

Which one? Bob Seeger System. Huh. The Bob Seeger System, dude. called bob seger project which one bob seger system huh the bob seger system dude i don't know about the bob seger system you don't no yeah no that was the bob seger system mongrel's one of the records um yeah man god he was around for a long time and he was like uh you know it was like detroit kind of shit yeah without yeah he's kid kid rock loves seager well how can you not love seager really yeah but i think night moves was the fucking that was that was your favorite do you remember like did you have a good memory for night moves i just i was sort of a heavy-hearted kid yeah so like any uh any sort of like kind of melancholy song like

looking back and it was looking back at something i don't think it happened for me yet you know you know like it's also like it's like uh you know i dream on you know those songs where you're just sort of like oh yeah it's like you know heavy-hearted teenage shit yeah i know the lines in my face are getting clear like shut up you're fucking 12 yeah yeah but seeger was an important part, huh? Yeah, yeah, Seeger, yeah, I love Seeger. I think, yeah, my parents loved, my dad was in a band. Really?

Yeah, he played drums for a band, and then now he plays for the church band. They don't have a name, but I call them God and Roses. Come on. He plays for the church band, so they're pretty religious. He plays for the church band, yeah, religious yeah yeah yeah that's how i grew up and uh yeah do you go to church now i do every once in a while yeah do you have a church i don't have a church church but you'll go yeah i like church i like being with people i'm not oh i stopped going to like one certain place because you know you start doing stuff and you

you know everything's a business no matter how you look at it and i remember like being in a prayer group you remember realizing that no well realizing like okay uh do you have any prayers this week yeah i would like to pray if um i would just really like to get with uh united talent agency like wait that's my agency what we're asking god for something that you're actually asking me yeah to do for you like that's that's and i remember a guy saying like hey man we should write a script together and i was like just because we believe in the same thing doesn't mean I like you. At the church? Yeah.

Said that to the guy? Yeah, because it's like a business. Like, hey, man, let's write a script together. God bless you. I'll pray for our script. So anyway, yeah, I still have faith

and I like God. I like church, but I get scared of, you know, politics and like getting too close into those worlds where it's like i think faith is your personal journey and that's up to you it's like uh and don't throw it down someone else's thoughts if like you got somewhere because of where you got then just be thankful for that you don't need to like say well this is what you need to do right that's what i always got scared of right

proselytizing people and uh yeah missionaries yes yeah yeah that's great that worked for you but that doesn't mean it works for everybody just right yeah be be good but you brought up you brought up in the church decent people you go and you see everybody there and it's like the families the community yeah i like that yeah bob nice haircut yeah how'd your interview go monday great you like that they're gonna let me ship my boxes i do like that i like that idea but then i think about it and then if i like that i wouldn't have left Baltimore. Yeah. Because that's all you grow up with. It's just, God bless him, but it's a merry-go-round of just the same song. Yeah, Bob Seger. Yeah. Bob Seger never stops playing.

Yeah, the night moves. Unfortunately, the days don't. Yeah. But, yeah. So you just sort of like birth, life, death kind of, you know, like you can see it all play out. Mm-hmm. You know, like for generations. And you thought you thought like or has got to be more than that

there's gotta be more than that Hollywood Hollywood yeah yeah you know I remember yeah cranking that song and driving across driving across my brother and I we rented a U-Haul and towed my Pontiac Grand Am out here. Your Grand Am? You get that from your dad? No. Well, I guess my kind of half me, half a grandmother's inheritance. Oh, so you bought that car.

It was a used 96 Grand Am. But when did you decide? So you're going to high school. You're putting rubbers in soda cans. You're having sex at the church. Yeah. Smoking cigarettes. Yeah.

Worried about your height. But nothing too dramatic. Do you do any theater in high school? Yeah, I did musicals. But I wanted to be a baseball player. That was my dream. Flat foot, though. Flat footed. Like, yeah, I did musicals, but I wanted to be a baseball player. That was my dream. And I- Flat foot, though.

Flat footed, smoked cigs. Five whatever. Yeah, five. Did you play high school ball? I tried to, and I didn't make the team. And so I started umpiring for Little League, which was the most depressing thing. Like, oh, I don't get to be on the team. Did you do that through the church?

No. It sounds like community service, though. Yeah. No, I did it for like seven bucks an hour. I was getting paid as an umpire. Pee-wee Little League? Yeah, Pee-wee Little League. And the kids were bigger than me.

It was really fucked up. Because, man, there's scary people everywhere. But parents of sports kids are the scariest. They are, dude. I mean, that's their stock market. They're not far from what we see as the cliche showbiz moms and dads here. Yeah. Because the parents of athletes are frightening.

Yeah. And I remember them yelling at me and being very, very mean. But anyway, yeah. So I wanted to be a baseball player. And then I didn't make it to high school. but i was making little movies with my friends in my neighborhood and then i was like all uh a dear friend and told me to audition for fiddler on the roof yeah you played tevye no uh some background guy that they named thom i think to be nice to me did you put a fake beard on and pay us and wear a yarmulke?

No, I'll never wear a yarmulke. No, I think I wore a yarmulke. Yeah, in saying Anatevka. Yeah. And that was, yeah, I loved it, but all my friends kind of made fun of me. But we did like, you know, they do those trailers. It's not about what they do.

Well, yeah, classic. But we did, pardon me, Guys and dolls oh you did and i remember being really nervous this was the first time i'm playing like a pretty big part harry the horse not to brag harry the horse i got the horse right here and uh you know i'm not someone that was like oh i'm real popular but i wasn't a jock i wasn't a nerd i was kind of in the middle but this was the first time i'm be in front of a lot of people they do those previews in front of the whole uh school and i remember being so excited and so nervous and so we're singing and everyone's like laughing and like i like clapping when i come out and they're it just feels so good and they can't stop laughing and i

look down and on my dick is one of those laser pen pointers yeah yeah someone listed from the audience was yeah why is it why is it just the beginnings of depression why were you what why you why they say you i know i think it was on everyone's to be fair on the guys and dolls genitalia areas yeah so there are several people out in the audience with lasers several people yeah if you weren't fucking in a church you had a laser pinpoint at people's dicks i remember the kid like that apologized on the announcements and he said like i'm a red light user and i I apologize for doing this, and just kind of made a joke out of it. Yeah.

And I hated it. Do you know the kid? Yeah. Facebook friends. I wrote to him recently and said, every time I see a red laser, I always think of you. You did not. I did. I don't hold back.

But you're friends still? No, I'm not friends with him. On Facebook, sure. Just so I can, well, yeah. Once a year, you do the laser? Once a year, like, yeah, here's the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thinking about you, yeah. So you were singing?

You did some singing? Singing, I did some singing. I was in a band in high school. You did the old suit? You wore the old suit for the guys and dolls? Yeah. Is that Luck Be A Lady? That's Luck Be A Lady, right? That's Luck Be A Lady, yeah. Yeah you did the old suit? You wore the old suit for the Guys and Dolls? Yeah. Is that Luck Be a Lady? That's Luck Be a Lady, right?

That's Luck Be a Lady, yeah. Yeah, and then there's the one with the- I was right here. Yeah. His name was Paul Revere. Yeah. So that's where it starts, right? That's where it starts.

And then I got the lead in the next year, which I was George Gibbs in Our Town. Finally, I get to be a lead in a play. Yeah. Sorry, the auditorium is going through renovation. Our town will take place in the cafeteria. Oh, really? We did in the cafeteria. Yeah, some town.

Yeah. This is our town. Not great, huh? What does one table think? Yeah. Yeah, the screeching tables. Yeah, yeah. So, okay, so then you, but you say you sang in a rock band too?

I was in a band, yeah, in high school. That was just. Do you play? I play guitar for fun, but I'm not good. I love, I love music. How long, did you play gigs? Yeah, we did like a middle school show. Nothing that got us paid.

What songs? Just stuff for fun. Did you do a full set? We did a lot of covers in some of the original. Did you do any Seeger? It was like rocking in the free world. I don't think. No, no Seeger.

But I did country. I was into Garth Brooks. I was really into Garth Brooks. Really? Yeah. Huh. I know. Like what song?

Well, then was The River. It's all about dreaming. Yeah. And I was real cheesy. You were into Garth Brooks. I was into Garth Brooks. What is this, high school? Yeah.

Huh. Pearl Jam. They're still my favorite band. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You like Pearl Jam? I do.

I have no problem with Pearl Jam. Thank you. There was a big drop off for me, though. I know they made a lot of records, but after Versus, I was like, I'm that was it you only gave him two albums well i mean i i have some of the other records i don't know any of the songs on him though i think i have that neil young mirror ball record and i have uh like that how are you gonna top that first record it's one of the best albums ever i think so the reason why i defend them well not even defend you're not arguing no problem the reason why i defend them well not even defend you're not arguing no problem is seeing them live is that they're the best live band i've ever seen never play the same set they they write it like

the day of so they're i don't know why bands don't do that more yeah i guess good bands do no i think they're real they're just like a classic hard rock band not even hard rock just a classic rock band like when they first came out, I was like, all right, this is like the new Bad Company. Here we go. You thought Pearl Jam was a new Bad Company. God damn, I almost believed you. No, I did. Really?

Yeah. I mean, they were obviously, they had a little more range in Bad Company, but I thought because Paul Rogers has, I think, one of the greatest voices ever. And I just felt that the template for having a guy with a unique voice, with great pipes that really sounded like just him. Vedder doesn't sound like anybody else. Paul Rogers doesn't sound like anybody else. And like, you know, ready for love, can't get enough of your love.

Seagull, you fly across the horizon. Give me silver, blue, and gold. And thenny was a school boy oh it's a great song i mean like why not like i'm not i'm not i'm not diminishing pearl jam yeah it just was my impression when they first came out but they transcended bad company okay how has there been ever another band that do a song named their that's a band name bad company was that their first song i mean they could they had to come out of the gate with that i don't know if that's on the first record it must be it has to be well i know like um uh you know what their big song was

will i take whatever i want yeah and i won't won't. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. And then what's the making love one? Feel like making. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of hits, huh? His voice is great. A lot of hits.

Yeah. So you get out of high school and you're going to be a star? How does it work? Yeah. Well, I was like, I want to be Al Pacino and Chris Farley. If I could combine those two, I want to act and I want to i was like i want to be al pacino and chris farley if i could combine those two i want to act and i want to be funny right anytime i acted people would laugh and i think it was because i couldn't act yeah i was like you were on my show i thought you did a good job

thank you you were kind of menacing right that was the menacing you were kind of scary guy at the party yeah my girlfriend's friend that was so much fun yeah it was freezing out here o'donnell i remember that yeah yeah it was a very like boys don't cry right exactly yeah it was creepy it was really creepy that was fun that was that was season one yep yeah um so what happened so you you tell your parents ma pa i'm getting a grand am and i'm gonna play bob seeger all across this great country i'm gonna go try this and i wanted to do second city so i went to chicago for like a couple days and i went to toronto for a couple days to try to feel out what the people were like just for two days yeah to decide where to move and so i decided toronto because it was more it felt more open to people

that were just starting out so i lived in toronto for six months really studying second city there yeah how was that with the canadians oh i loved it i loved it so much it's probably besides the reach recent purchase of my bike uh the best decision i've ever pedal bike or motorbike pedal bike yeah i love it i hate working out but man i love that goddamn bike yeah you just bought one yeah i never had a bike yeah and you know do you drive it along that bike path near tulico lake exactly yeah oh that's nice yeah it's really fun what kind of bike uh it's like a mountain bike so but it's like eight speeds and i don't know did you buy it from yelp reviews or recommendation no i walked into a store the one into a know-how uh bike i

think it's not and the guy just said this is what you know what would you like and i said a bike and he's like what fat tires skinny tires i was like fat tires and then he's like here ride this one around and i was like oh my god i felt like a kid again yeah i never had a bike because you don't want to ride a bike around certain parts here fucking you're an idiot when i see people like riding their bikes a either like at night i have a light but still like when it's nighttime there's you can walk yeah you can do something it's not drive a car even but people honestly just like oh but i'm riding my bike like i don't know that's the shit that pisses me off like are you riding your bike or are you just trying to make us think or feel bad that i just get concerned i get concerned for people doing anything in a road

where they're not protected with people texting and driving it's petrifying i just i i barely like walking on the sidewalk mark what do you do because i've now honked now i i will not let as soon as i see someone's head down i just nail yeah no yeah right away yeah because that is something that i don't know how like you see all the technology evolving that to me is going to kill us really soon sure yeah it's one it's one of the things. No one's paying attention. Yeah, it's not, there are a lot of things going on that might kill more people all at once.

Sure. But slowly, the texting and the driving is going to pick everybody off somehow. Anyway. But, all right, so we go back to Toronto. Toronto.

So you get into Second City. Well, I took classes, so I was just like learning and like doing stand-up and just was just learning and doing stand-up. You were? Yeah. You did some stand-up? Yeah.

How'd that go? I'm not doing any more. You know, I like funny, but I don't like having to be funny, and I wasn't good. When I came out here, I was doing more open mics out here and I liked it just as a way of meeting people, but I don't think I was very good at it. But you came out like, so you're in Toronto for six months. It's nice to be in Canada.

It's relieving. So relieving. So many nice people. Loonies, toonies, like the money is really cool. It's safe. I didn't have a car, so I walked everywhere.

And yeah, it's a beautiful place yeah i like it so you're there for six months and you're like i'm going to hollywood i'm going to hollywood um well did you make any connections did you meet any people are any of the people that you were in toronto with here now uh some yeah some like some teachers are here now some performers but yeah i left that they like were you in a sketch group there i wasn't i was in a sketch about here there i was mostly just doing like comedy sports and cheesy stuff like that improv yeah yeah yeah yeah um it wasn't until years later i got into haha fresh wow that's like Baja Fresh.

I get it. I wanted it to be called Bon Jokey. Yeah. Because I hate improv names. I hate sketch group names. You were in Ha Ha Fresh? Yeah. Thank you.

But how does it happen? Sorry, that's Los Angeles. I'm jumping ahead. Well, yeah, it's all right. Do you go back home? I go back home, work for a little bit. At the store? At the store. Selling valves, weights. it's all right. Do you go back home? I go back home, work for a little bit. At the store? At the store.

Selling valves, weights. And also cutting grass. I was cutting grass. It sounds like you go back to Maryland and you go back in time. Yeah. You were cutting grass? Yeah. I did landscaping there.

Yeah. By yourself or you worked for a company? I worked for a company, yeah. Oh, because you don't know how to do that stuff, right? No. I mean, kind of. You just mow. I remember the guy, my neighbor told me when I first cut, was mowing my front yard when

I was a kid, I was just kind of randomly doing it. And the guy next door was like, you got to do rows. You got to cut in rows. You weren't doing it in rows? No, I don't know what I was doing. I was just kind of winging it. It's a profound moment. Yeah.

It makes sense. You gotta do rows. Of course you do. Yeah. What was I fucking doing? No one taught me anything. I don't know what my parents were doing. I was just out there with an electric mower doing circles and shit.

Randomly fucking mowing the lawn. Yeah. Yeah. I got trained young because my grandparents had like a 10 acre farm. So I would cut that lawn and that was on a big tractor I had. This is your— My dad's dad. The guy who gave your dad the business, the tire supply business.

Mm-hmm. They have animals? Yeah. We had—when I was little, there was a lot, but mostly just this 29-year-old pony. I remember that being so confusing to me. So you think ponies become horses, but they don't. It's a 29-year-old pony. I never thought.

I guess maybe I thought one time, but you really expected that pony. When I was a kid. Oh, you just couldn't understand? Yeah. But you probably felt like you had something in common with it. I did. Eon. Yeah, great.

Yeah, Eon. Eon was his name? Yeah. Both of you were kind of stuck. We were very stuck. Yeah. I don't think Eon's with us anymore. Probably not.

I think you could probably find out. Do you want to make a call? No, no. I, yeah. Hey, Dad, before I ask you about how the tire business started, is he on dead or alive? But yeah, cutting grass really did fuck me up because I remember in cutting that farm, I accidentally ran over a patch of rabbits. Oh, come on.

And it fucked me up so bad. You never recover from that. Yeah. I shot a pigeon. I didn't want to but my friend in the game had a pellet gun oh but you you know you were gonna do it pressured me shoot the pigeon mark yeah come on dude i shot one yeah and then what happened did he high five you just broke my heart dropped that fucking pigeon i know but what was his sick reaction to it dude you know it's dead yeah you got him and but it didn't seem dead to me and i had to shoot it again

what's with kids and doing that shit i remember fishing with a guy and he's like just take the fish and scalp it and he just stuck the knife and i was like i want to throw the fish back i like fishing i don't want to eat it i just like fishing and he just stuck the knife and i was like i want to throw the fish back i like fishing i don't want to eat it i just like fishing and he just took the knife and stabbed it in the fish and threw it away yeah yeah but you can't with fishing though if you hook it too bad you throw it back in it's gonna be all fucked up i know i'm just floating there you get some fucking abscess yeah anyway yeah i was never a hunter. It just hurt me. You know, I had to kill a mouse once at a restaurant

that fucking broke my heart, but it had to happen. It had to happen. I've had to kill some mice in my time. Wait, what do you mean you had to? I was stuck on a glue trap

at the restaurant I was working on, just sitting there like, and you got to fucking kill it. You can just throw it away. Fucking stuck to a glue trap still alive. I put it out of its misery.

God. And I had glue traps at the apartment in astoria and like i had you gotta fucking kill the thing it's really fucked up i the place that i just got i inherited this woman that late lived there's turtles and koi fish what and this koi fish you bought the house oh yeah i bought the house with turtles and koi fish yeah it's got a koi pond in the back okay but the one of the koi got real sick a couple uh weeks ago and how long have you been there a year how'd you fuck up the fish i didn't do anything i feed them well i have someone clean it like i i'm i'm good i'm a good fish owner yeah um but

this fish they were old they're very old and i don't this lady was obsessed with rescue animals so all of them are like half you know rescue yeah right the rescue koi rescue turtles yeah for real i mean who knows that's what she told me but long story short is that the koi fish was uh really fat really bloated and then just laid up and it was just floating on the top of the pond so i picked it up and put it in the trash can and it just started moving it was still alive and i was like oh my god what do i do i didn't know what to do do i kill it it's dying wait it out so i a friend told me i put it in a bucket of ice. Freeze it. Is that what you did? Yeah.

What would you do? I don't know, man. This is the thing. I don't have a dog. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm fearful. I don't want them to die like that. I don't want to get in a relationship and then watch them floating like that.

You just got thrown in a bucket of ice. No, I got too many other things to do. like that no i got too many other things to do so all right so you what happens when you come out here you drove with your brother you packed up your shit yeah yeah and i worked did you have a plan i knew i wanted to uh second city was just about to start out here so i was going to take classes there. That was my plan. But nothing, that's it. I was 19.

It always fascinates me because we come out here to be in show business. But we don't know. Fucking, you know, some people do. Some people set shit up, but that stuff never pans out. Right. You know, it's like you just come out here and like, now what? And you're in this sprawling, shitty city. Yeah.

You're hanging around comedy venues. Yeah. So what's up? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. And you think back, though, but we didn't think it was crazy, though. I guess not.

But I took two stabs at it. It took me a while to kind of really come back out here. I got spit out pretty early, and then I i went back to new york and started there yeah but by the time i came out here i wanted to make pretty fucking sure that i had something to do huh you'll be out here with nothing to do is the worst yeah yeah when you see all these people with their great lives and you just but you just see everybody trying it's like you know and you're all at that level and you know you're all looking at each other like is it going to be you is it going to be me and you're like i know it's not gonna be that guy and then that guy becomes the big star yeah it makes no sense yeah so you didn't take classes then you just i just

yeah i took classes i was working at tower video and i was like that was a job boy yeah yeah that was a job and then back on on sunset when it was on sunset. Yeah. Right across from the records were on one side and the video on the other. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. It was really fun.

And I didn't like, I don't know. I got to meet cool people and, you know, working in a video store. That seems pretty cliche when you first moved out here. But in that area, like you met people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Like in that area, like you met people? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Like, you know, Sylvester Stallone.

I got Sylvester Stallone American Pie. Yeah. Yeah. One, I remember probably the best thing that happened to me there was a guy asked for a movie. I can't remember the name of it. But the guy said a couple people in it. And one of the names was Sidney Poitier. And that was the only one I recognized.

And I was trying to put it in the computer, and I couldn't spell it. It's tough, man. So then he spelled it for me. Wait, P-O-I-T-I-E-R? Yeah. Unfortunately, we didn't have it after. And so the guy left, and then my boss said, Why did you just have Sidney poitier spelling you his

own goddamn name and i was like oh i thought it'd be funny you didn't know but i never you know all i'd seen was like john waters and cal ripken i didn't know anything with celebrities but yeah tower video was great and then i started doing second City and getting small commercial parts. But, yeah. You got an agent? I got an agent. I did his play out here with Jenna Fisher. Oh, yeah.

I like her. I talk to her. Yeah. She's awesome. And so Bob Odenkirk's wife was there, and she was the manager. Yeah. Naomi Odenkirk? Naomi Odenkirk.

Formerly Naomi Yom tov whoa yeah that's a deep cut i know i go back man wait how do you say the last name i think she's naomi yom tov which is good day in hebrew yom tov yeah uh yeah she was around new york but back in the day i remember her so she was there yeah yeah and so yeah she wanted to see me manage something she's a manager and she wanted to see me do something that was like my own and i was i i didn't know who she was and i said oh me and my best friend craig are doing a sketch show at second city where it's basically us trying to be like bob and david and she's like oh that's funny it's my husband's bob odenkirk and then i, well, that's fucking nuts because my writing partner lives with your sister. Because Craig met this girl, Anna, on Craig's list,

and she was like, oh, you guys like Mr. Show? We were watching Mr. Show. He goes, that's my brother-in-law. And we were like, whoa. So we secretly got their home number. My friend Craig and I used to get drunk and call Bob Odenkirk and leave messages like Mr. Show Lines. You did?

Yeah. And I remember telling him that a long time ago. And he's like, why would you do that? It's a very practical question. Great question. And I don't know why we do that. I guess just because you could. Yeah.

Phone numbers used to be like tweeting where, oh, I can say whatever I want. I got their number. Yeah. I got their number. So you were living with Naomi's sister? Craig was. Craig was, yeah. Craig, what's his last name?

Ann Stepp. Where's that guy? Yeah, he's still writing. Yeah. He's still here. Yeah, we came out at the same time, year 2000. Didn't Naomi have, like, I'm trying to put this together. Didn't she have a dude that she represented, a sketch guy, heavyset guy that died?

Yeah, he's my favorite, Jim Zulovic. That's the play that Jen and I were doing together. And Jim is the reason why I knew so much about Disco Demolition and him and Bob were writing a movie about the Disco Demolition. That was a history, drunk history episode. It was uh yeah Steve Dahl and yeah but anyway yeah that was Jim Zulovic she was he was one of her first clients funny guy and if it wasn't for him I I don't think I would still be here he really helped me he directed my one-man show and he just yeah and he put me in this play that i got to meet bob and and so naomi managed you

still yeah still yeah no kidding yeah well that's great i'm very lucky man and then you but so how does it lead how does the career unfold so you you know from her managing you you know you work with bob didn't bob produce something bob produced this uh show called derrick and simon i did with uh simon halberg who was on the Big Bang Theory. Yeah. I know that guy. Yeah. The guy with the haircut?

One of the geeks. Yeah. He's got a haircut. I think, yeah, that's a great guy. The Jewish guy. Yes. Yeah, I like him. Helberg.

Nice guy. Great guy. Great guy. Yeah, so we did a sketch show called Derek and Simon for HBO. Yeah. Didn't get picked up. Had Zach Galifianakis in it, Bill Hader. It was a real, I liked it a lot.

That's a big shot. It was a big shot. Yeah. And we didn't make it. Yeah. But it made it to Sundance and that was like, oh man, we made it to Sundance. Oh yeah? Yeah.

And that was a cool, cool journey. I remember a real drunk night with Bob Odenkirk. And, you know, you're out with a guy that you really look up to, and you're drunk as, like, a, I don't know. At that time, I was like, this is so cool. I'm with my hero, and he's fucked up. Yeah. And we got back to our place in Utah where we were staying.

We were staying in a house with, like, six or eight people. And we got home, and it was maybe, like maybe like one or two and no one was up and we're just sitting there like where is everybody and i i look next to bob and it's a picture of like a wife and her kids and i'm like bob we're in the wrong house we're just sitting chilling in these people's houses we have no idea who they are luckily i love wrong house yeah wrong house stories are whoopsie daisy you know who has a lot you know there's a lot of wrong house stories from levittown in new york really yeah because all the houses look the same so like i've heard like several like wrong house stories because it was that development yeah yeah that post-war development yeah people just walk in yeah

because they all look the same the houses fuck i mean the sound and a bird inside of a house is petrifying but imagine just somebody walking and just putting their groceries away and just has no idea that it's not their house god that's fucking scary that's a nightmare yeah i fuck i'm on set i walk into the wrong trailer sometimes i'm like what's happening right yeah yeah yeah stuff is that yeah yeah that's petrifying so all right so you get all these and then you start acting because you pop up in a lot of stuff yeah i did a sitcom called married to the kellys of the abc sitcom that's how i got my 2003 forerunner and that was kind of that was that was making a lot of money for nothing how many funny one but it was it was great and i'm really glad that it failed

because it was i was 22 and it made me realize this is gonna be real fucking hard this is gonna be really hard right and i'm glad that it happened right two or three years in yeah yeah because then when it was over i like i when that was airing it was on tgif on abc like yeah friends from high schools hot chicks like from high school are calling you and leave a message it was so funny and then it's over yeah nothing yeah and that's when i started drinking that's when you realize like that there's no like this like even when you you hit it it can go right go just go away yeah no guarantees and you might not get another one no ever yeah so that's when you started drinking well yeah that's when i started thinking

about wait uh this is this going to be a tough life. This is going to be tough. Okay, so it's going to be a tough life. I'm going to make it more difficult. Well, that's true. Yeah. That's true. But it turned out to be your salvation.

Your salvation. It's sad that drinking saved my life. How much are you drinking? No, I don't. I'm not like that. Are you hungover now? I don't know. I don't drink during don't know i don't

drink during the day i've never oh that's never craved alcohol that's the best you got well how often do you drink i'll wait till the sun goes down and the night moves yeah there you go uh yeah no yeah it took yeah i was i i wouldn't say like I got, I've never been a heavy, heavy drinker. That song. Huh? The Chuck Berry song, that was the one from, it was in Pulp Fiction. C'est la vie? Is it called C'est la vie?

I'm going to guess. Isn't that the one that they would dance to? That, that, that, that, that, that, that. Oh, but, yeah, but that's the actual Chuck Berry one, right? Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Seger covered it. Oh, I didn't know Seger covered it. Yeah, last song on the actual Chuck Berry one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Seger covered it. Oh, I didn't know Seger covered it.

Yeah, last song on Greatest Hits. So what is the inception of Drunk History? What is the mythology? How does it unfold? It started as a video bit, right? Yeah, it started as just, this could be funny. Was the first one with Jen Kirkman? First one was with Michael Cera

and the guy Neri and Mark Gagliardi yeah that was the first one and then Jen was the third one

right but yeah and it was just like oh this could be funny and I think there was something when I moved out here

I really don't like when people love to tell you how smart they are and i remember being this relates it's like i remember being at a party and they're like you want to play celebrity and i'm like god damn this is the beginning of this fucking life out here yeah playing party games and running charade shit yeah i hate it and um so they put in these names at the hats and you know you're expecting you know like you know tom cruise tom sellick you know actual famous people they started just all these people i was hanging out with like put in like spencer quinson he invented the yo-yo or just shit that i was like fuck you i i don't like when people just and i also didn't go to college and i

was in a lot of slow classes mostly slow classes growing up so i think i have like a chip on your shoulder yeah i don't like smart people yeah or i like people that are smart i don't like people that tell me they're smart right and i remember thinking like oh you know it'd be really funny as someone that thinks they're so smart just getting fucked up. And like, let me find their like mistakes. Yeah, let's find out how smart they really are. Let me humanize you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Sounds like a goddamn poison. But I don't know. I just thought, oh, that could be funny once. Yeah. I never thought it would be anything except for that. But then it became, what was, I can't remember the first few, but it was the device as clear? Then it became, I can't remember the first few, but was the device as clear?

Were you doing it exactly like the produced one where you had costumes and you were going back in time? Yeah, I think the beginning ones were more what I strive for. And it's hard when you get a TV show, you have a budget but like i really like it feeling like a student film like trying to do reenactments right very like waiting for government like just like really bad yeah actors just trying their hardest to like take it seriously but that evolved into something bigger yeah but it's good how many i'm very lucky yeah it's now it's about to be the fifth season and you've done like 50 of them i stories we've done 177 yeah so it's yeah wait they're two a show sometimes three yeah okay show yeah and you got you got some nominations for best costume and weird shit yeah we won for costumes and then we... For an Emmy?

I won an Emmy for costumes. I didn't. I don't do costumes anymore. But I've taken my mom to the Emmys and lost both times. What's your mom do? She's a retired preschool teacher. Ah, that's noble. Yeah, she's a great lady.

But yeah. But she probably still had a good time. Oh, she loved it. And given your relationship with your folks, you're probably happy she was there when you lost. Guess what, Derek? The Property Brothers want to be on your program. Who the fuck are the Property Brothers? Hey, man, we met your mom.

We would love to be on your show. I guess there are these realities. I know who they are. Oh, okay. Do you have them on? No. I don't know. Guys have got the Property Brothers.

I don't know. No offense. Are they? Yeah, they flip houses property problems. I don't know. No offense. They're pretty big. Are they? Are they? Okay. Yeah, they flip houses. Okay.

Or they do that kind of thing. Yeah, they flip houses. They should do that. They do do that. I know, but why do I need to put them on the show? Well, I mean, you'll run out of people eventually. How much, like I can't do your show because I don't drink. But you should be in the reenactment.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. Did you ask me? I have, yes. I thought, I remember you remember you did you're gonna be in one right but i thought i had a drink but you wanted me to do the reenactment drink no no how much i want you to know too how sensitive i am to all that stuff

that like i never allow someone to be on the show that like wants to relapse or that i can tell has a problem right and i've seen that where people you know, I have therapy in my contract for a reason. Like, watching, it's awful. It's a great, if you're like wondering. You have therapy in your contract? Yeah. What do you mean? Like, you have to.

That they have to cover my mental health of like. Don't you get that anyway with the Writers Guild? Yeah, but. Okay, yeah, no, it's nice to have it in the contract. Yeah. I don't have it in the contract. Yeah. I don't have to pay anyone. Right. You need a therapy.

Getting yelled at by your friends because of this poison that's inside of them fucks your head up. Really? Get out of my house. Fuck you. You don't love me. That happens? You're just trying to exploit me. Oh, yeah.

Really? Yeah. And that's why I drink with them at the top so they feel like we're doing this together. Yeah. You're not like Monty and Rune. I'm not trying to make this a circus. But yeah, it becomes like a cops episode at the end if it's not taken care of. Really?

Right. How many times has that happened? I don't know. Not as much now. Now that I've kind of, I can see when the switch happens. Yeah. The switch of like, when a character changes, that's when I'm like, no, we're not doing this. But when they mess up a word or they tell me something they just told me like 20 minutes ago, I know they're drunk.

Right. But if they do that look at you, I'm like, oh, fuck that. No. And I think I'm also good at good my neither one of my parents drink never have never did and have you lost friends over this uh yeah for sure for sure i've lost friends well i would say like or you've known people that don't like you anymore oh no no no that's the best part is it's more that i don't like them anymore but they no matter who it is it's just the proof of the poison.

Every single human being that's ever done the show calls me the next day to apologize. Really? That's what alcohol does. Yeah. Or if they don't call me, it's an email. Like, I'm so sorry we didn't get it. I would be happy to, like, redo it. Oh, is there something that you couldn't use?

No, they don't think they did a good job. Oh, right. That's what alcohol does. It makes you feel like shit. It makes you feel like shit it makes you feel bad about embarrassed no you did it so i always start the night going like no matter what by the end of the night you'll never believe that we have the story but i promise you i will not leave here until we have the story has anyone asked you not to run them oh that's good i've been really lucky with that and also the trust that i get that no one's like hey do you mind if i like see that yeah because you know some people say some feisty

things when they're drunk yeah you could do a lot of damage with but why would i do that right how much throwing up has there been i hate throwing up mark no i know not you no just i i don't want to show it i don't uh i remember i watched one yeah it went the beginning and it was like like where someone you had to let them go get sick and yeah i think i was just trying yeah i remember someone's like uh when i pitch it they're like it's a little too much like jackass i was like what yeah because they're puking yeah but anyway i don't find puke funny i do find it funny if someone wants to tell you a story, and they're excited about it, and then they puke, and then they still want to tell you the story,

because I'm not talking to anyone after I puke. I love that. And that's happened a lot? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I still got to tell you the story. I know. Just clean up, man.

Just clean that shit off your mouth. But, yeah. The throw-up, man. Just clean that shit off your mouth. But yeah, the throw up, yeah, I'm not into that. And now I have this stuff that you take before you drink. It's just like, it hydrates you. It was made for athletes to stay hydrated throughout the game. You take that and then this charcoal pill. And I've never had a hangover. You've never had a hangover? Uh- had a hangover do you make the other people do that uh-huh oh yeah yeah and we have a

medic there to do the like the blowing the um oh when they have to leave you mean yeah yeah to start it and finish it and that's a real eye opener really well yeah there's certain numbers that you're like oh once they're there we can't we can't film them anymore and then people you have no idea are like not acting drunk and then they blow and you're like oh my god some people can hold their alcohol yeah those are the people that unfortunately i can't have on the show that much because it's like it's gonna take forever yeah i'm sorry but like i'm not might kill him yeah i mean it's gonna kill him and just some people hold their

alcohol really well so this season's all in the can right all done yeah all finished yeah this was the most we've ever done it was it took 63 weeks to make it was 40 42 stories yeah i love it but man i'm tired yeah i'm tired i just got back from a trip i took a trip i drove to the grand canyon never been there that's great donah have you ever been there sure i loved it yeah it's not disappointing those those those uh those national those uh seven wonders of the world or whatever they are they deliver yeah i know but i can delivers i was a dick and still am but i was a dick about it where I was always like, oh, I can get, I understand what a picture looks like.

I understand what the Grand, it's probably big. You can't even imagine it. It's stunning. I went by myself. Did you go out on that Indian ramp? No, I think that's the north. Yeah. So I was on, I was just on the south.

The north one's a quieter one. Yeah. I want to do that next time. Yeah. Yeah. But you did it? You did the walk? south. The north one's a quieter one. Yeah. I'm going to do that next time. Yeah. Yeah. But you did it. You did the walk. Yeah.

It's great. Man, it is crazy. It's beautiful. What that stuff like can do to the human body. Yeah. You got to go see it before Trump, you know,

starts drilling everywhere. Takes all of our national forests. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so it was good talking to you. Thank you, Mark.

I think we covered it. Who's on the, who's on this season? Mark Maron next season yeah okay but who's on this one who do we look forward to oh uh tiffany haddish is a narrator uh evan rachel wood is in there yeah uh paget brewster she's always great i gotta get tiffany in here i think yeah you do have you ever met her no she's awesome i don't think i have met her i watched your stand-up special yeah she's she's really good she's a really really nice person all right fire thank you mark was that okay have i said have i forgotten anything um my roots no we covered the roots we covered bob seger we didn't cover the roots of the band

but just the these baltimore roots yeah yeah there's a lot of questions unanswered one real quick grandfather i'm like yeah who knows who that guy is i went to the same high school as divine i forgot to tell you that as divine and michael phelps oh wow yeah i left that's the full spectrum yeah do you know john waters i met john waters and I told him, because this is a true story, that my mom, when she was a kid, somebody broke into her house and wrote John Waters was here. We grew up in the same neighborhood. And I told him that, and he was like, I used to break into houses when I was a kid, but I was never that stupid to leave my name. Please tell your mother i did not break into her house he is the best this was the first year of like five that i had

to miss john waters christmas where he two hours on stage talks about christmas yeah and it is how many people but does that sound exciting yeah to watch yeah but tell me if i'm wrong but any human being that you can just watch and goes they love what they do yeah they love who they are and they're not arrogant yeah they just love who they are yeah he's i don't know he's the best he's great yeah yeah um what what barry levinson's also baltimore yeah yeah two totally different sides yeah tracks but yeah and also uh david simon that's true yeah he was on drunk history i want him to narrate oh yeah yeah did he drink he drank yeah and i was like you know we're just like this is just like an

in-between sketch where we're just like hanging out he's like no i want to get drunk so we drank don julio and ate maryland crabs it was great yeah all right buddy thank you mark i really on the success thank you my friend Maryland Craps. It was great. Yeah. All right, buddy. Thank you, Mark. I really appreciate it. Congratulations on the success. Thank you, my friend. Okay, that's it. You can go to WTFpod.com

slash tour, I believe, to find out my dates. In April, I'm going to London, Dublin, Amsterdam, Stockholm, Oslo. But the dates are there.

I should probably know. I should probably know the exact dates. Right? Just go. WTFpod.com tour. It's the few parts of the world tour. It's primarily a vacation. A working vacation, as they say.

I'll play some guitar. I think I'm going to play a lick I've probably played before. Like all of them. Boomer lives! Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. episode where I talked to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption

actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Calgary is an opportunity-rich city home to innovators, dreamers, disruptors, and problem solvers. The city's visionaries are turning heads around the globe across all sectors each and every day. They embody Calgary's DNA. A city that's innovative, inclusive, and creative. And they're helping put Calgary and our innovation ecosystem on the map as a place where people come to solve some of the world's greatest challenges. Calgary's on the right path forward. Take a closer look out at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com.