WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - Remembering Bob Saget

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Marc pays tribute to comedian Bob Saget and revisits his three WTF appearances from September 2010, April 2014 and November 2017. Bob died on January 9, 2022 at age 65. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey people, this is the worst thing that happens, is having to repost an interview with someone we did at another time because they've passed away. And we had to do it a couple of times recently. And it's always sad, but Bob Saget has passed away. And I just really needed to say that Bob Saget was really one of the nicest people that i knew was was just the nicest guy and so so fucking funny but i just think it's important to recognize look none of us are perfect i don't know i certainly don't know what people are going to say about me when i pass away but i I think it's important to know when somebody is as kind and big hearted as Bob Saget.

And so fucking funny. I know I said that already. And so dirty funny. Dirty funny Bob. Oh my God. But he was always there if you needed him. And he was always there to be a friend. Even he was always there to, to be a friend, even if he didn't know him that well.

And, uh, always made me laugh, but Jesus, what a nice guy. And, and it's just so fucking sad. And I,

I don't know any details. I don't know anything about it. I just know that he's passed away. We don't do this much anymore, if at all, but Bob was on years ago in 2010. Uh, that's, that was a full interview full interview. We'd only been doing the

show for like a year, but we used to have people back who we liked and I love Bob. So the second time he was on, it was recorded in 2014 when his book D stand-up special, Bob Saget's Zero to Sixty. So please enjoy this as a tribute and as just sort of a remembrance. Really, the greatest service I can do with these episodes is to remind people and allow people, almost immediately after they're struck with the news that someone has passed, who they were when they were alive and engaged and being usually their best selves. So this is me talking to Bob Saget over a series of years, the first in 2010, the second in 2014, the third in 2017.

My guest in the garage here at the Cat Ranch is Bob Saget, and we're going to talk until he starts sweating too much. I want to talk to you until turkey burger comes out of you. Yeah, well, there's one right here. I didn't know when you were coming, so I went ahead and made that one. It's nice the way you made it. It's not like a pita. That's what I like about broadcasting is they really don't know how good or bad that is.

This is excellent. Yeah, you like it. I make my own food, Bob. Do you have someone who makes your food for you? No, I have stopped eating. I'm on liquid and methamphetamine. Finally? Oh, food, Bob. Do you have someone who makes your food for you? No, I have stopped eating. I'm on liquid and methamphetamine. Finally? Oh, good, good.

A lot of people are doing the crank now. Yeah, the methamphetamine is very popular. Most of my blood has been changed. That's terrific. Yeah. And you look great. What else is going on? Well, it's all rosacea.

Oh, so this is all an illusion. Everything. Yeah, you're about to melt. I have one of Ruth Buzzy's old wigs on. You know, I didn't want to say anything because I just thought, like, he's a celebrity. You know, after a certain age, what's going to happen? Who are they going to pretend to be? When I go to Home Depot, all I buy is duct tape just to keep myself together.

Or to keep the people at the counter guessing. They don't know why. They're sagging again again what's he doing in here in home deep i went into home depot and bought a door once and built a doggy door really on your dog uh-huh it took me a year i'm not kidding i kept using the jigsaw to keep that the door smaller smaller to finally fit the door frame and then it did yeah and then i wanted to put it into this new thing that i'd bought a doggy door which was 80 bucks and i saw online yeah and the dog my dog who's no longer with us, I think he died as a result of this experiment.

Yeah. It was a magnetic collar that would unlock the door so that a coyote couldn't get in from one side, was my thought. Right, right. But it would unlock it so he could go out. Right. And then the collar would let him come back in, but not a coyote, unless it had him in its mouth. And then he um wouldn't go out of this door so i spent a year with five coats of primer and five coats of paint and all

kinds of stuff so he wouldn't hurt himself my king charles spaniel getting through the doorframe yeah and then hooked it all up and then he put his head up against it and turned away from it never went back to it that was it well so then so then I had to replace the new doggy door, which was all mechanical, with just a rubber one, like a flap that was there before, which you could use. Old school. Old school, like just where the luggage comes out. Yeah.

And then it rained, and the door disintegrated, completely disintegrated. It was particle board. I didn't know that because it was Home Depot. It seemed heavy enough. Yeah. The entire door fell apart like wet cardboard that you would it was like a refrigerator box that you used as a ford that just fell apart and my dog

looked at me like you idiot i could have told you how stupid you were and then he died that was it soon after right after he said that to you he got prostate cancer no he did not yes he did and my dad had nose cancer and we kept thinking something happened. Come on. I'm not kidding. That was the joke around the house. My dad didn't die from it, even though his nose was... My dad's nose was so big, it was actually a donor for other people's noses. What kind of nose cancer?

I had that. Basal cell? I don't know. You make me want to do a spice rack joke. For the... Wasn't it? Like a sun cancer? Like you had to go get...

No, it was just someone that... His nose literally had, I think, one of his siblings coming out of it. It was gigantic. My nose is big, but his... The lost saget? The lost saget? He had a congenital twin that didn't really appear until he was in his 60s? It was the size of the noses on Mount Rushmore.

That's how big it was. You would pray that a sphinx would happen to him and it would just be knocked off. Now, you've been around, like, you know, it's weird. I keep thinking about it. I doubt you remember. I bought that air conditioner at Home Depot and it's not working.

It doesn't work well. I thought you were going to tell me you bought it when we toured together. No. We never toured together. No, but we were in places at the same time. You're a little older than me. Yes, I am.

I'm 54. I'm older than you. I'm 46. So you came up with who? You came up with Reiser and Seinfeld and those guys? The first comedian that Paul Reiser claims he saw do well before anyone was, not before anyone, opening for someone was me opening for Rupert Holmes at the Diplomat in Florida. At the Diplomat?

Yes. And Paul came down, I'm trying to remember who he was with. It was with Mark Schiff, I think. The diplomat. Yes. And Paul came down. I'm trying to remember who he was with. It was with Mark Schiff, I think. Mark Schiff, yeah. And I think George Wallace. It was four comedians that came down to watch Bob bomb, basically, in front of Rupert Holmes. It was a diplomat. So the whole audience was blue-haired.

Bob being you. Bob being third person. I'm talking like Martin Lawrence. That's fine. You can do that. I talk like I'm an urban act. Bob wouldn't do that. That's fine. You can do that. I talk like I'm an urban act. Bob wouldn't do that. That's not right for Bob.

Bob's not comfortable talking about this, because when Bob leaves here, he puts his what do you call it? A Glock in the car. Yeah, the Glock. Yeah. Or a nine. Do they still use nines? And I say they in a very racially inappropriate way.

Bob's people do. They do. They use nines and glocks. Nines and glocks and a blunt. And a blunt for the other thing. For that other thing. All right, so you're down to diplomat. You're opening for Rupert Holmes?

And the joke was, he wrote Peter Kolata's song, right? So his second song was called Him. So I said, I liked working with him, him, him. And then he wrote Drood on Broadway, and he won the Tony Award. And that's the way that goes for him. That's how that happened. So Paul Reiser and I were about the same time. And when I came out to L.A. in 78, the people that I had come up with were Gary Shandling and Seinfeld.

And I had my appendix out. And Jerry and Lucy Webb and Jimmy Brogan all came to visit me at UCLA when I was 21. You were 21 years old? Uh-huh. My appendix came out. And I let it grow as its own human being, and it became Joey Kamen. And Joey Kamen, who is very funny. Very, very funny.

It started as your appendix, and nobody knows it. And no one knew it, and he put a tennis ball in his mouth. Yeah. And then spit it out of my appendix hole. We't continue with the air conditioner i didn't find out fully no it doesn't work is what you're telling me i don't know what to do with it i sit here and sweat with celebrities and i feel uncomfortable you've got foam core to make it hotter actually well i mean it's foam cores for the sound yeah but now i got the doors open because i can't help it but i think what i'm trying to do is like oh i remember what i was going to tell you i remember a guy that i worked

with on the road that i don't know if you would even remember he was a secondary character who died not too long ago uh his name was frankie bastille i know that name yeah he was uh he was a miserable little uh uh headliner who had a drug problem he used to talk like this he's one of these rock and roll guys. And he used to tell me, because at the time I started out, or when I was working with him in the late 80s, you were on the sitcom already. Wow. Right?

Yeah, I got on there in, what, 86 or 87? Right. So that was around the time that I was starting to do comedy. Right. And this guy was telling me- And where were you out of? What city? Well, at that time, I kind of-

Were you in San Francisco for a while? I was, but I started really after college. I went went to the comedy store i was a doorman there i got all fucked up on drugs in a year and i went back to boston so i was really impossible how could that have happened i know i was the only guy there who got fucked up on drugs in the late 80s it was the weirdest thing i'll go down in history as the one guy who had a drug problem at the comedy store in 1987 i lived in that room for seven years i started started at the Comedy Store in Westwood in 87. It was 87. No. Yeah. No. Yeah.

We'll be right back. It was 78 when I started there, and then 87. And then she had just opened the Westwood Store, so you remember... Yeah, I'd been open for a while. I helped close the Westwood Store. So you were hanging around with Kenison as well? I got him his first spot at the OR. In the original

room? Yeah, I told her to watch him, but you didn't really have to be told to watch Sam. Hey, listen to this guy. Listen. You don't need a microphone. But, you know, what was weird to me is when I met Frankie was that...

I knew Frankie. How did he die? Well, he just had a heart attack and he had uh you know he was a junkie and just that yeah it was like but no one he was this obscure guy that didn't even want he didn't want to be advertised when he was at a club so the IRS wouldn't know where he is he was one of those guys right but he said that I remember being shocked because he said you were filthy yeah I didn't even think I was I still don't think I mean sometimes I think I'm too much I mean how much can you say fuck you know no i can say it a lot but but the interesting thing is is that the country's perception of who you were and who you were when you started comedy i

mean you were kind of you weren't like an autobiographical comic you did jokes no i did jokes and some stories but most of them were just silly yeah dirty silly and let me do as many dick jokes as i can because it's silly yeah because i was as a kid, you can't say any of that stuff. So I stayed like a kid who just talked silly. You just wanted to say dick over and over again. And you can actually. If you go over, if you just go on stage and say dick. Yeah.

200 times. Yeah. If you forget to do it, then they'll say, what'd you do tonight? And you'll say, I didn't do dick up there tonight. And then they make fun of you. But I don't think you can. I mean, I don't curse for the sake of cursing. That's the actual truth.

No, I don't think it was cursing, but you like to push buttons with how filthy you can be. My first jokes were always, and they're more perverted than anything else. They're bad. It's like pedophilic stuff. Sure. That hasn't changed. Yeah. Well, that's good fun.

I mean, people forget what fun is. It's solid. Well, that's what I told the court. What the hell's wrong with me you're not sweating at all you look tan where were you in florida no i have high blood pressure i have an hour to live oh really yeah no i was outside that'd be a great way to close the show i was outside pop saget is dead that'd be the best closer i've been spreading that on twitter but they know it comes from my account so they don't believe it i'm dead again i was in vegas this weekend i did not go out in the sun but the room had a heat lamp where we're in vegas i was at the orleans which is an amazing comedy room how long were you there uh saturday and sunday night it's the room where i went

uh and saw rickles a couple months ago with jeff garland and jeff ross because it was jeff garland's birthday and we all worship Don Rickles. So we went to go pay homage. You went to Vegas to see Rickles? Yeah. And how was it? I've seen him a few times. He's a friend of mine now.

Who, Don is? Yeah. They all are. How about Shecky Green? He's in the car. Oh, really? Yeah. Because I kind of want to interview him.

But I'll do it later. I love Shecky Green. You can't talk to him right now. He's unconscious? Yeah. Because I kind of want to interview him, but I'll do it later. I love Shecky Green. You can't talk to him right now. He's unconscious. Yeah. But he still works. I talk to people about him because I was always fascinated by him. Why?

Because of the whole Vegas thing. He was a renegade, and he drank a lot, and he drove his car into the fountain at Caesars. We're all comics. There's nothing you can do about it. I was watching TV last night with my daughter. Well, I said she was my daughter. Yeah. She believes it, though?

She is. She's my daughter. I've never done anything between her and a dad in the positive way. Yeah, that's good. Not the guy that pretends that that's being a father. Right, right. Which is? Well, yeah.

Yeah, good. How many do you have? I have three at the moment. You know them all? I'll have more. I know them by name. I know their addresses because I have three at the moment. You know them all? I'll have more. I know them by name. I know their addresses because I have to send the checks for everything they do. I just had to, I got to re-sign a lease for one of their apartments.

Oh my God. How old are they? I don't know. You don't know. They're 23, 21, and 17. Your daughters? Yeah. Holy shit.

But they're Siamese triplets. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so it's just one place. Yeah, yeah. But it's weird the age difference and they're still triplets. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so it's just one place. Yeah, yeah. But it's weird the age difference, and they're still triplets. That must be very hard on your wife to have one dangling from her vagina for a year. Well, let's not talk about her vagina, but they were born rectally. Oh.

But see, that's how I can do it. That's what I can do. Yeah. And then my daughter stares at me and goes, why did you say that? And then I called them and go, okay, this is going to be in the examiner in New York. This is something I said. I'm sorry. No, I have actually, they're brilliant.

They're much smarter than me, and I don't know. Do you have kids? I have none. I have no wife. I have no kids. You want it? You know, at this point, I think that- And that's a stupid question anyway,

because people ask me, would you have kids again? Would you get married again? It really is, Do you love somebody? And do you want to have a kid? I don't know. I think at this age, if I'm going to have a kid, it's probably the conversation around it will be something like, well, what do you want to do with it? It's not going to be, let's plan it.

It's going to be like, okay, I fucked up, but I'm old enough to handle it. I think that's how it's going to go. Is that a bad way to approach it? No. Whatever's honest is what... When you hold someone's kid, do you run for the fence? With the kid? Yeah. Yeah, as soon as someone puts a baby in my hand, I start running with the baby.

That's what I do, because you don't, and you matter make it, it's like making a drop. You got to get fast. It's like, where do I put it? Right. No, I like it. Do you like it? Do you hold the kid? Do you feel like, I held a baby last night, and this all sounds bad when I say it, but I held my friend's

baby. It sounds worse. Yeah. But you're referring to an actual baby. That's not slang for something, is it? A adorable little girl. It just gets worse. I really shouldn't be allowed to speak anymore.

Go ahead. No, I think it's fine. There should be an injunction. Okay. She was just adorable, and it made me think, could I have... I'm 54. Yeah. So for me to have a kid? I'm 54. Yeah. So for me to have kids again, it's unusual.

No, I mean, but you know what they say? They say, you know, guys can always do it. They can, but then you don't want to be a grandfather. You don't want to be 80 years old and have a kid in high school. I mean, I don't want to die on my kid. Yeah, yeah. Well, I feel that too. I mean, people say that to me, and I feel it too. I don't want to, on my kid yeah yeah well i feel that too i mean you know people say that to me and i feel it too i don't i don't want to you know how much longer can i wait so

again i wouldn't mind having like a football player kid like an 18 year old boy that's a big strapping strong kid just drag me around because i can't walk anymore yeah i'm gonna throw you over his shoulder carry me yeah carry me in the like like there's some kind of you know revolutionary war days yeah well i think well maybe you should get to work on that so we started rickles you're watching tv with your daughter and what happened and we watched louis ck's new show yeah fx last night last night i watched that episode i didn't know which one was last night they gave me a dvd my agent sent me a dvd and i watched four of them what was last night's episode uh the one with the kid who tries to who said he's going to beat him up in the diner i

didn't see it oh oh because he didn't want to date his sister? No. Oh, okay. No. It's just great. You like it. And what I like about it is what we all want to do, which is find your voice, whatever we are,

whoever we came, wherever we came from, whether you never want to have a kid or never had a girlfriend or whatever, and just be who you are. And he's more than ever just being who he is. And it's his you know people go oh that's his curb you know oh yeah is it though you know something it's pretty unique it's your own voice and seinfeld was seinfeld in a in a in a great commercial television way it doesn't get any better than that for that and curb is curb and woody allen's probably the palette of all of it

i mean you look at what woody did i noticed a little of that last night with Louie. And like, you know, outside, you know, Louie and I have been friends for years, and I hope to get him on the show. And, you know, I have to overcome my mild jealousy and resentment to appreciate. Well, that would make you guys good friends because you can say goodbye without even having to handshake. That's true. I adore him. Yeah, me too. And last night when I watched it, I was sort of like, it mixes up.

What it doesn't do that those other things do is engage a real, there's a heart to it and there's a filmic sort of tone to it. He's consciously a filmmaker. Yeah. And he's outside of being a comic. It's unique. It looks rough around the edges, but it's really pretty controlled. And he's not apologizing

no he's telling you how i mean i saw an episode i don't know if it's aired yet i probably shouldn't talk about it if it hasn't but it's about him and his mom i think it aired i think most of them i think we're almost done it's just brutal you know i mean i had a jewish mother that is has been through it she's had a very hard life i'm her you know her one and only wonderful kid you know your only child yeah the well the other two passed away and there were two more that passed away so i was a survivor of four really yeah so i'm the opposite of uh well they saw my act oh jesus it was it all at once it was a family gathering everybody horrendous they took their own lives did you really lose that i did i

had one from scleroderma which is a big benefit that i do all the time and you made a film about that i did i did a thing sister ago. Your sister, right? Yep. Thanks for knowing that. Dan Delaney starred in it. It was called For Hope, and we're on the board of this Scleroderma Research Foundation. What is that?

What is scleroderma? It's hardening of the skin. Sclero means hard and derma is something you can order in the deli lately. Yeah, sure. Stuffed derma. Stuffed derma, yeah. But it's skin, so it's...

Is it a rare disease? It's a potato latke disease. Yeah. You eat... Yeah. No, it's skin. Is it a rare disease? It's a potato latke disease. Yeah. No, it's kind of rare, but there are hundreds of thousands of people that have it. I just know the rap sheet on it because I'm on the board, but as many people have it as cystic fibrosis and MS, and it's not as publicized.

A lot of people think it's because it's a bit of an orphan disease. It mostly affects women in their childbearing years, which I look at all women. Sure. As possibly ready to go. Possibly rearing. Sure. But it's a cause.

I'll give the website after that. Sure. Go ahead. I'm going to defame the disease in all women. It's srfcure.org. Well, I mean, I think what people don't know about you, perhaps, is that not only do you do this and you directed the film about it and you're involved with that, but I read something recently that, would you just buy a wing on one of your kids' schools or something?

Did you donate some money? No, I don't think I did. I just do benefits as much as I can. That's all you do? I just do. I try to raise money for everybody that I care about. Yeah. And usually it's my kids or other people's kids.

I don't like when people are sick, so it's not that I'm a sucker to be philanthropic. I try to give whatever I can. If I'm fortunate, then that's nice. I like being able to do that. But I like to give of my time and help raise money for stuff if I can. I mean, it feels lucky if we can put people in a room and then they can raise. Like Scleroderma, we raised over $20 million over the past 20 years. That's amazing.

We're doing one November 8th at Caroline's in New York. We just did one here at the Beverly Wilshire with Craig Ferguson, Ray Romano, Sarah Silverman, and BJ Novak, and Bill Bellamy. So that's like, it's us, you know, going out and do it. I'd love for you to do it sometime. Yeah, let me know. If you wouldn't go on stage saying that you just don't like, you're jealous of, you know, going out and do it. I'd love for you to do it sometime. Yeah, let me know. If you wouldn't go on stage saying that you just don't like, you're jealous of, you have to say you're jealous of Louis C.K. and then dwell on that for seven minutes.

I can do that easily. All right. I do that already. I already have jokes about it. I actually say I don't know when I'm going to see my friend's successes as anything other than attacks on me. I do not know why Louie had to call his show

Fuck Mark Maron because that's I think that's how you see the title yeah that's how it comes out on my television that sounds very you gotta get a different set

yeah I know maybe it's your signal's getting scrambled something's going wrong I used to be I used to it's funny when I was in film school

at Temple University I just graduated and what year did Annie Hall come out 78 maybe okay so 74 to 78 was my college i was in downtown philly with maybe my girlfriend yeah and uh she became my wife and then my ex-wife yeah mother of my children and the keeper of the checks yeah and she uh and i saw annie hall and i was so upset after seeing Annie Hall because I said, I remember saying, I'll never make anything that good, ever.

And I was 21, and I think I've kept my part of the bargain on that. Yeah, good for you committing to that. Right? Yeah. I mean, I watched it the other day with my girlfriend, who was also forever 21. No, she's older. How old is she? She's in double digits.

Okay. All right. That's good. It's a start. But watching Annie Hall with your girlfriend is kind of a dream for any comedian. Yeah. At least I didn't have to watch it with my mom. Did you say that again, though?

What? That it was a dream for any comedian? No. Did you say that to your new girlfriend, that you're never going to be able to do anything like that? No, I didn't. I said, isn't this great? And here's why.

Because I figured out- You've grown up. I haven't made anything that great, but I certainly understand it now. You know how I just a really, really, really well written thing. And well done, isn't it? Oh, it's beautiful. I don't think there'd be anything. I don't think there'd be a lot of what we're talking about here, whether it be.

Well, it never happens. Herb or Louis C.K. It's about a comedian who's an artist who teaches the people. And he learned from all the people that are the masters. You know what I mean? Like Elbart and Neil Simon. They all came out of that school. Yeah, but that's right.

I think it was because of his situational comedy background. I mean, everything in that is a piece of situation comedy. Even like the bits. The bits. Mixed with a reflection, whether it be therapy or just whatever it takes to know yourself. Once you know yourself, if you can then put that into writing and then put that into

wow, acting, wow. Then you find out whether or not people really like you. That's the big risk. And that doesn't matter. My first joke, first joke that I ever wrote when I was 17 that was a joke, the rest were comedy songs was when i was a kid my mother said when you grow up not everybody is going to like you and i said i need names

and now i have i have the list i know who they are you can just google the people that don't like you it's so simple oh yeah critics of you know every critics were always something that hurt everything yeah there were a couple of critics here and there. Are we in the fort and stand by me right now? Are we going to find a dead body? You need to open the door, don't you? Can you put something in front of it? Like the air conditioner?

It's not going to stay open, Mark. Not like that. Here, put this hammer in front of it. No, I'm serious. Here's a hammer. I got a hammer right here. Oh, that broom's going over. a hammer. I got a thing. I got a hammer right here. Look, I got a broom. Oh, that broom's going over. That broom is not going to stay. Trust me. I went to

Home Depot and built a door. Look, put the hammer with the broom. Yeah. You've got a jar full of... You've got a jar. You've got two... I don't want to say... That's a good name for something. It's a claymation show.

I'm looking at two jugs. Claymation Jews are smashed by different tools? I'd pay to see that. Me too. So here's a AA battery and a AAA. Little teeny jar batteries. Two different jars. Are you OCD?

No, they're for two different things. Well, I see that, but I can tell the difference between a bigger and a smaller battery. So I could put them all. I actually have batteries in one drawer of two different sizes. Oh, and you just separate them? Look, I just wanted to make it nice in here. So you just decided to do it. Two jars.

Started with there. Separate-sized jars. The rest of this is not necessary. It's a work in progress you have things from a carousel slideshow i do yeah you need a woman who loves you period you love yeah and who is well you're it who but who is ocd and we'll say how do you live in this shit we've got to redo this and then she gets you to you have one of those i have a girlfriend who is very good at wanting to have some structure

and to not have around a bunch of stuff. And it helps me gut my life so I can be anew, so I don't stay in my old... Just physical, to change physical stuff. This is the only room that I have for this. I mean, this stuff is important stuff. I mean, those carousels, that's my family. And what do I do with the VHS tapes in my garage of every episode of Full House?

They're melted. They've been in the garage. Are they still in there? They're in there. Are you in every episode? I was young. I had a show. I didn't know what would happen.

I think it's dust. I think you have carousel slide projectors. If I have an episode of Full House on VHS, those are carousel slide projectors. Are those your trips to the Catskills? Those are my parents. They're parents at the World's Fair in 1966. It's my family, my parents. If they've been in the heat box

that we're doing this interview in right now. They're garbage. They're dust. They're the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They've dissolved. Yeah, they opened the Ark of the Covenant, and that was it. And those slides just disappeared.

Maybe, maybe, I don't know. So you still have the VHS of Full House. That's hilarious. I have VHS of a lot of stuff. Me too. I got a few of them,, and that was it. And those slides just disappeared. Maybe, maybe, I don't know. So you still have the VHS of Full House? That's hilarious. I have VHS of a lot of stuff. Me too. I got a few of them, but they're no good. You got to get them digitized. I don't want to.

What am I going to do? Watch it? What am I going to watch Full House? Well, it's good that you've let that go. Let it go. I'll get a disease if I watch it. I mean, I'd rather be on insulin. I mean, I can't watch that.

I walk into my daughter's room sometimes. You know how many episodes you did? 190 something. joke is asking my favorite episode what's your favorite episode the last one but but you know i was lucky you're lucky but then again that's not the the the um you know i'm the luckiest guy i'd be a moron right right but i got a job because i was fired from another job on cbs i did a richard pryor movie and then i got offered full house and um i was lucky to get the job on cbs i got fired from because i was too hot for morning tv and i was really lucky to be hot yeah you said cunt no no no i just talked fast oh and cunts don't understand that and then and then i uh got in this richard

pryor movie which was a dream. Yeah. What year was that? It was in critical condition, 86. So right when he was starting to go down? Yeah. A little bit? I'm always around for that.

Yeah. You know, I got to be with him and become friends with him, which was, you know. Did you meet him at the comedy store? Yeah. I got bumped one night. Mitzi said, you're not going on Richards here. And that was her way of saying, you just keep on going for your dreams. No.

And now she just says, is Bob Saget here yet? I think Richards is going on. She just had her birthday and I couldn't go and I sent her flowers. You did? I did.

Very sweet of you. I just wanted to let the Jews out there know that they put me back a little bit. They were expensive flowers. I guess I shouldn't make fun of Mitzi. Well, people are what they are. Without that path, I wouldn't be where I am. In the hottest garage I've ever been in in my life.

Is it pretty bad? No, actually, you're sweating more than I am. I sweat because I'm very focused. Well, you just ate a turkey sandwich. I had some coffee. I ate earlier. I had turkey meatloaf earlier. You did?

The Jew will tell you what it ate. Always. Is that in the guidebook? The Jew will tell you what it ate? It's Marlon Perkins. It's like what the North American Jew does. It will tell you what it drank. Ask the Jew what it drank.

What did you have to drink today? Zen soda. Zen soda? It was a refresh kind. Is that good? Zero calories. Made me feel good. Yeah? And you had that with the turkey? I had it with the turkey

and a little, yeah. No bread? No, I'm not eating bread. Oh, and how about like maybe something on the side, salad, any pickle? Do you have a pickle? Didn't have any pickle. Trying to remember what else I ate. I ate something else. Look at that. It's a pepperoncini. I like those things, but they give you gas, don't they? Everything gives me gas.

Well, I don't have gas much anymore. You don't? Nope. Why? It goes straight to shit. Really? Good for you. Yeah, because sometimes the gas is just a preemptive way before you crap.

So did you decide on comedy because you just couldn't muster up the confidence to do filmmaking? Is that what you're telling me? No. I got into film school. I won the Student Academy Award when I was 21. I got flown out by the Academy. What Academy? The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Oh, no shit. The Academy. I met Howard Koch, and I met Spielberg. I actually walked up to Woody Allen at the Hilton because I was so cocky that I won the Student Oscar.

He didn't accept Franny Hall, and I told him that I wasn't accepting the Student Academy Award in respect to him. What did he say? He laughed. He did?

Yeah, he was really nice. He said good luck and all kinds of... Have you met him since? Four words, no. And I consider him fortunate that he hasn't had to. So this is after

you went to film school? I went to film... While I was in film school, this movie I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed called Through Adam's Eyes. It was an 11-minute black and white documentary.

It was the thing. What happened to your cousin? My nephew. Your nephew. He became my cousin, and then everything helped. Oh, that's great. He's amazing. He's an amazing man.

Very successful guy now. Why did he have his face reconstructed? I needed to make a movie about it. Oh, so you just bashed his face in? As hard as I could, because I wanted to get something going for my career. You said, quit crying, we're doing something here? Yeah, and we filmed it. Kind of like, a little bit like punk, but a little different.

Yeah, a little good. And you guys are okay now though, right? Yeah, we're best friends. We're besties. And then I came out here to go to USC film school. I got into NYU and USC film grad school. Yeah. I went for three go to USC Film School. I got into NYU and USC Film Grad School. Yeah. I went for three days to USC Grad School, but I quit because I had gone up.

When I won the student Oscar, I was in L.A. from Philly. They flew me out here, and Mitzi said, you should work here. You should work here at the comedy store. And I did. You had done no comedy? I had done stand-up in Philly and New York. I used to wait in line and do catch and the improv. And that strip and 17 years old didn't do comic strip i did it later in life but not um not in my catching it so the improv on 44th street and catch up on 78th yes the 81st and

31st and 30 and i would sign the sheet and wait 12 hours oh and did it and my first hosts were belzer yeah of course and And Barry Diamond at Catch. And at the improv, Chris Albrecht was the manager. Right. And Robert Wall was the emcee and the doorman. No kidding. And Silver. And they both said Silver.

I didn't remember. No, Bud. It was Bud then. But they hadn't sold the place. No, it was still. Yeah, it hadn't sold. It was an ambiguity place. It was still the only improv, correct? Yeah, it was in an ambiguity place. It was still the only improv, correct?

Yeah, correct. And I remember the first thing that Albrecht said to me and Robert Wall in the same night, which Bud never stopped saying to me no matter where I am is, you're blocking the hallway. And that was what they said to me. So the thing that makes me, when people say to me, can you get me on at this club and that club, I go, yeah. You want to go up on a Monday or Tuesday?

If I can, I'll help you. But then what are you going to do? Call the owner every weekend and say, please put them on on Tuesday. Do it again. But I waited in line, stood the sheet, stood in line, signed the sheet. That shit doesn't exist anymore, though. I mean, the lines, the sheet. Comics, they just do little rooms where comics produce shows.

Which is great. It's okay. Well, you can can go up to where are the places here in town i have no fucking idea i mean it was m bar for a while right there well that's moved that show has moved to the ucb theater and largo's not around and largo is now at the coronet down on la cienega so it's in a larger theater but they call call Largo, Largo's still called Largo, but they say Largo's at the Cornette. It's like saying the comedy store is at the Hyatt. Yeah, they do that. Which it is. Yeah.

You can hit it from there. Oh, yeah. If you jump. Running start. I was there that night. You were there when he killed himself? No. What was his name?

No, I showed up at night, ambulance chaser that I am. Yeah, what was his name? He was a friend of mine, Steve Lubetkin. You knew him? He was a friend of mine, like an actual friend of mine. I've lost him.

I don't take it. I don't like it when I see those kind of things from friends. I take it. I become the narcissist. I become the guy. That's my version of going, why did he get that show? It's like, what fuck right does he have to upset me or her by killing themselves when I value life? Right.

I get really, really angry. I don't care how nuts they are. At people who kill themselves. At people who kill themselves. Take your goddamn medication, get a family member, and fucking stay alive. It bothers me. Well, at that time.

I like them. I don't want them dead. Right. No, I understand that. That makes sense. I hate it. What is it? You had a bad set.

You had a bad year. You couldn't get on. Fucking go cut deli. But did he know he had sickness? I mean, at that time, there was no Prozac. I had no bad year. You couldn't get on. Fucking go cut deli. But did he know he had sickness? I mean, at that time, there was no Prozac. I had no clue he had sickness. I knew he was depressed. We're all depressed. I know, but manic depression was barely diagnosed

at that time. What was it, 1978? Manic depression was fairly popular. No, I know that, but the only thing they had was lithium. No, they had other stuff. I knew people on all kinds of crap. Really? In 1978 1978 is that when that happened yeah yeah about then and this guy you know he he couldn't get any spots oh so you should have looked did you see his seven minutes he you know he had a good three was he funny he was funny yeah he used to do an impression of um a jewish

pimp and he had a hat with two bagels on either side and he would go hustle hustle and then he would take the same bagels and put them on his ears and go look princess leia you know there's prop stuff did he jump with the bagels i don't think he jumped with any props he was when you you know he was about as low as uh you know you know it's just and i don't want to dwell on this because we both know the same people that in the past 10 years are gone. Rich. Yeah. Just sucks.

But then there's new people coming up that are positive, that are really cocky that we can resent. No, I know. But the weird thing about Rich Jenny is that I was working his weekend in Chicago the night that he did it. And like me as a narcissist. Did you think it was your fault? No, I didn't think it was my fault but i thought like what does this mean you know why am i the guy that is doing his weekend that he canceled because he was too depressed it means you're doing a favor for the muses you know you're doing you're doing something good as how i always turn that into

because i've lost two sisters and and to the same disease no one was scleroderma and the other again she saw my act yeah and, and just dropped dead. Yeah, she just had a brain aneurysm. It was a rough time. But, you know, and so I've lost, you know, and I've lost a bunch of friends, and I just want to be happy, you know. Are you? Yeah.

How do you do it? It just happened. I've been to a lot of therapy, to be honest with you. Really? Yeah. I'm tired of myself. I can't. And I like to be new.

I like to have newness in my life and the way I do things and stuff. So I had my penis completely tucked. Really? It actually hangs out of my ass. That's interesting. Yeah, it's like a tiny little tail. That's why I can do it. It's like Shallow Howl.

Remember that Jason Alexander has that? Uh-uh. It's at the end of Shallow Howl. It's the punchline to the entire film. That is a while ago. It's not like giving the end of Exception. Well, look, okay, let me just ask you a couple questions before we get lost. I'm not saying I'm happy all the time by any means.

I wouldn't be. No, I know, but look, you were the dad on the TV show. Right, and I've been able to get through that. Right, and you did America's- And that's a two-dimensional show made, a really good, really good- Full house. Is a good two-dimensional show made for 14-year-old girls. Right, but you did 200 episodes.

Something like that. And then you were that guy for- On the video show for 200 episodes. 200 episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos. Right. So I'm that guy for those people forever because I did 80 hours of work a week being a character. And on both of those shows. And being a clip host of a clip show.

Believe me, dude. How much did you hate yourself? Seriously. I was so tired, it helped me to not hate myself. So tired in what way? And I also had a good life. You know, I had...

Money. You got money. Money doesn't give you happiness, but you can buy happiness with money. Sure. And like what? Good... You know, you can buy medicine with money sure and like like what good you know you can buy medicine yeah um houses houses yeah cough syrup friends a lot of codeine yeah yeah sure uh i

got three healthy daughters you know you always say healthy you always say that so no one has an arm growing out of the middle of their head right no three mile island kids what we live in a world where three mile island doesn't even get a laugh anymore no no people don't even know what it was shareable chernobyl nothing nothing you know it's not a world we live in it's like the past is the past and hiroshima never got a laugh no ever ever it was funny briefly it was funny briefly depends on what you were wearing that yeah yeah i we couldn't use it it was before our generation as shecky who got laughs out of it as he was drunk in the fountain yeah i saw him at nate now's and he wants to work, and he's very funny.

I want to go interview him for the show. I'll tell you all about it. I'll tell you his experience. Is he clear? Is he clear-headed? I think so. He was when I was going through his pants. So you had no self-hatred about all those shows?

Yeah. I had a lot of, you know, my silly, my funny career is that people always go oh he's not the guy that you know from those shows i did the shows for eight years and i've been 15 years of experiencing let's see what year is this this is 2010 so they went off in 98 right or 95 96 well what's her name one of the twins is on the cover of something today. You know her? I know one of the twins. Yeah. That's how people, see how people, look how they label people.

Yeah. And I was the dad on that show. Well, don't expect to see him do that. I don't know. I was in Vegas this weekend. Nobody was surprised. I've been doing, in other words, what I was saying was i've been who i am before longer longer than the thing's been off so you're that's past you don't get that anymore people don't know i do i use it i think it's funny yeah i mean it's like saying yeah it is it's it's a supreme joke of

pop culture that i got to do that and that you're this filthy i love that i'm not even that come on the new show i'm doing for a and e yeah it's called strange days i'm not even that... Come on. The new show I'm doing for A&E is called Strange Days. I'm not going around cursing. I don't even have to get bleeped much. It's a documentary comedy show, so I don't host it. It's not into camera. It's just me going somewhere and living with an unusual lifestyle, subculture of society. You live there.

I live in a nice hotel all the time, wherever I go. I mean, I'm not ridiculous. Yeah. I live in a nice hotel all the time wherever I go. I mean, I'm not ridiculous. But I joined a motorcycle club and rode in a sidecar from Nashville to Daytona. That's right. That's the bitch seat. I tried to ride a motorcycle. You want me in the bitch seat. Trust me. I mean, it's an option of do you want to see

the other six get shot or just have me smeared? Am I roadkill or do we make more? You couldn't ride the bike? No. Then because i didn't because i was in the do you ride a motorcycle no okay because i was in the sidecar we shot one where i looked for bigfoot yeah in the pacific northwest with infrared gear i joined a frat in cornell i went to vegas and we did the out jeff ross came and helped me out late at night we did the i guess a lost vegas episode but we did the Mint 400. We retraced the Hunter S. Thompson thing, and Jeff was kind of my Laszlo.

And we did a bunch of other ones. I went to camp. I just got back, actually, from shooting in a camp. You went to camp? I never had gone to camp as a kid. You didn't? So here I was with, no, did you? Yeah.

Where were you? I went to camp in New Mexico, and I went to camp in Pennsylvania. Was it fun? It was okay. You know, and I went to camp in Pennsylvania. Was it fun? It was okay. My parents didn't want me around, so that was the core of it. But yeah, I went to a music and arts camp in Pennsylvania for two years in a row, and they let you smoke and play guitar. Wow.

It was great. I just smoked and played guitar. Well, it's like that now. But although these kids didn't smoke, it was a really nice... I think kids don't smoke like they used to, do they? Not cigarettes. No. I mean, they want they want well when that one these were i was with 14 15 year olds there was still an innocence even though there wasn't there really was kids are still innocent now the ones they put me with yeah yeah because until you got done with

them now none of them can barely they can't walk um they have to learn somewhere i went to ukraine and helped guys get mail order brides really yeah you went to the ukraine uh-huh holy shit yeah so this thing will be on uh in months ahead called strange days so that whatever we're doing right now yeah it'll have it'll have plugged it somehow yeah well you don't know when it's going to be on yeah not yet no we're cutting it right now we're waiting to find out you want me to hold this right oh you can do whatever you want what are you pointing at you want me to not let me know what me to hold this you want me to wait to put this up it won't matter well nothing matters oh jesus happiness you're not happy right no i'm all right no but you're not i'm anxious right you know i have a lot of fear when are

the things and that you know that's the enemy what fear is the end of course it's the enemy i'm not i'm not shut you down creatively i'm not saying when is the thing. What? Fear is the enemy. Of course it's the enemy. It shuts you down creatively. I'm not saying when is the thing. I'm just saying, is this it? Well, then say that until they lower you to the ground, but it doesn't matter because it is. It just doesn't matter. I mean, people are going to me all the time, you know,

is this all I came here for? I don't fucking know. I got shit to do. Yeah. Maybe. But when you sit at home you're like i'm good i don't sit too much i work a lot all right so that's your thing well i like to work i also like being with my girlfriend i also enjoy my kids um i have i'm very fortunate you got a full life i

have a and you use the word full in the sentence but no i have a full i have a full life and very lucky my mother's alive so you can't have everything. Well, when does this air is the question. No, she's good. I took her to dinner last night. Is she here? Oh, not in the building, but she's in Los Angeles. Did you move her out here?

Is that how that works? A long time ago. She's in the Holy Land, west of the 405. Oh, really? And she... You set her up. That's so nice. Did that feel good to be able to set your mom up? Well, she lives in the street.

Oh. I just dropped her. But you check out. She's fine. You drive around. You see her. The blue bus. I don't know if you got money or not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she gets the French fries with no salt, so they're healthier. Yeah. Every time we go out. I get the French fries, no salt. My mother's never eaten a French fry, ever. What's your mom like? She's like 119 pounds, and she's got bleach blonde hair.

But when you say she's 119 pounds, is she fighting? Does she go to Vegas? Is she a middle-aged? She's in a lifelong fight against fat, Bob. It's all about... Is your dad alive? Sure he is. Are they together?

No, no, no. Divorce. They're divorced. That's new. That's a new thing that they did a long time ago, right? Well, no, I never quite recovered from it because I was 35. Why didn't you recover? Because who am I going to live with? Where am I going to put my bookshelves?

No, no, yeah, it was later. And they got divorced, and my dad's nuts, and my mother's nuts, and they're okay. Gratitude is what it is, Bob. They want gratitude? No, that's part of happiness, no? Yeah, being appreciative. But you can't make that happen. You have to choose, though.

What do you mean, no? No, that doesn't happen organically, because we're supposed to wake up in the morning and be appreciative. You can't tell that to a self-pitying Jew bastard. I know I don't appreciate it. And then I realized when I slapped myself around, you know what, I used to be depressed. When I was 29, I was depressed for like a year. I'd be depressed a year at a time.

Like you couldn't get out of bed depressed? A little bit of that, but I would always work. But it just wasn't happening. I'd always be funny. I'd always go on stage, whether I had a job or not. I didn't have a job for eight years, know and would go do you know yickles and fuck wad yeah and then stand there and you know have fun yeah and go home and the worst part would be you'd be you know as a comic because we're just talking because we're comics yeah i

you go on stage and you just we at the comedy store in its heyday, it was Robin and Richard and Red Fox would come on. Really? Yeah. In the, what, in the late 70s? Yeah. Joey Kamen. Joey Kamen, Joey Gaynor. Yeah.

Harris Peet. Yeah. And Skip Stevenson. Yeah. David Letterman. David Letterman, one of the first people I met when I had started when I got accepted

as a regular you remember him as a comic yeah I told him he could sleep with my cousin you did

and did he no no I remember Leno had seen me do I saw Jay do a joke and it made me laugh so hard

and you know he was at the store as well yeah mostly the improv but the store too. It was pre-Strike. Yeah. I remember he did a joke. He said, what is it with incest?

I just like anybody that would do traditional comedy but then put their spin on it. To hear Jay do perverted humor made me laugh back then. What was the joke? What is it with incest? Your mother's opening up the oven and getting out the meatloaf, and you're looking at it, and she's bending over, and you're going, all right, Mom.

It was his Boston version of being turned on by the big pilgrim woman picking up a meatloaf. And I said to him, that's really funny. Of course you would like that. I mean, oh, my God. Because you're so, you know, I was so fucked up. I just laughed at anything perverted. Who else was around then?

Mike Binder? Billy Crystal. Mike was 17. And he started coming. Binder, yeah. I saw Mike was the first comedian, first comedian I saw when I was 20 years old when I won the Student Academy Award.

And then he said he had a friend named Dave Coulier that needed a place to stay when he came out to L.A. And so this is 10 years before we did Full House, or eight years before we did Full House. Really? I met Dave in Detroit and then asked Dave to stay on my couch, and that was the premise of the sitcom, too. Did you pitch it?

No, no, no. I was hired after someone else was released. It was a show by Miller Boyette and Jeff Franklin, and John and Dave had done it already, and I was doing this show in New York, and then they didn't know what they were going to do, and then I got the job at the last minute. It was a weird thing.

Binder was funny, wasn't he? Great, and he is funny. He's a really great guy, and he can make a good film, too. Yeah, I wish I was around. I was at the store in 87, so it was way after that. Yeah, I think I had around. I was at the store in 87. Yeah. So it was way after that. Yeah, I think I'd just gotten a job and left, but I remember it was so competitive and so weird.

It's still weird over there. Yeah, but it's comics, and it's supposed to be weird, you know? We're all supposed to be what we are. I was watching this Louis show on FX, which I am a little obsessed with over having watched it last night. Yeah. And I watched four of them. And just to see him go into the Comedy Cellar in New York and watch that,

it's romantic as shit what we do. I mean, it might be sick. And he gave a speech, and he says, you know, we have 15 minutes up there. That's our lives. And he shows the other comics who say nothing, and they're all like, so these guys got nothing. They just got that 15 minutes. It's a very funny cut, too, because it's kind of true.

You're as good as your last spot. It's fucking true. Unless you have enough self-worth that you realize, no, this is a craft. Do you have that? Yeah. I'll do a set, which I'll know will be. I went up and did Chocolate Sundays a couple weeks ago at the Laugh Factory, which is an urban night.

Yeah. And my first line was, where's all my tall, neurotic Jews in the house? Yeah. And then that was the uphill. So that was, then I started to just hit too hard. I just was trying to score, because I wanted to. Wanted black people to like you.

Wanted to, very much. Yeah. And I want, and none of that, you just want to kill with every audience, or not kill. I just wanted to get Wanted black people to like you. Wanted to... Very much. Yeah. And I want... You just want to kill with every audience or not kill. I just wanted to get... And you can't... If you're going up with a crowd that is rowdy, if it's a rock and roll type crowd

or a college crowd, you can't be looking at your notes. You know, you can't... No, you got to stay on it. You got to entertain everybody. Yeah. You got to be... And it's a workshop.

I just did Vegas this weekend and it's like surfing, you know, and you don't wipe out and you just keep going and you and it's it's a it's a pretty amazing form to be able to do so i'm pretty professional about you are you've always been real professional yeah i'm pretty professional i do know that like i was depressed before you go on is off yeah right yeah on stage you're consistent very consistent i'm consistently inconsistent. That if they don't come around to where I am, we're going to be in trouble.

But it's not really that. That's not really true. I was in Atlanta, and it was the last show, and it's this weird small room where you do two shows a night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Where was it? At the Laughing Skull. Oh, that's owned by, I like that guy. Marshall Childs.

I like him a lot. I did that club, The Funny Farm. Yeah. And he loves, what I love about him is that he loves comedy. Oh, yeah. And like the last night.

And he's funny, too. Yeah. I had great shows and there was a couple in the last show and they were drunk and they were exuding problem. They were just going

to be a problem. The room was too fucking small. Yeah. And I knew backstage, I was like, this is going to be my last show, and they're going to fuck it up. I'm going to have to babysit. You preordained it.

And then Chris Tucker stops by to do a guest spot, which is weird on my show. What was he doing there? He lives there. He does? Yeah, so he comes up and does 10 minutes. He's so funny. I want to see him do stand-up more. Did you do? Was it good? Yeah, it was alright. But people were very excited to see him, because because he's a guy you know they know him from the movies or from the billboard or whatever and then i got up there if you've seen the billboard

you'll love the comedy exactly well then i get up there and they'd removed the couple that that i knew was going to be a problem and and i was so now it's all on you right yeah i was so ecstatic i was, they're gone. And everybody else was relieved. We had a nice time. But I guess that's true. You've got to walk. Well, you hold on to the one person that tells you.

When I did this, I did a set. And I guess it was here in town before I went to Vegas last week. Because I'm going up on tour. So I want to make sure that I'm good. And I just went too far. Sometimes I like to be clean cut and even just go up and I'm just going to see how funny I can be and not rely on just saying, you know, fucking this and that. Jeff Garlin style?

Well, I don't like to. You go up with no material or you got jokes? No, I do both. Yeah. I love that he can do that. Yeah. But he has material. I mean, he just, I mean, then but he has material I mean he just I mean he's

more prepared than I am sometimes but I went up and I I offended somebody I don't know I was really blue I don't know

it was just a couple weeks ago and two older people walked out and I said do you have to go somewhere I think I insulted them with like

apparently you're not going to have sex you know because you know it wasn't good and the guy said you're just not to have sex, you know, because it wasn't good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the guy said, you're just not funny.

Oh, yeah. And I just hadn't heard that in so long. Yeah. It's always weird when you meet somebody and they go, are you going to be funny? Yeah. No, no. When you get on a plane, do you ask your pilot if he's going to get you to Cleveland? Yeah.

So our back's already up. We're already the kid behind the dumpster ready to start a fight. Yeah. I mean, we chose a- Are you funny i you know sometimes all right so at that moment at that moment you're just not funny did it hurt no which is why i'm uh therapy has paid off that is a good sign it was uh i was not hurt in fact what it did was a little i i acted out a little bit i was it became a little more 11 years old i just started to needle them a little bit as they left and then apologized

because they knew it was so wrong to make fun of them after they were gone and then said probably what they were doing and where they were going and how they were

after they left yes oh you kept going how they were going to get back to Chatsworth and was that killing no because it was mean

and I kept apologizing for how mean it was you couldn't help yourself couldn't help myself and it made me feel better and then I was ableizing for how mean it was. You couldn't help yourself. Couldn't help myself. Yeah. And it made me feel better, and then I was able to let go of it. It took me about two minutes of apologizing for ragging on them.

It did hurt your feelings. You just chose not to feel pain, and you got defensive, and you just made them pay, and then you felt bad about that and apologized. But then I felt good enough because I wasn't that mean in making them pay. I found a gentle way- To make them pay. To make them pay to make them pay that should be the name of your next cd a gentle way to make you pay i think anybody would read or see anything with that title oh yeah a gentle way it's a good indie film title a gentle way to make you pay that just is like just about a guy who's like so mean and so smooth that people walk away and they go, holy shit, my ass is bleeding.

I didn't even notice it. If you made that as a screenplay, an independent film, that could be like your 500 days of summer. A gentle way to make you pay. Yeah, it sounds like you're getting back at the women that have hurt you. Written and directed by Mark Maron, produced by Bob Saget. Can I have some money? That's what it comes down to. Well, first thing you need

is to get some fucking air conditioning in here. Okay. Seriously. You didn't tell me I'd be in Dachau for the interview. I'm sorry. Are we in a train?

I think we could quit if you want. No, I'm never leaving. This WTF is everywhere. Yeah, it's gotten very popular and people seem seem to like it, and they like hearing from comics. They like hearing us talk. The interesting thing is, nobody knows. I talked to David Tell for an hour and a half, and I don't think anyone has ever talked to him that long. I like him a lot.

I talked to, I recently did an episode with Judd Apatow. He loves comedy. Yeah. I'd like to talk to Shannon I knew him you knew him when he was a kid yeah he loves comedy

loves comedy and he's obviously funny and he's brilliant in what he does he just definitely loves he loves it yeah and that's what

that's what's attractive to me about all of it when I watch anything when I see one of us like do it feels like a family to me at a certain age

I just go these are my brethren because you put a couple hundred people a couple thousand a couple million people in front of any of us like deuce it feels like a family to me at a certain age i just go these are my brethren yeah you put a couple hundred people a couple thousand couple million people in front of any of us yeah and the reactions are the same yeah i mean there's only so many ways to skin the cow yeah and sell all the parts yeah yeah you know yeah watching louis ck yeah i keep dwelling on because literally it was last night is watching him deal with a heckler in the audience oh you watched that episode, yeah. And it's seeing him at Caroline's.

I mean, we all live that life. Yeah. And so what is the violation? What do you owe an audience? And what is your interpretation of what the relationship is? His speech was that you have to listen to us because we're on stage and that's you're not supposed to speak back unless i want you to speak right but where's where's that written yeah you know in my job like i'm i'm this is my plug i'm touring through january you know whatever

theaters and colleges and stuff and so i'm they're paying money so i gotta entertain them period there it isn't and if i talk to them, I'm responsible. If a guy rushes the stage, I did a college a couple months ago, and some kid rushed the stage with a bottle, and what he wanted to do was down this weird, I guess it was called ice, some kind of Seagram's product, and wanted me to drink it, and I wouldn't drink it, so he pounded it and then threw the bottle to the ground, and all I'm picturing is glass coming up,

hitting me in the eyes. So I just, all I care about security at that point. So at that moment, I don't care that anybody's paid money. I'm not going to be killed. Your safety. Yeah. Right.

But otherwise they, they paid. But if you're at the comedy cellar, uh, Louie's a hundred percent, right? You don't speak during someone's whole life. Well,

he's, he's interesting too, because as a comic, I mean, I've known him a long time, and he was never a guy that liked doing crowd work, that even was comfortable doing crowd work. It's something, some guys like to do it, other guys learn how to do it, so they have the skill in place.

And it's not a necessary thing to do. I mean, it's like Norm MacDonald. You want to listen to what he weaves because it's coming from such an unusual place right and louis is um compelling yeah same thing and norm's like that i could sit and listen to norm and go whoa when is this gonna turn and here it just turned you know yeah it's just i'm a but like you i mean if somebody talked to me or you they're're going to pay. We're going to find a gentle way. It won't be that gentle. No, I've done some.

And I've had some relationship problems in my life personally because what I've learned about myself is, you know, you throw one rock at me and I got a thousand coming back at you. It happened yesterday. Because I'll bring catapults. I'll bring artillery. I'll hire people. One little thing that hurts your feelings. And it's not even. It's not even that big a deal. They don't even do anything wrong. I know. I mean, they do. They'll hire people. One little thing that hurts your feelings. And it's not even that big a deal.

They don't even do anything wrong. I know. I mean, they do. They're just people. They're just human beings. How do you feel after that? Well, you know what's

a good example, which I use a lot in my relationship? Shit, I do the same thing. I just, people should do, we, our type, Ilk,

should be watching, you know, James L. Brooks as good as it gets as many times as we possibly can. Because the Jack Nicholson-Helen Hunt relationship kind of says it all. Because it's like, why would you say something like that? And it's just a guy who's so narcissistic and so stupid.

Not stupid, but so insecure and hurt. I'm not looking at you or me. There's no mirrors in here, are there? Yeah, we're looking at each other. I like that you have no mirrors in here. Yeah. And just do something that fucks it up for somebody that you care about, and it can really fuck up a good relationship.

I'd say it fucked up my second marriage. She left. You must be a fucking terror with that shit. Well, I've gotten good therapy for any, if you can find somebody that you can talk to. This is anger issues. It's anger issues, and it's also hurt, and it's also not being allowed to do what you want to do,

and it's also not owning your stuff, you know, not walking around feeling guilty, whether it be Catholic or Jew guilt, you know. Notice I go Catholic or Jew guilt. So there's a racism falling somewhere on that. You don't call it Cath guilt. No, Jew guilt. We hate ourselves.

Well, somebody else has to. What's the immediate solution? You can't rely on just all the world. We have to hate. We've got to do it ourselves. But I just think to shorten the window on the angst. So shorten the argument. Shorten the reason for it.

Say what you want to say. And then literally, I have a friend that always says this to me. He's a comedy writer. He's like, do a puzzle with a friend. know just do whatever you can do shiny objects in front of yourself change the subject for your mind before the rage locks go do something something play zelda do anything but when you lock in do you have that moment where like you know you feel the effect of what's being said or what's aggravated you and then it's just like a switch turns a switch turns in the bottom of the elevator drops out and there's no rescuing anybody right everybody everybody's getting taken in yeah

it's it's and we're wrong it's we are correct behavior but you can fix it okay well yeah i guarantee you you can fix it start with throwing out some of this shit in here i'm not even kidding my girlfriend wouldn't tolerate this yeah i like I like some of these things. Yeah. You know, you've got some nice things here. Yeah. What does that say? Is that a serenity prayer? That's a joke serenity prayer, yeah.

Oh, it's a senility prayer. Yeah, it's a... What is that? I don't know. Look at it. Go get it. I'm just going to tell you something. This is a copy of 1984 by George Orwell here. Cut in half.

No, 1984... Cut in half. It's cut in half it is yeah that's the funny look at it it's half the book it was done it was there that's why i have that a friend and i were building shelves and at that moment when he cut that book in half we laughed for like a half an hour i don't even know why that's really funny it was that book so if i had a good math mind which I do not, what is the exact half of 1984? Oh, 944. 942.

Uh-oh. No, 1984. No. Because 19. Oh, yeah. I'm going to do this. 850. 850.

There's five Asian guys listening to this that are already yelling at this right now. 950. That's Rickles' way of looking at it. $9.50 plus $9.94. Is that what you're going to stand by that? Yeah, you're right. So what you've got sitting on that shelf

right there is $9.92. You don't have $19.84. Now, if I'd have known that right off the bat, it wouldn't have made you laugh. It wouldn't have meant anything. But I wasted a good minute of this time that you can cut out but we were in such a good groove with the anger thing you said I gotta get rid of some of my baggage

you just have to move on quicker move on quicker because you're really funny and talented and why not enjoy your life and then you draw people in and you can make money doing it people need to laugh does it feel good when you hurt somebody? When you hurt somebody?

Yeah. No. All right. No, I feel really bad when I hurt somebody. While you're doing it or after? It never feels good. It feels like something, which is why we do it. Right.

We just want to feel something. That's right. We've had an effect. Yeah, and it usually destroys stuff. The only good thing about it is the resolve of it can be good. And I'm not just talking about... If you don't do it over and over again. I mean, if you really mean it.

And we do do it over again. But I'm not just talking about in a relationship where there's payback sex, you know. Yeah, sure. Makeup sex. But I'm talking about all relationships. I know there are relationships that's hard to believe that aren't sexual. Right. I don't really have it.

With women? With your mom.. I don't really have it. With women? With your mom, but I don't really have it. Mine's a hit or miss. My mom, that's when I hit her or I miss her. Yeah, yeah. But my mom, you know, that's been a lot, eternal trying to understand. There's nothing to forgive people that are who they are.

Yeah. I mean, I guess it's forgiven forgetting all that crap but i guess it was jesus who said i'll be here all week yeah and he was wrong he was disappointed a lot of people there was no second show yeah and then afterwards they spun that thing into a big big business yeah it's unbelievable terrific terrific well it's like kennison used to say i mean if he comes back you know he used to say um I mean, if he comes back, you know, he used to say, oh, yeah, if I was Jesus, I couldn't wait to come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember this sound?

I can name that song in three notes. Right? He's the only saver that can whistle through his head. Yeah, I'll be back as soon as I can play the piano again. He used to sit on for the comedy story with like a fifth of Jack. What was he drinking? Black Labels, Walker.

Jack Daniels or vodka. And he'd say to me, do you ever get depressed, Saget? And I went, yeah. I mean, it was 2 a.m. at the comedy story. And he said, you ever get depressed, you come see me. I'm like, yeah, that's going to solve it. Wait, is he funny?

And that's all, you know, truth is, what are the two things Jesus said? Is it the truth will set you free? Did he say that one? Someone said it. He also said, know thyself. Yeah, to thine own self be true. He didn't say know thyself? Yeah, same thing.

Well, not exactly the same. To thine own self be true. To thine own self be true means be honest to yourself. true he didn't say know thyself yeah same thing no well not not exactly the same to thy known self to thy known self be true means be honest to yourself know thyself means you know you get a good hour set and work on it yeah that's right you know your shit know your shit yeah be real be keep it real keep it real bro right on man so we're talking about what's the thing strange what strange days that's with bob Saget on A&E? Yeah, and that's coming up. More will be revealed about that.

More will be revealed, and it'll be in its own time. Yeah. And it's a really interesting show. It sounds funny and good. I hope so. It's kind of, it feels good to me. We've worked a lot on it. We're still editing it.

All right, and then you're touring from, when's that start? It would be all fall through January, maybe February. September? I'm not sure. Yep. October, November. And you got your shit together? You got your hour? What are you going to do? Like an hour? I have a new hour that I've been working on. Who's opening for you? I use different people. Yeah, like who? I just had James Smith,

Ryan Stout. I know that name. I like Ryan Stout a lot. He's very funny. Where's he from? He is from... Where is he from? He is from... Where is he from? We don't usually talk because we're just having sex. Sure. Once the show ends.

Yeah, yeah. You put the gag in. Yeah. A lot of that. Uh-huh. Okay. I plug all of his holes. That's good.

One with your dick and then the other one... No, I don't use my dick. Oh, you don't? No, it's all with alcohol dip rags. Well, if you're're gonna set someone on fire yeah you just wave the lighter around what's the matter opener why did you want to sell my merch the opener didn't go out and sell my merch this is what you get this is why i didn't write another 20 and then um the other guy that I like a lot is Mike Young

take Mike out solid solid guy very solid and good heart upbeat energy yeah

he's got a really good heart he has such a good heart I almost thought he was Christian-y yeah and he's a Jewish guy is he? he does not look like a Jewish guy

no and he's a boxer his upbringing is he kind of just was a survival guy from Detroit great family nice guy am I thinking of just was a survival guy uh-huh from detroit great family nice guy like am i thinking of the white guy yeah yeah he has all the ideals in his eyes of a young

of a young kid yeah for a 40 year old that's not that's not a bad thing to have well that's how you meet uh younger people all right bob thanks for talking thank you for having me the truth of it is you look better than you ever looked i yeah thank god you have more positiveness than you ever had well i think that that there was a genuine sense of self-esteem and validation that happened because of this yeah you know like whatever the hell i was missing just from putting all the work in happened it doesn't happen for everybody that's the weird thing about comedy. And if you have a kind heart, you don't respond to it like I did when I wasn't doing fully connected work. I was hosting a video where people got hit in the nuts

and it was on video. That helps the id. The id is very good evening and welcome to America's idiot id videos. Idiot id videos. Yeah, the id is an idiot. But isn't that interesting, though, that even though you made a fortune It was idiot id videos. Idiot id videos. Yeah, it is an idiot. So that's... But isn't that interesting, though, that even though you made a fortune doing that and you were doing all that stuff, that it's not that satisfying.

It was unsatisfying. But what was satisfying was I provided, as people say, a very nice house. Yeah. I mean, this is where I was when you started your podcast. Yes, you were sitting right there. And I haven't been here since. Yeah. And you have one person and you don't go back, do you?

Not usually. I don't know. It's so smart. It's so cool. Yeah, I mean, I think there are some people that I think can be revisited because their lives have changed so dramatically, but usually I don't. Sometimes I'll do on live ones, but if a friend wants to sell a book. And it's about death and comedy.

Well, the interesting thing about you is when we talked the last time a couple years ago, we talked about your sister and your involvement with charities. And you still have this. The interesting thing to me is that you have these things hanging over you. America's Funniest Home Videos and the other show. I run from them all day. They're just floating above me. It's some bad CGI thing.

I know, but there was some conscious decision that when you knew that people followed you from that and the, what was the other one called? Full House. That's cursing to me to say the name of that show. Right. By the way, I have love for both of them. So that's a weird.

No, I get it. That's a lot of therapy also. But there was a time after you made your money and you were out of the woods on those things where you went on stage And just set to Re-establish You know

Bob Saget is Bob Saget It's like I'm glad you liked that guy But you were wrong But here's his reaction To that guy Yeah Yeah exactly

But what I would have loved To have seen you Do a job That you would go Should I take this And someone said Just take it

And you would have Wound up on something Maybe you would have Hosted something Right I mean Tosh Has an edge to him and he hasn't really lost himself and he defines that show anyway exactly he redefined how a contemporary person that's a comedian that's smart right does a blooper show right mine was seven o'clock on a sunday night on abc for for for grown-ups with morals for i think i say for grown-ups with morons living in their home.

But it is morals because you cut before the old person hits the cement. You know, they always cut before that horrible. You never say who died in these videos. It's no Zubruder footage. They get out. And then they cut to the audience and their head snapping back. And it's not something I would do now but it's i there do you have regrets do you have any regrets before you started this podcast before your life changed i think i did at some point

because you know i felt like i missed opportunities but as i get older i realized now that i clearly wasn't ready for those opportunities uh and i and the ones i pursued and i got i don't think i was a full person as a comic or as a human until recently. And that's just the timeline of life. That's right. Because some people are really lucky. And at 23, they have a wisdom and you go, holy fuck, how did they get that? Or an actualized talent.

They know what to do with their talent. But then being able to be a human and have all that talent can be very complex. And then you can still self-destruct. It's tricky. But you have so much inner intelligence anyway, you could have had it, but probably, my guess would be, be miserable throughout it.

But like when I hosted my first TV show on Comedy Central, I was hosting Short Attention Span Theater, the last version of it, and I hated every minute of it, but I learned skills that I would never, but I was completely uncomfortable because it's like,

this isn't what I do. Hey, we're back. You know, like, this fucking blows. This next clip is funny. I had my MFA in that. Hey, you know how kids go to parties sometimes and they learn to speak? Yeah.

Let's watch that. As soon as you go to the camera, the camera goes up, you're like, oh, what the fuck am I doing? They have footage of me doing that. Oh, really? Yeah, they have footage of me like naked gun. It's in the book actually i walked into the bathroom it's i think it's a chapter things i shouldn't have done it's very much like when leslie nielsen was uh you know drop the mic in the toilet yeah i went into the bathroom after america's funny some videos

shooting and i just went in during it yeah and i went this is the worst fucking audience and the guy next to me yeah man what is it i is it? I go, I don't know. You know, sometimes it happens. And I walked back into the studio and a young girl said, we heard everything you just said. Because your mic was on? Yeah, but I told the guy to turn the mic off. And it turns out they had the monitors on. Oh, okay. So just the audience monitors.

And then my retort to her was, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We say that every show. Yeah. Because that's our thing. You know, that's just love. Sorry about the cursing, ladies and gentlemen. Did you walk out and see just a room full of shocked faces it was uh they don't even listen i think they're all numb when they get there they waited so long to get in there yeah and it's almost i barely remember that that even happened because my life

is so different now i didn't realize that this was your first book dirty daddy the chronicles of a family man turned filthy comedian this is the first one there is there was your first book, Dirty Daddy, The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian. This is the first one. There is. There was a picture book. It is. I did a picture book, I don't know, 25 years ago with Tony Hendra. Oh, from National Lampoon?

Yeah, called Tales from the Crib, and it was just pictures of kids and captions. I don't think that's a book. Is it still around? I don't think so. It's one of those things where I have all the copies. What drove you to write this? I mean, what was it like?

Because, you know, you're doing okay. You probably got time on your hands. Did you just say, like, there's shit I got to talk about? What's interesting, it really came out of show business. There were agents. I had former agents that had left. They had an idea for a book. I didn't like it.

So it was gimmicky. It was sticky. And then I went to different agents, and they said, people really want kind of a memoirs comedy book out of you. I said, well, that's going to be all about death, because I lost two sisters. I lost four uncles. Everybody was really young when they died. And I wrote like 13,000 words.

I gave it to my agents, and then I got six offers. I met with everybody in New York. It was really nice. It was where you go there, and everybody goes, we want to be in business. Bidding war. Yeah, which it's nice to have. Yeah. And I chose a guy I really liked, and we're living together now.

That's very, congratulations. Great, great. Are you getting married? I don't know. We've got this inflatable calf that we both share, and we have sex with it. That's nice. But we don't make eye contact. Is that in the book or is that the next book? No'm just telling you okay thanks just for you i wanted something special

this for this but it's i don't know about a next book i i'm literally like my hand i was like adaptation for me writing it's crazy right it's a 48 hour day you know you go hanging over you too you're like you're supposed to do four they said you're gonna write this i went of course yeah yeah you know for how you gonna do it oh four hours a day i called a couple writer friends that are legitimate writers exactly but these are like smart real smart job super smart lady they do it for a living they sit there they have their back arts they got support they got carpal tunnel machines it's almost like they're stephen hawking they got every contraption so that nothing hurts on them yeah they get massage teed up i'm like oh my, I'm just taking Excedrin.

What medication's in the house? How am I going to stay up and not get addicted to anything? I can't drink. You can't do anything. You have coffee, but then your emotional side's shut down. So then you just, oh, we'll just churn it out. And then, because I forgot to write four hours a day for a couple months. Oh, sure.

And you're just looking at blank pages, too. You stare there, and then you go to another environment. Yeah, and then you jerk off. I did that. You couldn't even read my screen. I mean, it just looked like it was just gooping down. It looked like the beginning of a James Bond movie. That's something, but you can't sell that.

You can't send that to the editor. You can. You can these days. It depends on what company you're with. There are companies that would go, you got a screen full of goo. I want your book. Saget goo. I want your monitor yeah

but i uh i really started to love what i was writing and but i was outlined by this guy i wrote the whole thing you wrote the whole thing of your both but there is it's weird it's there there is this weird um element of discovery when you write that you can't have when you think or when you talk because you have a little more control and you start pumping things out and you're like wow that's pretty huh and it's not it's not a screenplay no and it's not anything from the heart yep yep and it's it's a diary combined with a stand-up idea but it's not right well well if you're talking about this it's this exactly and if you're talking about death and you're talking about heavy things and you're talking about these elements of your family and you're also

pacing it out with show business stories with with people that everyone knows, so you've got a personal story. And you want it to have laughs. So I put laughs on every page, and I also found that it made me go, why isn't my stand-up like this? Because it's so conversational, and yet it had observations about relationships, about just how I look at the word fame. I just look at celebrity. Just look at people. Look at why people are cruel to each other. How do you look at the word fame. I just look at celebrity. Just look at people.

Look at why people are cruel to each other. How do you look at the word fame? Well, I really hate, I think celebrity is the C word. I think that is the worst thing that our culture, you've been places where you'll hear someone, a showbiz thing where someone say, well, how about celebrities over here? And it's like, it's just people ingrandize that.

Yeah, you're like a product people ingrandize that yeah it's just like a product here's our here's our new line i mean they make famous people that don't have any talent people it's worse than it's ever been which has all done one giant talent show where everybody wants to be famous they don't want nobody wants to do anything right well there's a lot of uh there's a lot of channels to be filled on both the internet and the tv there's there's there's more opportunity for people with no talent to be doing something and then it's it's an and there are more people and there's more and they're just unbelievably untalented yeah it's and i can't watch that much you were we were talking before we started this that you don't watch very much i don't i don't know where people have time i know i don't either i go would you watch that

my favorite show you know you got to see it when did you harrelson and, my favorite show. You know, you've got to see it. When did you watch it? Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. You've got to watch it. It's only eight episodes. Oh, here's House of Cards. I have the whole, all of it. You've just got to download it on Netflix. I'm like, I really would like to, but I really got to write. Yeah, you get no time.

So what did you come up with, though? Because I talk to people about death all the time, because I think when I turned 50, I was in denial about certain things. And now that I'm about halfway into 50, it's sort of looming in my mind uh you have a fear of it I don't I I have a fear of the transition I know that you know I know that it's going to happen I think that if I really think about it the the the difference between being and not being is is a little a little daunting me. I don't know if I'm terrified. I imagine, I guess I just hope it happens quickly. I hope that for you also.

Well, thank you, Bob. Maybe we should just shoot each other. Right at the end of this. No, no. Let's wait a couple years. Okay. I mean, you're doing really well. I want to see how the book does.

Yeah. I really had strong feelings about it because you went through a lot of metaphysical stuff in my 20s. I went to real woo-woo shit. I was married then, and I went to past life therapy. Really? Yeah. I sat there and kind of went, oh, I was a pharaoh when I was 14. How is that possible?

I just, who knows? That's when you were a pharaoh? They told you that? Well, then I started getting into drugs, so I was fine after that. So then that went away. Yeah. Any search. Yeah. started getting into drugs so i was fine after that so then that went away yeah any search yeah

and um i i my outlook now is to not be afraid of it i think that's i would say 80 of my life this is a stupid thing to say for a mortal but a mortal what am i i don't know i'm gonna be a witch next week uh is to not fear if If you cannot fear death, or just stop thinking about it for a while, which seems to be where you're kind of at, you can give some thoughtful moments to the things that actually mean something to you. Yeah, put it out there.

You know what I mean? Try to be, the output should be more good than bad. When you're on a plane, I read your tweets. Yeah. I know when you're suffering. I know that this, I mean, Twitter has changed since I saw you last time here.

It's changed everything. I know that there are people with smelly balls on your flight. I know that there's everything we all know about what we go through. I just want everyone to be involved. And the guy in front of you knows it sometimes. I had a guy next to me go,

you just talked about me on Twitter. Oh, really? Yeah, and I had to take it down while I was... This was like five years ago. Yeah, it was terrible. He was overweight, and he was pushing onto my hand rest, and he smelled like balls.

I have a problem when people smell like balls. Yeah, it's bad. Mine have been bad enough. I really try to not have that ball smell. Well, if the ball smell gets to the point where you're smelling it... If it's you? If it's yours and it smells foreign,

you need to go first. Maybe a checkup. I think surgery. Or if it's your breath. God, I smell balls. Oh my God, it's my breath. What does that mean? It means you had balls in your mouth.

That's right. So the fear of death was something that, that's not what the book's about, really. But you talk about real shit, but you also talk about, you know, hanging out with Rickles, hanging out with Dangerfield, coming up in the comedy scene.

Because I don't think people really, that everybody really realizes that you have this, you know, long and profound history in stand-up. That you were there. 37 years. Yeah, I mean, you were there at the beginning of the comedy story.

You started with all the guys and before on that first boom that yeah crazy one and you know before uh america's funniest home video or full house or everything else you had a very specific style that you still have that i think a lot of people you know may not know it's interesting when you say you know i want to do more you know long form thoughtful thing because it's like the exact opposite stand up i would just hit with all these things i take out the jokes were like i have the brain of a german shepherd and the body of a 16 year old boy and they're both in my car and i want you to see them and they had it was basically groucho combined with a run-on sentence of free association and there was no middle steps right

it was it was packed i needed to get i needed to get it done yeah yeah and i wanted to make them laugh as hard as like i still have that but now i do stories now i'm becoming more of a i guess a man right well maybe you have more to say i mean i think when you write jokes and you just write jokes for joke's sake you're not concerned about saying something you're concerned about the joke you want the joke to do well and then your stage persona is are is the guy likable or is he is he too handsome yeah yeah are his abs too good yeah yeah yeah well what was the most difficult thing for you to write about them and the most powerfully funny thing in there it's ironically the the suffering all the suffering there's a chapter called

surviving stand-up there's a chapter actually about full house because I had to write about it because I wrote a book. Yeah. The editors want to chat. It's a big part of your life. How long were you on that show? Eight years. How long were you on Funny Affiliate? Eight years.

See, that's the weird thing. They were simultaneous. That's a hell of a life investment because you have a life outside of that, but that's who you are. That's your gig. That's a long gig. And then it stopped, and then I just directed stuff. But it's not really a career thing. It's part memoir, but it's really about death and comedy and how they intersect.

That's what I set out to do. What was the hardest thing to write in there? The hardest chapter that I couldn't get through was the loss of two great women is the chapter. And I would say things throughout. And so one sister died at 34 of a brain aneurysm, and another one died of scleroderma, which is one of the things I love to be part of, the Scleroderma Research Foundation. I'm on the board. She was 47, and she had this rare disease.

So that was really hard to write because I don't ever want to relive any of it again. And I had to, in writing a memoir kind of thing, you do your life story a little bit. And I do it in moments. I was going to say spurts but that's about two-thirds through because it's a dirty book but but it was really hard because i didn't want to go through it again so i found myself missing them a lot and i went through the pain of their death which was untimely yeah and painful for both of them yeah uh and so that and then there was another chapter after that where um my ex-wife almost

died giving birth but that was the reason paul provenza came to my apartment yeah uh and that was the reason that the aristocrats ever happened because of a gallows humor i had i'm not not the reason the movie happened but the reason i was in it right and interviewed for it was um there was a gallows humor that was just built into my life that just came from how our family dealt with everybody dying. Yeah. I think with comedy in general that if you're wired that way, you're preemptively in sort of a survival mode to alleviate suffering or pain or the idea of rejection.

I mean, the tool of comedy. If you're funny and you hang that's that's the other thing i realized about when you hang around comics which we have our entire lives yeah it's i've figured out it's family to me but it's in a weird well it's amazing because you're always hanging around fucking brilliant people like even like even guys nobody knows it is so much better yeah and it's so quick and you. And there's nothing that's off limits. No, they know you and they go, and then you say things, you're like, I don't think you should say that.

But so in a way, this thing saved our lives. It saved our sanity. The comedians have saved my life over and over again. It's just about comedy. It's called Dirty Daddy. So the people I had to get it to was my ex-wife, my three kids. And I've gotten approval. They're very proud of me.

It's important to get them to sign off on it. Not even kidding. Yeah. No, I know. I mean, it's Dirty Daddy. And I'm doing all these signing things. I got the 92nd Street Y. I'm doing one in LA.

I've gone to Chicago and San Francisco and got all these little events. And I don't want any hard feelings out there with anybody that I'm related to directly. Yeah, well, that's good. I wasn't as cautious with my book, but me and my dad will be okay, maybe. Do you want me to talk to him? Yeah, maybe.

I don't know if it'll work. I have a hard time with it. Maybe you'll have an easier time. I'll call him when we're done. Well, thanks, Bob. And good luck with it, man. I hope it sells well. Thank you.

It's nice to see you here. Nice to see you. What's going on with you, man? Well, things are good. You seem good. Are you high? No. I'm a little tired. I've been working hard. I've been doing post on a movie that I finished. The one that I turned down? Yeah,

actually. I'm sorry. Because you were overly busy. Yeah. And it worked out really well because at first Kevin Pollak wasn't available and then he became available. So you were the spot. You were the first choice, weren't the first choice, were the first choice. However, it makes you feel better with your ego right now. Doesn't matter.

You got Pollak to do it? Yeah. And he was great. Yeah. He's a good actor. He's a really good actor. And Marilyn Rice Cub. Oh, yeah. She's good. She's great. And Rob Corddry. Oh,? Yeah, and he was great. Yeah, he's a good actor. He's a really good actor, and Marilyn Rice Cub. Oh, yeah, she's good.

She's great, and Rob Corddry. Oh, yeah. He was funny as shit. Yeah. And it's called Benjamin, and it'll be out in 2018. What's it about? It's about this kid, my son. I directed it and acted in it.

You did? I did, and I played a troubled, messed up suburbanite, kind of like if the guy on The Full House show had like four dimensions, not two, and kind of just loses it. But it's about your son? It's about my son. We think he's on crystal meth. Oh, not your real son.

You don't have a real son. No, I got three daughters. And they're all girls. I'm positive of that. You're sure? Yeah, because we took them to the right doctors. And they said yes. We did DNA checks.

Unfortunately, they're mine. Their Adam's apple hangs down to their knees. But not their balls. No, their balls are very tiny and checks. Unfortunately, they're mine. Their Adam's apple hangs down to their knees. But not their balls. No, their balls are very tiny and hidden. You can't find them. It's like Carmen Santiago looking for their balls. Do people know Carmen Santiago? I don't even know who Carmen Santiago is.

Well, that's where in the world is Carmen Santiago. Oh. I hosted SNL once. You did? Yeah, and they did a thing. It was a really funny sketch. It's called Where in the World is San Diego, California? And people would buzz in, three contestants, and they were trying to guess.

Nobody could find it. That's how stupid we were then, but we have doubled down. Sure, we have. Boy, have we. Tripled down. We're so fucking dumb. So Benjamin. Benjamin.

So it is a movie that was written by, seven years I've been attached to this movie, and we only had 15 days to shoot it, and crazy low budge, and you know that world. It's hard. Running gun running gun uh-huh everything and uh joshua turek who wrote it did a great job he held on for seven years with us nicholas tabarik is the producer and he's made a bunch of movies and uh this was one of his faves and i was passionate about it because it's a statement about how the parents are why our our young people are where they're at in a lot of cases. And how families are. Even if it's just because of negligence. And it is that.

You're right on what the movie's about. I didn't even have to make it. You already know what it's about. What's the kid up to? I don't know. The kid is, right. Is he in his room? I don't know.

But when he comes home, we're going to have an intervention. Yeah, we're going to talk to him. So what happens is, and it's a good wrap out on it. It's a real short little byline. My girlfriend, played by Mary Lynn, posts a thing on Facebook to call an intervention. And that's not where you call an intervention. No, the cat's out of the bag. Yeah, it's not good.

So you ruin the surprise party. Not good. And the kid's mom's not around. Yeah. So we're trying to get her to come. Yeah. So who winds up coming is Sherry O'Terry and Dave Foley. And Rob Corddry is the family's.

So it's a hilarious intervention. It's a dark comedy though, because it is, it is not hilarious. It's not wacky. It, it's weird is what it is. Cause we go between,

I go between, and it was written that way to go between really funny and then really serious. Yeah. And Rob Corddry is a family gynecologist who's forced into leading the intervention because he's a medical person. So the movie's coming out in 2018. Yeah, so I would say any time, we're thinking around May,

but it might be a little before, but you'll be seeing Benjamin posters, and I'll be out doing my whore-like preaching. Because I'm very, very proud of it. My character is a bit of a conundrum. He's nuts. Do you really do some acting? I did.

And we'll see if people like it or not. And I've been loving acting. I did a Broadway play that I got to do, Hand to God, not long ago, a couple years ago. And that was this Tony-nominated great play that you would have loved. It's dark as shit. I didn't see it. Really smart. I played a Lutheran pastor trying to help a young

boy who had a puppet of Satan on his hand. So he was, Stephen Boyer, this brilliant actor, was fighting his own hand. Yeah. And it was the devil trying to kill him. And I was trying to exercise the devil out of him. But it was a comedy written by Robert Askin. So just this real special thing. How do you exercise it?

Can't you just take the puppet off his hand? Well, I don't want to buzzkill, spoiler alert, because they are doing it around the country. Okay. But it's a violent play. Okay. It's a dark, violent play. I'm going to catch his hand off. No, I don't want to say it.

I'm not. And I wouldn't say a whole hand is gone. Okay, okay. Could just be a fragment. Could be none. Could be a nail, a cuticle. Could not at all. He could have a full on hand.

That's right. Could never have any problem. But do you have a special on or something? I do. I do. You're so nice because you slide into this shit and it is one of the things you load the most. What? Well, you like to promote people that you like.

I like you. I like you. I'm sorry I don't have the special. I didn't get to watch it. I wish you had. I thought you wanted me in because you saw it and you liked it. Really? No, I thought you liked me. I didn't think you saw it. I wish you had. I thought you wanted me in because you saw it and you liked it. Really? No, I thought you liked me. I didn't think you saw it. I crammed yours. I crammed yours.

But is it on? No, I'm saying I crammed it. I said I shoved it up my ass. Oh, that's interesting. See, that's what I- How do you do that with a special? You just shove it up your fucking ass. See, that's what I do to comedy that you won't.

You just open your ass in front of the TV? Fuck yeah. Okay. And you can get it in CD or DVD or LP. Oh, so you actually got it on a hard copy and you shoved it in your ass. You didn't watch it on Netflix like everybody else? I didn't want to stream it into my ass. I like to stream out of my ass.

I got it. My woman, who is amazing. She's not my woman. She's my equal. She's my final. I guess it's the first place i'm announcing this that i am uh i am engaged congratulations yes i wish i could push a button and a glass would break or do you see yourself ever doing that what pushing buttons no getting married again yeah why well let me why why why are you lady but she's

she's amazing and it just felt right and i don't know i just felt right so i don't know and it's been a long time i haven't been married uh since 1941 before you were born yeah that's tremendous yeah my dna you've been married twice i've been married once oh so it's oh really so i'm divorced 22 years with three dogs so you just you you took you a long time to get over it and i went to go out i went through many you actually had me on here to plug my book dirty daddy and it talks about all the relationships i had that didn't stick right uh and and then and you've gone through similar stuff i've been through through a few, but I don't have kids. The kids must make everything okay. They're amazing.

I'm real fortunate. Yeah, the mother is a nice lady and not some unstable. Nice lady, and she wants to take care of the kids as much as I do. Right, and she knew that you were, she probably overcompensated for the fact know, the fact that you're you. And we met when we were 17. Oh. So.

Well, that was, oh, you locked in. Yeah. I locked in. Actually, I couldn't get out. It was like a toggle bolt. Uh-huh. Because the head of my unit is that big. It's literally like a toggle bolt.

I know you do a lot of home repair because I looked around before we came back here. And it, you know how you put the hole, you go in the hole and then. Turn it. Bam. It just opens up. Yeah. You can't pull it out. No. So that happened.

And so we were together for 14 years because of that situation. Three kids. Right. My fiance is going to love that bit. Oh, yeah. It's not a bit. She's going to want you to open the toggle in hers. Oh, my God. Where's my toggle?

Well, they have new ones now. They have the ones that you just screw in and you just put the screw in. You don't have to do anything. Nobody gets hurt. No, that's great. They make them out of soft that you just screw in and you just put the screw in. You don't have to do anything. Nobody gets hurt. Oh, that's great. They make them out of soft rubber like my future neck will be when I have that done. But okay, so what's the age difference? It's supposed to be half my age plus seven.

That's what I did. So she's 38. I'm 61. Are you 61? I am. My special is zero to 60, which is about me being zero and then turning and going to 60. And how long have you been with this girlfriend? Three years and change.

That's really good. The change is good. Always Jews bringing up change. Yeah. Yeah, because there could always be more, right? Well, because you don't need to use a credit card if you have change at the meter. So how long were you with this one that you engaged to? This one.

That just sounds like grabbing the pussy kind of talk. Does it? It didn't used to. That's what's fucked. What do you mean? That's something that'll lie. No, I'm not accusing you. My mother would say that.

My mother would say that. I have all these- How long have you been with that one? This one. Yeah, but your mother would also say, my parents said racial stuff because I lived in Norfolk, Virginia. So they would say stuff that I would go like, who the fuck are you people? And they didn't mean anything.

What do you mean racial stuff about women you were dating? No, no, no. Like in 1960. The blacks? Yes. In 1960, they never said that. And they looked at people as equal. But they would slip up with words that disturbed me a great deal.

And so in 1960, I'm on a... That sometimes came up, or the girl is coming in on Thursday. And that's like... That's a different idea, but you know, it's like... It's a different... You could say it's a different time, but the truth is the time shouldn't have been.

I was on a ferry boat from Norfolk, Virginia to Richmond, Virginia, and now the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel is there, and there were bathrooms for coloreds and whites. And I went into the colored bathroom because I wanted to go to the bathroom, and I was four, and my dad said, no, that's for people that aren't white.

And I remember, I'll never forget, it's one of the earliest memories that I have that enraged me. I said, why does this exist? Why? I didn't say that. I said, why does this exist? Why? I didn't say that. I didn't know the word exist. Why is it this way?

And he kind of started to cry a little bit. It was really interesting. And then he held me and made out with me. Weird. It was so weird that he kissed me over something racial. But we were on a ferry. But it changes the story. It changes the story.

He didn't want you to have to deal with the heaviness of how society works. And what is mankind. That's right. And where are they going? And he just figured, I'm going to kiss this kid right on the mouth. And he'll forget. He'll forget everything but the kiss. Right.

And he didn't do anything else. He didn't hold me like a puppet. So I got this special. Yeah. I talk about what I was going to say to you that i wanted to say about it not not promo hallway but you were talking about your dad and you thought he was so smart and then you found out he's a fucking moron yeah right he's all right well my mom it's an exaggeration my mom my dad's taken a lot of hits your mom died two years ago and thanks um

and i really started to like her uh i hadn't really because she was so so much of a disciplinarian and the reason i would get out on stage and go cock shit fuck wasn't because i was on full house it was because i was told no right those are bad words right and i was like you know the seven words you can't say why can't i just say them but i didn't say them as a rim shot i said them i don't really use i don't add her you said that at your mother you were you were cock shit fucking before full house that's what i was but dice recently spoke to me on the phone he goes we got a tour together and by the way you stole my act i said what the fuck are you talking about he goes you didn't curse as much and you did it to change your image on Full House. I said, Andy, I didn't.

It just, it happened naturally. He was my comedy store friend, Andy. He would bring girls to his apartment and play his act on cassette tape and then try to- Fuck him? Yeah. I lived in his room in Cresthill, the room that he had. Very lucky man you are. That little room with its own bathroom.

You know that room? It's almost, yes. I don't know it. I've been by it. I never stayed there. But it's almost Midnight Express. Another reference. So you guys should tour together.

That's a great idea. I don't know. I'd have to go on before him. I'd have to listen to him. I mean, you also have his audience. Yeah, I don't know. I'm doing like, I don't do a lot of stuff to listen to he's funnier now than he's ever been i love him actually i just i just love him because he owns

who he is i do too i didn't i you know i didn't think about it much one way or the other but when i get to know him when i talk to him in here and now i see him around he's really like he's a thoughtful guy he's you know he's real thoughtful, and he's an original thinker, you know, and he's... And he's creative. Responsible guy, good father. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I... I agree.

Like, to hear him talk now without the, you know, the... What he used to do, you know, which is now he just, you know, he's an old dice. You know, he's talking about going to Staples. Yeah. I watch him... Yeah, and I just like... I can watch him talk about things. Well, that's the endearing part. And he was also raised by rodney in a lot of ways yeah rodney

liked him a lot and rodney's favorite was jim carrey that was rodney's favorite one to bring up i'm trying to get him in here i've actually been able to spend some time with him and and i just love the hell out of him jim yeah yeah he's he's actually it's interesting to see people that look at things from outside this stupid box that we're in. And he's on a journey and he's trying to figure stuff out. Yeah. Yeah. But not like when you talk about meditating and everything. I mean, it would be interesting for you to have him in here.

Yeah. Like really interesting. It would be. Yeah. You got to get him in here. So you were shit fuck cocking at your mother and your, what about your dad? My dad was really funny and just told me perverted shit my entire childhood. So the reason I am the comedian that I was, when I say this joke came from my dad, it's

either exactly verbatim or something that would have come from him. Yeah. And it was, we're in a restaurant and this was on my last special, but it was my dad and it was, it's just a joke. He opened the menu and said, tonight's specials are cake and cock and we're out of cake and that's just a joke and that's just telling you all they got is cock and i'm a kid i'm a i'm really young i hadn't even uh hit puberty so if that's your dad you know you're gonna be someone's gonna happen you're gonna be a comedian or and my mother would just say, stop it,

Bobby, stop it. So near the end. That's what she should have called you special. Stop it, Bobby. She actually said to me that she was going to come back as a dove. Yeah. And I said, please don't. And so that was like seven minutes of material of what would that be like if

your mother comes back as a dove? Well, it sounds great. And I do four songs at the end. Now, you probably... Oh, wait. That's what I want to do. Watch this. What?

But these... Like, I was influenced by Martin Mull. Sure. So I would go see Martin Mull at the main point in Philly. Yeah. Now, there were comedy songs, and nobody did comedy songs better than him. There were a couple of other people that were pretty amazing. He's still around, right?

He is. You talk to him? No, and I pretty amazing. He's still around, right? He is. You talk to him? No, and I want to. I mean, I'm stupid. I should. Let's see if Mitchell Walters emails back. He's a painter, and he's an actor. I mean, he's always acting and stuff.

He's just wonderful. But the last song that I wrote for the special is called, or I wrote for performing, is We've Got to Be Kind to Each Other. And it's kind of give peace a chance, but it's got laced with my R-rated whatever the fuck it is. Your filthy mouth. I call it that. It's not even, it says explicit.

Fucking dirty fucking mouth. I don't use fuck as a verb. I guess it's an adverb, or what would it be? If you go, that's fucking crazy. What would that be in the English language? I think an adjective, no? it's an adverb or what would it be if you go that's fucking crazy what would that be in the english language i think an adjective no that's an adjective wouldn't it i don't know does it is it a conjunctivitis term that's fucking crazy it feels like an adjective i fucked her fucking crazy that's a verb and you're double you're double purposing it well i don't even know if that's a real sentence it's also not acceptable anymore what so well we're fucking crazy well i was talking what does that mean i was talking to

my lady just last night literally that's what you said no i'm gonna fuck you fucking crazy no no first she said don't call me crazy but uh don't call me shirley but i i you can't call him crazy anymore well i can't do i can't well i wouldn't want to anyway now that i'm 61 i just want to be more specific on what the pathology is like you can't say she wouldn't want to anyway now that I'm 61 I just want to be more specific on what the pathology is like you can't say she was crazy you could say she had borderline personality disorder I felt bad but I couldn't take it anymore and that used to be like she's fucking crazy or she got out it's gonna get more like this or she had issues but they were probably my issues and I own my part in it yeah you know You know, it's- In other words, she was fucking crazy and you barely got out?

I had seven relationships in the past 20 years. Most of them were a couple years each. Every time I've walked in this door, you've said, what's up? And I would say, well, I got somebody and then I would- But this is the real thing because- This is the real thing because I'm locking it down. Put a ring on it. That's right.

I'm Beyonce-ing her. But she's great. She's just fucking great. And I've never had one. Well, I hope you don't get hurt. Thank you. Always look on the bright side of life. Eric Idle should be singing right now.

I did a line in the special that people... a line no not that kind but i did a line which is i i might it's gonna get people are gonna be annoyed at some of the things i say it's i legally you can only hope in hollywood it's supposed to be half your age plus seven but i was i was uh i forgot the half your age, so I was just doing seven. So that's too young. See, that's a pedophile joke. Can you do that anymore? I don't think so, but I did it in this special.

This new one? Yeah. And I also did a thing about Bill Cosby, and it is saying a character of myself. Because years ago, I took lewds in Cleveland. You ever taken lewds they were already gone by the time I was old enough to appreciate them you kids today I missed the lewds that mandrakes were around I did I don't know what they were they were post lewds I was doing full house in the video show so I G rated

what was left of my brain for a while yeah but then roofies I guess took over yeah no usually those are administered you don't take those on purpose right yeah the point of the thing is i took them i took lewds myself yeah so that i would not violate someone so that i would be unconscious i i literally will knock myself out so you don't know what happened no my butthole had a tinker toy in it though so it had to be a young person. Or a Lego. I'm not sure.

Tinker Toy is the reference. Tinker Toy with like one of those pieces at the end of it? Yeah, the square, and you could put a whole bunch of spokes. Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh, you remember a few things. Oh my God, I had a Tinker Toy up my ass. But it was a Christmas tree one.

So I know the time of year from that. Wasn't a car? Like a car? No, and you could make the car and the wheels turn. Yeah. And it always got, once it got crooked,

you were fucked. And it was wood. They were wood. Yeah. It was wood. Always had wood. Yeah. So you and I will never say wood

with the same meaning. No. Or head. No. But I don't always go there. That's what's different about. This special? Well, yeah.

I'm not, I can do one lines, but it's more stories and it's more i'm just because i'm a grown-up is what's happening and i didn't know unlike you with your netflix special you made your deal you knew you were doing it you knew the theater where did you shoot that by minneapolis gorgeous i loved it i love that theater yeah i think what we're what we're talking about here is that you know bobby you you're now able to go a little longer like when you when you're when you listen to yourself when you when now able to go a little longer like when you when you're when you listen

to yourself when you when i listen to you tell an emotional story i'm like all right listen to bob he's telling an emotional story it's touching how long will it take for him to throw a dick in it or something up your ass yeah like how long and i think it's gotten a little longer it's a little longer and that that is what happens growing up with age it takes longer to throw a dick in it if you love it you put a ring in it takes longer to throw a dick in it. If you love it, you put a ring in it, and then you throw a dick on it. Now, if you throw a dick across a room at a guy, and it goes all the way across the room, and it sticks to the middle of his head, he's a unicock. Now, the reason I said that was right when I thought of throwing a dick,

I thought of the word unicock, so I needed a dick, I thought of the word unicoc. So I needed to fill time till I said the word unicoc. You had to get there. I had to scat to it. But I didn't know. The difference between my special and your special is yours is good. And the other difference is I didn't know I was doing it. When you were doing it?

I did not know I was doing it at all. Did you go to a doctor? What are you talking about? You're not going to believe this. And you maybe would have said no. But I got an email on a plane on a Thursday. I was going to New York to do some television and do a couple of gigs.

This is a very specific memory. Well, this is one of the most important moments of my whole life. More important than my family. And I got an email, do you want to shoot your special Tuesday? What? And I went, where? do you want to shoot your special Tuesday? What? And I went, where?

And he said, Williamsburg Hall of Music in Brooklyn. And I went, I love that place. And that would make it kind of a medium, small to medium-sized place. My last one was at the Moore in Seattle. So this would be like, this would be intimate. Four days? I could talk to the audience, four days.

I said, okay, so somebody fell out. Are you shooting other ones? And he said, yeah, a couple other ones. I said, okay, so somebody fell out. Are you shooting other ones? And he said, yeah, a couple other ones. I said, it can't look anything like the same place. And he went, it won't. It won't. And they honored that. And I had the set deck.

People came in and did everything, the specifications. I'm on the plane literally designing the set on a six-hour flight. And the set I've been rolling for three years. And I've been doing 90 minutes everywhere. So it was like I put two shows together. I never have a person in my life, a girlfriend, my daughters, never have them at a show.

But once I did the first one, my daughters lived near there. I said, come to the second show. So you gave them like an hour notice? I just, yeah. But they knew, I had told them ahead that that might happen because do you have family members?

I don't have anybody. It's me and the, it's all about us. I don't let my girlfriend come. I go myself. It that that might happen. Because do you have family members? I don't have anybody. It's me and the audience. It's all about us. I don't have my girlfriend come. I go myself. It's us and them. Yeah, I go myself. I sit backstage.

Maybe I have one comic friend or one friend around. Well, this one you just took a piss. It was you and your dick. That's right. But who was backstage with it? No one was really there. Did anybody warm up the thing? Yeah, yeah.

Amber. Amber Preston. she's from the midwest oh cool um but yeah lynn shelton directed but like as far as like the dressing room like the last special i did my friend tom sharpling was there my friend sam lipsight right when i did carnegie hall nate bargetti he opened for me he hanging around but not a big scene no loved ones no no because it fucks with you because your relationship that with them is uh is exactly a relationship that's right and you don't want that in you no i you know you don't want to be you don't want to have the moment where you're like oh can i do this you know yeah there is this is

crazy right and i don't know if you get asked this but i do i i'm i'm going somewhere i'm on a plane or they see me somewhere i'm coming around the backstage entrance of some theater. Yeah. And somebody says, are you going to be funny tonight? Have you ever gotten that one? Yeah. My answer is, do you ask your pilot if he's going to get you to Cleveland? I see you're already talking to that person too much.

I see. That's why I need to talk to you. We need to see each other outside of this environment because you can actually help what's left of you. Wanted to go out on a high note. Thanks for talking, buddy buddy i love you bob saget rest in peace bob godspeed i loved you too really a great guy truly sad times Truly. Sad times.