WTF with Marc Maron Podcast - WTF Uncovered - The Lost Marc and Tom Show

Episode Date: December 16, 2016

Every so often Marc gets together with Tom Scharpling of The Best Show to figure out life's big questions. They record these conversations and release them as The Marc and Tom Show. This one was recorded almost four years ago and was never released. For the first time, hear Marc and Tom talk about painful high school experiences, times they've fallen victim to con artists, what they plan to do during the apocalypse, and more. Featuring theme music by The Tokeleys. Sign up here for WTF+ to get the full show archives and weekly bonus material! https://plus.acast.com/s/wtf-with-marc-maron-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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PM in rock city at Toronto rock.com. All right, folks, here we go with another WTF Uncovered episode from the vaults. Some of you know the Mark and Tom show with me and Tom Sharpling is something we used to produce as individual episodes for sale on iTunes. You can hear all the ones we did now on Howl Premium, Howl.fm. did now on Howl Premium, howl.fm. At one point, Tom and I recorded two episodes in one session. We released the first one on iTunes, and the plan was to release the second one a few months later.

In the meantime, though, we entered into negotiations about the future of our archives, and we weren't sure what impact of any deal would have on episodes we put on iTunes. So we didn't want to put any additional episodes up until we figured out what we were doing. It's clear now that that second episode that we did in that hotel room in Philadelphia in 2013 did not see the light of day because by the time all was said and done, we just waited too long to put it up. So now with love in my heart and joy in my spirit, I share with you the Lost Mark and Tom episode. This was recorded, as I said, in a hotel room in Philadelphia in the winter of 2013.

Let's go there now. Alright, so we're doing it again. I'm Mark Maron. This is Tom Sharp. Yeah, this is exciting. It's been a while. It has been a long time, but if you just moved to Los Angeles your entire life, we could do this more more frequently what i don't even know where i live in la what neighborhood silver lake would i end up in silver lake i think you'd probably start in los feliz okay you know maybe maybe out where i

live i think you could find yourself an affordable house but that would make it easier but though meeting in hotel rooms is something. We're in a Philadelphia hotel room this time. Yeah. Before we were in a New Brunswick hotel room. Yeah. And now we seem to be doing these around your performance schedule. Right.

Well, okay. So the next one, maybe we should meet somewhere in the middle of the country for no other reason than to do this. St. Louis. We'll meet in St. Louis only if this one does really well. We'll put a little extra pressure on our listeners to get us to St. Louis. Sure. A road show. I was wondering what those were. Not in front of people.

No, no, no. Tom and I want to do a road show for ourselves. So please, I hope you enjoy this purchase and get your friends to purchase it because Tom and I want to meet in St. Louis. Yes. As far as views go from hotel rooms, this is one of the best I've ever seen. Yeah. On one side, you've got the water. Mm-hmm.

And then you've got the city. Over here. Laid out on the other side. Over here? Laid out on the other side. And just down there is where the Constitution and Declaration of Independence of this fine country was fought about and conceived of. I'm not clear on the history of whether or not. Was it signed that way? I don't know.

I'm so bad with that stuff. Yeah. I was just going to ask how many wah-wahs we could count from up here. What's a wah-wah? Oh, my God. What's a wah-wah? It's a convenience chain, my god what's a wawa it's a it's a convenience chain convenience store chain oh but it's it's a it's it's a very philadelphia philadelphia maryland type chain and

really good sandwiches at wawa and they have a touch screen you go in you just punch really what you want on the touch screen, and then they make it. Oh my God. See, now I'm torn. I don't know whether to go to a Wawa or go see Independence Hall. I think Wawa is the current, it's the embodiment of everything

our forefathers fought for. Maybe I'll go to both. I think you can go to Wawa, get a sandwich, get a shorty. Yeah, and then walk over. Six-inch shorty, as they call them. Six-inch shorty, yeah. All right.

Bring it over to the Liberty Bell. Bring it over to the Liberty Bell, sit down and eat it and reflect, and then go look at Ben Franklin's print shop. Yeah. Or post office or whatever the fuck he did. He did things. It's a nice city to walk around in. Well, I'm happy we're in Philadelphia. i'm happy we're doing this yeah i have this i'm hung up

on this integrity idea the authenticity but then you realize that like nothing's made good even the brands that you're supposed to believe in is garbage everything's designed to just self-destruct within a couple years so you buy the exact same thing again with a new planned obsolescence yeah is is everything yeah that's that's the whole thing yeah it's amazing when like i i was at my parents house they were working on the on their basement and they still had the tv that i bought when i was like 15 and it still worked yeah but it was this amazing it's like it's a relic how's this thing still work right oh you know over 25 years later this tv still still functional it's like the idea of my flat screen tv it's like like five years now it's like like let's just make it past yeah you five and then um then it's like an years now. Let's just make it past five. And then it's like an antique.

Yeah, you got to get a new one because the technology changed so quickly. Yeah. And I was thinking about the other day. I bought that Beatles box. I bought the Beatles box. The vinyl. The vinyl Beatles box. And I really started to try to calculate just how many times and how many different formats I've bought those fucking records in.

And how many of the ones I know that I had Let It Be on vinyl originally. And then I probably had it on cassette. And then like I'm a little, like I didn't buy 8-Track, so I wasn't driving yet. But I bought Let It Be naked. And I probably bought it on CD. Sure. So now I just bought it again. How much have I contributed to that cause?

It's a worthy cause. You know, the children of Paul McCartney and John Lennon. It's funny because I am a consumer of that, and I'm a subscriber to clubs. But the thing you and I have in common is that we also are the president of clubs. Yeah. We also, I have my radio show. It's like a club that I'm the CEO of. Yeah.

And you for WTF, you are. I never think of myself as a leader though but you are you you're the face of the thing you you're like the steve jobs i guess of the of wtf because when it go when you go it goes it's look i i just bought a new apple computer and and that was you know after the death that's a that's a post jobs computer over there so he's you know apple's doing okay without him yeah i think they're gonna be all right go there who's gonna slide into the the host slot on wtf when uh but i just don't know what what it is about this authenticity thing like you know what do you get out of records uh you know when they're when it's the right record

and you're playing vinyl on something, there is a feeling there. You can feel, because it's being created by a physical, there's a physical process happening for that sound to come out. Yeah, yeah. And I really do feel like you can feel that when when things are recorded when it's the right record yeah i i feel like i can feel the room

in which they recorded the record like you can feel the air yeah i think that's true i like that you feel the space and then it's like because i know Because I know Bruce Springsteen was big when he was going to do Darkness on the Edge of Town. The recording studios, when the technology gets better, the rooms get smaller. And then you get into that thing where you're making Steely Dan albums, where it's all about having mics all the way up on things. Yeah. So that you can record everything. And then the room is... Doesn't matter.

Yeah, it's beside the point. Yeah. Because it's only about the 18 inches between the bass drum and that mic. And his big thing was he wanted to record the room. The room was as essential as the instruments in the room. It's a ritual space. Yeah. And I feel like you can feel that on those records.

If it's a record that was recorded that way, it's a sense of presence that comes through. Yeah. I'm appreciating it. Yeah. And I mean, that's how i feel about i think that's why i don't like steely dan i never got it no i never ever and people the people that are into them they're like oh it's the most well-produced i didn't but it's like it's i don't like it but it's like it's to me a steely dan record is the kind of thing the dude at the

stereo store plays to sell you the stereo. It's like, listen to that. You hear that? You hear all those instruments in there? It's like, I'm not buying a stereo today. I don't need to hear this thing that way. I'm not trying to check out the kick drum on this. It's like, listen to that keyboard.

You hear that? Look how full it is. It's like, that's what steely dan is to me it's like audio demonstration records that actual people like also but i find myself listening to all those records i had in high school like and i i just hope i'm my fear is like am i like that guy like i'm now i'm all nostalgic I just hope I'm... My fear is like, am I like that guy? Like now I'm all nostalgic. When it all clicks, how does it make you feel? Like at its best.

Like I've never understood the depth of the music. The thing that resonates the most with me is this sense of longing for like, you know, this romanticization of women that might've been in my class or some waitress I worked with in high school where I'd play the wild one forever and i'd picture her this you know unattainable uh uh this unattainable perfection

that i couldn't have i was such a fucking romantic when i was younger i just thought all the answers were there and it was just so far away from anything i could you. It's all about women. Do you remember your first girlfriend? Sure, yeah. Look, nobody liked me. I can kind of admit. I was horrible. If I have a spot that I was horrible at, it was that.

Yeah? Yeah, I was just terrible. Couldn't ask people out. Covered in sweat. Ended up just hiding from everybody. And then thankfully my, who the woman who became my wife kind of finds me and just like, all right,

I see, I see the problem. It's like a fixer upper, you know, it's like, all right, I think we can work with this. It's like,

and then, yeah. yeah oh i would have been so i would have been one of those guys who's just kind of like just you know date somebody and then you know five years and then they kind of it's like wow what are you what are we going to do here now it's time to get married i'm breaking up. And they break up the relationship when it's just like, I can't handle the next step in things. And then they just never go find anybody. And then that person's like, well, I'm just going to go find someone. I'm going to go grow up then and marry somebody.

And then they run into them later. It's like, yeah, I never dated anybody. Never had anybody after you oh you're married you got two kids now oh that's fantastic you kept growing yeah and i'm kind of you want your records back and then then you talk about it you know has that happened to you where you run into the the exes that have lives no i i honestly i nothing. I have so little interest in parts of my past that it's just a thing where it's like, I just, you know, I'll own. is my life you know it's like high school was so bad that i'm like i just don't you just it's like i don't have to i will own that it happened i'm not denying it like i'll own that it happened and i will incorporate it into my life it's like you know i think i think it's a very unhealthy

thing when people deny parts of their life. Just like, no, that was a horrible stretch. I'm denying it. I'm just putting it in a box because it will find you. It will come out in a weird way that you're not ready for. Like as a tumor. Yes, as a tumor. With your high school mascot on it.

A giant eagle. Yeah, I got a hornet. It's weird. You have a hornet melanoma. I know what that is. That's grades 9 through 12 there. But, yeah, but I will own it. It is a part of my narrative,

but it also does not mean I need to focus on it anymore. You know what I mean? It's like, no, that sucked. I don't want to. Did it suck? It all sucked? I think so. I was not.

But isn't that where you discovered music and heartbreak? Oh, yeah. Sure. The things, I will take the things from it that still work now. I'll pick and choose. But you get to that thing where where it's like you know ultimately it's the thing that sucked about it the most is just how mediocre it was you know what i mean it just it was just nothing in a way i was like i wasn't in with the cool kids i wasn't in with

the burnouts or the smart kids i was just in this other group that just the floaters that just made fun of all the other groups right and it's like what a sad group of friends that was like the undefined nerd group oh yeah those were the nerds without focus yes yeah it's like it's like I have better musical taste than the nerds. Right. Like they like horrible, like they would, do you remember the Sticks did that album, Kill Roy was here. It was like they did this concept album.

Is that after Grand Illusion or before? It's after. I think nothing came after that with Sticks. I think it broke the band up. Yeah. It was the one that had that Mr. Rob roboto like just the dumbest yeah yeah and i remember these kids in high school you know the the nerdy kids were just like we're going to see sticks um they're doing the mr roboto concept tour and like and then i was reading about it like in rolling stone or something and it's like they came out i've actually gone back i've watched video of it yeah like

sticks would come out they did like 10 minutes of acting yeah before they played one song that guy's named tommy shaw tommy shaw and dennis de young yeah it was this thing i was like if you watch it online the the greatest part of it is there's one that John Worcester talks about where there was like a Texas jam, like the big show where it was like Ted Nugent, Sammy Hagar. It's outside. Everybody's drunk, and it's in Texas. And now Sammy Hagar just finishes finishes playing this guy's running around he's you know i see i saw him yeah you just sit on top of a stack of speakers with a lap steel

and do a and do like a mean motor scooter or whatever the hell it was the montrose yeah but he's he's pumping the crazy got the crowds going crazy then all of a sudden sticks come out and act for 10 minutes did you imagine how in texas the show in texas drunk texans yeah hey sticks are playing maybe they'll come out they'll do uh i guess they'll do renegade yeah come out no no this is different guys we're gonna do we got a scene we'd like to... Yeah, we're going to set the story. It's the future, and rock and roll has been outlawed. Because in every musical, every rock opera, rock is illegal.

Yeah, that's the only way to make it interesting. Yeah, because there's... Yeah, what do we got to fight for? Yeah, so these kids came in school, and they're just like, we saw the sticks. Kilroy was here, and it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. And it's like, we're going again to, like, they're playing Nassau Coliseum. Because in New Jersey, you grow up, it'd be like, you could go to the Meadowlands.

Yeah. You could go to, like, you actually had Philly. Madison Square Garden. Yeah, you could go Philly, Meadowlands, Madison Square go to like you actually had Philly. You could drive down to. Yeah, you could go Philly, Meadowlands, Madison Square Garden, or Long Island to go to the Nassau Coliseum. So it was like you have four shots at any band coming through. Yeah. And they're just

like, yeah, we got tickets for Nassau Coliseum. And it was one of those ones where you find out it was like a half full arena. All the Styx fans got off board but these dorks were still the only like so and it's six broke up after that right travesty but it's like that's who i was like no that sucks i'm not a part of your terrible music scene i'm over here with better records like hoosker do albums and stuff and then you're yeah you guys are holding on to the ghost

yeah of what rock was yes yeah and the burnouts are kind of like yeah like sticks suck you guys yeah they're sabbath and it's but i just um i remember i went to see madness sure live sure and step beyond yeah one step beyond our house. And that was later Madness, right? Yeah. And I remember a kid in school was, this kid came in and he was just, he started, he made fun of me because the drummer in Madness' drum set was so small compared to Neil Peart's drum set. It's like, that guy doesn't even have Roto Toms on his drum set. Where's the gong?

As if like the drummer from madness is just saving his money trying to eventually build a drum set as big like that's why he doesn't have that drum set because he sucks is why he doesn't have it it's like it's just stuff the guy in madness could buy roto toms and then and a gong and an ice bell and all that stuff. When I was in high school, my buddy Dave, who's dead now, he's a big Journey fan. He's a Nugent fan. So I ended up seeing a lot of bands that I didn't necessarily like. But I used to work for a guy at the Posh Bagel, it was called.

Okay. It's a Brooklyn Jew named Eddie Waxman, who was this lunatic on and off cocaine dude, but he let me manage shifts, and I was 15. It was right across from the college. It was a big life changer, but he eventually got into the racket of catering, and we would cater concerts

and i ended up like you know working these concerts like and and they weren't like the greatest array of concerts like the ones i remember is like you know it's because you know backstage would have been a big deal you know in high school like this is awesome and i think some of these were probably big deals to people but like like toto like we did and i'm like i don't even give a shit about toto i mean i couldn't even identify a member of toto and then we did journey which was okay but then rush we did rush which would have been a big deal to guy people like people who like rush they fucking love sure and now you're talking like this is like permanent waves and moving pictures. This is 19, it's probably 78. Yeah.

So it's, you know. Prime rush. Yeah, they're big. Yeah. And I just remember like, you know, Alec Leifson, is that his name? Yeah. Alec Leifson and Giddy Lee were in a dressing room and Alec Leifson was sitting there with a classical guitar on the left leg or however the hell you do that, practicing.

And it was too hot in the dressing room, and he needed a fan to sit in front of him while he played classical guitar before the show. And Eddie, it wasn't really his job to get Alec Leifson a fan, but he took it upon himself. his job to get Alec Leifson a fan, but he took it upon himself. So he sent me to his home way up by the mountain to pick up a fucking fan for Alec Leifson so he would be comfortable while he noodled on his nylon string guitar. And I hated them. I hated them because of that. They were such pompous cunts that I was like, fuck them for making me go get a fan when I could have been watching the opening band.

Yeah. So that's my feeling on that. It is those personal, when anything becomes personal like that. Yeah. It's over. Yeah. Yeah. There's always that disappointment.

But in terms of the girl thing, though, because I was trying to think about it. I was on the plane yesterday. Actually actually I was laying in bed last night. I don't have insomnia generally, but occasionally I'll just run, you know, the reel of disappointments. You know, to go back over, you know, how did I, those missteps or why didn't, you know, how come like I dated her for three months and then she immediately went out and fucked that guy and would not fuck me? You know, like those things. Like, how was I the warmup guy? You know, what, what did I not possess that then would enable me just to have that out of the way?

I could have had that virginity thing out of the way, but no, no, I did not have the key to the lock but with those things do you think whenever i go on those those tears like that yeah the parade of failures and almost yeah and regrets and missteps and yeah at some point it's like i i have to just say if i'm happy with where i am right now that was a part of what got me to where i am right now but it's it does not mean these things dim at all though it's like they still scream at you you're still the same guy just like you would have just stood up for yourself yeah that one time and it's like the times when i just took it like oh my god like i worked because i worked in insane i started working so young for whatever weird it's one of those things is like i like buying

records might be able to buy my own records. And I'm like, so naturally the leap with my family is it just like, sure, go get a job at 12. Like nobody being like, yeah, well, he can,

he does like records. So where'd you work? I mean, I had a paper route, but then I worked at this diner. I was like a bus boy at a diner was like 13 and I just remember they would just scream at me like like the owner of this place name was Bill I can still just picture him and then his sister was a brother sister thing yeah Greek diner yeah Bill and Effie and i was like guys like he's like yelling he's like go get the milk

like you know you know those things in the den it's a giant the giant you gotta put in the machine the giant chrome thing yeah it's like a box of milk goes and there's like a little that is yeah it's a milk box with a big bag of milk yes big bag of milk and there's a like a tube that comes off of it yeah you gotta Run it through that hole where the weighted thing is. Absolutely, yes. That you can lift up, and the milk comes out. It's like a pincher. So I'm like, put the thing in.

And it's like, nobody tells me how to do it. So I go grab this thing from the freezer. Yeah. And I'm carrying the thing in. I'm trying to set it up. It's a packed Saturday. Everyone's at the counter all the booths i'm dragging this thing i've opened the thing take the empty box out i'm trying to put

the thing in trying to get it and it's it's not fitting and it's like now it's like i cut it and i cut it too early and i like the milk's like it's like a jerry lewis routine you can't stop the milk it's screaming like screaming at me and it's like i just think of if i just as a kid just said you know what you know fuck you and your milk i'm out of here you know it's like it's like you're i'm making 350 an hour or whatever i'm like like just garbage money even as a kid it's kind of garbage yeah yeah if i would have just stood up for myself like who would i be it might be like governor or something governor sharp yes i could have been president sharp when governor you don't know it's like but i just was

like i'm so sorry i'm just like apologizing many towels yeah oh my god yeah and the but the like all the the costa rican guys are trying to help me now because they just like they're getting yelled at all day but it's like like those moments where i just took it yeah i think that said those set my like my mechanics in place like i'm always operating from from that template in a way and otherwise now i have to i have to like override that because somehow that got just like tattooed like boom that's there forever you're the guy that's gonna take it yeah forever just like forever on you and it's like i don't know if you can get rid of those things my my thing was i was always the guy i was a sucker and that's something i fight against actively because my father was a sucker these people would come into this place it was I was always the guy, I was a sucker. And that's something I fight against actively

because my father was a sucker. These people would come into this place. It was right across from the universities, right across from Yale park, which was sort of famous for like, you know, lunatics. If there was like, you know, sort of a lunatic central, it was, it was right in this area in New Mexico. So these homeless guys in these, you know, these, these people that should be in hospitals, you know, we're around in different, you know, versions of talking to themselves. And there was three or four of them that were always around. There was one guy that wore too many, you know, had scarves tied all over him.

There was another guy that had matted hair. And then there was this other guy named Pete who used to talk to himself and draw pictures, these really elaborate pictures. He's a schizophrenic. But he used to come in, and I'd indulge them, and I'd have them come in. And, you know, like one time there was he's a schizophrenic but he used to come in and i'd indulge them and i'd i'd have them come in and you know like one time there was this one homeless guy that used to come in and he was like scary and like i took a picture of him because i took photography in high school

and i put him in a posh bagel hat and i took a picture of him and i hung it up on the right right behind the counter as an employee of the week that kind of thing yeah and eddie comes in it's like who the fuck put that down where's that hat that you gave him you know and but like i had a lot invested in pete because i thought i always thought that crazy people were geniuses so like pete would draw these pictures and write these things it made no sense but i thought he was like a genius so i would buy him coffee all day and and have him hang around and you know i brought him to my house he was like a stray dog or something and my mother knew him and stuff. And he eventually kind of lost it.

And I got fascinated with him. But I was always sort of taken advantage of by people. I was never sort of, you know, it wasn't the situation where I was spoken to or talked down to or put in my place in any way. But I was always the guy that's sort of like, yeah, I'll give you $100. What do you need a hundred dollars for you know oh yeah sure yeah okay you'll give it back to me i was that guy i was easy mark and that in because i wanted to be

connected to these people to criminals yeah now when people if somebody asked you in a thing where you did you know you were playing a do you know you're playing that part in a thing when it's like the lending of money? Do you know, or, or is it a new thing every time? Like, like where, where's the awareness on? Well, I have to just shut myself down to it because I think that it's like William Burroughs said, you can't hide the mark inside. Like if you're that guy, you're that guy. And people who are looking for a mark are going to find you.

Yeah. So at some point you just have to go against your instincts and say, no, I don't want, I don't want that as collateral. Sure. You know, like, uh,

you know, there's some guy that was supposedly a musician of some kind that, you know, he needed $500. I didn't have $500, but my dad is also a sucker. I knew he had $500. This guy was going to give us a 45 Magnum pistol as collateral.

So somehow or another, you know, my dad agreed to let me give this guy 500 and for me to pick up this gun so you know i brought this gun home and so now we have this giant gun the guy can't pay back the thing we don't want the gun we end up giving him the gun back and you know letting the whole fucking thing go he's a con man you know whatever yeah but like i have that in my genetics and that frightens me oh yeah because because you never know when you're going to get played.

So I just don't engage in those conversations. It forces you, like you said, you have to shut down because if you shut down, the door is closed. Right. Nobody can come through. But given both of our situations, and you've got that thing where you're like, you're being dressed down by morons.

Yeah, I've got the nice guy. Right. But anytime we act to protect ourselves or stop that from happening there's no grace to that because it's always like no no no yeah no it's like no i can't like because you're fighting with yourself in front of this person that's doing what hits those buttons yeah so there's no cool to it so even when you're making the right decisions to not be that guy you're completely graceless in it yeah no i'm i start to double down when i should be walking

away from the table it's like like no no no no i know i know you're completely making you're making me feel like garbage but if i double if i just try twice as hard you're gonna admit i'm a nice guy so you keep looking for the like there you just don't know you like me yeah i'm gonna win you over yeah even though it's just i feel horrible you're making me feel terrible and you're a terrible person i can get i can get you on my and then i go complain about it yeah in my you know i was like oh can you believe these people with the it's like well there is like it's like it's a different kind of mark where it's like it is yeah you know and yeah they've won yeah they've gotten what they got needed from from whatever your direction is and for the rest of your life you're like oh

there was this time. Let me just ask you, with the mark, there's one thing about that. If you're going into a coffee shop and you come out and some guy has a story, like, I missed the bus, my car broke down. I need a bus ticket. There's an amount, too.

I need $2.16. Do you give a guy like that money? Not that guy. Not that one. Not the exact amount scam. I only need $4.27 to get a bus ticket back to New York. I'll always give that person a couple dollars just because I always feel like if they're working that hard to tell us, to tell me a story,

it's almost like that's the story I'm paying for somebody who's working. Sure. That's their job. I get it. But like, if it's the, you know, the weird amount story,

I don't like that. And there used to be a guy on the Lower East Side or where actually when I lived on 16th street that would run around, you know, sort of dressed like a business guy in a way. He had like a portfolio and some other things, but his story was always sort of like, I just got robbed. But I'd see him do this every couple weeks.

I'd see him around doing this. And the scariest thing you can do for yourself in those situations, because this happened to me in the speaker scam too you remember that one where there'd be the guys in the van hey we just we got a couple extra speakers here because overstock yeah overstock right that thing yeah like you know i bought those ones the empty speakers yeah yeah i bought those but the don't don't get righteous because the next time you know a couple of those guys come up, they're always kind of burly, the speaker scam guys. They're like, hey, we got a little overstock.

And I'm like, I know what you're doing. It's like, oh, do you? Why don't you shut the fuck up? Yeah, because you're going to ruin it for me. I felt my life was like I was in trouble by calling them out on it. Yeah. Because they're criminals. Yeah.

No, I had that. I had an opportunity going back during, this is like the early 90s i had access to a ticket ticket master machine yeah and it was the like cmj was going on and nirvana were playing the like the roseland ballroom yeah so it's like i got eight tickets and i was just like i'm gonna scalp these tickets there's so many people in town for CMJ. It's like these things, I'll sell them to college. I'm not going to be out on the street trying to sell them. I'll just go into where the CMJ thing is happening, and I'll sell them.

And then I went in, and nobody was buying them. None of the college kids from out of town. And I'm like oh my god i'm gonna have to go on the street and sell these things i'm gonna have to be a real one of those guys yeah be one of them i'm gonna have to go into like yeah and now you know those guys like you want you who's got tickets tickets they're like i'm going into like those guys and those guys were just like get out of here like like because i'm infringing on their yeah their turf and they know each other oh no they they exactly they clearly know each other outlaw code that you're

you're in your that's their business oh and now here comes this one douche who's like trying to sell like sell them and then finally they were just so they were scaring me so much i just sold them the tickets at a loss just so I could get out of there. Oh, my God. You had to accommodate that. Like, you know, it was the best thing I could do at that moment. Yeah, it was just, I'm not a scalper. Yeah.

I'm out of my element and out of my, I'm over my head here. Yeah. And these guys are going to get, like, they were getting mad, mad. Oh, yeah, because you're just a punk yeah yeah you're a kid you got no business doing that yeah so tell let's let's talk about that sandy experience because like literally i'm in la and i really had no idea the scope of the damage until you talked about what you went through and i started seeing like it was like it was horrendous and and i I have no sort of point of reference for anything like that other than 9-11. Yeah.

No, it was last year there was a hurricane. Hurricane Irene came through last year. Yeah. And that's the one that my basement got flooded and all my stuff got ruined. Yeah. So I was ready for this hurricane i was just you know what sandbagged or not sandbag just uh a generator yeah because it um the way we got stuck last year was our power went out and when the power goes out the pump the sump pumps stop working

and that's when the water just comes right in right when there's no pumping mechanism to keep the basement dry and so this this time it was like the house house just shook like the the winds were what got us this time it was not the the water was not so bad right the winds though just giant trees you know just you hear it because it's pitch black out yeah things started just when it got dark yeah there's no lights you could see off in the distance um these like blue green explosions the power that was a transformer just but it's the weirdest look it's just like yeah just these it's pitch black and then you just see an explosion, and then it's pitch black again. And when you hear a tree break like that,

you're just hoping the next sound is not hitting your house. Right, the ceiling coming in on you. Yeah, all of a sudden me seeing the tree, because it fell on me, you know, in my living room. But yeah, we were without power for like five or six days. It was not, it was manageable. But that feeling of like, like when I was in an earthquake in LA,

not in this house, but I was in a hotel, this sort of like, it's really humbling that, you know, that just, you know, that we're just, we're fortunate that the forces of nature are relatively tame here for some reason. Yeah. Or that they haven't been so horrible with any consistency that we're all not just scrambling for food outdoors.

Oh, yeah. No, it's bigger than you. And we're like ants in the face of this thing. It's like that moment. You ever had that moment where you're swimming in the ocean and you get pulled into an undert you and you know we are like we're like ants in the face of this thing yeah it's like that moment you ever had that moment where you're swimming in the ocean and you get pulled into an undertow and you realize i can't manage this at all just a little bit out yeah just like oh like this is yeah it's this is how people die yeah this is where the drowning starts yeah like famous people die that way like that doesn't help them like the waves don't take that into consideration no he's

just a celebrity let him swim out of this he's up on this it's like i could only imagine los angeles in the face of the panic that goes on with things like the gas yeah gas stations just not being open the idea no one has power yeah so these gas stations can't pump gas. I don't know what would happen. You need gas to run your generator. I try not to think about, like earthquakes are one thing. I've been through one big one, and there's just a little one when I was living there. But God forbid anything really goes down

because there's no getting out unless you have a helicopter. You're not going to drive anywhere. I mean, even here I would imagine that. It's like, God forbid we have to move out of this area. What road are you going to take? Oh, no, it's over. We're locked in. Everybody, it's like that is,

and also where are you going to go where it's better all of a sudden? Like you're going to go where there's nothing. I guess this is why The Walking Dead resonates with people. The reason it's absolutely terrifying is that it's relentless, it's inevitable,

it's growing, and there's no real escaping it. Yeah. The line between normalcy and chaos is so thin with this stuff. All it takes is a sporting event loss. Oh, yeah.

Exactly. We lost the chance. Because the other thing is people riot. Nobody riots if their team sucked. Yeah. So they riot because they didn't win everything. Right. Or they riot because they did win.

Yeah. And then the great humbler is that like you know when something natural like that happens it's like we're we're all losing there's no yeah and and it's just a scrambling it's very frightening to to think about no it really i mean the gas lines there were lines two miles long on the highway for for gas for people waiting to just get gas and this thing wasn't that big in the scheme of things yeah it was big it wasn't that big yeah you know it didn't wipe out it just didn't wipe out every bridge and everything like that it's like and that's

two miles of people waiting for gas because because of a crazy super storm yeah and it's like i don't know what you do though to get ready for like you have to dedicate your life to it to be ready yeah yeah you'd have to be you'd have to know how to build stuff yeah you'd have to know how to hunt yeah you know some people are preparing for that i watched your show last night i could not stop watching it i i was laying in bed it was on pbs it was like uh it was just a guy. I forget what it was called, but it was just this guy who built a cabin from scratch and then lived out there for 30 years,

just hunting occasionally, smoking some meat, and just made his own snowshoes, made his own table, built a whole cabin with a fireplace. And there's part of me that thinks, I mean, if I applied myself, I could probably wrap my brain around this. I have to make my peace with the fact that if the shit goes down.

When it goes down. You're going down with it? I better, you know. Yeah, I'm probably on the wrong end of it when it goes down. Once the stuff in the cabinets is gone? I better, you know. Yeah, I'm probably on the wrong end of it when it goes down. Once the stuff in the cabinets is gone, I'm. Yeah. You guys want to write some funny stuff for you?

Maybe I could be the guy who writes funny sketches for the new village. The entertainment. Yeah. What? There's no role for an entertainer in this new infrastructure. I'm not ranked super high on this ladder. That'd be the other thing, too. But it's all we got.

I'm the biggest star you got here. Don't you guys like, look, the way it worked before, guys who did what I did were pretty powerful on the ladder. Yeah. So I would hope I can have a commensurate place on this new on this new ladder but meanwhile it's gonna be some kid who knows how to like trap chickens yeah like he's ranked higher than me that's gonna be your pitch to the council it's like look i really want to be part of the camp and i know i can't contribute in the way a lot

of people are contributing and i know you guys are clearly in charge, and you're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. But I notice a lot of people don't look happy, and there's no reason since this is all functioning properly and you got the guys who get the meat and these ladies are washing things and so is those two guys, and you guys have the guns and everything. It's great. I love being part of this.

But look, I think we need a little levity. Where's the call-in show? Yeah. There's no call-in show in this post-apocalyptic fortress that we're all in. And then the pitch becomes bigger. It's like, I'm thinking one night a week, people gather around. We go down to the place. Look, you got builders.

Let's build some seats. We'll build a little stage. It'll be nice nice i'm sure there are people here with hidden talents and who knows maybe if it goes well we can do two shows you know like twice a week yeah maybe encourage people to come on fellas i'm trying the best i can i thought i could do a thing here and make fun of all you guys yeah a satire show we're doing all the right. Like, I'll goof on all of you. Yeah, it'd be fun because, like, some people think you guys are assholes. Quite honestly, I have my ear to the ground out there.

And there's talk, all right? And you can't, you know... Then you jump forward and they're, like, sending me out, the first one out, to, like, go talk to the other tribe. And then I get hit by flaming arrows. We've got a role for you. Right, yeah.

Yeah, go see if you can entertain them into sharing some space with us. Exactly. You could be the politician. You're the diplomat. Then I get hit with a flamethrower as I'm trying to approach the other compound. To a wall of laughing people.

There's just all these people on top of the fortress laughing hysterically as you run back on fire. Yeah, see, it was funny. It's like, it turns out. I actually, at this point, I might take that if it meant everybody was laughing at me. Yeah, that's how you go out. That would actually be in the win column. In terms of like, you should have seen it.

They were all laughing. Everybody was, they were on the ground laughing at me. I had the entire place cracking up. All right, that's it. All right. We good? I think so. Great. FBI

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