Yannis Pappas Hour - 2 Trials, 1 Sus

Episode Date: June 5, 2022

Yanni thinks the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial was intentional to distract the nation from the Michael Sussman trial.weekly extra Longday episodes here: https://www.patreon.com/yannilongdaysSubscribe to our clips page for podcast highlights here: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykwThe show goes out every Saturday. Come join in on the LONG DAY & Follow Yannis PappasInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/yannispappas/Twitter - https://twitter.com/yannispap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up internet viewers, people on YouTube who have chosen to watch content on the internet as opposed to their subscription to Netflix, which they probably canceled because a hurricane is coming. And I'm not talking about a global warming one. According to JP Morgan's white guy, Jamie Heddon or Dimon, a hurricane's coming, meaning inflation's going to hit and gas is going to go to $300,000 a gallon. So get yourself a Tesla, get on Twitter, invest in Elon Musk, buy his robot, get a dog robot, enter the Fediverse, get off of Facebook because the chick who is helping the other guy, Zuckerberg, her name is Sandberg.

There's a bunch of bergs who run a bunch of things. I'm not trying to feed into any racist tropes, but Jews are successful. She's leaving. So Facebook's going down. A woman has left. But a Republican senator, I believe, from Chicago says maybe he's considering, maybe we got to do something about mitigating AR-15. Maybe an assault bin.

Maybe. My side's doing nothing. And he's going like this, don't hurt me, don't hit me, because he's a Republican. It's just like when somebody says a joke about trans people in there in Hollywood, they go, don't hit me, don't hit me. So we're waiting to see if he gets hit. Basquiat, he had a big display. Basquiat is an artist.

If you're a person who, you know, doesn't like the finer culture. Basquiat was an artist who died the way artists are supposed to die. Drug overdoses. I don't like to see my artists get older. I like to see them die choking on their own vomit from a weed or drug overdose. That's how Basquiat went. The kid loved

drugs. The kid loved to paint. Questionably good on a canvas. I look at it. I don't know if it is an adult painting it or a seven-year-old, but that was hot for a little while. So he is having a display. And it turns out the FBI is investigating whether some of those paintings are frauds. Because one of the paintings had something to do with something that was only invented after 1994. Which was after his death. It's art, baby. Okay? If you watch some of those specials that people pay money for, why can't a fake Basquiat fetch a couple mil on the marketplace?

Art is subjective, sweetheart. Germany is rewriting their constitution in scary news. They're rewriting their constitution to make room for $100 billion for a new defense fund because of Russia's offense in the Ukraine. So the Germans are getting a little scared. Me no likey when a Germany gets scared and me no likey when Germany gets weapons, bubba.

Because if there's one group of people who really likes to use their weapons, it's Germany, okay? They don't like to just put them up on the mantelpiece and they go, oh, we have them? Let's use them. So very scarily. Nancy Pelosi husband, Nancy Pelosi husband,

Nancy Pelosi's fucking old guy husband was arrested for a DWI, which he just called a throwback, a callback to when he killed his brother in a car accident when he was a teenager. This is Long Days, and remember, if somebody does something once, they're bound to do it again. Fool me once, but you can't fool me again. And the news online going on and on What's right and wrong And there's something up Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust

From the true who's who To the news and cameras To the fake politics And the propaganda Yeah, this kid's screwed in Got a lot to say Aw, shit It's about to be a long day

It's a long day It's a long day coming It's a long day It's a long day Wait, hang on. I hear a siren. It's all right. There's a siren in theiren. It's all right. There's a siren in the background. It's all right.

We can't pretend like we're in a studio and there's not going to be, you know, time to time there will be audio hiccups, whether that be Jesse sounding like he's calling from Ariel Castro's dungeon or I'm too loud or an ice cream man in the background or an ambulance we're in New York City so we're going to hear sirens at this point

okay there was a time when I was a kid you grew up in New York City you went to sleep hearing sirens I got to a point where if I didn't hear sirens there we go. Somebody, something happened on a subway. I'm sure I will see it on Instagram in a couple of minutes. Sounds like there's, that sounds like there's more than one car.

So that could be an incident. We could be broadcasting right through an incident. You know, it's a funny thing is the first Long Days episode of all time. First off, had another producer. Rest in peace to that relationship. It looked different. It looked different. And secondly, we were broadcasting that first one

during the January 6th uprising. That was the first one. So maybe right now, because of the amount of sirens, I'm glad we left those sirens in to document for history. Because who knows? It could be something big. We could have a nice little sweet subway shooting. Or it could just be, you know, an old lady.

An old lady who fell and didn't have an Apple Watch to alert the people at the Apple store that she needs to get up. She needs it to get up. So what a week for the legal system here. What a week for the legal system. Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp has received his reparations.

15 mil. He was asking for 50. Amber was asking for 100. Nobody's talking about anything else right now except believe all women, okay? And here's the deal. My wife hates Amber Heard and so does all women. So hashtag believe all women.

This is when the believe all women hashtag is being turned on its head because who do I believe? Amber Heard, who's less a woman, more of a goblin demon, or do I believe all the women that hate her? I choose to believe all the women that hate her

because the guy, I don't know if the guys really care about this one to be honest with you. There's no guy who has a strong opinion on this. It's not, this isn't,

you don't go into a conversation with your boys right now and go like, yo man, what do you think's gonna go on between the Golden State Warriors and the Boston Celtics? Is this going seven? Is the Boston Celtics defense going to be able to be a bulwark?

And if you hear that word, you're not at a great party against the Splash Brothers. And then it pivots right to what's going on with the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial? There's three types of barbecues you went to this past weekend for your Memorial Day. One of them was talking about the upcoming final between Nadal and Djokovic, which wasn't a final,

it was more of a quarterfinal, right? And that was a barbecue Michael Kosta was at, right? So that, you're gonna, that's gonna be... Stellar Artois in the cooler. There's there's gonna be stellar artois there's gonna be a little asparagus on a top tier level of the barbecue with a lemon garnish yeah then you're gonna go to a barbecue that's talking about the upcoming finals between the boston celtics and golden state and that barbecue you're gonna see a lot of clean fresh air force ones and t-shirts that look like dresses yes you're gonna have a lot of oversized clothing and you're going to have a lot of hypertension

by the end of it. There will be a tin pan with greens, maybe some corn and some cornbread. Yes. That will be a predominantly black barbecue. Yes. A lot of plates will be taken home. There'll be a lot of plates taken home. Can I take a plate for the road?

Of course you can. Yeah. And the meal will be called a plate. Whenever you go to a black barbecue, it's like, I'm going to get a second plate. Yep. A white barbecue, they. Yeah, and the meal will be called a plate. Whenever you go to a black barbecue, it's like, I'm going to get a second plate. Yep. A white barbecue,

they go, I'm going to get some more food. I'm going to get another hamburger. Black barbecue, I'm getting another plate. And then there'll be a third barbecue where the predominant conversation

will be about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Now, that barbecue, you're going to hear a lot of lisps. You're going to hear like, who do you believe? This is crazy. Oh my God.

Did you see how Ellen Burke, what's her name? The one that he banged a long time ago. She came back and said he had a temper. Oh my God. Here's the thing. Johnny Depp could lose his temper on me any day. Throw a wine bottle. I get it.

I get it, King. I get it. Yep. At that barbecue, when you get it. I get it, King. I get it. Yep. At that barbecue, when you go get a straw, it will be shaped like a dick. It will be shaped like, yeah.

Well, that will be a fourth type of barbecue that will be a bachelorette party. They love those penis straws. Those penis straws. I would love to, who makes the penis straws? Is it like an offshoot of Dixie

that handles the penis straws or is it its own offshoot of Dixie that handles the penis straws? Or is it its own company that just specifically deals with bachelorette party penis straws? You know how weird that is, dude? Like, how is that acceptable? Because guys can't do that. No. We can't have a bachelor party where we have, like, vagina-shaped strombolis. No, we can't have.

They will be arrested on sight. No, no, no. We're just not that tacky and we're more real about... It's more of a fun thing. Like, ooh, penis. Yeah. We're like... We're at this strip club like, oh, she cheated on her.

I should cheat on her. Don't cheat on her. I don't give a fuck. Have another beer. Fuck it. I'm not married yet. Yeah. You know, guys on their bachelor party are sticking their nose in strange crotches.

Girls are going, ooh, penis straw. There's just a different vibe to a bachelor. Bachelorette party is more like, ha, ha, ha. And a bachelor, guys are more like, get it in, get it in. It's the difference between hunters and gatherers. Yeah, it's a little different. It's the difference between hunter and gatherer. That's exactly what it in. Get it in. It's the difference between hunters and gatherers. Yeah, it's a little different. It's the difference between hunter and gatherer. It's more of a, that's exactly what it is.

The guy's vibe is more of a hunter, and the girl's vibe is more, just let's get some berries. That's different convo that happens in the, the old tribes when the parties went out to hunt, and the parties went out to gather, those are two different convos happening amongst those people. The gatherers were more, it's more of a frolic. When you're going to gather berries and nuts, it's a frolic.

When you're going to hunt, it's more of a masculine conversation. They're talking about the Golden State Warriors versus the Celtics. And the gatherers are talking about the Amber Heard trial. You know what I mean? It's just guys and the other one is ladies and fag hacks. It's not the full words, you can say it. You know? I think that's what the ladies refer to them.

Or my gay bestie, right? Or gaybie. Gay bestie. Right? Women love having a gay bestie, right? Or gay B, gay bestie, right? Women love having a gay bestie. So Donnie, so this trial has, it's over.

It's tough. I feel, whenever the NBA playoffs are over, I feel a little depression set in because you just watch all the games, you get into it. I feel the same way when like Wimbledon and the French opens over.

I love tennis. I'm starting to feel that kind of malaise now with the Johnny Depp Amber Heard verdict. I didn't want it to end. It was so good. I think they should do like a seven game series. She lost this one, but

what if they go to another state? They should do a best of seven. Be like an episode of Black Mirror. Do it for the people, man. I mean, right now, everyone's worried about $10 gas prices. They're worried about this hurricane that may be coming, according to JP Morgan CEO, Jamie Dimon. Is that his name? Close enough.

Yeah. Diamond. Jamie Diamond. Jamie Diamond. Jamie Diamond? Well, he spells it Diamond. Yeah, with no D. With no D, so Diamond.

Jamie Diamond. And then Yellen, of course, is saying, oh, maybe this will last a little longer. School shootings, fake Basquiat's. The world isn't what it's supposed to be. We need more trials. Give us some happiness. Go to a game, too. I want to see a seven-game series between Amber Heard and

Johnny Depp. Maybe a contest where they throw wine bottles at each other. I never knew that drug addict celebrities throw so many liquor bottles. Because her name was Ellen Barkin. What's her name?

What are you talking about? The chick that used to bang Johnny. He banged so many though. Yeah, he did bang a lot. He's banged a lot, dude. But the one who actually testified.

I think her name is Ellen Barkin. She's the one who was kind of hot in the 90s but didn't like a... But she was kind of hot in a um who's the chick from something about mary oh oh uh cameron diaz she's hot in a cameron diaz type way like it looks like you know she had a stroke in half of her face you know cameron diaz is hot but also like it's not symmetrical hot it's more like

Hot, but also like, it's not symmetrical hot. It's more like, you know, Amber Heard's like symmetrical hot. She looks perfect. Yeah. And Cameron Diaz kind of looked like. Photoshop hot. Yeah, Cameron Diaz kind of looked like, Cameron Diaz kind of looked like just like, you know,

she needs like a Catholic school dress kind of hot. She needs something else, but then she is hot. She's not, she's very, depending on the angle, hot. But she's, I would very depending on the angle hot but she's i would say untraditionally hot and ellen barkin was like was like her before her pull up ellen barkin so ellen barkin this was supposed this was like the only testimony against johnny depp um you know because kate moss testified that he didn't throw her down the stairs, right? Even though Amber Heard and her sister testified that he did throw her down the stairs and that he was going to kill them or something like that. The funny thing is when you hear the recordings and you see actually the height difference between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard

and the dude's like, what is he doing, coke, heroin and stuff? Like, she could take him, dude. And you see actually the height difference between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. And the dude's like, what is he doing, coke, heroin and stuff? Like, she could take him, dude. He's not that much bigger than her. He kind of like, I don't think he could even win a fight with her, to be honest with you. You know? It's not like Deshaun Watson or, you know, when you hear all this. It's not like, and also these pictures of when she was like the when she got photographed when she went to the court you know and and she uh contacted tmz and forgot that she had told that in a closed disposition deposition you know because like how did tmz know she was at

the court how did she and that day she didn't wear makeup to cover her bruise. She's the fucking Jossie Smollett of this era. As soon as victimhood became hot, you knew you were going to get a couple of these that got thrown in there. A couple of people going like, you know what? Let me ride this wave a little bit. You know? And she's just not, I don't think she could even win a,

I don't even think Johnny Depp could win a fight with her, dog. I think if they shot the fair one, I feel like if Amber Heard and Johnny Depp shot the fair one, what would be the over-under? Like seriously. You know what I'm saying? Chris Brown and Rihanna.

He put a beating on her. Her face, like you said looked like you dropped the peach i mean that's amber heard had like she it looked like a a major league baseball catcher just putting one little thing on but he didn't but his cork wasn't fully burned it was like just a little thing here. And then the next day she was photographed walking. I know too much about this trial. The next day she was photographed walking with a friend and it wasn't there.

And she didn't look like she had makeup on. She made this whole shit up. It's clear. It's clear she made it up based on the data. But I don't think, I don't even think if they if he did hit her she wouldn't be able to hit him harder yeah no he's short he wouldn't be able to beat her in the game of badman yeah i mean you know she and there's evidence she hit him she admits to punching him so and there's

there's audio of her admitting she punches him right so the only evidence that was given at this trial that anyone got hit, actual hard evidence, was audio of her saying she hit him. The only thing that we had was her word and her sister, who also was texting Johnny afterwards, after the stare incident, trying to get them back together. I mean, it's just her word saying that he hit me but there's no like real evidence besides that little one picture with her little thingy here you know so what they should have done is just shot the fair one just to see if it was possible you know how they do those like shooter recreations yeah where they try to see it like

ballistics experts try to see if it was possible for the gun to enter that way and exit. They should have just said, let them shoot the fairway, and let's see if it's even possible if Johnny Depp could win. I mean, she's not a small chick. I mean, she's like 5'7", 5'8", and he's a 5'7", 5'8", fucking squeak drug addict musician. I'll fucking throw him into a ceiling fan. Johnny Depp will get thrown

into a fucking pool with Neil Brennan. One of them in each arm. I'll take Neil Brennan this way. You know, Neil Brennan will leave a snarky comment on my Instagram.

I'll fucking throw him in one arm and I'll fucking throw Johnny Depp in the other one and I'll fucking throw him in the pool like goddamn floaties. Johnny Depp gonna sink

because he's got all them rings on. He's got those rings.. Johnny Depp gonna sink because he's got all them rings on. He's got those rings. And Neil Brennan will float because he's a vegan. Yeah, man. Once it dropped that she shit in the bed, I didn't believe anything she said. Because if I know you shit in the bed,

I know you don't give a fuck about life. So I'm not gonna go near you, bro. Yeah, I mean, how could you do that? Because you can just reach into your pants and then just throw some shitty hands at me. I'm good. Yeah. You start flinging that poop like you a monkey, I'm good. Yeah, so mean, how could you do that to that shit? Because you could just reach into your pants and then just throw some shitty hands at me. I'm good. Yeah. You start flinging that poop like you a monkey, I'm good.

Yeah, so Ellen Barkin, she testified that they used to bang and that at some point she saw him throw a wine bottle. That was the only, like, hard testimony that there was that he ever did anything, like, where he got, you know, upset. You know, like, he raised his voice. That was the only hard evidence was her testimony going, I saw him once throw a wine bottle in the direction of people. It wasn't at anyone.

He was upset. And that was it. That was the one witness. And then Kate Moss was like, no, he didn't throw me down the stairs. He actually like helped me up and then helped me, helped me. After he, you know, we did drugs. They're all doing drugs. You know?

The funny thing is you could have this same trial. The only thing that separates this from like two homeless people is money. You know what I mean? Yeah. You could have the same trial

where the voices were like, you know, he hit me when I was dead. Yeah. You could have two same trial where the voices were like, you know, you hit me when I was dead. Yeah. You could have two nodding off people. You know, I think she hit me. I don't know. And then they just nod off in the middle of the testimony. They're drug addicts.

They were drug addicts. And if anything, I think it was a fair fight. If anyone threw blows, I think it was a fair fight. This is what Barkin said. Yeah, this is exactly what Barkin said. And she, she has, she aged different. She used to be hot. Now she kind of looks like a, you know, she looks like an angry, angry lesbian now.

She doesn't die. She's like one of those. It looks like she's, you could tell it looks like she's you can tell she's she's standing for something when people when someone doesn't dye their hair when a woman doesn't dye her hair she's standing for something like something annoying

you know something annoying like oh this is a stand against men's you know the male you know view of beauty something annoying

something annoying that makes any sense either. It's always annoying. It's like, I'm not wearing underwear for deforestation. Yeah, something like that. Something like, you know, and you know someone hurt her. She's not, you know, it's like something, you're going to hear something annoying at a party

from a girl who like has, who has silver hair and she's like in her 40s or 50s. It's like, dye your fucking hair. You don't do it like women do it. You know, women never let the silver shine through. As soon as they see the first one, they start fucking dying the hair.

It's part of their regimen. Just do it. Okay. You know, it is what it is. Keep up with the Joneses. And, uh,

she goes, it was very common for depth to be controlling and jealous. That became angry and demanding. He's just a jealous man, controlling. He would ask, where are you going? Who are you going with? What did you do last night? What if he's just curious?

What if he's a curious guy? It depends on the tone by which you say those questions, right? I could go like this. Where are you going? Totally different than, hey, where are you going? Totally different. Hmm, where are you going? Totally different. Hmm, who are you going with? Totally different than,

totally different than, who are you going with? How about this one? So what'd you do last night? What did you do last night? You did not, you know, it's totally different. So, I mean, this could be anything.

Barkin testified that she once had a scratch in her back prompting depp to get very angry and insistent that she was sleeping with someone else um sounds guilty to me sounds guilty to me right i mean i've i've i've done that so am I guilty of hitting people? No. I mean, yeah, none of this stuff leads to him hitting anyone. So it's over now. We all have to figure out what we're going to do with our lives. There she is. Doesn't she seem like she'd be a fucking drag at a party? You see that look.

You're going, oh, Jesus. She looks like a guest analyst on msnbc yeah it's just it's not gonna be fun dude you see her she's you're at some point you're gonna hear about climate change or she's got an agenda i guarantee you if we went to her twitter we'd see at least three to five recent tweets about the objectification of women in porn or something that you're just going, buzzkill broad. She's a buzzkill broad.

And then you're going to see one tweet that says, why oatmeal is racist. Yeah, something. Something you're going to see. Yeah, man. This whole trial was crazy. I didn't believe any of it. She's from the Bronx? Who?

Now I like her a little bit more. Bronx girl? Yeah, she's a Bronx girl. What part of the Bronx is she from? Yeah, she could be from Riverdale. Probably Riverdale. Could be from Riverdale. Yeah. You can't really call yourself a Bronx bit more. Bronx girl? Yeah, she's a Bronx girl. What part of the Bronx is she from? Yeah, she could be from Riverdale. Probably Riverdale. Could be from Riverdale. Yeah.

That you can't really call yourself a Bronx girl. You can't really call yourself a Bronx girl when you can get crepes whenever you want. No. Yeah, if you're in a section,

if your neighborhood is crepes, you're not really in a borough. Did you ever believe that Johnny did any of the stuff? Like even at the beginning of the trial? Was there any instant? Well, I didn't know

too much about it because I'm a straight guy. Yeah, of course Well, I didn't know too much about it because I'm a straight guy. Yeah, of course. So I didn't know too much about it, but then I became less straight as I watched it. It's, it was very good entertainment. And,

um, the evidence is clear that he didn't. I mean, I think that's why the jury, the evidence is just clear that he didn't. And he has recordings of her admitting to hitting him. So like, and the way she talked and was cackling at him and we covered it many times in this podcast and i'm sure we're

the only podcast talking about it but the evidence is just like this is not an abused woman yeah and then all the lies she was caught in i mean she was just caught in lies like straight lies, like that film deposition from 2016, where she says a TMZ who was who was alerted. And then you could see her catching herself. She goes like, yeah, like you can pull it up. She goes like you could see her catching herself that she says because she knows she fucked up. And then the TMZ guy, a guy from TMZ who used to work at TMZ, TMZ testified that they were alerted. And then if you have any common sense, you go like, yeah. How did TMZ know to go to the courthouse? And she's with her publicist at the courthouse.

And Johnny Depp's lawyer, she was a beast, that chick. She was a beast. She was beating Amber up on the stand. The only abuse that happened was that bitch beating Amber up on the stand. She goes, you sit next to your publicist. Your publicist. And she goes, also my very good friend. Like Amber's like trying to rationalize it.

Also my very good friend. It's like, okay, I'm sure she's your only friend, you know, that you chose to go with her to the courthouse. Completely shocked that the press was outside. Completely. Oh my God. She goes, in case, you know, I knew it could be a big story. It's like, there's only way, one way that they were going to know that you were there is if they were alerted, like you said in the deposition, alerted. So she got caught in so many lies like that, that the jury made the right decision.

You know what I mean? The jury, I mean, let's be honest, okay? Let's just call it what it is. Johnny Depp is the Ukraine and Amber Heard is Russia, okay? And we need to figure out ways to funnel weapons to Johnny Depp and we did it.

We did it. We got it done. We got it done. I don't think there's gonna be any case where Johnny Depp puts And we did it. We did it. We got it done. We got it done. I don't think there's going to be any case where Johnny Depp puts his hand on Amber Heard. Yeah. The only situation I can understand where he hits her

if she uses his mascara by accident. Yeah. I mean, they could have had a fight over their makeup. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, you were right about Ellen Barkin's Twitter.

She's got it? Oh, my God. I mean, you know, it's predictable, dog. You see the haircut. You can judge. You may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can definitely judge a conversation by its haircut.

I see you. I know it's going to be a chill haircut. You got a chill haircut. You're going to be a chill dude. I see Jesse. I'm like, oh, he doesn't get haircuts, so he's going to be a chill fucking dude cut it myself yeah

yeah you see me you know my mother-in-law cuts my hair I'm not a guy who puts a lot of effort into a lot of things so you know I'm not gonna care a lot

if I'm a guy who brushes his teeth every other day you know I don't even care about my own hygiene it's gonna be a very small chance that I'm gonna care

that much about anyone's rights you walk into the room like you just survived Sandy. Yeah. I don't look. I don't put a lot of effort into my outfit. You know, there's just certain haircuts.

You see someone with like purple hair, you're like, this is going to be a drag. You see Ellen Parkin walk in. She doesn't look like she's, there's a clown parade behind her. No. Yo, but when she was younger, though. When she was younger, she was a smoke show in the way Carmen Electra was a smoke show. But she had that sex appeal. And that Carmen Electra.

Let's get a little peek. Carmen Electra's face is not that gorgeous. Oh, Carmen Electra. No, not Carmen Electra. I'm just saying Carmen San Diego. Yeah, Carmen San Diego. No, what's the one I'm talking about? Come on, man.

From? Cameron Diaz? Cameron Diaz. Yeah, i'm calling her carmen electro um cabrin diaz she's gorgeous but in a non-traditional way like she got a little bit of a crooked nose like it's a little off same way ellen barkin and they both kind of made up for that with like sexiness like dope bodies and just like general sexiness like ellen barkin was a smoke show when she was younger absolute smoke show and she had like a sultry yeah you see like she kind of looks like uh cameron diaz a little bit oh yeah she does yeah you see it's like it's not a perfect face like amber heard's got a perfect she got permanent sucking on a lemon face yeah she got like a little off but she's a smoke show i I feel you. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So it's over now. Another trial's coming. But Johnny got 15 mil. She got two. And we know she has it because the ACLU doesn't. That was another lie she was caught in. She goes, I pledged. And the lawyer's going, you said donated. She said, they're synonymous.

And it's going like, no, they're not synonymous. Donated is past tense, meaning I gave you the money, right? That would be like saying, I owe you and gave you are synonymous. They're not. One is an intention. One is an action. She needed a thesaurus on that stance. Yeah, but it's so wild how she was able to skirt.

You know, just like, it just, she was able to skirt by. Like nobody, like the ACLU didn't make any noise. Like, hey,

we haven't actually got that money. Like she was able to go on shows, and like there's this one show where she's like arrogantly, like you watch it now, it's just like, you know, she's going, she's like, and they's like, and the guy's just setting her up with these softballs and like, you know,

what are you doing with that? She goes, I want none of that money. I want none of that money. It never was about the money. I gave all the money to the ACLU. And then the crowd is clapping, and the guy who clearly wants to bang her, you know, is going like, and you're a spokesperson. I'm a spokesperson for domestic abuse. the ACLU and then the crowd is clapping and the guy who clearly wants the banger, you know,

is going like, and you're a spokesperson. I'm a spokesperson for domestic abuse. And I donated that money to the ACLU. And, um, you watch that now and you go, no, you didn't. No, you didn't girl. What you did was you lied. You lied that money. What a smoke show. Amber, call me. I'll find money. There's a lot of guys, dude. We don't care. Nobody cares whether you're a good person or not a good person. Okay, girls and guys alike. You know, serial killers, dude, they get fan mail from women like crazy.

Nobody cares. They like a little danger in their coffee. Everyone likes a little danger in their coffee. Everyone likes a little danger in their coffee. Don't be shitting in my bed, though, bro. Shit in my bed, then. You shit in this bed. I won't mind. I'm not going to pull out a lien on my house just for you to ruin my sheets.

If Amber heard shit in my bed, I would freeze it and eat it. You freeze that shit, had just paid it, and then still has the NFT. Yeah, or I would just fucking freeze it so I could hold it. I'd use it as a dildo and put it in my own butt. That's how hot she is. So, look, this wasn't abuse.

This was a fair fight, if anything. And it's over. Johnny's vindicated. I feel better for him. Is he going to get his pirate job back? Who knows? I mean, I don't know.

I haven't seen any of those either. My wife's like, you haven't seen the Pirates of the Caribbean? I'm like, I don't. Yeah, I know. I'm not a guy. I think it's because the way my parents raised me without a childhood. They would take me to movies like Reds. They'd take me to adult movies.

I didn't grow up on children's stuff. So I think there's no joy in my childhood, you know, they take me to like adult movies. I didn't grow up on children's stuff. So I think there's no joy in my childhood, you know, besides sports. So like, I don't- At your guy's birthday, they showed you Philadelphia. Yeah, they were like, it's kind of what they did, dude. They kind of, they were like,

on my birthday, they were like, you want to watch the news? They like dragged me to whatever, they took me to adults things. They never came to kids stuff, you know? And so I'm not into any movies that have any type of fantasy aspect. Yeah.

You know, like I don't want, I've never watched any of that. I only saw the original star Wars. I never got into star Wars. I was never into, you know, um,

any of the Lord of the rings or as soon as as an animal starts talking or there's something magical, I'm not into magical realism. You had a mature childhood. I had a mature childhood. You were doing double dutch with jumper cables. Absolutely. And that's probably why I became a comedian because it's the reverse. I'm like, okay, now I want to be a kid.

Not to delve too deeply into my psychology, but if it's going to get me more press or get more views, I was abused. I was abused. I was abused. I was abused by my parents. It's hard. It's hard. This close to climbing trees.

I was abused. It was abuse. I'm an abused person. I want to sue the estates of my parents that don't have estates, but please just write about this. Just put it in an article. If that's the angle I got to play, maybe I'll just call publicists

because you know that's what they'd say. If I decided like I wanted a publicist for my special mom love, which is out right now on YouTube. Nice. Yeah, I would call and they, you know they would go like, okay, what's the story?

Yeah, what's the angle? And I'd go, well, maybe it's just good. You know, maybe I'm like commentating and social commentary, a little biographical stuff. But at the end of the day, I beat that room up. The people in the room had a good time.

And the people that watch it have a good time because it's laughter, it's comedy. They have a good time. You know, it doesn't, and they go, it's not, come on, we need something. We need something. Were you left in a basket on a doorstep?

You know, were you abused? Did somebody rape you? Were you beat up? It's gotta be something. And I go, yeah, I was a victim of a violent crime. I was shot. But I got over it. I don't really like to talk about it that much.

And they go, wait a second. Let's talk about it. Let's make that the angle. There needs to be an angle. It's just not enough. It's just not enough. The era of like the Meryl Streep's, the Cate Blanchett's, you know, great actors and actresses. It's just, that's not enough, man. It's not enough. Did you shit in someone's bed? How do we get attention?

Right? How do we get attention? People want attention now. We're in the attention economy. That's what it is. Attention is currency. And that's why this dude dressed as a fucking woman in a wheelchair so he can smear cake on the Mona Lisa. And of course the press wrote about it. Right? Big story. You know how much premeditation it takes to dress in a wheelchair, go up the wheelchair entrance of the museum, fucking wheel yourself when you don't know how to wheel because you're not a real disabled person so that should have been the first tip that he was up to no good first of all how did

he get to the front of the mona lisa without anyone noticing his stubble the guy is a guy in a wheelchair to be fair we get older you get a little bit more testosterone in your system so you know my grandma got a goatee right now. It's a 36-year-old man who's been arrested and placed in psychiatric care. He's not crazy. He's not crazy. Crazy people don't go buy a cake and smear it. He's not crazy.

He's probably a performance artist. Yeah, he's probably going to go on, and now they're going to make a movie, the guy who smeared the cake of Mona Lisa, he'll do 13 minutes in prison. The press will say he's paying a fine, but he's not going to pay a fine because he's got no money. Who's he going to pay the fine to? So he went into the Louvre in Paris, and he dressed as an elderly woman in a wheelchair. And, I mean, really we're seeing a failure in security from

soup to nuts. Whether you're responding to a mass shooter in Texas or whether you're fucking protecting a museum from cake smears. How the fuck did he get a cake into the museum? Where was he carrying the cake?

I mean these people are sleeping on the job. This is one of the most famous pieces of art in the world this dude wheels himself in and like i said the only people who really know how to wheel themselves well are people who have practice in a wheelchair so you know this guy was fucking hitting walls you're not supposed to ask any questions anymore yeah you can't right oh you're fucking oh this guy's he's doing proactive policing this guy would just start filming the guard and be like what are you up to guy you are you are you being ageist i'm an elderly woman he'd probably say it like me too he'd be like i'm an elderly woman but

you can't say you don't sound like an elderly woman because then you're being phobic yeah so you can't you just gotta let the guy smear cake i mean i can't give this guy gotta let the guy smear cake. I mean, I can't give this guy credit. I like to give criminals credit. I give Amber Heard credit for her fucking grift. You know, it worked for a while. I like to give a lot of people credit because it takes a lot

of creativity, dedication and planning to be a fucking dirtbag. And I enjoy that once in a while. But this, in this case, I'm not giving him any credit i'm taking away credit from the louvre security again the french prove that they can defend nothing they can't defend against the nazis and you cannot defend a piece of art from a cake smearer son they got duped like a little red riding hood you can't they got duped like Little Red Riding Hood. They got duped. It was a fucking, it might as well have been a wolf in a grandma's outfit.

And how did he wheel himself to the front of that crowd and get close enough to reach up and smear the cake on it? The wheelchair. They let the wheelchair go. They let the wheelchairs go and forward. So this is a guy who probably cased the joint first to see how it works so he can get to the front. Because, you know, when you go to see the Mona Lisa, you can't get close. It's a mob of people. Yeah.

And isn't it roped off? It's behind glass. It's behind glass, right? So he smeared it on the glass. So you know this was a ploy to get famous, dude. And here's the articles about it. Here's the reason why it's behind glass. Well, I think it's behind glass.

Oh, because a Bolivian man threw a rock at the people. People are wild, you know? We can't have nice things. Can you believe we still take our shoes off at the airport because one fucking guy tried to do something

with his shoes? They took my Listerine the other day. What? They take my Listerine. How big was it? It was a little bigger, but what does it. They took my Listerine the other day. What? They take my Listerine. How big was it? It was a little bigger, but what does it matter? It's Listerine.

What am I going to do? Wash my mouth and spit it on the pilot? I mean, what can I do with Listerine to hijack a plane? I take the bottle up and I'm like, I open it. I go like, I'll fucking clean my mouth. I mean, why are they, what, you know? They make you do that at the airport, but if I'm 18 years old and I walk into a fucking stop and shop

or a fucking Walmart and say, give me two AR-15s and more ammunition than U.S. soldiers have, and by the way, some body armor, because I don't plan to use them except for my own defense, they ask zero fucking questions. But I got to take my shoes off at the airport because one fucking guy got on an airport. And I don't know, he put something in his soul.

It wasn't even like a viable bomb. It didn't work. It didn't work and it couldn't work. And now I got to take my shoes off the airport. My fucking Jordan 3s have to go through radiation to see if I'm MacGyver. And I've somehow put a bomb in my soul. And then you got to fucking stand on this thing. And, you know, I'm standing on this thing

with three million people with athlete's foot stood on the same spot. Like you, a Legion of Skanks fan. Yeah. Throwing the Diamond Dallas page up. And then you got to get patted down. Like then the the the radar sees something in your pocket you know and then they pat you they like half pat you i mean

what are we doing it's horrible it's just like come on yeah i can i keep my list 3 to put me in a bad mood when they took my list 3 and i just bought it because you know what i didn't think they were going to take my list 3 yeah i didn't think so i even said to the guy because i was just like i i was like what could i possibly do with listerine and the and you know it's funny it's when when these things have no reason to them it's just funny how the guy just like has no answer he's just like them's the rules man like you know your bottle listerine was too big i think you can conceal a a bomb in it. What could you conceivably do with Listerine? Sneak liquid explosive. That's what it was.

All right. Yeah. Terrorists in Britain try to sneak liquid explosive into a plane. So now I can't have my Listerine even though it was sealed. I hadn't even opened it yet. You got to blame the Brits, bro. Fucking. God damn it.

If my Listerine was like a fucking AR-15, you're getting in. Unbelievable. Oh, they can't tell what kind of liquid it is, so it could be some sort of liquid explosive. But why can you come in with a liquid a certain size? Small amounts. Why? Because that's not enough to blow the plane up?

Yeah, you probably won't blow the plane up. Yeah. Why don't they just figure out something that tests what the liquid is? Where do you get liquid explosive? I thought liquid puts out fire. Some people can't get COVID tests. You want them to come up with a thing that can test liquid? I really do because I want to be able to travel with Listerine.

Just get the small little bottles. I don't want to have to buy Listerine at my destination and throw half of it out because I can't fly with it on the plane. And you know what's funny? Sometimes I have gotten my Listerine through and other times I haven't. So it really depends on the tenacity of the TSA at that particular place. Put your Listerine in your AR-15. I hate when you get the new person. That's a good one. Yeah, put it in your AR-15 i hate when you get the new person that's a good one yeah put it in your ar-15 you can bring it into the opera

i hate when you get the new person on the on the uh on the baggage screener and you know it's the new person because the line is like backed up and they're like you see the thing move forward move back move forward and you see the guy studying it it It's like, dude, just, if it's not shaped like a gun dog, just move it through. Yeah. Move it through. Dude, I saw them pat down, like, a three-year-old girl. It's ridiculous.

Like, what do you think she's doing? Yeah, just do it like the Israelis do it. If you don't have an Arab name, right through. Move it through. So it's Pride Month, and you won't be able to not know that. You won't be able to not know that you won't be able to not know that um it's pride month again as you know we got in trouble by youtube i guess maybe it was last pride this show's been around i think a year now we were a year old now it wasn't last pride it was i think i was talking about gay pride parade and I said maybe we should put the Gay Pride Parade at night.

Just because I work during the day and I want to go. Is that better, YouTube, or whoever's flagging it? I want to go. No, you said something about explaining. I know, but don't say it. Don't say the joke. Don't say the innocuous joke that they took down and then put the episode back up.

But it is the Gay Pride Parade. And so we're about to see a lot of flags, dog. A lot of flags, a lot of rainbow flags. I think the military, the Marine Corps got in and they did rainbow bullets in a helmet. These bullets are diverse. These bullets, this murder. If I'm gonna get murdered during gay pride,

I want to be from accepting open-minded bullets. I don't want to get killed by Republican bullets. Those bullets only hit people that have unironed shirts. Yeah, I want the bullet when it hits me to go, yes! I want it when it screeches and goes through the air. It's more of a snake sound yeah yeah the bullet goes through you playing celine dion yeah so it is gay pride month um it is this month where if you're gay have pride

um as the world gets more accepting uh maybe the month will turn into what is up with these month things? Why don't we just celebrate gay pride all year? How about black history is just history? June is appropriate though because the weather comes out and acts the way it actually wants to act instead of being all dark.

Yeah, but you know what? I'd rather gay pride was in January so it would be clothed. Now we're going to get taken down. I just think it would be better. It would just be, I don't know, dog. I mean, and I don't mean that. See, now that sounds like I'm saying,

you know, but that's not it. If there was a bunch of naked straight guys marching, I'd be like, can we put some clothes on? I'm walking with my family. No, bro. Can't do that. It's not about not accepting gays. It's about, you know what I mean?

My right in a public place to not see the inside of your colon. That's all I'm saying. Straight, gay, or other. It's about freedom for them. You can't have it in January because then they're just going to have mittens on with an anus crocheted on it. But it is Gay Pride Month.

So it is time to come out of the closet if you're in. This is the time, dog. You got the support of us. Okay? Gay pride. So June is pride month. When's the parade? Are we going?

We can go. We can document it. Let's go. We should get a float. Long day's float. Get a long day's float and just go in there. Do you think gay pride is kind of like the New Year resolution for working out?

Like January 1st comes, people go, I'm going to work out. For the gay pride parade. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of people like, yeah, I'm going to go gay at the end of the month. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you got to give it to these dudes, man. Gay guys are healthy. They're just in shape, man. They're just in shape. Just lets you know when you're trying to impress other dudes, dudes are visual. Dudes are visual.

A woman will fuck a fat guy before a gay guy will. Because of his heart. Unless he's into that, which is a subset. But mostly guys are in shape. Gay pride is fun, dog. Gays are great. but mostly guys are in shape. Gay pride is fun, dog. Gays are great. One of the best things that happened to civilization is the acceptance of gays

because they just, you know, if you got a gay pride parade, you know your country's a good place to be. It's an indication that things are good. You go to a neighborhood, you see gays, you're in a good place to be. It's an indication that things are good. You go to a neighborhood, you see gays, you're in a great place. I was in Newport, Rhode Island. Shout out to the Rogue Island Comedy Festival. Thank you for having me. I saw gays. Guess what's nice? Newport. Nobody goes to Afghanistan and sees a gay muffin shop. There's a reason for that because it's a shithole.

If there's a place where gays aren't rolling around, you're probably in a place that's not tourist friendly. It's not a place people want to go to and spend their tourist dollars. Okay. You go to Mykonos, you're going to see some guys. You're going to see a little bit of that. You're going to see some of that action. You're going to see some of that action.

You're going to see a little bit of that. You're going to see some of that action. You're going to see some of that action. You're going to see. There's no way to be straight. There's no way to be straight and dance palms up. It's just not possible. It's not possible. It is not possible to make this straight. Because even if I'm listening to a song, if my palms are out, you know, and you can't do this without doing that.

So there's just, you're gonna go to Mykonos, you're gonna see that, you know you're in a highly trafficked tourist attraction. People wanna go, people wanna be there,

people are having a good time. You see a lot of guys dancing like Iron Man flies. Yeah. It's gonna be a lot of gays. Yeah, I mean, gays are happy. It's crazy to think

that it was illegal. In the United States. Yeah. Like up until until what the 50s or the 60s it was actually illegal yeah it was it's weird those types of things are that that's what you call good progress man so happy gay pride to all the gays out there you guys are fun the only people who are are threatened by gay people, here we go, this is a naked dude. The only people who are threatened by gays are people who are hiding something. People who,

you know, some comedian said it, I can't remember, but he said, yeah, it was actually, the guy's brilliant, man. Sasha Baron Cohen,

he goes like, something about like, are you wondering, because they're secretly delicious. Dicks are secretly delicious. That's really what it is. Otherwise, the hate just doesn't make sense. Otherwise, why would you care so much?

You know? Why would you care so much? Why does it bother you so much? Now, here's the truth. I went to, you know, my brother's party and his birthday party. And all his friends were gay. Now, here's the honest truth. Not my scene.

Not my scene, okay? They're gay. They're having a blast. They're laying on each other on the couch. When they get drunk, gay guys, they look at you and they have a look and it's like, I like getting hit on by guys or I don't mind that, but it's just kind of like, it's not my scene. I'm not, you know, I'm like, it's not my scene.

It's just not my scene. Slarping. Yeah, it's just not something like, I don't want to stay a long time because it's not my scene because I know the party's going to kick up a couple notches. And it's just, you know, when you're straight guys are fucking, we're just just, you know, when you're straight guys,

you're fucking, we're just concerned. You know, we like to sit against walls. We like to stand against walls with arms closed. You know, if girls are there, we still are closed. You know, and we fucking, we do different things. It's a different scene.

And that's fine. That's a fine thing. You know? They were having a little, you know, it was like a gay party happening in one room. And then you could see like all the family members kind of were in another room. And it wasn't because we didn't know the other guys. It was just they were being too gay.

That's not a bad thing. It's just like if you're at a party and people are talking about swimming and you're like, I don't like that sport. You're going to gravitate to the sports that you like. Yeah, well, you walked into that party. People thought you were a bouncer. No, people, there's no mistaking a straight guy if you're gay. They know. They got gay. They can see you walk in.

They're like, this guy doesn't care about his appearance. This guy's mother-in-law cuts his hair. You know, it's just not, it's a different level to it. Gay guys, they take fashion, they take things to, they just, everything is nice. That's why when you go, you know, to a neighborhood and you see a couple of lesbians walking around by a house,

that neighborhood's about to get gentrified, my friend. Everyone's going to want to live there. Like I've said before, lesbians are the marines of gentrification. They come in first, you know. They deal with all the rough elements of the neighborhood. They defend their businesses with bats and short haircuts. And then the gays come, because the lesbians are tougher than the gays, generally.

Lesbians fucking are ready to brawl, dog. They get in there first. They're the Marines, the toughest ones. And then the Navy shows up. You know? Gay guys are like, it's safe. Let's open a frame store for people who want to put their paintings in frames.

You remember Ginger's Bar on Fifth Avenue? That was the first one down there in Park Slope. Ginger's Bar was like a lesbian bar, and it was before gentrification. Yeah. It was just an outpost. You just saw it. It's like an outpost. It's like, oh, the lesbians are here.

This part is probably going to start getting more expensive. It was the hood and then Ginger's Bar. Yeah. And Ginger wasn't a lady. Ginger wasn't a lady in the traditional sense. She had the anatomy of one, but she also had the attitude of, what are you boys?

You could call Ginger up and be like, what the fuck? Did you see that foul? Bullshit. These refs are bullshit. And Ginger would say, tell me about it. The old phone sounded like Larry King.

Yeah. So happy Pride Month to all my gays out there. You know, it's a fun time. It's great. It's beautiful. Glad we live in a world where it's becoming more accepted. And hopefully it gets to a point where it's like so normal and accepted and such a thing of the past that we can have an honest conversation about maybe putting some more clothes on during the parade you know anyway um so uh the

lawyer sussman who was accused by the special special prosecutor appointed by Trump of lying to the FBI about the Trump-Russia collusion, was acquitted. And he wasn't acquitted because he didn't do it. He was acquitted because there wasn't sufficient evidence that he was working on behalf of the campaign. So he did do it. He did have this meeting with the FBI and did, before the election, tell them there's this evidence that there's this bank that is linked to Putin and Moscow and Trump. It was an alpha bank or some bullshit.

And it ended up not being true. So it's interesting. It's interesting. But this is what started the whole Russiagate thing, right? This and the dossier, which also was bullshit. Right. Which is interesting. So this guy was able to prove, I guess,

or his lawyers were able to prove that this wasn't at the behest of the Hillary Clinton campaign. But she knew about it. She kind of knew. I mean, I guess it was kind of like, didn't he present it to her and she said, yeah, run with it? Or is that not the case? I mean, that's the thing.

I don't know. But he got off. He got off. And I even read it in a New York Times article. Like, yeah, here's the thing. It's interesting because the Russia-Trump thing was massive. So, like, there's no repercussions for any of the media on that. If you ask anyone, we've all been conditioned to think Russia-Trump collusion.

You know, he didn't help his case at all by looking in the camera. He didn't help his case at all by looking in the camera. Yeah. I mean, you know, at the least, that's highly irresponsible, right? Was that during the campaign where he looked in the camera and he goes, look through her emails, Putin. Yeah, is that Russia? Russia, if you're listening, look through her emails.

You're going, all right, that's not responsible. That's not going to make you look good in this but he did that a lot he spoke loosely you know he's not a polished politician but at the end of the day all this stuff was tenuous at best and i'm being very i'm being very giving by calling it tenuous these connections just don't seem to exist. Although the media, there was a special prosecutor, a member of the Mueller report, all this stuff about his collusion. None of it ended up really being true. Then the dossier that Putin had him pissing on a prostitute. The Steele dossier. The Steele dossier.

What did I call it? The Steele dossier said that he was peier what did I call it the Steele dossier said that he was peeing on a prostitute and that Putin was holding it over his head none of that stuff ended up being true so this lawyer it was found out

that that was like false info right so Durham was appointed by special Trump by Trump to get to the bottom of what he called this deep state conspiracy against him to create this narrative that he was connected to Russia, the Trump-Russia connection, as it's called. And after two weeks of trial, a day of deliberations, they found that special counsel John Durhammstein had not proven beyond reasonable doubt that Sussman's statement was a lie. So, meaning, that could mean he heard it and believed it because he heard it from what he thought was credible sources, beyond a reasonable doubt.

So, that he was in fact working on behalf of Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and technology executive Rodney Joff when he brought two thumb drives and a white paper alleging a Trump-Russia connection. So it was just kind of conveniently beneficial to the Clinton campaign. He worked with the Clinton campaign in the past, so he probably lost her number after that. There was probably no communication with her about this at all.

She probably completely disapproved of this on moral grounds because she wanted the election to be fair and square because Hillary is a fair and square lady who follows the rules no matter what the benefit is to her or otherwise. She's a woman of principle. So there's in no way. She probably saw his call and said, ah, like a juror in a hotel room. I don't want to hear it. I don't want it to sway my chances

one way or the other of winning or losing this election. I want the American people to decide based on what they want. I am not running for this because i'm a power hungry woman who's been climbing up the whole time cock by cock she treated clinton's cocks and all the rest of them like a fucking wall climber trying to get to the top of a hill like a pegboard like a pegboard. Not because I am that. I'm a woman of principle. And by principle, I would never have any contact or approval

of Mr. Sussman going to the FBI alleging a connection between Trump and Russia that would then be all over the press as a certainty before the election. I would not want that to happen because that unproven would be unfair to my opponent.

And I believe in democracy and letting the people decide based on truisms, not rumors or hearsay that happened to benefit me greatly while I am the only presidential candidate in the history of the United States who is running for to be the head of the executive branch while currently under a real investigation by the FBI. And then she picks up the phone. She goes, yeah, Epstein, kill him. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And that, that, that, somebody was not permitted to kill Epstein either. That guy, he hanged himself in a hotel room because he was sad about the situation. He was just sad. And those damn cameras, I tell you. Have you ever tried to surveillance somebody on a high-tech camera on the most notorious held convict, whatever you want to call them,

in the last how many years? Those things, they cut out all the time, man. That Wi-Fi sometimes, apparently, you know, they only had 3G or 4G. I mean, it happens all the time, especially during the period of where the guy hanged himself,

where it just cut out and then came back in after. It happens all the fucking time, my friends. It happens all the time. So this proves without a reasonable doubt that Hillary had nothing to do with this. Case closed. Hats off to the Clintons. They are fucking good.

They know how to stay away from fire, my friend. Let's scroll down a little bit more, even though I read the article. Sussman was charged with one count of making a false statement. So all he had to do was prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he wasn't lying to the FBI, right? Like he wasn't knowingly,

that means knowingly lying about the information. So like if you told me somebody's special was dog shit, right? And I went and told someone else that that special is dog shit, right? And I went and told someone else that that special is dog shit, right? And then it turned out that the special wasn't dog shit because a lot of other people or some people liked it. That wouldn't be a lie because it's what I heard from you.

Of course. So all he had to prove was that he heard it from someone and that he said what he had heard from that person. And that's what he did. That's what he did. Okay, that would be like you telling me the Gringo Poppy special is not close

to a Chris Rock special. And I would repeat that. And then someone would come and say, hey, I really enjoyed the gringo poppy. And then I would say, when I told it to the FBI, I had heard that it was fucking hammered dog shit. I'm talking about frozen dog shit

that had been stomped on on the floor by another feral animal who contemplated eating it, but it tasted so toxic that they didn't even eat it. And that's all I knew at the time. That's all he had to prove, was that it wasn't a premeditated lie, which is an easy way to get off. That's an easy thing to prove. Because how do you prove it wasn't? You go, that's what I heard. And they go, wait a second, that's convenient. You're so close to the Hillary campaign. Hillary's running against Trump.

You go to the FBI for them to investigate this. This gets leaked to all the press. That's so convenient. Are you sure, Mr. Sussman, that you're not acting at the behest of the Hillary Clinton campaign in any way? And he goes, no. I could see how one would suspect that.

But it's not true at all. I'm acting as an objective, concerned citizen. The government, during closing arguments, reminded jurors of a key text message Sussman sent to Baker on the night before his FBI meeting on September 19th, 2016. And Durham's, that's the prosecutor, alleged Sussman put his lie in writing in his September 18th text. And the text message stated, Jim, it's Michael Sussman. I have something time sensitive

and sensitive that needs to discuss. Okay. One could easily interpret that time sensitive means let's get this out there before we get close to an election. Or it could just mean, hey, you know, I got things to do tomorrow. So I want to get this to you before I go golfing because I don't want it to inconvenience my golf time. One of the two, tomato, tomato, tomato. The text message stated, do you have availability for a short meeting tomorrow? I'm coming on my own,

not on behalf of a client or a company. That almost seems like he would put that in writing just in case. I want to help the Bureau. He's a concerned citizen. Just a concerned citizen. Baker replied, okay. Okay, I will find a time.

We might work for you. A text message had 43 words and said 20 of those words were a lie. Sussman did not testify in his defense. Why would you? Take a look at this. Take a look at who was on the jury. Let's see the jury.

The jury included one federal government employee who told the judge they donated to Democrats in 2016 and another government employee who told the judge they strongly disliked former President Trump. Both of those jurors told the judge they strongly disliked former President Trump. Both of those jurors told the judge they could be impartial throughout the trial. Is this CNN? Fox. Oh, Fox.

Okay, well, Fox. So if that's true, it's true. If it's not, it's Fox. Juror also included teacher and illustrator, a mechanic, and more. One juror had a child who was the same high school sports age as Sussman's child. Okay, that's a little bit of a tenuous connection that Fox would do. One guy had a kid who was the same age as him.

No, no, no. He was on the same high school sports team. Oh, they were on the team together. Okay. Who's the president now? Oh, Joe Biden. Yeah. They're in power.

They get their, ooh, okay. The majority of jurors were selected, but the jury was selected by both sides. So, you know, you can say what you want about that. The FBI at the time of receiving the information from Sussman were already conducting an investigation into alleged connections between Trump and Russia. The codename for the investigation in the bureau,

which eventually turned into a special counsel of Mueller's investigation, was Crossfire Hurricane. The FBI, after receiving the data from Sussman, went on to investigate. Right. Trump organization, an alpha bank, and found there was nothing there. Several current and former FBI officials testify. You know, it's so, the FBI has spent a lot of time in the last couple years investigating the connection between Russia and Trump. And I guess that took

away some time from investigating guys who were fucking rambling murderous manifestos online and taking pictures of their two AR-15s. Didn't have enough bandwidth in the office. Didn't have enough bandwidth in the office. Didn't have enough bandwidth to pay attention to that. The FBI was busy.

They were busy trying to find out what was going on. The official clarified on the stand that meant he believed the individual who came to the conclusion of a Trump-Russia connection was suffering from some mental disability. Dude, it's crazy because this is just a breeze in the news now, but at the time it was like, it was sold to us as like a foregone conclusion. It was sold as a foregone conclusion. We all remember it, you know, and it just lets you know that lies are beneficial because if you tell them at the right time, you know,

now it's, there's no consequences. It's all over. Nobody gives a shit, but that this isn't true. And none of it is true. You're going like, wow,

that probably, you know, whether you like or dislike Trump, whatever it may be, whatever your politics are, you're going like, that's a little shady. That's a little shady.

Can you admit that? Can you at home admit that if you hated Trump, that the principle of it is still a little shady? If you take Trump's name out of it and you put, I don't know, who do you love? Ilhan Omar. This happened to Ilhan Omar. And that's the thing. That just shows you people don't act on the interest of principle. They act on the principle of interest. Because if this happened to Ilhan Omar, all the Trump supporters would say, this is a nothing burger. It's a nothing burger. The same way the Republicans now are going, see, you see, you see? Because if it was about Ilhan Omar, they would go, it's a nothing burger.

The same way the Democrats are going, it's a nothing burger the same way the Democrats are going it's a nothing burger it's like I'm not sure this is a nothing burger I've had a fucking nothing burger baby

this is a fucking burger with fucking chili on it cheese bacon and a little avocado it's loaded several high profile witnesses took the stand

lasted more than two weeks isn't it funny that this trial, this trial of little significance, do the Trump hands. This trial of little significance took two weeks, but the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial took six weeks and was televised. This apparently was behind closed doors,

because it's just not of any import. This is not relevant to what the people need or should know. But Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, who threw a wine bottle at who, is essential to the health of our democracy. Because the people in a democracy rule right and the people who get elected are our representatives and we should know everything about those people that's why it's not important but it is really important in some ways i'm kind of curious that these two trials happened at the same time very interesting there you go very interesting hey johnny hey johnny how you doing this is uh

mr suspect yeah i'm calling you from a payphone um we would love to support your efforts in another civil libel suit uh against uh what was that bitch you were banging amber heard yeah whatever we'd love to support you and funnel you some money. We know you've lost all your money on heroin and the rest you gave to Amber Heard, but we can funnel you through. There's some foundation. You can do some appearances.

Show up at a couple of hours. Show up at a fucking hospital in a fucking pirate outfit, okay? We'll donate fucking 15 million to that charity that you're doing it on behalf of. They'll funnel you a paycheck through another shell company

that'll be on cancer doing it on behalf of. They'll funnel you a paycheck through another shell company that'll be on cancer with kids behalf. You down? We just need the public's attention on something while we just sneak somebody out of trouble. Is that cool with you? It happened. You heard it here on Long Days. If I disappear next week, Hillary did it. days if i disappear next week hillary did it oh man former clinton campaign general counsel mark uh elias i think he's greek worked with sussman at the law firm perkins cole in 2016 also took the stand and testified that he hired opposition research for a fusion gps on behalf of the clinton campaign that sounds like a sponsor of this show well that's a little weird they work together i'm sure they lost each other's phone numbers and didn't talk about this GPS on behalf of the Clinton campaign. That sounds like a sponsor of this show. Well, that's a little weird. They work together. I'm sure they lost each other's phone numbers and didn't talk about this at all.

They didn't talk about it at all, right? What do you think? Clean. Clean as it gets. They didn't talk about it at all. No. He didn't have any, he didn't go in with any wish with the information. He's just like any, he didn't go in with any wish with the information.

He's just like, hey man, I think you guys need to figure this out. You should keep it quiet until you have some conclusions. Of course. Don't let the press know

because it's all hearsay at this point. This is what I have. We should do the right thing and investigate it before the press finds out. We don't want the press swaying anyone's opinion on on who do our due diligence here yeah and you know the people found out much like you know the press found out when amber heard was at the court nobody was

contacted it was just a coincidence it was just a plain old coincidence you know is it almost getting comical you think it's almost getting comical How much These people Who are trying to get away with things Underestimate the intelligence of people You think it's starting to get like a little insulting Yeah

Well the public's dumb but they're not that dumb They're not that dumb They are dumb though But not that dumb But they're also easily distracted I'd say more than dumb they're easily distracted overstimulated yeah overstimulated distracted bread and circus like this trial just fucking went in one door and out the other one in one ear and out the other you're like where's the wine bottles where's the cocaine where's the shit on the bed yeah if it's not if there's no shit on

the bed i can't pay attention to it you know, I think their performance will ramp up if they know that the media is going to cover it more. The more eyes that you have on you, the better that you're going to try, the harder that you're going to try, you know? Yeah. So, like, if this is just going to get that little newsletter, then you're not going to do that much. It's kind of like our Patreon. It's not a lot of people watch, so we only have one camera. But for the free episode, which we get like 40,000 views, we're going to have multiple camera angles.

Yeah. Well, Nancy Pelosi's husband got arrested for a DWI, and then it was dug up that he had killed his brother in a car accident, possibly under the influence. We don't know. I would assume maybe there's a possibility of that because as the old expression goes, leopards in spots don't change or whatever.

Nancy Pelosi's husband killed his older brother when he flipped his sports car in California 65 years before he was arrested over the weekend and charged with drunk driving. Paul Pelosi was 16 when he crashed his car near San Mateo in the early hours of 1957. His brother, David Pelosi, was likely strangled by a neck brace he had been wearing due to a previous neck fracture.

Jesus Christ. What's going on there? He probably let his brother drive a lot is what happened. Paul Pelosi, his brother, yeah. Paul, who suffered a broken collarbone in the wreck called for help

after breaking free from his car and then married Nancy Pelosi the patrolman said he planned to cite Paul for misdemeanor

manslaughter but the case never made it to court and the teen was exonerated by a coroner's jury the brothers had been on a joyride at the time

after Paul had picked up David from a girlfriend's house. Paul, now 82, sleeps like a baby because he doesn't have feelings. I added that part. He was driving home alone from a dinner party when he crashed. So he crashed and that's how he got caught. Yeah.

Do you think he went, damn it, nobody's in the car to kill? He was on Route 29 when his 2021 Porsche was hit on the back fender by a Jeep. He'd been married to her since 1963. He was charged with one count of driving under the influence. Just serious crime. I get it, though, dude.

You're 82. You have a couple pops. You're going, let's push this Porsche to the limit and see if we could fucking drive it all the way to the afterlife. I'm surprised they didn't revoke his license. 82 years old. Yeah, 82 in a Porsche. You shouldn't be allowed to drive a Porsche after 82.

No. That's kind of like drunk driving in a Porsche. You shouldn't be allowed to drive a Porsche after 82. No. That's kind of like drunk driving in a way. You know? 82-year-olds should not be behind a Porsche. No. Maybe a Subaru. And also an 85-year-old should not be speaker house. How old is she now?

Yeah, something like that. There's got to be a point, dude. There's got to be a point. Let's be honest. If you called a plumber, called a plumber to your house and an 83 year old man showed up would you be like is your son in the truck or you know like i got a the pipe needs to you know you'd be a little if an 83 year old man was making your pizza and you just saw him scratching his own ass, urinating in his diaper, and the fucking pizza was all over the place. Unless it was DeFaro's.

It got shitty at the end. I watched him drop a pizza with his own hands. Yeah, that's not garlic powder on the pizza. There's got to be a point where you hang it up. Basketball players can't play forever. You can't be president at 80. I mean, it's just too old, man. You should be eating applesauce watching Matlock reruns at this point.

Power outweighs execution. I mean, why are these people so old? I don't like young people either. I like a nice middle ground. A nice 40, 50, 60. Even early 70s, if you're healthy, is fine. But you're not going to get that. That's the assassination range. 40 to 60. Even early 70s, if you're healthy, is fine. But you're not going to get that. That's the assassination range.

40 to 60. Yeah, people want to... Yeah, government doesn't like people in that range. Be clocked. She's 82 years old. Looks good for 82, though, let's be honest. But she's 82, man. She's still working at 82.

What percentage of the population you think still works at 82 years old three percent one percent that seems high yeah i mean anyway she we're glad we're glad paul pelosi's okay. And, uh... They call him the greatest trader alive on financial Twitter, on FinTwit. Who? Paul Pelosi. They say he's better than, uh... Who's the big guy?

Because he gets all the... Yeah, Buffett. They say he's better because he gets all the inside information from Nancy. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, like his trades are impeccable yeah that makes sense yeah jesus christ that's true he's a traitor huh yeah i'm sure they don't talk i'm sure they don't text i'm sure they just don't people are too good at their heart there

people are care more about being honest than getting ahead for themselves. That's why I'm positive that Michael Sussman had no contact with his former partner who was working on behalf of the campaign together at that different law firm. He had no contact with Hillary, who he probably knows personally. He's probably seen her with her shoes off multiple times at a party. I just am positive these people just knew not to contact each other and weren't trying to help each other out. I just know that that's the case.

You know? I just know it's the case. Martha Stewart, on the other hand, she's a criminal. She really took the fall for that, didn't she? Right? She really was the fall guy for that. Somebody gave her a tip. You're like, isn't that what they all do?

Send a little message. Send a little message. Hey, this company's going this way, that way. She took the fall. Meanwhile, Nancy and Paul have made a relationship out of it for a long time. I'm sure she doesn't tip him off about anything. You know, they don't talk over dinner.

Nobody talks. There's no way he could know what's coming down the pipe on a certain vote that will help certain companies or others. There's no way that he would ever know what company's about to get a government contract. No way. Has he ever been suspicious on particular trades? That would be something we'll talk about on the Patreon.

We're going to talk about right now. We are going to research right now if there's any specific trades that came under suspicion because the following week or the following month or even the following day or two, a company was awarded a nice fat big contract and Paul Pelosi, PP,

had invested, had thrown a lot of money into that company's coffers via the market. Essentially, the first major trade that he made was his brother for joyride his brother for what for a joyride that's fucked up that was the first trade he made and one of the only ones he lost money on paul pelosi has been as successful investor in stocks.

His net worth is $120 million. How so? Members of Congress can enrich themselves with stock trades based on the insider knowledge. Why wouldn't Nancy tip him? This is just a Twitter person who is asking a stupid question. Of course he's good in the stock market. He's no stranger to crashes.

These are all stupid questions. No stranger to stranger to crashes. These are all stupid questions. No stranger to crashes, right? These are all stupid questions. And if you're asking these questions, you're stupid. You're fucking stupid. Guys, I want to give a shout out to our small business shout outs over at Patreon. Freaking Cold Spring Water. Go to freakingcoldspringwater.com.

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Every Long Days fan should be just getting their coffee from Longshorecoffee.com. Okay? Single roast. It's just delicious coffee. Nate Linder. Let's see if he's got a new message for us. Sup, guys? Find some new copy for the pod.

Are you a comedian that tours across the US? Would it help your ticket sales to target the same people that were at one point that were at one of your shows last year, maybe in a market that you don't sell out in? Are you talking to me, Nate? Target individuals at the address level when they were at your show a year ago. All Nate needs is the address and date of your show from last year and we can hit every market. Nate, me and you, I'm going to give you a test run, baby. Let's do a test run, sweetheart. If you want any type of social media managing, and guess what? They are very necessary in this climate, in this new world. Every comedian has one. Every company uses them. natelinder.com. Go give him a shot and let me know if he's taking

your social media game to the next level. natelinder.com for all your social media marketing needs. Get yourself at the top of Google, all that shit. Chris Minetti will cash your check. 215-750-3730. Now, Chris Minetti, okay, I happen to be perusing the comments. Chris Minetti was not happy about the episode before Jeremiah Watkins. He said, there was nothing funny in here. You don't want to piss him off. We don't want to piss off Chris Minetti. So go to Chris Minetti and cash a check in the South Jersey, Philly area. Now we got forthefree.us.

From what I heard, the website's not up anymore. Someone sent me a message, the website's not up. So go to forthefree.us and just see a website that's not gone. They're still giving us money. That's what I heard. I haven't double checked it though. Can you double check it, Jared? Yeah. and then, of course, we got... They're up to date. Their bills are up to date. Their bills are up to date, though. We'll keep promoting them as long as the money comes in.

But I don't think that forthefree.us is up. This is another... Nate Linder and these guys, these are viable businesses in 2022. And it's not a coincidence that Nate Linder... Are they down? No, it's up. It's still up?

Yeah. For the free.us. Whoever sent me that message, you're a fucking liar. For the free.us. It's still up. So keep rolling this whole time. All Things Hawaii for music,

band listing. Whoever sent me that is an enemy of for the free.us. And you know they're doing good if you have an enemy who went so far as to message me that. Yeah. And why am I reading messages anyway?

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Text 786-584-2274 and just text them, are you up? And send me a screenshot, please, for fun. You up? And then, of course, ExclusiveAutoshipping.com, our man down there in San Antonio. If you need to move your car anywhere in the country, in the world, get your free quote

from exclusiveautoshipping.com. They offer student and military discounts and will move your car to any state in the union. It's been a company since 2016. Shout out to Jared, great supporter of the show. And also, shout out to Longshore Coffee over there in Rhode Island. Appreciate all the coffee you sent. Freaking Cold, Brooklyn Cannery, I love supporting you guys.

Longshore Coffee, all these, PLP, 305, PLP, all you guys, really appreciate your support and hope that we're bringing some awareness to your brands.