WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - WTF Uncovered - Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: November 25, 2016

This limited series dives deep into the WTF Vault (aka a shoebox under producer Brendan McDonald's bed) to present lost Marc Maron material that has never been heard by anyone else. In this episode, hear an unaired test show Marc and Brendan created ten years ago for a nighttime variety program on Los Angeles radio, featuring Patton Oswalt as the guest and Jim Earl as Marc's sidekick. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com. Okay, folks. Well, this is our special Friday thing that we're going to be giving you every Friday through the year end. These are specials.

These are special episodes of things that you've never heard before. There's no way you could have heard the one I'm going to play for you today. There's no way because my producer sent me an email saying he had some stuff that no one's ever heard before. He found it in a box under his bed. Some stuff, some discs that represent me a decade ago. So I don't know exactly what they are. So I'm going to call Brendan McDonald right now and get the lowdown. now and uh and like get the uh get the lowdown on and and also to ask him why i'd like to know if i'm okay with whatever the hell this this stuff is so so let me uh let me call brendan

hello hey brendan hey man it's mark, all right. So I got the email. So what are these unheard bootleg recordings you have of me? Okay. Well, these are like, it really is no one other than maybe one other person who has ever heard this stuff. And I did not know that I had these. I'm serious about that. Like people might think that I'm just making that up. I did not know they existed.

Yeah. I thought that I had given them over to somebody, but I just found them in a shoebox, literally in a shoebox. They were discs from 2006. When you and I went out to L.A., you were heading back home after two years stint at air america right and and we were set up to do a show out in la uh for the local air america affiliate there ktlk we thought with a gig that was just going to be set up for us right yeah we thought we thought we were that was the uh that was the siia gig. That's like, yeah, you have a show. It's in the middle of the night.

Right. Preempted by Clippers games most of the time. Yeah, that was the worst where we were doing it live, but we had to wait for the basketball game to end. And we'd just be sitting there waiting to go on the air. But in order to get that show, i don't even know if you remember this yeah but i'm sure you remember that guy don martin who was the program director there horrible person yeah he hated you yeah hated hated me because of uh because of his love for stephanie miller yes you had uh you had uh you know kind of tried to do a little radio war with stephanie

miller yes you know trying to do what radio jocks do, and he did not take kindly to that. Stephanie didn't take kindly to that either, but you two have since made up. Yes, we have. Don and I are not good, though. I've not reached out to him. I've not heard from him. That's not surprising. But we thought we were going to go there.

We thought that the Air America people had set this up. We thought, okay, great, we're going out there to. We thought that the Air America people had set this up. We thought, okay, great, we're going out there to do this show on the Air America affiliate. Well, Don Martin wanted none of it. And in fact, not only did he make us kiss the ring, he made us create pilot shows to be heard only by him, where we had to basically put our best foot forward and and make a show right this guy could listen to yeah i i don't even know if you have a memory of this we went into the burbank studio for a couple of days and we recorded some interviews and comedy bits

and just general uh uh stuff that we like to put on the radio and presented it to Don Martin. And he is the only person who has ever heard these interviews, which when I listened to them, when I pulled them out of the box and listened to the CD, I was like, oh, this is like proto-WTS stuff. This is like Mark hanging around with comedians, trying to find his footing in a world that he no longer really knew what his place was.

And it basically is a precursor to what we did in 2009. Oh, so this is Radio Mark. It's Radio Mark. It's also Bitter Mark. So this one we're going to play today is you and Patton Oswalt. Patton was not even a huge household name or anything at the time, but he was known for being in King of Queens and a respected comic among people who were fans of comedy. But everyone will be able to hear that there is a little undercurrent of old Mark intruding on this conversation with Patton.

So this is what, 2006 or 7? It's over 10 years ago. It was the winter of 2006. As I recall, it was not inherently that political a show. No, I mean, there's some politics stuff that I'm not even going to bother including here because it's so dated and it doesn't even, like who even knows what you're talking about. But the stuff with the comedian friends that you brought in it really is a precursor uh to what you wound up doing twice a week um especially in the first year of WTF where

you were interviewing almost exclusively comics do you have other shit in that box I mean is there stuff that yes I do so so I figure for the next couple weeks we'll we'll hear some of this stuff okay from those old pilot shows and then i got to thinking like we have other stuff that people have never heard before no one has heard and why don't we just start releasing these things because um some of these things have not been heard uh for for reasons that are are not about them being bad there are other stories and other reasons behind people not having heard these things so we're just going to roll these out it's like the uncovered wts okay and uh and these are the ones that started 10 years ago over there in burbank in the like clear channel radio mill uh mostly surrounded by

conservative right-wing talkers and and and we we knew we had to like do a real thing because this guy could have very easily given us the thumbs down and said uh no thank you so this was the best you and i could do in 2006 that's right yeah if you remember we imaged the show the whole sound design of the show, we thought, well, this is going to be late night. Let's do like Artie Shaw music, like big band style intros and outros. And Jim Earl was your sidekick. He was like your Ed McMahon.

And we had him playing a small miniature guitar and doing his own theme songs for the show on the ins and outs. Oh, was that on there too? Yeah. Oh, great. All right all right well i'm excited to hear it all right man well enjoy and i hope everybody else likes it too all right i'll talk to you later okay all right now let me play that stuff for you it's gonna be exciting

live from burbank california the only sp only Spanish land grant Spain never wanted back. It's the Mark Maron Show! And now a nice guy, but he drives like a big Jew. Mark Maron! What does that even mean, Jim Earl? Little Jimmy Earl? What does that mean? You're a horrible driver.

I am not. I'm a genius driver. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening, geniuses, philosopher, kings and queens, working class heroes, progressive utopians with no sense of humor. Of course, you lurking conservatives. How are you out there? I'm very excited about tonight's show. Jim, a friend of ours, maybe you know him as well. You might know him from the Sierra Mist commercials. Patton Oswalt will be here in a few minutes. Some of you might know him. He's also a comic and he's done

some TV work. But the Sierra Miss commercial where his kilt blows up, I think that's what a lot of people don't know him for that either, but you say, you know that Sierra Miss commercial where the kilt blows up? And they're like, that guy's funny. I saw him. He also had some small parts in movies, but hopefully he's funny and he'll be here in a few minutes.

I love Patton. Of course he's the comedians of comedy tour and TV show and many other things. We'll talk to him in a second. Jim, I tried to call you earlier because we were going to be late coming to the studio because we were busy producing the show in my garage. Yeah. And I called you and I got your phone message.

And it's cute, but the really funny part is sort of surprising. You mind if we call your phone? Yeah, let's call it up on the phone. Let's call Jim's cell phone. We're calling your phone. It's off, right? We would have heard it. God, I'm a dummy.

I would have heard it if it was on, wouldn't I? You're very technical. That's stupid. I'm stupid. All right, wait, wait, wait. We've got to hear it pick up. How many rings do you put on it here before it picks up, Jim? I have no idea.

Ostentatious. This is compelling radio because it's built in. All right, here we go. Jim Earl! To page this person, press 5 now. You know what's funny about that? It's not you going, Jim

Earl! It's because of that tone, the woman afterwards saying, if you want to page this person, press 1. It actually sounded judgmental. Like, who the hell would want to page this person, press one actually sounded judgmental. Like, who the hell would want to page that person? She really gets the best beat on that one. You had no intention of that, did you?

No, I didn't. I don't understand what you're talking about either. All right. I think it works nicely, and it works well for my career. Okay. I want to do my... I don't need help. I'm all right

i just need assistance well hey let me i got another letter for god all right because i'm becoming a more spiritual person can i do it can i do it now sure i'm not gonna stop you god it's me mark quick question i've been kind of an a** on my life will i reap what i sow are all of my misdeeds going to come back at me? Is karma real? I didn't plan it like that. You humans created all these tricks to play on yourselves and each other to make you act better. You people have more power than you think.

If you believe you have it coming, it probably will. If you don't, it won't. It's all in your head, stupid human. I mean, Mark. That's your name, right? Mark? Gotta go.

This has been real interesting. Good stuff. Yeesh. Yeah, I don't, uh, I'm not always happy with my existential God. Is there another God up there that could talk to me? Uh, Mark, yeah, this is, uh, this is Jim God,

and, uh, you know, I was, I'm sorry, I was preoccupied. I'm calling up Jim Earl's message machine thing there. I love that. Yeah. He goes, Jim Earl! Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks, man. Thanks, God. It's really pretty. How about a Patton God? Patton? Yeah, you know, it's really interesting. There was a time that I was also worried about that I may have been an asset in my life and that stuff might come back to you. But I actually think that karma is just like the afterlife.

You go where you think you ought to go and you die. So you have come back to you what you think you ought to have come back to you. It's a little trick that I actually put into you guys that you think you're playing on yourselves but actually programmed in. You have a subconscious guilt that's going to feed back onto itself. You already know what's coming back because you know what you secretly want to have come back. You're all masochists. It's programmed into you. Wow, I just got nerd god.

Oh my god. Also, have you seen what Ed Brubaker's been doing on the new Captain America thing? Ever since he took that comic over, that whole winter soldier thing is ridiculous. Thank you, God. That was all very helpful. Thank you, gods. The Patton God scared me a little bit.

The nerd God got a little complicated. The nerd comic God. But of course you're talking about a guy who in one of his early punchlines was very clear about the Gordian Knot reference. Oh yeah, I remember that. The Gordian Knot. Wow, I remember that. The Gordian knot.

Wow, I love that. That's a good one. So I'm going to talk to Patton Oswalt in just a second. You might know him. He plays the couch on King of Queens. And also he's in the Sierra Mist commercials where his kilt blows up. And we're going to talk about guns. Patton Oswalt coming up next. And now, back to a man obsessed with Marion Davies Clitoris.

Mark Maron! Hey, hey, who even knows what that is? It's Rosebud. Yeah yeah patten's waving his hand at patten oswald's already in the house a dear friend of mine actually i think we are dear friends although uh you know we don't talk much and uh i resent him i i think that uh really over the years we met many years ago we both coincidentally moved to san francisco schisco schisco yes he moved to san francisco i of course moved to san Francisco. Skisco? Skisco. Yeah, Skisco. He moved to San Francisco. I, of course, moved to San Francisco, which was the part where it took me.

It's the part of town where it takes longer to get famous. But he's one of the comedians of comedy. He's on that tour. He's on that TV show. You've seen him on The King of Queens. He has several CDs out. He's a big bit player in many movies. And, of course, the Sierra Mist commercial the very funny pat nozzle hi how are you good you look well you look

rested and i haven't seen you in a while you have new glasses i have new glasses do you remember we always did that thing where it's sort of what kind of yours are yours titanium let me see right and we are taking my bend them and you know you're the first guy that had the titanium and you're like look at this look just in case your head bends. Exactly. Yeah, right. Yeah. In case you're suddenly hit with eight G-forces, your glasses will be fine for some reason.

So we were talking about guns earlier, because I know you've got some dough. You're doing all right for yourself. You live down the street from here. You've got a swimming pool and a gas grill in your backyard. I swear to God, people bring up that I have a swimming pool. That's a sign of success in Hollywood. Okay, I'll be honest. But that's such a Beverly Hillbilly 60s.

The electrician that lives across the street from me has a pool. Having a pool is not that big a deal anymore. This guy's got a color TV of his own in his house. Isn't it crazy? I go to his house. See, I swear to God, the Law & Order guy, that Sam Walterson's pink. This guy's loaded. You do have one of those really nice TVs, too.

Oh, I do. That's a good one. Is that the high D? That's a huge high definition. And I got that as a gift, though, for doing a rerun in a movie. I just had my first experience with high definition TV. I did the Conan show like a couple weeks ago. And I'm watching.

They got one out now where the writers watch their jokes work or not work. And I'm looking at Conan, and I'm like, oh my God, the makeup industry has got to catch up with this technology. Well, that's the thing that I learned the hard way on King of Queens is you have now got to put on double the makeup that you normally wear when you go on TV for the high

def stuff, because you will look like a mole man that they captured and shaved and put in front of the camera. Exactly. It's not like that Conan's necessarily unattractive, but you can see what they're trying to cover. It's not, they no longer serve its purpose. Here's a fun thing to do if you have a high deaf TV.

Watch A Few Good Men. Yeah. Because in the early 90s, there was this technique they were trying that they've long since stopped doing this, where they would put your makeup on. But then starting from here under, they will put really dark makeup on. Right. To give you a cut on your chin. Why am I pointing like you can see? Like when you start to get your waddle like I have now, they will put really dark makeup

on. So watch Jack Nicholson in that movie on a high-def TV. It looks like he is a mime. Like there's the light makeup and then there's this dark, obvious, dark brown thing they put there to give him a cut on his chin. That's interesting. And it's so obvious when you watch it high def. It's a little unnerving. Even stuff that wasn't shot necessarily in high def resonates even clearer.

Because it was any – light through celluloid is the most clear thing you can have. So light through celluloid is – Oh, so it just does it on its own. Exactly. Oh, so it just does it on its own. Exactly. Oh, my God. So when you watch these early 90 movies with guys who are getting a little older, you see this stupid technique they were doing, and then they realize, oh, we can't do this anymore because-

So now, all right. So I guess my point was is that, I was being snide, but I don't mean to be snide, is that you do have a life. You've got a house. Have you had a discussion about protecting the house? I'm sure you have an alarm system. Yes, we have an alarm system. Here's the thing. People that are against guns and people that are for guns, both cannot admit a very, very basic thing about guns. And it's why they are both for and against them. Guns are so goddamn cool. They are so goddamn cool. If you're into guns,

people that are into guns will just go, oh no, it's my right to have, they never say, no, having a gun is, you ever held a gun? It is awesome. Solid. And people who are against guns are like, guys, it's because they're small penises,

they're terrified. They don't want to admit that, I mean, I did a movie two weeks ago and I had to fire an Uzi one-handed. It was one of the greatest things I think I've ever done in my life. I was purposely blowing takes so they could reload it with blanks. It's a comedy, right? It was a comedy.

Okay. But I was shooting an Uzi one-handed as they're chasing a golf cart. It was the greatest thing I've ever. So they put blanks in it, but you still get the same resonance? Oh, my God, yeah. And they even say blanks are not blanks. It fires a heat charge, and if you point at someone, you'll kill people. Well, my wife has been taking shooting lessons.

She's been going to a range. I'm not sure of the name of the place, but her friend is taking her, and she's signed up. And she wants to—you would be thrilled—well, not thrilled, but you'd be interested in this. Her grandfather was this guy, Chick Gaylord, who wrote a book called The Handgunner's Manual. He was like this famous guy. He used to show up on What's My Line. He was the fastest draw in the world at one time. Wow.

But he was this weird little guy that made holsters in a closet-sized shop in Hell's Kitchen. And he got this reputation with cops and stuff. And he had all these techniques. And he invented the ankle holster. Sweet. So now she's got this in her jeans or something but i agree with you is that there's something about holding a gun where you're like oh my god i'm peeing it is awesome it really is but i mean if you can just admit that then you can get beyond it and actually have the real argument of now do we actually because yeah i believe it's a death magnet though i really believe oh no it is

it's a death magnet especially because when you own a gun, your whole life can go to crap. But a gun is this beautifully made, sweated over, worried over, precision, almost surgical steel instrument. And there's something so final about it, something so non-argumentative about a gun. It's just a gun is a gun. It's beautiful made. It's handcrafted. It's going to end up in the hands of the guy that just broke into your house. Exactly.

That's the other thing people say about guns is people, when you actually point a gun at someone, you freak out. You're like, oh my God, I'm going to go to jail for killing someone. But like, let's say your life is falling apart. So your marriage is falling apart and she doesn't quite know. And everyone at work hates you and they don't really, won't really say why. And your career is not really working out. It's all for these vague, vague, vague reasons. I get it i get it i get i know where i'm at but a gun

is not vague the gun is the one thing that's like i will never be vague on you yeah if you pointed at your head i promise i'll kill you if you put me away i promise i won't kill you there's no middle ground with a gun and there's something kind of weirdly comforting about that yeah you pull this there will be closure yeah Yeah, exactly. Of some kind. Something will happen. There will be a connection made. Yeah, with your career, you can show up tomorrow. Maybe it'll take a right turn into something good.

Maybe it won't. There's no, I'll pull the trigger and maybe a pound cake will come out. No, a bullet will come out and kill you. It's the same every single time. I remember one time my dad became sort of obsessed with guns. And, you know, my dad's kind of manic depressive. And it was very funny. See, he shouldn't have guns then.

Right. But there was a period in his life where he actually had a.38, a Saturday night special in his glove compartment, and a bottle of second off. Because he didn't know what he was going to have to do. That's true. But I had the opportunity to go out and shoot guns there was a one time where my brother went over to we went over to his house me and my brother my brother and i craig went to his visit his house when he's living in arizona and we walk in my dad's literally on his bed with seven or eight guns just sitting there going look at these i'm like oh man what's

happened to my father but it is interesting so. So you've shot. Oh, yeah. There's a place right here in Burbank, right up on Victory. I don't know if I can say the name. Can I? It's called the Firing Line. It's Saturday morning. They open at 10. But if you show up at like 8.45, starting at 9, and you just got to know about it, you show up right before 9 o'clock, and they will let people in and give you a free three-hour

gun clinic, and they'll teach you how to shoot guns. Well, I think it's like $60. That's what my wife did. That's what she did. They have coffee and donuts for you. You drink coffee and donuts and shoot guns all morning, and it is so totally awesome. And again, guns are like rock music. It's all about topping each other.

I remember when the.44 Magnum was the most powerful handgun in the world. Then there's this company called Kasul. I know I'm mispronouncing it. They came out with the.455, which is more powerful. And then Smith & Wesson, like a bunch of snotty teenagers, came out with the.50 caliber handheld magnum just to go, bleh, we're the biggest now. And you know that a.51 will come out in a year.

You know what I mean? It's all just like rock guys just fighting with each other. And then the promo is like, this gun will take your arm off when you shoot it. Yeah. It's like, you know, you shoot it once and you're like,

your arm flies back. You will die using this gun. It'll kill you first. And then whoever you put it on. Well, we're going to go shooting and we're going to talk to Pat and a little more. We're going to see what he's doing. We're talking about the comedians of comedy and what that means.

Take us out, Jim. Mark Barrett show. Mark Maron Show! Mark Maron Show! Mark Maron Show! On the radio! Good God almighty! Mark Maron Show!

Yeah! And now back to the next host of Dancing with the Stars, Mark Maron. Thank you, Jim. We're here with Patton Oswalt, and we were just on the break talking a little bit more about guns and how enchanting they are and how deadly they are. If you want to hear that conversation, you can go to the website, markmaron.com. So, Patton, you just said you were doing a movie. Now, as I get older, I've grown capable of actually being happy for my friends,

though it's hard sometimes. The Comedians of Comedy Tour goes on. It goes on, even though we did our first season on Comedy Central because we did the movie. This is so convoluted. They liked the movie. They bought the TV series. They did six episodes. It did really well, and then they didn't pick it up.

Okay. So we are now, we're doing the tour anyway because the tour is just fun to do. And then we're going to shop around to other networks, which is such a lame thing to do. I hate going out hat in hand, but I guess you got it. I mean, if Arrested Development can do it,

I can. What is the nature of, the comedians of comedy are, it's sort of a tongue in cheek thing because I know there are two, I come from the same school of comedy that you do. We believe that there are two worlds of comedy out same school of comedy that you do we believe that

there are two worlds of comedy out there well you used to talk about this one is dying though yeah thank god I think that I'm just so sick of

the blank of comedy or I'm a blank comedian I'm a gay comedian I'm a black comedian just there's comedians and there's funny comedians and not funny comedians and I think that

there's room for everyone so I so wanted to make fun of the there are two things there are two trends Iians. And I think that there's room for everyone. So I so wanted to make fun of the – there are two things. There are two trends I hate in comedy right now. That compartmentalizing thing. Sure. And then also that whole thing that came about with Last Comic Standing, which was you have got one shot. Your career comes down to this five-minute set.

And if you blow it, that's it. And it's so – like that, like, that was that mentality. Remember in the early 80s where you go on Carson and you got your five minutes and he either waves you over or not and that's it. That's your shot. And it made so many people second guess what they do. Wait, but I'm not sure I agree with you because I think that when they did Carson, I think that the last comic standing for some of those people, it is their last shot. But what I'm saying is why put that thought into people's heads sometimes when people are at their the end of their rope and it feels like all the doors are closing that's when you can get really inspired things

happening when someone goes i don't care anymore i've lost my fear unless you have a gun yeah unless you have a gun and a lot of people get i mean richard prior had a huge crisis where his career just collapsed and he went you know what screw it and he moved to san francisco and started right started over again he had the collapse where it's like i you know i'm doing cosby i can't do cosby there's already a cosby yeah but i i find it very interesting because i'm the same way as you i think a lot about this stuff and people from college newspapers interview me as well don't think i don't read the thanks for saying the nice things about me you were a huge influence

man thank you you were not only on me but like this whole alternative scene people like you and Dana Gould

and Janine you were like the Johnny Cash Elvis Costello television New York dolls of this whole scene I feel like an old man because I know

that you and I, on some level, we sort of started in one part of your career, we started together. Sort of. Sort of. But I know you appreciate it. But I had the luxury of like,

when I was still young, I had places like the Largo and that whole San Francisco scene. But you and Dana and Janine had to develop them in, you know, Uncle Quacker's, you know,

fart hut. And you literally had, you had no reference points. You were totally unprecedented. But you influenced me as well because getting to know you when we were in San Francisco, I was like, wow, this guy's doing the big thinking. I've got to learn how to

get out of my head a little bit. But thanks for being with us. I hope you come on again, Patton. Thanks, man. Yeah, anytime. Okay, great. There we go. Next week's show on Monday, we've got Jack Boulware, the great funny writer and friend of mine. Sammy the Stem Cell will make an appearance. The War on Brains, of course, will be here.

And I think my dad's movie reviews, if I can get them on the phone in the right state of mind, will do that. So thank you to Jim Merle can get them on the phone in the right state of mind, will do that. So thank you to Jim Merle, Brendan McDonald on the board, Steve Rosenfeld for moral support and the strange judgmental look through the entire show without saying much of anything. So good night, sheeple. Have a great weekend. Well, that was interesting, huh? You got to hear old radio Mark talking to a younger Patton.

That's a younger, more bitter Mark doing radio, talking to Patton Oswalt. So we'll be back next week with the two regular WTF episodes and another edition of The Vault with stuff no one has ever heard before, perhaps even me. So these are fun, right? Boomer lives! you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats.

Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. It's a night for the whole family. Be a part of Kids Night when the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th

at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley construction. Punch your ticket to kids night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 PM in rock city at Toronto rock.com.