WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Gilbert Gottfried from 2012

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

From 2012, Gilbert Gottfried talks to Marc about his comedy peers, his one-year stint on SNL, the times his jokes got him in trouble, and more. Gilbert died on April 12, 2022, at age 67. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

gilbert godfrey oh i gotta share this moment with you because it was pretty special and you're not going to hear it on the interview because it happened after the interview gilbert came in he was with his wife or his girlfriend the mother mother of his children. I don't know. They were in the house. And he's a very meek guy in a lot of ways. When he is off, he's very quiet and slightly hunched over. And he's an adorable little Jewish man, Gilbert Gottfried. So they leave the house. I give them their schwag, which is a hand-thrown ceramic mug made by Brian Jones up in Portland. own ceramic mug made by brian jones up in uh portland i give those to the guests and some coffee some just coffee.coop if they'd like so him and his uh girl they they walk down the driveway

i watch him kind of schlimping down the driveway i think you would say in the yiddish hybrid of a word that connotes a either a slovenly man or an old small gentleman he's just kind of moving down the driveway and they go to the car and i say after i said goodbye two minutes later he comes back up he walks in and he goes i should go to the bathroom and i go okay go to the bathroom gilbert so he goes to the bathroom and then he he comes out. He goes, you know, I didn't bring enough. I don't do an impression. I didn't bring it. But he's talking like himself.

It's cold. I didn't realize it would be so cold. I didn't bring a jacket. Do you have a jacket? I just thought this was something so telling and so wonderful in a way about his personality. Most people, if they needed a little hoodie or something, you know, you go to target, you know, I could have told him where to go to target or you stop by a store, Kmart or whatever. You pick up a cheap hoodie

and you're all set for your trip. But Gilbert says, do you have anything you don't, uh, can I have a jacket? He's asking me for a jacket. And I just thought it was so sweet. And I gave him a Jimmy, uh, some Jimmy Kimmel hoodie that I hadn't worn yet. It was swag from the Kimmel show. And he's like, oh, this is perfect. Okay, I'll take this. And he took it. And I just thought it was so sweet for some reason.

He came in and he needed a jacket. So he just asked for one. And I felt like I was sending my boy off to school. Then when I saw him on the burn, Jeff Ross's show, he said, you know that hoodie you gave me? I've washed it three times. I can't get the cat hair off it. Hey, buddy, I'm sorry. I'm not a store.

You take what you get. We met once. I think it was a weird gig. It was in Boston. It was at, in my recollection, it took place at a Nick's Comedy Club at the Saugus Chinese Restaurant, and it was you and Larry Bud Melman, and I did 10 minutes before you.

Does that ring a bell at all? I remember Larry Bud Melman. Do you remember working with him ever? I don't. I mean, I could be making it up, but I don't think so. I think you came in for like 15 minutes. You did your thing. I said hello, and you said probably some version,

what? I don't remember what. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Does that sound like the exchange we might have that's my catchphrase wow if it isn't it needs to be now so no i haven't uh you know we've never really met which is weird because i've met most guys but you were sort of um you were like the generation before me do you identify yourself

no not old but you know me what who are your guys that you came up with in your mind? Eddie Cantor. Sure. Banjo-Eyes himself, of course. The wonderful Eddie Cantor. But where did you start doing it? And I, oh, God. You can remember. Yeah, yeah. No, I know. you can remember

I know I can remember you were like 9 years old weren't you yeah yeah I was pretty much 9 years old you started doing comedy in your bar mitzvah suit yeah yeah here I am with my Israel bonds they were pretty much

I was a baby and they were washing the goo and fluids off of me and I was going am, and they were washing the goo and fluids off of me. And I was going, am I on next? Yeah. Where's the light? Yeah, they were tying the cord on me. And I was going, should I open with this? With the cord thing?

Yeah. Hey, what am I going to eat now? How do I eat? I'm angry. Get me on stage. But where did you start? First time I went on stage, I was like 15 years old at the Bitter End in New York. Right, in the Greenwich Village.

Yeah. And was it a comedy night or was it a folk singer's night? It was called Hoot Nanny Night. Yeah. And was it a comedy night or was there a folk singer? It was called Hoot Nanny Night. Yeah. And so most of it was like, you know, everybody with a guitar. Right, right, right. You know, bad like Woody Guthrie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bob Dylan imitators. And then a 15-year-old Gilbert Gossett. Yeah, yeah, doing like and i doing impressions right yeah and um i was there like you know doing like boris karloff and humphrey bogart and so the topical stuff oh yeah yeah even back then my act was totally dated you know that, that's what... But what the hell? Did your parents take you? No, no. You ran away from home?

Oh, yes, yes, and joined the circus. Yeah. I went with my two older sisters just basically because I thought I would get lost riding the subway myself. From where? I still lived in Brooklyn. Yeah. So we went out there and, yeah, I don't know.

See, I think now especially, you know how it's not till years later you have some vague idea what your parents were doing all that time? And it's like, you know, so now I think, you know, imagine having a kid say, well, I'm going to make it. I'm going to be the next Bob Hope or something. You know, it's like, oh, please. It's like. If you said that to them, if you actually said Bob Hope was your role model.

Yeah, yeah. I would imagine they'd be very concerned. Out of all the guys you could have picked, Bob Hope, you could see me, ma, right in front of the troops. Yeah, like... Making our boys abroad feel better. Yeah, and fucking Ann-Margaret.

Yeah. That was the actual reason, the Bob Hope thing. And, I mean, I... You mean, now you kind of think, if your kid said that to you, you'd go, well, can't you just collect cans and bottles in the street? Do something with a cart, something that has a future. Yeah, it makes sense.

But when you were a kid, you grew up in what part of Brooklyn? I was born in Coney Island, then lived in Crown Heights, and then Borough Park. And what was your family like? What did your old man do? What was the situation at home? Deli foods? Was there smoked fish?

Was there Yiddish in the house? No, no. It wasn't. It was funny. I always kind of thought of being a Jew. Yeah. Like these people who go like um well i'm not a practicing sure yeah i always felt like oh does that mean you buy things full price

right right sure you don't look you don't take a coupon with you they're culturally jewish which means they just act irritating to other cultures oh yes yes and to me i always felt like uh with like growing up it was like we knew we were jews it was definitely jewish in the way that you knew whoever was going to be rounding up the jews for execution next you'd be rounded up you'd be on that list yeah so it's like these but you'd be low on the list because you're not that jewish oh yeah you'd get another 15 minutes yeah before they put you on the freight car and well it's just like these people like uh um is it yeah sarah michelle geller who's buffy yeah yeah she's one of these she's a Jew who says she's not a Jew. Oh, she says she's not a Jew at all?

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's annoying. Yeah, that's extremely annoying. But I mean, because some people you can't, I don't think that anyone would believe you. I'd imagine at any point in your life, if you were to say, I'm not a Jew, you'll be like, right. Okay. See, I always think people look at me and go, oh, look, it's Val Kilmer. Oh, sure.

Yeah. The future Val Kilmer. When he became smaller and Jewish. Yes. And extremely irritating. So you had two older sisters, that's it? Yes. And you were all living in Coney Island.

It wasn't, not by the amusement park right uh not far but it wasn't like everyone always thinks of that scene in woody allen yeah of course of course well i mean it was kind of what was it like then it's all russian now right uh yeah it was i don't know i remember it being very crappy in the middle of nowhere but you had a beach uh yeah yeah you could walk by the the ghosts of fun that once happened at another time oh yes apparently this used to be a fun place and we lived in um my father and my uncle owned a hardware store you see i like that yeah and my grandfather oh my grandfather was a hardware store. See, I like that. Yeah. And my grandfather owned a hardware store. Oh. My grandfather owned a hardware store. It was just like there was a time where men did things.

Yes. Yes. I have a store. What do you need? Yeah, we got that. It's a fitting for the thing. Someone goes, Bert, could you take her to the thing? Right?

What was your uncle's name? Seymour. Seymour. She needs a thing for the pipe. And then your uncle would go get it. Yeah. I mean, to me, it's like, you know, my father was in the army, and so was my uncles.

And, you know, my father could fix stuff, plaster, paint. See that? No one thinks Jews can do that anymore. Yeah, they can't. What happened to the painting Jews? Where are the Jews that can fix things? Bring me a painting Jew. And I always think now, it always hits me when I'll get booked to do something like on TV or at a club.

Yeah. And I'll go, oh, God, that's what they're paying, and I have to do 12 minutes? Yeah, yeah. And it's like I'm really, and I'm thinking, I always get like a picture of my father in my mind going, well, wait, this is what you're bitching about? Right, right.

I didn't make this money in my lifetime. Right, right. It would be different if it was like, now Gilbert Godfrey's going to fix a toilet in eight minutes. Go. Here's Gilbert Godfrey with a wrench. Yeah, because back then. You should thank God every day.

Yeah, back then, guys actually got their hands dirty. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they were always sweaty and they're running around in undershirts and they're fixing stuff well i mean the hardware store for me when i was a kid my grandfather had one i i loved going in there because there were always men hanging around talking about shit that seemed important yes yes um although with i remember with my father's hardware store if you ever saw someone in there it was pretty

much miraculous oh really yeah i mean they could have they could have locked the door with scotch tape so it was a sad hardware store yeah what they didn't have nails well actually i remember one thing i remember on my father was him going he would be very annoyed these people would come and go do you have a nail and that would be what they'd want like one nail and he sat around going we've got to figure out a way to sell 10 yes so it was not how long did they have the store and oh uh quite a while how they paid for it i don't know i i i'd like to i pray that it was a money laundering operation and the mob was somehow. Somehow helped out.

And one thing I talk about in the book that was true. He, one time there was a law passed because everyone was like sniffing glue. Right. Years ago. I remember, yeah. Yeah. You had to put it behind the counter like Sudafed now. Oh, yes, yes.

Right? Yeah. And they carry these little bags with the glue in it and sniff it. And I'm showing this. Yeah. It's a miraculously effective simulation. Oh, yes. You took me there. Yes.

You took me to the bag. I'm like Marcel Marceau. The glue sniffing mime. Oh, wait. Now I'm walkinging mime. Oh, wait. Now I'm walking against the wind. Oh, that is great. Come on. I'm stuck in a box.

Oh, my God. You are stuck in a box. Gilbert is stuck in the Gilbert box. Can someone let Gilbert out of Gilbert? Everyone's been waiting for Gilbert to get out of Gilbert. I certainly have. So with that, they passed a law that in order to, an idiotic law, like they knew people were buying this glue to get stoned with. So in order to buy the, to sell someone glue, they had to buy a model kit. so you had to buy a plane to get high yeah

now my father had like one model kit yeah that he must have had for 50 years and no one ever bought covered with dust so one day someone these kids came in and bought that for like a quarter yeah then they went he and and when he was leaving, he saw it was in the garbage, unopened. And so then after that, every time kids would come in and buy the glue, they'd leave, he'd like count to three and then go out and take that same box.

And so he resold that model kit about like 500 times. And sent a generation of young Coney Island boys on their journey into drug addiction. Yes. You're going to get so much more out of that than you are a plane that you put together and sits on your desk. He provided those kids with a lifetime of possibility. Good for your father helping out the youth. I see where you get it now then he sold cocaine yeah oh sure operation oh good good that's where he made the money so we figured it out no one was buying nails now yeah so your mom didn't work she hung out

yeah i mean she worked as a housewife yeah dealing with your father's disappointment yeah pretty much that was her job yeah and now so you started doing the comedy at 15 that was the first time you went on but when did you really start doing it where and where new york well that's the funny thing i always say and i'm serious i always say i don't know if i did well or if I was too stupid to know what doing well or bombing was. Do you ever? Yeah, no. I'm so used to bombing now. I go, hey, I did pretty good.

Well, no, I always wonder. Obviously, you know when you're doing well, but when you have such an extreme character on stage and you just keep pushing, I mean, are there times where you got to like sort of snap out of it and check in? Like, all right, there's some smiles going back in. Oh, yes. Yes.

It's like how many times this happens to me when I'm on stage. How many times are you up there and all of a sudden it goes into your head? You go, oh, wait a minute. What the fuck am I doing now oh yeah i'm standing here yeah i'm talking to a group of people right and i'm thinking i'm somehow funnier or wittier than they are yeah what am i doing right now well i think i think the reason we get on stage is to avoid that moment at all costs oh yes that's that's pretty much it that's the only reason we get on stage is to not be aware that someone is looking at us with expectations of any kind

that's the whole drive of it this is my time don't look at me like that no i but i i sometimes like i'll I'll be in the middle of a joke and there'll be not the laugh I want and there's that moment of silence that I will sit in for maybe 10, 15 seconds and then acknowledge it and just say, this is odd, right? We're all waiting for something.

But it is a really profound, weird moment. What the hell am I doing up here? What am I doing up here? Those thoughts that go through your mind, they're two different types sometimes it's a bit you've been doing 5 000 years already sure and you know you're thinking about where did i put my green sock do i still have that i know i did the laundry where am i gonna eat after yeah yeah do i get free soda here? Yeah. It's like the soda last time was a little flat, but it seemed okay. And then there's that other thing that goes in my head when I'm doing my act where I go into a certain bit.

And in my head, I'm going, why did I start going into this bit? I don't have the energy. And you felt this way when you were 15 right yes yeah i already felt i had been doing it too long yeah and or you start going okay now i do this next line and this next line never worked right right why am i still doing it i have to change this one day yeah as long as you can as long as you're not doing a line that gets a laugh and then you think like what are they laughing at oh yes yes if they knew how many times i heard this fucking joke they would not be laughing at all are they just being nice yeah but after the like okay so when you did your jokes, did you stick with impressions or you did not?

I stuck with impressions for a while. And you do a couple still, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I still do them. Let me see. Onslow Stevens, Marie Ospenskaya. Oh, well, the one I always... I remember when I started doing like catch and the improv, like Seinfeld was just like another schmuck hanging out.

Yeah. Waiting to go on. Now he's a very rich schmuck hanging out. Rich schmuck. Still feeling like he needs to do things. It's weird about rich schmucks, isn't it? It's like, if I had that kind of money, you know what I would do? Stop doing it.

Yeah. And I think he's still waiting for the marriage rift to take off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to have to ask you to do it. That just shows when you hit the level of Seinfeld, you can go to a network and go, hey, I've got this idea, the marriage rift.

Hey, good enough. Great. Great. Your name on it? Excellent. Let let's go we'll draw up the paperwork right now yeah and so i remember i at times just to to screw around on stage i would start imitating the that the other comics the bartender sure and stuff and i would do like seinfeld a lot just the other comics, the bartender and stuff. And I would do like Seinfeld a lot. Just the other comics and Wigstaff would laugh. And the audience was scratching their heads. They had no idea how ahead of your time you were. Oh, yes.

And what I heard is that every time I would do Seinfeld, everybody would run into the room and Seinfeld wouldn't come in. He'd wait out in a bar, pacing back and forth. Oh, really? Why do they think that sounds like me? I don't talk that way.

He makes me sound like I've got some kind of sing-song voice. He makes me sound like I've got some kind of sing-song voice. That was like a Catch a Rising Star then, right? Yeah. So when you started working there, were you like 19, 20, what? I guess so. Yeah?

Yeah. I forget when it started. Yeah, but Catch a Rising Star and, oh, the improv. So, yeah, so you were there still when it was kind of vital right the improv was still oh yeah yeah who was around oh well Bud was still around oh yeah yeah Bud Friedman and was Andy Kaufman around oh yeah Kaufman yeah Andy Kaufman or Kaufman I say Kaufman is the right way I had Zamuda in here and I kept saying Kaufman and the right way to say it. I had Zamuda in here, and I kept saying Kaufman, and he never corrected me. Oh, yeah. They were around. Let's see who was in.

But did you have friends, or were you like, you know, here comes that weird kid? I think it was more, here comes that weird kid. Like, occasionally they'd talk to me, but it was more like, here comes that weird kid. You didn't find yourself at many diners with guys afterwards yeah yeah it's not like we were all like puffing a cigar well you know people hang out they hang out i mean i would wind up in those places sometimes but who was like the guys that you would hang out with usually let me see because that's like going back what is it in the in the early 70s right oh yeah well and so let's i mean seinfeld i never hung out with he always struck me as a little peculiar yeah i guess that's a kind word it's one of those broad words it could go either way you know it could be good peculiar

that's why he may or may not have been a scientologist at one point but that's why it would surprise no one what's weird about him is that you know as you know as a guy who loves comedy and you know i can appreciate his success and everything else but i never got a sense of who that guy was no see see like like with me if you caught me hanging yeah in my bathroom you go yeah of course of course that's what this was leading to yeah that sounds about right i always wondered what was inside of that guy oh look gilbert slashed his wrist open yeah yeah yeah why even mention it well you're, you're not a depressive, but I think that you're one of those enigmatic people. It's like, what the hell is going on in there?

It's like, you know, if I killed myself, it would be with the same shock when you heard Amy Winehouse die. You know, it's like, yeah, I guess it's a shock. I don't know. It would be a shock if you OD'd on crack and heroin, didn't you? I wonder if you got it at his father's store. No, but I mean, I think people would be very surprised and saddened by that, Gilbert.

Don't, uh... But you know what I mean. Thank you. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said. We'd all be surprised if you killed yourself, so if it's anywhere in the cards, just know that I would probably say something on the show and we'd talk about it for at least three days and we'd be making jokes about it two weeks in two weeks later the gilbert hanging himself jokes would be the rave and then they'd be you know what and because of your history no

one would say it was too soon. Yeah. People would actually be saying, I was doing a Gilbert suicide joke two hours after I heard about it. I was doing it before he even thought of killing himself. I think I caused it. That's how good my joke was. But when you were a kid, what drove you to the, because you said you did impressions of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi, but obviously when you were very young, that shit was still on television, like on Channel 11. Oh, yeah. There would be, I think, like Channel 11 and 9 had horror movies.

Yeah, yeah. And the Three Stooges and the Little Rascals. The Bowery Boys. Right, the Bowery Boys. Yes. Yes. They even had the Blondie movies. Oh, really? Yeah. That's right. Dagwood and blondie right yeah yeah i kind of remember those because my grand i used to go to my grandparents and they'd have

me he'd watch three stooges all and that is that one channel all it ran was little rascals bowery boys three stooges you know blondie movies and all that great old comedy, the black and white stuff. I remember watching the Blondie movies. Then years later, when I saw William H. Macy, I thought he'd be a great Dagwood if they brought back those Blondie movies. You know what? If it were another time, it could happen. Yeah. In terms of making movies from comic books, they're going to run out of shit eventually.

And they're going to make a big announcement. We're bringing back the Blondie movie. And stay tuned for Sad Sack 1, 2, and 3. We're bringing back the Hudson Brothers. Exactly. Yes. And what I remember with the Bowery Boys yes they're supposed to be a gang of kids yeah they're all 40 oh yeah and they all have those alcoholic bags under their eyes

and their voices are gruff who are your favorite guys what sort of made you believe that you know stand-up was an option i mean what made you think that doing comedy was something you wanted to do? You must have seen something. I don't know. I don't remember. I can't narrow it down to any one person. I remember there were so many. There were even those comedians you don't remember you liked.

Oh, there were so many. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I used to love Jackie Vernon. Oh, yes. He was like the guy that made me love comedy was watching with the slideshow. Yeah. Yeah. With the clicker.

That was the whole thing. You know, it was. Here's some slides from my vacation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's Manuel leading us around the quicksand. Here we are from the way stuff.

Here are just some hats and ropes and things hats and ropes and things how could you argue with that one time a couple of times on stage yeah uh this this just shows when i'm really trying to appeal to my audience yeah years after who's that i would do jackie vernon imitations, and I would do, like, a scene from A Mice and Men or Who's on First Base with Jackie Vernon before he had his teeth capped and Jackie Vernon after he had his. Because I remember, I actually. I remember very clearly. You're such a crowd pleaser jackie vernon he was a sad sad

comic right and then he had the really bad caps those early caps done where it looked like he had big buck teeth yeah yeah like and he always looked like he had some goofy smile on his face right right that's hilarious that you remember that. Which killed it. Yes. And you actually had two voices for each? No, same exact voice. Oh, okay.

But it used to be, and you at home watching, you at home listening will just have to imagine I'm making two faces right now. And it used to be like, what's the guy's name on first base what's the guy's name but you liked him right you thought he was funny oh yeah yeah and oh i remember uh oh i always forget their names i forget everything now. I do too. Yeah. What were those two singers where one was French? Oh, God, I don't know. And the other was American. Oh, I forget.

Was it comedy routine? No, no. They were like old. They was the type of act that could have only lived back then during the Ed Sullivan show. And Sandler and Young. Okay. You got it.

I'm excited. And they would go. I can guarantee you're the only guy on the planet right now that is having a Sandler and Young moment. Sandler and Young's offspring. Don't know who the hell I'm talking about. They heard their parents did something. But they would do a thing. One would sing in English the other in french yeah and you know and i remember you go

you know when the saints come marching in oh i want to be in that number is so good you just thought that was and that could exist only in that 70s well i get in earlier because i was watching i had it on my desk the other day you know i got into the you know i ordered the dean martin variety show best of dean martin variety show it was fucking great though yeah i mean like i you know it's really easy to forget just how amazing he was. I mean, he was hilarious. Oh, yeah. These are grown men in their 50s dancing around, doing jokes and making faces.

That would be unheard of because people are too vain now, you know? Oh, yeah. And there was no, there was a vanity, but it was completely acceptable for men in tuxedos to, you know, ponce, you know, whatever, jump around. Yes, and you came out in a tuxedo and egotism was very charming. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

When you saw Gleason on his variety show with the drink and cigarette. Yeah. And thinking, I'm great. Yeah. And you should be happy to watch me. It was the most charming thing. But I think they were great, weren't they? Yes.

Yes. I mean, I don't see the depth of personality like that anymore. And like Dean was the greatest straight guy for all these guys you know like you watch all those old comics and it's so moving to me that uh i don't know what i'm not sure exactly what's changed but it seemed like when there was less guys doing it or at least there was three tv networks there was an intimacy to the whole thing you got the feeling that everyone knew each other they were having a good time yes and they you know. Yes. And it was a type of entertainment. It made me want to, like, I had a moment where I'm like,

well, maybe I should sing and dance a little. Oh, yeah, yeah. I could be a song and dance guy. I've never done that. And back then, everybody did everything. Yeah, they danced. Yeah. And it wasn't unusual for you to be surprised by juggling for somebody.

Yeah, every comic broke out in a song and did a dance. And it wasn't unusual for you to be surprised by juggling for somebody you didn't. Yeah, every comic broke out in a song. Yeah. They did a dance. And it was okay. And then it was like, oh, you know what's funny, too? And this is certainly change. Like Don Rickles got in trouble recently. Yeah.

What? No. Who would fucking bother that guy you know let him say what he wants for what for what he don rickles was i at the uh shirley a thing honoring shirley mclean yeah and he said something like well i don't want to say anything bad about blacks um um uh you know president obama's a good friend of mine he came over the house last week but then his mop broke and and that's the kind of jokes he's been doing for years yeah and now all of a sudden yeah this well this is the time of outrage yeah well it i think that that

i guess because it's the president i you know it's weird because i believe you know and you can do whatever the hell you want but you know if you're gonna you have to have some sense that if you're gonna get flack for it you just gotta own the flack what are you gonna do yeah and like you know the stuff that you got in trouble for it was just ridiculous in in my mind especially the 9-11 joke i mean you know that was you know that but you look at it's like it's a great joke you know yeah i don't know why they expect this to be some you know, that was, you know, but you look at it, it's like, it's a great joke. Oh, yeah. I don't know why they expect us to be so emotionally empathetic to things. That's not what we do.

We're selfish, angry animals that want to make fun of things so we feel better. And sometimes our timing isn't great. What do you want from us? And I remember with the whole tsunami thing i actually became a much bigger story than the actual tsunami i mean that was like secondary yeah the only the only thing that lost was the duck oh yes and then of course affleck then hires someone to imitate me and they pay him less money thus bringing closure to a horrible tragedy the weird thing is is like are you is it like do the people really get upset if they don't make news out of it i mean most most people are sort of like you know all right you know a week later

there's a shitty thing to say it's fucking don rickles it's gilbert godfrey but as soon as the the parasites who have nothing better to do are no better news to cover because there's too much fucking shit on TV. They're like, let's take this guy down. They don't even think about that. They're just stalking. They're creating controversy where it's not necessary because most people are like, whatever. Yeah, whatever. Right.

And it's like, and even on shows where they were putting me down and like horrified by it. Like sometimes I'd have like the producer or something sneak over to me quietly and go, I laughed at some of those jokes, you know? Like, oh, don't let anyone find out. Yeah, but the next sentence is, but I can't watch your back on this one. Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly.

It's like- I think you're very funny, but we can't have you back. If the Nazis come, I'm telling them right where you live. You're at the Frank house in the attic. I remember the first thing that they did when that happened was they wouldn't say Gilbert Gottfried's jokes. They would say Gilbert Gottfried's comments and remarks. Because if you say jokes, everyone goes, what the fuck? Are we doing a news story about a guy making jokes? Comments and remarks. Because if you say jokes, everyone goes, what the fuck? Are we doing a news story about a guy making jokes?

Comments and remarks. The important political pundit, Gilbert Godfrey, came up with some very interesting ideas about the world. Yeah, and then I would wind up being on these shows or being questioned. And as I'm making an explanation in my mind I'm thinking what the fuck is this? This is a story about

a comedian making jokes? One joke. These are singular moments. These are one line. These are fucking passing moments. That moment like you know where was it the Friars Club where you did the 9-11 joke? That would have gone away.

You would have got, you're like, oh. And then you would move on to the next joke or whatever you did, the aristocrat's joke. And then that would have been forgotten. Oh, yeah. But some asshole in the room is like, oh, that's a story, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Idiots.

And every, well, everything now, nowadays, everything is outrage. And they have to get a lynch mob together yeah because they don't make a separation they seem that all these idiots who are talking shit you know it's all the same it's it's the same stream of consciousness they don't you know they don't separate jokes from this or that and they just they try to cause trouble they just try to cause trouble and it drives me nuts i mean it hasn't happened to me i'm not you know big i don't have a big enough stature in the world but i mean offensive jokes like i was watching rickles now you know the the thing is is that if you don't understand the context of rickles which

i imagine a lot of people don't which was like his big thing was you know he at the end of his show he'd sing a song about how i'm a nice guy right so like if he's just going to say the president you know we have forgot his mop or his mop broke you know without without taking a shot at a mexican a jew you know an italian guy then he's just a guy saying that the president is a black guy that works as a janitor and and rickles always like for the beginning of his career and now he's like a thousand it's always like and the chinese guy in the third row yeah right is there a chinese guy in the third row no i don't think a chinese guy's ever gone to his show yeah i think in china they fly in for a ton him and buddy hackett they fly i loved buddy hackett oh yes i mean those guys were were so good. But the one I was watching is this weird episode of the Dean Martin Variety Show where they set up, like, Dean set up the thing by saying, you know, there was a night at a club in Vegas where all these celebrities were there.

It was probably one of the lounges, and Rickles was on just shitting on all these celebrities. So Dean got all these celebrities into the studio and built the standup stage for him to recapture it. And it's just Rickles. I mean, I'll show it to you after you never seen that. No, I don't think it's fucking spectacular because the one thing that I love about Rickles is that when he was in it, that,

you know, there was a fury. Oh yes. I mean, yes. Like, you know, now like he's older or whatever,

but when he was really in it and like he wrote a line where he, some of the shit he said was, it was hurtful and horrible. But it was so fucking good, you know, and he had this look in his eye. I'm like, that guy's on fire inside. And now it's not allowed. Yeah, it's like Rickles who's been in the business all this time. Now he can't say an insult joke.

Well, the weird thing is, is and I've talked about this before, is that stereotypes are stereotypes because some of them hold true. And if it's not mean-spirited, usually the people that are going to get the biggest laugh out of it are the people you're stereotyping because they can identify with it.

But all of a sudden, it's not okay if you're not one of them to make the comment. Oh, well, I remember I was watching, they did a TV movie with actors as the Rat Pack. Oh, yeah. With Don Cheadle as Sammy Davis. I don't know why bio movies even exist because every fucking bio movie,

all you're going to do is like, doesn't look like him. No, no. It doesn't look like him. But I remember in that, they have to make it in this time period. So they have to be appropriate to the political correctness. Yeah, so they were always doing jokes about Sammy Davis being black and having one eye.

And they'd pick him up and go, I'd like to thank the NAACP for this award and doing stuff. And it was funny and everybody. Yeah. And in this movie, when they would do one of the black jokes, there'd be a close-up of Don Cheadle as Sammy Davis with, like, tears in his eyes and tremendous hurt. And it's like, please, if he was, like, that much of a sensitive asshole, he would have been out of the rat pack in a second.

Yeah, they wouldn't have tolerated it. Yeah. Man up. Come on, Sammy. Take the hit. It's hilarious. Are you familiar with Shecky Green? Oh, yeah.

Do you know him? I've met him a couple of times the the miraculous thing about shecky green is right now no one knows who he is no one remembers him but the name shecky yeah is synonymous with comedy yeah it's interesting because i would like he's he's one of those guys where apparently there's really no footage of him doing what he was known for like you know a at the when vegas started moving shows to the lounges, you know, and it became a thing, he was like the first guy to do that. So in some ways, when that happened, when they, you know, they had the showrooms, but

then apparently the way it happened, from what I understand, is that, you know, something was under construction. They would set, you know, they'd have a comic go in the bar and these guys were doing shows on tables. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that was, if you think about it, that was really the birth of the comedy club oh yeah yeah that's when it moved from this main stage thing to this like intimate thing and apparently he was the the greatest yeah and

now like no one knows who and that bothers me and i one of the saddest stories i remember is when i first started to get known like beverly hills Cop and a few other things were all hitting. And I was going to some event and Shecky was there with some manager type, some sleazy showbiz type. And he goes, oh, you know, Gilbert Gottfried, the manager guy goes. And he goes, how you doing? And I did some just brushed off i said oh yeah my career is over yeah and and he goes oh what are you kidding you've got the career that shecky always wanted and which was really like such a nice thing to say when shecky's standing right there

and shecky looks he just kind of shakes his head and he goes, yeah, a few years ago I came out to L.A. I had a movie deal, TV, development deal, nothing. Yeah. And it was like, oh, God. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Give me a bridge to leap off. Did you know Buddy Hackett?

I met him a couple of times. I wish I would have known him more. Do you have any friends? No. No. What I realize is there are people I've worked with for years, is there are people I've worked with for years, and I know them as well as I know someone I waited for an elevator with.

Well, that's, I mean, comics, it's sort of like that, unless you sit, like guys that come through here, I've done almost 300 of these things, who I've met for five minutes, but when you're in the same business and you see them on stage and stuff, there's a closeness to it, but you don't ever sit down and just talk to them. No it's an odd thing i what what when you were coming up though i don't remember you were sort of a a mysterious dude oh yeah i mean i think like like i might like now i'm like art link letter yeah you're like one of the guys yeah but no i remember it's like i

don't know anything you know you ask people like what is what is gilbert godfrey do what's his what does his wife look like and they i think it was like, I don't know anything. You ask people, like, what does Gilbert Gottfried do? What does his wife look like? And I think it was like, you know, he lived with his mom. Is that true? Yeah, that was years ago. Yeah, he lived with my mother for a long time. And like, what does he do? Right, yeah, and it was just like weird kind of. Does he live in the sewer?

Yeah, yeah, like, where does that guy come from? He just lived with his mom. But as an origin story or a mythology like you living with your mother and just leaving and being this lunatic on stage and going back to this strange you know baits like relationship but uh you did live there for a long time yeah and here's here's something weird i always think of at that when you think of all the years that you do comedy and all the clubs and there are these people that i saw night after night after night uh and i talked to them and whatever and now i don't remember their names or what they look like are Are they just gone? Yeah.

Yeah. They're just gone. See, I find that to be like, you know, I seem to be one of the only people that that that is that that feels this way, like because I've been doing comedy a long time and I'm a little bit of a different generation than you. And I never had huge comedic success. You know, I do good now. I'm around.

You grew up on talking pictures. Yeah, exactly. But like when I see guys that I haven't seen in 10 grew up on talking pictures. Yeah, exactly. But when I see guys that I haven't seen in 10 years, there's that moment where I'm like, oh, thank God. Oh, yeah. What have you been doing? I get very heartbroken when even some dude who I met twice, but I knew was the real deal, out in the road, doing whatever, and they pass away or whatever.

To me, it's devastating that so many of us can just die in anonymity yes it just kills me i think that's what drives my desire to keep talking on a microphone it's just to somehow guarantee that that you know when i do die you know it's not even a someone will notice right right right it's not like mark who i remember that guy he's the guy that did that thing and you have to pray that you don't die on the weekend. Yeah, yeah. Because on the weekend, you'll get no press. That's the other thing. And you have to pray that you're not going to die when somebody bigger is dying.

Well, yeah, but also you think about comedy. It's like there's some great guys, and they've always done great work. But comedy is so culturally relevant for a short period of time. There's only like 10, 20 guys that anyone gives a shit about yeah in the history of comedy you know like i know plenty of great comics you mentioned they're like great comics and people like i don't know yeah there's like somehow it's chosen that there are 20 guys that everybody knows and that's it you know i mean there's very few people running around going up pig meat markham you know here comes the judge, changed my life. Or Shecky Green or any example.

And it's sort of heartbreaking, but it's what we do. And it's like these people like Jackie Vernon. Had he died when the Sullivan show was still on the air, then it would have made the papers. Right. Then he died like afterwards and it was like, oh. That guy. Yeah. No one remembers, you know, because comedy is so specific to the time it happens that there's like I said, there's only a handful of guys that have careers. You're one of them that sort of spans decades. I mean, it's a rare thing. fallen off the face of the earth who who never got a shot at anything is that whenever i feel depressed about my career which is 24 hours a day but i always think oh shit there are those people yeah where the fuck are they i know because like when i think about when i when a couple years ago when i was starting this show and i I was like, I got nothing.

My manager said, I don't know what we're going to do. Oh, yeah. That's the worst thing you could hear. I can't do anything with you. And there's that moment where you're like, well, I guess I got to quit. And then you're like, what does that even mean? What am I fucking prepared to do? What am I going to do?

Oh. Yeah, but some dudes, I like but to me it's harder like some guys i imagine they get out of the racket and they get into another game and you know they might be happy they're probably happier than they ever were guys who did comedy 15 20 years they're like fuck it i'm gonna sell cars whatever the fuck it is i'm gonna get into another business and they've probably been happier but in my mind i could not live with the possibility of a moment oh where'm saying, like, get in it. Take it for a test run. I know you. How do I know you?

I did some comedy. That's right. You did comedy. Yeah, this guy gets great gas mileage. I saw you on television. Shut up. Just drive the car. You want to buy the car?

I couldn't live with that. just drive the car you want to buy the car you know i couldn't live with that it's just like um there was a comic yeah that used to be around the clubs on open mic night every single night for years i i ran into him years later and he recognized me i didn't remember him anymore and he and i said oh so what have you been up to and he he uh joined the sanitation department yeah so when i first heard that i thought oh god is this depressing yeah yeah and he was happy he said i was in the sanitation department for a while now i i left it i have a pension yeah i've got a health plan with benefits. And he was thrilled.

Yeah. It's the best thing to get rid of the curse. And I thought, oh, here I am feeling sorry for him that he's not, you know, taking the car out to do giggles in Illinois. Yeah. Yeah. We have a sort of twisted perception of it. Yeah. Like living a normal life, maybe being a responsible father.

Oh, yes, yeah. You're not hanging your dreams on this ridiculous idea that maybe you'll be relevant for six months. What an asshole that guy is. Yeah. Like he's not thrilled with himself because he goes, hey, I have a car so they hire me because I could drive the other cars too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's not really a comedy club. It's a room in a bowling alley, but it's a bar. It's a bar. Yeah. But you've done, but it's weird. Like, you know, I was looking at your stuff. I mean, you have done like shit loads of stuff. I mean, the voiceover thing

between the movie parts and the tv i mean you've never stopped working really oh yeah is that true yeah temporarily i stopped working if there's a tsunami the tsunami hurt me more than it hurt anyone in japan yeah that's it nobody nobody in Japan lost a job. And of course, the only victim of the tsunami was Gilbert Godfrey. You just lost your job as the duck again. Oh, yes. Yeah, they rehired me and fired me just for that joke.

Just now. Just now. You're almost a duck again, and now that's over. Whenever I was doing these, when I'd go on shows, because it was right when my book came out, so all I wanted to talk about was the tsunami. This new book? Yes. Yes.

Really still? I mean, you got this new book. Yes. That's like, what is it, like four years ago? Yeah. How long ago was it? No, that book came out right at the same time. Oh.

And I remember I would go on these shows, and they'd talk for two, three seconds, and then go, but of course there's an elephant in the room we have to talk about. Not really. Not really. It was one joke that was taken the wrong way let's move past but yeah i mean but yeah i mean there was what was the other thing that you oh that was what that was even on twitter right it wasn't even oh yeah on my twitter account it wasn't even something you said publicly you put it on twitter and these fucking parasites like oh shit

oh yeah oh god taking the task for a joke that's on a twitter it's a I I don't know you can't do anything anymore oh it's it's insane now okay I'm on twitter and you got to be careful like you know like I'm gonna I better temper this a little bit because yes yeah it's gonna become viral and it's gonna be a problem and also like now the entire world has an opinion it's like it used to be first of all there were the stars like like yeah like years ago yeah uh like milton burl or yeah or like uh humphrey bogart you didn't go like well you know i tweeted humphrey bogart and told him casablanca was a piece of shit they were a separate universe yeah well that's what someone i was talking to chuck Bogart and told them Casablanca was a piece of shit. And you feel them.

They were a separate universe. Well, that's what someone I was talking to, Chuck Klosterman. He's he's the writer. It was interesting. He said that there was a time where, you know, you'd be in maybe in the back of a club after a show or even at a record store with some guy. You go hanging out of the record store and some guy standing at the counter with the guy behind the counter and you and he goes, Jimmy Page sucks.

He's a horrible guitar player. Yeah. And then, you know, you would say, like, I don't know. I think he's pretty there at the counter with the guy behind the counter and you and he goes jimmy page sucks he's a horrible guitar player yeah and then you know you would say like i don't know i think he's pretty good at that you know and then that'd be it they'd go into the atmosphere but now like that guy can put it on twitter and jimmy page could respond to it yes and i don't know what that's a what that's a testament to i mean i think we're all a little too accessible but we seem to invite it but there's also that it's one thing to censor yourself because you're like, yeah, I don't think maybe that's right for me to say that. Oh, yeah. But now you got to be like, I don't know if it's right because God knows what will happen

if I put that into the world and it's misunderstood. Oh, yeah. And that's stifling. Well, I remember, well, like with the Michael Richards thing. Yeah. In there, number one, first thing i thought of is like you know him uh i years ago i remember him in the clubs on and off i don't know if anyone knows him he was also kind of odd yeah but um i remember there that was a thing where, and I love how they, oh, see, this is what I love about the media.

They, you know, like my jokes, when I get in trouble with my jokes, they say it on the air or broadcast it, but preface it with we're shocked and offended. Yeah. So that makes it okay. Yeah. And they were playing like Michael Richard stuff. And, you know, years ago, Michael Richard said that in a club like the next day, the comics would be joking about it. Right. Right. Right. And then that would be the end of it. Well, see, that was the beautiful thing. I was talking to a writer in what the hell was it?

Someone he's an AV writer. So I was just talking to him in chicago that there was a time where you know before the cell phones before all this shit like you know something would happen in a club and he saw it a lot more often back when i'm sure when you were starting even when i was starting like holy shit that guy's snapping he's losing his fucking mind yeah and you would see these moments on stage where everybody you know the audience would be like what the fuck is going on in the comics you're like yeah you know like but it would never happen again oh yeah and then you just have a story but now some idiot's got it on his phone you know they tweet about it you know it's out now you don't even feel comfortable you know taking certain chances or losing your mind less guys are losing their mind on stage which i regret you know i loved it

when there was a time where it's like you knew certain guys you were probably one of them oh yeah where you'd go up and people be like i don't know what the fuck's going to happen, but we better be in the room. Oh, and here's the best part about the Michael Richards story is he used, and I hate these terms that they use now, the N word, the C word. And it's like, oh, what word is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a better man for saying it that way. Yeah, and it's like, so when you say it, the other person has the word out loud in his mind,

so how is it? Yeah, yeah. But so the owner of that club that Michael Richards was at. Jamie Masada. Yeah, he said, from now on, anyone who uses the N-word in my club will get fined for it. And I thought, how about going and saying, at my club, we don't censor anything. It might be shocking and offensive.

It might get you angry. That's comedy. Yeah. And we don't stop anyone. That'll get people in your club. Not saying, oh, I clean it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah he's not even gonna let black people say it oh yes i think like four or five black comics went broke because

like martin lawrence is living out on the street yeah yeah because of that it's the only club he worked at yeah i you know i i just think it's a little too sensitive so in your in your like in your recollection because you know all these old guys who are the guys you like watching the most did you i mean because i know you must have you know you're hanging around clubs we all hang around clubs most of our lives you must have liked watching somebody i i loved well oh you mean when i was uh coming up with uh hmm see that was a thing now i mean were you so involved in your own head at that time now i really can't watch comedy because it's like now forget it now i just stare at it and go, that's clever, I guess. I don't know. Is this the same guy or is it another guy?

Yeah. Was the other guy black and female? If I close my eyes, it's all the same guy. Very few people with a real character, you know? Oh, yeah. And I think that's what's, if anything, changes that. Because you realize, like, you know, when people say, like when people say, you're funny, you should be a comedian. And there was always the defense of it.

Like, well, it's different. It's like, I'm not so sure anymore. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It seems that if you can tell a joke effectively, you can get up there and do it. But there were not guys that you liked? Oh, yeah. There was some that I liked.

Were you friends with Richard Lewis? Richard Lewis, I'd run. Yeah, I was kind of friendly. Yeah. I never hung out with him. Did you like watching him? Yeah. It was always kind of odd.

Well, I like watching him because you knew he was like out of his mind. You know? Yeah. See? You were kind of expecting him to have a heart attack on stage do you remember uh larry david from cash oh yeah larry david uh what was good about him is he he hated being on stage yeah and would get into fights with people know it was like uh i yeah and sometimes i remember one time in particular he got into a fight with somebody on stage and the guy stood up and the guy was like

a mountain yeah and it's like finally some people from the club jumped in yeah yeah yeah oh really yeah yeah did lar Larry keep the stage? Did he stay up there? Yeah, Larry was up there, but I don't think he knew what to do at that point. That's a difficult point for a lanky Jewish guy. Yeah. Where you've crossed that line that you were actually trying to cross. And there may be repercussions.

Yeah. That's where the Jews say, could someone kick him out? Oh, yes. Could someone take care of him? But like, how about Kaufman? I mean, was that something? Kaufman, I remember him one time going into the improv.

Yeah. And he just sang a hundred bottles of beer on the wall. And, you know, at first you start laughing and then you think, oh, okay, he's going to stop now. Yeah. And then he kept going.

And I was cracking up because the audience hated him. Did he do the whole song? He did the entire 100 bottles of beer in the wall. People must have walked out and shit. Oh, yeah. Now, I talk about Saturday Night Live with people because I'm yet to really get any sort of you know most people are very reverent of their

experience on that show even if it was bad. Yeah. They never blame Lorne. They never blame the show and it's always very sort of like oh no I learned a lot and you know he's a great guy. What was your experience there? I was there right after the original cast left.

And so back then, it was like, how dare they continue Saturday Night Live without the original cast of people? Right. Back then, it would be like if in the middle of Beatlemania, you just said, oh, the beatles are not john paul george and ringo it's harry arty phil yeah yeah yeah and so it was an outrage oh like how dare right and so even before we got on the air they were already writing these articles who the hell are these people and you were unknown at that time uh yeah yeah and and that was the best part too is how stupid these writers actually are because they were writing about us saying we don't know who these people are and they totally forgot no one knew who belushi or acroyd were yeah it's not like they were big film stars. Right, right, right, right.

Yeah. Yeah. So when we got on the air, I mean, we did suck. Yeah. But it was like, it's funny. I always say, now to say the bad season of Saturday Night Live, it's like saying the issue of Playboy where the girl shows her tits. You know?

Right. But back then, it was like everybody was gunning the show yeah yeah yeah yeah so you were yeah and you didn't get on much or what happened yeah well at one point i the writers hated me so much why i hate i don't know no one got along and uh in one sketch it was a funeral scene so i was in it as the dead body in the coffin. Yeah. And that's when he knew it was over? Yeah, yeah.

He's got no lines. Not only does he not have lines, he's dead. Yeah, and also it showed, too, when there was one point that became the big news story. It's like at the end of one of the shows we were doing a show where the running gag was uh you know back then it was who shot jr right dallas and so they would do we were doing who shot cr for jolly rocket yeah and that he was a guy in the show right uh yeah what happened to that guy? Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. Do you know? Actually, the funny thing is- Because he was like the guy that was supposed to be the big guy. Yeah. The funny thing is, after we were all fired, a lot of people were saying, oh, he never worked again after that. But he did. He was constantly popping up in TV shows, movies, like he was in Dumb and Dumber.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dances with Wolves. He was on Moonlight. So he just had a career as an actor. Oh, very busy guy. So who shot CR? Yeah, and then he wound up years later. And it wasn't too long after I...

There was like the short-lived Jenny McCarthy shows. Right. As opposed to the really long 30-year-old. The sketch show, right? Yeah. And I went on it. It was like a sitcom. Yeah.

And oddly enough, I was cast as Charlie Rocket's brother. Yeah. And so we got together and we were laughing. He seemed like he was full of life and everything. They moved to wherever, Connecticut or something, and he wound up killing himself. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. What about Phil Rosato? Do you remember that guy? Oh, he was of a different season. Yeah. Whatever happened to him, I have no idea. But what was the bit you were doing,

who shot CR, I think? So he wound up. So at the end of the show, they go stretch. Yeah. And I'm still, I'm showing you. Yeah, yeah. Stretch. And he, so they said stretch.

And he was there and he goes, well, I've never been shot before. And I'd like to know who the fuck did it. well i've never been shot before and i'd like to know who the fuck did it and that became really shocking and an outrage to the station much in the way i'm used to people all of a sudden right and what's interesting is the word fuck was said during the original right season of the show but that was doing better so nobody heard it it. Sure, sure. Now, when there was a reason to hear it, oh, they said, fuck, oh my god, we heard

that. Who the hell does that really offend? Yeah, yeah. I just don't understand it. Yeah, like people are running out in the street. Throwing their TV sets out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. People are performing Harakiri. Yeah. People are performing. How are you?

Who the fuck are those people? And and so they fired everybody over that. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. And but I always think like we were that season of Saturday Night Live. That was like when George Lazenby play James Bond. Yeah. It was right after Sean Connery left. This is guy George Lazenby. James Bond. Yeah. It was right after Sean Connery left.

This is guy George Lazenby like, fuck him. How dare he? Only Sean Connery can play. Now it's like, I could be James Bond. Someone's got to take the hit. Yeah. There's going to be a fall guy in that thing. There has to be a sacrificial life.

Right after. When Howard Stern left terrestrial radio, I always thought if I ran that station, when it was time to start the new show, I would have looked out in the street and went, hey, you, want to do a radio show? Because he's dead. No matter who it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So now you're out. You seem well. You seem no matter who it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now you're out. You seem well. You seem healthy. You seem good. You look well. You must be doing something right. Go ahead. Punch me in the stomach as hard as you can.

Look what happened to Houdini. You're going to get in the tank? I don't know what happened. Some interviewer punched him in the stomach. He said he could take it. But where do you live? In the city still? Oh, yeah.

Not in Brooklyn? No, no. You got a family? Oh, yes, yes. You do? Yes, yes. I don't know. Do you have a kid?

Yeah, the Gotti. You have a kid? Yeah, two. Both are black. Yeah, that's amazing. Do you use the N-word at home? You mean Norwegian? You do have two kids.

Oh, yes. That's amazing. How old are they? One's in his 50s. Wow. Yeah. You don't. You do.

See, I don't even know if it's real. What is it? I'm trying to humanize you, Gilbert. Yes. I want people to listen to this and go. That's like a Dr. Frankenstein moment. We're going to humanize Gilbert Gottfried. He's not going to be the shouting monster that we all know.

He's going to have a life and sensible shoes. Which I've been known for, having very insensible shoes. You do have kids, though. Yes. Okay. And you get along with them. I guess it depends on the day. All right.

I still wake up like I'm in a Twilight Zone episode. Really? Yeah. Like I still kind of wake up and I feel like it's one of those Twilight Zone episodes where they where I go, where am I? Why, you're in the White House and it's 1803, Mr. President. And it's like, huh? I'm not prepared for this.

Well, okay, so this book came out. This is going to be out in paperback now, right? Yes, it's out in paper, rubber balls and liquor. And it was great to talk to you. I really appreciate you coming by. And, oh, my website's GilbertGottfried.com. balls and liquor and it was great to talk to you i really appreciate you coming by and and uh oh my website's gilbertgotfrey.com my twitter account if depending what country you're in yeah is at real gilbert oh and also you can hear me read 50 shades of gray on jess.com What is that? Fifty Shades of Grey? This is what women

masturbate to. Well, that and my act. I would love to know the women that masturbate to Gilbert Gottfried. With a box of cookies on a bed in their 60s going, this still works for me. Going back and forth from their fingers to cookies,

listening to you reading that book. He's almost the sexiest Jack Jones. Yeah, why the fuck don't I know what that book is? It's a known... Yeah, this is like, it became like a women's masturbatory book. Oh, that's hilarious. Whose idea was it to have you read it?

I don't know. They called me. It was this suggest.com. And when you read it, it's horrible. The reading is horrible. I mean, there's like words like, and he inserted himself in my sex. I was like, huh? Can we get more specific with that?

I mean, is pussy that difficult a word to come up with? You mean the P word? Yeah, I couldn't think of the P word. He's using the P word. You mean urine? Thanks, man. Good talking to you.